Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Why Nice Guys Finish First w/ David So - Ep 145

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Starting point is 00:01:31 black it's kind of weird i know it's sleek it's like the blonde do you know what it is it's new york and you miss new york i do wait i gotta say this is one of the most iconic pictures we've taken in our juicy sweatsuits. And that was a quickie too. That was a quickie. I know. I love that photo so much. It needs to be commemorated.

Starting point is 00:01:50 And then this shirt is so soft. It's just like the last round of merch we did where everyone was loving it. It's like soft and comfy and cozy. And I love this color because, you know, baby blue makes you look young and adorable. So you guys, you can check out all our new merch at it's trash tuesday.com this is our favorite merch drop yet and we can't wait to see you guys tag us we'll repost you we love our slug so much we can't do any of it without you and guys you can wear these to a slugly sweater christmas sweater people need to throw slugly slugly parties slugly. Slugly.

Starting point is 00:02:25 Parties. Slugly party. Slugly sweater party. I don't know about you guys, but I'm never taking this one off. I know. They're so cute. This is such a vibe. I'm loving a crew neck too. I'm loving baby blue for like snowstorm.

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Starting point is 00:03:06 This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Find your bright spot this season with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash trash Tuesday. Happy holidays, sluggies. Happy new merch, sluggies. I'm so excited. I am on the road. I'm going to be in Houston, Texas, December 15th to the 17th. I'm going to be in Edmonton, Canada, January 19th and 20th. I'll be in Denver, Colorado in February, and I'll be in D.C. at the Comedy Loft in March. A lot of dates being added, so go to AnnieLetterman.com slash shows I also have my Annie Wooden Friends show uh December 21st at the Comedy Store get tickets now hi slugs tomorrow night Wednesday December 6th I will be live at the Comedy Store doing my show check it out get tickets at esteronice.com and then I'll see you guys in January for my rescheduled San Jose show

Starting point is 00:04:02 uh January 7th you guys welcome to our ski lodge episode, but this hurts my head, so I'm not wearing it. And today we have David So joining us. Actually, it was quick. I didn't know we were starting already. Oh, yeah. No, welcome to the- That was fast.

Starting point is 00:04:17 That's how it rolls. You're lucky we weren't rolling without telling you. Start talking shit and we get it. I actually am so glad you told me you were pregnant because I was looking at the belly. I was like, damn, this bitch kind of let herself go. That's tight. Well, I'm glad you found out because I'm like commenting on her tits

Starting point is 00:04:30 like really in a way that's so crazy. That is my, see, that is the problem with this stage of pregnancy is it is just like she had a big meal and is not shy. Again, I don't want to make this about me, but that's what I regular look like. So I want all of you to shut the fuck up.

Starting point is 00:04:43 I have a full fupa in these pants and I don't care what's a five-month pregnant belly supposed to look like just like that a little midway they're all different and i just found out i have this is so stupid and boring but i have an anterior placenta which means the placenta like planted on top so i show i'm showing a little less and like I'll feel the kicks not as soon. So your insult was even worse. I know my bad. You want you want to you want a boy or girl? It's a girl. Oh, so you already know.

Starting point is 00:05:11 I when that's what I want. What do you want? You just got married. I don't give a fuck. Like as long as it's alive. Yeah. Give me a breather. I mean, I feel like like nowadays almost all my friends do the the shot thing where the

Starting point is 00:05:22 fucking thing. What do you call it? IVF. IVF. Yeah. Do you think it's a shot, David? That shit thing where they get shot up I like how disrespectful you are You're the best

Starting point is 00:05:30 You're the best Can I tell you something about David? He's like, look at your fat ass They're just poking themselves in the show Can I tell you something about David? By the way, this nose left nostrils leaky I love it so much And there's nothing I can do about it

Starting point is 00:05:43 I cannot take it off for a couple minutes. My nose is snowing with not cocaine. But can I tell you something about this motherfucker right here? He is the meanest. He's not true.

Starting point is 00:05:54 The meanest person I have ever met. And the upside though is I can send him the worst shit on the internet and nothing phases. He never flinches.

Starting point is 00:06:05 He's just like, yep, yep, the worst shit, Annie. Why are flinches. He's just like, yep, yep. The worst shit, Annie. Why are you wearing this the whole time? No, no, no. I'm taking it off. I promise. Your birthday pic though was so fucking funny. Hey, dude.

Starting point is 00:06:14 It's on my birthday. Try to be nice to me. What do you think? She had this birthday photo where her fucking left eye looked like it was whispering to her right eye. She was cross-eyed as fuck. Wait, do me, do me. I love this. You did you pretty early on.

Starting point is 00:06:28 No, you're pregnant. That's the worst insult of all. We had to do like a pillow fight the other night. I was like, I would be punting. If she wasn't pregnant, I would have punted her across the fucking room. I would have sued you. She would have sued me. There would have been a lawyer involved, but I wouldn't have cared. How tall are you? I'm only five feet tall and doesn't it sound like she's lying and it's like so i'm i definitely

Starting point is 00:06:49 am concerned it's not gonna fit no her pussy's huge don't worry is that what you're gonna are you are you married as well i'm engaged oh okay oh but i've been locked it's well i've been we've been together we call it web lock because her toes are she's a creature that would be really weird if my toes were webbed and I can't swim. Like that would be so sad. How tall is your husband? Or your fiance? He's 5'9", I think. I think.

Starting point is 00:07:14 She can't tell. She doesn't have a good reference. Everyone looks very big. Yeah. I did realize like every guy is tall to me and that is a privilege that I have. David, what are your thoughts on long engagements? I don't. Like I mean, how long, Esther? How long? You guys have are your thoughts on long engagements? I don't... Like, I mean, how long, Esther?

Starting point is 00:07:27 How long? You guys have been engaged for a long time? Six years. Damn, dude. You should have left him a while ago, huh? No, I'm the problem. Wait, how long were you engaged before you got married? Shit.

Starting point is 00:07:38 Fuck. I think a year or so. Did you guys get engaged and immediately start planning a wedding? So we didn't want to have a wedding. I just had my wedding a start planning a wedding so we we didn't want to have a wedding i just had my wedding uh a couple of months ago and we didn't want to have we just got court married for two years and then our parents were giving a shit that they wanted a wedding so we did a small one for them and it was really good like i actually am surprised how

Starting point is 00:07:59 much i enjoyed the wedding well don't you think do you think because you already got married it was like less pressure too because it wasn't as much of a definitely so when uh there was a moment where they what do we call it the thing where you look at your wife the first look yes i didn't know i didn't know this thing existed wait i don't know what it first look is instead of seeing them for the first time in the um you know down the aisle when usually the groom will see the woman for the first time as she's walking down the aisle. Now they do the first look. Well, they'll have a moment just the both of them

Starting point is 00:08:27 of seeing her in the dress and seeing each other in the tux before they walk down the aisle. Do you back up? Yes, they do that. That is cute. Wait, I feel like that's embarrassing. I don't want people

Starting point is 00:08:37 to watch me. The whole wedding is embarrassing. You got pregnant before you got married. You're done. It doesn't matter. Yeah, I know. You're not worried about embarrassment.

Starting point is 00:08:43 I'm not embarrassed. Come on now. Your baby's going to be the one. Your baby's going to be like, and say I do. Yeah, but that moment too. So my wife asked me, when you turned around and you saw me in my wedding dress, what did you feel? Did you feel something amazing? I told her, absolutely not.

Starting point is 00:08:58 No, not like that. This is why I get in trouble. But it's because the moment that I felt when we actually got married at court, that was the moment that we were married. So the actual wedding didn't feel like anything special. It might be like the best situation then because it's so low pressure at that point. Yeah. The part, though, that I was actually surprised, it was a moment where – so I've never seen my parents dance before. And so I saw my parents dance for the first time and I was dancing with my mom.

Starting point is 00:09:24 I saw that. And I've never danced with my mom before. And so when I had this moment and I was looking at her, it was like this weird core memory that I just created of watching her smile at me. And it reminded me of like I was once a kid and I was her baby once. And when I saw that, I was like, holy shit, this is why we had the wedding. It's for this moment. Isn't it crazy? Like you were her baby.

Starting point is 00:09:45 I know. Do you have siblings? Like you were her baby. I know. Do you have siblings? I have an older brother. Yeah, he's- But you're the baby. Esther, isn't that so sweet? It's weird though, because they consider me the older brother,

Starting point is 00:09:54 even though I'm younger. I think because my brother's very- A little bit, huh? No, I would love to have an older brother. That'd be crazy. You just keep sending videos of your brother to everyone. You're like, this is getting really fucked up. Where'd you see this real? No, these are love to have a dog brother. You just keep sending videos of your brother to everyone. You're like, this is getting really fucked up. Where'd you see this real?

Starting point is 00:10:08 No, these are just family tapes. By the way, on that group chat, like, I'm very quiet. No, no, no. We have a thing we send each other. We have a thing. The internet's, look, that's not even bad. What the fuck is your guy's thread? Our thing is, like, involves, like, legs that don't work.

Starting point is 00:10:23 We love, like, draggy, like, animals or people missing limbs and stuff. Oh, war heroes, okay. the fuck is your guy's thread our thing is like involves like legs that don't work we love like draggy like animals or people missing limbs and stuff so war heroes okay i only watch those videos yeah i only watch it to see what other people say because people are fucking wild online i would never say this but they say it online because they have the guys like anonymity yeah so the best thing is when you see a fucked up video and you don't really care about it but the comments are fucking hilarious i love i do love me some tiktok comments that's that's basically all of tiktok like if i see the first two minutes of something that i know might be interesting i go straight to the comments even before finishing the video people are so funny like i see it's

Starting point is 00:11:01 great there are comments that have 50 000 likes i. I'm like, I couldn't get that many views on a standup clip if I tried. Like maybe that's not true, but like they're just, people are so funny that like they're putting us all out of work. I do think that what's so good about TikTok and like short form internet stuff is like, it's letting everyone just throw themselves out there. And it's, I mean, they do get made fun of a lot, but it's like, it is pretty amazing. Like people are just singing. They're doing everything they want. But you guys, like you guys as comics will never get replaced by TikTok comments and

Starting point is 00:11:34 stuff like that because there's the performance aspect. Yeah. How many times have you seen people on the YouTube, on YouTube, TikTok, whatever, they all try to go into your space. And then what happens? You have to perform to a live crowd. You got to do an hour. Yeah. You know what I mean? happens you have to perform to a live crowd you gotta do an hour you know what I mean and you have to stick to the things that you say that's true

Starting point is 00:11:49 but I wouldn't I would still stand by that those comments are funnier than anything stand up comedians have you ever had someone comment on one of your things and you're like I'm actually adding that like I posted a picture of my mom years ago and someone wrote your mom looks like Austin Powers and I was like that's so fucked up

Starting point is 00:12:06 because she looked in that picture she looked exactly like austin powers and i was like and we're taking that one do you feel that in this space because uh you know with the whole podcasting thing and everything else has it helped your guys's stand-up a lot it helps ticket sales yeah or do you think like our performance or just like bantering back and forth. Or do you ever like say something on a pod and then you're like, oh, I'm going to bring that onto the stage? Yes, definitely. Yes. Because it's just getting ideas and thoughts out.

Starting point is 00:12:37 And then I'm like, oh, wait, yeah, maybe I'll – let's see if that will work later on stage. Or the worst is when you're working on a bit and then the topic comes up and you have to be like, uh, I do this on stage. Like, so you don't look like you're like doing a bit in conversation. Cause you guys could just workshop things as you, as you continue to talk. Right. Cause some of the funniest moments happen here. Right. And if you just take it. He's looking at you like you're going to do standup again. I feel like you can, you're a little enough for that. Can I say that word? I mean, this is going to be a bleeper this episode. One of my favorite moments was when, you know, I've known David for a really long time. How, by the way?

Starting point is 00:13:12 Tiger Belly. Yeah, Tiger Belly. I did JK a couple times. Oh, JK a couple times. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then this is when I was just getting back into working out again. And I was like really not necessarily like feeling myself. So I went into the gym with like some oversized hoodie oversized sweatpants and

Starting point is 00:13:30 i saw david and i know that he saw me but he didn't say hi to me for like the first 20 minutes i was there and that's not my fault because you look like a trans athlete so i had no idea she's buff as shit no i know she's so her thighs are like really a crazy thing no but he finally like 20 minutes in he was like what the kalilah like hi he just didn't recognize you he was like who's that hot ass dude but i like the idea of you just not talking to her when i came back so funny just not talk to your there's an addition to this because i was talking to our buddy nick he's a personal trainer yeah And then I was like, yo, is that Kalilah? I couldn't fucking

Starting point is 00:14:07 tell. It's like you couldn't tell. I was both seasoned. It's guy Lila. Well, I saw your back. Your back is huge. It's just crazy. I legit thought you were a dude. I have a question. Yeah. And maybe after post birth, we can do like a push up off

Starting point is 00:14:23 between you and Esther. I want the strongest and the weakest to do a push-up off and just see what the difference is. What is the purpose of that? Can I ask? To humiliate you? Okay. That's my thought. I just wanted to check.

Starting point is 00:14:37 Are you not athletic? She has a neck thing. She is because she's a dancer. And she's good at Pilates. Look, I'm not made of muscle like Kalilah. I'm just not. But I, especially this, right now I'm very, it's hard being pregnant. Well, all of your energy is going into a living being.

Starting point is 00:14:57 But Esther, I think, has some stories about a neck thing. Is there a chance I'm in more shape than you? Like, can I do more push-ups than you? I mean, if you'd like to try, I would love i i would never listen i love to be proven wrong so i and i would love i would love it here's why here's what you might have the edge but because push-up it's really hard for people like me with really long limbs and i'm also like much heavier right so i always think like it's the same thing with like bench press when i see like shorter dudes with shorter limbs,

Starting point is 00:15:25 like, Bobby could probably, like, bench all day with his little T-Rex arm. Not much of a distance it has to go. Right? But it's true, though. Like, you know,

Starting point is 00:15:32 for example, when people do, like, sumo deadlifts, right? Usually shorter, stockier people. That movement is so short. For people like us, when we, it's like,

Starting point is 00:15:39 look how far the bar is. That's what I'm saying. I don't work out anyways, but you know what I'm saying? I was, like, looking at your body. I was like, is he secretly ripped under there

Starting point is 00:15:45 If I did No I used to be really big No but you are You're in good shape But I was just I was like Okay how much Tumor lifts are we doing

Starting point is 00:15:52 I hate weight training I fucking hate it Wait why You have to have the fun trainer My trainer's so fun It's just boring It's just boring as shit I'm telling you

Starting point is 00:15:59 Because when I do it Without my friend Lacey He trains me And it's like It is the most fun I've ever had We're chatting And then the workout's over Yeah but he's like an incredible like kickboxer i don't know incredible i would say that i'm telling you david like you know like i watch like a lot of mma right that's

Starting point is 00:16:15 something that we have in common like dude there's a there are a lot of people who train and don't naturally have that like rhythm or that coordination like you just have it i think also it's just because i i have like severe adhd so like when i get into a hobby i hone in super fucking hard and then you drop out and then if i'm done with it i move on so even like kickboxing that first year i remember well she was my girlfriend at the time i would just go to a tennis court and then use the lines and practice every fucking day like a maniac as if i was going to go to the usc but i just don't like not being at least somewhat decent at something yeah in case somebody says some shit you know because it bothers me for some reason but after i get to a point where it's like oh

Starting point is 00:16:57 i could go into a class and train with people and nobody would say anything and i'm done with it and i move on you could probably like become the best ballet dancer on earth if you wanted to with that. I'm an insolent. Why a ballet dancer? With your sort of gay vibe. I know what you're saying. I know.

Starting point is 00:17:12 No, I think you're right because you have that natural coordination. Well, just the fact that it's the dedication and the discipline that I'm hearing, I'm like ballet needs you and your body. Did you do ballet? I did, that was my thing. And that's, it's my favorite thing about dance and ballet, which I miss and it does not apply

Starting point is 00:17:29 to comedy at all, is like if you just practice the exact moves and the exact, like over and over again, you will get better. It's like math. What does your feet look like? They're gorgeous. They're very cute. After ballet? Yeah, because I didn't do point for many years and i wasn't i was never a

Starting point is 00:17:45 professional feet are so little that they didn't ask her what's the difference what's the difference when doing point like what does that mean like point is like when you see them on their toes and people think that it's like this brutal thing it's it's such a myth it's not like you can put in jelly pads and like um they put lamb's wool and you shape your shoe to your foot. It's never that painful. Like if you're blistering and getting your feet all bruised and beaten up, you're probably doing something wrong or you're in the pros and you're dancing like 12 hours a day. Like that's. I'm getting like a craving for you to get back into dance. I love when you dance. When you dance, it's like one of my favorite things. Thank you. I was fully dancing until the sperm met the egg. But maybe, but maybe that's going to be like your

Starting point is 00:18:31 mommy me time. Oh no, I'm going to be a dance. I'm a dance mom. They said it's a girl. I said, I'm a dance mom. Goodbye. Like that's, I'm going to, you don't understand. I'm quitting. I'm opening a dance studio. Like I'm going all the way with this. Abby Lee, whatever. You have no idea what's coming. Did you want to make dance a career originally? Yeah, I was. Yeah, I majored in dance in college for my first year.

Starting point is 00:18:55 Were your parents supportive of that? Who knows? Who are parents supportive of? That's what that's a question I'd like to know. Like anyone in the room had a parent that said, hey, yeah, that's a great idea. My dad with comedy, my mom not. Really? My mom, she sent me an article about Jerry Seinfeld saying how hard comedy was.

Starting point is 00:19:12 I was like, okay, bitch. Your parents? I mean, I already know that. They still don't support me now. What are you talking about? They dance. They gave me one dance. It was the first time I ever danced with my mom.

Starting point is 00:19:20 My dad's small. Once he just took it right away and just walked away. I don't know. My parents didn't ever support anything that I did. It wasn't like – it's not because they're hateful people. They just have a path that they think is the most successful. And what is that? Which is just a stable job, right?

Starting point is 00:19:36 So like for them, they had this business and they still work at the business. And it's hard fucking work. What is it? They own a black beauty supply store. Oh, wow. They've done that for years they still have it now my mom has never complained about work but she knows how hard it is to just worry about your next paycheck because we grew up super fucking poor so they just don't want you to

Starting point is 00:19:55 experience this feeling and then i saw your add they went oh god damn it they didn't even know what it was they just called me stupid all the time where did you call me dumb where did you grow up? I grew up in Sacramento. Oh, wow. Yeah, Sacramento, California. So when, you know, my parents didn't understand these things. I didn't know I had ADHD.

Starting point is 00:20:11 I kind of did, but I just got it checked recently by an actual physician. And even then I was in denial, right? Because my friend got diagnosed. We had like the same tendencies. So I went to go talk to a doctor. And then immediately I was like hey i'm only getting this test because my friend told me i should but i'm pretty sure i don't have this and they go okay why don't you feel like you have it i was like because when i get into a hobby

Starting point is 00:20:32 i can focus really hard to the point where nothing else matters sweetie that's a clear that's the best part of it yeah i didn I didn't know that. Are you on medication? No, I don't want to. And we spoke and then she was saying like, well, you're high functioning, right? You clearly can function. Your everyday life is perfectly fine. But if you have this need to complete a task that you need to get done, then maybe you could take some. It's not Adderall.

Starting point is 00:21:04 There's this other thing that's a lot weaker. I can't remember the name, but I just decided to just be very adamant about remembering one thing throughout my day, which is a task list. So if I look at the task list and it says, get these things done by the end of the day, I just have to clear out the task list. Because I forget all the time.

Starting point is 00:21:20 Even yesterday, I got pissed at myself because I had to go get the laundry out from the garage. And every time I walked to the garage, I saw something and I got distracted. I know. It's so crazy. It took me six hours. I'm late here every day. It's like there's some – I'm like, guys, I don't know how to explain to you how much time I give myself.

Starting point is 00:21:36 I go to my car. I forget five things. I have to go back up. Then I forget something. I go back up and I go, what did I forget? Like I have to like sit there for like a feeling of like opening the fridge but not like forgetting that you did that just 30 seconds ago and you're looking for the same do you walk into a room and go why did I walk into this room all the time but like with the fridge thing I don't know why was I here why was I born with a fridge

Starting point is 00:22:00 thing I just opened the fridge thinking that something will miraculously and something new will miraculously appear no one I think what that is is like adhd is your brain is moving faster than your body right so like you bring your brain had a thought your body's following it and then your brain is to the next thought and you forget why you were there in the first place it's a weird thing i forgot how she was explaining it to me and once again i have adhd so i don't remember shit and it's so funny when they assess you like they could tell you that you're drifting so it was something along the lines of once again i'm just paraphrasing but it's like when people do like a remedial task right if you need to get it done there's a certain level like an endorphin hit that you get when you complete a task but someone with adhd it just

Starting point is 00:22:39 doesn't happen we get nothing from it and so immediately it shifts off and a lot of people confuse adhd with high anxiety because high anxiety you're just hyper avoidant well they go hand in hand too yeah they can go hand in hand well kind of what you were saying about how you were like you were getting pissed at yourself it's like i think that's the worst part of adhd is like you get mad at you like yeah yourself for it it's like and the best part is that you can do this hyper focus and you can be so creative and it's like it has it's like Dr. Drew says, assets and liabilities. There are really some upsides to being high-focus ADHD. It's really hard on

Starting point is 00:23:09 your partner, too, if they don't understand. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? I dated a guy, Bobby. Bobby has ADHD? Oh, my God. So much so that he... I'm always like, Bobby, how'd you get up there? And your pants are down? He's on medication because that's the reason why he could never

Starting point is 00:23:26 reply to text messages which ones did he take add or adderall and he has high anxiety too at the same time doesn't he very yeah it was like night and day from the moment he started taking it it was almost like he was just aware of his surroundings almost like he could be present because before that his like soul was here his body was here and it just felt like these two wait i noticed that because we did a photo shoot for our movie a couple months ago and i was like i'm like spending quality time with right he listens right we're like hanging out it was so fun i'm telling you this if we had if he had started medication like earlier on in a relationship rather than the tail end like we probably would have still been together because so much of my-

Starting point is 00:24:07 Don't say this to me. You know how hard I have the time I'm having with you guys. She still wants us to. You still want, how long have you guys been broken up now? Almost two years. Damn, girls, two years. Yeah. I thought it was like, what the hell are you talking about?

Starting point is 00:24:21 It's almost as long as your engagement. God damn. Let it go. It's so hard. They're done, dude. They're fucking roasted. That's just gone. I don't know what my problem is.

Starting point is 00:24:31 It's because they're really fun together. Yes, they're fun. But they still are fun together. Yeah. That's the thing. Yeah, that's true. Even though we all know we think it's very unhealthy, but we support that they don't agree with us.

Starting point is 00:24:43 And you know what? We support that they don't agree with us. And you know what? Till you turn blue in the face, him and I will probably never leave each other in that way, in a friendship way. How odd is that, though, when you guys date, right? Because that's very odd.

Starting point is 00:24:57 Are you kidding me? I took his girlfriend around Oahu on a field trip. Did you dunk her and hold her under for a second? She was really sweet, but Bobby was sick. Bobby was sick. Like I did, bitch. And we all know the answers now. You start speaking in tongue after you came, you fucking hoe. That's my biggest fantasy for this year

Starting point is 00:25:18 is drowning you the next time you're in Hawaii. Okay, let me tell you something. I just called you cross-eyed once. That's it. That's all I did. He's like, I think it's so much more than that. You took the girl that he's dating out around. He got sick and he was like, she, he got sick and he was like, I feel bad. Like she hasn't really seen the beach yet. He's still very dependent on you then, huh?

Starting point is 00:25:38 Yeah, but that's a me issue. But then it was, if he had said that and he wasn't sick um i probably would have been like no dude it's your fucking job you gotta go do that i don't you're right i got them both ivs i did you stabbed her a little i got them ivs in their hotel room and then i took her around the island i would love to make good use of my exes the way bobby is able to do that with you yeah I think um there is a level of like endless gratitude that I have for him and that lives very deep inside me so I always feel very much like indebted to him still that is that's why when you told me this I was like that is beautiful like you guys are a family and you're helping but then family that fucked

Starting point is 00:26:23 we all do that, right, guys? Can I tell you something super unhealthy that I did? Other unhealthy things I've done. The last time we had dinner, I went home and I sleuthed and I googled every single one of your ex-girlfriends. Oh my god, dude.

Starting point is 00:26:40 What'd you think? I sent her quite a few, too. Why? Because were you talking about it at dinner? Yeah we were just talking about bullshit Which is like crazy stories of like ecstasy I get fixated I'm like I need to have a face to this story

Starting point is 00:26:54 So then I have this like really deep urge to just find them all I think that's good Two of the worst girlfriends I've ever had were Filipino Yeah this is why I needed to find them because he was like. Is that how it came up? You just looked at her and you're like, you reminded me of some times. They were just so mean.

Starting point is 00:27:14 Aggressive and mean and just too hypersexual, dude. I just didn't like it. Hypersexual? Oh my God. Well, you got one. You got one out of three. What is that? What is it with my Filipino girls and just fucking fucking?

Starting point is 00:27:22 I think their hips are just ready for it. Before I moved to LA, before I decided that that i was just gonna drop out of college and just come here this girl she we were hooking up and i didn't know that she was still married but she told me they were divorced and it's like don't put me in this position so this is what happened so i'm chilling her husband no confronts me and he was like hey you're fucking my wife were you doing kickboxing yet no dude glasses like 200 and some like 280 pounds and shit he was like you're fucking my wife and i probably saw he's like you were fucking my wife that's how he said it he was like you of all people and then he killed himself yeah he just beat himself up he tyler durden himself. Yeah, then he came.

Starting point is 00:28:05 He's like, you're fucking my wife. I was like, who's your wife? And he said her name. I'm like, you guys are divorced. He goes, we're still together. He's like, we're divorced? We're like, everything's so confusing. Well, I was like, hey, you can't get mad at me.

Starting point is 00:28:16 I didn't know. She told me you guys were divorced. So that's something you guys should go handle. Was he aggressive? Was he trying to like, scrap? He was angry, but that was substantially larger than him. How did he find out? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:28:27 He asked people, friends or whatever. I think he found out from one of her friends because she was asking me if I was dating her. And I was like, and I denied it because, you know, we just started fooling around at the point. At that point. You were still at the lie about it phase? Were you in love with this girl? Like you were catching feelings? No, we were just hooking up.

Starting point is 00:28:47 So it wasn't anything like that. And then when that happened, she goes, well, we're separated, but we're not legally. I was like, that's not what he was saying. He's saying that y'all are together, together. You know what I mean? But then this gets even weirder too. So they started having marital issues. And what I found out through a friend of mine who's a sex therapist, there's two reasons why people get divorced the most.

Starting point is 00:29:08 Sexual reasons and financial reasons. So theirs was sexual. He had a micropenis. Oh. Yeah. So he was really sad when he saw you. So. He was like, what the fuck?

Starting point is 00:29:20 But how did you find out? Yeah. So we found out because she would talk to me about her ex-husband and then she's so it's so funny we were at a starbucks and then she gets her starbucks cuppa where we're talking i was like well what happened between you and your ex-husband which they weren't ex-husband wife at the time she goes well like sexually we don't match up he actually has a micro penis i didn't know what a micro penis was so i was like don't fucking roast the guy like that you know but i didn't know you don't and also like bitch you must have been okay with it because you married his ass well there you go

Starting point is 00:29:48 and i think like so she right i grabbed her star but i was like i'm gonna your heart and your pussy have to say yes guys yes so i pulled the the straw all the way down and i was like you stop at the size of his erect penis and it was like this big and i was shocked then i started googling it and then the howard stern show came up where he had a bunch of people with micro penises and i'm like this is insane i didn't know that this was really a pioneer wasn't it it was he just had them all lined up and i just went through this like rabbit hole of micro penises which my google search was weird as fuck at the time yeah but they were just jerking off girlfriends they were like salivating before i left sacramento too she pulled this crazy shit where she said that she was pregnant by you or

Starting point is 00:30:31 by me before i left yeah and i was like there's no fucking way dude my pullout game is so fucking good you're lying what funny we were just talking about this um in the last episode pulling out work pulling out if your guy is good you gotta trust the man i don't trust my fiance it depends right it depends on if the guy is just you know he's playing with fate if he's doing it right before he's about to come then you're pretty much fucked at that point right yeah but you gotta pull out and then finish the rest yourself so there's got to be at least 15 seconds of jerking off i think if you're a good puller-outer, right? If you're responsible. 50 seconds? 15 of just like, you know. 15, I think she said, right?

Starting point is 00:31:07 Not 50. That's when we're like, oh. Just watch it. I turn the TV on, I'm like, okay. That is a very weird moment for me, at least. It's always that point where a man is like, you know, finishing, ejaculating. And I don't know, I just look. Like, I just, I'm like.

Starting point is 00:31:25 Stop looking, bitch. You're making me nervous. But is that something that takes you out of it? Oh, that's the worst when you do take him out of it and you're like, oh boy. I'm just looking, right? It's like, what am I supposed to. It's already dry.

Starting point is 00:31:34 Now you're putting the dry one back in. You're looking at him do this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like. Why is that bad? When he's coming, are you. Don't we just look, right? I just look.

Starting point is 00:31:43 I think that's. Why would. I think it's hot, don't you? I go like this. Well, what are you supposed to do just look right i just look i think that's why would i think it's hot don't you i go like this well what are you supposed to do like look away like i don't know but they might like that they might like that what do you think i like that i'm getting well clearly there's no pullout game at this point but like if he did pull out what what what happens i'm not allowed to get into intimate details of my respected somebody. Not him, then somebody else. I think that might be worse, too. It's like, Dave, what's worse?

Starting point is 00:32:09 Talking about you or those other ones? Or being came on by other men. I feel like you could get your exes, not to go back too far, but you could get your exes to do stuff for you. To do stuff for me? I think you've left your exes in a very positive, good way. No, all my exes are good. They speak so highly of you. Except my high school ex

Starting point is 00:32:27 who blocks me on everything and I wrote a movie about him, but, well, that's fine. You're showing him. Check the show times, bitch.

Starting point is 00:32:38 At a theater near you. That is honestly. You should have the premiere at the theater closest to his house. Annie, you gotta stop building this up. I'llie you gotta stop building this i'll come with you okay i'll come with you can we give david some context yeah did he do something bad he just okay like he's the only one that truly rejected i no they've all rejected me but truly i'm just upset i was obsessed with my high school breakup

Starting point is 00:33:02 for a really long time um and then i you know was texting him and then he blocked me and then I would drive past his house for years. Oh, what the fuck? Yeah, I know. What's wrong with you? A lot. A lot of stuff. Wait, what's going on with that? She longs for childhood.

Starting point is 00:33:17 So he said no and you're like, I'm going to see you more? How the fuck does that work? I think it's just it was like the first time anyone in my life was ever like like cut me off and because it is so strongly associated with the most magical time for me in my life like high school doing musical theater um you know all this stuff having sex whatever you do in high school it just like i, I short circuited. Yeah. It messed me up in such a way. You just didn't have access to that part.

Starting point is 00:33:49 And it was like. He just cut you off out of nowhere, cold turkey? Well, he dumped me. She was annoying him. Oh yeah, okay. He dumped me. And I think also there was a lot of how it went down. You know, we worked at Johnny Rockets together.

Starting point is 00:34:01 And then he, I got him the job there. And then he started dating another girl the job there and then he started dating another girl who worked there. So I just, there was all these things of the story where I felt like I did this to myself

Starting point is 00:34:11 because I got him the job at Johnny Rockets. So when you were stalking him, what did you think the outcome was going to be after? Like, I'm really curious. I think I just really wanted to like accidentally see him.

Starting point is 00:34:23 At his own house. Did you want him while he's take the garbage wait esther did you want him did you want to see him or did you want him to see you because you felt like hey look at me now i that's a really good question but definitely like sometimes when my dad would drive me past his house. Okay, this story is getting way worse. It's so cute. I love how your dad is in on it. I just love a father-daughter team.

Starting point is 00:34:50 The less healthy, the better. Sometimes my dad would slow down. I'd be like, no, no, no, keep going. Because he's a troll, your dad, a little bit, right? Yeah. Was he trying to fuck with you? So I didn't want to be caught or seen, but maybe you're right.

Starting point is 00:35:02 You know what? I think that is part of it, too, that what you're getting at is I want to be like, look at what you lost, but it's like, you can watch TV just like that to do it just like that. By the way, he can watch. He's going to definitely miss out on something. It is really going to be the, it is the moment. The movie is the moment, but also can I just say something? It's like you, what you just explained and Del, you made a movie out of it, but it is the perfect quintessential high school experience to have like your boyfriend that you're like having sex. Did you lose your

Starting point is 00:35:30 virginity to him? Yeah. Yes. You lose your virginity to him. You're in the musicals. You're living your best life. Musicals was big. You're living your best life for him to dump your ass and then you work together and then he hooks up. But that is like that's like live the whole like the movie. Yeah. That's like Sweet Valley valley high it really is i love sweet valley oh my god did you guys have a conversation oh i wanted to be during your breakup and he told you why no she knows that's why i did you didn't don't you know why definitive why he didn't say like hey this is why we're not we're going to work he didn't know and was that fucking you up a little bit maybe i need to maybe let's call him't. No. Was that fucking you up a little bit? Maybe I need to ask him.

Starting point is 00:36:05 Let's call him on someone else's phone. You still don't know now? Wait, should we call him on someone else's phone? I will go to jail. Do you know that? I will go to jail. Can we just start? If you had a birth in jail?

Starting point is 00:36:15 Whoa. Oh, my God. The story sequel. Oh, your kid's going to be Tupac. That's fucking dumb. Oh, this is awesome. Oh, wow. So is it concluded now, though?

Starting point is 00:36:23 If you see him, you'll be okay. I think now I'm feeling pretty good about it. I'm feeling... Or would you break down and start crying? No, I think if I saw him, I would try my best to be normal, but I do think word has gotten back to him. Can you reenact it with... I want to see this because everybody says that,

Starting point is 00:36:41 but they're never like this. What did he look like? Like my current fiance. Oh, really? Okay, that's cute. You're just repeating. This is getting worse like this. What did he look like? Like my current fiance. Oh, really? Okay. That's cute. You're just repeating. This is getting worse and worse.

Starting point is 00:36:49 What does he do now? Do you know what his job is? The way, if you knew how, I can't even talk about what his life became because it's too mean. Like I upgraded times 10 million. Like he just. Sounds like you're still in love. Sounds like you still want to fuck him, though, huh? Am I right?

Starting point is 00:37:07 He sounds like Kalilah's type. I know. I was like, come on, dude. But you know what? For me, one of the hardest things I still haven't gotten over is I cheated on a boy when I was 17. His name was Bradley Vanderkam,

Starting point is 00:37:19 and he was my first boyfriend in college. He sounds like a fucking murderer. He was a Canadian. Did he kill Natalie Holliday? That's true. That's VanderSloot. Yeah, I know. first boyfriend he sounds like a fucking murderer he was a canadian kill natalie um but he was a canadian swimming sensation he swam at unlv we were freshmen together and i cheated on him and he knew about it he found out but you know what he did that really fucked me up he didn't accept my apology and he didn't allow me to make amends and that for some reason like is really hard for me to um kind of like reconcile with because i really want to apologize because he was like but he just wouldn't have it blocked me on everything will

Starting point is 00:37:54 never same as you like won't take my friend requests won't reply to my messages of saying like hey if that was something that like fucked you up because we were young right like things that happen when you're young really do stick how old were you at the time i was 17 i was super young yeah and i think it fucked him up and i just i'm so sorry about it even to this day and i he's just like i don't think he probably didn't think about me but like it's hard when they don't accept the apology kind of cool don't you respect it kind of i do know i totally respect todd someone that doesn't like he never is friends my fiance never is friends it. Todd's someone that doesn't like, he never is friends. My fiance never is friends with his exes.

Starting point is 00:38:27 Like he doesn't, like he's not mean to them or anything, but he just doesn't like. It's like, why? Yeah. He just doesn't keep that connection. Cause he's just like. It's done. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:36 And it kind of inspired me to stop. Like, I mean, like there's exes that I see around or whatever. It's funny. Cause my ex's current girlfriend is always trying to be friends with me. What? I can see. And it's so weird. But I remember he always talks about his ex-girlfriend.

Starting point is 00:38:51 So he must bring me up like every day to her. Probably. He just has like a loop of like talking about old stories. And so when she sees me, she probably feels like she knows me really well. And I'm like, I'm out, bitch. Good luck. God bless you.

Starting point is 00:39:02 You're so cute. Beautiful girl. Beautiful girl. The problem with what that guy did, how he's not letting you interact with him, like i'm out bitch good luck god bless you you're so cute beautiful girl beautiful girl the problem with what that guy did how he's not letting you interact with him is that he's not able to get any closure probably he's just shutting it out pushing it down and then probably taking it out on every woman he meets or he just was done i think you just sound like a crazy bitch dude he's just gonna rationalize you stalking somebody. Some people just.

Starting point is 00:39:26 Some people just. What the fuck is going on with this one, dude? Some people just cut cords energetically. Yeah, I think that's what it is. I think he is. Sorry, hold on. No. This could have made a whole backstory for somebody she doesn't even fucking know.

Starting point is 00:39:37 She's trying to write her movie now. I got it. She's in it. I got the second act. He's suffering. He thinks about you every day when he's yelling at his girlfriend. Yes, that's what I think. You cheat on him and he's a fucking loser.

Starting point is 00:39:48 How about that, dude? I honestly think I'm going to take what they're saying because I think he's just somebody who's healthier, probably more secure, and doesn't fucking need my apology. He probably doesn't think about it. But don't you? We all meet those guys. We all know those guys or we're friends with one of those guys that clearly has hangups with women and thinks all women are whores and all this stuff. And I, don't you think that's like the exact origin story of that guy? I think mommy.

Starting point is 00:40:14 I think it's from mama. I know what you're saying. Cause like I always tell. It's from mommy. Mama. I always tell Jules this. I'm like, look, if you're going to break up with a guy, like, especially cause she's so young and she's been with her boyfriend for, you know, since they were really young. So I was like, look, you could potentially dictate how he views like women from like here on out.

Starting point is 00:40:36 So I was like, whatever you do, like be kind. If you're going to break up, do it well. It is. You're right. It's not. I'll tell you this, right? That type of guy that that turns out to be the hateful woman. You're right. It's not. It's not. I'll tell you this, right? That type of guy that turns out

Starting point is 00:40:46 to be the hateful woman person isn't the guy that's dating. The person who gets fucked over in a relationship doesn't end up being the person that hates all women. They just end up fucking more women, right?

Starting point is 00:40:57 Usually the guy that can't get a girl ends up like that because they think that women, that they are owed affection by a woman just because they're kind to them

Starting point is 00:41:05 That's the guy that are the prototype that I see constantly they go. Oh like nice guys finish last Oh, these women don't like me because they don't know what's good for them. It's like or you're unattractive Yeah, I was talking to a guy who was like severely overweight like like like not gonna live a long life Okay, and he was complaining about how girls don't like him because he's too nice or whatever but being such a dick about it and he goes and i go not nice but eventually also like you can find a woman that's like that wants like a kinder guy you know not that he was exhibiting any of those behaviors and he goes yeah but then they're all busted up and all that i'm like you are a bad guy do push--ups. Do push-ups and sit-ups. But this is what I'm saying.

Starting point is 00:41:45 Like, their thing is that I'm a nice guy, but you're not. You're not. And nice guys don't say I'm a nice guy. Exactly.

Starting point is 00:41:53 Exactly. They always say like, beware of declarations. If he's telling you he's this, he's probably the opposite. If he has to say it out loud, he's trying to convince himself of that fact.

Starting point is 00:42:01 I had a boyfriend who was overweight and he would always go, I'm such a nice guy. Literally made my mom cry twice his mother when we were on vacation once he was screaming at me that he wanted me to die when i was sick i was like throwing up his mom heard it the next day she was like she like pulled me aside and she's like i want to really apologize i didn't raise him right she goes i did not teach him the difference between being funny and being mean and he's very mean and i was like

Starting point is 00:42:25 that is a guy who runs around going i'm so nice why aren't people telling me how nice i am that's like big incel energy though it's crazy it's just a weird thing that uh i think a lot of young guys do right because they always think that nice guys finish last and i don't think that's the case i think really nice guys always finish first like they always get okay nice is not over like over giving nice is having respect for yourself too because i have friends that are very simpy and they get really mad when girls are like put a boundary out for them and they keep going like why won't they just let me like because what they're saying is i need some space i need this to go slower and you're over simping and then they're like mad that they're like, well, I'm so, it's like, that's not nice. Oh, they just don't like you. That's okay. I don't think it's, I think that, I think that it's not always that. I think it

Starting point is 00:43:12 really is like, if things are going too fast and someone's being overboard into, it doesn't feel like it's you they're into. You need to like, it seems like they're just into wanting to be into someone. Do you know what I mean? Oh, I see what you're saying. And then it's like, so then you're going like, okay, I'm starting to feel an ickick i want to just like slow this down i'm going to give you a boundary don't call me so much don't text me so much if they ignore that it's it is showing that they are overriding your feelings also sometimes their intention isn't very clear right so what they'll do is i call in korea we call like the church oppa right so oppa is like the older sibling and so what they'll do is like,

Starting point is 00:43:46 they'll do something in the guise of friendship, but they're really trying to fuck you, right? And they'll just be around for the long, and they'll just wait. You call it the church oppa? Huh?

Starting point is 00:43:52 The church oppa? Church oppa always does this. That's really strategic. Yeah, so they just kind of wait and then let's say this, let's say you're, you break up, right? And I slide in,

Starting point is 00:44:00 I'm like, I'm here for you. Let's talk a little more. And then you confide in me, but then you confide in me in a way that because I'm there for you, but not in a sexual way. And they go, well, nice guys finish last. It'm like, I'm here for you. Let's talk a little more. And then you confide in me, but then you confide in me in a way that because I'm there for you, but not in a sexual way. And they go, well, nice guys finish last. It's like, or you were trying to be sneaky

Starting point is 00:44:11 and it didn't work out. And you're with a girl who's not even in a place to be with someone right now. They're like dealing with like breaking up. That's like that long Connor who doesn't actually get what he wants at the end. He doesn't win the girl at the end. But that is to me like so slithery i

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Starting point is 00:49:31 Oh really? So many people who were, who I thought were like, I'm ovulating. Somebody's going to knock me up. Well, the church oppa energy, it's like people I thought were like mutual friends or whatever. If you need a need an ear, I'm here for you. I do not know that. Yeah. And I think that there are people always in the sidelines who you think are very well intentioned, but who really are just waiting for that pussy to get thrown in their direction. You know?

Starting point is 00:49:58 You gotta be a real man. Like when your homegirls come up, like I have a problem, you go, well, talk to me when you're healthy. And then you move on and then you come back. I like it when you're hot. Yeah. Talk to your girlfriends about this bullshit. Come to me when you're healthy. And then you move on and then you come back. I like it when you're hot. Talk to your girlfriends about this bullshit. Come to me when you want to have fun. Is that what you do when Marielle has issues?

Starting point is 00:50:14 Do you think like, okay, this is a conversation we can have or this is something you should have with your girls? Always that. And I always tell her this too. I go, like emotions and feelings are great, right? But if she wants to have a conversation about this white puppy that she saw on Instagram, she goes, hey, babe, watch this. I'm like, hey, wrong person. Go call your best friend.

Starting point is 00:50:31 What the fuck are you doing? You're like, doesn't have d***. It's a d*** puppy because you know what I'm like. But she, now she knows. She goes, oh, he's not going to be interested. Because she's not going to get what she wants from me, which is, oh, my God, this is amazing. This is so cute. But why not, David? Because it's bullshit. But you know, like, can't you just, like, which is, oh my God, this is amazing. This is so cute. But why not, David?

Starting point is 00:50:45 Because it's bullshit. But you know, like, can't you just like, what is it, like the Gottman study where they say like the successive relationship is based on one

Starting point is 00:50:54 very major thing, which is if something excites me and you don't engage even a little bit with this excitement, that there's going to be some type of contempt between us down the road.

Starting point is 00:51:02 you read too much, bitch. I have to say, I'm team David us. You read too much, bitch. I'm team David over here because like I the thing that has made my relationship so great is like I have so many other friends I go to for other things. And like, yes, I think there if I am really excited about something that is very important to me. Yes, I think he should be at least, you know, give a little bit. But if it's a video or, you know, don't you think this outfit is cool? I don't know. I don't.

Starting point is 00:51:32 I just think that it's helped me to diversify. Whereas when I was younger and stupider, I wanted to get all my needs met from one person. And that was not. Yeah. Like what you're saying, one of my biggest fights with Bobby is because I saw a red tail hawk and I'm really into like birds and stuff. Right. All right. We hawk and I'm really into like birds and stuff, right? Alright, we'll continue. I'm out.

Starting point is 00:51:50 I'm dumping your ass right now. I completely agree. So, I love red tail hawks. Alright, dude. Can you believe I saw a red tail? I'd be like, bitch, we got work to do. But that's it. I got his habitat. But it's like if no one else, you don't care. I'm into birds. I can't call you about the red tail hawk i can't call you about it i can't call you about it so now all i have is bobby and when i pass a bird

Starting point is 00:52:12 i'm like egret or red tail hawk and then if he doesn't say oh cool babe i get really upset listen i it's so easy is the thing yeah it's just be like tell me like to just say it's easy but girls are a lot are emotionally intelligent and you can tell when we're not interested and it's still gonna fuck you it's so annoying it's still gonna that is so true you exactly so this is what i'm saying it's better for you to go elsewhere if it's like this right you come up that we're together and you go hey i'm about to do this concert in blah blah blah blah right I don't give a fuck but I'll be like I'm proud of you babe you know I'll give you one of those right who can I call about the red tail hawk I mean you can call me I might not answer they will yeah I mean you could I listen if it's

Starting point is 00:53:01 attached listen listen I will I'll be into it if it's like attached to like, if you're like, you know, they always remind me of my dad. I think my dad is like, if it's like some like your dad's trying to speak to you. No, I just like birds. I would be into it. Listen, red-tailed hawks, peregrine falcons, all that other stuff, right? Don't get me. Black beanie, one of my favorite birds.

Starting point is 00:53:19 I like birds. I love corvids. Corvids are my favorite. He's such an asshole. He loves birds. I do. You know what? It was just the way she said it. It was just the way she said it.

Starting point is 00:53:25 It was just the way she said it. It was like, don't just assume me like that. But I was like, I think I'm a bird watcher, bitch. I think these are kind of cool. You have binoculars in your bag. Isn't it crazy how like. I didn't go fucking lie. I did.

Starting point is 00:53:35 His ADD got into that. Isn't it crazy though how you can go from like never caring, giving a shit about birds to one day just caring so much about birds or gardening? Okay. he's a gardener the gardener that i get because i was i would i need to talk to somebody about tomatoes and then you know she don't want to hear this shit but i was like hey listen i need you to i'm going to explain to you what these tomatoes are for can i just tell you what the answer to all this is yes it's reddit go to reddit there's no i don't like reddit there's too mean no but you

Starting point is 00:54:04 don't go to the mean ones. Yeah. Reddit is supposed to be where you celebrate the things you like and find other people that like them. Not like hating on everyone. Hey, go on a tomato Reddit. They're mean motherfuckers. They're mean as shit.

Starting point is 00:54:15 You ask a question, they're like, what are you, stupid? You don't look at the almanac? Well, sometimes I don't like it. Yeah, no, you're right. I'm like, yo, I don't know about this shit. You're right. You're mad at me. Tell us about tomatoes.

Starting point is 00:54:24 So, it's a long diatribe. She's going to die. But I would tell her, like, hey, give me 10 minutes so I could just tell you about these heirloom tomatoes that I'm growing. I would go like this five. If I was right, if I go, I'll give you five minutes. No, 10 is the shortest because it's really 30. So I'm cutting it down by a third.

Starting point is 00:54:40 And then she'd just be like, OK. She doesn't have to be excited. Now, do you use one of those tomato timers? What? They have like a tomato shaped timer and you just turn it for 10 minutes we got into a fight because I told her that I don't like waking up too early which I do now

Starting point is 00:54:53 I just found out I'm very caffeine sensitive so I just cut that out and now I can sleep but I told her like I don't want to go on these 5am hikes it's just too early in the morning well tomato season came around 4am I'm out there. I'm out in this bitch. Just tending tomatoes.

Starting point is 00:55:07 She woke up because she's about to work. She looks outside and I'm tending tomatoes. She turned red angry. She's like, if I look like a tomato, maybe he'll pay attention to me. She's like, you literally told me you can't wake up to go hiking with me, your wife. But these stupid fucking tomatoes you wake up every day for. I was like, ADHD, baby. I don't know what the fuck you mean. But these stupid fucking tomatoes you wake up every day for. It's like ADHD, baby.

Starting point is 00:55:26 I don't know what the fuck to do. I kind of want to defend you a little bit in saying that like I think this is something you do for yourself. Like this is something that's very meditative. This is something that like for who knows why makes you feel some type of like internal peace. It's my mom. My mom does like gardening stuff. And I feel like that's what we connect on too. Isn't that so cool when you feel like your parents like threw you don't you garden i i did and this you kill them huh no it's like i planted tomatoes and green peppers and the citrus trees and then they all came due

Starting point is 00:55:56 and i was pregnant and i couldn't have any of them and i'm just like really pissed can you tell the story again about the branches what oh it's my It's my favorite. Please. In COVID, like, I was doing a lot of gardening, and I got really into mint and pruning, you know. So I would, every day, I would go outside, prune all my little herb gardens, whatever. And then, you know, I would just, like, let the sticks, the whatever, excess, like, on the floor, the ground, whatever you call it outside. The ground, whatever you call it, the floor. It's mom brain. And then one day Dave and I were out, that's my fiance, we were outside together. And he was like, what do you think happens like when you prune to all the things out

Starting point is 00:56:38 that you leave, like the dead pieces? And I was like, oh my God, like it's actually really amazing. Like I cut them out and then the birds come and take them away and dave was like that's not birds it's me picking up your garbage she thought birds were coming you should talk to her about birds more you what you thought they were making you were giving them like nests great right did you know that you're not a disney? You're a human being. I'm not sure you're correct.

Starting point is 00:57:08 I think she's the teapot. Birds are coming to pick up your branches. I don't know. Every morning you're like, my life is great. What is going on? He didn't leave you after that? No. But it came up a lot for a while.

Starting point is 00:57:23 The amount of respect I would have lost for my partner. That's so cute, though. i guess it is kind of cute also it's so funny to relate to your like waking up early for your tomatoes like dave my fiance will he will sleep till 1 1 p.m any day every day and then there's always like a time of year where suddenly he's waking up at 10 a.m and i'm like oh, it's football season. Like he will wake up for football and nothing else. Do you, does it bother you that he wakes up late? Or do you not care? No, I don't mind.

Starting point is 00:57:53 I actually, I, you know what? I used to be when we first started dating, the girlfriend that would lay in bed and wait. And then you realize, no, just get up and start your day. I'm the opposite. I'm like, just start talking. Don't even wait for them to open their eyes just start talking and eventually they'll hear you i was with someone who didn't wake up till 6 p.m some days right because he would play video games till like nine in the morning and the video game thing is crazy because they are having so much fun no he's locked in they're literally having the best time of their

Starting point is 00:58:20 life and you can't be a part of it i cannot not. Not only can I not be a part of it, but when it involves like screaming. You don't play no games. Like screaming and like. But he plays with other people. Like Todd, it actually is precious. Todd talks to all of his high school friends

Starting point is 00:58:34 every night. They're playing games. It's like so amazing. That's beautiful. It's incredible. And they're just making fun of one other guy that went to high school

Starting point is 00:58:41 the entire time. ADHD. ADHD, perfect example. Bobby can play 16 hours straight with no breaks and be really hyper-focused. It's hard to sleep, though, when you do that because you're getting so active. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. When it's actually time to wind down, like, he can't. I can't play games, man.

Starting point is 00:58:55 You can't at all? Games are just boring as fuck. I think it's boring, too. I wish I liked it. You just sit there and you stare at a screen all day. I'd lose my mind, man. It feels like the energy I'm putting into it, I would much rather be putting into something else that's more like productive for me. There was a game.

Starting point is 00:59:07 I forgot what it was. It was like in the cowboy world where they would just like farm and shit. And I'm like, oh, I'm like, what did you do? I played this game and I just, I was tending to my horses. I went on walks. I was like, in the game? Yeah. That's what you're playing?

Starting point is 00:59:20 And then people feel accomplished. Yeah. They're like, I did a whole day of farming. I know you sat on your ass. I'm like shocked. No, but it's true. Like Bobby plays Stardew Valley and that's all that he does. It's like one of those games.

Starting point is 00:59:32 It's farm. He like tends to sturgeon. You're like, meanwhile, I'm starving. Where's my food? Like when I see people play shooting games, I get it. Yeah. I mean, it's exciting. Like the endorphins are high.

Starting point is 00:59:40 But when you told me that you just farmed in a game like what what's the objective of this i don't understand well look like i shouldn't talk so much shit because i've never like been a gamer but i am like the top five like tetris player in los angeles is that legit or you just titled that yourself you want to look at my phone i was like i did it once hold on a second no i'm like i'm like a tetris freak what does that mean i'm so fast i have a and that actually makes sense with your personality. You are good at like figuring things out. You know what I cannot do is parallel park. It's so weird, right?

Starting point is 01:00:10 Because I'm really good with Tetris and space and like figuring out where things go very fast. Is it because people are watching you when you're parallel parking? No, I don't know what it is. I hate to say this because I hate the stereotype, but there is something to do with being Asian. Do you think it's that lazy eye? No. You just...

Starting point is 01:00:24 You guys are wrong about the one lazy eye maybe one eye one eye is parking and the other one is your eyes have to be parallel to parallel park no you just need practice i can learn it's a trick there's like a way you look at it in the mirror and it works i mean if the space is big enough but if it's like tight i cannot do it i'm telling you guys like somehowially, I'm a genius and really stupid at the same time. I don't know, man. I hate driving in general. I also don't understand why people love cars so much.

Starting point is 01:00:52 I still can't wrap my head around it. What kind do you have? I have a RAV4. I have a RAV4 Prime. I love RAV4s. I'm obsessed with RAV4s. So the RAV4 Prime goes almost as fast as a Model Y. Okay, yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:03 But I don't care about, how fast are you going to go here? Like, you're in traffic all the time. That is true. My thing about cars, it just needs to get me from point A to point B. And then also gas. That's how I completely agree. Like, a car is transportation. It's not my personality.

Starting point is 01:01:16 It's nothing else. And also, what's the point of a fast car? You have to go the speed limit. Am I the only one? No. I've never gone the speed limit in my life. You're going to get hurt. Do I have to do traffic school? Yes. limit am i the only one no i've never gotten speed limit in my life you're gonna you're gonna get hurt do i have to do traffic school yes by the 18th somehow i don't know how it's gonna happen

Starting point is 01:01:31 yeah but guys love cars like they'll show you the the value of them as a male is based on their car some guys yeah but i think it's cool i think it's really cool if you like cars like if you work on cars you're you worked on cars with your family it was like i like you know how everything works like i think that's awesome because it's very similar to like gardening right like especially if you're a mechanic and it's something that you are kind of fixing fixing up from like i'm talking about people who just buy a car yeah well because also it's like it is cars lose their value immediately they're not like it's it's it's how many people have like are you trying to have like the only be the only person with the specific car like then everyone knows who you are driving it's weird i like the outdoor cars like people fix it up they do all

Starting point is 01:02:12 this cool stuff with it it's like a project but that you buy a car and you're like this is my nice car i'm like all right cool fucking story yeah it's embarrassing on my first date with dave i'll never forget like we walked to his car and I knew at that time he had a good job. You know, I see a 2002 Honda Civic. I'm like, I love this man. He is not spending frivolously. He's not some cool L.A. guy with an Audi. Like it was just such a like a hot.

Starting point is 01:02:41 Is he like a 70-year-old Chinese man? He's like squatting with a cigarette in his mouth David just a front tooth missing See I thought that too when I first met Bobby he His car had obviously disgusting on the inside It probably had like big balls of mold and fungus and everything else. But it had cans of Red Bull everywhere. And I was like, you know, I really like this guy.

Starting point is 01:03:08 He's not pretentious. He's showing me who he is. Also, he drives a Prius with like fucking bullet holes and like it's all dented in and shit. So I was like, I like that. He doesn't spend frivolously. Wrong. Wrong.

Starting point is 01:03:19 Just not on that. Just not on the car. But other things he did. So I was like, you know, that might not always. I like Bobby's car now. And I like that I know it's a little trashed. Oh, the Audi? I like that it's nice and trashed at the same time.

Starting point is 01:03:31 Wait, is this true? I heard this like myth when I first started stand up in LA at the comedy store that Bobby one time like lost his car and couldn't find it and then just bought a new one. Not couldn't find it yeah and then just bought a new one not not couldn't find it um he it broke down on the freeway and instead of calling triple a he just like left it there and then bought a new car he also rented a car from enterprise it's like he's like blacklisted at enterprise he rented a car for a whole year they had to like report it stolen all that i think he like racked up like 25 000 or something like that and he just because he

Starting point is 01:04:05 couldn't his adhd didn't allow him to just return it there's a part it was too inconvenient that loves that part of bobby the most and it is a part i'm working on changing but i admire how bobby will just get himself out of something he'll'll just go, how quickly can I get myself out of this? Yes. Okay. So he, we were, I don't know, I think we had rescued a dog somewhere, but it was all the way on like the West side and he backed up into a car. Legs did work.

Starting point is 01:04:37 He backed up into a car and the family or the owner of the car saw the whole thing happen. And he was like, Bobby gets whole thing happen and he was like Bobby gets out the car and he was like I don't know I don't want to do paperwork here's a thousand dollars it was a very tiny dent

Starting point is 01:04:50 and the guy's like yeah cool like he just wants to get out of it so fast that's his anxiety though for sure yeah it's anxiety he doesn't want to be

Starting point is 01:04:58 inconvenient like if there's he always says like if there's paperwork I don't want it and he just wants to get out of it I do have that same thing though but then like a part of me doesn't like that about myself.

Starting point is 01:05:07 So I confront it all the time. It's like, I hate this shit. But David, you're a businessman. You have a lot on your plate. You're a legitimate entrepreneur. It's like when kids ask, because I have very high anxiety, too. But I just don't like that about myself. It just bothers me so much.

Starting point is 01:05:22 Because my dad hated it. When I was a kid, I couldn't even order food at a McDonald's. It would give me an anxious breakdown. Yeah, too many options. Oh, God. My dad used to beat my ass because I couldn't do it because it's not manly. You know what I mean? Now you kickboxed. Right now, pops.

Starting point is 01:05:37 See you on the dance floor. I'm stealing your girl. But you know what happened? I thought my dad has crazy anxiety. So he hated seeing this quality in his son that he had in himself and i saw this at the wedding wedding so my dad was a pastor right he's supposed to do a speech in korean for the korean family members before this happens he comes up to me and he's like i don't think i could do it i was like well you already said you would and this is important because they don't speak english so could you it's just three minutes you said it was easy he actually volunteered yeah it's like great oh it

Starting point is 01:06:08 comes back and he goes hey so um your mom's sick i think we have to go home and i look at him and i'm like are you fucking lying to me i was like are you lying right now and he's like no she's really sick i was like cool my mom comes over she's all having a good time i'm like so you're sick she's no i'm not sick i was like dad says you're sick so you want to go home is that true she looks at me pissed she goes back i just see them yelling in the back my dad comes back he goes so your mom feels good now i think i'm good to do this speech i was like the fuck is going on he was having a nervous breakdown before he was gonna do the speech and he has high anxiety i had no idea my dad has the same thing my dad would like we call it fuck you stan because my dad my dad would, it's fuck you, Stan

Starting point is 01:06:47 moments. My dad, I would catch him, like he'd be on the phone with his friend, Stan, like, yeah, Stan. Oh, I'd love to help with that. Yeah. Could I? Oh, that's great. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:53 What an honor. All right. I'll get right on it. He hangs up. He goes, fuck you, Stan. Like he's like, gets mad at Stan that he offered to do something for him. That's so fucking funny. I can super relate to this because I am different people at different times of the week.

Starting point is 01:07:05 Also during my luteal phase, I'm just a completely different person, how I view myself. So things I say yes to enthusiastically, I will fucking hate myself for saying yes to two weeks later. You guys, I solved this problem like five years ago. Get pregnant. No. two weeks later. You guys, I solved this problem like five years ago. Get pregnant. Oh, no. Literally me and my college friends, we did, it was like 2017 or whatever. We're like, this is the year where no one can flake and on anything, not just with each other, but if you flaked on anything in your life, you had to do a punishment. And for us, it was like drive the other one to

Starting point is 01:07:43 the airport or something like, you know, crosstown cross town whatever and every time I said yes to plans I was like am I really gonna do this or else I'm gonna be punished and that just got into my system and now I don't flake on things and I do not say yes to things that I'm not going to we know such a we actually love that about you it's a wild thing to watch i've never met anyone that does that like i want to be that reliable not to anyone else like to myself because i cannot believe sometimes like who the fuck that person was that said yes to this because i'm like i'd rather die than go to this like in that moment i'm like i'd rather fucking die and go do this and you know what i think like because i love what you guys did but i also feel like if you could take punishment out of it so it's like it's more like

Starting point is 01:08:28 focusing on the positive of it like i really want to do everything i say i want to do which is what you guys get to but it's like because i feel like i punish myself so much anyway it's like i want to do more like just like in kabbalah they say i can't remember what it's called but it's like so it's all about when you say something agree to do something you're doing it like to be like a part of a light and not for the other person or for like there can't be any ulterior motives in it even if you're doing it just to like look good or to make someone else feel better yeah I think for me it's just like consequences work yeah consequences work for me by the way when i finally do go to that thing and i hate that thing that i really didn't want to go to i do enjoy it always well because always i'm glad i

Starting point is 01:09:10 did this but do you think but do you think it's like it's because of the follow-through you're getting the dopamine of like no it's because it's not as terrible as i built it up in my head but also like it's the social anxiety of it all of being like oh i have to hold conversation i have you feel like you have to become a different person when you go into these things i think it's not a different person it's just that like like i've been reading this book it's like i'm a closeted um introvert oh did i start get excited what she said she was closeted she perked up but so i can like perform in like social situations i think that's what it is it's like my true authentic self is very like quiet and observant and kind of just like i like to sit at

Starting point is 01:09:51 home and dissociate you know what i mean and so um when i'm out i do have i don't i'm not a different person i just have to turn a side of me on and it takes a lot of effort oh i have to pretend a lot really yeah because it's like because i just i'm an introvert like i don't really like kicking it with a lot of people like small settings like this that's perfectly fine we have so many stuff i'm talking about like you know you go to clubs or all those like fucking venues like that like i could turn it on you know what i mean but that took practice over years and years of practice because normally when i was younger i would just be on my phone to myself

Starting point is 01:10:25 or just talking to one person that I know. So now it's just like, okay, you don't like this about yourself. Like, how do you do this? It's like a game now. It's literally a game. Like when I talk to somebody, I go, what's their humor like?

Starting point is 01:10:35 What do they find funny? Throw them this joke. They find it funny? No, switch it this way. Okay, they like it? Cool. And it just becomes this game over and over and over. Is it like, does it keep it interesting to you?

Starting point is 01:10:43 Kind of, yeah. Because, so my wife, she has a corporate job and she has all these corporate events. I hate them. I fucking hate them. That's hard. But then I go in and I go, I just tell her, you need to give me like a week heads up because I have to mentally prepare myself to talk to you. So you can hate her for a whole week? Fuck this shit.

Starting point is 01:10:59 And I just go in and she goes, everybody loved you. I was like, yeah, because I was trying really hard. I was so excited. And then I go home and I just stare at the ceiling for like an hour. Because you're an entertainer. You're going there and you entertain people. Like my dad has the same thing where he gets anxiety and doesn't want to go places. And I think it's like the weight of having to entertain people is maybe on you.

Starting point is 01:11:18 Yeah, which is such a weird thing to feel though, right? Like you're just supposed to be there. But then you have this feeling of I wanted these people to have a good time yeah and then you try to entertain but you don't want to do it too much where you come off too strong so you're just doing like this weird little balance it is a weird value like to because one of my highest values is like entertaining people too and i try to not like shame because it's just fun i don't know it's just but honestly she is a freaking like social genius because she can talk to anyone like across the McDonald's counter at the DMV.

Starting point is 01:11:47 I am friends with my girl at Rite Aid. But her ability to do very like super deep talk and then just super small talk is your range is incredible. I try to be really present in the moment with everyone. And you're quick and you're like just like you keep things light. And I'm like, fuck, like Annie, you're good at this. See, that would drain me and I'd have to be in the mood. Yeah, same.

Starting point is 01:12:09 I'd have to be in the perfect mood. But what I really, what I admire and a lot of my favorite people are really like, they do like pranks and stuff. So like I love Sacha Baron Cohen and I love Nathan Fielder and I love Ed Bassmaster, who's a YouTuber. Yes. He's amazing,master, who's a YouTuber. Yes. Yeah, he's amazing, right? Yeah, he's the best. But it's like when I meet people like this and I see them work, it's like they, what they do is they go into character so hard that it can't even like penetrate them.

Starting point is 01:12:38 Like when I go out and I talk to people like that, I'm pretty vulnerable because I'm giving like my exact self to people. And I think what I'm learning is I have to have like a little bit of a like a little because it's too crazy it's like i get drained and it's and i give a lot of myself to people that aren't even like they're like we didn't want this do you guys feel and i want to ask this about girls too do you feel girls and this is just like a saying you feel girls when they make friendships they kind of fuck on the first date a little too hard yes like we went hard we were like fucking oh because i i see this a lot with a lot of like girls like throughout my years right i've seen girls who they see like a quality that they like

Starting point is 01:13:14 in a girl and they click real hard but they don't actually know the person and so later on what'll happen they'll be like i can't believe this girl did this to me it's like but you don't know them in my mind because i feel girls definitely do this it me. It's like, but you don't know them in my mind. So girls definitely do this. It's almost as if like if there is like a kindred feeling, like we basically scissored on our first. Yeah, it was like a six hour, five, six hour FaceTime or something like that. Like it is something that I never really thought about before because I just thought, oh, if you find someone

Starting point is 01:13:41 that you click with, you just click and that's how it works, right? But maybe do girls do this more than dudes? You don't do that i don't think guys guys are a little i'm generalizing right now so i'm just saying from my experience right like guys tend to be a little more weary i don't know why it's just like fuck is this guy usually it's like this is like i'll beat your ass like that's the first thing for no fucking reason right well maybe you do want to like you want to assess the threat something like that then it goes like oh he's kind of cool hey you're kind of funny oh i kind of like him all right we'll see what's up and then we kind of just start gradually hanging out but we kind of at our arms what about

Starting point is 01:14:13 you and girlfriends like friends women friends like i have a lot i have more girlfriends than i do guy friends i know but you fuck too hard on the first date with the girls no i think for me and girls like sometimes girls get exhausting, right? So it's like – I like how your face is very telling. So like my wife knows this, right? If I'm going to go hang out with a homegirl one-on-one, typically it's usually going to be an emotion fest and I'm just there to listen, right? I feel like a lot of guy friends don't know that.

Starting point is 01:14:43 They always try to fix it or I have a lot of guy friends. They would never sit and listen. You try to fix a girl's problem? Impossible. I want them to, but they never can. We don't have the solution either. It's like it's too pragmatic. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 01:14:54 Do you feel like that even with your wife? With my wife, I don't give her any advice because she'll sock me. So I just kind of like, you know, you just have to listen at a certain point because most people, if you believe that your friends are smart people, they can figure it out themselves. They probably already have the answer. Yeah, they're just like, they're like seeing. They just need you to hold space. They just need you to listen.

Starting point is 01:15:14 At least for me, it's like, you're right. Like, I probably know the way out. I know the solution. I have my answers. I just like hearing myself say it to someone helps me process it a little bit better i also think i have a little bit of a cheat code because i grew up in a beauty supply store so i was around women all the fucking time you know what i mean and just fucking yap yap yap yap yap all the fucking time so i didn't hear it all the time so now it's just like oh i get it

Starting point is 01:15:37 they just talking to talk but do you see it is it a warm feeling for you to like hear women like talk because well i like being around girls too because I feel like girls can talk about anything. That's true. You know what I mean? Like girls can literally chop it about – like if we're not romantically involved, it's super fun. You know what I mean? Because – but when you become romantically involved with like my wife, she now is a lot more sensitive to the things that I say. So I can't make these jokes with her.

Starting point is 01:16:01 So like I'll – for example, when we first started dating, I could make fun of her for fucking days. Now if I look at her like dirty ass knees no mild joke she goes what's wrong my knees i'm like yo what the fuck just happened right now she's like i was on my knees earlier for you i wish no but she's just like i have to be careful with her now because now we're like emotionally attached yeah and you're bound yes so now i had to learn that i'm like oh i can't joke with her like i used to because let me call kalilah and get this yeah let me just call kalilah quick you cross-eyed bitch thank you oh god i feel great you know oh it's really making me itch to abuse you i'm so sorry oh trust me bringing out my abusive side i can actually handle a whole lot of abuse.

Starting point is 01:16:45 It's my baseline. And I mean, have I ever had an issue? Like I threatened to drown him all the time. Yes, she does. And I'm very scared of the OD potion. I'm like, wait, just you fucking wait till we're close to a body of water. Don't you feel like Kalilah could take you diving

Starting point is 01:16:58 and like tell the fish to come fuck with you? Yeah. She'd be like, get her. I'll attack you. I have plans to feed David to the sharks for you? Yeah. She'd be like, get her, and I'll attack you. I have plans to feed David to the sharks for like three years. Do you have like a staff

Starting point is 01:17:09 you use when you go down? Like a queen's? You think she's King Triton. She's King Triton, but queen, but she has his back. I have a spear gun. Sometimes like guys.

Starting point is 01:17:18 I can just shoot you. It's like so crazy when we were doing. Oh, you go shoot. It's like that now? I just fucking shoot you. Just because I made fun of your weird ass eyes?

Starting point is 01:17:24 What the fuck? It helps her see the fish. She has fish eyes? when we were doing oh you go shoot it's like that now I just fucking just cause I made fun of your weird ass eyes like what it helps her it helps her see the fish she has fish eyes she's supposed to be in the water she's not supposed to be on land

Starting point is 01:17:32 the more you fucking swim the more your eyes go far apart you start becoming a fish we were doing like on our Thanksgiving episode we were doing like the things

Starting point is 01:17:40 that we love about each other and I totally forgot that you're a fucking woman of the ocean oh thank you I was thinking about that that you're a fucking woman of the ocean. Oh, thank you. I was thinking about that, that you're just like, when people are like, where's Kalilah? I'm like, I'm assuming she's...

Starting point is 01:17:50 Swimming somewhere. In the sea? In the sea somewhere. Some people don't understand about making fun of people. They sometimes don't understand the concept of, you got to make fun of them for stuff that's not really make funnable. Right. Then it becomes enjoyable.

Starting point is 01:18:03 If somebody has a weird ailment, and they're like, this motherfucker got cancer. It's not really make fun of them. Then it becomes enjoyable. If somebody has a weird ailment and they're like, this motherfucker got cancer. It's not funny. If you call a pretty girl ugly and you just joke around like that. I think you could make a person with cancer laugh. I do think that. I'm trying it. I'm going to see her cyanide later.

Starting point is 01:18:19 You can do it. Put on a clown nose. I still have a video of me doing... Where'd your eyebrows go? I was doing hip thrusts at the gym. Oh my God. And there's a video of David basically like for like 30 seconds being you ugly, weak bitch. You're so fucking ugly. That's why Bobby broke up with you.

Starting point is 01:18:39 Just going off. And I'm doing just like really heavy hip thrusts. Did it help you? It worked. Yes. I was trying to motivate her. Yeah. Listen, we know your origin story.

Starting point is 01:18:50 I need to get beat. She always has like this weird taste in men. And I was telling her like there's a couple of, when they broke up, there's a couple of guy friends asking like, yo, is she single? I was like, no, no, no, no. You could not handle it. No, no, no. Okay.

Starting point is 01:19:00 Oh my God. Okay. So he has a friend of his who is allegedly the nicest guy on earth, and David doesn't think I should date him. No, your pussy has fangs. That's why. I don't think so. Are you nuts? I'm not introducing you to him.

Starting point is 01:19:12 He's a really good guy. He's out of your fucking mind. What do you think is going to happen? You're just not for him. But I like. But is it because he won't let you have him? Yes, let him try me. See, that's the thing. You're going to chew him up let you have him yes let him try me that's the thing

Starting point is 01:19:25 you're gonna chew him up I'm afraid let me let him try no no no he's also this guy too let him hit it he doesn't have a strong enough personality she would run over him so easy he would like start to mold his personality and his humor to match her and then he's gonna you're like erica badu you know I'm saying everybody she touches she just fucks up. You know what I mean? That's who you are. Anybody in this room, I couldn't introduce anybody to him. He would just crumble. No, literally, Kylian and Katie are both, like, they're both Scorpios, which I don't know what it is. But it's the same thing with Katie.

Starting point is 01:19:55 I'm like, if these two get together, they could destroy the world. Would you introduce Esther or Annie to your friend? No. So none of us. No, but that's like, look, strong personality, right? Very strong personality. Strong personality. This guy is malleable. Ooh, he sounds good. I know exactly why.

Starting point is 01:20:12 I'm not doing it. She likes to sculpt. I know. I got stuck with a guy that is not sculptable, and it is the best thing for me. It is actually the best, yeah. Yeah. Would you respect the guy that you could just get him to do whatever you want, though? I think that the answer is no. I don't know because I've never had that.

Starting point is 01:20:29 She's tried. But it's always been my dream. But I feel like there's no way that that's sustainable. You just get not attracted. I didn't like – so I was with one girl that I didn't – we had ultimately broke up not because she was terrible. It's because anything I said she would agree with even if she didn't believe it and i hated it because it's like i'm never going to get to know you yeah right there's going to be moments where we have to go back and forth on if not all the time right but if i say and there's be stuff that after i thought about i was wrong and then i would

Starting point is 01:20:56 apologize to her but like hey i'm sorry that i think i was completely wrong and she goes no you're right i'm like i fucking hate this yeah you don't I think there is no, you will not grow as a couple or individually if you're in a yes man relationship. It's just impossible. You need someone to push back. It's an insecurity. It's like, it's like immature. It's not. Well, she's also thinking like, oh, if I become an agreeable person, this person won't leave me.

Starting point is 01:21:18 Yeah, he'll like me better. And then that's, you feel that neediness and you're like. Yeah, it was just weird, right? Because I felt like, oh, I'm with this. I've been with a stranger for six months. Because anything I say, you'll agree with even if I'm wrong. And I don't get to reconcile my feelings because I was wrong and I need to apologize. If you guys were doing like the newlywed game, her thing would just have an arrow to your answer.

Starting point is 01:21:39 Whatever he says. She just copies my vows. But that does as a woman like sound so relaxing to just be like, I have none of my own thoughts. It's whatever he says. Like there is something about that that I like. Why? I think I'm brain dead. When I'm 65, maybe.

Starting point is 01:21:58 But I think my brain is a little bit too active right now and cares about too many things to have like a total yes man. Maybe when I'm tired and I just want to fucking nap all day. Like I would want that. too active right now and cares about too many things to have like a total yes man maybe when i'm tired and i just want to fucking nap all day like i would want that i just never want to go at it again yeah in a relationship where it's like you're always like fighting to be right it's like that's so just draining and then you're fighting so much it's like it just doesn't even one of you just has to be like let's just there's no stages though right like in the beginning it's like the infatuation stage. And then you start getting into little arguments and you're fighting all the fucking time.

Starting point is 01:22:29 And if you go over this hump, then you could usually make it after. Because that stage where we were just yelling at each other, I hated it. But it's so important. I learned in therapy, like when Bobby and I did couples therapy, that was the one thing apparently that we didn't do enough. We didn't know how to fight. And because we didn't know how to fight, we didn't know how to fight and because we didn't know how to fight,

Starting point is 01:22:46 we didn't know how to negotiate our needs. You guys never fought? No, hardly ever. We were just two people that grew up in very like high conflict homes. So we avoided it at all costs.

Starting point is 01:22:57 And so we would just kind of stuff it. And we, you know, like we're very like antagonistic on the podcast when like the mics are on. Oh, it's funny. But at home

Starting point is 01:23:05 like in our real life we were just very like it was harmony a lot of times aside from the fact but it wasn't right i i was angry about a lot of things that he wasn't meeting and he was probably the same way but we didn't know how to negotiate because we didn't fight yes that was that was when we first started dating early on she was somebody who says i don't yell i don't fight yes that was that was when we first started dating early on she was somebody who says i don't yell i don't fight right which i'm like you're korean bullshit right so she would do this thing where she would say she wasn't angry but her actions were very angry right so it'd be like oh pass the salt all right and she'll scrape it across the table and then that'll piss me off even more because clearly you're mad but she'll smile and she'll be like i'm not angry and that

Starting point is 01:23:43 just makes you know the face starts coming out so we were doing this hike and i was fat as fuck at this time and so that's why she wants to get up early don't get fat again so we were hiking it was early on our relationship and she just books it and i'm just walking alone with my fat ass self and i'm like yo what the fuck so she does the whole hike and comes back and she goes where were you i'm like hey this is a couple's hike we're together you just left me and i don't know where i'm going i'm not a hiker i'm like free food out here are you nuts and so i'm pissed and we get into the car i was like i don't like that you did that we're doing couple shit you did that the last time when we went biking you dusted my ass like you were in tron and i was fucking alone biking by myself and you did it again and i don't like it

Starting point is 01:24:23 and she goes i don't understand why you're mad and i was like okay that makes me even more mad and then she goes i'm not angry i'm like you're angry you're upset she goes i'm not angry and i snapped i was like if you don't express something to me i'm fucking done with this shit and she takes a pause she looks at me and she goes what the fuck do you want from me at the top her lungs. I peed a little bit because it scared the living shit out of me. And this was like our fourth or third month together. She's never raised her voice. And so when I heard that shit, after that, Pandora's box was open. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:24:54 All yelling all the time now. I kind of regret it just a little bit. But because of that. I love an assault show. She started screaming and yelling. And then after that, I was like, oh, so she's for real pissed. You know, and I started getting to know her a little more. But once we got over that hump and now it's just way calm.

Starting point is 01:25:12 Yeah. Yeah. I think that, I mean, imagine if it'd been like three, four years in and she still hadn't like yelled. Like, I don't think that would, she'd probably have like all gray hairs. Yeah. And some people don't. Like it would turn into a cancer at some point.

Starting point is 01:25:24 Yeah. Some people don't have to yell, but they could still express themselves she couldn't do either right that really is a hard thing though because like i when i'm super emotional like i get i i can't get the words out i can't formulate sentences but have you and dave or you and todd ever had like bad screaming matches like that kind of fight he's not not a voice raiser that's like that's good it's like not an option yeah todd's not either it's like i've tried like when i the relationship i left to when i before the relationship i got out of before i got into it with todd was so screamy like like neighbors

Starting point is 01:25:58 threatened to call the cops like so bad and so i still had that like residual, you know, that person's like still in you and that you were with that with the other guy. And so I like I tried and he wouldn't get mad. And then I would just go, go, go and be like, is this what you want? And I was like, no, sorry. Yeah. No, I'm sorry. And now it's like if I raise my voice, which is like literally once a year with him, like and it's always over something i didn't assert myself with calmly earlier and it's never really him it's just something i didn't like get forth i didn't like say strong enough for myself and then i get mad he gets really quiet and i it just isn't the it's not the route yeah the yelling thing too is like you know when you grow up in a household where

Starting point is 01:26:43 everybody yells and breaks shit that's like your norm and so yeah she we had this moment too where it was years ago we got really fucking angry and then she had like this little eye cream and i was like fuck this i threw it and then she started crying why did you throw it though why the eye cream because it was so tiny and i wanted to throw something but i didn't want it to be disastrous so i found something really small that was the worst thing you could have thrown. Yeah, we need the ice cream. What the hell? And they're expensive. How many girlfriends do you have?

Starting point is 01:27:09 You obviously got that many. I chucked her a little ice cream and then she started crying. I'm like, what are you crying about? She goes, well, I don't feel comfortable around you because you're throwing things. And I'm like, ice cream? I was like, it's so small. And she goes, it doesn't matter. You broke something in front of me.

Starting point is 01:27:23 And that scares me. After that, I never did it again. Because in my mind, I was like, wait, my mom threw And she goes, it doesn't matter. You broke something in front of me. And that scares me. After that, I never did it again. Because in my mind, I was like, wait, my mom threw a rice cooker at my dad's head. So we're kind of, I'm better. But you just don't break things in general. Well, it's just so scary too. And then it's so embarrassing after you break. Isn't it so embarrassing when you let the anger, you're like, oh my God.

Starting point is 01:27:42 I never did it since. And then you think about when you have kids like doing that exactly it's just so unacceptable and those are those moments where i look at myself and i go oh this wasn't healthy just because you grew up with it doesn't mean that it's right and i haven't done it since then but one time i threw something it was a it was a puff jacket and it just puffed in the air and it pissed me off even more because it was it wasn't stress relieving and i just threw this windbreaker it It just went up. Fuck. It floated down. My dad went to anger management classes when we were kids. And he came back.

Starting point is 01:28:11 There was like two weeks where he was told to squeeze a towel and count down from 10. He was just squeezing all the time. He just had like a towel on his shoulder all day, like squeezing. It was so funny. Wait, does that, that sounds like it really works. It probably does because I think you do feel ridiculous by the end of it. sounds like it really works it probably does because i think you do feel ridiculous by the end of it and then my my mom uh and dad took like a course together and they said that you just start talking in nonsense like you just start doing like a dumb voice or something when you're in a fight

Starting point is 01:28:35 and then it breaks it because it's so ridiculous but that got a little weird do you have to solve do you guys have to solve when you fight with your partners like in the moment or do you have to separate and come back? It depends. It depends what it's about. I find that sometimes I really need to take a beat and get the fuck out of there because I grew up in a rice cooker to the head household. And so even though I'm very like, oh, take the path of least resistance, there are times where I'm so fucking mad that I'm like, like oh that old me could come out right now yes i need to take a beat but then i think that the responsibility is on me to come back and not wait for them to like chase me if i'm the one leaving it is my responsibility to come back and then broach to the conversation again those are really

Starting point is 01:29:19 like hard conversations to have with the partner too because this girl that i was dating she we ultimately broke up because she would keep poking at me to make me mad how so like like i would give clear boundaries like because i went through anger management as a kid because i was so fucking angry because i grew up around it and so i would tell her hey when i tell you i need space i need you to walk away from me like just get away she goes no you mean it i don't want to i'm gonna be right here and she just get in my face my mom yeah and then i snap and i yell like an inch away from her face and i scream at the top of my lungs and then she got really quiet and then we got out the car i looked at her i was like we're done and she's like why and i'm like because you make me into a person that i never wanted to be it's like this person that i saw myself yelling at a person that I care about is never the person I wanted to be.

Starting point is 01:30:06 And I just yelled at a woman and I'm twice your size. What kind of man am I now? So it's like, you make me that. And she wasn't supporting your growth and your anger. Like she wasn't supporting you, like working through your anger and giving the boundary and stuff.

Starting point is 01:30:18 Yeah, and I told her about my anger issues as a kid, all this other stuff. She's like, no, when we solve it, we have to solve it now. But I'm like, I don't ever want to be a guy that is with his partner and then just screams at them in rage because sometimes you need to cool you need some cool off you do but it's very hard for an anxiously attached partner to watch someone walk away because it feels as though they're never coming back right because i used to be that way like like now i'm the person that needs a little bit

Starting point is 01:30:43 of space but there have been times where i've had partners like that who are like, I need a moment. And I'm like, no, we should be able to discuss it right here, right now. And they really just need a moment, but I couldn't figure out why they need.

Starting point is 01:30:55 I was also afraid that if they close that door, they won't come back. They're not coming back, that they're going to realize that they actually don't want this, that they're going to have enough time to think that, or to, to real they're going to have 10 minutes to realize that they actually want to break up and that terrified me so i'm like please don't leave please don't leave like let's work it out now we had in couples therapy this one lesson like years ago where she was like if someone needs to walk away you need the rule is you're allowed to do that but you have

Starting point is 01:31:23 to say when you're coming back yes so it's like i'll be back in 30 whatever it is as long as the other person knows when you're coming back cut to us like looking at the clock yeah bitch go right now the other thing that me and dave tomato timer this thing that me and dave like made up that we've been doing for literally 10 years is if someone says something and it feels a little nasty, the other person goes, tone. And then they have to re-say it a little bit nicer. Oh, it's so cute. And then it kind of makes us both mad and laugh. And it just keeps it from escalating.

Starting point is 01:32:02 So instead of if you give me a mean tone, instead of me giving you a mean tone back, I can just go tone. And then you have to like be nicer. Can I just say though? Can I just say if I'm in the peak of my rage and someone said tone. I would never say tone to you. I'd be like, you want to fucking hear tone? I would not say tone to Kaya. But I think you guys are so much healthier and more communicative but I think that like when my rage

Starting point is 01:32:26 bubbles over like there's almost nothing you can say that's correct I just need to get the fuck away yeah yeah yeah yeah that is really good for in the early stages and sometimes I'll be like that wasn't a tone

Starting point is 01:32:42 you know you need to do tone on your tone I think of like when I give when I give Randy treats you know I make him sit and then I want him to lay down the lay down he's like he doesn't want to do the lay down but then he does and gets his treats so it's like I feel like tone

Starting point is 01:32:58 is like that where it's like you're oh this is a dog I thought you were talking about the guy you're with oh fuck I was like yo this is kind of toxic Todd would do it. Kind of sexy. This is such a good episode. I'm having such a good time. I know.

Starting point is 01:33:11 David, you need to come back. I'm one of the girls. I know. But you, like, you're leading the girl part. Yes. I like girl talk. I know. It feels good.

Starting point is 01:33:21 David's one of my best girlfriends. I'm telling you, man. She tampons all the other shit. Let's go. David, where can people find more of you? You have like three podcasts. Yeah. So me, Gilbert, and our buddy Nick started an MMA podcast called Oh Shit, The Casuals.

Starting point is 01:33:37 Oh, that's called Oh Shit. I was like, oh shit. This is the second time we've forgotten it today. I know. I don't know. It's The Casuals MMA. And then you can check me out on Genius Brain Podcast and also Dudes Behind the Foods. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:33:47 Oh, wait. This is what we forgot. We didn't tap into. David. So they name dropped me at Asian restaurants. And I was like, I'm not the person to name drop. It's him. I do have a little pull with Asian restaurants.

Starting point is 01:33:57 Oh, I'm just always like, I'm like, if I wait long enough, they're going to remember my head next to Kalilah's. No, but I'm telling you guys david's the guy and not even just asian restaurants like all the restaurants because he's like like he's a fancy food guy he was on a food show on netflix and everything not very fancy i eat i like looking for the cheapest foods possible that taste really good speaking esther's language you really are old chinese person i am yeah i know When you asked if Dave was, I was like, that kind of rings true for Esther. Yeah, you're a little weird, huh? I'm like a weirdo there, huh?

Starting point is 01:34:30 I like it. Thank you so much, David. I know. Come back anytime. You are so much fun. Let me know. I'm right around the corner. Oh, and we're supposed to say Merry Christmas, right?

Starting point is 01:34:37 I already had this. And it's a medium. And I don't know if it's going to fit your shoulders. And I don't know if it's going to fit your belly. But I have one. I should get it. I'll get a third. But it's, I don't know if it's going to fit your shoulders. And I don't know if it's going to fit your belly. But I have one. I should get, I'll get a third. But it's, I don't know who it's for. I'll just show you what it is.

Starting point is 01:34:51 I'll show you what it is. It's going to fit your shoulders. I love that shit. Oh my God, I have one of these. Yeah. Then I'll take it. It's to carry a little doggie. Oh my God, I'll take it because I have Remy.

Starting point is 01:35:02 Yes, you can bring Remy in it. Thank you so much. Isn't it so cute? It's a hoodie that has a little doggy pouch. See it? I'm like, Esther already has a fake pouch. I have actually like two of these. I'm so sorry. I've had

Starting point is 01:35:15 tissue to my face this whole time. I'm glad you took it out of your nose because I was having trouble. Yeah? Are you sure? You guys? Yeah, I was making your eyes focus um thank you so much for joining us check out david so wherever you can and we'll see you next week with a brand new episode for our holiday december celebration

Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Why Nice Guys Finish First w/ David So - Ep 145

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