Triforce! - Triforce! #297: The Incredible Plastic-Man

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

Triforce! Episode 297! Sips shares his micro-plastic infused super power, Lewis is gathering a real hoard of Lego bricks and we throw some praise towards our favourite ajudicator Judge Judy! Go to http://auraframes.com/triforce to get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames. Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I love- that was better than I could do. I've played this game a lot, it's published by Yotsukas Games, it's made by a single man. It's honestly a labor of love. Right. So I love Bellatro. I really, really like Dungeons and Generic Gamblers. Give it a go. Yes, absolutely. If you love card games, if you love digital online, if you like Bellatro, you can check out Dungeons and Generic Gamblers. It's out now on Steam. And as a special offer for our Pickaxe listeners, you can pick up a copy of the game for an unbeatable price at fanatical.com slash Pickaxe listeners you can pick up a copy of the game for an unbeatable price at fanatical.com slash pickaxe. No way. Thank you very much. On with the show!

Hello everyone, welcome back to the Triforce podcast. That's right, it is I, Lewis, your host and lead king of all that is nerdy for the last eight years we've been doing this. I'm joined of course by my friend Pyrrhen who is here today with me in the office. Hello. What's this formal tone that you've taken on for a podcast that's been going for like eight years? We're past all this. You don't need to have your tuxedo on and your bow tie, and okay, you just say, hey

guys, what's up, I pooped my pants last week and also my bathroom stopped working and I'm still a vegan or whatever, you know? So I went to a megagame, I wanted to tell you about it. When? A what? A Den of Wolves, it was called. When? Just a weekend before last.

And it's basically like one of these... I went to one before, there's a place... Southwest Megagames. Shout out to these guys. I think I said it before, because there were a couple of Triforce fans there. Southwest Mega Games, let's get some photos. Southwest Mega Games. So, it was in a village hall, they all usually are. How many people attended this event? I think about 30 or 40. I was gonna say that. Right? Yeah.

Nice. Pretty good. Maybe even more. And so there's like, a couple of guys who run it and they're sort of acting as kind of the control, or the dungeon masters, you know, or whatever, the games masters of it, and so they sort of make sure everything goes quite smoothly, and then we're all playing as countries. Now, the one I went to before was like an XCOM themed one where we were all countries trying to fight off the UFOs. This one was more sort of, Bath Star Galactica themed, except for it didn't use any of that terminology, right, because you didn't want to rip them off. So the idea was that you were all guys, you were

different spaceships in a little fleet, running away from these, you know, Cylons, but they were called Wolves. And it's great, you know, you've got everyone's, like, there's all the politics involved in Battlestar Galactica, so, you know, there's like fuel shortages and striking and riots going on and all the other stuff, and then there's Cylon's infiltrating, so there's like some people sabotaging stuff, and then of course there's all the attacking that happens, you know, you have the wolves come in and attack you and you have to sort of quickly get away before the attacks get too strong. It was very intense. A really fun, fun day. Was it? Were you getting a real sweat on by the end of it? Because this sounds thrilling.

Well, I can tell you one thing that happened. So, I was on a team, it was me, Ben, and Mike. Mike and our friend as well. And Mike was our sort of council member, right? So, the council is where one member from each team goes into this separate Mike was our sort of council member, right? So the council is where one member from each team goes into this separate room and they sort of chat through making these grand enactments or whatever they're called, you know, policies that affect everyone, right? So they might say, oh, you know, we're going to centralise the fuel control so no one's hoarding it, or we're going to, you know, we're going to make sure that all of these things are fair, or we're gonna, you know, fund a project like a Cylon detector, or you know, they kind of have big sweeping changes, right? And so, there were some fears

that the president might be, you know, one of the wolves. And so they had this election, right? And Mike was like, didn't want to run for the election, but he was like pushing for an election to try and get our candidate. Anyway, they had a vote and so, me, we're all in the kitchen having a break, having a cup of tea and we like overhear that Mike has been elected president, you know, because we recognise that the other team are like talking about him and they don't know we're listening in. And so they're saying this, yeah, that guy from the fuel ship, he's being elected president. But they used a Cylon detector on him and he was immediately arrested from being

a Cylon. So Mike had this wonderful moment where he was president for a day and then he got immediately taken to the corner of the room in the brig and was being interrogated. It was honestly like so fun. I've posted a couple of pictures in the Discord, Sips. This is the sort of folks you might bump into at a megagame. Right. Yeah. What are you doing? What's this? You're the one being judgmental. I'm saying look at these guys at a megagame. That's why I'm posting this innocently.

That guy's wearing a tinfoil costume. That wasn't typical of the day. People are more smartly dressed than that. The sort of command crew were wearing, like, proper jumpsuit, like military dungarees. Thank you, Paranoid Nate. I posted them without comment or context. You didn't. You gave comment. I said, these are the kinds of people you might see in a mega game! You posted them with contempt! I heard it in your voice! You're projecting me!

These are the kind of people who go to a mega game, Lewis! Like you! Yeah, I know, I just said, these are the kinds of people you might see in a mega game, and I posted these two pictures in the Discord of these massive nerds playing a mega game, that's all. I had a blast, I've got to admit. We did another big old mystery quest yesterday, which was fantastic fun, where we get to do a bit of roleplay all day. I've really been enjoying getting into these things, honestly.

RILEY That wasn't yesterday, was it? It was the day before yesterday. ALICE Oh no, sorry, Tuesday. And yesterday was another day. ALICE Oh yeah, Flax, you're in Bristol right now, aren't you? RILEY I am, sir. I am.

ALICE Nice. So you're having fun? RILEY I am, yeah. I managed to land on my feet with an Airbnb this time, which is pretty cool. The worst thing about the Airbnb, and this is saying something... ALICE It's all the secret cameras. ALICE No, there's a sign. ALICE You can't jack off in there with a clear conscience

knowing that somebody is secretly spying on you. ALICE I never masturbate with a clean conscience anyway. It's a guilty pleasure. ALICE Right, okay. A guilty pleasure. D anyway. It's a guilty pleasure. Right, okay. Dirty. Yeah, dirty. There is a sign above the toilet, I guess it's just the only place they could put it. It's one of those sort of inspirational signs you might see, but instead of live laugh love,

it says, normal gets you nowhere, and the nowhere sign, the nowhere is all backwards and messed up. And I thought, what the fuck is that meant to mean? Because that sign itself, to me, screams normie. ALICE No, it's a bit weird, isn't it? That's a bit weird. ALICE That's the kind of, you see this stuff, these signs, of Airbnbs, where, you know, it's like, basically they want you to, like you said

before, Pflac, fully clean their AirBnB for them before you leave. You know, and they're quite passive-aggressive about it. Yeah, there's quite a few places are. Yeah. Although this one's pretty chill. It's pretty chill. Go on. It's just fine. It's just a good little pad. It's not your preferred location though, is it?

No, it's not. I've got that one... I booked that eight months ago, for Jingle Jam, I'm ready. I've got that one pre-booked. Wow. Whenever P-Fex comes down, it's... He's got a pre-booked for Jingle Jam. Yeah, it's the best spot. He's thought about it. Oh, right.

Well, Pyrrhon's actually, it's weird when... He's weird. I think so many people want to do stuff with Pyrrhon, that when he comes down, the week is like, booked full. We have to cancel everything else we were doing, because Pyrrhon's doing this on Monday, this on Tuesday, this on Wednesday, it's like, it's RAM. It's not worth it for you guys, but it is, uh, it's nice. Cause I guess I've got a lot of things that I've been recording for a while. So, for example- I think it's cause people like you.

No, I don't think it's that at all. I mean, it's like, the mystery quest thing, Tom likes to put people into that that are perhaps not in every one. Do you know what I mean? So I'm in, so it's like, well, we've done mystery quests with Pirian before, they've generally gone okay. So if he's in town, we'll pop him in one. We'll do a games night recording, like you, me and Ben, because you guys can do them all the time with everyone else. I'm in town for a week, so we may as well record one with him then. So it's more like that. I don't think it's like, oh, Perian's down! It's more like a fresh face that isn't here all the time, that at least could enliven

a thumbnail with a bald head. Some fresh meat is in town. Fresh meat, that's all it is. Nice. What have you been doing since? I mean, your life isn't having fun running events, it's ferrying children and dealing with builders, right? That's it. Yeah, dealing with builders recently, and then being a taxi driver basically, for everybody in my family who now all of a sudden just has so many places that they need to

go. We're going away next week. We're actually going tomorrow and we're away for the whole following week as well. So, normally I would be dreading a family vacation because there are more work than staying at home. But this time I'm actually looking forward to it because I'm so sick of being at home that I need a break. So, it'll be nice. It'd be nice to get away and go and do some different stuff. And hopefully, just chill out a bit, you know? It'll be good. Is everyone coming? All the children? All of the children. Every last one of them are coming. Okay. Oh. Exciting. You can't fob one off, you know, with someone else.

We did a couple little fun weekend and day trips, like this summer, with my mother-in-law and my brother-in-law as well, they came along, which was kinda nice. Different pace for sure, it was nice having more adults to, you know, look after all of the kids instead of the ratio being in the kids' favour sort of thing. We finally had more adults on hand than we had- We outnumbered them, so you could take the fight to them finally. That's it. That's right. So that was, that was pretty fun.

Like Ukraine. Yeah. But this, this week long trip is just, we're just back to the two adults, three, three children. So we're outnumbered again, but you know. Well, we'll just do some, some high miles or whatever. Yeah. We'll get there. We'll figure it out.

He's obsessed. I don't know where that analogy's going, that's probably not. He's obsessed. So, we went to the pub last night, a bunch of people from the office, and Sarah, I don't know if you guys are aware, Sarah's a bit of a Taylor Swift fan. Yeah. Taylor Swift was at Wembley just recently. That's right.

Sarah was at the Eris tour, she went, I think it was the Wembley show, there was like 92,000 people there or something like that. ALICE Yeah. Do you know what, do you... Okay, you wanna hear something crazy? I went, I was just at Wembley, I didn't go to the show. My wife and her mom and her brother went to see Bruce Springsteen at Wembley when he was there.

And I don't even think there was as many people there as for Taylor Swift. I think it was like, sold out and then some for Taylor Swift. Yeah, of course. And I think for Bruce... Taylor Swift was sold out so badly, like, when Sarah was looking at the tickets originally, when they first came out, she was like, I can only get tickets in Poland, I'm gonna have to go to Poland to see Taylor Swift. That's not so bad.

Which is pretty crazy, I think. You could stay at that place that Flack stayed at, the casino one. And that wasn't in Poland. ALICE Oh. It's a little callback there. JUSTIN I mean, she could! She could! ALICE You want to get your Taylor Swift table?

You want to get your Taylor Swift table? We can have Taylor Swift tables? We need tables! JUSTIN Yeah. I immediately, I said about, because I know she's a huge Swiftie, so I said about making fun of her and teasing her a little bit, but not in ways like, I have no beef with Taylor Swift. But I knew that I could...

Did you ask her if she also endorses Donald Trump for the presidential nomination, just like Taylor Swift did? I did not. I did not. But I did prank her into thinking that Travis Kelsey had died that day. He's an American football player who is Taylor Swift's boyfriend. And I said... What kind of prank is that?

It's a weird prank, yeah. It's very popular on TikTok. Be telling people their favourite celebrity has died. Oh, god, I know what you mean now, I've seen that. You go, Travis Kelsey dead at 35, and people go, no! Like that. So, I said that to Sarah. She panicked and I could do a very good poker face. So, she immediately checked her phone and the top trending was

RIP. And the second was Taylor Swift Eras tour. So, the social media was behind me on this just at a glance. She thought he'd actually gone and I immediately started laughing and she was not happy. Mason- Typically this meme is for boomers and they read something out to their mum on their phone, which is like some celebrity who you probably think is dead already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who they're a big fan of. Yeah.

But I followed it up. But Dylan, dead at 69. Right. I followed it up by asking the more important question, can you imagine having sex with Taylor Swift? Now I think this is a genuinely important question, because, alright, Travis Kelce, you know, he's a man's man, this guy's definitely gonna do the business, but I'm just saying, there must come a stage where you're having sex with Taylor Swift and you look down and

you're like, holy shit, I'm having sex with Taylor Swift. Yeah, I think I have a gift, because I can imagine myself having sex with just about anyone. Like, if I really think about it, I can really imagine, y'know? And I think... You can imagine... I can imagine it'll be... I can imagine really disappointing Taylor Swift as well.

Yeah, what's her reaction gonna be? Sorry. I can imagine it from her perspective, just a Canadian apology. Sorry, Lord. Sorry, Lord. Like, your only words out of your mouth are, sorry. Sorry. Sorry, see you next time.

Sorry. Oh, no. Oh, like, who only reads out of your mouth, oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry, see you next time. Sorry. Oh no. Oh god. Give me, give me fifteen minutes, maybe we can, uh... Try again. Sorry. The pressure would be immense.

Oh my god. She's like, you've got one shot at this, and if this doesn't work out, I'm leaving. You're like, oh my god, I have to have sex with Taylor Swift right now. That's pressure. That's why Travis Kelce is up to it because he's used to those high pressure situations. Late game scenarios, last play of the game, he's got to make this catch and take it in for the KC win. He's able to do it.

I'm saying that's why you want an athlete. You've got to think on your toes. You've got to make some quick decisions, strategies. I'm just thinking in that scenario, I actually would quite like a post-coital interview in the locker room the way you have after a football match. We were like, Travis, obviously it was a big day for you. You managed to stick it to Taylor Swift good and hard. And you just went, oh, what are your thoughts after the game?

Yeah, well, it really was a team performance. The coaches set me up for it, you know, chatted with the guys. Thanks to God for seeing me through this morning. No, you're not out of breath enough. You gotta be like... Yeah, thanks, Sean. It was real good. I stuck into it real good.

And I just think, you know, as a team, that's important. We all gave it to Taylor Swift today. We all came together. We all came together as a team. But I mean, I think it might have been Dav that asked, was there a moment where he was having sex with Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce, and probably wouldn't have minded having someone around to high five? Like, I'm just thinking, probably is a moment where you think, this is definitely a moment

where I want to share this with someone and be like, dude, can you fucking believe this, I'm having sex with Taylor Swift? By the way, apologies to any Swifties, I know you guys can be a little sensitive about this stuff. Yeah, we're in. You guys, I haven't really said much. You guys are done for this one. Oh really?

You joined in. You joined in. I didn't really say much at all. You're a co-conspirator in this. No, no. Well, I'm not. You're listening to the wrong fucking podcast if you're upset about us talking about poo and wanking and out of date sexual fantasies,

do you know what I mean? Like, we've been doing it for a long time. Okay, give me any name and I'll imagine having sex with them, okay? Alright, imagine... Liz Truss. Imagine nutting in Taylor Swift's face. No, no, no! Oh, you can't!

Don't say that! You said give you any face! That's way too specific! Immediately I thought about doing that! Like, you can't! Don't say that! You said give you anything! That's way too specific! Immediately I thought about doing that! Like, I can clearly do it! Like, come on! Alright, uh... Go easy! Start with something more...

I think Liz Truss was a funny one. Liz Truss. Okay. You could have Theresa May if you want, but Liz Truss, I think... I would blow my brains out if I'd say that. All over Liz Truss I think. I would blow my brains out if I'd sit right all over Liz Truss. I would blow my brains out. Liz Truss, I'm sorry about this, bang! Dead. No thanks. I dunno, you know, of the current politicians, Swaithe and that. Alright, Oprah Winfrey. Oh. It'd be like having sex with your mum. What about Dr. Phil and Oprah at the same time?

That'd be weird. You gotta get it hard first, you gotta get it right up that ass! That's my advice, Dr. fucking Phil. I think Dr. Phil is... I think he's gone the way of Billy Ray. I think he's like a big... I think...'s gone the way of Billy Ray. I think he's like a big, uh, I think... This fucking podcast.

Don't quote me, but I think he's turned into a big, uh, MAGA guy. No shit. Hey, you know what? Um, I've seen some comments, apparently this is now too political a podcast. Oh no. What? And I'm like, if we even mention politics in any sense, and it's not in support of the right in America and Donald

Trump, this podcast is too goddamn political! And they stomp out. And I'm thinking, what the fuck? Like, we're just joking about it. We're not like, analyzing policies. Fuck off! I don't even live in that country! I have like, no allegiance whatsoever!

I don't let the door hit me on the way out. Honestly, fuck off. I reckon those people, here's the thing that I read today, this is a change of topic, that there are more microplastics in our body than we thought, and they're infiltrating our tissue. Apparently... You know what else is in our body? 0.5%! Go on.

That fuckin' Teflon shit, the... The Forever Chemicals and all that. The anti-stick. We got tons of that in our bodies as well. RILEY So, 0.5% of our brains, by weight, are plastic. That's how bad it is. ALICE Scotchgard and stuff. RILEY So they did, like, they took some slices of, y'know, some sample brains, presumably

from dead people, and they weighed them, and 0.5% of it is fucking plastic. Like it's in our brains! ALICE That's insane. RILEY Yeah. Well, we're the insane ones, apparently. ALICE Is5% of it is fucking plastic! Like it's in our brains! That's insane. Yeah. Well, we're the insane ones, apparently. Is this why everyone's so fucking stupid now? Yeah, we're getting dumber, because we're full of fucking chemicals. I actually feel like I'm getting smarter every day.

I feel like I'm much dumber than I was twenty years ago. No, not me, I'm like, I started out pretty smart, I'm like a fucking genius now. It's given him a superpower. Look out. It's given him a superpower. Look out. It's given you a superpower. I won't even need a body. You can imagine having sex with anyone. I won't even need a host.

Yeah. Just floating around space. Be an ethereal plastic being. It doesn't mean like cyberpunk, it's not like cool plastic. Oh shit. Well, I think it's... For real though, I feel like whenever I talk to Spiff, or Simon Clark, or some of these other folks, I'm just like, a total caveman. Like, a caveman.

Welcome to my world, I'm such a dumb dumb. I fucking, I hate being thick, I'd love to be smart, but instead I'm just sort of an idiot walking about like everyone else. But you know what, most of us are pretty fucking thick, aren't we, really? Yeah, everybody in their own way, yeah. That's the thing. It's like, you can't be the best or the smartest when it comes to everything. You'll have a couple of things that you'll excel at, and everything else you'll be fairly

mediocre at. And, uh... JUSTIN Yeah. If not average. You'll bump into somebody, oftentimes, who is doing something that you are mediocre at and they're doing it very well and you'll feel like, oh shit. But then, you know, if they turned up and you were in the middle of fucking their mum really well, they would feel the same. Oh damn it, he's nailed that one!

Fuck, he's really good at fucking my mum! Who woulda thought? Fair play! Um, I saw a very dumb interaction last night at the pub. The pub we were at, there was a restaurant across the road, and we see a kerfuffle, and there's a guy in Chef's Whites chasing a lad who jumps on a bicycle to try and get away. And according to eyewitnesses, Harry, this lad was jangling. Like jingle jangle, like he was carrying or had something that was jangling a lot. The

chef comes out and smashes this guy off the bicycle. The lad goes flying, recovers and just runs away, leaving the bike. Jingle jangle, jingle jangle, jingle jangle down the street as he runs. And it turns out he'd nicked the chef's tip jar from the restaurant and licked it. Oh my god. But his bicycle was like a child's bicycle. It wasn't really an adult bicycle, so we figured it was probably a stolen bicycle as well. So he ditched that in favour of the tip jar. But the question was, how much could there genuinely be in a tip jar?

Because first of all, nobody carries change really anymore. Yeah, well it depends on how often it's emptied out. Exactly. So this could be like for the month, but even then, I mean, if it's not much. I think the big power play with the tip jar is you leave it full, because then people see it and they're like, oh shit, I better tip. Nobody wants to tip into an empty tip jar. You want to tip into like a half full tip jar.

But don't you think that's interesting? Because why is that the case? If someone had a load of money, like if a homeless person was sat there with their hat and it was stuffed with cash, you'd think, well they didn't fucking need a pound from me. But if it was empty, you might think, oh gosh, they haven't got anything. So if you're saying a tip jar brim full of cash is more likely to attract tips, why? Because you're doing something that you know a lot of other people have done,

and you find comfort in the fact that everybody has done the same thing, so it must be the right thing to do. See, the problem with an empty tip jar, or indeed an empty hat on the ground, you see that it's empty and you immediately think this person is not worthy of a tip. Nobody else tipped them, so why should I tip them? You know what I mean? You're appealing to a very small demographic of people that are going to feel sorry for you for having nothing in your tip jar or your hat. Like very sensitive people, but you're talking like, not the norm.

Like, you're talking really sensitive. So, in any other scenario, a very wealthy person, let's say Taylor Swift, who's made a fortune from her music, her equivalent sort of social tip jar is the size of the moon and full of money. And you're saying that that is more likely to attract a tip than a starving busker who has an empty hat. Now why is that? ALICE Absolutely. Because-

SEAN Because in no other scenario do we think like that. We don't think, oh, you know who needs this pound more? Not the guy with nothing, but the billionaire needs more. Is that what you're saying? ALICE Well, we say that every single day. SEAN No, but we're buying something from her. So we're talking about a voluntary contribution is a voluntary contribution, a tip.

What is it about? Well, you've, I mean, if you're tipping a Jeff, you've bought something from them. If you're tipping a busker, you've enjoyed something that they've done. It's voluntary. It's voluntary, sure. But I mean, it's, it's just a slightly different contract, I guess. But you know, it's still, I think it still applies. I think, I think there's, there's loads of cases where people would just be still... I think it still applies. I think there's

loads of cases where people would just be like... I think it's a very interesting psychological question. Why it is that we want to give money to where there's money. I want to say to you, I'm getting smarter. And I don't even know how. But I am getting way smarter. It's that plastic, but... I mean, I... What if the plastic is smarter than me! No one's considered this! Yeah.

Where's this, is it entirely our diet? Is it like, the plastic, because you hear about fish being full of microplastics, you hear about like, obviously a lot of processed food gets in there, like where, I mean, I guess a lot of people just chew on plastic? It's in everything, man. It's in the water, it's floating around in the air. It's not chewing on the plastic. You're not directly eating this plastic.

It's like kids eating those Lego bricks. If you drink from a plastic bottle on a hot day, some of that plastic, little bits of it have melted into- Like micro-plastics, right? Like little molecules, you know? But it's also things like tumble dryers, for example. Like with a tumble dryer is blasting synthetic fabrics and little tiny bits of shit all out in the environment.

All the industrial stuff, they'll have some fucking chimney. It's not chucking out Lego brick sized pieces of plastic. It's just tiny, tiny, tiny bits. And it's like- They did it like a brain x-ray and they were like, you got a five percent Lego in your brain. You got a Lego brain. This man is cybernetic. Which kind of piece have I got? You've got to look like it. Technically that's trademarked by Lego corporations, so you're gonna have to give that part of your brain back, unfortunately.

Oh shit. Oh my god, it's like severance, but that's what makes you into an adult fan of Lego. Yeah. But I think it's just entering the environment in myriad ways. It gets into the water, then some plant sucks it up, insects that get eaten by other things that you've eaten. I know that they've examined tiny little things in the sea, like those little phytoplankton and all

that kind of shit. Tiny tiny little shrimps, and they'll have a shred of plastic in them, just like, minute. But that gets eaten by something that you're eating and it doesn't degrade, it just gets slightly smaller, but it just makes it easier to suck into your body in all the billions of interactions in the environment. I see, because you're like a little sieve and you sort of sieve it all up and it doesn't decay. But it doesn't leave. It's just fucking... it never biodegrades.

I think that's the biggest problem, is these plastics that just exist for millions of years. And how many of them are still being used in so many things. Every time my kids buy a plastic toy I think some future species will look upon these Sunny Angel dolls and be horrified. Choke to death on that fucking doll. Yeah. That's pretty cool, isn't it? You know, like, the refillable stuff, you see it more now in the supermarket.

They'll have these big refillable things. I saw it was for soap. You know, like, shower gel. Right? It was a big refillable thing. But it just came in like a much bigger plastic container. It was like, it was a huge plastic container and it looked like there was probably about five or six shower gel things worth of shower gel in there. And I mean, if you add it up, it worked out cheaper.

I guess you're just buying volume or whatever, but it's still in a huge plastic thing. I thought that the idea was that you just refilled the one plastic thing with something that wasn't plastic, so that you're not using more plastic. You know what I mean? ALICE I think the problem is these... SEAN I could put it in a bag or something, I don't know. ALICE I think the tiny reusable ones, like disposable ones, are a big problem.

But then you wouldn't want a jumbo size one in your shower, because it's like, you know, you gotta pick up like a five litre tub of shower gel, it's gonna be hard to apply and stuff, you know? I think realistically you can just get away with using that one big five litre, you switch it with a new five litre one every year, and then you never have to buy another bottle of shampoo or conditioner in your house again. I can totally see the appeal of that. I guess it cuts down overall, but it just seems weird, you know?

There's a place called Scoop, it's like a little shop in Bristol Bath, and I've been going there and bringing some jars, and filling them up with banana chips and different kinds of wild rice and stuff. I've been... Y'know, it's kind of fun. It's like pick and mix, only you're not allowed to mix stuff together, you gotta have separate jars. ALICE.

Banana chips are crazy, they're so good. JUSTIN. Honestly, man, I changed my life, banana chips. ALICE. Changed your life? ALICE. You gotta try them, man, they're so good. ALICE Honestly, man, I changed my life, banana chips. RILEY Changed your life? ALICE You gotta try them, man. They're so good. RILEY I've had them! I've eaten them!

I'm a human on the planet! ALICE I've eaten them all the fucking time, P-Flex. I can't stop. It's out of control. RILEY Okay. Do they have added sugar? Because they always have that glaze to them. ALICE No, they're salted.

These ones are kind of like, they're meant to be like potato chips. And they do taste like potato chips, but they taste... You get salty plantain chips, which are fucking delicious. Oh, I've had plantain chips. They're so fucking good. I've had those. But also, there are some... you can get sugar-free ones. Honestly, I bought ones that had sugar added and they were a bit too sweet.

I thought you meant, you know, you can get in healthy shops, it's like a banana coin. It's like a dried banana chip. Yeah, that's what it is. They're not like crisps. Yeah, they've got like a green.... It's like a dried banana. So they're not like crisps. They don't have salt. They've got like a little glazing on them. I've never had salted ones. I'll get you some, I'll bring you some back. Well I don't like salted fruit, thank you.

Well you try it, try it. I'll try one. Salted watermelons? Oh. Fantastic. No, I hate salted watermelons. You're missing out. You're missing out.

No, it's disgusting. No, no. Anyway, I was saying, I've been... Okay, I wanted to run this by you and just see how you felt. So, I've never really beat into Lego. I'm pissed off already. Okay. But, I think I've accumulated Lego. I think the reason why is that it's hard to throw away, and also hard to take apart.

Like, you build a Lego thing, right? Someone buys you a Lego thing, or you build a Lego thing somewhere. And you're like, that's nice. I haven't done that in forty years, but go on. I'll put it on a shelf. Yeah, I think you build a set and put it on the shelf. You don't build a set and then just add it to a big container full of other... If you mix it, you'll never be able to rebuild it again.

Well, not only that, but like, it's just, you'll break all your nails trying to pull that fucking thing apart, and I know you've got that stupid tool to help, but I ain't got an hour to fucking go through and disassemble my Lego and put it back into the box, do you know what I mean? I don't know, it sounds like you've got an hour or two to spare. Yeah, well I do. But so obviously, I think at some point, me or Simon, or me or someone, or someone showed me something that was like these modular

buildings, right? These like city buildings and was like, oh, that's pretty cool. And I think Simon might have bought me one and I put it on my shelf, you know, but then someone saw I had it on the shelf. And so I think it was maybe R.T. or my parents or someone, but they bought me another one. And so then I had like, I had to, I had that in a box and I was like, well, they bought it for me for a present. I better build it, then I can send them a picture and say thank you, right? And it's fun to build the Lego anyway, it's like something different, isn't it? And so I've managed to sort of accumulate a bit of Lego over time. And then we recently did this video on Games Night where we did a sort of World War II Lego. And of course, as soon as you

do something like that, your YouTube switches over to only showing you Lego videos of all these incredible things people have built. And suddenly I'm thinking about expanding my town. I'm thinking about building a road. I'm thinking about having a little park. Have you ever seen the Lego movie? Will Ferrell is the dad at the start and he's got that basement with all the drawers and he's got the whole town. He glues the LEGO.

He glues it. He glues it. I know. Well, there is apparently a specific type of glue that you could use on LEGO, but no, I would never glue it. You are on the path. I think part of the appeal is that it's breakable, and like, you know, if we're gonna do a video with LEGO I want to be able to blow it up, right?

And put it apart or knock it over. I think a lot of the Lego things, though... You could do it on those slow-mo channels, they detonate in the middle, they put a little explosive and then they blow it up and you can see all the bricks flying in slow motion and everything. Oh. You could do that. I don't know if we're actually gonna do that in our...

Or do slow motion, just like, absolutely smash it with a sledgehammer and you can see all the blocks breaking and stuff. See, that kind of shit though is sometimes frowned upon, it's like ripping a page out of a book or something, you know, I think people feel like it's heresy to actually damage a LEGO. I wanna do that, where it's, Lewis has built some elaborate LEGO, and in ultra slow mo you see me smashing it with a hammer, intercut with his sad little face. That I would like to see.

And then slow-motion maniacal laughing by you as well. It is definitely hard for me to square, especially the idea of contributing to the plastic in the world with LEGO, which is, I think, particularly bad. I think the LEGO bricks use one of these plastics that is like... They used to be made of wood. No, they never did. I think they need to go back to wood. They were always made of plastic, ever since the start. They've always been made of terrible, long-lasting...

They've made them out of stone! They made them out of concrete back in the day. And then transitioned to wood. They never made them out of wood. But I think they've tried alternatives, but because the tolerance is so high. Because wasn't it Elon Musk who said, like, oh, I wish we had the level of tolerance that Lego has, but we can't ever get close, kind of thing. May I stop you there?

The Lego group began in the workshop of Ole Kirk Christiansen, a carpenter from Billund who began making wooden toys in 1932. Well, he made wooden toys, but he never made bricks out of Lego. In 1947, Lego expanded to begin producing plastic toys. He made his first wooden brick. He called them automatic binding bricks! And they were based on the Kiddycraft self-locking bricks, which were invented in 1939 and patented in the UK in 1940, displayed them in the 1947 Earls Court Toy Fair, and Lego was away with

it. So it looks like Lego has always been plastic. But they were originally cellulose acetate. Cellulose acetate. Which, as everyone knows, is an acetate ester of cellulose, usually cellulose diacetate, obviously. A bioplast. I don't know what it was originally. But certainly the current brick they use, and they've suggested trying to change it, but Lego is the biggest toy company in the world. They make, like, ten billion a year or something.

Insane. It's, like, out of control. I think Funko Pop is bigger now. Bigger than LEGO? You're out of your mind. You're crazy. But that's just as bad, with all that fucking garbage plastic. At least LEGO, you can sort of take it apart and give it to someone else and they can sort

of have a go at rebuilding it. Those Funko Pops. Holy crap. What an absolute load of garbage. Sorry if you're a Funko Pop collector, but I'm sure you're having a great... Before we carry on, did you know that you can get Funko Pops for... Our sponsor this week is Funko Pop! Poor Funko Pops. Before we continue, can I tell you about Aura frames?

I'm sure that you guys are familiar with these, Lewis and Flax. Love mine. Having used them in your house. I also am a big fan. I use one in my house as well. Really nice gift for somebody. You don't even really need to be overly tech savvy to get one set up and have some nice pictures on a nice rotation displaying in any part of your house.

We have the HD one. We replaced our old Aura frame, gave that to one of the kids, and we've now got the HD one in the living room and it is beautiful. The picture quality is really, really, really nice. Just when on a holiday, all our holiday snaps, we can upload them as we're away. Nice. Just pop them on the frame. When you come back, bam, they're already on the frame. That was really, really nice. And right now, Aura is having their very first friends and family sale. We have an exclusive offer just for our listeners. For a limited time only, you can get $35 off the best selling frames by visiting auraframes.com and using the promo code TRYFORCE at checkout. That's

A-U-R-A-FRAMES.COM.. Promo code Triforce is the best offer of the season. So don't miss out terms and conditions. Of course, you apply. Get one for your grandma. Yeah, they love it. They love it. They love those frames.com. You could use code Triforce to get $35 off their best selling friend. On with the show. Did you, I've got some news if you wanna hear some news. Yeah, sure, hit me. Blast me with your news, Uzi! The music! That's great. We should use that. Well, the onion, mate. So, the onion are going to... have announced they're going to be starting a print edition. Again? No, they're doing it again. Like, it

used to be a print edition. So, onion used to be, like, a campus weekly... It was like a newspaper, it was like a broadsheet. You used to be able to get it in borders. I haven't read the onion in such a long time. I know. I used to really enjoy it though, it was very funny. It's funny. Of course the onion is making a newspaper when everyone else is shutting this down,

I mean, it's classic. I like it. Missed The Onion. Good lads. They're still very funny, some of this stuff. Hurricane Debbie, did you hear about this one? It was relatively recent. Apparently, it dropped over one million dollars of cocaine on Florida's beaches.

I heard about this, yeah. So the Coast Guard recovered 25 packages of cocaine around a village 80 miles from Key West, and then found another $625,000 worth of just floating near Everglade City. So obviously the storm must've hit some cocaine smuggling boats. Which doesn't sound great for the guys who were doing the smuggling, I'm sure they're in the water as well. Merry Christmas! Maybe they got away. That's good. A postcard donating, dating back 121 years has been delivered. So, a building society in Swansea received

their mail on Friday and got a postcard dating back more than 120 years. I don't know where a shoe bit fell down the back of something. Oh, it was sent 121 years ago. Yes, it was. The message on the card reads, Dear Elle, I could not, it was not possible to get the pair of these. I am so sorry, but I hope you are enjoying yourself at home. I have got now about ten shillings as pocket money, not including the train fare, so I

am doing alright. Remember me to Miss Gilbert and John. Would love to all from Yewet." Okay. Why is it written from, like, the corner to the corner, like that? I dunno, I guess he felt he couldn't fit in everything he had to say. That is very odd. That's really odd.

So, apparently, we haven't gotten to the bottom of how it ended up in the circulation of the Royal Mail, and how it came to us with a stamp that is 125 years old. It's got King Edward VII on it. Good God. Jesus Christ. So apparently there's no knowledge of how it just got back into Royal Mail. A spokesperson for the Royal Mail said, it is likely that this postcard was put back into our system, rather than being lost in the post for over a century. Likely, but it's possible.

Oh, so someone maybe found it down the back of something and posted it. RILEY And popped it in the post. When an item is in our system we are under obligation to deliver it to the correct address. What a really sweet sign off there from the post office, honestly. Well done, great PR there. When it is in our system we are under obligation to deliver it. ALICE I don't know if this is in your news list, but did you guys hear that the world's oldest

person passed away at the age of 117 years old? I mean, doesn't this happen like every fucking week, dude? From Spain. Where were they from? Maria Branyas Moreira. She was 117 years old. And now, the oldest person in the world is Tomiko Ittuka, it's a Japanese woman who is 116 years old.

She was born on May 23rd, 1908. ALICE Tomiko Ittuka, dead at 119 years old. I mean, fuck, it's gonna be like that, though. Like, who cares? Like, they just cycle them in. Like, these people haven't got... I have been hearing that the oldest person in the world has died every fucking couple of months.

In the last ever. It's like the Lich King, there has to be one oldest person, and when one dies... I mean, it's more like the Highlander then. It's replaced with the other one. There can be only one. To get these old ladies to fight each other, shutting heads up. It's always old ladies. She was found mysteriously beheaded in a car park, carrying a claymore.

Fascinating. It can be only one. McLeod! ALICE Man, 117 years is a long ass time. That is a long time. Imagine being born in 1908 and still being alive to this day? Oh my god. You're being just as old as you would have seen.

RILEY She's not even as old as this postcard that we just apparently found. Is it that impressive? I don't think so. to this day? Oh my god, the changes you would have seen. You're beating me up! You're definitely... She's not even as old as this postcard that we just apparently found, so... Is it that impressive? I don't think so. Everett and Elle are fucking long gone, though. I mean, she's been alive this whole time. She's been alive the entire time this postcard has been lost in the Royal Mail system. Exactly.

She was born before the First World War. Which they have been under obligation this whole time to deliver. Anyway. Oh my god. Sorry, I don't know if that was on your list of news, but I thought it was really interesting. What is your... what do you reckon... so, okay, the chances of dying go up, obviously, a lot once you hit certain milestones, right? If you make it to 80, right?

Your life expectancy, though, is potentially another nine years. Whoa. Yeah. Which is interesting. That's pretty good, yeah. If you make it to 90, your life expectancy is another four and a half years. One thing- So, you're likely to be dead within four and a half years if you're 90.

One thing that I have learned is, yeah, I agree with all the life expectancy stuff or whatever, but one thing I've definitely learned in all my years on this planet is that even if somebody appears to be very healthy and you assume that they're going to live forever, things can quickly, quickly go the other way if something happens. Like a major illness that's not treated, or surprise stuff, like, well, obviously accidents and stuff, you know what I mean? It's crazy how quickly it can turn for the worse than somebody who you just assumed is going to be alive forever is gone because of one of these factors or whatever. gone because of one of these factors or whatever. So don't get complacent is what I'm saying.

Because you never know what's gonna happen. Out of 100,000 men, how many do you think make it to 80? Out of 100,000? Not that many. Men seem to die much younger. Women's life expectancy is much higher than men's on average. I'm gonna say 18,000. Oh no, so it's actually 60,000 women make it to 80, but only 44,000 men.

How many do you reckon make it to 100? Not many at all. 500. It's only 690 men make it to 100, whereas 2,200 women make it to 100. I think mostly if you have some sort of underlying illness or whatever, it'll just catch up to you once you're sort of around your 90s, right? You just can't... You're just not fit enough to deal with it anymore, and usually that finishes you off.

Oh, spooky stuff. So anyway, that's ancient postcard. What else have we got? What else have we got? We've got, um, official Street Fighter tournament punishes players for not sleeping enough. Players are required to get at least six hours sleep in the week leading up to the tournament. How did they enforce this? So, 42 hours per person, and 126 for the whole team.

If the team's total sleep hours are less, they will be penalised by five hours for every... five points for every hour of sleep deprivation. Right, how are they overseeing this? Well, I assume it's, uh, maybe there's a tracker app or something? Or some honor system? It's, it's... It's gotta be the honor system. It's never failed.

It's a Japanese thing. Um, it's part of SS Pharmaceutical's Active Sleep Project. Oh god, is it a drug sponsor? Maybe. So the idea is to, like, you know, get gamers to sleep, you know, especially if they're not... they're pramming. Never a good drug sponsored. Like, why not have Street Fighter 2 tournaments sponsored by cocaine?

Like, you know, it's always something stupid. That's a good one. Why can't it be, be like a good one, though? Like, Vitamin D. Sponsored by weed! Insulin! No! So, yeah, sponsored by something actually useful. Yeah. It's not... A Roblox player has spent nearly ten thousand dollars changing their username. ALICE Oh. What?

ALICE So you can only change your username in Roblox by spending Robux. And a name change costs a thousand Robux. ALICE What the fuck? ALICE This guy's changed their name seven hundred and sixty-nine times, and they've ended up paying ten thousand dollars for it. RILEY That is insane. ALICE Geez. ALICE Isn't that dollars for it. That is insane. Geez.

Isn't that mental? That is insane. So how much is that per change? So he changed his name seven hundred and sixty-nine times. Seven hundred and sixty-nine times thirteen. Carried the five, had to write by two, carried all the way over there. Ten thousand divided by seven hundred and thirty-nine, was it? The remainder of three.

Sixty-nine. Well, it's about fifteen bucks a name change. Holy shit. Between thirteen and fifteen bucks. It's thirteen dollars a name change. Something like. Between 13 and 15 bucks. It's 13 dollars a name change. Something like that. Just to the math. And it's, I don't know why.

Everyone, we're unsure why. I see. But this guy, it's just, you can look up these people's accounts, you see. I don't think he's, you know, he's just, his name's changed his name just to an absolute nonsense. Maybe there's like a really surprised mum out there somewhere. Who just got her credit card bill. Look at these names that he's changed his name to.

This is so little, I can't read it. It's like... I'm 19. It's like, yeah, okay... Let me zoom in on you. You pay money to change your name to... yeah? Ugh. Like, he must be obsessed with it, it's his thing.

But that's mad. Roblox. Isn't that crazy? That is crazy, yeah. Speaking of children's games, university students are going to be studying Minecraft in a psychology lab at the University of Essex. Yes. So, it's basically the idea is, I think, that they're gonna try and use Minecraft as a therapy engine, so people can interact in Minecraft and be

more comfortable in that environment. Which I get the idea of, right? Like, I think that- Okay, I'm ready for my therapy session. Plug me in. Your avatar is ready. Taylor Swift is in front of you. I'm Minecraft Steve now. Nobody can hurt me. Yeah. A YouTuber has streamed for 200 hours without sleeping? Right. God. Is that-

He's not going to get a sponsorship from that Japanese company. Indirect contravention of the previous news article. Very unhealthy to do that, you know. Can't recommend. A school worker has been jailed for stealing chicken wings worth one and a half million dollars. Well, first of all, those are some very good chicken wings, I guess. But when you say a school worker, what does that mean?

ALICE A school worker. NIGEL Isn't that a teacher? ALICE Not necessarily, there's a lot of other people that also work at a school to make the whole... NIGEL So, like, the custodian. ALICE She was food service head. NIGEL Head of food service was siphoning wings off. ALICE Yes.

NIGEL To the tune of over a million dollar-y-dos. ALICE You would struggle, I think, to spend a million dollars in your lifetime on chicken. And that's just at a regular pace, you know, every once in a while grabbing a rotisserie chicken from Costco on the way home from work or whatever. JUSTIN Yeah. But which businesses are accepting chicken wings as payment? Do you take wings?

ALICE I know! But who is buying them? And what was she doing with the selling of them? JUSTIN She's giving them to a friend or family business that makes wings. Oh, like a takeaway or something. And she's just doing the classic thing where you just say, yeah, we'll order more wings than we need for the school, then I'll pop them in my car and give them to my friend or my restaurant, and here's your wings, you get them for free, easy profits, right, you

didn't have to buy the wings in the first place. You do that for a few years, just done. That's exactly what happened. Has she been jailed for this? Nine years. I don't think that's long enough. I think that's a fucking psycho. I think you've gotta be a fucking psycho to do something like that. It's so stupid.

Well, I tell you what it is though, it's people find a little loophole thing. Where, I think what's happening was, probably, because it says here, it started during the height of the pandemic, right? And so, the school was like having all this food go to waste, I imagine? And so she was like, oh, I could just sell it onto this guy. And then she realised that no one's really paying attention, so she started ordering extra food and selling it on. And before she knew it, she was like, running this big scam. And that's sort of what happens, people get away with it, it gets bigger and bigger, it gets out of control, they start thinking, oh, you know, no one knows it's a perfect

crime, you know, and then someone looks into it and suddenly you're like, oh fuck it, I didn't plan this as well as I thought I did, and you're in prison for nine years. ALICE I wonder if she's gonna work at the canteen in prison for nine years. I wonder if she's gonna work at the canteen in prison. Oh my god. Siphoning off gruel. I've got food tech experience. I mean, imagine, what are you in for?

I stole a load of chicken wings. Like, fuck me. And also, on wing news, boneless wings, right? They can have bones, apparently. What, wings? Yeah, they got like little bones. Little cartilages. wings, right? They can have bones, apparently. Well, wings, yeah, they got like little bones. A court, Ohio Court, has decided that boneless wings, the word boneless doesn't guarantee bonelessness.

Okay. But rather- What court decided this? A cooking style. The Ohio Supreme Court. No, it wasn't them. It was the Kentucky Fried Chicken Colonel's Court! Colonel Sanders, all American court! Colonel Sanders! All American court! Colonel Sanders presiding judge! I say that boneless wings ain't got a dick and half bones in them no problem! Bang bang! Judgement passed!

So, yeah, apparently an Ohio man called Michael Berkheimer sued his usual wing spot, after an inch and a half long bone became lodged in his esophagus. And he'd ordered boneless wings, and I assume he'd just been, you know... Inhaling these fucking things. Yeah, absolutely. And that's what happened. He had to have... he almost died. He had to have a couple of serious surgeries. How is the court finding in favour of the people selling boneless wings with bones in?

What they're saying is, it would be too difficult for the company to make sure there's no bones in it, so you should expect bones in your boneless wings. What next? What next? Genuinely. Are we saying that if something says it has no peanuts in, well that's not fair, there could be peanuts in it, that could kill people. So no.

I say, that is a bad fucking judgement. That's my decision. ALICE No, I... Well, it's... There's not, um... ALICE You think Judge Judy would've judged that way? I doubt it. Judge Joe Brown?

No way, Jose. RILEY Exactly. She would've had the guy with a bone stuck in his throat on one side, Colonel Sanders on the other. You tellin' me you're sellin' chicken with bones in? You're sellin' chicken! ALICE I love Judge Judy, she was so good. That show's so funny.

She's still going. She's got no patience for anything. It's so good. She's still alive, by the way, she's still going. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Judge Judy. You made a blank of Judge Judy.

Judge Judy. Judith Scheinman, dead at 77. You're making that up. You are so full of shit. She's from the United States, she said she's done 25 seasons of Judge Judy, 6,280 episodes. She loves it. Yeah. And every single one of them was a mistrial.

Oh yeah. I mean, they're all just very arbitrary, right? Like, cause the point is arbitration. I guess the idea is that... I don't think she was... I think she might have actually been a judge. She was! She was an attorney from 1965 to 1982, she was a judge from 1982 to 1996, and in 96 she

became a television personality. Born in 1942, aged 81 years old. Perfect trajectory to become the world's oldest woman. After Taiko Takaka dies. I want you to use your superpowersips and imagine having sex with Judge Judy. Oh no! Oh no! No!

She's banging the gavel the whole time! Objection! My superpowersip is fine on me! Listen to how much money she makes. Listen to how much money she makes. Listen to how much money she gets. In 2018, she was the highest paid host in November. $47 million per year, combined with the annual income from the Judge Judy episode library. In 2018, she earned $147 million.

Good. $100 million from the alleged sale of the present and future episode library of the show to CBS and her $47 million salary. That is crazy. She's worth about half a billion dollars. She married Ronald Levy in 1964 and they quickly divorced in 1976 where she then met Jerry Scheindlin and they married in 1978, got divorced in 1990 and got remarried again in 1991. Yeah, so she's been married to him ever since. Guess they just couldn't keep their hands off each other. Just couldn't stand it.

One year apart they just had a- What was Judge Judy like when she was- Jerry! Judge Judy Young. Jerry! Oh, she was a very, very attractive woman when she was younger. I judged you didn't make very good breakfast! You're divorced!

He comes back after you're, I've been to culinary school, I'm ready for a round two! Okay, Jerry! Oh, fuck. Fucking hell, man. I bet there's a subreddit for Judge Judy. I bet there is. There is a, it's r slash Judy Justice Porn. ALICE Oh my god.

RILEY It's not actually porn, it's just... ALICE Justice Porn. RILEY I guess. ALICE I guess. RILEY Okay. ALICE Strange. ALICE Careful, P-Flex. RILEY It's not porn.

ALICE Don't give us a fright. Sips is already struggling to keep that image out of his mind. ALICE I'm trying so hard. It's like the siege of Helm's deep in here. HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA!

HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA!

HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! the fort. We had a really really formal introduction now we'll have a very blase outro. Yeah nice. See you next time. Bye.