Triforce! - Triforce! #179: Zack Snyder's Lord of the Rings
Episode Date: June 2, 2021Triforce! Episode 179! We're recapping the wonderful Eurovision Song Contest, hating on the WORST movie we've seen (that you simply have to watch) and imagining a terrible universe where Zack Snyder d...irected Lord of the Rings. Support your favourite podcast on Patreon:Â https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Oh, hello. Welcome back, everyone. It's time for my favorite time of the week,
where I get to hang out with my favorite dad, Sips.
And my favorite other second... You don't need to save it.
I understand.
I understand.
It's P-Facts.
Sips is full of...
Did you sniff a flower this morning, Sips?
Oh, man, did I ever.
I sniffed a couple.
Like, the whole planet is in bloom today,
or at least, well, where I live,
because, well, the sun is out there's no
like hurricane winds it's not raining and stuff it's been really nice it's beautiful i took the
dog for a walk around the park and oh everything's there's all little tiny flowers everywhere yeah
these things are all lurking in the ground hiding in the grass and all the rest of it and now the
park is all just there's tiny little blue flowers and pink flowers these things that look like a a tiny little bouquet just springing up all over the
place and there's insects in the air and birds and baby birds and everybody's happy and it's it's
wonderful i love i love spring yeah i saw i think i saw a wag tail this morning i think that's what
it is it's like this little bird black and white and when it lands it goes and wags his little tail yeah i was like i didn't even know those things were around
yeah you know we're full of the joys of of nature the earth is healing
it's nice it's nice to have a bit of sunshine on the pavement and just see
i don't know it's it's good isn't it it feels good it does feel great i saw uh our local king
fisher the other the other day oh yeah i'm zipping up and it does feel great i saw uh our local kingfisher the other
the other day oh yeah i'm zipping up and down the river and i saw there's a crane that lives
around here as well they're all over the place in bristol yeah they're big fucking birds but
yeah they're uh there's there's a few that that lurk oh very i see
very clever he's in that kind of mood today folks it's one of those get the personal trainer in
and uh let's see what happens oh yeah you've had another training session as well fup flex
i've got my sixth tomorrow um wow so yeah it's uh it's good it's very hard it's been it's been
extremely extremely hard work but um it's a lot of fun yeah you're feeling good good like positive um very orphans very much so coming through they always say like exercise and
they say like just ticking things off doing things chocolate chocolate's really good chocolate yeah
that's true makes you pretty happy sex is a good sex yeah sex is an excellent one for that but yeah
it's um most i don't i don't combine those combine those three. I try to combine those three things at the training session,
but instead I'm just doing exercise.
I'm not having sex or eating chocolate,
which would be presumably the best workout, really,
because sex is meant to be very good in terms of exercise and endorphins.
Chocolate is just delicious.
There's definitely a lot of overlap in that Venn diagram, isn't there?
I think sex counts as exercise and probably also as eating chocolate i mean you got to lift it and um you got to put
go back to the to the box for more and lift it again so it's like a you know very repetitive
exercise which but it's good for you you know like it gets you gets the juices going it gets
it gets you your ticker ticking and your juice is flowing uh which
is your talker talking yeah that's right yeah and it's all good so good i'm just i'm just i'm just
feeling some good energy um it's been it's been tough i think it's been a weird year and it's
been a weird may as well weather-wise and it just feels good to finally sort of feel like things are going somewhat back to normal a little bit. April was awful. It was the coldest for a hundred years or
something. And then May was like the wettest ever. It felt like it was raining every day all the
time. And now just at the end of May, I'm hoping, and I remember thinking when we were in the middle
of lockdown, I thought, fuck me, summer 2021 better be an absolute belter.
Like I want a bang in three or four months summer.
Just beautiful days.
Occasional rain.
That would be nice.
But we ain't going to get it.
We're going to get one week of good weather and then it'll be shit.
Yeah, well, it's this week because this weekend's meant to be really good and stuff.
So enjoy it, folks.
Yeah.
Enjoy it while it lasts.
Yeah.
Well, it'll get right back to being miserable very soon, I'm sure. British summertime. meant to be really good and stuff too so enjoy it folks yeah enjoy it while it lasts yeah well
it'll get right right back to being miserable very soon i'm sure british summertime you gotta
make the most of it well we don't get much of it that's the i just feel like i'm the same like i've
said this before but i feel like i'm i feel like for a long time i've just been waiting in an
airport i don't know during that boring like just passing time like yeah like don't want to get your
book out because it's like you don't want to get your book out because it's like
you don't want to commit to anything because you know something else something better might come
along yeah i think that's just how i've just my general psyche has been in that waiting in an
airport phase even though like it's not like i would go away that often or even do that much
of it's just knowing that i can't on i don't know it's just like i just feel you like to have the
option you know it's nice yeah i'd like to have the option and then choose to stay at home play
video games yeah yeah i just like to know that i've chosen that option yeah it'd be foisted upon
me exactly that's it i know what you mean i know what you mean i don't have a problem wasting my
time but as long as i'm up for wasting my time you know what i mean like if somebody else wastes my time my
choice yeah if somebody else wastes my time look out but if i'm wasting my own time that's fine
what are you gonna do to him oh be so passive aggressive man it's just gonna be it's gonna
be brutal you better look out buddy or i'm gonna not return your your Christmas cards this year. I'm going to ghost you on social media.
How about that?
So I'll tell you what cheered me up this week.
I watched the Eurovision Song Contest.
Oh, what a banger.
Nice, nice, nice.
I actually went out of my way not to watch it
because I find it infuriating.
It's so funny.
It's so funny.
You changed the channel.
I loved it. It was a good year. It's so funny. It's so funny. You changed the channel. I loved it.
It was a good year.
It wasn't as nuts as some years,
but it did have some absolutely corking Eurovision stuff in
from the German entry,
which was arguably the worst song I think I've ever heard at a Eurovision.
And where did it win?
They got Ninja.
They got Ninja to sing it, didn't they?
It was bizarre.
It was bizarre.
They had a giant... A woman dressed as a giant hand for some reason.
And I mean, not speaking German,
I didn't know what the point of the hand was.
Maybe they referenced it in the song, but I didn't think so.
Graham Norton was on good form.
The Italians were mid-table and then they went to the public vote
and they'd suddenly won um and cut to the
lead singer doing coke off the table in the middle of the arena um and then getting busted for it
later um we didn't just get nil point from all the judges and juries we also didn't get a single point
from the public vote so we got absolutely nothing oh it was so so good i love i enjoyed that because i hope that we get nilpwa
right i go into the competition and if we get nilpwa that for me is a victory right and we
didn't just get nilpwa from the juries we got nilpwa from the public nilpwa all around it was
just having the judges read it out as well the the hosts in the netherlands read it out and not
really sure how to react because they know that england is a big audience for eurovision right we're a big sponsor
we kind of don't have to qualify we just get put through because we give them money you know it's
like most people sing in english you know it's still but getting the or it was so so juicy i
just i just loved it uh so no it was a it was, it was a night of madness.
You know, you can tell there's going to be some folky old...
So Eastern Bloc countries are going to do some folks,
classic folk songs in a dance style.
It's almost like you can get a bingo card together.
You can.
I mean, the Ukrainian entry was legit like a Ukrainian folk song.
And it was an absolute banger.
If you haven't heard it it go and look it up
it's called shum i think uh by a band called go underscore a uh yeah and the lyrics are nuts but
i looked up the translation of the lyrics let me read this to you lyrics it's like
it's like
like that and it was mad so this is like very aggressive was killed by a werewolf in the forest he was killed and then my second one went look
killed killed killed killed killed killed by werewolf that's what you think it's gonna be
that's what you think it's gonna be here. That's what you think it's going to be. Here's what it actually is.
Oh, spring song, spring song.
Where have you spent your winter?
In the garden sitting on a maple tree?
You've been spinning a shirt.
There, on the edge of a forest,
an owl is blowing into the water.
I'll sing a song.
Let her hear it.
Shum, get twined with periwinkle.
I'm singing the Vesnyanka to you.
Sowing, sowing, sowing, sowing hemp plants. Sowing, sowing, sowing, sowing green ones. shum get twined with periwinkle i'm singing the vest nyanca to you sewing sewing sewing
sewing hemp plants sewing sewing sewing selling green ones so it's like this quite sweet spring
song yeah but she looks like a vampire queen surrounded by gremlins and it's quite morbid
as well sort of generally sounded it's quite sort of one of those very i don't know just very sort
of semi-depressing ideas.
You always hear it in Eurovision because they think that it will conjure up some sort of patriotic feel.
But Europe doesn't care.
Europe wants like something weird-ish with like kind of inspirational.
And so that's so there's always a couple of metal tracks that slip in.
Oh, yeah.
Mainly from the Scandies.
Yeah. And they're like dressed as orcs and stuff, right? Right. Yeah. So that's always a couple of metal tracks that slip in. Oh, yeah. Mainly from the Scandies. Yeah.
And they're dressed as orcs and stuff, right?
Right.
Yeah, so that's Lordi.
They actually did a little cameo thing
where they came and played a little clip.
They also had a 91-year-old woman
singing a Eurovision song.
Did you see that in the middle?
Yes, they did the full
let's go back and revisit some classics.
They really just got a load of classic eurovision
ventures and let them do like 45 seconds each which was quite fun so what's the what's the best
um what's the best that the uk has uh has ever floated we've won it we won it several times
was it bucks fizz though was that that did they win they won it yeah yeah yeah oh yeah yeah
oh did they english winners of eurovision So we have five winners
Wow
It's quite a while ago
These are a while ago
Over 25 years
Puppet on a String by Sandy Shaw
Puppet on a String
That one
Boom Banga Bang
This is the bit where your dad sings all the songs
Boom Banga Bang by Lulu
Brotherhood of Mans
Save Your Kisses
for me
Save All Your Kisses
for me
that one I guess
Bucks Fizz
Making Your Mind Up
that was Bucks Fizz
and Katrina
in the Waves
with Love Shine a Light
so we have won it
five times
last time was 1997
now I've been reading
a lot
yeah kind of a long time
I mean well the French
hadn't won since
like 77
yeah but again the
french we've spoken about this before the french music and the french music industry and french
culture generally is so france specific it's very it's insanely does not go they can't fucking help
themselves it can't it never extends past france like there's just no translation whatsoever like
and i'm not even talking about language specific.
I just mean everything about it
with the fucking accordions and whatever.
Jesus Christ.
They were very close
actually this year.
So it was Switzerland, France. They were like neck and neck
through the jury votes.
When it went to the public vote, the bookies' favourites
were France and Italy.
They had a good song. It was a good she was she was very uh like eye-catching like she was she was
she looked like that classic french singer she had like edith pf yeah she had a bra like she
was basically just wearing a bra really belting out she was beautiful but she had this look about
it like with the the short haircut with that slightly curly kind of French look, kind of slightly wild but manicured.
She had these amazing eyes.
She looked like Marina, what's her name?
Marina Baccarin or whatever.
Lorraine Kelly.
A little bit like that kind of thing.
Lorraine Kelly, yeah.
You have that Lorraine Kelly thing going on.
A bit like Lorraine Kelly.
Very French, you know, classic.
Yeah, very French, yeah.
Oh, hello, it's Lorraine Kelly here for France.
I'm going to sing a song for you.
Oh, it's a song for you.
Oh, great.
Yay.
Oh.
killing you for France I'm going to sing
a song for you
you should not regret it
yay
so but it was
it was great
but my
a couple of people
I know on Twitter
and a couple of articles
I read
the argument that we
always make is
oh we're never going to win
because I hate us
France hasn't won
for like 50 years
or something like that
like I was saying
well I mean
yeah
and no one hates France right but but they don't I mean there are lots of countries out there France hasn't won for like 50 years or something like that. Like I was saying. Yeah.
No one hates France.
But they don't.
I mean, there are lots of countries out there that win it that you think they're not going to win it.
And they do.
So I don't think it's that.
Our songs are just shit.
We just are not putting good songs in.
And there's apparently, I don't know how, like in Sweden.
What about that one?
What about that one?
We're flying a flag all over the world.
And they were all dressed up as airplane hostesses and stuff like that.
Remember?
Would you like something to suck on before you land?
And all that.
Do you remember that?
That was a fucking real good one.
I don't remember that.
What was that?
Yeah, I remember that one.
It was so bad. It was so fucking bad so fucking bad that is pandering right though sometimes people write somewhere they think it'll
pander to the yeah that's what i mean i think i think england's or or the uk sorry is stuck in
this trench where um they they're trying to game it because they think they have this big you know
you know music industry they have like all this influence over music everyone's trying to game it because they think they have this big you know you know music industry they have like all this influence over music everyone's trying to game it though right because like of course
what you get is you get things that are pop like when something wins the next year people do a
similar thing yeah so they go well that's one we can do well if we some you know we can potentially
win again if we break it down to the basic elements that made that win and try it but it
never works well it has been like for quite a few years single people like single people like like
solo artists right singing quite strong ballads right and so um this is quite unusual because
it's the first group for a while but you know it does it does go in cycles you know it was like 10
years ago whatever that they had the the the metal and now it's metal again.
And so maybe we'll see a couple more metal ones next time. Honestly, I think if you just have good performance and a good song, you're in with a shout.
The problem is, like you said, we're thinking, what will the Europeans like?
And that's almost impossible to gauge because it's like a billion people in Europe or something like that.
And you've got all these different countries and it's not like the people out there only listen to oompa music if they're from germany
and only listen to picking guitar if they're from sometimes it does feel like it's a billion potato
farmers voting for you know what i mean like it's always some weird folk song like you said from all
these countries and they do well that's what they submit but yeah like they don't do well those they do
all right but they're not like owning it and it's not always the biggest country that wins like um
i honestly think it's a lot fairer than we make out and i think quite often a pretty decent song
wins i mean it's obviously tends to be a little more sort of more populist kind of songs if you
like that are a bit more sort of like obvious sometimes it'll be a good song that doesn't win and you think well at least
you know it was a good so they give a good account for themselves they got a decent score that's
enough like we're just thinking we need to just pick something that those stupid europeans will
like and just writing this shit um i think most often than if you're a decent singer songwriter
and you come up with a good tune
Why the fuck would you waste it on Eurovision? I guess is the way they see it
I don't know how much money you get for winning Eurovision or any I don't know if
Good though like it in terms of
Exposure it's probably pretty big. It is incredible exposure
No, but it's like being in a cult thing at that point, right?
Like even 50 years from now, they're going to be 90
and people are going to be hiring them for the 2071 fucking,
you know, Eurovision.
But do you want to be known as a band that won Eurovision?
No, but it's like a pension.
It's like security for the rest of your life.
Do you know what I mean?
And it's quite wholesome.
I like Eurovision.
I think it's good fun.
I'm sure there's other examples, but like for me,
every time I think of Eurovision and I think of a band that did well off the back of Eurovision, it's obviously ABBA, right?
They went on to become this huge classic group with numerous number one singles, whatever.
And Eurovision was really the start for them, wasn't it?
I think you might be right.
They exploded.
I think that if you're already established
and you do terrible in Eurovision,
that could be a blow to your career.
Like when Madonna turned up at Eurovision,
and that was a disaster.
Well, and then, like I was saying before,
Andrew Lloyd Webber made a song for Eurovision,
which didn't do very well.
And there's been a couple of other ones.
Didn't Simon Cowell at some point try to throw his his lot in as well or or or he backed somebody
and and they were sure that they were going to do really well and they did terribly you know i'm
sure i'm sure that morrissey was going to write a song for for britain for eurovision uh but
changed his mind because well this year bill bailey said he's gonna give it a go i would love that honestly just fucking have a go like sure we should send someone that's actually
representative of britain bill bailey is representative of britain i just again like i
don't know if it's you know it's if it's the same as the sort of french thing like bill bailey i'm
not sure what his translation would be to the rest of europe sort of thing like Like he's, you know, of course, everybody in the UK knows him.
He's very funny.
He's very good.
But like, you know what I mean?
Like, is a German audience going to find him funny or even understand?
Well, they wouldn't find any of them funny, as we know.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's the thing.
I think there's like some translation issues there for sure.
You know, like it doesn't matter.
I don't think it doesn't.
No, ultimately it doesn't. i don't think it doesn't no ultimately it doesn't but like i don't know i just feel a bit bad for bill bailey to like do that and and
it potentially just completely bomb you know what i mean we've had some of this like here's the
thing if he's not beloved in europe if he's not beloved in europe as you're saying what the fuck
does he care if he bombs at eurovision everyone that loves bill bailey is going to think it's
the best thing ever i I love Bill Bailey.
I would love to see him at the Eurovision.
It would be funny for sure.
But I don't know.
I just feel like I put myself in the shoes and just thinking like,
if it wasn't a sure thing, like you, okay, you know, you're talented.
You know, you could probably write a pretty good song.
But sometimes, especially Eurovision,
it feels like there's external factors that are kind of stacked against you already anyway.
Even if your song was perfect and amazing and, you know, you'd still get no votes or whatever.
You have to just think like, is it fucking worth it?
Like you were saying, is it actually even fucking worth it?
Like, you know, he could just go and do like a stand up that would be even funnier and probably more well received than
like just flopping on eurovision i don't think he would i don't think it would affect his fan base
i think people his fans would love to see blue bailey there yeah he's a comedian so i think he
could it would be funny him failing hardly would be hilarious in itself yeah and he knows that i
think it's a win-win this is the thing dremba so there was a there was a comic uh ireland comic
called dust in the Turkey
who was like a puppet
do you remember
they said that
because they wanted to lose
like they legit
wanted to lose
they said a song called
Earland
Do's Point
they wanted to lose
because they had done it
I think they'd won
back to back
and Father Ted
did an episode about this
where they were like
we have to lose
send in the shittest song
we can find
because if we win again this is going to cost us too much money.
Is he going to pay to put this fucking thing on?
Well, this is the plot of the Eurovision movie as well in Iceland
because part of the plot is that if they win and have to host in Iceland,
it will bankrupt the country.
That's the idea.
I mean, that's why they entered Dustin the Turkey,
who is like, I guess he's kind of like Zig and Zag rolling the rat it's like if you live in ireland you'll
know him you know he's probably had a novelty record pops up on telly you know and now we're
joined by our correspondent uh dust in the turkey and in comes dust in the fucking turkey
and everyone's like you know yeah all right it's dust in the turkey he's like people make a career
out of being these sort of goofy characters i mean think of rod holland emu you don't see as and everyone's like you know yeah all right it's dust in the turkeys like people make a career out
of being these sort of goofy characters i mean think of rod holland emu you don't see as much
nowadays to be fair but in the 70s and 80s you could just have a puppet and a stupid name and
that was it you'd get booked for tv oh my god you're right they they won it three times in a
row in ireland they in 1993 94 and 90 they were, this has to stop.
And then again in 96.
Yeah, my God. So they won it four times
in like six years.
That lovely horse thing on Father Ted
was classic. It was so funny.
Playing a fucking note. That's my favorite bit
when they're writing the song and pulling out.
Man, what an episode.
I like when he has the fucking, when he has
the dream or the nightmare with the full song.
It's just the fucking kaleidoscope horse at the end.
The sax solo.
But he wakes up and he says, we have to lose that sax solo.
And they've been having the same dream somehow.
That's the weirdest thing is that he talks to Dougal.
He's like, Dougal, we got to lose that sax solo. And Dougal's like, yeah, Ted. It's like they were the the weirdest thing is that he he talks to uh Dougal he's like Dougal we got to lose that sax solo and Dougal's like yeah Ted it's like they were having the same dream
like that's so such a weird thing to have happen in a in a show I don't know why they'd always
stuck with it it's a great show and I didn't realize why I didn't quite realize the the
history behind that I didn't realize that Ireland had won it that many times and that was sort of
the part of it but it makes a lot of sense there's i guess there's a lot of your vision has been
i don't know it's been going a long time it's got this kind of campy sort of it's almost like a sort
of gay icon as well it's very very inclusive in terms of like gender and also like just everything
it's just super inclusive and like really just nice nice. And it doesn't really matter.
No one really didn't vote for Israel or whatever because of what's going on.
It doesn't feel like that.
But the whole contest was just full of little bits of joy.
Like you said, seeing the guy potentially snorting cocaine.
It turns out he wasn't actually doing drugs.
Oh, really?
It's like there's more news about him not doing drugs than him doing drugs because i heard that he was busted for it is
that not the case no he got he had to do a drug test and they came back negative so apparently
they dropped a glass on the floor or something but i just thought it was the most metal thing
ever to have him just snorting cocaine i just i just loved that like i was just like fully
believed it
at the time it just made the drama so much more
they had like a couple of
stage sort of
last year I remember they had people invaded the stage
a couple times
there's always this stuff happening
it's so cool
it's just so bad as well
it's just hilarious
have you seen the eurovision
movie no i started watching it and i couldn't finish it i watched another film this week
instead i recommend you get through it because it is actually worth it's just what it's that
it's not a good movie this is the one with will ferrell yes yeah i couldn't i couldn't stand it
i don't mind will ferrell but i i honestly it was just it left me absolutely cold within like
half an hour and i was, I can't watch this.
Yeah, I got the same feeling.
A lot of people felt like that about it, right?
I got, I got, I got, actually, by the time I got to the end of it, I was, I changed my mind on it.
But you quite like that Superstore show.
And that's not been particularly well received, I don't think.
Yeah, it's quite, again, like it's got good bits, though.
I think it's just, it's kind of, it's got's got good bits though i think it's just it's kind of it's got it's
hit and miss right i think when you have these big things that are made by a huge group of people
you know when you go when you're making the eurovision film i i can imagine the amount of
checks that thing had to go through you know yeah before it was put out because of our year in
lockdown and we've watched everything that there is to watch that our acceptance of shit things has reached a
peak so that now our standards are low we're like if you can entertain me for an hour and a half
good on you like that's great go for it this this bad movie is now elevated because we're so starved
of content we've watched everything good point oh good point because i started watching um i watched
the first season of patriot this week patriot whichot? Which is like this kind of...
An American show?
Well, it's like a comedy drama sort of thing about this CIA agent kind of doing a mission
and how, oh man, it's like a proper black comedy and it's just very, very, very good.
Very good.
It's got Locke in it from Lost Terry Quinn
and
a few other people
I recognise
but man
I just really love it
I think it's great
Mrs F has been watching
The Bureau
which is a French
sort of spy
Le Bureau
Le Bureau
she said it is
très bien
ooh
yeah
okay
Le Bureau
that's good
I'll watch that
it being a French show
there's lots of fucking in it like they're always shagging each other and everything and that's really funny i've
been watching uh the uh the comedy uh motherland which my wife likes yes i'm on episode four it's
pretty funny don't you find that it's a little too close to home at times like oh my god every
fucking episode is it's just like the any interaction they have with the school is just like oh my fucking god like it's insane it is it's the world has just gone fucking mad it feels like
but uh it's represented very very humorously through uh motherland for sure it's good it's
a really it is a really funny show i've also been enjoying the new series of um this time with alan
partridge which feels like it wouldn't be funny because
alan partridge is such a such a sort of like old thing or whatever but man it's still so
funny like it's i'd say that there's at least a moment in every episode where i'm actually
like uh laughing quite a bit like it's just the lead up and writing and everything is
really a little too cringy at times?
Because I watched the first series.
This is the one where he's on the daytime show.
Yeah, he's doing the...
It's like the one show.
It's basically making fun of the one show the entire time.
Oh, fuck it up.
Which is total garbage.
Exactly.
But it's represented very well in Count Perch's...
You don't like the one show?
It's so upbeat and jazzy. over the little tiny audience yay oh welcome to the one show this week we've got and you could like there's like 10 names
you could chuck in that are guaranteed to be on the one show this week this weekend we've dug up
the corpse of keith checkwin yeah no i'd say he's coming to us naked from a mountaintop. It's very funny. It's very Alan Partridge, you know?
Like, it's got...
Lin is in it.
But it's basically him working, you know, on the show.
So, like, you have the actual show itself,
which is pretty ridiculous.
And then, you know, when they're like...
You know, they have like 60 minutes
or 60 seconds in between segments or whatever, you know? And they get up when they're like, you know, they have like 60 minutes or 60 seconds in between segments or whatever, you know, like, and they, they get up and they go get a drink.
And so you get all like those bits and stuff as well. But it's just, it's the usual, like it is,
it is cringe at parts or whatever, but man, it's, it's very funny. Like the, the Alan Partridge
character is always like a pretty, pretty, pretty well written. Yeah character yeah consistent consistently very sort of uh
you know like his his arsehole-ish self sort of thing you know what i mean like it's
it's it's good it's good for sure like you know it's weird he kind of reminds me of michael scott
from the office in that he's desperate to be good at something he's he's a bit different from michael
scott but they both have the same drive to be loved and
to be successful yeah they don't know how to get there no either they sort of stumble along michael
scott's a bit more vulnerable though like alan partridge is like a fucking fortress of multi-layer
defenses right like he's like nothing gets to him because he's too much of a fucking asshole yeah
he's too much to suffer exactly yeah so He's too much corpse to suffer. Exactly.
Yeah.
So there's like differences for sure.
But I'm always amazed at how well written it is.
You know what I mean?
Like just everything, like the dialogue is always very funny.
It's very good.
And just all of the different bits, like, you know, like the recurring characters.
Like there's this one character that no matter what, will disagree with him like just on principle and but she'll always agree with jenny
like the co-host so like jenny will say something she'll be like oh yes exactly but then if alan
says something even if it's right she's like well not quite and like this this fucking irksome like
hardcore because he knows what she's doing everybody knows someone like that i'm definitely
like that yeah it's lots of little bits like that but they're all really funny they're not overdone
you know like they come back when they need to sort of thing and it's just it's it's just pretty
good like i'm not saying it's the most amazing thing but give it a look yeah no it's worth it
for sure like steve steve coogan is genuinely pretty funny so it's not a it's not
a bad show so i watched i watched the film this week the worst film that i've seen in a long time
right for many many reasons i watched a film as well that was pretty terrible but we'll go through
we'll see if they were the same my one was army of the dead by zack schneider right
it's the same thing we both watched it and we both thought it was terrible
it was so bad on so
many levels and
I've watched a few Zack Snyder films
I haven't seen Punch Drunk Love I think
which is one that people talk to me a lot about
that was pretty good well I've only seen it once
and I saw it when it came out but I remember
liking it at the time
it looks awful like the trailer made me really not want to see it but I remember liking it at the time. Right. It looks awful. Like the trailer made me really not want to see it.
But I remember watching 300 and thinking,
this is pretty, you know, it's pretty stylistically shot,
but we haven't really seen anything like it.
And I was a big fan of it.
It's based on a Frank Miller comic book, right?
Like, yeah.
And I was a big Frank Miller fan at the time.
So I was like, you know, this is pretty good
and pretty close and all the rest of it,
and sort of captured the essence of the comic in a lot of ways.
But it wasn't perfect.
But it was all right, and I thought, well, you know.
Well, when you've got a comic book,
the source material is kind of fairly, like,
strict on the story as well, right?
Whereas I feel like Zack Snyder's approach to the story is... Doooo biggest the fucking like i just think that's how he wrote the story oh it's
unbelievable so for anyone who hasn't seen it here are the the the key points if you like
is the army is transporting this king zombie who is in a box with just a hatch.
This box looks like something out of World War II.
I don't know why they haven't put him in something more secure.
He's just on top of a van, on the top of a flatbed van,
driving through the desert.
There's an accident.
The zombie escapes, and it runs to the nearest city,
which is Las Vegas.
This is the opening scene.
Cut to a very long opening montage sequence
of Vegas being overrun by zombies. There's like zombie Elvis's, there's zombie cabaret dancers,
and all the rest of it. Now, at this point, I'm thinking maybe he's going to go for a kind of
action comedy thing. It's zombies. It's Las Vegas. That has to be a comedy, right? No. The film is
played dead straight, very serious serious there is no characterization for
anybody past the montage so the opening montage basically tells you roughly who these characters
are Dave Bautista is a badass there are other badasses as well one of them has an angle grinder
that appears to be his entire character there are some tough looking ladies they manage to get out
10 minutes of exposition later they're going back in and they have to go
in to basically break into a bank vault and steal a load of money and they get to keep half of it
that's the setup no spoilers we won't no spoilers but but it's because it's worth what i think
honestly it's worth watching it's like a popcorn i could always smell the popcorn when i was
watching this movie because it feels like that kind of just cinema dumb like it everything from the opening scene though
It's so dumb like the only opening scene. Okay, God sips just before I go
Just reminded me that our cinema is open here now so I can actually
Gonna take my kids to see the new Peter Rabbit movie
Which is a little bit more
Appropriate for their age
But I would advise nobody to watch this movie
I would advise everyone
To watch this movie because it's so dumb
It's so dumb
It's actually offensively bad
There were moments in this film that
I was head in hands at how bad it was
The tonal shift to the film.
But that's part of it, the joy.
No, there's no joy.
There's no joy to him playing zombie
by the Cranberries at the end of the film.
Zombie is a film about the troubles.
It's a song about the troubles in Ireland, right?
You know, whatever you want about the Cranberries,
you can say what you like.
I'm not a huge fan.
It's like, which song should I put in at the end of the film?
I type in zombie song into Google and I put that song in my movie.
That's literally it.
There's the only link between that song and zombies is it's called zombie.
So he's like, well, that's got to go in.
It's like, you're a fucking idiot.
There's no more thought to it than that.
Song called zombie.
Me play song.
Press play.
And there's multiple times where the music choice is is so literal and so awful
and he's he's obsessed with this camera well there's nothing worse though it might that sounds
pretty bad but you have to still the the the prize for worst uh use of music or song has to go to
every remix of uh of ready or not by the fujis where it's got like you know it's got
like the and then ready or not you know it's like a like a lead-up to like a like a doomsday or
something like that have you ever heard that have you ever heard this yes they do that all the time
like but it sounds like a kid singing it or something when it's about to kick off fuck me like every time i see that uh a part of me dies honestly like it just sometimes
sound designers you can tell like the guys in the foley back end have just sort of searched for a
simple search that is the worst one doesn't fit at all i've actually found something on my desktop
that i'd kind of forgotten about and I'd written
Zack Snyder's Lord of the Rings
after seeing Army of the Dead
I was obviously so angry I went and
wrote a summary
of the key moments from Zack Snyder's Lord of the Rings
if you would like to hear it
is this a fictional thing that you just made up?
yes
so if Zack Snyder directed Lord of the Rings
he basically wouldn't have even picked up the book
he would have just gone
and vomited out
like this garbage
so there are a few things that you'll notice
these are the things that I think Zack Snyder is obsessed with
anyway here we go, Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring
the Zack Snyder cut
a 17 hour film summary of key moments
because Army of the Dead is over two and a half hours long
right okay i'm thinking about scene scene one yeah enter boromir played by henry cavill he's
topless he is lifting some heavy barrels of mead and sweating in slow-mo boromir hi i'm boromir
i'm a total badass don't even look at me sam played by ryan reynolds extreme close-up with
best friends boromir don't ever forget that scene two
an orc shoots boromir with an arrow and he dies a slow death staring into the eyes of dave bautista
who plays gandalf why why man i had so much to live for you're a good man boromir i'm sorry
brother gandalf pounds the earth with his fist and shouts why boromir dies gandalf takes one last
look at his corpse then rips off his shirt unsheathes his eight foot long sword,
and kills 30 orcs to the tune of I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross.
Sam charges into battle alongside Gandalf to avenge his fallen friend.
Sam is topless.
Scene three, the Prancing Pony.
Enter the Fellowship, which is all together now,
but we don't need to know how or why.
Barkeep, whoa, I heard you guys are badasses.
I don't want to mess with you.
Shut up up my best
friend died shouts gandalf here's your usual drink gandalf thanks says gandalf giving the barkeeper
a weak smile you're the best lingering shot of the barkeep lingering shot of gandalf a sunset
a montage of people coming and going in the bar as gandalf drinks his beer slowly to the tune of
you're my best friend by queen five hour scene of g Gandalf and Sam in extreme close-up, talking in the wilderness
somewhere in Middle-earth. They laughed,
they cry, they lift heavy things.
The entire back catalogue of the Rolling Stones plays
at deafening volume during this scene.
Scene four. Sauron and Saruman are
in a cave with Gollum. Gollum, it's me,
Sauron. Urgh, I'm so evil.
Here, you can have the ring. Then take
it and let them get it. Then lure them here
so I can get the ring, but first try to convince them to fight each other.
Then Saruman, you get an army of march on them.
You'll probably lose, but don't worry
because Gollum is going to bring the ring back
and then we'll escape in a helicopter.
We have 24 hours.
Move, move, move.
Sauron, this plan is unnecessary and elaborate.
And I, ah, Sauron kills Saruman and looks at Gollum.
Anyone else want to complain?
A sunset.
Gollum skips across rocks to the rocky theme
because he's in a rocky place
lingering shot of sauron watching golem leave with the ring sauron cries scene five the battle
of whatever the battle goes on for one hour and 15 minutes every single kill on the battlefield
is shown in excruciating detail if someone is dying we stay with them until they draw their
last breath even if that means a 10 minute close-up the oliphants arrive to the tune of
nelly the elephant and proceed to kill a
thousand of the
roherium in a lengthy
montage 73 close-ups
of people getting
splattered under the
elephant's legs in
time with the line
stomp stomp stomp
from the song a
zombie elephant
turns up the head
orc with the fucked
up head says get
them and the orcs
do but then dave
bautista arrives and
kills everyone
gimli is seen for
the first time in the
trilogy he is not
seen again until the
final shot scene six this is the first time frodo trilogy. He is not seen again until the final shot. Scene six. This is the
first time Frodo has spoken in the film.
Damn this ring, he says.
But Sam grabs it off him and swallows it.
Grabs Frodo, grabs Gollum, and they fall together in a
five minute slow-mo shot to the tune of Hallelujah
by Leonard Cohen. Everything explodes.
Gandalf is okay, and we see him back at the bar
drinking a pint and twirling the real ring.
The end.
Oh my god. If he's listening right now he's
probably like how did this guy steal all my great ideas for this he's he's you you're that's it how
has he got his hands on my script that's the snyder cut fucking worthless piece of shit director if
you're a zach snyder fanboy please stop listening to this podcast okay is is is the snyder cut is
this the thing to do with uh with the dc comics something or whatever that everybody was talking
about he did this remake of was it man of steel or fucking justice league justice i know nothing
about this other than people come complaining about it and talking about it at one point four
hours long or some dumb shit like that well he
originally directed it and it was terrible because
apparently he was out of his control and it
would have been perfect if he'd been allowed to do it all
and so you know he redid it and it was still terrible
fuck you here you go have a go and he
fucked it up and it was awful nice yeah
so he used this special lens on
army of the dead you'll notice it the
depth of field you know you know
so he redid army of the dead you'll notice it the the depth of field you know you know so he redid army of the
dead because this is his movie this is he's called it army of the dead even though there is an army
of the fucking dead movie sam sam uh ramey right he also did dawn of the dead back in the remake
of 2004 but army of the dead is is an evil dead that's from the evil dead okay so this army of
the dead is a zombie movie yeah right and i don't know why it's called army of the dead really it's a zombie heist movie right so in vegas they have to rob a bank
from a it's very convoluted uh but in a very serious way yes it's not comedy this is not a
comedy film all right it's very serious the whole way through there's the whole Hollywood stuff of people crying and dead wives and dead daughters
and don't know, sacrifice me.
I'll stand in the corridor
ten yards from you
and sacrifice myself.
It's like the tropiest shit.
It's trash. I waste a lot of time
watching shit, but I'm glad that I'm not
really into
these kinds of movies.
I would never seek these out you
know what i mean like yeah off the back of a very good recommendation from a trusted source i might
watch it but like i would never be like i'm gonna try this like i would never bother with like
like half of these movies i watched the godzilla versus um king kong movie because i i quite enjoy
seeing this kind of shit because it makes me feel angry
and I kind of
like to feel angry
about a bad movie.
It reminds me
that I'm alive.
It's interesting.
I didn't hate the movie.
Like,
it kept my attention
just,
but I was,
I was continually
out of the,
I had to watch it
from like a detached perspective.
Do you see what I mean?
Because of how ridiculous
it was and how,
and I would,
it's almost like
a challenge
to find the plot hole because there's so many plot holes. It's almost like a challenge to find the plot hole
because there's so many plot holes.
It's so bad.
So this guy's doing this.
So why didn't he just do this like 20 minutes ago?
It's unbelievable.
No one behaves.
They behave in such.
Everyone is.
I don't know.
It's garbage.
But in a really watchable way.
There is a moment that sums it up for me
in that he's made this two and a half hour long movie.
There's a character in the film.
I don't even remember her name.
I don't remember why
she's there with them.
And she turns to him
at one point,
to Dave Bautista's character.
This is pretty much
her only scene in the film
and says,
I'm not here for the money.
I'm here for you.
And he smiles,
lift door open,
zombie comes out
and breaks her neck.
End of character.
That's her arc. Her arc is 20 seconds long. The first Zombie comes out and breaks her neck. End of character. That's her arc.
Her arc is 20 seconds long.
The first real time we've seen her speak.
I love you, Dave.
And she's dead at the end of the sentence.
Yeah.
It's so bizarre.
And Dave Bautista's character is now,
this is a big motivation for him.
And he's angry and everything.
And you think, I can't feel anything
if I don't know the fucking people.
I don't even know their names.
It's so terrible.
It's just... I know. But this guy's being given hundreds of millions of dollars to make movies. anything if i don't know the fucking people i don't even know their names it's so terrible it's
just i know but this guy's being given hundreds of millions of dollars to make movies and somehow
they're generating profit what's going on people it's demo it's all demographics man like that's
the thing you know we're not uh we're not the target demographic for a lot of this stuff is
what i'm coming to realize he's not making a movie to be enjoyed by a 40 year
old man he's making a movie to be enjoyed by a 10 year old kid uh who's going with his mom who
doesn't know anything about movies that's maybe that's but his films don't feel like they're made
for kids there was a scene in this film where a zombie pulls a dead zombie baby from the belly
of the zombie queen right that happens in the film okay so maybe like a 15 year old or a 16 year old it's an 18
movie yeah and i thought okay this is actually going to be pretty cool and it wasn't that's
about right because you you weren't uh you weren't 18 plus when pulp fiction came out and you saw it
right you were probably like i was all right i'm older than you think but yes that was a great
example though yeah that's a movie that move you you saw that movie um ahead of when you should
have seen it right because it came out everybody was talking yeah it was huge no i was old i was
old enough i know you were but i'm saying like probably lewis probably saw it before he was 18
i saw it before i was eight you know what i mean like just because it's an 18 the same with like
it was shocking yeah it was shocking i will say sure. You don't get many 18s made these days.
Like, you really don't.
And I think it's that one scene that made it an 18.
Because I've seen a lot more violent films with, like, all kinds of gore and everything,
and they're not 18s.
Yeah.
So it was kind of weird that it was.
I think violence and gore specifically isn't always enough to propel it over the 18 rating.
It's subject matter, right?
Like if you're dealing with like sensitive issues,
like abuse and stuff like that,
then it might be like considered over 18.
But just violence, like action sequences and stuff like that
isn't enough on its own to make it over 18.
It's weird because it used to be.
Like it used to be in the 80s,
they would cut the theatrical release in this this country would often have scenes cut from it
because it was too gory.
I think Commando, the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie,
there's a scene where he decapitates a bloke with a saw blade
that he throws at him, which is amazing.
I'm pretty sure they cut that.
Anything to do with throwing stars was cut in the 80s.
It's not consistent anywhere.
Like, more so in in america i think because you
have uh you you'll have on tv generally a lot of violence um you know they'll have no problem
showing like police chasing a guy down in a car shooting him with a gun and stuff like that but
then they have to blur nipples and censor swearing you know what i mean it's like okay well i mean
you might as well just go full hog at this point.
Like if the guns are out and stuff,
you might as well just be showing a couple of nips
and, you know, not bleeping the swearing or whatever.
It doesn't make much sense.
It is tough to like pitch that tone, right?
Because even like a six-year-old
is being shown Avengers movies, right?
And they've got violence in.
And so by the time they're 10,
they're playing Cod Warzone.
And I was uncomfortable playing.
Did I tell you I was uncomfortable playing that?
Because like the way it works is you shoot people, they go down.
And then they get back up again.
And then you shoot them again.
And then they go down.
And then they're back up again.
And yeah, I know.
Yeah, I played Warzone.
It's frustrating as hell.
You have to shoot them a lot when they're crying on the floor,
surrendering, like dying.
Some guy dies, you have to shoot him
like four or five times more.
Nobody ever dies in that game,
that's the thing.
That's the point.
There's like a million
get out of jail cards in that game.
I know, I know there are.
But the point is that
when I was playing it,
it felt like I was constantly
executing a prisoner.
It was like someone has,
like, do you know what I mean? It made me feel like I was making these choices. It was like someone has... Yeah. Like, do you know what I mean?
It made me feel like I was making these choices.
It was forcing me, in fact, to make these choices.
It was forcing me to see someone was...
I shoot someone, they're injured,
and then shoot them five more times.
Now, if I was watching a movie
and the hero shot a guy
and then he was dying on the floor,
and I say, don't kill me, don't kill me,
and you shot him again five more times, okay, with gun to make sure he was dead that would be an 18 age
but yeah that's my problem that is the game i'm doing that i'm not it's not like that once per
movie that happens i'm doing that 10 times in 10 minutes yeah right or more you're not getting 10
kills in warzone come on i'm not sure that cod necessarily should
be an 18 uh but at the same time i i wouldn't let my son play it for uh well i'm just saying
i don't know what it should be but you're right that there is an interesting moral quandary that
the hero in this game you now basically kills downed enemies is pretty fucking brutal yeah
when you think about it is horrible like i found
myself i just i guess people just blank it out and it just becomes part of the game
but it's just that constant idea of just like shooting people they're shooting them when they're
down right like that visceral nature of it's not like it's really like there's blood going
everywhere or i'm just decapitating them or i'm you know giving them or any of this it's more just
like the act of shooting someone who's surrendering it's it's it's a it's an interesting take that you
you have a moral issue with it when for me the anger just came from thinking it was horrible
gameplay mechanics yeah i. I just,
I just,
you have a gun,
you shoot a guy,
he should be dead.
Like,
why is he falling down on the ground and crawling around and getting revived?
And the parachuting back in after his one V one in the,
like,
what is it?
What world do we live in where you're given so many chances to frustrate
other people?
It's,
it's crazy.
The point of the game is to ruin other people's
fun pretty much like a lot of shooters are kind of it's just it's just i guess what i'm saying is
that we don't know what is like and also then the young adult genre of hunger gamesy things where
there's a lot of these i watched a little thing on netflix this week called alice in order line i
think it's like um it I think. It's like a
comic or something originally, but it's now
a kind of battle royale. It feels very
like a modern battle royale.
Royale.
The OG battle royale.
Do you remember the battle royale?
Yes.
Do you remember PUBG?
I watched that when I was a teenager.
And that was pretty violent. And very gory it's all like that it's hunger games is all based on the sort
of idea of a battle oh absolutely complete ripoff yeah but that's kind of become like kid stuff now
do you we're raising a generation of kids who think like last man standing i wonder how brutal
they're going to be when they enter the workforce well Well, no, but I just, you've got to understand that, you know,
you've got to amp this stuff up.
You know, if that's not, what is the next logical step for an adult
who's been brought up on Hunger Games style blood and core?
Oh, man, you know all those things that, like, your dad used to say to you
that you just thought, like, oh, my dad doesn't know what he's talking about
sort of thing. You know when he gave you you like the the talk about how like enjoy school
because it's a lot better than working right now right um i actually had the exact same conversation
my son the other day he's like oh i don't really want to go to school and i was like honestly if
i could go back and go to school i would go because it's much better than working uh when you're an adult like
you should it's crazy right like they say that youth is uh is is wasted on the young and it's
so true right like because i guess it's relative and and it's context at the time or whatever like
i didn't like going to school either but now looking back i was like oh man i would i would
go to school like it was so easy crap like it's just compared to like having to be an adult.
It's just, it's, it's insane.
Right.
So I had to have the exact same conversations, like enjoy school while, while it's there
because it goes really quick.
And then all of a sudden you're not going to school and you're going to work and work
really sucks.
And he's like, oh, okay.
But like, you can tell he just didn't like understand or wasn't listening or whatever.
But man, if only there was a way that you could really instill this wisdom into your into your kids and and make them like savor the moment more kind of thing.
Right. Because, yeah, holy crap.
Like the workplace is such a nightmare.
Fuck, I'm so glad that like I don't have to actually work with uh people or go to like an
office or anything like that you know what i mean i've tried to make the point to my kids that um
i hated i hated school and i hated doing my a levels and then i hated university mainly because
i wasn't studying what i actually wanted to study i had it fixed in my mind that you had to get a
degree or an education in something that you actually eventually wanted to end up doing
for the rest of your life.
Yeah.
But that was it.
What you chose at 16, 17, you know, whatever,
in terms of A-levels,
and then what degree you chose, that's it.
You're locked on that path.
And that was hammered into us as like career advice
and all the rest of it at school.
And it was, their career advice was fucking awful.
All the career advisors we saw
were fucking awful at their job.
Not one of them encouraged you
to find something you enjoy doing.
They were like, right, what pays well
and what are you good at?
It's one of those jobs
that's just not really a job, right?
It should be.
It's important.
It should be, but in most cases,
those people get that job
and they're just clinging on for dear life.
No, they don't give a shit.
They're like, oh my God,
I can't believe I get a salary
for doing this nothing job
um i have to justify this and make sure that i can keep this one somehow because they there's
just not really that much to do right i mean i'm sure if you're a good career advisor
you're out there and you're you're you know you're earning your money or whatever fair enough but
like the ones at school in my uh in my experience were like you
said just terrible like it's just it's stupid it was a waste of time it was awful i honestly think
they'd given up and they didn't actually not at not at any point did they encourage you to do
something you actually wanted to do no they had obviously been told whatever you do don't encourage
them uh to do something that isn't like a really,
you know, straight laced tie and shirt career, because that's not what we want to represent.
And you'll annoy the parents or whatever.
So you give them shit advice, because let's be honest, the most important advice you're
going to get is from your parents.
Yeah.
And they're the ones who are like gatekeepers for what you want to do and stuff.
So I've just tried to say to my kids, look, just do all the subjects subjects try to do well in your exams early on and then you'll be rewarded by to
be able to choose you can go to university and do a three four year course do extra after that if
you wanted something you really love and are interested in don't fucking just make a choice
based on what some dickhead tells you and definitely don't feel you have to decide now
what you want to do with the rest of your life. That's the best advice you could give.
And you never get it.
I never got that at school.
It's kind of weird that you end up going to university as early as you do in life, right?
Oh, bizarre.
When you're in your early 20s, like, you're changing a lot, right?
Like, think of how much you changed from 20 to 30, for example.
Huge amount.
Yeah.
from 20 to 30 for example huge amount yeah and like and you're already sort of putting yourself like on a very strict trajectory for something that you think you want to do for the rest of
your life at the age of 20 that's crazy it doesn't make any sense like you of course you're going to
change your mind and flip-flop a couple of times and there's going to be ups and downs and stuff
that's life right like it's i guess i guess the best you can do is just sort of
get a degree in something to prove that you are capable of further education but if it's something
you find interesting yeah then it's also not a complete waste of time like you'll do much better
in a degree that you're interested in yeah because you'll do the extra work this is interesting for
you rather than just a chore yeah it's weird isn't it i never really thought about it like that but like i mean i've been to college and stuff we talk about this a lot and i think
it's it's passion right i i think passion drives productivity you know i think the the most the
best things that you know about have not been done in a nine to five they've been done by people who
have done it as a as a small project you know on a friday night or over over their
over their weekends you know to make whatever it is whether it's whether it's minecraft or harry
potter or like you know you name it like you'll find that the people the real art and that what
makes that thing good isn't isn't done isn't isn't manufactured right it was it was created out of
someone's passion project
right even like google mail and stuff you'll find that these things were made on a the friday
you know when google had this policy of do whatever you want fridays right that's when
some of the biggest innovations and like the best products that they make came from you know that
really changed how i mean facebook for example was uh was a university project, I guess.
That's right. Look at the history of it.
Well, his motivation was to get girls.
Revenge and girls.
That was pretty much it.
Well, that's what the social network said.
I know that he's claimed that it's not accurate.
But if you look around at the history of Facebook.
I bet he claimed that it wasn't accurate.
I wouldn't want people to know me.
I mean, he was sued by the Winklevosses.
And they did settle.
And Eduardo Saverin did get a payoff. And so a lot of the stuff in there did happen obviously the
specifics are not not there but it was essentially something that he did in his spare time at
university was came up with this idea it's pretty incredible i think if people find a passion for
something and they have some some skills they'll get there it's uh it's just sad that so many people
follow the wrong i read recently that this week that the
winklevoss twins actually from that movie they're real obviously but they they're not they're now
like um billionaires because they they're worth like they have like loads of they bought loads
of bitcoins like crypto stuff and so they're now like they're now like they owe like even just
their bitcoin holdings are apparently about 1.3 billion which is crazy just slightly less than
mine that's crazy i can't believe it yeah sorry that was a bit ranty for me this week in terms
of zach snyder but i just no it was very it was very enjoyable actually very interesting very
passionate i could talk about it all i think the best thing about it was that i love how you cast
you cast it perfectly because you know that daveautista or whatever is no longer going to stand
for being an orc, right?
He's too successful now to have to put makeup on.
He's going to be Gandalf
because that's just how he rolls now.
He's like, hey, I'm Dave Bautista.
I'm too big for you now.
Fuck you.
I'm going to be Gandalf or nothing.
I ain't doing no big muscly orc.
Get some other chump to do that.
Whereas oddly enough in army of the dead
having destroyed all these zombies and got out he just worked at a burger place i'm thinking
there's no way a man of that size would not be able to walk into any job in the security industry
uh or become a mercenary because he's incredibly good at it nope just flips burgers because that
way we feel sorry for him you see it's very's very simple. Like, Zack Snyder thought, what's the worst job Dave Bautista could do flipping burgers?
Therefore, that's it.
I think Dave Bautista is probably a very nice man,
although I don't know, and you can never fucking know, can you?
Yeah, well, let's get him on SAS Who Dares Wins
and see what he's all about.
All those people who are listening going,
Dave Bautista's amazing, he's so nice,
he kissed my aunt once and gave her his autograph
and he also drove her to the hospital. Yeah see him let's see him i mean let's see him um a dead
drop off an oil rig let's see how he handles that one um let's see his fucking eurovision
entry what do you got dave yeah dave went out fucking i bet you that guy couldn't fucking
write a song to save his life or jump off an oil rig or fucking paraglide down the side of a steep mountain in Scotland or anything.
Yeah.
You know, who knows?
We'll have a podcast called the Triforce Podcast with me and Lewis and Sips.
Yeah.
There's no Daves here.
They're not a single Dave.
Where's your podcast, Dave?
Yeah, Dave.
Where's your podcast?
Think about that.
Right.
That's enough.
Thank you, everyone, for listening.
We will be back
next week as always. New episodes
every Wednesday on Spotify.
And our sister podcast
Pitch Please.
How is your pitch received?
You should listen to it.
No, I want you to just give me a TLDR
on that one. Paulie is the
answer really. I just
sort of talked, you know the usual,
I just talked over him
and ruined it generally.
Anyway, thank you everyone.
Have a good week.
We'll hopefully get some sunshine.
Enjoy.
Enjoy the start of spring.
Get some good chemicals
in your bloodstream.
All right, good luck.
Bye.
Bye.