TRASHFUTURE - *PREVIEW* Midwestology 3: Do Not Perceive the Precious Moments Citadel

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

Milo is in Australia and the time zone difference is killing us, but in his absence we convened Joe Kassabian and Francis Horton to discuss the American Midwest with Hussein. We cover the strange post-industrial wasteland of pretty much the entire region, the concept of Precious Moments ceramic figurines (Funko Pops for meemaws), and Hussein reads us a list of supposedly foundational Midwest Emo bands that we have 99% never heard of. Get the whole episode on Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/midwestology-3-102918403 *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *MILO IN AUSTRALIA ALERT* Check out Milo’s upcoming Australian tour shows here: www.linktr.ee/Miloontour *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

But now if you go on Henry Ford Museum's website, there's literally just a tab that says Henry Ford and anti-Semitism. Yeah. Like I've told this story so many times about like kids all across the Midwest have to learn how to square dance because Henry Ford was convinced that jazz was a Jewish plot

to weaponize black music to degrade white culture. Like, yeah. I mean, I wanted to say this to Hussain because Hussain has a lot of experience with British suburbs, but British suburbs and American suburbs are such a different vibe because American suburbs, it's so much like, here's the city limits, here's the county line, here's the dividing line. It's like, we have our own police force and also we can't officially say it anymore post 1965,

but if you're black, we're going to pull your car over. Yeah. It feels like there's sort of, I've been very fast. Again, this is very much like, maybe like there's my sort of pull towards Midwest emo, like suburban emo kind of comes out of this too, but it does sort of feel like the suburbs and like the American experience was like a lot more, you know, I guess you have like the suburban vote in the States, right? And that's like a distinct thing and there's like distinct politics and there's like a defense of the suburbs. And I know that there's like, there are like racial elements like towards that.

I mean, there's more than racial elements to it. Like they were, they were designed to exclude non white people. And also like lots of suburbs were like company, company suburbs as well. So like it's kind of a link between commerce and like the type and that type of familiar arrangement. Whereas like, and I, I don't know too much about the history of the British suburbs, but it's not really talked about in that way. I think in terms of the British suburbs, I guess you have, if you're looking at distinct types of residents in relation to political outcomes, I suppose one element of that is the comm commuter town. So like I grew up

in a commuter town, which in the sense of like it was a suburb that was like near enough to the city and like the reason why house prices for example were so high there compared to like other sort of suburbs. Again, if you're thinking about the North or you're thinking about like, you know, the Midland suburbs and stuff, the suburb where I was from kind of had that premise of like, oh no, you have this kind of like leafy-ish place. It's not, you know, not particularly well-keeled. It's like very sort of dilapidated in lots of ways. But because of it's, because it had a train station, suddenly it's like, oh, you know, it's like one of those fancy suburbs. You can get into London from there.

I mean, albeit your train to London will take ages and it will suck and like the trains will smell of piss Yeah, they still smell of piss. They're like this unique smell between British McDonald's and piss. It's kind of how I would describe the southeastern British McDonald's smell differently Yeah, you're British pit British piss smells more like baked beans and tomatoes than you know It doesn't smell differently in Britain than America Papa John's because it's really popular here and it smells just like baked beans and tomatoes than ours. You know what doesn't smell differently in Britain than America? Papa John's. Because it's really popular here and it smells just like it does in America. The first time I clocked this I was riding my bike in the summer here.

The first year I lived here and I went past the one on Tower Bridge Road and it was just so weird because smells trigger memories for me. I think it'll fade for a lot of people. And I was like it smells the exact same as the Papa John's in fucking Westfield, Indiana. Which was at the strip mall right over the city limits out of Carmel into Westfield where we would vote by pizza And there was a blockbuster video Karma Records was there fucking I can't remember the name of the the chain of It was I think was like royal something of the chain of movie theaters

But we went to the we were we we walked on a road with no Sidewalks to go see the Beavis and Budhead do America because like what the fuck else are you gonna do where I got chased by the cops because we were out past curfew We wanted to buy donuts from the grocery store before they closed because if you were at under 18 You couldn't be out off your parents property After 10 p.m. And in the city I lived in and the cops would arrest you and dead serious PM in the city I lived in and the cops would arrest you and I'm dead serious. We had a fucking curfew in Cornwall. Can I ask you a question about like jaywalking?

Yes. In American pop culture, mostly, and my main reference of this is my main reference of America and why I fell in love with America, which is Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. There's a scene where one of them gets arrested for jaywalking. And I was like, no, that must be this like- Well, Britain doesn't have a concept of jaywalking and I was like no that must be this like Britain doesn't have a concept of jaywalking you can just cross into the fucking street anywhere like My inner Caucasian is coming out like yes, just simply walk into traffic, assert your dominance over the cars

You've been to Britain you see what it's like here See I have a hard time understanding if my conceptualization of like crosswalks comes from Armenia or not, which is they are a suggestion. Cars will not stop for you, you just walk out. And I get some really weird looks in the Netherlands because everybody's like, no, you must wait for the green light. Meanwhile, I'll just walk out in the middle of a fucking train. It'll stop. Fuck off.

In Britain, I think it's weird because it's a really strange hybrid. And I think actually it's changed in recent years. It really has. Partly because driving has gotten worse, but also because like post COVID brain, I think people have just gotten meaner. But it was like that thing where, so like, I think in Britain for a long time, the idea like jaywalking is not a concept here. And like being in London and everything, you know, it's very common for people to just sort of cross wherever. I really don't like driving in certain parts, like not because of other cars, but also just because like you never know when someone's just sort of going to pop out and they're just going to casually walk. If this happened to me like a few weeks

ago, I had to like do a bit of a drive through Wembley. And like some guy just sort of like comes across the road and like I just about see him and luckily the car that my wife and I have has like a sensor on it. And so I, you know, the sensor was able to stop me if I didn't have that, I don't know what would have happened. But the guy is just sort of looking at me as he's walking side, like he's walking straight, but he's, he's staring at me. And so he's like, it looks really weird, but it is, I think as Joey was saying, like it is, it is just like a guy asserting his dominance over me. And like to a degree, I was just like, yeah, okay. Like I'm like, I'm not a pro car

person by any means. And so like, I have to support you for like challenging and defeating me. At the same time, but at the same time, there was a traffic light, like literally right next to you. And it doesn't make sense why you didn't use that. Much like Yu-Gi-Oh, you have to give him your stars because he defeated you in one on one combat. And my strongest monster in my deck. And the other part of it was also like zebra crossings as you mentioned, like the crosswalks of zebra crossings where it's like one of the only places where a car is supposed to stop for you. And recently they've just stopped

recently. People won't stop for you recently. They just don't like this happen again. This time now this happened to me. Like I quite recently where I live now, where there is like a very clear like marking for a zebra crossing and I'm about to cross in the car, like just kind of drives around me. Um, and it was like, it was like the first time it's happened to me, but it's happened quite frequently to lots of people that I know. And so it does sort of feel like a bit of a wild west in the sense of like, yeah, the rules. I mean, look, you and I, Nate, we've talked about driving a lot. And one of the jokes that sort of have is like, you can learn the way that you are taught driving in Britain is like this very sort of mercurial way, obvious very sort of specific way of riding in bry the brook and no one drives that way

It's very rigid and even taking your test or learning to drive The problem you come up against is that the minute you start trying to follow the rules cars just like go the wrong way down On one race you're on the sidewalk like running over fucking wheelchairs to get around you because like they're simply training to drive into Balisi or Yerevan I in wheelchairs to get around you because like they're simply training to drive into Belize or Yerevan. I passed my test and I learned how to drive. Like I really, I took my test four times and I passed it on my fourth time. It's not like an uncommon thing

but you will sort of fail it a few times. Holy shit, really? I failed my first test and there was such a backlog for a retest that I just haven't had a chance to take one. Now that I'm moving, I'm not going to, but it's just, yeah. It was gonna be over a year to wait on my next test. In comparison to getting a driver's license in the US, I took the test when I was 15. And I think, I mean, it was so incredibly easy in retrospect. I mean, I'm almost 36

now. And I mean, I don't drive anymore. I ride a bicycle, but like I have no plans of buying a car or anything. But like the idea that I was physically or mentally able to pilot a car after taking that test is insane. Yeah, the test in Britain is an hour long and there's a couple of maneuvers they test you on. And I actually got to minute 55, but I didn't turn my signal off quickly enough entering a roundabout and someone had to slightly change their course because of me.

And so that was an instant fail. Oh man, I did so many fucking weird things on the road during my test and they didn't give a shit. Like I couldn't even parallel park. They're like, ah, you'll figure it out. It wasn't even that I forgot to turn it off is that I didn't turn it off, I didn't turn it off fast enough so a person stopped thinking that I was,

or rather they started going thinking I was turning. I turned it off and as I was entering the roundabout and so they then had to stop because I, or slow down because of me. And cause I made them react to me. That's, that's a instant fail on the test. You've inconvenienced one of your betters. You did, you'd fail. Come back in the year. So they then had to stop or slow down because of me. Because I made them react to me. That's an instant fail on the test. You've inconvenienced one of your betters.

You'd fail. Come back. I'm pretty sure the only instant fail in an American driving test is hitting someone else. Hitting someone. Yeah, yeah. No, no. I failed my first driver's test because the person who was testing me said, make a right at this intersection.

And I said, okay, so the stoplight up there, I'm gonna make a right. And then she said, no, right here, this intersection, which was just like a side street. So I slammed on the brakes to make the turn. And that was one of those like immediate like, yeah, I know I'm gonna have, we might as well go back. I'm gonna have to come back. I also failed my first exam,

had nothing to do with my driving ability. I failed before they even let me drive because I took the paper test and then I went out. You have to supply your own car. They don't give you one to test. And I was using my mom's and I sit down and said the car, the, the, the greater gets in. It's like, you smell like weed. The thing is, is I swear to fucking God, I was not high. However,