Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - We Cannot Be Controlled After Dark

Episode Date: November 15, 2022

Last Chance to Buy Tix to Our Livestream Sleepover! https://www.moment.co/trashtuesdayThank you to our Sponsors: Nutrafol - Go to https://nutrafol.com and enter promo code TRASH to save fifteen dollars off your first month’s subscriptionNextEvo - Get up to 25% off subscription orders of $40 or more with promo code trashtuesday Zocdoc - Go to https://zocdoc.com/trash and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 The Goop Test4:49 Lonely Season & Cuffing Season6:22 No More Texas Women’s March & LA During Coachella 8:38 A Half Jewish Christmas & Esther’s Under the Influence Connection With Her Grandma12:13 Dr. Phil is Glowing & Esther Got Snubbed by Bad Baby18:15 Esther Thrives Off of Rejection22:00 The Works of Yoni, Tony Hinchcliffe’s Magical Person27:33 Annie Remembers a Past Traumatic Experience32:36 Khalyla Setting Up Guys She is Interested In With Her Friends 34:53 Annie & Esther’s Childhood Differences40:27 Dr. Phil on Woke Gen Z College Students Getting Professors Disciplined or Fired44:08 What Are Poppers?49:40 Speculating Reasons For Tom Brady’s Divorce52:58 Kill Tony Regular Michael Lehrer’s Battle With ALS57:35 Being Busy As Your Whole Identity Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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sure can you really yeah yeah do it okay i dare you we're getting this you guys this is our pre live show show okay so this gave you a little taste of what the live show is going to be like oh and just just keep in mind should i go wash up first are you okay no esther's never washed i'm a little dirty but you can no take back the night for all the guys that have had to touch her nasty slimy hairy hairy vagina well okay so i'm gonna scoop it and why are you asking me i thought you were the pro you're the one who says you can tell when any what wait're a girl is on on her cycle just by doing the group. Can I just say something? You are such a fucking people pleaser that you asked her if you wanted to watch if you wanted her to have you wash up, not her nasty, dirty little finger.

She's literally wiping her nose. That is true. I would I have to say, like, I am a little bit strict about like having it clean before. Yeah. You look like a clean pussy little baby. I doubt it. Do you get up on the sink or do you just use a wipe? Is it something that I- Is it a rigorous wiping? Yeah. I'll do a wet wipe. I always have baby wipes. I have a bidet.

I have a, I object object I think that's actually Not very good for you A bidet? Any of the baby wipes Just go with just Clean solid water I think it fucks up Fucks with your pH

Okay but what if I'm just Out on the go And I'm Water Want to get fucked By your fiance In the bathroom

At UCB theater Well it's like Like what are you Talking about? Why'd you have to Make us a UCB company? Because we've been Because... Like, what are you talking about? Why'd you have to make us a UCB company? Because we've been... Because we've been...

That's a... We started the theme, you're an improviser. I thought those were your legs. Like, this is what I thought you... While I was over here, Kalilah, I literally was like, is she just lifting her legs

all the way up to the ceiling? Wait, are we... Give me a second. Are we... Should we open? Yeah, we're... I want you to close for once, Kalilah.

Are you gonna tell... I don't know how, Lila. Are you going to tell? I don't know how to do that. Are you going to tell what's going on? This is how I've gotten by in life, don't you know? Are we talking about these things? Is that what I meant? Whoa. Wait, and this is how I've gotten by in life,

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You guys, in two days, November 17th, this Thursday, we are doing our second live stream and it's going to be sexual, sexual, interactive. It's going to be hilarious. It's going to be so fun. It's going to be wild. Amazing. Do not miss it. Get your tickets. You do not want to miss out on this.

OK, you want to be in the slug club. You got to be wild, amazing. Do not miss it. Get your tickets. You do not want to miss out on this, okay? You want to be in the Slug Club? You got to be in the Slug Club, okay? Go to moment.co slash trash Tuesday. Interactive. We'll see you there. Hi, Slugs. My tour is, my mini tour is very close.

You can get tickets at estheronice.com. I'm coming to Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, and Phoenix. I cannot wait. Tickets at estheronice.com. See you there. You can see me November 18th and 19th. I will be in Plano, Texas. I'm back at the House of Comedy.

I can't wait to see you guys again. And then I am in Vegas for New Year's. And there's more dates. All of the beginning of December, I'm going to be in Michigan. A bunch of dates. Please go to my website. You guys, Annie Wood, my solo podcast is right after the show.

So click over to my YouTube when you get a chance. I have to figure out why you're matching the chair perfectly. Do you understand? Why I've turned into mustard. Like you matched literally the perfectly into the chair.

Am I camouflaged? Can you see me? Where is she? No. No, she'll always find you. Don't worry. This creep. There she is.

Wait, I actually have a legitimate question. I have one too. It's kind of considered like lonely season right now. Yeah, cuffing season. I think though the prelude to cuffing season is lonely season. And I'm just curious, like, loneliness is a big theme in my life, you know, and I like to talk about it. And if you guys have any times where you've been lonely or if you're feeling lonely and how you cope. I shit with the door open.

I have not been lonely in years, okay? Let me see. I have definitely been a perpetrator of cuffing season. When the seasons change, I get seasonal affective disorder and I like to latch on to people. I might let go of in the spring. Really? I think so.

Well, it's not even like you mean to do it, right? It's like, you just kind of are like in you're like things your hot chocolate is around it's like harder and i feel like california i also just get real cuddly i think when the when it gets a little cooler so i just like to again loaf around in bed with somebody but then summer's back you can go diving or like i gotta leave ditch this lump not a whole lot of diving options in the winter so i i'd rather dive into some dick you know did i ever tell you my woman's march faux pas no this is when you wore the pussy hat oh that was actually so embarrassing the woman's march was embarrassing for me i'm sorry women i i was embarrassed by it i'm sorry i love you i'm sorry but i was

humiliated by it but during it you know all the chants you know i'm a loud bitch so i loved the chants like when people would like start the loud bitch. So I loved the chants, like when people would like start the chants, right? So I love to be the one amplifying the chants. So I heard no more Texas. And I was like, oh my God, that's really harsh, but okay, no more Texas. I started screaming no more Texas.

And my friend that was with me was like, what are you saying? I was like, I'm saying no more Texas. And she goes, they're saying show your taxes. And I just can't believe they got it wrong well your reading comprehension skills i was like got in the way i was like fuck texas i guess i love texas though the day of that one that big woman's march i know like the first big one i woke up that morning and found out my grandfather passed away and so me and dave went out to brunch and i remember being like wow like i can't believe we got a table like this is so lovely and and then i realized it's because

it was the women's march and so all the brunchers were busy isn't that so funny that women were willing to like take a brunch off i think i was still drunk but i like yeah i really i profited i benefited off of the women's march by getting a good brunch table and i got a really cute pussy hat that's kind of sort of like it actually enjoying la for the first time coachella weekend yes and um burning man weekends literally i'm this is me releasing a gatekept thing that i wouldn't say but i want the fans of our show to know this. If you guys ever want to have a great weekend in LA, come during Coachella. It's so much emptier because all the idiots have got no disrespect, but all the idiots have gone to Coachella and like there's less traffic, all the cool places. There's no weights.

There's no weights at the gym. Esther loves it. Have you not experienced that? I mean, I guess I'm usually on the road. That wasn't a diss, but I really am usually not around for it. I usually am flying and then hearing people get pissed off during Coachella and during Burning Man because they can't get the flights they want. I usually just hear people complaining about that. And also Christmas time has the same effect. In LA? you're right you're right yeah but do you celebrate christmas at home you do right yeah yeah did you ever get to decorate a tree yeah because my mom is was

not jewish and so we did christmas oh nice and i remember my dad was like like he says that that was hard for him like he was almost embarrassed that if people would see the tree from the window because it just was so not like how he was raised in that house but he was embarrassed his house what it's your dad's house yeah that you still go to yeah don't no my i live the house the basement that you live in that is the house that my dad also grew up in oh that's okay i grew up that is cute yeah so you still don't quite feel welcome it's like you're visiting no i feel extra welcome because i'm the only grandchild now what happened so how old was your your dad never moved out or he moved out and then re-bought it? No, he moved out.

And then when they passed away, he moved back in. I have a question about your daddy. His relationship with his ex, your sister's mom. What's that like? No, your sister's your mom's, right? Yeah. Oh, sorry. So your mom's relationship with her ex

right your sister's dad they don't they've never i've never seen i don't think they have seen each other in person or spoken like ever he's just not in the picture no do you know his name yeah i know him i've met him oh he's fine does he like you he's chill you know we're chill does he like you more or less than your grandmother definitely i don't know anyone who likes me less than it's so funny because you're competing with her for old lady energy he's stealing her thunder i think it's just she's just the definition of like we all have this in our lives where people will only know you as how they first knew you and that's what it is with her and me but i don't know if i told you guys this but this last time when i went to visit my grandma's house in minnesota

i it was the first time i had been with her since i discovered thc and it kind of made me see her differently because she does alcohol is her thing. And I'm like, oh, like I do kind of get it because I love getting high because I'm like, it's fun and it's like an escape. And then it made me have empathy for her that like, oh, well, she just wants like to feel that fun feeling. Maybe. What do we think of this? Is this a weird thing to say? I'm not really insecure and embarrassed.

No, you're just high. No, I really wanted to stay locked in to that story, but I got lost. Round off. It was boring. I got lost and now I have guilt in my chest. No, she was being boring. It's like when you read your poetry and we're like,

was it too boring? I lost. Your grandma's probably an alcoholic and she's not getting the same thing out of you vaping weed. Like if she's like. He's angry again. Look at him, he's pissed. He's like 80 and drinking every night. She's fucking alcoholic.

No, she's not alcoholic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she's just getting a fix like how I do when I smoke weed. You're not an addict like me and your grandma are. Are you trying to fuck my grandma? Oh my God.

Yeah. Why are you like grouping yourself with her grandma? Wait, I have wait is that why you're dressed like you're from the 1920s there are a lot of single women in my family right now grandma and they're not jewish too doesn't he look like he's in the movie her doesn't he look like he's dressed like he's in the movie her well that's a good thing look it up what's this dr phil thing oh just that you here let me pull it up why is dr phil the most well-lit celebrity because he has an ipad in front honestly i've literally never this is something i would have expected whitney to ask him when we were on like this is wild look at him oh my god do you think he comes with like a ring light ipad he looks so good he looks beautiful he looks gorgeous

i've never seen a better p you need to light us better what the fuck honestly i don't look as gorgeous as dr phil that's good looking as him yes dr phil made our new friend famous bad baby oh that's right movie oh no don't bring that up how is she what is she like bad babies that makes more sense can i tell you this it's if this is a good story i swear i well we'll see if we what is this gonna end with me like yanking you by your pigtails so bad baby worked a day on the movie and i was really excited to meet her because i just love like famous girls that people that are famous for nothing yep and so i went up to her she was in the makeup chair and i'm like hi danielle people that are famous for nothing yep and so i went up to her

she was in the makeup chair and i'm like hi danielle because that's her real name i'm like i am esther i'm so excited to meet you thank you so much for doing this if she kylie jenner's you i'm gonna be so happy i mean kendall jenner just wait thank you so much like i am so happy you're here oh sorry do you have your headphones in no okay oh my she didn't look up from her phone no oh no she didn't acknowledge oh yeah she lives up to her name she iced me out and literally i'm like this is my movie and there's someone on the set who won't look at me like and then you had to do a scene with her it was probably your best scene ever you thrive i like her even more now i like her even more now esther thrives yeah esther thrives and i did and it really got me like high and amped up and obviously by the end of the night she warmed up to me and we were good and i want i

just want to say like i get it this girl is 19 she has been through a lot in the public eye and like if that's if she has to have her handlers speak to me for her that's okay i also just think but the sting it's a sting i don't think it's a sting esther it shouldn't be a sting because she lives up to exactly who she you know she is bad she's that we can't expect it would be great it would be boring if everyone was great how disappointing would it be if she was actually not that girl and if she was like hello esther really nice to meet you you'd be so disappointed no she would have loved it she'd been like if she came up was like do you want to do a tiktok

together but you try but that no but that is a good point and i actually like that it's like we instead of us all being fake characters and then professional, we should all just be slobs and be who we are. Well, I have to tell you like what I love so much about reality TV and when I keep meeting all of these, I've met another guy from the challenge. Which one? I met Turbo. It's like I met him.

I don't know him. Turbo's new. He won the survivor in another country. Let me see which one. Wait, can I also say while we were shooting the scene um bad baby spent 36 000 on clothes who did it remind you of and that we all realized that was more than the budget of the movie that day cost like she just spent to that i thought you were gonna say the budget of the movie i was like oh boy this is gonna be crazy this i met turbo he's from turkey the challenge turkey yeah he won the survivor turkey he's won a bunch of the

challenges he's like a superhero there but so he like an action star wait so you you also know all the famous i know every single person on the challenge i keep meeting them do you watch turkish reality no no he they they bring them all from other places but i i'm not above it i just you know i don't like to read so if there's subtitles i'm not going to be interested but he okay so i saw him we were at the grove and i was like todd do you want mama to buy you a cell phone um i was like what does baby want um i just love to spoil my bow i wouldn't be spoiled rotten like that. I know.

That must feel so nice. He likes it. He does like it. Well, he helps me with everything. It's like he's, I pretty much have like, he's like finished his Netflix show and I'm like, do not get another show. I will pay for your life. Does it give you, does it a dopamine rush for you to spend for something?

I have a daddy warbucks complex. I think I do too. I like to, I really do like to get people things and you know i like to send things anonymously too it's not always about the i just like to make people happy oh was that you the lump of coal at my doorstep today yes that was actually a piece of shit that i lit on fire i guess you didn't get it in time i have a bone to pick with you i still have a bone unfortunately i was hoping you would stomp it out with your shitty tiny little ballerina dead girl shoes.

A couple weeks ago. Your deceased child slippers. A couple weeks ago, you tweeted and you were trying to set me up with let me make sure that this is correct.

Oh, God. Adnan Syed. Oh, that's so funny. Don't you think that this famous podcaster or a famous... Of course she'd call him a famous podcaster that would be what she thought of this famous uh icon in the world of podcasting and which is our

business don't you think it only makes sense that in this multiverse or whatever you call it when odd non-sied is freed and kalilah is single at the same time it only makes sense it's almost like you're the gift that we give to him but the week before you tweeted that elon should put a baby in me so like where are we going are you just pawning me off to yes kalilah yes i am projecting all of like because i haven't been single in 10 years i'm like these are all the things that we that i i would want to do oh my god we would wrap you up you'd be wearing the shoes. We'd wrap you up in a little bonnet. And ship me off to Adnan.

Here's your little baby. Actually, I think it should be a threesome or foursome. Wait, me, Adnan. Who else? You? Me and Annie. No, you don't get to cast me in this. You cast me in this trash.

I'm so glad you were ignored and treated like shit. I hope everyone you cast treats you like trash because you know who would have treated you like a queen oh just kidding but it does that got weird you guys believed it but it does uh it does i do thrive in it i like to be rejected that's what people don't whenever anyone's like worried about you getting i'm like i like i don't think i go hard enough on you i think i'm starting to just do the hits and not and not only was it a rejection it was a humiliation because it was in front of all the people who in theory work for me all these people are there for my movie they work for me they had to watch me it's the most entertaining you can be to them too it's like for it's like it's like um when you throw a stone into the into a pond it's just kind of skips you

know it's like it's a story that just gives... They went back to their families and told them. Yes, but what scares me the most is that I felt like I liked it. I liked being humiliated. Here, I think you knew... She's Lucy King. Esther, you knew

that Bad Baby was going to be this way with you, and I think you asked for an audience. You made sure that people were around you you made the movie you want to be rejected in front of other people i had i didn't i will assure you i did not see this coming i did not see this coming you didn't see the kind or the candle either i think you're cocky that one i think the candle might have worked you needed you needed your fall guy i just say i needed you

but i can handle it reject me to my face in front of everyone i don't allow it there was a comedy club no there was a comedy club where when i wasn't past there this there was a woman that worked there and she wouldn't like make eye contact with me and i wouldn't allow her to not make eye contact she'd look down and i would squat under her face and make her make eye contact with me i was like let's act it out oh my god this is really gonna be a lot of crazy hi i'm here i'm a person hello now she likes me the underneath okay well what's this Dr. Phil thing? Wait, but what I was going to say before about the reality stars that I meet, it's like, they don't disappoint.

I don't need them to be anything other than what they've been on the show. You know, like, I don't expect, like, you know, they're all, like, sweeter than I know. But it's like, if one of them, like, was like, fuck you, get away from me. And that was their character on the show, I would be like into it. Just be what you are. You want an interactive experience. I just can't believe I keep meeting them. It's crazy.

I think you'd be crushed if someone like Lady Gaga fully rejected you. Well, I did meet her at a meet and greet in 2009, and it wasn't ideal. Actually, tell us everything. How long was the line how much were the tickets was it a book signing she invited you invited her to it was at the nokia theater in la it was right before her show she had there was a meet and greet and i guess you know she was early on enough in her career that i thought like maybe a spark would form but it so delusional in 2009 to think that 2009 lady gaga was huge already nokia had she already done demitrius no no esther's like i inspired that i told her that idea um she didn't well honestly

what hurt was the sunglasses stayed on and i really feel like the price of that ticket was including eye contact no no no honestly it reminded me that i've been giving you too much are those gucci's yeah those are so good duh guys come on these are old i've had these for like three months i've had 15 glasses since my by the way did i tell you my um the arm broke off of my louis vuittons and i and yoni tony's assistant who came to me it was i don't know his producer i don't want to say he's he's more than that he's something magical he went him and uh his assistant yoni's yoni has his own i'm telling you i told this to yoni i said when i get an assistant because i want to steal yoni from tony but it's like he's

attached it's not going to happen i love him so much esther you'll die when you meet him he's everything you're making me want to steal him i'm telling you he's it's like my whole goal in life is like how rich do i have to get to take this man how do you feel about this would how would you feel if esther guy named yoni no but i'm saying, how do you feel about this? How would you feel if Esther... Not a guy named Yoni. No, what I'm saying, how would you feel if slowly, little by little, you see Esther just start asking

another guy all of the things she normally asks you? Oh, like, and we, like, kind of, like, slowly drifted apart a little bit? A little bit. She's like, Carlos,

and you're like, Esther, let me do this for you. And she's like, no, thanks. No, Yoni would fix, like, Yoni would, like, if you were having, like, a problem in your relationship, Yoni would fix's like no thanks Yoni would fix like Yoni would like if you were having like a problem in your relationship Yoni would fix that too Yoni is like well you need certification

to do shit like that no Yoni I'm telling you Yoni transcends Yoni could like come from the ceiling down if you needed him to like he's everything I'm telling you he's everything Yoni you're everything he's everything I don't even know how to explain it and honestly he's got it's just it's everything beautiful people i just love them but i was telling him

i was like yoni when i get an assistant i'm sending them to yoni boot camp like i'm i will pay for them to go to austin to get trained by him and he can vet them he can be like i want to get yoni training no but you would be in the gutter immediately in the trash so you don't have what it takes i actually think you don't know no no no no esther no no you were meant to be a pillow princess you would know yoni in you there's not a drop of yoni in you not even an egg not even a yoni egg he's everything esther when they chopped your hair off for um season one of doll phase did you cry and cry and cry down that beautiful doll phase um what were you getting to what what did you take in order to get your full mane back look at this shit my hair is so

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This is something that I take every day. And I just love the fact that in, I don't know, like after a month, I started seeing results like all my baby hairs were now pre-adolescent pre-adolescent hairs and her baby hairs are starting to get pubes you can grow thicker healthier hair and support our show by going to neutraful.com and entering the promo code trash to save 15 off your first month subscription this is their best offer anywhere and it is only available to us customers for a limited time plus free shipping on every order get 15 off at neutrophil.com spelled n-u-t-r-a-f-o-l.com promo code trash

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dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at 15 bucks a month and all plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5g network that is such a steal to get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month go to mint mobile.com slash tuesday that's mint mobile.com slash tuesday cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month.

New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. I don't think it was mine. I'm at Skank Fest. Oh, so you're back to Skank Fest. You don't don't think it was mine i'm not i'm at skank fest oh so you're back to skank fest you you don't know how good it is if you're playing at home this is a time to take your shot skank fest annie well do you want me to talk about being molested or where's our bell

where is our bell actually i do want you to talk about being molested thank you for offering have i been molested are there any molestations that you've kept in the vault? I remembered one the other day. I couldn't believe it. Really? One popped up. Okay. I was 24.

I was living in maybe 23. I was living in Santa Fe, New Mexico. I was living at my friend Lizzie's house. I was living on her floor. You can't live on a floor. Yes, you can. Does that mean you crawled around like you never came up? No, no, no.

There was also like a bench that I could sleep on, but sometimes I'd roll off. So I slept on the floor. But my friend Lizzie, she would let me sleep in her bed too with her. But, you know, you had to give her a break if you come in too late. This guy who like we had been friends. Maybe it was like a little flirty but it was never like a real thing you know we were just drunk and somehow he came into the house with me and i was like you can't be here i'm like staying at my friend's house like i can't have like guys in here and he was like no no i'm just gonna sleep for a little bit and i remember him sticking his dick

in me and i was like said no over and over and over again and then i pushed him off me and he like went to sleep or whatever but i remember being like ew you tip raped me oh yeah but i had i had i had completely forgotten and i was like full nose the whole time like don't come in like total boundaries and i just was like so gross i wish you had crabs then you know were you guys on the floor yeah it's hold on one second so hold on you're you're sleeping on your side and he just slips it from the side or from yeah well we were he was like lying next to me and then he's so fucked up but it's okay it's like remember when dudes would like just beg you for just a tip when we were younger yeah but this is why i quit drinking i just ended up in so many of these situations can i tell you that this is what pisses me off so much is that there is a breed of men and i have learned this maybe the hard way that like they think that being alone with you means that you want to fuck

them whereas i feel like i have been so blessed with so many guy friends who i can have sleepovers with all this if i know i talk about this all the time no one has ever none of my good guy friends have ever tried that's so weird to even consider but i've learned it the hard way not everyone is like that and they think that that just means that they want that you want to fuck them and you're like what it was really it just was like it was just like a thing where it's like i just i just remembered it it's like not something i'm traumatized by it's not something but i remember in the moment being like you fucking asshole like you are fucking dead to me here's what else like there's no question in the situation it was like full no no fucking like giggling around about it it was like fuck you dude one thing totally like

when you said like oh this is why you don't drink because you end up in these situations i think i can speak to this not for myself but for the male friends that were around me um who were allegedly my friends platonic never caught a vibe always thought they respected me but they were always just a couple drinks away from being inappropriate with me so it was like by the end of the night there was always someone either professing their love for you there was someone forcing the fucking trying to kiss your neck and that i really hated it's that i hate my these don't fucking touch me my fucking birthday was a kegger at my house thanks mom and dad um it was a kegger at my house that's so sweet they

like to have a kegger isn't that cute parents, everything they've done, I realize in retrospect, was just out of pure love for me. I am like so good. I just love these people. That's so sweet. But I mean, if you had asked me like two years ago, they'd fucking let me have a keg. But so I had this group of guy friends. And this is after that stuff happened with my teacher. I was like 16 when that happened.

And then so I was turning 17. So this was like, you know, a couple months later. They were my friends when we were at court. They were like threatening to go kick the teacher's ass and stuff for me which so i like i had this like group of guy friends the night of my 17th birthday every fucking single one of them made a pass at me every single one of them every room i went to in my house was another one of them just rubbing a side pipe i was like are you kidding me and it's okay it felt like a but i just stopped being friends with them i just realized that we're not friends i don't i appreciate they were very helpful to me in the time when i needed them and i and it wasn't like mean but it was just like it was disappointing but when this happens with

my male friends they're not even saying oh kalilah like let me hit on her i'm just a female object like i think i they don't even know it's me but they just when they just get real sloppy that's where it just gets so fucking no thank you god i have i wonder if they had a bet too i was like did you guys have like birthday like who's gonna get her they're all just like waiting for one of them to none i've never i've never i've never accidentally fucked a friend my um boyfriend in college said that when i first came in as a freshman that him and three guys were like may the best man win really wait what did that make you feel terrible or good it just was funny because he was the only one that i would dare have hooked up with like the other ones were just like nothing like they were just like not even had did not have a chance i do something disgusting

with dudes i like this is a confessional right no one else is listening to this yeah it's just if i really like a dude i'm gonna absolutely try to hook him up with one of my hottest friends and um i see if they do it or not and if they don't then I'm like certain I want to like hook up with them I've done this I've offered a dude like six of my friends like hey like six of my friends want to fuck you and he was like no thanks it's you're negging the guy

I think I am because you're like it's a subconscious way of saying well I'm not into you you want her you want her but that's still not adult that's bold that's childish everything I'm saying is child everything we do is embarrassing i think how old do you think you are in this when you do this michelle chalfant has the adult chair she has the child chair the adult or wait the oh what is it it's the baby chair the child please clip that child chair can carlos just look it up for fuck's sake michelle chalfant it's the child chair the

something the adult chair the adolescent chair the child chair the adolescent chair and the adult chair which chair are you in are you in the child chair the adolescent chair or the adult oh i in one given day like right now when i'm doing it when i'm doing that oh adolescence for sure or pre like tweenie yeah tweenie but um somebody brought this up to me he was like you know why trash tuesday works because in every entertaining setting there was always a baby an animal and a machine oh my god which one am i but you can be on it here i think you're animal machine. You're all of them and we're just here. No, we can, everyone's all three of them.

So I think we need to designate animal, baby, and a machine. I guess you're the machine and she's the animal and I'm the baby. I resonate with animal. Yeah, that's it. I think that's how he had it in his head too. It's like, that's why it's a perfect combo. It is weird. We are perfect.

It's so cute. Cause we're very different from each other. Yeah. Like you and I are so different, but then we have the, the like one sickness of a similarity of like anxious attachment or whatever else it is. Like we, somehow it's sewn us together. Yes. But like, were you, I think a lot about like what the

fuck is my problem what's wrong with me and it's like oh i i want why do i want and need so much attention like is it because my parents like nobody really interacted with me is that did you also have that like were you alone in your room a lot or like i wasn't alone but i did feel very ignored a lot like i felt very like there was just like a lot of chaos going on and and then the attention i got was always negative did your mother prefer your brothers yeah for sure i mean and not like in a rude way but she just was like into sports and stuff well i would also have to guess pick me people always say that boys are harder and i'm assuming no they're easier they always say boys are easier i think later on in life they're a little bit easier as babies though they're yeah you're right they're a little they're so i'm assuming no they're easier they always say boys are easier i think later on in

life they're a little bit easier as babies though they're yeah you're right they're a little so i'm wondering if like it was just the boys were more like no i was killing themselves no i was crazy i was the one that was wild huh i always like needed something i was like lactose intolerant so i was like i had like even as a baby yeah and they didn't like lactose intolerance wasn't like a thing that doctors thought about last that back then no that's what this is what no it was the 80s carlos um the decade after um i didn't know babies could be lactose intolerant so you're i was like constipated i was constipated all the time i had like babies these problems. Babies can be allergic to the mother's milk.

Really? Yeah, depending on what she's ingesting, especially if she's still breastfeeding. But you're not matching with the mom then. Annie should have been. I didn't breastfeed. Annie's not matching with the mom. You didn't breastfeed at all?

My brother did. I didn't. Oh, you wouldn't latch? Yeah. I'll teach you. The opposite of someone else wouldn't de-latch. That's very true i literally remember it that is so funny how how she was like the time magazine cover how long

did your mom breastfeed you yesterday and a half were you wearing those shoes when you're breastfeeding three and a half she's wearing her breastfeeding shoes wow that's incredible go Go mommy. Yeah, it's weird. Do you remember? Do you have memories? Wow. Do you miss it? Healthline says two years should be around the max. Did you sleep in bed with your parents? Yes. Co-sleep.

Isn't it funny that you felt ignored, but you kind of were getting a lot of attention? I think I- It's both. It's both. Yeah. It's both. I know what you mean, because I got a lot of attention too, but I felt like really kind of misunderstood.

Well, because I was thinking the other day other day like I must have been needing more because I would do a thing where I would get all my stuffed animals and like make everyone watch me throw them down the stairs. Like that was like the first like performance art I did. So cute. And I'm like why did I need why did I feel the need to do that? It's your fault, mom and dad. I would do this thing with my Barbies the day after I got them. Uh-oh. I would ask for the... Anything, huh? Oh, fuck.

I'm scared. I shoved up eight at a time. I would do this thing where I would ask for the... You remember the Barbies with the hair all the way down to the feet? Yeah. There were very specific one that came out for like a couple of years.

I would ask for those just so that I could show my mom that I was cutting their hair the next day. I would cut their hair. I remember Lisa went from hair down to her ankles to like a bowl cut, a bowl cut. And then I would like draw, like take a red Sharpie and put blood all over her pussy.

Was that performance art? Yes. That's like- That's very Maria Abramo. It's not performance art, it's art. Yeah. It's like you, that Barbie was art. Is that art, Nick?

Art the clown. Have you guys seen Terrifier 2? Shut up. Art the clown, it's very art the clown. Is that art? He's an artist. Like- Sure. You up. Art the Clown is very Art the Clown. Is that art? He's an artist. Sure. You could, by the way, fuckheads,

we all could make shit like that and have an art exhibit. Of bloody pussy Barbies. Whatever, no, no, whatever your current version is. We should all, we should have an art. Oh yes, we should also have merch. We should also have a fucking live show. Oh gosh. Oh, we do one date together. We should also have merch. We should also have a fucking live show. Oh, gosh. Oh, we do one date together. We could also do that.

Is Vegas happening or not? I'm going there for New Year's. I've been to Vegas 15 times since you guys. Vegas and New Year's is a nightmare. I'll never do it again. It's a nightmare or heaven. What's the other side of a nightmare? Heaven.

That's not a nightmare. I don't think so. A dream. A dream. Yeah. A dream. A fantasy. what's the other side of a nightmare heaven that's not i don't think so a dream yeah a dream a fantasy oh my god annie don't go down this road you want to try and do this what is the opposite of nightmare heaven it is it's happening that's hell and heaven are opposite yeah i don't believe in hell. I'm sorry. Do Jews believe in hell? No, we don't have hell in Jewish town.

In Jewish town. Jewishville. What do you know? You just drop by every once in a while for the cookies. Carlos. For the gelt. She comes in for a little gelt, doesn't she? I love those. And then she passes on through Jewishville, doesn't she?

I actually don't like gelt cause I don't like plain chocolate. Oh no. It's gold. It's just when you grow up with Reese's peanut butter cups and then someone gives you gelt, you're like, bitch, what? You should feel guilty about that. I should feel guilty.

Ew, don't spread it that was how i if i say a joke that's not that funny i go like this after i wonder why bad baby didn't want to talk to you oh my god i wish i could what the fuck did dr phil say yeah carlos what the fuck did Dr. Phil say? Yeah, Carlos, what the fuck? He's talking about colleges now and how professors are being fired a bunch by Gen Z. Oh my God. Most well, is he God in heaven? Look at this man. He started seeing in the university. Oh my God, is he okay?

You start seeing kids that are complaining. He's Biden-ing. Something the professor said hurt their feelings. It upset them. So they start going to the dean. They start going to the department head and saying, that professor said things that upset me. Oh my God, the drink break?

And he took one sentence. that upset me. Oh my God, the drink break? And he took one sentence. Professors disciplined, suspended, or dismissed in the last 10 or 15 years than we've had since McCarthyism because kids are going in there and saying, that hurt my feelings. Yeah.

He offended me. Really, what's an example? Because- I'll give you an example because i'll give you an example i'll give you i believe it i also don't give a shit what you want kids fly wild children i'll say this it's your world now get everyone fired dr phil is just so unreliable to me he's not the authority in anything but um i listened to this podcast on Hidden Brain and there is a woman. She was a professor and also a psychologist. But she talks about the resilience of Gen Z or the lack of resilience of Gen Z.

Like not being afraid of even feeling anxious or having a feeling is like a negative thing. Anyway, she uses this example of how at the university she was working at, one of the professors got fired for sexual misconduct and they put out this article talking about said professor about a sexual misconduct and the amount of complaints that were filed about students saying you should have given us a trigger warning before announcing the firing of this man for sexual conduct misconduct so that i actually it's sexual they contact it's almost like it's don't gender my conduct but did i think that's that's an example of what he's saying esther misconduct was a beautiful young girl. She had beautiful little dead girl slippers on. Little misconduct.

Honestly, the kids are going crazy. It's hilarious. Let's see what happens. Are you? I just need to cut to the chase. Are you for what he's saying? I'm against Dr. Phil in general, but I think that he is talking about something that is truly

happening which is a lot of the gen z kids are afraid of feelings well the problem then is not on the kids it's the fucking people in charge firing people they like their protocol needs to be good let's get you in charge huh they need me in there dr they need to get her bad baby up there in the in those schools come and tame me no honestly like i see what you're saying but but i think everyone's so afraid of getting fired that i'm not phil uh phil pete what's your name dr pete she's morphing everything okay you talk are you in a place between heaven and nightmares i'm in a place between your legs shit up i have a question wait what are poppers oh i think um that is popular popular for anal sex what is it

it's like you pop them and it's like a whip it sort of right what is that it's the best thing in the world we need whipped cream we'll get whipped cream for the fucking live show someone answer me oh that poppers poppers yeah what are they poppers are a type of inhalant that contain amyl nitrite and butyl nitrite these products cause blood vessel dilation i love a blood vessel dilation something you get high you yes it's a quick high and then it makes your butt relax so your butt isn't yeah like keeling a gay guy gave it to me once oh my god the stories are really unfolding well i'm telling you the truth he gave poppers. He was trying to take advantage of me, but I just got high and bolted.

Really? Yeah, I just wanted to know. Is bolting when his penis fits perfectly in your ass? The amount of gay experiences you've escaped is getting so good. Carlos, I have a question. Would you be open to having sex with a man? No. At all? No. He's already had his be open to having sex with a man? No. At all?

No. He's already had his asshole open to it. And he escaped. What I remember is that you and Kalilah saw my asshole like six months ago. Yeah, we did. Jog my memory. What? Jog my memory.

Wait, didn't y'all put something on my butt? What did we put on your butt? Oh, the tape. Butt tape. I actually did take a hard look. That was for the live. Wasn't on the live? I don't know I'm just so glad I didn't see

you know what is crazy is that I read reviews for everything I do everything I buy everything I consume whether it's going to a restaurant things I'm buying online I'm always searching for reviews

that's the most important thing it is insane to think nowadays of going to a doctor without reading a review first. You do not know what you're about to get when you walk into the doctor's office and you put in so much time and energy to get there that it better be good. That is why ZocDoc is something I will not live without. And also it is such a deterrent to even see the doctor. Now that's passion. I need to go to a doctor after that. I have PTSD. She was so heightened.

Well, like imagine like needing to go to the doctor, but then sort of just like, just the burden of having to find one that you feel like you can trust. I mean, I was so lucky before ZocTalk. I had you and your doctor and it was in my thing what it's true it's true we share the same doctor but it's like oh I thought you said you're a doctor no 50 things had to happen for me to get to this freaking doctor but you know what I mean it's like this is

that it's that it's like having a friend that has a doctor in your in your what is it called in your network yeah and also it's like you don't need to rely on word of mouth anymore. You can just go to this app and there are patient reviews that you can sift through and see if it's the right fit for you. I've had just like the rudest doctors. I would have loved to have skipped them. It's like, oh, and now I got to deal with just like the anxiety of you being mad at me. And on ZocDoc, you can find every specialist under the sun,

whether you're trying to straighten your teeth, fix an achy back, get that mold checked out or anything else. ZocDoc has you covered every specialist under the sun whether you're trying to straighten your teeth fix an achy back get that mold checked out or anything else ZocDoc has you covered I want to get this mold checked out thank you it has a tongue go to ZocDoc.com slash trash and download the ZocDoc app for free then start your search for a top rated doctor today many are available within 24 hours that's zocdoc.com slash trash zocdoc.com slash trash it's free you gotta do it after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch so when i heard that for a limited time all mint mobile wireless plans are 15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan i thought where's the catch but after talking to them it all made sense there isn't one mint mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online they don't have

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go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Are you into S&M? Have you tried S&M stuff? I haven't tried that, but I don't think I have. How far have you? You don't want it to be like planned. Do there to be fear yeah i feel like fears you're not like an arnie hammer this is what's going on i'll take you there he's a rich guy he's army hammering esther why are you laughing at that

because i feel like i don't, I have now gotten to the place where I am in the audience's seat and I don't know what's real and what's not. No, that's all real. No, I know, I know, I know. I don't know where the gay guys went, but they were there. Where did the gay guys go, Carlos? There was a gay guy there.

We can't be that name. You can Google him. He had a DUI in Dallas. Why would you name the guy? We cannot. And why is his name? Because he does a lot of coke. You know you can't. You're destined to be gay if you're in last name.

You say around me one more time. I need a Dairy Queen. That is so rude. Are you hot treats? are you hot eats or cold treat when you got in that position esther are you hot eats or cold treats you have to pick one now only cold treats from dairy queen are you cold or hot sandwich hot cold for sure except i like a tuna sandwich would you toast at subway Subway? Quiznos is the best toast thing. A 100% I'd toast.

I would not not toast. Ugh, you're trash. Subway is such garbage. Subway's amazing. Subway sucks and it's always like $47. I'm like, why was this? Quiznos was much better. I never had Quiznos.

Togo was much better. Quiznos, don't bring up my dead finger, Quiznos boy. That's the sandwich Annie was eating when she met the guy. No had the sandwich he split it with me it was very generous and then he split town one solid topic this is the no no to end to wrap yeah i think that's all you know what tom brady is officially divorced and we're talking about getting you with someone besides adnan i could see you with Tom Brady. He's really skinny. But what do we think? I have good experience with athletes for sure.

Okay, by the way, I'm sorry, but the most definition of projecting just happened on this show. Carlos trying to set Kalilah up with Tom Brady and then talking about how good his body is right now. Like, I'm sorry, but that was like it's on it's unfolding just let it unfold wait do you do you want to fuck tom brady no i was like i'm all all about no he only wants to fuck college football players wait carlos are you loving him right now because he's on a divorce diet and he looks extremely skeletal yes i love anyone that's like skelly's

and not eating and if that's tom brady then we're great now okay wait here what do we think happened can we are we allowed to like gossip our ideas what we think happened of course now do you think he cheated on her or do you think of course he did not well i mean i'm sure that's i think that it was like a lot of people are i feel like i'm sensing a lot of breakups post-covid oh my god we got give her her fucking cards i think this was one of the media masters here guys she's sensing things all right call on your um spirit guides tell us everything i think it was a mutual and like they were just both like let's be done no fucking way she's doing shady shit online like she's commenting on like there was

a thing i saw that was like something like you can't um you can't have a life with someone that's like inconsistent with you and she'd be like amen underneath it and stuff like really so i think okay what i the the pc like obvious thing i think it is is that he probably agreed to retire and be with the family and then he went back he was like fuck it i'm here for ball ball is life you know and then she was like fuck you i'm out it's too inconsistent well that's that's what a lot of people think yeah i've like that's such a hard situation because i do feel like i want to support him and his calling of wanting to like play and he's breaking all these records by being the oldest player like i actually feel for him in that moment because if you're going to be the

oldest teenager as the oldest teenager there are a lot of promises made along the way and those none of them were fulfilled i think that he held sen now carlos you sound like a medium too you both are kind of like channeling your truth how old is he 40 something anyways can we put crystal balls in front of each of us for me so he's like she didn't expect him to play for the past six years probably i'll say this getting injured beyond that it's like when you are an athlete of that level like your lifestyle is fucked up it's like that intensity

that requires you to be oh my god I don't like it oh my god I like it he's 45 but at 45 to look like that

yeah he looks that's hard that's cool he's starting to look a little bit like you know what 45 year olds look like yes I do like you Carlos even though you're way younger than that That's cool. He's starting to look a little bit like... You know what 45-year-olds look like?

Yes, I do. Like you, Carlos, even though you're way younger than that. Dave is 44. Dave's only 44. Wait, you guys, I have something sad I want to talk about. Okay, let's go. Okay. Sad girls.

First of all... I do. I do want to because I want to pay tribute to this person. So Michael Le lear do you know him he has als no he's a comic he does kill tony a lot he's really a joke against me it's not a joke but you do you are like the most als without als to be on the earth but he has like decided to like die by assisted suicide and he like has been wavering back and forth he was going to do it on halloween and then he decided not to. And then, no, that's what I wrote on his thing.

I went, ooh, spooky. What are you going as? But he's really like so funny and so sweet. And he's like just been going through it. And so if his plan stays, he's been switching back and forth. But if his plan stays, he'll have like passed away. But I just want to shout him out because I love him he's such an angel what um suicide like whatever you want to do baby he's in pain he's like he but the thing that's like upsetting to me is the thing that

he wrote about today this is a this is we pre-recorded this so but he wrote something where it was like um it would cost me 200 $500,000 just to keep me alive a year it's like money shouldn't have to factor into people's decision to live it's like so frustrating but he's so funny and yeah I wish I was wearing

his merch or something I have his merch buy his merch I'm sure the money will go to his kid or something but he has a kid? yeah he's a son but he's got an older son but it like but it's he just is like so funny he dm'd me i showed todd because he was like he's like if i wasn't in this chair would you have been my girl i was like totally dude you're so hot and um but he really is like such a hot funny guy and it was like you know but it was like nice to i i mean maybe he like changed his mind again to die he's asking girls if you i love it i only know what he did but i he like changed his mind again. He's asking girls if I love it.

I only know what he did. I'm sure he's hitting everyone up. That's so funny. He should. Does he know I'm single? Everyone knows you're single. Biden knows you're single. Come on over, Biden.

That's the only thing he knows. There's one thing he knows for sure. Republican Annie. Oh, that's a Republican. thing he knows for sure republican annie oh that's a republican well you what you just said was that how it sucks that he has to talk about money when it comes to his health care so i just want to say in a political statement that we should have universal health care and that republicans are bad make us make us clip of that bitches vote jewish oh jew oh my god can you imagine if it was bernie just the elderly lds men just old

men just crumpled up up there that is what it is everyone's so so old. I know. Wasn't Beto supposed to be good? Who? Beto. What's his name? She just combined Bet-Bezos and Beto O'Rourke. Beto, Beto, Beto. Beto. No, it's not Beto.

I swear it's Beto. There's no, I won't vote for that. Is it Beto or not? I will not vote for a Whitey with that pronunciation in his last name. Beto. I'm not doing that. I'm not rolling my R's with no r in it you're not rolling i'm not rolling my b

oh my god does hawaii vote yes is it is it over is it over but anyway shout out to wherever whatever michael lair just chooses i love him I want to say this. I watch a documentary on assisted suicide. And what I find the most interesting is choosing the time. And from what I saw on the documentary, it's like usually it's after a bout of extreme pain, extreme discomfort. And then they go through a period of like maybe three four days of feeling good again so imagine how that decision how all of that is factored in well that's why it's like whatever he like just decides it's like i support him because he might change his mind again right and also it's like i me if i was gonna go i would

take into consideration how my son remembers this I don't want it to be around his birthday like I would factor so many things into when I'm departing I hope it's like a time that is like six months from his birthday so he doesn't associate like weird shit like that and what about his half birthday oh Esther half birthday

oh my god did Jewish people get half birthdays no I'm just kidding no they get a half dollar for their teeth i never got a full one did they um how there's this woman on the internet that says being busy and making that your whole identity means you don't have control of your life explain how do we do we agree with that people who like you know how they make one thing their entire identity and um she's basically saying that people who are always like i'm just so busy i'm overworked like workaholics um they have almost like little to

no control of their life i agree with that because you're being a victim of your circumstances and you're letting your circumstances be because like we all have enough time to do everything we need to do. It's like. Yeah. I see it more from like you are trying to distract from everything else by throwing yourself into your work or always just constantly moving. Like you don't have enough trust in sitting down and doing nothing because you don't trust where you like how you're feeling when you're sitting down doing nothing you don't trust yeah so um i thought that was interesting

um esther have you ever been busy i as a busy body how do you feel about this i have lots of thoughts so one i've always thought when people say they're busy it's just mean that they didn't want to hang out with me. So I haven't really given this kind of thought. But now that you're- Kendall was really busy. Kendall was really busy. Was that busy? It was busy.

That's like when a guy's not attracted to you and you're like, they're gay. That's what you're doing with Carlos? Of course. Oh. I think he's both, honestly. Both attracted to me and gay. My mom and my sister literally can't sit still. Like, especially my mom.

Like, if my parents, like, were going to sit down and watch a show, you get, like, 30 seconds before she's up fixing things. And I wonder if there's some sort of mental disorder behind it. Does your mom, like, the minute she comes to your house just clean everything yeah but it is more so at her house it's like there is no sitting still and she cannot understand the concept of if something needs to get done doing it later like there's no doing it later i admire that It's always done right now. And we like don't speak the same language because we're so different in that regard. I don't know.

I wonder what that means. But you never even had a chance to do things right away because your mom would just have done it. Yeah. Not that you want to do. Let's be real. But I will say that since I have been doing more stuff around the house lately, just like, you know, folding laundry, doing the dishes and stuff like you do get like a dopamine fix from doing it. And it does get a little addicting. So but you have to like do it like I will go so long without finishing a task like I

will just ADD. I will like find a thing on YouTube about like organizing my room and I will get step two to step two and there are 10 steps okay and what will happen is step two will just be everything I own in bags that never get cleared and so what I do is I take too much of the dopamine hit from just like being proud of myself for getting to step two that I never get to step 10 but if you do like trick yourself into that feeling of the accomplishment you can like chase that for a while. But goddamn. I imagine you're that person who goes in with the idea that I'm going to clean out my entire

closet and then you find one luchador mask and then it just completely derails. I'm like, grab the green screen, babe. We got some promos to shoot. Exactly. Oh, I got to fucking promote cancun wait what happened who did that who did that who took mexico away from kyle thought kyle thought he had an answer to that kyle our old host oh yeah kyle last week what happened to kyle he had to go he had too many inflammatory things to say about male comedians yeah i heard he used to use some words he had some choice words i hooked up with him and that's why he left and he sued me you guys thank you so much for joining us for after dark we are just so ready to rock and roll baby it's gonna be incredibly wild there

will be dental dams got the live stream literally this week we have a lot in store and it's we're also going to be reading the comments while you guys we're going to be interacting with you we're going to make out with dental dams right maybe more okay maybe more yeah it's this thursday november 17th at what time does it start pete 7 p.m 7 p.m baby that's get your tickets at moment.co slash trash tuesday guys. Come hang out with us.