Triforce! - Triforce! #295: The King of Chipping Ongar

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

Triforce! Episode 295! Pyrion's been translating songs into other languages, Lewis has been looking at nicknames for US States and we're dropping some terrifying news before getting distracted by Lewis' home town of Chipping Ongar! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe. only pricing, just scan and save. And don't forget in-stock promise, where you can count on great offers being in stock or get a rain check. Discover more value than ever at Loblaw's, in-store and online. Conditions apply. See in-store for details. In pure Michigan, a fresh dash of fall really spices things up.

Elevating every moment amid a blaze of color. Breathe in that crisp air, savor every nuance and every note. Then kick it up a notch as the aromas of autumn fuel your inner fire. Add some spice to the season and let fresh bring the flavor in Pure Michigan. Keep it fresh at michigan.org. Well, hello there. Welcome back to the Tri-Force Podcast. Boy, is it good to be back. Oh, I'm Not reading those emails. How are you doing, P-Flax?

Feeling good? Do you realize the Olympics is basically started? Now, when is it tomorrow? Right. It's the first day. The opening ceremony is tomorrow, but they have day minus two, day minus one and day zero. Today, for some reason, women's handball. Yesterday, men's football. And Snoop Dogg is going to be carrying the torch through Saint Denis.

Why? He's not French, is he? I don't know. Snoop? Yes. And Snoop Dogg is going to be carrying the torch through Saint Denis. Why? He's not French, is he? I don't know. Snoop? Yes. Le Snoop? Le Snoop? Well, I mean, I haven't heard anything about it. I didn't even know it was in Paris until right now.

They kept it quiet. I think we had the Euros, and we've got all this political news, so the Olympics kinda just slid in there. ALICE There was that joke a little while ago about how they're sending a bunch of the Met over to help police Paris. JUSTIN Oh, really? ALICE Yeah. And the joke at the time was, this is leading up to the Olympics, it said, finally the streets of London will be safe for women once again.

It's like a load of them are gonna be deployed overseas. Oh. A grand joke. I've translated the lyrics to Ain't Nothin' But A G Thing into French. And remember it starts one, two, three, into the four, and in French it's e, deux, trois, jusqu'à quatre. It's a two twice just got cut Doggy dog at the doctor dress or a little board No, three, I don't want to ask it to say corn is so the point the to the sheer air Which is how you say cuz you know, we're about to rip shit up. What a mouth

Well, you know the spitting rhymes literally Well, give me the microphone first so I can bust like a bubble is is... Donnez-moi d'abord le micro, pour que je puisse éclater comme un boulet. Calm down. Calm down, Frenchies. Well, they have to... they probably have to reword it to make it fit nicer. No, this is just Google Translate. Yeah, exactly. I'm sure it'll be snappier in French.

That's not a French rap. Translate it into German now. Hold on, this is my favourite. This is the line, ain't nothing but a G thing, baby, is, il n'y a rien d'autre que un G, baby. So who, Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre, are ready for the performance, except for us? Because you know we're gonna mix everything up. Give me the microphone so I can burst like a siphon blast. Compton and Long Beach together?

Even if you know that you're in trouble. That's nothing but a shit-ass, baby. This is precisely what I needed today. I'm so sorry for my pronunciation, Germans and French. I didn't realize it at the time, but this is exactly what I needed today. Thank you. And that's extra from Real Deal Holyfield! Stop it. So, you know that awful picture, you know the picture of Hitler, right, that

commo... You know Hitler, right? Yeah, I know him, yeah. Familiar with his work. You know that picture of Hitler? He's a painter. The painter. The picture of Hitler with the commo, like the classic Hitler picture. Every picture of him, basically, yes. ALICE The one in like, the... RILEY The very severe comb over. RILEY Wait, post it. This is a bad idea. Yeah, he posted

it in the Discord. Here we go. Oh yeah, looking very serious, yeah. ALICE Okay, so the one with the comb over. Now, I was getting a haircut yesterday, and... RILEY Did you take this in with you? I'd like that, please! I don't wanna look just like this! That's such a good prank idea. That is such a good prank idea. Oh my god.

I'm wondering, there will be some people that won't recognize me. Imagine they tried to make you look exactly like this, but you weren't wearing a shirt and a tie at the time, and they used, like, the clippings from your hair to fashion a shirt and tie just to match the picture. ALICE You know, I'm not kidding, there will be a decent chunk of people who you will show that picture to, and they won't even blink. They'll be like, oh yeah, sure. I guarantee you, a decent chunk of people have no idea who Hitler is.

ALICE You'd show it to people and they'd be like, who the fuck is that boomer? Who's the fucking boomer? Who's the fucking boomer in the fucking white picture? Who's the fucking boomer? Is that your grandpa? So no, I sat down on the chair, you know, and they sort of always brush your hair in like strange ways. Well, sometimes they do hairdressers, like they- I haven't had a haircut in ages, so my hair's getting a bit long. And he did, he literally put my hair in this style, and I've got a moustache, and I looked

in the mirror and I was like, fuck me! Look, look like Hitler! ALICE He's giving me the Hitler. JUSTIN I didn't say anything, thank god, I didn't, like, mention it, I just, y'know, and then like, he put it in like a centre parting, that looked even weirder, y'know, I think he was just messing around, just. I think it's just judging how long my hair is. Maybe it was just some R&D. Maybe he was doing an R&D sesh on you.

Yeah. I just got like Hitler shocked. Hitler jumpscared in front of me, and it was me! Oh, god. I'm the Hitler. Yeah. Well, I think it's cause I'm... You look over and there's me getting the Himmler in the next chair, over. Booth just saw me post this, and she posted, m-m-munkah-hmmm. She's like, why is Lewis posting this? It makes sense in context. The context is, this is Lewis's hero.

Yo, I read a book by this guy! This is by a man called Adolf Hitler, have you ever heard of him? He was talking about his camp. Yeah, talking about his camp. Apparently the Jews are to blame for everything in Europe. Did you guys know that? Oh my god. You know, some people genuinely think it now.

It never went away, and it never will. Anti-Semitism in Europe runs deep. Runs very deep. I mean, that's nearly the 100th anniversary of Mein Kampf. That is not even the beginning. People think of that as the beginning of anti-Semitism in Europe. If you go to the Jewish Museum in Camden, which I would recommend, they had a thing there about the history of anti-Semitism in Europe that goes back a very very long way,

like a thousand years. I know. The Germans think they invented it, but trust me. They didn't. We've been doing it for hundreds of years. It's a very old track. Yes, I read a book about conspiracy theories, and I think I might have even talked about this podcast, but the one that I heard about this was during like the Crusader times, this

Crusader had to borrow a load of money to go on campaign, and it was one of those Crusades that was terribly unsuccessful, and he came back and he was bankrupt. But he somehow managed to blame the local Jewish community for it, y'know, because people were sort of... These are strange people living on their own, they worship the devil and they- Yeah, they're not even Christians! They abduct- he managed to frame one of them for abducting a child. Well! They do that shit all the time.

But this was a thousand years ago. I mean, it's any other group that is, like, specifically different, especially with a different religion, forever, that's been a thing. I'm sure you could go back to caveman times, and they worshipped a tree, and these other guys worshipped the sun, as well as fucking the sun worshipping bastards, you know, it's easy. Suddenly you've got a... even if you just dislike them, this gives you an added reason to get people behind your cause, because they also hate them for that reason. I mean, this is alive and well in America as well.

It's everywhere. It's everywhere. Oh, for sure. It's so crazy that this is the most persistent persecution of a group in history, isn't it? Apparently the first clear examples.rd century BCE in Alexandria. Going back to the old school ways, when the BCE Alexandria, a lot of Greeks hated him too. So, yeah. ALICE I mean, Jesus, he was the original Jew, and

they hated him, didn't they? ALICE This is BC. They bloody hung him up. ALICE So you're talking... ALICE They bloody hung him up, didn't they? ALICE You're talking... ALICE Jesus, fella! Strung him right up!

ALICE You're talking hate BC. Hey buddy, I need... didn't I? Hey buddy, sorry, Jesus, fella! Strumming right up! ALICE You're talking hate BC. Because I thought the big source of hate came AD. But BC was when it started to kick off. RILEY The revolt of the Maccabees. ALICE Shit. RILEY You read about that? The Maccabees?

ALICE No. RILEY There's a whole bunch of history to it, anyway. ALICE I appreciate that you thought, potentially, that I might have known about that, but... I like to give people credit. I have heard of it. I feel like that is a veiled compliment. Is it a book of the Bible? No, they were like a bunch of lads.

You can read all about it, anyway, it's a pretty deep cut for a podcast. You know, we're not a political or history podcast. No. We really are not. Let's just stick to making fun of each other for getting Hitler haircuts, I think it is. It is a book. Actually, One Maccabees is a book. HILER HAIRCUT! HILER HAIRCUT! HE LOOKS LIKE HILER! Oh, it is. One Maccabees.

It's a deuterocanonical book. Yeah, how about that. So it's like a book that isn't in the... is it not in the actual Bible, like the Old Testament? Do they call that the Apocrypha or something? There's tons of extra texts and stuff that didn't make it into the main, all the behind the scenes bits. So there's a whole bunch of books that never made it. New Testament Apocrypha. There's a list of 60, dating to around the 7th century lists

the 60 books of the Bible. The Unknown Author also lists many Apocryphal books that are not included. They are Adam, Enoch, Lamech, Twelve Patriarchs, Prayer of Joseph, Eldad and Modad, Testament of Moses, The Assumption of Moses, The Psalms of Solomon, and then you've got The Apocalypse of Elijah! It's like fanfic. It is. It's like OG biblical fanfic. It's like some priests were like big fans and they were like, man, I'm gonna write my

own little bit of Bible. This one's, listen to this. The Didascalia. It's like some priests were like big fans and they were like, man, I'm gonna write my own little bit of bible. And uh... This one's, listen to this. The Didascalia... I ship Moses and Jebediah. Of polycarp. The Didascalia of polycarp? Isn't that a Pokémon?

Polycarp. Oh. Probably. Oh, he was a bishop of Smyrna. AD69. Smyrna. I love these old timey words. You know? I'm sure Smyrna's AD69. I love these old, tiny words. You know? I'm sure Smyrna's still knocking about, yeah. It was an ancient Greek city located at a

strategic point on the Aegean coast of Anatolia. Oh. Interesting. Interesting. Real place. Yeah. I guess a lot of the stuff in the Bible was based on real places. That was all very kind of... a lot of places didn't exist, y'know, a couple hundred years later. Yeah. I remember when I did RE in school, whenever we had a quiz, because I never revised RE,

I would always just put, for every answer, either Jesus or Antioch. Because it was always either gonna be a person or a place. And Antioch comes up a lot. How did you fare in RE? Very poorly. A good lot of detentions. You just bosh down Jesus or Antioch. Who on the third of Galilee went to Antioch?

Was it fucking Jesus? No, it was not Jesus. Oh. Right. If it wasn't Jesus, does it matter? Yeah, who cares? Do we need to know? Sir, I only care about what Jesus did. Does it matter? Do we need to know? By the way... Do you know that Noah is, like, one of the most popular little boys' names at the moment,

like, for babies, like, it's... I think it's number one or number two, in the UK. Everyone is calling their kid Noah. And I just can't... I can't really... I can't... The whole Noah way, I'm never naming a child Noah. I was gonna say, the Noah's out there listening to this are clenching up, waiting for Lewis

to either humble them, or praise them. What's it gonna be? He's gonna slam them hard. It's just such a big, he's like the second most famous name in... by Jesus, isn't he? Aw, I don't think so. Moses is a pretty big name. Noah, Moses, and... I think Judas is right up there as well.

But no one's called their kid Moses is a pretty big name. ALICE Noah, Moses... ALICE I think Judas is right up there as well. ALICE But no one's called their kid Moses, is it? ALICE No. ALICE Yeah! ALICE How many Moseses are there? ALICE I think it's a popular footballer name, isn't it? RILEY Well there's a guy called Moses Moody, he's a basketball player, plays for Golden State Warriors.

By the way, that is a fucking great name for a team. ALICE What? RILEY The Golden State Warriors. ALICE Yeah. RILEY Oh yeah. ALICE It's very sparse and rude. ALICE It sounds State Warriors. Yeah. Oh yeah. It sounds way better than it probably actually is. If that was a faction you could play in Rome Total War, I would not be supplied.

At all. So what is the Golden State? Is that because of the gold rush? The Golden State is California. Oh really? California! Knows how to party! I'm gonna Google translate that into French.

California also hosted the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, the 19... I wanna say 1990 NHL expansion team, the NHL... The Anaheim Mighty Ducks, and I think they just got turned into the Ducks at one point, and maybe they're not even the Ducks anymore? LIAM Californine! Weiss v.ann fired! Not quite as fog. Everything is... we're just looping background to some sort of Hitler situation again. It's just because that voice you do is so... like, odium. The German voice.

Yeah. It's passionate. I do apologise to German listeners. It is hard to do a funny German accent without just devolving into a bit of a Hitler speech. He was the G, he was the OG of speaking German, you know what I mean? It's so heartfelt. It is very heartfelt, yeah. I think that's why people love it so much.

We get a lot of mail about how much people love to hear Flax doing his German accent. Oh. And accents in general, there was a lot of accolade for your Biden, and a lot of accolade for your Trump. Oh yeah, the Biden- People liked my Trump? The Biden one was really fucking good. People loved your Trump.

And your Biden. He's done, he's stepped down now. I'm stepping down. I'm going back. I'm stepping down. And I don't wanna fight against that alley cat anymore. I'm going back. To Oklahoma.

Maybe Mississippi. Where I grew up, as a young black cat anymore, I'm going back. To Oklahoma, maybe Mississippi. Where I grew up, as a young black woman. I'm doing my best. I love him. He's such a likeable, great guy. Oh, Sean! I could just listen to you do that all day!

I can too! I love it! It's so good! Man, it's great. That's great. The Trump one is really hard to do, cause he's so specific. You know what I mean?

Like, he is such a specific voice, and everybody's so familiar with it. If you're off slightly, people can't do it. You know, do you know, people talk about the Christopher Walken impression that everyone does? I was shocked, couldn't believe it, I came out, you know, that kind of thing. It's the cadence. The cadence of talking, like Christopher Walken, he's got this New York accent, then he pauses for dramatic effect, you know, like that.

Everyone does it. But it's an impression of an impression. Because everybody knows, it's like the language of impersonations, people do that, Wulkan. But the best one, I can't remember the actor's name, he's like a comic actor, Kevin something? I'll look, hold on. Uh... KM Kevin Hart? RIley No, no, no, no.

Um, it is... KM Kevin McAlester? RIley Kevin Pollock. Kevin Pollock. He did a Christopher Wulkan before most people were doing Christopher Wulkan impressions, and his is so good, that everyone just does his impression. KM Oh, I see. Most people were doing Christopher Walken impressions, and his is so good, but everyone just does his impression. Oh, I see.

But the thing is, it's like, if you listen to Christopher Walken, take his appearance in Pulp Fiction where he's like, five long years, I hid that watch up my ass, you know, that scene. Great scene. But he's not like, five long years, I hid that watch up my ass, you know, and he's not doing that excessive Walken. Yeah, yeah, he just naturally sort of... It's like a caricature, exaggerated.

Sometimes you have to have that in order for it to... Right, but that's the thing, but with Trump you don't. That is just the way he talks. Plus he's already at the 100%. He's already at that maximal Trump level. I liked Eddie Murphy's impersonations, he did some really funny ones too. Yeah, he was great. If you look at, there's a really famous sketch he did called Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood,

I think. Yeah, on Saturday Night Live. He did it again when he came back after like 25 years or whatever. An update. And it's like, Mr. Rogers if he was black, in a black neighborhood. It's really good. A lot of the stuff I think, with SNL, sometimes it feels like comedy that... Because I watch a lot of it on YouTube, a lot of the sort of sketches and stuff like

that. Sometimes they're at their best when they allow themselves to be sort of surreal and a bit weird. Yeah. Do you ever see the Eddie Murphy where he's being James Brown and he's singing about his hot tub on Saturday Night Live? I haven't seen that one. being James Brown and he's singing about his hot tub on Saturday Night Live, that's a good one. I haven't seen that one. And the Little Rascals one where Buckwheat sings at any part of you doing Buckwheat sings

is pretty funny as well. But it's like, he was huge. He basically saved that show. He was huge when he came off Saturday Night Live. But it's funny the thing, I look at the cast now, and the sort of humor that they're doing now and it seems so safe a lot of the time. It's really safe humor. And I think they've lost, any edge they ever had is gone.

I mean, Norm MacDonald was really quite edgy on the show, and he got booted, and it's like, you've got to have that edge, because comedy without an edge is just like music. His weekend update compilations are incredible. Especially the... He was a little obsessed with two things, though. The OJ stuff was so funny. Yeah. It was like constant OJ jokes.

It was such a cultural thing in America, this OJ joke. It was huge, yeah. It really was, like... Yeah. It was too much. It was kind of the start of, 24 seven news and and and stuff too. Because before that, you never really had any channels completely devoted to it. But with with the OJ stuff, I think they started it and they and they saw that people wanted to just watch the same thing.

Like people were tuning in to check it out and stuff. And that was kind of like the start of, youknow, like these 24-7 news ticker channels. And- That's so bad. I hate them. I hate them. Cause the thing is that it's like reporting live is not, for me, really the way it should be done for a lot of things.

Because if you report on what you know now, that's the story. And then you're playing catch-up with the details later. Yes. It's true. And what you should be doing is reporting the story when you have it, not just, something's just happened, let's wildly speculate about it, live on air, for the next 17 hours, and then we'll be like, ah, and when new development, it turns out, blah blah blah. Well this is where a lot of these conspiracy theories come from, actually. They spawn out of these situations where people don't know what's going on, or have heard

misinformation, or have heard conflicting information, and then the conspiracy theorists latch onto that news report where they're like, these early reports said there were two explosions! You know, why are they only telling us there's one now? I mean, do you remember the 7-7 bombings in London? I don't wanna get dark here, but do you guys remember that? ALICE Yeah. JUSTIN So, when that happened, the news was reporting on it constantly, and I was at work actually when it happened, because it was in the morning that it happened, and we were

trying to follow the news, we had the TV on in the office and we're following it all. ALICE So yeah, it's kind of a British 9-11. JUSTIN Yeah, so it was the Tube bomb, a series of bombings, guys went on the Tube with bombs, homemade bombs, detonate themselves, either on buses or on train carriages. Killed a bunch of people. Terrible, right? Terrible. Killed about 50 people. Yeah. And the phone network shut down. But at the time it was like, you know, it was like, reported on as if, I think... The

press were very hungry for it to be this new 9-11 type thing. The money that they'd made from 9-11, you know, on the TV and the news, they were, you know, they're like, this is it, everyone on deck, let's... because they're for profit, right? A lot of press outlets. And they cover it relentlessly, like vultures. Yeah. I think there is an element of that for sure. So when it happened, the early speculation was that there's been an explosion on the London Underground. And immediately they were like, oh, it was apparently a power substation. And everybody thought it was that.

And that was like a detail that seems to have been lost in time. But that was the first thing reported. Apparently report of a power substation exploding. It's like, okay. And then obviously it was multiple blasts in London. And it's like, why are you reporting that? Like, that's not the case. Don't you want to confirm that?

Do you want to... Like, it's almost like a crowd, a whisper going through a crowd and like rumours and updates and stuff like that. And then like you said from that, this idea that it's a conspiracy and then suddenly the men in black come in and get the story straight and all the crisis actors and all this shit. It makes people not believe when these terrible things happen. Because they're hearing this drip feed of information rather than reporting on a story. Here's what happened. ALICE There is a lot of naive misinformation spread

by authorities though in the wake of these events that they say, oh we don't want to cause panic. So let's tell them a gas explosion has occurred, or something like that, for now. And then, you know, that way they won't all start running in fear and causing more problems, right? And so you could understand why they would have a false story in place. But yes, that does just lead to conspiracy, right? It's fascinating how it happens. But then again, I think people who are into conspiracy theories are usually also into it for the money. I think that's another big thing. Like, most people who are into conspiracy theories are benefiting from it somehow by disseminating it, right? They're

not... Especially these big YouTube channels, or TikToks, or, y'know, these people who can basically exploit something and a lie and misinformation for their own gain. There's a lot of these charlatans... What happens though, when... There's always been. Do they just, no matter what, even if it's... Even if what they're saying is proven to be false, do they just still run with it? They're just like...

They can't stop by that point. Oh, we knew... they knew that they would try to discredit us, we knew that this was gonna happen, but don't believe them. But like, there's gotta be a point where it's so clear that they're just lying. Well, by that time they've moved onto the next conspiracy theory, the next thing that makes them money, the next thing to lie about, you know, and they're never asked about, or they never talk about that thing that they were wrong about. You know what people will say?

They'll say, oh, you know, like the end of the world people, they'll be like, oh, the world's gonna end next year! You know, when it doesn't, they're like, oh, well, you know, I think it's actually, you know, I said 2012 but I got the numbers rich round, it's 2021, it's like, keep giving me the money!" You gotta be so confident to be able to fool yourself into believing that stuff too, I think. Oh. Well, you know, though, it's like, they know that they're wrong.

They're not fooled. They're not fooled. They have to, somehow, believe it, though. Sometimes. Sometimes they are. I don't, I can't imagine that- They know what they're doing. Especially like, doomsday prophets. Walk around like, yeah, I know it's not gonna happen.

People who were seance people, who exploited, y'know, even after World War I when people were saying, oh, I can talk to your dead son, y'know, it was still going on even back then. Until relatively recently, people... And still today, y'know, you can see a lot of people who are exploiting people's sadness and things like this with supernatural bullshit so they can get some money, because they need to pay their bills as well. We need a universal basic income, is what I'm saying. We need a universal basic income, is what I'm saying. We need a universal basic income. Do you wanna hear an interesting story? We were talking about cons, and I looked up... Because it might fix it. This is my conspiracy theory. If we give people a universal basic

income, they don't just scam each other anymore. I don't know. I've read and watched a decent amount about UBI, and I think... You think people are gonna still scam each other? No, I honestly don't know how it'd work out. I have no idea. I think it's very speculative and it's a seriously... I know they've done some experiments in some areas and stuff, but it's one of those things where it's all or nothing. Because you don't really have an idea, unless you can have a contained environment where people don't come and go and then you test it. Everybody gets the same amount of money a month. Does this town work? I'm sure they've tried it somewhere. I haven't read the results or anything, but it's one of

those things that I think it's such a crazy change to the way we've done things for so long, that we have no idea what the effects of it would really be. I think it does sound interesting, but to just jump into it I think would be insane. ALICE Could you build like a bunch of oil rigs and just make your own country out of them? like... JUSTIN Oh, you're talking about sea land now, baby. ALICE Yeah, just like, if you built a whole bunch, you know, far away from, you know,

land, or whatever, you just... JUSTIN Hey, people have done it! Remember that lab that tried to seize Jersey? We read about it, we did that in a previous podcast. ALICE Yeah, that's true, yeah. JUSTIN Oh, and it wasn't Jersey, it was Sark, or one of the other little ones. ALICE Yeah, I thought it was Sark. SEAN Yeah, it was Sark.

But it's like, the Sea Land guy claimed this is, y'know, my country and you can't invade it, like, all of this. There's always people trying to invade it. ALICE But his story is mental, though, because a lot of people did properly try to invade it, and he had a lot of problems with history. ALICE If you had your own oil rig, but it was not really, you know, it was just for people to live on. You could do your own UBI there. Yeah, you could.

I'm not a politician. Nobody comes and nobody goes. Where's the money gonna come from? Well, rich people. Yeah, hopefully. What, on the oil rig city? You just helicopter the money in every once in a while. The problem is, like, imagine you started this oil rig town and it cost you a vast amount of money to build oil rig city. You just helicopter the money in every once in a while. The problem is, like, imagine you started this oil rig town and it cost you a vast amount

of money to build oil rig city. Someone's had to build it, right? Someone else's had to build it. And you've had to buy it off them somehow. And then you get there and you've got to import all your food, I guess, because there's no land to grow anything on, right? Unless you're gonna somehow do some sort of complicated ecological system. If you had the money to do it though, you wouldn't even need permission, right?

You could just go do it. JUSTIN I think if it was in International Waters, and you found a site, and put down an oil rig and lived on it, I don't think they could stop you. ALICE Not to do any drilling, though. It's just more like a platform, you know? JUSTIN Yeah, it's just a platform. A bit like the atoll in Waterworld. And for food there, they made soil from people that came and died, they'd

put them in the pit and then they'd grow food from the soil. Also, international waters aren't... I don't think there's such a thing in the way that we consider them to be a thing. International waters? Yeah, there is some... there's some idea that, y'know, there's no laws out there in, y'know, 100 miles from land or whatever. Yeah, but who's gonna enforce that if you built an oil rig? Well, NATO, I think, and the countries that, y'know, there's no laws out there, y'know, 100 miles from land or whatever.

Yeah, but who's gonna enforce that if you built an oil rig? Well, NATO, I think, and the countries that are local to you. What are they gonna do, just send a bunch of boats and say, we're moving your oil rig? I think if you set up your own country 100 miles off the coast of Argentina, I think someone would come over and fucking blow you up. Alright, the Convention of the High Seas, signed in 1958, which has 63 signatories, so not everyone. Not everyone.

Defined high seas to mean all parts of the sea that are not included in the territorial sea or the internal waters of a state, and where no state may validly purport to subject any part of them to its sovereignty. Okay. So, this was used as a foundation for the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea, the UNCLOS, signed in 1982, which recognized exclusive economic zones extending 200 nautical miles from the baseline, where coastal states have sovereign rights to the water, from the water column to all the way to the sea floor and everything below.

So the high seas make up 50% of the surface of the planet, so 50% of the surface of the world... ALICE It's just the high seas. RILEY Is the high seas, yeah. I mean the middle of the fucking Pacific and's just the high seas. Is the high seas, yeah. I mean, the middle of the fuckin' Pacific and all the rest of it. So I guess if you went in there, you do get some disputes. But yeah, I assume... All land on the planet is now spoken for.

Claimed. Yeah, yeah. Yes. But there's gotta be some land somewhere that whoever owns it just doesn't care about it enough. Oh. Well, I think that's most of Russia. I think it's called Hull.

Yeah. No, there's so much land, you're right, that is just still wilderness. But usually, again, it's kind of that place is where crime hangs out, you know? It's where people are illegally mining gold, or where they're doing drugs and stuff, and, you know, off the beaten track. You could buy some land from someone like the Somalians, I bet. I mean, you'd have to defend yourself against Somalian pirates, but you could have... I don't know if the Somalian pirates would want to even raid me, because it would just

be piss jugs and tarps, basically. You've got the UBI though, mate. I would have my own UBI set up, this is true. Lad gets on your oil rig. Look at me, look at me. I'm the captain now. Sips bucks. That's right.

Sips bucks. Everyone on the international oil rig island. Everybody gets five sips bucks a month, which puts food on the table. Would you still stream from Sips Land? Well, I don't think I'd have the infrastructure to do so. I mean, if I'm talking about setting up from scratch, I would imagine no, never. I don't think I'd ever be able to get to the point where... How scratch, though, are we talking?

Well, I mean, with whatever you've got and all the stuff you got, I'm talking like turn up with a couple of... Just the stuff you got in your basement. Or a sleeping bag. You know what, you're talking about what you can carry on your back, you're gonna start a country with that. Okay, but where are- You're like the settler in fucking Civ.

I know, but... All the land around me is spoken for, I'd have to go further afield to find somewhere. I'm about to have to have sex with five women and get lots of food so I can grow my citizens. Yes. Build a wall first, that's my advice. Build walls. Oh, really? You don't wanna go walls first?

No, no, I'm saying he needs to build walls first. It's too expensive. He's got nothing. Wait, you're gonna build a temple? I thought maybe about doing, like, a hill fort, like a mound, a keep on a mound. What if you're doing it on an oil rig? How are you gonna get the hill? I don't know, I've already moved on from the oil rig.

I can't afford it. Oh, the oil rig's right under the bus. It's gonna be too hard to do. You'll do it wilderness. I don't have... He's not playing Polynesia, he's playing at land-based. This episode is brought to you by the Kraken Goldspiced Rum. The Kraken presents...

The legend of goldspiced rum. Plundered from the darkest depths of the-spiced rum. Plundered from the darkest depths of the Kraken's keep. Savored for its rich, smooth taste with hints of Tahitian vanilla and dark spices. Discover the Kraken's newest treasure, the Kraken Gold Spiced Rum. Please drink responsibly. Your teen requested a ride, but this time, not from you. I was reading the list of state nicknames, right? Right. Yeah. And obviously, let's see if you can guess this one.

Okay. The cheese state. Wisconsin. Yeah. Yeah. You know that one. Yeah, we know that one. But there's loads more weird ones.

Okay, I'll just stop reading. Hit me. Hit me. Okay. Okay. These are, I guess some of them are like to do with stuff that they have there. The lead state. The gateway to the west.

The mother of the west. Wait wait wait, you're going too far. The lead state is gotta be Pennsylvania. Uh, no, yeah, Pennsylvania. Nope. It's, uh, it's Idaho. Pennsylvania is the coal state. Oh, Pennsylvania is the coal state, sorry.

Lead. Lead, I guess they'd be mining it in the hills. Is it the coal state. Oh, Pennsylvania's the coal state, sorry. Lead. Lead, I guess they'd be mining it in the hills. Is it, I dunno. Uh, what about, like, uh... The Adirondacks. Idaho. Idaho. It's called the Pennsylvania of the West.

That's its other name. Oh. Oregon's? It's actually Missouri. Whoa, no way. The Bullion State. Yeah. Oregon.

Have we got one for Oregon? Uh, yes. The Beaver State. JUSTIN The one next to Washington State. ALICE The Pacific Wonderland. ALICE The Pacific Wonderland of, um, of Oregon. Home of Portland. ALICE Okay, I'll give you more. How about this. The Sunflower State. Midway, USA. JUSTIN Wait, are these all the names for the same state? ALICE Yes. Same state. Sunous State, Midway, USA.

Uh, America's Heartland. America's Heartland. Which is that one in the middle? It's gotta be Milwaukee. What about, like, Oklahoma? No, it's Dorothy's Home. Kansas! Kansas!

Surely it should be called the flat as a bucket carpet. Just, you know what I mean, like, these states, it's not good enough to describe it with one... The Tornado State! That's what we know it as! The Tornado State. Be real. Don't be making up all this shit. No one remembers the sunflowers in Kansas, they remember the Tornados and Dorothy.

That's it. Just own it. How about Cotton State? Oh, that's gotta be Alabama. Louisiana. It is. Well done. Alabama. It is. Well done. Alabama.

Alabama State. Alabama State. Alabama's beautiful. Yeah, these are really interesting. Neil Young didn't like Alabama, he wrote a song called Alabama. Very, very good song. How about this, Land of the Midnight Sun. Oh, that's gotta be New Mexico.

Alaska. It's Alaska, yeah. Aw, shit. New Mexico. More metals! The Copper State. Oh, the Copper State is definitely Minnesota. No, it's... Tennessee.

Uh, no. It's also known as the Aztec State. Oh, New Mexico! New Mexico. Arizona! And the Apache State. Yes, Arizona. Jesus.

They're really hard, aren't they, to get? No, these are easy! Keep on coming! These are easy! Keep em' coming! You know what you think? These are easy. How about this? Rocky Mountain State. Colorado!

Correct. Good job. How about this one? Nutmeg State. North Dakota! No. South Dakota! No.

Constitution State. There you go. Oh, that's Massachusetts. No, not quite. Oh. I don't know that. Massachusetts would be... Massif-tushits. Pilgrim. Pilgrim State. Oh, Pil's Massachusetts. No, not quite. Oh. I don't know that. Massachusetts would be the Pilgrim state. Oh, Pilgrim state, yeah.

Or the Spirit of America. That's right, yeah. Apparently Connecticut is the constitution state. Oh, Connecticut, of course. Hartford, Connecticut. They love having little patriotic iconography. Oh, how about this one? Guba State!

Oh, that's gotta be Washington, D.C. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. patriotic iconography. How about this one? Guba State. ALICE Oh, that's gotta be Washington DC, right? JUSTIN No, it refers to peanuts. Washington DC. ALICE The peanuts state. It's gotta be New Mexico. JUSTIN Or the peach. The peach state. ALICE Oh no, that's Georgia. JUSTIN Georgia is the peach state.

ALICE Georgia. JUSTIN Yeah, yeah, yeah. ALICE You like peaches? You like peanuts? Come on down to Georgia! ALICE You like peaches? You like peanuts? Come on down to Georgia! We got goobers for games! We got gold coins! Get the goobers! Where's my...

Where'd I leave that goober? There it is! Honey, I'm going out to work, I got a pail full of goobers. I'll be home for goobers later! Woohoo! Woohoo! I do like... it's very kind of, um, nice, isn't it? These sort of nicknames.

Do we have this for counties? Yeah, they've gotta have stuff like this for English counties, right? We need that, don't we? Yeah. I think most of them are self-descript, like, slough. When you hear slough, you don't need any other context. What was this called? What was this called, this bit?

The nicknames? What did you call it, Lewis? Nicknames? No, no, you said this is the... What's for states? Iconography. No. Like, how could I Google it, but for the UK?

What should I type? Okay, I've got it. I've found it. Oh, he's got it. The wee county. It's the smallest county in Scotland and the UK by area. Oh, I dunno. Arbrooth? The Cluckmannenshire.

Oh, of course it is. Of course it is. Of course. The wee state! The wee state! How about the King's County? That's gotta be Buckinghamshire. I was gonna say Surrey, but yeah.

The current King has his family residence in this county. Oh. I thought Surrey, because of Windsor and all that. Apparently it's Gloucester. Gloucestershire. Gloucester is the King's County, though. Gloucestershire. I claim this county the name of the Crown.

Aberdeenshire. You'll get this one. The Garden of England. Oh, Dorset. No. No. The West Midlands. The Lake District.

As Birmingham! No, it's Kent. Kent. Oh, of course it is. Honestly, it is... Kent is a beautiful county, ruined by the people, but it is a beautiful county. What about Robin Hood's country? Oh, it's Nottinghamshire.

Oh, Nottingham. There you go. Sherwood Forest. How about this, the Moonraker county? Oh, that! That could be Devon or Dorset. Well, apparently it's Wiltshire. Wiltshire?

Yeah, Wiltshire, okay. Yeah, yeah. Comes from a local gin smuggling store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep, yep, yeah. Mmm. Yeah, there's some real... There's some... What about how...

Some of these you're never gonna get. Because some of the counties are so obscure. Obscure counties. Apologies to anyone living in these counties, but it is... Clangers. The Clangers? Yeah. That sounds northern.

Cumbria. It's from... It's Bedfordshire. Bedfordshire. It's from the Bedfordshire Clanger, which is apparently a sort of a roly-poly pudding. What about... I like this! What about Wookie Hole and Cherry Gorge?

That's the other way, innit? No. I think it's like in and around. What am I thinking of? It's like close to Stonehenge. Dorset should be like the Jurassic, or something like that. What is Dorset? The Jurassic Coast, yeah.

But what's Dorset as a county? The best county in the country. Doesn't have a name. That's what it's known as. Doesn't have one. You know, you mentioned Alabama, and that got me, I was thinking, I mentioned the Neil Young song Alabama. I didn't know this, let me know if you guys knew this.

Sweet Home Alabama, you know the song. Lynard Skinnerd. That was written in answer to two songs that Neil Young wrote. About Alabama. One about Alabama, where he's like having a pop of them for slavery and stuff like that. And one called Southern Man, which is also kind of similar. And Linnard Skinnerd released this, there's even a verse in it, I didn't even notice this, well I heard Mr. Young sing about her, well I heard ol' Neil put her down. Well I hope Neil Young will remember, a southern man don't need him around anyhow.

That's one of the lines in Sweet Home Alabama. I didn't know that. ALICE Yeah. And then Kid Rock came out with Singin' Sweet Home Alabama all summer long as well. He was trying different things and he was smokin' different things. RILEY Right. Well, everybody loves that song. But the 1974 Spain single sleeve for this song has the Confederate flag in the mouth

of a man's face. Didn't the Dukes of Hazzard have the Confederate flag on the roof of their car as well? It was just like a Southern thing. Like Southern pride. Now, of course, it has seemingly much different meanings, because people have rightly pointed out, hmm, probably shouldn't fly that flag. But yeah, so Linitzkine, you know, I think in those days it wasn't seen as anything like what it is now, or certainly not in the popular conscience.

But yeah, so, I didn't realise there was beef there, but Neil Young did say he regretted the condescending tone in those songs, and he sort of apologised. So, yeah, it's interesting. I didn't know that. You know with these nicknames and stuff, obviously they come from places, from a place of, oh, we just grow a lot of spuds here, so where the spuds stay or what not. But do you think it builds up this patriotism around that, and they feel proud in that, and they kind of invest more into it almost, in a sense, right? Maybe?

It deterministically makes them more specialized. I guess. I mean, Florida is like the orange state, right? Because they grow oranges there? I think Florida has a shitload of new things. Yeah, probably. I could think of a few. Alligator state.

The shithole state. The crazy state. Well, I take it, it's New Jersey that is called the garden state, right? But people call it the garbage state. Which I think's funny. Oh, man. Doesn't have one of the biggest landfills in the world? Ooh!

That sounds like such a sips fact. No, it does, though. You watched like a whole two hour documentary about... When you consider the area of the world it's in, New York City itself would need a massive, massive... Where are we gonna put all our garbage? Put it in Jersey! Yeah, pretty much.

They got a load of space over there! Those bums, they don't know garbage anyway. Pile it up in their fucking backyards. Hate that, you Jersey bums. Yeah. I guess New York was the Empire State, right? Yeah. The evil Empire State.

Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Yeah. The evil empire state. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum. That's the official theme of New York state. Yeah. I guess it does help people identify different states from one another. Who knows. It's one of those things like twinning a town with some other town. This town twinned with Lucerne-aux-Auxerre, or whatever. Oh yeah, we've got a whole bunch of that. I think actually, St Helier is twinned with... it's got its fifth twinning, as of last year.

It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. That's not a twin, that's like a quintuplet. Or quad... that doesn't count. You can't have like... I like the idea of that, though. And it's usually, the reason is the local council of these little towns find some nice town in the south of Spain, or whatever, or south of France, where they can have an excuse on government money to go on holiday there.

You know, visit. Yeah. Last year we were twinned into a twinning memorandum of understanding with the town in the Ukraine. So now we're now twinned with Mykolaiv. Oh, I don't know why you'd want to go on holiday there. Maikolaiv. Microwave. Bournemouth has two twins. Natanya, in Israel, and Lusanne, in Switzerland.

There you go. Wow. And they've given the freedom of the borough of Bournemouth to just six individuals. The key to the city. I love how you're such a fucking Bournemouth stan. Despite not living there for twenty years. I lived there for ten years, in my childhood, it's quite a big...

Ten?! Yeah. You support Bournemouth... I lived in Chipping Onger for longer, I stan Chipping Onger. Is it Bournemouth or Brighton that you... It's Bournemouth, right? Who? Me.

Yeah, Bournemouth, of course. We hate Brighton Hove, Albion is the first line in the song. ALICE Right, okay, sorry. ALICE But yeah, it's, you know, I left New York, obviously, which I still consider my hometown, I grew up there, and then Bournemouth is my other hometown, so it mattered to me as a kid to have somewhere nice to go after living in New York, and Bournemouth was a complete change of pace, but a great place to be a kid in the 80s, it really was. So I grew up in Chiffing-onger, it's an old market town in Essex. The name onger means

grassland. And Chiffing is from a market or marketplace. And it's one of these places that's super old, it's in like the Doomsday Book or some shit, you know what I mean, it's been around for fucking ever. It's twinned with a little town called Cerizet in the Western France, and that is also ancient. The old town centre was situated beside a feudal castle and it's got a 12th century chapel, it's just about some... It's actually quite a nice twinning. They've really found an equivalent ancient old town.

The Wikipedia article for Ceres-A isn't, there's not very much to it, it says, it says, the automotive coach builder firm, Hewlett's, has its main production plant on the outskirts of the town. Never heard of them. I was born in... They've been involved in the roof module construction for the Peugeot 206 CC, and until 2009 were involved building the Opel Tiger Twin Top. Jesus Christ.

I was born in Ottawa, Ontario, in Canada, and Ottawa, since 1999, I believe, has a sister city relationship with a little town called Beijing. Wow. What tiny little feudal 12th century church. In recent years, the two cities have maintained close contact and engaged in fruitful cooperation in the fields of technological innovations, investments, trade, culture, and tourism." There you go.

Looks like I win this one, guys. That's fucking insane. Wait, wait, wait, when you say technological investments, what are they sticking spy shit over here? Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Ottawa's actually the home of the Correll Corporation, if you've ever heard of... Steve Corel? Not Steve Corel, no.

It's a different Corel. And they made a... Basically Corel had in the 90s, I believe, it was like the equivalent of Photoshop. Adobe Photoshop. But it was not quite... Not as good. Not quite as good. Up to standard. Not quite as good. Adobe Photoshop, but it was not quite... Not as good. Not quite as good. Adobe Photoshop.

Yeah. It was like CorelDRAW and all sorts, but yeah, they had a big golden office building. Oh, I do know what you mean. Yes. Yes, I do know. So, if you don't talk to me about technology, I come from the technology... I come from the Silicon Valley of the North East. ALICE AND LIAM LAUGH Right.

Yeah. Oh, great. Oh, fucking hell. This twinning thing is quite wild, actually. Cause you always see it when you're driving through the UK, right? Oh, it's crap, isn't it? Every time you go to a town. Yeah, look, there's a whole bunch in here.

Look at this one. There's a whole list of twin towns and sister cities in Canada. Well, okay. Abbotsford is twinned with Fukagawa in Japan. That's really... Such a load of shit, isn't it? Like, it's some city councilor or whatever is bored out of their mind, like, we should do a twinning!

And you know what, they get a free fuckin' flight and a holiday to that place, I'm sure. And they have all these, oh, cultural exchange and, oh, this is going to further the ties between, oh, fuck off. What are you telling me? This is nothing. There's surely nothing to it. It's just such a nonsense, this whole town twinning thing. Calgary- Especially because they always have a picture of the thing you twin with. It looks way fucking better. It's like having a sibling who's far more successful than you, and you'll just have a picture there all the time to remind you, hey look, you're twin with this really beautiful alpine town and you live in fucking Slough.

Okay, but listen to this, Calgary is the greediest of the bunch. It is twinned or sister to six different, and one of them is in Canada. So, there you go. The winner of the Greediest Twinning Association in all of Canada goes to Calgary. Well done, Calgary. You won the prize. They're twin to Quebec City in Canada as well, I don't know why. Well, come on, that's not even Canada, is it?

And they're twin to Phoenix, Arizona, and a couple of places in South Korea, China, India, and Mexico as well, Jesus Christ. Oh my god, you're absolutely right. There's like some... Okay, in the P-flags, this is definitely like a scam, that people use. Coventry, okay, is twinned with no less than, like, 20 cities. Fucking hell, is it really? Fuck off, Coventry!

You see Calgary and you think, we can do better! It's like, it's twinned with Granby in Canada and Windsor in Canada. It's twinned with Park in Australia, Saint Etienne in France, Grasse in Austria, Coventry... Coventry's also twinned with three cities called Coventry in the US, which is quite funny. Yeah, that's fair. Coventry, Connecticut, Coventry, New York, and Coventry, Rhode Island.

Well, okay, but tell me this about Coventry, England, United Kingdom. Is it twinned to Cornwall, Ontario in Canada? Because I'm looking- Yes it is. Okay. Then it is reciprocated. Because on this Wikipedia page, Cornwall, Ontario is twinned with Coventry as well, so it'd be kinda weird if they didn't say, I twin you back.

If it was not non-reciprocal. I'm twinning you back. Yeah. It'd be weird. They were like, oh my god, it's like adding them up. Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh my god, it's like adding them up. Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, that's really...

Okay, sorry, we've got a new contender, it's Hamilton, Ontario. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine different cities. Mmm, greedy. Yeah. It's just... How are you gonna put them on the sign coming into the village? Strategically twin with Schwinnegan, Canada. TWINNED WITH SHWINIGAN, CANADA! Strategic. YOU SHWINIGAN! Oh, fuck, this is good.

This one's weird. So Whitby, Whitby in North Yorkshire, England, which I think is a seaside town, is twinned with three different towns in Australia. Bland, Cook, and East Fremantle. Two different towns in New Zealand. Porirora and Whitianga. And a town in Tonga, which is called... So I get the impression that, again, someone on the Whitby Local Board has relatives out

there, or knows someone out there, or likes to go out there. They just wanna go. They just wanna go. And they just want... Because it's clear that, like, it's a focus, right? They're like, maybe, I don't... They've had a meeting, where do you want to, I really want to go to the South Pacific and like, you know, visit all those, like Tonga and places like that in Australia. Okay, let's do a city twinning. They'll come here and then we get to go there because we've got to do like a ceremony and shit. So we get on the council's dime, we get a free trip to wherever we twin with. Whoever's in charge of this shit at

Coventry is a fucking con artist and needs to be signed up! Exactly. It's real smart. They've also, this whip, he's also got a Hawaiian county. And it's not like they're all necessary seaside towns, because one of them is in the middle of the fucking... Yeah, it's a con. ...is in the land. It's a con. It's the biggest con that councils have perpetrated on the British people since... I reckon it's gonna be like...

The last one that I can think of. The post office fraud. All these parish councils are gonna get locked up. Yeah, bang them up. There should be an investigation into this. For exploiting. How much money, how much of the public purse has been spent? I always thought it was called the public purse. I think Stratford have done it right. So, Stratford upon Avon have twinned with five other towns called Stratford.

RILEY But I like that. I like that. RILEY And that makes sense. There's one in Australia, one in New Zealand, two in Canada, and one in the US. Like, that's what they gotta do, right? You gotta grab all the... We got the same name. Like, you know, there must be something in their culture that let them... You know, it was obviously founded by people who were from... Someone named it after the original Stratford, they must have done, right? And there must be a reason for that. And I think that that would be interesting to look through that history and find out, you know, how the cultures have evolved and changed, right?

Are there any other Londons? There's London in Canada. Yeah, there's a London on- There's a London Ontario. Other Londons in the world. Is that the only one, though? I think there's a London in the US as well. There's definitely a Paris in the US because they always refer to Paris as Paris, France.

So there is a London Ontario Ontario, there is a London in Finland. It's a suburb in the Finnish city of Jakobstad. There's also a London on Christmas Island, there's a town called London. It is absolutely tiny. There's a place called, there's a village called London in Nigeria. There's a place called East London in South Africa, and there are a few Londons in America, one in Ohio, one in Arkansas, another in Kentucky.

ALICE Remember there is also an asteroid called 8837 London. RILEY Oh, by the way, we're fucked, aren't we? Isn't there an asteroid that's gonna hit us in 2029? ALICE Right, well, fucking quickly! Get drunk and have sex! ALICE Yeah, get your big card out as well and say... That's not, I'm not hearing about this.

How big is it? It's fucking huge. Like, the size of- 99942 Apophis is a near-Earth asteroid, potentially hazardous object, with a diameter of- It's got a fucking terrifying name! 370 meters. That's nothing. That's not the size of Texas. Listen, there is a 2.7% chance it will hit Earth on April 13th, 2029.

2.7% is not nothing. That's really high. That's the initial observations. Now it's dropped a bit, but it's still possible. It's the highest rating ever on the Torino scale, reaching level 4 on December 27th 2004 of, oh shit, we're fucked. So what happened if it would hit Earth? Possible impact effects?

Kinetic energy equivalent to 1200 megatons of TNT. In comparison, the Chicks Club impact, which caused the mass extinction event responsible for wiping out the dinosaurs, is estimated to have had 100 teratons, or 100 million megatons. So much less than that. Right. that. To put it bluntly. Any impact would be extremely detrimental to an area of thousands of square kilometres, but would be unlikely to have long lasting global effects such as the initiation of an impact winter. If it were to impact into sedimentary rock, it would create a five kilometre impact crater.

Wow. So if it hit London, goodbye London. If it hit New York, goodbye New York. If it hit Paris, goodbye London. It would expose the billion dollar shitpipe! Right there, for all to see. Not the shitpipe! I wouldn't... I never dreamed I would see this with my own eyes!

This is incredible. That sounds like a documentary. Exposing the five billion dollar shit pipe. Fuck me. With a gigantic asteroid. Yeah, so there's shitloads of places called London actually. London Kiribati, London in Serbia, Belgrade, there's London in France, there's all sorts of places, but I'm sure they're all just... They're not as big though, are they? There's not like an obvious big London, and maybe they changed the name as well, you know, like to stop confusion. Because that's one of these things that happens in these places.

Yeah. Confusion. It's just confused. Is London twinned with anywhere? Oh, probably tons of places. Oh, it's probably twinned with everywhere, yeah. Yeah, I imagine. Like, absolute crap. List of towns, uh, sister cities sister cities, in the United Kingdom. Well, I just wanna find London.

I found it. Beijing as well. So, you know, Ottawa. What? You ain't got... WHAT?! They're cheating on you! What?!

Beijing's cheating on you! How dare they?! But also Shanghai, we're not fussy. Shit! We have the two biggest cities in China. New York City, sweet. Tokyo, Moscow, Berlin. ALICE Nice. All the big guns. All the big guns.

ALICE Yeah. And then they've also got, just for fun, Tehran in Iran, Bogotá in Colombia, Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia and Santiago. WILL We don't fuck around. We're not twinning with some little shitville. Only the big guns, please. ALICE Capitals only. Little shitville. Only the big guns, please. Because we're London. Little shitville. Paris aren't interested. So, by the way, London...

Twickenham is where I spent most of my life, so I now consider this my home. South-West London, Twickenham. Twickers. This area is now my home. And I love it. I love it. Love Twickers. Well, were you ever run to be on the council, do you think?

I fucking hate those bastards. Why would I... Well, you could go in and make a change of holiday. I'd get booted out. I'd be voted in, and within an hour I would be booted out. You get it, twin with like, I dunno, fucking Marbella or something. My ass! Oh no.

My ass. Nice. And just go on holiday to fucking the south of France. What, I'm gonna take the chance, I'm gonna go for Marbella. I don't think so, Sam. Well, um, well I dunno, south of Spain's somewhere nice, fuckin', where else do you wanna go? Like... I'm going on holiday.

Next week. Where to? Twin up with, um... Marbella? South of France and, uh, northwest Italy. Yeah, I mean, you could go on Council Dime, you know, get Keir Starmer to pay for it. Keir Starmer? He's not in charge of our council, what are you chatting about?

Well, he's... He's large and in charge. Yeah, that's true. Keir Starmer sounds like, dare I say it, a member of the Nazi party. Oh dear. Oh no. He's just got in charge. I'm not saying he is, I'm just saying.

He's gonna change things for the good. Keir Starmer, you must begin your attack. Ja! Jawohl! Kirch Stammer! Obergruppen für der Stammer! That's just what it sounds like. If he was a guy defending a bridge in Arnhem, you'd believe it.

That's all I'm saying. I'd believe it, for sure. As it is, he's just a mild-mannered ex-lawyer or whatever. Bristol has chosen some weird places. It's got Birra in Mozambique. Right. Are we still on this? Yeah, it's weird.

I'm just going through it. Porto... I wanted to take us off calling Kierstavro Nazi! I didn't call him a Nazi! I did not call him a Nazi. I would like to draw the gentleman's attention to the record, which clearly states that I said his name sounded like he could have been a Nazi officer. He does have a bit of a severe comulver at times.

Yeah. Give me the Stahmer, please. Taking a picture of Stahmer and get them to do Herr Stahmer's haircut. Maybe he can't grow a mustache, you know, cause he'll look in the mirror. He turned up at PMQ's with a new haircut. The Hitler co-over with the little mustache. Hello. I am Obergruppenführer Stahmer, your new Prime Minister.

Hello. Hello. I would like to twin us with Berlin. Nuremberg should be the city that we twin with. Oh, fuck it up. Yeah, alright, fine. Well, I dunno, I'm always interested in places, and how the world works. Places. Lewis Friendly.

Interested in places. Can I just tell you something quickly before we wrap up? Yeah, go. I've been playing football manager, as you may or may not know. I've given up... Oh, we've spoken about it, baby. You've given up? I've given up on the English Premier League, and decided, I retired Reggie Simpson, and

I've created a new manager called Jongi Tupperware, who is now the manager of Atletico Ottawa, in the Canadian Premier League! Oh my god. And let me tell you, we are winning! Every game! It's not even a competition. On the league table I have like 65 points, the person in second place, the team in second place has like 30.

Like, it's done. First season. Oh yeah. It's been fun. What a fun game. Oh wow. I really want to see you streaming this, but... Oh, I'll get it.

So on the Chipping Onger Wikipedia article... Oh my god. Here we go. He fucking always comes back to Chipping Cunting Onger, it's a shit name. Chipping Onger. Every damn time. Chipping Onger. Will Self's The Book of Dave, which was written in 2006, takes place in Chipping Onger, there

you go. On The Who album, Live at Leeds, drummer Keith Moon refers to Chipping Onger in a bit of stage banter. Right. Uh, there you go. Oh thank god we're not in fucking Chipping Onger! Wait! Wait! In Adrian Edmondson's book How to be a Complete Bastard from 1986...

Yes! What a book! Oh my god, if you haven't read How to be a Complete Bastard, purchase a copy on eBay now, we fucking loved this book when we were at school. I fucking loved it! I hadn't thought about that in forever now. We fucking loved this book when we were at school. I fucking loved it! I hadn't thought about that in forever. Adrian Edmondson is from the Young Ones and also played Eddie Hitler in Bottom. That's true, good reference.

In the section, how to be a bastard to Japanese tourists, he says, tell them that all of London's tourist attractions are within walking distance of Chibbonga on the Tube. And obviously Chibbonga used to be the end of the Central Line. I have not thought about this book for probably nigh on 40 years. Oh my god. I can get it for £3. I'm getting it. I'm so excited. So, do you want me to give you two more? In the BBC series Just Good Friends, which is a TV series I'd never heard of, from 2004, it came 43rd in Britain's best sitcom. That's what we're dealing with here.

It was released between 1983 and 1986, Just Good Friends. Penny's mother and father live in Chipping Onga. And finally, YouTube personality Lewis Brindley, co-founder of the Yogs... No way. ... was born in Chipping Onga in 1983. This is why we've been banging on about it, a little bit of a flex. There you go, I'm actually... someone has put me, and it says, citation needed. And that citation was needed six years ago, and it's still citation needed.

Oh, that's brilliant. Nice. There you go. Nice. So, that's... and it's got a whole lot of information here, you know. Congrats. Local residents have previously called for the lowering of the current national speed limit between the Mulberry House and the Four Wants roundabout.

However, Essex Police's senior traffic management officer Adam Pipe deemed lowering the speed limit inappropriate as drivers would feel 30mph is not adequate and would not comply. Stuff like this, man. Great stuff. Great bit of reading. I've never been associated with a place, although I did once appear in the program for AFC Bournemouth for a match, where it listed famous fans, and they had The Zootons, Seth Rogen, who's a Bournemouth fan, and Pirian Flax. ALICE Nice, there you go. RILEY I was happy about that.

But that's it. ALICE Well, have you got... Do you mention it anywhere on Wikipedia, Sips? RILEY No. I think Sips is. I think I saw him on there one time. I can't remember where. ALICE I don't think saw him on there one time. I can't remember where.

I don't think I'm on there at all. Yeah, under the OxGas entry it says, current members, and there's a list of people, and you're on there. Nice. I'm famous! Notable people. Look, I'm on Wikipedia! Yep, there you are.

There's no entry for you, I'm afraid. But I am 76, this is our challenge. I'm gonna create my own entry. You know, early life, career, all that interesting stuff, you know? ALICE There's so many people on this list of people from Jersey, I guess you're not from Jersey. ALICE No, I'm not. ALICE But there's like, everyone, there's like, Alphonse Le Gastula, famous hermit.

I mean, and also ChrisMD YouTuber, he's on the other notes, both. He's a big, like, FIFA YouTuber. Yeah, he's from Jersey. There you go. There's tons of people on this list. You know, you need to... I guess you're not from there, are you? No.

No. But you've lived there probably longer than you lived in Ottawa now, right? About as much time now, yeah. It's been twenty... almost twenty- 22 years since I've lived here. And I moved away from Ottawa when I was 23, so yeah. Not far off. It's hard to think that like 1976 is the same distance from the year 2000 as the year 2000 is to now.

Wow. Do you mean? No, that's my birth year. What do you mean? It's not hard to now. Do you know what I mean? No. That's my birth year. What do you mean? It's not hard. To imagine. Well, no, but the year 2000 seems recent, and 1976 seems like a fucking different age. So you were born in and around the same time all of this Alabama beef was kicking off between

Willie Nelson and... Yeah, I guess I was. Willie Nelson. Neil Young. Neil Young. And Leonard Skinner. Leonard Skinner, yeah. Alabama beef. Alabama beef.

But it's not the beef state. It's the beef state. Where is the beef state? It's gotta be Texas, right? It's gotta be Texas. Beef state! Beef, the cattle state. Nebraska is apparently...

I like it when they refer to cows as beef. Nebraska is the beef. Nebraska. I gotta get this beef loaded up. Gotta load this beef onto my truck. Get some beef in ya. Get the beef on the truck. Good ol' Alabama beef.

Come on now. Come on now. Get that beef loaded up. Get that beef loaded up. Get that beef loaded up. Get that beef loaded up. Get that beef in ya. Get the beef on the truck. Good ol' Alabama beef. Come on now. Come on now. Get that beef on that truck now, boy.

Load that beef on that truck now, boy. Alright, I gotta go. See ya later. Thanks so much for listening to the podcast. I gotta go. I gotta go buy some beef. Thanks everyone. Goodbye, old.

Thank you, bye. Bye bye. Bye bye bye.