Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - We Cry From Smelling Salts & Esther's Plan B

Episode Date: March 22, 2022

Tickets to Trash Tuesday Livestream! https://www.momenthouse.com/trashtuesday Thank you to our Sponsors:   Nutrafol - Go to https://nutrafol.com and enter promo code TRASH to save $15 off your fi...rst month’s subscription + free shipping   Ettitude - Get 20% off your order, plus free shipping, when you visit https://www.ettitude.com/tuesday and enter promo code TUESDAY  Living Proof - Go to https://livingproof.com/tuesday and use code TUESDAY to get ten percent off your first purchase  Dipsea - Get 30 days of full access for free when you go to https://dipseastories.com/tuesday Trash Tuesday Merch: http://slugfam.com  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Subscribe to our YouTube: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Official Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/trashtuesdayclips Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491  Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Andres Rosende --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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Starting point is 00:01:29 it's coming it's go i'm gonna come so hard please don't say that please esther can't handle it she's gonna slish and slash off that seat we're talking about our live stream show which is wednesday march 30th at 6 p.m pac Pacific. And we want you to get your tickets at momenthouse.com slash trash Tuesday. It's going to be such a mistake. Yeah, it's really wild. But you know, but so many of you guys have already signed up for tickets. Like, I know. Do not miss this. What can we expect? A career low. Ultimately, a career low. A career high for me because I feel like my career is watching your lows. And a big old come for me. We have plans.
Starting point is 00:02:08 The things that I've heard that we're doing are making me so uncomfortable that I just can't help but grin and just we'll get through it. We'll get our bell for her. We'll see you guys there. Get tickets at momenthouse.com slash trash Tuesday and clear your schedule for Wednesday, March 30th. You're not going to, you're not going to want to miss it. 6pm PST. See you guys there. You guys, if you haven't heard about anchor, it's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. It's free. Shocking
Starting point is 00:02:38 that Esther, that's what you were about to say, right? Yes, it's free. It's always number one on our list. It's free. Everyone wants to freaking freaking start a podcast this is the easiest way we're about to tell you there's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer and and and they will distribute your podcast for you so it it can be heard from spotify apple podcasts and all of the platforms basically also you can make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership. It's the best. I mean, imagine that.
Starting point is 00:03:09 That's like the lowest, that's low pressure. Everything you need. With Anchor. Everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Just download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. Hi slugs. Welcome to another episode of, ow, thaturt. My nose is still burning from what
Starting point is 00:03:29 happened earlier. Guys, some sniffing happened. I don't feel good. And it was wild. There was running, screaming. This is a good episode. But FYI, Annie and I are stand-up comedians, and we are on the road, and we are so excited. We can't wait to meet you guys. We're going to tell you where we're going to be. I'm going to be in Philadelphia April 1st and 2nd. April 6th, I'll be in San Diego. Then I'm going to Austin, Texas, Brooklyn, Washington, D.C., Minnesota, Chicago, and I even added a date in Los Angeles. Get tickets at EstherOnIce.com.
Starting point is 00:03:59 Annie, where are you headed? I am going to San Francisco in April. I'm going to Syracuse, New York in April. I'm going to back to Florida. I'm also having a show in Burbank soon. I'm going to be in Austin, Texas. I'm going to be at a really fun casino in California. I'm going to be in Tempe, Arizona and many more.
Starting point is 00:04:17 Go to Annie Letterman dot com slash shows. It's been so crazy. I have just started signing ball sacks, too. It's so fun. I'm a scrotum signer. You never know what's going to happen. It's been absolutely wild. I woke up this morning. I opened the door to my apartment. Okay, I see in the stairwell, I see a dirty blanket and pillow and like a sack like, like, it's like a human shit pile. And I thought, where's Esther? Did Esther sleep on my stoop?
Starting point is 00:04:56 That is so Esther vibes, like a dirty blanket and pillow. If you see that, you know, I'm not far. Usually Todd kicking it down the stairs with his yeezys and they're just like turds rolling out i'm like did you guys grow up with a binky no is this gonna turn into dick sucking how far i didn't have i actually did i don't think i did i mean i assume as a baby i had a binky i also had my twin brothers you know but it's only a binky if you keep it around for years right i had a blankie yeah wait know. But it's only a binky if you keep it around for years, right? I had a blankie. Yeah, a blanket. Wait, a blankie then.
Starting point is 00:05:27 That's a binky. Oh, a binky I think is the sucker. Oh, fuck. Yeah. I'm not from here. I always thought a binky was something like a cloth material you kept until adulthood. I had a blankie. That's a blankie.
Starting point is 00:05:39 Do you have a blankie? You're like teaching her English. That was cute. That is blankie. Do you guys have blankies? Mine has disappeared through life, but I had it for a long time. Same. I know where mine disappeared.
Starting point is 00:05:50 When I was at the hospital for a surgery, my family got lost there. And it's a sore subject. There's like a nurse you hate. I know there's like a person's face you're thinking of. No, it's my parents' fault. I blame them. Actually, no, I should take responsibility. When I was of no it's my parents fault i blame them actually no i should take responsibility when i was 11 it was my fault um but my best friend from college lena who is
Starting point is 00:06:12 my age 34 33 whatever she still has her blankie i like that i know it's like a form of comfort i i think it's like something maybe you could like give to your kids or something but it's mine was like mine was a sleeping bag that we got at toys r us that was like it was carebears but it was very soft like i had worn it into softness well that's why they're yeah like they're amazing is because you wear them down it's just like a vintage softest blanket in the world it was a it was a rag though by the end it was not not. Wait, this is inspiring me. I want to get a shirt and I want to wear it every day and like cuddle it when I sleep and then turn it into a blankie shirt. Oh boy, just the pheromones.
Starting point is 00:06:53 The smells. The stench of it all. I remember my dad. I almost want to call him and confront him actually. Let me call my dad and ask him about my blankie. What he almost did to my blankie. Esther. Thank you much that was so quick how did you do that esther for you to get it that soft fast you're gonna have to have annie and i wear it to sweat in it yes i think our sweat um speeds up the the thinning and softening process you guys we
Starting point is 00:07:19 have to have the color bright it looks so good look at the color it looks hi dad i'm on my podcast say hi to scotty hi scotty squatty body scotty he's all legs um he's nervous okay they just asked if we had a blankie when we were little and i just had a memory of do you remember what you almost did to my fucking blankie almost made it into a teddy bear he almost took my blankie when i was sleeping and made it into a teddy bear i would have been what after you were grown after you were like 12 dad 12 is not grown that's when he's like i sent you off into the streets when you were on your own at 13 that's amazing you were grown i just want to report one thing can i say one thing yeah no yes i noticed you carried blankie with you blankie's gone dad oh you're trying to out me like i still have blankie these bitches still have theirs this is a regression podcast wait
Starting point is 00:08:18 while we have your dad yes do you have any questions mr letterman what is i'm just curious like what do you think of of annie i think she is a an amazing human being she is continuing to grow in in love and comedy and i'm proud of her oh as proud as any dad could be of his daughter absolutely i love you daddy thank you for the slight verbal abuse as a child that turned me this way yes we all need that i have no resentments anymore i just love my parents it's so cool i was thinking that the other day with my mom i was like i'm not even mad at this bitch anymore i used to always be like a little like fucking bitch but i like let her read me some of her books she wrote and i want to tell you the big one is it's not about me she wrote a book that did not have me in it at all how'd that feel that is a problem well she's still editing no no no no if my name
Starting point is 00:09:12 gets in it she gets a slap slap slap no she'll be struck in the 1850s it is from the 1850s so you're in it dad well i i was a younger man what year is your dad born yeah what year were you born done 1941 don't pause like that that scares 80 i thought it was just 80 pages of notes about what a psycho you are 800 pages for me oh all right i have to go but is that mom yeah just have mom say hi because we have to get on with it hi mom mom esther wants to ask you a question about me i think i've already asked your mom this but ask her again m. Mrs. Letterman? Esther wants to ask you a question. You're on the podcast. I'm just curious.
Starting point is 00:10:07 What's your current opinion of Annie? She has a great life. That is judgmental. That's very 3D. And great friends. And a great podcast. Don't know. She's lying.
Starting point is 00:10:25 My mom said to me not too long ago, she goes, I think podcasts are so boring. And I go, I didn't know you listened to podcasts. What podcast do you listen to? She goes, just yours. I'm like, that's weird. It's the only podcast that talks shit on you. I wish my parents thought this was boring. I'm jealous of you.
Starting point is 00:10:40 Her parents watch every episode. Anyway, I love you, mom. Love you. Bye, mama. Bye, dad. Bye-bye. I'll look for Blankie. Yeah, go find me a new Blankie. Love you. you parents watch every episode anyway i love you mom love you bye mama bye dad bye bye love you yeah go find me a new blankie love you we need to do the old i covered my own face the entire time we need to do the old men of trash tuesday and do my dad your dad and your stepdad what do you mean or just carlos they should be i was like what do you mean my dad's ashes just sitting here oh that's
Starting point is 00:11:04 actually so funny and sad, but funny. You're so funny. We make it animate. We animate them out to say stuff. Swim, bitch, swim. Annie, is that a Louis Vuitton bag? It is. I was waiting for you to notice.
Starting point is 00:11:18 Where did you get that? Tell us everything. Can I see it? I was at the mall and I made a decision once. I said, if I go into the store i gotta leave with something now i'll tell you what i did to make it okay give it to me now well please describe this whole outfit give us the wait also this is a chic as fuck cool louis vuitton no i'm gonna bring yeah carlos's mom has it yeah then you know it's really nice says everything like honestly
Starting point is 00:11:42 everything todd likes is ruined because Carlos always has it. You guys have to teach me. Yeah, you'll be like, God damn it, Carlos. He's like, I can't get them. Carlos's family is a spoiler of the exciting things because they're so rich. They get other things first. The only two things in Annie's purse
Starting point is 00:11:58 are Kylie Lip Kits and a passport. What's going on? I'm out of here, bitches. I'm taking us to bali no we're going on vacation i just like bring suitcases can you guys teach me about purses i have no clue i've never bought a single like name brand purse in my life i'm the same way but i will say something holding this like the woman in me is coming out like i love it looks great on you too it really does it's such a little cute baby i
Starting point is 00:12:26 wasn't so i went in and then so what i was thinking was i wanted to like really be flashy for this party so i went to the wait what party okay so i went to the independent spirit awards after party was not invited just like i'm getting in oh that's because you okay i wasn't well i was invited by bonnie okay bonnie mcfarland was the head writer of the independent spirit awards however you're the only one that cares. No one else cares. People are like, writers? What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:12:48 Like, nobody cares. Bonnie came in like a backpack. It was the funniest thing. That's so badass. So, Bonnie, there's so many pretty ones. Look. They're getting cute again. I don't like the brown, like, regular ones. The cheapest one is $3,400.
Starting point is 00:12:59 Annie, how much was that? This was not. This was like $17. Oh, okay. This was, I felt like I was paying my old rent. And I'm going to give it, the way I decided to get it was, I know that Todd's mom will really want it, so I'll give it to her in like a couple months.
Starting point is 00:13:11 I'll test drive it for her. Yeah, so I wanted to go to this awards ceremony, and we were at the mall. And I just like, I always know I'm going to find the outfit I want. And I found this was like, this was not that expensive, but I found this at Nordstrom's. My stockings are showing. I'm wearing green shorts because I thought maybe you could green screen
Starting point is 00:13:27 something cool coming out of my badge. She's never not thinking. There's always something. But then, yeah, so I just got this outfit. And Bonnie was like, yeah, come, just say that you guys are writers. And I was like, say we're writers to the movie star place. So Todd and I show up and it's like you know it's full confidence to get into something you're not invited to so we're like
Starting point is 00:13:49 full confidence todd's wearing jeans i'm like todd you do it todd looked like a pilot on his day off he had like a nice jacket with like fur but it was like he looked like he was like pilot on the day off is kind of a look i did get wet just saying that honestly i got really horny there's gonna be a little sticky spot on the chair. Why is that so hot? Like, there's something there. I've definitely tried to fuck pilots before. Like, I've been at the, I've been, I've left feelers, like, at the.
Starting point is 00:14:13 They've never been on my radar. They're never hot. I feel like you always. You have to be in first class. You're closer to them. Here's what I think about men in uniform. It's like you can't fall in love with them while they're in uniform because you have no idea or you can't like suss out their style in real life like what if they fixed i know but what if they show up to your date in like unironic cargo shorts like in a dad style like they will
Starting point is 00:14:35 wear dad style pilots on off they will wear dad they are they're gonna be fathers on on the off they also will have another family so you do have to consider a couple of those things i have to say the sluttiest i ever get in my life is when i'm leaving a plane and i look at the pilot and i go thank you like i and i go where's your parent little unaccompanied minor they go where's your little um pass did you ever do that did you guys ever travel like by yourselves when you were a kid and have to have them? They have to like kind of babysit you. But funny you should ask because you know what answer I'm going to give, which is that I wasn't a minor,
Starting point is 00:15:10 but my dad pretended I was so that he could go in with me and drop me off. But I was probably like 22. Oh, I want to see if you can do that now. There's like paparazzi. I bet he could still do that now. Yeah, I still, when I'm at the airport, I still will get asked
Starting point is 00:15:25 are you over the age of 13 I really want to let's like let's go out into the world and like test what we can get away with we will go far we will go very far
Starting point is 00:15:34 I went to Indonesia by myself when I was 12 what and I had a raging fever and I was miserable for two weeks without my mommy
Starting point is 00:15:42 or daddy who took care of you when you were sick the team doctor uh oh and I was miserable for two weeks without my mommy or daddy. Who took care of you when you were sick? The team doctor. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Get the bell, the molester bell.
Starting point is 00:15:56 Cut to the rainbow screen. We're having technical difficulties. We should have like a molested rainbow screen that we can put up. Like when everyone's molested, it's just like a bing,ing bing bing i had my own personal larry nazar i know like oh you know his name i don't pay attention like are you kidding me when i watch that documentary or anything involving those gymnasts you you must have been so fully no my sister and i just like i just we can't handle it no i can't watch there's a show there's a what was it called shit it came out like four years ago it was about teachers that bang this i will die if i watch this my head will explode if i watch that what happened to me happened but i remember what triggered me
Starting point is 00:16:36 was the mother was the one telling the girl that she was molested and she was like no no i like them and i was like that was me convincing my i'm like it's not okay for teachers to fuck their kids it's not okay not that they're like that anymore i love my parents you saw them they're beautiful wait that is it so you guys just cannot watch something like that like it would just not if it's very specific to what happened to me especially a team doctor yeah if it's sports or sports involved exactly i'll say this i that i was not molested like that but there's still time but i also feel very uncomfortable watching and hearing about that doctor that famous doctor but at the same time like i have so much respect for those girls yeah and it's important story to be told and so it's like it's just... Michael Jackson, he could be innocent.
Starting point is 00:17:26 I never watched it. I have no clue. Is he innocent? What's the documentary about? Is it about how to moonwalk? I thought it was instructions on how to moonwalk. I like blocked some of them. It's horrible.
Starting point is 00:17:34 That's smart of you. I know. I just know from seeing comedians tell bits of it on stage. I've just pieced it together where I go, I think he might have been a bad guy. He might have been a bad guy. I wanted to say something about how like I am coming in with all this like expensive stuff because I feel like there's a qualifying thing I need to say.
Starting point is 00:17:52 And you guys know this and a lot of the people that follow us know this, but some people don't. I lived in my car like three years ago. Like this is like a very big deal for me. I was broke as shit. I had a little inkling that I could do it um and i would you know but i really just wanted to do comedy so i wasn't willing to change but i used to um say tesla 2020
Starting point is 00:18:14 if you go back to my meanspiration episodes my solo podcast you can see how broke i was i was like on this little chair there was like construction in the background there's nothing i could do and um i do like to like it's fun to be getting all these things and stuff but i do want you guys to know that if you like you know anything is possible but here's what i thought i thought you were gonna say don't try this at home don't definitely don't try this at home like i'm not putting things like on credit cards i can't pay and stuff like i am making sure i can do this and you have a business manager i have a business manager i have like a tour like i have yeah you're you're hustling hard here's what i'll say about you that i really love is you have big
Starting point is 00:18:51 no plan b energy and that's what bobby says that's he always says that's what it takes to make it here is not have a plan b to be so just hyper focused on one thing and not think about anything else or how fucked up your life could be if it doesn't work out, but just be so. Dude, it's true. When I was in high school, I remember I was talking to my theater teacher, like just trying to figure out
Starting point is 00:19:11 what my major would be in college. And he said something to me, I'll never forget it. He said, if you have a plan B, you'll use it. And I was just like, okay, that's out then. There's no plan A. Is that after he jizzed inside you? No, not his sexual preference but thank you for how much does that cost these days the plan b i don't know they used to be like what
Starting point is 00:19:30 50 bucks i used to love those i was like oh i get a i get 72 hours of jizz in me i know i go three days of cream pie is what i used to call it hold on hold on it's like my week with Marilyn. Hold on. Like you have the accident, okay? You have the accident already. And then after that. Then you get the pill, but you have 72 hours. Right. It's just cream pie, cream pie, cream pie. So you're just like, let's go.
Starting point is 00:19:55 Let's go, go. Can I offer? Let's go, go. Offer up a different perspective. Isn't the plan B like bad for you? Like you don't want to just be taking it it doesn't hurt but if you're gonna have to go through it already you don't plan it ahead of the jizz the mistake happens okay the mistake happens you're like oh fuck i'm gonna have to take it yeah let me enjoy my my last it's like your last supper it's just basically how bobby describes
Starting point is 00:20:21 it's it's how bobby describes rehab it's like I would like surf and turf. It's how Bobby describes rehab. It's like, I'm not going to be the first guy on this planet to show up to rehab sober. He's like, I'm going to show up with a fucking stop sign wrapped around my neck. So basically, it's like once the thing happens. That's like a really good Halloween costume if you guys want to be Bobby with a stop sign. But it's a good point, Annie. And, you know, probably very irresponsible of us. But it's a cream pie party. You have to look for the good the it's like what we're just talking about with money you have to
Starting point is 00:20:48 look at the good things you can't look at the negatives okay i'm about to fuck my body up with this pill might as well make it worth it might as well feel the the the warmth inside oh god the warm the warm release inside i think i just get so angry and this is my own issue but like guys who accidentally do that i'm just like you're not allowed that's not acceptable to me it does depend on their age like if they're like way older than me i'm like you've had enough time and those firms are slow we know you had a lot of warning i have a really crazy theory that i'm just or is it a theory or just a take i don't know i want to put this out there i know it's going to be controversial i think that no
Starting point is 00:21:32 one should have sex until they turn 30 because i think that sex before 30 is never that good you're insecure i don't think it's worth your time okay i agree with that and i have been maybe even quoted saying that but i will say this i think now looking back you need all these fucked up experiences you need all these not knowing what you're doing and stuff to build you into the person that can and can imagine being with just a bunch of 30 year olds who don't know how to fuck what was like your 30th birthday like all your guy friends like i got you a present it's planned they all come in two seconds they have no cum control they're all jizzing inside you for you know by accidentally then maybe maybe okay pivot but i like this i know what you mean because it's like you're maybe not emotionally ready for sex until i used to say
Starting point is 00:22:20 when i was 27 i'm not i go i'm not ready. I go, I'm not ready. Like, I really felt that way. What about we women? I mean, the real, the honest pitch is that you just don't fuck guys under 30. I think that's, but that is a problem. That will lead to a problem. I don't know, because I now have flipped and now I'm dating Todd, who's under. Oh my God, wait, that's crazy. Todd would be a virgin. I'd be waiting for him still.
Starting point is 00:22:41 I'd be like, patiently waiting, masturbating. Could you? Oh, by the way way i have a new term todd and i came up with this todd did and i want to push it okay instead of flicking the bean because there's not good like jerking off for girls no giving a cookie noogie give yourself a cookie no that is so cute can we make cookie noogie a thing i'm just throwing it out there if no one takes it i'm okay with no these are No, these are a little painful. It's, yeah, that's, it's, but we're not, we're, I'm not flicking my bean either. Flicking a bean makes no sense.
Starting point is 00:23:09 Yeah, it's a soft little. Also, it's like turning on a button usually for me, like plugging something in. I'm a little lazy. Let's just say I skull fuck myself too. It's not like I'm putting, I'm just saving it for when i'm alone imagine if you were that type of masturbator that got off on like being skull fuck so you would you know masturbate but also you have to like blow your own the others you'd have to have a double-headed one and you're blowing it while it's going in you it's like a human centipede every time annie says double-headed
Starting point is 00:23:43 i'm just like i need to get my bell because i don't know i know i love you not having but you have a spray thing oh it's a spray gun oh my god i brought something for us oh wait another thing i wanted to say about the money and me like being flashy and stuff right now it's also it's not i'm very excited about the money it's very very exciting my goal has never been money and i think that's one of the reasons it took me so long to make it because i had to believe that i like, worth making money because it was so far down on my like list of values. I just always wanted to be funny, tell the truth, and like have fun. So those do not include money. Those do not money does not necessarily come with that. But I had to kind of like, retrain my subconscious for that. But the main thing that I love is like
Starting point is 00:24:24 the connecting with the audience. I know this sounds like bullshit. But the main thing that I love is like the connecting with the audience. I know this sounds like bullshit, but I like love that we're reaching people. I love that that's happening. And it feels like an even exchange when I make my money. It doesn't feel like I'm not like selling NFTs unless you were on Twitter for that 48 hours. That you got hacked. But like, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:24:41 Like I don't, I have no interest in like tricking anyone or like scamming anyone. Like, I really want to like, you know, I just want everything to be like an even flow. Did you guys know that over 30 million women are impacted by weak and thinning hair? Why did you say it at us like that? Because we have thinner hair than you. You said it's so rude. No, you i actually did esther do you know how many different clips and tracks i've had to put in my hair that is why we've got you on neutrophil i'm on it my four pills a day baby i take it kalilah takes it dave takes it i think
Starting point is 00:25:20 doesn't bobby take it too we all take it There's one person that we're not allowing to say they take it until the results come in. I was exposed to chlorine for so many years. So by the time I turned 30 and with some hormonal changes, my hair just started falling off. And I never like men. There's so many things about men losing their hair. I don't talk about women. No, you don't. I didn't even think about it until it started happening to me. Your hair ages. And then I think back on,
Starting point is 00:25:47 I think about my mom's hair has like gotten a little bit like the textures different. My mom's always had thicker hair than me. And so Nutrafol is my chance to finally beat my mom at the hair game. Look guys, it's all natural ingredients and this isn't an overnight fix. This is some, and that, this is how I know it's legit if you take it um as suggested in a couple months you really will see the results and your baby hairs will grow up and turn into adults wow first grade in a clinical study 86 of women reported improved hair growth after six months and more than 1500 top doctors recommend neutrophil as an effective and high quality solution for healthier hair. And they're just vitamins. They're good for you too. So it's like, they also don't have that vitamin burp taste. It's like they're just it's it's a
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Starting point is 00:27:00 I love Etitude. Like, I love the sheets so much. I have them in navy blue, and I have them in a light green i absolutely love these sheets they're made from bamboo which is very cooling but so silky soft as our own our resident koala bear is very happy about this well here's what people don't don't know cotton is incredibly wasteful and is a very damaging crop that uses dangerous pesticides and drains the earth's water supply um and bamboo is literally softer it's a very damaging crop that uses dangerous pesticides and drains the Earth's water supply. And bamboo is literally softer. It's cleaner and it's better for the environment.
Starting point is 00:27:33 I think these sheets are way more breathable, too. I run hot when I sleep. Yes, me too. So these bamboo sheets are a godsend. I like to keep the wet spot right at the crotch area. I don't want it to be up near the neck and stuff. I definitely think if you're looking to invest in your sleep and having a nice experience, these are my favorite sheets. And I have, I've been, I've tried a lot of sheets.
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Starting point is 00:28:14 And let us know if you like them. I love them. They're so soft. Remember, guys, bamboo is better in the bed. You didn't finish talking about your party that you crashed oh my god crash the party sorry because i know i got a text i got a text from sterling harjo yeah who um is the writer and director for res dogs on hulu that won a bunch of awards like i was like she won everything right i'm like do i was like you should come on and break the statues and then leave this
Starting point is 00:28:44 we want the statues can you imagine if there's just two statues in the chairs but but they won they killed it yeah well he texted me he was like oh my god i just hung out with annie please have her send me the pictures and then you sent me the pictures to send to him because i kept being like i'll text her but i was kept i was like in a party i was like i'm starling i'm not ready starling i'm i'm i'm still feeling i'm in it so anyway so we go to get in now i don't know why it didn't occur to me that writers are not considered human like if you're behind the camera nobody gives a shit george um no but like it was a fun bit joke um i don't know how this one finagles way on a camera
Starting point is 00:29:27 but um okay so we're standing outside we don't get in like we get the first round we get like a band and we're like oh we're one of the writers like okay great so they give us this band they check our vaccine cards we go to a next one they go okay your name i'm like letterman they're like could it be under anything else and i go no it would be under letterman they're like david okay yeah and they actually like what's funny is they they misheard me and they go oh like emily and i went no i just i can't lie like i can only lie so much you know so i was like no i was like oh i'm with the writers which was the truth and they were like oh there's no writers on here and i was like that's so funny because bonnie hadn't gotten there yet she's like we're coming in a shuttle.
Starting point is 00:30:07 The writers come out still in writer gear. Everyone else is in gowns, okay? I'm like, I look like I went to like Contempo Casual in 1998, but it's back. So I'm totally fine with the fact that I dress like my exact 13-year-old self. But so Todd and I are there and Todd was wearing jeans and I'd been like, don't wear jeans. But I was like, the fact that we're not getting in and you're in jeans is like way better than if he was in a suit and we're getting in. But so we just hovered in the area that we'd gotten into. Like I wasn't going to give, I wasn't going to go back out of, like I wasn't going to
Starting point is 00:30:36 give another opportunity for them. So I just, we stayed hovered in this area and the security kept coming over and we just, I go, Todd, stand up. We're just, oh, we're just waiting for our supervisor to come, blah blah they roll out in their backpacks they have full keyboards i'm like you guys brought keyboards to the party like you didn't think to like leave them in your car like get hair and makeup to zhuzh you guys up like hats like they've been like busting their ass writing this thing every day for like three weeks so they're like so tired hats i go oh my god you guys are the ones that are gonna like grab a fucking tray we're
Starting point is 00:31:07 gonna have to say we work here but but bonnie made it happen we all go in and um you know i was like it was hard because it was starting to get dark and it's hard to like you know wear your sunglasses in the dark i was like tripping over things and um what's her name fox uh julia was there and i didn't get a picture with her and i want to fucking she was did you talk to her at all i was going towards her and then i was like you know what i'm just gonna get a drink first and then she was gone i should have known she was just coming in to do a i feel like julia fox would love you i know she would and i already had my plan i was gonna go never change i love how you enunciate things do not change everything you're
Starting point is 00:31:44 doing is perfect. And keep the shoes. She had the Kanye boots and I go wear them every day. You think she'd do our show? Yes. She would be so, she would fit in so well amongst us freaks. Like it would be awesome. I was so, but it was a good lesson.
Starting point is 00:31:58 I'm looking at everything as nothing's bad. It's just a lesson. And the lesson is you always pounce on it. If Esther was there, she would have poked me into her. I would have forced you. You would have forced me me that's why we're a good duo at parties because i just nudge you because i am and you can't but you also can get in like you can like climb into like crawl spaces you can i'm like you go over and talk to the kids no it looks creepy if i talk to them i sneak through the air vent i go around to the other side of the party. I come in, I catch you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:28 No, I really almost needed like a broom to sweep into that bitch. But it wasn't embarrassing. Like I was like just stand, like when people were coming in and I was like, I was seeing people I know. I was like, oh, hey. And they're like, oh, yeah. I'm like, yeah, just waiting. Just waiting for someone. But then I got in.
Starting point is 00:32:39 I saw Sterling. I was like, Annie. He's like, oh, my God, it's me. Because I remember from Bobby's birthday. And he's like, I love your podcast. I was like, you got he's like oh my god it's me from because i remember from bobby's birthday and he's like i love your podcast i was like you gotta come on i texted someone i don't know who it was maybe it was someone that doesn't isn't on the podcast i just texted my dad so let's try to get him on but next time but it was so fun to talk to him and like i was just watching people because i was trapped outside i was watching i almost had my own red carpet because i was just
Starting point is 00:33:02 watching people's outfits and um and then i saw yeah, I just kept like seeing people. Like I saw one guy was like, you were on my Instagram. Like it was just fun. Like once I was in, I belonged. It was good. And then some guy came up to me. I just want to let you guys know Trash Tuesday has gone Hollywood. Okay. Because some guy goes, I heard, are you Annie Letterman from Trash Tuesday? I'm like, I've been working my ass off for 13 years. This is the only thing people know me from. But he was like, I was like, he's like, I heard your voice. I knew it had to be you. He's like, sorry if this is like weird.
Starting point is 00:33:32 I know all these things. I'm like, no, it's fine. I like it. And he works at HBO Max. So they're watching. Hello, HBO Max. I don't remember your name, Mr. HBO Max. But if you do want to email me, you know me now.
Starting point is 00:33:44 That is so cool. It was really fun. want to email me you know that is so cool that that guy sterling his show is so incredible i was just so cool i was just in santa barbara opening for mark maron this weekend and he was singing his praises like saying how his show is so incredible well what i like is he was saying he's like i've been cast i cast bobby he goes i cast mary i passed and i went hello we're here hi we gotta do we need to fucking imagine it's a show it's a show about um indigenous people living in the res and then just all white people yes no the white people that come and ruin it i lived in new mexico i lived that life do you think i wasn't the stumbling drunk white girl on the reservation but it was really fun and it was cool that everyone like knew us it was awesome that's
Starting point is 00:34:36 like inspiring me i want to like throw i want there to be some sort of cool hollywood party that the three of us can go to and be like we're so cool let's just crash let's crash all the parties okay because it's more fun to be invited is kind of no it was amazing because it was like people did see us standing there because remember how fun it used to be well at least for me to go into a club or a bar under age no what i always your shitty id works you're like fuck yeah it stops being fun drinking once you turn 21 right what are you guys talking we're looking for a thrill esther's like when i'm 51 and i finally decided to drink and look at alcohol wait look it's award season is it not yeah let's crash some stuff okay okay hbo max guy if you can help us out with this
Starting point is 00:35:21 you know that this all ends with Dave at some party and us just humiliating him. Oh, yeah. No, Dave's invited. We're not. Yes. We come in and he has a big jacket. I finally confessed to him this last night,
Starting point is 00:35:35 but I have had this dream for years, but because of COVID, I realized it's probably never going to happen, but he has this weekly poker game that he goes to at this guy's house, and I've always had like a couple mutual girlfriend, like friends who could potentially be invited to his poker night. So I had this plan that I was going to dress in like a costume
Starting point is 00:35:57 where you couldn't see me at all, like hoodie, whatever, sunglasses, and just like spy on Dave at the poker. Or are you outside my house last night taking a shit on my doorstep esther paint the picture so is he just hanging out with four or five of these of his buddies and you're just going to be in a corner somewhere can i have a request to after this that you maybe tell your biggest story again even though they've yeah and everyone watch your special too but it's in my stand-up special i don't even remember but you okay watch the special yes but i did i did uninvited show up to dave's bachelor party in las vegas and it did not go over well there's a reason there's no wedding yet it's still not sure still a very uncomfortable
Starting point is 00:36:35 subject in our home um but so the poker game is like a rotating crew i feel like of like eight to twelve guys and you know i feel like there are certain people that will go who don't normally go like it's kind of chill enough that where i feel like i could show up completely covered and like hang back and just completely understand your height is so a little bit like anything walking in your height everyone's gonna go what is that whether your face is showing or not that's so funny you say that because this weekend someone referred to me on the street as a little critter wait a random person just said that it was one of mark's fans like was like oh you were great and then she looked at me she's like you were great too you
Starting point is 00:37:22 little critter you are a little critter i i know i i kind of like received that very well i like i know a guy um who goes by critter but he's like a big like mountain man i got scared like when you said i don't know why i was like i'm scared of what he's the sweetest sweetest guy ever but his name is critter and he actually used to um do a show with dav, wow. But you guys would make a cute duo. Critter and little Critter. Critter and Critter. Oh, she's a Critter. Wait, Esther, do you know how to play poker?
Starting point is 00:37:54 I have not played since high school. Okay. So it's been a moment. But Carlos can play for her. You'll be on a team. A team. Is that a girl urge to be like teams though that's very like that's a scary thing to pick you know what I mean to choose teams and to
Starting point is 00:38:13 not be the chooser of your own team oh to have just someone yeah because no to be the last person picked on the team like that's a big thing in my family because that's why I'm always a captain because I never want to be the last to be picked so would you say you go pick me pick me pick me pick me that is i i am always so comfortable in my zone of being the last one selected like you almost have made your whole life like let me just let you know i'm cool this like. Every move you've made so slowly in your life has been to go, I'm just going to take myself out of this. Yeah, because in gym class, of course, I was always picked last. I was the smallest, the weakest. Did they ever think you were the ball and dunk you?
Starting point is 00:38:59 I was always the girl in gym class who got hit on the head with a ball. And then, of course, even though it didn't really hurt, used it as an excuse to go to the nurse's office. Did you ever play dodgeball? Did you ever? I played, but I was last. She was in a dodge once. Yeah. I just, gym class was not where I thrived.
Starting point is 00:39:14 Where did you thrive? In the hallways? In the locker room, baby. Oh, my God. In the locker? Hiding in the locker, looking through the slots at the boobies? I'm not even kidding. I remember being excited that we were all going to change together.
Starting point is 00:39:29 You are. Listen, there's a lot of controversy in the comments that Portia reads about whether you're really gay. And I honestly do not, I don't know how to explain it to you guys. I've known her for over a decade, a decade and a half. She is looking at women's bodies 99.9% of the time. It's like I refuse almost to comment on it because I'm like my sexuality is my business and people can.
Starting point is 00:39:58 It's actually our business. We split it. We split the cost. We split it three ways. I brought something for you guys to try. I'm ready. Okay. I don't know if you are.
Starting point is 00:40:08 Todd ordered, and I didn't even know these existed, smelling salts. Have you done smelling salts before? Oh, fuck. These are rough. Did you do those for your swimming and stuff? Oh, Dave uses this when he faints. How often does he faint? Every time he watches this podcast?
Starting point is 00:40:26 Esther, you have a fainting? You have a fainting fiance? Would you expect anything less? George is holding his hand. How do you administer it on yourself after you faint? I think that's a good question. He's faking fainting, so you go away. Oh, maybe it's when he's about to faint.
Starting point is 00:40:42 Well, how often? What makes him so dizzy? So sleepy? Are you telling him a story? He has. Is that when he's about to faint. Well, how often? What makes him so dizzy? So sleepy? Are you telling him a story? Is that what he's watching your special? He has health issues. Should we ask him? Call him.
Starting point is 00:40:55 What is the health issue situation? Have you ever tried them? The smelling salts? Oh, no. I have a missed call from my dad. That is so not good. Why? No, Dave has warned me that i shouldn't try the smelling salts why
Starting point is 00:41:05 because they're really strong and what's gonna happen i don't know you're gonna have an experience in life and realize you were fine oh i tried to use um my esther and our conversation the other day about um trying new things i tried to use that against her to manipulate her into hanging out later and it didn't work. That was funny. You were like, don't. And I was like, okay.
Starting point is 00:41:28 She was trying to get me to go to the next comedy club with her. And I was, you. I was like, don't you want to try new things? She was like,
Starting point is 00:41:34 stop. You were weaponizing myself. With her little hand. Her little hand. Hey, Dave. Yeah. So, hi.
Starting point is 00:41:41 You're on the podcast. Annie has smelling salts and it made me think of you. Why do you have and use smelling salts? It's a great question, one I'm very happy to answer while I'm shopping at Gelson's. Gelson's, fancy. Hell, yeah. I have a lot of trouble with needles and blood and when i get an iv put
Starting point is 00:42:08 into me i often pass out so i need smelling salts to help revive me there couldn't be anything actually scarier than passing out when a needle is being put into your arm that's actually scarier than the needle okay we can change oh look how cute dave is we're google imaging you thank you for the info i love that um that dave's like thing that he needs for his health is you and todd's like fun it's just me i go alone let me see oh this you mean i thought you meant ivs yeah i'm like oh do ivs bother you i'm like come on you know they don't bother me the the one thing that bothers me is if i don't watch the needle go in. Have you tried it yet? I look away. I don't like looking at it.
Starting point is 00:42:46 I have to look at it because I have to know. If I don't know the source of the pain, then I get anxious. If I know exactly where the pain is coming from, then it makes sense to me. Then I can, I'm fine. That's interesting because I always think about that. Like with Todd gets really, really terrible motion sickness. I didn't even watch.
Starting point is 00:43:00 I didn't know you weren't supposed to open it. That's what they give to NFL players when they get concussed. Look, I think people just do it before they go out, too. I tried doing it while the set. I tried the self-driving Tesla and I did a little sniff and then I went, I'm not going to sniff too deep while I'm driving this. I don't think you're supposed to smelling salt and drive. I'm going to take a really, really big.
Starting point is 00:43:21 OK, wait, hold on before you do that. Dave just texted me. If I use them quickly enough, they can prevent me from passing out. They wake you up. When he's feeling lightheaded. Yeah. No, but this is like, Todd thinks I go to the coffee shop too much. So he's doing anything he can to keep me away.
Starting point is 00:43:33 He thinks I spend too much time there. I do. I just start chatting. Okay. Ready? All right. You want to film it? Okay.
Starting point is 00:43:41 Me too. I'm going to take a really long. Wait, can we? Someone set a timer for 10 seconds. I'm going to take second inhale i'll i'll do it okay ready set go you guys i am freaking out i'm wearing this product now i can't believe it i was bragging at ulta i was at ulta bragging i was like they sponsor my podcast everyone's's like, please, ma'am. Leave the building. What are you doing? I love
Starting point is 00:44:10 Living Proof. Honestly, I don't want to be rude to other dry shampoos, but you don't exist. Living Proof develops game-changing formulations that have raised the bar when it comes tailored to hair care performance. Unlike the other hair care options, Living Proof addresses your specific hair needs
Starting point is 00:44:26 and concerns like frizz, dullness, and damage and offers unique scalp care solutions because science and action equals your best hair. I like that their thing is everything comes from the lab. Like it is, it's created by scientists. So they are really creating the best formulas. Their dry shampoo, it just blows all the other ones out of the water.
Starting point is 00:44:46 It's like nothing. It's so good. It's so amazing. And I, yeah. And there's no one size fits all solution when it comes to hair care. I know my hair gets really easily tangled, but their conditioner, I use the full. It's light and it gives me volume and it's exactly what I need for my dull, dry hair. I have to be honest in this, Ed.
Starting point is 00:45:10 I've not tried the shampoo yet. I'm so excited to try it. I only use the dry shampoo. It's really good. I'm so excited. It just, it makes me feel so clean. I just use their intense moisture mask. Ooh, did it feel so, so, so so good my hair was so thirsty for it and
Starting point is 00:45:27 they also have the the the vanishing oil have you tried that oh oh so good you guys all these little like frizzy things up here because i need that my hair is the vanishing oil i swear to god just a little dab and it takes all of the tiny little frizz it's time to put science to work and unlock your best hair with living proof go to livingproof.com slash tuesday and use code tuesday to get 10 off your first purchase that's livingproof.com slash tuesday code tuesday for 10 off your first purchase livingproof.com slash tuesday code tuesday okay this is our favorite our favorite new sponsor i think this was made for us it was made for us we're so excited we're talking We're so excited. We're talking about Dipsy. Everyone needs an escape, but those can be hard to come by right now.
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Starting point is 00:46:37 I actually wanna feast my ears for once. Yes. Kinda scale it back a bit, bring it back to the old times where I just close my eyes and listen to a love story, a meet cute. A little erotica. I know. I think this is huge. I don't know a single person that isn't so audibly turned on. I think words can really take you there. Imagine me driving over here with this Tesla, obviously hands-free. You guys can listen to stories about hooking up with your hometown crush you never made a move on or that coworker you always had a little thing for.
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Starting point is 00:48:03 Ow! I think I need to wait. What? I just knew it could hurt more. Annie, I've never meant this in a better way. You are a beast. This is what happens when you have brothers and your mom has short hair and you're just trying to impress
Starting point is 00:48:22 them. Turned you into a monster. Would you like to try i'm not gonna inhale for 10 oh my god i like can feel that in my mouth from over here come here you want to feel it closer i feel amazing are they bad for you you're crying hysterically that's rough The ammonia is rough Let me see how hot I am I think I like it But can you get addicted to it? To ammonia? Because it hurts so good
Starting point is 00:48:52 I don't think you're supposed to Expose yourself All day to ammonia Todd wants it for editing It burns I know It's kind of good, right? Well just smell cat piss
Starting point is 00:49:01 It's the same Queep it into your pussy Yeah, cat Kegel. I'm actually not kidding. We're doing that on the live. I'm going to try kegeling it. Is there a health benefit to this?
Starting point is 00:49:10 Can I eat your queef? Yes. I'm going to kegel it in, and then I'm going to push it out into Kalilah's face. I'm going to get a bikini wax for this. Oh, my God. It's supposed to. I'm in a very, very unconditionally loving relationship, and shit is just getting left behind.
Starting point is 00:49:25 Combination of chemicals. Mix and release small amounts of ammonia gas. The ammonia irritates the blood vessels in the nasal passages, providing an instantaneous boost of strength, energy, and focus. What if it just made me attack you? And then I start fingering you. You're just like, ah! Oh, also, Carlos. I hate it! fingering you you're just like oh also carlos but you kind of like it right but you kind of like it but don't you kind of like it yeah it's like wasabi esther have you ever done a revenge hookup oh a revenge hookup is like um i'm gonna fuck your boss i'm gonna fuck your dad'm going to fuck your boss. I'm going to fuck your dad.
Starting point is 00:50:05 I'm going to fuck your brother. It has to be someone in their circle. Or in their business. Oh, wait, I have a memory. Someone that you know it's going to really piss them off that you had sex with them. I'm here to say I've done a revenge hookup once. It's not worth it. It's you only hurt yourself.
Starting point is 00:50:23 It makes you look like shit. It makes you look bad. It makes you look bad. It makes you feel bad. Yeah. Because all of that is, again, this is like external locus of control, right? It's like wanting that person to feel a way about you that they obviously already don't
Starting point is 00:50:33 because they've already released you from their life. So then you're just there banging their cousin. They're like, okay. I didn't do a family member, but like a peer. Is it like, so you just homie hopped? Homie hopped? They weren't friends. It's hard to say this without being too specific.
Starting point is 00:50:50 Home, home, home to the hop to the. Esther, who, so you. Yeah, what was your experience? Your acquaintance hopped. Yeah, this was like years ago. I was super young and I got dumped and I was pissed. I was super young and I got dumped and I was pissed and there was someone it for me it was someone I was interested in and I part of my motivation though to like seal the deal right away with this person was like I know this is a little revengey but I it's not like I just did it
Starting point is 00:51:19 for that reason but that undertone was there and I think that makes it like a negative experience it's like like you said like you don't get the result you want from it and you're just kind of like you're almost using yourself you're using your body and yeah i know it's like i'm gonna go someone and i was like wait that was me i did i okay so when i was like 21 i had moved back to philadelphia and i met this guy and we like had hooked up and we we were like kind of like writing comedy writing partners or whatever and we'd hooked up and we're kind of into each other and then he had just gone through a breakup with like his long-term girlfriend and she hit him up and was like hey I want to like let's go out
Starting point is 00:51:59 to eat like and see if we want to get back together or whatever so he was like what should I do he like called me and I was like this i was so i always broed down i always acted like i didn't like guys i liked i was so like afraid of being vulnerable and stuff for so long in my life that i was just like oh i don't care like whatever i don't like you like that but i was so into him you know so then he got back with his girlfriend and then i was like so kind of like ruined by it and we would still hang out and like it was just so like I felt so like he didn't choose me but obviously looking back I told him not to and um but I would hang out with him and he lived with all these guys in this house they all went to Penn and um so I none of them knew I like had hooked up with him really or that
Starting point is 00:52:41 they told me so I was just like a girl that hung out with all these guys so like they all would hit on me and stuff so i just started hooking up with one of the other friends but it was weird because i was so into him you know and it was like because i was pissed i was like the fuck and you're like bringing her here when i'm here yeah all this stuff but looking back 100 my responsibility like yeah i totally did that and then i did end up hooking up with the other there was like i got a floor there was a floor in their house that i hooked up with i didn't fuck them but i but i i only fucked one of them but that guy i fucked him for a long time i after he broke up with his girlfriend he was like my in-betweeny i love in-betweeny oh i have an uber issue or uh postmates and i get the priority right where
Starting point is 00:53:34 you get it so you just know it's coming from your house or i got a lot of soup okay i don't want things getting cold right so it's their your house is their first stop right so you gotta come yeah you can't go yeah but what they do is they're doing four different apps so your priority on that app but then they don't know that you can see them driving so i'm watching them drive get so close to my house then drive to west hollywood i'm like hello and then i'll call like this one guy i was like can you just come back i'm a big tipper like just get my food to me i i got a priority because i have to leave like i need it you know and you pay extra it's only like i don't know four $4 extra or something. Because there's caviar, there's Grubhub.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Yes. There's all different ones. You're right. Wait, what did they say? And they go, oh, oh, they don't know that you can see them. So I just want to let you guys know, we can see you and you're, I don't know how to get you in trouble because you can't. It's like a robot.
Starting point is 00:54:17 I'm talking to you. But the guy was like, and I still want to tip. I don't want to like not tip people. So I gave this guy a tip and he goes, I don't understand why you're so mad at me. I had another order. I go, on another app do you understand you were and it's so weird because they always are so close to your house when they get the call it's like just drop it just come the one minute it'll be one minute away and then it's like in 30 minutes your food's gonna get there
Starting point is 00:54:37 well that especially sucks if you're pretty hangry because one minute to 30 minutes is a is a is a long but you already waited your sugar has dropped you already need those smelling salts well now we have the smelling salts to get through my my postmates traumatic stress disorder here's a hot take i don't want a lover to tell me he's proud of me why because i've been yearning for so long to hear that from. I thought you were going to say I've been urinated on. I swear to God. I do have been urinated on. We know this. The reason I don't want a man to say he's proud of me is because it feels like something I've been wanting to hear from my parents for so long. And then it turns familiar.
Starting point is 00:55:16 I'm like, if someone says they're proud of me, I'm like, wait, do I want to fuck you anymore? Or are you just turned into, you know, my ideal parent? This is the crack of the darkness we're seeing here. This is cool. Yeah. That's interesting. I. Definitely, Papa.
Starting point is 00:55:31 Actually, what's so crazy is I literally asked Dave last night if he was proud of me for how far I've come. And he explained my success the funniest way. He said, it's not like you were here and went here it's like you were it's how low you were he's like you were down here and now you're here and i'm like that's true you know what they call him what a real hype man yeah that's a hype man because for dave just imagine it's like and you know he's proud of me should Should we ask? When I met Dave, I was sharing a studio apartment with a woman. Oh, my God. She had a name.
Starting point is 00:56:10 I'm going to call Bobby and ask him if he's proud of me. Yes. Ask him about the future of us two. I bet he is. And then my pussy will go dry is what's going to happen, right? That is so weird. We'll wet it up. We'll get it wet again.
Starting point is 00:56:19 Thank you. We'll tell you that you're nothing. I'm imagining me taking those hard bananas and just. Hello? Sweetie? What? Are you proud of me? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:34 Oh, that's anticlimactic. Well, no, ask me again. Are you proud of me? Yeah. Ask him, is he proud of all of us? Are you proud of Esther and Annie? Oh, God, that's a hard one. But Bobby, wait, can I give you a context? In context?
Starting point is 00:56:56 Go ahead. Yeah, do you remember when I was in the office of the comedy store like four years ago telling you I was living in my car and you were like, oh my God, you're broke? What's wrong with you? You need a podcast. Are you proud of me now?
Starting point is 00:57:06 Yeah, but I didn't. I don't. That never happened. Well, wait, Bob. I'm proud of, you know, Esther. I thought she was going to die years ago because I just thought when I looked at her, I got she has no survival skills whatsoever. This one's going to just wither away.
Starting point is 00:57:22 But she kind of made it. She's still around. Annie, I didn't even think was human, but it turns out she is. So that's going to just wither away. But she kind of made it. She's still around. Annie, I didn't even think was human, but it turns out she is, so that's a win. Esther's survivor skills is making you think she doesn't have survival skills. Yeah, you are being recorded, sweets. Why you call me, baby? Get home.
Starting point is 00:57:38 I got to get to the Enterprise rental. Okay. Bye. I love you. Bye-bye. Quick. I've got to get a rental. You guys, spring training is coming up we're gonna go to a baseball game okay all right i like baseball games and you get to cheer esther that's what you're good at what annie make the sound charge oh the credit card how embarrassing would it be though if you and i tried to start the wave and no one followed it would be perfect life is is for those moments.
Starting point is 00:58:06 How many more times would we try? The whole time. The whole thing is going to be us hopefully getting rejected. Yeah, I know. I was going to say that sounds good. We got to try to get on the Jumbotron. Yes. Kissing.
Starting point is 00:58:15 Triple kiss. Kiss cam. Can we also have a fake big fight? Pretend like we're screaming at each other. Here's how that'll be believable. If you're wearing a Cubs hat and I'm a dodger fan and just sit three three seats away from me okay oh this is what happened on the airplane did you guys sit together on the way to new york no we didn't go together did you guys sit together
Starting point is 00:58:38 no no except blake on the way there oh Oh, that's right. Oh my God. Thank God. Carlos, if you had cock-blocked that. Oh, I want to say something. A guy wrote me with a very interesting question and I guess I'll just give you the gist of it. It's that he doesn't have
Starting point is 00:58:56 a foot fetish, but he likes girls with, what are those socks that only come to you? The no-show socks. But the color of the socks have to be a very specific color. They can't color block they can't have color like past like midfoot or
Starting point is 00:59:10 something like that so what do we call that is that just a sock fetish then yeah very specific sock but like like those no show socks just came out wait i should his fetish was just created wait and also that's so they i can't imagine a foot looking silly okay here let me just read it then i'm curious what your opinion or take on it on this is um i heard at the end of the latest episode you guys talking about men who have foot fetishes i think i do but it's only feet and socks also it's only certain types of socks so like a bare foot or bare feet do absolutely nothing for me but but I find it very attractive or cute when a woman
Starting point is 00:59:46 wears plain colored ankle or no-show socks. Any solid color besides black or gray. So no black or gray. I also enjoy it if it has a brand logo on it like Nike or...
Starting point is 00:59:57 Oh, he's a fancy one. I don't mind if socks have a simple pattern on them either, but I hate, capital H-A-T-E, when socks have different color
Starting point is 01:00:05 toe or heels so my leg is the cutest socks that have like a little if he finds it repulsive and mid-calf socks or knee high or anything else i don't remotely find attractive i'm inspired by how specific right so weird it is it's like you can really have whatever you want and that's like so easy to like his wife or girlfriend can just like very easily just give him his well this inspires me for an only fans because not only would i not have to show my toes i would just have to wear plain fucking no-show socks why are we doing it because it cost me nothing to go yeah you know what i? I feel like you could sell those stinkers for quite a bit. I do really wonder if we had an OnlyFans and it was not mainstream pornographic, but subtle, sexy, like Kalilah's feet in cute socks. Yeah, I guess that's like a thing.
Starting point is 01:00:59 Why my feet? She's the sought after. It's just because I won't let them have it yeah that's why i think feet are like they get you from point a to point b and i don't need them to be pretty i just want them to work okay i have a i have an idea i just it's not about feet listen it's not about feet but i just from i just got inspired can we please make let's write a song and make a music video and it's choreographed. I'm obviously in. Let's do it.
Starting point is 01:01:25 I've been in since yesterday. Will Bobby help us? Yeah. With the song part? Yeah. Yeah, like he'll just lay down some tracks. Yes. And then let's like write the lyrics and everything.
Starting point is 01:01:34 And I'm sure we can get someone to make our voices sound not bad and post. Yeah. We don't even need that. Let's release a Tr tuesday hit single you know that is i feel like part of the inspo in my mind for our show being called trash tuesday do you guys remember going up new music tuesday that was like a huge thing in my life like best buy would have the new albums come out on tuesday no one no one big drops on a tuesday wow um carlos do we have any fan questions wow oh wait i wanted to say we were talking about unsolicited advice i think the last episode or maybe episode before
Starting point is 01:02:10 i actually heard okay so i said that it's like it's like almost a it's like a criticism however in the the music the the baz luhrmann sunblock. He says that unsolicited advice is a form of nostalgia that that person is like going, like, I don't remember the exact line. Will you look it up? Will you just look up nostalgia
Starting point is 01:02:33 in Baz Luhrmann? But it's sweeter is what you're saying. It's like sweet. And then I was like, because I remember I had Duncan Trussell on my Soul Podcast back in the day.
Starting point is 01:02:40 And we were talking about when his wife was pregnant, like all these older women would like want to give her advice and touch. And it was like annoying to them, you know? And I think a lot of pregnant women have that feeling, right? But then I was like, think about it though, like how sweet that is too. It's like they went through this thing and they like want to-
Starting point is 01:02:55 Remember their time. Remember and like share it with you. So I was like, I want to think about it that way rather than it being criticism. Is that why everyone is always asking me when is my wedding? Are they just thinking about their own? Because that would make me feel so much better well maybe they want i mean probably are you that's what you're thinking about when you ask people right i don't know i don't care about weddings i never thought about it i todd wants like a really nice wedding and i have no i just don't care i would love to go to vegas i feel like i want i want to get married by elvis
Starting point is 01:03:22 i'm courtroom bitch yeah courtroom courthouse courtroom courthouse yeah some of my most like amazing memories at weddings were my friend abby and pete van lewin van lewin ice cream the ones that did like that we should get some i love van lewin pete give us some money and we'll promote you for real uh i'll just take a free scoop this is one freebie she's like one free scoop no but remember they had like the macaroni and cheese kind of stuff anyway but um so their wedding was just we all went to college of santa fe together dearly departed college went out of business twice and then burned to the ground um but we went they got married at the courthouse with like you know maybe 15 20 of us and then um we like went up to the cross of the martyrs which is just like this cross up like a little hike and it's this beautiful cross and um people they were drinking champagne and stuff and
Starting point is 01:04:10 then they rented this like really cool airbnb and everyone just did mushrooms and had like the most amazing it was just like such a fun wedding that sounds really fun and it wasn't like the focus wasn't on the weird like like it was beautiful because. It was like sweet. Because I will say, I don't, like I've been to several weddings and big ones are never a core memory for me. Right. My favorite wedding that I attended
Starting point is 01:04:31 was of my aunt from Germany. Her and her dude flew to Vegas and we were in a chapel. I was in like, me and my sister and all of us were in club attire. Like just really ho outfits. And I couldn't have
Starting point is 01:04:45 cried harder. We were all bawling our eyes off. It was so, that's a core memory for me. Everything else, every other wedding, like eh,
Starting point is 01:04:52 transactional, looks too big, wears a fucking bride. Well like the love is like this small little part of it. And then the rest is, I used to be really embarrassed.
Starting point is 01:04:59 Don't be afraid to make some sounds, Esther. Thanks, is it rude? I need a snack. No, snack it up, babe. Listen, we've come so far since the gum chewing. We're all okay, okay? Carlos, do we have
Starting point is 01:05:09 a question? Put it on your headphones. Oh, okay. Hey, ladies. I'll keep it nice, short, and simple. I was just wondering if you guys could give me your best. The Esther shirt? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. thanks a lot i appreciate
Starting point is 01:05:26 it no that's on the live show bitch are you serious march march 30th 6 p.m pacific time come to it moment house.com slash trash trash tuesday why is that the voice note that carlos pulled like are you because that is so annoying he's sexualizing us carlos is that what you want you want to hear us all make that sound i'll do it for you for free carlos thank you on the live bitch shut your shut your esophagus or whatever that sound comes from close the hole clamp it april okay next one hi guys um my name is april and i am wondering if you believe in ghosts um psychics mediums especially the people that say they've been fucked by ghosts what are you thinking what are your thoughts okay what are your stories i'm just curious.
Starting point is 01:06:27 I've been fucked then ghosted. Listen, I don't ever want to be haunted by a ghost. But if a ghost were to feel just like couldn't resist, couldn't hold back, I'd just like to be sexualized by a ghost, I think. In my sleep, though. Make me come, though. Okay. I have a very hard and fast policy here, which is that I've always been. In my sleep though. Make me come though. Okay. Yeah. Make her come. Don't stop till you make me come. Hard. Don't stop till you make her come. Hard and fast policy here,
Starting point is 01:06:51 which is that I've always believed since I was little. That you're a dog. That ghosts like me. I believe in spirit guides. Hey guys. Fuck, marry, kill. I think that's it guys. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:03 I think that's it for today. I agree. And we're not mad at the questions we're mad at the question picker so Carlos would be killed you guys thank you so much for listening today and
Starting point is 01:07:14 we love you we will see you at the live show on March 30th go to momenthouse.com slash trash Tuesday for tickets and don't forget to subscribe comment
Starting point is 01:07:22 do all the things we want to grow with you we'll see you guys next week. Bye.

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