Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - We Have Saturday Night Fever

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors:Athletic Greens - Go to https://athleticgreens.com/tuesday to get a free 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchaseBetterHelp - Go to https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday today to get 10% off your first month 0:00 Our Saturday Night Vibes in the Studio3:53 Telling a Guy He’s Hot and Not Getting it Back6:50 2 Guys at Once & Bad Boy Carlos9:21 Khalyla the Sexy Nurse & The Tantra Institute 11:26 Edging & Quickly Finishing15:01 Carlos’ Ex Wife16:56 Annie’s Past Conflict with Comedian Peers19:48 Esther’s Denim Vest & Carlos’ Olives21:36 Our Witching Hour27:13 Doing It Without Protection31:09 Checking the Phone of Someone You’re Dating33:58 We Love Julia Fox & Being Curious Over Being Judgmental 39:11 Comedy Green Room Trash Talk & Esther’s Accidental DM From a Fan46:29 Online Haters54:56 Esther Wants to Live in a Basement56:37 The Holocaust Museum in Skokie Illinois 1:01:09 The History of the Bikini 1:02:36 Measuring Our Trauma to Others’ Trauma1:04:51 Annie’s Death and Dying Class in College 1:06:33 A Man’s Gay Awakening and Encounter With a Notorious Killer1:11:01 Annie’s Ex From College That She Reconnected With After 15 Years1:21:38 Meeting Someone Great When You’re Not Ready For a Relationship 1:29:25 We Get Delirious  Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Bryce Hallock

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I'm going to say this, Carlos. Not great precision or aim or accuracy. Thank God. Thank God he throws like a girl. I was trying to actually hit that. You did hit her. You hit my hand. You were trying to hit us.

I was trying to hit Annie, and Esther did get in the way. Yeah yeah so that will be a lawsuit we'll settle out of court i hope esther thank you for taking the bullet for me you're welcome we know it was an accident i will she was trying to dive out of the way and carl's aim was so mad it got her so that's like a story of my life what happened is we've been record we recorded an episode right and then we just kind of sat here because we're all losers with no plans on saturday night i have plans and we're like we may as well roll because this is just a there's a vibe there's a vibe and it did get violent the vibe is like no one wants to go home it seems which, that's sad.

No, I was waiting for y'all to leave. So you could start m***ing. Or stop m***ing. You're going to tear when you're gone. I bet you do. You'll probably sniff our chairs. I would sniff Kalilah's chair. I would wear your c*** around my neck.

Really? But like if there was a way to sort of like crystallize it or put it inside like a capsule. Can I just tell you the best part is that Pete has like an actual family and it's staying for this. He was like, we got demonetized. Pete's like, this show is not going well. It's two minutes in. My children are crying. They're hungry. They're asleep. They need me to tuck them in. I just before we move forward, I need confirmation. And please don't be mad at me. I'm just. I got it.

Is it ordered? Air One. Preparing your order. Good stuff is in the works. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. As the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has matched three million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online. Plus, it's affordable. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist.

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So if you couldn't get tickets the first time, they're there. I can't wait to see you guys. I love the Pacific Northwest. I'm going to drink so much coffee. You can get tickets at EstherOnIce.com. And don't forget, when you're doing all your holiday travel, listen to My Ple you listen to audio podcasts hey sluggies man am i full thanksgiving is over thank god you can see me in michigan december 1st and also december 2nd and 3rd in grand rapids i'll be in las vegas nevada at wise guys december 30th and 31st ring in the new year with me it's going to

be amazing i'll be at burbank for one night only on January 7th. And then you can also see me the end of January in Wisconsin. I will be in Florida in February and March, and I will be in Canada in April. Get your tickets at AnnieLetterman.com slash shows. Also, you guys, I'm so excited. Please enjoy the show and then go over and see Annie Wood. It releases every Tuesday at noon Pacific time. It's been so fun and so amazing. I'm so glad for you guys to enjoy it. Just go to youtube.com slash Annie Letterman. So we're hungry, but the food is on the way and that's what's important.

I put on lipstick because i was trying to fool the audience into thinking this was a different day i was so funny she literally came back with lipstick and he's like yeah so this is my attempt at um a whole brand new wardrobe i have no nothing underneath oh i have a bad friend sweatshirt, which I love. This is so soft. Really? And you're wearing Kyle's vest. Kyle and I fucked. Things got crazy. We fucked. I blew him and he liked it.

Jesus. And he liked it. That's so sad. It sounds like someone who's never given a blowjob. Yeah. And he liked it. The boy liked what I did to his penis with my mouth. Have you ever been with a guy and him visibly not like what you're doing?

Or not, yeah, like where you can tell he is not enjoying what you're doing. Well, the only example that comes to mind immediately is when I was having sex with a guy and I said, you're so hot and he didn't respond. Well, not everyone's a talker in bed. I get that. Are you, dude, if you said to a a guy you're so hot and he didn't say you're hot too back that's the worst that sucks when i hooked up with my my hot new zealand audience member he hooked up with an audience member he was the only time this one time he

was so hot wait can i i got i wish i had his old he used to send me these pictures. Like they were, he was just so hot. But then we like, he was so hot. You would die. He was an island boy. He was so hot. But he, I was on stage and I couldn't believe it. Like I started doing crowd work with him. I was like, oh my God.

Like I literally went like, oh my God, you're so hot. And I had gotten sunburned. I had like a red lobster sunburn, okay? And I was like, I saw him and his other friend was there who was hot. And I had like a like red lobster sunburn okay and I was like I saw him and his other friend was there who was hot and I was like oh my god it was like the worst do you guys know what the worst part about having a sunburn is and they were like what I was like um when two guys from New Zealand are fucking and rubbing on it it was just like crazy I was like joking like I was gonna fuck him because he was so hot like it was just and then I started talking to him I found he was from New Zealand I was like am I imagining this and fuck him because he was so hot. Like it was just, and then I started talking to him. I found he was from New Zealand.

I was like, am I imagining this? And then I didn't want to hook up with him. And then he kept, I talked about it I think on the Ashley episode, but he like, he DM'd me and he was like, just I'm only in town for another night, please. Yes, yes. Let me like sit on your face or let you put on my face.

And I was like, okay. But he, I was like, you're so, I kept being like, you're so hot, you're so hot. And he wouldn't like say it back. I was like, I'm just so sorry. You you have to like even though he came for me but I was like you have to equal it out like a little bit and he was like he had he goes here I have a compliment for you that I can't say this from many girls he goes you look really good naked he's like a lot of people don't look he's like you look better naked I think I'm better partially clothed. Fully naked, I'm not sure.

Like, no, I'm saying. I don't believe it. Prove it. She was about to. I was about to. Would you ever have sex with two guys at once? No, I like made out with guys at the same time. Like, we just were like fucked up in college.

Highly recommend. But they, I told you the story. I think they started making eye contact like my one friend was like i'm done and he started just doing the soundtrack he was like i'll do the music while we i was like this is my boyfriend you're just gonna watch me my boyfriend bang he's like i'm not looking like what is going on and he so he had a crush on me so he was trying to hook up with me and then so he was like all right i guess this is my shot and then my boyfriend at the time was so gay he was like a that kind and um he just let's just say we'll call him a pa uh talk bitch going do your job carlos i know car, you're a bad boy today. You're going to get a wedding.

Honestly, Carlos, it's kind of working for me. I know we've been joking this whole time, but I would... It's getting... I'm seeing a wet spot. Look, look, my pussy's gushing. Your butt is really out. Thank you. Do you not like my camel toe?

I like your camel toe. I think I have a really pretty camel toe. I don't have as much like camel... Camel tits. Wait, Carlos, dominate us. Come on. Dominate me, daddy. Do it.

Daddy, I want another pony. Dominate me. Y'all are going to get your food soon. You'll be fine. Y'all are just on the edge right now. Wait, we all get our food. We're repulsed by him immediately. It's just that we're hungry.

That's what it is, right? It's like a guy who's full of cum. Like he has all the poison in him. Once you extract the poison, he's a normal human again. He jerked off twice already at least. He has no cum in him. Did you get, okay, on last week's episode, which was three hours ago, did you actually get hard when Kalilah was touching you?

I think he did. It was half-chugged. It was getting there. Because she was touching my balls and all that stuff. I can get you there, daddy. She's gifted. She's like gifted. The way she figures

even herself. I'm like, I don't think I figure myself with as beautiful as a, of a. I don't put fingers in myself when I masturbate. No.

It's like performative. It's like there's a guy on FaceTime. Like if Carlos calls me, then I'm like, yeah, I'll, I'll put stuff inside me.

What do you want in here? But besides that, if it's just me getting off by myself, it's like, no, it's two, it's two seconds.

Like, and then do you ever try to do? Like, do you ever try to do like do you ever try to everyone's why i try to really like just like spoil myself you know i'll i told you i used to masturbate on money right when i was broke i used to take my money with ones okay it was so sad it was one dollar bills some quarters some pennies you get the little mark do you make it rain on yourself like are you make it hail can i for i'm gonna project an idea onto that i have it's like you're like a you're like a slut nurse like i'm so slutty you're like a yes sexual like why did you say it like we didn't realize i saw you fingered carla's asshole you're like a sexual nurse like there's something very

medical about the way you approach it like it's very professional like she's read a textbook on it yeah can i say something about sex i am i'm very reluctant to have it with um a lot of people but if i'm if i'm down for you i'm telling you like there that is the one place i know i will excel well isn't it the worst when you fuck someone and you're not fully given you don't custom fully you have to do like the like half in sex that's nothing that is the worst experience like self-conscious sex where you're not fully like right and then also it's like for me it's like it's not even like about coming and there's so many ways that i find sex and like physical anything pleasurable it's just nice to like

make out and do whatever it's all fun for me I kind of want to go to like a tantra weekend too like I want to together do you want to what is a tantra weekend I don't know you go there I don't know I think they it's like scary because the people leading it usually try to fuck you I think I think it turns into like the oh-oh i think so too but like i don't know this is so horrible my parents went to one they did yeah but i think it just like helps you get like you like center and i don't know do the sting stuff will you look it up will you look up to see if there's a there is the tantra institute in colorado where you can take tantra speed date you're like are they gonna make me hike you hike before you come that's that's you have to pay can is there like a synopsis is there like

a website that we can look at like what their pitch is for a tantric weekend by the way have you guys seen that right what i don't think it's a weekend. They do weekends. They do weekends. Classes, workshops. Should we have like a tantra instructor be on the show? Yes. Have you guys seen how Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian have been talking about edging? Yeah, I love edging. What is it?

For me, yeah, that's literally like. Well, of course. She just tried fucking weed for the first time. Yeah. I'm learning. I didn't have is getting so close to coming and then stopping yourself and then building for me That's what I understand edging to be. It's like Like when a guy is going down on me and like let's play it Let's say let's suppose like we both plan to edge or we both agreed to it's like right before we come we stop and

Then we do it again and right before we come we stop and then we do it again and right before we come we stop is this something that you did with bobby no bobby was edging her for like six years bobby was a was a fun fun lover in the beginning when we were still really into each other but it was fun bobby is like a fun a fun so fun to have a fun fuck a fun fun fuck I love a fun fuck I think that that just means that you're fun uh maybe but he makes things a little interesting because he plays along yeah you fuck Bobby what is in life oh my god can we all fuck Bobby no oh no okay sorry I genuinely feel that I am the most repulsive. Like, he looks at me and he feels like he's looking into a mirror.

It's like the Danny DeVito drawing of mine. But, wait, so edging to me does not sound fun. That's like, it just sounds painful. You're a little impatient. Yeah. Why would it be painful? If I'm allowed to say. Yeah, because don't, okay. What do they say their edging is

no that's what it is that's what it is i i but like isn't the thought of getting all jived up and then not going like horrible that's kind of the tease of it it's like berlin because it's like you can just fucking come every day if you want right i think that's for of the tease of it it's like berlin because it's like you can just fucking come every day if you want right i think that's for me it's so easy for me not to brag but it is easy it's always been easy for me to come so for me it took so long now it is but god damn did it take a long time do you have to think of really fucked up things to come yeah no i could come in my sleep not touching myself like i have wet dreams and i come in my sleep. I have some wet dreams too, yeah. What?

This is not normal. What? Like right now staring at you like this, I can make myself come. Yeah, you can mentally do it. You can do it. Yeah, you can do it. You want me to come? There's a giggling situation.

Wait, fist yourself real quick. Wait, do we do this table for the live? Yeah. Kalilah. Comes on demand. That's what edging is. That's what edging is. That's what edging is. She's learned to edge.

Yeah. I can wait. I can wait till November 17th. Tickets at moment.co slash trash Tuesday. We got to do no parents on this one. Yeah, no parents are invited. Sorry, guys. Can we restrict their IP address?

Like, is there a way? Oh, I know how to do it. I just won't pay for them to get it. And they won't pay. And then they won't won't go i gotta go gambling with your dad i know he has a problem but i i really can't this is weird i literally like look up to carlos's dad like he's like? Yeah. He is so weird. He's like a hard worker and like smart as fuck. He just, I like love Carlos's dad. Like,

is there a vibe? Like, no, I'm just kidding. You guys would have a vibe. Like, I feel like we'd be best friends. Have you not met?

No meeting? she's never met. No, I met your dad very briefly at your wedding. And he escaped. Oh God. At your wedding. That is so weird. Let's talk wedding. And he escaped. Oh, God. At your wedding. That is so weird.

Let's talk about Carlos' wedding tonight. Oh, my God. Wedding night. Were you, when you, did you have vows or? I did have vows, yeah. I'm just working. Was it emotional, Esther? Did you believe it was really like a true love?

Honestly, this is so sad. But like, I was, Carlos and i were so checked out from our friendship during that period of time because she really like didn't let him have friends kind of i would say is that no that's very fair to say she didn't yeah i think she was insecure and so she didn't like a lot of the girls i was friends with but to also to not put it on her as like you are the kind of guy that you put it on her no no no you are the kind of guy i feel like that bitch when you get a girlfriend you like but i feel like that's a thing yeah because i feel like no you don't do that now are you like pussy whipped yeah but it's more because i was like 26 and i

was like wow a hot girl is into me this is crazy like because in your 20s you're a fucking loser in la because you want hair did you guys hear that i wish i had my gun wait no this is actually this is a smart theory that you talk about a lot you should share it just that when i was younger i was like but applies to all guys in their 20s in la yeah when you're younger in la you're just like you're a fucking loser basically because everyone has more money than you everyone is like all like the 40 year old guys in la dress like they're your age when you're 26 they like skateboard in and play your girl they just have all the nicer versions of the shit you have so why wouldn't all the girls

go towards them? Yeah, people are so fucking rich in LA. It's crazy. Yeah. So when I met a girl who was like super hot and like cool, I was like, just all about it because it was like something you don't just get every day. How long were you together before you got married? Two years.

Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. I saw Benji the other day. Yeah. Yeah. We all hung out with Benji, wow. Okay. Yeah. And now Benji. I saw Benji the other day. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We all hung out with Benji, me and you.

What? Back in the day or now? Did we hang out together? No, me and you hung out with Benji at the comedy store like two weeks ago. And I went, Benji, I go, I'm okay with this having happened, but I'm just curious if I did something. You did just, we were friends and then you just randomly unfollowed me. And he went, no, just, and I go, okay, just curious because I like something. You did just, we were friends and then you just randomly unfollowed me.

And he went, no, just, and I go, okay, just curious. Cause I like to hear what people get mad at me about. Cause it's always something so funny that I like will usually stand by. It's usually a funny thing I said in public, but I like, but I just was curious. And he was like, offered up no info, but then followed me. So now we follow each other again. Wait, so he unfollowed you? Years ago. And he didn't tell you why? No, I just noticed that I want to go i guess we're not friends like it wasn't like a because we weren't that close we were really like close in the beginning and then he we got in a fight with you yeah or we got in a fight with him and then it was we got in a fight because of him

yeah he did do a fun thing but then so i just didn't really hang out with him either but he i was actually with him when i drew that dannyVito drawing did I ever tell you that I was at his apartment I think it might have been the day that we surprised you wow now I'm upset now you're triggered but um I remember Benji going don't draw you're never gonna make any money off of that like write jokes and I was like no I feel like I'm on to a good drawing here and then i've made so much money off of that it's like way more viral than any joke i've ever made isn't that funny wow what was that i just felt like i was like i'll just ask him but he didn't have a good answer have you ever asked someone that and gotten a good answer um well like i feel like like when akash came on he was like oh i didn't like you because of this

and then with jeremiah like jeremiah i was always wondering why he didn't have me on stand up on the spot i was like how come you never had me on stand up on the spot he goes no annie i had you on stand up on the spot and you went when he goes you went up and then he went does la ever have stand-up shows like do we ever get to do what our job is what is all these weird like I just like talk shit on his show to him and pretty much said I never wanted to do it he's like I just thought you didn't want to do it because you told me to my face you didn't want to do it and I was like see I'm the opposite I've never told him I don't want to do it and he's never asked me but I don't want to do it I like doing it now though and it's actually something I like to do but it was when I was like you remember when you needed spots so bad yeah you're like i have a new joke i gotta work this out so i would be so

disappointed when i would show up and it would be like you know it's actually a storytelling show and i'm like oh i have a fucking new joke i want to try yes i do remember that time yeah so that's what it was but i like doing it now now it's fun it's like oh okay i can maybe come up with a new joke like in the early days like when you're asked to do a show and then you show up and they're like, it's a theme. Yeah. You can only do jokes about driving a car. You're like,

oh my God, what the hell am I on the car show? Esther, I got to say, I really like the dead invest. It's such a good look.

Are you guys serious? No, dead serious. I'm not even kidding. Wow. You look like you built something for us today. What can you build do you have Legos or Duplos

what are Duplos I can build a case against Annie Duplos are like the really big versions of Legos that babies use so they don't choke on them that's what I played with yeah are we still keeping chocobos away from you at this point no grapes no shrimp

she almost ate olives by the way you guys missed this it wasn't on camera carlos oh yeah this is so fun carlos brought the girls okay not the guy left the guy alone brought the ladies two bags of olives he goes they look hungry we were so hungry and he was so nice something for you and i was like so insulted i was like i do i exist i got no olives then they both start to open them as esther's realizing that they have been open for probably all this time kalilah pulls out one that looks like it like it looks like it has like tonsillitis you know when you look in and your uvula has like yeah yeah, it looked like strep throat. It was just white marks all over it.

Well, I was like, are they supposed to have white spots on that? Because she's new to olives. She could have very easily eaten that olive. That makes me gag. It smelled just fine. Yeah, she would have been fine. And we got air one on the way, girls.

How far is it though? Don't do your placate the girls voice. Air one on the way, girls. He gets into this mode where he treats us like we're one of my girls if he gets into this mode where he treats us like we're the spice girls and he's our manager and i'm posh um uh it's being picked up by oh that's like my cat's name oh is she bringing it here oh my god if your cat walks in that's the end of my life that is the vibe that's the end of my life. That is the vibe. That's the start of my life. Are we on mushrooms? Like, is this mushrooms?

Like, what is happening? We definitely have a drug-induced, or a silliness-induced drug feeling. Do you think that Pete put something in the vents to brainwash us into doing a second episode today? Whoa. We were like, because i do feel high there's carbon monoxide poisoning or something like what is happening i just tell you something

so funny about what esther did earlier what we tried to talk about like the dates for things and she goes i'm not comfortable or ready to speak of the dates and then we got her ass in the chair to do another episode to go from that to this is kind of amazing well i just meant i wasn't ready to talk because i don't know my schedule but i did not expect that we would be doing a second episode tonight i'm very tired but somehow this is fun and i have nothing better to do we should shoot at night sometimes it's fun goodbye i'm down it's nighttime here in los angeles i never know i think who we are at night is completely different like for for me, like this is my witching hour. Like if you catch me at midnight,

and we've all FaceTimed at midnight, this is the, everything spills out. The good juicy stuff. The juices spill. Let's see what we can find. Stop being appropriate. Dig, dig, dig. I'll suck everyone's dick right now.

Carlos, pull it out. Including yours, Pete. Sorry. yours pete sorry why are you doing this to me just please god don't do this to me of all the things to do not this to me this is kalilah i'll suck this is when it gets here look i can't even tell the difference right now she's chucky she's evil chucky. Does not know what they're walking into tonight. Oh my God. Gladly light me up. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Unfortunately, life does not come with a user manual and it should because it's really hard and I need therapy and I need a lot of help. And if it did, I'd like to be the author of it because how rich would you be?

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bucks a month at Mint Mobile dot com slash Tuesday. Forty five dollars upfront payment required equivalent to fifteen dollars a month. New customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Do you think that you'll use condoms now that you're back on the market? Good question. Probably not. I haven't. She said she's all in. Are you kidding me? Like my favorite kink is like telling them to come inside me and them me like preemptively telling them if I tell you to come inside me, resist and then really try to get fucked up. But but no that is a weird

thing that i do and i know like you know rain down on me probably like rain down in me baby but i think it's something biological in me where i find it really hot to be cream pie of course it's the greatest feeling but that's edging so that's part of my edging thing it's like i tell a guy we're gonna edge you are not absolutely not allowed to come inside me but i'm gonna beg for it oh my with all my might i literally like pull him in and i try to like fight them it's just keep and stay in there and they're like bucking me off like that is our bucking her off yeah but i'm really strong right so i just like clench my thighs you know that one time i've've had to take Julie several times.

The first time that I was. Is that your Peloton instructor so you can. No, it's a, it's a new contraceptive morning after. It's a new like morning after pill that has like. Yeah, we have a sponsor. Yeah. They were, they emailed us. Yeah. Uh oh.

Available at Walmart. And so is your outfit. Wait, wait. available at walmart um and so is your outfit wait wait so the first time i had sex with a guy i won't say who but it was really embarrassing because i was like oh yeah we don't need to use a condom and then he was like no we do oh my god when you tell a guy you're down and i use a condom and then they insist it is there it is like the saddest moment girl I know it is so I was his mom though I'd be so proud how about okay I was dating a guy we broke up for like a week okay I didn't fuck anyone else okay we go to bang we like I was like meet me at this this bar and let's fuck in the bathroom i was like horny so we bet he brings a condom he brings a condom i was after one week after one week i was like you think i'm like hoeing that bad no he had maybe he was hoeing that bad yeah

that has to be it right yeah can i tell you a really terrible story a guy told me? He was married to a woman with 10 years, had two kids with her. And he went to a different state to like just a boy strip somewhere. And he got chlamydia on that trip, sleeping with another woman. He came home, but he didn't know he had chlamydia yet. And he had sex with his wife. The next day he had, he started like burning, having the symptoms. And now he's like, oh shit, I already fucked my wife.

So what he did is he, he knew his wife was dealing with some like weight issues. And he said, here, here is this new pill. Cause he was an instructor. This guy is a mastermind. He was a gym. What do you call it? A trainer at that time. So he was like, oh or what do you call it a trainer at that time so he was like oh this new pill on the market it's supposed to guarantee like rapid weight loss and so he preyed on the

fact that she really wanted to lose weight because she had just had children and it was antibiotics or the medication for chlamydia he was like you have to take it this twice a day for like this week and it's supposed to like cause like rapid fat loss. That, and it worked. It worked. Okay. That is kind of genius, but I would never trust anyone.

Even if it was my own husband to give me a medication, I didn't know exactly what it was and what it was for. If Carlos gave me that. Carlos gives you drugs. Oh, weight loss drugs. Yeah. I guess I would call for this to wait.

Never mind. Check the pocket of your vest, baby girl. Got something in there for you. Wow. Yeah. And this is like stories that I've always been a recipient of. And now I think it's fucked with my idea of like, man, like I have a really hard time trusting. Like I am somebody that always checks phones and checks all of your gadgets.

I cannot stop. Well, that's the thing. It is like chicken or egg. Like is it bad? Like is it bad? It's like I just give people their privacy just because like it's easier than fucking. You will. I want to get there.

But when I first start dating them, like with Bobby, I stopped. I don't think it's that bad though. In five years in, right? I'm over feeling like it's that bad. Right. Because you do want to know and some people have burned you and it's it's okay but i feel like like i was with a friend of mine and his wife was like looking at his phone and like to take a picture or whatever and he was like nice try trying to get my password for me i'm like your wife doesn't have your password that to me is weird i agree yeah todd can have can go through anything of mine ever at all times like i get off on being that close with my boyfriend do you know yes so that's why

like when i have found out when my guys my boyfriends are cheating i'm like i thought we were like together in this like it's like us together okay so let me pose a scenario for you let's suppose i start seeing a guy. I really like him. We really like each other. We're maybe not in an exclusive relationship yet, but we're getting there. We're getting to that point of feeling like, okay, we're going to put it out to the world that we're together, right? So everything is there except the label. Should I have access to his phone at that point?

Let's say this has been going on a year wait you're in a relationship if you're just like i'm sorry i'm starting to close it i need to share something really honest i zoned out because i realized that the chicken tenders are coming we don't have ketchup i feel like every order comes with a... No. No, it says it at the bottom of the order. Like it has like a little thing that says ketchup. Well, did you click it? I don't know if I clicked it. That means that you didn't. You're fine, bitch. You don't need all that fucking sauce.

Do your job. No. Wait, is there... Pete, do you guys have ketchup in the office? There is this underlying thing where Carlos thinks his job is harder than ours. And it's like so... I really ketchup i'm freaking out you're not freaking out what about your lipstick does it taste like ketchup i'll sport some pussy juice in your mouth barbecue sauce carlos can you tell us a eta on your phone we want to watch kalilah deep throat a chicken tender and we want to do it now latest

arrival by 805 what time is it 7 36 right now oh my god what's the estimated arrival what oh no that's not acceptable show me what show me i need to see it. Esther needs to change time with her own brain. Hold on. Hey, do you know who's so cool? Not Carlos right now. He's hot, bothered. I am like now the biggest fan of Julia Fox. Same.

Yes. Weren't we always? But I think we always were. Yes, but her TikToks have taken it to such a new level like she's so just spits reality and facts and like honesty and i feel like most celebrities don't really do that well they kind of can't because a lot of celebrities are in the like agreement i'm gonna keep secrets and right but wait wait what is that is that that sounds like but not that sounds like uh conspiracy theory like you're getting giving me baby's blood vibes with that no i didn't mean it like that but

i just mean like it's like there's that you can't like like if you want to be in people have to trust that you're not going to be like spilling other shit but she's not spilling people's shit she's just like speaking out about how fucked up like having to be a single mom is and how like society doesn't help that or like capitalism is bad for people you don't know. Are you going to keep going? Or, yeah, I had another one, but now I can't remember. Kalilah, help. I think the last one she talked about is

the difference between Democrats and Republicans. That was, like, yesterday's post. But I will say this about Julia Fox. I think I always liked her. Everyone wanted to paint her as this, like, one-dimensional armpiece of Kanye. But the moment I saw her, I was like that that is a bad bitch also she's had like she's just an artist i see her as like a full-blown artist she's like a combination of controlled and sloppy that i don't

even know how to explain like she's so like sloppy and like and i mean in a compliment like i don't even like so like free free yeah no i think sloppy is a compliment actually i like it like she's not like she's out there but she doesn't seem self-conscious yeah i was shocked she's only 32 she's cool yeah she is very cool yeah is she really short i feel like she's short older carlos she does misogynist that's not excuse carlos i mean wait what were you about to show us why didn't i like her dig deep why didn't you like her y'all don't even know her but misogyny make y'all choose sides with women and actually have to prove their self as a cool girl before y'all sign up on them who the fuck is y'all you know then we could think about having a deeper conversation why y'all always feel like y'all have to not like somebody yes yes that is so real and such a real

part of our culture and i feel like i know i'm certainly guilty of it it's like a woman pops on the scene and it's just you instantly like judge them and not like just what she said and it's like why do we do that and you like grow out of it though like yeah i think you just find your own peace and you're not so like anxious when you're like you i don't know you find like maybe it's like a thing people in their 20s do well also the way we all talk to each other about things. Where do you stand on this? As if we have to immediately pick a side. And my mind changes like every day. Every day.

Every day. It's like staying neutral is not fun. Or you know what I mean? It's like that's another way you can edge. Is like to look at someone and to just see them with curiosity rather than judgment. If you're first, if you meet someone or see someone on the screen or anybody and your first instinct is to judge rather than be curious about them, like you have to really dig deep, like she's saying. Wait, that's so interesting. I want to like apply that to everyone.

Just be curious. I think I am, but like I never have put it into words like that. Just be curious and not. Yeah. What are you about? Like get to know them. Like, you know, immediately, like we're in this, like, we have to place them in a box in our head because like the indecision of not knowing exactly where that person falls is like uncomfortable. But I will say, like you said, it's like you have to either like them or dislike them and you can't be neutral.

But like most of the time, if people are speaking up and being interesting, it's not because they have a neutral take. So it's almost like just to be a voice in entertainment, you have to you have to pick a side. But also it's like you can just observe someone picking a side and not like, I mean, I'm friends with people that drastically disagree with me on things. Like we take completely different stances on things and that doesn't make me like not friends. Oh, you consider us friends?

But I think in this show at least, we've been really fair with Julia Fox. I think we've always liked her. I loved that bitch. Yeah. I always loved her. I feel like she's an ideal Trash Tuesday universe. A thousand percent.

I feel like she's a true slug, like a true representation of a slug. I have to post that, Pete, that one you made for me where I spread my – remember I wore green and then he put Julia Fox – he green screened Julia Fox into my underwear. Can I talk about green room secrets in comedy? You know, having been with Bobby for as long as I was and going on the road with him or being at the comedy store, it seems like the most favorite like pastime of comics is to who do we hate?

And let's talk shit about other comics. And I, every room, like without fail, if I'm in the green room and I told Bobby this, I was like doesn't it get tiring to just every like it's a new comic you're talking to and everyone's just shitting on each other about how much you hate so fun when you find the same person but yeah it is in the past but isn't that like just as such a common thing like that's all i ever heard and like backstage or in the green green room was like people talking shit behind people's back i can't believe this is coming up because i have such a thing to share that is so hard to talk about because it makes me so uncomfortable i think i told you this yesterday carlos but

maybe i didn't because i think i was so embarrassed someone who is a fan of mine someone who follows me someone who like likes my posts and has responded to my stories like oh this is very friendly accidentally sent me my own story oh that's so amazing and sent a rude ass fucking comment about it it's because you're doing well baby can i see it love it love this for you esther tell me why because they're jealous you're doing well i love when people fucking out themselves in this way because you don't even have to do any work but the thing that is so weird about it is it's not even like a friend it's like a fan it's like what are you what why why are you my fan then like what are you it's like it's blowing my mind it's like really disturbed me i'll show you i and i and i wish i hadn't but i just wrote back yikes because i was in such a i was like shaking

i was like this is so weird what did they write back they didn't write back I had the last word um and it was yikes I love being a fly on the wall though and listening to comics talk about each other because um my favorite part was like Esther say for example like this one girl would just go off kill me if my career becomes like if if you have to compare my career to esther like just kill me and then i saw esther start to soar like way yeah and that thing that voice is like but esther always was soaring past her that's the thing it's like that girl i know you're talking about always bullied like literally would bully me so jealous and you and she like such a try hard and you it just came to you so okay it's so i it was this story i posted of me standing over my two vibrators in my columbine book and for some reason it says it's giving tragic nerdy victoria's secret pink vibes which i'm like that's not even cool yeah but it's

it's obvious what it was like it isn't yeah you know it's very clear what happened here like she's meant to send this to her friend to make fun of me and it you guys like why why why are you my fan and like i'm not it's not like we're friends like you have to deal with me like i just like i really sat with me all day what doesn't sound bad but you know what? It's a snarky, mean post. It's a. Are you sure?

Let me see it again. Annie. It's giving tragic. It's giving tragic, nerdy, Victoria's Secret pink vibes. And she sent the story. It's like. Are you sure she didn't mean to send that to you? Yes.

Don't take this away from me. I'm the victim. doesn't maybe she's just lila i i i'm partial i think annie there's there's a she didn't reply to my story she sent the story and oh i see what you're saying she didn't reply it's giving tragic nerdy victoria secret pink which is lame now bye well you know her better so i i i don't know her i just don't know i what i just thought it was gonna be so mean and it's not that mean it's not trying to be funny but she sent the story she didn't reply to it that's yeah but but maybe it's not if she does well maybe if she hears this she can clarify but and maybe you're right

but also being a co-host we have a fourth but also it did i have to say it made me reflect on myself and it made me think like well yeah why do i ever like make fun of people's posts or shit like why am i ever snarky about what other people do like that is my fucking problem because i turned against this girl i'm like fuck you and so then i had to of course look within and it's like why do we do this why do people in the green room just get together and talk shit about each other it's like you're literally talking about famous comedians who are living out their dreams getting paid to do what they love why do they have to like take others down while they're doing it like i i i

don't know i think by the way i'm not just a fly on the wall like i fully participate no i think we're all guilty of it listen i am good at shit talking but it is such a bummer when people tell other people i'm like you missed the cadence but i think for you though like the shit talking is almost like there it's almost like uh it's for sport and out of like there is like a goodness in it yeah i'm still like friends with them and there's shit talking that's like a different level i will say okay there was okay so i had a friend of mine one of my friend dumpies okay was like wait what's a friend dumpy she dumped me which is fine it's and we're fine but it's like

but she like when i met her we were at a festival and it was like we felt in love because we hated the same people and we were like crying laughing, and it was, like, we felt in love because we hated the same people. And we were, like, crying laughing. Like, it was, like, this epic level of, like, punchlines against someone. I guess it's a way of having fun. We just were, like, laughing and having such a good time. And then eventually our relationship crumbled because we're shit talkers. Yeah.

Right. If that's the foundation of the friendship, then it's not a good prognosis. But, like, you know, like, I can make, like, you just tease each other. Like, if it's teasing, it's not a good yeah but like prognosis but like you know like i can make like you just tease each other like if it's teasing it's fine it's like my dad teases your dad teases like yeah there is a light like and i think there is uh there is an option for you to take that lighter than you're taking it but if you're taking it that way there's a lesson to learn and taking it that way too but i just when i heard it it's kind of like i don't know like that does that have to

be an insult what she said you post a picture of vibers and Columbine yeah I almost have to kind of side with I don't want to take this away from you Esther but it doesn't seem as like like malicious like I thought it was going to be like this stupid bitch thinks she's something or whatever like that's like

like they strung together and also like and also and also victoria's secret pink i guess is bad but also all those bad things become ironically cool and funny like maybe that's an inside joke with her friend or something yeah i guess so i guess it's like we're we're all projecting our own thing onto it and for me i'm projecting onto it that that's like a snarky thing that like i would say maybe or you know i'm not hit you in a way at a certain time that maybe in a week would not hit you that way that's also true that's also true i do feel like it came in and maybe at a low they want to like if people are hating us we're doing great too it's like there's not always

like you can't have everyone no and that's true that's so true no one hates on me i am a beloved figure on the internet how dare you don't take this away from me don't you fucking cut this out either i am beloved i am beloved and you guys fucking know it you also are too that's the thing i'm fucking in in real life. Actually, I feel like you could be giving good advice right now on how the fuck you deal with that shit. I don't know. Just cut your wrists nightly and hope you bleed to death and never wake up. What do you think?

Emo Coco. She's going to write a poem about you. About you? About you. About you. No No I don't it makes me miserable I hate it I cry it's sad It hurts my feelings but it's like What like what can I do

And it's like you know better like it's like of course we know Better to not let the comments bother us but it's Fucking crazy so annoying And it's not like you don't want to be like a victim of it Because it's just like whatever we're just like saying stuff on a fucking platform and it's all nonsense but it's like and even like me doing bad friends it's like bobby called and said please please please i'm like i just got off a plane i'm delirious can i sleep i am not gonna make it please just do it it's like yeah i'm gonna do the favor it's like i didn't fucking say hey guys

please have me on i know i already know it's gonna be like not well favor. It's like, I didn't fucking say, hey guys, please have me on. No, I know. I already know it's going to be like not well received, but it's like, no, I'm going to do this because you're not, I'm not beholden to you. I'm beholden to Bobby. Like he's my friend. If he needs me, I'm going to say yes. And I've said this before. It's like so embarrassing to Bobby,

the people that are like so defensive. I'm like this 50 year old man, like his friend, his ex-girlfriend, amical breakup nothing bad happening like needing to create all these things but go back try to put like their conspiracy theory but it's not about her and bobby it's about these people what they're projecting and what someone did to them it's like that is what helps me lately it's like it's all our own thing that we put out there and even anne hathaway recently did an interview where

she was like i won the oscar and like america hated me and i just had to like shut myself out and deal with it but she was like a punching bag and all this shit yeah and i'm like whoa that's interesting like you could literally win an oscar have all your dreams come true and, and then you're still secret pink and still deal with internet hate. And now she's beloved again. Do you know what I mean? It's like, but I think anyone, this is what I tell myself lately. It's like, if 10 people like you, 10 people are going to hate you. So if you want a hundred people to like you, Esther, a hundred other people are going to

hate you. And the more like the more exposure we all get the more that part grows the more they both grow yeah yeah it's and it's crazy it's like our job is just to talk like kalilah's been doing this for so much longer than us too it's like what i tried to do for so long is to almost like uh minimize myself on social media post less but i'm like have your discourse about me have it all and i'm gonna outwardly say it hurts me it makes me sad but it's like there's no point in pretending to be strong about it pretending that it doesn't affect me yeah it sucks not to be like mean thing

i get it sucks and you're like wait am i this person they say i am because like it makes you like really second guess like like i think i have a good heart i think that i'm like generally like a solid human being so it makes you kind of like second guess like all of these there's like what are you guys seeing like what are you but it's all how could it not because have you guys ever seen like those videos where they there's like two plants and they say bad things to one plant and they say good things to the other and like the good one between two ferns and then that galifianakis grows but it's crazy like the good the one that gets the loving words like grows healthily and the other one doesn't but the thing is we this is like a weird exercise

for us like that's specific in this thing and kalilah is the one in the hot seat right now but it's like for all of us like we're not like immune to this no all of us coming for all of us there's gonna be all of that for but it's like this is like an exercise for us to be like we have to give ourselves the thing that we're not getting you know it's like we cannot control this external there's no reason for this to be happening you know it's like it's nonsense it's just something that caught a wave or whatever and it's like so it's just we got to give ourselves the good things and not like measure ourselves up against like what these fucking ding-dongs also like i like to think like picture someone in your life who you know that is like awesome and killing it like someone you look

up to oh just as a happy person do you think that person is like on reddit like writing bad things about like no they're happy they're not doing it so the people who are doing it i think are really not doing well and that makes sense because our country is fucked up and so like it sucks that that's their coping mechanism. But also maybe to them, since they don't really know us and maybe they realize they don't know us, are they're just having fun in the green room talking shit, thinking that they're just having like a good time and not even like I have this guy that. Right.

Maybe they don't think it would ever affect. Well, I have this guy that's been following me forever and I always make fun of him on the don't bore me thing because he is so annoying like he will like he is so critical and annoying and so like demanding of things and i remember his name because of how much he's annoyed me throughout my career and so on this interactive show i have like it's like we're talking like i'm talking to him directly who is it do i know him uh ron phelps he's a he's like nice he goes i'm nobody why do you know me he's like how do you know me i'm like i'm like i love you ron like i know it's all coming but it's so fucking annoying

he's like i can't believe you know me he's like this is so weird like he doesn't even know like he thinks he's speaking out into this void you know yeah but it's like there's a different thing happening now because there's this whole subculture of like comedian haters right that are like and they're getting like so many views and they're it's becoming their money to find things wrong with you specifically right now i mean literally with you and it's like i put it this way if you're if you're like video compilation of me like puts food on your table like i'm okay with that she gave she let people steal her fucking equipment right so you're still all you're doing is stealing her food. If like throwing my name and as part of your algorithm, like feeds your family and gets

you the meal that you want, fucking use it. Who gives a shit? It is kind of amazing how like you're pretty popular. No, you're profitable, baby. Thank you. You're a meal ticket for all of us. I am. Yeah, but I.

But it is a weird thing because it's like, know like you are like an evolved person so you know to not like and i'm speaking for myself too it's like i know better than to let comics comments like but it but it's still you're just like oh it does but you know what you just you have two options. Well, you know, you could be a plant that dies or a plant that keeps growing. So you just kind of power through. Yeah. You know, just take it day by day. You know what sucks? Like with all of like any scandal or anything we've had or whatever, like sometimes people

will bring those things up to me on the road and stuff. But since you don't really go on the road that much, like you don't get like the love. Like everyone's always like, tell Esther and Kalilah I love them. Like tell Kalilah, no one has ever in a million years said a negative thing about you to me. So it's like,

it's just like, you don't see it. Like you're at a disadvantage because you don't, than us, I think, because you don't get to like really, really meet them that much. Right. Right. That's true. So should we go on the road? Yes. Yeah, duh, bitch. I mean, don't then us i think because you don't get to like really really meet them that much right

right that's true so should we go on the road yes yeah duh bitch i mean let's do a comedy store main room or something let's definitely do that let's do a real fucking show yeah we could okay it'd be easy yeah let's do it everyone asks me all the time i go i don't know we all these all of us there's three bitches we got like fucking so many different schedules. I'm like, Esther's like in a movie, she's in the ocean. Food is here. Air One Break. Air One Break! Kitchen!

We're back from Air One Break. Oh, we're so- We're better! We're very mad. Ooh, I feel like a food coma is coming over me. No, I feel good. I feel great. Give me some fucking liquid death. Recently, I literally said, I think I said this to you even, like, I don't want to move forward anymore.

I want to go backward. Baby, you're on a good train right now. You want to move forward. I want to go to the basement. Esther, no. We want to get, no. Esther, we want marble countertops okay we want a big we want man but i can just buy those sticky plastic things you put over the and make fake mount marble countertops and be really happy you're

just going to be richer than your you want i guess yeah it's happening it's always been happening i want to go to the basement i'm like I never got to have that era of my life where I just smoked weed in my parents' basement. And I feel like most people get that. Why don't you build a basement in your beautiful... Exactly. I think your entire home, the first home you build from scratch

will be just a basement, like an entire basement. I love how you guys are manifesting that, but... It's not manifesting it. It's like happening. It's just manifesting it. It's like happening. It's just like, it's a role. It doesn't stop. We'll even make you a bed inside like a giant dog crate.

A dog crate for Jacob. Oh my God. Someone brought me a Jacob bracelet for you. It's so cute, guys. Keep making us bracelets. It's so adorable. Do we have Kleenexes in the studio for the Jewish people? Oh, my, whoever made that bracelet for me

that said molested, I need another one because mine broke off. It ripped off while I was out somewhere and I didn't notice it and I lost it. Can someone make me another molested bracelet? Yes, okay. Are we selling bracelets soon? Wait, hold on, I'll find out her.

Yeah, I need it i did tell that when she was like i do want to let you know that we did have this idea already i was seriously thinking today like will there ever be a day where i fucking get in person face to face with my high school ex this is so crazy you're still thinking about this imagine if you let this go what could come in its place what, what could come in its place? What beautiful things could come in its place if you just let this go? But it's not taking up so much room that it would-

You're just thinking about it. But like- What does he look like now? Have you checked? She doesn't know who she's been with. I can't really talk about what he looks like without like being offensive. Oh, so you, okay.

He looks Jewish. Carlos, you are literally anti-Smitic and you're energizing all of anti-semitism if i can do that and rise up people that says a lot about me and that's a good sarah sliverman's coming for you carlos no seriously you're going the fucking hall you know what no you know what i'm gonna tell great this is great look at her little jewish hands i went to the holocaust museum when i was a kid. That doesn't matter. You cheered. I'm Jewish. I'm a quarter Jew.

Okay, so there's one of the world-class Holocaust museums. It happens to be in Skokie, Illinois, where I'm from. We have the highest population of Jewish people. Did you escape from the museum? And they have this new program, which I know you know about. I thought that's what you meant by your ex-boyfriend

if you were gonna be offensive no it's because he's very overweight oh okay so we all get sad the worst thing it could be they have this program that like to in order to carry on the stories of people who survived the holocaust to eat as much as you can. They have holograms of Holocaust survivors. That's a lot. Yeah, my mom told me about this the other day. I know. So I have seen it. And you're like, mom, just put money in my account.

I don't care about your silly Jew story. Yeah, basically. And so I got to go and watch this and watch this woman tell this story. And she talked a lot about how when they were first freed from it and survived. Who freed them? Abraham Lincoln. Queen Esther? No, that was the other Jewish people.

Esther King. But they didn't talk about the Holocaust. They never spoke about it because it was this traumatic thing. So they have a lot in common with Mel Gibson. It's not like you came they have a lot in common with mel gibson it's not like you they deny the holocaust it's not like you show up to america free and you're like guess what happened it's like you just fucking survive yeah and it wasn't until the kkk decided to do a rally like a famous march in skokie and they the kkk chose skokie because skokie had the highest population of jewish people and holocaust

survivors and it was then when all the people who had survived the holocaust were like what like got scared and we're like oh we can't stay quiet we have to speak up and tell our story and that's when like that's how they started to speak up and tell so because you said something so fucking mean about jewish people now i'm going to tell you a really sad thing so this woman told a story about when i say mean about jewish oh do not play this game you said i don't want to say something offensive about my ex-boyfriend and i thought oh is it because he looks super jewish okay so you were making a joke no but i was no but then you know if we play back the tapes then i was like you're in what help me so this woman said that she was her and her mother were taken away to the like trains and they were in a line and they said adults go here

children go here and the mother stayed with her daughter in the line and the daughter said mom no you're supposed to go in that line oh my my God. If she's crying now, making me feel bad. And her mom was sent to death. That's not the way you take this. You just feel the feeling and don't make it about yourself. And like, I'm not mad at you. I'm just saying like, these are the fucking stories. And I know there's horrible things going on in Iran and everywhere. And fucking, I just learned about North Korea.

And I know that what happened however many years ago and with the holocaust isn't the worst problem in the world right now but it is still really serious and like when i hear that story when i think about how jewish cemeteries are vandalized like where my grandparents are buried like people go to the cemetery and spray paint kike and jewish nazi symbols it's like no kanye you can't say that because look what happened and like again i don't that's that there now i cry so kanye maybe we lost your your subscribe subscription but we're okay with that you can unsub she's talking directly to kanye on that note on on that note i want to add to yes, on that note, I didn't just learn about nuclear testing in the Marshall Islands.

Obviously, like I watched a documentary and I was much younger. The U.S. tested a lot of like nuclear bombs in the Marshall Islands. And a lot of the population developed these like horrible deformities. They have these things called the some of these babies were called like jellyfish babies because they were literally like they were so is that why your neck is Annie Annie. It's so sad. But that is the history of the word bikini. Like the bikini that we wear was named after the bombing of the bikini atoll in the Marshall Islands. And a way for the U.S. to sort of sell this idea that the bombings were necessary, they put women in these two pieces. Like they were like using sex to sell.

Do you guys know? You don't know about the bombings in One Piece Island, right? So is bikikini Council? Speedo Island is Bikini Kill. Yeah, I think Bikini Kill might have been. That might have been what they were saying. Yeah, I think so. She wants me to be like her.

Do you remember Bikini Kill? Bikini Kill is bad. No, it's sad. So good. Bikini Kill is a band, a girl band that's so good. She wants me to be like her give a sad history annie yeah your turn sad history after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch

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$45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. You were molested. Let's go there. I know. I was so over it. Once I heard, once I started doing Don't Bore Me, I realized my molestation is pretty light. That's what I, you know what? I would say mine is pretty light. Anytime I open the door for people to tell me their stories, I'm like, oh, didn't have it as bad.

Holy shit. I'm okay. Yeah. And then, you know what? Also, I was watching an Eckhart Tolle, I don't know how you say it a video where he was talking about not having trauma is a trauma for people people like not having anything bad happen to them becomes the thing that happened to them that's george kimmel that's what i always say about him something happened to him you don't think so nothing nothing happened to him so much haircut that when he had assaulted by a barber

like i think he is like a perfect example of someone that if it wasn't for the podcast world i would probably never connect with because he is he just lived the way he describes his childhood was just so like cherished but wasn't he in like a religious cult but he loved it so they granted him a certain level of freedom but fear of god is scary is that trauma and it's i don't think he sees it that way so when he had any like a little bit of freedom he was like i'm gonna try i'm gonna do all the drugs i'm gonna take over this world what podcast but that's exactly it it's like when nuclear bombs of podcasts everywhere podcast island podcast island not having a trauma is a trauma everyone's all fucked up but it's all good oh yeah um sad tale a sad tale tell us a saddest tale you i think of. I've cried on the show. I've told sad tales and cried on the show. Yeah.

I barely cried. I don't cry a lot. No, then someone tried to steal the thunder. Up with a bikini, yep. No, no, no, no, no, no, him, not you. She's an actor. She can cry on demand. Oh, my God.

He's calling me a crisis actor. She's Hogg, David Hogg. crisis actor she's hog david hogg i did when i was in a death and dying class i don't know if i what i was took a death and dying class in college that's like why i the first time i moved back to philly i took a death and dying class because i and i moved back to philly because i was like oh my god i want to be near my parents i started to freak out it was actually a really i almost went into gerontology because of it and wanted to do hospice work and stuff. It was really like a cool class.

Whoa. But – What did you learn? I don't fucking remember. But it was good. It was beautiful. It was just like different like cultures how they look at death and stuff. But so – and then we looked at like the different – like the denial of death,

blah, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff. Okay. Anyway, there was a girl in my class. We went around the first day and we were talking about like our experiences with death and like what, you know, how it's touched us. And this girl, I swear she was last. Everyone like said their thing. My grandma, my dog, you know, oh my, like a sibling or something, you know, like, oh

my God, this is so bad. My cousin, like, oh, this girl goes, all right, I'm just going to come out with it. you know oh my like a sibling or something you know oh my god it's so bad my cousin like oh this girl goes all right i'm just gonna come out with it i went to columbine and i was sick that day and all my like three of my friends died oh shit are you serious crazy this was in your class yeah and you know what she was wearing victoria's secret pink oh fuck you no but that really happened is that crazy wait that is is that insane she was sick that day she missed that day so she has like survivor's guilt and her friends died two of her friends died or three i don't remember exactly but isn't that did she talk more about like did you not really i mean nobody really wanted to like pry it's like

you know when i always feel like especially with people are coming with it's like whatever they want to share i'm like honored that they're like willing to like open up but i never want to push or pry that reminds me of this uh moth podcast episode that i just listened to oh couldn't you imagine me like that i was on and she like forgot to tell us i was on the moth um no but this this man recounts a story about his gay awakening, basically. He was, I think, in elementary or like a middle. He was a teacher. And he hadn't come out to anybody yet.

But he called like a hotline. And he was like, I. Drinking off. He didn't know where he was. He was just like in a crisis in his life. He's like, I'm like, you know, tell me where the closest gay bar is. And the person like actually gave him like this place to go carlos where's the closest guy it's like in milwaukee somewhere he was like oh go to like salavi or whatever so he goes to this bar

and this gay bar and next to him is this man who he remembers so vividly as just being like smelling so deliciously like chocolate. He was like, and then. Are you saying that's gay? That sounds good to me. It's a thrill for him to be in this place for the first time. He sees this man who is so attractive to him. He looks at, he head to toes him. He's like, I like the way he's, I like his style.

I like his smell. I like his style. I like his smell. I like his boots. And he was like, maybe if I sort of like mirror this and dress like this, you know, I can, you know, kind of come into myself a little bit more, come into the gay man that I am. And so on his way out, someone talks to him. He like mentioned the hot guy. He was like, oh, like, who's he? Like, he's like mentioned the the hot guy he was like oh like who's he like he's my type and the guy's like oh yeah he's et he's like what's et he goes that's everyone's type so this man that smelled like chocolate that he just put on this pedestal

was everyone's type he was just hot hot hot fast forward or after that experience he starts buying the same boots he starts really mirroring this man because he's like this is the gay guy i want to be it's like the celines right with my celines as well yes and so um then one day he's in class and he turns on the news for his class to watch and um there is um he sees a man that's familiar to him on screen and he was like he tells this whole class he's like oh my god i know that guy followed by shots of police bringing down like vats and barrels down the stairs and then followed up by well it's milwaukee so yeah yeah the person basically saying like the person on the screen was jeffrey dahmer and he has just been caught for dismembering and killing and eating and preserving wait that is why i wear those dahmer glasses

wait so jeffrey dahmer was like a hot guy? I guess so. I mean, to this man, yeah. He got all those guys to go home with him. But you just said he was everyone's type. That means he's... Yeah, I think so. That is freaky. And the reason he smelled like chocolate is because he was working at a chocolate factory, like a chocolate plant or something like that.

Okay, so he's everyone's dream. For like 13 hours of the day. Yeah. Have you been to Buffalo, by the way? They have a Cheerio factory near the Buffalo Helium. like a chocolate plant or something like that okay so like everyone's dream yeah have you been to buffalo by the way they have a cheerio factory near the buffalo helium no and it smells so good podcasts and credits but i find it interesting that you can look up to someone in that way and be like this is who i want to be. And that person be like one of the most famous serial killers, you know?

Because image is so like you could be anything inside whatever image you are. Like it doesn't matter. Like that's so interesting. Yeah. That was good that we'd all watched the Dahmer thing and like knew about it. And you got us still. Except when I said Milwaukee like knew about it. And you got us still. You misdirected us. Except when I said Milwaukee, you got it before.

I was about to go like, when you said Milwaukee, I was about to do an Annie interruption and be like, are we done with Milwaukee, these murder? I'm like, Milwaukee, what's going on with you guys? An Annie interruption. Durrell complete. But that was really,

and he told a story really, really well. The buildup was so good what is the moth i've never heard of that there's people really stories yeah oh my god yeah it's really great that's weird to not know what it is yeah i would imagine you'd be like risk and moth or like storytelling shows no my boyfriend once told me my ex-boyfriend i went back to visit my ex-boyfriend once i decided that um i had had gone through a breakup and then I was really like longing for love. I was kind of like, oh, where's my place, whatever. And my friend was like, we just started talking about our exes.

And she was like, well, maybe that one guy is like was always supposed to be your guy. I was this guy in college that I dated who I really loved very much. My family loved him. And I had always kind of like put him on this pedestal and I went back to New Mexico and I like was like ready to like be with him you know and it's so crazy like it's just so out of nowhere but in my head it's like know, my friend and I have like set up this thing where like, this is my person and I have to go get him. And we go and I, we go and we're like at a nightclub or something. I don't remember what we were doing, but it was like, he was like, oh, I got to go get my weed from my car.

And I was like, oh, let me come with you. I was like, just trying to get him alone, you know? And then I get to his car and we're like sitting in his car and smoking weed and like talking. And this was like 15 years after we had alone, you know? And then I get to his car and we're like sitting in his car and smoking weed and like talking. And this was like 15 years after we had dated, you know? And I'm like, I don't know if I like leaned in for a kiss or something. And he was just like, what are you doing? He was like, hi, nice to meet you. Like, haven't seen you in a while, girl.

Like even though we had like stayed friends, but not like that close. But he was just like, whoa, what the hell? um and in my head I was like come on it's like me and he's like yeah but it's you but also it's like been so long you know and in my head I was like we're gonna have this thing you know and he um he told me two stories like we hung out for the weekend and we did not we did not um banging and it was like kind of sweet and like a clue no kissing though no we kissed the whole thing was like kind of weird because we could have not done it but it was like i just i didn't bang it it was like right after that stuff had happened to me in high school so when i first started dating him i was a freshman so i didn't

fuck him because i was like really traumatized by the the court stuff with my teacher so I like really wanted to fuck him because it was like and I was like so confident in my body now and like I was just like oh it'll be like you know this thing that we never did or whatever I bet he really liked you we loved each other yeah no I mean like even then like I think that's actually a good sign when someone wants to slow down and I really appreciate that out of the guy like there was a guy who's back back then who was really really really sweet very attractive very kind i wanted to jump his bones immediately but the first thing he said to me was like hey i really like you like can we take this slow and i could not have like appreciated it more yeah he's like i'm really i don't want to have like sex immediately like i just like loved it i love the

safety of him saying that i love the safety that there was no rush or awkwardness i really really liked it it made me it made me want to jump his bones even more yeah but did you because i did no i didn't i really was just like i wish i had been more respectful of the time thing because i i felt like a rush because i was like i just knew he was was going to like end up with, I was like, I just feel like this is like our last shot. Like, cause he was, his whole point was like, he's like, look, I'm seeing this girl. We're not exclusive. I'm not, she's not my person. You know, that sounds so familiar. He's like, she's not my person, but he's like, I just feel like it's not like the timing is not good. Like, he's just like, it just like, doesn't feel right

right now. And I was like, come on. Like, it's like, we just like loved each feel right right now and I was like come on like it's like we just like loved each other so much you know so I was just like come on and he was like I know and then we eventually did end up everything like fell into place because he was like I was just so proud of him you know like it's 15 years later and he has like he had built this house he like would show me around he built this like this um like sun like a star looking room like it's like it had like a glass ceiling and we're like sitting in this place he built it was like so hot and like he was one of those people that it was very much like the notebook but it was also like he like represented something so special for me because he really like healed a lot of my like hurt from high school and that thing that happened

and he was always so like loving and supportive of my artwork and stuff like he just was like a good person for me and I always kind of liked the way I reflected off of him you know it always made me feel really good so we're like in this room and we're like looking up at the stars and I'm like are we really not gonna fucking bang when you did finally bang like did it live up it was like good and special but then he was like really kind of like he was like a little ghosty afterwards it kind of hurt my feelings but i also understand that it was like i had to look at it from his perspective like he was just living his life and i just popped back in like hey let's like pick up where we left off 15 years ago and i really like i said to him i was like look i like i

understand that you like feel like this isn't the right time i was like but you are going to get married and have kids like you are a catch you are like this is like I just don't I feel like this is like our only shot and he's like yeah I guess you're right you know wow and so it was like you know and then but he told me two things the reason I thought about this and it was nice and it was like romantic and stuff but it was like I was like I wanted it to be something and but it couldn't be that thing like there was actually not a reality of it you know and so he said two things to me it was like two one was the moth story and one was a article he had read but he was like telling me this story about the from the moth and it was about this

this couple that had dated I think they were had an age difference or something and they had dated and maybe like lived overseas together something like where like there was a couple that had dated and um it was like the girl had red hair and i might i'm gonna totally be butchering this but i can get the gist of the story and they ended up like breaking up because they loved each other but they broke up because like the timing wasn't right or whatever and then they went on their way and then um and then he was like they like ran into each other again. And this like little redheaded girl like came up and was like, hey, are you? Oh, the woman had broken up with the guy to like let him free because he was like too young. Todd, not going to happen.

Not happening. Let him go. She's like, it's just not the right timing. Like this person needs to continue living his life. So then he runs into her again or she runs into him again and he's like married with a kid and the little girl comes up and looks just like his daughter comes up to her and looks just like the mom or something and goes like called her his angel or something. There was like something where it was like the kid was thanking the woman for like letting

this guy go because like the kid would never been born. But he's like telling me these stories that are like take a hint bitch you know that are was thanking the woman for like letting this guy go because like the kid would never been born but he's like telling me these stories that are like take a hand you know that are like hey let's like let this go you know and then so that was like cute that was like a cute story i was like okay that's fine and then also he told me this story about he read on uh in uh um cheryl strahan has a i think i might have talked about it on here, but like with, she had a column where you would ask her questions, she would give you advice. And these people were asking whether or not they should have kids. And she was talking about ghost ships. And it's like, in your life, you cast all these ghost ships off, like whether you

want to like, when you make a decision in your life, you cast off the other decisions, ghost ship. And she's like, you can admire that. Like if you have kids, you have to cast off the other decisions ghost ship and she's like you can admire that like if you have kids you have to cast off the ghost ship of you and your husband just like being able to travel all the time and not having kids and having that life and you can admire that ghost ship from afar but you can never live that it's never going to be yours and he's like telling me this thing and I was like oh I feel like like you're kind of like one of my ghost ships and he's like yeah duh and he was like because he was like do you think you could ever like live here and be with me and i was like no and then i realized i was like asking him to like promise me this thing that like could never happen sometimes you really do need that though it's like you really kind of have to let the record play

all the way till the end it's like it's like i've been in those situations where it's like you know the circumstances are never gonna align like it's that it's a ghost ship like you said but you have to almost like see it through or else you're gonna like beat yourself up yeah well i always had this i had just put him on this pedestal and him not calling me back that much afterwards was like good because i did get a little mad at him and a little butthurt even though i now completely forgive it and understand it and we're friends and we're all good but it was like it was just so like i needed that like kind I did get a little mad at him and a little butthurt, even though I'm not completely forgiven and understand it. And we're friends and we're all good. But it was like, it was just so, like, I needed to, like, kind of have my heart broken by him.

Yeah. Like a final. Right, right. Like, to just be like, okay, this is, like, the answer. But it's a way to, like, tie a loose end. Maybe you didn't know it was a loose end, but maybe it just was. But it needed to happen because I was, like, measuring him up against everyone and it wasn't real. It was like, this is, is like what he was saying. He's like, hello.

Nice to meet you again. Like what's going on? There's this song by Sir. It's called You Can't Save Me. And there's this line that always gets to me. And I want to know if you guys agree with this. It's wrong place, wrong time with the right one. Like could someone be truly like the right one which

is all the wrong circumstances around you or is the right one gonna make it the right time because now i have my todd it's like do you know what i mean it's like and he has kids he's like married with kids or whatever now and like well i believe that esther that could that happen i am just stuck on that no guy has ever asked me to take it slow. Unless you count asking, insisting on wearing a condom. But no one's ever said, wait, let's slow down. No. Yeah, because they have fetishes for little baby girls. No, but I do think that's such a beautiful story.

And I definitely agree that there's like right person, wrong place, wrong time. Because how could it not be true but then maybe but there could be right people for you in that moment like like for me after i had like had my sexual assault stuff he was like the right person for me he was like the perfect thing and i think i like held to him so tightly because of that and i had this whole story playing in my head that i hadn't included him in you you know? Like, I didn't include. And he was, like, even saying, he was like, could you be here, like, with me? And I'm like, no.

And it's like, so why are you even doing this? It's like I was, like, chasing this unrequited part. Yeah, but so, okay. So if she's saying you could be the right person, wrong time, wrong place, whatever. Like, he applies for me, I would say he would be that. Like, he was the right person but it was the wrong place the wrong time it's like you are destined for stardom and for being a comedian and pursuing your passion like sure you could have not you could have chosen him

but you didn't it would have been yeah and like you could have and maybe it would have been a thing but it's like that wasn't the right this is the right way you know but then it's like yeah and it's like but then it's the right people for you at that maybe it was the right time you know it's like it was right because it got me to what i need you're saying like it was it played out perfectly for you i think everything plays out perfectly this is what i'm truly afraid of meeting someone absolutely wonderful right now like because i'm so just like but you would be ready then if it would but it would but maybe you wouldn't be yeah i agree yeah i'm a little like but you would be ready then if it would but it would but maybe wouldn't be yeah i agree yeah i'm a little fractured still and it's like i'm so afraid

of like squandering something so great like imagine if i'm imagine if i was just like this is like an amazing person i could really foresee a life but i'm like just i feel like i've regressed a lot and like maybe I'm not ready to be in this like amazing relationship with someone amazing. Like I'm, I want, it's almost like I want to intentionally meet like shitty people right now. But you're anticipating like a thing that's not here. This just sounds like literally classic anxiety.

Yeah, you have anxiety because you're worried about the future and you're educating yourself. Hey, Kalilah, when I met my wife, she was living with her ex-boyfriend at the time. Really, Pete? Pete, Pete. And, and, and, and, and tell us more, tell us more. And then like, how did you guys,

like, were you worried that maybe like, whoa, like this is too soon? Like, does she need time to heal from this relationship? Like, am I her rebound? Didn't think any of that. We just clicked and that's it. Took a chance and we clicked and that's it. But immediately that's like, oh, wow.

Like living with an ex-boyfriend. Where do I fit in? And who are you? But I loved who she was and kept seeing her, kept talking to her. Did you have any resentments down the road like in regards to like wait like it must have been shaky up front like it wasn't at all that's the thing it was it wasn't at all but it like at all just not even a little bit pete doesn't have resentments no but there wasn't at all and that's that's the crazy thing is that

you think oh man you're this is the wrong time for you. I was living in New York. She was in San Diego. What? You know, it was, you know, it just didn't measure up at all. But then it did because we had an intense connection. And it could be that way. Wow.

Okay. That's hopeful. Because when I'm in therapy, the theme of it is always you need to be alone. You need to feel good in yourself alone without anything else like informing your mental state. But sometimes that doesn't happen. Also, I thought the same thing after my last breakup, right before i

met dave i took dave into being with you i literally remember thinking like oh my god okay like this is it this is my time like i need to be single for a long time like i've been dating these people who are not good choices for me right now and literally within a month I met Dave. It's like, you know, I thought the same. I just don't have control over. Yeah, I had the same thoughts and anxieties that you're having now. So that to me makes it seem like, oh, these are universal things you're feeling. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, you're not. You guys aren't like worried that like sometimes I worry that I've just always been in relationships, that I've never really been single for more than like eight months yeah but okay so I think the last six months the end of your relationship with Bobby is very similar to like how like the last like five years of my relationship have been where it's like you've been together so long that like you're able to like build your own life even though you're still with your partner like i have a very separate fulfilled life without dave and so like that's just a concern that doesn't isn't worth paying attention to i think yeah does that make sense yeah like haven't you you've been with Bobby, but you've also, haven't you been independent throughout that as well?

I have been, but I feel like so much of my identity because we work together, we built a family together is very tied, you know, still tethered to him. I think I'm terrified that maybe I don't know how to be alone because I've always just been in relationships that I've convinced myself now that I'm like, no, no, no. Like you need to know what it's truly like to be alone. You do or you don't. Yeah. You do or you don't. I don't like it.

It's like, and things change like, things change like that. You can change like that. Things around you can change like that. It's like, there's no like, there's no point in like predicting a future it's like there's just no point it's that's literally so fun you're stealing and you are alone right now and you're stealing that moment for from yourself worrying about yeah i'm like

pushing everything away and sometimes i see these openings of like this person's incredible but I'm like ah then I'll like almost like invalidate my own feelings about it and then then say something along the lines of yeah I'll probably just fuck them or something like that but why don't you just be curious the way you said you're right you're right but I think that I need to be curious with myself rather than be so like judging like I think you need to do mushrooms I think i do oh my god we could do mushrooms i felt so like after doing mushrooms and acid like i felt like i really had gotten like very self-conscious like and i'd gone into like old habits of really being self-conscious about like what other people think of me and all that stuff and then i was just like what is the fucking point of that it's such a

waste of time and you're just like robbing yourself and the people that really fuck with you of just being carefree and just doing what you want and just being your own thing another thing that's been helping me lately is like applying to kind of anxiety stuff is oh esther like you just have to think about the day in front of you like i really try it's not easy i'm always like even while we're sitting here i'm like oh my god monday i have to think about the day in front of you like i really try it's not easy i'm always like even while we're sitting here i'm like oh my god monday i have to do this but like i try really hard to go to that place where i'm like it's just about today i just just what am i what's today what's right now because like annie said so accurately everything can change and i'm the kind of person we're like dude i if I taste a meal,

if I try a new drink and I like it, I'm like, okay, I need to order five cases of it because I'm going to drink it every day while I'm obsessed with it. And then it's like, well, in three days you're going to be sick of it. So why did I plan for needing it? Didn't you buy like 30 Barry's Bootcamp classes? That's a hundred. And they would not exchange them for smoothie points and it was a waste of money. That's a hundred. And they would not exchange them for smoothie points. And it was a waste of money.

But like that is exactly a habit of mine. Like if I like something, I have to like cling to it so tightly and like have it. It's like addiction mindset or whatever. But I think that just applies to like everything's going to change. You're going to be different tomorrow. And everything tastes more delicious in scarcity. I learned that from when i bought like like three pounds of seaweed salad from costco once or those seaweed those seaweed like that carlos's main source of of calories like those are like i ate so many of

those one time that i i had to take like 10 years off from them i do that too i need decades off like dude that's why it's like songs when you listen to a song over yeah wait i made myself allergic to spinach because i ate it three times a day every day spinach i can't have chai tea i had chai tea when i just first discovered chai tea the year i moved to la i had it every day i bought chai tea lotion chai tea perfume and now i am still off of it somebody didn't see hassan menage's special it's just chai chai tea perfume and now i am still off of it somebody didn't see hasan menager special it's just chai chai means tea oh he's like you guys are saying tt that's like when you say ahi tuna it's just ahi oh fuck i did not know that yeah ahi is just means tuna now educational comedy special

carlos get a sushi he us to to Sugarfish no y'all had enough food for the weekend he's going very y'all to us today he's been y'alling us all day he's watching

Texas stuff oh he's watching football on the job I'm watching football he's been watching football he's either throwing stuff at us yelling at us

oh that's why he's in a bag I've had a headache this whole time I've been hungry for most of it until I ate and I've been hungry for most of it until I ate and I've been watching football

and there were no beers when I kept checking oh my god he's an alcoholic I need drugs to be around your ass her ass? just her ass? I know because it gets him horny I genuinely think this is the new look for you oh my god

I love being like. It's hardware chic. I love masculine articles. It's good because you're so little. Yeah. It's so weird you got like actually hot. Wait, Carlos is attracted to me in the vest. It ruins your friendship.

So many twists and turns. Definitely like a lesbian vibe. Cool. But I'm so glad you're not one of those girls that's like oh i'm gay all of a sudden she is it's not all of a sudden what she is i don't buy it she's a lesbian yeah there you go i am whatever i want to be you guys it's time to go home yeah i missed my spot i want to go home we need to go I said go home. We need to go home. Yeah, this is not...

Pete, this is happening on your watch. Pete, how did you let this happen? Hey, it's all good. Was this a good episode? We got so serious. It was so cute. Because Esther fake got mad at me. It's a joke.

It's a joke. I think something is in the air. What, that we could do another episode? You know what? I did put something in the air. Sorry. It worked. It worked, it worked. This is weird.

Are you feeling feelings? No, it's like- Why'd you say it's okay, feelings? I didn't say it like, I'm like doing- It didn't say it like that. Your mannerisms. It doesn't do that. It did.

Crazy. Everyone's fucking delirious. It's okay. The cause is saw it. What is happening? I'm so okay. I'll sign us up.

Okay. Sign us up. Sign us out. Oh, no. For what? Schindler's List No Slugs thank you so much

We've been through like heartbreak Holocaust there were tears Violence Violence we were literally had a drive by Assault Slugs thank you so much you are so messed up mentally if you like this and thank you for that we love you we are connected we are all the same we are all flawed on the fucking road yes we will see you guys see you next week for an all-new episode

we're gonna get this bitch to go on the road with us too thank you Thank you.