Triforce! - Triforce! #285: Old Man Food Reviews

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

Triforce! Episode 285! Flax went down to Bristol and has some food reviews but he's old so who cares, the two dads talk about how they decided to have kids and Lewis jumps in with the strangest segue in podcast history! Go to http://auraframes.com/triforce to get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames. Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe. Okay, hit me. Hit me with it. Do it. Hello and welcome. Holy shit. Wow. Hello. Welcome everyone. We're here. Um, Tri trifles podcast.

How is your recovery going? How's your neck? It's getting there. It is getting there. It's still a little bit sore from time to time, according to what I do, but for the most part, it's way better than it was. Have you been enjoying the yoga, the stretching? Yeah, I have been actually. It's been good. Yeah, I need to just, I just need to exercise more. But I hate exercising. So it's a tough one. God's preached, brother.

Yeah. Just think it fucking sucks. It's boring. I hate it. It's just boring. Like, I get it though, right? Like, Some people do get hooked on it, in a real major way. They can't stop the good feel-good endorphins trick them into loving it. ALICE I'm too hooked on sitting on my fat ass all day long. That's what I'm hooked on. ALICE Apparently you just need to start, though. That's why I've always been told, if you start doing some jogging after a while

you'll love it, but me too, I've started hundreds of times. Yeah. I can never get on with it. I do it a couple of times, I'm like, this is the new me, a week later, right back to sitting on my fat ass all day long, doing nothing, avoiding exercise. So I dunno. What can you do, eh? Well, exactly.

You can't do anything. You can't actually, you? Well, exactly. You can't do it. You can't actually, you can't do anything. I can't do anything. I don't really know enough about jogging and fitness to comment on it, so I'll sit this one out. Right, okay. Yeah. Well, I wish I could sit this one out as well. Emphasis on sitting, because I don't want to do any exercise. But I have to, I need to at least do some stretching and some, some strengthening and stuff so that it doesn't happen again. Because I don't want this to happen again, because this has really sucked. Like it hurts.

Well, it did hurt. It doesn't hurt as much now, which is good. But yeah, there you go. But yeah, no, it's getting better. I went to physio for it and the physio is really, really good actually. Like just like the little treatments and the, uh, the recommendations for exercises and stuff. It's, it's actually been a nice, a nice process with progress. You know,

sometimes you go see somebody and it's just, you just feel like, Oh, this is bullshit. It's not working, not getting anywhere, but every time I've gone and then the week after leading up to like my next session, there's been progress. So that side of it's been nice, actually. It doesn't feel like a big scam or waste of time. What's gonna go wrong next, do you think?

Well, I mean... Peep death of the universe? Or...? No! Yeah, I think that's the only logical thing that could happen next, honestly. Okay. I see. So you plan to last for the next infinity years just fine?

Yeah, I think I'd be fine, yeah. To, uh, you know. What would you like to go wrong next? I'd like my dick to just be too big to fit in my trousers. Something like that for me, too, yeah. Right, like a swelling, you're saying? No, I just want it to become much, comically large. Too many hot mamas want to get it on with me, and there's just not enough time in the day to service all of them.

But you have to go to the doctor. No, I don't want to go to the doctor, I just want people to be startled. Maybe even a little scared. Well, in the street... No, not in the street, but just in general. Just knowing it's out there. You know what I mean? Hey, are you guys excited today?

Sorry to change the subject, but it's the 11th of April. Are you excited? JUSTIN It's the what? ALICE It's the 11th of April. JUSTIN So? ALICE It's the premiere of the Fallout TV series on Amazon Prime today. ALICE Is that true? That's true.

JUSTIN I'm not really interested in it, to be honest with you. ALICE Okay. Is that a date for the diary? Well, I mean, if you like that sort of thing, I guess. I'll have a look at it. I'll have a look at it at the weekend, then. Yeah, okay, good. You have a look at it and let me know.

By the way, that Three Body Problem show, I watched it, I hated it. It was so bad. It was so stupid. There's such a bunch of whiny babies, aren't there? I'm just kidding, I loved it! Oh my god, it was amazing! Oh, fuck you, Sim. Really? I couldn't kidding, I loved it! Oh my god, it was amazing!

I couldn't stop watching it! Yeah! I think I watched the whole thing in like two days! We've been doing this for ten years! However long we do this, and I still cannot read you when you fucking say this shit, because you could well be just totally... have hated it for no good reason. I like that. It's like that guy on Father Ted, you know, the Dick Burn. The other one, and he goes, aw, you know, this so and so and so and so and so, and he's

like, really? Noooo. I love that. I love it. Anyway. But no, it was really good, I liked it. It was good. I liked the science fiction side of it, and the aliens, and I really liked that.

I just didn't like any of the characters. To be honest with you, they were just kind of fucking irritating. Yeah. Apart from the Irish lad who's in charge, and the... Oh yeah, Wade or whatever. Benedict Wong's character, the cop who has to protect people. Oh yeah, he's really good too. JUSTIN All the scientists, fuck me, they're so wet.

ALICE Yeah, I mean, they're young scientists, you know, they're about to be- JUSTIN Who happen to be the best in the world! That's just how science works, isn't it? All the 21 year old hotties are fucking winning... ALICE Some of them take their science very seriously, okay? I mean, you cannot...

JUSTIN Oh, no doubt. These guys don't. They wanna sit on a beach and complain. Get a fucking grip! That was that beach where they sat, was my friend's house, actually. Beach. Really? Really?

Your friend lives on a beach? That's sad. Your friend owns a beach. In that little area. Apparently, you know there's like that six, like like six separation, six degrees of separation. The idea that anyone on earth is six friends away from you. Yeah. Right.

Kevin Bacon. Yes. Kevin Bacon is friends with how many? Well, it's possible, he lives in the UK now, doesn't he? Or at least he's got a contract to do a lot of commercials over here. That's cause he went bust, he got Madoff'd, didn't he? Madoff lost all his money. You know who else has taken residence in the UK?

Nicholas? Tom Cruise! Oh, Tom Cruise likes it here, does he? He does, yeah. I think he- Nick Cage lives over here, apparently. Really? Yeah.

Lives in Somerset, I think. Gosh. Why are they more like BBC shit, then? You know? Because they don't pay. The BBC famously spent all their money on Jonathan Ross, if you remember, and then he left. Or he was fired. And then they were like, you know what, we're never paying anyone ever again.

Ugh. So what have you guys been thinking about lately? Got any interesting shit going on? Current events? Any interesting people you've met, any technology you've been using. ALICE I watched the first Dune movie. LIAM What'd you think?

ALICE I thought it was really good, I liked it, actually. It was really good. LIAM Me and Lewis went to see the second one. ALICE Oh, god, yeah, we haven't talked about that, have we? ALICE What did you think of that one? LIAM I loved it, I mean, it was the second time I'd seen it, I loved it. I think Lulu loved it too. We

had a little date, didn't we? You bought me popcorn and water, it was very nice. I did. And then we just sat and chilled, and then we played some board games, and not enough cinema but I mean, subsequently. We played the June board game. Yeah. We had a day of June. Yeah, it was pretty cool actually. Period's about a week down in Bristol, so we played

Sodium Inferno, which is like this kind of hell sieve set in hell. Enjoyed it! Shame it was so busted. Terrible name. Terrible name. And really scuffed. It's really scuffed and decent, but really good ideas. And we had a nice day playing that with everyone. Yeah.

And then we did... what else did we do? We went out for dinner on a couple of nights. Yeah, we did. What else did we do? We didn't have any live streams together. I did a, we recorded a Games Night vid. Oh yeah, played Bolt Action. Yeah. But with a little spin on it. A little twist, looking forward to people seeing that. A little twist. I did a My Favourite Things vid with Duncan and Harry and Nina, which was fun. Oh did you... I dunno, I'm not gonna spoil it, it's out! It's on the members channel I think.

But yeah, it was a nice week, but my Airbnb was shit so I couldn't really chill in the Airbnb. Yeah, so period's Airbnb got cancelled at the last minute and he got a backup one that was half the price and half as good. Shit. And I said, you could stay with me, and he was like, no. No, I didn't want to put you out, I hate that. I would honestly, I would hate it. Just having to schlep around in your house and...

I would hate it. We should try it, it's like the odd couple, we should try staying together. Shlep around. I mean, look, I'm happy to do it. Like I have no problem staying with people being... Erotic period! We'd be like the odd couple, you're like really tidy, I'm like slovenly. Don't talk to me!

When I go out in the evenings in Bristol, I come back really late, I don't want to inflict that on someone at whose house I'm a guest. Oh, I see. That's a big thing. Because we get lock-ins a lot, or we just stay out really late, or we'll go on somewhere, and I just want to come back and collapse, and then slot around. I think you also like a little bit of private space when you're here, just to watch telly for an hour.

I think some of the reason you come down is... this is what Harry said to me yesterday, he was like, I think Pirouin just likes to get away from his family for a few days. No! No no no no no no! That's brutal. No no no, I love being with my family. They're away this week. And I hate that. Like, they are not here. They've gone... Mrs F has taken the kids away because it's their half term, she wanted to go away, I'd already agreed to come down to Bristol, and one of us needs to be here to look after the dog. So, they did it last week, I'm doing it this week, but Aggie won't come upstairs when Mrs. F isn't here.

She just won't come up here. She just lies in the living room looking sad. ALICE So you're home alone all week now as well? Holy crap. ALICE Do you find that you are more self-destructive, in a sense, like you just leave unwashed pots around, you just don't pick up stuff off the floor, you leave your pants strewn around... It's just eating pot noodles the whole time.

You just chucked out the plastic pot. I don't eat as well as I should. Because I don't wanna cook for just me. So I just tend to eat not as well-rounded meals and stuff like that. I don't know what I'm gonna have. What does that mean? Like cheese sandwiches and stuff? Oh, I had sardines on toast the night before last.

ALICE SARDINES ON TOAST, Jesus Christ, man, what, are you eighty years old? Why are you eating that? LIAM I love sardines! Look, dude, my kids come home from school, and we'll open a tin of sardines and eat them. They will share and eat them straight out of the can. ALICE Oh, god. I love sardines.

So they also love sardines. So they also love sardines. ALICE Well, they must have the flax DNA. Yeah, that's one thing I cannot do. SEAN I love them. ALICE Even when he was younger. I don't mind, I'm a big baked bean eater. SEAN Yeah, I love baked beans as well. I'll have it on toast or whatever. SEAN Oh, that reminds me. You know what we don't have is a Breville Toaster Cheese Maker. Like, we've got a George, you know what we don't have is a Breville toasted cheese maker.

Like we've got a George Foreman grill, we tend to use that to make toasted sandwiches, but there's something about the Breville where it pushes the bread into pockets. And I like that because then you can put fillings in those pockets. My favorite, of course, being the toasted cheesy Italian, where you put some like jar pasta sauce and cheese, mix that up in the bread and then when you make it you basically get like a pizza pocket or something like that. But with that delicious toasted breville outside where it kind of goes golden and crispy, oh my god. I'm gonna go buy a breville today. With me buy a breville.

Yeah, I use this microwaveable toasty maker. It's actually, it actually works surprisingly well. It's basically just two hot plates and some rubberised finish. And it honestly impressed me immensely, and there's one in the office now as well. I was gonna do a thing when Sips comes down, to get him to eat some vegan cheese and do a taste test. It's on my list of things to do with Sips, if he can ever get you for a week. Oh god, I haven't been out, I haven't been down to Bristol since before Covid. And I haven't really been away for anything.

But we're going away, not this weekend coming up, but the next weekend, aren't we? Flax, you're going as well. Yes, you're doing a thing in France, aren't you? Oh, you're gonna be at that? Yeah, we're going as well. Yes, you're doing a thing in France, aren't you? Oh, you're gonna be at that? Yeah, we're going to France! You know, that will be the third time we've ever met in person. That's crazy. What are you talking about?

Yeah, we've hung out a lot, but we haven't really done a lot of face-to-face meetings. Yeah, you're just never in Bristol. No, it's true, I never have. I don't know if you've come to London secretly, I've never been to Jersey, but yeah, we've literally, I think, I think that when I see you next weekend or whenever it is, it will be the third time we've ever met in person. Yeah. But every time we meet, it's like, yeah, I feel like we've met like, like, like a million times. You know?

Yeah. I mean, we talk every week. Yeah. So, you know, we've done what, how many hours of these we've done like 400 hours of podcasts. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. So, you know, we've done, what, how many hours of these, we've done like 400 hours of podcasts. ALICE Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. So yeah. So I am going somewhere. JUSTIN This brimble is only 40 quid. 40 quid! It's really, this looks like the business, but I want it today. Where can I get one today? Let me check maps. And now I've got it in my head. ALICE So me suggesting that, you know, you suggested

you're eating badly has been compounded now. What's wrong with my brittle? So now you're just gonna eat... well, you're just gonna eat toasted sandwiches. So? You got a problem with that? Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. N-nothing, I guess.

No, it's fine. What do you have for breakfast? I have... Some berries on a puff of air! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Yeah, and I have oatmeal. And a banana. Oh, I can't stand oatmeal. With some flaxseed. Ah, I had that flax in ya. Now that I'm not there you need another way to get flax inside you. Hell yeah.

Oh, gross. Uh... Not with that swelling, you're not gonna get it. You're not gonna get it. If you're all... I'm only little. So, yeah, god. We had a nice time, we had a nice week together actually, it was fun. I sort of felt like sometimes you just clearly wanted to be left alone. No, I like... whenever... so, you gotta know something about me is that I hate to impose, I really do. Because I'm well aware that I will impose on people without realising it, because I'm kind of clueless. So when I go somewhere, I just assume that people have free time and when they do, we

can chill. But I subsequently think or find out, oh actually they made that time for me. And I think if you're clueless oaf like I am, sometimes you don't realise that you're actually putting people out because they feel compelled to be there for you and to make time for you. And I always just thought, oh, Lewis is, yeah, we can just chill. That's cool. But it doesn't really occur to me, hmm, maybe he actually canceled plans or said, oh, I'm not going to do anything like that.

I'm going to hang out with Pflacks. So I think sometimes it's good to be aware that what feels like other people's free time is actually time they made for you. That's my feeling on it. So I hate the fact that I put people out, or that they're like, ugh, gonna see this old idiot again. So I try to limit the amount of time that people have to see me. It's a balancing game with that and not being bored though, right? Like, I don't want you to sit around all day and be like, just have nothing to do. Or feel like you came down

for nothing. There was one day where I did literally nothing until four o'clock. Is that when you had the stream in the evening? Yeah. No, that might have been, I think it was the Saturday we went to see... was it Saturday we went to see Longest John's? Yeah. I think it was Saturday. So I was meeting, it was Mike's birthday party, so we went out for drinks and stuff.

But it was like, nobody met until four. And I woke up at ten, so I just spent literally six hours in my Airbnb. I popped out to get some lunch, six hours just lying in my bed watching TikTok or YouTube. It was fucking boring, because the office is closed, I didn't want to hassle anybody, because I think we'd gone out the night before, I think it was Friday, we went to see June and go do ball games, wasn't it, wasn't it, Friday? ALICE So, I was like, I don't want to hassle anybody, because I think we'd gone out the night before, I think it was Friday, we went to see June, and go do ballgames, wasn't it, the Friday? ALICE So I was like, I don't want to bother Lulu, it's his weekend and all the rest of it. So I just literally lay in bed, watch it ticked off, that was a bad day.

And I thought about just driving home, but then I thought, no, I want to see Mike and the guys and go to the gig and everything, so. Oh, you know what, on the Sunday, I drove back on the Sunday, I went to get some breakfast from a place. Listen, I'm gonna say something maybe a little controversial, especially to Bristolians. I feel like some of the places that are well reviewed for food is not great. It's like, 4.8, and I have the breakfast, and I'm like, this is not a 4.8 breakfast, what's happening? Let me find out where you went. Okay.

Come on, tell me. I went to a place Okay. Go on, tell me. I went to a place called... hold on, let me look it up. We can make this into a food review podcast. Okay. I'm happy to do that. We could shout people out. There's certain places in Bristol that are huge, like on TikTok. Like Sandwich Sandwich, it's all over TikTok.

It does these big doorstep things, and it's always got this massive queue outside of TikTok age people. It's disgusting. The sandwich sandwich sandwiches, if I may, are revolting. I'm not saying that the things they put in them are bad, I'm not saying the bread is bad, not the service, not all the things they offer, that's great. But the amount of food they put in it makes me feel ill. Like, it's really appalling. ALICE But you're supposed to have it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, you know, it's a whole...

It's a huge... It's the all in one. ALICE It's a big commitment. ZACH I mean, I'm not kidding, I had, I went in there, I quite like an egg sandwich, right? Like the egg mayo sandwich. I like that. ALICE Egg mayo's great.

ZACH I love it. ALICE Just some fresh bread, and, uh, oh, you know what's really nice? Some nice sourdough bread. Oh. JUSTIN Oh, yeah, love sourdough. ALICE I love a bit of sourdough. Or even better, some toasted sourdough bread. It's like crispy.

LIAM We'll pop it in the Breville. JUSTIN Yeah! I wouldn't Breville an egg sandwich, I don't know what would happen to the mayonnaise. I think it would be a bit funky. You'd want to just put like some cheese in there or something. Yeah. Cheese, okay. So, I went there, this is the last time I went there, I stopped going there, I went

there and I had an Egg Mayo sandwich. Some people will see this as like, oh my god, that's just value, that's great. It's a slice of bread. This is no word of a lie, it's about the thickness of like a banana. So you think about a banana, think how thick a banana is. Imagine putting that thickness of egg mayo in a sandwich and then another slice of bread on top. That's too much!

That is too much! I've seen people order the fried chicken sandwich, and it's like an entire bucket of KFC inside two slices of bread. Now- Yeah. You take one bite and stuff is just gonna fly out the back of the sandwich inside two slices of bread. Now, some people love that. ALICE Yeah, you take one bite and stuff is just gonna fly out the back of the sandwich, and I hate that. I just don't...

Just give me a reasonable amount of filling for the sandwich so that... ALICE It's an impractical sandwich that looks good on the camera. ALICE They do that with burgers a lot too, I find. Yeah, too big to fit in your mouth! ALICE Yeah! And then you just end up having to use a fork and knife to cut up the burger. ALICE But visually it looks...

When you're a hungry man, visually, you're looking at that and you're thinking, oh, that looks amazing. ALICE Just give me a floppy flat McDonald's cheeseburger any day. I can fit that in my mouth, no problem. Three bites, it's gone. RILEY I mean, I'm well aware, I'm in the minority, and I'm wrong, essentially, about sandwich sandwich, because they are a success.

So what they're doing is what people want. And fair play to them, they are really really lovely in there, and, I don't wanna get too, you know, deep cut album about it, but I remember them when they were much smaller than they are now. I see, yes, that's true. But now they moved into the new place. We used to go there when it wasn't massive. I mean, it's good, and you can just say, could you put in like half as much as you would normally and they're like, yes, of course. I just find that people going there, it doesn't add to my appetite when I see people ordering a sandwich that looks like a monster sandwich.

I just think like, why? I like, when I'm in Bristol I like to go to Pieminster. I think that place is great. It's just- So they're good pies. Pieminster, I think that place's great. It's just- So they're good pies. Good pies, yeah, that's it. But I don't know if I really like pies enough to eat one at lunchtime. I'd eat a pie at lunch, easy.

Well I went to Muddock Cafe, which is down by the water, it's south of Queen Square, and it's like, well regarded, their breakfast's like, oh, great breakfast. It was very mediocre. I'll be honest with you, that's my personal review. I ordered the big breakfast. The bacon was the driest bacon I've ever had. No, no flavor to it, just a flat slab of bacon. It was not dripping with juices.

No, the eggs well cooked, totally unseasoned. It was like dehydrated. It was really dehydrated. The beans were OK. The sausage didn't taste like a local sausage. Like you're in the west country, you can get good sausages. It felt like just some mass produced sausage, it really didn't do anything for me. Sourdough bread, they brought it out, no butter.

I asked for some butter, she brought me one tiny, tiny little square of butter. I had to ask for another one. It's a huge piece of bread and this one tiny slice of butter, I had to ask for another one. It's a huge piece of bread, and this one tiny slice of butter. Unacceptable. Grilled tomato was alright, but in general I was left thinking this really is not a good breakfast, it's very hotel breakfast. And this place was packed, I was disappointed. ALICE. Interesting. Speaking of hotel breakfasts, I have fond breakfast memories of the many times we enjoyed a hotel breakfast at the Hilton in Anaheim, in and around Blizzcon. Those are great breakfasts.

They're just all-you-can-eat buffets. Man, I would just load up, I would carb up like crazy, wouldn't have to eat for the rest of the day. Just one huge meal in the morning, done. No problem. Eggs, pancakes, waffles, you name it. Have a big breakfast, and then skip lunch, and you're pretty much powered all the way through till dinner.

That's a good trick. If you're family-oriented, and you do a lot of family vacations and stuff, it's also a great trick. Like, if you're ever stuck in Disney or anything like that, and you just so happen to have access to an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet, go ham. That is my advice to you. Because you will not need to stop until bedtime. ALICE Well, you can always pack off a couple of croissants and a bit of fruit as well for the day.

ALICE Yeah, you can, yeah. You can just sneak some into your bag or whatever. ALICE No one's gonna complain if you know. ALICE Nobody's gonna notice. The food is there to be eaten, they don't want it. Yeah, you can, yeah, you can just sneak some into your bag, or whatever. No one's gonna complain if you- Nobody's gonna notice. The food is there to be eaten, they don't want it wasting, so you can take maybe a yogurt or something, you know? Just say, oh, the baby didn't eat it, boom, into your bag it goes. You get away with all sorts of shit with kids.

People will bend the rules for you every time. They'll say, oh my god, my kids did not want to eat this, can I have a voucher to come back later and eat again instead? And they're so confused that they're just like, yeah, just get out of here, I don't know what's going on. Because they see that you have three kids and they're like, fuck this, whatever this guy says is fine, let's just get them out of here. You just get a whole troop of like, noisy nonsense going on.

Yeah, you get free stuff all the time, it's crazy. Oh, that's good. I didn't realize that was one of the secret benefits of kids. There must be tons of these little tricks. There's lots of little secret benefits, for sure. Little mind games you can play. Yeah. Have you ever seen those family parking spots?

They're usually like, as good as the disabled spots, but even bigger. All you need to have in your car is a car seat or two. Yeah, I pulled that one. Even when my kids were a little older, we definitely could have used any other parking space. It's just right there. But the thing is, if you have both your kids with you, and especially if you have one slightly younger child who can kind of cry on, you can get out of any situation. ALICE Oh hell yeah. ALICE Alright, your kids are a bit big to be in the

fan spot, oh sorry, I'm so sorry, but oh, don't cry now, come on, don't get upset. You know what, just take the spots, fine, then they leave. ALICE We went to Honest Burger as well, Lulu, I'm just thinking, I'm just remembering, we went to Honest Burger, didn't we? ALICE My favourite one is, this has never happened to me, luckily my kids don't really tend to do this very often, but my favourite one is when somebody's in public and their kid is melting down, and somebody goes up to them and says, can you please make your kid be quiet.

Be my guest, if you wanna have a go. That, to me, is an invitation to murder. Like, you should genuinely be able to lash out. Yeah, yeah. You know what? You're right, I'm just chilling here. I, I'm, you know, I know this is happening, but it's not registering. You know what, maybe I should quiet down my kid.

Like, fuck off. Yeah, shut up. Shut up, baby. Oh, sorry, yeah, I didn't realize I was upset in that, old bitch. My bad. Oh, man. I went to Three Brothers as well, I'm just in that old bitch. My bad. ALICE Oh man. JUSTIN I went to Three Brothers as well, I'm just looking at my timeline.

ALICE Three Brothers? JUSTIN The Three Brothers burger had gone way down here. ALICE What's up with this? Three Brothers, five guys, two priests... JUSTIN I know. ALICE Like, what is this idea for naming a food place? JUSTIN I don't know. ALICE Five guys!

I don't know if all of you are washing your hands, still. So like, that doesn't give me anything. It's gonna be one non-hand-washer out of five people. Three builders. Come on. No thanks. You know. The Six Hobos restaurant, come on in.

Seven hundred plumbers. Fuck off, I'm not eating there. Stupid. I hate all that. I don't get it. I hate it. Hate it. Hate it. I don't get it. I hate it. I don't get it. I just don't get it.

But anyway. Anywhere else that you would like to drag through the mud, in terms of eating in Bristol? We got a whole bunch of well. I'm entitled to money when I'm in the restaurant. Lewis didn't mind when he was absolutely owning just chips, so... That's true. I'm just saying that to me the standard in all these places was not as high as it should have been.

And I worry that because people get delivery services so much, they're used to things just not being very good. And then when you go and sit in a restaurant, the restaurant standards have lapsed, to the point where now it's like, that'll fuckin' do. Like I'm not kidding, the burger I had at Three Brothers, when I went there, the first time I went there, the burger was really good. I went this time with Dav and Joe, and it was very mediocre compared to what I was used to. ALICE Yeah, I think T Brothers has gone downhill. RILEY But then again, we've been there a lot.

RILEY But everything's gone downhill. I really think a lot of places have gone downhill. And I think it was post-COVID, I think a lot of people stopped working in restaurants and kitchens and stuff because the jobs went, and I think they just haven't replaced the stuff. I think it might just be a psychological thing. Because I think you have a remembrance of a time when, you know, you were, it was good, and then you're going back and you're thinking it'll be as good as you remembered, and it isn't. And it's like, because you artificially inflate these things, these good moments in your mind. But I'm, it's not like I was, oh, I've gotta have another three brothers burger. I just remember it being a place where you could get a decent burger.

And when I got it this time, it felt like it was really not good. Do you know what, I'm not really like huge on sitting in a restaurant, I'm not like a big restaurant enjoyer, like the experience is lost on me. I don't really enjoy the atmosphere, I don't really want to be around that many people or anything. It involves leaving the house, that's number one. True, very true, very true.

No denying that one. Yeah, sort of small talk about, you know, Breville Toaster Makers. Yeah, but the things I do value though in a place, I like going to a coffee shop and taking a coffee away, but I like when they make the coffee more or less ready to drink, it's not too hot. You can take the lid off and just start drinking it right away, and it's almost like perfect temperature. And the same with food, I like being able to just get a sandwich, or even a hot sandwich,

that isn't piping piping hot, that I can just open and eat while I'm walking. Or y'know, I could just find a bench somewhere and just sit down for five minutes and eat it. And it's not too hot and stuff too. Right. Well lucky you. I like that convenience, y'know? I prefer doing that than eating in a restaurant.

I've been conditioned to eat things at boiling hot temperature. Because my parents were these people who were like, as soon as dinner was ready, it was like, steaming poured out of the bowl, and you had to eat it straight away. You ever get that, y'know, when you burn the roof of your mouth though, and the skin goes all loose and shit? I hate that. It's the worst. And it hurts for days too.

Skin goes loose? How badly are you burning it? I'm not explaining it right, but you know, it goes almost like a bit stringy or something? Like there's like... Oh my god. Oh I see what you're saying. Yeah, it's weird. It's a weird feeling, and it's sore.

Like pizza sauce is a culprit for sure. Pizza sauce is a major culprit. You just want to eat pizza so bad, but the sauce is a culprit for sure. Pizza sauce is a major culprit. Really hot cheese. You just wanna eat pizza so bad, but the sauce is way too hot. And you eat it straight out of the oven and it always burns you. Yeah. That's the major... My kids are always burning their fucking mouths.

I'm always like, let it cool down! I mean, I remember one time I dropped a roast potato when we were having a roast, fell on the floor, the dog ate it. Hot from the pan, she was like, GULP! And it was gone. And she sort of gave me a look. I'm like, I know that look. That look is, why did I not wait for this to cool down? I just eat a molten hot

roast potato. She just ate it. The kids are the same. They're like, dinner! And they're like, gulp. I'm like, I blew my mouth. You didn't even wait five seconds. What's wrong with you? Yeah. I think it's just the idea that, I think it's built into our DNA that it might not be available for very long. Get it down your neck. And it will be down your neck. What are you waiting for? It's red off!

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Amazing. Thank you. Thank you. I'm with the show. So, I don't know. I get that too, P-Flex, for sure. Sometimes I do find somewhere that's really nice and it does stay nice. So, I don't know, I get that too, P-Flex, for sure. Sometimes I do find somewhere that's really nice, and it does stay nice. So maybe the standards are dropping. But this is like a classic thing with growing old, right? Old people? Yeah, I knew that was coming. Oh, you used to be better in the old days. Oh, you're wrong because you're old.

Alright. I see. But at what point do we become wrong because we're old? Apparently whenever a young person has a different opinion. I see. Right. That's all it takes to be old. Oh, you really wanna touch your bummer, because I'm young, and therefore I'm correct, you

old fuck. That's the point where you stop being relevant, is the moment a young person disagrees with you. About anything! About a fucking burger! This isn't doing much to bridge the divide, though. Your whole attitude towards it right now, it's setting back the movement a couple of years.

Nobody wants the movement brought together. I mean, I would say, to be fair, most of the people my age hate the opinions of the young and vice versa. All I'm saying is, I have friends across the divide. You're not that old though. And you don't act old either, certainly. So I would say like, you're not, you're not, my parents are technically boomers. My parents are 100% boomers.

You're nowhere near being a boomer. Right. But to young people, my opinions are out of date and out of touch and I should just eat the burger or eat the giant sandwich and god forbid I don't enjoy it. So, you know, what do I know? I don't know enough about it to comment, so I'm gonna sit this one out. Our childhoods were long enough ago where things were pretty different, but not like, not so different, right?

To like, the modern day. Like I'd say still there was like, especially when we were growing up, the culture around toys, movies, cartoons, video games has definitely evolved since, but it was very still very prevalent when we were young. Right. So it's not, it's not like a huge change for us now. You know, like when video games came around, my parents had never played one before and were just not interested in even ever playing one. You know what I mean? Like there was a huge even just on that one front from when I was a kid, there was a big disconnect.

You know, like my parents were still old enough to be from a time where, you know, kids sat at a separate table to the adults. And and, you know, like just like lots of like little things like that. It was very like us and them sort of thing. Whereas I think more so now it's, it's that a lot of that's changed, you know, in, in parenting styles and stuff. So I don't know, I don't feel like, I don't feel like we're, we're, we're a million miles away, you know, like as old as we are compared to, you know, younger people now, I don't think we're as far away as we are now to them as our parents were to us when we were younger. You know what I mean?

It just felt like it was light years away. My parents and the way they were raised compared to me being a kid and growing up felt a lot different, you know? I don't know if I've explained that, sorry. No, you've explained it. Maybe that's just, as an adult you feel more... as an adult you feel close to your kids than your kids feel similar to you as an adult. You know, your kids have no experience being an adult, but you have an experience of being a kid, so maybe you... I don't know, I just feel like we're a lot more open with my kids than I was ever around

my parents. I don't feel like my parents were very open about anything. Like, emotionally, or anything. They were just of a different time. I think it was just, kids were to be seen and not heard sort of thing. But we're not really like that with our kids. And I know a lot of other parents who are not like that with their kids either. There's lots of thing. But like, we're not really like that with my, with that, with our kids. And, and I know a lot of like other parents who are not like that with their kids either. There's lots of openness. There's lots of like, uh, you know, like emotional maturity, like in,

in their kids and a lot of like, you know, not, not burdening their kids with, with adult things. And there's like a lot more awareness, whereas I feel like my, my parents had no awareness of any of that stuff, you know, like, and that, parents had no awareness of any of that stuff. You know? And that was just because of their upbringing. I don't know if that's a specific thing or if it's a generational thing, but I feel like, you know, boomers get a pretty bad rap anyway. But like, I don't know, there's this whole thing where they were given everything and now they're withholding everything kind of thing and it feels like kind of true. Maybe? I don't know. Interesting.

So do you think it's because they maybe, I think you clearly wanted kids very strongly. Do you think it's, do you think there's a lot of different pressures to have kids, right? Like your family telling you to, or your partner wanting them real bad and you not, or vice versa. Do you mean like, or boredom, or just trying to make something different, or trying to make a relationship work, or a marriage rekindling it, something like that. There's all sorts of reasons why people might have kids. And I think people... do people have kids for the wrong reasons less nowadays?

I don't know. I'm not saying that your parents didn't want them. Personally, I don't know how you feel about this, Flax, but I wasn't desperate to have kids. I didn't have a plan. Some people are likelax, but I wasn't desperate to have kids. I didn't have a plan. Some people are like, yeah, I want to settle in, I want to have kids, I can't wait to have kids and stuff. I wasn't chomping at the bit for kids, but I was open to having kids, you know what I mean?

I just wanted to see what my partner was up for, and my wife was very much like, yeah, I really want to have kids. And I was like, yeah, you know, I, I do too, but I wasn't like, I wasn't like the first person to sort of chime in and be like, we're having kids. I have to have them. I'm desperate to have kids, you know, like, like I was always kind of open, open to it. But like, you know, I wouldn't have been, well, I mean, knowing what I know now, I would have been devastated to not have kids. But like, if I'd never had kids, I don't have been, well, I mean, knowing what I know now, I would have been devastated to not have kids. But like if I'd never had kids, I don't think I would have been super devastated to not

have them either. You know, like I was always just pretty easy about the whole thing. I kind of figured that I'd have kids eventually. And I was ready for it in that sense. But I wasn't like, you know, wasn't like my top of my priority list. I don't know what was top of my priority list either. I think I, I think I'm just pretty, you know, go with the flow sort of thing. I mean, I know me and Mrs. F got together when we were like 18. So we've been together

for 30 years and I'd always assumed that it was just something that happened when you got older where, you know, you get to a point in a relationship where you just, you just want kids. But I remember in my 20s, I didn't, really. I didn't get it. Like I remember when we were sort of together in our sort of late teenage years, early 20s, I was like, I don't really want to have kids. I think they suck, I don't get it. You know, world's going to pot anyway, what's wrong with that?

ALICE Yeah, that's the classic, right? How could I possibly have kids in this world as it is? JUSTIN Which, I mean, this is the best time ever to have kids, genuinely. You wanna go back a thousand years and ask the people then if having kids was a great idea? How about five thousand years? Let's go back twenty thousand years and ask people fighting woolly mammoths and saber-toothed tigers and dealing with the fucking Ice Age and all that.

Do you think now's a good time to have kids? They're probably gonna say, Yeah, probably not. I don't know, let's make sure we have a cave first that can fit everybody and, uh, you know, let's get the basics covered and then... Yeah, the cave's only got the two chambers, so we kind of like to have a third chamber to the thing. We only have one family loincloth, how could we possibly have more kids? It's just like, this is the best time in history to be a human being, in many many ways. Just looking at it like, literally, survival rates and, you know, life expectancy and infant

mortality and disease, like, even our parents' generation kids still had things like polio and shit like that, that's not a thing. So there's a lot of stuff that's improved. So I never really bought that argument, because it's always just been a thing that people did. Mainly because, as well, in the past, of course, they didn't really have... they didn't have either access to birth control, or an understanding of where babies came from. Like a lot of the time they just didn't fucking know.

They knew that it had something to do with sex, they didn't really understand. So anyway, when we were in our 20s, some friends of ours had kids, they would have been about 28, something like that, 20, 29, and they had a baby and we went to see them. And when I saw my friends with their baby, I was like, oh, I get it, because I knew them and I'd known them before, and now I saw them with this baby and I saw how much their kids loved, you know, this baby like, she was a little older, she loved her parents and how much fun it was. And it looked like hard work for sure. But I was like, man, I kind of get it now.

Because until you've seen it, like when you, like we were talking earlier, you see some kid melting down in some supermarket car park and just going ballistic, you think, fuck it, never having kids. You're trying to have a meal, and you see here's some kid, just throwing shit at anything. You look over and they're just plastered in food and there's shit everywhere. You think, gross, or some kid's been sick on themselves, you think, fuck, why would I ever do that? But I'd known these people before and after and I remember seeing them with the kid and genuinely I thought I can see why people do it. And then I started

to... Other friends of ours had babies and we'd see babies around and me and Mrs F started to get kind of broody and we were like, let's try for some kids. And the other thing for us was we wanted to have like a mortgage sorted out, wanted to have like work sorted out, and we just got to a point where we were like, okay, I think we can do this. And we, yeah, we decided to have kids, and I'm very, very happy that we did. I've never regretted it for a second. No, yeah.

Similar story to yours. I think with babies it's a bit different. When you go visit somebody who's just had a baby, you know, the baby, they're holding the baby, the baby is sleeping, you know, it's all calm and everything and, or like, you know, the baby's just waking up a little bit, but like, you know, babies are pretty sleepy or they are feeding, right? Like there's not, there's not really much to like newborns.

But I remember we, we had a friend who had a, must've been like four or five years old, their daughter. And we were like, oh, we should go out. Like, let's let's all go to the zoo or something. You know, we thought it'd be fun, you know, like to take like our friends and then and their daughter to like the zoo for the day. So we, you know, we got some food together because we're going to have a picnic there and stuff. And it was really fun.

But when we got home, because we had no experience with kids or anything at this point, we were fucking shattered for like a week. Like it was insane. We were just like, oh, my fucking God, how did they? What do you do? Like how? They must just never go out. You must just have to stay at home because going out is like way too hard. Like that is it's too much. And like, and their daughter, she was, she was really nice.

She was not like screaming or crying. Like she, she was really good, but they're just so energetic and they, and you have to keep them engaged and doing stuff, you know, like they're not, they're not up for just going there and sitting around and having a coffee and lazing around, you know, like they're, they want to go see every animal. They want to go like through like the interactive, like a bird sanctuary thing that I don't like to go in. You know what I mean? Like they want to do everything and you're just like, fuck me. Like I'm lazy. I don't want to do any of this shit. And it's like, it really, it really forces you to do a lot of stuff and it's exhausting. And I

think that was, that, that was one of the times where we were like, holy shit, do we actually wanna have kids? Like that, it seems like a lot of work, but then similar to you guys, we just got a bit broody at one point and just decided, you know what, let's just have kids and see how it goes sort of thing.

But so, yeah, it's crazy. It's funny when I think about, we must have come to a conclusion, are we gonna do this? And decided decided yes. And then that's the fun part, is sitting about making them. That's the best bit, by far. Right, yeah.

Okay. And then, y'know, because it's like, constant. You gotta get that baby. You know what I'm saying? The character creation screen is real fun. That's the best bit. And then when you get into the game itself, first few levels, y'know, they're hard work, and as it goes on it kind of, I'd say it gets more

emotional but I think they get easier. I have a couple of respawns and restarts and you're good to go. You're good to go. There's no cheat code. And no mods. No. So, um, Roblox, right? Fucking what a segue, go on.

Kids are into that, aren't they? Pretty much, yeah. There was this interview recently with the guy who runs Roblox, called Stefano Corazza. He's called Roblox. Roblox. So, there's this thing where, in Roblox, it's like this... you know what Roblox is. It's basically, there's a way for creators to make money, right? Oh yeah. By like, doing stuff. Okay. So they can make

their own custom creations and maps and things and you can... A little bit like how a lot of the stuff at Dota is community sourced, right? A lot of the new skins and all these things are done. Roblox is a very similar thing, right? And some of these creators on Roblox who make things do decent can make some money, but it's tricky, right? It's tricky to... The whole thing's a bit sleazy. Anyway, Roblox has been accused of exploiting child labour, basically.

Like a lot of the players are kids, a lot of the people who make stuff are kids, a lot of them are making money. Roblox studio head Stefano Carrazatz suggested that actually the game is a gift for 15-year-olds who are living in slums in Indonesia because they are able to sustain a living, right? So he said, you could say this for a lot of things. Okay, we are exploiting child labour. Or you could say we are offering people anywhere in the world the capability to get a job and even an income. So he's suggesting that, you know, actually he's saving the world with things like this. You know.

It's an interesting take. Wow. Yeah. Personally, I don't know enough about the situation and I'm not an expert, so I'm going to have to sit this one out. Do you put your kids to work? P-Flex? You know, do you feel bad when you do?

So we pay them for chores, that they do. The more unpleasant the chore, or the more difficult it is, the more money they get. Okay. We pay fairly. Is there always negotiation going on? Yeah, absolutely. They negotiate the rate, and whatever rate they're happy with, if it's not too high, you know, we come to an agreement.

Do you pay them in V-Bucks? No, they get paid in money. Oh, trash. Do you pay them in... Robux. Robux. And then take 70% of them. No, what they do is sometimes they will purchase Robux with the money that they've earned.

Your kids buy Robux? I'm pretty sure they have. Do they have one of those kid credit cards, what is it called? A GoHenry card? GoHenry, that's it. So, they did have one, but, and this is just my experience, I'm not an expert on GoHenry, so I'm not gonna comment too much on it, but I will just say, the app kind of broke a few times on us, so we stopped using it.

Could be me, could be GoHenry, I don't know enough about it to state one way or the other. So I will just leave it to people to decide and research themselves. I don't know enough about child labour and stuff either. I reckon, like, the problem is I think, is I'm scared to ask people to do anything for free or exposure, or a percentage of the income, right? Because it feels like sometimes, yes, sometimes it's like asking them to do work for under their fair rate. Even if you're building towards something that might well pay a decent rate in future. And I know that people are old enough and sometimes they're doing

it for fun and there's lots of reasons. It's more complicated than all that. But I'm certainly personally uncomfortable with not... I'd rather take the risk and pay them a fair rate than get it for free. I mean, my kids want to get jobs. And they often want more money, you know. First of all, they live in London, so things are expensive, there's stuff that they want that we're not willing to just buy for them, like you know, luxury stuff that they want to have, or just some little toy or you know, a game or whatever, and that's cool. I was that age and there was stuff I just wanted, but my mom was broke,

so I had to get jobs to earn money to buy that shit. So I always worked, I got a paper round as soon as I could, and then I started working in kitchens and stuff like that. I would have been probably underage, but I did it anyway. And I guess it was, if you're 14 or 15 or whatever, they can pay you to wash dishes. And that's what I did. ALICE Yeah, I added my first job at 15. I used to pack groceries at the grocery store.

ALICE Oh, I think that's okay if you're paid for basic stuff. I think it's more difficult if you're on an internship, right? Or something where they're promising they'll pay you if you work for free for a week. The grocery store I worked at had punch cards as well, and you got paid for every minute you worked. Nice. Yeah, so when you punched in, sometimes you forgot to punch out. Oh, they pay you.

They didn't actually, but... I mean, tons of people work for free, and I'm not saying that that's not a thing, but in fact I think huge amounts of people effectively work as carers, or in the local community... Read about Germaine Greer talking about how for most of their history, women have essentially done a job for free. Yeah. And that is being the housewife and homemaker. Yeah.

And especially caring for like an older relative, you know. There's a video where there's like, I think it went viral a couple of years ago, but it's basically, it's a job interview. And the job interview starts and it's like, it sounds really good, you know, like, oh, you know, like the hours are really flexible and all this stuff. And you think like, oh yeah, this, this, this sounds like be pretty good. And then it just gets more and more ridiculous that like, you know, it's like, yeah, you'll have to wake up, you'll have to wake up in the middle of the night sometimes.

Or like, you know, sometimes it might be all the time that you have to wake up in the middle of the night. And then the person's like, okay, so how much do I get paid for that? And then the interviewer's like, well, nothing. And they're like, what the fuck you talking about? Like it just goes, it becomes like really absurd and crazy. And then, and then I think the whole premise of the thing was they didn't know what job they were applying for.

And then at the end, they're like, they're like, okay, what the fuck is this job exactly? And then guy's like, are you going to be a mother and a housewife? And then they're like, Jesus Christ, this fucking sucks. I don't want to do this. Like it sounds, when you actually put it all down on paper, the amount of shit that you have to wade through and do for like very little in return. Like most people would be like, nope, I am not doing that job. I would never do that job. That's crazy. But, uh, you know, it is, it, it, it, they say it's the hardest job. I'd agree. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to stay home all day with kids. Fucking hell. I would go crazy.

It would actually, it would actually end me. I just could do it. I did it for three years before, maybe even four, before like I did YouTube stuff and started you know, having a job I could do from home. It was very boring, it was really quite boring, quite lonely, and especially as a dad, a lot of the mums didn't want to like socialize with me, A, because I guess I'm a repulsive figure, but also because you don't really want to be hanging around with someone else's husband too much, or people, chins, what is it, tongues start to wag, you know what I mean? And people are sort of like, oh I see, going over there to Sosa's house

again for the tea, or even people start to make all kind of suggestive, you know, comments and stuff like that. Okay. I'm serious, I think that's a real thing. Like if I came home from work and there was some other dude in my house again, I would, I think reasonably you a real thing. Like if I came home from work and there was some other dude in my house again, I think reasonably you would start to maybe be a little suspicious or a little jealous. I think that's absolutely normal. I really do.

And people can say, oh, oh, you just, you got to trust your partner. But it's like these things do happen. And I know people who, you know, have while they're partners at work, they're screwing around. It does happen. So, I understand why people be reluctant to hang around with a dad during the day. I get it. I do get it. So, it was a kind of lonely... So that just leads to more, not division, but kind of division of roles, I guess. Like, more... No, I just had to sit in the playgroups by myself, reading the paper. Basically.

The mums didn't want to know me. So I would just sit there reading the paper and the kids would be playing, and that was that. But the nannies were always very chill. The nannies would come over and chat, because they didn't give a fuck. And they hated the mums. Interesting. They didn't want to...

Like, they were working for the mums, essentially. So the other mums, they couldn't gossip, because those mums might know the mums they worked for. And so those bossy bitches. Yeah, the nannies would come over and be like, these mums fucking suck, I'll be like, yeah, tell me about it. So we don't just sit there and gossip about everyone, it was good crack. Yeah, the nannies are where it's at. Shoutout to any nannies out there, you guys are amazing. Got any other shoutouts to do? Oh, we do have a shoutout, Lewis. Katie!

Oh, yeah. Okay, sure. When we were on the way to see the June, June 2, uh, we were, what was it, the board games? We were on the way to the board games. I can't remember. They were on the way to the board games. Uh, and a, a young, a young listener, Katie, ran up to us very excited and said the rare line, I have a gaping vagina. Jeez! Uh, took a picture with us and, uh, saw like a very normal, well-balanced person.

I was shocked. ALICE Was the picture taken, was the picture shot inside her cavernous vagina? JUSTIN LAUGHS. ALICE That was the backdrop, yeah. ALICE What is this backdrop? It's an alien planet. KEN That's why I have a gaping vagina!

ALICE It's Katie's vagina. Joke's on you. KEN She was very nice. ALICE It is rare. We don't know, I have a tiny penis. It's Katie's vagina. Joke's on you. She was very nice. It is rare. I have a tiny penis.

And that's usually what girls say as well, actually, mostly. Yeah. I mean, it's a much sweeter, funnier thing to say, though. How long have we been doing this podcast for? Eight years. It's still going. It still happens, you know? Every once in a while, you will encounter somebody in the street and they'll run up to you and just say, sorry, I don't want to bug you, but I have a small penis.

And you're just like, okay, great. This has happened to me when I'm with my wife. This has happened to me when I'm with my wife and kids. Like, it's amazing, really. I went to Sainsbury's on Monday and the girl working in Sainsbury's dashed over and said, oh my god, my boyfriend isn't going to believe this. Can I take a picture with you? And her colleague took the picture and was completely baffled. I think her colleague took the picture and was just, what the fuck is happening? Why is she taking a picture of this old man? She was like, he's a massive fan of the podcast, he's gonna love this.

So it happened, I would say it happens more than any other thing I've ever done. The Triforce podcast is the thing that people come up and say, I love the podcast. Which is weird because we're not really seen on this podcast, you know? I know, yeah. It's not like we're not filming it, you know, like we're not, it's not filmed, you know? But your head is a triangle, mine is. Your head is just a big triangle, right? Cause that's how they recognise it. Like, the triangle you see on YouTube, that is my actual head. So I think that's how they spot it.

ALICE It's uncanny. ALICE Do you want some news? NARESH Yes! ALICE So, okay. So we've got this news article, this is the title. Work from home cashiers are zooming in to assist you. So, if you want to buy something... So, you go to buy a sandwich, right? In a New York City food joint. And instead of a cashier... Oh, let me get one of the prosciutto provolone sandwiches over here!

Exactly. Instead of a cashier, there is a digit... There is someone remoting in from the Philippines onto the monitor, and they are taking your order. Dude, this reminds me of my favourite news story that I read, I think it was a couple of days ago. This is the same shit. This whole tech revolution in the service industry is founded on call centres and warehouses stuffed with people in the Philippines and in India doing the job of these machines, because the machines are not fucking up to it. So this is this Amazon fresh shit where you walk in and I was like, wow, this is like magic. I just put stuff in my basket, scan my Amazon thing and it just auto-charges me and it just

knows. Of course it doesn't fucking know. They had a thousand lads in India sat in a fucking warehouse having to manually review the AI fucking up. Like, the literal is this a Butterfly meme, but for everything you put in your fucking basket. You put a banana in and the computer's like, he has a gun! And some guy's like, no, that is a banana. Oh, banana, sorry, yeah. That'll be 50p!" Like, it's literally like that. And they're like, we're gonna have to shut it down, it's not working. 70% of the fucking AI thing, 70% had to be manually reviewed because it's such that the AI revolution is here. Fuck off! This is it. Like, we used to think that these boxes had little demons in them, right? Because they were magic. It's like, oh, there's a little demon inside your camera painting a picture. It comes out the bottom. No, that

was genuinely how it worked. But now, that's how it works. You go up to like a fucking AI thing. You go to put your order in on the McDonald's thing, or you go pick up that stuff in that Amazon fresh shop. There's actually a guy in the Philippines watching you do it and writing it down as you do it. It's not, you know, you'd say to Alexa, can you imagine if you said to Alexa, oh Alexa, what time is it? A fucking guy in the Philippines came out of your Alexa and was like, uh, it's 20 past 12. I'm from Philippines, lad. Hold on, give us a moment. Oh, drop me a watch, hold on. It's five past four. Oh, er, hold on, give us a moment, drop me a watch, hold on, er, it's five plus four. Oh wait, they're...

A call centre in Yorkshire instead. Do you know what I mean? This is the world we're living in now. It's just completely stupid. I mean, the thing is, it's all these tech companies are so desperate to demonstrate that they fucking nailed it. But they know they haven't. Like, I'm sure it's the same thing as people said.

We can absolutely do this, make it happen. And everyone's like, how the fuck are we actually going to make this happen? Well, I'm going to have to have this manually reviewed because otherwise, like, an automated checkout that doesn't recognize the products is a non-starter. But you would fire a human being who did that poorly. So you have to have a human being doing it

because we're not there yet. We're not there yet. We will get there. But the whole thing was this was meant to train the AI because you need the person there to say, no, no, no, no, no, that's not a gun. That's a banana. What is the point of Amazon Fresh? It's a physical store, right? With food in it. So it's just a supermarket. Yeah. But they're like little. It's not the size of like a big Tesco. Yeah, like a Tesco Express kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, they generally have them places like near a station. Sure. Because they, I mean, they have staff, but they're generally at the door explaining to people what the fuck is happening, and just checking that they're scanning in and everything. But you go up, there's like a little turnstile barrier, you bleep, you log into your Amazon account, it's like beep, you scan the thing, you go into the store, you pick up, there's like a little turnstile barrier. You bleep, you log into your Amazon account, it's like beep, you scan the thing. You go into the store, you pick up a basket,

you put stuff in the basket, you go to the bagging area, you bag up, you leave. There's no, no transaction takes place. So it's saving a minute or two, and I guess they don't have to employ as many people. Or so we thought. Of course it turns out they have to employ a thousand people, but you can employ them in India and pay them much much less than you would working a checkout in London.

Yeah. They're paid like three dollars an hour or something. Right. And they're essentially doing the job of far more people. So yeah, I guess that's the thing. I mean, I know from one of the things I heard, again, not an expert on this, this is just what I heard, my understanding is incorrect, please do feel free to email it. Did you hear it from an expert? No, I didn't. I just read it in an article. So what he heard was not from an expert either.

Indeed, potentially. But hopefully the person who wrote this article heard it from an expert. That's my only assumption. I'm gonna move forward with that basis. If I'm wrong, I do apologize. Okay, I apologize so so much. I'm so sorry to have ruined the fucking podcast. So when you go to the passport checkout-

I'm just glad you finally apologized. I know, it's about time. When you go to the automated thing and you scan the passport with the biometric thing and you look at the camera, I thought that was automated. There's some lad looking at that face, and sees the passport come up and goes, yes, that's the same person. Yes. I thought it was a fucking machine. Like at an face, and sees the passport come up and goes, yes, that's the same person. I thought it was a fucking machine. Yeah.

Right. So they just have like a control centre in the back. There's no more face to face. No. It's a lads and a corps centre. They got sick of people coming through the line where it clearly says, make sure you have your paperwork ready. And then they stand in the line for three hours and they get face to face with somebody and the first thing they say is, hi do you have your paperwork? And

they say, oh shit. And then they have to do that thing where they have to open up all their bags and then you see the whole family get taken off to the room so they can open the rest of their bags and stuff. I mean, maybe it's not such a bad thing because the old way really sucked. I mean, it did suck. But I mean, so so I again, I thought it was like some clever automated thing. And that's why you have to take off your glasses and look at a certain way. But it's some some lad. I love the I love the pictures that it takes of you for the receipt. You've been on a plane for like 12 hours. Oh my god. You look like you look like that picture of Mark Zuckerberg with it, whereas eyes are really red.

Do you know that one? Like every single one of my pictures that comes out of that. I look like that picture of Mark Zuckerberg with it, where his eyes are really red. You know that one? Like every single one of my pictures that comes out of that, I look like that, basically. I just look like shit. I look like I'm on the brink of death. Uh, any more... Do you want some more news? Yeah, hit me. I mean, all I've got to do today is pop out and get a Breville, so...

I gotta go soon. Let's do one more news. Yeah, one more. There's a pungent stinknet plant in Arizona. Right? Stink... stinknet? Stinknet. It's got pretty yellow blossoms, but it smells like turpentine.

It sounds like a bulletin board service. Stinknet. It causes serious breathing problems as well as severe skin rashes and has forced an idyllic picnic area to shut for a month. Well, that is... You know what, fucking hold the presses. Thank goodness that I know about this now. Officials at the Casa Grande Ruins National Monument in Arizona have announced that the stink net plants have been... it's invasive, and noxious, and it's unpleasant to walk around, so please don't go there.

ALICE This sounds like one of the articles that would've appeared in Stinknet Monthly on Have I Got News For You. You know when they do that segment where you have to fill in the blanks? ALICE Yes, is this article in Stinknet Monthly or is it in the actual news? LIAM And they would say something like, uh, Tony Blair. Oh, audience laughs. No, David Cameron. Oh, Tony Blair. Oh, Audiencelaar. David Cameron. Oh, Audiencelaar.

Yeah. Okay, Vladimir Putin has ordered a Russian games console to be made. Right. That's right. Did you guys... have you guys heard about Vladimir Putin when he's away, travelling anywhere outside of Russia, I presume? He shits in a briefcase? Have you heard this?

Who's? He's got a briefcase toilet. He's got a briefcase toilet. And so, the idea behind it is, he shits in a briefcase so that they can take his shit back to Russia and dispose of it properly, because he doesn't want anybody to have any idea about the state of his health. So he doesn't want his shit to be intercepted, analyzed, in a lab by foreign bodies or whatever. So he shits into, like, a special briefcase. So that this won't happen. That is unbelievable.

Imagine picking up the wrong fucking bag at the airport, and you've got Putin's shitcase. Yeah, right. Fucking hell. Yeah, right. Sir, this case is quite heavy, I was just like, oh no, it's overflowing! Oh, it spilled! It's like the business man at the airport when his briefcase bursts open and jelly beans go everywhere. But it's just like a torrent of diarrhea.

Putin. Putin. That's what... Oh torrent of diarrhea. Putin. Putin. That's what... Oh, yeah, that's a real stink net. Sorry, sorry to derail that one, but it just reminded me. Yeah, that was great. I think that's a good place to end the podcast.

Just stop that. Putin's poop briefcase. Poop-tins briefcase. Poop-tins. I can't really say that. Can you cut that? Sure. I don't want to appear on a list or anywhere or whatever.

Oh crap. That's a good point. Where did you get the whole briefcase jelly beans thing from? I think it's an old something awful thing. Okay. I just love the idea of it. It's so funny. Yeah, I think it was like an old FYAD thread or something where it was like, you know,

I think the whole idea was, you know, this important businessman goes through security at the airport and then drops his briefcase on the ground and then just jelly beans, just tons of jelly beans spill out. He knows it's not papers or anything. It's just tons of jelly beans, fillet. You know, it's not papers or anything. It's just like a whole bunch of jelly beans. I love that. I love that too. I thought, in all the gold mines, fuck, I don't even know if there's...

Man, I haven't been to something awful in quite some time. I check it out occasionally. I used to browse through the gold mines every once in a while, because some of them were so fucking funny, but it's been a while. I miss Bill Philmath's poker. When he did his little poker tournament, he's so funny. Bill Philmath here! He was trying to be like Phil Hellmuth.

It was Fragmaster doing that bit. If you look it up, those are the funniest fucking things. He does like a rap when he knocks people out and stuff. Oh, he's so fucking funny. So good. Classic. Alright, that is enough of our podcast. Thank you everyone. Thank you.

See you next time. See you all next week. Alright. Bye bye. Bye.