Triforce! - Triforce! #271: The Most Interesting Woman in the World

Episode Date: November 29, 2023

Triforce! Episode 271! Lewis goes on a crazy holiday with the most interesting woman in the world - Osie's Mum - and we imagine the lifestyles of the rich and the famous! Go to http://auraframes.com/triforce to get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames. Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

pickaxe little bit hoarse today you're nice nice just because i've got a bit of covid um you went away last week and uh and that's all you've got to say for yourself you came back with a couple weeks yeah uh do you want to hear about it well what have you guys done that's interesting were you swapping fluids with somebody last week or what sadly no oh man how did you manage to get covid then like uh what you I did a lot. I've done a lot of things and a lot of the things I went to, people had COVID at, it turns out. Okay, sure.

I could be the carrier, although I don't think so. Right. I could be patient zero. So, you're telling me that you went to a whole bunch of things and at one of them, you must have acquired COVID. But you'd have to hope it was the last one, because that way you didn't give COVID to everybody else. That's the great fear. You that way you didn't give COVID to everybody else. That's the great fear.

You might have been spreading yourself. Yeah. Precisely. It happens. There's no way to- it's not like something you're doing deliberately. Well, no. No, as soon as I went into the office, I started feeling a bit ill. So I was like, hmm, I'll take a COVID test.

I took a COVID test. It was fine. But I was like, hmm, I'm not feeling great though, so I'm going to be careful. And then the next day I took another test and then I was positive. So passed my test, but then I failed my test right how does it work pass or fail you pass anyway whatever but have you two done anything interesting let's start with you guys sounding good there hang on what happened what was last week um let me check last week no you know what I didn't do anything because we're just like back from, we're just settling back in from

being away and stuff. From being at Disney. Last week, I just did nothing. When you go back to Disney, I hear. We're going back in the summer, yeah. That'll be great. I think it'll be better in the summer, yeah. I mean, it's nice that we went and my kids had so much fun that they are so desperate to go

again. I think that's nice, but... I remember going to a water park when I was in France and I think it was the summer, but it might not have been anyway. It was a cold day and that's like, not a cold day, but not a hot day, I guess. No, yeah. And when you're going to water park you want it to be as hot as possible because we went to one on holiday um and it was it was great

we had a great day out i loved it i haven't been for a while but man it's just when it's really hot and it just makes it actually pleasant to go into these plunged freezing plunge pools or sit queue up shivering on these like rides yes oh man so anyway let's i'll get started shall i so the first thing i did was i went to a magic the gathering event it was like a brand deal in in cardiff i watched the vid uh it was a bit cringe no the video was really good well done joe uh joe's a master, isn't he? Joe did the video. Really shot it very nicely. Making us look fun. Good content, and I liked it. Very good. Well edited. Yeah, we made lots of- Ikai, all the rude jokes about whales, which I made throughout the trip.

Why would you do that? Were you making rude jokes about whales? They can take it. Yeah. Sure. I was just casually making them. Until they can't. Did you ever think of it that way? No? Well, yeah, I suppose one day it'll slap me in the face, won't it? But it was a lovely time. Everyone's nice in Wales.

Yeah, we got there. It was already basically dark. Walked around for a bit, went to this event. There wasn't really that many people there, like 60 people kind of in the in the tournament yeah and so and it was um quite small um my popularity has waned to the point where you know i only got recognized by about four or five of the people there everyone else was just like oh you're famous are you i saw my favorite part of the video lewis was when you stood in the middle of a room and said, do you know who I am? To some off-camera person. And I thought, this is desperate.

Yeah, I've been dreading this day. It's come this far. Yeah, that's right. I'm a legacy YouTuber now. Legacy. Legacy. An old bastard is what it is. Just say it.

You're an old bastard. Just an old has-been. Didn't get recognized for the rest of the the week so you know kind of get it get it somewhere anyway it's nice time magic the gathering you know can't complain um got to play the new expansion which is quite fun it's a jurassic park yeah that puts me off i i like the ring stuff i don't mind because because you know it's still fantasy and everything but i always thought that oh come on, Jurassic Park is also fantasy. But it's-

There's no other way to look at it, really. It's pure fantasy. Pure fantasy. It's just ludicrous. It's really not science fiction, to put it that way. I just- seeing, like, some lion-headed warrior and some priestess of the moon and like an animated tree and like a deadly snake and then there's fucking jeff goldblum on the card i was like i don't want this i can skip yeah i like jeff though i'm a big jeff fan he's a jeff fan

and didn't i got to meet him so that like like increases the, um, his, his, you know, then again, I'm sure. Anyway. Um, so then after that, the next day I went to this, um, mega game it's called. Yeah. I've heard about this. It's called Watch the Skies. I've been to one before about 10 years ago, um, with Tom. And it's kind of like a model UN meets a little bit of like LARPing kind of thing. So everyone goes along. So I went along with Mike and originally Ravs was supposed to come but he wasn't feeling very well so we roped in

two of Mike's friends at the last minute and we went up as Team UK. So we were actually playing as the UK which is kind of weird because everyone else is playing as Germany, France, America, India, South Africarica all the big nations right and um we're supposed to be we're supposed to be sort of more responsible as the uk

but i thought oh sorry i'll just explain the whole point the whole point is that there's a series of crises to do with aliens turning up a little bit like x-com the aliens come to earth and we're like how are we going to deal with them and they're they're landing you know they're attacking and abducting things oh wait so they're coming in hot like they're not there's no friendly alien lads well they can't really talk to you at the start so they have to like abduct humans to learn the language basically or infiltrate countries secretly but you can kind of their technology isn't that far ahead of ours that you can't see them you know we've got like an x-com in each nation i mean that is able to see the the scouts coming in and shoot them down and stuff you

know so you can leave them to just do what do whatever they want to do but you don't know what they're doing um they could be good they could be bad they could be like different factions of them god knows what so it's trying to unpick it's a lot of information a lot a lot of time there's a play going on you know is that caused by the aliens is that just natural thing there's like you know some some because of because the aliens have kind of stirred up the world right and so there's lots of states are suddenly wanting to get nuclear weapons and are sort of trying to get in with other so it's a whole there's a lot of crazy shit going on and you're there trying to figure out what to do and try and role play as the UK.

Right. So I decided... I spoke to the guys. I was like, who would be the most xenophobic person to lead the UK through a crisis? Nigel Farage, probably. Correct.

Yes. Gosh, yeah. I was going to say, it was on the tip of my tongue. Well, at time of recording, he's just on this- I was gonna say Love Island, but he's not on that, is he? It's Celebrity Jungle, maybe. I don't know.

Celebrity Jungle. No, he's on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here, and he was paid an eye-watering sum for his appearance. Yes. I was decided to be Nigel Farage. I got a blue suit with a white shirt, red tie, a little British pin badge, and I just did his voice the whole time, like a kind of, no, no, no, here I am,

protecting us in the face of these alien invaders coming over here, abducting our cows and taking them off to God knows where. Good British cows. I want space to be like the english channel uh nothing's coming over it you know this kind of this kind of really anti-alien rhetoric right yeah that pissed off just about everyone um because it's full of you know people like millennials who kind of low-key hate Nigel Farage. So I think I'd irritated everyone on my team and everyone I'd met at this point by doing this sort of bit because everyone's taking it quite seriously. Oh, you were annoying.

I just sort of stuck to it. Is that what you're saying? Yes, I was being very annoying. I brought with me a load of British standards, standard fare, right? Like Bourbons, custard creams, and some Gregg's sausage rolls, right? And so I was giving those out, being like, oh wow, here you go, British trade. We need to get, since Brexit, you know, all this. I'm giving it the whole Nigel Farage bollocks. And I'm in the UN council meeting and the guy on my team calls me out and he's like, come out quick.

I need to, we need to do, we need you for, we need you for something else. This is very unorthodox. They're going to kill you, mate. You're going to get assassinated. And so they, my team had come up with this plan, which was basically to be the first people to have first contact with the aliens right because we'd found out very early that the aliens were on the moon and we had this limited information they were potentially friendly okay so they stayed so they'd they spent all of their resources retrofitting an icbm an into a missile nuclear missile into a little sort of smart car sized um delivery system right

stop what do you mean so they they they took the nuclear weapon out of the icbm me in it no we did uk the uk team so they put you in an icbm they sent nigel farage to the moon with some gifts for the aliens right but you can't just fire an icbm at the moon with some gifts for the aliens, right? But you can't just fire an ICBM at the moon and land it. Well, no, but we had spent all of our technology doing that to make it into a moon. To make that possible somehow. So you're going to slam him into the moon?

No, not, no. Send him to visit the moon where the aliens are. I don't even know if we have a missile capable of getting that far. We spent our resources developing it sorry do you understand so all of our resources for the first like couple of years of this game so in the game to developing a moon rocket all right that's okay that makes more sense you confused me carry on that's sorry pflex so i get sent to the moon all right and i get out and

there's an alien there and what was his his name? He's all her name. Well, they didn't have, so the aliens are all played by another group, right? Who was sectioned off. They've got their own tasks. They're ain't got goals.

They don't know whether they're good or bad to start with or whatever. And they're given more jobs as the thing goes on. Anyway, I get, I get into this room, there's an alien there and he's like looking at me and sort of holding me there. And he can't talk to me.

And I'm like, okay, fine, what's going on here? Does he say, are you Lewis Brindley from the Oxcast? No, he doesn't. Oh my God. Anyway, finally, he like pushes this curtain aside and I go in there and I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to get to meet all the aliens, right? I'm going to get to meet everyone.

It's amazing. And already there is the Prime Minister of america the prime minister of india the prime minister of germany having this great little chat with all the aliens right and the the the gm pokes me on the shoulder and says um i can let you meet the aliens but you can't speak any of their language because it turned out that the aliens had visited these other people, picked them up and brought them to the moon for a special meeting. And they'd spent all of their research trying to translate alien language. I got to the moon, didn't speak a word of the language.

Can I say, this is a perfect UK piece of RP. All the big countries leave us out because we're shit. We think we're super important. Lads, we're going to go to the moon and meet the aliens. Then we waste our time building a rocket that barely works. And who do we send? Nigel Farage. This is literally the real world.

This could happen in the real world. I love it. It is. I even had to roll a dice. They said to me, if you roll less than a four on this dice, your rocket's not going to love it. It is. I even had to roll a dice. They said to me like, you know, if you roll less than a four on this dice, your rocket's not going to make it to the moon and you're going to die. And then you'll have to, I don't know what we're going to do with you. Yeah. So, I rolled a dice and I fortunately rolled a four, luckily. Just made it up. Oh my God. Anyway, so I get to this room and of course then, so then they shuttle off all the

folks who'll go back home after they're left to me And I got the aliens and they're all surrounding me and of course we can't communicate So I just did this thing where I was like Nigel here from UK Friends we are your friends Are you us trade like you know like the look like the most basic? Like speak louder if you don't speak the language stuff um which was all very amusing to them and me i assume and then afterwards um that the the

games must said right well you're now um trapped on the moon obviously and you're gonna have to figure out how to get the aliens to take you back home. So, of course, a turn or two later, the aliens finally figure out that me sat upstairs in this alien bit with them is getting weird, and they take me back home. And, you know, all the team, Mike and Eddie and everyone are like, oh, how'd it go? What's all the intel? Are we going to get trade with the aliens? How far ahead are we? And I was like, guys, not only were the Americans and the Germans, the Indians here half an hour ago, but I've been stuck there and I've done nothing.

Do you know what I mean? They were all so excited because they thought they were so ahead with this intel. And we were just massively, massively behind. And it stayed that way for the whole game. So yeah, irrelevant. Like you said, full-on UK roleplay. That really is good. How long did you spend doing this?

It started at like 10 and it went on until about 6. Oh my God, man. I can imagine Sips just being like how could you do that for 8 hours like I'm just waiting for Sips to not be interested in it I'm thinking it I haven't said it but I am thinking that

I've seen you play a game for longer than 8 hours though so you know not with other people there's lots going on there's lots going on and it's a lot of lot of inter dynamics you know because because most of the day we were just trying to find out whether the aliens were actually good or bad and what their intentions were because it's all very hard to tell if they're just you know making friends and then because they wanted us to

disarm all of our nuclear weapons you see that yeah and it was like we don't want to do that now what else did you get up to you did that you went to you did magic you did big so did the magic and i i it was it was exhausting right it's because i because we got stuck on a train with some crazy woman at like so when we come back from the magic the night before you got on the last train 11 30 back to bristol and it was delayed for an hour and every 10 minutes this woman would kick off she would she was she would absolutely go crazy she would like every time there would be a message coming over the tannoy it was like she had tourette's that's a message would come over the tannoy and it was like sorry there are some trespassers on the line we cannot move uh

we'll be hopefully that's going as soon as we can anyway every time that happened she would go you fucking bitch like she would yell this really you fucking bitch like kind of really angry like about her like i can't i don't know how i'm gonna get home fucking hell my my my i'm gonna miss the last bus fuck like kind of this whole thing where she would have this tirade right right and it would it was mental um so what did she look like she just looked like a kind of mid mid to late 30s white woman was she a track um not really quite sure dress nicely not really kind of kind of track suity did she look drunk no didn't look drunk just looked like like, um, just red-faced. Quite short. Quite,

I don't know, like, um, I don't know, a bit of a puggy face. You know? Right. Like a pug. I see. She's kicking off every so often. And, you know, I'm just, like, ignoring it. But this other woman on the train, who

is drunk, is not taking it. I see. Sorry, I'm just unwrapping my But this other woman on the train who is drunk is not taking it. I see. Sorry. I'm just unwrapping my new coat. Carry on. You got a new coat? I want to hear about the woman kicking off. Keep going.

We were delayed a whole hour. Oh my God. Was the train just sat there? Yeah. It's now 1230. We're still in Cardiff. It's like, okay,

we're going to get back to Bristol at like, you know, like, you know, two or two and a half, two and a half, two thirty in the morning at this point. So it's like pretty fucking late. What were you doing? Well, I've just on my phone or whatever, you know, chatting to Duncan or whatever. Duncan's just hanging out. Anyway, she's kicking off again.

And this other woman starts kicking off as well. And it's kind of like a mirror. A nice. And it's kind of like a mirror. A nice coat. It's kind of like a mirror. Right, my new coat is a success. Carry on. Love it. What does it look like?

Lots of pockets. Let me just get up and do a 12 for Mrs. F. You guys carry on. That's all right. Keep going. So this other woman on the train starts saying the same stuff, being like, no, you fucking bitch. No, you fucking bitch. you fucking bitch and it's

like you know they're doing their best like almost like standing up for the railway but also being like you're disturbing all of the other people in here you know why are you why are you being such a mouthy bitch and the other one's like shut up you mouthy bitch like you're the mouthy bitch like they're going they're going wait was this like role player? Are these people actually fighting at this point? These people are actually fighting. Well, these two women, they're kind of yelling at each other in each other's faces. Wait, was this at the Magic the Gathering event? No, this is on the train on the way home.

Oh. What, 12.30 in the morning? Are either of you paying attention to the story? I don't think Flax is. Oh, my God. He's not even at his computer. I don't know why I'm here. You're tabbed out in a completely different fucking ignoring the story i don't think oh my god i don't know why i'm here you're tabbed out what

in a completely different fucking ignoring the story period is fucking trying to coat on it i'm trying to get back into the zone that's i'm climbing my way back into the zone it doesn't matter anyway we got back fucking really late right and then i was off really early then i was off anyway i fucking okay so you're on a train getting back from the magic the gathering event and these women are fighting on the train it was like okay it was like i'd gone into a place where i was kind of disembodied like i was having like detached from my body because there were these two people about a meter away from me yelling into each other's faces.

Right. And they looked like they were the same, the same person. Maybe they were twin sisters. Were they both women? I think one of them was mentally ill and the other one didn't realize the other one was mentally ill and just thought she was a drunk bitch. But one of them was a drunk bitch. It was crazy.

So they had a fight. Eventually, the boyfriend of one of them was like, come on, let's just fucking go down to another carriage and then it we got back home you know eventually and then i was up early for this this thing and then i the next day after the the the mega game thing i went on holiday right to gran canaria oh yeah that's right yeah yeah yeah yeah hearing you back yeah the coat was really uh it's a success i'm very happy with it good thank you good and i went on holiday to gran canaria so

but but the plane was very early so again i hadn't had any sleep hardly over the last couple of days got to the airport i met o's her mom and o's his partner who i was going on holiday with right i'm i get the airport i'm like fucking exhausted and i sit down and i'm like oh hi nice to meet you blah blah because i've not met osis mom before and um they're all like a pint deep it's 7 a.m they've all had they're surrounded by empty pint glasses like halfway through their second if you're from up north severed in the morning northern viewers will attest bristol airport you're going on a flight you're drinking whatever time of day it is that's just how they roll yeah so yeah i i i went on holiday it was it was honestly really really nice i was gonna go away anyway um but when i speak to her she was like oh i'm going you might

as well just tag along so i was worried for a second that o's and her partner were gonna go away and you were like oh i'll come too which i then i thought i don't think lewis is that socially awkward but if her mum's already going you know why not chuck a lewis brindley into the mix like i think that makes sense because and it worked quite well actually yeah because they can go off yeah the boys can do stuff the girls can do stuff stuff, and the couples can do stuff. What do you get up to with Ozi's mum? Do you go and look at a museum or so? There's not much on Canaria. You can go look at the volcano. Did you do that? There's not a volcano on there.

Yeah, there is. Well, it's not like the other two. It's like a caldera, an old caldera that's collapsed. Yes, it's much more... We went and looked at that. It's very cool. Yeah, it's really cool the whole place is is cool it's worth going to the canary islands they're super hot and super nice and um we were so we were in an all-inclusive hotel which i hadn't realized um until we got

there which i'm i'm fine with but i've never done before and i'm not sure i actually am fine with it's a bit weird um why in all-inclusive well it's a bit like a it's a bit weird being an all-inclusive. Well, it's a bit like a British holiday maker, you know, non-stop drinks. You were saying that your middle-class instincts kicked in and you were like, oh, this looks like something for common people. I guess it's just something I've never done. Well, I guess partly the thing is you think, oh, well, I'm paying for this, so I might as well stay here every day, right? Rather than going out, which I'm used to. But as a result, because it's an all-inclusive place, there aren't really anywhere to go out to nearby.

There's no real restaurants around. Because it tends to say to me, I intend to sit by the pool for 12 hours a day and then just drink myself into a stupor and then repeat that for a week or 10 days. That's what I think that is going to be. Well, that's exactly what O's, her partner and her mum did. But they're also very high functioning alcoholics. So they were able to kind of just roll with it the whole time. Unfair and untrue, I would suggest.

They were drinking so much. That's holiday. And still we were able to, we did a lot of stuff. We went to like a little bird sanctuary thing, which was really awesome. Yeah. They've got this really cool. Were they drunk the whole time at the bird sanctuary as well? I think they had a couple.

Yeah. They had a couple. You know, why not? And, you know, it was, it was honestly, Oz's mum is like a cross between Oz and Boof. You know, Boof is like, she's got the 80s TV show movie references, but she's also, you know, just very like outgoing and funny

and very kind of just sees a positive in everything. Like, oh, it was really fun hanging out with her, but she would do the craziest things as well. So, I'll just tell you one story that I told on Simon's podcast as well. Oh, you're telling your other stories on different podcasts now. It's the same story. I just want you to hear it. I'm doing it first. That's interesting. Well, their podcast's out later than ours, though. This is a Christmas one.

Oh, right. This is out in a couple of weeks. So this will go out first. Anyway, we're in Maspalomas, which is like the Blackpool resort kind of thing. It's got kebab shops and strip clubs and loads of British tourists. It's crap. And we're out walking around. And there's all these Nigerian bracelet sellers and we're out we're out walking around and there's um all these nigerian

um bracelet sellers and tat sellers out there right on the on the front kind of hassling tourists about selling you know you know the ones right i know the ones um anyway we're walking along and ozi's mom sees one in like a christmas hat and he's like turns to me he's like oh my god it's a chicken nugget man it's chicken nugget man and i'm like what do you mean it's a chicken nugget man and i'm like what what are you saying to me and so she goes she runs off after him and i look at o's and and and they're like they shrug at me and then they go into a shop and i was like i guess this is my responsibility right to now find out what the fuck is going on so so o's mom's mum has run off. I'm trying to flag down this Nigerian tat seller who's walking the other way. And when he turns and sees her coming at him, he sort of looks behind him.

He's like, because no one has ever flagged down a Nigerian tat seller before, right? Ever. They're normally, it's the opposite, right? They're told to go away in no uncertain terms. So, he's a bit shocked by this lady approaching him. It's incredibly excited. And he's a bit shocked by this lady approaching him. It's incredibly excited and he doesn't speak a word of English. So she's just saying, are you the chicken nugget man? Are you, are you, will you sing me the song? I'll buy something if you sing me the song.

And this whole thing, it's like, he's so confused. He doesn't understand what the chicken nugget man is. But despite his response of blank faced, Ozi's mum just powers through. Lady is like, you you are you are the chicken nugget man aren't you like she will not take no for an answer what does this mean i don't know i i was having like an out-of-body experience again i was like watching this thing happen right in front of me like the most awkward interaction ever um and then she's like i'll buy something and then she she drops her bag everything spills out of it you know she's like rummaging around trying to find five euros to buy some tat off this guy saying that oh just wait just wait i'll sing the song louis can you get a picture of me with a chicken nugget man could you film him singing the chicken nugget song all this right

it's it keeps going and i'm just like a floating above all of this like so bewildered anyway it turns out there's a tiktok right where where this guy on a different island who looks nothing like this guy right i should add oh my god like a viral tiktok thing that ozi's mum had saw and thought it was this guy and she was she was utterly convinced that it was this guy even when we were walking away she was like i'm so sad he didn't sing the song oh she's kind of a bit she's not i keep doing the scouse but she's not scared um anyway it was that's just like it was so fun it was so good it was such a funny moment um and we were all you know laughing about it afterwards because she she couldn't take herself seriously either she was like i, I can't believe I reacted

like that. But she's just so genuine about the things that... I don't know. There were plenty of moments like that. There were more moments like that? Please do. Tell us more. The classic stories with her is that

she falls over a lot. Now, Oz will tell you this story but but during covid she felt she o's had just come in from like a long day of work and this was back when before i was uh ozzy was was making content i think she was working at the pub or something i can't remember where she worked anyway she come back she was exhausted she sat down the sofa and her mum came in on roller skates i was like look what i found um and as as ozzy turned around to say be careful lady went went ass over tit literally smacked her head on the floor and was basically knocked unconscious was this before or after the nugget man incident this was in about

2020 nugget man yeah well so this well. So this is during COVID. So they took her to the hospital and she lost her sense of smell, unrelated to COVID, during COVID. Anyway, she hasn't got a sense of smell because of that, right? But she falls over all the time. So one time she had just been, she works at the NHS. She had just been at a do where you had to pay like a pound and you get like a cup of tea and a biscuit or whatever yeah and so she's she goes out into this car park um fell over and the way she tells the story is she broke her biscuit when she fell

over right uh is that her ass no it's just the biscuit she got she just it's just a biscuit she got. It's just a biscuit that she was carrying. I thought it was like northern slang. Well, exactly. Like in her hand. Part of the one pound deal. I brought me biscuit. You wouldn't believe it. I brought me biscuit.

Exactly. I was outside having a walkabout. I fell over and brought me biscuit. This is it. You can do it better than I can. Did you have to go to hospital for a biscuit?

No. Just get another one out of the team. Exactly. This is exactly what this is like. I would love to be there and just re-say

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something that you can do because we've done that now with like uh we sent aura frames when when we got sponsored by aura they sent us some frames to try out we've given them to like everyone in our family are you saying to me if i bring my aura frame over to lewis's house i could sync up my aura frame with his and steal his pictures and then I can take mine home. You can just send pictures to my AuraFrame, but please don't. Oh my god. The potential is there. Honestly, it's fantastic.

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Sure. And on the topic of Disney, which i went to recently as you both well know um i was surprised when we arrived uh at the just outside the walt disney park uh disneyland paris park we arrived by train uh like i told you guys uh last time uh so you you i mean the train station is basically uh smack in the middle of the whole, but it's not technically on the Disneyland grounds, right? There's like a security thing that you have to go through or whatever. So just outside of all the security, I was surprised to see many Nigerian tat sellers and ticket scalpers for Disneyland.

But- Well, you think Mickey would be there rounding them up? No, not even. I just don't know who in their right mind makes the trip out there to flag down a scalper. Like, it doesn't make any fucking sense to me. Like, it's not. It's like an hour train from the center of Paris. I mean, and any other way you're getting there is probably by train or by taxi or whatever.

So you're turning up there with nothing, hoping- Yeah, but now that you've seen them, you know they exist, right? That fucking somebody is out there scalping tickets to Disneyland. I guess, well, you've seen them once now, next time you go, you'll say, oh, let's not book. Yeah, let's- We'll just get some tickets from the guys, but are they legit tickets, or are they just selling you a piece of paper that has a misspelled Disney on it?

Well, I don't know. I mean, I didn't pursue it any further, but it was like, there were a lot of them. Like, we were like, no, sorry, sorry, no, no. Like, there was like tons of them. Like, swarming people. Have you guys ever bought tickets from a town? Never. Never.

Not even once in my life, no. I have done it multiple times. Right. Never. Not even once in my life, no. Have you not? I have done it multiple times. Right. Because sometimes you'll go to a gig, like this used to be in person, now it's

all done online. Yeah. There's all these scam ticket reselling sites and the rest of it. But we used to go to, let's try and get in. And you just go to the gig, and if you don't get in, you just go to the pub. You go there and you stand around, you'll see these guys, tickets for tonight, you're like, yeah, we need two. And they'll quote you a price, but they don't want to do the sale there.

You go to the... Like, they'll sometimes say, all right, meet me in this pub in 10 minutes and I'll sell you the tickets. You're like, okay. Because if you're in public, changing money, I think they could get in trouble. I think that's just too hectic for me, all that. I'd rather just book in advance. It's a gamble.

Yeah. But every gig I used to... We used to go to... Me and my best mate, Simon, used to go to gigs a book in advance. It's a gamble. Yeah. But every gig I used to go to, me and my best mate Simon used to go to gigs a lot in London. And a lot of the ones that we went to, we'd have to buy tickets from, from Tats and stuff like that. I've also sold tickets to scalpers as well. It doesn't feel good, but when you're right there and your mate messages like, I can't

make it, you just sell it face or whatever, and then they'll resell it for double and job done. I don't like it, but I don't mind a couple of tickets being sold by scalpers because you can actually be quite useful. I get it. Like, you know, if you're selling a ticket because somebody couldn't make it or whatever, there's a Seinfeld episode about that. There is indeed.

Yeah. With the opera. But, you know, I get it. If you're just trying to quickly sell a ticket because you're not intending to go or whatever. But the mass purchasing of all the tickets and then reselling them, that's what happens. These companies like Ticketmaster don't give a shit. Because there's no incentive. If someone comes and says, I want to buy your entire stock, you're going to go, okay, that's it. Why would you stop? And for a show, I get it, you know, but like, I mean, Disneyland tickets are not cheap, not cheap. I mean, I feel like it's the kind of place you go and you're somewhat organized before you get there. Even just somewhat, like you're not, not not not oh yeah i've got a stick with cloth

at the back of it i've just got off the train and i really have to get into disney right where's the scalpers you know like it's yeah yeah fuck me like i i just don't i can't imagine that i i would love i'd love to hear from somebody who bought who's ever bought a ticket to disney from a scalper was it cheaper than it would have been did you just gamble that there would for some reason like it just makes no sense to me at all but i'm sure it must happen because those guys would not be there if it didn't happen it must be for all of the people who a forgot um and are desperate to go in that's not that many people oh my god that can't be that extra people right it's like i i think you know if you've got like some extra friends coming with you you've turned up you're like oh okay let's try and get a couple of

let's run through that scenario lewis i and my family are going to go to euro disney okay yeah okay the train trip we book the ferry we book accommodation and on the day we're going to leave you turn up and we decide yeah you should come too and we'll just hope to find tickets along the way that doesn't seem likely that's not a common occurrence like the question is not is there ever a market for someone to last minute need a ticket there might be but these guys are there presumably all the all the time, selling these tickets. Who's buying them? Who's suddenly, on a whim, decides to go to Disney World?

That's such a weird thing. It is, I mean- Is it billionaires? It could be. Well, I was just talking- They need these guys, for sure. I was just talking to Flax before we started. There is a heliport at Disneyland Paris, so maybe they arrive by helicopter and they seek out scalpers immediately

because they're like, this is a last minute thing. Tarquin needs to see Disneyland. We're in Paris for business and we've arrived here by helicopter. Lewis, if you had to fly from London City Airport to Glastonbury, how much do you think it would cost

to charter the flight? On a helicopter? A chartered helicopter. A helicopter. A helicopter. So let's do this. First of all, what do you think the flight time is? From Glastonbury to London City, probably like 45 minutes.

It's 35 minutes. That's nothing. That's nothing. That's how long it took them to get to Jurassic Park in the choppers. Pretty much. Per passenger. Per passenger. I'd say five grand.

Oh gosh, and how much to, uh, to charter? He's done this before. He's done this before. The whole thing, maybe the whole thing, like, 10 grand? Okay, so, per passenger it's 800 quid. Oh really? It's a bargain. And to charter the whole thing is 5,600.

That's nothing, man. Oh, right. For a helicopter? You get a helicopter for a whole hour and you can do whatever you want with it? Holy shit, man. I would stretch it right to the limit. I'd be like, okay, are there any aircraft carriers in the sea anywhere nearby?

Because that's where we're going. Like, I would be going crazy. I charged this helicopter helicopter so i'm in command you evade that anti-aircraft fire and get in there deploy the flares deploy the flares oh man oh shit i would you won't catch me going up in one of those fucking things i want to i want to do i want to do one of new york city uh one day i'm not like i wouldn't mind doing the grand canyon although it's lower on the list for me new york city i would love to go on a helicopter and london i would love to go on a helicopter as well i think that'd be so fucking you know what my my concern

is i get up there and i'm just like oh yeah we're just in the air aren't we yeah yeah but if you charter it you don't even have to go up high. You can be like, don't take us all the way up. Street level, baby. Street level. Just buzz some people. Just say, come on, just 100 feet. I'm scared of heights, but I got to see. I got to see the city from 100 feet up.

Just 100 feet. Just maybe 80 feet. Just take me low. I get scared. Just glitching the tops of buildings. I get really frightened. hundred feet just maybe 80 feet i get scared yeah that'd be good um i would totally go in for one of those man that'd be great i wasn't a million miles off i think it's more expensive to do a jet i think yeah it's probably right it's fuel but i think that's it gets you but i think it's more expensive to do a jet i think yeah probably right fuel but i think that's it gets you but i think it's not that much more expensive like one person is gonna be almost as

expensive as renting the whole thing sometimes well i assume that uh so the price is it's giving a per passenger so i guess that they would chuck you on their helicopter with like other people going the same way so you'd have to be because the thing is if they allow you to travel as a solo passenger and no one else is on there and they're only charging you the single passenger cost they're missing out on the charter value and you don't want to fly just one guy so you'll say yeah this is the time that we can do that for you but there'll be four other passengers on the helicopter if you want it now you're gonna have to charter the whole thing obviously that's how that works. Well, this is how Richard Branson got started with Virgin, wasn't it?

Oh, really? I thought he just published, or they were the guys for tubular bells. They were... He famously was afraid of heights, and any time he chartered a private jet, he would force them to fly at a hundred feet. That was on the label Virgin. He was too scared to go any higher. So Branson and Powell had a small record shop called Virgin Records and Tapes in

Notting Hill Gate, specialising in krautrock imports. Yeah. So things like Kraftwerk and stuff like that. Yeah, and Schlager. Lots of Schlager, from what I understand. I don't think that's not krautrock. Yeah, it is. Schlager is not krautrock.

It for sure is. So this was their first release, was Tubular Bells. The first release on the label was Tubular Bells by Mike Offlin. It was massive. Tubular Bells. And that sort of made the label. I think Tubular Bells was what made Richard Branson, if I remember rightly. You're probably right.

Do you know that he has been married to his wife for like 50 years or something? Who's that? Richard Branson. I think they met before he was like big time and have stayed married all the way through. Yeah. Which is not a very common occurrence, I'd say. Well, not according to Wikipedia apparently. Not nowadays. Oh, maybe I'm wrong then. He divorced his first wife in 1979. So, as soon as he got rich.

Oh, he got rid of her. So, he got- his net worth was five million pounds. He divorced his wife and married a new one. Oh, yeah. Okay, sorry. I got it wrong. Rip. I hold my hands up. Anyway, yeah, so his flight was cancelled, but he was on a trip to Puerto Rico in like

1981 or something. And then he chartered a plane for the rest of the way and offered a ride to the rest of the stranded passengers for a small fee. So he was like, damn, I could get into the airline biz. And that's all it was. Yeah, back then, they used to smuggle tons of cocaine and stuff on airlines. Like it was a different... Right.

You could just take it on a bike. Yeah, they didn't even search you or anything back then. I know this because I saw the movie Blow starring Johnny Depp, and that's how they did it. Right. That's how they ferried all their- I have to read you some details from the Branson Wikipedia personal life section, which is always a bit I go to because it's the most interesting. Is there-

Before you start, is there anything mentioning that he doesn't sleep at night and he only takes like these crazy 10 minute power naps all throughout the day? No, sir. What? Alright, okay. That sounds mental. In November 2017, singer Antonia Jenea, a backing singer for Joss Stone, claimed Branson sexually assaulted her at Necker Island by putting his head between her cleavage and

making boat engine noises. Oh no. I should be laughing a practice that when performed consensually is known as motorboating a spokesperson for branson confirmed to the sun newspaper that members of the band have been invited for a party on the island in 2010 but that he and friends and family had no recollection of the events and there would never have been any intention to offend anyone so uh he's saying that that's not the case but apologizes if anyone felt offended i i can imagine him doing that like rich guy just going yes that's so bizarre so here's another detail brancid is an experienced kite surfer and set

two world records in the sport, which is bizarre. The first was oldest person to kite surf across the English Channel. And then in 2014 he broke the Guinness World Record for most people riding a surfboard by kiting, with three women attached to him. So he just taped three women to him and did some kite surfing. He's also gone around the world in a hot air balloon, right? Didn't his friend die on one of their trips? Yeah!

No, I think that does ring a bell, Chris. Let me have a look here, hold on. Alright then, Ted. Let's move on with the next one. I'm just checking, Claremont. You're right, yeah. It says in 1986, he beat the record for fastest Atlantic ocean crossing by ship. Yeah.

But then he had an air balloon, the Virgin Atlantic Flyer. Yes. Yeah, it was kind of a gimmick, I guess. But this is what rich people do, isn't it? You know, it's like Jeff going underwater or whatever. Was it he was going underwater? One of them was. James Cameron.

Yeah, sorry. He's a big underwater guy sorry he's huge into the underwater stuff yeah they they love being adventurers don't they yeah um it must be something in the billionaire community to be seen you know you have to do this dangerous stuff do you think they hang out like if you're i don't think they like each other. No, I don't think they do. I think they're really bitchy towards each other. I bet you'd never see Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates at the same place ever. Because they're probably both like... I think when you're that rich and probably famous or whatever, you don't like any other people. I understood there was like a

rich oh maybe i just got this from succession though but i thought there was like this rich circuit that the ultra rich sort of went on throughout the year and you know almost like that's why they had these super yachts in different parts of the world it was to get them to these key landmark events that they all go to not not like some sort of conspiracy theory where they're all planning to take over the world together. I don't think I'd ever go to an event if I was that rich. Like, I don't think I'd do anything really. I would certainly not spend- I think your wife might be dragging you along. No.

I mean, you say- No way. I think we would be like, you'd never hear from us, basically. I think I'd do like a Branson. I would just go- But what if it was really nice i go by an island somewhere spend a lot of time there and just break records by like having chicks people and stuff yeah i would never go to like functions or anything like that i like i feel like you excuse yourself from all that like you, when you're at that level, why are you going? I feel like the only people that go to things like that are the people who are climbing the ladder.

You know, like they're trying to network and open up opportunities. If you're a billionaire, what the fuck are you doing going to a function? Who cares? Unless it's a function to celebrate how great you are and you're the the you're like the you know the the the focus of the night or whatever the great the great bezos nosh off where we all sit around and talk about how great bezos is yeah i'll go to that i'll turn off the bird yeah um i think like there's that linkedin thing where it says if you were offered a half a million dollars or the chance to have dinner with Elon Musk, which would you choose?

And the idea is, if you're a real entrepreneur, go get it. You don't take the money. You get the chance to get dinner with Musk and then pick his brain about how to become a billionaire. I'd take the money. Oh my god, I would take the money in a heartbeat. If you're trying to start a business, half a million quid would be pretty fucking useful. You'd be a fucking idiot to think that dinner with Musk, that he's going to take the time-

I don't even like sitting down for dinner, let alone spending it with another human being. Especially when you don't know who's a weirdo billionaire. So apparently there are these big events that they run just for billionaires. It's like a billionaires club thing. It's like a conferences and stuff thing. It's like a conferences and stuff like that for the ultra, ultra rich. And you get invited and you turn up and it's like a conference with talks and stuff. And

it's only for uber, uber rich people. Not many people. And the idea is you just hang out and you get to gossip and chat and maybe you can talk business if you want. But there's not a bunch of, frankly, less wealthy people who might well be multi-millionaires, but they're not billionaires. But there is though. They say that there's not. But they're not gonna be a bad event. But they infiltrate every time, right?

No, these are like hand-picked lists of people. Yeah, but then the plus ones and everything will bring the tone down. It's always the case. Well, you'd have to trust. Yeah, well, you'd have to, but- Yeah, but then you're gonna be everything will bring the tone down. It's always the case. Yeah. Yeah. But then you're going to be the talk of the city. Did you see who Jeff bought? Some frightful little entrepreneur.

Yeah. She chewed my ear off about some clothing business. Yeah. Well, then he's, he's been shunned. He ain't going to get invited to the next one, is he?

And the golf one, you know, it's all very billionaire-y. Oh my God. Oh my, it really is. anyway, I had a lovely time on holiday

it was it was i recommend it um any any any uh any exclusive billionaire clubs that you attended while you're away i recommend holidays you recommend holidays there we go there's a triforce exclusive louis brindley thanks holidays nice it's a big i am i am jealous of Richard Branson's private island, though. What's on there? What's gonna be on there, dude? Nothing. Richard Branson and a bunch of boring shit. Like, who cares? Yeah, he's just got a house on there, and probably- he's probably got a bay for his boat on there. He might have a landing pad for his hot air balloon on there.

I think it's a hundred grand per person for a holiday there. Why would he go there? You could go and meet him and go to his island. Oh fuck off. You wouldn't meet him though. What's he gonna come by and be like, hello, the linens, I hand washed them myself. The washing machine drawer, the little drawer for the detergent might be a little dirty apologize about that the cleaner couldn't come in and finish the job but

oh also we've left some milk and sugar for you uh like a fucking airbnb host you're not gonna see me you're gonna see him for two seconds it can be just this glowing aura of wealth around i mean it's gonna be like i'll be up at my mansion do not approach and you know you're just stuck there here's my question you own this island you buy an island yeah and you're like yeah i like to go there it's like my holiday was my getaway yeah it's the same fucking place every time yeah it's like owning a cottage but only on a larger scale you never had like a cottage or been to a cottage before right it's like a home away from home it's all the day one every time i don't know yeah but you do though like uh if you it's like a timeshare mostly like with a cottage right no

thank you it's either you can buy your own and some people have their own uh some of them are super fucking nice i remember going to a couple of like pretty nice cottages when i was younger with like friends parents or whatever usually they're like passed down in families like i'm like my one friend feel like the same holiday year off no but these people who say we come here every year you're like yeah but it's these places are like fantastic though like you like right on a lake they got little like small little like motorboats and stuff on the topic of motorboat um like you go fishing like i mean these these these they're like little like slice of paradise you know like you you would love to go there and every year though yeah well it probably takes a lot of the hassle out of going on holiday too

like if you really like going there and everybody likes going there because you just go and relax right it's just you're just you're breaking this your your routines but you know it's just like it's just fun sometimes it's a lot of work depending like if you know you haven't been to the place like at all during the year and it's it's a bit you know musky and shit when you turn up but like i don't know like i i i can i i don't know if i would do it personally, but I can see the appeal for sure. I guess. In North America.

I'm just thinking there's so much out there to see, to just literally, you're a billionaire. It's a pretty popular thing to do in Canada. I'm just going to live on an island. Yeah. How much of this is normative determinism, right? So obviously Richard Branson started his Virgin Records company back in 72 or whatever, as a thing that was like, I think the name of it was because they were all new to business. And he was obviously young at that point. He's probably only 20, 22 or something.

But when he was 28, when Virgin Records had been successful, he heard about one of the Virgin Islands being sold and was like, fuck it, I'd like to buy it. So he threw in a really low bid of a hundred grand. And basically the guy said no, but then really needed the money. So he said, okay. And so he bought this island. And I mean, at that point he was only 28. And later on, it wasn't until he was really rich that he actually spent the 10 million needed to turn it into a fucking private build all the houses and stuff and hotels and

like but it was in the Virgin Islands I mean it's so do you reckon if it was called something else he wouldn't have bought it or if it was something else he wouldn't have bought it did he do it on a whim like I don't know if you've got 5 million bucks and somebody's selling an island for a hundred thousand, like, you know...

But imagine like someone came to me and was like, oh, there's an island called Yogscast, Yogs Island. Yeah. If somebody was selling a full island called Yogs Island for a hundred grand, I think you would probably buy it. I'm not sure, but it seems like, I mean, yeah, it's like, there's a funny side to it, but like you still get an island at the end. Nigel Farage has landed on Yog's Island

for a lovely weekend. Wait, okay, hang on a second. There's some other, there's, oh yeah, this is who's in. Britney Spears' sister is in, is on this as well. What? That's such a reach. And the last time I saw her on something, she was on SAS, okay?

She was on SAS and she was there for like two days and started crying because she missed her kids so much. And I feel like maybe she'll just do that again. Like if she feels like she's going to get voted out or whatever feel like maybe she'll just do that again like if she feels like she's gonna get voted out or whatever i think she'll just start crying saying she misses her kids and she just wants to go home anyway sort of thing i'll be honest with you i don't know why you sign up for stuff if all you're gonna do is turn up and be like yeah i miss my kids i want to go home okay but if you're an actual parent you're not gonna miss your kids shut the fuck up you're

delighted to have a bit of a break come on now She misses them because she's the nanny or whoever looks after them most of the time, she barely sees them, and now she's seeing them even less. Yeah. I'm just guessing here. Any reasonable person would say, how long? Four weeks? Oh hell yeah, sign me up. It is a bit of a reach. I'm a celeb, get me out of here, 2023. Okay. Who are the celebrities? Nigel Farage. Let's not do this again.

Let's not do this again. Josie Gibson. JLS's Marvin Humes and Jamie Lynn Spears are the big names. What's JLS? Marvin Humes. What's JLS? I don't think it stands for anything. It's a boy band, right?

I think it's like- Confirmed contestants. They were probably from from X Factor. Jamie Lynn Spears, who's Britney Spears' sister. Nigel Farage. Which is apparently an initialism of Jack the Lad Swing. What? Nick Picard.

I don't know who Nick Picard is. Josie Gibson, I don't know. Fred Siriex, I don't know. Nella Rose, I don't know. Danielle Perrault. Maybe these people are on property. Sam Thompson, Marvin Humes, and Grace Dent. I don't- I have never heard of any of these people. Nigel Farage. Nick Picard is an actor. Oh, he's from Hollyoaks. He's the older guy. He's been on

Hollyoaks for like, ever, basically. Some of these are barely famous enough. Josie Gibson is a TV presenter. Like, being on this show will make them more famous than they were to start with. Some of these are barely famous enough. Josie Gibson is a TV presenter. Like, being on this show will make them more famous than they were to start with. Oh, she won Big Brother, apparently, as well, at some point. I guess that's the point. Get this. So, JLS, the band JLS, their original name, so they were originally called UFO, which they said stood for Unique, Famous, Outrageous.

You can't take an existing acronym- That's a joke. That's a joke. No, no, no, they bonded, when they started they were called UFO, and they were going by unique, famous, outrageous. You can't take an existing acronym and just say, yeah, but we mean it a different way. Like if they called themselves AIDS, and they were like, it means amazing, inspirational, dancing and singing. It's like, no, it means AIDS.

Like, what are you talking about? Let's start a band. Okay, here. We're called AIDS. Next contestant, Nella Rose, who's 26 years old, job, YouTuber. Hell yeah. Who would do that? YouTube and social media influencer, Nella Rose is entering the Australian jungle for

2023. Rose is known for her comedic videos and as of november 2023 has 901 000 followers on instagram a million followers on tiktok and almost 800 000 subscribers on youtube you could go on this show you could you could go on well not by judging by the response from the magic the gathering event jerm Yeah, but that's a different demographic, though. If I get to the island. Do you know who I am? That's what he says when he arrives on the island.

Do you know who I am? Oh, my God. Who cares about any of these people? Well, I don't, for one, and I don't expect you to either, but someone out there must, I don't expect you to either, but someone out there must, because these people are all heading to the Australian jungle for weeks of goofs and gaffes with Nigel Farage. Can't wait to tuck on in to some great British fare, you know, some kangaroo testicles and some little grubs.

Love them. Let's get on the barbecue. So there you go. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. There you go. Nigel. It was good. All all right that's an hour and five minutes of podcast we've done a podcast we managed to somehow cobble one together yeah i'm feeling a lot better i think i think my covid's gone away over the last hour and we maybe we cured you maybe it was all the laughs i think so i think i just laughed the... They say laughter is the greatest medicine. Maybe it's true

in your case right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. Well, thank you everyone for joining us. We'll see you all next week. Goodbye.