Triforce! - Triforce! #288: Would you love me if I was a fly?

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

Triforce! Episode 288! Lewis has been admiring Clarksons Farm, we imagine what it's like being trapped on a ship for no good reason and we're wondering if anyone would love us if we were flies! This podcast has been enhanced with Shure Microphones! Podcast quality mics with zero fuss, check out either the SM7dB or the MV7+ here: https://tag.gs/Triforce_SM7dB & https://tag.gs/Triforce_MV7Plus Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe. and friendly service every step of the way. So book with Air Transat today to embark on new adventures and make your travel dreams a reality. You'll flip for $4 pancakes at A&W. Wake up to a stack of three light and fluffy pancakes topped with syrup. Only $4 on now. Dine in only until 11 a.m. at A&W's in Ontario. ["Tri Force Theme Song"]

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the Tri Force podcast. Hello, welcome back to our podcat, podcast. Podcast. The way you said it was as if there was some other content we put out as try Podcast the triforce podcast not the triforce. What else do we do? podcast How are you enjoying your new mics by the way, I'm loving it sure mics that they sent us good I didn't expect to be given a free mic. So no, very much, Shor. ALICE Thank you, Shor, for the new mic, yeah.

Do I sound different with mine? Do I sound a bit more bassy? ALICE You actually do sound a bit better, yeah. Actually. Well, they're made for podcasting. They sent us the SM7DB and also a MV7 Plus, which is their new podcast mic. ALICE Yes. ALICE That's the one, I haven't set that up yet, because I need a bass for it.

It's like a, y'know, it'll screw into that. But I'd like to use that. I'll try and use that for next week. You wanna set up a table and do a proper podcast. Exactly. Because I'm using my boom arm, that's the SM7DB, which is a good... I use that for streaming and stuff like that, but I'm also using it for this. So I'll get a bass for the podcast mic, we'll see how she sounds.

Very cool, anyway, that's technically'll see how she sounds. Very cool. Anyway, that's technically a hashtag ad, everyone. Yeah. But thank you so much. Hashtag ad, yeah. Appreciate it. No, thanks so much. Thank you, sure.

We are big fans. Glad to be sounding amazing. We sure are! Despite a bit of hay fever and other things blocking me up this week, I've been wheezing away and, like, sniffling. Everyone's getting a bit of the summer. We had like two lovely days of summer this weekend, in the UK, and everyone was... it was like, a different world out there. You know, it felt like walking around

on a European holiday or something. Where were you? Well, I just... I was just around Bristol, I walked... I did a little cycle ride, I did a little walk out, and it was so nice everywhere. The world was alive, y'know, there was like, it was like an early summer, couple of days, there were loads of flies coming in my flat, y'know, and stuff like this, all the stuff that happens in summer, and it just was like, so, it's so wonderful. Y'know, that summery smell of like the baked streets or whatever.

Yeah, I dunno, like, I just, I just felt really good this weekend. And then of course there was a big thunderstorm, and it's back to regular old 14 degrees less. It's actually like 12 this morning. Yeah. It's nice to have... The weather for me, that time of the year where it switches to... It's almost like a switch has been thrown. Because there was the end of it... April was the wettest April I think we've ever had. And then May started, and there was this one day where it was like, summer. Just all very early spring. And all the little insects come out and all the flowers immediately go POOM! It's like, it's just magic. It's real magic.

I gotta say, I've been watching Clarkson's Farm. Yeah, me too! And I kinda didn't want to admit to it, because, you know... That's a good show! Clarkson, whatever you say about Clarkson, he makes very good telly. And seeing his trials and tribulations with farming is... I mean, I love the show, right? Generally.

I think it's really interesting to see behind the scenes. I mean, you guys love farming, so you love farming, Sim. Yeah. It's so interesting learning about, or seeing the different aspects of it, that go into it, y'know. I think he does it in a very good way, he's got a thousand acres on this farm, and sort of, y'know, Caleb casually refers to people as hobby farmers if they have thirty acres, which is a huge amount of land, right? And he sort of, I guess his mantra, though, is like, make it appear like it's just me

and Caleb and my wife doing everything, well, not even his wife, you know. Make it almost very... This is like a huge show, right? It's like a massive Amazon private show, millions of pounds behind it, and I feel like, you know, he must have loads of staff on the go all the time. But they don't. No, they do. I mean, like, the farm shop, whenever they cut to that, there's a bunch of people there,

they have a burger stand. He has all... I mean, it's very clever. It's a very clever production. I know that, for one thing, the council in that area, Chipping Norton or whatever it is, put out a statement saying that the show is really unfair to them, and in the last series there was like a town hall meeting, and the implication, the way the show was edited, was that it was like a five minute meeting, and they barely got to say

anything. But in fact, it was a really big meeting, and the producers... Cause I don't think it's not Jeremy Clarkson saying, here's what we're going to try this week. It's a production meeting that comes up with this. It's content. It's a TV show. Well, I think at the same time though, we know what these little councils are like, and this is exactly what they're like. And also, they can say whatever they want a year

and a half after the show's gone out and they've been forced to backtrack. Right. At the time, I think it was very much like he was being unfairly... Why are you saying that then? Well, okay, for a start. Because on the show, he was treated unfairly. We don't really know, do we? I think that they think this is a not in my backyard situation, right?

Where they're like, I don't want this in my... They also think it's a TV show that's gonna be gone in five years, right? Which it may well be. You know, it's just, they've been ticking along quite happily for the last fifty, you know, and he's coming along rocking the boat in a major way, and then he's gonna be gone once the show gets cancelled, you know, and off doing something else or selling the farm and not contributing anymore, just sort of being this upheaval. And I can see why they would treat it like that, but I think that at the same time, it is so difficult to get, like, to deal with the council, right? Like, a friend of mine has just gotten kicked

off their land because they had a shed in the... next to their little farm. So now they can't farm that land anymore, because a shed, you know. Because again, it's in the Bath Outstanding area of natural beauty, they can't have a shed by the side, you know. Because again, it's in the Bath Outstanding area of natural beauty, they can't have a shed by the side. Because if we allow a shed, then we allow, oh, someone can build, that's a structure. Yeah. And so... So, I mean, like a lot of these rules, we think they look silly. But the point is, if

you don't have these regulations, people will just build things like car parks everywhere. Which is one of the things that Jeremy Clarkson did was he wanted to build a car park for people to park at the farm shop and all the rest of it. If everybody does that, just willy-nilly, it is a destruction of the land. And I honestly am very sympathetic with having these regulations in place, because if you don't, you end up with genuine fucking hellscapes. And I'll give you an example, okay? When I went to southern Spain, this is a few years ago now, if you go to around Thebia

and around there, there's a lot of farming and they use greenhouses to grow tomatoes and things like that year round, mainly with workers from Africa come in and they work in these greenhouses in unbelievable conditions, cranking out fruit and veg for our supermarkets. When we came, and I've definitely spoken about this before, came over the hill from the airport, we're coming down to the sort of seaside where we're staying. And all you can see is an ocean of greenhouses. As far as the eye can see, it's like being on the moon.

It's like a massive moon base, just millions of fucking acres of greenhouses all shining in the sun. It looks like shit. And it's fucking horrible. And it's just miserable working conditions, and awful. It's ruined the area. In terms of how it looks. It's like you're in a giant factory that just pumps out fucking fruit and veg. That's it. And if you allow the industrialisation of the countryside, if one lad does it and no one says anything, why not everyone do it? And then you get companies doing it and doing this shit with no regard to the environment. I think it is important.

This is not the same. Of course there needs to be people on top of these things to stop rampant capitalism and awful... but the corruption of our planet. But they knew that something was going on at Clarkson's farm, and they knew that loads of traffic was coming down, and he'd opened this farm shop, and that was a thing that he wanted to do, right? And it was clear at points that they were... no one had even come down to look. He was like, can I build a car park? And they just said no.

And he was like, well in that case they're just gonna park in the fields. There were bits in the show where it was clear that there wasn't common sense being used, though, on either side. I think there has to be common sense. Where we don't know the story. Of course we don't. It's edited for their show. Were they given plenty of opportunity to apply? Did they bother asking for permission? But I think we all know what these councils are like. Everyone's run into these

councils doing, you know, the kind of people who run them. It's not... All I'm saying is, and we don't know the truth, all I'm saying is, both of them have a vested interest in portraying the other as the bad guy. So I don't know what the situation is. I get it. I get it. Like, the whole thing is very staged, right? Clarkson's... I mean, did you watch episode three yet? The one with the pigs? It was fucking brilliant, right? Like, first of all, the scene where he's trying to get the pigs to fuck is hilarious. That's just a very funny scene. I was really laughing at that.

But then when Caleb turns up and says, what do you mean, you've done... and he's like, yep, he's shagged all of these lady pigs down, he's like, you're gonna have fifty piglets running around here all at the same time. And you see Clarkson's face, and it's brilliant. And even though I know it's set up, and even though I know that the production have done this, knowing that this will happen, because they've clearly got advisors on hand who would say, oh no, no, don't do that. That's crazy. But it's much funnier if we then have 50 piglets running around. That's a much funnier setup for the show. So I love it. It's almost like a sitcom in terms of how it's been created.

But also the same thing of like, are using the council as this villain. Oh, they're the the show. Of course they have, you know, and almost like trying to get one over on them with all these plans. But of course, when they hear about the idea that he's trying to circumvent their rules, of course they're going to actually double down on that even more. You can understand why they would be upset with someone publicly flouting their rules. Also, other people in the area will be like, why did he get a free pass? Well, because he's famous, he doesn't have to follow the same rules as we did. I had to go through

this process with you three years ago to get this done and that done, and now he gets to walk in. So the council has to come down on it. I mean, if you're breaking the rules, and I'm 90% sure they're half the time, they're just like, just build it, and when the council tells us to knock it down, it'll be good content. Like, that's it. They get to have a villain. Especially a faceless villain who we never get to see. They're just, oh, the evil council.

So it's good telly, but I try not to read too much into it, I just treat it like a sitcom, basically. You're right. It is. I mean, half of the ludicrous, almost all of the ludicrous things he does, you couldn't even see it planned out. You're like, okay, season one, we need an animal, season two we need a different animal, season three we need a different animal.

Of course. It's like, it's all very rote. It's like, what haven't we done yet? Let's do this now. What else is there? I mean, it's just, I love seeing all the crazy farm equipment. Did you guys see the thing that they have for picking berries? That fucking machine that you drag along a hedge?

ALICE The Hoover. Oh yeah, no, the big one. Yeah. Well, that's how they harvest grapes and stuff in Rio. And olives in real life. RILEY But that was terrifying. I just think about what that does to the environment. Just fucking destroys it to get all the fruit off. But think what it's killing! ALICE No, but that isn't... what are you talking about? It's designed for farmed, grown, like grapes in a long line, d'ya know what I mean? You grow your bushes in a very long line, not in the wild. It's not used for harvesting wild blackberries, it's used for harvesting specific...

RILEY So, is it not for dragging along a fence? ALICE No, no, of course not! It's used for dragging along a line of trees that you've planted in a line, y'know? RILEY Oh, I was like, what the fuck is this machine? I mean, I saw it broke, but I thought that's just because the wall wasn't straight. I thought it was literally a machine... Also, what an amazing piece of engineering half of this farm equipment is, that they're like, this machine does all of these things. It's like, crazy. But some of it is... But as a result, it's so specialised, and it's so expensive, though.

You know, a tractor these days is over 200 grand. Oh yeah. But they're beautiful, they really are. There's a lot of YouTube vids of people doing farming. I think it is, I know you were saying Sips plays a lot of farming games, it's sort of added into the public consciousness, this intrigue in the machinery of it. I mean, it's not like train spotting, where people are like tractor spotting, but I think you can certainly look at the way people watch other people work as kind of like train spotting. You're sort of

intrigued to see what equipment they've got and how they do what they do. Yeah, it's interesting. ALICE Oh, it's fascinating. And, like, just seeing how... Just, even like... They obviously butt heads against the sort of food requirements, right. And it's because they're not doing it as hobby farmers, right. That's the other thing. It's like, they look down on hobby farmers, but at the same time, they laugh every time they have to fill out a food safety standards sheet or whatever, or put a sell by date on their jam. They want both on their jam, you know? They want both hands of it, you know?

They want to sell their stuff to a global marketplace, but also not have to follow any of the rules. And I get it, right? You're trying to min-max. But they are not really, though. Clarkson will not do anything by hand. His whole schtick is that if there's a job I want to do it with a machine. I will not lift a finger. If there's an orange that's fallen on the floor,

I'm not bending down to pick that up. There'll be a machine for it. He plays up to the whole... It's a bit of top gear mixed into a farm show, right? Oh, for sure. It's like, oh, here's a chance for me to... In Season 3 he's got that Wally machine for the brambles, and he loves it so much. He calls it his mental therapy machine or whatever. But then ends up just getting a bunch of goats to do the job anyway, because the machine has its limitations. But there's a whole episode, basically, of him remote controlling this machine around

to cut through brambles and stuff. Yeah, it's really fun seeing all that stuff, actually. And I wonder how much of that... I think a lot of it is arbitrary. You know, they've been through the farm catalogue. Like, what are these dumb... What dumb machines can we buy for this episode? But it is mixed with genuine moments that are authentic. That's

the thing. And I think about Top Gear as well, is that I really sort of get a grudging respect for him for getting up in the middle of the night and having all these piglets be born, and doing all this stuff kind of himself, to a large extent. Yeah, and it feels like there's enough good moments that aren't staged as well, mixed in. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. That just happen, you know, over time.

Oh, lads, I've just remembered something I really wanted to talk to you guys about. Go on. This is crazy, I only found out about this this morning. Do you remember that massive container ship that crashed into the bridge in Baltimore? Yes. Oh yeah. Did you know that 21 of the crew in Baltimore? ALICE Yes. Oh yeah. RILEY Did you know that 21 of the crew are still trapped on board that ship?

ALICE What are you talking about? RILEY There are 21 members of the crew trapped on board the ship. Why do you think they're trapped on board there? ALICE On the container ship? RILEY On the container ship. ALICE Like, are they tied up in red tape, basically? RILEY They cannot leave the ship because they don't

have the right visas. ALICE Yeah. RILEY So they're on the ship. They didn't take them off the ship. They didn't say, it's alright, we'll just stick you in a fucking hotel. They are stuck on the ship, and the FBI took all their phones away. It's been like a month and a half or something, or two months or whatever it's been. So this whole time...

49 days. These guys are just on this fucking boat, and they can't do anything. They're not allowed to leave. Isn't that nuts? That's wild. And they had this controlled demolition of part of the bridge, because the ship is stuck, like, the ship is actually hung up, and they can't move it, because it might open up and sink, because there's bits of fucking bridge

all over the place, and it's sort of tangled up in the bridge. I'm not talking about who was in the wrong or whatever regarding the bridge, that's all gonna come from down the line. Who knows what the situation there's gonna be. Sorry, so they're using explosives to blow away parts of the bridge from the boat which they are forcing these crew members to still stay on? So they're on the ship and they're blasting controlled demolition to blow up these bits of the bridge that are stuck hanging on the ship.

Because it's sort of stuck in a bit of the bridge. This is so American, isn't it? How are they stuck? blow up these bits of the bridge that are stuck hanging on the ship. Cause it's sort of stuck in a bit of the bridge. But yeah. How are they still, how are they stuck, like, come on. This is so American. Like, whatever your justification, this is inhumane, man. This is fucking inhumane. Let the lads off the fucking ship. Stick them in a, I'd rather be in prison.

Like, just fucking in a fucking prison. Just stick them in a fucking Premier Inn or something, it can't be that expensive, oh my god. Just unreal. Yeah, so they're still on there. Oh, fuck's sake. That's wild. That's actually wild. What would you be doing?

You've got no phone, no internet, you're just stuck. I would just hope that I had my PC with me, somehow. You don't. You do not. And my Steam library, and... No, no, no, you do not. I would start cracking open the cargo containers. You don't know what's in there?

It would be like in, uh, Castaway. It's just a bunch of ice skates and some old VHS tapes and stuff. No! It'll be like in, um, that Storage Wars or whatever, you know, where it's like... Oh man. Wigga, looks like we got some collectible, uh, what are these, Pokemon cards? They just fucking play in Pokemon. That's it. That's all they got. Well, what's in here? Oh my God, is it all the stuff, um, the Ukraine's stuck in there? I don't know. I don't know what it... it was coming in, I think. Oh, right. So it's probably just crap. It's probably just... it's all that Amazon crap

that you... that everyone... you know, dog grooming combs and just luxury garbage. Yep. Who knows what it is. Luxury garbage. Stuff to pick um... Who knows what it is. Luxury garbage. Luxury garbage. Stuff to pick up an orange off the floor, you know. Like, stupid stuff. Fuck. It's very specialized gimmicks. No, my god.

That's just America in a nutshell. It's just crazy. It's just, I don't know what the justification can be for it, genuinely. I think it's just insane to say, you know, no you can't get off. It just, there has to be a better way. I mean, there clearly is a better way. It's just insane that they're still stuck on there. I wonder if people knew that they were still stuck on there. That's crazy. Well, I guess people know.

No, I mean, they know, but I wonder if the people, as in, you know, if people were aware that these lads were still... I had no idea that they were just stuck on there. Do people know that they're still stuck on there? Like, the general populace? Are people aware of that? Let your imaginations run free and imagine being stuck in the belly of a massive cargo container ship with nothing to do for 49 days. They're gonna start eating each other. They're not even bringing them food and water, Lewis. They're gonna crack open the door and they're gonna be like... Zombies. ALICE They need to get these guys some Alienware laptops, and some complimentary Steam accounts

with some of the greats pre-installed on there to keep them busy, you know? JUSTIN Just, I mean, again, Premier Inn. It's really reasonable. ALICE I'm sure they've got Premier Inns in Baltimore, yeah. JUSTIN They've got TVs in there. I think helicoptering supplies out there was more expensive. Do you know what I mean? Like, why don't... You think so. It's such an American idea though, isn't it?

Of like... It's just amazing. Like, when I... It's almost like they're responsible or something. Right. Well, that's the thing. Of course that's not. They could be.

I mean, there could be a criminal case against the company. It might be that they were stupid and fucked up the ship and weren't doing their jobs properly and caused the crash. And that crash has caused untold damage. Like the deaths, the bridge collapse, which is really fucked with the economy in that area, I'm sure. Like I'm not diminishing the effects of the crash and what a disaster was. And these guys might well end up being liable for it. The company might go bankrupt in terms of liability, but there's also a human element to these. Until they've been found guilty, these are just some lads stuck on a ship and you're making them stay there because of bureaucracy. When I saw trapped, I thought,

God, couldn't they just get some arc welders and cut these lads out? But no, no, no. They're trapped by bureaucracy. That's hellish. That is hellish. Yeah. It is nuts, but you know, it's, um, it's um, the exact same thing would happen over here though. It would be something stupid, right? They would somehow find some way to make it really, really, really stupid and awkward. And yeah, it's all the wrong people that get involved in the end, right? But you kind of rely on them in some ways to keep things running like they do, but then in other ways, they're just the worst. They get in the way and, I mean, come back to Clarkson's farm, it's the same. It's like, it's the council all over

again or it's the people that make the rules about every little thing that they kind of poo poo a little bit, but if those regulations and stuff weren't in place, then, you know, it would be... It's just kinda a bad look. It is a bad look. It's just a bad look. I understand why they made that choice, because they were like, oh well, you know, it's kinda like Alcatraz, you know, they're trapped in a little prison on their, you know, we don't

have to have security guards or anything, you know, they're stuck. I mean, taking their phones feels mean. They can't even contact their families and shit. They're just stuck on this fucking shit. It just sort of feels a bit shit. And American. I mean, of course, that's what you get though. I mean, we're looking at the Donald Trump trial this week, or over the last few weeks. It's always in the background, bubbling away. You hear stuff about it, right? And it's kind of fascinating hearing about the occasional clip about things that we didn't want to know about Donald Trump.

It's so gross. Oh man. It's so gross. John Oliver is back on The Daily Show one or two days a week, and he did a really funny episode the other night about... ALICE John Stewart. Yeah. SEAN Sorry, Jon Stewart.

And it was about corruption in US politics, and it was a special about it. And it was about this guy, I think his name is Menendez. He did this ridiculous thing. Watch the episode, it's really funny. It's like a 20 minute video. But then he talks about the general corruption in American politics. And I had no idea that senators in the US outperform hedge funds in terms of their sort of return on investment for things like the stock market.

And not just by a little bit, but by a lot. Yeah, like a lot like they are clearly trading with insider information and no one's fucking doing anything about it. It's just it's a thing that happens. They just... Yeah, a little bit of insider trading, and, y'know, his whole point was, this is such dumb corruption, when you don't even need it, you can already just, by being supposedly above board, make a fucking fortune.

So yeah, it was really interesting. And a very funny bit. Yeah, I think the bit he sort of mentioned was that it's almost like they only get done for corruption if they have a cartoon bag of money. Right! And this guy was, like, he returned home when they thought he was doing this stuff, he gets home, and this is my favourite part, they find on his computer, he googles, how much is a kilo of gold worth? That's like a Google search on his computer. He got home with a cartoonish bag of gold, yes.

He literally did. And that's why he's in trouble. But it's funny that you have to go that far to get in trouble. I know. So John Oliver did actually offer to pay Clarence, I want to say Clarence Thomas, the Supreme Court guy, offered to buy him like a Winnebago, cause that's one of the things that he received as a gift. Yes.

You know, from a political group, you know, that he's friends with, on top of all the other stuff he's received. But that's like, you know, bribery, right? Offering to... Everyone's saying, oh, John Oliver's offering to bribe Clarence Thomas, but of course it's clearly a joke. But it's also like... It's kind of happening in plain sight.

Yeah, yeah. This guy, I can't remember his name, the lawyer, Trump's lawyer... Cohen? Cohen, yeah. He's like testifying, I guess, against him, right? He's sort of spilling the beans and whatnot. Like half the people Trump has worked with, they've all turned on him. He betrayed them, so they're betraying him, and they're all shits, basically.

There's a guy, there's a Republican spokesperson, they interviewed him, and he was going on and on about how this guy Cohen is just a snake, and he's a known liar, and he's the one who should be in prison and stuff, and it's like, yeah, okay, that's fine. But he was Trump's lawyer and personal, you know, like, very close aide for years, while he was president! He is the person keeping this company that you're describing as being so abhorrent! So like, I mean, it's so stupid. It's like,

it's like in, I think it was, I was reading this thing in Texas where a lot of like the, they're saying, you know, like, you know, elect us so that we can, we can finally sort this state out. It's like, you've been in power for 27 years. It's you! I don't know how they come up with this stuff in the first place to shoot themselves in the foot with. But it's like the council again, right? It's like, this stuff is a slip... people say, well this guy's doing it and he's gone away with it, so I'm gonna do it as well. And it's not until someone's made an example of, that they, oh, the rules are actually enforced. I feel like also, certainly in the US, it feels like the funding for the people who

actually police this stuff has been dropping and dropping. It's like, they self-police as well. It's like, oh, well I'm, I don't think I should have to do that. You know, cause I don't think I'm, I'm the police of me and I don't think I'm doing anything wrong. Oh, thank you for the gold watch! Is it a Rolex? Oh, it's very nice.

How much is a Rolex worth? Oh, wow. That's great. ALICE Yeah. It's mental. But, I mean, it's nothing new, though. Like, it's, you know, I mean, look at the whole thing with like OJ and everything back in the day, and I mean, countless

other trials and just miscarriages of justice, and Trump will get away with it all as well. It doesn't matter how many people come out and say that he's done this, that, and the other, whatever, he's got a lot of money, he'll just get away with it. He'll be fine. He'll be able to run for president. He might even win again. Who knows. But like, it's just- It's true. This'll be fine. He'll be able to run for president. He might even win again. Who knows. But like, it's just so...

ALICE It's true. This is the way the world works. There's one rule for the rich, and one rule for the ruler. ALICE It really is. This is just the perfect, perfect example of it. I hope I'm wrong, but I have a feeling I'm not gonna be wrong. ALICE We're very cynical because this has happened for the last 200 years. ALICE Yeah, exactly.

I mean, it just does happen time and time again. If somebody with enough money wants something to happen, it'll happen. In their favour, for sure. And this is just how the world works. Did you know that in America they have something called Confederate Heroes Day? Did you know that? No. But they do have, like, a...

I think it's like an Office Admin Day in America as well. I think it was last month. RILEY Well, probably less controversial. The Office Admin Day. ALICE Yeah, but I mean... RILEY But, Confederate Heroes Day, it's in Texas and Florida, I think. And it's basically, in these southern states, they have a day, it's like Confederate Heroes Day, Confederate Decoration Day, Confederate Memorial Day.

And a lot of people are saying they shouldn't do it, because it's like celebrating, essentially, the bad guys in the Civil War. But... ALICE But they don't see them as the bad guys. RILEY But yes, but, which is itself a problem, but that's all well and good, we can debate that all day. All I'm saying is, it is a bank holiday, so try getting that cancelled. Like, you could have a bank holiday in this country for fucking Fred and Rose West, and

I think people were still supporting that. Yeah, that's another day off of... Get some titties away! Yeah, I'm just saying. Well, look, those Nazis fought very hard, and a lot of them were fine, so we'll have a Nazi memorial day, just to remember all the Nazis. Fucking Harold Shippman Day. You could have fucking, you could have Jimmy Savile Monday, and people would still support

it. Because it's a bankie. People would be like, don't take away my bank holiday! People fucking love a bankie, mate. What, you're gonna, don't take my bank holiday? Fred West wasn't that bad, but I mean, yeah, it is a bank holiday, you. What, you're gonna... Don't take Bank Holiday! Fred West wasn't that bad, I mean, yeah. It is a bank holiday, you know, we've got to put someone else in. The other bank holiday's named after Jack Ripper.

Yeah, the old Jack Ripper day. Can't take Ripper Day. Can't take our? Our murder and take? That's funny. Like, the moment it's a bank holiday, like, any political pressure to get it removed, everybody's like, well, it is a day off, you know. We'd have to find something else. Because you can't take away people's bank holidays. Imagine trying to take bank holidays away. I would love to see how a political party did if everything else was great, but they

were going to remove all public holidays. Like, they had this amazing manifesto, like, ten amazing points, and point eleven is, we are removing all public holidays. It doesn't matter how good your other policies are, you fucked it, with that one. Just a thought. ALICE It is weird that these things happen, right? Because they're not, you still have to be, you're paid, they're not paid, they're not extra to your holiday, are they, bank holidays?

What do you mean? ALICE It's a paid day off, yeah? ALICE It's a paid day off. Yeah. It's a paid day off. JUSTIN It's a public holiday. ALICE It's a forced day off, right? So if you get a job, they give you X amount of days holiday. JUSTIN Yeah, like 25 days in the UK is generally 25 days holiday.

ALICE Plus bank holidays. Yeah. Which everybody gets. ALICE Which everyone gets. JUSTIN It's in addition to public holidays. They can't count it. ALICE Less and less people get them now, because a lot of places are open on bank holidays now. A lot of retailers open. ZACH Yeah, but I mean, they do pay, like, you get

time and a half or double for work and bank holidays. ALICE What I'm asking, though, is, are there countries without bank holidays that have 31 or 32 days paid holidays? You see what I mean? Is it inequivalent? Is it 25 because it's seven less? No. I don't know why we settled on 25. I mean, in America, I don't know if it still is, but I remember...

It's like standard. I think most shows, at least over here, I think it's like 22 to 25 days of holiday. Depending on the job, of course. At financial places, most of the banks that I've worked at, there's a mandatory requirement for you to take two weeks off. Right. Yeah. Like, you know, two consecutive weeks off, at some point in the year.

And that's apparently because you could be, you know, fleecing them, but if you're off for two weeks, they might be able to find that you've been doing that. Oh really? And then do something about it. Yeah. Apparently. Yeah. So. Oh, and Chris didn't show up to work, our profits went up 87 percent!

There's a number of reasons for that. One is that sometimes people don't take any holiday, they just sort of forget and they lose it, and that's bad. And the other one is that some people like to just turn their job into a four day a week job. Yes. Yeah, I totally get that. Which is a very healthy form. Which is a very healthy micro-holidays, yeah.

So I think there's a lot of reasons why people might force people to take holiday. And God knows if they're good or bad, y'know. But hopefully people can use their common sense. I feel like, I feel like back holidays, there's always this argument around things like changing the time back and forth, you know, and summer holidays for school, for kids, right? Like, these are all a bit arbitrary. Well, half term is the same for everybody. And I used to find at work, this is before I had kids even, you had the holiday snipers, and basically you'd look at the calendar and guaranteed every half term there would be four or five people

off. So there's just no chance. Unless you got in there on New Year's Day or something to book a year in advance, there's no way you're getting any of those weeks. Because everybody wants them all. ALICE That's just the nature of it, right? Having a kid, you have to... It's not that those parents are choosing it on purpose, I think they have to, right? Because otherwise they need to pay for them to be in a daycare or something. But if you've got kids between a certain age range, it's tricky to keep them busy for a

week, I imagine, right? So you don't have, you guys don't have full-time jobs, or at least haven't done while you've had your kids around, right? ALICE being a parent is a full-time job! ALICE Yeah, that's a job in and of itself. I wouldn't need to... JUSTIN I mean, where you had to assign your holiday. ALICE Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, but I mean, we're still... JUSTIN I can't be angry! ALICE We're still, uh, we still, I mean, we still have to, we want to go away somewhere with the kids, we still have to go at half term though. You can't, you got to go through a whole process basically to apply to pull your kid out of school, not on half term. So like say you wanted to go somewhere for a week, like for like a bereavement or anything, there's like a whole application process that goes through to a committee and they approve it or don't approve it.

One time we were coming back from vacation, this counted as an unauthorized absence. Our travel was delayed and so my daughter missed one day of school and we got in touch with them and said, sorry, she's not gonna be there on Monday because this, that and the other or whatever. And they're like, oh, well, do you have any proof? And we're like, well, yeah, I mean, we can see that this is canceled or whatever. And they were asking for emails and all this stuff.

And then in the end they're like, yeah, we're not satisfied that you gave us enough proof so it's an unauthorized absence. We're like, oh, so what happens now? And they're like, oh, well, nothing. It's's an unauthorized absence. We're like, Oh, so what happens now? And they're like, Oh, well, nothing. It's just an unauthorized absence. So it's my kid and I can do what the fuck I like basically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We just had to go through this whole song and dance about flexing how our supposed power to you. It's okay. Great. Thanks. Okay. So I'll just bring my kid back when I'm good and ready.

Thank you so much. I'm glad that we had this conversation. It's so stupid. It's really fucking stupid. It isn't really, it's just whole, again, it's a little power grab. If you want to be in charge, you can come over and put them to fucking bed every night, too. You want to do their lunches in the morning as well, since you're taking such a proactive

approach with my kids? Fine! You know what I mean? It's like, fuck me, it's so crazy. Like... ALICE I mean, I think they have to record it not because they're gonna do you for one unauthorized absence, but because if there's a history of it, then they can look at whether or not you're actually doing your best to get your kids to school.

Because you will get a lot of parents who just don't give a shit and don't take their kids to school. And the kid is essentially suffering because of the parent being a shitter. I mean, there's a lot of safeguarding and stuff in there, and it's good too, you know. If a kid turns up, like, you know, and it looks like their clothes aren't clean, or they haven't eaten. Principal Skinner? I need some throughs. Good lord. What, it's not being an Ascension household. No, but I mean, that is all of that is it is important stuff. But I think the holiday

thing is a bit of a gray area. Honestly, I think it's a fucking waste of time. It's just like, I dunno, there is an element at schools of jobsworths as well, right? I guess they just don't have enough to do, so they have to invent all these crazy rules and regulations around like, non-important stuff, I'd say. I like it when it comes back to Bighton, though, when it's like a Leopard's Ate My Face type situation. There's like this black lawyer who's been representing corrupt cops, and he, I read a news article there, he got stopped by a cop, it happened to be one of the ones who

he'd protected, right? Yeah. And he got unfairly assaulted and arrested by this guy, because he didn't recognise him. And then... My god. And then he tried to get him in trouble, but he just couldn't... Do you know what I mean? It was a totally awful situation. Yeah.

But, there's a bunch of those. He tried to get him in trouble, but it would have exposed him further, sort of thing, if he pursued it. There's so many things like that. I saw one, what was it, this week, where someone was like, oh, I convinced my friend, you know, to not have an abortion. But six months later, you know, the baby's been taken away from her, and they put me down as the person who would look after the baby. Jesus!

But I can't look after this baby, Jimmy. Like a totally awful person. Yeah, yeah! Yeah, funny. The person making decisions on behalf of the other person, then getting lumbered with all the responsibility and not wanting it. That's a classic, isn't it? It's such a classic. ALICE Before we continue, going online without express VPN is like leaving your kids with

a nearby stranger while going to the restroom. ALICE I do that all the time, regretfully. ALICE They're probably not a kidnapper or a serial killer. That's true. So you should use a VPN to protect yourself. And your kids. Every time you connect to an unencrypted network in cafes, hotels, airports, etc. You're also leaving your data vulnerable to any hacker on the same network to steal your personal data, passwords, financial details, etc. Your data is valuable. Hackers can make up to $1 thousand dollars per person selling your personal info on the dark web. Lewis, I've got a question for you. Is there a program or piece of software I could use

to protect myself from such things? Absolutely. I use ExpressVPN. It creates an encrypted tunnel between your device and the internet so hackers can't steal your sensitive data. It'll take a hacker with a supercomputer over a billion years to get past ExpressVPN's encryption. It's easy to use, you can fire up the app and click just a single button to get protected. And it works on all devices, phones, laptops, tablets, routers. You can stay secure on the go. Holy crap, Lewis, that's awesome. Is there some sort of promo code that I could use to maybe try this thing out? You can. It's expressvpn.com slash triforce.

That's e-x-p-r-e-s-s-vpn.com slash triforce. You can get an extra three months for free. For free! Wow! That's right. Expressvpn.com slash triforce. On with the show. I got a little fact for you guys, okay?

The Battle of Verdun, in World War I. It began with an eight hour artillery barrage. How many shells do you think they fired in eight hours? ALICE Oh, like a million. JUSTIN It was a million. It was a million shells. ALICE Wow. A million!

JUSTIN Yeah, and it didn't do shit. ALICE Yeah, we visited, we... This must have been... Oh god, this is a long time ago, This is going back like 25 years or something. But when I first moved over here, I was amazed that this place was even occupied by the Germans during World War II. And I went down like a bit of a, at the time,

like a rabbit hole, being really interested in- They invaded a rabbit hole. Yeah, they did actually. They built a whole bunker system down there too. It was incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They they built a whole bunker system down there too. It's incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had birthing units for all the rabbits and stuff. It's incredible.

Yeah, yeah. See, these rabbits will even set some loose. So some of this stuff is really interesting. But then we went on a, it was like a weekend guided tour of Normandy, you know, like all the landing beaches and stuff. And it was really interesting. Like, I really, really enjoyed, you know, touring around and viewing all of this, like, historical stuff.

But one place that really stood out for me when we went to see it was this place called Pointe du Hoc, which is like, it was like, it kind of like a bit of the land that sort of juts out, like a corner into the sea, but it was this really great vantage point for this huge section of the channel. Isn't it a cliff? Yeah, a big cliff. So they had all these fortifications, bunkers, they had naval guns and everything. The idea would be that if the channel was going to be used as a place to mount some sort of invasion or assault or whatever, they would just be able to hammer them.

They had this perfect vantage point. The Allies had to hammer this point with this massive sea bombardment before all the D-Day landings could occur. It was part of the plan or whatever. Man, when you visit this place, it looks insane. It looks like the whole place has just been hit by thousands of meteors. There's these huge reinforced bunkers upside down and shit. It just got absolutely obliterated. It's wild to see, like firsthand.

Things that you would never expect to even be able to move once they're there, just in bits, just unearthed. Like, oh man, it's wild. It's completely... It's like surreal when you're there. You just can't believe it. It's wild. It's completely... it's like surreal when you're there. You just can't believe it. It's just insane. RILEY But when they...

I think it was the Americans that had to attack this cliff. They had to use grappling hooks and ladders and shit to get up there. You can imagine doing that. ALICE Yeah, I don't know if there was much left after the coastal bombardment. RILEY I mean, a lot of those coastal bombardments, like going back to the Battle of Verdun, it's very hard to hit people when they're in trenches and bunkers and underground.

And a lot of the shells are gonna explode on the top and just create craters, and you're gonna cause some effects for sure. But a million shells, you would expect to walk over and everybody's dead. ALICE It'd be interesting to see the difference. RILEY But there wasn't! Because we then had the Battle of Verdun! Which was shit! There must be, there's gotta be some big changes between munitions in World War I versus World War II as well, right?

Not really. Like, there's gotta be. Because I know that they used a lot of artillery and stuff in World War I, but none of it seemed to be overly effective. But then, the amount of bombs dropped during World War Two, not only by like coastal bombardments and artillery, but by plane as well, is staggering. Like, it's fucking insane. But there is a difference. There is a difference. Like, I think the number one killer of any, of all infantry in pretty much any modern war is artillery. I mean, we're seeing that in Ukraine.

It's far more likely that you're going to get shelled. Because basically what the infantry does is figure out where the other infantry is, and then they shell each other. And you hope that you survive and that they don't, and they have to pull back, or they're so fucked up you can then attack them, whatever. But that's mobile warfare, and you're generally moving to a position and digging either light fortifications or getting in houses or whatever. And in World War II would have been the same, you're in the bocades, in the hedgerows, you know. That's in this part of the war, obviously, not the eastern front or any of the other fronts.

In World War One, you had defended positions that were solid. You had these big trenches, the German trenches, underground bunkers and all this kind of shit. Very, very, very good defences against artillery. So although there was a lot of shelling in World War I, I don't think the munitions was what made the difference so much as two very different wars, World War I and World War II. World War II about mobility and the artillery's gonna be more effective against troops in the open than it is against lads in trenches.

So shelling and coastal bombardments of the defences in D-Day or any other situation where it's a defended fixed position and you're shelling it, you're gonna fuck shit up for sure. But it's not going to be the we win that you think it is because they're just dug in. It's just very hard. I don't know though. I think in this case it did kind of pave the way for some stuff to happen because like I said, I can't see that anyone survived. There were like, it just looked like, there was like impact craters. If there's a trench there, it's now like a big hole.

It was like that. It was just insane. Yeah, it's funny really these places that have been almost deliberately not cleaned up. And so you can see the mounds of earth up and down. There's all sorts of places around the world that are similar. Like, I was watching this thing about New Zealand where they were, the Maori fighting the Brits over there, y'know. And they built these big pars, and there's still sort of ruins that were relatively left, y'know, for

a couple of hundred years now, sat there in the landscape. No one's obviously felt the need to go in and... I mean, it wouldn't be a huge building work to go in and fix these things, right? But it's almost like there's either no need or a historical value or the local people want to keep it or whatever. But there's dots all over the place, all over the English countryside as well. Even stuff that's ancient, there's ancient barrow mounds and stuff there that I'm sure people could have, or would have easily bulldozed away, and maybe a lot of them have been, for cosmetic reasons. But yeah, it's fascinating when you look behind the curtain, you can see ruins that are absolutely ancient, you know, just around.

Yeah, it's awesome. RILEY Do you know what, another total change of subject here. I was watching a clip the other day of the original film The Fly, the black and white one. Have you guys seen that? ALICE Yeah, where he pukes on the doughnut when he's like, uh...

RILEY No, that's the David Cronenberg one. Oh, there's a different one? Yeah, yeah, there was one made in, like, I think it was the 60s or 50s or something like that, called Daughter of the Fly. Same deal. Sure. Scientists go through a teleporter, but in the Cronenberg version of the fly, it's just Jeff Goldblum, he just becomes Brundle Fly, right?

So he's merged with the fly and becomes more fly-like as the film goes on. Because Cronenberg's obsessed with fly horror. The original fly was, screenplay was written by James Clavell. There you go. Who did Shogun. But so, the fly, in the original movie, he swaps part of him with the fly and the fly gets some of him. So they sort of, they don't merge, they swap some bits. So, I think he gets the head and arm of a fly on his human body and the fly gets his head and arm. So, the funny thing

is watching it, if you think about the more modern one, it's about a man realizing that he's changing in his relationship with his, I think it's his girlfriend, I think it was, and how he's falling apart and she's sort to stay with him as long as she can, and she's so horrified, and he sort of changes and becomes kind of, not evil, but more animal-like, and pukes on that guy's hand, which is the grossest scene in the fucking film. But, if you watch the original, the scientist just has the head of a fly, but his wife is still making him dinner. Like, the fly guy.

ALICE I still don't have his dinner, I guess. I mean... RIght. But she's still cooking him dinner. ALICE But when you love someone, you see beyond the physicality. You don't know how... You don't know how people let themselves go. ALICE Yeah, when people get married, though, they go

through the whole thing in sickness and in health, and till death us part. So that applies to a fly transformation as well. But that's a fly's head, so it's a fly's brain. And the fly, now that he's got a human sized head and arm and a human sized body, is like somehow able to fit into eating dinner at the dinner table with the wife is bringing him. It just really made me laugh. Like, that is how devoted women had to be in the 50s. She wasn't allowed to say, that's not my husband, that's a fly that just has the head the size

of a man, but my husband's head has been shrunk and he's out there flying around. That's my husband, this is a fucking fly! No, no, no. We gotta make him dinner. he's out there flying around. That's my husband! This is a fucking fly! No! We gotta make him dinner. And he puts a napkin over his head when he eats, so she doesn't have to see it. Like, he's... It's just... If you watch it, it's really fucking funny when you think of it that way.

Like, hang on a sec, she's still making him dinner! What the fuck? ALICE What did he have? RILEY I can't remember. I haven't watched the movie in a long time. ALICE A lasagna. He just had, like, a really gorgeous lasagna. RILEY There was just a clip at the end where this guy comes around, I think it's one of the

other scientists, and they hear, he hears, Help me! And he looks, and there's the scientist, who's now half-fly, trapped in a spiderweb, because he's the size of a fly. And the spider is closing in on him, and the guy goes, ABOMINATION! And smashes them with a rock! Killing the guy!

But yeah, anyway, watch the film and just realize how funny it is that she's still cooking for the fly. I just thought that was really funny. That is amazing. Yeah, that's good. Do you want to send us some news? Yeah, let's do Lose News. Lose News!

It's Lose News! Lose News! Lose News! It's party time! It's excellent! Oh wait. In the journal Nature, pretty much the best one. Yeah, very prestigious.

They've done a 16 year study of 2.4 million people, and they found that using the internet may actually boost measures of wellbeing, such as life satisfaction and sense of purpose, challenging the idea that the internet has negative effects on people's welfare." So there you go. I knew it all along. That's why I spent so much time on the net. The worldwide web. That's why I'm constantly busy surfing the information superhighway.

Yeah, that's why I exist mainly in cyberspace. People who had access to the internet on average scored 8% higher on positive experiences and contentment with their social life. What? I mean, let's be honest, there's a lot of porn on the internet. That's gonna cheer anybody up. The positive effect is actually similar to the wellbeing benefit associated with taking a walk in nature.

ALICE Oh! Fuck off! ALICE So, yeah. People who take a walk in nature score 8% higher as well. RILEY In nature? What does that even fucking mean? Taking a walk in nature. Does my garden count?

Does the park count? It's managed, it's not nature. ALICE Yes, it does count. RILEY Do I have to go to a wild piece of land? Is it nature? ALICE It's not a particularly long walk, but it still counts. If you want, technically you have taken a walk in nature, if you've gone into your backyard, I would say.

What a shit way of putting it. Yeah. So, however, women aged 15 to 24, who reported having used the internet in the past week, were on average less happy with the place they live, compared with people who didn't use the web. Interesting. Is that because a lot of TikTok aimed at young women is very sort of aspirational, and look how fabulous my life is, why isn't your life as fabulous as that?

The study was not designed to answer questions over whether social media use is harmful or whether smartphones should be banned at schools. I mean, they are, in most schools they take them off you when you turn up, you gotta put them away, and then when you leave school you can turn it back on again. If you're caught with your phone in class, that's a demerit slash detention, and big trouble. So unauthorized absence. There was some news this week about Neuralink, you know, Elon Musk's brain ship.

Dogshit brain ship, yeah. No thanks! Apparently the news is that the 29 year old quadriplegic has been playing Slay the Spire and old school RuneScape using his brain. Is he any good? Apparently he's doing okay. Like, if he's playing it but just dying on level one, that's not very impressive. No, he says, I'd be beating my friends in games that as a quadriplegic I should not

be able to beat them in. So, he's... Okay, Slay the Spire and RuneScape, yeah, I guess, yeah, it's pretty cool. Yeah, there was this guy, he was paralysed from the neck down after an accident in 2016. And he's using this chip to interface with a computer. Lulu, we should be celebrating this. My only question is, would you want a chip made by that maniac put anywhere in your brain? No, but in this case, this is a good story. So, you know.

Sure. Let's accept that. He's also been playing Mario Kart, 8 Deluxe, and Sid Meier's Civilization 6. Using his brain. Which is really cool. I mean, yeah. I'm just very skeptical. I don't use my brain when I play those games. EA is putting ads back into their games.

Yeah, they're trying to bake them into the environment of games and stuff. JUSTIN That would be pretty lit. You come around the corner to face the ultimate boss and it's like, first of all, a message for our sponsors, Coca-Cola! ALICE Yeah, well, you know, like, well, take Fallout for example, they got like old billboards and stuff, you know, advertising Nuka-Cola and stuff like that.

I guess it would just be similar to that, except it would be, you know, Huggies are on sale this week. penis size. Yeah. Get some, get some supplements or some, you know. Hair loss. Get that fucking, what's that? There's like that new injection, the weight loss injection, but they're saying now that apparently it can be, not only does it work and you lose weight when you take it, but it can also cut your risk of heart attacks and certain cancers and all sorts. I don't know how they found all this out so quickly, but it sounds great.

Wasn't there a thing that Robert F. Kennedy... yeah, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. this week said a worm ate part of his brain and then died. Yeah. Any evidence for that? Or is he a worm ate part of his brain and then died. Yeah. Any evidence for that, or is he just reckoned? I think he just reckoned. I reckon a worm ate my brain. He just had a feeling in his bones that it happened. So dumb.

Yeah. You feeling it right, did he? No? No. I reckon a worm ate my brain. Is that a husky worm again? Goddamn worms. Get that worm out of the house.

He ate my brain last That goddamn worm's been at my brain again. Goddamn worms. Get that worm out of the house. It ate my brain last time it was in here. So stupid. That worm ate my brain. You should run for Congress. We want to get these worms out. We want good American worms, not these foreign brain eating worms.

Worm ate my brain, RFK. Let's have a look. Oh shit. RFK says a doctor found a dead worm in his brain. Fuckin' hell. He said it ate part of his brain! Oh my god. This is terrible. He said the test showed his mercury levels were ten times higher than environmental protection agencies. He's a safe. There you go. They did this scan. It was caused by a worm that got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died. So his brain is poisonous to worms, we know that.

But he's... So, he's got a dead worm in his brain, he reckons. He reckons. Apparently lots of people have said, based on what he described, it was likely a pork tapeworm larva. Mmm. Gross! A pork tapeworm larva.

Gross. Yeah, do not... God. Makes me Yeah, do not. God. Makes me glad to be vegan. And had to fucking get that dig in there, didn't you? Just one more reason to not- Vegetables never make anyone sick! It's impossible.

What else is this? Google's AI is all set to monitor your phone calls for potential scams. Nice! So, there's gonna be like- Bonnebilly!, basically Google's AI's gonna listen in, in real time, it's basically gonna be there to hold the hand of your grandma, and if it detects weird stuff going on, it'll shut it down, it'll be like, this is a, this is a scam. I guess it's, um... Like, you know sometimes you answer your phone, and it's like, possibly scam call.

Yeah, I answer anyway. I'm intrigued. I never answer my phone. Do you not? No. Do you know, my trick is, I never answer my phone, I never respond to anything, and I wait, if somebody really, really wants to get in touch with me, they can just... They will.

They will. They'll find a way. They'll find a way. That is psychopathic. It probably won't be by phone or email. That is psychopathic. They'll find a way. I tell you what, my stress levels are like rock bottom. I experience, I'd say no stress in life.

I just don't deal with people. I will say it's very hard to get you to do stuff, or get content with you. But these are people who presumably you've given your phone number to. No, I don't even. I just don't give my number to people. I don't want to hear from them. So I don't give it out. What a nut. You are such a nut sometimes.

What do you mean? It's like a cranky old man who's just isolated himself in the world. I don't give my phone number to anybody. No, I give it. If I want to get in touch, they can send a fucking telegram. I give my phone number if, y'know, if somebody asks for it or whatever. I don't reply or answer though. That's what I'm saying! It's crazy! Fuck me.

Well, it's not that crazy, it's great. It is crazy. So, last one, talking about AI. Let me just read you this article, okay? AI ethicists, right? From Cambridge's Leverhulme Centre for Future of Intelligence. Wow. Okay. Hold that in your mind, for free. Have talked about how there are these dead bots, okay, or grief bots, that are AI chatbots that simulate the language patterns and personality traits of the dead using the

digital footprints they leave behind. God. Well, so there could be a robot that just tweets endlessly about how shitty virgin meteor is and it would appear that I was still alive. Exactly, P-Flex. I see. Exactly. Um, this is some black mirror shit, but some companies are already offering these services

providing an entirely new type of post-mortem presence. Fuck off! Right? So, there's this fear that you can be virtually recreated when you die, but actually, the danger is that these companies will be using deadboss to surreptitiously advertise products to users in the manner of a departed loved one. By insisting a dead parent is still with you.

And suggests that you consume Coca-Cola this holiday season. Just like we used to. We never drank Coke in our house, we were a Pepsi house. Buy coke today! ALICE Well, Johnny, I miss you. You know what I also miss? The delicious taste of Doritos. Nanny loves Doritos! That's like, stupid. She loves Doritos so much!

Oh my god, I need to eat some Doritos! I didn't know! When you pop open the bag, there's like a little sound that plays. It's Nanny being satisfied. Thanks, Grand, grandson! Buy those Doritos! I can finally rest! You've made Nanna happy!

My ghost is like watching loads of porn. Is it? Fuck it out. Well, if it knows your search history, it's like, NANNY LOVES HER PORN! Oh, honey, start jerkin' off to that BOOCAHKEY again, you know Granny loves it! BOOCAHKEY, man! So, I saw a thing today that my wife, my wife just casually started using the word, that's, just saying, that's bukkake?

When I pressed about it she was horrified to find out what it meant, but she thought it just meant like, that's bullshit. That's bukkake! What a bunch of bukkake that is. A load of bukkake! Aw. I wanna bring it back to the whole not answering my phone thing and everything, and I just want to say that another...

I have a kindred spirit on this earth who is the same, and it's Bill Murray. Famously, never wants to talk to anybody, doesn't answer his phone. Yeah, he's a nut as well. He doesn't even have a PA, do you know what he has? An answering machine. So anytime somebody asks for his contact details, he gives them a number which is hooked up to an answering machine. But then he doesn't answer the answering machine.

And two or three times a year, he goes and checks hundreds and hundreds of messages on his answering machine, skipping most of them, and that is apparently how he lands rolls. Cause he'll like, you know, he'll hear from somebody he actually wants to hear from and he'll be like, oh, okay. Yeah. I better phone them back or whatever. It's just, it's weird. It's weird.

I'm sorry. I mean, I've read an article about Bill Murray saying that whilst everybody loves Bill Murray, and he's certainly a favorite, a fan favorite from Ghostbusters to Groundhog Day to whatever you want to mention. But this is a deeply, deeply weird guy. I mean, for one thing, apparently he just turns up at people's barbecues and he's like, he'll hang out with strangers.

He'll go to a bar and if it's someone's birthday he'll like do the, you know, just hang out with them. He does that thing where he goes up behind people and covers their eyes and when they turn he goes and they'll never believe you. Like, weird stories about Bill Murray are that he is like this social limpet who doesn't seem to have a social life with friends and loved ones and family. He just seems to spend his time ignoring people's phone calls, from what you've said, turning up at strangers' parties and being like, hey, it's me, Bill Murray,

and immediately being the focus of the entire evening. Yeah. That's weird. That is weird behavior. It is kind of weird, yeah, but... I mean, I think the dude smokes a hell of a lot of weed, probably, and just wants to be left alone and chill. That's cool. I have no problem with that. But it is weird behavior. That's not normal to ignore phone calls from people. That is weird. I don't know. It's kind of weird knowing that somebody is phoning you to scam you and then

wanting to answer the phone to them just to see what happens as well. I'd say that's also kind of weird. ALICE But, because sometimes it's not a scam. Sometimes it's not a scam. And it's like, unrecognized number. And sometimes it's like, my doctor, or the school, or the council, or something. So I'm not just gonna not answer it. And if it's a scam, I normally say to the guy, um, could you take me off the list, because

I'm never gonna fall for it. I recognize it was a scam immediately, and sometimes they're like, yeah, fair enough. And even though they're probably not, you know, it's just, this guy's stuck in a fucking call centre doing his shitty job. Let me just read this little thing off of Wikipedia, okay? Yeah, okay. Okay. So, obviously there's loads of, like, sort of accusations of him doing slightly kooky stuff, right? And some of it's a little bit dodgy. Like, this one is, um, during Covid, he was suspended on the production of the movie Being

Mortal, which I've never even fucking heard of. No, no me. Me neither. And it was later reported that he had, while they were wearing Covid masks, he had straddled a female production assistant and kissed, or rubbed her on the mouth, while they were both wearing masks, she filed a complaint and received a settlement of $100,000. But also, listen to this one, right?

Seth Green alleged that when he was nine years old, backstage on the Saturday Night Live set, Gilmour picked him up from a chair by his ankles and dangled him over a garbage can. He accidentally struck Murray in the testicles, causing Greed to fall into the garbage can. I mean... It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird.

I think he just... I think he is just a... he is an oddball, for sure. But I'm not saying I'm exactly like Bill Murray, I'm just saying, I just don't always answer my phone, okay? I'm not a reaction phone answerer. You didn't say don't always. I'm not dangling people over garbage cans and rubbing lips through Covid masks with people or anything like that, I'm not doing any of that stuff. ALICE I would never accuse you of that.

I would never accuse you of that. But, you did downgrade from, I never answer my phone, they'll get in touch with me if they really want to, to, I rarely answer my phone. There you go, that is odd. ALICE No, I mean, I'm never gonna answer an unsolicited phone call, but if it's someone I know, I'm gonna of course answer. ALICE What if you answer the phone from somebody you know, and it's not the person you know?

That would be crazy. That would be fucking crazy, eh? You're like, oh hey, Bill, what's up? And it's like, this is not Bill. What? I gotta go. That'd be so scary. Oh no, that's really bad, because that would be scary, because it would be, oh god, what's

happened to Bill? What's happened to Bill? Why have you got Bill's phone? But then if it was Bill Murray, it's probably a prank, right? He's probably told somebody to prank you. He'd leave a message on your answering, you see. Really inappropriate. He'd like, can you not pick up so I can leave a message for you?

Bill, you scared the crap out of me! I thought something happened to you and I was crying and everything! And then he just doesn't answer your calls and turns up to a stranger's birthday party instead. Dangles a stranger's birthday party instead. Dangles a kid over the garbage can. What else you got? One last piece of news. One last one.

Oh, I closed the... Oh, okay, fine. No more news. That's the end of Lewis's mail... what is it? Lewis News. It's Lewis News! Woooow! Another segment of Lewis News comes to a close.

Holy crap. Yeah, wow. I hope you enjoyed it. And that's the end of our podcast. That's it. That's all there is to it. Sorry. Wish there was more.

Go get that worm out of my brain. Get the brain worms out. Yeah. Alright, see you next week. Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye.