Triforce! - Triforce! #18: Fat Man's Burger Limbo
Episode Date: September 7, 2016We've got the WoW fever but we're going to do whatever we can to not talk about it. Instead we're going to talk about the first episode of Sips' nature documentary! Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
pickaxe
FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio
has your chance at the number one feeling
winning
which beats even the 27th best feeling
saying I do
who wants this last parachute?
I do
enjoy the number one feeling
winning
in an exciting live dealer studio
exclusively on FanDuel Casino
where winning is undefeated.
19 plus and physically located in Ontario.
Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca.
Please play responsibly.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to the Triforce on the road.
Well, I'm on the road.
Nobody else is actually on the road.
I'm on the road.
I'm local and vocal this week in Bristol.
That's right.
And these guys are still where they would normally be for this.
But anyway, we're back.
I feel like we ought to have a bus or something.
Yeah.
A van.
I reckon if we did a Triforce tour bus, we would need a tank that also needs to be fed
to feed back into previous episodes.
Yeah.
Like we have to stop in a cafe.
The tank has to eat.
That's what we need.
A tank.
A tank.
Yeah, that's right.
It needs its own table.
It needs like a little bib.
You put it on, put it on the tank and the tank can just like...
Kind of like how an elephant uses its trunk to like, you know, drink water or whatever.
Do you not remember?
We were talking about...
I think Sips was saying he was at a diner one time in the States and these cops came
in and unloaded all their guns.
And then we decided that the tank needed to be fed as well so i think it would be good if we
had the triforce the hungry tank tour and the tank hungry hungry hungry tank it could be like
a world war ii tank with all the art drawn on yeah yeah yeah like teeth on the front you could
do like the mr popcorn voice for him we can call him Timmy the Tank. He's like, hey, kids.
Hey, kids.
It's Timmy the Tank.
Picture taken with Timmy. Did you know that Timmy has systematically destroyed 10,000 human beings?
I make killing fun.
Genocide is cool.
We take the Triforce, the Hungry Hungry Tank out on tour and like one in a hundred people
has any idea what the fuck we did
one in a million people actually
I didn't even realise what you were talking about
I'd forgotten
we could set up like in a field
and we could have
on Father Ted that time that they had the fair
on Craggy Island
and it was a crane lifting up a park bench
we could have a fun fair that's
on the road. We could
enlist our own carnies and
take them everywhere we go.
Be like Triforce on tour around
America. Come and
watch us podcast and
enjoy the fun fair. You get to
meet Timmy the Tank.
My cannons sure do pack a good punch.
And you can go on the chairlift and you can go on your dad i'm not shooting blanks oh that's jesus wait but if they have a dad then
by definition their dad isn't shooting blanks think about it your joke is illogical
oh shit i didn't i didn't make. That didn't make sense at all.
Oh god.
So anyway.
There goes that idea.
That one's fucked now.
Bye bye idea.
Ruined.
I set fire to it.
Pushed it off a cliff.
Didn't even watch it explode.
You walked away with your sunglasses on, that was it.
What have you guys been doing this week?
Anything fun?
I've been playing a lot of WoW.
I bet you have.
Yeah.
Yeah, I have.
L'Ogent just came out, didn't it?
And that's the elephant in the room.
Yeah.
I think I've been playing a lot of WoW.
I bet you have. Yeah.
Yeah, I have.
L'Ogent just came out, didn't it?
And that's the elephant in the room.
Yeah.
Was released.
I have no intention of playing it, and I'm standing by that position.
Man, Pyrrion, you should play it.
I think you'd enjoy it.
I respect you, Peefax, for making that stand.
Why should I play it?
Well, I think it's pretty fun now.
I think they've managed to find a good spot for it.
There's some fun stuff in there.
Sips, we are currently in the honeymoon period, okay?
It's been out for like a couple of days.
We're enjoying it.
We're having fun.
We're getting along.
We're nice.
We seem to have things in common.
We're spending time.
We enjoy each other's time.
We haven't moved in yet and found out that they're actually a complete horrible bitch.
We haven't been on vacation together yet.
They leave their underwear all over the floor and you think it's going to be sexy, but it's not.
It's just gross.
You wouldn't mind so much if it was like, oh, is that made of licorice?
Like, you know, the underpants that are on the ground.
But when you find out that, no, they're just like a big pair of grandma pants
with like skid marks in them.
Exactly.
I mean, we've all been there.
And, you know, I'm just concerned
that where World of Warcraft comes,
you know, we've been here before, Sips.
It's like repeating your own mistakes.
Yeah.
You know, It's tough.
I respect P-Flax's decision.
Do you know what?
The game will still be there in two years' time,
exactly the same as it is now with two patches.
We know what this is like.
We've been here before.
The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting a different result. But this isn't the same thing, though. It feels like the same thing very and over again and expecting a different result.
Yeah, but this isn't the same thing, though.
It feels like the same thing very often.
You're right.
But, you know, there's a bit of new content.
There's, like, some new systems that keep things a bit interesting and stuff.
Like, I don't know.
It's not too bad.
Yeah, I'm happy.
Look, I love having that honeymoon period, okay?
I want to be trapped in that forever.
So, you you know just great
go out there just change them up change your games up is what i'm saying just yeah enjoy spending
time with different games see different games yeah and experience different games he wants an
open relationship with wow is what he's saying yeah that's exactly what i'm trying to say wow
it's not you it's me it's i feel like I've got an open relationship with Hearthstone. Yeah.
And Dota, she's easy with me popping around once in a while
and just enjoying myself.
Well, I mean, you've basically, you've abandoned Dota.
Yeah, you have.
We miss you.
She's sitting in a corner crying.
I'm not really replying to her texts, though.
Yeah.
She keeps texting me as well.
And ironically, you are missing out on arguably the
best patch that does had since i can remember there's very little wrong with it it's an amazing
cool now don't stop smoking do you know how close i was to reinstall i got a new laptop
uh last week you can't play it on a laptop see first of all you banned i'm not playing with you
if you're on a laptop i don't i don't on a laptop I don't think you realise how far laptops have come
my laptop is really fucking good
your laptop is like twice as good
as this computer which I have to record all my stuff on
it's powerful as shit
yeah it's really really good
it's a nice one
not on my team sir
you know what's really good about it too
when I'm done at night when I'm in my house and not in my dad garage,
I sit in my kitchen at the kitchen table.
So I can like, you know, I've got a mouse mat with like a mouse.
Like I don't use the trackpad or anything.
Damn right.
Because that's crazy.
Although imagine how amazing it would be if somebody went to the international next year
and they were like i've always played on a trackpad so here i am with my laptop owning all
these noobs with my trackpad that would be amazing i would totally watch a movie where there was like
this elite hacker and he was like trying to hack into the sort of government computers you know
and it's like tense tense music and he's's there using his trackpad moving the mouse he's using one of those
ball mice
you know the ones
with like
it's got a cradle
for the ball
and you have to
spin the ball around
to move the mouse
I'd love to
that would be great
he could have two of them
one in each hand
be like some sort of wizard
rotating these balls
yeah
just grabbing on
he'd be like
Invoker
but with a mouse
yeah with a mouse.
Yeah, with a mouse, with two mice.
You'd have to have two to make it look really cool. One of them obviously wouldn't do anything,
but it's just to keep both hands busy, you know?
See, I was thinking of, you know,
my mum struggling to use the trackpad on her laptop.
So my mum has a little tiny Apple laptop
she bought about two years ago or something.
Right, right.
And it's quite funny because
my mum's this kind of quite
laid back lady. She's a
yoga teacher and stuff. She's chill.
Yeah, every time I see her, she's laid back.
She's super, she's actually
super...
Oh my
God, that was so good.
That was excellent.
What she's done is though, she opened her Apple laptop,
but she has this desk full of candles and stuff,
and she opened it slightly too far,
and the candle burned into the back and through the screen.
God.
Okay.
Wow.
And actually, it hasn't burned completely through,
but it's very much almost burned through, but it still works.
It hasn't burned completely through, but it's very much almost burned through.
But it still works.
The whole thing still works, except for it has this big black burned hole through the center of the screen.
Right.
And she won't get it fixed.
Yeah, but think of it.
If she's going to play CSGO or something, if it's right in the middle,
that could be like an aim assist sort of thing. That's true.
A crosshair sort of thing.
But there is a crosshair in the game. It coin right okay never mind then i didn't realize it was
actually a crosshair in the game it's not like one of those non-crosshair games where if you
wanted to play like league no crosshair mode she would have like a she would be worth advantage
that thing that people do is they stick a little sticker in the middle of their screen when they're
playing csgo to have the the, what's it called?
No scope.
That's right.
No, I don't think so.
Does that work?
I don't think they actually do that.
I think it's just been a long-running joke forever that people could do that.
But there's never been any need to actually do it.
There did used to be a lot of shooters that didn't have a crosshair.
I'm trying to think of one.
There was one I played for quite some time.
There was no crosshair.
You had to go iron sights down the weapon.
I know Squad, for instance, doesn't have a crosshair.
So you just sort of run around.
Oh, yeah, that's a good point.
But I know that you can easily download a program that just overlays a dot in the center of your screen.
So you can just...
But even then, would it help much?
Because like a game like Squad would have the ballistics and stuff are modeled in such a way that if you're
Hip hip firing it it would just be straight so far off
But if you come around a corner and there's some dude there and you've you can hip fire him and you can be pretty
Confident yeah, like you just have to you know, you couldn't just hold down the button
You'd have to sort of burst fire short controlled bursts like hicks said you know in
aliens it would be handier than just going which is what i do and just hoping to god you hit
something but that's a great game we've been playing i was playing that with the hat films
guys the other day yeah yeah you were saying last time i it tempted me every time you talk about
games period you're like you're you're my you're my guy you're my tempter like you mentioned game
dev tycoon oh i started playing it again rim world i've started playing it again yeah you mentioned
yeah yeah you have you have fun in games and so with with friends and and i think that that
we want that you know and it feels like you've done all the research so we didn't have to yeah
no it's true i play a lot of games that i don't enjoy. No, but like most of these games that you play or have played, I've played before
and it just reminds me that they're good games.
Yeah.
Like, especially if I'm in some sort of drought where I'm just like mindlessly playing
Hearthstone or WoW or something like that.
It's like, oh shit, yeah, there's this great game that I could be playing.
Like Squad is genuinely very, very fun.
Like when you play it with a bunch of people and you
you organize and stuff it's it's it's a lot of fun like we always especially with smithy who's like
really fucking hardcore like of course knows maneuvers and flanking maneuvers and like
actually we like every every night we take over this is alpha 90 bravo point secured i yeah you
have to do all that does he does he do all of this While we speak Yeah oh yeah
Oh man
He does like that
Quick talking too
Where it's like
You know
There's no radio chatter
It's like
Okay I'm down
Okay cover me
I'm going in
Not just like
Hey did you guys
Watch the Great British
Bake Off last night
Calm down
We need
Radio silence
Operational integrity
Yeah it's great
It's a lot like old school raiding.
Remember when we used to raid, Lewis,
and people would tell you to shut the fuck up
if you were telling what episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
you watched today or whatever?
It's like, everybody shut up.
Don't stand in the fire.
We need to increase the dots and stuff.
Squad is like that as well.
Honestly, I love being told to shut the fuck up in a video game.
Genuinely.
I actually really like that. I really like that experience well. Honestly, I love being told to shut the fuck up in a video game. Genuinely.
I actually really like that.
I really like that experience.
I only like it if a female does it.
So like, if there's any raid leaders out there who are female, I will gladly shut the fuck
up if you tell me to.
You like to be...
You're a sub.
There's just something about that that really just gets my juices flowing.
I don't know what it is.
Yeah.
Does she have to be wearing a leather sort of bondage suit?
Man, I don't care. Do you want to... have to be wearing a leather sort of bondage suit?
She can have a bigger
beard than me in real life. As long
as she sounds like a woman
and talks to me really
aggressively and stuff,
I'm fine. I mean, she sounds like your mum.
What if she steps on your balls?
Steps on your fucking balls.
I don't know if I want somebody stepping on my balls.
I think I i probably draw the
line there like right telling me to play better shut the fuck up and raid better and stuff over
like voice comms is okay that makes you hard yeah but like stomping on my balls i think i would
probably have like a you know the polar opposite of of a boner yeah i see it would like go into
my body instead. Just like disappear
somewhere up there.
I think that's how
it works anyway.
Yeah, reverse.
Yeah, it would like
recoil in horror
at the thought of
my balls getting trampled.
I did enjoy playing
Deus Ex,
the new one this week.
So I booted that up
for a couple of days
before WoW came out.
And it was a little bit slow.
But man, I like being that guy adam
jensen again and just kind of i didn't i didn't really like the last one much it's not that i
didn't like it i just found it really fucking boring i didn't and the guy the guy's voice
drove me crazy it was so annoying you're right i mean actually i do remember it being a little bit
i feel like sometimes with these games like sometimes they're too linear, they're too on-route,
they're too much of everything, okay?
So it's not really a game, it's not really a story,
it's not really anything.
It's kind of this strange amalgamation of
you're trapped in this sort of railroaded path
with a few routes through it.
And if I wanted to read a load of text,
I'd get a book. If I wanted to
follow a story I'd watch
some Netflix or
watch a movie. If I want to
play a game I want to fucking play a game. I don't want to be
stuck on a train which takes me to
one station to the next. I don't know how I feel about it.
But in that
sense I felt it was a bit slow.
But you know what? I still enjoyed it.
I put about uh eight
hours in there and i'm looking forward to getting back to it and i don't know when i'm going to get
back to it because we're playing so much wow wow and then there's a hearthstone thing coming out
the last hearthstone oh that's tonight isn't it yeah that's gonna take me a few weeks to get over
that because i'm gonna be trying out all the new decks and doing that what is with the disco theme
for the new thing like i didn't didn't... It's not canon.
That was my concern.
It's a disco.
It's meant to be...
It's so good.
It's so much fun.
It's pretty good.
It's meant to be a party, right?
And it's the usual.
You know, Warcraft in itself tries to be serious,
but is very silly at times, like out in the world.
Yeah, absolutely.
Like quests and stuff.
And Hearthstone just magnifies that silliness big time doesn't it and so that
the idea is that karazhan is is back in fashion you remember karazhan right from burning crusade
oh you didn't you didn't play burning crusade was when i quit wow dude so i never got oh my god
i missed out man no i didn't you know why because i played vanilla wow for five years or whatever
and i did raids and shit we were terrible
we were a terrible terrible raiding group and the guys I played with I was just too lazy to find some
some good friends to play with so I was playing with these guys they were all Scandinavian they
were lovely lads but they were terrible at the game and we would struggle we struggled with
was it what was the jungle thing with the trolls kelph is it all zolgar up zolgar up that's it so we we struggled in zolgar
up right so it was tough it was tough it was tough it was a hard game and people would go like um
i've got to go like halfway through everything there'd always be two or three people that had
to quit or someone's internet would go down or something yeah or something someone would step on
the wrong fucking thing or we didn't bring this so we were kind of our raid leader was uh his
name was was boogie he was very angry all the time yeah raid leaders just kind of clowning around
from no no youtube no i don't think so it was b-u-g-g-e was his name okay so we're so we we
started doing um molten core and we took hours fucking hours and we did this whole thing even if you
knew what you were doing in that instance it took fucking hours and days it was just a long ass
raid it was designed to take hours yeah you get like maybe one maybe two things if that like you
don't get any good loot because you don't have enough dragon kill points whatever yeah remember
back then you actually used to have to the the raid leader would have to pick up the loot yeah you'd have to like whisper and say that you wanted it yeah
bullshit that's hilarious so it was like a power trip for those raid leaders so anyway well we did
that for a while we killed the nix here a few times and stuff but we did all the little bits
and bobs and then bernie crusade comes out we all rush over there to solo stuff and level up
and i i i bear in mind I've been playing for years,
I had what I thought was reasonable loot.
I go through the portal, I'm wandering around,
there's all these boars around.
I kill a boar, and it drops a green cloak
that's better than the cloak I've been raiding for
for, like, the past few years.
Like, this green cloak.
And I was like, okay, so every time this fucking happens,
there's going to be another expansion,
and it's going to shit on all the stuff that I did previously.
What's the fucking point?
Well, yeah, I mean, it just restarts the game, basically.
A new expansion, because they sell it at full retail price and everything,
it's basically a new game.
Like, it pretty much nullifies everything that happened previously.
It's like a start over, though.
It's like a fresh start.
I mean, you still might start a new game with Civ.
You don't might start a new game with Dota.
I think people get very, very attached
to their WoW characters in a strange way.
It's a strange game.
It's strangely psychologically addictive.
And it's a little bit like my thoughts on gaming
is generally that certain games are very addicting
and very addictive through the way they interact with you.
Dota is no exception.
You know, Hearthstone, the way they make you spend,
you know, I've spent hundreds of pounds on Hearthstone packs,
you know, compared to any other game.
But those cards, like the cards that you get in Hearthstone,
are still good cards, right?
Man, speaking of good cards.
Fireball is a good fucking spell.
Fireball ain't going to not be a good spell.
That's a dang good spell.
And you can cast it any time you like.
So as soon as I got Fireball, I was like, cool, this is a good spell.
And, you know, there's a whole bunch of good spells.
In WoW, it was like, do you remember those days and days and days of your life
that you spent doing all these fucking quests?
You could unlock this and get that.
We are not going to try and convince you to play WoW again.
We've done this before.
We've been through it.
I respect your decision
and we'll see where we are
in a week or two with WoW.
Man, I didn't realise that you...
If it's still really good,
then me and...
I'm happy to
hold your hand
and show you the ropes.
Alright.
I've got a spare copy of Legion here
and that's got 100 boost.
You can just boost your old
fucking bald priest
or whatever you were playing before.
He's a fucking bald wizard, actually.
Even more potent.
Honestly, the baldness.
You've got so much magic in that head, it's made you go bald.
He's undead.
He's a little skeleton guy.
Ah, perfect.
Hey, listen, I didn't realize that you only played vanilla.
So you actually missed the glory of the Burning Crusade.
And more importantly, you missed the glory of Wrath of the Lich King.
Those expansions were like...
No, I got them and I played them for 10 minutes.
And I was like, what the fuck am I doing with my life?
And I stopped.
Wrath of the Lich King was the golden age of WoW.
And honestly, the best thing about the P-Flax that you've missed is the last two expansions.
You missed the Pandas.
I got them!
And you missed the Drandel. I did them! missed you missed and cataclysm was not oh it's garbage
i got i got them i mean we played wow together luis with the for the last expansion whatever
the one was with the barracks and all that was at the drain or whatever that was yeah we got we did
that we played you and i went and did an instance where you were trying to help me out and
you were just running around one-shotting everything and i was like hoovering up as
much loot as i could and you were like why the fuck do you still have this like you were looking
at my inventory was just what what what is this item i was like well i got it like eight years
in uh in an instance you're like yeah but that instance was like a level 30 instance why do you
still have this this sword it took me a lot of time to get it so and i didn't have a fancy flying mount and
i was like slow to catch up or whatever and it was here's the thing okay i think wow does this
to you like what you're saying here is really interesting because you're you're obviously
playing the game in an rp kind of fun casual way and you're like hey look i liked this sword i'm
gonna carry on using it i had to work hard to get sword i know it's not very good it's not got very good stats in it but i don't
care yeah unfortunately wow doesn't have the kind of mentality of returning that and i think that
wow players don't have that mentality they have the mentality that well they do numbers numbers
like min max is kind of kind of like the most important i know i know i know that but for
example if we were playing through a like an rpg like pillars of eternity i know i know i know that but for example if we were playing
through a like an rpg like pillars of eternity or divinity and i said fuck it i know this sword
isn't the best it's not going to be the worst though who cares i'm going to carry on like you
can still play through that game with a slightly nerfed sword you can still play through the game
in a slightly different harder way like you know rpgs in in normally you know they you might it
might make it slightly more difficult but it
won't ruin the experience i think that if you're playing it wow if you went into an instance with a
not optimal sword or something people will fucking laugh at you and tease you and mock you and they
won't get it do you know what i i think you're right and i think the system is that you you go
through some quest early on in your life to acquire your weapon.
Gandalf doesn't turn up with a different fucking staff every time.
He's like, well, Frodo, bring me my new staff.
I'm level 60 now, so I guess...
Oh, Master Gandalf, I've got your new staff.
It's plus four to fire damage, not plus three.
We must min-max to get into M to off-road. Oh, no.
It's the same fucking stuff.
I feel like the quests you go on should
power up that weapon. So your
weapon acquires new legendary
status and new deeds
that grant it new shit.
Rather than just, this one is
plus 66, this one is plus 67.
Bye-bye, plus 66.
The new expansion introduced this sort of system now
where you don't get weapons anymore.
You get one weapon.
It's like the most insanely powerful weapon you can get.
It looks fucking cool.
And your journey through the new expansion,
basically you can augment it and make it better with, like, runes and stuff.
It's almost like your weapon has a skill tree in it now.
Yeah, literally what you just said, P-Flex,
is what they've added.
So they've added these artifact weapons.
You get it straight away at the start of the expansion,
and then you never have to upgrade it.
It just upgrades itself automatically,
and you can choose special things to go into.
All right.
Well, I'm just going to download Legion now.
I will do that, actually. Why not? We can't help ourselves.
We've spent so many of our best years of our life all wasted playing WoW
that when a new expansion comes out, I'm afraid it's all we can think about.
It's at the front of our mind.
And so we're just a bit frazzled.
This week's episode will be called WoW Fever, I think. think about it's at the front of our mind and so we're just a bit sort of like we got and like this
this week's episode will be called wow fever i think because we can't help we got the fever i'm
sorry we'll we'll be back to normal next week we've been dancing with mr wow stone instead of
mr brownstone yeah and uh now we're we're addicted and give it give it give it a month and we'll i'll
be treating it like hearthstone and i'll be you know maybe logging in once every couple of days if someone says hey do you want to do a dungeon or whatever and and you know that and I'll be treating it like Hearthstone and I'll be, you know, maybe logging in once every couple of days
if someone says, hey, do you want to do a dungeon or whatever?
And, you know, that'll be it.
And I'll be happy, right?
All right.
Give me, you know.
So I think that's where we'll be in a month.
But now we're like, oh, it's a whole new expansion.
We're loving it.
Honestly, period.
I think it's worth checking out.
It's like, it's good.
You know what does it for me, though?
I think it's just weirdly all right it's like i think you know what does it for me though i think it's just weirdly like the the nostalgic sounds and stuff like the sounds and the the
handing in the quests and yeah and stuff like that just simple simple stuff of of the noises
and the way the way the whole game because do you know do you know what i did the last time that i
installed this game and the reason i uninstalled it what i realized that i didn't have the cool
pets that i wanted to get right right like uh my pets were pretty weak and they had the thing where
you can go and do like pokemon battles with your pets right oh my i've never ever ever done don't
waste your fucking time days doing that because i kind of like going around there were no people
there was no quest there was no leveling I was just going around
leveling up my stupid pets
and if I saw some water
I'd do some fishing
like I was just
that's literally what I did
for like two weeks
ah yeah
and then
I realised that if you go back
there was an early dragon area
it was in the original
lands
Azeroth or whatever the fuck it is
and
there's a bit
it's just an open
blasted area
and you can kill these dragons
and when you kill them
there's a chance that they drop a whelp.
I think you've told me this story.
Yeah.
So he did that for like two weeks.
You just grinded.
Just grinded the whelps.
Well, listen, first of all.
The game is so well catered to that game play style now.
Honestly, first of all, you can buy any pets on the auction house.
I have no money.
No, but listen, it's so easy to get money.
You just play the game.
I had like 50 gold lewis
and everybody was going around everything when the shop was like two billion gold i've missed
out on it's like you know what i'm like when i go into wow now i'm like a victorian gentleman
arriving in modern london saying take me to uh so-and-so driver and here's a penny for your
trouble he's like that'll be like a 30 quid fair, mate. That's me. I'm like, what do you mean 30? A penny is plenty, you ruffian.
Don't worry, I'll be your sugar daddy.
I don't know.
If you play the new expansion,
it guides you through very, very carefully
what you need to be doing.
And then it opens up.
So they have these things called class
halls now so whatever class you are what did you call me yeah so like if you're a lower class player
and the game detects that you're not of a certain class you you'll get thrown into like so for you
it's like it's like a really shitty shack where like all the scrubs go you're a class home
fuck you but it's like it's like a it's like a it's like an instance though so you know like if you're a priest
is this real or are you winding me up no i swear to god they're gonna put me in an instance for
shitters like the scrub zone no i know that i was i was joking about that um so say you say you say
you're a paladin right i'm not a fucking paladin he's a mate so what are you a mage okay so you're a paladin, right? I'm not a fucking paladin. He's a mage. Okay, so what are you?
You're a mage.
Okay, so you're a mage.
Horde for life, bitch!
Okay, so you're a horde mage, right?
So when you start the game...
You can't be horde paladins now, by the way.
You can't be horde paladins, too, yeah.
But anyway, so you're a horde mage.
You start the game, and then you talk to some iconic magician from Warcraft
who's like, oh, fuck, we've got the biggest quest you've ever seen in your
life buster brown we're gonna we're gonna have to do this together but first you're gonna need the
fucking biggest staff you've ever seen in your life bozo here you go and then he gives you this
like fucking super legendary staff and then he introduces you to like uh like your class hall
right which you can go to any time i don't want time. I don't want to have it called that anymore.
Well, you don't want to be called a class hall.
An order hall.
All right.
I don't want to be called a class hall anymore, all right?
It's a little too close to an arsehole.
I don't like it.
Well, I mean, we weren't calling you that.
We were just saying it a lot.
I wasn't meaning to call you that.
Yeah, you were.
I know what you were doing.
We were thinking it.
So you go to this place, and it's like, if you're a magician, it's like this big mage tower.
And it's got like fucking books and shit in it.
Yeah, books.
There's like an altar where you upgrade your weapon.
It's like magical brooms and shit.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And it's all themed around your class.
The crockery's all floating around and shit.
Yeah.
And it's pretty cool, right?
And then from there you can go on quests and missions and stuff.
Or if you don't want to do that shit, you can go to Dalaran.
Dalaran? That sounds like a good guy zone.
Yeah, no, it's a fucking floating Disneyland.
It's like the Magic Kingdom floating in the air.
But I'm a bad guy. I'm in the Horde.
What's our equivalent?
No, you don't. It's a sanctuary for everybody.
You're not allowed in there, but you've sort of bullied your way in.
That's pretty much it.
They don't want you there, but you kind of angrily don't want to be there.
That's your motivation.
Like a drama teacher.
So it guides you through everything that you need to do.
And then basically you get to a point where it's like,
I can either go and do quests or I can just go off and I can do some fishing
or I can go collect pets or whatever.
But the game rewards you XP for like everything you do now.
So like, say you want to go mining,
you'll get a ton of XP just for mining nodes and shit.
And you don't need to be a certain level to do it or anything like that.
If you've got the profession, you just go out and mine it.
You can level up just mining if you want to, if that's what you want to like it's it's it's opened up a lot it's it's a lot less supposed to be
super open to casuals now that's the thing so anyone because i think it was a little bit like
hearthstone is now it's a little bit there's this bounds to entry where you know like it's quite
difficult to get started if you're a new player you know because's so deep now, there's so many expansions.
So that's partly why they shaved a lot of them off
with the rotating standard model.
So you don't have to buy Naxxramas and Grand Tournament cards anymore,
I don't think, because they're rotated out, aren't they?
No, Grand Tournament's still in.
Black, no, Black Rocks.
I can't remember which ones are rotated, but yeah.
That's going to keep happening. Naxx is out. And Gob no, Black Rocks. I can't remember which ones are rotated, but yeah. Nax is...
That's going to keep happening.
Nax is out and...
And Goblins vs. Gnomes.
Goblins vs. Gnomes is gone as well.
But you can still play them in Wild.
We need to stop advertising this, by the way.
I was worried that this whole podcast would just turn into WoW chat,
because that's all we've been doing.
And we can usually chat about what we've been doing for the last weekend.
This is all we've been doing.
All right, let's talk about Margate.
Margate is in Kent, right?
It's on the coast of Kent.
It's on the northeastern coast.
You've been there?
I saw that episode of Only Fools and Horses where they go to Margate.
Right, and there is a...
The Jolly Boys outing.
Does Farage have something to do with Margate?
Thanet, I think.
Because Thanet is that area.
And I think he's the MP for that. like that was my impression of kent before going there was
it's going to be a lot of people walking around shouting racist slogans right that was hold up
did you you went to margate like on the weekend yeah last week i went to um uh whitstable which
is in kent wait are your kids still with your grandparents? No, no, no, no. Last week, drove down, picked up the kids and my mom, brought them back up to
London. The next day, hopped in the car. We drove to Whitstable, which is in Kent, which is not far
from market. It's like a 20-minute drive, a half an hour drive from market. Anyway, Whitstable is
a beautiful seaside town. It's beautiful it's really cool really hip it's got a
load of good restaurants there loads of good shops it's like one of those towns that exists in
britain where they've just decided collectively we're gonna have like a couple of big chain stores
and then fuck it everything else is independent and that's that yeah so there's all these cool
independent clothing stores and all these restaurants there's like there's a sainsbury's
there's a costa there's like a couple of other chains like a Boots. That's it. Everything else is
independent. So you're really going around and it's really unusual stuff that you find
in these stores, which is great. We have a nice little cottage. It's right by the sea.
Seafood, if you like seafood, Whitstable has got lots of good seafood. So that was great.
And then we went off and I'd been to Kent a couple of times before and it's like this beautiful county
it's absolutely gorgeous
the countryside is stunning
there's miles of coastline
the garden of England
it is gorgeous
it's got all these
great beaches and everything
but the people in Kent
are just a bit different
so whilst the people
are not the best
the place is fantastic
and you go to Margate
and all I could see
when I went to Margate
was the difference
between Margate and Whitstable.
Whitstable has obviously been taken over by relatively well-to-do middle-class and upper-middle-class
Londoners, and it's all kind of high-end, frou-frou stuff.
Margate, which is like a half-hour drive away, like I said, is like this run-down relic of
what English seaside holidays used to be.
It's extremely fundamentally flawed in a number of ways.
You come out of the station, right?
You come out of the train station,
which is a nice station.
You get mugged.
Well, you see people that you think are gonna mug you,
and if you were to do this at 10 o'clock at night,
you assume they almost certainly would.
And then you've got this grotty walk down to the seafront.
It's just awful.
It's one of those places where they've just,
there's like a building site here.
There's a bit of wasteland with those awful metal fences that are meant to stop people going on their shitty wasteland.
And it's got like, it's just shit.
It's awful traffic and everything like that.
And then you come around the corner
and there's Margate Promenade
down by the beach and everything.
And the beach is fucking massive.
And it's gorgeous yellow sand like golden
sand it's beautiful it's got like a harbor wall with a lighthouse and you think wow this could
actually be something and then you look at the row of shops and it's like a greasy calf a bunch
of closed down shops some tat stores a bookmakers two shitty pubs and an awful looking restaurant
nice and you think what a fucking waste like this place place could be, it's an easy train ride from London.
Margate could be absolutely fucking huge and really popular with the whole staycation thing and everything like that.
Yeah.
But it's just, it's so weird to see.
You're totally making me want to play Fallout right now.
No, it is.
Yeah, me too.
But aspects of it.
You're making me want to watch Only Fools and Horses again, too.
Dude, there is a mural of that episode on a wall as you come into margate
no way yeah yeah the jolly boys i'm not even kidding it's right there there's a big mural
that was it's such a funny episode yeah i mean it's like they get the bus and they get lights
on fire margate was on telly like it's a big deal right but it used to be a big place and the weird
thing is you go past that shitty area up a hill a bit and you're on this
old-fashioned sort of high street these gorgeous buildings that are like lake victorian uh buildings
like just running all over the place and you keep going through margate and then you hit the sort of
posh seafront which is stunning like these buildings would be worth a fortune if they
were anywhere else it's it's just this gorgeous. I honestly think if the Margate Council got their fucking act together,
Margate could be like this jewel on the coast
that people would be fucking killing themselves to get a house in
because it is something else.
And the view out to sea, there's all these wind farms
and they're like this weird sort of peaceful horizon
with all these wind farms.
And then you've got like all these beaches around there
that are just incredible.
It's such an underdeveloped area that north kent coast but it could be
something special you heard it here first p flex thinks it's gonna be the next dubai he's gonna
get a lot of investment yeah he's gonna get he's gonna invest heavily and get a couple of
skyscrapers up in like we'll get donald trump in there we're gonna build a golf course it's
gonna be amazing wow we're gonna build a sea, and the sea people will pay for it.
For the first time, I thought, you know what these people need?
They need one of my casinos.
A casino.
Right in Margate.
A casino for everybody.
He's going to build a fucking casino, and me and the boys are thinking of moving in.
We're going to buy a couple of houses.
One for me and one for me, because I'm Tommy Tooth Times.
I need two houses. I got to get two houses to get the paper get the paper so um there's no casinos in in margate though yeah probably that's kind of surprising seaside
towns normally do have at least one casino but they're not like it's not like a good yeah it's
like a more casinos and shit like fucking bookies pop up right yeah
yeah there's like an old robot in there and there's some people playing like caravan
trading bottle camps with each other it's like it is just straight out of fallout you know they're
just like playing solitaire by themselves it's interesting that the the nature is the the beauty
you know because a lot of people would always say well the things we humans try to create beauty
right we try to make things look beautiful but we end up just creating this horrible mess on this
you know defacing nature yeah but then some places really um sort of work yeah i mean
in parallel with nature and a beautiful garden or like a well-tended piece of topiary man that reminds
me actually i've got a garden okay but i'm really fucking lazy and i was talking to my wife the
other day and i was like i approached this very cautiously because you know we have a house you
know we've got a garden okay we've got all these opportunities to have this like beautiful backyard
space flowers and stuff like that.
And I thought, you know, I don't want to like, I don't want to be like a big downer here and be the guy who's like, yeah, can we just like pave it all over so that there's no maintenance or whatever.
So like I approached it very cautiously and I was like, you know, those flower beds could really use some work, you know? Like, it'd be nice if we had some flowers.
And she was like, yeah, it'd be pretty good if there was flowers and stuff.
But, like, we don't really have time.
Like, do you want to just get some more turf instead?
I was like, yes.
Yes.
So next year, we're going to fucking get rid of all the flower beds,
and we're going to turf the shit out of the backyard.
It's just going to be re-turfed all
turf it's just gonna be fence to fence grass no more flower beds i don't like that fuck nature
let me tell you something let me tell you something the bee population in this country
like every other country in the world is struggling yeah it is your responsibility
sips as a landowner and potential flower haver to get some fucking flowers down
and help out your local bees fucking things in sips is called the snails like honestly he's
fucking talking about bees jesus i like i feel like i'm the lord of of hell some mornings i
wake up and i'm standing outside like on a mountain of snail shells. Come to me, my minions.
All these snails are like fucking slithering up me and stuff.
They're a part of the ecosystem too.
Anything that's living in my garden, frankly, I'm happy to have it there
because we came and stuck a fucking house here
and they're like the least you could do is give us a little outside space
to just make up for the fact that you humans have stuck concrete especially in london over
every available space if someone has a front garden boom i could park my car there now
uh off-road parking that's it that's all they want to do it leads to flooding and the bees
we got to think about the bees and uh and i do that if i have flowers and the bees, we've got to think about the bees. And I do that. I agree. If I have flowers and the bees are into, that flower stays, even if it's a weed.
I'm like, you guys, do you?
I'll worry about the flower in the winter.
But this is for the bees.
This is for the bees.
Damn it.
I've got like a five-year plan, though.
So year one, it's turf.
No, you're not going to put flower beds back in.
You're not going to put flower beds.
No, you're not.
We will.
No, you've not going to put flower beds back in. You're not going to put flower beds back in. We are. No, you're not. We will. No, you've got them now. When the kids are a bit bigger,
then we're going to put some new flower beds back in
and we'll have more time to make our garden grow,
to tend our garden.
So for how many years are you going to maintain
this one-man bee holocaust that you're carrying out?
How long is that going to go on for
before you stick a flower down?
Probably about four or five years, I would say. How long is that going to go on for before you stick a flower down? Probably about four or five years,
I would say.
Year three is concrete.
Year four is big pollution factory out there.
That's right, yeah.
Well, we need somewhere to process the snails.
Giant bee trap.
In five years' time,
it's just going to be a mountain of snails.
My house is just going to be replaced
by a gigantic mountain of snail shells like they're
they're everywhere it's it's like an infestation oh god it's terrible they're cute though like you
learn to love them after a while okay yeah you know you give them themes do you have one on your
head controlling you right now a bee or a snail a mind snail no snail no we've got like these
harmless wasps as well. Lots of
them. There must be a nest somewhere, but they don't sting and they don't get angry. They just
seem to be quite happy sort of buzzing around, you know, eating the grass or whatever. They're
not cows. No, no. Well, that's what they're doing, though. I don't know what, you know,
I can't tell exactly what they're doing because they're small.
I'd love a nature program with sips where he's just like on his belly in the lawn, just like looking at a wasp.
What is he eating?
That grass?
He's eating the grass.
What's he doing on that grass?
We may never know because we love to hear that, David Asper.
Just clueless.
No idea.
So that little wasp does something. We can't tell what it is because it's so
small you don't have the technology from here it's very small and it would require a tremendous
amount of effort for us to get closer to it so i'm just gonna have to agree to disagree on this
one it's definitely eating the grass i think it's eating the grass but i can't tell no no so these guys are just buzzing around everywhere and at first we were like holy shit
we've got like a wasp infestation we gotta call somebody you know they're gonna have to come out
here with the spray and the fucking you know the death dome thing that they put over your you know
like on break and bad you know when they cover your house and fumigate and stuff. But then
we spoke to somebody and he's like, oh no, they're
like, they're wood wasps or
it's some name for them anyway, but
they're like harmless. They don't even
fucking care. Like, they're not the ones that are like
going after your
peach punch and your egg sandwich
and stuff. My peach punch!
They don't care.
They just want to eat grass
or whatever it is that they're doing.
I can't tell they're small.
This is a nature program. We've got to do this.
If I'm ripping around back there
with the lawnmower or whatever, they could
care fucking less. They're just like, yeah,
whatever. Get on with it. They don't get
angry. I don't even think they have stingers.
I don't think they even have stingers
because they're just too busy eating grass. Are you sure they're not ants or something and you've mistaken them
for another they're definitely they definitely have like that that the that they could be
i'm just saying no no no they look like wasps but hoverflies look like wasps they disguise
there are hoverflies that disguise themselves as wasps no these are they're definitely wasps
or at least like maybe cousins of wasps. No, they're definitely wasps.
Or at least like maybe cousins of wasps or something.
I have two things to say about this.
The Jersey.
Number one, I saw a wasp going for the nectar in a flower the other day.
I didn't know they did that.
He was like going in the flower.
He was going in every flower, getting the nectar.
It was a shallow flower.
So it was a wasp friendly. I mean, wasps have become like seagulls, right?
Where they don't give a shit about nature anymore.
All they want is our trash.
Yeah, they'll just do whatever.
Yeah.
They got together and they decided,
guys, the world's changing and we need to modernize.
We can't be left behind like the humble bee
or the stupid snail.
We have to modernize.
We're going after their trash, folks.
Guys, we found Mecca.
No longer do we need to, you know, waste a lot of time and effort trying to catch fish
or like, you know, go into a flower and extract the sweet nectar.
No, we found these big green things.
They're called dumpsters.
They're filled with shitty diapers and other things that we could quite happily
Feed off of
And land on
And spread the germs around
Like the wasps would do that
Seagulls are the worst
I don't even know how any seagull is actually alive right now
They are disgusting
The fucking shit that they eat is crazy
They're designed to do that
What, eat garbage?
They're carrion feeders, they eat is crazy. They're designed to do that. What? Eat garbage? Yeah. They're carrion feeders. They eat
anything. You do
know that a lot of humans are alive
from just eating that stuff in the first
place, right? Because there's a lot of humans who
fucking just eat McDonald's and throw it away on the
floor. That's what seagulls... McDonald's has
more nutritional value than
a fucking diaper,
okay? And I'm not just talking about the shit
out of a... They fucking do.
Seagulls don't eat diapers.
They do. This is a classic
Sip's story. He has seen a seagull
eating shit out of a diaper
and he is fucking telling you it
happened. He saw it with his own eyes.
With my own eyes. Do seagulls
see the seagull in its native
habitat? Eat diapers. A dumpster
eating shit out of a diaper.
For hundreds of years, the noble seagull has eaten shit out of diapers.
Garbage gulls are not seagulls.
Oh, well, maybe they're different in other parts of the world.
I know the ones in Bristol are quite aggressive.
Massive.
Loud as hell. The ones in Jersey are like a. Massive. Loud as hell.
The ones in Jersey are like a fucking menace.
Like everywhere you go, if you have food, even if you're thinking about food, they turn up.
Okay.
There doesn't even need to be food available.
They're like, holy shit, that guy looks hungry.
I better get down there and just fucking pester him a bit because I bet you there's going to be some food at some point.
And then they're all over you you have to you you just have to do the thing where you have
to put your arms out in the air and and convince them that you're a bigger seagull and they fly
away you have to do that with the onset of winter ring build garbage gulls or landfill larrids as
one bird calls them typically join the vultures perching on trash heaps and
picking through old tires and disposable diapers for some edible morsel you're right you're right
but they're not that ain't no seagull homie that's your ring bill goal man it looks like a
fucking seagull to me just like the wasps you're trying to tell me that that wasp isn't a wasp. It looks like a fucking wasp to me.
But your nature, you're not
a naturalist.
Do wasps eat grass?
Oh, God.
In my head now, I've got this
wonderful summer day.
Sips has walked out of the front of his house.
He's walking down along the seafront of Jersey
sniffing the flowers.
Saying, oh, that flower smells fantastic.
Hey, last time you were over, Lewis, don't knock it, because last time you were over,
I saw you sniffing a flower, and I remember exactly what you said when you sniffed that
flower.
What did I say?
I'm lying.
I don't remember exactly what you said, but I'm pretty sure it was positive.
You were trying to trick me.
No, no.
It wasn't negative, was it?
No.
You were like, oh, my god, this actually smells like a million
bucks. You said something like that. Yeah.
Do you know what? You convinced me.
Fully convinced me. Anyway, so you're walking down
and you're thinking, hmm, this gel that's
flowering reminds me of a nice peach
punch. Wouldn't it be great
to have a peach punch with an
egg sandwich right now?
A load of wasps.
I don't drink peach punch, okay?
They're on the fence. They turn to you. There's like load of wasps. I don't drink peach punch, okay? They're on the fence.
They like turn to you.
There's like a girl in the sky.
It suddenly sees you.
It's like its eyes zero in.
You got to do the close up
and like the sinister music.
Oh, man.
Peach punch detected.
Sacrifice.
Peach punch.
I really want to get some.
I want to try this peach punch.
Is it alcoholic?
Oh, man.
Hey, remember I told you the story about the portage?
Yeah, sure as hell did.
Well, yeah, well, well, fucking get a load of this, okay?
The only thing, the only thing we had to drink besides lake water was fucking crystallized peach punch, okay?
That we mixed with lake water.
Yeah, yeah.
You had to bring it in like sachets, right?
Oh, wow.
Like big, big, but in, like, sachets, right? Oh, wow. Big, big. But not, like,
little individual sachets. It was, like,
fucking bulk ones.
So you'd make, like, a jug
of peach punch. It's like a tub of it. Yeah, yeah.
It was like a bucket of it.
I thought you were going to say you had to squeeze
the juice out of a wasp that had
been feasting on grass and get the sweet.
I can't tell if this is... I just sucked
off this wasp. I'm not sure if it was even a it was even i don't know what he'd been eating maybe a diaper
whatever came out was kind of salty but yeah
tastes like grass
yeah peach punch i can't remember what my other thing that i had to say about insects was
shit oh yeah there was two things sorry Sorry, we got massively off track.
It's way gone.
Sorry, man.
It's okay.
But coming back to seagulls again, okay?
I get that there's these garbage gulls, but they are seagulls still.
No.
They're like corrupted seagulls, okay?
Yeah.
They're like fell seagulls.
Yeah, the fell gulls.
Ah, beware the fell gull
garbage lord of the garbage it's like it's like humans and and heroin addicts right like they've
had a taste of the heroin and they become they're still humans but they're like wretches right like
i know they have feelings and stuff still the only feeling they have is where's the heroin at
that's pretty much it yeah exactly and that's what these garbage gulls have become they've lost they've lost their way yeah you know they used to be seagulls they used
to be out there do you suppose they command the ocean you know they would eat fish and like
barnacles or whatever do you think that they still think about the sea from time to time and
when the garbage
gulls wander near it they'll sort of pause and for a moment they long for it what is that thing
that doesn't look like there's any garbage in there and then they some distant part of their
brain goes remember we used to live in the sea nope give me the diapers that's it yeah they're
like they're flying over and they're like they look at the sea
and then the romantic music
starts playing
they're like
remember back when
little Jimmy used to
just eat fish out of the sea
and occasionally
he would have a barnacle
as well
and then
and then like
the music stops
and he spots a dumpster
and he's like
oh yeah
I'm gonna get
I'm gonna eat the diapers
I'm addicted
oh shit
there's no control in me
some fat guy drops his burger and the seagull's like,
now I remember what I was born for.
That's how I imagine people walk around.
I think fat guys just walk down the street dropping half a burger.
I love how that's like a picture in our minds now.
But that's the reality.
It's become a stereotype.
The reality is, of course,
that that guy is going to do everything he can to not drop
the burger.
Yeah.
He's going to be the worst guy to drop the burger.
He's like, I'm not wasting this perfectly good burger.
Jeez, I've got to eat this.
Yeah, you're right.
We should have an image of skinny people dropping burgers and going, oh, well.
That's more than that.
Yeah.
I can see why you're skinny.
You're such a klutz. You keep your burger some fat guys behind a bin watching
there's a fat guy just behind him doing like the most ultimate limbo
with his mouth open waiting for the burger Oh, man.
Oh, shit.
Oh, man.
Anyway.
Well, I'm glad that we talked about more than just WoW and Hearthstone this time.
You know, we talked about diapers, seagulls, two of my favorite subjects,
that'd be said.
Wasps and not quite wasps, Margate.
We've done pretty good, actually.
Yeah, I think we covered everything.
We've covered pretty much the birds and the bees
literally
actually talked about
the birds and the bees
yeah
oh that's what we should call it
definitely
yeah
I think we've got to call it
Fat Man's Burger Limbo
that's
yeah
I think Fat Man's Burger Limbo
could work out pretty good too
actually
I don't think we can top that
so I think we should call it here
yeah
thank you for listening to the Trials podcast
this week everybody
we should be back next week
feels good to be back and consistent
feels great
the first episode felt like when a runner
or an athlete hasn't performed
in a while
they haven't thrown the javelin or whatever
and they throw it and everyone's like
it's ok, at least he's back
he's over the injuries.
And now this week was like, we fucking world record.
Pow! A javelin out of the park.
Went super fucking sonic, like, out of the atmosphere.
Killed the judge on its way out of the park.
Actually, he's disqualified. It didn't even land in the ground.
So it's like a bit of a downer as well.
We'll take it.
Yeah, just'll take it. Yeah.
Just fucking ruin it.
Sure.
And it smashed his front window of a Ferrari
and you have to pay it all off.
Hit a seagull on the way down.
Yeah, hit a seagull.
Fucking got an infestation of wasps as well.
Nice.
Yeah.
Cool.
All right.
Thanks, everyone.
Bye.
Bye, friends.
Bye. Bye, friends. Bye.