Triforce! - Triforce! #296: Summer Holiday Nightmares

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

Triforce! Episode 296! Flax experiences a thoroughly disappointing holiday with terrible Airbnbs and expensive beaches, Sips reaches a new low with his holiday stories and we learn about America's greatest bank robber and we look back on the last couple weeks of Olympics! Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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the mystery of the tavern once and for all. God, that was perfect. I love that. That was better than I could do. I've played this game a lot. It's published by Yorskuss Games. It's made by a single man. It's honestly a labor of love. So I love Bellatro.

I really, really like Dungeons & Generic Gamblers. And give it a go. Yes, absolutely. If you love card games, if you love digital online, if you like Bellatro, you can check out Dungeons & Generic Gamblers. It's out now on Steam. And as a special offer for our Pickaxe listeners,

you can pick up a copy of the game for an unbeatable price at fanatical.com slash pickaxe. No way. Thank you very much. On with the show! Hello everyone, welcome to another Triforce podcast. Oh my god. We're back again. Can't believe it. What a great crowd.

Yeah, way, way, wow. So wonderful to be here. So, um, yeah, Pflac, you went on holiday. I did, yeah. Sips, you have... I went on holiday too, thank you very much. I went to Guernsey for the day. Actually, last week I went to Saint-Malo in France for the day.

Oh, that's nice. And then this week, I went to Guernsey for the day. Wow, you've really been a global traveler. Yeah, oh yeah. Did you get the car ferry over to each of them? The one to say Marlowe is a big car ferry, yeah, we didn't take the car though, we just went as foot passengers. The one to Guernsey is a floating small coffin, and you feel every single wave in the ocean

when you're on it, as well. And the baby was sick. So there you go. Hahaha. Was it, how far is it though, was sick. So there you go. ALICE. Hahaha. How far is it though, Lies? Only like ten minutes, right? ALICE.

No, it takes an hour and twenty minutes to get there. ALICE. What the heck? ALICE. Yep. ALICE. It's crazy. ALICE.

I saw, I looked at the map, I was like, there's no way it takes an hour and twenty minutes to go that far, we must be going somewhere else first. But no, it was just an hour and twenty minutes straight up. And it was choppy as shit on the way there, but nice and smooth on the way back. So it was pretty good. ALICE How was it? The rival island. Do you think it's better, or worse, than Guernsey?

And then Jersey? ALICE It's, you know, it's nice. It's got a lot of charm. A lot of charm that hasn't been lost, I think, because it's a bit smaller, you know? It's... it's quaint. Very quaint. And in the summer, really nice, lots of flowers and stuff everywhere, it looks really, really picturesque, you know, it's nice. There's parts of Jersey that are still like that, but Jersey's just much bigger, so it's...

You know. Do you wanna evade? Do you feel threatened? Do you have, like, the rivalry? Not if I have to take that boat again. No. I don't want to invade. I'll invade by air.

Yeah. That would be better. What prompted you going? Was it a day out? Or was it... Well, none of my kids have ever been, so we just thought, you know, it'd be fun. Be fun to say, yeah, we've been to Guernsey. You live over here.

I don't even think... I've been to Guernsey before for work, but I've never been just, y'know, on a daybreak just to wander around and eat and stuff like that. It's always been, y'know, I had to go to a meeting or something like that, and I didn't get to see anything. So yeah, it was nice, it was good. ALICE Would you go to the other little ones, like the Sark and the Jethu and the Herm and the one where they...

LIAM I don't know about that. ALICE You're making shit up. Those are Game of Thrones islands. LIAM These all exist. So they're small. Sark I shit up. Those are Game of Thrones islands. These all exist. So they're small. Sark I've been to, I would maybe go again, it's not that interesting. I mean, I'll probably take my kids just so that they can see what it's like to be living 300 years ago.

There's Alderney, I've never been to Alderney. It's a bit further though. Wasn't there... We talked about this before, I'm sure there was a guy who invaded one of them, wasn't there? JUSTIN Yeah, yeah, Sark, I think it was. ALICE Yeah, wasn't he German? JUSTIN He was something.

He might have been French. ALICE He was French. ALICE And, well, anyway, speaking of French, you went on holiday as well, P-Flax? JUSTIN Yeah, we did. It was okay. ALICE You didn't go to France, though, did you? JUSTIN Yeah, we did, yeah. ALICE Oh, right.

JUSTIN We went to... We decided, which was, looking back now, at the time it sounded like a great decision, it might not have been a great decision. We were like, let's go to... we can't decide between Italy and France. Let's go on holiday for ten days, and we'll spend five days in one and five days in the other. And it was kinda like... Hang on.

Which phase of sadness are you in right now? Because when you came back you were like, saying, this will make a great story for the podcast, and you were angry. And I think now you're like, just disappointed? Yeah, kind of disappointed. It's been, well let me think, we've been back about a week or something now. So it was like, you know, we've had some really good holidays as a family. Trip to California was really great, we spent some time in Croatia, that was great, like

we've had some really nice holidays. And in the UK as well. And this was like 10 days and I think the reason I'm kind of most bummed out is I sort of blame myself for what went wrong. I found these places on Airbnb, I spent a long time looking and I thought these were good places and in both instances I was pretty disappointed in all honesty. I'll tell you, there's quite a few things that happen. First of all, we went to this place called Alasio, which is in Liguria, beautiful part of Italy, northwestern coast, and a longtime subscriber of mine that I played Dota with for years, Italian lad, that's his neighborhood. He recommended this area. It's beautiful. I would

recommend it to anybody, hands down. Driving in Italy, however, is still not fun. And parking in Italy is even worse. And unfortunately the hire car that we got was a little bigger than I would have liked. They were like, well, we don't have the car you asked for, so here's this fucking bus that you're going to drive around in these tiny Italian roads. I was like, fuck me. And they don't seem to have the same rules we have over here where you don't have parking spaces right where someone's going to be turning because people might need to like swing their car out to make this turn.

They're like, no, you can squeeze a car in there. Fucking put a parking space in. So it's just nowhere to park. So we had to park on this right outside our apartment, but we had to pay for parking every day, which was expensive. And Mrs. F at one point, we had to renew it online. Between eight and eight, you had to pay to park here. She was one minute late, 20 euro fine. They fucking love handing out fines in Italy for driving. They fucking love it. This lad was one minute, he was there, he was literally waiting. Bam, give him a ticket. And then there was this barrier, like they have toll roads everywhere in this part of France and Italy. We got to the toll and it wouldn't

take our card. And the machine was just going, please insert payment, please insert payment for like five minutes. It's just saying this. My youngest who sits in the front with me was crying. She was so upset by this machine just barking at us to pay. I pressed the button, which is help, and it's just ringing and ringing, please insert payment. Finally, this really nice Italian guy behind me, he comes over and he's like,

come on, she goes up and down. So I was like, oh, do you speak English? He was like, oh, I see, I speak English. And I was like, this fucking thing is busted. Can you help us? And he was like, we tried. We had like five different cards, debit cards, credit cards. We're trying to beep them all.

It's not taking it. We hadn't had time to pick up any cash yet. He talks to the woman on the phone. She's like, prego or pronto, like whatever it is on the phone. He explains the situation. And she's like, oh, tell him to just pay later. We'll let him through. We couldn't find a website. We couldn't find any way to pay, there's no way that I can

figure out how we're meant to pay this fine. So I'm expecting a letter in the post from the Italian traffic people any day now saying you fucking didn't pay for this toll. It's like two euros or something. But I know they're going to come after us. But anyway, so the apartment itself was pretty spartan. it was alright, it was fine, the kids seemed happy enough, but there was no sort of aircon in it at all beyond this one tiny little aircon unit which is just chugging away trying to do its best, but it was like 34-35 degrees. We were melting in this apartment.

Oh, that sucks. And the sun's just beaten down on it all day, we'd go to the beach to cool off, we're like, it's fine, we'll just spend some time at the beach and we'll cool off. Do you guys know the situation in Italy with beaches? ALICE Oh god, this is already a rollercoaster. Let me guess. It is... there is a queuing system? They let their dogs shit everywhere there.

No. The towels are... No. Nudity. No. Full nudity. No. And intercourse.

No. Jellyfish. No. Okay. Any guesses. See, this is so far removed. Those are all my guesses. Right.

These are so far removed from the reality, because we can't imagine this. You cannot go on the fucking beach without paying. Oh. What? They own the beach. Like, the government has let out the sort of rights to hire, to charge people to go on the beach. So how much does it cost to go to the beach?

A hundred euros a day. What? You're joking. I am not kidding. The fuck? Is it a nice beach? I mean, it's okay. Fuck me, man, you guys gotta come to Jersey, they've got great beaches here, they're free

as well. So, I had no idea. But the beach is sectioned off, if you go to Alasio, which is beautiful. The water is really warm. Really clean. A hundred euros a day?! Fucking hell. Because what happens is-

Is the beach just empty? No, it's packed. Who the fuck pays all that money to go to the beach for a day? So you have to- You have to pay me that much money to go to the beach for the day. I know. So you have to hire a sun lounger with an umbrella. You have to.

There's no option. Oh, right. So there's- so, and does that come included in your hundred euros a day? Yeah, yeah. That's your hundred euros, right? More. So you get some, some equipment higher, is what you're saying. But is your little section-

That's not so bad. Do you get a little boat? No, you get nothing. That sucks. So you get your two little deck chairs, your two things. And we were like, we only need two and an umbrella. They were like, no, no, no, your kids are too big. They're going to have to have sun loungers too, because they're basically adults. I was like, they're not going to use them. Like, we don't care.

And they were all like that. All of them. So, it was a hundred euros for a family of four to go to the beach. You are literally cheek by jowl with all the other beachgoers on that section. They're like, there's no gaps other than a narrow passage to walk. So, you are lying there and you're next to a stranger and there's a stranger behind a stranger in front of you just surrounded. And it's like you're packed in. You can access the water for free, but you have to walk through the paid part of beach to do that.

And they won't let you through. So there was these little public avenues, like every half mile. There's like a tiny narrow strip which no one owns. And that area is packed with holiday makers who don't want to have to pay a hundred years a day, so you can't get through there anyway, because it's full of people. And it's super frowned upon. ALICE This sounds insane.

RILEY Yeah. I had no idea. I had no idea. The interesting thing is, this is inherited, so if I own it, when I die it goes to my kids. There's no bidding process, there's no, you know, it'll be some different company next year, competition, no no no. These are all families that have owned the rights to hire out these beaches for fucking ever. And they have this huge coastline, obviously Italy is mostly coastline, right?

Almost all of their beaches are privately owned like this. So the government owns the land, but they allow people to rent it out. So that was one thing. The heat. So it's like, let's go to the beach. Ridiculously expensive. It's so weird. I guess, I've never experienced that before.

I usually go to like these Greek or Spanish islands and as a result there's just beaches around the whole thing and they're all deserted, especially if you drive like, you know, five minutes up the road, you know, there'll be no one there at all. And I'm sure it's like that in other countries as well. It must be like that in parts of Italy where it's not so busy, right? Uh, no, I don't think... Anywhere where you might want to go to the beach is like, literally like that. Cause there's a big story right now about it.

If you read, you can find it. It's this really big... I think it's um, Liber Mare or something. Libre Mare is like some... the beach, the ocean should be free. Like it's for me, like that's the movement against this beach ownership shit. If you tried this in the UK, or a lot of other countries, I would be fucking turning over those things and they'd be straight in the fucking sea. Oh my god, I bet you they'd got all the papers open and they're rubbing their hands together

with boners like, oh yeah we could charge people to use the beaches too. Oh my God. Try it. Try it. They would love, they would, I know it would not happen, but they would love to do it, man, that should charge you for fucking everything over here. It's crazy. But so that was, that was bad.

Um, and we were like, How many breaths have you taken today? That'll cost you a 75 pounds per breath. Did you breathe in ocean air? There's an ocean air surtax. Cost of living crisis? Never heard of it, sorry. Sorry, you can afford to go to the beach, you can afford to pay me 100 euros to go to

the beach, that's all there is to it. And then we were like, sorry, we'll drive around somewhere. But driving was so unpleasant, and it was like, just navigating the car around this town. Did you have aircon in the car? Yeah, thank god. Oh, well there you go, fuck the niece. We just didn't navigating the car around this town. Did you have aircon in the car? Yeah, thank god. Oh, well there you go. Fuck the niece. We just didn't move the car.

The silver lining. We flew into niece, drove to Alasio, I was like, I am not moving the car. We have a parking space, that in itself is a miracle, and driving around here is awful. So let's just sit tight, Mrs. F is like, yeah, fuck, this is really bad. This is really interesting. Yeah. The reason all this is like, so, okay, so, there's 12,000 beach resorts with daily prices for two landers and umbrella, averaging 35 euros, costing as much as 800, 700 euros in exclusive locations.

In a country with 7,000 kilometres of coastline, almost 70% of the beaches are private, with several towns reaching 100% privatisation in northern Italy. Well, in Liguria it talks about that mostly. That's where we were. So, I was just not prepared for that. It's like the Mafia. That's what it is. It's the beach Mafia. Hey. You wanna go to the beach, eh? Eh. You better cough up. Be ashamed of something someoneting on a rock, or got stung by a jellyfish, you know, these things happen. But yeah, so...

You wanna go down to that public beach down there? I wouldn't give it a go. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. Public beach, you know, people go missing. That's all I'm saying, dangerous. But yeah, so, we went to Genoa. We were like, let's take a day trip to Genoa.

Mrs. F when we were on holiday makes some dubious calls at times. She was like, I booked the tickets, we're going to Genoa. I was like, cool. Didn't realize that is an hour and 40 minutes on the train. And I was like, oh my God, if this train doesn't have air-con, we're going to die. And we're going to have to be walking around Genoa. She's like, they got an aquarium and shops, it'll be fine. We get to Genoa, we're all melting already, we're walking to the aquarium, it's like 20

minutes in the sun, everybody's dying, we get to the aquarium, it's okay, we walk around Genoa, it's nice, parts of Genoa are nice, parts of it are fucking dodgy and horrible, we come back, that's the whole day, us just being tired in Genoa. ALICE How do you spell this? What are you saying? Genoa? Oh, Genoa, okay. I've heard of...

Oh, it looks really nice. Well, parts of it, yes. It's got that huge... It has that huge... Parts of it over a little moss islet. Oh, right. Well, the harbour's terrible. Really?

It looks fantastic from the sky. I guess everything looks pretty good. Maybe the prostitutes are not in shot. I dunno. They got prostitutes there? Yeah, dude. Lots of them. Oh my god, man. This sounds like my dream city. I love prostitutes are not in shot, I don't know. They got prostitutes there? Yeah, dude. Lots of them. Oh my god, man.

This sounds like my dream city. I love prostitutes. It was like, it was okay. Jenna was okay. Like, once you got into the built up area with all the shops and the nice old buildings, it was pretty. Yeah, it shares the... It's got a George Cross flag, and the Coda Arms has it in the shield as well.

Maybe at one point it had some leanings towards Empire? Yes? No. So, this is interesting, I was talking to my friend... My friend just stopped working for a second. Sorry. My friend Yoso.

You're not actually English, so that happens. So, my friend in Italy, Yoso, I was chatting to him, and I was just thinking, I can't remember what I'd seen, but I was thinking about the colonial era, and how when you're in Italy you don't really get the vibe of, they used to own a bunch of shit, because of course, Italy wasn't unified until like the 19th century, they had like the Italian kingdom, and by then everybody had done all the fucking discovering and colonizing and shit like that, so they were kind of way behind. And all they had was a couple of little bits, they had like Ethiopia, I think they did some

shit in like, it was either Libya or Syria or something, but they weren't like a big colonial enterprise, just stuff they could reach from the Med basically, which was Africa, and even then they didn't have too much of it. And that was why. Because I thought, geez, they're like, not that different from us, should be a naval power, they're surrounded by ocean, you know, all the rest of it. But they just never had that. But anyway, so then after we were in Italy for, I think it was four days, we drove to France.

Just outside Monaco, there's a place called Roc Brun de Cap Martinet or something like that, which is just along the coast of the east of Monaco, about 20 minute drive. Very pretty area. And we turn up, and I'm expecting our Airbnb to be... It's at some kind of block of flats or something like that, and I was like, we'll have an apartment there, it's like a complex, there's a pool. I wasn't prepared for La Dragonniere, which was the place we were staying. This place was very odd.

Instant shining vibes, straight off the bat. What's it? La Dragonnière, there I found it, I think. Camping. It's a camping place. It's not a camping place, that's the wrong place. Oh, okay. Okay.

It was not camping. Let's call it for you La Dragonnière. Camping Sandhaya Domaine de Le Dragonnier. No. I will find it for you here, if you look. Rockbrun Cap Martinet. It's just off V... Hang on, let me find the...

The D52? It might be on the D52. The M23. There's an avenue... I can't remember the guy's name, they're all named after someone. There is the avenue Winston Churchill, which I was delighted to see. Interesting. That made me happy.

But the avenue Paul du Mer is the avenue, and it's just off there, and it's called the Dragonerie. Or the Dragoniere. It's not coming up on Google Maps. So where, with the Dragoniere, is that like a place that you stayed at? Like, the name of, like, was that the name of the Airbnb? So, it was a small apartment in a much bigger complex of apartments. And all the apartments were pretty small.

And I was looking on, like, Airbnb and I saw it and it showed the kids' room and it was like a bunk bed, and I thought, they weren't mind that. What I didn't know is that essentially they just squeezed a bunk bed into what would have been a walk-in closet. And I had no idea. Cause I didn't check the floor plan. Mrs. F was like, hmm, kids are gonna be struggling in that room. And I was like, aw, shit.

And I looked and it was so small. Like, you could close the door, but you couldn't open the door all the way. It was impossible. The bed was in the way. You had about two foot of gap. So, the kids were like, crabbing in and out of this room. And it was really small. The TV was about the size of a postage stamp. So, in the evenings, we're watching telly or something, nobody could see it. And they had this weird thing where the sofa was on one side of the room and the telly was as far away as possible the other side of the room, so we're just like watching a postage stamp and that was kind of shit.

It claimed to have like a full kitchen facilities, but it didn't. You had a tiny two hob electric cooker and no oven, so we weren't ready for that. So we do self-catering a lot when we're away because we love cooking and it's like, you know, they've got carafours and stuff like that, all the groceries to get from... Oh those are so good, the hypermarkets, yeah. Yeah. So, the place was weird. When we got there, we were greeted by Monsieur Igor, who is the gardien de la Dragonnière,

and he's just like the custodian. The grumpiest guy I've ever met in my life. And he showed us how to get to our flat. And it was like a series of elevators and staircases and it was like a maze. Was it explained by a series of uh, tuts and grunts as well? Yeah. Nice. So that was weird.

I love that. So we drop off the bags in the apartment and we, I, the kids are like, we want to see the pool. I was like, cool, let's go see what we've fucking paid for because this place is not great. We go down to the pool, and when we come back, Mrs. F is on the floor, crying her eyes out. I was like, what's happened? She twisted her ankle.

ALICE Oh, shit. RILEY She fell out of the bathroom, there's this tiny little step, it's like two inches high. The thickness of a pack of playing cards. And she just, she went to step, missed, and cause she was wearing flip-flops with kind of a bigger heel, like a platformy heel. Like a wedge. Yeah, like a wedge.

She just went over, and as she was falling she realized that the corner of the wall she was falling towards she was gonna crack her head. So she had to sort of fall in a weird way to avoid cracking her head on something, and just tore the fuck out of her foot. So, she could, like, yeah, it was really bad. This was on Saturday. So this is, she was like, I really need painkillers, I've just used the last of the ibuprofen that I brought with me, I'm fucked, like, what am I gonna do, my ankle's killing me.

We pop to the shop to get some ice, like and get some frozen peas, put that on there. Now I didn't know this, the pharmacies in France close on a Sunday, right? ALICE Lots of stuff does in France. RILEY Of course. But you can't buy- ALICE I think they're closed on a Sunday here as well. RILEY Right, but you can't buy paracetamol ibuprofen over the counter in France. ALICE Oh really?

You mean in the supermarkets they have like those- RILEY Nothing. ALICE They're all like glass, there's a glass door, it's all like, you gotta like- It's the pharmacy only. You gotta get special access into them. Yeah. So the pharmacist is the only place you can get paracetamol ibuprofen.

There's no corner shop you can get it, nothing. So I was like, Christ, we're gonna have to wait till tomorrow and hope we can find somewhere. Me and the youngest decide we're gonna take a trip into Monaco, because there's a pharmacy, the only fucking pharmacy in the entire area that's open is in the centre of Monaco. Yeah. Fine. So we drive in. Now, I'm looking at the map and I'm like, parking in Monaco looks like an absolute nightmare.

Like it is in all of these places, I swear to God. In the UK we're so lucky with this shit, it never seems to be that much of a problem. Even Bristol, which hates cars, has plenty of parking if you just look for parking. It's empty because it's so expensive. Yeah! But it's expensive in Monaco! Yeah. Well Monaco is basically just a fucking, like, city-state, right? It's like, completely crammed in on the edge of a hill, right? They've got a king and everything. Yeah, yeah. It's like a little principality.

It's like a harbour with a slope with just like so many stuff packed in a row. You have to have a certain amount of money if you want to live there, if you weren't naturally born there. If you can prove that you're naturally born in Monaco, you can live there. Good luck. Yeah. It's just crazy. It's hard. But yeah, otherwise you just have to have a shit ton of money.

Even people that... ALICE Yeah, well, you can tell. ALICE It relies on lots of people to work there, but none of them are allowed to actually live there. They have to commute in from other places. It's insane. RILEY Exactly, I doubt they even have like, their fucking own hospital or anything, do you know what I mean?

It's so tiny. ALICE It is small. But so, I thought, we'll just park, like, we're driving in and the car that we've got doesn't have sat-nav somehow, and I'm basically relying on my youngest to navigate and I was like, shit, we're gonna go through some fucking party you're not meant to go through or whatever. So, we get into Monaco and I'm like, I'm just gonna park as soon as I can and we'll walk, it's not that big. We park up and I find this parking lot and it's like all these little garages underground. I was like, awesome, we'll fucking park here. So we park up there.

But then I didn't realise we were quite that far outside the centre of Monaco. It's like about a half hour walk in like 34, 35 degree heat, starting to warm up the whole time. There are buses but they're like hourly with diets. So we get down there, my youngest is like a real trooper, but she's like flagging. ALICE Sorry guys, I just have to go do something really quick, I'll be right back. I'm so sorry.

ALICE It's okay, it's okay. SEAN I'll just keep going. It's alright. So, we would've had to walk back up to the car park. I was like, fuck it, we'll get a bus back up there. This trip has exhausted us. Like, this whole day we just fucking wiped out. But, my daughter saw these things called Twizzies. Do you know what a Twizzy is? No. It's a car. It's a Renault Twizzy. It's like, the shittest car you can imagine. It's like a fucking go-kart. And you can hire them. So she was like, dad, we've got to hire a

Twizzy and drive around Monaco. I was like, alright. So was like, dad, we've got to hire a Twizy and drive around Monaco. I was like, alright. So I look into it, you've got to get this app and get approved and everything. So I said, alright, we'll try and do it later in the week, love. We get back home, we're exhausted. As, by the way, when we got back to the car park, she says to me, what does privé mean? I was like, what do you mean? She was like, it's written above all these little garages. I was like, oh shit, we parked in some lad's private space in this Monaco car park. I just thought, what weird spaces? But no, we should have gone down a few more floors. Anyway, the holidays proceeding, it's not great. We get the painkillers for Mrs. F,

we get something to strap up her ankle and everything. She can't even get in the pool. Kids are bored out of their mind. It's not great. We can't barely cook anything on this stove. It's like the shittest fucking kitchen. But we're managing. So, me and the youngest, I get the approval on this app, and we go into Monaco and we're trying to find a fucking Twizy. And it's like a limed bike. You see them on the app, you go up to it, you go beep beep beep, it unlocks, you drive around, you park it where you're meant to park it.

And it's free. Sure. Sure. It's right in the centre circle of the Monaco Football Club stadium. This is what it looks like on the map. I'm looking at the map, there's the pitch and the Twizy is literally in the centre circle. I was like, this can't be right. Turns out there's a car park above the ground somewhere.

And now we're walking around this pitch black car park looking for this fucking Twizy. It's boiling hot. I've got no signal on my phone. Somehow my youngest spots the Twizy, like fucking Legolas, she spots this Twizy, it's boiling hot, I've got no signal on my phone, somehow my youngest spots the Twizy, like fucking Legolas, she spots this Twizy. We get in it and I can barely fit in it. You know that scene in The Simpsons? Mason- So it's basically a front seat and then a back seat behind it, right?

So it's like a two seater. Jason- I wouldn't call it a back seat. I really wouldn't call it a back seat. I wouldn't even call it a front seat, okay? So this thing doesn't have windows, it has panels that you can zip up that are just clear plastic. So to open the door, you reach inside the car, pull the handle and then the door sort of opens up like a ladybird's wings. OK, there's no you can't fold the seat forward.

My my daughter just had to somehow get in the back. She's 12. She's she's not short. She's she's pretty tall for her age. She could barely fit in here. Like, she's definitely not adult sized, really. You could just about fit me in the front seat. I was like the Simpsons episode. This was the largest auto that I could afford.

You know that the really tall guy that was me. Yeah, she's barely in the back. And I was like, all right, love, off we go. She was like, I'm so excited to drive this thing. This car is like this shitty electric car. It's got no acceleration. It is, the steering wheel is so stiff because if you turn too sharply, this thing's just going to roll over. I'm not even kidding. The brakes is like Fred Flintstone style, you've got to put your feet out and brake. That's what it feels like. This thing is so bad. As we're driving around, no word of a lie, people are pointing and laughing at our car. And we're just zipping around in this traffic. And I was just like, fuck it.

I thought it was quite funny to drive past all these billion dollar yachts in the harbor of Monaco. I mean, the fundamentally the worst car I've ever been in, driving around all these Lambos and Porsches. And I'm in the fucking Twizy, my door is laughing ahead of me, but people are literally pointing and laughing at our ridiculous car. Which was quite funny. And because it's open air, like, there's no windows, I was just shouting bonjour out the window to people, and they were giving me these quizzical looks. It was fucking ridiculous.

Anyway, we parked up, we had some lunch, we got home. But yeah, it was just like... ALICE That sounds like that was the best day of the trip. SEAN That was the best bit. Cause it made her so happy. And I was like, I am gonna get this fucking Twizzy thing sorted. Like I've got to do this. Cause otherwise she's not gonna have a happy memory from this holiday.

And she absolutely loved it. She really did. It was really funny. But yeah, it was just all in all not a great trip. It's kind of depressing in all honesty, because you know, like, our summer had a cost a decent amount of money. And I know that these are beautiful areas, but it's just like, everything that could go wrong, you know, in a minor way, like Mrs. F's ankle was obviously really bad. But all the other things was just like, jeez, that's disappointing and crap and not really

acceptable. And, you know, why have you said there's a kitchen when there's barely a kitchen? Like, why have you said this apartment sleeps four? When I would be uncomfortable keeping a pet in this second bedroom, let alone two children, it was so hot. I was like, why would you advertise this place as like a nice apartment when it's not? And the place in Italy was just, it was just kinda basic. Everything was basic. I was like, you're ripping off tourists. You know I can't get a look at this place. And now I'm here.

We're fucked. We're stuck in this place and I feel like an idiot for fucking giving you all this money. It was really really disappointing and I felt like next time I'm gonna just do way more fucking research and be way more cautious. I think this is always the way, like, there's... I think in our culture you're taught to upsell stuff, right? To the point of omitting the truth. Like, it's the same thing with everything, it's always been that way. It's like that with estate agents telling you that the house that's falling down is a doer-upper. You know, or

you know what I mean? Like, they'll always spin negativity into positivity in the silliest ways, and I think it's almost automatic. It happens everywhere. You see it from eBay auctions to, you know, it's part of the world, right? And I think it isn't a British thing to do in a sense, because we are more... well, you do see it a lot here in the UK, of course, but it doesn't feel as right, because we tend to understate stuff, or prefer to... you know, we start with an apology, do you know what I mean? We're like, sorry, sorry. We can't fucking help ourselves. It's little things where you think, with just a bit more care, this would have made our holiday much better. Like, there was no fucking toilet paper. We had to go out and buy it. There

was like, there was just nothing. Like, there was one bin bag. We're there for a week. So it's like, you know we're gonna have to go buy this shit. You know you've got a cupboard full of this shit. And you're like, give them one, if they want more they can buy it themselves. I'm like, I'm not paying £10 a night here. This isn't fucking easy, Jett. This is an expensive holiday. And you're scrimping on that? You're scrimping on a fucking bin bag. You're giving us half a roll of toilet paper. Yeah!

What are you doing? I have that almost every time. They're like, they give you just enough. They give you half a roll of toilet paper and one dishwasher tap. Yeah. And you're like, great, now I have to go buy a toilet paper. And you're like, oh, okay, I guess I'm going to use... And I get it, like, you know.

No, I don't get it. Because they have a cleaner. a plane door. And you're like, oh, okay, I guess I'm going to buy these. And I get it, like, you know. No, I don't. I don't get it. Because they have a cleaner. They have supplies. I would be so embarrassed to rent somewhere out to people and leave them in convenience to save myself fucking 10p. That would be so fucking bad. And I look at the reviews of all these places on Airbnb and they're all five-star.

We had a great time. Who the fuck is leaving five star reviews in these places? I would not be doing that. The air con in this place in France, they didn't mention this, there's a bucket outside, okay? The air con has a pipe that drops water into this bucket. We had no idea that this bucket existed or that we had to empty it.

The next morning after our first night, this old lady knocks on our door, Monsieur, I didn't sleep a wink because the bucket was dripping all night. I was like, what bucket? She's like, your balcony, the bucket! I go out there and there's this bucket brim over, just water pouring out of it. I was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I empty it.

We've now got to set timers to empty your fucking bucket. And do you know what? All the other apartments had a pipe that went round the side of the balcony and dripped onto the bushes or somewhere like that. These guys now just have a fucking hose and a bucket. Yeah, it's just... We got there and they turned the power off when no one's using the flat. Fair enough. They'd been somewhere there that morning.

We turn up with all groceries for the week. The fridge is fucking warm. Everything's warm. The flat is hot. Everything is like that. The place is cleaned, but they haven't resupplied. And then they have the nerve. This is what annoys me about some of these Airbnbs. When it's checkout, they give you a fucking to do list of shit.

Do this, do this, turn the power off, empty this, do that. Like, don't you fucking have someone to do this shit? I've paid you over a grant to stay in your fucking place for five days and you're making me take the bins out, empty this, do that, turn this, fuck off. Have some fucking respect for your guests. It really gets my good. Don't lie to me on your fucking ad.

Don't make me fucking tidy up the flat. You literally pay a cleaner to do that or or do it yourself, so fucking do it! I would never, ever expect my guests to leave the place spotless on their way out, because this isn't your home, this is a place you've bought to let out on Airbnb. And that is part of the fucking deal. That is your job, is to prepare it for the next guest. Not mine. But apparently it's my job.

It really pisses me off. Just little things like that. Well, the sponsorship with Airbnb is fucked, that's for sure. Honestly, it's not Airbnb. The issue is not Airbnb, because I have some really good stories with Airbnb. The issue is people taking the piss. And both of these places charge way more than they were worth, because you're a foreign tourist. They've got ya. You know what I mean? They've got ya. You're going to turn up. It's too fucking late.

What are you going to find another Airbnb? You've already paid for it. It's not like a hotel where you've got a certain standard, like a Hilton or whatever. You know what you're paying for. This is just rolling the dice. And it was really disappointing because the people were nice, but they just didn't give a shit about the guests. They didn't take care of these tiny little details.

It would have made a huge difference. I've stayed in Airbnbs where you turn up. There's a bottle of wine there, milk, sugar, tea, coffee, in the fridge ready. And it's like, there's clean towels, there's beach towels, there's all the stuff you need. There was fucking nothing. Like there were like two towels for a four bed place. Two little towels.

What the fuck? I've never stayed at an AirBnB and I've always been a bit reluctant to stay at one because... Oh, some of them are great. I mean, the one we stayed at in Croatia... No, staying at one in Croatia was amazing. The guy came, the guy brought us fresh food every day. Oh, wow. He was a fisherman.

He would bring us fish every day. He's like, here's some fish. He's like, and also here's some fresh pork. My friend just killed a pig. Here's some pork. We went hunting and we got some deer. Here's some venison. Here's a load of sausages we made.

Bringing it, fresh food and vegetables, just bringing it to us. And he was the nicest guy. And this place was wonderful. And it was cheap. Maybe I'm jaded or something, I don't know. But like, if somebody was being that nice to me, I would really struggle to trust them. I would think like, I'm probably going to die tonight. Or, you know, I is you. This guy just gave me pork, I'm dead. Like, you... I think maybe you don't travel enough and see people. You become so insular. He's being nice to me, it's a trick or something. I don't know, man.

I think the older you get, you get screwed over so many times in your life leading up to you getting older, you just think, oh man, I can't trust anyone now. No, I disagree. I get it. I get it. Like, we had exactly the same thing when we went around New Zealand, and the first place we went looked nice and fine, and we turn up and the guy's like, oh, I didn't know you were coming, because, you know, you're fucking...

I don't check... There's booking.com or whatever, I only check this other thing. And so we were like, okay. And he was like, you know, you can come in anyway if you want, and we were like, we haven't got anywhere else to stay, and we've just arrived from, like, fucking the UK. So it's gonna... And so when we go in... And of course the whole place is like, a shithole, kind of, because the last people have just

left and they haven't partied around the whole place. And the guy's like, oh well, we can get you some new sheets but that's all we can do, sort of thing. And so, we actually went out and bought some fucking cleaning supplies just so we could, like, make the place not... you know, because we were staying there for a few days, we didn't wanna fucking live in this basically, like, gross kind of place. And that was a place where they had their own water supply, which was plumbed into the ground. But it was, like, iron was in the ground or something? Oh, it was like, red water?

So, the first load of washing we put on stained all of the whites, like, yellow. It was insane. I could've done that for you naturally, I mean, you did say. Mine are all like that, too. And so, and then we went to another place which was really really nice, and it was like a farm and they had a dog and like canoes on a lake, it was just super nice, and the next place we went was fucking tiny, you know what I mean? And the double beds were not double beds, they were single beds kind of thing, and me and my partner had to sleep in a single bed together, which was one of the worst things

I've ever done. You know, just don't do it. Yeah, it's so rough. And then, you know, the other places were a mix, you know, one place cancelled on us at the last minute, so we had to find somewhere else, and then we... I'm sure I told this story, but we were stuck, it was like 10pm, right, and we got to this place, and they cancelled on us, because they said, oh, we double booked it with someone else or whatever.

And so we were like, fine, so we rang up Bookie.com and they were like, oh don't worry, we've got a place for you, an hour's drive away, on this road. So we looked it up and it was like, okay, so we drove for an hour to this place. I think it was called something like Victoria Road. And we got there, and I'm sure I've told this story many times. You guys just turn to Jersey, we got one of those here. We got a Victoria Road over here. We got there. We got beaches over here too. We got there, and it was, y'know, 11pm, and we walked around the house, we couldn't find

the box for the key, and we were looking in the windows, peering in, we couldn't get in. And we rang up booking.com, and they were like, oh, you should be there, the key should be there, the person's clicked out and meet you, and we were like, well, I can't fucking find this person, it's pitch black, there's no one here, it's just deserted. I figured out that we were on the wrong Victoria Road. We'd driven to like, 15 Victoria Road, but it was two hours the other way, so it was an hour south instead of an hour north. And of course everywhere's called Victoria Road, we should've known. But, fucking, we

ended up then driving two hours more. We got there at 1am, y'know, to this other place, found our way in pretty quick. But then of course there's no power, there's no gas on the hob or anything, y'know, you had to go out under the house to get a new gas tank from this spidery, dark basement. There's tons of places like that that are just someone's holiday home or whatever that they barely care about, and I'm sure it's not convenient for them either to have people turning up at 1am, but, it wouldn't have happened if the other people weren't as so careless with it. And that's New Zealand, which is a place where people are relatively on it.

I think like France and Italy, they're all fucking laid back, chilled out people, you know? Yeah, they're pretty chilled out and laid back. Listen, I went to France one time, and we stayed at a hotel there. We'd had a whole long day of travelling, got to the hotel, checked in, everybody's quite pleased to get up to our room and just sit down and have a rest and stuff. So I thought this is a great opportunity for me to go take a well-earned shit.

So into the bathroom I went. I did my business. It took a little while. It was quite a big one. Like I said, we've been traveling all day and I just needed to unload. There's a lot to unpack in there. Anyway. Anyway, I took a huge shit and flushed the toilet and it was instantly blocked. And I was like, oh, there's only one...

Wait, is that on you? Is that because of your mega poop? Or is it we blame the toilet here? Well, I mean, it's hard to know what's going on in those pipes, you know? It was a big poo, granted, it was a huge one, so it could have been me. Alright? Let's just say it was me, because the next part will prove it, okay? It was a big one. It was a big one that did not want to fully flush down, okay? Oh my god. So, I flushed and...

We've reached a new low. Well, listen, it happens. I flushed and this sucker was not going down. So I did the forbidden technique. I took the toilet brush and, with a lot of toilet paper in there, pushed it, you know? Pushed it thinking, you know, it's moved a bit, it'll probably just go now, right? On the next flush. So I flush again, it didn't go. Overflow. It didn't overflow though, okay? The water went up quite high, but not near enough to overflow. Like, there was still a little bit

of wiggle room there. So I was like, oh, y'know, I went out and I said to everybody, listen, I'm so sorry, I blocked the toilet. It couldn't be helped. I didn't think I was gonna block it, but here we are sort of thing. And everybody's like, well don't worry, we've all been, or whatever. Let's leave it, y'know, let's go, and everyone's like, well don't worry, we've all been, or whatever. Let's leave it, y'know, let's go out and find something to eat, or whatever, and we'll come back and it'll probably have been cleared by this time. And uh... By whom?

The toilet grubber? Naturally, naturally, it's just soaking, like, it's gonna... Isn't that the cobbler in the Owl story? No, it's gonna get so full of water that it'll just start breaking apart. I'm sure that's what shit does. Anyway. So we leave, we go out, and we don't even think about it again. We're out for hours.

We get home, and then my kids are like, oh god, I'm dying, I gotta go to the bathroom, they go in. Oh, I can't go to the bathroom, the toilet's still blocked. And I said, oh yeah, it's blocked, but you should, like, if you just need to pee, you can probably go. And they're like, no, no, no, we can't go in. And the water was like right up to the rim. Okay. Like it had not gone down. It gone up. It gone up like maybe an inch. Okay. So it's like right on the rim. It's like just threatening to spill over. So I was like, well.

This is like a horror story. Oh fuck, it was awful. So I went downstairs to the reception and I said, listen, I don't know what's going on, but the toilet is blocked and we flushed the toilet and the water is like right up, it hasn't spilled over yet, but it's like right up there. And we can't do anything about it. So the lady's like, okay, well, you know, unfortunately our maintenance guy isn't back in until Monday.

You know, this was like Saturday evening. So you know, it's, it's going to have to stay like that. And I was like, okay, well, what can we do? And she's like, listen, we'll put you in another room. We've got another room just down the hall from your room. The exact same room. Wait, the exact same room? They brought the poo over. No, no, no. Minus the poo. It's the exact same layout, everything. Same room, it's just down the hall. You guys can have that one. You just have to move your stuff or whatever

and then we'll just deal with the toilet on Monday or whatever. So we're like, oh, thanks so much. that's great. Went back upstairs, moved all the stuff, and whatever. And it was further down the hall, so we would have to pass the old room on our way to like get to the elevator, okay? This is important because... The room of shame. It was the room of shame. Every time we walked by, we felt awful. But not so much so as the following morning, when we were leaving, we walked by and we noticed that there was quite a few cleaning carts outside the old room. Not only that, the carpet in front of the old room, all in the hallway, was completely

soaked. Oh my god. With poo water. Yeah. And we had to walk through it, and feel the shame, and when we got outside, every puddle we could find we were rolling the suitcase through, rolling the buggy through, wiping our feet in, and just trying to dilute the shit water that would have been all over our feet and everything.

I mean, it's fascinating lack of trust you have in other people. I don't trust you around a toilet. Man, okay. The thing is that there's no way that me taking a shit should have caused all that. There's got to be some underlying issue. That's unbelievable. Why is the water going up? It's meant to go down.

Why is it coming back up? Like that much? Because it's blocked! It's like, it came up like half a foot to overflow, like, it was unbelievable. Like, the amount of water... Sometimes they have a slow run, don't they? Sure. Running slow. So anyway, so yeah, so we did end up having to walk through shit water caused by me.

That whole room, I think, they must have had to just take a blowtorch to it. There's no other way, it's just... It's awful. I bet they had a big fucking family full of British people in there the same afternoon. Yeah. Your toilet's fucked, but, uh, that'll be five grand, please. It's dense.

Here's half a roll of toilet paper, and one dishwasher tablet. I thought what you were gonna say, Simps, when you got the new room, you instantly took a massive shit to mop that toilet. No, no, no. And then the whole trip, that wasn't even... that was just the start, that was like the second night of our trip, because we were staying in multiple places leading up to staying in the main place we were going to. And the whole trip, every time I went to the bathroom, everybody's like, oh my god, have

you done it again? I was like, no, come on. This is not sticking. I'm not the toilet blocker guy, okay? It happened once, under very unfortunate circumstances. I think there was an underlying plumbing issue as well, coincidentally. There's no way that I'm becoming known as the guy who blocks toilets. I don't often block toilets for the record, okay? It just

happened this time and it was pretty bad, but you know. What can you do? I'm just gonna make a request if I may. Please do not email in with your own toilet blocking stories. We get enough toilet and poop related emails that I ignore, as it is. Please don't send in your own. That was a good story. Don't try and top it, alright? Zipz's blocked toilet story is the end of this.

ALICE It was quite a shameful story. JUSTIN Yeah, exactly. Private citizens. A few decades ago, private citizens used to be largely that. Private. What has changed? The internet. Think about everything you've browsed, searched for, watched or tweeted.

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I recommend you do. Protect your online privacy today by using expressvpn.com slash triforce. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-E-P-N.com slash triforce. You can get an extra three months for free. On with the show. Do you guys want to hear a different story? This is a total change of pace, something I read about when I was on holiday. Sure. Sure. I don't know how this came up. Have you guys heard of a guy called Carl Guggeysian? ALICE Um, is he the guy...?

That sounds familiar to me, somehow? JUSTIN No, I don't know. He's not the guy who tore his door chest. ALICE Is this a trap where you're gonna say I'm some sort of racist for knowing who this is? JUSTIN No. ALICE Okay, good. JUSTIN His alias was, he was the FBI's most prolific bank robber.

Okay. Okay. This guy is, he's still alive, 76, he was born in 1947 in Pennsylvania. This is his robberies, right, he robbed banks for, let me think, about a 30 year period on court. He got about two million dollars in total before he was caught and sentenced to 17 years in prison. This is how he would do it.

His robberies were meticulously planned and executed. Using topographical and street maps, he selected small town banks which were next to wooded areas by nearby highway onramps. He would observe the target from the woods for several days to glean insight on employee behaviour, waiting to strike in autumn or winter for earlier darkness. He would then create a cache to stash the money and his equipment immediately following the robbery. He carried out the robbies on Friday nights just before closing, believing this minimised

the number of customers present and maximised the cash on hand. Characteristically, this is my favourite part. The actual, physical, how he carried out the cash on hand. Yeah, smart. Characteristically, this is my favourite part, the actual physical how he carried out the robberies. Characteristically, he wore a frightening face mask, such as a character from a horror film, making sure it fit snugly to hide the colour of his skin, and wore bulky clothes to disguise his build. Entering the bank carrying a pistol, he moved in a crab-like manner to confuse estimates of his

height. Oh my god. When he would then vault the counter in a standing jump, landing with a frightening crash, then stuff his bag with money and leave, usually after less than two minutes in all. Whoa. Now, the crab-like manner is bizarre enough, because if a guy wielding a gun and wearing a horror mask crab walked into anywhere, I'm hittin' the deck and I'm terrified. But the vault over the thing just reminds me of Bill Gates jumping over that chair.

Because this guy is just a little guy, he's not like a big dude, wearing a scent block to disguise his trail. ALICE What the fuck? This guy's thought of everything! I know, they should just let him get away with it, honestly. He's done such a good job! He'd stash evidence in his cache, then ride a dirt bike through the woods to a plain panel van where he would load the bike onto the van and get immediately onto the freeway.

On one occasion a startled bank manager leaned towards Guguesian, who shot him in the abdomen. So he was also, you couldn't fuck with him. Now this is the bit that's a bit crazy. During his robbery of a Fulton bank in Susquehanna Township, Dofan County, Pennsylvania, Guguesian shot responding police officer Sergeant Robert Bo Macalester, who died in 2019 from complications from the shooting injury. Now... So hang on, how many years later is that, sorry? Nearly 40 years.

Okay. Now, complications related to the injury? I don't know about that. That's 40 years. That's a lot, that's a very complicated complication. Well, maybe he took liver damage or heart damage from it or something. 40 years, dude. That is a long time to have complications.

Consequently, the death was ruled a homicide, and Guggegian was named as a suspect. But, statute of limitations, investigators still hope to draw a confession from Guggegian somehow. So hang on, hang on. So, what is the statute of limitations on shooting someone then? I don't know. Let's have a look. Statute of limitations is...

I didn't think it had one. I thought the murder was no statute of limitations. I think it's he didn't actually kill him. That was the whole point of doing cold cases, right? But he didn't kill him, did he? What did he sh- Oh, he died of complications, so it's like manslaughter, is it? I guess?

I don't know. Either way, they're hoping that he'll just confess. He went to prison. He'd hidden the plans and equipment for his robberies, sealed in PVC pipes, hidden in concrete drainage pipes. These were found by two boys playing in the woods in Pennsylvania. From this material, police constructed a more accurate profile, which led to his arrest in 2002. Wow.

His extensive cooperation after his arrest resulted in his initial 115 year sentence being reduced to 17 years in prison. He taught mathematics to other inmates and he was released in 2017 at the age of 69. So he's free. He's out. He's meant to have 115 years. 115 years, he's out.

But because he was so cooperative, I bet you he loved telling them about everything he thought up to do him in. But I mean, even keeping the plans and materials not at his house, so if he got raided or they arrested him or anything, there's nothing in his house to equipment, this guy was serious. Professional bank robber. That's how you do it. It's an interesting story, but I mean, it's, you know, as cool as it is and everything and as careful as he was and stuff, obviously the impact of him robbing banks would have

been felt by a lot of people, probably, at some point. Hey, I'm not saying he's a hero. No, I'm not, no. I just, y'know. Sometimes you hear stuff like this and you're like, oh wow, what a really interesting guy or whatever, but you have to always sort of remind yourself... He fucking shot two people, he's a piece of shit! He was also a criminal.

So the FBI says, at the age of 15, he was shot while attempting to rob a candy store. So he was trying to rob a candy store at the age of 15, and was sent to this state youth detention facility, but on release, he, apparently, he thought, there was this misunderstanding that this FBI agent says, he didn't know that juvenile records get expunged, he thought he'd never be able to get a real job, so instead he took deliberate steps to continue with a life of crime and excel in it. Wow. Apparently he did enjoy the art of ballroom dancing, and even did it a few times a week.

So he could be, he could have got a completely different life if he'd, you know, played to him. Just made an assumption. Yeah. He could have done it. Instead of strictly come dancing. It's really weird how meticulous he was about everything except for that, you know? All it would take is like a quick phone call.

Hey, do my records stay around forever or not? I just need to know. phone call. Hey, do my records stay around forever or not? Just need to know. I'm making some life decisions here this morning. Oh man, that's weird, eh? Oh god, guys, we've gotta talk about the Australian breakdancer at the Olympics, Rae Gunn. Did you hear this story? Oh, I saw this!

I saw the breakdancing, and I didn't really know what was going on. I saw her breakdancing, I thought, she does not seem to be very good at breakdancing. What is going on? But I just thought it's the Olympics, so maybe it's like, you know, it's not so much about the showmanship, maybe it's like a technical thing or something. Right. So this is the issue. Is that, I don't think people know how breakdancing is meant to be scored, if you

like. Do you know the story of Ray Gun, the Aussie entrant? And all the controversy? I don't know her story, but I did see her performance. First of all, the Olympics itself is a fucking big old load of weird, messy nonsense, right? It's got literal children doing death defying stunts in skateboarding. There is a thing called the Youth Olympic Games, right? They actually sued us back in the day, because we released some Minecraft videos called the Yogg Olympics, and they are the only videos on our channel that have been actively removed by YouTube, okay? Because we use... Because Yogg is a copyright term, Youth Olympic Games, right? But that doesn't matter for sports like gymnastics, where it's routinely won by 13 or 14-year-olds.

15-year-olds, yeah, yeah, exactly. Which is okay, right? I guess. Is that okay? Maybe. And then, of course, there's tons and tons and tons of sports, and they're all ludicrous. It's fun to watch, because when you're watching these movies on telly, you know, it's like, now we're gonna go to some shooting! Now we're gonna go to some people breakdancing! It's fun to watch, because when you're watching these movies on telly, you know, it's like, now we're gonna go to some shooting!

Now we're gonna go to some people breakdancing! It's mental. Okay? I love the voice that you're using for this. Competitive breakdancing is a mental idea. Now we're gonna go to some shooting! And this whole... This story is crazy.

So she was like some sort of... What I heard was that there was an Australian university lecturer who basically was a casual breakdancer in her free time. She wanted to... She somehow qualified for the Olympics and went there and did a terrible job, but was kind of apparently either doing it on purpose, or there was some sort of meme reason why she was doing it. No, so what I read was that none of her moves are like, standard moves.

She invented all these moves. Which you can tell, because they're shit. Right? So one where she kind of drags her cheek on the floor slowly and stuff. Yeah, these are all original moves. These are all her moves. So I don't know if she's thinking, that should be worth some points, right? I'm doing all these cool original moves. But the way that... there was no breakdancing Australia sort of way that they selected her.

Some organization I think she is familiarly involved with, either her mother or her husband or something runs Ballroom Dancing Australia and they, for some reason, the Olympics got them to choose. So they picked her. She's like, clearly not a breakdancer, like obviously. I don't know what's in it for her, because I don't think you get a lot of money for being in the Olympics and now she's a laughing stock and a meme. Was it worth it? I dunno. ALICE I don't know if she is a laughing stock, she was certainly celebrated. The Aussies loved her coming back, they carried her down the street, do you know what I mean? JUSTIN No, they didn't! Really?!

ALICE They did! It's great! I think a lot of people really loved this thing, and thought it was funny and good. RILEY Did they like it because it's like, putting two fingers up to the establishment. ALICE I think more people should take the piss out of some of these Olympic sports. this thing, and thought it was funny and good. Did they like it because it's like, putting two fingers up to the establishment? I think more people should take the piss out of some of these Olympic sports. I don't know, though, but, fuck it. The actual breakdancing competitors, though, were insane.

Like it is incredible. The contrast between their performance and somebody who's actually good at breakdancing is just... I don't want to undermine the sport of breakdancing on this podcast. It's never coming back, apparently. Because the next Olympics in LA, right? Is that... Oh, really?

I think it is, yeah. But apparently it's not going to be an event, breakdancing, that's it. That was the first time in the... Interesting. They always do posts a list of new sports. They're doing cricket, they're doing 2020 cricket, flag football, squash, and baseball slash softball in LA Olympics. So they're putting some American shit back in.

RILEY My issue is, that the continual expansion and adding of new sports, people have a problem with it because they're like, that shouldn't be an Olympic sport. ALICE Man, some of them are crazy though. RILEY Yeah, some of them are crazy. ALICE You know the one where they have that weird-looking Cause they're like, that shouldn't be an Olympic sport. Man, some of them are crazy though. Like, uh, like the- Yeah, some of them are crazy. You know the one where they have like that weird looking shotgun and they got a towel in their pocket?

Who the fuck came up with that one? Like, what are they doing? It is weird, yeah. It's odd. But I guess it's like, this is a chance for these people to compete internationally on a big stage for a niche sport that might not otherwise- but is pickleball gonna be at the Olympics? The Olympic pickleball? This is what I'm saying, it's the fastest growing sport in America.

Better fucking be. I mean, is chess gonna be... is chess in the Olympics? Does that not count? It's not very physical. Exactly. Like, it's... Haha, Mishaps has got an answer for all of these. No, no, I mean, he's right.

It's not physical, and if we allow that... but they're gonna have video games. Are they? They're gonna have eSports in the Olympics. yeah, they wanna add like, Dota or something like that. ALICE Well, if they have eSports, I'd say they should kind of fold chess into that too then. I think it would make sense. I mean, the chess, like, the world of chess is...

RILEY It is great. ALICE It's huge, yeah. I mean, it's really... RILEY But answer me this, right. What other, other than the Olympics, name another shooting competition. Name another fucking volleyball competition. I mean, you could just say, oh, the World Volleyball Championship, sure. But with football you've got the World Cup, European Cup, Championship.

ALICE Well, you've got the Commonwealth Games, I guess, is probably the next biggest, right? Under the Olympics. I guess, yeah. And I'm sure there's a South American one, one Asian Games, and all this. ALICE And it has all the same athletics and stuff. And I'm sure there's a South American one, one Asian one, one Asian games and all this. But there's no week in, week out competition that everybody's watching the way there is with so many other sports.

Basketball, hockey, football, American football, cricket, all of that. It hasn't been mainstream the same way some of the big franchise sports are, like your hockey, basketball, baseball. Yeah, but it's also like, this is the chance for these guys. We have these games at the Olympics, because that way it gives something to the whole season for running. Maybe the reason why it's never branched out into anything is because there's just not

that much appetite for it, you know? I think people every two years, you know, for the Olympic and then two years after that, the Summer Olympics, I think people are happy enough to sort of say, yeah, give me two weeks of like all these other sports. Yeah, we'll watch them. And I'll watch them. You know, I'll keep track because it's countries competing. It's kind of like people who don't watch any football at all, but then really love the World Cup. Like me. I don't watch any Premier League football, I don't keep

track of any football whatsoever, but I love watching the Euros and I love watching the World Cup. So it's the same with the Olympics. I would never watch any of these sports otherwise, but because it's in this big international competition, I'll watch it. Because I know it's just on for like two weeks. And you know it's coming, right? The fact is that, you know, a nine year old today can prepare to do skateboarding in four years time at the Olympics.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'll be preparing my kids for. Kids, the future is skateboarding! There's other stuff that they can do around this stuff anyway, and I think in a lot of cases these guys are just doing this stuff because they really like to do it. I don't think that anybody really goes in and says, okay, in five years time, I'm going

to be Olympics ready. Like I think that does happen at some point, but I don't think you start with that goal necessarily in mind. You know what I mean? I think you get into it naturally. You prove that you're pretty good at it, and then people start to push you in that direction. I guess your coaches would do that. Your coaches would be like, look, you are really good at this.

This guy's exceptional. We're gonna put you in touch with British great-nouns. He's only five years old! He's doing double daffy-laffy-taffies all over the damn place! I can't contain him! Send him to the Olympics! He's working on a triple taffy Laffer, this is unbelievable. This guy's doing triple Daffy!

This guy's really fucking rich and has his own stables, he can be the horse guy! Holy shit, there was a bit of controversy around the horse stuff, did you see that last one? Which one, the girl whipping that horse or something else? Yeah, no, there's that woman who was set to be like the favorite to go for gold. She had to step out, she had to bow out just before the Olympics started because a video was released of her basically abusing her horse. Being really mean to her horse. So here's my question, right?

Here's my question. That comes out and all the horsey people are like, oh gosh, that's appalling. Yeah. But I'm thinking, you guys are all fucking doing that, aren't you? You're all fucking whipping these horses. ALICE She was apparently really losing her marbles with it, like, you fucking stupid fucking horsey! The fucking glue factory, if you look at them, I'll fuck you!

I said a triple daffy taffy laughing, you stupid horse! DUFFY TUFFY LAUGHING, YOU STUPID HORSE! ALICE People do awful things for competitive, look at what Lance Armstrong did, and the amount of... people go crazy! They fucking inject themselves with shit, and fucking take blood transfusions, it's mental. RILEY I'm just saying, I reckon if you dug even a little deep, this is super commonplace, and in private, a bunch of horsey people might be saying, well, of course, sometimes you've got to thrash the beast with an inch of its life, otherwise you simply don't learn anything! The Queen was really into horses, do you think she was ever abusive towards a horse?

Apparently, yeah, I read a big article about it. You fucking long-faced cunt! You fucking... You're a rouser, day! Philip, this horse's eyeballing me! Is it I'll see to you, you four-legged devil! Grab him by the mane! You're a horse, indeed! Philip, this horse is eyeballing me! Is it I'll see to you, you four-legged devil? Grab him by the mane!

Horse's face into his own poop, you devil! Whip him harder, Philip! Whip him again! Charles, come here and help! Please help me, pit mother, come here! Ugh. Ugh. Philip Horse Whipper. SHUT UP, SHUT ME DOWN AND HELP! Please help me, bitmother, can you? Ugh.

Ugh. Philip Horse Whipper. Horse Whipper-er. Oh, fucking... Fuck now. I think this would be a lot... Well, Robert Redford would be turning in his grave if he knew what was happening to all these horses.

If he was dead, he'd be turning in his grave. If he was dead, he would be fucking turning. I can't say that the Olympics was, um, that thrilling to me. If he was dead, he'd be turning in his grave. If he was dead, he would be fuckin' turning in there. I can't say that the Olympics was that thrilling to me. I didn't watch much of it. I didn't watch any of it, actually, it's just been so fuckin' busy, man. Just at the Euros, you know what I mean? Just at the fuckin' Euros.

Usually, like, a little bit of time, but this year, no time. Yeah, um, where we go? I think that's enough for podcasts. Yeah, that's your fuckin' lot right there. Hey, I'm so sorry I had to step away for a second, I've got a bunch of cramps and sort of, but we're getting there, we're getting there. Exactly. We've got busy busy busy time, busy place.

Thank you everyone, we'll see you all next time when we're all back from Hollybobs. When we all get back from our summer Hollybobs. No promises, there'll be regular episodes for the next few weeks fucking hollybops