Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Wedding Woes

Episode Date: July 6, 2021

Thank you to our Sponsor: Raycon - Go to https://buyraycon.com/trash for 15% off your entire order Trash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Subscribe to our YouTube: https://bit.ly/HitOurButtons Official Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8X Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: George Kimmel & Pete Forthun Editor: Gabby Galon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/trashtuesday/message

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it's free shocking that esther that's what you were about to say right yes it's free uh-huh it's always number one on our list it's free everyone wants to freaking start a podcast this is the easiest way we're about to tell you there's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer and and and they will distribute your podcast for you so it it can be heard from spotify apple podcasts and all of the platforms basically also you can make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership the best i mean imagine that that's like the lowest that's low pressure everything you need with anchor everything you need to make a podcast all in one place just download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started hi you guys it's

your little slug i'm coming on the road i'm coming on the road cut that She's a cum queen. Cut that. Keep it in. You'll hear why. You'll hear why that's really crazy. She's going on the road. I'm coming to Florida and I'm going to be at the Improv Comedy Theater in Tampa on October 12th. I'll be October 13th in Orlando at the Orlando Improv and October

14th I'll be at the Dania Point Improv in Dania Beach, Florida. Come see me in Florida. I'll be adding more dates soon. And also check out Sleepover by Esther.com for some cute things that are coming out this week. All right, guys, I am back on the road having so much fun. I sold out my first show at Flappers on July 15th. So we added a second one at 10pm. Check that out. Get tickets before they sell out. Then I'm at Wise Guys in Utah, July 16th and 17th. I'm doing a special event at the Lincoln Financial Center, which is where the

Eagles play in Philadelphia on 729. And I'm at the Buffalo Helium, 730 through 81. Please come see me. It's so fun. I'm doing a bunch of shows in august too um please go to my website amyletterman.com and you can also get my new dana devito merch thank you wait can we talk about that is this for doll face what your hair yes yes i just got i'm very proud of you for taking back the night from doll face they did you so dirty last time for people who don't know season one of doll face they got the haircut from hell and it was um i tried i tried to talk you down from it but it was everyone tried yeah it was it was but here i i have an opposing view i actually think you look really cute with short hair just not the first cut it

was really rough and it was at, you know how everyone has that line where it just like does the flip. It was, your eyelashes look cute. They do. You look munch cute. I know, I had a little camera test today. You look like a girl. The girl Jew.

We know the hair was done a couple of days ago though. No, this was today. This was today. Okay. But Kalilah, cause you even said that Jenna showed you the bad haircut and you. Yeah, we don't have to talk about but yes the version no we're talking about it it was bad you know you guys don't was bad this was not just like me like because i'm chill about hair i try i really like was like no no we can

make the best of that i think i cried maybe i think i cried too well here i think jenna cried when she showed me the picture and only because i think version 1.0 of the short haircut was not good. It was like a mullet. It was cuter. Yeah. They fixed it. Is it a different hair person or the hair person repented? Oh, that hair person was gone.

From the earth. Very quickly. Not even because of what happened with me. Like I was, I'm not important enough. No, you were just a part of it. Yeah, I was just a victim in the whole scheme of it but yes they so the thing with the show is it's all it's four brunettes and i'm the lowest on the totem pole so i'm the one that got a little bit of it's cute it's like kind of 90s blonde too that's what kalilah said what are you you should try to

get a gin try to get them to chunk it yeah i chunked in the front in high school i had that too because of the kelly clarkson album cover did they paint it on as a balayage or did they put you in a in one of those hats it's i think it's balayage because she painted it and in foil yes okay is that what you get what do you get your hair colored yeah what do you do i get sorry to the guys they listen they get to hear it all um i get yeah they paint it on they like paint it each piece and then they put foil over it yeah and sometimes they just put like um cotton balls and plastic wrap but what i think i've seen that um do you have color contacts in too no oh my god your eyes look light becoming christian it must be them and your nails look better they made you get boring nails last time this is huge life upgrade i know i feel like when i'm on a show i actually act like a

like oh i'm supposed to act like you mean they cast you as a woman and you have to play one but it's so long and thick oh my god esther wait did kelly clarkson have the chunky yes oh my god yes but it was also like wasn't it like flat ironed very straight this is the hair i copied in high school can i see that you also copied the lounging too how gorgeous ugly is this hair? I know it's so weird and it's all coming back. It is. It's fun to be this age and see it come back. Yeah.

It does mean we're elderly. Very old. For sure. For sure because bell bottoms came back in the i never thought that to the day can i um tell you guys back in high school can i tell you guys why i was late today it's so good yes randy i took randy to the groomer and the groomer is taking four hours because he's giving randy a mullet i was like you want to give him like a funny haircut like a and so it took so long and I went back to I went to Vanderpump so that's like by my

old house so the guy thought I was just like at my house he didn't know that I moved to the west side so he was just like kind of like taking his time and like trying to make sure Randy had a good experience who wasn't like scared of him and then I like came in like two hours later he's like oh I'm so far from done and I was like so now he's dropping randy off at my house so i had to drive back and then drive here wait is that true he's really getting a mullet how can a dog get i don't know i'm so excited i was thinking like a bowl cut i mean it's gonna be so cute and it will we'll cut it soon is this is i'm i smell a viral moment a dog with a mullet? He's a star. He needs to have some like, he's special.

You should have him on that one show with Rebel Wilson. The dog grooming competition show? Guys, can I just tell you something really real? I forgot to draw on my abs and I'm so insecure. I've been drawing my daily drawing on my abs and it's really changed my life. You know, I'm not going to lie. Like if you, if it looks real, like when you if it looks real like when when you're on camp when you're on camera it looks real and if you're not looking too closely if you're just kind of

it's like one of those i highlighted it too though that's why it's and i gave myself an eight pack you guys saw it was like it was or a 10 pack it was like a pack nobody somebody was like oh this she did she painted her abs like the movie 300 but you're right it's it's like true artistry because it actually it's like true camera makeup you're like you're so fat it's like true artistry you're literally so obese that it's like no but honestly like i and i wear i went to abakini and i was oh by the way i have to tell you something afterwards secret time about that but um not for you guys you can hear it but not for you but i want i had like in my head i was like oh i'll just do like a joke like abzikini and draw them on and then they weren't like dark enough so i just was chubby on abikini but i figured it out i just

photoshopped it over but i've been going out in public just like one out with it painted on very obviously one day they're gonna label that appropriation of something abs drawn on abs oh also i got a a company is sending me the neck machine that joe rogan used to get his neck thick because i said it will help with my tmj but if i end up with the neck thick the neck thickness of joe rogan will you guys still do a podcast with me? No. We'll do audio only. But I already have the voice of someone with a thick neck, so I already have a thick neck voice. I have an important question. Which

one of you said that your hall pass was Liev Schreiber? That was you? I totally thought it was Clyde. Okay, so last night I was watching Spotlight, which is a really good movie. Good, great movie. Like, it's genuinely a good movie.

I should have seen it by now. Liev Schreiber, for the first time, I was like, oh, I see it. Oh, I love it. It had to be a bunch of children got molested before you could see Liev Schreiber was hot. It couldn't be of any of the other movies he was in. No, but it was that he played like a Jewish, like...

How about when he was Wolverine? Oh, I didn't see that. But I wanted to ask you, what movie did you see him in that made you like him wait also you've seen three movies and one of them is the molester movie you're like oh I'm ready to break out and watch some more movies does anyone have any of the most depressing movies of all time Schindler's List I love the theme song that is a banger though I know when you say you say banger, a movie to bang to? Let me tell you. No, that's my 600 pound life.

Bobby and I fuck to that all the time. I just started watching a show like that. Yeah, it makes me so horny. I don't understand my body. What is a show like that? I think it's like

the Thousand Pound Sisters. Yeah, yeah. Why am I pointing at you? Listen, we brought him into the ab comment. I've seen that one. It's like the two ton man and then the half tons,

the sisters. Have you seen the viral clip where the woman's like the doctor's like so what do you guys drink and then they're like sodies aww I relate to that yeah do you guys know what a feeder is? yes the enabler that feeds the obese person? yeah they get off to feeding you

well no it's actually a fetish that some people have. Yes, but you're not wrong. Esther, can you be both? But let's suppose like one day I have dreams of just saying, fuck it. I don't care about my looks. I don't care about anything. I just want to eat whatever I want to eat.

Is that today? I mean, the toes coming out of the socks are a little rough. But one day, like for instance, my friend Asa Akira, she's a famous porn star, right? I saw her on the Cho Show. Right. So she always talks about one day just having this fantasy of being really, really fat and her husband just, like, feeding her whatever she wants. And I think there's something really kind of romantic about that in a very unhealthy

way. But, like, there is, like, when I think about it, I'm like I'm like that is like ultimate freedom. Todd would do it It is but I always think then about like how sick to your stomach you have to get to like gain that much weight But you get through it your body stretches You're like you'll figure it out

You're gonna be fine. But I agree like when Dave would like if I wasn't feeling well and Dave like brought me a bowl of popcorn I that's like I'm like like it just like satisfies something within me. He brought me food. But I, we need to go back to something. You are horny at 600 pounds. Can you explain?

I don't know what it was. I don't know if it was just like circumstantial, but when Bobby and I first started dating, that's all that was on was TLC, like half-ton man and all of that. And we would always just like do these, like sex would be better it made Bobby look really skinny is it because it reminds you of like when you first started dating and you were super attracted to each other I think so that just happened to be on in the background and we just left it on while we would like do things so I was like okay this works and so now when i see it i'm like oh the nostalgia you have a pavlovian response i do and you get you want to fuck i do i'm pavlov's dog do you want to like fuck on like plates of greasy food uh slip sliding i'm not a food and sex person

i don't understand who is like is it are there really food and sex people? Sure. There's everybody people. I have a version of that that's not exactly. But when I eat a big grease, like if I were to just eat a big cheeseburger and fries. I like how that changed. If we could imagine that happening. Imagine a world that's so crazy. That this girl with this hair that was obviously done by someone else and forced on her. If I ate a big plate of fries and a greasy cheeseburger. an Oreo milkshake, my dream meal, I would be like, all right, let's have sex. Can your dream meal be a meal you have every day?

Esther, you are a minority there. You like big meals and sex right after. Isn't that, I know it seems weird. She's disgusting. It's like burp and fart on him it's like no it's like it's like oh i'm already like gross like let's do the next like gross sloppy thing like let's just go i'm so the opposite each other do not touch me if i've had like even a quarter of a meal i just did my no no it looks fine on On nothing. I love how you're just like freestyling it.

Ew. That was like, by the way, it smells like an Oreo milkshake. And cum. Ew. Ew, Annie. Sorry I said cum. I know it's a triggering word. We say go-go.

Go-go. I know cum is disgusting. Cum's great. It's not. Well, wait. Jizz is more fun. You're both wrong. Jizz is like a medium word what about spunk spunk is fun but it's like grosser spunk is bad what about i like when

guys say i'm gonna bust oh but that's oh my you know why i'm white trash though yes that's what boys in timberland say yes oh my god by the way another reason i was late was because i went like the mulholland driveway and there's some sort I'm guessing it's a rapper's party because it was a bunch of like really well dressed black people and then well and then white people dressed like well dressed black people. And like cops were like escorting people and I was like, oh my god, something's going on here. Somebody's busting and somebody there. Busting. Bust is good. Oh, I love it finish oh seems proper yeah it's that seems very gubernatorial that would be esters can you tell me if you're about to finish are you finished sir is it time to have the milkshake have you finished on my stomach yet i'm what about skeet do you ever are you ever confused whether it's um oreo milkshake or come oreo cream are you like wait of whether it's Oreo milkshake or cream?

Are you like, wait, why was there Oreo in there? What if it is crusty on? Well, I'll just stop right there. You know, the Elmer's glue over there is reminds me I had a friend once who would it always remind you it does because okay, I know because you know what I think about? I think about that scene in girls. Do you remember when Adam Driver was hooking up with that? I can't remember the brunette girl who was in

the show Roswell. I think it was the same girl. Oh, Shuri Appleby. Yeah, he was like dating her and then he like brings her to her house and he's like get on all fours and crawl to my bed and she's like okay. And she like reluctantly crawls to the bed and then he's like

he's like banging her and he like flips her over and comes all over her chest and she like reluctantly crawls the bed and then he's like he's like banging for money like flips her over and like comes all over her chest and she's like i don't like that i'm like oh that sounds fun but um i always imagine they use like elmer's glue or something because you saw like fake like there was an art department that had to be like grab the elmer's glue for that i do wonder what they use for that again Again, perhaps some cornstarch and some rhubarb. That's so explicit to have to make fake cum. I know. That's like really. I feel like I want that job. The fake cum maker?

Yeah. I had a friend who used to. Should we have a contest of making fake cum next time? Yeah. Oh, my God. I feel like I'd really. George, gather the ingredients. I'd nail this.

I'd really nail this. Super soaker? But my friend would open would go up to girls and it was the most inappropriate way and he was like when you gonna let me skeet on your back oh wow did it work it probably works it worked every time come on I've never heard skeet skeet come on little john oh skeet skeet motherfucker oh skeet skeet goddamn goddamn oh i didn't know that's what that meant you thought they were like skating it's like when you skate and you slide a little bit when you hydroplane while you're skating

it's when you skate on the street skeet you know what i will say and i know this is like whatever my fucking family listens but um i i know i'm like squeamish about the words around it but that said if it's like on me and it dries up i can go days and i just don't care i mean that's i don't think that's a testament that's just how badly you don't want to be that's on brand. Okay, no one is surprised. Can I have your bell, Esther? I need that bell. Ring the bell on yourself, please. Pick up that bell and ring it on yourself.

Thank you, thank you. Am I alone? And also, by the way, if your parents were just half paying attention, the minute you're like, I know my family's watching, they like perked up. They're like,

are you sure you're going to bring me up? And now they're going to be like washing your clothes more that's good i'm gonna go ahead and say at least for this room you're very alone are you serious dry like remnants of of yeah oh you don't care either i'll swim i'm like i'll take the wet spot let's go let's just go to bed who cares i'll take the wet spot i call the wet spot dibs i just don't care you know what it's not like a chemical it does taste like it sometimes it chlorine it smells like that to me sometimes it does taste a little it smells like all my traumatic years of being like a swimmer i think that's why i want it off of me yeah it's so cool it dries my skin makes my eyes burn and then it's almost like it's like the way to still feel like young and slutty when you're like out around and you're like oh yeah

there's like that's over there i'm imagining you elderly like just like jizz in your fucking skin flaps everywhere oh i'm sorry go go in your skin flaps. Oh Esther, I'm just going to start. You know what? Maybe you are the cum queen. Oh my God. No, my God. Esther the cum queen. Get me off.

Give her a fucking put a fucking merch idea. Esther the cum queen. It's the highest selling merch on Earth. I am going to be done. Why do your eyes look blue? Ew. Are you getting on me?

You're getting on me. Sometimes I'm sexy today. We will re-gram every art that has that. Stop it. It doesn't matter what it is. Give her a crown. Oh, no. Give her a sash.

Put a sash on her. Just a jizz. Just a jizz sash. It's natural. Tell Dave next time to make it a sash across you. Oh, my God. You can't say things like that. I'm sorry I said the D word.

Blur it. Leap it out. Leap it out. Our next merch line, two slugs and a cum queen. No. No. I am. No, she's a slug.

But I feel like she's the only slug that doesn't shrivel up and die with jizz on it. It moistens me. Makes me thick and ready. Makes her hula dance. This is horrifying. Have you guys ever thought that you were psychic? Yes. No.

I'm not an idiot. Listen, stupid. Listen, dumb bitch. Listen to this. Listen to this. Listen to this story. I'm in a bar in New York City. It's after I quit drinking, okay?

I'm dead sober. I'm sitting next to some dudes talking shit. You know how I just chat, do crowd work with just random people. Just nobody's listening. I'm just like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I go, what do you guys do? They go, we're drummers. I go, oh, you guys are drummers?

Like in a band? They go, not really. And I go, what are you, blue men? And they go, who told you we were blue men? And I was like, wait, you're blue men? They're like, yeah, we're blue men. And I was like, are you fucking with me? They were fucking blue men.

I just knew they were blue men they weren't in an outfit they were just regular guys just blue man group yeah yes wow i just guessed it out of fucking nowhere okay we need another example why are you i believe her because i i honestly do feel like i'm deeply connected to some things like for instance and i hate to be like you wore a blue shirt knowing i was going to talk about exactly also so if you look through my phone's notes i write every time like i suspect there's going to be like a major earthquake in the world and i text it to my mom and my sister and i've gotten it right every time that's so scary including the worst one in haiti can you start predicting not earthquakes

so we're predicting nice things why do you think you're able to do that like what are you so i don't know what it is since i was seven years old or the fact that we live in a freaking san andreas fault line so like i could predict one right now be like someone and of course there's going to be some like movement in the earth so but I think it's just a coincidence. When I was younger, I did this. But maybe you liked your knees shake. I don't know. I my mom and sister believe me now.

I believe you. If I don't predict predict the next big one, then I'm wrong. You guys, we're all going to be on the move this summer. I think we know that. I've been on the move. I can't. We all have been moving. And guess what? I've flown like five times first class.

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quick and seamless Bluetooth pairing and a compact charging case. When I see someone wearing them, I'm always like, oh, they just got really good quality and save money. So like I respect that. And you know what I really love about them? Not only do they actually sound really well, but they they give you options because my ears are very finicky and they're very sensitive. And surprising. I know. Swimmer's ear. Anyways, but they give you different option sizes for your different ear holes.

So you just choose one that fits you best. I really appreciate that. They have 24-hour charger too. That's really good. I hate when they die. And also, I had the more expensive brands and I kept losing them and it's fucking humiliating. You can lose these and get another pair and still feel okay with yourself. And still fly first class with Annie.

Listen up. Raycon's offering 15% off all their products from our listeners and here's what you've got to do to get it go to buyraycon.com slash trash there you'll get 15 off your entire raycon order and it's such a good deal you'll want to grab a pair and a spare because you might lose them if you're like one of us that's 15 off at buyraycon.com slash trash buyraycon.com slash trash. Buyraycon.com slash trash. Have you guys heard of this book, Many Lives, Many Masters? I think that's what it's like the famous book about reincarnation and like people who who believe in that and stuff. Oh, God, I thought it was about master's degrees. Please don't make me go back to school.

When I was this is a real insight to what a freak oh i was when i was younger but i got like really into like death and like the afterlife and all this stuff when i was probably like 12 and so cool i know cool dude waffles rule yeah dude let's have a picnic in the cemetery okay so but this book there i remember there was a section in the book where is it because you look like you were in the adams family or oh what an icon my idol wednesday adams i know oh you thought it was wednesday oh you're talking about uncle fester um but there is this part in the book where it talks about like if you lay down like it was almost like telling explaining meditation like you close your eyes and you just like think nothing

and you're supposed to like visualize like psychic you're supposed to like have some type of psychic ability and i don't know that's the end of your story that can't be what the book said think of nothing and then what and then like basically okay here's why i said it because you're supposed to be able to just like lay there and like if you follow their instructions i won't go go to dry on you you're supposed to like have a psychic you're supposed to like see figure something out wait but yeah you got like into it yeah i believe that i do that i think if you if you power down you're more heightened to other things around you like there have been times and bobby will tell you where i will like wake up in the middle of the night like a whole minute before

and i'll wake up a big earthquake and he's like there's no earthquake and a minute after there'll be an earthquake okay that's weird but i think that's just highly sensitive like feeling like i probably felt a shake before anything i you know that i have i have talked through every earthquake and i wish this was a bit, I really, I'm not even kidding. I've never heard an earthquake because I talk so much

that I'm just chatting, chatting, chatting, chatting. People, I think they're like really into my story or something. I'm like,

oh, I'm like knocking them off their feet and then people go, an earthquake. I'm like, are you guys fucking kidding me? You know,

it's like, I never saw a deer when I was at Everland where I was like, deer. I'm like, are you guys fucking when there's a deer? Like I always miss the deer and I always little. Everyone would always be like, deer. I'm like, are you guys fucking when there's no deer?

I always miss the deer and I always miss the earthquakes. I've never once felt an earthquake. But that's a gift in itself is the fact that you would probably talk through any calamity. I just. That's what she's like a good person. If you're on the Titanic and it's sinking, hang out with her. You won't even know you're drowning. I'm like, who even likes balls?

Get rid of them. Hold that dick back. Let me't even know you're drowning. I'm like, who even likes balls? Get rid of them. Hold that dick back. Let me get at those balls. Ew. So Esther, what is the big news in your life? What is your big brand new purchase? Okay, so as you guys know, I have been driving a 2001 Toyota Camry

for as long as I've... If you got a Tesla, I'm going to be pissed. Shout out to Camrys though because my first car was a Camry as well. Wait, what year is it? 2001. Speaking of, I watched Spotlight last night and saw my 01 car all over that movie because it takes place in 2001. That's right.

And they were probably hard to find. They were like, can we find... Does anyone have one anymore? They used her car on set. Attention movie producers, I'm keeping my 2001 Camrys. So if you need it for a rental for your next big production i will say i didn't see your car out there so i this summer i'm working on a show where my commute is an hour like an hour there an hour back and i was like this is annoying me too

i was like it's time and i i really wanted a tesla like part pardon me, I, like, got Tesla fever for a moment. And I looked it up and was like, okay, like, it's pretty expensive. But, you know, I've waited this long. Like, maybe I'll do it. But then my dad, first of all, I told my dad. Your dad said no, obviously. My dad freaked out. Was like, you're paying for the name.

You're paying for Elon Musk. You're an idiot. Oh, my God. Like, you're just paying for the name you're paying for elon musk you're an idiot like you're just paying for his name all this stuff and um and then also they weren't available and they're not available till the fall yeah so i went with my big dream and i got myself a 2021 toyota corolla oh my god hybrid wow i think that what color applause break white white oh that gets dirty fast safest car on the road honestly let me you know when we went to palm springs i drove my mom's corolla and the

whole time it's a 20 2020 okay because she just got and i the whole ride there i'm like this is the best car i've ever driven this is the best car i've fucking dude toyota's for life toyota's i got tricked into getting a Honda, but I never wanted to get rid of Toyota. That's what Dave has, the Civic, which it's still nice. It's just not a Toyota. It's just close,

but it's just not... But I also think all cars are the same. Like, I really do. I think... You've only driven the same car, that's why. You've never even ventured out. You've had... There's two cars you've

driven now three i know and my my dad was like he was like okay well now you'll have this car for 20 years and i was like oh my god this is crazy but that's why i bought i know most did you pay all right all right i i bought it so i said all right for some reason all right i bought it i bought it so it's not least because the thought of a lease freaks me out personally because i like to destroy my cars yeah no it's really rough i like to turn them into a beater why do you are you does that you lease i lease and it's just i just i'm like we'll deal with this later it's just like oh this is gonna be a problem at some point that's just how i feel like my dream car is an el camino have you ever seen those no wait they're

like the ones that looks really disappointed no it's just obvious there was no surprise in it because you're getting banged in the bag like yeah el camino is the one that had the back goes like that yeah that's an el camino yeah isn't that in that movie that tarantino movie where they kill everybody that's all tarantino movies it is in all of them that's what i meant yeah possibly that in feet but to me i just see a car with it's an older car so you've got problems yeah not if you yes but if you switch out a lot of things i think well look it wouldn't be something i drive every day don't get mad at us but also i don't your dream i don't drive every day i'm a freaking homebody don't you not have a car i bicycle what color you buy a cycle i buy something you already did the gay episode last year stopping by now listen what color do you want um i always thought of getting a white one oh wait

either a midnight blue oh love that or um a white one for some reason with like a salmon interior. Would you do, ooh, that's really cute. Would you do like details on it? I don't think so. I have yet to figure out exactly what I want. Would you want the stripe up there? But would you guys go on a ride with me? We won't be going very far.

Maybe. Well, we know your mom would be with you, Rudy. We'd have to bring the whole family. It's true. One thing about my new car, not to brag, all the windows go up and down. You're not going to get hit on anymore. And it has backup camera. It does. I did notice people are honking at me in this car. And I think that they never honked at me in my last car because I was like, our friend John always says the scariest person in the room

is a person who has nothing to lose. And that that was me in my old car. People were like, did not fuck with me. That's exactly why I'll never, we'll never get rid of this Prius. Like it has like bullet holes through it. It looks like the person who owns this car has, is Bobby has perished.

Was on Mad TV. tv wait but you're you you guys have one car right car we're a one car family and you he i'm assuming he's he owns it and abuses it right yeah but then um jules has her license now so she's a new driver she's hit a couple things does she tell them well no she's only hit um things that don't yeah like not other cars no people so far thank god but she's definitely did you see that video the whole under part got like scraped off and bobby was like that's okay did it start out as a lease and bobby's like i'm gonna have to buy this bitch dude bobby rented a car from enterprise for a whole year you guys why and he spent like 29 i told you i did rent a wreck and it was like i'm like why is it i'm paying like the same price for the shitty car yes but i think that you guys

are similar in that way where it's like the inconvenience there is no price i mean he would rather pay that price than be inconvenienced guys if i was rich i would take a fucking helicopter to this podcast i do not that drive is so rough well here it's just unpredictable it's like unpredictable that's the annoying part you know there's like a famous story about your partner bobby lee that he couldn't find his car so he just forgot about it and bought a new one oh that's that's actually the milder version of events he bought three i. I mean, it's happened right before my very eyes. I know it was my birthday. He had to pick me up.

Was this one he was still using? No. Oh, it's so good. It's sober Bobby. As sober as he can get. He picks me up from the airport. We drive back to, we're about two blocks away from home. We're really, we could literally walk home.

Call AAA. We both have AAA. His car stalls. It's something minor. It's something wrong with the computer. He says, babe, we just got to leave it here. We'll buy a new car tomorrow. And I'm like, are you fucking crazy?

We got into the biggest screaming match because he was insistent on not getting it towed to the shop. My dream is to have Bobby Lee throw away money. I don't think it's money. You just are wanting Bobby Lee throw away money. I don't think it's money. You just are wanting Bobby Lee throw away. Yes. He wouldn't even have a lot of money then. He was just like, I can't do it.

I can't do it. I gotta go. I gotta leave. He just wants to leave the scene and never think about it again. Leave the scene. Flee the scene. What kind of car was it? It was this Prius.

Does Bobby have guilt? Wait, he tried to flee this Prius and you still have it and we still have it does bobby have guilt like if he were to leave the scene could he just stop thinking about yes and drop it and i couldn't that i wouldn't be able to do that at one time he would eat away at me he um his car flipped over a couple times in the freeway sorry that's not funny with bobby and it is so he flipped his car a couple times in the freeway is it like separate times or like it flipped a couple times in the same same time okay so he totaled it but he was able to crawl out dust himself off and he was like huh i'm gonna go get a taco bell so he goes walks over to taco bell and and then comes back to the scene of the

his fucking you know destroyed vehicle and paramedics and cops are surrounding it and they're like sir sir don't come any closer there's a dead body in there and he was like that's me this is why he's my hero but he was probably in shock honestly um because i've gotten in some car accidents and you're in full shock and you don't you do crazy things maybe or maybe he's just like i don't what's the big deal guys like everything's fine i'm alive i have you know tacos in my hand i love this man when he crashed into sam tripoli's car it was the were you there literally i was there the video i was my favorite thing i've ever ever ever ever ever ever ever seen it's my favorite thing it's i wish it would happen

every day explain why he so slowly crashed into the car it was the slowest fucking roll ever and like i love sam tripoli but he's like a fucking spaz but he's also a spaz with a heart of gold that will get over it but in the moment it was just so good how personally he took it it was just and and if you think about it's like bobby you did fucking do that on purpose um well do you guys really because it went so slow you could put the fucking it was really slow and it's just and just something about the red rope and just what sam's wearing everything's just so funny you're not not getting this? And he's got his little angry hands. I'm sorry. I'll pay for it.

Oh. Let's look at Bobby's hands. There is a... I was probably talking to Tony. That's why I didn't care. Oh, my God. I wish I was there. Oh, it was you. So he had relapsed here, obviously.

Yeah. But he was going through... He was keeping it a secret from me. Nobody knew at this point that he had relapsed here obviously um but he was going through he was keeping it a secret from me nobody knew at this point that he had relapsed um he was being very like erratic i almost thought that he was going through like some mania i remember telling him like you're either on the verge of like oh fuck his dad had just died i was like you're on the verge of um um a breakdown or you're back using i was like which one is it eventually but i didn't know at this point but when i found out about this or i found out that he had relapsed later i asked him i was

like did you do that on purpose and he was like i think in my head in that moment there was a part of me that like blamed sam triple e for relapsing and i was like okay you know that's not true like you should be blaming yourself yourself only like there's no one to blame here. You know what I was hoping you were gonna say? What? That Bobby did it on purpose because he thought it would be funny. Cause he was high and thought it would be funny.

I'm sure that was some part of it. Because honestly it's so funny and look at Sam's outfit. Like you're supposed to get your car crashed into in that outfit. Wait, so he, can you explain that? Like he was mad at Sam at sam yeah like he was subconsciously mad at sam because he was blaming him for his relapse yeah so i think that he says that there was 20 of him that think that even though it was an accident it wasn't as accidental as maybe his subconscious was i see was in action deep in there yeah which is a stupid

cop-out explanation for why you would hit someone's car and i if i were sam triple i'd be pissed not if it's the truth i mean if that's the truth of like how you felt yeah really it's just accepting responsibility for being an asshole but he he did he did pay for the for the that's just Esther what were you doing at this moment masturbating i was probably talking to tony tony was like i've seen a last car crash i saw was on stage earlier i i want to talk to you guys about something i've always wondered but that sounds scary what like we were in trouble no no i was like what but you are in trouble i always feel in trouble when someone asks me this but have you ever been a bridesmaid yes and have you enjoyed the process yeah but i was lucky because it was a covid so i did almost die no she didn't have to do her makeup she could wear a mask

i was a covid bride made it i was a covid i was technically the co-maid of honor but it was just tricky there's a co-maid of honor, but it was just a tricky situation. Wait, there's a co-maid of honor? Yeah. This means that everyone was like, Esther, we know this is your big day, but we do need someone else to be involved. I want to know if you guys think it's cool that they're expected to pay so much. No. I didn't have to pay shit. It was my brother's wedding.

It's insane. He knew I was paying nothing. See, that's how to do it, I feel. I'm sorry, guys. If I'm ever getting married and I'm asking you guys to be in my wedding party, I'm not having you pay for anything only because it's like, if I don't have that money for myself, I'm not going to burden my friends about that. Well, I think that's different because we're co-workers.

But I think there's times where it's okay but i i agree that it's insane it's so much money to demand that kind of money but i would only do it for someone who i would want to do it for i felt so like personally attacked by the dress that i was given because i was i was a bridesmaid in both my brother's weddings and the first it's like you guys know i have sweaty armpits like you picked this color with that cut i'm like i'm gonna be pitting down to the i'm gonna ruin your fucking pictures i just realized you're the reason in the universe why i had to be a co-bridesmaid because christina's husband's twin sister had to fucking be the co-bridesmaid with me oh yeah because i'm the girl. So the sister. Yeah.

Oh. Don't you think you're wrong in this thing? Yes. Always put yourself above that twin. Really? There was a womb. You were not in. I really want to be in that womb.

We should make, oh my God, we should make an ultrasound of you just clinging to the outside of the womb. What constitutes like a bridezilla? Like, would you, okay, how do you turn down someone who says, will you be my bridesmaid they give you the whole letter they're teary-eyed nobody was nobody wanted me involved in these weddings this was like they were like we got to do it and by the way my twin brother but you see why no one wanted the other co-bridesmaid she's proving it right i just have a feeling you were the one they didn't want but it's fine i want you to feel what

you feel and i want to be on your side. But I know you. And I have nothing against his twin sister. You looked beautiful. You're wonderful. But this was my moment. So my brother did not. This was like right when I was starting comedy.

So my family, I was like this always. But I didn't have TV credits. So this was very unacceptable right like when it was like there's no way this is gonna like pay for the college of the children in my family they were like you're bad but the minute that was like oh we might be getting some money out of this foul mouth like then it got good but so this is before I even did like Chelsea lately or any of those things so I was just doing like open mics and just still like running my mouth. So I was not allowed to give a speech at my twin brother's wedding.

And I was like destroyed for years. Like I am 100% over it. I completely see their side. I know exactly what they didn't want me to say. And 100% I was opening with that. And I was probably going to call it back at the end too. So like there was things they didn't want me to say that I was going to say. But their excuse was they said, we're just letting the maid of honor and the best man give speeches.

And that was her sister and my only other brother. So it was all the siblings except me. Well, can you say what it was that you weren't supposed to say that you wanted to say? No, I can't. I've already said it so many times. And the only reason I can't say it again is because my sister-in-law has a real job and i said it once before and then one of her co-workers came up and was like oh that thing with your husband like my son has that and she was like annie i'm gonna fucking kill you what could i'll tell you i'll tell you wait but so okay the last wedding that i went to which was amazing it was like a platinum

wedding i'd always want but i didn't know anybody else in the bridal party and to me that's a I'll tell you all. Wait, but so, okay, the last wedding that I went to, which was amazing. It was like a platinum wedding. I'd always wanted. But I didn't know anybody else in the bridal party. And to me, that's a problem. Yeah. Like, that's when it gets difficult. And then they're like, we're all going to do a dance. And now I have these strangers.

What kind of dance? Oh, it was a Bollywood dance. Okay. And at first, I was really, like, amped. I was like, yeah, fuck yeah. I'm going to be. Yeah. I was really like amped I was like yeah fuck yeah I'm gonna be

yeah I was really like but after I realized that I had to take instruction from these professional Bollywood dancers and the way they were giving me instruction I was just like alright like now I feel obligated and I it just I lost the fun and I opted out oh okay well that's

good because you you don't want to ruin them you don't want to be the one going laughing you're supposed to go right or whatever I was like this looks like you guys are having so much fun. I was like, I'm going to opt out of this. Was that when you had the bad? Yeah. I also felt very, how do I say? I don't want to say this out loud because of my friend's wedding, but there was some

mean girl energy in the bride that they were not warm to me at all. That makes me mad. And I'm just like, what did I? That makes me want to yell at those girls and unfollow them and be mean girls to them. But you guys know me. I'm not exactly like, I'm like, oh, I'm a pretty warm person. But they were very, they were not about that. How good does it feel to just press that opt out button and sit back and relax?

I got some pushback though. I was like, look, I'm not fucking dancing. And I got another girl to get opt out with me as well. Thankfully, she was like an Indian girl. So I was like, fuck yeah. If an Indian girl is going to opt out of this, that means I'm not. Did you buddy up? Yes.

Yes. Because I do feel like in the mean girl situation, there's always one girl that's like, I know you're being mean girled. Yeah. I see this happening. It's fucked up. There's always like one person that's like yeah and trying to save you and and and i love my reality i love my friend who got married but it's like come on like you know be part of

the bachelorette party and i'm like i'm not gonna go to mexico for me with a bunch of girls i don't know you know what i mean it's hard girls trips are rough you it's a it's such a like uh you need it to be a good balance. Yeah. I'm not going to pay that much money to to be around strangers. Yeah. Yeah. And then I would never.

You know. And then since you're the odd man out, you kind of have to like it's up to you to kind of like insert yourself, which is so that's such a tricky. I've definitely been. Yeah. If I had ever been invited to a girl trip, I would totally agree with you guys. But. Well, maybe with your new hair and eye makeup. I've definitely been yeah if I had ever been invited to a girl trip I would totally agree with you guys but well maybe with your new hair and eye makeup

you finally jumped in are you gonna have a wedding or are either of us gonna have a wedding you guys are not gonna go cause it's gonna be in the Philippines I said we would go I'll go yeah yes shake on it put it on her pussy now

give me her pussy I will go to the philippines for your wedding of course i know but is it gonna be um would you feel like pushed no would you like well she will feel pushed because there will be a wheelchair involved she will have some sort of injury i'll tell you who'd be really excited is dave Dave Dave loves traveling and he would love like so and I'll be happy like to be going with him yeah I can I just tell you I don't expect you to change who you are ever but I

and I like who you are I think you have very strong boundaries I really appreciate that about you but I do think I just had an experience on vacation that was like very like kind of like eye-op opening and changing. And I think that you could come around to vacation. I agree.

Like we were supposed to go to Puerto Rico. I know you were just there for Christina's bachelor. What? Maybe go somewhere else. Wait. Then what did you just say? The last time I talked to Annie, she was coming out of a fucking murder scene in Puerto Rico. Why just?

Who did she kill? I need my Puerto Rican friends. Like, I haven't discussed this with my Puerto Rican friends yet because I really, I don't know what's cultural and what's just because of the pandemic and because of like the natural disasters that have hit Puerto Rico. Like, I don't know what is just like how they are or like what, what is just they're like, because, okay, it took like two hours to get food. Like you would be like at a restaurant,

it would take like two hours for them to even like get your food or anything. And then like we went to this one restaurant and they like, the chef, like after two hours, we see the chef like run by with like a box of frozen foods. And we're like, wait, you're supposed to like hide that under an apron. We're not supposed to know.

And like, they just like handed us this place. But it was also this one restaurant. And then I was thinking like, is this customary or is it because they are under unemployment as well? And it's like they're understaffed because people are still getting paid. I have noticed that a lot of restaurants in L.A. have a longer wait time. I think that is COVID related. Yeah. And I do think they are understaffed.

Or maybe they're like a chill, like whatever. Like I went to the concierge at one of the places we were staying at. I know. And it was raining and I go what do you do when it rains for fun she goes we party we dance and I was like it's like 8 a.m bitch like where like point me to the what do you I just mean like today what are we gonna do and then but I didn't know that it just like rains and stops raining and rains and stops raining like I was caught in the rain the entire time I had just like soaking wet extensions the entire time but we it was like it was really fun and I just was I this is what I realized I want

to be way more respectful when I go to places like I want to like learn about the culture I want to know the language better it was surprising how much Spanish I remember that was crazy what were you saying I want to know I want to know what was I saying yeah well I thought I only knew palabras malas right yeah no tango panocha all that which gets yelled at me at shows because I said this on here but I just knew words like I just knew like difícil like I just knew how to like say like breakfast and shit like there were just like things that would just pop up and I was like oh I could probably just dual lingo this bitch and learn a lot of stuff but I felt like I didn't want to come in and be like we need our food now stuff but i felt like i didn't want to come in and be

like we need our food now this is fucked up like i didn't want to judge a culture like if the culture is chill that's like my bad i should come in and fit into there well let me give you um a preemptive like warning then if you go to the philippines if you think puerto rico is slow we move slow yeah i'm not food service necessarily but it's like it is slow and and fucking spam isn't it it's not that hard chop chop chop measure spam but things like lines and stuff let's say if you go to a grocery store you you know how over here they just uh the bagger will just put everything in a bag yeah and you go no over there they'll put things in a bag and then they'll roll it a couple times then they'll print out the receipt they'll staple the receipt six

times it's like they mori khan do the yeah but it's almost like that's unnecessary yeah it's like they're doing these extra steps and things just move a little slow it's either you absolutely love it and find it cute or you just lose your mind yeah so that's a warning for you guys i love it i think it feels like home but there are moments where i'm in the airport where i was like get out i feel like esther's like i'm piggybacking her she'll be fine i definitely like things that move quick especially when it involves food or like engagements or moving in together or yeah like committing your life to me i always think of the first episode season one episode one of the girls next door where they all went out to dinner with hugh hefner and all the

girls were like so when the food doesn't come right away like hef gets really grumpy like he needs his food right away and i'm always like that's me i'm like you have to write a restaurant he's probably diabetic and at this point like like, his sugar is dropping. I could see you just eating stuff in a grotto. Because it's all wet. I just relate to that. Like, I relate to being like, yeah, I like when my food comes right away. This is how badly she wants Anna Nicole Smith next to her at all times.

Yeah, I try to be, I do try to work on my patience because it's like, that's like a meat problem if it's, you know. Yeah. My peace is, like, up to me. But when you're hungry, it's really hard yeah i should my piece is like up to me but when you're hungry it's really hard angry they have that thing in um in aa that's called halt it's like hungry angry lonely tired so whenever you're upset you have to check in you have to halt who do you check in with yourself yeah all right what do you tell yourself am i hungry angry lonely or tired but

after that my period by the way are we allowed to out that we like did a bunch of episodes together and that's why yeah yeah everyone keeps being like why is she annie on her period every week and i'm on my period again but it's because we do like we we had to cluster some because of travel we banked them but so it was i know also i didn't know the gum was an issue. I was having nausea. And then it wasn't until one came. Like, we had already reported five. It was too late, yeah. And then, like, we were like, oh, fuck.

So there's no more gum. I'm better. I'm healthier now. It was a health thing. We're learning as we go. And we're going to apologize as we go. But also, like, OK, so then the reason I wanted to clear it up is because some girl was like, some women just have their period all the time.

And I'm like, no, I don't. I mean, I did when I got the Depo shot. I did have i did it my period yes but i that hasn't happened to me in a long wait shout out to my friend jenna i don't think she'll mind saying this but she's had her period for six months that's right right she didn't have it for like a year and now she's no she has um she has pcos which is really erratic yeah i feel like all like all my, like, everyone I know has PCOS. It's so common. Yes, it's a lot more common than we think. But she's just, she's like, I don't understand why, like, I feel, because she's not used to having monthly periods. But is it, okay, it's not like, okay, because this is,

I don't want to get into this propaganda chat or anything, but I am not sure, but I have a little bit of a weird feeling that my period is a little bit changed since I got the vaccine. What? Oh, really? Mine hasn't. What?

It is. I have fudgies in the beginning. I never used to have that. And it was like right after I got it. Right after. Nurse? I mean, here. I think that travel changes in your routine, changes in exercise intensity.

There are a lot of things. I'm not sure about that. that's been intensity we've been flatlining there there are a lot of things that could contribute to like period changes right like even for me when i can't when i come back from six months out of the country and i've had like long 24 hour travel right my period is delayed for two weeks yeah or pooping yeah it's it's weird but it any change weird when you travel it is oh do you have traveler's constipation who doesn't i do i don't i have traveler's diarrhea well you're not supposed to drink the water bitch it's called dysentery wait i'm trying to think because okay i know you guys love the word fudgies i personally

don't subscribe but that means like it's like it's weird that you're the most fudgyish um it's brown and chunky right it's just brown and streaky yeah streaky that so that to me what that means it's like older blood right that's been chilling but what would cause that um i should it sounds like you're just spotting um that to me sounds like spotting um i think that it could be anything it could be you know if you say my age, I'm going to fucking choke you out. You'll die, bitch. Bitch, you and I are the same age.

Bitch, I'll take you out. I went to fucking... Oh my God, you guys. I went to Medieval Times. Okay, I went to Medieval Times. Is this an attempt to un-age yourself? No, no, no, no, no. Listen, I go...

Where? What city? There's one near wherever Knott's Farm is. I've never been more scared in my life than when I went to medieval times in middle school for the field trip. What scared you?

I didn't know, like, if it was real and what wasn't. Are you serious? You're a fucking actress. You don't understand. You didn't see them doing those big roles?

You don't understand how dumb I was for a very long time. Did you think Heath Ledger was going to pop out of one of the... I was very scared. Of course you loved it.

Listen, can I just tell you, I was a little pissed. First of all, my knight was fat and old. Oh my time. My knight was, was,

Horny. He was cool. I still liked him, but he was the bigger of the bunch and the older of the bunch. And I just, he died second and i just felt like he didn't they didn't give enough time to rest because even his like sire or squire or

whatever squire they like he was kind of like out of shape like i don't know like our crew was just the out of shape crew and i know they just came back from covid how does it work you choose a night and they compete with each other no they, they give you like a colored hat. Oh. And then you sit in that section. So and then it's already predetermined, I guess. But there was like one guy that was like this Hispanic guy that was all like ripped. And he came in second.

He was kind of evil. And his team was the coolest. See people die? Like that's scary. How old were you when you went to medieval times? Was I fake? 12? I mean, it could have been yesterday. I should have the same feeling. It's scary. Did old were you when you went to Medieval Times? Was I fake? 12? I mean, it could have been yesterday.

I should have the same feeling. It's scary. Did you like, like, is the food good? Do you know what I kept thinking? The horses look like Randy. Everybody looks like Randy. I'm sorry, but a fat knight sounds really hot to me. Look, this is a very controversial thing to say.

It was very hot. He was very sweaty. The hottest person in all of Game of Thrones was Robert Baratheon. He was Robert Baratheon style. Yes, he was. He was definitely that weight. Maybe weight maybe a little less but gray beard and here's the thing he did do good there were a couple challenges that were that are not predetermined where they have to like go and they have to get their joust through these these rings and some people get them some don't he got both of his rings like he was good but he was a little winded and they didn't

give him a break they didn't give him a break and i know it was probably already predetermined but they didn't give him a break so even if it wasn't predetermined he was gonna little winded and they didn't give him a break. They didn't give him a break. And I know it was probably already predetermined, but they didn't give him a break. So even if it wasn't predetermined, he was going to get killed. Do you get a present if your guy wins? No, but they do like point to like certain women and give them roses. And he pointed way past me. I was like, I was wearing my neon skims too. I was like, you can't miss me.

I'm like, I have more followers than these people. So if you want to get on Instagram. But what I wanted to tell you, the reason I thought of this is because I went out, Todd and I went out to get drinks and I got a horn. I got a virgin pina colada and a horn. So I have it in my house. I should have brought it to drink. But so this woman was working as the bartender and they have to speak in like the old fashioned

dialect. So they're like, what can I get you, m'lady? And then she was like, oh, m'lady, you're so pretty and your boyfriend is so handsome. Doth my lady have children? And I go, oh no. But maybe sometimes she goes, well, one better hurry. And I was like.

To Todd? To me. I was like. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. She was like, do it soon. I was like, OK, thanks, wench. Where's my fucking, give me my fucking drink, bitch. She did not say that.

I swear to God. And I was like, uh. And in my head, I'm like trying, I'm like spinning it any direction that it could be. But I was like, I was wearing a mask. They make us wear masks. I'm like, she was, you know, it's like the mask does accentuate the crow's feet. I was like, this bitch was just just like your eggs are shriveling that is this i went i went well back in uh the time of the lord they did not have

frozen eggs bitch okay now give me my frozen pina colada it was just like so crazy it was so funny i need a why i love fat guys what do you mean like i'm horny for fat because you lost a your virginia on waterbed that's because you like watching that show will you have sex so i was obsessed the one of the number one um sports that i watched growing up was sumo wrestling with my dad and so like i was obsessed like i would see that was sumo wrestling with my dad. And so like I was obsessed. Like I would see that these sumo wrestlers like Takano Hana or Akebono, they were like in the front pages

of a lot of like Japanese magazines and they were always with like supermodels, like Asian supermodel girlfriends. So my idea of hot, I think, is influence. And that's the reason why when i look at bobby and i know that i want him to be healthy but i do kind of like him when he's fat you're a feeder or whatever they're called well i just like the shape a lot dude do you want to put him in like a in like a cloth diaper i do you're not into it no i i love if a guy is skinny for me, like I just, I need them. I need weight.

I need meat. I need fat. I need hair. Like when I watch a man. But not on the top of the head. When I watch a man eat something like big and nasty, like I can't even think of what it would be, but like something where I would never eat. I'd be like, ew, that's hot to me. What?

Please tell me what you wouldn't eat. Like anything. Like, like I don never eat, I'd be like, ew, that's hot to me. What? Please tell me what you wouldn't eat. Like anything, like, like I don't eat crab legs or- I know. Oh my God, Andrea, don't say that out loud. That was really a fight. I couldn't think lobster, I'm trying to think. Crab.

The greatest foods of all time. Just watching a man eat, I don't know what to do. It is a disgusting thing to watch people eat. Like watching a man eat something disgusting, I'm like yeah like hell yeah that's hot would you get turned on if you saw me grab legs twice a day speaking of uncle fester i was obsessed with his vibe his look everything about him when i watched adam's family and what it was not gomez that i loved it was uncle fester i've never heard it sound like there's a guy named Adam and it's his family It's the wrong I'm fastest on the wrong syllable guys

I am sweaty you guys She's like I'm like you pig But well, here's the thing the upside of being in like humid weather is that you're never just sweating out of your pits. You're sweating from everywhere. But it's too much when every pore is wet. Like I just can't. It's just, it's too much. I was in the humidity.

I did. I surprised my dad for his 80th birthday party. By the way, getting, trying to find outfits to wear on my family is so hard. Because I feel like Jennifer Aniston going home for Thanksgiving. I'm like, literally my full shape of my tits is shown in every outfit I have I was I mean I was like about to just put duct tape on my sister-in-law at one point was like I'm sorry is the like is it too cold in here and I was like what are you talking about she's like your nipple and I was like they were pierced when I was 14 I'm sorry I was like oh just like like I'm just

surprised my nephew didn't try to breastfeed but But we surprised my dad for his 80th birthday. And it was so cute. My brother drove down with the girls from Boston and we all stayed. My older brother used to have like a really small house in Philadelphia. And then for the equal price in Jersey, he gets this like huge, it's so beautiful, this great backyard and stuff. So I could tell he was really excited to like host all of us. So my brother and I came the night before my dad's birthday and we slept over the kids all slept in

the same room i had a little air mattress it was just like really cute and then um he invited my dad was having a birthday party and then at four so he invited him for brunch at his house and he came down to the basement to see the boys and i popped out of like a a kid's tent. And my dad was hoping I was going to surprise him. But I've been lying to his fucking face for like weeks that I couldn't come. So I popped out, which is like to be expected because I surprise everyone. And then he was all excited about that. And then behind him, the bathroom door opened. And then my brother and the girls came out and he was just so happy.

It was so cute. And then we went to my friend, my mom's friend, Amanda. I guess she's my friend, too. I've known her a long time. Her house. And it was like all my friends. I've had like. I've had a shift where I've realized I've been being really judgmental of people.

Sorry, guys. George, I'm still a little judgmental of your haircut. But I really like have been noticing it. Well, take a fucking shower. You look like yesterday, last week. But I really like have been paying attention to that. And I've been thinking about it. And I was realizing how much I was judging my family and like even with their landmark

and all that stuff. So all of their landmark friends came and like my dad does this new warrior thing, too. So it was like all these like people in these different groups that they do. And they just like all love each other so much and they love my parents and they like we're doing like drum circles and all this like hippie they have like low pony tails holy shit low pony and they just like my stepdad's into that too yeah they love my parents you know and i like since we had like we had a talk you know like since we had our talk like I really like I saw my family twice since then. And it really like changed my experience with my family.

So I do thank you guys for that talk. And I just like realized how much I was like judging my brother for like I was like expecting my brother to be a certain way to me. Like like my twin brother supposed to pay more attention to me or or something like that, you know. And then, you know, I like spent time with him releasing that. And it was just like so much nicer. It's such like a good experience and not expecting him to be anyway. And then he won an Emmy. He won his second Emmy.

That's amazing. And it's like he's been busy. He's like not, it's not like he's ignoring me. He's just working and like paying attention. And like, what am I going to do? What do I have even to say to him? Like, do you call it jizz or go-go? Like, what do I have to say to my brother?

And sometimes too, I feel like, you know, we're the people we're closest to or we love the most, you almost neglect them first. Like, you know, I'm the first person to be like to my mom, like, shut up, bitch. It's so funny to call your mom a bitch shut the fuck up bitch her bitchy moves will never be up front they'll always be very secret it's just easy to so i could see maybe a world where your brother probably loves you but is like i don't need to

fucking check in you know yeah she knows yeah fuck you you know like i really relate to that i think that's probably a very common thing it's like the people you love the most you kind of like or like even dave it's like i'm like go do whatever you want you know like i don't need to talk to you today but in terms of like your popcorn but i think that's really awesome the fact that like you know you've been skeptical about like your parents like relationship with landmark but it's like ultimately to see that it simply just makes them happy and it brings joy to their life is enough right yeah and we shouldn't sort of like insert ourselves in other people's joy yeah because it's not our place to like dictate that and it's also like to it's like me saying like the way that i think is the right way and the way that someone else thinks is the

wrong way and it's like the it's the whatever i'm doing is the right way for me yeah and whatever I'm doing is the right way for me. Yeah. And whatever they're doing is the right way for them. And just like giving them that space and stuff. And these women were coming up to me. They're like, I love your mother. And like the time before I saw my mom, like we were like holding hands and crying and just being like, I'm so great.

Like just really like having these like, and you know, my parents are like older. It's like, I want to only have like that love for them. And I want to just have that for everyone. I don't want to have any shit between us or anyone. I just want it to be good.

I saw my grandma. Did she have shit with you? Did she let you in? I feel like it was good. Breakthrough? I feel like it. You know why? I saw her be mean to other people and it instantly like

made me be like oh when she's mean to me it's not about me yeah i'm not special i'm not this like thing she hates she's just kind of mean sometimes she's old she's cranky and that really and and i and i also went in just very calm and not expecting anything. And I think like I went in with the right energy and it just, it worked. And she gave me her wedding dress. She's never really given me anything before. She likes to give to all the women in the family and I've kind of been left aside. Do you like the dress? I do like it.

Okay, good. Because isn't that funny? She's like, thank you. Well, you know, you can Molly like it okay good because it's not funny she's like thank you well you know you can molly shannon it right not molly shannon you can molly uh molly ringwald it and like we yeah like fix it for it size it to you make it a little bit more modern but i actually preferred the original dress in pretty in pink remember she bought that dress and then she kind of did her own thing with it at the end all i remember is i was in 16 candles when she gave her underwear and i'm like why you would have so much discharge on that underwear to jake yeah i don't i didn't see that i want to know oh

my god she's like um they didn't kill a bunch of jews in it so i didn't watch it i didn't molest a lot of children it just wasn't really my type of movie just didn't call for me but i like the wedding dress a lot it was from her second wedding so it's actually i guess like maybe this is still current or back then but if you had a second wedding your dress was a little it was not as big of a deal you know so it's like it's short it's simple is it long on you though no she's tiny too so it fits me and it's cream colored it needs to be i think redyed i don't know if that's possible but it definitely needs to be like lightened up and maybe a little adjustments but it's really it's like custom made it's super nice so that i'm like all right well i

have a free dress like might as well try to have a wedding so it's definitely weddings are on the mind now because of the dress look you are the only one that's actually engaged. Therefore, you're first in line, bitch. You have to go first. You're only going to get married before you guys. Yeah. But you and Annie

are going to be City Hall. No, don't count me out as City Hall. No, I'm going to do, I'll probably have the biggest wedding of my life. I think Annie will have the biggest wedding.

I love attention. My whole family too. That's what I realized. There's that look in this room there are three weddings potentially to be cooked up i think that deep down i could have made a great wedding planner i just dread the idea of like walking down an aisle in front of people like that just seems too not it's so extra how do you just put rudy to the just make her fucking plan your wedding for, she lives here.

Earn your keep, plan my wedding. Yeah, that's true. But Esther, you're going first. Let's plan it. Come on, let's go. No, we can go at the same time. Oh my God, that's so sad and codependent. I don't, don't be, don't wait for me.

Don't, don't sit around and wait for me. Okay, donut comes down with your ring, right? And then there's 75 dogs that come down with Kalilah's ring. Randy just swallows the ring and runs away. He's got a mullet. But yeah, Esther, you're up first. Again, I would not wait for me because I'm all talk. I've been three years at this. Does Dave want one?

Yeah, he does. I'm opening up to it, but that's still going to be a journey. Oh, God. I really, I'm a little scared of the bride you could be. It could go either way. You could be completely apathetic. Yeah. Here's the thing.

If you dare to dream, we're in trouble. If you let your mind wander to a specific thing we might be no no no if i do a wedding it's going to be i am i am going to have fun and that's my only thing i'm going to have fun and people i love and it's going to be fun for everybody because everyone you talk to they're like i don't even remember my wedding it was so crazy i didn't even talk to i'm like fuck no i'm this is not a whole thing where i'm putting it on for everybody you know i'm having fun at my wedding i was a uh wedding photographer assistant okay one of my many jobs and i did lose that job pretty quick she said this was her main

thing she said just make sure you zip up the cases with all the lenses just zip them up and i was like duh of course clink clink clink clinkink, clink. She was like, that was $2,500. I'm like, oh, take it out of my pay. I'm still working for her these days. So what I did learn from that experience, though, is that so much of the wedding, people really want good pictures. And that fucks your wedding up because you want to capture these memories, but you're not, like, you're being, we had to, like, boss people around. Yeah, you're orchestrating it. Because they would give you, like to capture these memories but you're not like you're being we had to like boss people around yeah you're orchestrating they would give you like a list like okay we want like we want a

picture with the bride and her side we want a picture of everyone together we want a picture of the groom and his groomsmen we want a picture of the grooms and groom and his grandfather and then you're just like it's a schedule thing so then you're grabbing them and wrangling them and they fucking up the energy and then you have a book of it and you're gonna get fucking i want all my wedding pictures to be so hideous like just you know we'll just invite i like felt it coming i knew something i heard the word hideous i was gonna say me but then my thumb just went to you i was like my hair looks cute today i have a point at her but so does hers yeah all right invite George. I should have given it to George. Again, not to be whatever brings you joy in your wedding moments,

but I am pretty tired of seeing the whole formulaic kind of wedding pictures, the prenup pictures. They all started to look the same on Instagram to me. Esther's going to have those prenup pictures. Prenup pictures prenup pictures zoomed in everyone you know like they they take a drive to joshua tree yeah they take that i i and again like if it makes them happy whatever but like i think i really do want hideous pictures i just don't want to be my friend i just never want to be i never want to like do a thing everyone else does and i don't know if that's like my ego or whatever but i just don't it's just not my taste you want to be candid photos never want to like do a thing everyone else does. And I don't know if that's like my ego or whatever, but I just don't, it's just not

my taste. You want to be candid photos. Like all the posed ones. It's just, they're just kind of boring. But you know what you should do? Have Polaroids and then just have everyone take them. Yeah. And then they'll just all on the table.

People will just take them home. The pictures? We know who would take them home. Like Esther, what's that popping out of your dress? It's like the food, like snacks. What is that bean boozled? Okay, here's what I think we should just do is everyone gets a packet. We just eat them?

And then you just tell me what you think you're experiencing. No, you said everybody. I'll play too. Oh, my God. Well, it is candy. Extra flavor. So, okay. Well, it is candy. Extra flavor. So, okay. Well, the smells are a little...

Basically what this is, is you eat a flavor and like, let's say I have a blue one and I have to eat it and it's either going to taste like berry blue or like toothpaste. You have a blue one? Yeah, I have... Toothpaste is not that bad. What color do you have? I'll tell you. Which one are you going to eat?

Well, tell me what my options are here. Why don't you eat the green one so the green one is either juicy pear or booger let us in here uh-oh it's it's booger it's grass it's booger it's not what color did you do booger dude i'm gonna do white oh wait no i started one wait white is either coconut or spoiled milk okay the one you have to do please do the one that's strawberry banana strawberry banana or dead fish that's strawberry i'm so mad i really want to what's the white one give me give me what's white one white one is is coconut or spoiled milk. I got it too. Okay, I'm going to do blue.

Coconut. Toothpaste! Toothpaste isn't bad. But it's not good candy. That's such a like Esther bad one. She's like, mom, I never brush my teeth. It tastes like a thing I put in my mouth every day. Oh, you're good.

What is that? What? Oh, another toothpaste. I think that's a spoiled milk one. I need to have a good one. I know. I want a good one. These are fun.

No, not anymore. The fun stopped right there. Are we signing off for the week? That one tasted actually pretty rotten. I don't like that. No, it tastes like dead fish, but so did every dead fish you fed me on this show. That's all we've been eating every week we have an exciting episode coming up too right yes we do okay bye guys fuck you guys we missed our opportunity to talk about this what about what the weekend and angelina

joely oh i don't know about that possibly a dating oh god so boring did she adopt him