TRASHFUTURE - The Anatolian Candidate feat. Mattie Lubchansky

Episode Date: October 1, 2024

We admit it: we went too early with the Eric Adams story a couple weeks ago… and circumstances have developed not necessarily to the Mayor’s advantage… so No Gods, No Mayors’ Mattie Lubchansky (and Riley Quinn and November Kelly) join the gang to discuss details of the Very Unfair, Biased Eric Adams Indictment Witch Hunt, where a simple country mayor is persecuted only for his love of the boat cruise of the Bosporus and Turkish YIMBYism. Also, we discuss recent events in Lebanon and then read an article about a hyper-secure island for billionaires off the coast of Miami. If you want access to our Patreon bonus episodes, early releases of free episodes, and powerful Discord server, sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s UK Tour Here: https://miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

Hello everybody, welcome to this free TF. It is Riley. It's the free one. It's tricky Dick Nixon. That's right. Tricky,icky Dick Nixon. That's right. Tricky, Tricky Dick Nixon. Like he's got a very complex, like a Byzantine penis on him. Oh, this thing goes in so many directions.

It's labyrinthine! Surely a Byzantine penis is simply a penis with no balls. Being as into castration as they were. Agnew, we gotta look into getting some eunuchs. I've not got any scheming viziers. Yeah, he had some scheming viziers. Some of them were inaudible. Yeah. All right. Hi. Hi, everybody. It's TF. It's me. It's Milo.

It was never tricky Dick Nixon. No, it was actually me all along. It's November. It's Hussein. And you know what this is? I think this is in a glaring indictment of us jumping the gun on the Eric Adams news. Who else had a glaring indictment? What? But Eric Adams was glaring at the person handing him his indictment of us jumping the gun on the Eric Adams news. Who else had a glaring indictment? Yeah. But Eric Adams was glaring at the person handing him his indictment.

Yeah, well I was gonna go with Richard Nixon, but I guess it works for both. Yeah. We just had to get our resident Eric Adams specialist, the host of No Gods No Mayors, Matty Lebczanski, back on, for what is essentially the follow up to our Eric Adams segment a couple weeks ago. Matty, welcome back to the show in two times in as many weeks. MR Lepchansky inaudible. Smashing together Eric Adams and Nixon is such a funny idea.

Just going like, New York is the most inaudible city in America. OK, I will say, Milo, to that, like literally over the weekend, Eric Adams did say basically to a church, I am not a crook. He basically had his, he said, I'm reigning, not resigning. I'm stepping up, not stepping down. He's so good. I like that the first part only really works written down, which is good.

It's a thinker. Yeah. That leads me to believe, right? Well, we're going to talk about Eric Adams now being indicted. We're going to talk about his staffers frantically marrying each other so they can't be compelled to testify against one another. I got the worst fucking lawyers. Which they are actually doing.

They cannot convict a husband and wife for the same crime. That's right. I'm going to, I'm going to marry the judge and then it'll be a mistrial. I'm going to make him kiss me during the judge and then it'll be a misdrive. I'm gonna make him kiss me during the trial and then... Going to prison and marrying your way out? Just like... Yeah. Your honor, may I approach the bench?

I think the problem with sending Eric Adams to prison is that he will simply become the mayor of any jail he's sent to. You need a kind of mayoral Arkham for this man, right? Because otherwise he is gonna be like, the jail that I'm currently in is the Zagreb of America. He's going to be doing deals. He's going to be on his grind set and it's going to be, it's going to be incredible. Rikers Island is the boutier car of New York state.

He's already made inroads in Rikers cause he used to hold his like prayer meetings there before getting like, you know, yelled at by Charlemagne. You know what they call that? Foreshadowing. Famously he was baptized there recently? He must have known this was coming and he was like getting up his jail contacts. Well to like familiarize yourself with the place. Like I'm going to get there a little early and like scope out where the bathrooms are

and stuff. He's going to meet like the one Turkish guy in that jail and just build power from there. Last year Adam said this, I cannot tell you how much I start the day with telling my team we've got to follow the law. I'm not convinced that you have a ton of respect of the law every day if you have to hype yourself up into obeying him. Isn't this also what Keir Starmer or his surrogate said recently that like in relation to the clothes thing that we have to declare every paperclip I start every meeting by saying what Keir Starmer, or his surrogate, said recently, that like, in relation to the clothes

thing, that we have to declare every paperclip, I start every meeting by saying we've got to follow the law. DARREN He said that from under four thousand pounds of fabric. Like a trench coat that goes over his head somehow. PYLEON I've got so much polo on me, I've got horsepower. By the way, we are not going to be talking so much about UK politics, party conferences, labour corruption.

This episode we're going to mostly do that, next episode kind of all at once, because I would just rather talk about it all at once and we have other things to discuss today. Yeah. Keir Starmer is the Eric Adams of the UK. I mean, kind of. I'll be announcing in my Eric Adams voice. They both are equally buyable, It's just Eric Adams has a slightly higher price. And a slightly weirder turn of phrase.

Yeah. It's like, you need like a few hundred thousand dollars worth of freebies to get Eric Adams. Keir Starmer, you could get for like a 10 pounds off your next in-store purchase coupon from Sainsbury's. I suddenly needed to revise for his GCSE exams, which is why I sent him to this Turkish Habam, the quietest place. The steam is helpful for the revising. Apart from anything else, we know that all of the people around Starmut are exactly as bad at this as all of Eric Adams' people, because they were all in the labor report. They're all briefing against each other right now. So like Eric Adams' people sneaking off into the bathrooms to delete apps from their phone, or texting, would you like to do corruption? Yes. It's just, this is perfectly on brand. It's just that we're choosing not to see these

things. I think the difference also is Eric Adams got into politics to get free shit. I was doing a little bit of research about this man for some podcast. And early on in his career, even before he was even a state senator, he was kind of like, yeah, I wanted power, and I wanted free stuff. He gets into office and he's like, immediately just wants shit given to him, that's all he wants. It's very funny to be like, now that I'm in power, who has the best free stuff?

And the answer, apparently, is the I'm in power, who has the best free stuff? And the answer apparently is the Turks. Like, the Turkish government. Like, eating a single piece of Turkish delight and being like, well if there's more where that came from, you've got yourself a deal. NARES To talk about the Turkish connection, right? It's one we didn't know about until the indictment was made public. And what I'm going to read now is a segment of, and believe it or not this is true, an Eric Adams cameo in a Turkish soap opera called New York Masali, which means fairy tale in New York, in which, and I'm not joking, two supporting characters ask for various favors, including that Adams add a

story to a building or grant a license to the opening of a restaurant. It was Christmas Eve, babe, in the Turkish bath. The old man said to me, would you like a Turkish Airlines flight to Paris? So this is, sorry, it wasn't a soap opera. It was a rom-com. It was from 2017. I went on Turkish Notting Hill to be like, I am doing corruption for Turks. If you need any shit done in New York, hit my line.

Yeah, it wasn't so much a cameo in his advertisement for a service. If you need any licenses for anything to be built, characters in Masa Ali New York, call me, Eric Adams. I'm just a Turkish government official standing in front of a mayor asking him for secretive favors in exchange for Turkish Airlines tickets. Well, of course, we know what the favors actually largely amounted to, which is like any good like mayor scheme. The charges that are being brought to him are largely related to corruption due to property

permitting, which is essentially the power that the office of the mayor has. The Turkish government was building like a 30 story skyscraper mega consulate. A spy. They were building a spy agency in New York across the street from the UN. And they didn't have permits for it. And they also didn't have like a sprinkler system or any of the fire stuff that you need to have to build that for like 18 months after they built it. What if all of their spy tapes get destroyed in a fire?

You wouldn't want that. Think again, Mr. Erdogan. Any, any amount of heat is going to melt all your Turkish delight so quickly. Yeah, that is true. And there's a lot of heat coming out of those baths as well. So like, you got to be really careful. But yeah, so like, the corners, all the documents are really wrinkled. Horrible.

But yeah, so like, then they built the thing, and Eric Adams, well, the fire department was like, this is unsafe, and Eric Adams threatened to fire the fire department guy, unless he approved it. I'm gonna turn the fire department into the fired department. This is why, like, all the FDNY guys are like, driving around in, like, new Lamborghinis. I like the Lamborghini that I saw in my, like, Ferrari, excuse me, that I saw on my street one time. It's handed by the Turkish government.

It had the full Erdogan face wrap around it. The Turkish Ferrari, yeah, of course. Yeah, it's the Turkish Ferrari. It's like, this is the real life example of the Turkish Ferrari. I mean, see, this is like, real soft power in the Levant, right? Because Turkey gets you a Ferrari, whereas I have only ever seen a gold wrapped Kurdistan BMW. Which I think unless there's a real disparity there, right? I've got a lower budget.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Just your Staten Island firefighter husband comes home and he's got a brand new Lamborghini and you're like, Hey, well, that's great. You got a new Lamborghini. Why does it say the Armenian genocide never happened on the hood? Like, Hey, don't worry about it. Just a bunch of Italian American guys in Staten Island, just full, like full force, believing Islam will be your medicine and the Turk will be your doctor. Well Milo, what you're basically saying is that firefighter went, ah, screw this for a laugh. I'm off to go be foreign secretary of the United Kingdom yeah that's right we're talking about

David Lammy folks David Lammy loving the Azari. I don't want to I don't want people to confuse the fire people that Adams was going to fire with the fire chiefs that are also currently under investigation who were spotted driving Lamborghinis around Manhattan the other day. It's a different FDNY, guys. That's the main thing the Turks got out of it. But the other thing they wanted, and this is like in the indictment, they talk about this quite a bit, is that a bunch of Turkish business people basically believed between them that Eric Adams was going to be the next president of the United States and they need

to get in on the ground floor now. Why? What? If you had read the press in 2020 when Eric Adams was first, between the time that he won the New York City Democratic primaries and the general election then, or just after the election but before he was inaugurated, if you read any American press around then, it was like, this guy is the future of American politics. He is like, he's going to be the one.

The raceptabe bird of one of America Like he was like he's going to tame the the the the left which was too raucous at that time, right? It was like here is a guy that was a cop that was also You know his his whole big myth was that he was a cop that had been brutalized by the police himself as a kid And he had the you know, he had this story and he was like they're like, oh here it is We've invented like the next kind of Democrat. He's a young ish. Like, here's a guy that's going to be the guy.

And it was before he was mayor for fucking 10 minutes. And everyone was like, oh, my God. But like, there was a brief time where it was like, this is the guy. He's going to be the future of American politics. Well, Eric Adams appeals to both demographics because he's both youngish, but he's also the youngest person ever to have full-on dementia. They were developing him as a source from 2015. Awesome.

He was given one free flight by Turkish Airlines in 2015 and then was like, well, this is me forever. I am their guy forever. What did they do to him on that flight? Like, first class might be really nice, but like, I don't know if I'm selling out my entire political career for a seat that goes all the way back. Well, it's interesting because, I will say also, during this time, from his state senate career up through the beginning of his mayoralship, he was always going places. He took so many mysterious trips when he was in the New York State Senate

to like many, many countries. So I think, again, his mind was always set to like, I want free shit. And so I think he was just like, here's one country offering free shit and I will take their free shit and I will just add it to the big shopping list. I have a free shit I want. And it just sort of, I think, their relationship developed

in a way that his relationship with... I think he was also, he went to Korea a couple times, like there was like, I was doing, again, research on this. ALICE Yeah, the worst. ALICE You gotta play to your strengths. It's like if the Turkish delegation like, check out our bulgogi or whatever, you'd be like, no, come on. RILEY I don't know, I'd check it out. ALICE Turkish bulgogi? RILEY The hardest thing is like, I've got my my bowl out and the guy keeps taking the ladle and

I was waiting for that. That's the one Turkish ice cream man joke that we get to make. I think as guests, it's my privilege to make the one Turkish ice cream joke. Yeah. You have the Ottoman's privilege of this episode. The rest of us have just been left holding the empty cone. Hey, that's danger. I know it's meta-textual, but that is dangerously close to the joke again.

Riley, just before we move forward, can you let us know if we're allowed to do any Turkish barber jokes for the rest of the episode? Oh, absolutely. Okay, thank you. Eric Adams coming back with a really tight skin face. There it is. I mean, just like all the stuff that they got in Turkey,

he's coming back with a BBL, he's coming back with a hair transplant skin face. I mean, just like all the stuff that they got in Turkey. He's coming back with a BBL. He's coming back with a hair transplant, new teeth. Yeah, are we doing Turkish baba jokes? My ears are burning. Okay, no more Turkish, that's the limit of Turkish barber. That was a cliche. The choices in New York in 2021 for mayor were of course socialism or barbarism folks.

The other pit of fraud though though that he's being charged with is frequently having and again using his Turkish connections to make straw donations to his campaign that would then be matched by state funds from New York essentially. And this is where many of the very fun text message exchange comes from. He stole 10 million dollars he basically stole from the New York City government to become mayor of New York. That's so much money. Which is a lot of fucking money. Because I mean the whole idea of these matching funds, which have been getting bigger and

bigger over time, is to keep big money out of politics in the city because they were becoming quite a problem with like specifically the real estate lobby. And now what we've got is them doing, so the Turkish government will give me $200 a bunch of times until I have $10 million I've stolen. It's like doing the infinite money codes in The Sims, essentially, but with Turkey. Yeah, it's a mechanical Turk of sorts. Well, the other thing about these straw donors,

that's where we get some of the best exchanges by Eric Adams and his staffers, where Eric Adams will be like, thank you for accepting this illegal donation. Don't forget to delete your messages. ALICE DO! ALICE DO! And then DOESN'T. Well, the one other staffer who was being questioned by the FBI, who they excused herself to go to the bathroom to delete the messages on her phone.

That's so cool. My favourite is all of the ways that, like, various Turkish guys he's doing corruption with text him or text about him. My favourite is the one where they kind of veer into like, RupiKar Instagram poetry. Awww yeah. Four seasons, it's too expensive. Why does he care? He is not going to pay. His name will not be on anything either. Super. With the line breaks! Wonderful.

It's so funny. Something between RupiKar and like an actual like Edo period hypo. Writing my Turkish death poem after I'm indicted for corruption. Adams was declared the winner of the 2021 mayoral election. The next day, one of the businessmen was like cultivating him and the sort of promoter of this relationship exchanged the following messages. Good morning. The president is our brother from now on, sir.

Yes. Good morning. May it be auspicious for all of us. Are the elections over? Yes, it was yesterday. Everyone messaged me that he was elected. Congratulations messages. He's most likely going to assign me as a representative. I'm going to talk to our elders in Ankara about how we can turn this to an advantage for our country's lobby.

The businessman then replies, that would be nice. In a lot of ways, Ankara is the New York of Turkey. Yeah, basically saying, well, we've got our Manchurian candidate, but for like building regulations. Our Anatolian candidate. The Anatolian candidate. My favorite is all like the Xeroxed indictment things, the screenshots that were going around, all the prayer hand emojis that were in there.

Who was the one who was like, from Adams and sent a message being like, oh, everything should be good to go Monday morning about some letter he had to send them. And the Turkish official said, you are great, Eric. We are so happy to hear that. Prayer hands, prayer hands. You are a true friend of Turkey. Adams replied, yes, even more a true friend of yours. You are my brother. I am here to help. But he spelled here, H-E-A-R. Searcher's official confirmed, you are such a friend, prayer hands. Is it illegal for men to have friends

and to talk to each other like this? Yeah, this is just how people, how guys talk to each other in a homosocial society. I don't think it's that big of a deal. In 2018, we're sort of jumping on the timeline a little bit. If you want this in an actual timeline, maybe in a couple of weeks,

there's a, maybe Maddie November and I might be doing a little exploration. That's right. I mean, look, find me a man under 40 who's not in a group chat called something like Brothers for Erdogan Turkish bribes exception committee or something like that. Yeah. When I transitioned, I had to leave that group chat and join sisters for Erdogan. Of course. So on June 22nd, 2018, an Adam Staffer and the promoter discussed by text message a possible trip by Adams to Turkey.

The promoter stated in part, quote, fundraising in Turkey is not legal, but I think I can raise money for your campaign off the record. The Adam Staffer, who clearly was new at this point, said, how will we declare that money here before the promoter replies, he won't declare it or we'll make a donation through an American citizen in the US. It's easy. We'll just do crimes. Oh no, you won't declare it or will make a donation through an American citizen in the US. It's easy. We'll just do crimes. Oh no, you won't declare it. We shouldn't be doing this. Don't you get it, you idiot?

Anyway, the Adam Staffer, who again, I can't imagine lasted long, said, I don't think he'd get involved in such games because it could cause a big stink later on, but I will ask. And when asked, the Adam Staffer asked Adams whether or not he should pursue the unlawful foreign contribution and contrary to the staffers expectations Adams directed that the staffer pursue the illegal scheme. No one does it better than this guy But surely my boss Eric Adams wouldn't agree to this illegal proposal Yeah, but also he just keeps demanding stuff and if he goes to Istanbul and he goes to Istanbul all the time Well, it's the first stop baby, you know this

Why didn't no one pick up on this by the way is that why is the mayor of New York in Istanbul? Istanbul and he goes to Istanbul all the time. Well, it's the first stop, baby. You know this. Why did no one pick up on this by the way? Is that why is the mayor of New York in Istanbul again? He's always going places. I'm telling you. He's like constantly taking trips. I have to admit, I may have seen him when I was very recently. He was in front of, he was in front of, no, I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I didn't, I didn't. I'm always willing to believe in you as like citizen journalist. No, it's like, Oh, actually he was in front of me at the ice cream. I didn't, I didn't know. Otherwise I was willing to believe in you as like citizen journalist there.

No, it's like, oh, actually he was in front of me at the ice cream. Actually we were both in the Hamam and he was, he was, he was like, we were having, but I wasn't able to see him because of all the steam. But he was, he was saying to just like, enjoy it. Try it, try like the new loofahs also giving me lots of advice on how to run a business about, about we should move our operations to New York. Yeah, and I completely forgot to mention, sorry guys. When you're in the Turkish bath and it's so steamy, you can't make out who anyone is,

but then you just hear someone say, steam is the water of the air. You're like, ah, is it here? There he is. Hell's Kitchen was the original Hamam. That's what I'm talking about. So he starts being more demanding in Istanbul. For example, he met his driver at the gate of the Istanbul airport, exclusively travelling

by quote, luxury vehicle, later specified as a BMW Series 7, with a driver, dinner at a high end restaurant, where Adams would then meet Turkish government officials, drinks at separate locations, with boat tours of the Bosporus Strait, which eventually Adams turned down because he'd been on too many boat tours of the Bosphorus Strait. Running out of, like, grift for this guy. He declined it again, explaining, quote, I've done the boat tour a few times. I'm just, like, bored of this corruption. Give me some new shit, you know?

Yeah. In touting the benefits that he provided, the Turkish official, who was like the Turkish Airlines official, who was like his go-between for the bribes, said to the Eric Adams staffer, quote, don't let anyone else confuse you, we are the state. But yeah, by the way, we are like Turkish government intelligence. Just to be clear. So you're clear. Yeah.

It's so weird to run this through the airline as well. Like I'm sure the British government does this shit all the time, but running it through BA would just be so dismal and like, obviously shit. Yeah, but also it wouldn't work because it would just be like, why do you keep losing this man's baggage? True. We have certain things we can treat you to, such as your baggage being sent to Dakar by accident.

You're gonna do this for us, or that baggage that you love so much, you're never gonna see it again. He's been in Britain for three days and you still haven't given him a meal. He's tired of his bags of pretzels. Yeah, just like foreign politician, we're trying to cultivate. And we're just like, can we interest you in the Avanti premium lounge? I mean, that's the best thing we could do is we could be like, you'd better play ball and approve the new 40 story British consulate over the road from the UN or we'll give you

with free BA tickets that you'll feel obligated to use. Yeah, that's right. The foreign agent is keeps turning down the ride on the cable car again. And they'll give you cheese and onion pretzels that are bad. And you'll be like, why am I being given pretzels on British Airways? No one eats pretzels in the UK, but you'll feel obligated to eat them because they're free.

Hey, maybe you'd like to take a ride on the ArcLore Mittal Orbit. You want to go on the slide? You want to go on the slide down the ArcLore Mittal Orbit? That could be arranged, Mr. Adams, if you're willing to allow us to build the British casino. Concreasing the enemies of British intelligence into the mound at Marba Lodge. British target at Eric Adams being like, you know, London is always the first stop.

So he would fly via Istanbul everywhere, including places where flying to Istanbul meant like a sort of 14-hour detour. Yeah, that was him texting his partner, and she was like, why are you going so far out of the way? He's like, you always know Istanbul is the first stop. And this was around a trip to Santiago Chile. You're adding like a day, like a calendar day of flying in admittedly probably pretty nice surroundings, but like, come on. Yeah.

It's the second Rome baby. Mr. Passage was quoted as saying that just means he's got enough time to do his beloved boat tour. I mean, this kind of explains a few things about Eric Adams, right? Because we're always asking, why does he talk and act like this? And the answer may be like terrible, terrible jet lag from unplanned 28 hour detour to Istanbul. He's got the bends from being in a pressurized environment too much. I respect this degree of like spiritual tightness. Like Eric Adams was so willing to save money on a flight that he didn't mind it taking double the length of time or more.

But he always bought the ticket in economy. He just then always had them give him a free upgrade. That was the bribe. But then he had to buy a ticket that was A, so much. It was probably more expensive because he was having to go via Turkey to Jimi. I bet we're going to find out later. And of course, I'm not making any accusations here that he was maybe on his way to go do some other graft or grift somewhere else. So, yeah, it was probably... He was like going places like medieval explorer style.

He was like going to Chile the way that like Christopher Columbus went to India. He's discovering new lands. He's taking so many flight connections. Adam says discovered Lemuria. It seems as though his political future is he's in so much trouble. The governor. So like in terms of like remove it, like no, everyone's calling on him to resign. He won't. He went to a church. He said he won't. He's like, he's going to rain. He's going to rain. All of his aides are quitting or getting served with things

Also, one of his top aides her house got raided too and she said on a radio show were human beings where I'm perfect We're not thieves I do believe that in the end the New York City public will see that we have not done anything illegal to the magnitude or scale That requires the federal government and the DA's office to investigate us Which is saying we did steal a lot of stuff, but not that much stuff guys. It's a normal amount of stuff. Um, but everyone's calling him to resign. The there's like a few ways to remove the mayor of New York city.

I don't think it's happened in like the modern era, but one of the ways is that the governor of the state can kind of just do it. Uh, and she issued a statement on Friday that was very much like, Hey man, quit or you're fired. And in a way that she's not normally good on anything. So we'll see if that goes. But like, let me just say hearing what Hoechl said, it looks like the table of success just got itself another hater. Amazing. I think he should like go into exile in Turkey. I think that is the best option. Start the government of New York from exile.

Kind of if you like Avenger mayoralty from Istanbul. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. The Anatolian mayoralty. An incredible thing to a great resource for looking at what's going on with the administration is Hellgate, which is a very good local news source here in the Big Apple has a thing called the table of success, which is just everyone in his administration and what's up with them. And if you, if you sort it by like last updated, it's just like everybody's got a little stamp on their head that says like rated subpoenaed resigned, indicted, like convicted. It's just like, it is like

everyone around him is falling down. It is the, I don't think his time on this earth as the, as the mayor of the assembly of America is long. He's not long for this world brackets in the sense of being a mayor. Yeah, that's what he said. He should be the Turkish like Steven Seagal. He should be like wheeled out by Erdogan to just say something like Kurdistan is the Puerto Rico of Turkey Steven Seagal is two days in Turkey away from considering himself the Turkish Steven Seagal. That is very true. Actually. Yes So Eric Adams, we wish you we salute you. Yeah, we do we not not the Grey Wolf salute though

No, well, yeah, maybe Let's see some Turkish delight. We'll see what happens. Eric Adams, the ultimate. Well, I guess we'll see what happens, Guy. We'll certainly see. We have two more things to discuss today. And it is going to be another jarring shift in tone for our next segment. We missed last Thursday due to absences and illnesses.

So we have a lot of stuff to catch up on. Of course, we have to talk about Lebanon. And when we last spoke about Lebanon, Israel had just carried have a lot of stuff to catch up on. Of course, we have to talk about Lebanon. And when we last spoke about Lebanon, Israel had just carried out a number of pager bombings, walkie talkie bombings. Since then, they have now heavily bombed southern Lebanon, stepped up their bombing campaign in southern Lebanon, including in south Beirut. And essentially, they've started to bomb the center of Beirut as well.

Lavely- And perhaps most importantly on the kind of like strategic level killed Hassan Nasrallah, which is the head of Hezbollah as then was, along with like 20 of Hezbollah's top commanders and an IRGC general, which is, so yeah, they like managed to blow up Hezbollah's bunker in the middle of a meeting with like four tower blocks on top of it, kill like 900 completely uninvolved people, I believe. That's right. And also Netanyahu ordered this basically hit to be done just as he left the UN giving his, again, like, you know, bloodthirsty, warmongering speech, then published the photo of

him doing it, meaning to be an insult to everybody present and anything approaching international humanitarian law. Yeah, to just fully be like, here is a photo of me, like, starting World War III from a Marriott, fuck you and your generals. Yeah. Thereby rendering the Turkish photo of him taken from 400 meters away completely pointless and a waste of everyone's time. Essentially, yes.

One sad Turkish intelligence officer, like, oh, I guess no one wants my photos. Then, yeah, who ordered it? I guess I'll just go back to the Hamam on the 30th floor of our consulate that's constantly threatening to go up in flames. That's right. At the time of recording,

there has not been any kind of a boots on the ground invasion of Southern, of Lebanon. Give it a minute. I don't want to say Southern, yeah. I don't want to even just say Southern Lebanon. It's just Lebanon. It's just an invasion of Lebanon by Israel, which is again, they have fine form for they've done several times in the last couple of decades. I get the sense

that all they want is a rerun of 82. But where the Yoav Galant said to return the residents of the North safely to their homes, we will activate all our capabilities, including you. This is Yoav Galant speaking to troops, as quoted by the Jerusalem Post. So this is, I think, more international law and norms that are being sort of tossed out the window with the loud support of Biden, Harris, most European leaders. I mean, Lebanon is like, as they are trying to make it, not a country, right? It's not a place that can exercise sovereignty. And this is not new in the sense that this is something that has been done to, I mean, previously like Afghanistan, Syria, any number of other places as and when it's been convenient,

right? Something the Russians did in Ukraine to justify that invasion, right? To say that, like, your country is like hosting groups that are like threatening to us and you are not exercising like government so we're just gonna like essentially treat you not like a state. And I think that's going to be a more and more common tactic. I mean, it's something that like Republicans talk about doing with Mexico, for instance, on much the same basis. If you want to talk about a world moving beyond stability, whether that is to do with climate, whether that is to do with like political relationships between states, whatever you

want to talk about, this will get easier to do and it will be more and more justified by powerful actors who believe it's in their interest to make it easier or who at best don't give a shit. You know, we know and even like Keir Starmer, who has taken what can be described as a de minimis international law opposition to what's going on. I sort of hasten to add de minimis because like the, I would say the minimum number of arms export licenses have been suspended and you know, the, the, and the ICC, he's only no longer opposing an ICC arrest warrant. He's not proposing anything more, right? So he has a de minimis commitment to this. Even he, right, is still, you know, pursuing a trade deal with Israel

as they are, on the day that this is happening, there's Politico announced that like that the UK government was announcing its plan to pursue a deeper trade deal governed by sort of services and technology with Israel as we are rolling over from the UK Israel Association agreement that we sort of left after Brexit. So this is something that we're all being very, very supportive of as sort of in our various countries. Stammer at the UN, the same UN meeting said, I call on Israel and Hezbollah to stop the violence.

Step back from the brink. We need an immediate ceasefire in Gaza because it's one of the things that was very clear and, you know, Hassan Nasrullah said this, you know, was that Hezbollah's activities are directly related to Gaza. And Israel said no peace settlement was possible with Hezbollah because any peace settlement with them was tied to peace in Gaza, which they are unwilling to countenance. So I don't understand why Keir Starmer is even bothering to say we need an immediate ceasefire in Gaza while maintaining this, as I say, completely like like, sort of feckless and de-minimous contribution to-

It's a dead letter, as you say, like, and this is something that, like, part of the point of doing this this way was Netanyahu saying as much to both Starmer, Biden, anyone else who cares. Mm-hmm. When we ask, right, like, okay, well, what does Israel want by doing this? They want they want a war. They want a big showdown between Iran and everyone that like everyone linked to Iran. And to do that, you need to kill the guy who's constantly trying to not escalate with you. They're trying to fill in the big greater Israel map they all have on their fucking uniforms.

Right. Yeah. We're going to talk a little bit about the greater Israel map a little bit later on when we talk about a little more about specifically southern Lebanon. Southern Lebanon as a region as opposed to Lebanon as a country. I mean, by killing Hassan Nasrallah, whose main thing is basically not escalating. Mr. Nothing ever happens. Yes, correct. It possibly creates the conditions for a belligerent who will fight them so that then they get to use all of that, you know, shiny US weapon.

I mean, this is the thing, part of the, part of the like, wave of strikes against Hezbollah demonstrate that like, they are the enemy that the IDF had been intending to fight, this is the war that they wanted to fight, and they're gonna like, get it one way or the other, even if Hezbollah don't want to play along, which they didn't. And even if Iran doesn't want to play along, I mean, the, uh president is like a reformer, right? And even if he weren't the kind of mood within the kind of strategic circles in Iran, is that Iran does not want to fight a war with Israel, because they recognize that it would be very unfavorable to them at the moment. But obviously that is a good time for Israel to do it if they can force the issue, which is what they want to do. And again, even if you don't imagine that, you know, Biden is a senescent reflexive Zionist

who, you know, just doesn't see the people that Israel is killing as fully human. Even if you can look past that, you could be like, oh, well, all of this carnage, all of this death, whether it's being visited upon people in Gaza, people increasingly in the West Bank, people in Lebanon, people in downtown Beirut, as we say, 900 civilians who got an apartment block dropped on their head in central Beirut, all of that is worth attacking Iran. I know that this is supposed to be obvious. I know it's supposed to go without saying, but the extent to which there is absolutely no meaningful democratic voice on foreign policy and on who the weapons that our countries, whether UK or US,

makes will be used to kill and who will be killed in the name of us and our allies. I know that our systems are set up to prevent any kind of democratic voice from ever really abating that particular death machine, but my god, it is depressing to see it continued and administration after administration after administration, changes of government, changes of party, nothing changes this. It just gets more intensified. I mean, the good news is that it might lose Kamala the election given the number of Lebanese Americans in Michigan. Yeah, great news everybody. We'll have Donald Trump as the president again, which is, and

the Democrats I'm sure will learn a lesson like they always do. Thanks, Chappell Ryan. And also, you know, like this is if you want to look not just at American support, which again, more important, but you know, British support, which we're closer to here. I mean, at the moment, the two sort of the two conservative frontrunners seem to have taken on a position that I believe will be wholeheartedly supported by the papers and the press, which is essentially that trying to one up one another about requiring a love of Israel that is for UK public life essentially

comparable to that of a Texas like outlawing BDS for any of its counterparties. Would you kiss Israel on the lips? Even if it was big and sweaty? Israel is a beautiful woman. This is a normal way to present it. Would you consider Israel to be the New York of London? I'm never getting over Starmer's thing of using she her pronouns for Israel. It's so fucking weird. And he does it every time as well.

So, Kemi Badenoch says, you should not be able to come to the country if you do not openly support Israel. So basically, going to the level of what Germany is now. And Robert Jenrick said that one of his main achievements as immigration minister was to add Israel to the list of countries who get to use E-gates, so that quote, there is a Star of David at every entry port to the list of countries who get to use E-gates so that quote, there is a star of David at every entry port to the UK. Oh, okay.

Essentially. Maybe make the E-gates work. That would be good. It's a gate that you can't get in, but it has a little Israeli flag on it now. Yeah. So I see this as the position being staked out on the right, essentially, which is it's not enough that we are going to support them as a society. It's not enough that we're going to continue funding what's going on.

It's not enough that groups are going to be designated as terrorist organizations. It's not enough that you're going to be hounded out of public life if you're too vocally against them. The right wing position is now, as I say, indistinguishable from a Texan municipality, requiring overt, proclaimed, loud loyalty. Yeah. You've got to be open and proud in your support of Israel. You can't be a closeted Israel supporter.

You can't just whisper it to the passport control guy on the way in. You can't just what signal it with a bandana or a way that you're holding a little handkerchief or something. No, it's got to be out loud and proud. It's not enough to just buy a soda stream. That's right. Yeah. You have to also put an Israeli flag sticker on the bottle that you're traveling

with. Like you said, Riley, you were saying like, oh, and like nothing ever changes, there's no like democratic processes that seem to matter with this. And I would add to that that it's even, it's actually just getting worse to the point where this is like kind of tired to note, but like I think important to remember that like where the US government is currently with Democrats in power is to the right of Ronald Reagan on this shit, who at this point in 82 had said to basically had done the thing where you do just say cuddle out and they do, you know? Yeah, it's like that we're

going to learn what 82 would have been without every other straining force of Ronald Reagan. Jesus Christ. Well this is before he completely had Alzheimer's and he was just regular stupid. We talk about the greater Israel plan, right? We talk about the ideology that wants to settle more area around Israel outside the 1948 borders, not just inside the West Bank or Gaza, but for example, in southern Lebanon, right?

And already there are, circulating on the internet, ads for Israeli kayaking trips on rivers in southern Lebanon in Hebrew. Yeah, like, a lot of the kind of Israeli settler community love to do this speculative fiction thing. It's the same with developments, the hypothetical developments in Gaza and stuff like that. And it's so weird every time. If you want to look at like a fascist colonial project, whether that's like Prospera or this, you just have to look for the eco modernist renderings because

it's always the same house that they just like feed into an AI to spit out. It's the same like sort of swoopy white roofs, many sort of glassed in balconies, the kind of the sort of raised swimming pool. It's the same look all the time, whether it's Prospera or here. The building is carbon neutral apart from the thousands of tons of bombs that had to be dropped in the initial stage of construction. Indeed. And then what they do build is like the Neom cafeteria, right? Like it's not, it always

looks like the same horseshit like strip mall stuff, but they always end up do putting there. The movement to settle Southern Lebanon, and this was reported in Jewish currents, the movement to settle Southern Lebanon was a fringe position a couple of years ago. It's now a powerful pressure group that has the supporters among like Avigdor Lieberman and like, like openly calling for settlement in Southern Lebanon, right? Like this is a front bencher of the government openly calling for settling southern Lebanon. You know, and this is because this is pressure from a group formed last March to reclaim the biblical borders of greater Israel. So this is from Jewish currents. Orit Safon was founded in memory of Yisrael Sokol,

a 24 year old Israeli soldier who was killed fighting in Gaza this January, but who dreamed not only of Israeli settlements in Gaza, but of settling in southern Lebanon himself. "'We had a running joke between us that we would live in Lebanon,' said Yaakov Sokol, his brother, who told Jewish currents in an interview. Why he agreed to that interview, I don't know." Well, I guess I do know because they want to brag. Because there's absolutely no repercussions from doing that. The joke was always serious.

It's land that needs to be in our hands. After his death, Amos Azaria, a professor who was active in the growing movement to reestablish Israeli settlements in Gaza, came to his funeral and spoke with the family as to how to realize Israel's dream conversations that resulted in the founding of this group. Orit Safon was tempting to dismiss this group as fringe, even like Smotrich and Ben Veer have not mentioned civilian settlements in southern Lebanon. Every policy and there is no chance that Israel wants to actually establish settlements in southern Lebanon. Nevertheless, and regardless of the fact there's not this political will, nevertheless, it's happened before that a bunch of settlers just going and setting up

the Neom cafeteria in a part of a neighboring country has led the Israeli government to then claim large parts of that land. It happened in the Golan Heights. It was essentially a settler led project. As you mentioned to me earlier in November, I didn't know this, the current head of the IDF is himself a settler. Yeah, he's the first IDF chief of staff to live in a legal settlement. Yeah. Representation obviously. I mean, the first one since...

The first one, I guess, technically. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The first one to live in what is formally a legal settlement. There we go. So basically, like, there is chaos that's being created. And whether that's because America wants someone who will antagonize Iran at a time when it doesn't want to be antagonized, whether that's that Israel just wants to fight its war because it's swept

up in sort of in nationalist fervor, or whether that settler's seeing their chance to grab a piece of like the Baka Valley, it is once again dependent on political leaders outside of Israel deciding that all of this is worth the decision to not see Arabs as fully human, essentially. There it is. And you know, this is something that Starmer has himself reaffirmed a commitment to, essentially stating Palestinians are not fully human. And I'm sure he would say the same thing about, I mean, the US State Department has already

basically said the same thing about Lebanese people, where it said any American citizens in Lebanon can have a loan to get out of the country, whereas American citizens in Israel were evacuated immediately. You get a, you know, a loan to American citizens in Lebanon who have been operating a small business in a disadvantaged community for a period of three and a half years. Yeah, or it's, you've got to fly through Istanbul is the first stop. Always. I mean, I know we're going to fly through Istanbul is the first stop. Always. I mean, I know we're going to talk mostly about Labour Conference next week, but you

know, it's telling that again, at this time that the sort of that Israel's war is spilling over or they are spilling it over into southern Lebanon. It's worth remembering when Starmer was interrupted by a heckler last week at Labour Conference after he said every child, every person deserves to be respected for the contribution they make. The heckler said, does that include the children of? Gaza to which he responded well this guy clearly has a passion the 2019 conference Yeah, I this may always makes me feel like I'm going insane and maybe I am I don't know but like I

vaguely remember Kirstama being at the 2019 conference as like shadow Brexit minister. No, I also vaguely recall that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he was only there to learn how to stop it. Yeah. Yeah.

He was getting directions away from that. Well, he was there as a guest of the Turkish government. To respond to, to basically say, but to basically say it is laughable to me that a child in Gaza should have the same rights as a child here. Right? What do you say? That is a ludicrous idea from a bygone era. With grown-up past that.

It's from the era of protest, you know? Now we have to seriously engage with power. Meanwhile, the kind of serious engagement with power is with Benjamin Netanyahu, a guy who hates you and is taking every possible opportunity to humiliate you. It's so funny to be like, I'm not like Jeremy Corbyn, I'm the grown-up in the room, I am willing to tell Bibi Netanyahu you should do a two-state solution, and for him to like, laugh in my face. That makes me a serious and like, reasonable adult and politician. M- And not saying they will, but again, if in the chaos some settlers settle and build

the Neom Cafeteria in the Bekaa Valley, or somewhere else in southern Lebanon, and then Israel sort of bounced into, quote unquote, bounced into, claiming the land to protect them as they did with the Golan Heights, then what will Keir Starmer, or whoever, say to Benjamin Netanyahu after? Will they say we need a three state solution? You know, is that is that going to be what you say? Are those same people who've now fled their homes in southern Lebanon and are now living in like the Shatila refugee camp in Beirut? Are you going to be sort of quibbling about like whether they really ever lived there?

What is going to happen if this is allowed to proceed? I mean, I think we know which is if it's continuing to be Kirstama in charge He will say we need a three-state solution and that number could just grow They're gonna start saying there's technically no mention of anyone called Lebanese anywhere in human history Yeah, yeah, yeah, well kiss Alma did promise growth if that's growth in the number of states in the solution so be it Yeah, we're gonna have a we're gonna have a hundred and sixty six state solution Yeah, We're going to have a 166 state solution. Yeah, we're going to do a proper libertarian shit. Everyone's going to get their own state.

Yeah, but we got Balaji on board. Anyway, I want to do another Jari shift in tone back to our reading. It's so hard to do a comedy podcast in now. Yeah, it's really difficult. I want to do a shift in tone back to our reading, though. This is an article I've wanted to talk about for a while. And I feel some of recent events in the US, especially the American

South, these heavy Asheville, North Carolina, have given me a way into it. So this is an article in Business Insider called Inside the Billionaire Bunker by a man who I have to remind you is not the object of fun. He was doing some, let's say oppositional journalism against the billionaire bunker, but whose name is Guthrie Skrimgauer. Wow. That's a hell of a name. I'm choosing not to laugh at the name

because he's doing important work. Dickens ass name. I'm certain, listen, I'm sorry that I burst out laughing in the way that I did. You saw a funny bird fly past your window. Yeah, it was actually unrelated. I was thinking about something funny Tony, that happened to me. My friend Guthrie's crumb coward.

I was thinking about how, what if Eric Adams and Keir Starmer met? What would that be like? I wasn't laughing at the name. And then I was just reminded of it again, a second time. That's right. Yeah. Ever since I was featured on a Japanese baseball game, I have dreamed of becoming a journalist. Guthrie, I'm very sorry.

We are now going to read your article, which is good. A good article that I wrote. As my boat cruises towards the private island city of Indian Creek Village, better known as the billionaire bunker, I'm hoping my trip doesn't end in an arrest because Indian Creek employs a new all-seeing security system. No prizes to guess, by the way, who made that security system, but we'll get there, and a small Navy of police officers who frequently stop and ticket boats that venture too close to the island's manicured shore. I don't think the cops should have a Navy.

I don't think that's a thing that the cops should have. Maybe they should, should they not have a Naval Air Force also? Funny you mentioned that. We shouldn't make- What's next? You're going to say the cops shouldn't have Navy SEALs? Yeah. Well, if they have a Naval Air Force,. What's next? You're gonna say the cop shouldn't have Navy Seals? They have a naval air force and then they could make cop guns. Thank you. What are you gonna tell me next? The cops shouldn't have secret but intense homosexual

liaisons with each other? I would never say that. When they're away at sea for months on end? As we near the northwestern side of the island, I spot the bright red steel beams of La Petite Clef, the Marc de Suervo sculpture that covers 20 feet of the front lawn of the car magnate Norman Brahman's mansion. We glide past this palace hidden behind a dense cluster of palm trees purchased for $50 million in 2019 by a mysterious LLC linked to Qatar. As we get closer to the shore, I start to notice the cameras. So, Indian Creek is this island city that was built in Florida, specifically in 1928, so that wealthy Gentiles could get away from Jewish people.

Tremendous. Yeah, that tracks, I guess, for 1920s Florida. Dredged from the blue waters of Biscayne Bay in 1928, Indian Creek was incorporated in 39 under a Florida law that allowed any group of more than 25 people to form a town. Florida kicks so much ass. This is also an incredible place for your bunker to exist, which is like, even if it's in, I'm looking at a map of where it is, and even if it's like completely insulated from the worst of climate change by some arcane means that they've figured out, you're going to be completely surrounded by what used to be Miami. Like

it's just going to be sunken ruins everywhere around you. It's an incredible place to put this. Seems mean. That's their plan. Incredible. Right? Because Indian Creek is an island off of this town called Surfside, which Surfside residents by the way, joke that for Indian Creek residents is spelled with an E, Surfside. Indian Creek, the town, is multiple golf courses surrounded by a number of mansions, that's all, and then a small amount of surfside,

which is essentially a fortified entrance to the bridge. Cool. I love to like, flee the ruins of Miami and get instantly domed off by a sniper on the fucking, like, surfside bridge. Wait, sorry, hold up. Instantly domed off by a sniper on the fucking like surfside bridge. Sorry. Hold up instantly What about this is unclear About this this this hypothetical Death and you're laughing I hate it when I get sucked off the street cock first up into the sniper tower by the powerful inhale

Used a perfectly ordinary turn of phrase and now you're pausing reading Norman Scrimshaw's article I think we you know, we need to stopayping around and get back to what Ebenezer Google has to say. I remember it's a sort of Mad Max scenario, but everyone's driving on golf carts, I think is what it's about. Designed to recreate the English countryside, the 300 acre island is 80 percent golf course encircled by one road and 30 mansions. The village was initially envisioned as a refuge for wealthy white Gentiles who would

keep Jewish home buyers out by running all electrical services in the city through the formerly segregated Indian Creek Golf and Country Club. Tremendous. Wait, so you could move there if you were Jewish, but you couldn't have electricity? Correct. Now that is a curb your enthusiasm plotline. There's no way for a person to set foot on Indian Creek Island with the express permission of one of its 89 residents or a member of its country club which costs half a million

dollars to join. Because the town's government serves such an ultra wealthy subset of the population, this town is just 30 mansions around a golf course on an island and then like 100 police officers. That's the town. Cool. I mean this is like the entirety of like the sort of area around Miami is all these like little tiny islands that just have like one to five mansions on them. I took a boat tour around there once. It's insane.

Was it paid for by the Turkish government? It was paid for by the Turkish government and I'm sick of taking them. I hate the Turkish boat tour. I'm only gonna take it four to six more times. Indian Creek is always the first stop. So the public park social programs are practically non-existent. So it is a libertarian town. It's a town that provides only cops, but so many cops. Street view does not go there. I'm trying to go. It won't let me. What the hell?

Well, no, because you can't cross the bridge if you don't live there. There's so many police cars. The people of Indian Creek have denounced Street View as inherently Jewish. They refuse to elaborate on this. I'm looking in on this from Google Maps from the satellite-like fucking North Korean launch sites. The security is very different to how it used to be, said Gerardo Vildestuegui, who grew up in the neighboring town of Surfside, a middle class community that shares a two-lane

bridge with Indian Creek. A member of Surfside's town council, he recalls a time in the early 90s when he could bring his college friends to Indian Creek's gate and get permission from the police to give them a tour of the island. Now if he even approaches the bridge, police flash their lights and order him to back away. I have something for you here. I need you to Google image search Indian Creek Village Police, and look at the expression of the second cop pictured. Trust me, you'll know. Um. Uh huh. Uh huh. He looks awesome. John Bernardo, Chief of Police.

He looks like Judge Doom from Very intense eye contact It's who segregated Roger Rabbit's community Yeah I also really like their cop cars that are liveried like the cop cars in like a PlayStation 1 game With like a very sort of low poly US flag. Four stars, three stripes. It looks like somebody hit the Ohio flag with a car. If New York City had the same police officer to citizen ratio as Indian Creek, it would employ more than one and a half million police officers.

That's the dream, isn't it? New York City does. But because Indian Creek's denizens are jet setting billionaires in homes all over the world, there are likely many days of the year when police officers vastly outnumber actual residents. Just a bunch of cops driving around completely empty streets. Having to arrest each other. Yeah. The American dream.

We're back to cop intimacy, you know? The Indian Creek police force is unlike most counterparts. For example, the town government quashed a union drive in the 1980s, firing the organizer by accusing him of taking gasoline from a town tank for his own purposes. They did a trailer park boys scheme on the lead police union organizer. And rather than responding to calls for citizens in need, the police force spends an estimated 97% of its time on security work like patrolling the island's perimeter in three high-speed boats or making sure no one is able to cross the bridge Again, this is actually not dissimilar from the end of my PD.

There is patrolling the bridge doing the OEO song from the Wizard of Oz just going back in the void wall. In 2011 the town stepped up security by installing new cameras by the entrance gate that allow police to simultaneously view a visitor's face security by installing new cameras by the entrance gate that allow police to simultaneously view a visitor's face, driver's license and read their license plate. Indian Creek also narrowed the gates opening to create what it called a greater sense of exclusivity, but I think we all know that what they were really trying to do is create a choke point for like when Miami starts to sink, the people running across the bridge. I'm reading an article from the Miami New Times which describes their reputation amongst other cops who consider them and this is a quote butlers with badges

They're snob cops. Yeah, they're like the fancy cop, you know They're all wearing tuxedos. Reading that in the in the same tone as like doctors without Butlers with badges. I'm volunteering for butlers with badges. Many years not a single offense is reported to the Indian Creek Police. Instead, cops have their hands full fending off curious boaters who try to get too close to the beach. I hate fending off curious boaters. Mayor Bernard Klepich, who is also the CEO of the world's largest duty-free inflight

company said, The police are being run ragged right now, we need to do something quickly, but referring not to a crime wave, but incursions by beach guards. Apparently, apparently this department, like getting this job as the like, private island cop is a kind of like Janissary class, right? Like it's like all the same families who have been class, right? Like it's like all the same families who have been handing it down, like through generations. Wait, are we suggesting that, or if it's a, anytime I hear Janissary, I always think of Devsherma. Are we suggesting that also the residents of Indian Creek are like going to

Surfside and then like taking us some of the babies and then like raising them as Janissaries? There's so many, this is from like the 90s, but there's so many stories about these guys showing up drunk from like a late shift working security for Prince Ali Bintolal, and then getting in a fist fight on the lawn of an empty house. This is maybe like the best job you could possibly have in the world, I think.

Yeah, we always thought that Kamala was America's top cop. No, it's the Indian Creek Police Department. Yes, yeah. Here's an idea I can't dislodge from my head. This is the only place where you could have a woke, illegal Israeli settlement. Truly, like, you know, your haters could become your waiters at the table of success. Well, hold that thought. This year, Indian Creek began its most substantial security upgrade in decades.

A high tech radar fence encircling the island, featuring ten thermal cameras and seventeen radar sensors mounted at nine locations along its perimeter, alongside thirty traditional cameras. And to be clear, this isn't because anybody wants to go and kill the car guy who lives here. Because we don't do that kind of thing in like the West anymore. It's to stop like curious Floridian teens.

Well, also the real thing, right, that it's for is increases in security. Whenever we talk about the security industry, like especially the private visible security industry on this show, again and again and again, what we see is the appearance of security creates more possible enemies and creates demand for more security. The more security guards you have, the more they're going to feel like they have to report something that they see. And so you're going to see more incidents and hire more security guards and see more

incidents and hire more guards. The more cameras you get, the better you get at like investigating whether or not like a boater is coming too close to the island. The more incidents you're going to see, the more cameras you're going to build, the more paranoid you're going to get. The higher wall you have, the more incidents you're going to see, the more cameras you're going to build, the more paranoid you're going to get, the higher wall you have, the higher wall you want to build. And I mean, again, you know, all of this stuff that is quite literally, if you asked any of the people involved living in Indian Creek, they would be saying, well, no, this isn't what we're doing is just to keep ourselves

like private, just to keep ourselves secure. But all of this stuff, like I'll give an example, right? Right now in Asheville, North Carolina, where like, you know, Hurricane Helene has caused like dozens, if not more deaths and a huge amount of damage is largely cut off the town from like the from the city from like the rest of the country around it. There are armed guards outside of grocery stores. Essentially, emergency services have largely stopped responding to people who they're massively overwhelmed with calls from. This is, there are people are being given a boil water notice, right? If you live in Indian Creek and that kind of thing happens to Florida, which it will with increasing frequency and intensity in the coming years, you want to be able to know if is someone who's like,

home has been destroyed and doesn't have any water. Are they swimming to get some of, are they trying to get across the channel to get some of your water? DL And if it's like, actually, the armed guards are guarding all the, y'know, the hot pockets that are going bad and the grocery stores that are locked. Like, they can't let people steal that because, y'know, it would set a bad precedent or whatever. ALICE Yeah, the hot pockets of wrath. DL That's right.

And that's where the resources go, and that's what the police in America are there to function as, right, is to protect capital only. And also drunk driver golf cart on, like, Jamal Khashoggi's dad's lawn. I've done that, essentially. I'm doing donuts on the lawn with a golf cart when I'm really pissed off. Yeah, no, I've crashed my golf cart into the Memorial bronze suitcase on the front lawn. He's going to be so annoyed. He got Dale Shaluli to make it a Memorial bronze suitcase.

It's an original Dean Coots. If I somehow wake up with a Saudi prince amount of money, I will commission Dean Coots to do a sculpture. And even if he says, I'm novelist Dean Coots, not Sculptor I will double the amount of money. I'm I start sculpting Get sculpting Coots Just handing him a blank check. Whatever it takes Dean whatever it takes whatever it takes. Give me a sculpture make it long size You've got Dean Coots and a different Denise Kapoor It's a very common name actually.

Just giving him a very, like a brief that's just like, I want a memorial sculpture for Jamal Khashoggi. Very tasteful, as much as it needs to cost. All right, Koontz, you have one year. Get sculpting. I don't know how to sculpt. Learn. Coming back in a year, like a fable. Yeah. You can use some of the budget to how to sculpt. Learn. Coming back in a year, like a fable. You can use some of the budget to learn to sculpt, but it all has to be you.

So the radars, the radar system was built by Magos, an Israeli company whose founders worked with the military radar technology before shifting their focus to private security. Mostly used in data centers, oil and gas facilities and solar farms, but they've never worked with a town before." Not a town that technically counts as a quote, town under international law, certainly. We've never worked with a town before is just a very funny sentence that I enjoy. The Indian Creek radar can detect objects in the water and use AI to classify them according to the risk they pose. Do you think it was awkward that they still had the like, extremely anti-semitic stuff

like on the books when they were doing this? Just like, hey, we can't let the radar technicians use any electricity? Yeah, we can't let them use the bathroom in the country. Well, I mean, holding true to Israelis, they're probably like, well of course you hate the weak diaspora Jew, you know, and they're like, well we're different and we're not offended by anti-semitemitism in that way. No, I will install your radar system and take a massive shit in your country club bathroom. Yeah.

Yeah. When a potential threat is detected, the system moves a thermal camera to track it. Officers at the station then watch live feed, a live feed on software called Octopus, and dispatch a patrol boat to investigate. With the new system, they've issued this year alone, 1,600 marine citations up from 211 in 2019. That's quite a lot. The marine citations are how they like keep people awake. That's when you give a parking ticket to a dolphin. You can't arrest someone for just boating, right? It's not a crime to boat. Mmm. Thank God. And thank God. But if they're like, but they're watching you like a hawk, if if you make a little bit too much wake They can just send you a citation every time I go past Indian Creek said one one boater I talked to run into a Marine Patrol guy

He knows plenty have been ticketed generally for creating wake too close to the shore passing by the island this year He triggered the attention of an Indian Creek Police Patrol hitting with a hundred and forty dollar ticket for not having the correct safety equipment on board In August 2023 Jeff Bezos moved in Buying three mansions next to each other and applying to build a pickleball court in the yard the correct safety equipment on board. In August 2023, Jeff Bezos moved in, buying three mansions next to each other and applying to build a pickleball court in the yard. Well, because triples is best, you know? Yeah, but it encroaches on the rest of the world, where with many Indian Creek homeowners, buying properties within a few blocks of the bridge. So they're essentially trying to create

a bridgehead into the mainland. But that's less defensible, you know, you're in kind of the, the Mott or possibly the Bailey, I can never remember which one is which, of Indian Creek. And the bridge, connecting the two towns, Surfside and Indian Creek, receives public money for repairs, but the public is, is forbidden from crossing. That police department has got to have like a kind of Nijmegen level of explosives wired to that bridge in case shit gets through. Well, you think they've got like a, like a kind of Nijmegen level of explosives wired to that bridge in case shit gets... Well, you think they've got like a Switzerland situation?

I think there's a button in the back of the police station and there's a guy looking at it all the time. The police chief, John Bernardo, who we spoke about earlier, proposed a measure... Insanely weird looking dude. That would require any worker entering the island to submit to a criminal background check. Despite pushback from some residents who were concerned that the policy would make hiring more difficult, the council came down largely in support of the ideas as the owners of the

mansions began to feel that the threat did not come from outside but from the other mansions on the island. Oh, I can't wait. I need, I mean, it's going to happen. I need the world to collapse so I can watch these 30 mansions all go to war with each other. But it's to find who becomes like the suzerain of the Sultan of Indian Creek, but like this guy, John Bernardo, was like an FBI agent for 25 years.

They poached him from the Miami field office to do this. So yeah, terrifying. For Mayor Klepatch, the background checks are just a starting point. More wealth leads to more workers and every worker is a potential threat." Quote, especially when you have so many houses going up and a caravan of employees coming in and out, we could do so much more to feel safe. This is a terrifying one, to be honest. As much as like, you know, and thank you to Woody Guthrie, Scrimshaw, for writing this,

but like, it's, uh, yeah. This wasn't so much for shift and tone after all, this is horrible. Yeah, every worker in a potential threat, and then the- the stupid speech bubble meme to Tsar Nicholas II. Uh... Hahahaha. Look, Matty, thank you very much for coming back on in twice in as many weeks, uh, but- I slept under a table in the studio.

As soon as the Eric Adams indictment came down, I was like, we need Luchanski picking out the big red phone. Yeah. Send them. Where are we out of this? So can we get to Luchanski? Send it basically picking up the big red phone, which is the no gods, no mayors group. But, uh, Maddie, I mean, if you want to hear more of us talking about Eric Adams, we're going to do, we were going to do, I'll let you all part the kimono a little bit. Oh, that's called the bowl.

I'm getting domed off after I passed it. My kimono. I hate being in the Satsuma rebellion. We were going- We should have let the oranges be in charge. We were going to do Eric Adams as like our anniversary episode. Yeah, and we were about to transition into doing like stupid fun episodes, which we have on the list still.

The coming up soon. But then, the news. The news happened. The news. The news. Yes. The coming up soon. But then, the news. The news happened. Yes. The news. So we're gonna be starting from the very earliest and going up until the... whatever happens on the day of recording, because I'm sure more will happen between now and then. So that is what we are doing vis-à-vis Eric Adams on the No Gods No May podcast. So check that out coming soon.

Besides podcasting, if the people want any more Matthew Lipchansky, where... Oh, I'm easy to find, baby. Uh, maddylipchansky.com, I got comics, I got a Patreon for my comics, I got a book called Boys Weekend that is still for sale, and you could buy it. It's really funny. Pretty good. In my opinion. And I've...

Sometime in the next couple months I'll have a pre-order up for the new book, which will be out next year. Mmm. Yeah. Track Maddie down in the hamam, I'm... Oh have a preorder up for the new book, which will be out next year. Yeah. I'm already down in the home. I'm very, very stupid. That's right. If you happen to live in the American city of Boston, of Indian Creek, Boston, Massachusetts,

I'm doing a comedy live show there with my friend, tuck Woodstock and Kelvin can Silky talk Woodstock who wrote that article. It's called gender ordeal and it is an offshoot of the Gender Reveal podcast. It's gonna be tickets just went on sale You can go I just put a link to it today in my newsletter So it'll be there and I'm sure I'll be posting about it online. It's at the Rockwell I believe is the name of the place. That is good. Alright. Yeah, and also if you're in the UK I am on tour in the UK. Please come to those shows, especially Leicester, which is very soon. But I'm coming to a city in more or less every region of the UK, apart from Wales, where it's very hard to find venues. But we're working on that. So yes, please do my web is to Koda UK slash live dash shows.

If you are in Wales, consider starting a venue that seats maybe 80 to 100 people. I'm coming to Birmingham, Bristol, Chester. That's as close as I'm getting to the border currently, but it's not for lack of trying. Do be assured. The Indian Creek Police Department is at the border of Wales, not letting Milo in. That's right. Yeah, Istanbul is always the first stop on the way to Wales. Destinating the Seven Bridge to stop you getting into Wales. the seven bridge to stop you getting into Wales. Alright, alright. Thanks everybody, we'll see you later.

Bye!