Triforce! - Triforce! #53: Where In The World Is PyrionFlax?

Episode Date: September 20, 2017

Triforce! Episode 53! Pyrion has adventures across the globe, Sips has a traumatising sports history and Lewis has an un-tickled pickle!   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your a...d choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:33 Please play responsibly. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Hello! Featuring Lewis Brinley from the Oggscast. Also, Pyrrion Flax from the Oggscast. And your host, Sips, King of the North of the Oggscast. You're not King of the North. What's up?
Starting point is 00:01:02 My house will not bow down to you. You took Lannister gold, you piece of shit. Of the Augscast. You're not king of the north. What's up? My house will not bow down to you. You took Lannister gold, you piece of shit. I was disappointed to hear that people were disappointed with the latest season of Game of Thrones because I thought it was excellent. I thought it was pretty good. Like, a lot of people have gripes about it, apparently. I have gripes about it.
Starting point is 00:01:19 I don't want to be one of those guys, but I do have gripes about it. It's too late. You're that guy now. You've got gripes. I mean, you're you're that guy now you've got gripes i mean you don't want to spoil it because it's still like pretty fresh and stuff i mean it's still it's still game of thrones right it's still game of thrones i'm never gonna complain about a show like game of thrones too much but if you think about the great seasons that there have been
Starting point is 00:01:40 that had some great moments and stuff but what made game of thrones great was that they didn't squeeze all the cool stuff into as few episodes as as that yeah like i think that was one issue there was there was less character and like if you think about think about the episode think about the series where aria and the hound were just making their way and how many seasons that took and all the people they met and the interesting interactions and the conversations they had and you got to know the characters and all that yeah and then when he has that fight with brienne of tarth there's like a lot on the line and you know that's a whole season's worth of travel for those two characters to come to that moment yeah and you know there's a lot on the line
Starting point is 00:02:15 whereas in this one it was like right uh in one episode we have to go and march north to find the army and then one of you's going to run back and then we're going to send a raven to the other end of the country. And then they're going to fly back on a dragon. It's just like, it's a bit much. They squeezed it all in. And I felt like in doing that, they lost a bit of the flavor. It was exciting and I enjoyed it. It was not what a normal Game of Thrones series was like.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Too much, squeezed into too little time. I feel like there's two things at play here, though. And I think part of it is the series is winding down. Next season is the last. So they have to skip some of the stuff to get to the conclusion
Starting point is 00:02:55 sort of thing, right? So they sort of do have to squeeze it all in because it runs the risk of just running on too long. It'll get too long in the tooth sort of thing. I think everyone has had this chat with everyone they know anyone who has watched game of thrones has had this exact
Starting point is 00:03:09 chat we're having and we can chat about it for the next hour and i refuse to have it again i'm putting a foot right in this conversation right in the mouth of this conversation saying i don't want to hear about fucking game of thrones i'm sick i hope you have a really good fucking topic to discuss following this and i don't have i'm gonna wait you i hope you have a really good fucking topic to discuss following this and i don't have i'm gonna wait you don't prepare you're gonna just talk about dicks and balls for the next hour here's a question like i was just thinking when we were talking about being north and south and stuff right no i think like you who's further north right right now is it me or you pflax right i just looked this up on google maps while you were chatting i think it's me it is
Starting point is 00:03:42 it is you fraction, only fractionally. So, for example, which is further west, though? Bristol or Edinburgh? Well, that's a good one. Let me think about the shape of the country. It's difficult, isn't it? I would have said Bristol, but I'm sure it's Edinburgh. It is Edinburgh, obviously, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:02 There's a lot of things like that that are weird, aren't there? For example, I think the east coast of America, if you go directly south, you go into the Pacific. You just cut off. It doesn't go through Brazil. Do you know what I mean? It just goes into like... You mean the Atlantic?
Starting point is 00:04:17 No. Well, you go to the Atlantic first, then you go through the bay, and then you go... I don't think you ever get to the Pacific from the east coast of America. What, by going directly south? going directly south yeah i think you do though i think that's one of those things about i'm in new york right and i head due south i'm gonna hit the pacific before i hit brazil well i think so yeah how do we get to the pacific without going around brazil and argentina i don't think you hit brazil because it's if you go directly south from new york you
Starting point is 00:04:43 go through cuba through colombia and then like out into the pacific you don't actually you hit Brazil because if you go directly south from New York, you go through Cuba, through Colombia, and then out into the Pacific. You don't actually hit Brazil. I don't even think you hit Colombia directly south from New York. Is that the Pacific, though, is my question to you? Is that the Pacific on the east coast of Brazil? On the west coast. You said east. You go from the east coast of America.
Starting point is 00:05:03 I'm listening. I'm listening. From New York. Did we really stop talking about Game of Thrones for this'm listening. I'm listening. From New York. Did we really stop talking about Game of Thrones for this? Yes, we did. Okay. Yes, we did. All right.
Starting point is 00:05:10 So you're in New York, right? I just want to say I was right. You go directly south, right? I'm going to hit Cuba, Dominican Republic, the Caribbean Sea, Colombia. Yeah. How am I going to get to the Pacific? Keep going south. Oh, you mean if...
Starting point is 00:05:27 All right, I mean, I've hit the coast at this point. I mean, you could, like, go along land now. I'm beached. So now I'm on land, I see. So I'm getting out of the boat. I'm portaging through Colombia. Yeah. Through Peru.
Starting point is 00:05:40 A lot of portage. Probably the greatest portage in history. It's a long portage. And then I'm out. I'm out in the South Pacific. Yeah, you're right. That's right. Yeah, so you never hit Brazil. Yeah, you're right. You don't hit Brazil. But when you think about it
Starting point is 00:05:53 as a geography thing, it's like you don't think that Edinburgh is west of Bristol, right? You just think it's kind of up there, maybe east quite a lot. And the same thing with North America and South America. You think they're above each other, right? But they're not.
Starting point is 00:06:08 Even New York, which is pretty far east, is never going to hit Brazil. Brazil fucking sticks out into the whole country. Here's another one for you, Lewis. If you took Norway, took the very southern tip of Norway, and you took the very top northern part of Norway and tipped it up,
Starting point is 00:06:25 like say you're pivoting on the southern point of Norway and then drop Norway down again it northern Norway would be in Tunisia wow wow that's really far so Norway's massive it is the size of equally Europe just ain't that big it's pretty tiny Europe is small it's a small place I mean you can fly from the United Kingdom pretty much anywhere in Europe in like two hours. No problem. You could probably fly across Texas would probably take an hour. I mean, that's how big Texas is. You can fit three suns inside Texas.
Starting point is 00:06:54 If you took the sun, three of them would fit inside Texas. How about that? What are you talking about? That doesn't make any sense at all. You could fit 17 Jupiters inside the Rockefeller Plaza in New York. That's how big America is. It's that big. It's massive.
Starting point is 00:07:09 That sounds amazing. That's a really big country. What is the wettest city in the UK? P-Flex. Whichever one I'm in because all the ladies are dripping wet. Wherever I go, I bring the wet. That's nice. I like that.
Starting point is 00:07:24 It's Glasgow. The T that. It's Glasgow. It's Glasgow. The Tartanians of Glasgow struggling with the rain. How many acres does, you know, Spaghetti Junction? Yeah. What is that? I've heard of it, but what is it specifically? It's the huge, huge road junction near Birmingham, wherever, where the big motorways cross.
Starting point is 00:07:42 It's like the massive one. It's very famous. How many acres does it cover? 50. Oh, it's close. That's 30. That's quite close. I'm giving you England geography quizzes.
Starting point is 00:07:57 Gosh. This is what we've resorted to. I know. What's Britain's most easterly town, P-Flax? Oh, Britain's? Most easterly. Britain's most easterly town, PFLAX? Oh, Britain's? Most easterly. Britain's most easterly town. Is it Hugh Town? What's that?
Starting point is 00:08:10 It's an island. Or is it Old Grimsby? It's on the Isle of Scilly. The Isle of Scilly is west for a start. Oh, you said east. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm looking west. East. We're getting confused. Is it Lowestoft? It is. You've got Google Maps up now, and you're panning around. You have. That's just evening it up.
Starting point is 00:08:29 You're cheating. Here's an interesting thing. You're cheating. Here's an interesting thing. First of all, this is a two-parter. Number one, having played so much Hearts of Iron, I can't look at a map of the world anymore without thinking, that's going to be hell to invade.
Starting point is 00:08:41 When you said Brazil, I was thinking, oh, you have to wade through all those jungles, and I'm trying to identify where the sort of points that you would capture would be in Hearts of Iron. But second of all... Right, in order to make them capitulate. You've become some sort of strange
Starting point is 00:08:53 World War II era general. I have, I've just stuck there. Pouring over a map with a cigar and a little sort of tumbler of whiskey. It's terrible. Saying, oh no. No, we should make the landing at a stand. Much better. Planes planes don't care anyway i was in bruges a few years back which is a beautiful city uh in belgium and it used to be
Starting point is 00:09:14 like the hub port of europe for a good reason you've got the uk right there you've got the netherlands right there obviously scandinavia you know they're coming around as well so it's like a huge huge port. And the whole port silted up. So it didn't work anymore. Like you couldn't fucking get anywhere. And the town as a result has sort of frozen in time. When you go there, there's a lot of very old medieval buildings
Starting point is 00:09:36 and not much development has taken place there. And now it's like a tourist town, whereas it used to be like this hub of business. And I'm thinking, what city in the world could that happen to in the modern day where that big one change, one simple change, the harbour silted up? Something like that that resulted in that domino effect. So what city do we think that's a major city now?
Starting point is 00:09:58 Something could change that would change it and no one would care about it anymore. Well, shipping has changed dramatically, though though because of the scale of things. It used to be a lot of small ships that required a lot of people to get on their carts and go down and grab it. And so you needed a big population center of men there on hand to offload and load the ships quickly. Right. Whereas now, because it's all done by machines, all of the shipping has been taken
Starting point is 00:10:21 around the corner. Yeah. And so, for example, there's these ports in Bristol around the corner where you can see all the massive ships offloading tons and tons and tons of shit. And you've never heard the names of these places. You don't know what they are. The world has completely shifted. So I don't know.
Starting point is 00:10:35 Right, but that assumes that we're talking about shipping again. So think of cities now that are the equivalent, the modern equivalent to Bruges. Right. What is the modern equivalent to that would probably be finance. Right. Would be one, right? Like the city of London.
Starting point is 00:10:51 For instance, London at the moment is this huge financial capital of Europe. I don't want to get into politics. Let's just say post-Brexit, it's possible that a lot of those financial institutions would leave. What would that make London look like? What changes would that affect? I think we're too dumb for this kind of question, P-Flex. It's an interesting one, though, isn't it? But fortunately, we have on the phone from the London School of Economics, Professor Sipsonia. Professor Sipsonia, your thoughts? What are you guys talking about? I zoned out big time.
Starting point is 00:11:23 You zoned out. Sips. I'm just browsing the net. Sorry. I've got a question for you, right? Name the seven Channel Islands. Can you do it? There's seven?
Starting point is 00:11:36 Do you live in them? Well, I live on one of them. Fuck me. Name five then. Okay. Well, there's Jersey, of course. Well done. Guernsey.
Starting point is 00:11:48 Alderney. Correct. Sark. yeah um those are the only ones i know there's three more they're smaller there's herm of course herm i forgot about herm i always forget about herm how could you um jethu jethu good old jethu yeah good old jethu yeah and and breheku right of course braheku yeah god i always forget about braheku yeah no um i i i'm familiar with herm i just forgot about it uh but i'll be honest i've never heard of braheku or jethu like i didn't realize they were places i've been to sark before what's that and there are no cars there at all. Like when you get off the boat, the little port or the dock is kind of far away
Starting point is 00:12:31 from the little town, which has like five houses in it. One of them is like a tea room. And a tractor. A tractor comes down to pick you up with like a trailer and you sit on the trailer and it takes you up the hill. Or you can just walk it if you want. But but yeah there's lots of like bike riding and stuff and there's no not there's no tarmac it's all dirt roads you know with that question that question reminds me of university challenge who's there's a season of it's just sort of recently started
Starting point is 00:12:57 again they've now made it interminably long for some reason so university challenges every every team has like eight chances to go through to the 17th round and all this kind of stuff but have you noticed that one of the there are some consistent question sort of groups that they ask like if you wanted to bone up uh for university challenges you you would study uh classical music because obviously classical music knowing about it means you're clever right that's the one thing we know about the people that make university challenge. The département of France, that's a major one. They're always banging on about the département of France.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Yeah, what the fuck is that? And European rivers. Well, France is divided up into different départements, which is basically like counties, right? So you've got to know all the different ones. Like provinces or states, it's kind of like the same thing. They have their own sort of... it's kind of like the same thing. They have their own sort of... It's kind of like advanced geography.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Simple geography is learn the capitals. That's the kind of questions you get on Pointless. What's the capital of France? Well, I'm pretty sure it's not Dijon. And I'm 90% sure it's not Marseille. I'm going to go with Paris. It's nice. It is Paris.
Starting point is 00:14:04 It is Paris. Well done. And now a question for our eggheads. What is the capital of England? I do like that show. Sometimes, but University of Chelsea, it's a different... I've not watched it in a year. I'm sure it still goes. Oh, it's great.
Starting point is 00:14:20 Wow, the questions are always so hard. Insanely hard. But they were always hard because they were a little bit pretentious. It was like, which opera did Tristan and Isolde play dual roles in the 1968 adaptation of the book of the same name? Exactly. And it's like, boom. Yeah, they know it instantly.
Starting point is 00:14:41 What's the point of knowing some of this stuff, though? I don't know. They're just interested in the subject matter. But, like,, though? I don't know. That's my question. They're just interested in the subject matter. But, like, does it? I don't know. Forsyth? Forsyth?
Starting point is 00:14:50 Twickenham. Twickenham Home School. Technical College. My question is this, right? These guys on this show, generally speaking, they're all young kids, right? They're all, like, 19, 18, 19, 20. How the fuck have they found time to A, study their subject, because some of them are mathematicians, physicists, you know,
Starting point is 00:15:07 English and all the rest of it, and also know all the rivers of Europe, all the department of France, the history of prime ministers going back, you know, to the, you know, Pipi-Yonga and all that kind of stuff, and all the kings and queens and who they married and all this.
Starting point is 00:15:21 How do they figure, how do they remember all that shit? Man, when you're 18 and 19, if you're not going out and stuff, all you got is time. You don't have any fucking responsibilities. You just live at your parents' house. Yeah, but in the world with Dota and World of Warcraft...
Starting point is 00:15:33 There's so much else to do. Not everybody plays video games, though. Some of these guys probably just sit around and fucking read encyclopedias or whatever. I bet you there aren't fucking questions. You know, which Overwatch character? You know, there's not that kind of stuff. Like, if the opposing team has picked Tidehunter,
Starting point is 00:15:50 which character should you pick to counter him? It's like, love it, Jersey Island. I don't know, but I know all of the rivers in Zimbabwe. Can I answer that? Shit. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, fuck. So, so no sark is like a classic no car zone i think it makes itself known as that though right the island well it used to be it used to be governed by the barkley brothers um and then they had like a falling out there was like a vote i think people were done with them and then they they sort of like held like a local election
Starting point is 00:16:27 to elect somebody else to be the, I don't even know what it is of Sark. Like it's not the mayor or like the governor. It's just like, whatever. It's like somebody who's like in charge of Sark, I guess. And they lost. So they were just like, all right, well, peace. We're pulling out all of our investments
Starting point is 00:16:44 and everything from this place and fuck you all. And they left. I think they still have like, all right, well, peace. We're pulling out all of our investments and everything from this place and fuck you all, and they left. I think they still have like a big house there, but they just like, they got really salty about it. You know, here's something for you. They haven't done Google Street View in Saudi Arabia. What? You can't do Google Street View.
Starting point is 00:17:00 It's just not there. What do you mean? Is it just a matter of time to go around? I mean, Saudi Arabia is quite a big, quite a successful, isn't it like the biggest, most successful economy in the Middle East or something? Maybe they won't allow them. Maybe they're like, no, you'll know where all our post offices are.
Starting point is 00:17:15 Yeah. Well, I don't think they allow women to drive, do they? Maybe all the Google car drivers are women. Maybe. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe they're like, yeah, sorry, no, you can't take any pictures. Only men are allowed to take pictures in this country and drive as well. No robots.
Starting point is 00:17:28 Robot could be a woman, could be a lady robot. Yeah, exactly. You never know. I find it really weird that cars are banned but tractors are okay. Well, you need a tractor, though. Come on. They need tractors to do their farming and stuff. No, but they just use them like cars.
Starting point is 00:17:43 If the tractor comes and picks you up, it might as well be a fucking bus. Yeah. I mean, it's a little bit like one of these things where they're like, cars are allowed, but three-wheeled car, but Land Rovers, they're not cars. Trucks are also fine. Bus is fine.
Starting point is 00:18:00 Cars are very specifically banned, though. It's like, what? Well, I think it makes sense because they're using the tractors to do agricultural stuff. And then on the rare occasion where a boat full of people does arrive, they just say, Jimmy, take the tractor down there and pick them up and then get back to harvest in the corner, whatever it is that the tractor does, like, you know, 99% of the time sort of thing. Here's the thing. I mean, Sark is, Sark obviously, it's a car-free zone. the tractor does like you know 99 of the time sort of thing here's the thing if you if i mean
Starting point is 00:18:25 sark is sark obviously uh it's a car free zone and all the people that live on sark are cool with that who are we to tell them they're wrong you know well it's a very small place you wouldn't need a car it's super small i feel like the channel lines are already a bit like of an isolated kind of holiday kind of idea but on the channel you have even more isolated ones right so i think the i i think herm probably i mean the name sounds like it's a hermit right it sounds like it's really small though like really yeah exactly like with no one there yeah except to maybe a hermit you know hey is that where it comes from i don't know maybe like i don't know i have i have to look it up but but man, it sounds like something that's...
Starting point is 00:19:06 I think people want to... Tourists want an escape, an unspoiled paradise that they can escape to. And I think that if Sark want to kind of promote that and get their tourist stuff going, the whole no cars thing is like a little bit of a gimmick. But I don't know it's kind of
Starting point is 00:19:26 instantly like shattered the kind of like you'd think it would be nice and peaceful right if I wanted to go
Starting point is 00:19:32 on a nice peaceful holiday the last thing I wanted to be I picked up my fucking great big smoking tractor
Starting point is 00:19:37 I mean if you went to Sark for two weeks you know I get this track for Robo over there I'm like I'm all relaxed
Starting point is 00:19:44 it's like hey my friend welcome to the fucking Sark get on the back of the tractor we're gonna go two weeks you know i get this trackball robo over there yeah oh i'm all relaxed it's like hey my friend welcome to the fucking side get on the back of the tractor we're gonna go up and do some fucking donuts around the top of the island yeah i think your vision of sark is is is colored by your necessity to be chauffeur driven everywhere apparently a tractor yeah i demand some kind of a stretch vehicle in a limo he does won't go anywhere that isn't like an Uber service that he can just get picked up right where he is and taken to where he needs to be.
Starting point is 00:20:11 Yeah, like the other day, we were sat in the office and Deliveroo wasn't working. And I was like, how do we get food? It's a travesty. How do we get food to the office? And then I was like, oh, then I realized you could just pretty much order takeaway from anywhere. Yeah, directly.
Starting point is 00:20:28 Incredibly, like the way that they've done it for decades. It's weird how automatic things become. But Uber, man, I do like Uber. I've got to admit, it's changed. There's a Bristol version of Uber, which I've been using. They won't have it in Bournemouth. I went back to Bournemouth at the weekend. Well, they'll probably get their own one, Bournemouth Uber. No, they won't have it. The cab They won't have it in Bournemouth. I went back to Bournemouth at the weekend. Well, they'll probably get their own one, Bournemouth Uber.
Starting point is 00:20:46 No, they won't have it. The cab company won't have it. They're like, nope. And the council obviously bowed to their demands and said, all right, we won't have Uber. So there's no Uber in Bournemouth. Yeah, it's only a matter of time, though, before something comes along because it's so efficient.
Starting point is 00:21:00 It's good, in a sense, because it stops a lot of waste and weight yeah i guess it does i mean it's got its downsides i know one of the problems that they have is that i asked an uber driver this when you want to if you want to become an uber driver your car cannot be more than three years old so you need to have a new car most people can't afford that i mean i'm not being funny but if you're working as an uber driver you probably haven't got the money to buy a brand new car right no so they get they don't get paid? No. So they get the car through Uber. But they don't get paid very much either. Right, and they get the car through Uber. So you get the car financed through Uber,
Starting point is 00:21:30 and then basically you're tied to them because obviously you have to make these car loans. So a lot of them, I'm not saying it's like indentured slavery because you opt in, you know what you're getting into. But then I think they subsequently realize just how many Uber drivers there are out there. I mean, if i got an uber right now there'd be one here in four minutes yeah this isn't an area where you'd expect there to be a ton of people waiting for an uber but they're they're fucking everywhere they're absolutely everywhere how does it work in big
Starting point is 00:21:56 places like london because like i watched a show one time and they were saying that to be a cab driver in london to to like pass the exam or whatever it's like one of the hardest things to do because the roads are so fucking the knowledge like it's not just knowing the roads you need to know the optimal route yeah yeah and you need to also be aware of like roadworks and diversions and all that kind of shit like I mean you need to know that anywhere but in London especially it's such a big sort of bowl of spaghetti. The roads are just all over the place, aren't they? It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:22:29 It's very tough. But I mean, for an Uber driver, you just have your sat-nav. Although we went wrong. We got an Uber back a couple of months ago from central London. And the guy was taking us. It was a route. Like, you know, I've driven that area a lot. So I know London pretty well for driving.
Starting point is 00:22:43 And this guy's driving. I'm like, well, this isn't the route I would have taken, but it's okay. It's late at night. I'm guessing it'll be quiet either way. And I start to notice, I'm like, this is not the right way. Like, I'm pretty sure this isn't the right way. And then we're coming up to a junction. I'm like, all right, if he goes right here, this is actually fine.
Starting point is 00:22:58 If he goes left, he's gone well wrong. And he went left. And he just dropped, just pulled down this really quiet road. He was like, here you go. We're like, this is not our address our address like we gave you the address and he looked at his sat nav and just sort of smiled at us embarrassed and just drove off again so i don't know what the fuck had happened but he put in completely the wrong address and has taken us down this super dark road i was expecting to turn around with a pistol at any minute say give me give me your
Starting point is 00:23:19 jewelry but give up the goods yeah i was like jesus yeah he just just fucking took us completely the wrong way it was bizarre so even with the satnav they don't know what they're doing yeah i don't know i guess like oh god yeah we went to london recently and we we didn't we i i wanted to like take an uber at one point because it would have just been easier but then you can you can so easily flag down a cab in london because they're everywhere. Yeah, yeah. We just got in one and then, you know, we just did that. So I don't know. Maybe I was doing my bit for London cabbies.
Starting point is 00:23:51 The chance of a conversation in a black cab these days, it used to be all about politics and football. Now, number one thing they'll do is complain about Uber drivers. Yeah, well, actually, we had a couple. Thanks for taking a black cab, mate. Really appreciate it. These fucking Uber drivers. Yeah. Ruining it for everyone. I'll tell you what, you think you want to use Uber. Let me tell you, actually thanks for taking a black cab mate really appreciate these fucking uber drivers
Starting point is 00:24:05 ruining it for everyone i'll tell you what you think you want to use it but let me tell you got some horror stories about it and they start telling you all about how dreadful uber are oh man we avoided all conversation because every time we got into a black cab my daughter would just have a fucking meltdown and scream the whole way so like we didn't we didn't have to talk to them at all and like all the drivers seemed like kind of okay with it but not really at the same time like you can tell it was like really like um like if we if we had to go like one one minute further than where we were going like that would have been it he would have just dropped us off where we were and told us to fuck off yeah yeah it's pretty funny oh crap i'm reading about for some reason what happens is you know when you're on wikipedia you click Oh, crap. I'm reading about, for some reason, what happens is,
Starting point is 00:24:45 you know, when you're on Wikipedia, you click on stuff, and I'm now reading about Operation Huckerback, which happened during the Second World War. Oh, invasion of Jersey?
Starting point is 00:24:53 Basically, Channel 9's got invaded by the Germans, right, and captured, as Sips knows, right? I was there when it happened. Yeah. Dark times.
Starting point is 00:25:01 Yeah. So the idea was to like assess the situation right by sending in some commandos to like the small island and like chatting to people right um and so they that bad weather obviously put off like them doing it but eventually 10 guys landed on herm um and tried to find tried to find anyone left on the island but they basically explored the whole island and there was no one there. It says the caretaker of Belvoir house was aware of people on the island but had locked the door
Starting point is 00:25:31 to the one guy who was like there. They've got like a custodian on Herm, don't they? There's one person who lives there that looks after it and he's probably a hermit. Do you remember there was a job advertised a few years ago that they advertised as the dream job and it was to be um the sort of not the manager but the overseer like the park ranger for this island i think it was in new zealand it might have been
Starting point is 00:25:56 australia and it's just like a stunning natural wonderland just beautiful and you had to apply for the job you had to you know give your credibility for you know you can look after it you were real outdoorsy type you were understood nature and and you were an environmentalist and all the rest of it and some british guy i i believe won this sort of the job and got to spend like a couple years living in paradise essentially just minding this island the lad on herm didn't get that did he no no i think it was like here's the key just keep the commandos off the coast and don't answer the door if anyone well i think like i think probably up until maybe like 20 years ago or whatever i think it was like a religious thing
Starting point is 00:26:35 like because it's all like it's all parishes and stuff over here right so i think yeah yeah the guy on herm was probably a priest and it was probably like a thing that they sent you there for 10 years so that you could like get closer to God and meditate more and stuff or whatever. But now it's probably just like some dude. Yeah, here you go, Ronnie. We'll give you an iPad and satellite Wi-Fi thing and you just fucking go over there and do whatever you want for 10 years. Just look after the place, you know. I don't even think you can garden there or anything. It's just rocks. It's just like a yeah just like a mound of what a great
Starting point is 00:27:09 place yeah i don't know if i'd want to do that actually i feel like i mean i don't really like people that much but like at the same time i don't want to be that isolated you know what i mean yeah for real i don't know like some people like that. It's nice to be detached from stuff. It's like when you leave your phone somewhere for half an hour and you're like, oh, my God, I feel free. I wonder if they just have a lot of solar panels for electricity and stuff. They must have a generator or something, maybe a gas generator or something, because how the fuck would you get all this shit over there?
Starting point is 00:27:44 And how does plumbing work there as well? I guess they don't have any. They probably just have an outhouse and septic tank and shit like that. No thanks. No thanks. No thank you. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:28:00 It's nice. There's probably a solution to it all. I don't know. I feel that isolation thing. Do you ever get away and just it's nice it's it's there's probably a solution to it all but i don't know like i feel some i don't know that isolation thing isn't it do you ever like get away and just have like a day of being unplugged from technology and stuff is that something i am seldom terrified of the idea of being unplugged from technology yeah i like i really like being on the internet and stuff and doing things like yeah on like The idea of being unplugged.
Starting point is 00:28:26 I know some people, I think, you know what? I think if you have one of those sort of high-powered jobs where, I mean, I'm not saying Mrs. F has a high-powered job, but she has a job where she gets contacted all the time. So if we're out, her phone will be buzzing and she'll be checking messages because the work that they're doing is 24 hours because if they're not doing it, someone in another office in another country is doing it and they might have a question and blah blah blah and that's not like a senior manager level so if you're a senior manager and people are messaging
Starting point is 00:28:52 you like uh sir uh did you want us to divest your portfolio in the platinum company yes you know stuff like that you've got to answer that question 24 hours a day you're running a huge business i could understand why you'd want to be unplugged that doesn't sound like fun like i don't want to be unplugged because i want to play doa that's it yeah that's it no of course you're pacemaker as well you want to be like you want to be yeah i understand like wanting to get away from like work emails and stuff like that obviously like you know that would be good but like our jobs are not things that we need to get away from because our yeah our jobs are so interlinked into our hobbies like it's not it's literally it's escapism i just play games i mean it's like it's it's a great fucking job i love it so like what i want
Starting point is 00:29:34 to get away from is is my kids honestly yeah having to look after my kids like i absolutely adore them obviously yeah but they're getting older now they're gonna be able to look after themselves oh they're pretty good like they come home from school they've already got an idea of what they want to do they're not like yeah what do we do you know the way kids are kind of lost when they're given time now they're like oh sweet i can finally do so and so i'm like it's funny when kids get to the point where they know what they want to do but they have no idea of timings like they they don't understand like uh when an adult is ready to do something or like what an adult has in mind sort of thing so like yesterday i was putting my son to bed and he's got the day off today because there's like a like an annual air show here today
Starting point is 00:30:16 like this afternoon is that when they fly the single plane no well i landed yesterday i got back from bristol and at the airport they had like, it wasn't the Red Arrows because apparently the Red Arrows are like on a world tour or something. So we got like Romania's answer to the Red Arrows. So like they were all parked up. There was like a, like an F-16 up there. And they like a couple of years ago they had like a harrier come over and like they have all sorts of like yeah yeah they're pretty cool and then they have some sort of like vintage planes like they had like man yeah it's really fucking cool yeah um so they'll have like spitfires and they'll have
Starting point is 00:30:57 like those um you know like those old like like world war ii bombers and stuff so those those are all like parked up and stuff And it was pretty cool. And I got home and I was putting my son to bed. And I was like, oh, well, you don't have school tomorrow because of the air show. We're going to go in the afternoon to see it and stuff. And he's like, oh, yeah, I'm really excited. I can't wait to see the planes and stuff. And he's like, can we play Minecraft tomorrow?
Starting point is 00:31:17 I was like, sure. I mean, maybe after we watch the air show, we could play Minecraft for a bit or something if you want to. That'd be pretty fun. He's like, okay, great. All right, well, good night. I was like, yeah, okay, good night. So I wake up this morning.
Starting point is 00:31:30 I wake up this morning, I go downstairs, and he's just looking at me. I was like, oh, hey, good morning. How are you doing? He's like, can we play Minecraft now? What? I'm just fucking woken up. I'm not fucking ready to play. I'm not fucking ready to do anything.
Starting point is 00:31:43 I don't even want to talk to you. I need coffee. Fucking Minecraft. Get out of here. They don't understand. Okay, you go have coffee and then we'll play some Minecraft. What? No, I'm not fucking playing Minecraft after coffee either.
Starting point is 00:31:56 Later. We'll play it later on. He's five, is he? Oh, my God. So it's just like the timing is all off. They just think they're ready to go. They're ready. You must be ready. Yeah, they don't get it. They're ready to go. They're ready. You must be ready.
Starting point is 00:32:05 Oh, man. And occasionally, it's literally two minutes before we're putting him to bed, okay? Right. He's got his pajamas on. He's had his teeth brushed, everything. And it's the same routine every night, right? We put his pajamas on. He brushes his teeth.
Starting point is 00:32:20 We say goodnight to mommy and to his his sister and stuff and then we go upstairs and we read books and then he goes to bed right so he's got his pajamas on he's 25 years old he's brushed his teeth and everything and then he's like can we play minecraft for a bit no oh no we're not playing minecraft now literally two minutes you're going to bed like why would we play minecraft now it's just the timing is is all wrong but like it's so funny it's nice at the same time that they're so excited like about stuff i remember being a kid and being so fucking excited to play nintendo games like whenever i could and stuff amazing it's amazing but like being the parent and being like sort of the uh the denier
Starting point is 00:33:01 of fun is like not always the best as well. Hey, here's something. Do you remember what it was like to have wobbly teeth? Yeah. Like when your teeth are getting wiggly, wobbly teeth and they're going to fall out. So my five-year-old, she just lost her first teeth, right? No way. She lost two teeth in two days. Shit.
Starting point is 00:33:19 So she lost one yesterday and then she lost one today. I mean, I was like, Jesus, she got leprosy or something. But, you know, I can see the other ones coming through so it's all fine so the first one she was brushing her teeth and it just sort of fell out and she was like my tooth fell out and i'm like jeez if that happened to me now i'd be like my tooth fell out like i'd be horrified but she's super excited she's got the tooth she puts it under the the the pillow and mrs f sneaks in and and leaves two pounds for her right uh oh sorry the tooth fairy sneaks in and leaves two pounds for her good good good so the very next day she's at school she takes a bite of an apple she swallows the chunk of apple and then
Starting point is 00:33:57 she realizes there's blood on the apple and she's like oh shit and she feels in her mouth missing a tooth and she swallowed the tooth and she was very concerned and she was in her mouth, missing a tooth, and she swallowed the tooth, and she was very concerned, and she was like, how is the tooth fairy going to know that I lost my tooth? I was like, don't worry, she knows. She's going to sip through your feces. Don't you worry about it. She goes through your shit with a fine tooth comb. So she says, I'll write her a note to let her know. I was like, okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:34:20 So she writes this adorable little note. I lost my tooth, T-O-O-F. Tooth, yeah. But she had another follow-up question, which I liked. Where do you get the money? so she writes this adorable little note i lost my tooth t-o-o-f tooth yeah but at the end but she had another follow-up question which i liked where do you get the money that's what she's asking the tooth fairy what's funding this tooth fairyness you know where's this coming from i i love that so she literally asked how does this industry where do you get the money yeah what's up with that well you just find it you just? So yeah, she needed to know that.
Starting point is 00:34:46 My kids have not lost teeth yet. Well, my youngest is way too small, but now my eldest has not lost any teeth yet. You're getting towards that point. I'll tell you what he did do, though. He joined football club, okay? So some context here. I'm not a sporty person.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Neither is my wife. Neither are any of her family, and neither are any of her family and neither are any of mine okay there's there's no history of being sporty in right my entire family or hers okay the lovett's family pride themselves on being never doing any exercise yeah yeah even remember what your grandmother said just imagine when gretzky taking a shit, right? So she hates people that play sports. She hates sports. Like she really, God bless her soul and rest in peace. She hated sports like with a passion.
Starting point is 00:35:34 So we've never had football on the TV in our house ever. I don't watch it. I don't even know fucking how it works half the time. Like I don't understand the leagues, nothing, okay? So he goes to football club and at first he's like a bit shy, you know? fucking how it works half the time like i don't know understand the leagues nothing okay so he he so he goes to football club and at first he's like a bit shy you know it's just like we turn up and there's all these tryhards wearing like fucking their football kit and they got like cleats and shit and he's just like in his school uniform because like we didn't even we didn't know
Starting point is 00:36:00 what to do like we didn't know it's you know it's for five-year-olds it's like a soccer school right so we were just like well fuck he just runs around all day in his school uniform so i'm sure he can play football for an hour in his school uniform as well like it doesn't matter so we turn up and like this one kid's got like a ronaldo shirt on and some other kids got like a fucking i don't even know like a diamond earring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got like fucking, like, you know, like these like really like crazy hairdos and stuff like that. My son just like turns up in his school uniform and he's like, he's a bit apprehensive at first. And he's like, he's like sitting, because my wife took him because I was away for like his first one. Right, right. So my wife took him and he's like, he wasn't sure what to do.
Starting point is 00:36:42 And then he just sort of turns around. He's like, should I just go on and like kick the ball my wife's like yeah go for it so he just fucking runs on there and just starts like kicking the ball and all these like all these like try hard nerds are like you know trying to like practice their moods moves and stuff and he's just like going nuts like flailing his arms everywhere kicking the ball around and stuff like that and apparently he really liked it and then like the teacher was like okay who's your favorite team and like all the all the other kids were like oh i like you know manchester united and stuff and he was trying to like say explain like the colors of the lines on
Starting point is 00:37:16 the floor and like relating them back to teams and stuff my son was just fucking ignoring him just like flailing around kicking the ball yelling and having a fun time it was just it was like really nice to hear that like you know he just he was just having fun he didn't give a shit about all that other stuff you know like all those kids like their dads probably took them to play football in a field when they were like two years old and they didn't even know what they were doing and stuff and like i don't know it's just nice it's like it like the innocence of children how how they already have this massive head start even though he's five in terms of football it just shows that how early you have to get your kids involved in stuff in order to push him to it at all like we would never have pushed him
Starting point is 00:38:01 towards that you know what i mean like no uh he just came home one day and he's like, can I join football club? And we're like, I guess so. That's what you want to do. He's like, yeah, yeah, I really want to. All right. And then now he's in it. And he's like really looking forward to the next one as well. So it's like, okay.
Starting point is 00:38:18 So part of me is like really proud of him. But part of me is like miserable at the fact that I'm going to be that guy who's sitting on a fucking the bleachers like in the pouring rain watching my son play football and stuff i think a similar thing happened to me you know when i was a kid i remember my dad taking me down every saturday morning to to football and he wasn't really into football particularly didn't really crap give crap but obviously i wanted to hang out with my friends and so you know i went down every weekend to various places and kicked the ball around and I don't think anything you know I'm not David Beckham now am I and yeah I'm sure you played football as well as a kid P-Flex no I played baseball I played baseball because I was living in the States so I was in
Starting point is 00:38:58 Little League did you did you play t-ball first no no we just went straight for baseball it was literally the the coach for our team was was the father of one of our friends. Like all the kids in the class, you know, all the boys, we were all sort of friends. And his dad was, my friend Matthew, his dad was the coach. Every year, we'd have to go for tryouts. So all the kids that want to play Little League go down and you all line up. Like you've all registered, so you're going to get on a team. But the coaches then all sort of sit around and you have to go up and you have to hit the ball a few times.
Starting point is 00:39:29 You have to throw a ball a few times and you have to run the bases and, and do a bit of fielding. And they'll say, yeah, I want this kid. And then they'll do deals like, all right, well,
Starting point is 00:39:37 if you have that kid, I'll swap him for this other kid. And you know, this like proper trading thing, we were all garbage. Like we were the worst. I'm sure I've spoken about this before. We were the worst.
Starting point is 00:39:47 And this guy would be, the moment we stepped foot on the pitch, he'd be like, this is one of my kids. I'm taking this kid. And everyone would be like, we don't want this kid because we're like swinging away and missing. We could barely throw the ball.
Starting point is 00:39:58 But we were so fun. We fucking loved it. Like it was the most fun. You do. I'll give you Billy and Jimmy for that chuck over there. How much do you that for that that chuck over there we want we i want how much you want for that that joseph how do you want how much it was exactly like that yeah it was like real trading have you ever watched kids play basketball before no holy fuck it's infuriating like i understand i understand how people feel
Starting point is 00:40:20 when they watch me play video games now because like i i watched some kids play basketball and it was like man i wanted to punch them all in the face like i was so angry like it's it's not it's it's it's it's just a difficult sport for kids to play i think like i don't know quite why but it it was just really something else but because they're small i don't know it's just it was just crazy like they just could not like throw the ball hard enough to get it in the net in the first place trying to dribble was just like the worst surely surely they have the well yeah even when it's lower though I guess the ball's like too heavy or something I don't know they but like these kids were like missing the mark I wanted to so many times listen I had a traumatic sporting experience when i was younger
Starting point is 00:41:06 and it put me off sports for life actually what was it it was a lot of pressure okay similar to you i was in um little league baseball and we sucked really bad when we were so young though like we were really really young um but so like i i was like an outfielder okay and then you know like when when when when the other team is batting, you, you play in the field and then the way this, the way baseball works, if you don't know, and then it's when it's your team's turn to bat, everybody comes up and takes a turn, right? Three strikes, you're out, you know, most people can like hit the ball or whatever. It's like little league. So like, you know, it's, it's not like impossible to, to hit the ball, but you know,
Starting point is 00:41:43 sometimes it's tricky. So it was my turn to bat. Okay. It was like right at the to hit the ball, but sometimes it's tricky. So it was my turn to bat. Okay. It was like right at the end of the game. We had two outs. Okay. And I needed to hit the ball and at least get on base or if not, like just crank it and get a home run. And we would have won the game. Okay.
Starting point is 00:42:01 So a lot of pressure. I have no idea of anything. I was like really aware of the pressure that was put onto me. I was young at the time, but I knew that like it was up to me to win the game okay so a lot of pressure i have no idea i was like really aware of the pressure that was put on to me i was young at the time but i knew that like it was up to me to win the game right so i get up to the plate i'm nervous as shit and there's a lot of pressure okay and i'm young really young and we got it you're young the guy pitches and and i missed so it was a strike and i'm getting frustrated because i of all this pressure. And, of course, I'm young as well. Pitches again, another strike.
Starting point is 00:42:30 And at this point, I'm like, all right. The 0-2 count, the worst count. It's got to be this time, okay? So, like, I put my all into it. I'm, like, concentrating. I'm nervous, okay? Sweating. I, like, barfed a little bit in my mouth.
Starting point is 00:42:44 I'm young as hell yeah pitches strike three i was out fuck i was so devastated i cried i was like actually crying i was so fucking like upset about it let the whole team down gas going didn't win yeah and then that was the last time i played sports when i was a kid i never played played sports ever again. That's terrible. In your life. You know what? That's bad coaching. Instead, I just smoked cigarettes all throughout my childhood and all into my early 20s.
Starting point is 00:43:14 That really messed you up by the sounds of things. I can imagine him smoking cigarettes a couple of years down the line. Hey, Chris, didn't you used to play baseball? Yeah, man. It's all politics. Just politics. That's why I never made it. Fucking politics.
Starting point is 00:43:27 Sounds like you were really stressed out by that. What you should have done was go on a nice, tranquil holiday to somewhere like hemp. Whatever it's called. Herm. Heck. Herm. Herm. Go to hemp.
Starting point is 00:43:40 Herm. Jethu. I could have gone to Jethu instead, actually. It would have been better. And just, you know, unplug, you know, de-stress, relax. He was probably like eight years old. He doesn't need to unplug. I was like eight years old.
Starting point is 00:43:53 I know, but I can imagine him like really stressed out, though, and like smoking and being on the bike. Oh, son, sorry to hear about that. You know, maybe next time. Is there anything we can do to cheer you up? You know what, Dad? Can we go to Jethu just for like two weeks? Can you just get me a ticket?
Starting point is 00:44:09 I'll go by myself. I'm eight years old. I just need some time. Honestly, that is just bad coaching. The coach should have been able to take you aside and explain. Do you remember the term good eye? Was that a term that was used in baseball with you guys? I don't remember.
Starting point is 00:44:22 Good eye, Ted. Good eye. Like if you hit the ball. Does it mean when you leave one, like it's not going to be a strike. You leave it for a ball and you sort of let it go. No, good eye was like if you could hit the ball. But like it could also be used to like if you caught the ball, which was not something that happened very often in Little League.
Starting point is 00:44:40 I remember it jumped up. I was fielding a ground ball. It got past the first baseman and it bounced off a rock and hit me flush in the nose i remember that really really well and all the blood my mom rushing onto the field and then have to say you can't just rush on and all the rest of it and yeah yeah i remember that really lewis have you ever heard of t-ball what the fuck is that t-ball is the precursor for like softball or like little league baseball, okay? So, you know, like, you know, when you golf and you get like a little tee and you put the ball on it. T-ball is baseball, but instead of somebody throwing the ball, like pitching the ball to you for you to hit it,
Starting point is 00:45:19 there's just like this gigantic rubber tee that you put on like the home plate and you rest the ball on the tee and you hit it. It's like it's for when you're super small, like four or five years old sort of thing. That sounds kind of cool. It's really fucking cool actually. But like it's hilarious because even though it's all there ready for you to like slam it really hard, kids hand-eye coordination is not great, right? slam it really hard. Kids' hand-eye coordination is not great, right? So more often than not, people would just like hit the tee and it was like rubber and it would just like flop around everywhere
Starting point is 00:45:49 and the ball would just like depressingly fall off. Oh, man. I don't know. It's funny that, isn't it? I guess I want my games to be more mentally stimulating, I guess. I mean, there is some of that in, there's some strategy in football or team sports, definitely, but it's less strategy and more you need to sort of fill your role.
Starting point is 00:46:15 You need to be more of a cog in the machine. You're saying that you're too clever for sport. That's what you're saying. You're too clever. I think I found it very boring. I always think I was too clever to play sport. Not quite Bobby Fischer, but not quite Michael Jordan either. I'm somewhere firmly in between.
Starting point is 00:46:32 I like chess, but I also like golf. But it's like going to the gym, right? I found that very, very boring, like jogging or cycling. I guess I've been conditioned to, unless I'm listening to an audio book or doing something I just get so fucking bored with it Yeah, I get bored real easy and it was the same when I remember running around the football pitch I was just sat there fucking bored waiting for something to happen
Starting point is 00:46:56 waiting for my turn to kick the ball and that would happen occasionally but only for a few seconds every five minutes. I think if you're going to exercise though, I think exercising outside is better. Like every time I've been to a gym,
Starting point is 00:47:11 I find the equipment is not great. Like it's, I don't know, like it's just such a weird thing, isn't it? Running on a treadmill or like going on an exercise bike. Like it doesn't feel like, I don't know, you don't feel like the same as like if you go on an exercise bike like it doesn't feel like i don't know you don't feel like the same as like if you go on a pedal bike and bike outside for an hour you know like you feel like you're doing something out you feel like you're sort of making something of uh but i think the fresh air helps too you know like it's it's just such a strange thing like i i need to exercise
Starting point is 00:47:41 more like i don't exercise at all right now I was doing cash to 5k and then I had to stop and then I sort of haven't taken it back up again and I find myself making excuses I live really close to a bike track though so I'm going to buy a bike and try to bike every day just like the length of the island or something
Starting point is 00:47:59 Well here's the thing doing exercise, the thing I've noticed definitely is that you feel better, you feel happier feel like yeah it is good to do um but yeah i recommend getting some audio books that are good and just giving it a go because and so the rule i had was that i only could listen to like this audio book when i was cycling oh that's good so that's pretty good that way like i was like oh i really want to read the next chapter of this but i have to go cycling to do it and that was a really good motivation. That's a good motivator. Yeah, and that was really good.
Starting point is 00:48:27 I enjoyed it a lot. Yeah, how much did you do that? So I have like a half an hour walk back and forth to work at the moment, and I'm going through some like trying to learn basic Japanese stuff, so I'm not completely inept when I'm in Japan. No, that's a good idea. I've so far learned like literally hello and yeah. I think they say that you have to do
Starting point is 00:48:45 30 minutes of fairly vigorous exercise three times a week and then in between that just have your half hour walk into the office or whatever You pad out the rest of your week with that I don't know what to do vigorous exercise wise I'll get
Starting point is 00:49:05 something i'll get like i can think of something i'll get like a bike or like your your your mom or something me and ted cruz finally have something in common i mean the thing is i've never i've never i've noticed if you ever look at internet porn it says like share this on facebook and i'm always thinking one day i'm gonna click that by mistake and obviously ted cruz was looking at some porn and accidentally clicked on tweet that you liked this smutty video or he retweeted some some porn and i thought it was pretty funny i thought if he'd just come out and say everybody does it but he's been very much against it apparently like he's very hypocritically said don't touch your peepee don't ever touch your peepee or anyone else's yeah that's basically his angle don't touch the pee-pee. Or anyone else's. Yeah, that's basically his angle. Don't touch. The pee-pee is untouched.
Starting point is 00:49:46 Yeah. If you need to have a pee-pee, you need to use a pair of salad tongs. I mean, the thing is, like, nowadays, like, most people do touch their pee-pees, right? Like, it's fairly well known that, like, people. Well, this is why I don't shake hands with anyone. Do it, yeah. Fist bumps all the way. Fist bumps, yeah. Fist bumps all the way. Fist bumps, yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:06 I just dick bump. If you say the same bacteria, just bump it out. That's a good idea. You know, a long time ago, when I was a confused young man, I must have been about 12 or 13 years of age, I got into religion a little bit.
Starting point is 00:50:21 I was looking for something. My parents were divorced. I was kind of lost and everything. And they're predatory, those religious types. they'll pounce on you they'll they sense weakness they're like sharks they'll circle around you and they pounced and they converted me to their uh their religion and i was sort of trying to get into it i was struggling with a lot of it uh they didn't believe in dinosaurs was a big one for me because you know i love dinosaurs and then we were at this uh this christian camp i used to go to um called harvest festival or spring festival one of the two i think
Starting point is 00:50:48 i love how that's the i love how that's the breaking point for you dinosaurs weren't real excuse me you don't have dinosaurs in your religion that sounds kind of shitty right it wasn't enough to break me but i was questioning it in a major way they were all anti-evolution all that kind of stuff and And I was like, really? You think fossils are – they think – like the guys that we were talking to, they were like, oh, no, God put them there to test us. I was like, that's a pretty stupid test. Like, why not just tell us?
Starting point is 00:51:14 I like how you're like doing like a young interview. Like, can you play Minecraft in your religion? Okay. Is the tooth fairy real? Oh, okay. Well, good. I mean, this is ticking all my boxes. All right. You got tooth fairy. You got tooth fairy real oh okay well good I mean this is this is ticking all my boxes
Starting point is 00:51:26 alright you got tooth fairy you got tooth fairy yeah dude seriously people seriously not believe in dinosaurs is this a thing yeah dude seriously
Starting point is 00:51:32 yeah yeah of course fuck me so anyway they believe that god like put the fossils there some of them do some of them do some of them don't
Starting point is 00:51:38 but anyway anyway what fucking hope is there here's where it got really weird here's where it got really weird alright we're at this camp and this guy like this counsell guy, this real Christian guy,
Starting point is 00:51:49 takes a bunch of us sort of slightly older kids over to one side. He's like, right, it's time for us to have a private chat. Let me talk about something. Some of you may have been exploring the bodies that God gave you, and obviously that's fine and everything. But what you mustn't do is pleasure yourself. It's sinful and i was like hold on a sec i was like hands straight up i was like you're talking about
Starting point is 00:52:09 masturbation you're telling us we can't do that i was like that's ridiculous i'm out like that was me done with religion right there i was like this is the if god invented you just raise your arms in the air and you just turn around and you're like, listen, I could take the dinosaurs. I'm okay with Father Christmas not being real, but you're trying to tell me that I can't stop my pickle while I'm running up the air with you. So I was out.
Starting point is 00:52:35 Jesus could go fuck himself. Oh my gosh. I don't blame you, man. I think it's pretty natural to just like... It's the best fucking invention of all time. Jerky and gherkin, yeah. It's free. You don't need anyone there. And it's pretty natural to just like... It's the best fucking invention of all time. Jerky and gherkin, yeah. It's free. You don't need anyone there. And it's great fun.
Starting point is 00:52:49 Like, how are you telling me that's sinful? Give me a fucking break. What next? Nintendo's evil? Huh? No more? No more Nintendo? Sex is evil?
Starting point is 00:52:57 Hard drugs are illegal? That said, like, you know, you've got everything in moderation. And I think that too much of these... You never said that. I've told you about this before. The Tenka Mama. One of the Tenka Mamas isn't everything in moderation. And I think that too much of these... He never says that. I've told you about this before. The Ten Commandments, one of the Ten Commandments
Starting point is 00:53:08 isn't everything in moderation. The Ten Commandments is, you ain't going to do so-and-so. And I'm pretty sure if he had time, one of the commandments would have been, no, jerking it. Don't do that. And they would never assault.
Starting point is 00:53:21 That's why they cut it down to 12 or 10 or whatever the commandment is. If they'd gone with 15 commandments and one of them had been, you're not allowed to touch your pee-pee anymore and don't shake hands with other people, people would have been like, I'm out. I mean, for unrelated religious reasons,
Starting point is 00:53:33 non-religious reasons, though, I've not been, I've been, well, I haven't been like fully nofap, but pretty much like for the last year. Yeah, but you probably read an article about how it's bad for you. I read that article vice there was one on vice saying if you want to be more productive stop doing that i was like i don't want to be more productive so no i'm quite happy just like fluffing myself all the time actually so all right
Starting point is 00:53:56 okay uh yeah it's a tricky subject to talk about isn't it but no yeah well only for people who are abstaining and thinking shit maybe i'm missing out that's what you're thinking now you're so what what are your reasons for abstaining then lewis you want to be more productive is that it just like i just like saving it up for uh for rainy day just wait i know what it is you think it's so valuable you're like i can't waste this seed this is the seed of lewis brindley it's worth too much you may as well spill a load of diamonds it just it needs to be released though like you can't you can't store it up yeah god if it doesn't get used they don't it doesn't get put in a special storage compartment in your balls in the
Starting point is 00:54:42 end like you know those guys that turn up to work with an Uzi and mow everyone down? It's because they stored up too much seed. Like, I think if they didn't do that. The sperm would run in the show. If you looked in their brain, it's just sperm swimming around. I don't know anyone who doesn't occasionally, you know, give it the old...
Starting point is 00:55:01 Go on. The old... Yeah. The old... Yeah. I don't old yeah I think everyone all these religious people they're doing it all the time, everyone is they can't fucking help themselves women are doing it all the time
Starting point is 00:55:13 it's a natural thing, it's a drive it's a natural drive, isn't it you have to like, somehow get the release, right they're telling you that they don't do it but they're definitely doing of course they're fucking doing it they have to be doing it but i think i don't think it is like well i think we've got a change though like in terms of like from from porn like a lot of people it used to be the problem was that people couldn't couldn't get it
Starting point is 00:55:44 up or whatever. That was the big thing before, right? Like as a stimulant kind of thing. Well, I don't know. I guess, I don't know. Okay, we're going down a weird path, and I will stop going down this weird path. This is how we end every podcast, by the way. I know. This conversation.
Starting point is 00:56:00 We talk about wanking. It's so old. Always comes back around to this. Always. It's like our Hitler. We don't, we don't talk about, you know,
Starting point is 00:56:09 we don't come back to Hitler. I just, look, all I'm doing is I'm thinking of a topic that's relatable to the greatest number of people out there listening to the Trifles podcast. And I just want them to know,
Starting point is 00:56:19 you're not alone. No, you're not. You certainly are not. Is it your, is it your way of de-stressing? Is that the thing? You don't want to go to Herm. You want to just, you know, rub one out. You certainly are not. Is it your way of de-stressing? Is that the thing? You don't want to go to Herm.
Starting point is 00:56:26 You want to just, you know, rub one out. That's what I referred to it as. Going to Herm. I'm going to take a trip to Herm. See you guys in a bit. I'm going to... Their cars are loud. Heading to Jetoo back in a while.
Starting point is 00:56:39 Whatever it's called. Yeah, yeah. Jetoo, I think it is. Yeah. Oh, my God. There you go. Well, that's the end of the podcast that was a
Starting point is 00:56:46 was a podcast that was that was an podcast congrats it really was one yeah indeed another one
Starting point is 00:56:52 another one in the bag for team Triforce god damn yeah see you next time I hope you enjoyed it thanks everyone
Starting point is 00:56:58 fuckers bye thanks for listening peace goodbye

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