Triforce! - Triforce! #69: Birds, Balls and Buses
Episode Date: June 20, 2018Triforce! Episode 69! Pyrion has some bus horror stories, Sips still loves nature and Lewis tells a worthy dad joke! Â Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit pod...castchoices.com/adchoices
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Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Triforce podcast.
Today, coming from massively pollen-filled England, where I am like a snot machine, apparently.
Because, I don't know, I don't normally get hay fever, but it's like we've had like a thunderstorm
and I think that like throws everything up in the air, all the pollen.
Yeah.
Sips, how are you doing? I'm great, how are you? I just air all the pollen yeah sips how are you doing i'm great how are you i just told you p p flax how are you doing doing
great okay good welcome back everyone so as you can hear outside in p flax's garden the lowly
call of a wood pigeon yes you might hear the of the pitch yes who uh who lives in in my garden now i've got there's there's a few trees
sort of not not on my in my garden but around it right and there was uh these two wood pigeons
a lady pigeon and a man pigeon and they lived in this big tree uh in my neighbor's garden like it
was a big big tree it was like four-story tree um i don't know what it was it was kind of like
an evergreen it was some kind of some kind of evergreen tree anyway spruce maybe something like that but it was
uh it was it was a nice tree but they had it trimmed right because it was getting really tall
so if they came and they basically these guys just came in just cut the tops off the tree it was kind
of surprised me it just went like that so they're all yeah it was a shame because it was a beautiful
tree but anyway it'll be back i'm sure and the pidgeys lived in there but then they had to move because obviously their house got destroyed they did
surgery on your tree they did uh yeah they're tree surgeons yeah but it felt like they literally just
cut it in half like it normally with a tree surgeon i always feel like they trim the branches
that are hanging out all crazy scalpel but with this one they just went straight across the top
like clear exactly so they moved to the tree behind my house which is
sycamore or something like that
which is the one that drops the little spinny helicopter guys
you think that's an upgrade for them over
the spruce? I don't know I didn't think so
it's not as nice whatever the spruce
thing was it was really bushy
and it actually looked like it would be kind of cozy in there
it was lots of thick
foliage on it whereas this
one obviously it's a
bit more of a regular tree so it's got some branches and stuff like that it's a little
bad a little bit did they have to shave it first before they did the surgery no they didn't they
just went in wow i mean it's an amputation if you're going to cut someone's leg off you don't
carefully shave the leg first i guess you just go and that's it so they're chopping the legs off
the top of this tree as a surgeon i'd be like know, I'd take a little cheeky opportunity to shave the area. You would? Yeah. My mate recently had a vasectomy.
Wow. And he had to have his balls shaved. The guy said, everything below the penis must be
shaved. And I'm thinking, that's pretty much everything you need to worry about unless you've
got like a really hairy dick. See, I always thought that I'm too scared to shave my balls because
they're really hairy.
And I mean, we talked about this, you know, there's going to be some cutting or something.
But if you're going for surgery and they have to shave your balls, I think that's the best
chance that you have to maintain shaved balls, right?
Because they're already shaved.
I'm not sure I'd want to.
I'm happy with a little bit of hair on the balls.
I don't, I mean, you know, need need to walk around with a Sean Scrotum.
I mean, unless the guy has a dick that looks like that Muppet
with the long nose and a massive head of hair.
Gonzo.
Yeah.
With the shock of hair kind of just everywhere.
Hang on a second.
Who has like hair all over?
Yeah, like Gonzo hair all over his nose.
Like not necessarily thick, bushy hair.
Hair all over your shaft and everything too
because he's got like a furry nose, doesn't he?
I guess some dudes do because the surgeon was very specific.
But you have to do it yourself.
And the surgeon lent over to my mate and said something.
He said, now, whatever you do, don't try using an electric trimmer
because I've seen some terrible accidents.
On your balls.
And I thought, oh my God, yeah.
So, you know, like I use an electric trimmer on my head.
It's like a hair trimmer.
I use that.
And he was like, whatever you do, don't use that.
Because you'd be tempted to just go, yeah, just run it down.
But it's not a smooth surface.
So what, you just use like just the straight up Bic on your balls?
I think, yeah.
I mean, he was very careful.
I mean, think about this.
Women shave their parts all the time, man.
I know.
So you don't shave against the grain though, right, apparently.
No, you never do that anyway.
Anyone that shaves against the grain is a goomba.
It's quite difficult to know, I mean, on your balls.
Well, I think you just go with it.
Just go with it.
Just go with it.
And just get it as short as you can.
Just go with it.
So with the whole shave against the grain thing,
did your dads teach you that?
Or were you guys like me,
and did you learn that from watching Lethal Weapon?
A little bit of both i think because
my dad wasn't around when i learned to shave right right so lethal weapon was yeah i think it was it
was actually lethal weapon yeah it was a big place your dad yeah yeah that's that's a nice story
fucking murtog sergeant murtog i told for this shit damn it which one would you say was more
your dad riggs i'm not riggs murtog murtaugh was an actual dad in the movies, whereas Riggs was just a fake dad.
You know, he was like.
He was a guy you'd think, wow, he's cool.
A lot like you, Lewis.
He turns up for the good times and then he gets to sleep at night when he goes home.
And he's insane and suicidal.
Isn't that more of the cool?
Isn't that what you'd want as a kid?
The cooler dad, though.
You know, the dad who wasn't a dad, you know?
You'd think so. You'd think so. But then when you grow up and become a dad you're
like that guy didn't teach me anything about being a dad he just taught me the fun parts of being a
dad but not the the serious important parts of so if you don't shave your balls do they say oh sorry
we can't do the surgery or do they just do they get a nurse well no they shave them for you
apparently i think they might but at the same time,
they said we want it done ahead of time.
So I think that NHS cutbacks,
they're trying to save time with ball shaving.
Add up a whole year worth of ball shaving,
you could treat another 10 patients in that time.
Probably, yeah.
So get them to shave it at home.
That's what it comes down to.
Any extra stuff that the NHS has to do
is just money down the toilet, isn't it?
Yeah, just before you go in for a big operation,
just get the robes ready, put them on at home.
You know, get yourself injected with the anesthetic.
Do that at home.
You know, they said you like a pre-measured syringe for you to like get yourself all numbed up before you get there.
Yeah, I feel like I would get some of that.
If I was going to shave my balls, I would get some of the gel with like the minty
like numbing factor
for my balls
you wouldn't want the mint on there
would you?
I would yeah
let's make it like a camping trip
you know you bring your own camp bed
you bring your own packed lunch
right
and so they don't have to feed you
or like you know
get a bed or anything
you can just turn up
pitch your tent
set up the camp bed
hey
that's dangerous
and then like
tie a little thing
around your wrist
that is like a tag
and it says
left kidney
removed please
shave your balls
and everything
draw with like
a Sharpie big X
on your left kidney
where you think that is
you know
there'll be like
a diagram
it's like Ikea
right
do you think he drew
an X on his balls
with Sharpie
these is balls
well it depends
how many balls he needs to have vasectomied.
You know, you just shoot both.
Well, you've got to have them all done.
So here's the other thing.
Once you've had it done, you then have to wait,
I think it was two or three weeks before using it, shall we say.
Using the balls.
And you have to run the pipes through, as the surgeon put it,
25 times in like a 30 day period, 25 times.
Run the pipes through.
Run the pipes.
You know what I'm saying?
He has to run the...
To check it's clear,
to get rid of every little,
little guy.
Right.
Okay.
I'm just thinking of Mario right now.
Yeah.
Every little guy that could be lurking in there,
run them all through and then they test your sperm and they're like,
yeah,
it's dead now.
It's just a,
it's just a,
you know,
it's just a delivery mechanism.
It is.
There's no little ads left.
You have to do 30,
you have to make 30 deposits in the pipes.
No, no.
That's how many you run it through
and then you make a deposit eventually
because there's no point testing it early on.
Apparently there's still some lurkers.
Yeah, there's still some.
Some campers, to put it in gaming terms.
Yeah.
Oh, nice camping, dude.
That's what the tester would say.
Right.
A little tiny sperm pops out
because I guess all it'd take is one, right?
One dude.
And imagine if you only had one lad that escaped
and he was like, just happened to make it there to the egg.
I think he deserves it.
He could be the worst sperm.
No, he could be the worst one.
I think he deserves it if he's made it all the way.
It's really tough.
It's like one of the 100 meters with just some dude they found in the stadium.
Yeah.
It's like your Cletus sperm.
He's still like lurking around, threatening.
He never would have made it.
No, it's more like the Forrest Gump sperm
who's made it across America just by all odds.
That's right, yeah, against all the odds,
and he's there and he's ready.
So you've got to make sure that he's gone
because you don't want to have your own Gump.
Give it to him.
Give him a chance.
Give him a little chance.
Anyway, the pigeon in my tree, right?
So he moves to another tree,
and then there were both of them, the pair of them.
Right.
And I have a bird feeder in my garden.
I think we mentioned this before.
I feed the birds.
It's very, you know, it's soothing.
It's very pleasant.
It's very nice.
It's very middle class.
It's very English, yeah.
But I found one of the dead wood pidgeys.
It was dead.
No!
Yeah, in my garden.
Obviously attacked by something.
Not my cat. It was like a fox or something had got it. Because it was dead in my garden obviously attacked by something not my cat it was it was
like a fox or something had got it because we it was like shredded oh chainsaw chainsaw injuries
yeah i was like oh shit i mean because we get foxes around here during the day the other day
i was i went out to it was like one o'clock in the afternoon i went downstairs to make a cup of tea
and they're lying on my back flower bed as a fox big old fox and he saw me he was like oh shit and
sort of ran out of the garden shit damn it's like middle of the day these motherfuckers they're dangerous as fuck too they
kill babies and everything oh i think that's a myth but dingo ate my baby exactly that was actually
a thing that did happen though yeah i think well they think it happened anyway but yeah i mean the
thing is like foxes are i don't think that they're really dangerous um i mean one bit miss is f but
she was okay yeah no they don't sound dangerous I mean, one bit misses F, but she was okay.
Yeah, no, they don't sound dangerous at all.
I just bit her on the leg.
Jeez.
She was on her way into work.
It's like, you know, 8 o'clock in the morning.
She's on the tube.
He gets on.
She thinks nothing of it.
You know, anyway.
So he walks towards her, and she's like, oh, he'll run away when he sees me.
He obviously hasn't seen me.
He runs up, and she's thinking, damn, this fox is really close.
And he just goes, argh, and bites her on the back of the leg.
Christ.
She was in tears.
She came out,
I was like, what the fuck happened?
She goes, I got bitten by a fox.
Did you have to get rabies shots and stuff?
No, no, no, no, no.
There's no rabies in England.
She's got rabies now.
She has now.
She just foams at the mouth for the reason.
She occasionally devours a pigeon.
Yeah, but you know,
that's what happened to the pigeon.
Obviously it misses it. Feathers all over her mouth. Yeah, but, you know, that's what happened to the pigeon. Obviously, it misses it.
Feathers all over her mouth.
But, yeah,
so she had to go to the doctors
and they said,
we don't even need to give you a shot for this.
It's no big deal.
And she was fine.
Stop making a big fucking...
Look, if you want to come to the doctors,
you're going to have to shave your balls.
You're going to have to bring a pack lunch to the tent.
You know, the whole thing.
Okay?
We don't see you stuff anymore.
Listen, I'm here.
I'm getting a shot.
I don't even care what it is.
Just shoot me with something
because I've been bitten by a fox
and shaved my balls while you're at it.
If I'm coming all the way out there,
just give me an injection of anything.
What you got?
Go on.
Give me something.
What have you got?
Measles?
Mumps?
Repella?
Is that still going on?
I'll have one of those.
Sure, yeah.
So I'm not making it a wasted trip.
Just give me a fucking injection of something.
I mean, I'm here,
so I might as well have the fucking flu one.
Give me the meningitis one.
You know, just give me all of them.
Fuck.
Might as well.
I'm here.
Malaria.
Do me.
But so, Mr. or Mrs. Pidgey,
whichever is the one that's left,
is still hanging around in the garden.
It's kind of sad.
He's just here, you know,
because this is still where he lives.
And I think this fucking pigeon's been through the wringer in terms of what a wood pigeon could yeah his partner was murdered by a
fox his home was destroyed by so-called tree surgeons and uh you know and now these fucking
squirrels have moved in so anytime i put bird seed out these two motherfuckers jump off the fence
onto the bird table eat the whole lot in like two seconds and fuck off so i have to keep topping it
up to try and hope the birds can fucking get some.
So this pigeon's like, this is the worst.
Yeah, but pigeons are resourceful though.
Like if some of the seed drops into the grass or whatever,
they'll just peck the ground and get it from there.
But that's the problem is I'm worried they go down there.
I've got a cat.
Now she's old and slow and she just kind of watches the birds and goes,
Other animals are eating the bird seed stuff.
Other birds,
squirrels.
Yeah.
And that's pretty much it.
Well,
it's not a bird feeder,
is it?
If it's a fucking feed the squirrels,
as you've got a squirrel.
It is a bird feeder.
No,
it's just,
it's on a big thing.
They just climb up.
You've got the wrong thing,
mate.
You need a bird feeder there.
You've got a squirrel feeder.
I've got one of those hanging bird feeders that the birds have to peck at.
Yeah.
Right.
But that's only good for the little birds.
The Pidgey,
he can't eat that.
We got one of those big tube ones that you put those big balls in like for the winter
but man birds do not like they love the fat balls are you kidding me oh they didn't need our balls
oh man my balls have been shaven and our balls just like were rotten and crumbling and going
all shitty like they didn't bother with them at all they like the resin-y waxy ones that what
they it's like a ball of lard with seeds in it, basically.
Yeah, like a hardened bowl of lard.
Is the reason that squirrels don't like eating lard?
I mean, could you like lard lube up the area around the bird feeder with lard
so the squirrels will slip off?
I saw that was a thing you could do at some point.
No, I think what you generally do with squirrels is...
Do you leave out like a half
filled glass of beer
and then they all fall in and drown.
I was going to
shoot them with my air rifle.
I think you can shoot them and
I think if you put like a
plate at the bottom of the
feeder and then
you hang it like on a wire or something like that
they can't get to it. But they can jump from my
fence. I've seen them do it.
It's a six foot fence. They climb up
the fence and they leap, land
on the bird feeder and then leap
off again. There's no way around it. Put some mini
electric fence around. I was just
going to shoot them. I think it's the easiest option
and it's legal. I think Jurassic
Park solution is going to be the one.
Just plug into the mains. What could go wrong yeah nothing could go wrong i could have a little squirrel
enclosure and they could when they get out one will sneak up on me i'll be like clever girl
yeah squirrels right there then you could ride on that little trike and train them squirrels are
like a big problem when you're trying to feed birds for sure and they're so they're fucking
so tenacious they shout at you they go up in the trees like just horrible noises yeah ghastly creatures i like squirrels you know they're
cute what's wrong with you they they they love nuts oh they're aggressive too did you ever see
that video of the squirrel attacking somebody like not not full-on attacking but chasing after
them like oh they are so untrustworthy squirrels. Wait why does Lewis like them? Well they're like part of the
nature of furniture of life around you and and niceness it's nice to see them. So are mosquitoes. Lewis has never seen one before.
To be walking along through a tranquil glade and a little squirrel comes along like oh just
appears in front of you looks around goes back up a tree it's cute it's nice it's nice to see attacks you steals your lunch they're not they're twitchy their eyes are like
wide open they look sketchy as fuck all the time like they're not they're not nice they're not that
dirty and manky they've got really sharp teeth some of the some of the some of the manky seagulls
and pigeons seagulls are majestic they spend all the They've got those beautiful big wings, that big head.
They go out there in the weather.
You know what I mean? They're flying out over the ocean.
They're eating fish. I've got nothing
but admiration for the seagulls. They're like garbage
gulls, though. They're like bingo.
The ones you have in Bristol are bad, but
I think there's nothing more majestic than a
great big fucking seabird. They're so obnoxious as well
sounding like that. Yeah, the ones in Jersey
are really bad too.
How annoying are squirrels?
I like it.
It makes me, I mean, growing up by the sea, I crave that sound.
How do you feel about cicadas?
You know, that noise.
Yeah, they're amazing.
Have you ever seen one?
Yeah, but I mean...
Oh my God, they're so fucking big.
Those things are so fucking big.
And they're so loud.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
I mean, my dad lives in Florida. You know, when it's cicada season, they're so fucking loud, they're just everywhere.
But it becomes like part of the background noise.
I feel like I'm in the movie Predator when I hear the cicada.
Do you think that white noise is like a good thing or a bad thing?
Because some people really hate it, but some people really can't sleep without it, right?
Some people have to play rain sounds on alexa or
whatever to to actually sleep and stuff i don't do the rain sounds i mean i like total silence
and total darkness to sleep i used to be able to sleep pretty much anywhere anytime no matter what
was going on yeah i'm like since i had kids i've lost that i've lost that ability oh i've gained
that through having no i'm always listening i sleep on command now like it's i'm always listening
zoning out and falling asleep all the time you have to have the crying of a plaintive child
that's in order to sleep yeah it's like if i hear a child that's it i can't nap if there's some kid
the kid next door goes i'm like well that's it i'm off yeah i'm awake oh you're awake no i thought
it'd be the other way around now you just you'd learn to sleep through anything no because i'm
i'm looking after him all day so you know when i'm when when they're when they were babies or
whatever you know i'm listening out for them all the time i'm sort of not on edge but i'm like on
sentry duty you know i'm on alert and the snap of a twig or some some whispered german commands
you know somewhere i'm like they're here lads you know so it's like i'm on sentry my daughter's going through this like weird um period of emotional development now and she just cries all the time for like and
it's not like like tantrum crying it's just like sort of like whimpering like yeah and anything i
you know i reckon that's second child syndrome dude because my second kick a rock on the road
accidentally while walking i'll be like oh look you kicked a rock on the road accidentally while walking. I'll be like, oh, look, you kicked a rock.
I should just start crying.
It's only a rock.
You don't have to cry.
So now it's almost like the boy cried wolf now.
Like because she's been crying so much recently, it doesn't affect either of us now.
Dude, honestly, I honestly think it's a second kid thing because my youngest was the exact same shit.
I know grown women who cry that much.
They're just emotional sips.
Just women are emotional creatures.
You're a fucking idiot.
They just get...
No, I think sometimes kids don't necessarily understand the world, do they?
They think that if they kick that rock and it goes around the corner
that that rock has disappeared from the universe forever.
No, they're not babies.
They have object permanence, you idiot.
They get that in like a few months.
It just feels like every time you speak to them,
they just cry.
It's overwhelming to be spoken to somehow.
That happens with me and women too, though, to be fair.
Yeah, me too, yeah.
Now you're being accurate.
See, that's accurate.
Women are terrified of me.
I'll never admit it. And I'm terrified of me i'll never admit it but i'm terrified of them
i don't understand them that's why they're so scary oh my god holy fucking shit so no um
squirrels man i i don't know i feel like i feel like they don't they don't deserve
such such hatred i feel like they could go into room 101 easy like fucking nobody likes squirrels
they're stupid they're stupid and useless. Like fucking nobody likes squirrels. They're stupid.
They're stupid and useless.
Some twat in the comments will like squirrels. I love squirrels.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Well, that guy can.
You know what?
If that guy loves him so much, why doesn't he open up his house and all the squirrels
can go live there with him?
And then he'd be doing the rest of the human race a favor because nobody else likes squirrels.
It could be like Ace Ventura, but only squirrels.
Good call.
What was that movie with Brendan Fraser where he got attacked by beavers or squirrels or whatever? like ace ventura but only squirrels good good call yeah what was that
movie with brendan fraser where he got attacked by beavers or squirrels or whatever blast from
the past are you sure no it's the only brendan fraser movie i can think of off the top of my head
so the mummy so i was the mummy the new dinosaur movie with the new Jurassic um what's it called Jurassic Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom
Fallen Kingdom Empire Fallen World right Fallen something Fallen World I've only seen the original
Jurassic Park I've never seen any of the other movies well Jurassic World came out a couple of
years back it was okay it was kind of a like a little bit like what the force awakens was to star wars do
you mean the force awakens was kind of a retelling of the same story in a modern with a new cast of
characters kind of thing right you know so jurassic world is kind of the same it's like
a retelling of jurassic park only it happens again kind of thing right it feels like it's this series
of very safe choices made which are those big action sequences that are a lot of fun but actually
the the movie doesn't have like very much of a very much substance in terms of a story but it's
fun like you know i just like sometimes in a movie okay i don't know if you guys get this
you're like you need to
pee but it's it's too exciting for you to leave right when you think oh i don't really want to
leave in this movie i was like man i gotta have a pee yeah i got up i went out of pee came back
literally wasn't you know it wasn't a big deal whereas i feel like some movies if you do that
you're like yeah oh god what have i missed in the fucking 10 minutes 10 seconds that i've had to yeah yeah yeah i had to go pee for about uh like about an hour into the quiet place and then
i just refused to go because i didn't want to miss anything because i was like yeah fucking super
invested that's a great yeah i know what you mean some movies you're just like that i probably won't
like i went to i took my son to a birthday party and they went to see Ferdinand, the animated movie. I peed like three times during that movie.
It was fine.
I didn't miss much.
You'd rather not endure the discomfort.
Yeah, no, it was an all right movie.
In fact, you're like looking for an excuse.
It's like that time you don't even really need to pee.
You're just going in there and, you know, going through the motions.
You're like, well.
Yeah.
I was like checking my phone every sort of 20 minutes to see what time it was.
Just examining your balls, saying maybe it's getting a bit bushy down here.
Just thinking about how I'd go about shaving my balls.
Thinking of some DIY tasks around the house
and how I was going to tackle them later on in the weekend and stuff.
I went to see Solo last night.
Oh, was that good?
I really enjoyed it, yeah.
I've got to go see that still.
It was fun. It was I really enjoyed it, yeah. I've got to go see that still. It was fun.
It was a really good-looking movie.
They went for a side of the Star Wars universe
you don't get to see that often,
which is the kind of filthy, greasy side of Star Wars.
You know what I mean?
So it was like the places that Han was going
were places that we'd maybe heard mentioned,
and they'd sort of referenced obliquely
but not actually directly needed to show.
Does he do the Kessel Run?
He does the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
But here's the interesting thing.
I was like, a parsec isn't a measure of speed.
It's a measure of distance.
And they obviously thought, how can we do this?
So the Kessel Run is more like a maze
and there are routes through it that are sort of less hazardous,
and that one, the main route would be 20 parsecs,
but obviously we all know Han Solo finds a route in under 12 parsecs,
and the reason that they come up with that and everything,
it was good.
I really enjoyed it.
I thought it was a gorgeous movie.
The sets and the props and everything else was perfect,
really Star Wars-y,
but you didn't feel like you were just watching any old Star Wars movie.
How would you rate it against Rogue One and the other new movies?
Do you think it's the worst of all the new movies?
No, absolutely not.
Somewhere in the middle?
I mean, I really loved The Force Awakens.
I thought it was fantastic.
Even though, like Lewis said, it was kind of a rehashing.
It was very similar to the original New Hope. Which isn't a bad thing no it's not a bad thing because
remember that we grew up with that movie or a lot of us did yeah a whole bunch a whole new audience
did not it feels like the the force awakens had the advantage of there not having been a star wars
movie for such a long time though so they're not a good one especially but yeah kind of get away
with you know a bit of
rehashing it feels like people are actually fairly forgiving of reboots though i mean spider-man shows
you how many times you can reboot stuff like right but homecoming was actually good because they did
it the right way they didn't just they didn't just reboot the same shit like i don't need to
see him get bit like i don't believe you i don't i don't need to see another spider-man movie right
but homecoming is was genuinely good because i like what they've done with the extended universe
all right let me let me you're not letting me sir i don't but it's like i'm gonna do what you do
about anime and harry potter all right i'm just gonna be like no i'm not watching it you're not
spider-man movie i'm not done i'm not gonna to listen. You don't have to. I'm talking to the audience at home.
You're done.
All right.
Here's the point.
Is that what they've done with the extended universe is that you'll see these other characters
dip in and out.
And you know, you go, I remember that bit from so-and-so movie.
And I like that because that's like the comics.
It is like fan service-y as well.
Of course.
I mean, what the fuck is a movie?
Is a movie meant to be for an audience that isn't going to go and watch it?
Like when people say, oh, it's just fans.
That's just service for the people
who paid to see the movie
and like the series.
Jesus.
Make it for people
that didn't want to see the movie
and would never have seen it
in a million years.
That's the people you should be looking at.
I was like, no, fuck those guys.
Like you don't make anime for me.
You make it for weebs like you.
All right.
Yeah, Lewis.
Jeez.
You big dork. The reason I was like a little bit turned off of Solo, I haven't seen it yet, don't make anime for me you make it for weebs like you all right yeah lewis jeez so you big
dork the reason i was like a little bit turned off a solo i haven't seen it yet but partly is
because i guess like the main character reminds me of like steve holt right you went to slash r
slash star wars and you saw a million people all together condemning a movie before it even come
out or they'd seen it that's what you did isn't it't it? Did you say he looks like Steve Holt, as in the Steve Holt from Arrested Development?
Steve Holt!
He's got that kind of Captain Kirk-y, smug fucking look on all the pictures and stuff.
And I don't know who he is, necessarily, that actor.
I guess, is he an unknown?
No, no, no, he was in something.
Mrs. F told me about it.
What the fuck was it?
I'll tell you hold on
give me a chance it reminds me of the new kirk dassel from the star trek films and i'm like oh
did you did you see hail caesar hail caesar i don't think so yeah that's a coen brothers movie
oh really no i haven't seen that it's it's very funny so it's set in the sort of golden age of
hollywood when uh you know the studios owned the actors and it was all very sort of scummy and all the rest.
Unlike now, of course. Yeah, I know. It's come a long way.
Yeah, hasn't it though? So he plays this cowboy actor who they try to shoehorn into a different
kind of movie. And he's very, very funny. Like he's very funny in it. But yeah, he was in that.
I haven't really seen him in much else
uh i mean i think they with these movies they tended to go for actors that you probably don't
know because i mean people didn't really know mark hamill before star wars and i think they
were just kind of yeah i mean if it was like matt damon i would have just been like oh for fuck's
sake yeah you know what you're getting it's matt fucking damon so they get another guy and he can
be anything you want him to be and he's going to make the character his own rather than matt damon coming in and
fucking matt damoning it it's tricky i guess they have to find someone who who's proven but not
like necessarily like you know known already right right yeah proven but not known exactly
proven but not known like that like that guy who plays dr strange He was like a bit like that, right? He was... Benedict Cumberbatch.
Yeah.
Proven, but not known.
And now he's in everything.
Now he's just in everything.
I think everyone was like that at some point, Sips.
No, I think especially Benedict Cumberbatch, though.
He's like the epitome.
Benedict, what is it?
Can you spell it?
Let me Google this guy.
I don't know who...
I don't know who I'm not sure I know
who you mean
Benedict
right
Cumber
Cumberbunch
okay
Cumber Snatch
but yeah
do you know what
actually talking about
movies and things like that
this is interesting
a friend of mine
works in
TV
right
and
how does she fit in there
that's fucking
stupid that's such a bad joke by the way How does she fit in there? That's fucking stupid.
That's such a bad joke, by the way.
Sorry.
That is such a bad joke.
You're welcome here now, man.
You have proven yourself, young Padua.
You're a Benedict Cumberbatch.
Look, you've proven yourself now.
You can be on every show forever now.
You are in.
That is the most dad fucking joke.
The delivery was so dead.
You out dadded two dads.
Me and Flax could never have done that.
That was perfect.
Because most dads tell that joke with a sort of,
well, how does he fit in there?
You were just like, boom.
Dad joke.
Have you got like a dad joke a day calendar or something?
I need to get one.
Oh my God.
So anyway.
That's too much.
My friend was saying that all the people that you know, okay, in movies, all these stars
and all these directors, all these people that you think like, man, they seem like a really nice guy asshole like all of them because yeah i was saying
like what about so and so not so and so oh yeah complete asshole oh the stories i've got about
them and then tell me all these awful things that these people have done and how they talk to people
how they are on set and all the rest of it horrible horrible i was like oh my god like this
so this one guy um he's a director uh directed a movie
had had his editor editing the movie for a whole year and then the editor was sat in the premiere
and the movie that was on screen was not the movie that he'd cut he was like this isn't my film i
didn't cut this and what had happened is the director had secretly had a second editor
also editing for a full year and then decided which car he liked
best that's psychopathic yeah that means he wasted a year of his life and put his heart and soul into
editing this movie because they really do fucking care like every shot the editors pour over it's
so fucking intense that is a real lesson in being passive-aggressive isn't it yeah but why not just
say why not just say i'd like you guys to work on this together or something because like he just thought i will pit them against one another like some kind of machiavellian
plot some game of thrones shit just chill out dude but yeah so that was kind of a dick move
but that's just like one of the minor things it's just i don't know that i don't know like
for me that actually makes perverted perverted sense like that's because you're a sick man
you are pretty twisted lewis it's gotta be like imagine
you've got like imagine it's the smallest thing though imagine it's like a script okay for like a
concept for like a 15 minute animation or something you know you know you want to pitch it to people
and you know if you're willing to pay people for a couple of weeks work to write a script and then
you don't use it they've still gotten paid for that sure but i think you i think you're up front
with people i don't think you leave them in the but I think you're up front with people.
I don't think you leave them in the dark.
I think at the start you say,
listen, you're writing a script and I've got two other people writing scripts as well.
And at the end,
we're going to pick the one that we like the best.
So just so you know,
at the end of this,
we might not use your script,
but we'll still pay you for it.
I don't know if that's even worse though, Sips,
because at least then you're putting the pressure on someone. I think just a
bit of communication, but then
they have the chance to opt out. They could
say, you know what, I'm not comfortable with this, I don't want to do
it, and then you can find someone else who's okay with it.
That sounds even more psychopathic though
to me. No, that doesn't. I think
that that's just being... Because at least if they're
just lazily going through in their own
time editing it to the standard they're happy
with, you know, they're not feeling like this is competition and there's like pressure you know you'll get
you'll end up with weird people editing it if you make it into a competition you know you have to
keep it natural i kind of kind of right so you're so so you think that not telling them that it's a
competition and then them potentially wasting all of their time. But also, if their one is worse, then they don't get to, you know, it's like, well, sorry,
you know, yours was just, we didn't go with yours, you still get paid, you know, you're
still, you're still a job, isn't it?
Like anyone's job.
So if you're ever wondering what it's like to work at Yogs Towers, this should be a real
insight.
Imagine like, I don't know, any other job, though.
Imagine if you worked in Starbucks,
and you made a coffee for someone,
and you had another barista there making coffee,
and after a whole year, you found out that
all the coffees you'd been making were being poured down the drain.
Yeah.
How does that make you feel?
I don't know.
I think if somebody told me ahead
of time that that might happen then at least i'd be ready for it right but if i found out at the end
that it was just like some sort of weird subset of the movie the game where people were pouring
out all the coffees in disgust and then going back to another person and getting better coffees
poured for them i'd be pretty pretty hacked off i also feel like the fuck i don't know how i mean how much can you
learn if you're working on like a movie for a whole year and then i'm moving over to your side
now here by the way but i feel like if you're moving if you how do you get the feedback from
that you know if you watched a movie that they did and you think, oh, he did it like this,
oh, he did it like this,
like, surely there'd be loads of things
that you did better in your movie,
but then you wouldn't know
that they were the things you did better
because maybe if he gave, like,
a really detailed feedback at the end
and he was like, hey, yeah,
I preferred your thing here, his thing here,
your thing here, you know,
surely you could integrate both together
into some sort of final cut where the
two of you yeah maybe but it's a it's up to the guy who's like like commissioning it all and
directing it right like if he wants to do it or maybe he just thinks one cuts like overall just
better and then you get a third editor okay afterwards and he cuts together the best bits
from both yeah cuts yeah maybe would that be okay? I don't know.
I think like it's weird when you make, like, you know,
if you're editing a movie from start to finish and it takes you a year, right?
And then you send your cut through and somebody says,
you know what, parts of this are good, but we're not going to use it.
We're going to use Jimmy's instead because this is way better.
It doesn't have enough dinosaurs, you know.
Yeah. not going to use it we're going to use jimmy's instead because this way it doesn't have enough dinosaurs you know yeah um i think that i i think you gotta sort of be ready for that sort of stuff in that capacity to begin with because you're never going to do something perfect no no matter
how much you think it's it's going to be perfect or it is perfect because you're always at the
mercy children are perfect yeah but you're always at the mercy of somebody else's take or opinion or whatever.
I think your children suck.
The way that you have to look at all of this stuff is that it's just experience
and you're learning and you're doing new stuff.
And eventually, one day, something you do,
and it's going to be the least expected thing, probably that you thought, you know,
oh, I've done this, but like, it's not going to go anywhere. And then that turns out to be like
the big breakout thing that everyone's like, oh, fuck, this is incredible sort of thing. And you
didn't expect it. I think if you have that sort of mindset, you set yourself up a lot better to
not be devastated every time something doesn't go your way. Because I think a lot of people do that,
right? They put their heart and soul into something and they expect that it's just going to go somewhere
and be something but life doesn't really work like that at all does it like it you you have to sort
of take everything as an experience learn from it just do better next time and then usually when you
least expect it something pays off i was on the. I was on the bus yesterday, right?
And the bus broke down.
There was a fox on the bus.
There was no fox on the bus.
There were no squirrels.
No foxes.
There was a nurse and they sent you to the hospital.
They gave you a fucking...
You were like, give me an injection.
They gave you a free injection.
They shaved your balls
and they put you back on a bus that was working.
And then the bus broke down.
And then that one broke down.
I'm on the bus.
It's packed.
All these school kids, little kids, all the rest of it.
And the bus breaks down.
Annoying.
And this old guy, I say old, he must have been in his 50s.
Seems old to me even now.
Old.
Bald.
Grumpy looking.
What the fuck is going on
like really loud is this you right no it wasn't me i was thinking that but i was also i was just
in kind of a chill mood so i was just you'd had that injection earlier i'm with my daughter so
you know she she looks at me and i look at her and we're sort of like eyes widened be like oh
he said the bad word and then everybody's kind of looking at this guy thinking, you know, calm down, mate.
We're all stuck on the bus.
And luckily it had broken down like at my stop.
So I didn't really care.
I was just waiting for him to open the door or just to stop before.
So then the bus driver tries to restart the bus.
And I hear it.
There's like a computer that says oil levels low or temperature too high.
Like the bus fucking talks to him, which I thought was pretty cool.
And then he opens a little guard door that they're behind hello dave start the bus how i'm
afraid i can't do that dave don't leave me i can't start the bus dave open the open the bus bay doors
how i can't do that dave there's a fox outside i don't want to let the fox he said he steps out
and he says uh the bus is broken down it's too hot we
can't go anywhere and the guy goes i paid 50 pounds a month for this and the last bus broke
down and was cancelled and now this one is breaking down what are you gonna do about it and the driver
just sort of got back in the seat and just sat there waiting for the bus to cool down and then
he thought better of it and got off and sort of walked around the bus made it look like he was
you know trying to fix it or something and i I was just like, I just got off.
But this old guy was still going on.
And I'm thinking for that old fella, that's like a major, he wasn't even old.
I don't know why I keep calling him old.
I don't know why I keep thinking this guy, this guy is furious.
Because that's the kind of thing like an old fella would do.
But he must, you must have something better to do.
What a fucking journey though.
Imagine that's your life, getting angry at the dumbest shit imaginable like
never we do on the fucking bus and shut up. It'll be fixed in a
second. Like it's not that big of a deal is it?
I had to break up a fight on a bus one time. This is this is a
few years ago between the driver and a passenger. Okay, okay. So
the bus stops past way past the stop, like way past the stop.
Well, like how far are we talking here?
Oh, a long way past.
Like the bus driver was obviously like...
Like meters?
Oh, no, like 30, 40 meters, I'd say.
Like it doesn't just like here's what happens.
You know, those bus drivers that drive like a fucking cowboy or like some kind of rally driving.
And you realize, OK, this is his last trip.
And then he drops the
bus off and he's done for the day so he's just like fucking let's go foot down so he's flying
around this corner he goes shooting past the stop and there's this woman waving like crazy
like she's trying to flag down a rescue ship or something and he sort of spots her and he thinks
fuck it and then he also thinks oh i can't because the bus has got people on and they might report me
so he hammers on the brakes we all go flying forward and he stops woman gets on the bus and she's fucking giving him all
this shit calling him all these names wow swearing at him and he's he's giving her shit back and he's
like fuck you and all this kind of stuff and then she says just get going i want to go home he goes
i'm not moving this bus and he crosses his arms and he like turns the bus off and he's just sitting
there oh my god everyone sat there in complete silence.
Right guy.
Well, fucking I hate bus drivers.
I hate them.
OK, good.
I like where this is going.
So I thought, fuck this.
So I'm right at the back of the bus.
So I'm looking around and nobody ever was just looking down at the ground.
So I get up and I walk to the front of the bus and I say, look, I get it.
We all have shit days.
You want to go home.
You want to go home. We all want to go home You want to go home? You want to go home?
We all want to go home.
Just start the fucking bus and let's go home.
And they both sort of went and just quit and did it.
Like she just went and sat down and he just turned on the bus.
And I thought any moment the bus is going to break out and pull us.
Yeah, woo!
Not a thing.
People are too scared.
You're like the diplomatic dad.
I was furious.
Not a word.
Not a word said by anybody. We just silently went home.
It was so stupid.
That's hilarious.
But a few months later, do you need to pop to the loo?
Yeah, just one second.
All right.
He's gone.
It's just like when he walks out of movies.
He's going to miss the best bit.
That's a really good sort of summary of the podcast.
It's so good that he's decided to go to the toilet halfway through it do you
reckon he's shaving his balls in there he might he might be trying to shit yeah there's been a
lot of hints on like good ways to shave your balls so maybe he's just couldn't wait to to try them
out he's just gonna try to shave his balls gonna go shave those balls real quick i've never had a
bad bus experience like really yeah i think the worst bus experience I've had, and it's not even that bad, was it was in Canada.
It was really cold.
It was like minus 15 out and it was snowing and stuff.
And the heaters on the bus weren't working as well as they could.
So the bus was kind of cold.
So it was like a little bit uncomfortable to sleep on the bus for the hour and a half that I was on the bus for.
But I still managed to fall asleep
anyway and then it was fine like that's it that's the worst one I've got yeah I've never had to like
yell at anyone or do anything oh one time this guy was standing you know when the bus is like
super busy right this guy was standing really close to me and he had track pants on and the
the smell that was coming off of his track pants was like nothing i've ever smelled
before oh my god you know you know when you smell a really stinky person oh it is such a like it's
the worst but this was that smell kind of soaked in and stuck inside thick thick track pants so
you had that fabric smell plus like the the body smell. Well, it was
really gross. And it kept waft he was standing right in front of me. So it was wafting into my
face constantly. Oh, my God, I would think that was worse than the cold bus. But even then those
those two are the ones that I can think of where you know, when I was at TI, a few years ago, it
was it was real hot. Okay. And there was this one guy walking around
the whole time, and I don't think he had ever washed, like ever. And he was like one of
the-
So that he could play Dota?
No, I just think he was just disgusting. He was just one of those disgusting people
that just sees it as optional. And like, I don't see why I should wash, smell doesn't
bother me.
So there's a line of people queuing up to get autographs
from the players and stuff.
And there's like,
there's the line
and then there's about
a 10-foot break
and then there's this guy
and then there's a 10-foot break
and then there's the rest of the line.
So he's just basically
queuing on his own.
He still moves up.
Like the guy in front of him
moves up,
he moves up,
but he doesn't move up
till he's next to that guy. He obviously realizes. Oh oh he's doing it on purpose then he's got to be he
wants more space he wants more personal space it might be some weird thing that he's going like if
i if i smell real bad people won't bother me so it might be something like that that's it i think
that's what he's doing it's kind of clever when you think of it because you know if you don't want people to approach you ever or stand right up in your in your space don't wash and people won't and then
go post on fucking r slash incels about it yeah true i've been alone for my whole life and all
right i have a body odor problem by choice i'm involuntarily celibate, but I'm voluntarily stinky.
The Volstink community.
Oh my God.
It's like nature.
In smell.
Animals do that.
It's like a human skunk.
He's got defense systems set up around his poor hygiene,
which means that nobody will ever go within 10 feet of him so
you reckon like you know the way big fish in the ocean have like those little little fish to follow
them around i'm figuring that if you're that unhygienic you probably have some kind of insect
life dwelling in the creases of your oh you do for sure yeah you'll have bacteria eating away all your gross BO cells. Yeah, you're an ecosystem.
Sorry, I had to pee.
I was like, oh.
Yeah, we know.
Welcome back.
We held down the fort while you were gone.
Don't worry about it.
It was like being in a cinema.
The content was just not entertaining enough.
No.
I was busting.
We get it.
I've just been sitting here drinking this entire fucking pot of tea,
and it just went straight through me.
Yeah, tea will do that.
On the topic of angry people, I've been watching Parks and Recreation, the show.
Love that show.
It's really funny.
And I was reading a bit about, you know, how they conceived the show and how they were
writing for it.
And apparently the writing team had to attend local town hall meetings, quite a few of them too in smaller
towns, just to get a feel for the kind of things that come up in like these town hall meetings.
Right, right.
And what they found consistently was that the only people that ever went to these meetings
were very, very angry people who opposed what was being proposed sort of thing.
Right. opposed what was being right proposed sort of thing right so they would turn up and they would
have these outlandish sort of demands and oppositions to what was you know being planned
they said that it was just almost like a comedy goldmine like the people were nuts like they
would turn up it's like on the show you know sometimes you get that like the woman who's like
all the sandwiches i find on the ground in the park have no mayonnaise on them.
Like, you know, just these really stupid things.
But they said that a lot of it was influenced by them having to go on site and witness some of these town hall meetings.
I've been eating squirrels around the area and they're all covered in slippery lard.
Can we please stop putting lard balls on our bird feeders?
I watched the one yesterday with the Sweetums,
you know, with the super sweet fructose,
and they're trying to get the deal for the park.
And the woman's like,
I've been eating lasagna and muffins solely for my whole life,
and I am very depressed.
So anyway, P-Fax, just a few months later on the bus, because this is what Tri-Force
Podcast is all about, by the way, is shitty local stories of what P-Fax has been doing.
Yeah, that's my favorite kind, like my absolute favorite kind. So I'm on the bus
and there's this old fella gets on. He's one of these old people you think, geez, someone get this guy a wheelchair. Like this guy needs to not keep with the bus and there's this old fella gets on he's one of these old people you think geez someone get this guy
a wheelchair
like this guy needs to not
keep with the walking
he's got two sticks
and he moves it like
less than a snail's face
that's just fucking greedy
why does he need two
he needs it
because he can barely stand
some of those people
just someone
they just don't have a family
looking after them
clearly
I honestly think that's it
no one has said to him
for God's sake dad
get a fucking chair because this is ridiculous this is why you have to have kids because you
turn into that lonely guy with two sticks later in life that nobody's around to help you absolutely
when they say poor people in poor countries shouldn't have kids who the fuck's gonna look
after him i've said it before and i'll say it again it's like you're playing the long game when
you have kids sure it sucks when they're young and you have to raise them and stuff,
but, man, they can look after you when you're old.
You're never going to be lonely again.
They do say that you have to keep active, right?
Because as soon as you, if you're an old person,
listen to this right now,
you have to stay active.
That old man, good for him, right?
I want him to stay active and energetic,
but, honestly, like hunched over struggling
down that street with two walking sticks at like fucking the slowest pace you've ever seen in your
life i mean he i guess he's out there for like eight hours but holy shit like fucking i don't
know man like it's just so anyway madness he it takes him like a minute just to get on the bus
like this dude is basically this guy's basically disabled like honestly he can barely get on the bus like this dude is basically this guy's basically disabled like honestly he can
barely get on the bus he like inches onto the bus and the fucking bus driver waits for him to get
his old guy pass out and i'm like fucking come on dude the dude's like 118 years old just say old
off you know go on sir don't worry so the old dude's like you know shaky hand he's going for
his pocket oh got my pass in here somewhere gets his pass out shows his pass dude if you're over 65 you get the free bus pass
i know i know but sometimes i think there's there's definitely a line there where that you
have to tread carefully because if he's out and about and he's still doing things by himself he
just wants to be treated like everybody else right so maybe he wants oh come on man the dude's ancient the dude is ancient well just in case he's
a really old 64 he's had a really hard life my dad i know but fucking loves it when he can claim
the oap pass access for a fucking museum or whatever he's all over that man he's like we
every time we go to an art gallery or anything he's scanning the board seeing if there's an OAP 5 quid discount
my parents are like that too
it's like a badge of honour
just put a big sign on your head
that says I'm fucking old
and I can get into places half price
so the dude gets on the bus
but also hang on
just a second
it's like being ID'd
I sometimes get id'd
therefore you know i feel like it could just be that that old man had was a really rough 60 year
old you know he was just had a hard life you know he just been through it. Those two sticks. Oh, God. You know, he just...
It's all for show.
He had his kids.
He'd done the vasectomy.
Yeah.
I'm only 45!
He's like decrepit.
I'm a yoketoper.
I do full-time yoketope.
Fuck it, Alan.
Fuck me.
Carry on.
So he gets on the bus.
Oh, my God. And he's taken, like, one so he gets on the bus oh my god and he's taken like one or two steps
down the bus driver closes the door puts the bus in gear and pulls away like right out of course
he does old dude goes flying lands on some other old people they're all trying to hold him up this
old guy's desperately trying to sit down people are shouting i shout from the back like when i
really shout i've got quite a loud voice right and i shout would you stop the fucking bus and let that
whole blood sit down let me guess the whole bus just went quiet the bus stopped all the traffic
stops a lot of you in a fucking school uniform right right? At the back of the bus, like some school bully,
basically.
No, this was like
a few years ago.
You were surrounding
my kids in school uniform.
So this guy,
the driver stops the bus,
like,
opens his door
and he gets out
and he looks down the bus
and he says to me,
I am trying my best.
That's what he says.
So I said,
well, it's not good enough.
Which is definitely true. I said, how can you not let this old guy sit down look he can barely stand up he's like i am
trying my best now would you leave me alone gets back in the bus the old guy we wait for the old
guy to sit down finally old guy sits down nobody says a word like it's london so everybody's just
thinking who's this bold lunatic in the back of the bus. But I was right, man. Nobody said shit.
Like, how can you just sit there and take that?
Like, the bus breaking down, that's not the driver's fault.
The driver being a cunt?
Come on.
You are George Costanza.
That's what happens to George Costanza regularly as well when he stands up for people.
I just couldn't believe it.
It was just awful.
It was so awful.
Fucking bus drivers.
I've got an interesting story about buses.
This is the most memorable thing I remember from ParadoxCon.
I think, have I told you this?
Maybe not.
Anyway, we were at ParadoxCon, and there was like a shuttle bus
that ran from the hotel to the event,
because the event this time was actually a little bit further out the city.
So we got the shuttle bus back one day, and it was full of peeps,
full of people, and we got back to the hotel.
And the hotel was on this big, like, the crossroads of this big,
like, six-way American-style street, okay?
So it was, like, huge street, six-way crossing,
six streets in each direction, and the hotel's on the corner.
And the bus has obviously got this reserved area in front of the hotel
where it parks and parks up.
So he goes to park up this bus driver
and there's um like a taxi or something just sat in this in this bay and um the taxi's like
being blocked in by another taxi who's being blocked in by another taxi anyway so the bus goes
like the the biggest noisiest bus horn you've ever heard like like this and uh so and then the the taxi the bus sort of swedish
driver starts yelling opens the door starts yelling out the bus door he doesn't get up from
where he is he just starts yelling out the open double bus doors at this taxi driver who's in the
car and the taxi driver's like sort of you know nods and tries to move and stuff but the swedish
bus driver's not having any of it he like he gives him like five seconds and then he he just holds down the horn okay now normally this is a
thing that you see happen but i i kid you not he just kept holding down the horn for fucking ages
like it was and it didn't fucking stop it just went on and on and on and everyone across
the road is looking because it's so loud he's now holding up this disjunction people behind are like
doing a little bit of hooting but not anything they're like they think like something crazy's
happening they think it's like an air raid siren because it's just so fucking deafeningly loud
like people are literally
putting their fingers in their ears as they walk by like all the people smoking outside the hotel
are like ducking back into the hotel you're like and it just goes on and on for like a minute and
then like a minute and a half then like two minutes of just him holding down this horn
and it's fucking nuts and eventually these taxi drivers move. But, you know, even people in the hotel were like,
fucking did you, like, Terps,
because I think someone was in the hotel at the time
and was like, fucking did you hear, like,
what was going on out there?
There was just this horn going on for fucking ever.
And we were like, yeah, that was us.
We were on that bus.
And so eventually the fucking taxi driver pulls out
and he goes and parks.
And then as soon as he, like he lets his hand off the horn,
everyone like fucking visibly,
like, oh, they relax like around.
And he climbs out of the fucking bus
and starts yelling at the taxi driver.
And I was like, man, how seriously do you take your job
for this to be like a thing that you really give a shit about?
Like he was like, he was like an old guy as well,
like gray hair, kind of like stocky glasses,
just yelling in Swedish
at the top of his lungs at this taxi driver.
God damn.
It was so crazy to see.
You must just hate taxi drivers.
Because it was like the middle of the day.
It was like, you know,
three o'clock in the afternoon.
It wasn't exactly like, you know,
it wasn't like a weird time or anything.
And it wasn't even that busy, really,
on the streets or anything.
I got in a buster with a cab driver
one time when I beeped him.
He got out of the car, which is never a good sign.
No.
So there was like, there's no way past him.
And he just stops right in front of these traffic lights.
And there's no way around him.
So I gave him the good old, not a beep, but like a beep.
Like not bus driver level.
But just gave him a good solid two, three second beep to let him know he was in the way.
He, I can see him going mad
in the car seat i immediately think oh shit like it's on now so he opens his door and he comes
steaming towards me and i wind down my window like an inch and i'm like you're in the way he goes
there is an old lady in there she is in wheelchair i have to get her into camp this is why i stop
here this is why i stop here you beat me i was stop here. You beat me. I was like, dude, calm down. I didn't know.
Carry on.
And he's like still swearing a curse against Mackey's car.
But he was so fucking furious.
I think honestly, most people when they drive,
they're like a hair away from losing their shit.
Like that's the, they go out with that mentality.
They can't just accept some people in the road are fucking idiots. Like if I'm on the motorway and some guy's tailgating me,
you see some people swearing and flipping him off and brake checking them and stuff just pull over
let the idiot past don't get involved like genuinely that's what i'll do well exactly
genuinely that's one of the first things i learned when i was driving it was that i'm not going to be
in an accident because he didn't get out and say i'm gonna wait i'm just waiting for a disabled
that i was oh i'm sorry no problem but he was just like he just went from sitting in a car waiting to
losing his
fucking marbles in like two seconds so i think you've got to be super careful when you use that
horn that driver that horn wasn't just to get out of the way that was if you even get out of your
car and try and give me shit it's on like i'm going to kill you that's the that's where this
is going there's no escalation beyond that that's it can't go to words it's going to come to violence
that's what leaning on the horn means. It's like getting your weapons out.
It's kind of sizing someone up.
So I think a lot of people, when they drive, they've got that mentality.
If you beep someone, you're basically saying,
do you want to fight me? I'm going to beep you.
You better fight me right now. That's what a lot of people use the horn for.
This is what I was thinking with the Swedish guy.
He was so fucking psychopathically holding that horn down.
Nothing you've ever seen in your life.
He wants the fight
like that's the thing he's he's peeping that he hopes the cabbie gets out and gives him shit
so he can get out and there's a fucking fight in the street because they're on they're on a
fucking hair trigger these guys they're driving around all day and they drive for a living yeah
it's driving people mad but it was such a moment though i honestly like just him
because everyone on the bus sort of kind of cheered, right, after he finished.
But also, we were terrified of him.
It was almost like the fact that he was willing to hold down his horn for that long would be that disturbing to that many people at a busy crossing.
Dude doesn't care.
And just attract that much attention to himself.
It was just, it was like, what the fuck?
What a big old fucking pair of shaved balls that guy had.
Sorry for the wait, ladies and gentlemen.
We finally arrived at our destination, Disneyland.
I hope you all have a really nice time,
and I'll see you next time.
Oh, it looks like someone is in our spot.
Rawr!
Rawr!
I just want that guy's ass, my car horn, actually just knew doing the impression
so obnoxious he wasn't even pressing the horn that was him yelling out the window
no god so if you haven't had the memo from that angry bus driver that he's going to be on the
road today stay off stay consider this a warning don Don't, yeah, stay safe. Don't drive.
And,
and God bless you.
And we've been,
we've been us.
You've been you and see you next time,
I guess.
Are we done?
Yeah,
that sounds good for me.
Thanks everyone.
See you next time.
Peace out everybody.