Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Work-shopping Areas w/ Moshe Kasher (Ft. Rick Glassman)

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

Thank you to our sponsor: RocketRx. For listeners, you can get 20% off your first order. Go to: RocketRX.com and enter code: TRASHTUESDAY at checkout for 20% off your first order.  ________________________________________________________________________ After Moshe crashes the awkward Rick episode, Rick crashes right back into Moshe's episode & they discuss monkey pox and then work shop jokes or as Esther calls them - Areas. We then dive head first into bringing back white savior movies, dessert racism, fancy food, relationships, raya and comedy beef.  More Moshe! Endless Honeymoon Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/endlesshoneymoonpod/ Moshe's IG: https://www.instagram.com/moshekasher/ Chapters: 00:00 Moshe's Dessert Theory 01:00 Monkey Pox  03:30 Workshopping Areas (w/ Rick and Moshe) 16:30 Rick Leaves then Comes Back 18:40 Movies ft. Nic Cage, White Saviors, & 0% on Rotten Tomatoes 36:00 Is Variety the Spice of Food? 56:00 Moshe Married his first GF and other ship topics 01:05:47 Beef is so Huge Right Now (Not the food) Follow More Trash: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday Listen to Trash: Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPod Trash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudio More Esther: TikTok:   / esthermonster   Instagram:   / esthermonster   More Khalyla:  Instagram:   / khalamityk   Tigerbelly Podcast:    / @tigerbelly   Production Team: Tiny Legends, LLC: / @tinylegends.prod Stella Young: / @estellayoung Guy Robinson: / @grobfps Ariel Moreno: / https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/ Shot By: Guy Robinson: / grobfps Edited By: Case Blackwell / https://www.instagram.com/caseblackwell/

No country has good desserts other than America. And it goes basically America, France, England, and then kind of everything else. Oh my God, my ranking is so different. What do you got? You're wrong, what do you got? Asian pastries. Oh, you're out.

It don't get- Are by far superior to all. You're so right, you're so right. Why didn't we think of adding beans to our dessert palette? I include my own people. Jewish desserts are at the bottom of the list. Of course. Just dusty, dry with memories of dead ancestors.

Raisins, I feel like. Raisins and dust and it's just all awful. Thank you to our sponsor Rocket RX. For listeners, you can get 20% off your first order. Use code TRASHTUESDAY. Go to rocketRX.com and enter code TRASHTUESDAY at checkout for 20% off your first order. Follow the link in the description. If you're just tuning in, Rick's had some COVID exposure and I'm a beta cuck worried about the virus

that was transplanted from China. We're all worried about the virus. Wait, are you guys worried about Mpox? Nah. I got vaccinated. You did? Yeah, it was a mistake. What do you mean? Is that why you look so swollen?

No. Rick. That was something else I was going through. It's part of our, I don't mean, everyone knows, I think Esther is so beautiful. We should start something like that, you and I, like a cruelty based friendship thing. That could be fun for us.

You guys just keep calling each other the N word. Yeah. Yeah, I don't really want to get into it, but I preemptively, prematurely got the monkeypox virus vaccine. I don't have monkeypox. It's such an Esther thing to say. I got the impacts vaccine, but I don't want wanna get into it, but I preemptively, prematurely got the monkeypox virus vaccine. I don't have monkeypox. It's such an Esther thing to say. I got the impacts vaccine,

but I don't wanna talk about it. Wait, not the most recent strain though. No, this was the two years ago strain. Oh, that does not apply to this recent one. This is the most virulent one apparently. Isn't it just in Africa though? Is it here? It's here now. A lot of stuff started just in Africa.

I didn't know this. We did. That's right. And now look where we are now. Now there's Jews. That's where they are. That's where they were. Humans. The Jews are from Africa.

Okay. I just think I don't get that. Israel is in Africa. No, it isn't. Yes it is. No. Have you heard of Pangea much? I have heard of Pangea.

You mean the rave that I threw in 1997 at Second and Jackson in Oakland? The music. Ha ha ha. Is monkeypox really a thing? Are you worried about it? You're literally vaccinated against it. Not the newest strain you just said.

But is it- Not the new one, not the new one. Is it really something that you're aware of? I'm aware of it, I'm not afraid of it. Why aren't you afraid? I don't know. Okay. I maybe have had my fear tapped out by this other virus that we had kicking around.

COVID? Yeah, Cyrus virus. Miley Cyrus virus? No. I have that. Conair. Oh yeah, Cyrus the virus. Wait, was that a character or was there a virus?

Yes, it was. No, no, it wasn't. It was John Malkovich. John Malkovich, yes, thank you. They occupy some of the characters. They were the same in the mid-90s. They really do. Yeah, speaking of viruses, let's talk about the Jews.

Oh. Ride the wave. Oh. Oh, you had it. Moshe's a good setup guy. Yeah, I don't do punchlines, but I love a setup. Let me hear one of your best setups that doesn't have a punchline.

Well, you could help me workshop a joke I'm thinking about right now. Let's play. I love it. Let's write a joke. I saw a TikTok recently that the guy was saying, do you know why all the bells, church bells in Europe were destroyed in World War II and why there's no more church bells in Europe were destroyed in World War II. Um, and why there's no more church bells in Europe, it's

because it contained the, uh, secret frequency that will cure all cancer. And they wanted to keep that information from us. And it's like, it's like, no, they, it doesn't and no, they didn't. There are bells, like there's something deeply wrong with a society where we've gone from don't trust doctors to Bells are doctors. Yeah. Like something, there's something, okay, okay.

Bells are doctors. There's nothing about the bells. But Esther's an easy laugh. You're an easy laugh. Bells are doctors is like, I'm like, yeah. Yeah, they. Wait, that's. I did get there.

That's because Bells are my doctors because Terrence Howard was on Rogan. Oh man. And he's into the whole like frequency things, right? I worked with somebody who was on Empire recently and I was like, what's up with Terrence Howard? Like, when did this start? She said, it's always been that way and that he will convince you.

And I think it's the power of not saying um. I think that was a lot of it. You're fucking, that's a great setup. Wait, can I workshop a joke? Yes. Okay, so. But you guys didn't help me with mine. You roasted me a little, you laughed and it's done? The power, I thought about that before, but not, and that says a premise, the power of not saying um is fantastic I thought about that before, but not, and that says a premise, the power of not saying um is fantastic. I'm so sorry, go ahead, sir. No, do we wanna stay on yours? No, not at all.

Okay, now I just wanna preface this by saying I've never written a joke before and I don't know how, and I thought this was funny. You did an hour special. I know. Her parents did, go on. No, I thought. You did a half hour special in a documentary. Exactly, true.

I, so I, this was a, I call my jokes areas, because they're not jokes, they're just areas of things that I think I should say on stage. And this was one. Poor girl. And I said it to Dave yesterday, like thinking it was gonna be a huge hit. And he was like, what's the joke?

I don't get it. So I'll just, I know that it's nothing. Workshopping. People say that you should. First of all, I just wanna say I love the delivery. Like the confidence of the delivery I'm already in. Maybe you look down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe say I'm a piece of before you start. Can you do this with your foot? Or maybe twirl your hair. I wanna say I'm a piece of that shouldn't be on stage just to start with, but people say. Before we get into this, good to be back, I'm a horrible piece of shouldn't be here. They say, marry your best friend. We've all heard it.

Oh yeah, my mom's been saying it since I was a little boy. Is that why you're married to your mom? Okay. Okay, that was very good. Very good, Esther. That was great. So it's all, it's a very weird setup to get to the, is that why you're married to your mom punchline?

No, no, no, no, okay. They say marry your best friend, but like. How could I marry this burrito? Okay, pretty good. That was pretty good. Okay. You set him up, I'll knock him down. No, that's good because I don't know how to knock him down.

But just like, this isn't a joke, but it's just observation, I think. But like. Just got the light, hasn't it started? I know it should be on a piece of shit. And this isn't even a joke. The light's just a silhouette that says, you're right, you shouldn't be up here. But like, picture you meet like a girl

and you ask her who's your best friend and she says, my husband, like, or like I meet a guy and my wife, like that's gross. That's the whole joke. Anyone? Oh, my parents are best friends. But isn't it like- It is an area.

It is. It feels like an area. Area confirmed. Definitely. I think I know how to turn that into a joke. How? I'll just say placeholders, but these aren't necessarily your points of view,

but here's our examples of things. I'd like to vote the burrito was great though. No, it's not bad. Thank you so much. I'd like to vote the burrito was great though. No, that's not bad. Thank you so much. I do like that. And I, yeah. But it's a different area. That's a one-liner and not a thing.

So my thought would be to actually tell us why, for example, I'm going, you know, like, I just did X, Y, Z. I don't want to talk to my wife about it. You know, like who is your best friend and how does that best friend differ from Dave and theirs were your substances. I agree.

But to me, it's more about making fun of the person. One second, Esther. Go ahead. Go ahead. Did I cut? No, please. Help me with this. I want to make fun of the person

who says my wife is my best friend, my husband is my best. Like if that's the advice, but you land in this really lame, isolating place with no other friends, that's where my brain is going. But I think Rick's right. The funny part in there is what does a best friend actually do? And to you, it's a specificity of it. There's also some backstory to this that you might be forgetting or not be conscious of. When we did a podcast at the end of 2019,

when I was doing, it was the one we did that was the holiday one, the eight nights of Tiso. I referred to this type of person, and you have since changed your opinion on this, as a partner, and you thought that term partner was so corny and dumb. No, I didn't. I have, we've talked about this before

and I've cut to the clip. You did. I didn't. Partner, and you do that face that you make that looks like all your other faces where it's like, is she doing that on purpose? You're like, partner, and it's so stupid. When you have partner, oh, are we working together? It's my partner.

Well, why would you say partner? That's what I don't get. Because I- Are you trying to keep some girl in a situationship? Like what, why? I feel that. Partner is way more formal, Esther. But why won't he just say girlfriend?

They're not mutually exclusive. Partner is objectively a weird thing to say. You think so? I'm not saying partner. You're not just saying they're my partner, you're saying also I vote Democrat. Please let me offer context. Yes, please.

Thank you. I'm not saying this isn't my girlfriend, she's my partner. I'm saying there's girlfriend, there's partner, please. Thank you. I'm not saying this isn't my girlfriend, she's my partner. I'm saying there's girlfriend, there's partner, there's best friend. These are all types of relationships with this person. And part of the relationship I want from my partner is that. I want a partner.

I want someone who I could help and bring value to, who they could help me. A partnership is a subsection of the relationship. And so is a best friend. So you think it's weird to be best friends. You think it's weird for them to be your partner. I don't think it's weird to be best friends. Dave is my best friend.

I'm not his, but he's mine. Would you call him your lover? Yeah. I call all of my romantic partners my lover. My lover is my favorite. You like that. I love lover. The worst, the worst.

The lover. This is my lover. A lover. It feels silly, but I worst, the worst. Do you like lover? This is my lover. A lover. It feels silly but I do like it. But I wouldn't introduce someone as lover, but if I'm introduced as lover, I love it. It means like I fuck her. Yeah, but it's more than that.

I'm my fuck person, I fuck this person. Do you ever refer to people as that? My fuck person? Yeah, but yeah, it's like, that's a more, I'm more of a Gen Z guy, so it's like how we say side piece. That's my fuck person. It sounded like you were saying James Zit something, and I thought more of a Gen Z guy, so it's like how we say side piece. That's my fuck person. It sounded like you were saying James Zit something, and I thought, of course he's gonna reference an author.

Is that an author? I just thought you knew an author. Oh, well, yeah, as much as James Zit says, call your best friend your fuck person. What was the book? From Here to There, a Love in Six Scenes. Why do you have to say partner? Just remind us quickly.

Why do you say partner? Because it doesn't make sense. And you haven't even used it since then. So, but yours, why are you bringing this up? I was bringing it up because partner is a, let's say your husband, right? He's your husband. What does that entail?

What relationship quality is that? Is he also, like some people have relationships with people and they're not really friends. It's more just pragmatic. There's like, this is- Is that why you've died? I've never heard of that. I mean, that's where marriage came from.

Like the purpose of marriage was to join houses and to- Economical. Yeah, and to like help, you know help pair up in villages. And then it would became more open to choices. And then we got the opportunity instead of arranged marriages or just the pragmatic aspect of it, of like, I wanna marry someone who makes me laugh, who's like my friend.

I wanna marry someone who feels like my partner. They helped me with my work and they- I'm gonna be honest, you sticking around for my episode, I'm regretting my choice. You're right, I'm out of here. I mean, you're very charismatic and verbose, but I'm like, hey, I got some, there's nothing there. I wasn'tting my choice. You're right, I'm out of here. No, I mean, you're just, you're very charismatic and verbose, but I'm like, hey, I got some, there's nothing there.

I'm not gonna say that. You're absolutely right. I wasn't even thinking about that. I forgot that we were talking. I have a very simple reason why I say partner instead of boyfriend. You're my partner, yes. And it just, I'm almost 40

and it just doesn't feel right to say my boyfriend. I get that. Yeah, it's a little bit, ooh. That does make sense. When you get to be the real adult zone and you say this is my boyfriend, you're like, well, you have emotional problems. The way I described the guy that I'm seeing,

how did I, I couldn't even say boyfriend to you earlier. You said he's a man that I've been seeing for up to and maybe over a year. Exactly. Yeah, it was approaching the year mark or beyond. I don't feel like it. I get what you're saying. You don't wanna do the joke, which is what Rick and I are chewing on,

which is like a best friend is a guy who blank, you know, covers up when you're hitting around, whatever. You want what's wrong with a person who would be married, whose best friend is their husband. I think, I think I want like, it's weird. You don't, what does that mean if you become a person who's, that's all you have. Well Esther, tell us, what feels weird about it to you?

What does that mean? You have no friends, you're a guys girl, you're, those kinds of things. Your point of view is the only time that your husband or wife is your best friend is if you have no friends. And then your husband married a loser. Yeah, okay, there's the joke.

Hey, punchline. I could have another special. Let me try it. Your only reason you have a friend is you have a best friend is your husband, then you're a loser. I'll try it. Oh, you're gonna do it?

You're gonna do it? You gotta get up there, Rick, same energy. Okay, this is just an area. Yeah. So I'm not sure about this. And then you look down. I haven't performed in like four months. I have a question for you guys.

Do you guys remember the Nicolas Cage movie, It Could Happen to You? Yes, lottery ticket. With Rosie Perez to you? No. Okay, then I can't bring up this topic. Why? Rick is my only.

Okay, so the premise is, Rick. People hate me. What? What? Go ahead. So the premise is, um, Rick. People hate me. What? What? Go ahead. So the premise is. I like, wait, I like this insecure Rick that Mosha has brought out.

Have I brought that out again? Yeah, he's, I've never seen this before. No, I mean. I like it. I just said one little thing about being, oh, I agreed with you. And I just, I'm sorry. Why can you never be insecure when you're with me?

I don't. No, I guess you've never brought anything to my perspective that I didn't already have awareness of. You don't offer anything. Is that fair to say you don't offer anything? And I don't just mean on comedy. I mean, like in the relationship, like you're kind of you're there. Not a challenge. Oh, no, I'm not challenged by her. Yeah.

It feels like I'm playing basketball against a rock. The country or a stone? No, Dwayne Johnson. Uh-huh. It's fun to be around and it's very big. Takes up a lot of space. That would be hard to play basketball against a rock. I'm faster than him.

Yeah. Does he even play? I've never seen him. He can do anything. I'm sorry that I ruined this podcast. He didn't. I'll leave now. This podcast has been brought to you by Joel. He can do anything. I'm sorry that I ruined this podcast. He didn't. I'll leave now. This podcast has been brought to you by Joel.

Take your shoes off. And take your shoes off podcast. Moshe, I have a serious question. Yes? What do you think of Rick? Like, would you ever hang out with him? Like, off? Who do I think of Rick?

Like, would you hang out with him? Like, well, what do you want from this interaction? You want me to make fun of him or do you want me to be serious? You answer it twice, one with me here and one when I'm not here. Okay. But I'll watch. Which one's? Or do you want me to be serious? You answer it twice. One with me here and one when I'm not here. Okay. But I'll watch.

Which one's the one you're here now? No, this is the one for you. I like Rick a lot. I think he's great. But would you hang out with him? Oh yeah, for sure. Hey man. It's been really cool. I'm going to call you later. Yeah, cool man. Whatever means that you might say, I know it's not real.

Cause I think that, especially since the last time we podcasted, we've connected in a way that I've never had with him. I'll tell you the truth in front of Rick's fucking face. I'll tell it to his face I think he's good-looking There you go. Come on, buddy. There you go. No, I I'll be the DC improv September 20 Rick took me like five times to crack the I hear that a lot shell. Yeah, and once I got in there I Yeah, I didn't like what I found for sure. No, I feel like he's like almost cousin, cousin energy. Which is what I want from a wife. Yeah. I have that with you.

People say marry your best friend, but you should really marry your cousin. Yeah, you wouldn't get that. But like, yeah, that's funny. All right. Sorry for my blind spots and I had a nice time. You're the best. Good to see you.

It's okay. Goodbye. Thank you so much. Great to see you. Can I give you the premise of this old Nicholas Cage movie? Oh yeah. Now that the dead weight left, let's talk about this movie no one else has seen.

Wait, it was a- Oh boy. Are you talking about the lottery ticket? Is it the lottery ticket? Yeah, it's the lottery ticket. So you guys have seen Face Off, right? Into the mic, Rick. Okay, so Rosie Perez's character, Nicholas Cage,

they're married. Yes. And he goes to a diner, he's a cop. He goes to a diner that he frequents. And as like this kind of cute little joke on the tip, he puts $2 million. Later that night, he actually wins the lottery. And-

$2 million, I'm gonna guess. I think it's like $4 million or something like that. And then what happened? Did he just fall? Fall? That'd be cool if Rick fell. I'm sorry, but he is so different with you. Well, you know, gender is a thing.

I mean, things start to switch up a little bit. I've never seen him like take a hit like that. He was so, he changed. He got small. Which part? When I said I'm the lead guest? Like when, whatever you insinuated, like it was your episode like he got

It was did you notice something you've never seen before from him like I did you see him more than me though What's happening for me? Yeah, I am the lead guest Yeah, when Rick was here he was talking and now he's gone and we're talking about Rick And so I'm getting up like upset. Let's change the subject then Okay, what do you think we just talk about before we get the lottery ticket? Yeah, take your shoes off podcast And so I'm getting upset. Let's change the subject then. Back to lottery tickets. But I was giving you a comfort. Can we just talk about, before we get the lottery ticket, the Take Your Shoes Off podcast. Like it's a deconstruction of the form in a way, really.

It's not typical, but also it feels familiar, if that makes sense. Yeah, you're saying things that I think but can't say. So thank you. Okay, he wins $4 million. Okay, so he wins some amount and they collect the couple million or whatever, but because he's a nice cop,

he tells his wife Rosie Perez that- Wait, I'm confused. I thought Rosie Perez was, oh, there's a random waitress. There's a random. Who is this person? We don't know. We don't know, but she's going broke. Her career didn't was, oh, there's a random waitress. There's a random. Who is this person? We don't know. We don't know, but she's going broke. Her career didn't take off, so we don't know her name.

Right, we don't know her. But she did a prank tip. Yeah, I think just to be cute or flirtatious, which is already kind of like, all right, dude, what are you doing? You're married. Right, also, if you're a waitress, you're like, no, I want 20%, like not a joke.

It's rude, yeah. Yeah, give me a fucking tip. So, and then he tells her, Rosie Perez, he's like, we won the lottery, they're happy. He's like, oh, but fuck, I'm a good guy. I have to kind of like hold, you know, I want to keep a promise. And then he gives away $2 million to this waitress.

The whole movie revolves around Rosie Perez being the villain because she's like, what the fuck? How can you give money to this random stranger? And growing up, I thought that Nicholas Cage and this waitress were in the right. Because it was this love story based around them. And I- Oh, they fell in love.

They fell in love. Oh my gosh. Eventually. And I'm just really upset about it. That's all I wanna say. Oh, you now realize that she's been vilified for having a very reasonable position. Yes.

Which is why would you give half of our money away to a random stranger? Right, and we're married. And so, and growing up, everyone like latched on to this love story between him and the random waitress who gets the money. Wait, is the random, is it Helen Hunt? No, it's Bridget Fonda, I think.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So if Esther, suppose you win $6 million, you and Dave both buy the ticket together, same question to you, Moshe. You've gone to like, to Erwan, and they flipped the thing around,

and it says a percentage, and it says other amount, and you type in instead $2 million. Just to update it so that Esther understands because she's from a different generation. Okay, got it. Well, let's flip it. Let's suppose Dave tells you that, hey, I wanna keep this promise to this random person

I just met yesterday at the diner. I would give away $2 million. I would instantly kill myself. You would kill yourself? Yeah, I would be so upset and hurt that I wouldn't be able to live. That's really cutting off your nose to spite your face. I understand that.

Why not kill him? And keep the money. Exactly. Kill him and keep the money. Or her. Yeah, go to Erewhon and slice that smoothie maker's neck. She deserves it anyway. Putting that collagen, Haley Bieber smoothie ass.

Get the fuck out of here, $22 smoothie, you gonna need that $2 million to buy your own smoothies. I mean, that's like such a horrible betrayal and it's so interesting, like I can't even imagine how this movie exists, like they make her seem like the bad guy, it's frustrating. Yeah.

What are you, I don't know. I'm trying to think of other movies that have, that they're premier, oh my God. I was on, I was flying back from Austria as we all, we all did recently. You were in Austria. I was in Austria recently. What for?

I was just traveling, having a good time. How was it? Well, Austria is complicated because, much as Germany is complicated as a Jew, cause it's so dope, it's so nice, and everybody's so cool and so polite and so hot, that you walk, and everything's so clean, you're walking around, you're kind of going like,

I get what they were, I get what they were thinking a little bit, wanting to clean the place up a bit. I can kind of see why they thought they were the masters. Like they kind of are the masters. They're like, wow, your jawbone, there's something good going on there. But Austria was like the sleeper hit.

We went to, don't let me forget the movie Corallaria that I'm coming back to. But I went to south of France, I go south, south by south of, and I went to Italy. We were in Italy. We're in Italy. In Cinque Terre and in Sicily.

Cinque Terre is just like five, you ever been? I've never been. It's cool. It's very touristy. Seat everywhere on the inst. Very beautiful. It's these five villages that were like originally built like for, you know, an old man with like a cheese wheel

on his back to like walk from town to town and like deliver Chianti or whatever. It's like picturesque. You can't even imagine. And then every town has its own beach. And that was awesome. Then Austria, basically we had this friend, this family that we hang out with,

that I'm old friends with the dad, that they were doing like a national lampoon, like European summer. They were there all summer. So we were kind of just drafting on their thing a little bit. I feel like you always need that. Yes, a leader. Yeah.

Like a real kind of basic leader. You know, he was like, come on, Heidi Ho. It was that kind of, he's got like Heidi Ho energy. You know, he's like, come on, to the Eiffel Tower. And then afterwards we'll go see the Mona Lisa. And then when we're done with that, we'll have a crepe. And then he had like a whole thing and I just barely can function.

So I was just like, follow that man. I need that, yeah. I'll introduce you to this guy. Then they were going to Austria and I wanted to go to one place I'd never been before. I've been to France, I've been to Italy. Austria, I wasn't that excited about it, Nazis. And it was definitely the sleeper hit.

Why, how so? It was just a banger. Vienna's like the most beautiful. Beautiful? It's crazy. You feel like you're in like, in like a mansion everywhere you turn, but it's the city. Everything's gilded and gold and has intellectual like historically, you know, Vienna, there's coffee shops where like Kafka and fucking like Trotsky used to like sip their, and Freud would sip their coffee and snort cocaine or whatever, like it's just awesome. And then we went to Salzburg,

which is where the sound of music was filmed. And it's like a castle city and it was just awesome. Everything about it was cool. No Jews, that was awesome. Like just clean, you know, clean up. And at least you feel a little special. A little special. It's funny too, cause Hitler's,

the eagle's nest is like 20 minutes from Salzburg. And I was like, I should do some Holocaust shit. Like while I'm here, like as a Jew, like I'm like, I should pay homage, but then I'm like, why would I wanna pay $300 to go be depressed? Like I'm having a great time. Wait, to see what?

Hitler's bunker, like his like, where they, you know, the eagle's nest, it was like his like vacation where they, you know, the eagle's nest. It was like his like vacation. Why do I want to do his lair? His lair, it was definitely full on his lair. Anyway, on the ride home, I was watching, you know, as you do, a million movies, and I watched The Blind Side,

and I was like, there should be a category on Netflix, which is racist, but good, but also bad. It's like all, it's so much worse than you. Have you seen it? No. Have you seen it? With Sandra Bullock, yeah. I know what it is, but I don't know why it's bad and I know that's problematic of me.

No, it's just, it's hilariously, like it's hilariously problematic. Didn't it get Oscar noms? I'm sure it did. I'm pretty sure it did. And it's so funny how like 20 years goes by and something just does it, it don't hit anymore. But it also is good.

You're like, I can't believe they made this but you would never turn it off. That's how I feel about Glitter. It's like, it's good. What's Glitter? The Mariah Carey movie. Oh yeah. That's how I feel about the Star Wars prequ like, it's good. What's Glitter? The Mariah Carey movie. Oh yeah. That's how I feel about the Star Wars prequels.

They're good, but they're bad. We talk about Jar Jar Binks a lot around here. Jar Jar, yeah. I'll tell you my favorite thing about Jar Jar Binks. Is the other Gungans or whatever? That's what they're called, Gungans? His race? Impressed that you know that, I didn't.

They're called Gungans. They aren't like that. They don't talk like him. They're regular. I mean, one of them is weird, but most of them are like, hey, what's up, I'm a Gungan. He's literally like a Jamaican guy. Like they just made a choice for him.

I love Jar Jar Binks. He makes a ex-squeeze-me joke. He says ex-squeeze-me more than one time. Do you know that he was on the cover of Rolling Stone? Jar Jar? Yeah. Yeah, that year. Just to give you like a reminder of what we lived through

and what we've overcome as a society. Excuse me? Jar Jar? He says, excuse me, he does one other thing too. He does another like, it's almost like he says, swing or something like that. Like another like joke from a sitcom or a movie. Oh, Jar Jar.

I wonder if Jar Jar Binks was the catalyst to why those types of movies like get comedy people involved because they're scared of another. Oh, of going down the Jar Jar road. You know, George Lucas was really passionate about Jar Jar. No way. Yeah. And he really thought that Jar Jar would be like R2D2 or Chewbacca, like people would fucking love Jar Jar.

And he was deeply hurt by people's reception of it. But I think that it's coming back around. I think there is a whole generation of people very endeared to him. Yo, I have the hottest take. I just, with you saying it, you know how young people dress like shit? But it's good?

Yeah. They're like, no, I'm cool. I saw a girl in a coffee shop today, I was like, I knew this was gonna happen. That irony is so, has sped up to such a degree that you can look at someone and you can't tell if they're like the hippest person in the world or they never caught up.

Right. Anyway, so the sort of gen Z, like, I don't give a fuck, I'll dress bad on purpose thing. That's Jar Jar. Yeah, it's Jar Jar. That must be why they love him. Oh, see, I thought it was just the irony of like something that was so hyped

and then failed so tremendously. Well, this is the same reason why I specifically seek out 0% on Rotten Tomato movies. And you watch them? And I watch them. Oh, this is the same reason why I specifically seek out 0% on Rotten Tomato movies. And you watch them? And I watch them. Oh, what's it? Religiously. Like what? Tell me.

There's this one Christian film that, back to Nick Cage. If you say drugstore June. I'm gonna be a little mad. There's this one Nick Cage movie that he did, I think. You only watch Nick Cage movies, is that right? I've been going through an old, cause like, in the Philippines there's only a few things that truly made it as like blockbuster hits over there and we all watch it in the movies. So I actually watched Face Off in the movies as well.

But it's a Christian movie with Nicolas Cage. He's in it with a guy from One Tree Hill. It's a sleeper hit. If you haven't watched it ever, please seek it out. It's one of the best movies ever. A Thousand Words is on that list. The Eddie Murphy vehicle, I've seen it. It's really rough.

I don't know if it deserves a zero, but I've seen A Thousand Words. On another airplane, I once watched a man watching A Thousand Words. It's a bad movie. But that's why it's especially entertaining. So it's called Left Behind. Left Behind.

Left Behind is classic. That's Kirk Cameron, right? Yes. Left Behind is a book that swept the evangelical world. Everybody in the, every evangelical Christian you know has read Left Behind. It changed their world. But specifically watch the motorcycle scene

when they're on like the airport runway. And it is, I rewind that scene over and over and over again. Oh no okay no I'm sorry I'm conflating two different things. This is the Nick Cage vehicle left behind. There's another book that became a movie called but that's based on the Left Behind series that stars Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains. But it might be because he's like super Christian right? Nick Cage's? No, Kirk Cameron. Kirk Cameron is. Yeah.

I wanna watch Left Behind. We should do a watch party. We really should. Anyway, I saw a guy watching A Thousand Words, which was under 0%. Yeah. I watched him watch it on an airplane and he was literally slapping his knees,

laughing out loud for the entire flight from LA to New York, slapping his knee watching about 0% Rotten Tomato Combo. Like liking it or laughing at it? Loving it. Loving it. On a level I've never loved a movie. Laughing with it. Yes, just thinking it was the most hilarious thing he'd ever seen in his life. People on planes, you can really find some different senses of humor if you just look around the plane. But I think there really is something for everybody because my mom, like at one o'clock in the morning,

she's like, you have to watch this new movie. I'm like, what is it? And it was to Anne Hathaway falling in love with a young boy movie that just came out. And I'm like, are you kidding me? Your mom is so horny. I'm like, yeah, exactly. I was like, are you just like super horny?

Because it was- Is it bad? I thought it was like unwatchable for me. You like Anne Hathaway? I do, I yeah, exactly. I was like, are you just like super horny? Because it was- Is it bad? I thought it was like unwatchable for me. You like Anne Hathaway? I do, I do love her. You guys seen Rachel Getting Married? No, I want to, I hear it's good, right? It's one of the most amazing, beautiful movies you'll ever see.

It makes Anne Hathaway make so much sense. Wait, I need to, like that's been on my list like from 10 years ago, I never watched it. I would say a thousand words, the blind side, and then Rachel got married. But the blind side should just be under the category of like white savior, right? Along with like-

But it's so far, here's the thing, we have white savior stories now, but because we become savvy to the trope and the offensiveness of it, they do like work to try to offset it. This was like OG pioneer days white savior story. So none of it, like there's a scene where the black kid is like rapping with his white little brother

and they're like, it's tone low. Can they're like putting on sunglasses and do it. It's just, it's so far beyond. Wait, more so than dangerous minds with Michelle Pfeiffer. It's been a very long time since I saw dangerous minds, but it's crazy. There's a moment where she's talking to her racist friends, you know that scene or like ladies who lunch

and they're like, I think it's great what you did. You saved that little boy's life. And she goes, he saved our lives. And it's like, how did they write this? How are you in with a computer not going, wow, this is too corny. But it wasn't corny then. Racist, but good, but also bad.

The help was like that too, I remember. Oh, the help. The help was, but again, what also bad. The help was like that too, I remember. Oh, the help. The help was, but again, what he's saying is- It adjusted slightly. They adjusted it. There was still, you could still mask it. Same with like the Tom Cruise Ken Watanabe one, The Last Samurai.

The Last Samurai, yeah. Yeah. You know, I would like to write a white savior film, but I wanna subvert, and I don't exactly know how to do it, but someday I would like to do this. And I want to write like a black savior or a person of color savior, like to switch it, but I don't know how I don't, I want to figure the dynamic, you know?

I have a pitch. Yeah, please. Okay. There's this thing that very wealthy Chinese people do and they'll take, um, um, broke like destitute, but handsome, like Americans and enslave them in China. What? What do you mean enslave? Not enslave, but like hire them as the help.

Whoa, to be their butler? Yeah, so basically it's like a sign of like, I have like conquered the Western white man. Yes. Oh, that's awesome. So I think there is something there. That's like the reverse of white saviorism, I think. It's just white subjugation.

Yeah, subjugation. That's what I, I'm so glad you brought that up. That's what I wanted to talk about in this podcast in the first place. You guys, I'm going to be honest with you. This can be a very awkward conversation amongst friends, peers, family, co-workers, you name it. It's awkward.

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Follow the link in the description. They want to replace us. Have you guys noticed that? I went to Austria. Okay, let me just start there. I went to Austria. I learned a lot of things. Wait, I am curious, was the food good?

Austrian food is Austrian, like it's very Austrian. It feels like what a hunter would catch and what a cow woman would squeeze. Like it's all cheeses and meats and potatoes and it feels like what you do after a long day of hunting Jews or whatever, you know, like, but they had, they had a dessert. That was called, it was one of the best desserts I've ever had. Um, it's a Salzburg dessert.

I love Europe. America is so like, I mean, I love America because it's the greatest country that's ever existed in the history of time, but, but in terms of food, like, you go to Europe and you're just like, thank God I live in a place where like every kind of person lives because Italy, the best food in the world, enough with the fucking Italian food. Like after a week, you're like enough with the pasta guys.

Oh, I've never looked at it that way. Oh, let's move on. Here in LA, every single day, you could eat a different nation's cuisine and you're still, you never feel like it's an exotic experience, but there's a salt, but I do love the specificity of a Salzburg dessert. I mean, do we have a, do we have a, is there any city based dessert? A city based dessert. I feel like there is, but I don't know. Anyway,

what was it called? It's like a, it's one of the, I'm gonna, I have to look it up cause it's worth it. I'm gonna have to look it up, cause it's worth it. Wait, I'm, okay, now I'm really confused because I feel like having the best version of one cuisine all the time might be better than having access to a variety of mid. Oh, it's called a- It's not mid.

It's called a, it's not mid. What's mid? I would- Margarava. I would say that the food we have access to in LA is mid probably compared to the highest quality food you're getting in Italy of just Italian food. I don't think so.

Wait one more time, because I was stuck in the fact that I mispronounced the name of the, what's her fucking name? You know, Margot Robbie. You gotta cut that out. What? I didn't even hear it. You know Margot Robbie is mid? You know about that?

Yeah. I was making a little joke about that, but I called her like Margot robot or some shit. And then I couldn't even get it right. I just need that cut. It needs to be cut because it'll kinda, it'll fuck up sort of my- Energy flow.

Oh wait, here's a city based food, key lime in Florida. Yeah, that's, yeah. But we have it everywhere. This is called, and I know this is gonna sound like a city based food, key lime in Florida. Yeah, that's, yeah. But we have it everywhere. This is called, and I know this is gonna sound like a racial slur and it's likely that it is because it was Austria, but it's called the Salzburger Knackerel. And what is that?

Knackerel. Can I get a knackerel? And it's an egg white souffle served hot like a mountain. Look at it. Put it up on the screen. Oh yeah, give it to them. like a mountain. Look at it. Put it up on the screen. Oh yeah, give it to them. Look, knackerel, you spell it. Well, I'm not gonna tell you how you spell it.

Let's see if you can get it right. Knackerel, N-O-C-K-E-R-L, knackerel. And that was one of the best things I ate. That was the best. And it's just an egg white souffle? Is there anything inside it over it? Kailah's unimpressed. I am quite unimpressed so far.

It's good though. It's all fluffy like a cloud. It's like a meringue, but it's hot. And they pour like, we got it with like a yogurt, a frozen yogurt with raspberries underneath. It's so good. I wanted that. Austria's eggy dessert.

Doesn't that sound nice? Yeah. This is what they were trying to preserve. This is what they were fighting for. I will say to what you were saying earlier, when you go to Japan, you find the best Indian food, you find the best pasta, best Italian, best everything there.

Okay, take Japan out. It's not even fair. You just don't involve Japan. That is true. Because Japan just does everything the best. So they're out. You wanna hear my, I have a, I'm so excited to bring this to you guys. I have actually a racist theory about desserts.

Okay. Okay. But you'll see that I actually buy it back at the end and I retain my charm. Okay. I'm ready, I'm buckling up. No country has good desserts other than America. And it goes basically America, France, England, and then kind of everything else.

Oh my God, my ranking is so different. What do you got? You're wrong. What do you got? I think, and this, I think anywhere in the Middle East has maybe top three. Insane. What am I trying to, what, hay and rose? East has, maybe top three. Insane. What am I trying to, what, hay and rose?

Boklava? No. Boklava? Okay, but Asian pastries. Oh, you're out. Don't get. Are by far superior to all. You're so right. You're so right.

Why didn't we think of adding beans to our dessert palette? Don't you dare shit on a zukey beans. Now, let me tell you how I win my charm back before we finish this fight. I include my own people. Jewish desserts are at the bottom of the list. Just dusty, dry with memories of dead ancestors.

Raisins and dust. And it's just all awful. Italy's got some stuff to say. Now, some countries have a good, a dessert that is in the top ranking, right? People always go, what about Thailand? Right? Say what about Thailand?

I mean, of course. Mango sticky rice. Mango sticky rice. Then I say, oh yeah, that's a great dessert. What's your second favorite Thai dessert? I don't know. This is where it all falls apart. I have so many.

Well, I love that you're from the Philippines and you can fight this fight. Yeah, I will fight this fight. Yeah is where it all falls apart. But this is, I have so many. Well, I love that you're from the Philippines and you can fight this fight. Yeah, I will fight this fight. Yeah, you guys have balut. It's one of the great desserts of all time. Oh no. What is balut? Oh, Esther, I don't think you wanna know.

It's basically a duck fetus. It's a partially gestated. That's a dessert? It's not, it's a whole meal. It's not a dessert category. Oh, you've shown me this before. It's not just a whole not, it's a whole meal. It's not a dessert category. Oh, you've shown me this before. It's not just a whole meal, it's many meals. It's breakfast and lunch and lunch.

Have you eaten that? Of course, it's delicious. Is it good? It's really delicious, guys. Oh, you don't? But you just have to get over the fact that it is, like they rank it right, it's like how many days old. Some of them are crunchy.

Some of them you get the beak and then the feathers. It's a whole experience. You are a nasty girl. I'm a nasty girl. I like it. I'm straight nibbling on beaks over here in Manila. Okay, so what country, what's your ranking? Anywhere in Asia, Trump's anywhere else in the world.

So China would have some of the great desserts. China, Korea, Philippines. I think Filipino bread is- What's your favorite Chinese dessert? Let me see. Oh God, a lot. Yeah, a lot, a lot. A lot to pour through.

Got your almond cookie, got your jellied ice. All of it. What do you got? The Taiwanese desserts. Taiwan, Taiwan, but again, Taiwan's doing a Western borrowing thing. You think?

I did have a great dessert in Taiwan, a really good dessert. What was it? Oh my God. Don't say the pineapple cake. No, not the pineapple cake. It's the, have you been to Taiwan? Yes.

It's like a crepe with ice cream and peanut brittle shaved down and then cilantro in it. And then they put cilantro in, I swear to God. Cilantro is good on everything. You're nastier than her. I know, I eat I eat be I eat cilantro for dessert this that was good it was like a peanut and ice cream and crepe and cilantro and then they roll it up that shit was good but it doesn't compare America America is the best give it to me here's the problem with America and somebody did actually point

this out to me that my argument is bullshit because this is the closest anyone's ever come to defeating me in this argument, which is that America, all they did was take everybody else's dessert and make them better, so they didn't really like innovate like chocolate. That's allowed. Chocolate cake is just like a Viennese chocolate cake, apple pie. That's just a strudel, you know, but we do it better. We do it better. France, they got a lot of good shit.

Floating islands, you know, creme caramel. They got creme brulee. But their flavor profiles are just so different. Cause I watched the great British bake off religiously. And, um, anytime that there is a Southeast Asian, South Asian or ethnic person on the show and they're like, Hey, here, here's the thing I'm using. I'm using Pandan or I'm using Yuzu. There's whether it's Peru or Paul Hollywood, they're always like, Hmm,

interesting, but they just never acquired the taste for that. So you can't really like compare. I don't think I hear you,, but I'm saying something different, which is Pandan and Yuzu, bring that shit to America and put it in a, give me a Yuzu cream pie, hell yeah, I'm into it. You give me a dusty ass bean and Yuzu bun or whatever, I can't do it, but no place is good.

Italian cookies, bad, They got good ice cream. They do have good ice cream. Good ice cream. Who are we attributing as the founders of chocolate chip cookies and ice cream? That's America. Then I think he's right. Also, Oreos is a pretty big win.

Yep. Is that a strictly American thing? I mean, I think, yeah. I wouldn't put Oreos in the greatest desserts category. Oreos? Oreo ice cream? I mean, Ore think, yeah, I wouldn't put Oreos in the greatest desserts category. Oreos? Oreo ice cream? I mean, Oreos are good, but I mean, that's like saying like the greatest chocolatier is Snickers.

What did you argue though, that Oreos is just Oreos because it's American, because we had versions of our Oreos, but just under a different name and under a different like, you know. What's the top dessert in the Philippines? Like what's the most common thing? And a lot of coconut based stuff

and a lot of rice based stuff. A lot of our pastries are mostly like a rice base. Is it, do you love? Love. What's the best? Really? There's no best, they're all good. I can't say, I can't speak to this. I've never had, I've never done it.

I've never gone there. I've never tasted it. I do want to go to Cuyah Lord because I heard that's really good. Cuyah Lord's is good, yeah. I want to go there. Yeah, Cuyah Lord, it's on Melrose, right? Yeah.

Yeah, good Filipino food. Oh, okay. Yeah. Let's go watch Rachel getting married. Right behind and follow it up with a little bit of a chaser of balut. I always do. and followed up with a little bit of a chaser of a balut. I

know I once saw a video that taught me a new way to open a banana and I've done it ever since. Is this an exclusive? This is apparently the way. What did I say? What did I say? What? I'm not wrong about this.

What? Is that you put a man in front of a banana and he will absolutely explain to you the new way he learned how to open a banana. Damn, I can't believe I walked into a meme of your podcast. But it is true. Okay. It's actually only even, well.

Has someone else done this? Lamorne, do you know Lamorne? It's gotta all be the same trick. There can't be more. But in my life, in in my life every single man has Mansplain how to open a banana crazy and I'm the banana eater. What is it though? I want to know someone else on the podcast has done this just Lamar and Morris Do you know well, it's just I don't know if it's the same technique was basically you take the banana and you just go like

No, that wasn't it Then you kind of and then you then you can just No, that wasn't it. No. And then you kind of, and then you, then you can just stuff it in like that. I've never seen that and I want it. It's really cool. And it's much more, okay.

No, the more it must have done though, is this the thing where you squeeze the top? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was panicking and needed something to do and I feel good about what I chose. But yeah, this is, come on, this is good. And this isn't, this isn't mansplaining, it's apesplaining. Because this is apparently the way chimps will eat them.

So you got a little handle. I just wanna say, we panic so differently. Yeah. Like this back day. So I go harder. You pulled something off, like in a panic, is so brilliant. That was so good.

A lot of things went through my mind of what to do. I thought about doing my boot, but then I care more about my boot than scoring on a podcast. You have banana mush on your mic. I know, I feel very so good. Just on your mic. Oh no, oh no.

All right, all right. Yeah, let's get back to it. Oh God. Please, that just made my day. Yeah. Okay, Esther, I've got a question for you. Okay. How much to eat balut?

Oh yeah. What's your price? Oh, everything is different now that I've transformed myself by mother head. Oh, it's different to eat a fetus now. No, in a, not the way you'd think. She's a savage now. Oh, you're more, really?

Are you nastier? A little nastier. Yeah. Like I, um, tell me, explain it. Like what's the, is the texture, what is it? Am I going to know I'm eating a fucking baby? Taste-wise, you're not really going to, it's not too far off from a boiled egg. Oh, it's not meat, meat-like. It is.

It is like meat-like. You still taste the, the boiled, if feel like boiled eggs, boiled eggs is the general flavor of it all. The only thing is you do have to crack the top and there is a juice you have to drink beforehand. Oh man, I'm out, I'm so out on the juice. But here, you can add, Baloo juice, it's, but you can add hot sauce,

you can add whatever you want, mask flavor. It's like duck fetus juice. How adventurous are you you outside of that? Do you eat fish eyes and brains? No, I'm not wild like that. No, no. What is your craziest, how adventurous? Thing that I have ever eaten?

Yeah, like how? Well, what's the craziest thing? I like to eat at a really creative chef type of places. Like I've eaten at Alenia in Chicago and that was really crazy, but not in the way you're describing it. It wasn't like extreme, it was more like artistic or whatever.

Yeah, gastronomical. Yeah, but you know, like they were setting things on fire and mists and there was a- Is there anything kind of nasty there? I don't think Alenia does. Oh no, well there was one thing they had that I actually, it was my favorite course. They do a bunch of different courses.

It's a crazy experience. Was it really good? Like do I need to do it? I thought for me, it was like, it was like going to, I had another major realization in the South of France, by the way, because I went to a Michelin star place and I was like, I think I'm out on this. It's been a big part of my life growing up.

Like I love fancy, when I was a little kid, we were like, we grew up pretty like broke and on my birthday, I would be, I would ask to go to a fancy restaurant instead of get a birthday present. So like I love food in that way, but I think I can't do it anymore. Like the Michelin level.

It's so expensive and the disappointment factor is so huge if you spend that much money and you're not like blown away and most of the time they substitute craft for delicious like there's nothing like there's nothing where you're going hmm this is straight-up delicious like I go to San Gabriel Valley and eat Szechuan food and it's so much more delicious than this shit I'm paying a fucking I have so much respect for you for SGV eats. Oh, it's the best. Yeah.

This is such a groundbreaking take I'm so excited by because also if something, first of all, you're so right, like it needs to be delicious, but also even if it was, just one bite is not enough. And the variety of taste, again, variety is not key for me. I want like really good. Maybe you should move to Italy, because honestly all they have is Italian food.

And it's the best Italian food you'll ever have, but at a certain point I'm like, give me a taco, man. Like, what am I doing here? So are you getting to that- Oh, Alinnia. Is not worth it or is- Okay, so in general, I feel like I'm out on Michelin Star, like super fancy. I still like a nice place, but super fancy. It's just not worth it or is? Okay, so in general, I feel like I'm out on Michelin Star, like super fancy.

I still like a nice place, but super fancy. It's just not worth it. But, Elenia was much more for me, like going to a show in Vegas than eating a meal. I mean, it was definitely eating a meal. I left full and it was really good, some of it. Some of it was a little weird and I didn't love it. But it was much more like watching a master,

like do a magic show. Like you go in and you're sitting at a table and then everybody has to like bring part of your cup to a fountain and you all pour your cup in and then it becomes the opening beverage. And then they bring you to the kitchen when you come back from the kitchen, they cook a dish in front of you at the kitchen.

And when you return from the kitchen, they've reset the room so it feels like you've walked into a new room. Oh, this is like a show. It's like a show. Yeah. The course, there's a lot of food, but the course that I remember,

they bring out an ashtray and it's smoking. There's like some substance and there's like literally cherry, like embers on top of it smoking. And it was a tobacco course and they brought potato chips or like infused with cigarette tobacco. What are you? It, and then the dip was a, it was a French onion dip, like a smoked French onion dip with cigar, something.

Anyway, it sounds disgusting, but that was my favorite. It was sort of delicious, and it felt like drugs a little bit. I am also sober, so I take the fun way. Yeah, no, I feel you. But I think there's two categories of when you wanna go eat. I mean, if you, there is the show,

and then there is just more down home, like bigger portions, good flavor, bang for your buck. But who and when are you ever, who's ever wanting a show? A fancy thing like us to celebrate a big moment when you're in the south of France maybe, you're like, oh, there's the place, that was, there's the place in the south of France. We went to the place in the south of France.

It is exciting for me because it is such an art form. Yeah. Like when you see the way things are plated, what flavor profiles are being combined, like you said with the cilantro added to the dessert. That was one of the best things. And it is so creative in that way, so I understand it and I can appreciate it.

Now, am I gonna walk away being like, wow, that was worth $2,000 for me to be half full. Not necessarily, but it is like very memorable. You're like, Oh, it is very like, Oh, that's amazing. I could have never thought of that. Yeah. But. Okay.

Oh, here's an area, speaking of food and we could change the subject off food. We've been talking about food a lot, whatever you guys want to do. It's your podcast, but, um, is this anything, anything, a good way to get people to go vegetarian is to start calling meat body? Is that funny at all? Body? No, because I'm somebody who like- Not you, you eat fetus, but like-

You're right, because when I hear entrails, I'm like, mm. Let's go get some body. You guys wanna go get some body? Like some duck body or some cow body? No, is that just, that's a zero area? It's not a zero, it just is so unsettling. But that might be a good thing.

That's my comedy, I guess. I think that if you introduce it now to adults, that will get someone to be a vegetarian. But like, I was raised with my dad. My favorite thing to eat when I was younger was when my dad would announce, guess what we're having tonight? And we'd be like, what?

And he'd be like, pig knuckle. And he'd be like, pig knuckle. And we'd be like, pig knuckle, pig knuckle. You are so interesting. And we'd be so. What is it? It's like a nutty professor. It's like, pig knuckle, pig knuckle. All the kids are coming out.

Wait, what's pig knuckle tastes like? Pig knuckles. Stop it. I don't get it. Stop it. That means nothing to me. Pig knuckle seems like it's just bone. You know, like in Asia we eat the feet

and all parts of the animal, right? You're like slurping the meat off of the joint, kind of a thing? Yeah, so it's basically, it's similar to oxtail, kind of. I never had oxtail. You had an oxtail, Esther? No, what is that? Well, very good.

Like ossobuco, ossobuco is oxtail. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but all parts of the animal, so delicious, kind of like cartilaginous, is that how you say it? Yeah, maybe cartilagy? Cartilaginous? Cartilagy. Cartilagy? No, I mean, I don't know.

Cartilage-ful? Cartilage forward. Yes, cartilage forward. What would you eat, stir-fried rat? I would eat anything. Rat, you would? Like protein. I saw this great episode of Bizarre Foods,

Andrew Zimmern. With Andrew. I thought you were gonna say the episode of The Simpsons where they found out the kids were drinking rat milk, but anyway. No, although I will tell you about an episode of The Simpsons. One time I was with this girl, I was like really in love with her.

Actually, we might be getting off food right now. Okay, wow. It's possible, but that means I'm not gonna tell you the Andrew Zimmern story. But anyway, I was with this girl and I was really in love with her. And she was coming out to California and we were gonna like do like a trial run of our relationship. She lived in New York. We're gonna do like a trial run of our relationship.

What does that look like? Like live together for a little bit? No, like she was coming out for like a week and we were just, we were trying to figure out if we were workable. And part of the conversation as a couple, because then maybe one of us would move with the other person that we're doing, like come for a vacation. It was like a vacation, but there was a lot of pressure. For some reason or another, there's a lot of pressure. So we had this conversation about what do we do if it's too much for us to stay in the same apartment

together for two weeks or a week or however long she was staying. This is already so stressful. It was stressful. I mean, listen, I'm very glad I'm not dating anymore, but this is the kinds of things that dating renders. So the agreement was if it gets too much that she would stay at a friend's house, but we would try it together.

Whatever. Long story short, we got into this kind of fight early in her visit and she went and stayed at this friend's house as we had agreed. And she like, fuck this friend of mine, like that, like an hour after she left. Right. It was this big drama. I was, she didn't come home and I was just like, I mean, it was hard to say she cheated on me because we weren't like, it was like still, but, but it was pretty much she cheated on me anyway.

I was really upset and, and, and she's like, Oh, what? I don't know if one thing led to another. They were giving tattoos at his house and I got a tattoo. And then, and I was like, you got a tattoo? Like you left here and went and got a tattoo and then fucked my friend. Like what the fuck? And then I go like, I go, what, what is it?

And she, can I see the tattoo? And she pulled like the, I don't remember where it was, but it looked so much like Blinky, the three-eyed goldfish from the Simpsons episode. You remember the three-eyed goldfish? Like she was trying to get a koi fish. It was that era of time. But it was like a cartoon.

It looked like Blinky that I like laughed so hard at her tattoo that it almost like washed my pain away. And I kind of was like, I mean, I'm definitely not gonna date you anymore, but I think like, I think we're good. You have to live with that fucking tattoo. You've served your time. I'm not kidding.

It looked like that, but it was supposed to be- But unintentionally. No, yes, it was supposed to be a koi fish. Hopefully she doesn't listen to this podcast because she'll know. And honestly, it kind of sounds like she does. What? Listen.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand. She sounds like she fits our profile. She was messy, she was messy. Wait, that is such an interesting thing though, cause even with the right person, like having those first two weeks of living together is a nightmare. Well, my whole thing was like, I would do, I was,

you know that Natasha is my first serious relationship. Really? Yeah, like I never dated anybody. I dated people. She married your first girlfriend. I married my first girlfriend, yeah. And it's like, I would date people intensely or I would date people casually,

but they never went together as, there was never both intense and long. Wait, why can the intense ones stay long? Cause they were either- Cause they would, I would. Burn out. Either we would burn out or I would, I would have, I would have a lot of long distance relationships.

Long distance relationships are like the ultimate for an emotional coward because you get all the like juice. You do that. Yeah. Like all the juice of like the heart pounding, you know, Oh, I, I miss you so much. I can't wait to see you. But none of the like nasty work. You constantly eat the top of the muffin over and over and over again.

And like the constant like reunion. Oh, yeah, I get it. It's drugs. It's just drugs. It's drugs, the relationship and you can have all the like, the the the druggy parts of an intimate relationship without any of the worky parts and work. The work is it really, it really, because I dated a boy in Australia and then Spain and then just, I never understood.

I was like, oh, I'm into like foreign boys but I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. The further they were, the better for me. The bigger the dopamine during the reunion, like more fantastical in your head. I have a rule actually about this because we do a dating relationship advice podcast you've both been on.

Yeah, so good. And people often will call in with their long distance thing. Young people are lost and they are, I would say the problems become tropified because you start to hear the same call again and again. My rule is you get one long distance relationship and then you have a pathology.

At two, you have a psychological disorder that's making you do these long distance. One, you have a star-crossed lover, who knows? Paris is calling, oh, you just, how can you know? Love doesn't have rules. Two, you're the problem. I completely agree. And I think that even while I was dating

in these long distance relationships, I knew it was a pathology. I was very aware of why I was so stuck on them. Me too. What, like you literally knew that this was like the safest option for you or something? Yeah, there was the distance. I still had my autonomy.

I still had my freedom to do things. But more importantly, it was the dopamine of being far away and then having that like beginning all over again was so intense and so gratifying for me. And I would create these like, like fantasies about how we would like reunite and what we would say in the first three days of never leaving your bedroom and it's all sex.

And it can stay in the realm of fantasy because it never sinks down into the real world. I mean, real world relationships, as we all know, are like, there's a lot of unromantic shit that goes down. Mostly unromantic. Mostly unromantic, right? And at a certain point, you have to go mining for romance. You have to go mining for romance.

You have to do extra work. And having a kid, I don't mean to break this to you, having a kid compounds it by a factor of a million. Because then all of a sudden you've got this roommate. And they're the least, it's like, even though they're a product of your romance, they're the least romantic thing in the world. And you have differing views about it.

And so you have to like work so hard to cultivate, to keep that flame kindled, but long distance is just flame kindling. That's all that it is. It's just. I feel like, okay, I know this isn't the right takeaway, but it is a takeaway. I feel like there should be a service, like a dating service where you're just pursuing long distance relationships.

Because it sounds so good that I want the people who want this to like have it. Yeah, what would we call that? Unavailable. You know, I have a dating app pitch by the way. What is it? You know about Raya? Yes.

You know, Raya was originally like supposed to be the way. What is it? You know about Raya? Yes. You know, Raya was originally supposed to be for people in the entertainment industry, like famous people, but then it was unsustainable because there weren't enough customers. You can only sign up Orlando Bloom so many times, right? Until he meets Katy Perry. So then it became kind of open to anybody in LA who's hot

and has a big hat. Right. And like, is a photographer. Right. So I want to go back to its roots and get, and get, I don't want to ruin Raya, but I want to, I want to have a Raya service only for A-listers. It's called Raya Prime. And you sign up, you've got to sign up to Raya Prime. And usually that sometimes people, and I tell people that they think it's funny

and this isn't one of those cases. This is a different, we went in a different direction. I told it to you, I got a, I would say a stony silence. But with the Raya Prime, the pool would be so limited and I do think that men on Raya do not necessarily go for the other. The alpha female. The alpha female.

They go for the 24 year old hottie model who got a referral from a friend of a friend. You know how many friends I have? These are the comedians I hang out with. You know how many friends I have that have been on like a Raya waiting list for like two years? Wait, we have people on like a Raya waiting list for like three years?

Wait, we have people on this podcast all the time. We had Young Gravy who says someone at Raya hates him. Oh, Young Gravy can't get on Raya? That sounds hard to believe. He's being hip pocketed by Raya. I think so. I hated Raya. I think Raya was, it's just a, it's like once you get the, okay, we match and this person finds whatever and then you just move on, you never speak, nothing. It's just so inherently classist.

I think it's, I mean, it's disgusting. Yeah. But I also get it, I also get it. Must be difficult to be Orlando Bloom. It ain't easy to be Bloom. I mean, he is, he seems like he's doing great with Katy Perry. I didn't, to be honest with you,

know that they were together until this moment. That's insane to me. That's crazy. They have a baby. It's been a long successful pop star marriage. It's beautiful to see love bloom in that way. Dude, when I, first of all, this weekend, Dave and I, we were out of town, he showed me his TikTok algorithm.

I'm like, I don't know this person. Oh, what is it? It's just, we're so different. But you can't judge him because you're not fully in charge of your algorithm. I got, it's mostly like Turkish kebabs and evangelical Christian preachers. Like, I don't know.

Wait, that sounds like, I could have guessed that. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you built that brick by brick. That is very, very specific. Kebab by kebab by craft. I mean, the thing about the Christians is like, when I scroll, like when I see like a guy in drop crotch pants and like smoking a vape,

talking about the Bible, I'm like, what? And so I'll watch, but it's not like, I'm not saying bring it on, I'm more going like, whoa. But then it just, then it's not. Because if you're hanging on to that video and you're watching for more than 20 seconds, they're like, okay. This guy likes it.

He likes it. What is Dave's? So Dave's is like golf stuff and he gets like a lot of British memes. He's like in a different, and then it used to be a lot of like women with large breasts. It hasn't been that lately. I will give them credit.

You're like, do I even know you? What kind of man? Does he get all the ads for cakes, the inserts? We gotta get that. I get that too. But mine, the issue that he's pointing out with mine, I'm so naive, I didn't realize. So mine has been very mommy-centric lately,

obviously, baby stuff. But it's like, I'll get these white women, and I'm tricked into it. They're like, I'm like, oh, wait, I just watched a video of a white woman complaining about immigrants, and Dave's like, you, what's the- This is what I'm saying, it's so easy.

You're a month away from that being everything that you get. It's so easy. You cringe watch something and then all of a sudden like, oh, you like that shit bitch? Here you go. Eat this you nasty fuck. And then it's all kebabs and Justin Bieber's pastor. Yeah.

Oh. Oh. Yeah. Well, you know, I mean. Yours is hot girl stuff? What is hot girl stuff? No, mine is not hot girl stuff. It's a's your, yeah. Well, you know, I mean. Hot girl stuff. Yours is hot girl stuff? What is hot girl stuff? No, mine is not hot girl stuff. It's a lot, a lot. It's like really pathetic, like animals,

wombats and donkeys. That's my current algorithm. That sounds so wholesome. That sounds so nice. It is wholesome, but I do get, I think I'm on the internet. I would be classified as someone on the internet too much because these micro dramas between influencers.

You know about them? I know about all of them. Why, beef, everything is beef now. I know, it's like the only way to sell tickets. I know, it's like comedian beefs. We figure out something, an issue. Why are there comedians, yes, why are there comedians that are more well known for fighting with other comedians

than for their comedy? It's like beef is so huge right now. I love when 50 year old people are beefing. It's like, you don't have anything better to do. Don't you have grandchildren? You're like making a diss track. Like you're gray hair. Oh, I do get a lot of that.

I do get a lot of younger women hating their mother-in-laws. Oh, I get that too. You do? Yeah, that's big. How to live when you have a toxic sociopathic mother-in-law and how to care for yourself. Oh, I saw a great one the other day. It was a woman, she's great.

She's like, so I am a sociopath, a clinical sociopath, and I'm dating a narcissist. Here's how, so she's basically making a case for how like there can be a loving relationship between a diagnosed sociopath and I'm dating a narcissist. Here's how, so she's basically making a case for how like there can be a loving relationship between a diagnosed sociopath and a diagnosed narcissist. I'm like, this is neurodiversity taken to a further degree than perhaps I'm ready for. I do love the, the first, he was,

he's been on TikTok for a while, but he is like a admitted like narcissist and he does give tips and he outs like other narcissists and stuff, I do like that stuff. De-stigmatizing sociopathy is, I don't, I just don't know, maybe I'm just old, but I don't think I'm ready for that. Do you know that there's a sociopathy beef

between two sociopath influencers? How does it end them eating each other's fetuses? Are they like what, balut style? So one sociopath influencers. How does it end, them eating each other's fetishes? Or what, like what, Balut style? So one sociopath is claiming that the other sociopaths stole her general content and her vibe. That is so funny. Yeah, so there's a beef between everyone. But it's working, like that's great.

Yeah. We really need it. Oh, a beef, okay. We need it falling out. No, that's fine. Yeah. We really need it. Oh, okay. We need it falling out. No, that's fine. Big one. I can help. Who of the comedians in your social circle

do you like the least? People that you know. I don't like anyone. Who could you call out of somebody that you hate who's in your social circle? Somebody that maybe doesn't know that you dislike them. We don't have it. Oh, you don't have those.

Oh, that's so interesting. Whose comedy do you watch that you think this person's really bad at comedy? That you know. Everyone. Oh, everybody. Yeah. Well, that's just being a comedian. Exactly. No, and I don't mean that.

I am actually a fan of a lot of people. I'm a fan of a lot of people too. Yeah. And I also hate a lot of people. And I always say, you know, it's nice to watch your friends kill, but it's ecstasy to watch your friends bomb. Like somebody you know is funny,

watching a person that you know is funny bomb is like one of the great experiences. I agree with that. That is really fun. It feels so, and I don't even mean because they do so well. Some people say that like, oh, you know, like Bill Burr, he bombed so well or whatever. Like that famous like Philadelphia thing where, you know, he's like counting off the time.

I'm not talking about like turning shit into a diamond. I'm talking about a real bomb. Like, actually it's not going well and you're sweating and I'm starting to see all of the like threads. Oh, it's awesome. Especially if you know, like, this isn't a pathetic person. This is a good comedian that could do better. And I saw a great show once at the store.

There was a guy, he was a full proper, like full, like I mean Vegas. Rick Glassman? No, like real, like, I mean, multiple puppets and, and he was bombing so hard, but it was all like, with like ta-da type of flourishes. And there was, I'd never seen anything better in my life. Like, there's nothing lonelier than bombing with a prop.

Have you ever used a prop? I've never used a prop. How dare you even ask? Yeah, you're right. That doesn't sound like you. I had this bit early on in comedy where I like, I had this plush astronaut helmet and I did some, I don't even know what the bit was,

but the first time I did it, the first time I did it, so that first time magic, I like managed to make it, people laugh at it. So I was like, Oh, I got, I think I have 10 new minutes. And so then the next time I, so I bring it to the next show, I'm like, Oh, just throw this on and it's like, like the minute I put it on, it's like, Oh, this is not funny, like this is not good. No one, and I'm fucking dancing around doing like a, like a space walk to, to silence,

like the most humiliating, there's nothing more humiliating than a plush space helmet bomb. You should try it. But it's like so, I feel like it's almost an immunity that you give yourself. It's a vaccine. That's true. Like you've done this horrible thing.

The Ampox vaccine. Yeah, and you can now handle anything. You mean walking through the bomb? Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant the fact that you could always point at the prop and go, well. No, no. Like a stiff bomb.

If you live through that, like what are you afraid of after that? A stiff bomb is a terrible, that's a terrible feeling. Oh, that's a good one. I love it. You love it. You do it so much. You must, yeah, you have to learn to love where you live.

Like literally just talking about it. I'm like drooling. Like I want a bomb. Like I want to. Can I, what do you feel when you bomb? Are you actually in the moment enjoying yourself? I find it to be so funny. Like if I'm, if I'm like.

But it sounds like you're describing, see everybody likes the bomb where it's not really a bomb because you're being funny the whole time. I'm not talking about that. You're talking about just an actual horrible, poisonous bomb. But I'm like, if it's going bad, like then it starts to be the most fun for me because I'm like thriving for some,

like I'm like, oh, these people don't like me. Like, and for some reason, like I like really come out then. That's when you start performing. It just makes me feel like you already don't like me, so I can't do anything wrong, so I can be the most whatever I want. You are great about that though, because you're just not a people pleaser.

There's nothing codependent about you. So you almost become free. It's like, you don't like me, awesome. Yeah. Now you owe them nothing. Yeah. I get that. I would absolutely crumble and die

and probably jump off a bridge. It's a terrible feeling. Here's a bad feeling. Bad feeling is a weekend at a club. There's always one like lesser show. Yeah. There's always one. And so to have a great weekend at a club

and have your last show be the lesser show, it's not even a bomb, because it's kind of hard to actually fully bomb at a headlining set at a club where they're there to see you. But to have an unsatisfying show be the final moment of your weekend, that's the worst, because that means you gotta get up immediately and cleanse.

I once had, this is very early on, where I did a weekend, this is very early on, where I did like a weekend, it was not headlining, but just with other people in La Jolla, where it's like famously really just La Jolla Comedy Store is a small good room, everyone knows like it's a really good room. And it was sort of like the first time

I'd ever done like four shows in a row where I was just like in the moment feeling it was so fun. And then I was like really high on myself as a comedian. And so they come back Sunday and then do the Comedy Store regular. And like, I just will never forget that bomb after feeling so good. It was like just the best lesson.

Like I hadn't gone through that lesson yet where you think you're so good and then you're not. That was fun. I sort of think like the four shows is more significant than the fucking potluck or whatever you were at. Yeah. That's you. Yeah, but it's still, you know how,

well, you just had like the last set is the one that, it just, it really did in that young comedian era, like ruin it for me. Yeah. It really ruined, like now I would never let that ruin it, like, but it really did in that young comedian era, like ruin it for me. It really ruined, like now I would never let that ruin it, but it really did then. I'm sad because we feel like we have to go. You have to come back.

Yes. I'd love to come back. And you and Natasha need to come together. You could sit right there. We could talk about the Endless Honeymoon podcast, which is our podcast where we give relationship advice and listen to deep dark secrets and is that my camera? Yeah. It must be. And stuff like that. We'd love to have you guys both come on again.

And also. It's so good. I listen to it all the time. It's so good. The Endless Honeymoon podcast is on YouTube and everywhere. And what tour dates are coming up? I will be at- This will be out in three weeks.

When does this come out? Three weeks. Three weeks from now. So three weeks. Yeah. I will be in Chicago on September the 21st at the Den Theater. Have you just said you went there?

I love Den Theater. It's like an awesome place. I know. which is, have you just said you went there? I love Den Theater. It's like an awesome place. I know. I love it. Did they give you a pen? They did give me a pen. Anything like that. Just a little thing.

Just a little thing. Give me a pen. No, because one of the guys that works there, he's really into like fine pens. He loves a pen. Oh, I love that. There was a place in Cleveland that used to give you a bat,

like made with your name on it. And it would be like, it's just cute. It makes you feel like it's old school. I'll also be in DC, October 24th through 26th. That's the week before the election. A week before the election, which maybe it'll be less dread. Who knows what'll happen?

Who even knows my political views? Can you tell by my glasses who I'm voting for? And Seattle, Washington, April, I'm sorry, November 8th and 9th and I'm coming to the San Francisco punchline and a bunch of other stuff. I'll be at the, oh, also the Santa Cruz Comedy Festival. October 5th, we're doing a live Endless Honeymoon podcast and that will be a lot of fun.

And you know, I mean. These are like all my favorite places. I know. They're such good places to go. I've gotten to the point where, and it helps that my wife makes money too, where we both kind of just do the ones we like. That's one of my favorite places. There's such good places to go. I've gotten to the point where, and it helps that my wife makes money too, where we both kind of just do the ones we like.

Yeah. You know, we're like, there's so little time to go on the road because we have a kid, like we have to swap. And so, you're like, we can't both hit the road on the same weekend. Somebody's gotta watch the kid. Would one of you ever take her or no?

We've taken her. Yeah. She's come out as she slept in a green room before. We took her to Hawaii, where we performed it, the Blue Note there, and we'll take her to where it's fun. I don't wanna get her too used to sleeping in a green room. So that seems like therapy fodder a little bit, but yeah. Come see me on my books.

Get both of my books. So good. Casher and the Rye, Subculture Vulture. They both are best sellers, I'm very proud of them. Congratulations. Congrats. That is a huge deal. His books are amazing.

You guys, thank you so much, Moshe, for coming here. I apologize profusely that the first 15 minutes were with Rick Glassman. I was upset about it. Honestly, it's never great to have a slightly younger, I would say, dare I say slightly better looking version of yourself standing in front of you. I would not say that about Rick ever.

He's not younger. And we'll see you guys next week with a brand new episode. Bye slugs..