Triforce! - Triforce! #134: The Laziest Man in the World

Episode Date: July 8, 2020

Triforce! Episode 134! We're inventing new things with the Raspberry Pi, Pyrion got a pizza oven and Sips is the laziest man in the world. Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/...2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:33 Please play responsibly. I'm recording. Okay, guys, let's do a podcast. Another one. Another podcast. Another podcast. Episode 136? 7?
Starting point is 00:00:59 130-something podcast. Welcome. We're going to talk today about Linux. Oh, my God And why it's better than Windows. If you're still on a Windows machine in 2020, I'm going to say
Starting point is 00:01:14 get with the program. Computer program, in brackets, before program. It's a funny joke. Wow. God, that was really funny, surprisingly. I wasn't sure where you were going to go with that one, but... We have fun on this podcast. It's about jokes and Debian.
Starting point is 00:01:31 Debian? Raspberry Pi. Did you know that all of these podcasts I can fit onto one Raspberry Pi? That's really interesting, isn't it? God, you know, the people that do stuff with raspberry pies, bless them. No, don't bless them. I don't have time for it. No, there are some good people. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:01:53 There are some good people. Debatable. But I just think it's funny. They're like, actually, I have a raspberry pie running at home that feeds my goldfish. I'm like... I know. It's always some like peewee herman shit when when it's uh when it's a raspberry pie isn't it it's never like it's never anything decent it's always some fucking weird wallace and gromit ass shit that somebody's made like in there you can just imagine these guys like that you know they work for like uh like a big defense contractor and
Starting point is 00:02:22 they've got like pocket protectors and they have a garden shed that they tinker with their raspberry pie in their free time and stuff like that i know i'm generalizing big time here but this is how i what we do this is how i really feel i think i think those kind of engineers see problems in their everyday life that are easily solvable with a little bit of automation well i think i think they see problems that nobody else sees as problems right and then and then they go on dragon's den and value their businesses at a million dollars before they've even created something that's the that's the same guy right that does you ever see the dragon's den guy who had invented uh a box that he said was the most efficient gear system in the world. And he said, if we put this into wind farms and stuff like that, these gears are so much more efficient
Starting point is 00:03:14 that it'll like quadruple the amount of power you get out. My gearbox is the best gearbox. And it was, he brought it in. It was just a box. And they were like, can we see inside? He was like, no, that's all proprietary knowledge. And they were like, can we see inside? He was like, no, that's all proprietary knowledge. And they were like, do you have a business plan? He goes, no, I'm not a businessman. I'm an inventor. And what I've invented here is a gear system. And they were like, no, no, we understand that.
Starting point is 00:03:37 What do you want us to do with it? Do you have a patent on it and all this kind of stuff? And he was just like, no, no, it's just the box. He had nothing. He had no presentation. He just, imagine he essentially brought in an empty shoe box a magic box he wouldn't show them what was in it and he wanted a ton of money it was hilarious they were like no yeah and i'm thinking what if that guy's box really was the future of gears and was incredible and he was just so bad at selling
Starting point is 00:04:04 the idea that well that's that because the thing is there's probably been a lot of inventions that have never seen the light of day because of people like that really who are who are hopeless at marketing their idea or getting it in front of the right people or whatever you know what i mean like it's it's a big part of it that a lot of people seem to just ignore you know what I mean? Like these pair them up with someone with the charisma, you know, not just that. Look at Marconi dude. Look at Marconi, the dude that everybody thinks invented the radio and everything, but he didn't.
Starting point is 00:04:33 Right. Marconi was, I watched this. There was a thing on a BBC four or whatever the channel is seven BBC 12. The one that's just nerd shit. And it's weird. Right. That one anyway right i've never it's all run on a raspberry raspberry actually this entire station is being run by a raspberry
Starting point is 00:04:54 he got a tory boy from harry enfield it the fucking time so marconi basically lifted all these cool ideas that science had come up with about the radio and he knew how to sell yeah and this guy i was hearing about it oliver lodge was his name he did loads of stuff for the radio like he was one of the absolute pioneers of of radio but he comes up with all this stuff he's like wow this is fantastic people are gonna love this and he goes well i'm going on holiday and he went on holiday and when he came back marconi had got there ahead of him and it said i have invented the radio and and made a fucking fortune and marconi became this powerhouse and ended up buying a bunch of oliver lodge's shit that he patented and it it's just like, if you don't
Starting point is 00:05:45 have the wherewithal to sell your shit, I'm super sorry, it sucks. But you know, some other fuckers gonna get there first and probably do it worse. Yeah, that's true. It is true. There's this thing money, obviously this this Marconi was obviously rich already, right? So it was easy for him to- Yeah, well, I mean, they may name pasta after him. So he must have already been pretty, pretty rich, right so it was easy for yeah well i mean they may name pasta after him so he must have already been pretty pretty rich right there's this thing which bill gates said which i saw somewhere stupid reddit thread this week about how if he were to hire someone for a job he would take the laziest person because they'll find a way to do that job quickly and efficiently right
Starting point is 00:06:22 where was i when he was headhunting these people fuck i could have been employee i could have been rich but i would have been rich by now i'm like the laziest guy i know geez bill if you're out there i'll never write a single line of code nor produce any work and the laziest man alive you give me a job i'll do it in two seconds bill i feel hassled by having to walk five steps to my garage every day i'm your man if something lands in my inbox i've developed a system for completing the work i simply pick it up and move it to my outbox from the in tray to the out tray job done lazy man succeeds again i think that's yeah so there's there's a whole thread of people
Starting point is 00:07:01 talking about these the kind of things they've done. They were typically stuff like, you know, took on a job as data entry where it was all being done sort of by hand. And there was this old fellow who was just copy pasting between boxes. It took him a week to do it. And so when I took over, I made a script that did it in 10 minutes and then, you know, just convinced him to let me work from home. And so I could just have that job done in 10 minutes and then you know just convinced them to let me work from home and so i could just have that job done in 10 minutes on a monday morning you know i'd reply to a few messages and go to a few meetings over the rest of the week and just have a second job going in the background you did this no not me but there was a guy through a thread to talking about it um people doing doing stuff telling telling their stories about how they telling their lies about how they did
Starting point is 00:07:46 a thing that's that's impressive it is probably that but you could see situations where someone could solve these problems with the raspberry pi um basically did done a little bit of coding and i wouldn't know where to begin with that stuff at all actually but i'm sure it's it's not as complicated as it as it as it looks most of all mostly it's just like play stuff these days you know you're not making the chips you're just sort of exactly you've just got a little operating system you just have to line up the arrows and yeah and you don't have to fit it into like 1k that's it it's like it's like brain surgery now as well pretty much just does itself you don't need to you don't need to know you don't need to be at all skilled or anything it's pretty
Starting point is 00:08:30 plug and play like all brains are the same anyway isn't it you just crack open the head stick a scalpel in there give it a wiggle give it a little stir you're done yeah is that is that done anything mate oh yeah headaches gone. Whack his head back on, stitch it up, Frankenstein style. Bit of electricity to get him going and off you go. You're done. Easy peasy.
Starting point is 00:08:54 I like a lazy man solution. I think that, you know, lazy doesn't mean cheating or like skiving off, you know. It doesn't necessarily mean... Just means you don't want to have to do the repetitive stuff i think you know what i think it is mate they're more interesting people because you got you got something else you want to be doing yeah it doesn't it happens to not
Starting point is 00:09:13 coincide with this boring ass job you've got to do that's it you want to get it done quick you want to get home you might want to do you might want to spend the whole day just having like a monster wank and you don't want to be at work. You can't do that at work. Thinking about problems and stuff. So you think of a really elegant, simple solution. You implement it and you go home and you fucking masturbate yourself into oblivion for the rest of the day. And I think that's a good compromise.
Starting point is 00:09:38 No, no, no. Here's the problem, though. Here's the problem. You're too lazy to masturbate yourself into oblivion. So then you build a masturbatatron, right? Where does this end? Powered by Raspberry Pi. I increased the thrust levels by 10%.
Starting point is 00:09:54 Wow, the results are insane. I bake a warm Raspberry Pi in my oven and I get it out. And if I put this on a stick and put my dick into it, I can use some springs and hook that up to my Raspberry Pi computer, then I get a wankermatron and I can wank myself off all day. Matron.
Starting point is 00:10:15 Well, the thing is, where does this end, right? It's got to be after... Yeah, where does it end? After you've freed up your whole day for the wankermatron to do its work and your job, you've done those two. Yeah. What's next to automate?
Starting point is 00:10:27 You know, you're never going to stop. Making food for yourself. All the things. Something, you know, you have to automate. You don't no longer will you have to go to the toilet and like lift the lid and pee into the toilet or sit even sit down on the toilet or whatever. You know, maybe you can have some like nanos in your body that just like evaporate the piss sort of thing nanos piss evaporators that we've we're inventing
Starting point is 00:10:51 a shitload of things today yeah yeah why does it have to be that complicated it could just be like a little balloon that goes over the end of your your winky and then when you need to have those they call them condoms yes that's true imagine right if there was like a bit of rubber or something and you could put it over the end of your knob yeah imagine that but for balloons but for p not for not for people people in a panic will apparently use cling film as a desperate last ditch i've got to have sex we don't have a condom right shout out to cling film you know shout out to those people using cling film i don't feel like that's they're the real dreamers yeah jesus christ yeah i don't know if i've ever been like i think i think the moment the cling film film touched my
Starting point is 00:11:36 penis i would uh my my sex drive would diminish to such a low point that i feel like my penis would like kind of retract into my body like what once you'd wrapped it in cling not even i think just like like sort of getting the cling film close to my penis and thinking that i'm about to do this would would turn me off big time that would be i don't think i'd be able to do it. Yeah. Well, it's better than tinfoil, I guess. Yeah, it's true, yeah. Marginally. Yeah. But I think at that point, you just have to just, you know,
Starting point is 00:12:12 get the raspberry pie out of the oven instead. There's other options there. Yeah, there's a couple of other options for you there for sure. You don't need to, I mean, let it cool, obviously. Maybe on your windowsill outside. Yes. You can smell wafting across the local area oh man does anyone still cool a pie i never understood why they needed a windowsill what's going on in
Starting point is 00:12:31 your house i don't think people really bake pies from scratch anymore do they you kind of buy it from a store and microwave it and then eat it like i don't think many people are microwaving their pies no like not a pie, not a big one. Mrs. F made rhubarb crumble last week. It was delicious. Didn't put it on the ledge to cool. Put it on the fucking next to the oven. Unless your entire kitchen is itself a gigantic walk-in oven,
Starting point is 00:13:00 which sounds like the worst. I mean, they've got walk-in fridges. No walk-in ovens. I'm sure people are leaving them outside. So there's a list of things that you would and wouldn't um put in the microwave for example like if you bought a store-bought pie um that you just wanted to warm up quickly no you would put that in an oven no yeah that would be oven yeah like pasties what's the difference if you're if you're microwaving stuff already what's the difference quicker i'll tell you what the difference is. If it's meant to be crispy at all, that will not happen in a microwave.
Starting point is 00:13:28 But these are pre-baked, though. They've already been crispy. It doesn't matter. When you put them in there, the microwave decrisps. Because it heats up all the moisture, and that kills the... By heating up the moisture in the pie, I think what happens is it vaporizes, soaks into the pie crust, and makes it go soggy. Because if you put pizza in the pie, I think what happens is it vaporizes, soaks into the pie crust and makes it go soggy. Because if you put pizza in the microwave, it comes out soggy.
Starting point is 00:13:50 Pies, soggy. Some pizzas you want to be soggy. Like a pizza pop, you want to be soggy, right? What is a pizza pop? It's like, you know, I don't know if they get them in the UK, but in America, they're like frozen pizza pockets you know like they're like they're like calzones i guess they've got like pizza filling in like a pastry um but it's like um you well i mean when i was a kid we used to get them sometimes like we we just put them in
Starting point is 00:14:18 the microwave because it just took two minutes when i was a kid there was we had the little microwave pizzas i think it's the difference between a sauna and a steam room. You know, one of them's drying. Right. One of them's moist. Moist. One of them's, right, okay. Yeah, I think maybe that's more.
Starting point is 00:14:34 I mean, you get, there's a difference between electric and gas ovens too, though, right? Like, in terms of how your food is cooked and and the consistency which is some extent electric electric ovens i find dry out food a little bit more than say like a gas gas the fan ovens are more drying i think yeah i think circulate the air i had a gas oven at the at the apartment i used to live in which is really nice actually but i found the food was always a lot more juicy you know it didn't feel it wasn't dried out i can't quite explain it but it definitely had a different juicy definitely had like a different outcome to a fully electric fan assisted oven you know what i mean yes absolutely and then a barbecue as well barbecue the cooking is different too because you have that um infusion of uh you can
Starting point is 00:15:22 smell the burning coals like infused into your food right it's like uh that reminds me got a new appliance on father's day a pizza oven right used it at the weekend oh is this like one of those have you have you guys seen these like um you can get like these pizza stones it's like a it's like a stone that like super heats you just put it in the oven when you put your pizza on it but it's like right it basically emulates like uh stone that like super heats. You just put it in the oven, you put your pizza on it, but it's like, it basically emulates like, you know, like one of those like stone bake ovens, you know, like the old style ones. That's what this has. Oh.
Starting point is 00:15:55 Like it's like, it looks like an aircraft hangar. Right. Like the sort of curved thing. And at the back, you put the fuel in and get a fire going. And the fire sort of goes along inside the uh the oven and it's got a little chimney and it's got a door like you you know with a little wooden handle for you to open and close with a temperature gauge on there and in the middle is a stone like you said a piece of stone yeah i've seen these i saw one on star trek on star trek i
Starting point is 00:16:21 saw one on the new star trek yeah Riker was using one in the garden. I used mine in the garden on Saturday. Nice. Just like Riker. I was wondering what that was. I thought it was futuristic, but it turns out it's just like... It's a pizza oven. Recently, I got a pasta machine, you know,
Starting point is 00:16:38 like to make your own pasta from scratch. And then you put it in and you turn the thing and it cuts the pasta. You crank it. And then it gets thinner. You do it again, it gets thinner. Yeah, we got one of those. So we're gonna try that out. Apparently, they're really fun. Play dough. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it is fun. I got one last year, we made pasture a few times. Yeah, it is nicer. The
Starting point is 00:16:58 fresh pasta. Yeah. But with this pizza, I made the pizza. Yeah. So we like we made the dough, stretched it out, rolled it out, put it on. I'm not kidding. This. So we made the dough, stretched it out, rolled it out, put it on. I'm not kidding. This actually was one of the best pizzas I've ever had. I know that sounds stupid because I made it myself. But it's super fresh. It's cooked just right.
Starting point is 00:17:13 Yeah. The dough is the only way you can get the dough like this. It was so good. It was so good. We make our own pizza, but we don't have a pizza oven. We don't have one of those stones either. But we just make the dough because we've got a a bread machine so we just make the dough in a bread machine takes like a couple hours and then and then it's ready to go and you just chuck it in
Starting point is 00:17:33 the oven put some like we make our own sauce and everything is oh you can't beat it man like a fresh like it just tastes so much better because it's you're using like fresh cheese we use like fresh vegetables and stuff make our own sauce and season it and stuff. However, there was a problem. Oh, it's so good. There was a problem. Uh-oh. The problem was that this thing is very hungry for fuel.
Starting point is 00:17:54 It uses these little wooden pellets. Right. They look like some kind of rabbit food or something, but they're just wooden pellets. And you've got to keep tipping them in the back to keep the temperature at about 200 if it's not 200 the pizza is not going to cook properly you've got to get it you've got to keep it at a steady temperature right too hot and it just burns too cool it doesn't really cook so it's got to be 200 but you've got to just you basically it's a two-person job you need someone just tending the fuel all the time watching the temperature while the other person is getting the
Starting point is 00:18:22 pizza dough rolled out made into pizzas and put in it is definitely not a one-person job wow as me and mrs f discover and getting these fucking things lit in the first place oh my god yeah could you get like a raspberry pie kind of food dispenser that you use for your goldfish i'm not kidding that would be super the temperature feeds back and when it starts to drop, it puts a few more pellets in. If temperature below 200 degrees, do action, drop pellet, open and close bracket, raspberry pi dot initialize, computer enhance.
Starting point is 00:18:58 I can't see the pellets. But the instructions on the back of the thing, like you get a little manual and it says, light the pellets or fuel with a taper such as a newspaper whilst wearing fireproof gloves. And I'm like, geez, come on, dude. You need fireproof gloves to light a fucking fire. So I start trying to light these pellets and they won't burn.
Starting point is 00:19:19 And I've got these little, you know those things where you go click, click and the fire comes out. What do they call them? Like a firelight, right? One know those things where you go click, click and the fire comes out? Yeah. Like a, what do they call them? Like a firelighter, right? One of those things. Yeah. So I've got one of those that's like a gas one that is looked like one of those butane lighters that goes like a little gas flame.
Starting point is 00:19:34 Couldn't get these fuckers to light. Could not get them to light. In the end, luckily I have a bottle of isopropyl alcohol lying around in the old cleaning cupboard there, because it's good for getting stickers off of surfaces. If kids ever put a sticker on something and you can't get it off, you get the isopropyl alcohol, soak a little on it on a little sponge or something,
Starting point is 00:19:52 put it on the sticker, the whole fucking thing comes off like that. It just kills the solvent. So I have that lying around. I thought, what if I just fucking soaked some of these pellets in this alcohol? Let me tell you something, friends. That got the party started.
Starting point is 00:20:04 Foomp! Huge ball of flame. Nice. And the pellets took off. A mini nuclear explosion in your backyard. Yeah, my kids were super impressed. Nice. Oh, man. As was I. It's always really satisfying, isn't it? Like using something different to cook food or cooking food for the first time in a way that you're not accustomed to, and then it turning out really good and delicious but then sort of off the back of that you're like oh man i can't wait to do that again but then as the days go on you're like am i gonna really do that again it was a lot of work like it was a novelty it's a bit of a novelty but then yeah it does kind of become a chore but
Starting point is 00:20:42 i would like to get to a point in my life where i don't see that as a chore it just becomes part of my my normal life and i don't see it as any sort of obstacle it's just like this is just the way that i do stuff now but it takes a while to get there we've got the time haven't we like we're fairly blessed for time yeah yeah we don't have to commute no i mean i know le know Lewis you have to go into work But it's like a 10-minute walk. Yeah, 20 minute. Yeah, whatever. It's not that bad Yeah, if you compare it to some people you've got to go like an hour and a half two hours or whatever all this God, yeah, I could imagine them thinking fuck a pizza oven at the weekend. I just want to lie down
Starting point is 00:21:19 Yeah, but uh for me, there's no really just sort the wank-a-matron on and just go to town. I want to get, I know I was talking about this a while ago, but I want to get my own little greenhouse going so that I can grow some herbs. Oh, what happened with your greenhouse? This was episodes and episodes ago. You were going to build a fucking greenhouse. Yeah, I know, but it's still on the back burner
Starting point is 00:21:41 because there's other stuff. We need to get a new car. Not a brand new car, but we need to replace our current car. Clear out that back burner. That's taking up loads of space. No, no, it's nice to have a back burner. There's a couple of things, very exciting things on the back burner for us right now, which are slowly progressing.
Starting point is 00:21:56 You've been talking about a car for a while too. Yeah. Bill Gates would fucking love you, mate. You hardly got any of the things done. No, I don't. You didn't get the greenhouse, didn't get the car. You were going to plant a load of vegetables. None of this shit. Well, no, I have planted stuff done no i don't get the greenhouse didn't get the car you're gonna plant a load of vegetables none of this i haven't well no i have planted stuff we just don't have a greenhouse yet but i have been doing some planting and stuff i'm growing some
Starting point is 00:22:13 chives i'm growing some thyme i'm growing some uh time basil yeah i've got all all these things plenty of that it's a pun it's a pun um and uh we're we have some strawberry plants and we've had some strawberries off of them and we have an apple tree which is going to be ready to uh it's already producing apples but like they haven't they're not ready to pick yet but once we pick them i'm going to try to make some cider this year with the apples oh no yeah i'm gonna do it cider yeah and um so i got a couple of things i know but i mean i have all of this this stuff around me that i do nothing with so i want to start doing it but another thing that so we need to get a car i want to get an electric car but we might not get
Starting point is 00:22:58 an electric car we'll see do you need a car yeah we kind of need a car yeah we don't need it as much as you've got a kid, you potter around. Yeah, we've got two kids. But they live on a tiny island. It's like five tiles by five tiles. I'm just thinking how far do they need to go. Well, it still takes a while to get to some places. Sips isn't one of those dads who's going to be putting a bicycle helmet on
Starting point is 00:23:19 and cycling around to places. Do you know what I mean? That's not how it rolls. He's an American. No, I don't. He was born in Canada. He's going to drive everywhere anyway. Do you know what i mean that's not how it rolls he's an american no i don't he was born in o'canada he's gonna drive everywhere anyway that's it i mean exactly cycling is great fun no i know i need to get a bike at some point but uh i'm it's it's that's further that's on like the back back back now let me tell you that's a convenient way to get around you've got a back
Starting point is 00:23:40 back i've got i've got many burners um but but on the on the more immediate back burner um we're converting our loft into either another bedroom or some sort of like rec room or like a you know like just sort of like a place that we can watch movies on beanbags where the kids can study for school or what you know whatever we're we're gonna have we're gonna get our kids already have their own room yes yeah they do oh wow okay but so we're gonna to have, we're going to get our- Do your kids already have their own room each? Yes, yeah, they do. Oh, wow, okay. But so we're going to just have this extra space,
Starting point is 00:24:09 which will be really good. They're going to install like dormers and stuff. And we're pretty close to actually starting on that. So that's like more on the immediate back burner. Do you think that if you have a spare room, you, because there's a thing, there's a thing that an old adage where if you have space you'll fill it up right with stuff um so will if you have a spare room will it will you have another
Starting point is 00:24:32 kid or will you suddenly get like a train set what's gonna happen what kind of hobby is the spare room gonna cause i'm not gonna get a train set because i already have like a well-established hobby and a space for that hobby but there's stuff there's there's a couple of bits and pieces that we could do with moving into that room if we have another baby then we have a room for the baby you're thinking about a good baby it's always an option it's always a possibility it's we haven't like we haven't said no so so. That was a yes then. Who knows? Oh, you brave boy. You brave, brave man. Well, I mean, I'm not, I'm no spring chicken anymore. I don't know if like my pancake batter is up to it anymore, but we'll see.
Starting point is 00:25:15 Listen to me, Sips. Your fish can swim, dude. Yeah. Okay, let me tell you. I got swimmers, yeah. Those lads, I mean, men can have babies for years. Yeah, well. Years and years and years.
Starting point is 00:25:26 Your lads are still looking to make babies for a very long time. No, it's an unlimited supply. Trust me. I've been wanking for years, never run out. No, I know. Same. I'm in the same boat as you. Hopefully not at the same time.
Starting point is 00:25:39 Yeah, we don't want to do that in the boat. Geez. Well, it depends if there's a hole and you need to like fill it up with some sticky stuff you know to get it i want to get i want to eventually get a boat on my back back back back burner maybe just like a sailboater you know something easy i'm not saying a sail i'm not saying a sailboat's easy i'm just saying something that's like easy enough to just like go out uh for the day on sort of thing you know what i mean like just if you were if you want to talk to me about being too lazy to make pasta and pizza, having a boat is a fucking job, dude.
Starting point is 00:26:09 Well, I know, but... It doesn't sit there like a car. You've got to tend that shit. No, I'm going to pay somebody to tend to it, though. That's my plan. But this is... A boat is a hole in the water into which you pour money.
Starting point is 00:26:21 Yeah, but this is... This is back, back, back. This is if like one day i i i you know win the lottery or something i would get a boat for sure well i mean it makes sense to have one over here because you know you're always close you're an island exactly yeah so you could get one and it could be kind of fun but what would you call your boat i'd probably just call it the uss enterprise right because why why not, right? Like, I think it's a pretty good name. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:47 Then you could say, engage. Engage. Yeah, every time I get onto it or, you know, captain on board, I get my son to get the whistle. Whee! Yep. And stuff like that. That's the whistle for the captain who's just boarded the ship, I believe.
Starting point is 00:27:00 Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, that's the one I want to get. Everyone's like, oh, shit, he's here. Tidy up. Yeah, I don't know. Tell the one I want to get so everyone's like oh shit he's here tidy up yeah I don't know I think tell the lazy crew I think it's fun to have I think it's fun to have a couple of things that you are definitely going to do and then a couple of things that are just ideas of and they're things that you may never do or whatever but it's just fun to have those ideas like like I don't know like because we live on an island and we're close to boats and
Starting point is 00:27:23 stuff like sometimes we go for a walk and i'm like oh let's go walk around the marina and like i look at all the boats that i'm gonna buy but like i know i'm never gonna buy a boat like right the two happiest days in the sailor's life are the day he buys the boat and the day he sells the boat no you know what i like the idea though of i don't know if you guys share this but i like the idea of just uh having like this vessel that you just take out for the day you know you pack some food and you maybe like pack some extra clothes just in case or whatever and you take your family and you just go on like a little adventure sail out and you raid the coastline of france something like that but like you know i just like that idea
Starting point is 00:28:02 of like a little adventure but you're it. What are the rules about having a boat? Where can you go? Can I just go and park up in France at a marina? Yeah, you can, yeah. Where are your papers? There's visiting, there's visitor berths at most marinas that you can. Like I'm technically an international traveler. Like this must be controlled.
Starting point is 00:28:24 They have coast guards and stuff to make sure that people don't just rock up. Yeah, yeah. I think even just to get into the marina in the first place, I think you have to, I think somebody comes out and basically boards you and checks your stuff. Well, obviously, yeah. They do. White actor and white there a moment.
Starting point is 00:28:40 Dives into the water. They're mermaids. They're mermen and mermaids employed by the government to swim out and meet. Where are you going? Yeah, exactly. Do you have your papers? Of course. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:56 I mean, this is the kingdom of Poseidon we're talking about here. So you have to have. You've got to have your paper. Show them a conch shell. Yeah, exactly. You're like, I'll trade you three doodads for your spork. Okay, thank you. so you have to have you gotta have your paper you have to show them a conch shell exactly like i'll trade you three doodads for your spork okay thank you um no but i'm pretty sure it has to be controlled right because if it wasn't uh it's it's kind of like um personal uh air travel you
Starting point is 00:29:19 know like the little like cessna planes and stuff like that. Yeah. When they land at an airport. I mean, otherwise people would just be smuggling drugs left, right and center. There'd be no fucking stopping them, right? Sailboat full of drugs, little Cessna full of drugs. Yeah. I mean, that's the way they do it, right? It stopped all the time. Like there was a thing in the news a couple of years ago where one of those little planes, like a two-seater plane
Starting point is 00:29:45 was coming in from france or whatever and as it was as it was sort of like lining up to land or whatever somebody noticed something fall out of the plane wow somehow i don't know maybe they were they must have been watching it or something so they go to the field where they see this thing land and it was just like this gigantic fucking crate of marijuana and wow they yeah they got arrested and everything so somebody's watching like they they they know that this people are up to this kind of stuff so i'd imagine it extends to boats and shit as well but it have to it has that's amazing yeah people smuggling drugs and stuff in innovative ways is always like so like i don't know how they even discover it half the time.
Starting point is 00:30:26 I was recommended a YouTube video the other day of the Coast Guard in America trying to stop a mini sub. Wow. That was like drug smugglers. They had a fucking little mini sub and they're trying to take it underwater. And this lad, one of the Coast Guard lads is on the outside banging on it, pointing his gun at them. And they opened the hatch. I remember hearing about this. And they just fucking dive, lads is on the outside banging on it and pointing his gun at them and they opened the hatch and they just fucking dive lads it's a submarine
Starting point is 00:30:48 I think when the Soviet Union was a thing I think a couple of the South American cartels bought old subs off them and stuff just for that just to smuggle drugs can you imagine getting on that
Starting point is 00:31:04 I heard all these mini subs were just like shit though like really shoddily man i would not i wouldn't even go on a sub with a highly trained like the best trained crew i wouldn't even go on a sub let alone with some dude who just like read the manual and wants to smuggle lots of drugs like i would i mean if you're buying a second-hand sub from the ussr there ain't no manual no but the thing is these guys aren't these these guys aren't diving down really deep or anything either right like they're just yeah they're not under the iceberg i think they think as long as we're not sitting on the water they can't see us like they just don't know about sonars and radars and stuff they're just like if they can't see us we don't exist it's like mr
Starting point is 00:31:45 invisible so they fly planes around to look for yeah of course yeah and you can see them unless you're super deep yeah i mean i just think i just love the idea of this crew who don't really know how sub how this sub works yeah like it turns up they're like okay the new sub is here guys where do we park it let's try it out and they get inside what does all this do like how how do you where do you begin i'm not a submarine captain are you no okay let's fill it with drugs let's go yeah yeah i know it sounds like such a great idea and like a good idea for movie but the fucking logistics and the reality of it are just garbage aren't they fuck me i mean these lads didn't even realize that if there are people if
Starting point is 00:32:30 you're on the surface and there are people on the on the boat telling you to to get out you can just go under the water then those lads either drown or let go like you're a sub they're like if only If only we had some way to escape these surface ships. Come on, guys. Why'd you buy it? Yeah, exactly. There's got to be easier ways. Well, I think we're at the point now where it's much harder to smuggle drugs with boats and stuff. Because they've tried everything, right? They've tried subs.
Starting point is 00:33:01 It's been countered. They've tried super fast like ribs, you their own little train strapping them to people they've tried super fast like ribs uh you know speed boats and stuff to like you know just try to brute force their way in as fast as they can those have failed as well because uh somehow they've been stopped and confiscated and now they use those boats against them and stuff i saw this like documentary about it one time and uh i feel like like all of like the modern machines and stuff like that it's it's much harder right they dug tunnels they found the tunnels like under the borders or whatever so all that's left really
Starting point is 00:33:36 is people uh putting drugs um in their asses and that's it like that honestly that's got to be the most reliable way still of doing manpower is cheap yeah and those people want to get into the country anyway so you're like here's what we're gonna do you want to go into america we're gonna strap you full of drugs we'll give you some money if the drugs get over the border we'll give you some more money and if none of this happens we're gonna kill your family because they're all still here yeah so make sure you do it and they go okay or they just say we're gonna kill your family do this for us and they go okay strap a load of drugs on them they walk over the border you unstrap the
Starting point is 00:34:08 drugs and then you send them back and they do it again i think how big the border is man of any country well i think that i don't even know like if it's that it's that's what it is i think it's the trade right it's got to be like the millions of tons of freight that go between mexico and america every year or whatever right it's got to be that. It's got to be the trucks that drive huge amounts of, I don't know, fucking avocados and tequila and shit. You just stick them in the back of there and they won't check half the time. They don't want to check every drug.
Starting point is 00:34:35 Even if they check one in ten. Yeah, they can't check them all. You lose 10% of your drugs. They check a lot of that stuff. I mean, they had that thing where they can turn cocaine into, like they can injection mold it like they found a way to liquefy it injection mold it into shit most and mostly now i think the way that they do it is they break it down into components which all are seemingly uh not a big
Starting point is 00:34:57 deal and then spread them out and stuff like that and then sort of reassemble the drugs when they're where they need to be right right? Like in America. So you're carrying a ship with the date of coal and cane. You have coal and you have cane. What are you going to do with it? Oh, well, the coal is used for farming stuff, and the cane is also useful for farming. So we're going to head over with our coal and our cane
Starting point is 00:35:23 and our hair and our oen as well. That's a second shipment. Don't worry about that. And the crystals are over there and the meths are in a different truck. So this is all separate stuff. It doesn't go together. Obviously, we couldn't reassemble. So yeah, don't worry about it.
Starting point is 00:35:39 No, I think that's like another fairly common way of doing it. You could just reassemble it there, right? Why do you have to bring over the finished product? I think the future of all this is going to be like a miniaturized version of what SpaceX is doing with like the rockets and stuff. I think that they'll just launch these mini rockets that are hard to detect internationally. How do you hide a rocket hide a rocket it's like a
Starting point is 00:36:06 little tiny one you know like you know like at the rocket club at school it's like it'll be like a little tiny rocket but it can carry like enough drugs to make it worthwhile but then you can like with your raspberry pi you can make it make it land without crashing and stuff on a moving platform. So they'll be like the drug baron version of Elon Musk, like Elon meth. Yeah. Elon meth is trying to ship over some drugs. That's right. Space ecstasy.
Starting point is 00:36:33 We developed a rocket that can take off with drugs on board, land, drop off the drugs via Raspberry Pi interface, of course. Yeah. And then, and then take off again and land back in Mexico. That's the plan.
Starting point is 00:36:46 That's it. That's the future I'm predicting. Do you think that the future is actually that they're just going to legalize all this shit? Some of it they will. Some of it they will. Not all of it, though. I mean, I don't think they would never.
Starting point is 00:37:00 Because this is a very expensive fight. They can't realistically legalize heroin and cocaine. They already have't realistically uh legalized like heroin and like uh cocaine they already have they've legalized you know but like not not they essentially have you've got people hooked on opiates but yeah but even that's a huge problem though and and the problem is in in um in some of the places that this is happening when the money runs out or you or whatever you can't get access to these things anymore then these people go to the streets and get heroin and stuff which is obviously worse so but at the very least they're not buying bad shit well you know what i mean i think one of the ideas is that if you if you legalize it you decrease if you decriminalize it at least
Starting point is 00:37:40 having it doesn't mean like here's what i was thinking the other day let's say uh because in america you get banged up a lot like there's a lot of fucking people in jail in america they've got the biggest prison population in the world right and they're definitely at the forefront of the war on drugs as it were because they've got their whole border is south america right yeah central and south america that's like drug central they a lot of those countries produce an awful lot of the world's cocaine and all the rest of it yeah so they see an awful lot of it you've got a lot of poverty in america disparity between rich and poor and drugs are a big problem like you said the opiate crisis part of that was that was started by people getting legal prescriptions and now they've
Starting point is 00:38:20 turned to the illegal drugs trade yeah and if you're gonna have to stop these guys bringing drugs in like if you didn't do anything. A lot of these things aren't designed for you to be on them for a long time, though. That's the thing. That's right. But they'll just keep giving them to you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:31 Like for anything, you've got a sore knee, you better have some fucking opiates. Like it's ridiculous. What should be ibuprofen and a sit down and just be patient is, well, we're going to pump you full of morphine because we get paid money to shift this stuff.
Starting point is 00:38:44 So the problem is if you're not going to legalize things like crystal fucking meth and heroin and all that, which is fair enough, how about you do have some legal drugs? I don't know. I can't imagine that they would. I don't know if they'll ever legalize crack or angel dust. Right, but if you legalize drugs
Starting point is 00:39:04 and you allow companies to make synthetic versions of those drugs or to make some fancy new drug imagine if coca-cola put cocaine back in the coke you know what i mean what what would that change if people are doing coke anyway if you could now buy special cocaine plus coca-cola what's the deal like uh i've been trying to think about it what would be the end game? Would it make things better? Would it make things worse? Are we better off with drugs being illegal?
Starting point is 00:39:29 Yeah. Given the number of people that die, the number of assholes that make money from the drugs trade. Yeah. If we take that away, what are they going to do? You have to protect people from cells. I think with weed being obviously legalized,
Starting point is 00:39:40 I'd be interested in seeing how that has changed the use of like harder stuff, right? Because everyone always gets Oh, it's a slippery slope. You know, as soon as people get weed, they'll be small, they'll be taking crack next. I mean, here's the thing. How many people do you know that that smoke some weed and then think I fancy some fucking bath salts, actually, you know, this weed has got me hankering for some bath salts and they take
Starting point is 00:40:05 something that's really gonna fuck them up like i'm chowing down on a pritt stick and they're like you know sniffing the fucking sharpies they're just going to full drugs no well you've already had to make a bad decision if you're going to do those kind of what is what is the next sort of medicinal kind of because everyone's all this health kick now right even weed is like it's good for it calms you down it's good for your stress it's good for your mental health you know everyone's all this health kick now right even weed is like it's good for it calms you down it's good for your stress it's good for your mental health you know everyone's smoking weed for various things oh i got a bit of a sore thumb or whatever have a little smoke on that weed like jermaine it feels like it's the feels like it's the fucking solution to every medical problem so
Starting point is 00:40:38 what's the next thing that the pharmaceutical companies will be putting and it's got to only be a little bit less controversial than weed right or maybe more controversial like just you know what's the next it can't be straight to heroin no but maybe like magic mushrooms maybe psychedelics maybe like that stuff's gonna be i mean if the idea is oh we can't sell this because it causes lasting damage we already sell lots of shit that causes lasting damage cigarettes is a prime example they're very bad for you alcohol is a prime example fatty foods we let people drive cars for God's sake. Cars are incredibly dangerous. Any old fucker can drive a car. And I just feel like it's one of those things
Starting point is 00:41:14 where I'm not sure if I'm for or against it at all. Like, I really don't know. I would want to know what would happen if you decriminalized all these drugs? Would people suddenly start doing more of them? Would you do heroin if it was legal? Or is what putting you off the idea that you don't want to be spending the fucking rest of your life on heroin? I think it's not going to happen in our lifetimes. I think that we could all appreciate, and we all knew before weed was legalized in various places,
Starting point is 00:41:39 that it's not that bad, right? Everyone was joking about it since the 60s and 70s. Legalize weed, man. It was kind of in the public consciousness that it was it was okay. And so it was almost like it was a mistake to have it be banned. Whereas I don't think anyone's disagreeing that heroin and cocaine and cracker is probably not good things to have around. But then you've got to fight this war on drugs which is putting people in prison which is costing trillions of dollars globally to to fight this uh and it's not working it's clearly not working i mean there's there's still it's not like drugs is a thing of
Starting point is 00:42:16 the past now because we've been fighting it for 40 years it's still there so what's what's what are we hoping to achieve i don't know like you have to stop people taking it in the first place maybe you have to solve the systemic problems at the bottom of society, fix wealth inequality, all these big problems, big flags that are not solved for because rich people love their money too much. And I don't want to give it to poor people. But they're happy to see the money go on the war on drugs. So if you stop the war on drugs and spend that money, as you say,
Starting point is 00:42:38 on helping people to not be poor and desperate and shit like that, would that kill the drug trade in itself? No. no would people take more there's always going to be people who want to do drugs that's true and cocaine is like the rich man's drug as well isn't it i mean you you you might not be an avid drug user but you might be tempted to just do drugs sometimes for fun just to see what it was like i know i well if i could pop to the corner shop and buy some acid no well i'm not saying like you have to you know what i mean like like i know i know plenty of people who don't do like drugs every day but every once in a while
Starting point is 00:43:11 they will just do drugs because it's fun it's like you know i could either drink tonight or maybe i'll just do drugs instead tonight for fun but like and then not do it again for like two months or something you know what i mean i've read quite a lot of stories about people saying things like you know i never wanted to do heroin because i was scared i would get a taste for it you know and then i did heroin and i got a taste for it and i fucking ruined my life yeah i mean i feel like yeah yeah that kind of stuff happens really sad of course but like um you know that can happen with with alcohol as well like there's there are legal things that that can easily happen with too, where your life can be ruined because you can't stop yourself or you can't help
Starting point is 00:43:52 yourself or whatever. Well, people don't have much choice either, you know? They're kind of thrown into these situations and they have to try and cope with them. And sometimes, you know... Also, if you live in it, if you're surrounded by people who... You've grown up with shitty parents who do crystal meth and shit like that, and all your friends do, you're going to do it. That's pretty much the way it is. If you grew up in a puritanical place where nobody drinks and smokes, you're probably not going to do those things either. People are influenced so much by what they see growing up.
Starting point is 00:44:20 It's true. I know that if your parents smoke, you're much more likely to smoke. Both my parents smoked growing up, so as soon as i was all about to smoke i started smoking yeah um if they'd been doing shit loads of uh some parents teach their kids to play chess and they become chess prodigies others teach their kids to do drugs i um one of my good friends growing up his dad was a chain smoker he smoked like three packs a day or whatever and we when we started smoking it was very easy for us to do that because we could either steal cigarettes from him so it was you know whatever like he didn't really notice he had like fucking boxes of cigarettes in
Starting point is 00:44:58 the house amen uh but but also it was easy for us to to smoke them as well because we could just smoke in his basement and nobody could tell the difference right like right it was pretty it was easy for us to smoke them as well, because we could just smoke in his basement and nobody could tell the difference. Right. Right. It was pretty it was like it was pretty easy. I guess what I'm saying is that depending on your the context and circumstance and stuff, some of this stuff is surprisingly really easy to try or get into or whatever. And you may not even think about it. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:45:25 or whatever and you may not even think about it you know what i mean like you might not approach any of this stuff with any real sort of like uh reservation or fear or anything it may just be like oh well you know i'm in the mood to try this let's go you know like and you know like all the all the factors align with that and it's and next thing you know you're smoking a pack of cigarettes a day at the age of 14, which is not great. Did you do that? It happens. Yeah. Wow. Fuck, yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:49 I smoked like quite a bit like during high school. I mean, it didn't help. We had a smoking section at high school as well. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. So, we had this whole section outside with picnic tables and everything. So, like, you know, they'd be like be like, are you going to go to gym class?
Starting point is 00:46:06 No, I'm just going to go to the smoking section and skip gym class. I can't believe you had a place that you could go to smoke. Like that's... Well, it was like the early 90s, right? So it was still like... Oh, they were trying to be right on? Like at college, we had smoking areas. I smoked a hell of a lot at college.
Starting point is 00:46:23 Yeah, but like, I mean, I used to... the place that i worked at when i was in high school i worked at a grocery store like the manager's office like was a smoking room basically like there was still you could still smoke in restaurants you could still smoke in i mean in quebec you could smoke in shopping malls you could just walk around a shopping mall you could smoke everywhere i remember going to new york new york was the first place i went to where there was i was in a restaurant and i couldn't smoke there yeah it blew my mind yeah and when i went out on the street to smoke this one was like do you mind yeah i was like i'm outdoors like i'm smoking yeah what is your problem it's just it was a different time it was just a lot easier to to do it like we used to the weather was really
Starting point is 00:47:05 bad um in in where i grew up like in canada the part of canada i grew up in uh for like six months of the year the weather is terrible snowing and raining all the time and stuff like that and uh like right next to my high school we had this you know like one of those outdoor malls like uh it was like like a strip mall sort of thing so there's like a big grocery store and then a bunch of other stores and then inevitably there was like a couple of fast food places dotted in there as well we used to walk over there for lunch and there was a subway there and you were allowed to smoke in there like uh so you'd buy like a sub and sit down and eat and there was ashtray you just smoke so we just we'd sit in there for hours if the weather was bad just smoke our heads off and eat subs and whatever like it was we used to go to uh there was a me and mrs f and a couple of our friends back in bournemouth that we were at
Starting point is 00:47:55 college with we would go to there was a tea room near that near the near the square just up the road richmond hill just up richmond hill on the right there for any uh bournemouthians there it used to be though and we would go in there and it would be us and a bunch of old ladies and everyone was smoking. And just, we'd be in there drinking tea for like two or three hours. Yeah. And just smoking our asses off and talking.
Starting point is 00:48:15 Yeah. And it's weird to think that we were thinking, let's go somewhere and sit down and just fucking smoke and drink tea. That's what we're going to do. Yeah. We're just going to go smoke and drink tea. Interestingly, in Europe, they know enacted these laws as well which prevent a lot of
Starting point is 00:48:29 smoking indoors um in the same way that we've got them now but they have nice nicer weather than us and so they just moved it all outside so anytime there is a like outdoor restaurant it's obviously every every table will there'll be a bunch of old folks smoking it like almost or everyone just not even old folks just every restaurant there'll be tons of people smoking it feels like i've just seen it so many times um and it's it's really funny just also quite shocking almost like i go to an on holiday to italy or whatever and i'll deliberately go like sit inside because the last time I was at a restaurant you know it was just two two two old granddads blowing smoke left right and center yeah I mean when when we went to Berlin was it last year a year before the TwitchCon I guess
Starting point is 00:49:15 it must have been two years ago me and Tom went to a a pub in uh in Berlin where you could just there was a smoking room indoors underground and it was packed we were in there the whole time oh god and my eyes were red by the end of it because I'm I've just become unused to cigarette smoke from I haven't smoked cigarettes well those things are like a hot box but also they are almost always now super disgusting right oh it was revolting no one is building new smoking rooms or renovating hotels to have smoking rooms in them. If a hotel has a smoking room, it's left over from old times. And a smoking room, because one of my friends, for some reason,
Starting point is 00:49:55 a convention I was at, had chosen a hotel with a smoking room in. And I saw it, and the walls were yellow saw it and it was like just the walls were like yellowed and it was like absolutely disgusting. Yeah. I mean, you don't, it's like,
Starting point is 00:50:09 it's like turning the lights on in a, in a, you know, nightclub and being like, oh my fucking God. That was always the worst.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Yeah, yeah. Whoever came up with the idea of getting people out of the nightclub at the end of the night by just turning the fucking lights on,
Starting point is 00:50:23 genius. Yeah. Because the moment you see it in the light and everybody all dingy you're like everybody's all fucking sweaty and stuff but you don't notice it when the lights are also sticky and it's like got trash all over it and you don't realize it feels worse your shoes are gross and you're like what the fuck what have i been doing and then also like there's this thing where i remember going to japan and they used to have these, like, in Akihabara,
Starting point is 00:50:48 which is the sort of techie district, they had these big arcades. And they used to allow smoking them for so many years that they still smell awful. And the smoke rises in these sort of five, they're quite tight, like, they're not like big buildings, but they're quite tall. And so the smoke just rises up and up and it gets worse and worse. And at the top floor, it had just this like, you know, two foot high cloud of smoke like at the top of the thing, you know,
Starting point is 00:51:14 and you could just about see the video games that you're playing on the top floor. But because of that, so many years of that, those buildings just absolutely stink yes of like old cigarette smoke and they can't get rid of it like cleaning will not just it's just they're just permanently ruined yeah it's amazing to think that people used to think smoking was perfectly good for you like it honestly is one of those things that even while you're doing it you know there's it's kind of a badge of honor with smokers that you don't care right i don't fucking care i smoke but you do i mean it is obviously bad like i know vaping probably isn't good for me but i really fucking
Starting point is 00:51:49 love it i think they still allow a lot of smoking in vegas and casinos right because they want people to get that they want to be comfortable drinking and smoking and gambling last time i went which was a couple years ago um you were allowed to smoke and i don't think it'll ever change because it's a state-by-state thing. I know that there's places in Florida you can smoke. There are bars I go to when I see my dad. There's a couple of bars you can go and you can smoke in the bar. And they're just like...
Starting point is 00:52:13 I mean, one of the excuses is they'll just have a fucking humidor. Like this one bar just has a humidor there. You can buy cigars. And because of that, they're allowed to say, yeah, you can fucking smoke. It's a cigar bar. We need to be able to smoke indoors.
Starting point is 00:52:24 And they're like, okay. I think the last time I went to Gamescom, I was there with Hat Films and some other people. And we went into a cigar lounge. It was like in our hotel. We went in there for a joke, but ended up smoking lots of cigars. But it was all indoors. And like you said, it had all the right equipment, ventilation, everything. But I mean, this isn't that long ago.
Starting point is 00:52:45 But that seems to be smoking in Germany. When I was there, I'm always surprised how many people smoke there. Like I always thought, like when I go to Sweden and stuff, they're all doing the snooze, right? They're not, you don't see many actual smokers. You just see them with their little pouch they tuck under their lip. It's disgusting. You see that. You don't see that many smokers.
Starting point is 00:53:03 You do see some. But when I went to germany there's fucking tons i was like wow people love smoking in germany yeah i was kind of surprised god yeah i mean every bar we went to it when we because we went to germany last time we were um what we did we were paradox con i think and we went around the hotel from the hotel around to the local bar and outside the bar loads of people just standing on the street holding their drinks because they couldn't smoke inside you went inside there were like three people in there showing they people just go in buy a beer stand outside even though there wasn't like any allocated
Starting point is 00:53:34 seating or anything outside you know for them to see it they were just they just wanted to drink and smoke together and so that was the only option it's like in when i was in lisbon last summer it was like that too you're like because the weather was so nice um and there was a lot of people smoking there too everywhere we went um you you go inside there's just it's empty like everybody was just outside crowded onto like a patio or or whatever you know like it was just everybody wanted to be outside everybody was just smoking a lot and stuff like it's still it's still really it's still a really popular thing to do even though we know that like the health implications and and stuff there's a lot more awareness about it but it's like some people i don't know it's weird isn't
Starting point is 00:54:16 it i guess some i guess if you've been smoking for a long time usually i think usually the thing that gets people to stop smoking is a health scare, right? That's what usually sort of kickstarts the, okay, I better stop. You know, like I know that the same friend whose dad was a chain smoker, he's quit in the past couple of years. I mean, this guy who smoked a ton. But then I think he went for like a routine checkup at the doctor and the doctor was like, oh, shit, this is not very good. Like, you know, maybe you should cut back on smoking or just quit altogether because this is
Starting point is 00:54:49 only gonna get worse and he was like ah fuck okay like i don't it's not cancer or anything but like there are other side effects of smoking like all those tons you know that that can can debilitate you or or cause you like a there's so many it's actually a degree of discomfort for the rest of your life sort of thing so like uh i think that was like his big sort of holy shit i better stop smoking like i i don't actually want to get sick i think all smokers eventually get a wake-up call yeah yeah my father-in-law quit a few years ago he used to smoke cigars like little mini cigars all day all day he'd be smoking cigars and then the doctor was like you need to quit it's like okay and stopped yeah and i was like wow it was that i think sometimes sometimes it's it's some
Starting point is 00:55:30 sort of i think they're confronted with their own mortality i think that's what it is people don't people believe they're invincible especially in their teens and 20s they don't even think that anything can hurt them and often like they're they're right in a sense like if you stop soon enough apparently like if you if you smoked and stopped soon enough and you have i don't know 10 years or something to clean it all out that might be a myth but that's what i that's what i heard too and it might be bollocks so so that bet talking about betting because it is kind of making a bet on your life, I guess, with smoking. Because some people do, like, some people,
Starting point is 00:56:08 Oh, I'm 80 years old, I've been smoking my entire life, and I'm fine. Look at me. Yeah. Whereas other people are like 45, and they're like, I've got the oxygen tank here. Do you know what I mean? They fucking, anyway. There's this thing I was reading this week about this thing called the Kelly bet, right?
Starting point is 00:56:26 Which is kind of like a mathematical formula that tells you what your... You basically have to put in your timeline. Okay, so it might be like 30 minutes. It might be like the rest of your life. And you put in how much money you've got and you put in what you're betting've got and you put in like what you're betting on and what the return potentially could be and it kind of tells you what bet size you
Starting point is 00:56:52 should make in order to make the maximum gain over time so for example in a study you're given 25 dollars okay and told that there's a coin that will land on heads 60% of the time. Okay. So on average, the coin will land on heads. Participants were given 30 minutes to play. So on average, they could place about 300 bets in that time. And you had to make as much money as you could. So what would your strategy be if you were playing that study?
Starting point is 00:57:23 Do you guys have any, what would would your strategy be? If you were playing that study? Do you guys have any what was your what would your gambling? Just if you get 60% return? I mean, you're getting a return 10. You're getting a 10% over the odds, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So if you just keep betting forever, you're gonna make money. I mean, so so what's your what's your strategy? You've got 30 minutes right? I would put it all on red and my the day of my birthday.
Starting point is 00:57:43 You put $25 on head straight away, would you, Sibs? Yeah. And, okay. Wait, wait. So why wouldn't I? If it's got a 60% chance of winning, why wouldn't I just do that? Well, apparently two-thirds of participants gamble on tails at some point. Why?
Starting point is 00:57:58 Knowing that it's got a lower chance. Because, I don't know, they're having fun. You know, people, like like it just shows you that most people are stupid I guess okay so two-thirds of people get out of town at some point uh 28% of people went bust given that they you know starting with $25 they managed to go bust um and lose it all even though you know flipping the coin was 60% chance of getting heads. Right. The average profit was only $90. Right. So that's the average profit.
Starting point is 00:58:28 Average profit was $90. Yeah. So in fact, given this, you know, they put a cap on of $250 because if they didn't, people would have won, you know, thousands. Yeah. Thousands and thousands. But the optimum strategy, if you like,
Starting point is 00:58:43 if you put it through this Kelly bet system, is to stake $5 out of your $25 to begin with. And then every time you lose, you take it down to 20% of what you've got left. And every time you win, you go up to 20% of what you've got now. And so with that strategy, you have a 95% chance of reaching the cap of 250. Cool. There you go. So it's like a little clever strategy, but that betting system could be used to other things too, right?
Starting point is 00:59:14 So for example, if you have a knowledge of how likely something's going to be, you could even use it for things like, because we talked about betting a lot last week, and some people people linked this to me and i was interested to hear about it um but it's but it's like um if you have an idea of how likely something is you can assess for the rest of your life and um and it's something which warren buffett has done as well with investing right he's used things like this to just to try and get to a certain wealth value by a certain time and see well he made it dude's rich as hell he's done great yeah but i mean then he's probably
Starting point is 00:59:52 used about every single strategy known to man over time he's the the king of investing isn't he i think what if you get to a point where you're very rich which he was and then you just don't make shit decisions, which a lot of people do. Like if someone comes to you with a business plan that that's just doesn't really make sense, just don't invest in it. So like the most of the ones that fail, it's like, how did they ever think that was going to work? But they managed to find people that are gullible and stupid and give them the money. Would you would you make like an auto pellet dropper? Would you make like an would would you make and sell would you would you make like an auto pellet dropper would you make like and would you make and sell that would you make like um is it like a product
Starting point is 01:00:29 to help another product like a like an isopropyl alcohol when so when is the right time to invest in some peewee herman ass shit you know like what what's what are the good ones and not the goldfish feeder bad ones like yeah the goldfish well then again like i mean these the etsy's exists right you could have like an electronic etsy where people make little solutions for shitty peewee herman problems right but you get money by by investing in shit that everybody's gonna want so that's it like if it's something like a thing that tops up the pellets in the back of a pizza thing that's a terrible idea because like i know one guy who has one of those right you know me they're the only one and how many of those people
Starting point is 01:01:10 that have these things are going to want that additional thing but that's a third of the guys that you know that's a lot of people yeah i know but we don't know let's extend that out to the whole world the other thing as well is that we don't know if flax is ever going to use that thing again we had this discussion already where we thought hang on it was fun to use it once but maybe it's maybe it's more hassle than it's worth in the future so like yeah there's a lot of stuff you got to take into account before you invest your hard-earned cash yeah that's what warren buffett did that's what warren buffett did he thought about it just try thinking about it yeah that's my advice at potential investors just just think about it's hard to predict the future but if you ever see anything about a miniature rocket that transports drugs internationally and uses a
Starting point is 01:01:55 raspberry pi to land on a moving platform in get on it the middle of a lake yeah i feel like that's gonna be a good one to invest in and you'll probably see a lot of drugs delivery you'll see a lot of return on your investment for that one i think i mean i i can't people have been like shipping just posting stuff i think that might be the way it's done in future because everyone's they're getting deliveries right amazon is like drones and home deliveries especially after the lockdown everyone's just everyone's just getting stuff delivered and you could just vacuum wrap everything for cheap true you know you just vacuum because that's how i'd buy stuff if i was maybe that's maybe that's what they should be doing when they when they don't have
Starting point is 01:02:34 a condom handy and they're ready they vacuum wrap your penis in those vacuum wrapper machines yeah doesn't sound painful go drink wrap just vacuum vacuum wrap your your johnson i don't know if i because you use the cling film in the microwave and the cling film never gets that hot though does it you know it just it's got no water in it do you have you guys ever use that stuff that you um you have to use like the it's like you know like the cling film that you have that in your kitchen or whatever it's like sticky right like it it kind of like has like that's just static static or something and it sticks but it it sort of like you know it really does cling right on to the thing like uh but you know sometimes you can get this plastic that doesn't have that it doesn't cling but you have
Starting point is 01:03:15 to like blow dry it or whatever to make it uh like half melted or whatever to make it stick i mean i remember shrink wrap i used to have to use that stuff at i think it was when i was working at blockbuster wow i think it was like for used games we had to like shrink wrap these these like used games or whatever and put labels makes them seem more palatable yeah yeah yeah yeah it makes me seem newer would you guys do that to your to your johnsons as well like just put some loose plastic and blow dry it onto your heads out desperate i'm not putting any i'm not putting any household implement or tool no near my junk yeah as well i don't know investing is uh is it is a tricky one i think the thing is um if investing was easy everybody would be filthy rich right i guess like that's the it's like yeah that's true it's a gamble in itself you have to know your markets you have to know you have to know you have to have some sort of idea of what people
Starting point is 01:04:12 are going to want in the future you have to be able to predict the future or maybe just luck out hard you know like maybe it's I think that is it a crash certainly initially but you can't tell me that you're going to be lucky over time i mean that's like saying that really good poker players oh you're just lucky a lot yeah i feel like it makes good decisions i feel like with investing like you said i think once you pass a certain amount of money it's hard not to make more money in a way because you can yeah you can you can diversify a lot more than also you're going to surround yourself with smart people right you're surrounding yourself with people who are going to say here's a really good investment sir oh it
Starting point is 01:04:49 looks good yeah yeah but i'll give them my money bye bye bye bye yeah yeah i feel like it's i feel like once it's kind of like a there's a bit of a snowball effect with all of it after a while i mean not i'm not in every case obviously obviously. There's some people who amass a tremendous amount of money and lose it all, right, through a couple of bad decisions or whatever. But I feel like the opposite happens sometimes, too. You know, like, I feel like sometimes somebody will make one or two good decisions, but then continually get richer and richer off just some average decisions after that you know what i mean like if you don't make any terrible decisions you're probably fine that's a good that's
Starting point is 01:05:31 a good way to to live like you've lived your life yeah just make bad just make continual bad decisions or at least those that none of them are terrible average ones average just make average decisions and you should be fine it should all even out in the end. That's great life advice, I think. I think we should leave it there. Holy crap. There you go. Just make average decisions, guys. Shanaynay.
Starting point is 01:05:51 Yeah. And you'll do just good. Good enough. Just keep going. Don't do drugs, kids. Or smoke. Bad. It's bad.
Starting point is 01:06:00 All right. Thanks, everyone. See you next week. See you. See you later. Bye. alright thanks everyone see you next week see ya see you later bye

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