TRASHFUTURE - *PREVIEW* Kinds of Keirness

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

As the Labour-taking-bribes scandal runs on into its second month (out of god knows how many), we look at how it’s actually intimately connected to the private sector bonanza we saw at party conference. We also take a look at Rachel Reeves rewriting UK borrowing rules to take investment into account as something other than a cost (good), and how this is likely to be used to fund further private sector giveaways (bad). Also under discussion: Meta’s drive to put its glasses on everyone (bad if it works) and OpenAI’s gargantuan new funding round (funny). Get the full episode on Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/113382336 *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s UK Tour Here: https://miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

Yeah, I'm a pen-ophile. I love pens. Yeah. Yeah. I just want to know what inks you're using. Men have pens, women have a notepad. Oh my god. I... I... I'm... Some of you have been issued pens.

Some of you have been issued notepads. You can't have both. Oafs. Oafs. Hmpf. Blblblblblbl. How are you, Nixon? Ooh.

Hmpf. Hmpf. Using pen. Inaudible. Oh, Mr. Mr. President,. President, I just hate the Beatles. They're turning America's young men into women. Oh, yes, I agree with this. Foreign menace has to be stopped.

I'll never use a pen, Mr. President. No, we're not doing Lincoln Elvis. Lincoln Elvis? No, Nixon Elvis. Lincoln Elvis. We did that in Glue Factory today already. I'm just warming up my muscles. Okay, here we go. Four score in seven years ago

Okay. Hello everybody and welcome to this bonus. It's a Thursday. Yes bonus What I was doing Elvis and bonus He was doing Elvis saying bonus. That's right. Welcome to this bonus episode of TF It is Riley Milo Hussein. We have November of course, joining us from an undisclosed location in Glasgow. So I have disclosed the location. Yeah, why did you disclose my location? November is poised with the boffins from Cumbernauld here.

Deep in the bowels of a sort of brutalist Glasgow institution. I'm in an undisclosed location in Glasgow and I'm about to respond to this podcast at a time and place of my choosing. I don't think that any kind of public private development in Canary Wharf... Canary Wharf would never make a movie about how someone tried to steal Canary Wharf because it was so good. That's my argument regarding Cumbernauld Hits. It takes a state to make a movie about your intentional community where someone tries

to steal it because it's such a good town that works so well. But no, no, we are of course going to be, as we mentioned in the previous episode, focusing a little bit more on goings on in the UK today, looking at some of the developments in first the Labour Party, which has now given back, or Keir Starmer personally has given back six thousand pounds worth of like Arsenal boxes and Taylor Swift tickets that he's received since taking office and all it cost him was the face value of what he was given plus now having a personal favourability rating less than Rishi Sunak at the end of the previous administration. A master stroke sir. The chess master. I mean to be fair probably a lot of the reason why he A master stroke, sir. The chess master. I mean, to be fair, probably a lot of the reason why he has such a low favorability rating is he's a shit at his job.

I mean, we can't discount that. Look, in fairness, it's not all because of the bribes. A lot of it is because I've done absolutely fuck all that's happened in office. So let's be completely fair here. He is presiding over a government that is promising to do basically nothing about any of the problems that we're facing, is stuck with the economic program that he inherited from his predecessors, who inherited it from their predecessors, who inherited it from their predecessors. He's telling us that everything is going to get worse and they're going to make it worse?

Yeah, it's government by David Blaine in the box. They're going to suspend Keir Starmer above the River Thames and he's just gonna be in there. He can't do anything. There's no levers in there. There's no buttons. Well, this is something November, you mentioned to me earlier, which is like, at what point do we think like there's a bit of a kinds of kindness going on between Keir Starmer and the Jonas?

It's weirder if they're not fucking, right? Like to stay in a guy's house, to like lie about staying in a guy's house, he's buying your clothes, he's buying your glasses. Like, I want to stop referencing this film, I want to get off Mr. Lanthimos's wild ride, but I can't, because it keeps happening and more and more ministers are just like, yeah, I just like sleep in a big bed with Lord Ali and like his partner, and it's not weird, actually, because this is normal. When I was a young barrister, just to cover my costs of the tuition and the professional

qualifications, I signed up at sugarbabies.com. I am master following on Feet Finder and other websites like Pantodealer. I was doing anything to put myself through the bar school. And of course there I developed a relationship with Lord Ali. It's completely above board. It was declared. He would take me out to Carluccio's once a week. Oh boy, blast from the fast. I'd have a millenation. So other than just like Lord Ali putting Starmer in a vac cube while showing him you gov polls of his own tanking popularity. I cannot understand what is going on here beyond just quite simply the whole ideology of new laborism or for quite some time has been just getting in the

Chuck E Cheese money blower machine and just grabbing as much as you can. But again, because it's Britain, no one's offering you altogether that much. It's more about the experience, you know? There are some things money can't buy, or some things other people's money can buy. You turn up at the hospitality box at Arsenal and it's the Vat Cube. Oh, you can watch the Arsenal, Mr. Starver, from pride of place. Peter Mandelson has been, like, really has been really working on deepening his voice. Yeah, you're next to Mikael Arteta on the touchline, but you can't see anything because

you are in the vac-cube. That's the deal. You just absorb sound through the mouth-cube. We've determined a way for me to attend the football safely without conferring an unfair advantage on me versus other fans. I will be entering the VAT cube and I'll be lowered onto the touchline with my head entirely concealed by the VAT cube. I'll be breathing through a straw." Yeah, that's it. I know sometimes we do Starmor voice too much, but it's fun to imagine him in different predicaments and locations. He is also

the prime minister is the other thing. Something which I keep forgetting. Like anytime, like most recently for instance, when he was, he did the photo op where he was on the phone to Netanyahu. I was like, why the fuck is this guy on the phone? And then I remembered that he had been elected Prime Minister of the country that I live in. Oh yeah. Guys, remember me?

I was never in a vac cube. They don't make one small enough. If you put me in the regular sized vac-cube, they'd never find me again. It would crush my bones to dust like the Titan submarine implosion. I remember him. Eventually we're all going to have to talk to Netanyahu, right? And just offer our condolences whenever like a rocket is intercepted by the Iron Dome. This is the thing that kind of falls forward, right? We've gone from like, do you condemn Hamas to you must condemn Hamas to you must support Israel's right to defend itself, herself

excuse me, and now it's going to be you must call Benjamin Netanyahu on the phone and say that you're sorry for not personally doing enough to protect Israel. How long until someone does get berated for like misgendering Israel? I mean Yeah, I guess It's so weird It's so so weird but one of the weirder things about him besides the billionaire kind of kindness thing is the she her pronouns For Israel, he only does it for Israel and like he's gone to Israel and he's seen that there is no penis there. I mean, I guess I guess so. Well, they're gonna talk a little bit more about Israel Iran probably next episode.

Yeah, because things keep happening. Well indeed. Yes, the last item on this before we sort of go into a little bit of news from across the pond or more specifically across the pond and then across the landmass to the west coast of the country is of course that. Thank you. You're just documenting a lot of locations this evening. Yeah, that's me. I am. Is of course other members of the cabinet are being told you don't have to give back the freebies that you were given. Only I'm doing that. So now every he's basically set up a position where I'm just going to review it for you in exchange for nothing. He has seemed like an unprincipled

weasel who can't be trusted to do what he said to make government less sleazy. He's also doing a lot of other unpopular stuff, right? So let's not over egg this. But in exchange for nothing, he is now doing that. He's still like all of those people that bought that bottle, that stuff for him. He still owes them favors. He had to repay all of it. He still owes them favors. His popularity is tanking, and now every other Labour minister who he needs to keep loyal and on his side, he's basically telling to personally pay thousands of pounds that they weren't expecting to pay, in order to also not look like unprincipled weasel.

That's the situation. ALICE And these are people who, I assume, are not given to backstabbing, right? Because otherwise that could be a real problem for him. Yep. Because the thing is, right, like, having that kind of middleman stratum in British politics allows for a greater amount of intimacy, right? Like, Joe Biden's never gonna know what it's like to depend on, like, a Russian oligarch

to get tickets to something. He's never gonna have that kind of man-to-man intimacy. And I think that's very sad. Yeah. Joe Biden's never going to be whipped on his ass with birch twigs. But in Britain, it's such a beautiful place because you can be the prime minister and also have like a very likely chance of like being hounded by a bunch of drunk lads who have just been on a night out, who will just like call you fucking legend or something like that.

He might grab you and go, way. Do you remember when the chief scientific advisor during COVID was just gotten at the hands of, and like lightly traumatized at the hands of lads. Yeah. But of an estate agent called Jonathan Chu. And that's not Chu in a Chinese way. That's Chu like the verb to do. This would not happen in a serious country. I feel. No one is grabbing the surgeon general and going like

Wait, but in this country Yeah, I want to move on I wouldn't alright so last week Mark Zuckerberg who is demonstrating unusual look after unusual look Yeah, he's got a t-shirt on with out suck out nah him.il nahil uh fucking i can't pronounce latin or indeed anything today i think i'm having a stroke anyway he's got like a t-shirt with latin on it he's got the fucking uh like imperial haircut he's getting really like uh like sort of augustus spectrum disorder it's like really something