Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Twin Flame Frenzy

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

Buy Tickets for Trash Tuesday Live! Link: https://www.ticketmaster.com/event/09005EEAEFA03D97Friday, August 4th @ The Regent Theater - 7PM Thank you to our Sponsors: Liquid Death - You can find Liquid Death’s healthy beverages on Amazon or at a retailer near you. And get 20% off your first Liquid Death apparel purchase available exclusively at https://liquiddeath.com/trash. Exclusions may applyNutrafol - Get $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to https://nutrafol.com and enter the promo code TRASH Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Come See Our Live Show this Friday, August 4th!2:39 Annie’s Backstory of the Ex She Was With When She Broke Her Foot in the Woods13:57 Annie’s Broken Foot in the Woods17:37 The Problem With the Twin Flame Philosophy 26:28 Limerence & Playing Games35:04 The Lesbian Masterdoc41:42 Falling in Love Dreams & Reoccurring Dreams47:28 The Crime of Being Small49:28 Smiling at Strangers55:21 Piling On When Someone Talks Bad About Their Significant Other 58:09 Grocery Store 90s Music & Nostalgic Movies1:02:30 Fan Question: Being Honest About Being Inexperienced in Bed Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Rick and Esther Have a Time - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rick-and-esther-have-a-time/id1694264079 AnnieWood - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/anniewood/id1653515392 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Andres Rosende

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offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint mobile for details hey sluggies i cannot believe i'm saying this but trash tuesday will be at the region theater in la

august 4th please go get your tickets now i can't wait to meet every single one of our slugs i'm really excited it's going to be a great show it's going to be interactive we're going to play games it's just going to be an amazing night it's going to be so fun there's going to play games. It's just going to be an amazing night. It's going to be so fun. There's going to be games, laughter, swimming, dancing, new merch. Yeah, we have a lot planned and it's a little scary for me, but we're going to be doing a lot of audience interaction. We're going to be doing Q&A. We have games that we're going to be playing and there'll also be just like a live podcast element. We have a lot of stuff planned. It's going to be really fun.

And also there's a little bit of a roasting section. You'll have to wait and see. But I love you guys. And I can't wait to see you this Friday at the Region Theater in Los Angeles. You guys, a trash Tuesday, we love Liquid Death. And our listeners get 20% off their first Liquid Death apparel purchase. This is an offer that is available exclusively at liquiddeath.com slash trash. Exclusions may apply.

That's liquiddeath.com slash trash. For a limited time, Nutraful is offering our listeners $10 off their first month subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code TRASH. Find out why over 3,500 healthcare professionals recommend Nutrafol for healthier hair. Nutrafol.com spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com promo code trash. That's Nutraful dot com promo code trash. Hi, slugs. Happy August.

I am on tour and I'm going to be in Oxnard August 27th. And then I'll be in D.C., Boston, Wisconsin, San Diego, Chicago, Detroit, San Jose and Irvine. Get tickets at Esther and Ice dot, San Jose, and Irvine. Get tickets at estherandice.com. Hello, sluggies. We had such a fun time today. I am so excited to be out on the road doing the Welcome to Annie Wood tour. You can actually see me tonight.

I have an Annie and Friends show at the Comedy Store in the main room. It's probably sold out. You also can see me in Philadelphia, August 11th and 12th. I'll be in Calgary at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival, August 27th. I'll be in San Francisco, Austin, La Jolla, a bunch of other places.

Just go to AnnieLetterman.com slash shows and you can see me every Thursday on Annie Wood. I just bought like a suction cup thing for cellulite.'ll see what happens oh wait does it work cupping thing would i ask you a question have you done the other thing um endermology endermology yeah i did but it's like it's expensive and you have to do it so consistently that my schedule i was like i can't what is it just like a really deep it's basically all of the thing is it's breaking up. Like, I don't know exactly what is breaking up, but it's, it's like suctioning your, it's like, you know, like the cups you, like Chinese medicine cups.

Yeah. If you ran them across her leg. And then the endermology machine. Yeah. It's like a suction and you put this like really kind of hot gauzy thing on. I don't know why it is so attractive. Do you have any pictures of you in it? I sure do, girl. It like a an accidental thirst drop i was like oh i didn't realize i was gonna look so hot in this full bandage it kind of makes me like get why guys

always hit on you when you're injured i'm like okay wait a second you're in full they bandage you up completely it looks like a bandage it's like a it's like a white sock that you put on basically oh i've worn one of those before but since when do guys hit on you when you're injured i know guys have never hit on you no no i always have had that experience where it's like if i get a broken leg or broken foot it's like they come out what is that wounded bird she can't defend herself or run away i honestly because at first i was like this is so sweet they want to help me but then there was no actual help it was just kind of hanging, being really slow about driving me home. I remember my friend Chris.

I broke my foot. I can't believe I must have told this on here before. I broke my foot peeing in the woods once. No, you have definitely have not. Okay. I was in. How do I know you? That is the weirdest story ever.

Like we should never have met. Someone was in the woods doing something active enough that they might've broken their foot. Yeah. That's so dangerous. No, I was, um, I went to Pecos. I was living in New Mexico. I was living in Santa Fe. We went to Pecos to this like cabin. My ex-boyfriend was there with like his, I don't know if it was his family. I don't know why I was there, but it was ex-boyfriend. We weren't together anymore, but we were just friends. It was my ex-boyfriend, his friend, Chris and someone's parents. So you just friends. It was my ex-boyfriend, his friend Chris, and someone's parents. So you were on a trip with your ex-boyfriend and you don't know why.

I don't know why I was there. It was like a, yeah, I don't know who invited me. Why I was, I'm sure. Sounds like no one. I had to get there though. Cause it was just one truck. I don't know why. I can relate to this though.

I'm going on a trip with my ex next week and I don't know why. Yeah. It's just sort of like we like each other we like each other yeah it doesn't make sense but it does you know I I got I it got weird though because okay so then we were leaving and this was my like this was an ex that I held very like special to my heart for so long and I finally had to just like i had to just like slice him up ahead of him kill him in my like i had to just stop giving a shit about him because it was like why am i still focused on this person i would always go back to him or whatever can i

ask the woods what what did was there a murder in the woods oh yeah he's alive he's probably well i don't know i don't talk to him too much anymore why why am i keeping you why do you think you were so hooked on him that you had to like you know kill him in your mind because do is it i had this theory that like if we are so obsessed with someone it's because like they were rejecting of you and that like it was like the slot machine thing where sometimes they liked you and sometimes they didn't was it that or do you feel like you have a different reason why um i think we had like a really weirdly romantic kind of crazy story of how we met and he also was like the first person i dated after that stuff happened to me in high school oh and he was just really um he's very annoying and there's always a woman next to him very angry at him but even though he is

that type of annoying dude he is very sweet and he was very loving to me and very like so it was almost sounds like he was there for you he was like the only guy I had dated who was really like encouraging my art and like there was just like things on me I really liked he made me feel really beautiful really really loved like all these things and he was very like that patient is intoxicating I know that is one of the reasons why like the one of the last guys that I recently dated I could not break it off no matter how hard I tried because he really did make me feel so pretty. Like no matter how much, like if I had gained weight or whatever, it just were these monsters making her feel ugly. We should have them on. But the reason that it ended was because he was just a little too possessive. Like jealousy were things there i was like okay like long term i

don't think this is gonna work because like if we're not even official and this is happening like i can only imagine what it's gonna be feeling suffocated in any way or watched it's just like for me it's just i monitored i think some people might find that hot like maybe if they've had a different history with men where they weren't like that but for me i feel so it was like the guy i told you where he like didn't want me to smoke cigarettes which is like a normal thing but for some reason the way he said it it made me smoke so many cigarettes i was like i'm gonna get lung cancer at you you know like i just was like but i think with um with my ex in santa fe yeah i was very young when i met him and then i never really like yeah I was very young when I met him and then I never really like found that sort of like loving consistency from a guy for a while so I think I kept going back

to him and idolizing that sort of way he made me feel and obviously like we were like I think I was 18 when I dated him or something so we were really young so it wasn't like we were gonna but it was really we just had like he had he was from this place in Vermont where my mom's best friend is from from high school and um his his when I'm well I guess actually let me back this up a little bit so when we were driving to Santa Fe to look to move me to Santa Fe my parents and I took an RV and drove all my stuff out and we stopped at this. I think I told the story. I don't think so. I'd never, I don't remember you breaking anything in the woods. This is so, I know I've gone way back, but anyway, I'll just go fast. I don't need to romanticize too long about ex-boyfriends, but.

Because you're gonna make me fall in love. I might try and find him. I'm sure you can take him from whoever's very mad standing next to him. Just looking at him like fucking asshole. But no, so he just has a very weird name. And my mom was like, we were like joking about when I went to Santa Fe, I was wearing this like engagement ring that was my mom had found in her purse that was like she had taken out of a safety deposit box that was like my grandmother's or something and I was just wearing it and my mom like spun this tale this like joke about how I was going to meet this guy and she just picked the craziest name I'm just I'm releasing this man so I'm not going to say his name it's such a weird name I just don't want him to need to be attached to me ever again this poor guy he gave me a good 20

years of this so but um she was so my mom was like you're gonna meet this and she just made up the most ridiculous name you could even imagine and my first party in santa fe this guy was like hey i'm and it was that name are you serious like it was really weird and this is the guy this yeah and i was like oh my god and i like pulled him aside i was like my mom like this whole thing just happened like we're engaged like and it was this joke and then when he tells the story like that's where i like get like a little bit like because he would always tell the story and he'd be like all right so we're at this party and all there's like just this circle of guys and then it like parts and just this like hot girl just being so funny and

so cool and like i just pushed my way through and i'm like who are you and i tell her my name and she's like we're engaged and so it was like always like cute the way he was okay what you're describing I describing is basically super dangerous because if you're meet cute with somebody is that good up front it even no matter what they're like after that point you're gonna keep coming back to the beginning and romanticizing that because it was such a good story you back to the beginning and romanticizing that. Because it was such a good story. You know, like the story was so good. I have been there. I have been there.

I hung on way too long with the guy because I just thought that our story was so like picture perfect. Why do our brains do this to us? Because we watched like movies when we were little and it's, you know, like you think, don't you remember like being in, I remember being in elementary school and being like, I can't wait to be like a teenager and have a boyfriend. Like you just don't even know what it is, you know, like you think, don't you remember like being in, I remember being in elementary school and being like, I can't wait to be like a teenager and have a boyfriend.

Like you just don't even know what it is, you know? Yeah. So how you meet someone really sort of like dictates how long, what you're willing to put up with in that relationship. Because like imagine meeting a guy in a very boring way. It's easier to let it go. Yeah. You're like, how did you meet? I don't even remember how we met.

How did we? Like, you know what I mean? Like, but that's why I think there's this term like I learned not that long ago. It's called limerence. And it's that pure obsessive feeling for somebody. And I think a lot of when I felt that in the past for somebody, it's because the beginning was just so picture perfect. Right. And limerence is supposed to kind of be not a good thing right it's like you're in a state of crushing obsession yeah fantasy yeah i definitely don't i mean i i think it's cute and i'm like i definitely like

love the person i was that that felt love for this person but i definitely don't i i grew out of it and i and i look back and i go like oh god i like i mean this guy really i i yanked him back in a couple times he's like what are you he's like i'm back here again like you'd be like oh my god i can really relate to this i have definitely done this because i i just was so fixated on the beginning but how did you break bones more okay so then okay so this was the guy, right? Also, by the way, so his, his mom, or my mom's friend from, this gets crazier. So that, we meet that way, we start dating.

Then his mom, we're talking to his parents or whatever, and we find out that my mom's friend from, from high school had been at a bike race, and her and her friend were giving like gatorade to the bikers and an elderly woman put her car in reverse accidentally and ran them over killed my mom's friend's friend my mom's friend's pelvis was like crushed what she's doing okay now my parents are actually in canada with them right now they're on an island with this woman right now but she she was really she was in the hospital for like six months and my ex-boyfriend's dad was a is a famous or a successful sculptor and he made the memorial for

that woman who passed away yeah and that's what we found out like there was just like on like there would just be like another thing and another thing and i'd be like oh i guess like the universe is like twin flames we're like supposed to be together and And, and, um, I just want to say that I would absolutely die if even one of these coincidences happened with the guy. So I, I just power to you for even moving on in any capacity. Cause I've never had anything like. He's so annoying. It's like, he's actually so, but he, he became rejecting of me like later on when I kept coming back in and being like, hey, remember me?

We're like supposed to be together or whatever. Okay, sorry. Keep going. Keep going. No, no, no. But like, but it was like, but I know what you're, but it was hard. I would hang so hard on to those things. But I, this is like a whole like twin flame situation.

I want to put a pin in it and definitely talk about it after we get to the bone. Okay. So, so he wanted me to go somewhere. I always, we were friends forever, whatever. And he, um, we drove to Pecos. We hung out with whoever these elderly people were. They were not his parents. I don't know who they were. They're probably my age now, but, um, the people that seemed old and we're driving back. I think I'd had one beer. I wasn't drunk. I wasn't high. I was just regular. And I went, we stopped to pee. I went into the woods. I peed. I didn't get any splashback on me. And I was so proud of myself. Miracle. It is a miracle. It was a miracle. I was dry. I dried out.

I, you know, I air dried. I put my underwear on. I couldn't believe it. I usually piss all over myself when I try to pee in the woods. And so I leapt like triumphantly out of the woods, like to these two guys, it's just Kristen and I don't want to say the crazy name. And I leap out and I'm like, woo. And I just fell right on my foot. I just broke the shit out of my foot. And I was like, like you know like 20 feet from the car i had to like army roll or army crawl back to the fucking i was so hurt and then i get

in i'm like sitting in between them in the stupid truck and and my friend chris like does not want to be a part of this like because i feel like guys are the worst if you're hurt around guys they don't know what to do like i're just like, I'm so hard. What do I do? How do I drive and have this heart of a boner? It's so easy to catch her. She's army crawling. But it was like, but so, but, but can we just bleep a name out?

Okay, so it was like, I just like, it's so hard. Sorry, is it short for? No, but that was the joke. No, it's parents just made the name up. Oh, and your mom made that name up? Yeah, she? No, but that was the joke. No, it's Zip. Parents just made the name up. Oh. And your mom made that name up? Yeah, she was like, you're going to be Zip. And this was like a running bit the whole time we were driving out.

It was like crazy. And then it was like, he was the second person I met at the school. I was like. And then him and these guys were like fighting over me. As you were crawling away? They were over me at this point, but then they got under me again if you ever break a bone and you're in a truck with two guys just take a gun out and kill yourself because they are never gonna help you no no they hurt themselves all the time and they do nothing about it did help me but

chris was like chris was like you're fine literally you can see like the bone is like it's so swollen and you can just i know it's broken i've broken this bone before i was like it's broken we need to go to the hospital and chris is like ah you know it's broken I've broken this bone before I was like it's broken we need to go to the hospital and Chris is like yeah you know it's like we have history so he's like all right I better fucking not have to deal with this bitch but so we go to the hospital Chris leaves and he stayed with me for a really long time but then so that subsequent two months three months of this injury I remember going they lived together and going over there because he was taking care of me for a while and then he was like I like

no longer have the capacity to do this to take care of you I mean he was at the hospital and he was like staying at my house and stuff like sleeping over

and it was just like we weren't gonna like what they're not gonna take care of you yeah he did as much as he could but it's like are we gonna be like

serious boyfriend and girlfriend it was just sort of like it was like it was like the role of like a husband. Who sings that song, Limit to Your Love? But wasn't he 18? At this point, this was years later. So we were probably like 24 or something at this point, 23.

But I will tell you what he did like to play this with me too, because he would have a girlfriend and his girlfriend would like go to the bathroom or something. with me too because he would have a girlfriend and his girlfriend would like go to the bathroom or something and he would be all talking to me or he'd be like i'd be like um jealous of some girl like i'd be like oh how's your like girlfriend or whatever like it's not like how we were you know like how we were oh yeah he kept baiting you and for a while i mean when i went back recently and he was like i went back like four years ago and he was like okay so i kind of want to talk about this because i know that people are really wrapped up in the whole idea of a twin flame. And are you familiar with? I think it's unhealthy.

Yes, I've heard of it. I've always wanted it. I've never come anywhere near. Okay, I've been close to having it. I've been fully wrapped up in the idea. Maybe twin flames is your guy's breath when it's twin flames. This could be right, yeah. So twin flame is the idea that someone there was once upon a time one soul

split in half oh my god right so basically esther there's someone out there for you that is a mirror to your soul it's rick glassman unfortunately the problem is is that i could literally be twin flames with literally anyone i meet like i will just so find a way how did there are different ways you can figure out if someone is your twin flame or not this is the theory right one of it is like you can't you can't stand them like you know you like is he's so annoying because maybe my twin flame though because they basically reflect a lot of who you are you're almost the same soul you're the same thing so it's like it's annoying usually when you're in a relationship with them it's very tumultuous but i wanted to talk about it because i was listening

to dr romany i listened to all of her stuff about like narcissists and whatnot right but she basically says a lot of people who um subscribe to the idea of like oh this person my partner is my twin flame tend to have a difficulty leaving narcissistic relationships because they really believe that they kind of like hang in abusive relationships longer because they subscribe to the idea that no this is supposed to be hard because this is my twin flame and i'm sticking to it i've had one of those relationships i feel like where it's like you're so like there's such a connection on this one right hole that you kind of overlook but see isn't that connection then like something that we

all think is this special connection but it's actually like like a toxic i'll give you an example very very similar with annie where like there's almost so much like random things that you're like wait like what do you call it when something is just so much alignment and how things happen for instance i met a boy, right? He was pigeon-toed like me, had the same heart arrhythmia as me. Like everything about him. Poor kids. We used to call each other like sibs.

It was like, hey, sib. In the ward. When we were friends, it was like, hey, sib, hey, sib, hey, sib. But we were that identical. And we ended up, we started hooking up. Every sib hooks up with you. That's a gateway drug for you to be brother sister i know maybe he knew that um so identical like we were almost like i looked at him and i'm like i hate him so much because i think i like hate myself and then we got into a very very beautiful but often like toxic cycle of like bullshit like i didn't like the way like he

would speak to me but i hung in there because we really believed we were twin flames yeah i hung in there and i'm like why am i letting him talk to me this way that's okay i i'm probably just i would tell myself i probably need to hear it and i probably just need to like withstand all of this like the way he's speaking to me um because I would like justify it in my head and then I would show the text messages to someone else and they'd be like you need to block this person my yeah I had my phone like deleted all these text messages from this one ex-boyfriend not the one in Santa Fe that my like crazy crazy my most heated relationship I've ever had but my phone just delete like i think my phone was like we we can't have this apple was like we can't have it was

wild or maybe he went back when the unsend came he was like oh shit unsend unsend he was like a poet it was wild you can't date writers you can't date people that are that good because they will fucking hurt you in a way that you have you You are like, I was like, damn, dude, that was good. So there's this crazy beverage brand out there called Liquid Death, and it looks just like beer. You may have seen these tall boy cans with skulls on them from Liquid Death at festivals, concerts, bars, or maybe even on Zoom calls. Why is it called Liquid Death?

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See Mint Mobile for details. I have been like trying to make Dave my twin flame for 11 years and I've made zero percent progress but like I'll try to look like him all the times I'm like do you think we're soulmates he's like there's no such thing as soulmate I love Dave he's like just cuts up but don't you think that's important to have like because you guys are alike and different I feel like with Todd the reason Todd is like my guy is because he is fucking calm, cool, collected. Like my other boyfriends that are like me that are like, oh, it's the word you cannot know. It's impossible. But Todd, we're alike and where sometimes I'm cracking up because Todd will be like screaming. Have you noticed how loud Todd is? Todd will be talking to people. He's screaming. He's laughing. He's

louder than everyone at the party. And I'm like, it's just so funny that I found another loudy just together. We're just the loudest people that have ever existed. Me and Dave together just eating onions that's what we do but yeah i like i i'm now like how have i never had a twin flame exchanges is it does it have something to do with like because i didn't have one early in life doesn't have to be a romantic partner it can be someone you never get maybe it's christina i think henny's right i think we're very different i think it's i think it's rick what the fuck that's gross i was kidding you were but maybe i think maybe definitely for a period of time benji and i were like had a twin flame like a platonic twin flame thing where it was like dislike but also like so much fun together so we were twin

flames at one point too yeah like maybe it's like a friend thing for me i guess that i just think the idea that there's this one like like i i mean i don't know i don't know how to say this it just is like i do feel like those like fiery things are just like not, not that I was so addicted. Dummy, they're terrible. I mean, I found Todd in the basement. You know what I mean? I was like, there's my man. No, but that's exactly it.

I've learned in my thirties or even recently single that like, I really just want like a quiet, no fireworks kind of beginning. Dr. Drew told you this. I'm like, he's married. No, but it's so true where it's like, I've always dismissed that before as like, oh, he's going to bore me. But I'm like, wait a second. Like, I don't bore me.

And even the guy that you were dating seemed like he was that. But then he came in with the like anxious. With anxious attachment stuff. And by the way, he's like incredibly sweet and kind and wonderful just like not a match for me um because i am somebody who needs to be allowed to like fly right like i you cannot try and tell me i can't do certain things one might say swim or swim but back to limerence too like this is a big thing i've been learning because a lot of the young girlies on TikTok talk about like how they're in situationships. And basically like limerence is at play there because you get so addicted to the guy or the girl who's only responsive like some of the time.

And that is it just blows my mind. I'm like, I wish I that's such a life hack i wish i knew when i was in my 20s of like the guy do it to people yeah yes i'm obsessed with you yes thank you you'd have a trail of ducklings behind you but like it's the only response you know every other day or like that gets you're just it's not going you're like are they doing this on purpose or are they yeah and i by the way um go ahead that is like we would never fall for that bullshit no no are you kidding hell no she's been with me i've fallen for that i've i have too in the past but not now i'd be like oh it's recent it's since todd like Todd came in perfect timing for me but like the guy I was

seeing before Todd was doing that to me so hard and that like I don't know if he was doing it at me or whatever but I was like activated I remember being like I'm gonna I feel sick like I felt like sick from it yeah I was like I'm gonna die it's so funny I wanted to talk about this but I today I was thinking about it because I feel like we talk about our exes a lot on here and I want to be careful to be like, everything that's happened with my exes has been me going through something and other people are there kind of like showing them to me. It's like, I can call them all assholes if I want, but I don't think they're all assholes at all. You know, it's just like, what was it about me that let myself be in that? But with the last guy, I remember like I, it was like a, what happened was I was staying

at my friend's house, one of my best friends, who was letting me crash at his house. And he was like, can you just do this one favor for me? Can you just watch my cat? I was like, sure. And then I fucking forgot about the cat. Because I was at this guy's house being like, do you like me? Do you like me? Do you like, and I fucking, my friend was like, did you feed my cat?

And I'm like, oh my God my god like I forgot about my friends it was like there was not I was like got so obsessed with like trying to get this guy to like me and I didn't even know if I liked him right I was just like I need to get this answer because the dopamine hit too yeah and I just felt so bad and that's when I was like okay this is like a wake-up call like a living thing got abandoned by me no it's I would like ditch my family I would ditch anyone for when that one guy would call and be ready for you and almost like it's a PSA to all the young girly pops watching like if a guy takes more than 24 hours to get back to you ever once and there isn't it's not like some rare random specific reason like that is such a red flag to me i feel

like in the beginning sometimes guys are are more loving but are trying to like hold back because they don't want to give you the ick by coming on too hard in the beginning too though i feel like any game for me no any game no it's like a real a mature adult will interact with you will like not play a game or pull back i just think that's so i'd rather i know i know you know i guess you are right you have to do a dance in the beginning and the beginning because you are like sometimes you're just so into the person in the beginning and you just don't want to like but i saw this one thing about this guy who would literally strategically wait 24 hours after each message

and then respond and like he that that girls went crazy for it and it's like that's sick well these guys also have to there's like all of these these things online about how to get girls there's so many men that aren't born charismatic they don't they're not good looking they don't have their swag like so they're going they're they're like i gotta figure out some way to like get girls a lot of these it's not always nefarious i don't think i think sometimes it's just like an incel trying to get his get out trying to be an outsell get out didn't know um no but um remember the that guy the pickup artist like that is somebody that like people that i love like gilbert fully like that was like his bible

right that's so you're like you should i should have known when you had a feather in your top hat but i'm just saying like like imagine all the misinformation these they're now men but these boys were getting at that time of like play all the games and this is how you get the girl and i just think that like nothing makes me hornier than consistency and knowing that i trust you with my body and that i trust you with like no matter where we're at even in the beginning like i just need to know that you are gonna call me the next day that we're gonna talk that like nothing makes me hornier i know i do like that i did i think i had an advantage being allergic to condoms and in college in my ho years and my my heavily dating years because i couldn't really be like i couldn't really just be fucking someone like i kind of had

to be like hey here's the situation like you can either like we can be friends or we can keep fucking but you can't be fucking other people those guys did cheat on me but um those were that was like actual time period i got cheated on but um but it was like kind of forcing me to be like do you want to be like exclusive with me right away because i was like i can't be having these yeah because my ph is thrown off by basically just about anything. So one of the ways that I found out that a boyfriend cheated on me, I was like, I was such in a rage. And I was like, look at my pussy.

She's not well. She has a cough. Like, he wouldn't believe. He's like, why are you thinking I cheated on you? I just came back from a trip from San Francisco. And I was like, we need to sit down and talk. And he was like, why? I was like, you need to tell me why. and he was like why i was like you need to

tell me why and he's like why are you saying this eventually he fessed up and of course yeah what did you have um i just had a really um i had a bacterial infection it wasn't like a true std she had that bv baby actually it wasn't even bv it was like but there was a reaction i had a reaction and it was you know what i mean not at at its best. But I remember like, like pulling my lips apart and be like, look, like you. That vicious? Yeah. And I was like, if you don't tell me right now, like, and this is before I even, I didn't know if it was an STD or not. I was like, if you don't tell me right now, I'm going to go to the doctor and have him tell me so he eventually had to fess up I hope eventually the doctor told you too yeah but he was like oh it's just like you know your ph is thrown blah blah blah but that happens when you know like yeah yeah when someone is sleeping with someone else and they're introducing like a new like

element in there but yeah like that's uh that's a really like even in poly relationships, they call it fluid bonding. You have to like tell someone you're. Well, that's what I was talking about. You're going to be putting each other's junk in each other's junk. You should just you got to tell people. Well, that's what my friend went through because she had to do in vitro. And it's I guess apparently a lot of women get miscarriages because of this, because on a molecular level, they reject their partner's like baby, basically. So they have to extract like white blood cells from the man.

They prepare it and then they inject the woman with it. And so I was like, why can't I do this even without wanting to get pregnant with my partner today or with whoever I date? Just so there's more of like an attraction maybe or that my pussy won't reject him. That's a good, maybe that's our Trash Tuesday venture. We should all do it

with each other. No, we should, no, we need less with her. Give her, take some out of her, of yours. I can't handle sitting between

the sexual tension, but. I think it's called like lymphocyte immunization. That's a great idea i would so do that although i do not need it right now like i last night we were we were like at a restaurant and i was just like staring at dave i was like you're so hot right now he's like you must be ovulating and i'm like you're right i think i'm like i have my ovulation goggles on because i was

just like so when you're ovulating isn't your like they say egg white yeah and you see it on the rim you're like wow I am thick and creamy today are you saying the rim of the penis yeah the penile you never look down and you're like what did we make what kind of cake batter did we make oh my god never yes of course yeah and then you they're like oh suck it and you're like i gotta chew i'm spitting or swallowing my own okay oh god i saw this thing today have you heard of like the lesbian master doc or something there's something that's going around but basically is it an std it's a common theme amongst women to say i feel like i've heard all of us say this even like i'm attracted to women but i couldn't see myself with a woman and basically this girl was pointing out that the

reason we feel that way is because we were not raised to see ourselves as women. We're so raised to like see us ourselves dating men. Like that's what's been. We need lesbian Disney princesses. Yes. So I just thought that was interesting. That really rang true for me. This could be population control. This could be what we need. We don't. Wait, I think we need that. Don't they say the population is going down? We need more population. Allegedly. Depends where you are.

We need more again? Yeah. Oh, I thought. It the, don't they say the population is going down? We need more population? Allegedly, depends where you're from. We need more again? Yeah. Oh. I thought. This was like two years ago. Isn't his capitalist daddy saying that? Oh, you're right. Fuck, I, oh.

They got you again, Esther. Oh, they always get me. I think world population is going up. I think Western world population is going down. Yeah. We're all freezing our eggs. It'll happen. Just wait it out.

Yeah. And also. We're just doing it going down. Yeah. We're all freezing our eggs. It'll happen. Just wait it out. Yeah. And also. We're just doing it really late. Okay. So basically this is what I'm trying to get at. I have felt relatively straight my whole life. I've even been quote unquote diagnosed. It's like, oh no, you're definitely a straight girl by girls.

I am trying to, you know, have stuff with. Right. They're like, no, Kalilahila like you're pretty like your body like but i'm really gonna power through it and i this summer i am committed to having a full because i've only had sex with women in the context of a threesome but why are you powering through something if you're naturally not i think no because i think by the time yeah that's what she's saying like we've been maybe programmed and I want to maybe fully get there with just a woman without a man in the room. Have full week of sex with a girl that I that I find attractive and see if I can feel that.

When my friend got her second knuckles in me, I went. Because you're not used to it. No, it just wasn't like after all of it, I went. But see, you finally got there, right? I haven't been that far with just the woman. It's always been a man. But I told you what she did to kind of like plant the seeds. She was like, well, don't you think?

And it's kind of what you're saying. So this could be all a ploy. There's one lesbian on TikTok that's trying to fuck all of you guys. Well, I believe in this. This rings really true. I think we all know. But her thought was her exposure her line to me was like the fact that you've never felt gay or attracted to a woman don't you think that's like because of your internalized like homophobia and

i was like what she's like don't you think the fact you haven't even thought about it makes you gay and i was like what that is some and it was like i was like i do all right put them in okay i think yeah i do think you are i see i read gay though i do feel like i read gay no no no you give me a masculine i have testosterone yeah but masculine how you present is definite it has nothing to do with your sexuality because like you like feeling energy wise super straight to me yeah i'm not trying to bet davis usually like he's usually so sensitive to any not my type oh davis usually so sensitive to like any joking about me being you know poor guy it's like not fully straight but i mean the

man that knows you the most that takes it the most serious but then this weekend he was like talking about like you know how he may die one day before me and i was like no and then he was like well then you can finally go off and do what you really want to do and have be with a woman i was like oh he is open to it just going to kill him first. You start making him smoothies. Come here, Dave. No, but I do envy you for having a younger boyfriend because, like, whenever the reality sets in that Dave is older than me,

I, like, I freak out. Well, there are, like, parent replacement, basically, too. Yeah. I feel like I remember when I was, when I fell in love with my, like like crazy boyfriend where we

were like we were like our most heightened get police called on us relationship it's just so weird how different i can be like i'm like what a like fucking poser i am that i can be that psycho in that relationship and then just never at all with todd it's just like how i'm just absorbing these guys personalities like what's wrong with me? No, you're not absorbing. You're maybe reacting. Yeah. Like, I've been in situations where I'm like,

I never thought that someone could bring this ugly side out of me, but they have. It takes two to tango. It's so real. Yeah, exactly. Like, it's so real

that then you're just not like that at all. Well, that's why, like, I have to feel, like, I have to be careful with the way I talk about all these people because, well, I want to be careful about it because I really don't want to be like placing blame or like whatever, you know, maybe some girls into that. I don't know. it changed kind of quick but when I first like fell in love with him I remember the relief of

it was like oh I'm gonna have someone and he was very like paternal to me like he was really like kind of told me what to do and and like dominated me and um yeah it was okay it wasn't it's not really my thing but um I tried no I just felt like honestly raped I really felt like I was just being raped for three years being really like forced into things but there were benefits to it because I learned a lot about myself and also he wasn't raping me but but it just wasn't I I don't it wasn't for me but what did you what I felt like I remember just like crying and being like oh my god someone's gonna be there when my dad dies that's how I felt felt. Like someone's going to be able to take care of me.

Yeah. Like it was really like, I didn't even like, I had been repressing that feeling for so long that I was just like, that was like the big relief for me. And then having a younger boyfriend is like, he's going to be around when everyone dies. He's going to be here when I die. Yes.

Do you feel like that's because that partner that you were with was almost like a father figure replacement? Kind of. And I, yeah, he would, yeah. I'm like, he'll pick up whatever. And not that like Todd isn't, it's just, I'm not like unhealthy like that anymore. I've done like a lot of work on myself where sometimes I'll have dreams where Todd and I break up. And in the dream I have healthy responses to it. I'm okay like this sucks this is the worst but I'm gonna be okay you know like I even in my dreams I'm like living it out after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch so when I heard that for a limited time all mint mobile wireless plans are $15 a month

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unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details wow you guys that mad at him in the morning my dreams are fucking me up again and i feel like it's they're sabotaging me over and over again i'm starting to dream of people i would have never thought about like in a romantic or sexual way but what happens in the dream is that you fall in love with this random person who's just in your life like an ancillary figure like for instance fancy like i can have sorry the married guy and his fucking I know what was your son's name um what is it Richie okay let's suppose

Richie I just met Richie right Richie is just a guy helping out here yeah so suppose I just met Richie today he took our order for your order for sweet green and tonight I dream about Richie I'm not kidding you when I say that tomorrow I am fully in love with Richie. Yes.

And the whole week I am trying to get over Richie. I'm doing everything in my power. And if I see Richie here, I am not even looking at him because my feelings are real. I would have this literally, sorry, in middle school and in elementary school. You child. And it would be like the guy that there's no vibes at all. Like, ew. And then suddenly you're like, what?

I'm in love with that kid? Like, ew. So it is so powerful. It's really fucked up. It's sabotaging. My dreams are sabotaging me. And I think that it's been happening so much. And I wake up and I'm like, why?

But Jungian theory of dreams is that it's been happening so much and i wake up and i'm like why but junghyun theory of dreams is that it's all every person in your dream is an aspect of yourself and your own personality so maybe it's a part of your personality that you're falling in love with maybe he represents something of yeah of yourself i like everyone in your dream is you that is such a relief for me to hear so maybe i'm falling in love with myself yeah there's something that he like some sort of young part of yourself that you see in him my recurring dreams are so back in action of like i have to go back to high school because i didn't actually graduate and then i'm like it's either i have that one or which is so funny because like literally who cares i know like that would be gangster if we found out you didn't have a high school. Like you'd be a hero. She doesn't even have a high school diploma.

And then I like I am like in this position where I'm like begging like, no, I really don't want to. Like I trust me. Like I want to go to L.A. Like I can just handle it. And then but then recently there's been a change in the dream where I'm like, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to go back where it's kind of weird I'm like what does this mean and then the other big recurring one is like waking up on the last day of high school and like getting ready for school on the last day and I'm like what is that like why do I want one last chance to like stunt and like put on a cute outfit and like shower I was

just had such a different high so I was just dodging jizz from teacher oh my god one more day here oh my god reoccurring dreams that i have um i don't have like a full understanding of like or maybe it's just based on like fear right my reoccurring dream is that i'm behind the blocks and i'm about behind in a swimming pool i'm behind lane four and I'm about to swim my 200 fly. Everybody is expecting me to win. Everyone knows this is my race, but I'm in my 38 year old body and I have not swam a fucking lap of butterfly in like 15, however long. But the pressure is on and I'm trying to tell everyone, hey, guys, like I haven't trained, but no one is listening or believing me. That dream I get at least like twice a month. And it's freaking terrifying.

What do you think that means? Do you think that comes from like if you haven't swam lately and you're like feeling like you need to get up on it? I have no idea. Well, it's like obviously you feel unprepared for something. You're feeling pressure. People are expecting things from you. Maybe you're expecting things from yourself. If you're everyone, you're the people also putting the pressure on you.

Oh, young people. You're the swim cap. I'm everything, my goggles, I'm the block, I'm the water. My version of that is sometimes I have dreams where I don't remember my jokes. Oh. I've had that. Where I just don't remember any joke and I'm just up there like.

Oh yeah, where, oh my God, like before a big show, I will so have that joke and I'm just up there like. Oh, yeah. Where, oh, my God. Like before a big show, I will so have that dream where I'm up on stage. I'm just kind of like, like thinking I'm going to improvise a whole set. And I'm like, why did I do that? Why? And then I wake up and I'm just it's so scary. But isn't even just big show such a nightmare? Like, yeah.

Before a big show. It's like, why are we still doing this to ourselves? We've been doing this for so long well because like you know for example like my show's coming up in new york or like if i'm headlining it if i have to do like a long set like 45 minutes to an hour and i haven't in a while i definitely will in my dreams be like oh there's i i can't it's impossible i think my first set at a on a weekend i'm always so I'm like yeah you just don't you haven't been there you don't have like the muscle memory of like yeah like I don't believe on the stage yeah I don't believe I'll be able to do it and sometimes I will beforehand like I've been not writing out

set lists because I'm like sometimes I think I sabotage but sometimes I'm trying to write a set list out and I'm like I get to like four jokes like what do I have any more jokes like what I'm like I do this every night like where's the rest where's the 55 other minutes like what the hell's going on I can't believe I wonder I if I'm everyone in my dreams I'm like so in the last day of school when I'm also my mom making me a turkey sandwich in the morning yeah like that's cute I guess I don't know yeah do you have other recurring ones um not really I used to have dreams in like specific places and sometimes I'll have a dream where I feel like I'm like oh I'm here again and then I'm like I never was I'll wake up and be like I wasn't there I've been taking melatonin so I

have I don't know what's going on I see I. I'm not having a normal. Esther, I came across a poem that really made me think of you in so many ways. Because remember Annie was like, you brace when someone lifts their hand. Yeah. You immediately brace. Yes. It's not that crazy. And it's not even because you've ever. It's just like we've just been hit a lot.

So we're like. Yeah. you've ever just like we've just been hit a lot so we're like yeah so it's she was like well we were wondering like oh why is it that you know you brace even though you've never been hit and she was like oh it's because you're small right and so i came across this poem and it's about a spider but it's called the crime of being small and i was in tears like bawling i really thought we were gonna be making fun of her. It is. You're the spider. You know how you hate spiders?

No. You hate spiders. But basically one of the lines in there, it's like, I'm so sorry for scaring you, but I didn't know. Can we get Rick in here? She's yelled at. I didn't know that being seen would cost me my life. You're just so tiny. And I think you should stop hating spiders

because kind of you're like the spider of- You just become a spider girl? You just have a bunch of spiders in your house now? You're the small thing. No. It can happen. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes all of a sudden there's just rodents and reptiles in your house. Because spiders can kill us.

You can kill them. This is enough. You can't be thinking about dying all the time i'm i don't but when i see a black widow in my yard i'm like this is real like i need to protect my little donut and my little dave and me wait but that's that poem does sound really good she'll tear it that was basically the line was i'm sorry foraring you, but I didn't know being seen would cost me my life. And that is a line that made me cry. That is really sad. Really sad.

Is it sad that she thought of you? How does it feel that someone read that and thought of you? It feels really good. The fact that someone thought of me feels really good. I would beat her ass if she said that about me. That you're a baby spider? You're just a baby spider. Just accept who you are.

Okay, I wanted to ask you guys. Do you, in your day-to-day life, I know Annie, you're very chatty spider just accept who you are okay i wanted to ask you guys do you in your day-to-day life i know annie like you're very chatty with like the dmv person the bank teller you're just friendly and like chatty but like in in passing donna am i right aid what's up girl do you smile at strangers i live in venice so the strangers you can't smile it's crazy over there and then you think someone's not and then you smile and then they

there's no teeth and you go oh boy I almost always if I'm like being conscious and aware

I smile at women that's about it I don't know if it's for reasons do you go like this to men no I just probably look down and like i i smile i smile at strangers all the time but i think um um i was reading this thing about the reason that in america we smile at strangers is because we

live in a high uncertainty culture yeah and so we basically have to acknowledge like, hey, I'm not a threat to you. I totally feel that, yeah. Because in Korea or in Japan and certain Asian countries, not the Philippines, Filipinos smile at like a tree. Like we just are always smiling.

But in certain Asian countries, that are already considered extremely polite societies, they don't smile at each other like at all it's not considered like a polite thing to do because they have a more um i guess certain culture they know it's not like over here like we really are afraid of a lot of things so you kind of have to soften like your surrounding you smile i'm not a threat it's true and i've noticed like guys they do the nod at each other a lot uh-huh it's which is almost like their version of a smile i'm not a threat it's true and i've noticed like guys they do the nod at each other a lot uh-huh it's which is almost like their version of a smile i like the nod but i feel

like as a girl the nod is kind of hard i was like let's go i'm gonna give you a hand job in the yeah you can't it's always like it's like i just feel like guys are just like and i i could be wrong i'm not a guy but i feel like guys are just always they're looking at every woman going like would i fuck her and not all guys, but, like, majority of guys. Like, would I fuck her? Would she fuck me? Like, no matter what. That's why you can't smile.

It's like, but in New York, I had to, like, squash my friendliness because it's really looked down upon in New York. And if you're friendly, like, if you're going to get a bagel at the bodega and you are like, how are you? Like, people will be like, shut up, bitch. Like, we're trying to go it's like rude to be polite because it takes more time you know yeah like even we're like boom boom which i understand like holding doors open in korea japan's not considered like polite it's not over here you're like what a nice young man what a nice young what if we get this wrong we like go to korea we're just smacking people in the face with doors although that does sound

there is something nice about that interaction with strangers of like holding a door like it's not that they don't hold doors open it's just not considered polite because it's almost the baseline like you know it's already a very polite society um but over here we have to do things to make our society more polite but i used to date a guy that hated that I smiled at people. He just, it drove him absolutely nuts. He was like, you're sending a message. I'm like, to who? To that, you know, decrepit 80-year-old man?

Like, who am I sending? He's like, yeah, I just don't like that you do that. Like, you just, you know, you're always. And I'm like, dude, like, you got to work on your shit. But now I'm thinking after what you said, Annie, like maybe maybe he's on to something. Maybe like dudes are kind of calculating that going through the list. Can I fuck her? Will she fuck me?

How do I get her to? I might be wrong, but no, I definitely think there's truth to that. Yeah, it's totally like, oh, will she fuck me? I mean, I've talked about this before. Like there is like our peers who i've like hung out with the comedy clubs had like great conversations with where i'm like oh my god like you're my peer we're talking and then i hear like weeks later that person said like i could fuck her and i'm like because we chatted what is going on yeah what is this i know and then it's like so i

was i supposed to be a bitch the whole time? That was what I was supposed to be doing to you? Yeah. I think what killed me not wanting to smile anymore is dudes telling me to smile more. Yeah. Like we're saying, because I kind of have like a bitchy face. Total. I have an RBF, like resting bitch face since the day I was born so I've always been told like why

do you look so angry why do you like them like so I maybe a part of me is always trying to like compensate for that but then when they're like you should smile more I'm like that's it's just annoying it's like I don't want to be smart like why do I need to smile right now it's almost like it's so ridiculous I can't even justify that with a reaction it's like telling someone to smile more it's like are you santa claus like why what yeah what am i getting out of this that's it are we having a no smile summer then yes okay no smile i'll try but i smile a lot you're just real nice to strangers but I don't know if you're necessarily like you know

I just realized something I totally forgot when I'm with my guy friends I'm so much more friendly and smiley and interactive and I realized that after like a while I was like oh it's because I feel like safe and secure you know and

I feel like safe and secure, you know, and I feel social. I do think there is something to like when you're just a girl on your own, even though I would love for this to be this like fun world where I'm happy and friendly. And it's like, it's just not really. When I make money, like if I have a good weekend, I call myself Annie Bonus Hutterman. I'm twirling in the streets. I'm so nice to everyone. I'm like, hello.

There's like birds chirping. I'm like, hello, hello, hello. I got new shoes on. I'm like, what's up? You guys, I forgot to tell you breaking news. Okay. So you know how a couple of weeks ago I was talking about someone in my life who I wasn't maybe approving of their dating situation. And I really wanted to intervene and be

like, this is in this and this and poke and, you know, prod and whatever, and show them how, you know, how right I am. Well, I backed off and literally yesterday in a conversation, she said all the things I was dreaming of her to say. She was like, I'm mad at this person that they would do this to me, blah, blah, blah. She just, it happened. I let go. And instead of pushing the narrative at her, she found it on her own. And I am like beaming.

I'm so happy. I feel bad for her, but it's like, yes. And you know what your move is, right? When she tells you all of this stuff is to not pile on is to sit back because then she'll want to defend him right right what you do is like oh shit okay oh tell me more and just keep pulling it out of her so she is telling it to you the moment you pile on back she's gonna are you sure though because when when i broke up with that one guy and then my sister-in-law was like we were all so I was like oh she was like so

happy and I was like oh were you worried about me and she was like every day all of us every day that's not a pile on though. That made me feel so good I was like oh my god okay it was so validating I was like I could never go back to this person I was done already though. Yeah but that's not a pile on like a pile on is

more like. I don't even think it's a fucking well they always back together i i didn't feel a girl she was like my yeah my boyfriend she this was very recent she was like my boyfriend blah blah blah he's he yelled i think he might have this or that she was like diagnosing him and stuff i was like well and i was like smart enough to go when you're ready to talk shit i'm ready because i already was like who was this fucking guy i didn't i wasn't that close of friends with her but i was like who's this guy literally marrying him now i'm like that's what i'm saying that's why you gotta hold back i would have been so fucked if i had said stuff how certain are we that this friend is really like done with this guy it feels good it feels really good to me like i and i didn't quite pile on but i didn't i was like i think my my main

reaction was like i'm really glad to hear you say all this like yes like this is great you should be angry like and all that where i i wanted to i didn't know what words quite were right to use to get more because it's out of aside from just saying like more, more. You should send her that extreme song, More Than Words. Great song. It's good though because doesn't it feel, it's like there is I think such a healthy thing about letting people have their own experience. You don't want to steal people's like experiences from that. It doesn't work anyway, but like it's so much better when people come to it themselves. Yeah.

You're not going to be like, he's great or anything. Yeah. You're not going to be like, he's great or anything. You know what 90s song still makes me feel my feels? Because you said extreme. Every fucking song. Mr. Big, To Be With You. Is that song still there? I don't know that at all. You guys, I've said this on here before and it's still true.

Whole Foods plays the best 90s music. It's always like. Oh, all grocery stores not just it's like tracy chapman i'm like i'm like in a fast car i'm like i'm at a window i've come to a window i have this theory that whoever is making the playlist for all of the grocery stores all the safeway selects is a freaking mastermind and it isn't some random occurrence that every time you're in a grocery store there's at least one song that hits you so deep that puts you back in a state of pure nostalgia

and you're like looking at fruit and you're like, I feel weird. Yeah, no, but the Whole Foods does every song. Todd and I were like, and I said that's me. Breakfast at Tiffany's, or whatever that song is. We were like going crazy.

This girl was laughing at us because we're like singing to each other. I mean, we were like going crazy. This girl was laughing at us because we're like singing to each other. I mean, we're like going nuts. Wasn't that their only hit? I don't even know the name of the band. Oh, I think it was one hit wonder. Yeah. It was around like...

90s. Yeah. Mid 90s, yeah. Oh my God. It's just so fun. And Todd, I don't know why he knows everything I know. What?

I think it's because his parents are very close to my age. Wait, how far apart are you and his parents? No, his parents are like 16 years older than me, but he's 11. Yeah, but they're Asian. So like Asians hang on to the classics harder. His parents are in their late 50s and I'm turning 40. Dave is 45. So Dave is peers with Todd's parents.

No, he's 10 years, 11 years younger. Well, you know, my grandma is 82 and my dad is 80. Yeah, it's so weird. I know. Well, Mark Maron went on stage and he was like, my dad just turned 84. I was like, I went on stage after my dad. Is anyone else surprised that I have the same age? I thought Mark's dad would be 100 years older than my father.

I mean, not to one-up you. Here we go. Let's do it. Hit us. But my dad was older than my grandpa. That's wild. By a lot. Not just one or two years.

This is why she was hooking up with her stepbrother. Do you understand? It was a confusing family dynamic. I love when... Has anyone come to you? Because you know we talk about stuff and then people will be like, oh, yeah, I relate to that. Me too. Has anyone brought like come to you? Cause you know, like we're talking about stuff and then people will be like, Oh yeah,

I relate to that. Me too. Has anyone come to you as a step? Yes. I, you know who my twin flame is? I found my twin flame and I didn't even have to try. No,

I found her at Esther's house. She's my twin flame. She is not. She is my twin flame. She's definitely not yours. She, she's my imaginary friend. She is definitely not yours she she's my imaginary friend she is your imaginary friend she's my imaginary friend but roomie neely and i our lives

are so parallel yeah everything from the way we were brought up our fathers like it's almost shocking yeah everything that comes out of her mouth is something that i lived through and um it's kind of amazing right yeah you guys are so similar it is like it's kind of fun to observe that's so sad they're my no they're my dolls except roomie is an actual doll though oh my god i look around like how much more gorgeous can someone be? And she's so tall and just. She is my imaginary friend. I made her up.

You really did. And she's so funny. She's my. Do you remember Drop Dead Fred? I love Drop Dead Fred. It's my top five favorite movies. Have you seen it recently? Is it still good?

It's not great, but it doesn't matter. because once you turn it on you're back is there like your child but is there like blackface in it or anything you know like every movie like watch a child movie like oh they were just like and remember it was like phoebe cates right yeah cates was in it and phoebe cates is half filipinas so oh is she okay so that was i don't know if she's half but she's part filipinas so that was like a big thing for me and she's still married to Kevin Kline

which is so cool right so cute that's another one of my favorite movies Fish Called Wanda no French Kiss the one with him and Meg

she's like I've seen three movies are they gonna cycle through Election is so good though was it called French Kiss with Meg Ryan yes oh that was such a great movie

yeah i always liked kevin klein um so i got some questions for us i went on our little instagram and i got some pretty interesting questions okay some are advice some are you know 99 are fuck married kills yeah exactly um so this guy is asking should i tell a girl that I'm not very experienced before we hook up or just go for it? Which I think is a really good question. It depends what kind of girl. Because if it's me, I love honesty. And I like I'm such a I love a Virgie.

Like I love an inexperienced boy. Like when I was in high school, I only because I was so afraid of STDs, I only had sex with virgin boys. Did we think she was going to say Esther too? Also, what are, if this is STDs, what's just STDs, no quotes? Because STDs are fucking cool now. Yeah. Oh. Also, they're called like.

It's getting in my mouth. They're called, they used to be called like VD. Yeah. Real disease. No, but one of my favorite role play characters with Bobby, he's a virgin Brandon. He's a 50 year old man who's never had sex and he's really shy. Funny to role play. He's the exact age.

Like, are you an elderly man? But it is actually your age he's never had sex and he's just really shy you would want to take like a old virgins i don't care i just love virgins that's not so bad wait it's so sounds good it sounds you're sounding like a 9-11 hijacker i will listen yeah just wait i want to get canceled for this look when i say virgin i'm not thinking of young boys i'm thinking of you made it very clear so this is something when a guy says hey i'm nervous or inexperienced like come to mommy i will teach you everything rename the show will teach you everything. What if we rename the show? I'm getting so hot.

What if we rename the show? Imagine if a guy said that. It's just a whole, every episode is just imagine if a guy said that. We don't have to imagine because they say it all the time. But is this a terrible thing? I wouldn't mind at all. No, I see that. I used to like. they say it all the time. But this is a terrible thing. I wouldn't mind at all.

No, I see that. I used to like. That could be hot. If you like the guy and they're inexperienced, are you kidding? That's hot. Because you can mold them into whatever you need them to be. But I know it's so much hotter, though. What?

When you think a guy isn't going to know. Yes. And then he knows. There was this kid i hooked up with years ago he was like uh he was at the coffee shop he was my coffee shop guy oh my god and he was just so young and so like he was from michigan does that explain it yeah you know just like oh and um might ruin this story by saying a young george kimmel but did you not think that fancy i thought that um i killed my own boner just saying that honestly but he but that would be surprising

too wouldn't it it probably would be let's just say i've never had one of those office dreams with george i've never had to avert my eyes from george i've always been in contact but he was really a very talented young man he was really cute i see i like that and he was like a pa at the time so he would like he would be like i have my work truck he'd be like near the comedy club he's like come out we'd like hook up in the truck it was cute when it's unsuspecting but then i would go back in because i was so used to like being friends with guys and like male comics i'd be like oh yeah this kid just fingered me in his car and they're like ew i'm like you guys say stuff like this to me you i just bro down way too hard they're like ew like oh yeah you know what i need to stop doing i thought you think it was cool. I thought we were going to pound.

My guy friends are thinking, wait, this isn't actually a real problem I'm having, like, with people that I'm dating. I talk like I'm on the show. Pussy this, pussy that, asshole this, you know, fucking the ass. So fuck me. Yeah, and it's honestly probably such a turnoff but i forget that regular people outside of you guys like you they don't work well to that you're turned off no i'm just kidding but it's like we they don't take to that like i forget that you can't talk to people like that

for me but esther you wouldn't what would you do like would you want a guy to tell you or not tell you it's so tricky because one time like in college there was this guy that i was hanging out with and i remember he told me he was a virgin and it did kind of freak me out but only because i really associated that with being religious and i'm very anti-religion because i'm the devil um but like that was and i just don't think there was a vibe there so i think that is like a specific incident but when when i hear you kind of like when i hear you say it but like a guy being like just so you know i'm not that experienced there is something exciting there of like well great he's not some like fuck boy you know and like you said like you couldn't train them

like i believe that you can have good sex if you like a person it's good sex like you will make it good you you will find your ways to make it good i you with no pillow is so weird me with a hoisted up pillow too though it's like the pillow it's like i i'm in a fight i'm gonna i'm wrestling right now i'm on the show glow i love that show i actually i'm a little icked out annie by the one that you like where a guy where you don't think he's gonna have experience and then does i'm like ew i'm like what i. I'm like, why? I don't know. There's something about that that I wouldn't want. I don't know why.

I agree with Annie. There's almost just like a- Oh my God. I was so proud of him. I was like, my God. No, because then it's like

when you're playing this like shy little boy to trick me. No, he is shy. He just is shy, but also good in bed. He's just like-

He's not tricking. No, I came to him. Let's be real. He was like my, I think I was, I can't remember. I had a really good line for him. I can't remember what it was. Oh, I had, I used to have cards that said like little,

those little moo cards that I used to put. I would say, follow me on Twitter. Or no, I said, I would go, I think you're hot, but really I just want you to follow me on Twitter. And then I was like, you don't need to follow me on Twitter. I just gave it to him whatever he was cute but um i have a question for you guys uh are you thinking about this guy hypothetical guy that uh as it's andres younger is he a younger person and you guys are older or are you guys same age same age

you know what this guy yeah this guy 20 oh no no no I say I'm not this like

25 30 wait no when I'm answering these questions about virgins like I could never like

my age I'm not over it I'm so sorry that was really awful of you I killed every boner in this room i realize that now i'm just asking because if this guy is whatever in high school and then once you know i feel like very different than it i think okay so this is what i think i think if you're

gonna be like whatever's gonna make you less nervous like if you're if you like being vulnerable and open it's really about what you want. It's really not about like, if she doesn't like what you do or doesn't like you being honest, that's not like the person that you're going to continue with anyway. So it's like, if you're going to be fumbly and nervous

and if you're inexperienced or inexperienced, you can't pretend to not be inexperienced. Yeah, but everything guys have always heard is like, you have to be so confident because that's- Yes, but if you're not confident, how are you have to be so confident because that's... Yes, but if you're not confident, how are you going to be confident? Do you know what I mean? Maybe if sometimes telling the truth makes you more confident.

I mean, look, if you can fake being confident, fake being confident for sure. Because what's the difference between being confident and faking being confident? If you can fake it, you can be confident. I would come in with a game plan. I would try and learn up the best that i can yeah reach comes first like making sure yeah just reach she comes first actually here i will say to this guy like the one thing that i love is when dudes ask me like how i like it because it's like it doesn't matter how experienced you are this is a completely different body than the last girl you were with so it's like my friend

i won't say his name um but he was basically like when i'm with a girl i'm her remote control i'm sorry she is my remote control like i do whatever she wants and i tell her that like you're my remote control tell me what you like and i'll do it and i'm like that is so hot like i love that so i think experience or not you can do a lot of things wrong so just be very attentive to like the girl also communicating which can be so hard it can be hard it can be so hard it's so hard to say what you want like sometimes i like i wouldn't even know i was just like uh basically a sock for a decade yeah like so i'm like what i want i don't know what i you're younger, it's like. Yeah, like, so I'm like, I don't know what I want.

No, but now it's like communication is like, I'm so good at it that it's never awkward or weird where I'm like, hey, can you sit up and can you do this instead? Can you do a sit up? You're like, oh. But I read it down and I was like, don't lay flat on top of me and finger me, sit up.

Like I want, you know, it's. We're both thinking about that uh sit up aren't we we can't this sit up no i'm just imagining like he's like sitting up like um you don't want him lying on you while he's that's kind of hot i don't like a next two fingering no because you're not doing you don't have full access full range of motion like you're just not doing it to the best he's just looking at your face what is he looking yeah exactly he's like annie you can't do it when he's laying flat on top of me trying to great lesbian let's honestly i do have lesbian dreams sometimes where i'm crushing it it's like i'm a guy in it and i'm like i am like the man i do feel like i could just

woo a bitch that's why i'm like you really would i think you yeah i think you probably would many and like not know about shame this is a crying shame i could i know because i know what i like so i'm like yeah i could do it to a girl um there's like i think that's just the frustration i've had with guys i've been dating where it's like you can't there's certain things you can't communicate like um the lean you know that lean in where it's like you have to lean in you have to like it's like you have to make me feel at the same time like safe and scared and small yeah but it's like how do you explain that to someone and then if they you tell it to them and then they do it you're like i told you that people just have it though but it's hard i know it feels impossible

i know guys get all mad when girls are like and then you have to do this and that yeah i'm like i'm like i want a guy who cries but not like all the time they can't just like have to carry tissues around for him you know you guys know that j cole song wet dreams no but it's like it basically captures perfectly the first time like wait what if what if fancy was listening to that on the way in if he was like that's actually the song i was listening to wet dream um he talks about just being really inexperienced when he's younger and really wanting to like perform well and both him and the girl pretending like they had done it before but then ultimately at the end of the song they really were just like they had both not done it before.

But they had put so much pressure on themselves. So it's a really sweet song. It's called My Dreams. The guy, I lost my virginity. He was not a virgin. So I would never have that experience. Same. Isn't that weird?

I feel like that's something to think about, too, when you're losing your virginity. Like if you ever want the experience of losing virginity with someone. Can I tell you something? You can only have one shot. No, I was so scarred by the guy I lost my- So are our hymens back up. Todd and I became virgins again. The first guy that I ever had sex with was a virgin

and it was really a terrible experience for me. I didn't feel ready. I thought that, oh, we were both doing this for the first time. So maybe it might feel a little bit, hated it. Didn't have sex for another year and a half. Yeah. And I broke up with him immediately after I was like, oh, I did not like that. So it's not always great. I don't know. It's a lose lose, I think. I didn't mind that the person at least had done it like they knew what they were doing. Oh, really? I'm like,

that's better. I don't know. Oh, my my god you probably came when you lost your virginity why would you even say that wait just sexually healthy and it's annoying no i mean i was but i didn't go go imagine coming the first time you ever have sex like is that a thing for girls ever i don't know but i don't know it looked like it in the notebook but i'm not sure right. The way movies just totally tricked us. Yeah, right. I was like, sex was so bad for so long. Like, it was so painful and so uncomfortable for so long when I was young. Yeah.

Maybe you had vaginismus. What's that? Like, really, really tight. Well, I am constantly in a clench. On that note. Clench our way out of here this week. Yeah, you guys, thank you for being here for this random sexual relationship talk. I was thinking, I was like, I just want to stop talking about exes.

It's like, I don't care. It's like full ex episode. Sorry, guys. But that's what we have for our life experience. Your life experience. I know. Everyone relates to it. I was thinking, though, on the way over to like the there were like breakup songs. We have our life experience. Your life experience. I know. Everyone relates to it. What do you relate?

I was thinking though on the way over to like the, there were like breakup songs. I was like, I used to love breakup songs and now I'm in love. So I just like songs about how people love each other. Oh, I still love breakup songs. I do too. I don't, they don't slap for me anymore. Really? Oh, I love them.

I'm able to put myself in that mode of desperation, even if I'm not desperate or sad. Todd will play songs for me and like, he'll be like, this is my song for you. Like, that's like what I'm them. I'm able to put myself in that mode of desperation, even if I'm not desperate or sad. Todd will play songs for me and like, he'll be like, this is my song for you. Like, that's like what I'm into. 311 Amber. No,

he played a Hosea. Something about talking to strangers or something. I can't remember what it is. I'll find out for next episode. You guys, thank you for listening and we will see you next week. Click the notification bell. Yes. Click the notification bell. Thank you so much much and we'll see you next week with a brand new

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