TRASHFUTURE - Save Us, Swiss Spartans
Episode Date: February 6, 2024This week, it’s an all-dessert episode hosted by Alice with Milo and Hussein. We discuss Peter Thiel and his acolytes’ plan to make the drugs Olympics in which you take as many performance enhance...rs as possible and turn into Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star. However, the real icing on the cake is a Telegraph article that claims Switzerland possesses an eternal martial spirit, but Britain is too woke to have conscription (and not racist enough). It’s an experience. If you want access to our Patreon bonus episodes, early releases of free episodes, and powerful Discord server, sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s upcoming live shows here: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum) Â
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hello and welcome to a bonus episode.
No, it's the free one.
It's the free one.
Hello and welcome to a free episode of Trash Future.
It's how it's going on.
Unlike Alice, you're grateful compared to Riley, because I actually am helping by reminding
you that it's the film.
Yeah, you're assisting me because I feel as though Riley is away.
And me, you know, I'm not the step post, I'm just the host that stepped up.
Correct.
I've written a little episode.
And to be honest, this one's kind of all dessert.
Yeah.
You know, Riley, Riley,
he likes to make us talk about sort of like financial instruments and stuff. Whereas what
I've done is I found some real like clown shoes. Yeah. And I hope you're excited to join me.
We're here with our indulgent stepmother Alice. Not to be confused with our wicked stepmother.
You're fun stepmother, you your fun aunt, you know?
Yeah, that's right.
So, like, we were like the sort of recently divorced father who's like desperately wanting to make his kids like,
you know, desperately wanting to make the kids the favourite.
So, it's just like treats all the way up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to like bond with you and connect with you.
I'm trying to be like, is it called an EVA? Is that what you like?
And then when Riley comes back, like, you'll get into an argument because you like, because
it's like, no, they have to, they have to, the children have to eat their vegetables
and the vegetables are financial reports for some reason.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The, the, the, the, this fight that I have with Riley, sort of, uh,
this time next week is like, why do I always have to be the bad guy host? You know? Why
do I have to be the one who like, you know, makes them learn
about the IMF? But no, we, we got some fun stuff. First of all, little piece of news.
You may have heard about this after having killed 15 trillion lab animals. Elon Musk
has finally put Neuralink in a person. It's in a person's head now.
Well, that's how he warmed himself up for creating Neuralink.
You've got to kill a bunch of lab animals just to get in the zone.
Yeah, exactly.
And I mean, if you're that first person, right, and you go,
what kind of preparation did you do for this before you put it in my head?
How worried should I be?
They can be like, don't worry, we killed millions of pigs.
So we're pretty certain this is going to be, you know, like safe for you.
Cause you're like mostly sort of like pig physiology.
Um, when you get right down to it, rain's very similar.
Don't worry about it.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Well, a pig will lick you in the eye and respect you as an equal.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Uh, and, and so now Elon Musk has put the the Neuralink thing, the neural implant
in a person. And what you can do with it, he says, is control your phone or computer
by thinking, right? He calls it the telepathy app, which, right, okay, it's it's not like
a huge like, I wouldn't get my head cracked open to get this put in.
But the sort of the pitch that he's making is, you know, we're going to use it for people with like,
sort of like really debilitating disabilities or like missing limbs or whatever.
So they can go on the phone too.
Really debilitating disabilities such as being a white South African.
We're hoping to find a cure.
Doing the like Christopher Reeve, like a sort of edited advert where Elon Musk
comes out talking normal.
Hello, I'm Elon Musk.
Together, together we can make this real.
But no, we get a sense of exactly what kind of disability is Elon means because
with his sort of trademark subtlety, he said,
imagine if Stephen Hawking could communicate faster than A speed typist or auctioneer.
Why not both?
But Stephen Hawking auctioneer is a fun sitcom.
Just doing theoretical physics, but like really quickly.
Yeah.
Like what if the Epstein Island stuff had come out earlier and he'd had to quit physics
and had a second career?
You know, where's his like Joey spin off?
Where he's like trying to be a small town auctioneer.
Yeah. I mean, this is the other strange thing is that Elon Musk said this like yesterday,
right? So it's like after all of the, you know, revelations about the private island
and so forth have come out about Stephen Hawking. It's a weird choice. Like apparently he just
hasn't checked in on the guy lately. And it's just like Stephen Hawking, it's a weird choice. Like apparently he just hasn't checked in on the guy
lately and it's just like Stephen Hawking, everyone loves him, you know? What if he was faster?
Which I don't know. Now I'm sort of less secure about creating some kind of like science-enabled enabled turbo nonce. Yeah. Yeah, that is potentially an issue.
We've, yeah, we've speeded up the wheelchair.
Making all the more able to catch children.
This is the one thing.
The one thing we did not want to happen.
Yeah. Unfortunately.
But so this is the thing, right?
I've, everyone's sort of making their jokes about how the person that this brain implant has been put in
is gonna, you know, their head's gonna explode like scanners,
right?
And it's an Elon Musk product,
so that's a very real possibility.
But to me, this strikes me as like the early Teslas
where like he didn't develop this,
he's meddled with it a bit,
but he's just like bought his way into this company that already existed.
Sure.
Yeah, that makes sense.
What concerns me, and the reason why I wouldn't get this put in my head, is there's still
a lot of ways for Elon Musk to like fuck up all of your shit, even with a product that
works.
I mean, that's what SpaceX has been, right?
The rockets kind of work until Elon Musk makes them not.
And in particular, now there is a human being
who has like an implant in their head,
the function of which is tied to,
not so much like whatever Elon Musk is doing,
but like it's tied to like Elon Musk's marketing needs.
And so, you know, in the same way that SpaceX, they're like,
oh, we'll just launch this one rocket without the shields
that stop it from like melting everybody's cars
in like a three mile radius or whatever.
Now, the sort of like roll out in the use of this technology
inside this person's head, which is going to be in more people's heads,
is tied to the kind of whims of this like impulsive,
greedy, lying, stupid dickhead, which sounds great.
What do you really think, Alice?
I think maybe I don't need to go on my phone that badly. That's why I do need to go on
my phone that badly.
I got the Elon Musk Neuralink and now I have this insatiable urge to run over a child.
Just like Naruto running towards a school gate in the hope of taking out as many as possible.
This sounds horrifying to the extent, but like, well, if the only thing that the Neuralink really
does is sort of kind of let you deal with your phone and do posts. But it's also just like,
I mean, the thing that I sort of hate, like, you know, the thing that I hate about technology,
but like, wouldn't you just be tormented by notifications?
I basically am already.
C. Like, this guy is going to kill himself because
all he's going to see and all... Every time he gets a notification,
his brain is going to just get an impulse, right? Probably.
And I imagine because of Elon Musk, there is no way to actually turn off the button that says,
I don't get notifications. Or if there is one,
then he's fired the people who can do that because they're woke. And so this guy is going to die.
Mason He's doing the like Twitter thing where it like forces you to follow MrBeast because he's
trying to like red pill MrBeast. And so now every time MrBeast posts, this guy gets like a brain
zap or something.
Mason The MrBeast brain implant that makes you do that weird smile.
Well, he's just like,
tormented by those weird Twitter ads that like don't make any sense.
And like, you know, I'm mostly just guys like really pining for their ex-wives,
for some reason. Like, they're not even selling anything.
We're just like, but it's like, my wife used to hate this suit,
but now that I'm free from her, I can wear it.
Which I like, I saw something basically along those lines like a few days ago,
but there's going to be no way to turn them off.
And so this guy, like whoever's got this neural link is going to like,
either be killed by the amount of sort of like electrical impulses that his brain now has to deal with,
or is going to kill themselves because they cannot get away from the fact that the internet
and just being online is so shit.
Yeah. I mean, imagine that you have like, you know, God forbid you have something like
locked in syndrome, right? You're just like, and you have to like exist without being able
to like move any of your body at all. And Elon Musk is like, Hey, I can improve this.
You can use X the everything app now. You can check out
what's going on on there. And I mentioned this second bit purely to annoy Riley. But we know that
Elon Musk has this kind of thing where people will reply to him on Twitter and on the spur of the moment he'll just lie, right? Was someone like some blue tick was like,
hey Elon, why don't you have you considered using this to restore sight to blind people?
And Elon, of course, is like, I have already thought of this most obvious live ever voice.
It's going to be called Blindsight after a book.
I don't believe that he understands,
but which is Riley's favorite book.
We did a left on red about it.
That's going to be coming out soon.
You can listen to that.
Yeah, it's going to give you the chip that turns you into a vampire.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Like, it's just, it's such a fucking, like, pose a sci-fi thing to do,
right? It's the same with like all of the culture references and stuff. And in particular, it's
really funny to me to name something to give a blind person sight, blind sight, the opposite of
what that is. Because because of blind sight, I assume that's a thing that's good, right? It's
when you can see instead of the opposite of that.
Yeah. So I knew we're blind, but now you see.
Yeah. So much to consider here.
The novelization of amazing grace, Blindsight.
Yeah, we've accidentally got Neil and Musk into the different kind of novels, and he's like,
you know, got little women up there now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's started going to like a gospel church.
Now that would be a cursed Elon Musk trajectory.
Elon is way too racist to do that.
Not because there's anything wrong with gospel churches, but just Elon Musk specifically
attending one.
It would get weird.
I mean, frankly, he's already weird.
And it's going to get so much weirder because this is like, you know, the first of many,
they're going to keep putting these into people.
And one of the things about implanting stuff in humans is that you can't ever have it be obsolete.
There was this thing, speaking of blindsight, there was this thing that happened where a bunch of people had their sight restored by artificial eyes and then the company that
was making them went out of business and they couldn't maintain them anymore.
And all of those people lost their sight again.
Now, I mean...
Yeah, that is honestly, it's like Corey Doctorow levels of like, I can't believe that happened
in real life, but yeah, I remember hearing about that as well.
That's fucking mental.
So tying that to the business acumen
and like survivability of Elon Musk.
And it's not even your eyes, it's your brain.
My brain subscription ran out.
It's like throttling your brain power.
Like you suddenly like, you just,
you can still basically live like you function,
but you just get really into love island.
You're like, oh, this is what it's like.
This is what it's like to care about, you know, Casey from Cheshire.
Getting the like sort of social media lobotomy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's neurolink.
I understand Bevo now.
I too want to swallow things whole like a snake.
Maybe that's good.
Maybe, maybe actually it's a positive thing.
We should let Elon Musk lobotomize all of us.
Maybe it would actually be a purer.
Like this podcast could become like mum's basement
or the Joe Rogan experience.
Could be cool, you know?
We wouldn't have distress so much about things.
Yeah, Riley comes back and he's like,
oh, what do you think about the brin chip? Yeah, I think it's gonna be awesome. Yeah, pull
that up. Yeah, I get this. Just don't worry, I want to become, I want to get a chimp brain.
This is Riley on vacation, having been sort of like indoctrinated into Neuralink. It's
just like ready to red pill the rest of us. Yeah. Riley gets like bonked over the head
by like a very expensive bottle of claret in costas.
And then he accidentally gets the Elon Musk surgery.
But so that's nearer like, and we'll see how that develops whether someone's like head explodes like in scanners,
or whether it's just one of those things that Elon fucks up a bunch more.
A chilling portent of things to come.
Just as a quick hit, we remember George Osbourne,
friend of the show, later this parish former chancellor of the Exchequer.
Guy with a bunch of weird jobs as well.
Yeah, we're doing, we're doing Justin Lee Collins shit.
Where is he now?
We're going to get him Cameron fucking, you know,
Cameron having a weird kind of resurgence, you know, but George Osbourne,
he's, he's sort of
like, he's the member of the band that like Justin Lee Collins has a bit more difficulty
finding.
Inviting like him, Cameron and Nick Clegg to a village hall, but not telling the others
that they're going to be there.
And then just them all telling off me like, oh my God.
Yeah.
So he has a new job after the British Museum and the evening standard.
He's been asked to join Coinbase.
The, like...
This is very Nick-Cled coded, actually.
Yeah, right. But like, at least Nick-Cled got Facebook.
Whereas George Osborne is stuck on the Global Advisory Council
of the sort of crypto thing that tries to let you buy a croissant with crypto and it takes like five
minutes. Yeah, who wouldn't? It just seems so outdated. You know, we stopped talking about
Coinbase a while ago because there wasn't much else going on there. Like crypto was kind of
done and washed. But it doesn't matter. There's, you know, they're still lobbying,
they still have money,
and they're still doing the same shit of like, please regulate us, please make us in charge of
what the regulations look like.
I mean, also, it's really telling that as faith in crypto continues to waver,
the UK is like, or the UK seems so, or the UK politicians seem so desperate for it to work.
And so in the same way as AI, these AI companies are sort of looking to the UK as being, you know,
one of the bases where they can sort of settle down and, you know, not have to pay much tax.
Like the British government is too dumb to regulate us.
So...
Yeah.
I think it's also this degree of like desperation of like, oh, we need something to like help the line go up. And you have to do it in a way that doesn't
involve spending any money or making people's lives easier so they can be more productive,
because that would just be counterintuitive. And like, you know, in relation to George Osborne,
in particular, the architect of austerity, this sort of feels like, this sort of feels like,
you know, a very poetic, I don't want to say end
points. I feel like this is a guy we're never going to be able to get rid of. But it does seem
like a logical next step for him. Because it's like, yeah, one of the result of austerity politics
is just the fact that you are now desperately looking for any source of growth, even if that
growth is entirely fabricated.
And who better to sort of have that like be on the council than just like,
yeah, this guy who sort of made that all happen.
He's gonna repeat history and he's gonna do austerities of Bitcoin as well.
Oh yeah, it's gonna be worth less and less.
Well, the trouble with George Osbourne is once you've got him in, you can't get rid of him.
It's like Japanese knotweed.
It does seriously affect the property value.
You know, well, the Chilton firehouse got condemned.
You see, they couldn't fumigate him out.
He was too deeply in the walls.
Yeah, they were getting all sorts of dodgy investments.
Yeah.
So Coinbase's London office is going to have him embedded in the walls.
And meanwhile, Nick Clegg of all people is the one who made it to Facebook. So, you
know, we wish him well. They're going to wall him in like a hermit.
Yeah. Sort of Coinbase and Monte Ardo seller. Yeah. I think it should be like a kind of
like a mystic cosmic rule that every job George Osborne does, he has to be publicly booed at some point like he
was at the Olympics. Yeah, I kind of agree with this. I mean, there's a lot of good reasons.
For American listeners, he wasn't competing. He was there in his position as a government minister.
That isn't yet another job that George Osborne's had, like the steeple chase.
Just a man who loves to like apply for jobs. He want to be head of the IMF at one point. J- My god. You want it to be Tom Cruise's boss?
C- Yeah.
But so, George Osborne, we wish him every success in making crypto worse
with all of the same acumen that he's applied to, you know, real money.
J- Yeah.
C- Yeah. Who better to be in charge of Dogecoin?
J- Also just like the real man, like all his other sort of projects, but I'm aware of like, and how they've gone.
Like the evening standard just sort of like fucking tanked under him.
The British Museum.
The British Museum got shit stolen under his watch.
It's kind of the kiss of death is hiring George Osborne.
So that was so funny. The guy stealing stuff from the British Museum and selling it on eBay for like basically nothing just for the thrill
That was awesome. It's like shoplifting. You know, it's a victimless crime
Yeah, I like the idea of like second order theft like this was stolen from like, you know some tribes in Berlin and now it's been stolen again
Yeah by the transitive prophecy, you know, it's barely even stealing.
Just to wrap up the news, you may have seen on Twitter that a bunch of people got very
excited because the quarterly reports for Alphabet, which is Google's parent company,
Microsoft and AMD just dropped.
And the results were so mediocre that it wiped $190 billion off the value of AI in general,
a bunch of AI companies.
Oh, no.
I know.
You hate to see it.
A bunch of people were saying, well, clearly this is peak AI.
This is the end of AI.
People are starting to see through the fact that it's a really shitty idea.
Would that it were? I wish it were that simple.
But instead, I looked into this a bit and it turns out that this is not AI dying. What this is,
is people realizing that it's difficult and expensive to do. And all of these companies
are like spending more on it. It's just, we've had this like period of like hype and hype and hype
and hype of AI is going to have this like big transformative step change where it's
going to be able to do more than write a sort of really unconvincing college essay for
you at some point. And it still hasn't quite happened yet.
Yeah. But it can draw you Drake with an XL bully both wearing keffy is at the center. That was pretty transformative.
But you know, whenever you do that, Sam Altman comes along and says,
well, yeah, okay, but the next thing is going to you're going to be able to like
befriend Drake and his XL bully. Yeah.
And so far, you know, GPT for which is openly eyes sort of latest model,
GPT-4, which is OpenAI's sort of latest model, nothing's outperforming it on its own terms. And we know that the sort of like metrics to how an AI performs are kind of bullshit
anyway. But it's kind of still stagnating there. There's nothing left on the internet
for OpenAI to steal. The next big thing is probably like putting some kind of like reasoning over
all the stuff they've stolen. But that's just like, that's the same thing with a slightly
better memory. And it's still being sort of like merrily poisoned by all the like Habsburg AI stuff.
You know, it's still feeding off of AI content and like junk data. And it's still being used
really weirdly. And this is why now getting into the recruitment portion
of the podcast, you can get a job working for OpenAI,
drawing pictures of Drake, Excel bullies,
remembrance poppies, keffiers.
Like, God, they need a lot of raw data.
Yeah, we need more images.
I mean, basically getting a job for OpenAI
is the only way in which you'll get to do this
because the real effect of this is that it's just killed a bunch of the like AI startups, which are like hammering
money and stuff. So now AI is it's not dead, right? But it's even more centralized. So
like even more than it was a couple of months ago, AI is something that like Microsoft or
Google can do basically.
Well, it shows me that AI is like so resource intensive.
I can't believe they were like small companies trying to do it.
It's like having like a startup oil company.
What are you talking about?
Yeah.
Yeah, we've got one oil rig.
Like what?
Just rolling in one barrel of like Brent crude being like.
Yeah.
So who wants to buy my barrel?
The marketing could be great.
And you could be like the brew dog of like oil, you know.
Oh, AI for punks.
Yeah.
Crude dog.
I mean, I was thinking more about a brew dog,
but what if brew dog was like an oil refinery?
And so like the back.
Taste indistinguishably different.
But the barrel would have like, you know,
sick graffiti or something like that.
And I thought that was quite.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My startup oil company.
Yeah, I like that.
This is the way that we like make Britain a sort of global leader in oil and natural gas
exploitation for the next generation is we make it epic and a bit punk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It should be great. I look forward to that.
Like smack my bitumen up for the new product from there.
Yeah.
Oil barrels where the barrels just say mental health on them.
We like to think of this rug as being like one big punk family.
It's like a cool house share.
Yeah. Yeah.
Mohammed been talking to his champs, you know, that's good.
So yeah, probably not the end of AI.
It is funny that the market was like, oh, fuck,
this is more difficult than we thought.
We better throw a shitload more money at it.
But I'm going to hedge a bit, right?
Yeah, it will be funny if we're wrong, if I'm wrong for two reasons.
One, because taking over for Riley for the one thing we get wrong ever is like
absolutely sort of taking a bullet for him here.
He's played you.
Yeah.
He's he's he's sent me forward to like be wrong about this one thing.
But second of all,
because if AI just implodes as well, like everybody's hoping, then our big sort of like,
idea of what like technocratic governance looks like is you do some shit, you tinker around,
and then you call it AI. If that's unsustainable as well, then you can't do anything with technology anymore.
It's just, it all goes to shit. There's no wallpaper paste thick enough to like paper over the cracks.
Is that what you use wallpaper paste for? In sort of our societies, you know?
So we'll see. But in the meantime, I think it's kind of more of the same. Interesting. An interesting portent of things to have.
It remains to be seen.
Shaking the big magic eight ball.
But first big dessert for us.
Okay, all right.
We got to talk about the Olympic games.
We mentioned them earlier.
Do we like the Olympic games?
What do you think about the Olympic games?
Because...
Pretty good. I enjoyed George Osborne having a go. Yeah. Do we like the Olympic Games? What do you think about the Olympic Games? Because...
Pretty good.
I enjoyed George Osborne having a go.
Yeah.
I never knew you could do rhythmic gymnastics.
What if George Osborne, right, was subject to a kind of rigid, like, Russian state doping
intervention program where we put George Osborne on the world's best steroids.
And then we saw exactly how rhythmically gymnastic,
and like 60-something year old former chancellor of the Exchequer.
Anabolic Osborne.
Is he over 60? I feel like he's younger than that, isn't he?
He's about the same age as Cameron, I think.
I have no idea. I just, I fully pulled that out of my arse.
Because the thing about the Cameron cabinet is they were weirdly young
by the standard of like British politicians
Yeah, 50 to 52 George Osborne really well, okay, so I feel bad bullying someone that young, you know, it's like child
Mark that on your bingo cards
Yeah, George Osborne age. Yeah, draw a green dotted line to George Osborne.
Mark is pelvis and so on.
So the regular like pussy Olympics, right?
Yeah, that's what I call Friday night.
They don't like it when you shoot a 52 year old man full of steroids.
And that's been the sort of limiting factor on the Olympics for a long time. And that's why they're shit and no one cares about them.
Mason We've heard whispers of this before. We're talking about it now because they've done some venture capital funding and
Peter Teal and Bellagius Rinovacen and a couple of other like
Cool normal guys a couple of normal guys have a shitload of money at at the enhanced games
and the enhanced games as deal is you can take as many drugs as you want
We are trying to establish like the sort of maximal human potential for like doing the long jump whatever
Hmm, and I think quietly
This is the only cool thing that piece of till has ever done the cocaine long jump stopping
Yeah, about your business ideas.
Yeah, I want to see the boxing event where a guy punches another guy's head, clean off his shoulders. You know, I think we can do that.
But the other guys on so much heroin, he doesn't even get it.
We know what's funny about this is that this isn't even a dumb business idea.
This is a hack open mic stand up comedy premise.
Like the amount of people who are like 10 gigs in who I've heard go,
I think the Olympics will be better if they just let them all be on drugs.
Imagine that. And that's just like, yeah.
And then some guy is like, like Peter Thiel has been to a fucking open mic
and he's listened to that and he's gone like, yeah.
What if they did make the whole plane out of the black box?
The real story of how this got started is not that far distant from that.
Great. Perfect.
But yeah, so Peter Thiel, he throws money at all this like transhumanist stuff.
His other big thing is the Methuselah Foundation, which does like anti-age.
Excuse me, right?
So like that they're the ones investigating like how to not be old,
how to remain a twink forever.
Right.
Crazy that Peter Teal is interested in that.
Yeah.
Peter Teal, he wants to be like a supervillain or possibly a vampire lord.
Like he wants to like throw cars over his head and also never age, which I sort of have to hand it to him on.
He read a picture of Dorian Gray and thought it was an infomercial.
NFT of Dorian Gray and thought it was an infomercial.
NFT of Dorian Gray.
My rare Dorian.
All my hideous apes gone.
I can't even look at my hideous ape.
But so this is the brainchild of one guy and it's a weird fucking guy.
There's this Australian lawyer called Aaron DeSousa.
And he kind of talented Mr. Ripley's Peter Thiel.
I have a long quote here from the Independent.
On his fifth day at Oxford University, Australian law student
Aaron DeSousa attended a talk by Peter Thiel, the billionaire co-founder of PayPal. Afterwards,
D'Souza showed him around campus. As they chatted about Thiel's business, D'Souza asked
him a question. What's the biggest problem you face? Thiel replied with a litany of problems,
but the top of the pile was the unwanted press he was getting from a media outlet called
Gawker, which had outed him as gay. Gorka?
Gorka.
Pop on down, Mr. Teal, to the forcible outing.
Pop on down to the sauna, dojo.
Teal didn't want the attention of taking Gorka to court, but De Souza had another,
more cost-effective idea. What if Teal bankrolled want the attention of taking Gorka to court, but De Souza had another more cost-effective idea.
What if Teal bankrolled someone else's lawsuit?
They met for dinner in Paris a few months later where De Souza presented his plan of attack.
The 24 year old who had never had a serious job made a compelling pitch and was hired.
Teal went on to wage a proxy war secretly funding the wrestler Hulk Hogan over a sex tape that Gorka had made public.
You're gonna find my lawsuit, brother.
Literally, it was Hulk Hogan, like, getting cucked. Yes.
Amazing.
Five years later, Hogan won $140 million in damages and Gorka Media filed a bankruptcy.
So this is who this guy is. He's like a lawyer now. He's like got a doctorate and stuff. But he basically just happened to
catch Peter Teal's ear as a student and was like, Hey, I will, I will kill Gorka media for you.
Right. I will be your hired gun. And it's interesting because he's kind of left this
social media footprint behind of being sort of a bit of a social climber,
right? Like you can, you can Google him, you can find articles from like way back where
he used to do like stuff with like young Australian like political engagement funded through the
Clinton Foundation. Oh, normal.
Yeah. He had an unprofitable like business called Good Super that was going to make it
easier to invest ethically.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's very TF season two.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
100% just sort of bouncing around from like idea that doesn't quite work.
Idea that doesn't quite work.
You know, trying to get.
Basically amazing.
This guy hasn't been featured on TF before.
He's been he's been rambling around our universe for a long time.
Exactly.
Exactly.
And then he happens to sort of to meet Peter Thiel and sort of find his ear instead.
And it's interesting that sort of like, if you want to make it right, then, you know,
the safe bet isn't the Clinton Foundation anymore. It's being Peter Thiel's Renfield.
And that's, that's what he's done. That's why he's in charge of the enhanced games.
And now he's doing the press round for it, where he says,
this is the route towards eternal life.
It's how we bring about performance medicine technologies,
then create a feedback cycle of good technologies,
selling to the world more revenue, more R&D,
to develop better and better technologies.
Or alternatively a sprinter dying
of like a horrendous newly discovered cancer in his 30s.
Oh, yeah, it's gonna melt some people. Much like Neuralink, you know. And what is performance
medicine about? It's not about steroids and getting jacked muscles. It's about being a better,
stronger, faster, younger athlete for longer. And who doesn't want to be younger for longer?
Again, this is all just sort of courting Peter Thiel and his sort of
like philosophy of I should be an immortal vampire lord.
Mason We've got a lot of people who are like, yeah, sure. And for that, he does need a Renfield, so.
Mason Yeah. But the thing is, this is all well and good, right? But you have to actually put on an
event at some point. And that's the part where it gets really sticky. Because everyone involved in this is quite evasive.
And there have been a few sort of missed deadlines of when this was going to happen.
It was initially going to be last year and now it's going to be,
they're going to do an exhibition this year.
And then maybe the full thing in 2025.
And it keeps kind of slipping.
And no one's actually willing to say, I don't think what events, what sports they want to do.
Okay.
There is, there is a line from the independent.
D'Souza says he has 500 sleeper athletes who are breaking world records in their basement and sending us videos of it ready for competition.
Yeah, but most times, wanked in an hour.
Yeah, and like CNN can't find any of them. None of them are willing to talk.
So we have a bunch of like...
This is Dracula flow, Dyle. I'm breaking world records in my basement. I'm sending you video.
I got 500 sleeper athletes. Exactly. Basement I'm sending you video
Yeah, I don't know if this is true or not is the thing I I do
500 men smoking symbiote
Yeah, maybe maybe he does maybe he has 500 guys sending him strange videos of them
Like cranking out Guinness World Record attempts. Yeah
fastest egg and spoon race
Again like I think that if doping like made you
That good like that much better We know in like sport events that like there was sort of functional impunity for a bunch of stuff like cycling, right? Like Lance Armstrong was doing whatever he wanted.
They're still all on drugs and cycling because you can't you can't do the Tour de France without
being on drugs. It's physically impossible. Yeah. And so there's no like a guy who does all of the
drugs that he wants and is like, does the Tour de France at like 500 miles an hour, right? There's pretty clearly a ceiling on this stuff already in the regular
Olympics. But the idea is they're gonna, they're gonna sort of like host this exhibition at
a college in the Southern United States, I guess for like anti woke reasons. And then
probably, you know, a crowd of people at, you know, Barry
Weiss's like University of Austin are going to see a guy rip another guy's arm off or whatever.
We're going to prove that a white man can beat a black man in the 100-beta dash.
I wouldn't be surprised if that was actually like one of the motivations. And the other thing I
was sort of thinking about is because a lot of these guys like also have this weird fixation
with like trans people playing sports, right? And I did wonder whether it's sort of related to that in a weird way,
not in the sense that they're even sort of pretending, but it's more...
Yeah, I don't know. I wonder whether it's sort of being motivated by both racism and transphobia.
100%. I think it's this fantastic thing of trying to have it both ways of being very concerned about
biological advantage of trans women and women's sports and then being like, I want
to see a guy do as much human growth hormone as it's possible to do.
Well, because we know that like the only way that you can actually rip someone's arm off,
you know, it's totally fine to like have some weird experimental drugs that would allow
you to like rip someone's arm off. But you do have to be a biological male or female.
Yeah, the six million dollar.
That's the only restriction.
The thing is, right, I think I could do a better job than this guy, the Susan, right?
Because I could convince Peter Thiel that wrestling is real. Think that's all he wants. He wants like some like big guys do some like strange things.
That's what wrestling is.
It's got like high drama to it.
That's what Triple H stands for.
They're all hormones.
Human hormone hormone.
I was I was sort of thinking like, was he trying to invent Tekken?
Yeah. Yeah.
Peter Teal is trying to make Tekken real. That's
because like Tekken, Tekken is a Tekken is effectively that. It's just like,
what if you had like a bunch of like freaks who all like fought each other and like, you know,
some of them are sort of possessed by demons and stuff like that.
Yeah. And Peter Taylor saw that and he was just like, yeah, fuck, fuck, yeah, let's make that real. Mr. Teal, we've successfully built Yosha Mitsui.
We've released him into Birmingham as an experiment.
You get enough money and you just see pretty soon you start founding the kumite, you know, from End to the Dragon.
Correct.
Correct. As to whether this can actually happen, even aside from the question of whether they can
organise it, whether they do in fact have 500 roided up secret athletes ready to sort
of like pounce on the community.
Triple H, but they gave an estrogen by mistake.
The undertaker comes in and he just starts crying.
What are we fighting about?
The other problem is, right, no matter what insane state you choose to hold it in, this is
probably like very illegal, not just in the sense that like the federal government gets very
interested in doping and anti-doping, but also because you kind of can't just shoot people
up with steroids just because you feel like it, even if you are Peter Teal.
people up with steroids just because you feel like it, even if you are Peter Teal.
And so the response from like big sport, woke big sport, you know, the IOC has been,
this is so stupid, we're not even answering this.
Apart from one guy, one guy, the head of the US anti-doping agency, who called it a dangerous clown show, which.
Is any good clown show in clown show. Yeah, absolutely.
And closer to wrestling, you know, so yeah, I don't think this is going to happen.
But I really hope so is the thing.
I want to see what in the hell they can produce out of this.
Yeah.
But the answer, it turns out, is probably going to be like just taking a bunch of, you know, TL and Bellagio's money and just spending it on websites.
I'm still kind of hung up on the idea of like their mission statement, just being like,
at the core of the enhanced games are our twin values of racism and transphobia. It would
be so funny to do the like corporate responsibility Black Lives Matter type blurb,
but just from a right-wing perspective.
I mean, that's kind of what happened with the Democrat who was running against Biden
in the primary we talked about the other week, where they made him take the DEI statement
off his website and make it less woke.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, the diversity and exclusion statement.
So, so that's, that's the, uh, the enhanced games and I for one cannot wait.
Yeah, we'll be tuning in.
Yeah. You can get those on BT Sport.
Just, just the BBC has to cover it and Claire Bording likes sort of covering like
a human head being punched clean through the air.
John, John Inverdale reporting live from a man lifting a truck off the ground.
This is the thing, right?
The thing that really strikes me about Peter Seale and like all of these
billionaires is that these are functionally, these are children like George Osborne.
They want their sort of delights and they want them in a way that is not even convincing.
Is it too much to ask for all nine of my delights?
Yeah, you know, of course, the last of our delights, we have a beautiful, a beautiful reading series.
And let me tell you, there is no fat on this one.
This is, the whole thing is in the notes
because not a word of it is wasted.
I have selected for you, Isabel Oakshot in the telegraph.
Yes, sickos meme.jpg.
Headlined, Britain will lose the next world war.
It's too woke to fight.
Amazing. Perfect.
That's so true.
Let's not talk about the way that the Tories have cut every single bit of the British army
to the point where it's basically no longer functional. Let's suggest that it's too woke.
We're going to suggest how woke it is in a very strange way as well, because she begins.
Swiss neutrality began half a millennium
ago after the Battle of Marignano, which ended in a thumping by the French. The humiliation
was enough to put them off.
They got clumped from the French.
They received a lick lump.
The humiliation was enough to put them off ever going to war with an external enemy again.
That policy has long been the bus of British jokes, which, again,
your classic anti-Swiss joke that we all know and love.
Yeah, don't pin this on us.
Everyone hates the Swiss and with good reason.
That's smarmy pricks.
But they may soon be the ones laughing at us.
If war comes tomorrow, the Swiss will be surprisingly well prepared,
whereas we may struggle to muster…
What by living in a fucking mountain range with all of the tunnels that access the country loaded
with explosives? In that respect, yes. Not in the sense that they all know how to use the fucking
tool that gets stones out of horseshoves.
Whereas we may struggle to muster enough volunteers to fight. The terrible truth is that in our hunger for cheap labor
and casual abandonment of our borders,
which again, not to converse ourselves with Switzerland,
which is a mountain range,
but like our borders are the sea.
Like, it difficult to swim that also.
Yeah, it is pretty tricky to swim the English Channel.
I mean, just ask David Walliams. We have imported vast numbers of people whose primary allegiance is not to this country.
Again, I should have mentioned how breathtakingly racist this is.
Yeah, well, it's Isabelle Oakshot, you know.
The thing is that people are coming to this country because they've heard it, what an excess of disabled parking spaces is. So you got people because they're like, well, I'll get a fake blue batch because they hand
them out to anyone who comes as an electric immigrant.
Make it while the sun shines.
And then I'll park Oxford Parkway Station.
You know, as we have seen in the appalling rise of anti-Semitism and seas of Palestinian
flags on our streets, a disturbing number of those we have welcomed with open arms do not share our values.
But it's mostly like not even immigrants who are protesting Palestine.
Like I just don't like, what?
It's just like people who were born here,
a lot of white people also at the like Palestine protests.
Mostly white. This country is 86% white.
This is also the thing like they've had to sort of like really expand what they mean by like
immigrant and foreigner. And so like quite often if you sort of follow their logic,
they'll sort of like point to some like a white person that was born in Britain
and like very much has like a British main, like lots of Toms and like stewards and stuff.
And being like, you're gonna...
No, actually, you're gonna be deported as well.
And I feel like, and this I feel like is a very perfect example
of like basically how they expand or what they think of
as like what constitutes an immigrant and a foreigner.
And ultimately it does come down to like,
well, you can be born in this country
and you can speak the language
and you can speak it with like an English inflection and you are still like not of here.
L. Yeah.
C. Oh, because they're from the woke bits like Hackney.
L. That is the only way it works.
And it gets worse too, because her next sentence says,
indeed, some might even be ready to fight for the other side.
So again.
C. What's the other side, Isabel?
L. Hamas, I guess, in this context.
But like, again, if Hamas is in a, like,
if we're in a war with Hamas, they've got a trek, right?
Like that's a hike to get to us.
Yeah, it's tricky.
And they don't famously have much in the way of, you know, troop transport.
It's a long tunnel that after dig, you know,
the Mediterranean coast of Gaza to Dover. I'd love to see at that
point, if there were Hamas fighters from an adjoining tunnel breaking into the Euro tunnel,
you'd have to be like fair play Hamas. You've caught yourself guys sort of lifting a manhole
cover in Piccadilly Circus, you know, popping out wearing the like green headband.
It's one of those videos like the fucking like the red arrow pointing at like a British police car parked on Oxford.
Yeah, I mean, this is this is like, again, insane that you can publish this like fifth column enemy within shit in like a national newspaper as opposed to, you know, a sort of a national front newspaper.
paper as opposed to, you know, a sort of a national front newspaper. But it gets worse. Defense types are bemoaning the sorry state of our armed forces and the naivety of the politicians
who imagine that military engagement will always be a matter of choice. Like to quote Leon Trotsky's
famous warning. You may not be, apparently, you may not be interested in war, but it is interested in you. This is something the Swiss have fully understood.
Which I want to know why this is happening, right?
Because did she just go to Switzerland on holiday and just was like,
was told to bang out a column and was just like, uh, just got a lot of troops.
She was doing some mountain climbing in Switzerland.
And one of her Swiss Sherpas was like,
careful with that ice pick.
And then an idea struck her.
Just being like a weep for Switzerland, you know,
just like hanging out in Geneva for a bit too long.
And all of a sudden you're like,
this is the greatest country on the face of the earth
because there are warrior people.
These are modern Spartans.
Yeah, God, it really annoys me when I think about the Swiss for too long.
It's so insane to me that a right-wing Brit would go to Switzerland and be like,
yeah, we should be like these guys.
Yeah, I mean, the Swiss are authentically very racist, but like, not in a way that you would think
an English racist would admire very much.
Yeah, because it's like in a way that they would surely think was gay, like come on, you know?
It's sort of like, pressing about minorats, things of this nature.
Yeah, exactly. Like, you know, you've got to wear like a bell around your neck for a year if you
want to get switched citizenship, so you understand being a cow or whatever the fuck it is, depending
on the canton.
National service is compulsory for able-bodied young men who willingly spend 18 weeks at bootcamps.
You just said compulsory!
You just said the word, she said in the same sentence,
national service is compulsory for able-bodied men who willingly know.
Who unwillingly spent 18 weeks at bootcamps learning how to use weapons and getting fit.
Uniforms and weapons are then kept at home ready for rapid mobilization should the need
arise.
Asked in 2013 if they wanted to keep this tradition, 73% of the Swiss electorate responded
with a resounding yes. Yes. And Nate, our producer, informs us that the average age of the Swiss Vosa is 42. And
this had like a 47% turnout. So sort of like if you ran a national service referendum today,
it's like all of the old bastards who won't have to do it are like, yeah, fantastic. Keeps
the French question mark out.
Because also for national service, when you talk about people being too old to do it,
you're talking to anyone over the age of like 25. Like that's basically everyone.
Like, so you can just gang up and just be like, yeah, sucks to be under 25.
Contrast this attitude to the shocked reaction when General Sir Patrick Saunders this week
suggested that in the event of all-out war with Russia, British citizens might need to
do their bit.
And so I think about this right.
In the event of all-out war with Russia, I think my bit as a British citizen is to get
like scattered across a fairly wide area fairly quickly.
Yeah, I'll translate.
Yeah, I will, I will get vaporized for this country, sort of not by choice, you
know, just by virtue of being in it.
But also like if Russia, Russia can't invade the UK because there's too much
stuff in the middle, like,
Yeah, not as good as tunneling at Hamas.
Yeah, that's right.
Exactly.
They need to get some experts in from Hamas. You know, they'd have to invade like the entire
EU first. And I, you know, you call me call me a liberal lefty, but I can imagine some
of the EU countries putting up something of a fight, especially the ones in Eastern Europe,
to be honest with you. And then the Russian army is shit. They're bogged down in fucking Ukraine. Like
the Ukrainians, you know, have a lot less military material than we do are managing to like quite
successfully hold off the Russians. I don't really, I'm not, because also that war would
still be going on. Like I'm not sure the Russians really have like the excess resources to be
throwing at the UK.
Just like, just like getting the Ukrainians to just hold it on an honor system thing while they invaded
Britain?
Just as a flex, I guess.
The chief of the general staff might as well have said, we all head for the moon.
The problem is that this country is so bitterly divided that those who might be called upon
to lay down their lives might very well wonder who or what they would be fighting for.
Which this is like such like having it both ways, right?
Because if your whole deal has been culture worship, then you've been the one doing the dividing.
Like to say, oh, well, you know, what would you even be fighting for is in itself like perpetuating the...
It's also, it's like so dumb,
because it just ignores how like any of this stuff works.
Like if like, you know, somehow by, by fucking like magic,
the Russians managed to invade the UK,
like the political effect would be massive.
Like the, the change in people's mentalities
would be gigantic.
Like the reason why no one wants to volunteer to fight Russia is because we're not fighting fucking Russia.
If Russia were suddenly killing your nan, more people would volunteer to fight Russia, but they're not. Matt Hancock was killing your nan. That's why people don't like it.
Very few people volunteering to fight Matt Hancock.
That's why people don't like it. Very, very few people volunteering to fight Matt Hancock.
Yeah.
Interesting.
I think more people should do that.
That should be the enhanced games.
They give Matt Hancock every anabolic steroid available.
And then he fights increasingly large, aggrieved British voters.
Yeah. I think it used to just like increase the number of voices in the octagon with anabolic
Matt Hancock, you know, round by round, you know.
But it turns out as a woke's fault.
Injecting him with Viagra, Matt Hardhawk.
At the heart of what could become an existential crisis, and again, I can feel the sort of
like, you know, like hunger and that, It's not only the failure of multiculturalism but the way Generation Z has been taught to feel about their country.
Force fed a miserable diet of post-colonial guilt not by our enemies but by the British state,
which fucking where? What? I mean, listen, it's been a while since I was at school, right? But I don't remember the post-colonial guilt module.
Kind of the opposite of that, to be honest.
Yeah, I don't think teachers are teaching like Edward Said.
If I'm being completely honest.
Was that in between Buggery and Div?
These days, you go into history class and your teacher
throws a copy of Jasekai's Settlers at you and tells you that you're a sort of a genocid there.
Many young people are openly ashamed of our history. They take little to no pride in any aspect of our past and question whether we have the moral authority to challenge those who threaten our way of life.
In any aspect of our past. Any aspect of it, yeah. So not just, not the bad things, you know, any of the bad things that we,
you know, admit that we did. No, it turns out that the young people, the youths.
But it's also just like, okay, well, all the good things that did happen, like in Britain,
like, yeah, but they're not going to happen anymore.
Stuff like the welfare state or the structure of society, like the post-war society.
That is very clear and it's been advanced by people like Isabel.
That's not going to happen anymore. And so it's sort of like...
J- Can't even have a disabled parking space anymore.
C- You can't even have a disabled parking space anymore.
You can't even park in a disabled parking space anymore. You can't even have a disabled parking space. Well, you can't even park in a disabled parking space anymore. Like, this is again, I think this all goes back to and so much of it,
it always comes back to projection. But as you sort of mentioned, Alice, like,
the world that they're complaining about is the world that like they have helped build. And like,
I was still very much on top of that world. And also, the fact that like, she is writing
in the only newspaper that the current government read is enough
to sort of suggest that like, okay, well, if you want to change that in any way, like
you, you can do, you're like, you can do that better than most other people, right?
And so the fact that you're sort of complaining, like you say, again, you like, you want to
have your cake, you want to like complain about eating your cake as well.
I don't.
Yeah, it's the, it's the enhanced games of crying
because you got what you wanted.
Right.
And crying acid lime green tears.
Yeah.
Of having made this country like a place
which is so shit that people don't necessarily want to fight
for it because you've destroyed all the sort of like social fabric
that people
liked about it.
But you know, that's not what they want.
They want the kind of patriotism that is A racist and B involves like doing as you're
told, right?
Commander, we have landed at Dover and it is replacement bus, nahui.
Let's invade France instead.
Generations Ed have been so indoctrinated about the evils of empire and supposed big air quotes here,
racism exhibited by Brexit that it is quite possible to imagine them arguing that in the event of war we will deserve what we get.
I mean, listen, I think maybe if you want to see that post you can see it on Twitter, but I wouldn't generalize too much from it.
Mostly because it's like, it's such a hypothetical, right?
Like the Russians or Hamas or whatever are not killing Yonan.
Like there's no getting that we are or aren't deserving.
It's just like, worst case right now, the treats get a bit more expensive, you know?
It's also very funny that she's kind of conflating very, very different political ideologies. Like to her, people who oppose
Brexit and people who are kind of like online tankies who are
like Britain will get what it deserves is like the same guy.
Like, like, like Lib Dem guy in a blue t-shirt, like attending the
Woofer Endham is actually like a hard line posadist. Like,
there's no, there's no light and shade in these sort of
different ideologies. Yeah. Yeah. Stalinists who believes that the EU is a sort of historically
progressive force or something. Yeah. Anyone to the left of like Boris Johnson is Lenin.
Yeah. So she talks to Marine Tard or whatever. She says,
a highly decorated young veteran who recently who repeatedly risked his life and lost commerce
during three tours of Afghanistan. highly decorated young veteran who recently who repeatedly risked his life and lost comrades during three tours of Afghanistan.
This remarkable young veteran.
This remarkable young veteran told me he would not fight for his country now.
But it's gone.
Work.
It's your guy.
Why?
Because our left leaning establishment denigrates those who used to be called patriots as right wing extremists, all the while pandering to those who do not wish us well. That guy doesn't wish us well because he's clearly a fucking
right wing extremist.
Also, we never called people patriots in the UK. That is yang shit.
No, it is. Imagine being a patriot for this country. Not in the sense of like, oh, this
country is always shit in the sort of Maoist, tanky way. But just imagine doing that. Like, not in the sense of like, oh, this country is always shit in the like, sort of,
Maoist, tanky way, but like, just imagine doing that, like taking the initiative to go and do that instead of just being like, yeah, shit, but also, you know, I live here.
It's not in our culture. We have a different type of like, queen and country guy. It's a
different energy. Being a fucking It's American. You can't
be a patriot of Britain.
No. And she's sort of rice about that one. Then there's some like weird like thing that
was only ever a news story to like extremely online racist nutcases about the police choosing
to apparently back a bunch of complaining Chinese tourists over a British bloke
innocently playing a public piano.
No clue what that's about.
We really have a problem.
In modern Britain, apparently it is no longer acceptable
to state this is not China.
Is it any wonder that it's so difficult to raise an army?
These days-
You say it's not China.
You'll get arrested and thrown in jail.
Well, yeah, yeah, the Chinese cab driver will turn around to you and say something in Chinese, which you won't understand.
And then you say this isn't China and he just drives you straight to the police station, you know,
where you will be arrested.
Incredible things happening in London.
The other thing is, right, if the turn here is that we should be afraid of China making
war on us, they've got even more of a journey.
Like the tunnel does not exist that gets you from the South China Sea or the first island
chain to London, right?
It's just like, this is all at some long remove. And it's just it's an
insane thing to to to thread this need to look like being extremely racist against Chinese
people, but extremely pro Swiss. And I just, I think it's so cool of the Telegraph to have
hired a Hearts of Iron player to really get into this sort of like esoteric flag fucking.
Yeah, this is nice. I mean, look, I mean, China is further away. But on the other hand,
if they invaded us, it would be a lot more scary.
True.
Because China has got their shit together. Like Russia, not so concerned, not got their
shit together like at all. They've got their shit together even less than us. China on the other hand, got quite a lot of their shit together, I
reckon, wouldn't like to fight those guys.
But in that case, we should just face them off against the Swiss, who apparently are
all like eight foot tall Spartans. And therefore, you know, like we can watch them duke it out
and it'll be the enhanced games of war. I mean, I guess my sole question as we finish
out this reading series is, boys, in the event, are we are you dying for country? Are you
heeding the sort of clarion call or are you too woke to do it because you think that Britain
can't be good?
I'm dying for Switzerland. I'm getting out the fucking nail file. I'm putting on the
white jeans, the white shirt and the white cowboy boots and white cowboy hat.
I'm listening to one final, you know, David Geder album and then I'm charging at the enemy.
Yeah, defecting to Switzerland, the chaos option because there's so much better at war than us, you know.
Yeah, that's a nice work. Despite never having fought one.
Yeah, I'm joining, but I'm only joining because I really want the experience of like drinking bovaryl.
You know, I mean, it won't obviously, yeah, like more just for like nostalgia sake, like in the event of an actual war,
like it's very unlikely that anyone is drinking bovaryl or doing that, but I do want the experience of having it, like having it from a paper cup.
You're applying to this on the same way
as like for a gap year thing.
We are like, I think we're really round out my CV
and give me a lot of life experience, you know?
Yeah.
Hussain reciting the shahada to dying British soldiers
there by turning them as them.
That's right.
It's commanding officer knows he's doing this.
Yeah, I'm joining, but for the sake of diversifying my content offering.
Um, so I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking long-term strategy here.
And I think all the sort of IDF TikToks like have really given me some inspiration.
British army TikToks, don't make me imagine them.
Being the big John of, uh, of British army TikTok and just like, just like saying like Bovril Bosch and stuff like that.
Big John army sniper, just like a super cut of him, just like shooting people in the head.
Now if everyone going, yeah, I'm joking.
I'm joining the Bosch death squads.
Personally, I'm holding out hope that podcasting is a reserved occupation, like mining used
to be.
And we're all held back.
Ideally, right, the way that we would finesse this is I would get given a uniform and a
rank and I wouldn't have to do anything.
And I could just make the podcast.
Maybe you're in the podcasting core.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That go and sort of motivate the troops in a sort of like joint war with the Swiss against the
perfidious
anti-piano playing Chinese army, I guess
This is this has been maybe one of the like morally worst reading series I've found
It's dead for businessmen their selfie sticks are far longer than we could ever have imagined
Fix bayonets. Yeah. Well, this is also the other thing, like very quickly, which is that like, if you're
like, basically having a Gen Z war, if we're doing a Gen Z war, like the real issue that
you have is that like-
L- It's all fat vs. fat and woke and gay on both sides.
J- Yeah, but they're all making content. And this is going to be the other issue. It's
just like, well, no one's going to fight each other because they're too busy making content.
Right? You know, and so you have like, so yeah,
so you have like the invasion by like, you know, China and like all those kids who are like making
like lots of actually quite funny like content. And then British kids who are just like, well,
when the war is over, no one's going to give me a job. So like, I have to also make content.
Yeah. The positions getting given away by like the vape clouds coming from their positions.
Deflossing corporal.
And that's right. It'll be like, oh, did like, you know, did some munitions get fired?
No, that's just a guy blowing some sick, some classic clouds.
Clearly the synthesis, the synthesis of this is people's liberation army navy landing vessel
doing donuts in the Thames in memory of Captain Tom.
Giving out your position to the drones because like you just can't stop vaping.
We respected your Captain Tom. We believe he was Chinese.
The tactical vape, you know, the vape of a scent that sort of like blends into the battlefield.
Something like, for instance, like, I don't know,
maybe steak, tapenade, you know, this is the thing we're going to rebrand the savory vape into a tactical. I have also been conscripted into the army.
And I've made friends with the men in my unit by bringing along my collection of savory vapes.
Well, this has been all I've gathered together.
How have we enjoyed our various desserts?
What a delight.
I'm excited to get Lobotomized Riley back.
Yeah.
I've enjoyed all the treats.
Well, thank you so much for coming on.
Thank you for listening.
We have a Patreon.
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You can listen to a bonus episode once a week, in fact. That's how often they come out. Do we have anything to plug? Milo, do you have
tour dates?
Oh, goddamn right, I do. 11th of February, London, my special taping, please come to
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I'm doing two shows. I'm doing sentimental and a work in progress. That's in a big room,
so please buy tickets to that if you're in the East Midlands general area.
Third of March, I'm doing sentimental in Brighton and throughout March and April I am in Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney, Newcastle, New South Wales, Canberra, Adelaide and Perth.
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and we will see you next time. Bye everyone. Bye bye. Bye. Thank you for watching!