Triforce! - Triforce! Mailbag Special #15: Lewis, Sips, Flax: A Three Course Meal

Episode Date: June 28, 2023

Triforce Mailbag Special 15! Lewis is very interested in a greasy cylinder, Caveman Grog has a top 10 video for taking down a deer, we get sent a custom Triforce restaurant menu and much more as we dive into yet another mailbag! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

pickaxe mailbag. My name is Pirion Flax, and I'm joined this week by my good buddies, Lewis Brindley. Ahoy. And Sips. Ahoy. Both of the Oxcast, as am I, and together we shall peruse your emails, and this week is an interesting selection that I guess we could just dive straight into if you guys want. Wait, before we start, I've answered the call.

I wrote some haikus. Oh, you did? Fantastic. I found my calling, yeah. All right, let's hear it. I'm not reading them, though. I'll post one. I found my calling, yeah. Alright, let's hear it. I'm not reading them, though. I'll post one. I've written three. I'll post

them one at a time in general, and you guys can read them, okay? Okay. And you can read them in whatever voice you want to. Do you want to read them, or shall I read them? I'll read the second one. Okay, okay. You read the first one, and then Sips can read the third one. Okay. Okay. I'm sure they get better as he goes. No, they don't. They get far worse. You're

going to love these. Ready? Here comes the first one. Post it. Clickety clack clack. I am ordering online a gallon of lube. And now you'll find that this adheres to the traditional structure of the haiku. Clickety clack clack. Yes. I am ordering online a gallon of lube.

There's a little bit of repetition in there. No, I like it. No, I think that's beautiful the next one's even worse uh if you can believe that here it comes ready words words words words words i ignore all these word words wisconsin emails there we go i got like another five wisconsin emails I've had to ignore just in the last few days. So. Right.

Wow. This is, this is great. This is like, yeah, this is like the mailbag life. I put a lot of effort into this. This honestly, this is very good. These are fantastic. Last one for now. I mean, this is, this is the start of an incredible career, but here you go.

You ready? Yeah. You got to read this. Go on tips. Yeah. No, I'm not. No. You've got to read it. Come on. You've got to perform you gotta perform you gotta perform your own art all right your mom is walking

kicking a can down the road she is moving house oh boy it's a good one i would buy a book of these. Oh, this is so good. These are excellent. Well done. Well done. I've done it. Anyway. They are magnificent sips. Thanks so much.

I really like those. I honestly think those are excellent. The mum one is top, top notch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a little joke that I stole from White Men Can't Jump, the 1990s hit. Do you remember that one? Yeah, I do. Oh, really?

Yes. Well, it's good to see it come back around again. Yeah. I mean, that's it. I'm rebooting it, you know, some of the jokes from that movie. I don't know if it still stands up. It's nice of you to credit them, but, you know, I don't think anyone would have known where that was from if you hadn't said.

No. Well, you know, I just, I don't want to be fully transparent, you know, I don't want to steal other people's thunder, but I thought it was time to put it into haiku form. So, hopefully, Woody and Wesley are out there smiling from the heavens. This is the art of, you know, take it funny, adapting for a modern audience. That's right. Or an ancient audience, I guess, with haiku. I kept it- I kept it- tried to stay, you know, within the confines of the podcast as well,

except for maybe the last one, which is a mom joke, which don't feature very often on this podcast, but certainly, Wisconsin and we talk about lube a lot, it turns out. It's fair. Keep it rooted, keep it real. Keep it real, always. Yeah. Keep it rooted, keep it real. Keep it real, always. Here we go. This is

from Scott. Had a question for Sips regarding Jersey. Yes. Which places he considers worth visiting. I'm thinking of taking the ferry there from the UK as I always wanted to take my car on a ferry. I'll completely understand if Sips has cocooned himself inside his garage

and never ventures into the town. But Scott's looking for suggestions. Well, the giveaway there is it's a small place. The town is a good place to start. There's some stuff in town. Lewis has been, he can tell you. It's not a bad town. It's quite small, but there's some stuff to do.

And while you're there, you can maybe find some other stuff to do that's not a bad town it's uh it's it's quite small but there's some stuff to do and uh while you're there you can maybe find some other stuff to do that's not in town you know what i mean just see see where it takes you it is a pretty small boring place though i would say i think if you're like 65 years old plus you would probably really like it because it's kind of slow and uh it's got a pace to it doesn't it lewis i went um i rented a bike one day and i cycled around the coast of the island in a day yeah so it's not that big no it was it was fun though it was really nice to do there's a lot of really interesting like little bits of quaint scenery a lot of farmland yeah a lot of um rich people mansions and stuff yes yeah

so could you you're talking about stuff to do in the town. Could you just give us three suggestions for something that you could do in the town in Jersey? You could go have a nice meal. There's a lot of seafood restaurants. Have a nice meal. You could have a good time. Yeah. You can go and visit an old Gregorian house that's been lovingly restored and there's examples of how people used to live back in the day. I think people are looking for stuff that's like off-trip advisor, do you know what I mean?

Right. Like, what's your secret like, recommendation for like a non-tourist, like not the Jersey war caves or whatever? Well, yeah, I mean, the war tunnels is kind of like you know worth seeing though it's it's interesting there's a lot of old um nazi fortifications and buildings that they built when they occupied the island in world war ii so if you're interested in that time period or whatever there's a lot of they got a lot of stuff down there they got lots of old guns and uniforms and helmets and all that shit um it's pretty underground yeah um there's a they've got a really nice um zoo

jersey's got a nice zoo it's called it's like a it's like a wildlife conservation trust set up by this guy called gerald durrell and um he's yeah my family and other animals. And he's- Yeah, My Family and Other Animals. He wrote that book. He's long gone. But he was- Princess Anne has been over a couple of times, was well into it. And- They had a statue of Henry Cavill outside as well. There's a statue of Henry Cavill. And they do all sorts of- I don't know if it's still there. They got some big ass tortoises from Bristol over.

Bristol tried to get rid of their their big tortoises and uh so jersey zoo was like yeah we'll have them we went to see them the other week and they're huge gosh they're huge uh and their enclosure is like state-of-the-art too man it's like brand new it's got like a mist spraying system it's so humid in there but they love it you should see they're just basking all day they take really good care of them so that's another thing you could do um if you like that sort of thing it's lots of like it's very family oriented you know because it's a small place there's lots of places to take your kids if you have kids there's lots of places to go and eat there's lots of places to eat that has like a

nice view to enjoy while you're eating you know it's it's just a quiet little sleepy place but that lighthouse is always um corbier lighthouse yeah it's a nice little sleepy place. That lighthouse is always... Corbiere Lighthouse, yeah, it's a nice one. There's a nice lighthouse on a spit that looks like quite a nice... You can make a nice trek out there. Do you know they open it... It's a very picture postcard. They open it for one night every year, and if you're lucky enough to book, you can stay overnight. Like, just only one night, yeah.

But imagine that, you wake up and you've just got that lighthouse. You can see out, see the whole sea and everything. Oh, and you just got that lighthouse, you can see the whole sea and everything. Oh, I heard they were like selling some lighthouses in America. Really? But for real cheap, but you have to, you can't live in them and you have to continue maintaining them. So, it's like, who wants to buy, it's like having a pet, you know?

Yeah. It's like, yeah, you can buy a lighthouse for 25 grand, but then you've signed a contract saying you have to keep it going. I feel like they're hoping that like local conservation groups, some old man, you know, will come along. Yeah, or like a lighthouse enthusiast, you know, like you get them from time to time, don't you? Yeah, I can imagine me in one of those guys.

I picture in my mind's eye a lighthouse enthusiast. He's got a beard. He's got a cork pipe. And like a corncob pipe. A corncob pipe? You don't see those anymore. He's got one of those with a big bushy beard that is pipe stained. No, it wasn't a pattern. I thought it was an admiral. And he's got a yellow rain hat on as well.

General MacArthur. Was it MacArthur? I think so. Well, with a corncob pipe. With his corncob pipe. All right. Let's move on from MacArthur's corncob pipe to a disease. I hope that answered the question about Jersey.

I hope they catch on again. It did. The corncob pipe. I reckon people should be like bringing them back yeah here we go sauna workers lung that's the title of this email right well that's what you get when you smoke from a cold so this is a list of hypersensitivity pneumonitis which is can be called by a whole bunch of different names it's a disease based on the provoking antigen. Okay. This is a link to a Wikipedia article. Here are some of the types of hypersensitivity pneumonitis.

Bird fanciers lung. Also called pigeon breeders lung or poultry workers lung. If you get avian proteins in your lungs from feathers and bird droppings, you can get HP as we'll call it. This is called cheese washers lung, which is people who wash cheese. The exposure to cheese casings can give them a bad case of HP. Coffee worker's lung. So is this like an allergy that you can get?

Yes, I think you get too much of this stuff in your lungs and it causes hypersensitivity and pneumonitis, which we'll read up more about in a sec. There's farmer's lung, detergent worker's disease, hotonitis, which we'll read up more about in a sec. There's farmer's lung, detergent workers disease, hot tub lung, which is just mist from hot tubs, gives you hot tub lung. Jeez.

Whoa. Japanese summer house hypersensitivity, pneumonitis, which is damp wood and damp mats. They give off stuff that you inhale.

Japanese summer house. That's very specific. Yeah. it is. But you could imagine like someone working on a holiday camp where their whole job is to dust out these dusty old cabins, you know, every day. Well, there's thatched roof disease. There's one called sequoiasis, which is from the sawdust and bark of a red. Sorry. Pause for a second. second okay why were we

reading this thing about sauna somebody emailed me the wikipedia link they just said just an interesting they just said just check this out that's the this is weird total of the email i loved it right it was the one of the best emails we've ever had it was just literally one sentence it said straight to the point check this out and i looked i was i was amused so well done i liked it i agree okay no good no thanks no love the tribe none of that shit just straight to the fucking just straight to the point yeah yeah all right no carry on but here's a weird one trombone players lung or brass instrument players lung various micro bacteria that live inside of instruments because you think about it you're blowing warm moist air into them yes a hive of bacteria uh and all you have is that disgusting valve to let spit out so all these

disgusting mycobacteria live in there you get trombone players lung in no time yeah but then what you do is you flip in fill it full of like um cheese or whatever no no you might could clean it out with something. And then you get, you know, a metal lung or whatever. Well, you do that, but then you get detergent workers disease. Exactly. So you think, I know, I'll shove some molasses down there. Well, you'll get bag of sosis in no time, which is from pressed sugar cane. None of those horns are blowing back onto you, though.

So you shouldn't be inhaling when you're blowing into a horn. I guess they grow around the edge of the thing. And when you're going, all the other people are doing the same thing. You're blasting the mycobacteria into the environment around you. And you're breathing in everybody else's brass instrument lung, causing mycobacteria. That's actually a problem in a a sense right like a lot of

these things can be solved just with a face mask right like can't play trombone with a face but yeah but that one isn't yeah well but no but like if you're working in a chicken coop or cleaning or like any of the other ones you mentioned you can wear a face mask but that one very specifically you need your mouth for yeah so yeah is it because like could they wear like a filter over their nose and like make sure they breathe in like or regulate their breathing somehow i don't know i mean i assume if you're working with anything like this you're wearing masks there's no way around it it's it's the way that the world works for every and it's the way that like a lot of things work when you think about it but for for every good thing, there has to be a bad thing to counteract it.

So, you know, you're playing trombone, you're loving every minute of it. And you're like, God, I'm so blessed. But the downside is you could get tromboners lung from it. You know what I mean? There's got to be a, there's got to be, you can't just have a good thing. It has to be balanced out. We have to do it in moderation. That's fair. It is fair enough. If you

do anything all day, you're going to wear out some part of your body. Is that true? Yes, it is. Better stop something I do every day. You're going to wear out your hand and you might wear out your man as well.

Obviously, this is the home of the tiny penis, so if you just wear it down to a nub, problem solved, I guess. True, there is that about it, yes. Alright, here's a good one. This is from Maka. Used to work in youth justice for kids with the ages of 8 and 14

in New Zealand. He worked in the ultra high risk area, so they had 8 metre fences and a 1 to 1 ratio for guards to kids. and the kids are not allowed to wear shoes in the unit only for excursions this is these are some bad boys the kids one christmas were asked what they wanted as a present as a group reward i guess for good behavior they all voted for a trampoline the staff put together one they put one together over the next week and the trampoline was kept in the middle of the courtyard. Okay. You can already see where this is going.

Yeah, I can. Every day the kids would come over and kick it so that over the next three weeks the trampoline gradually ended up near to the teaching block. Then, three of the boys, who were mates, got into a big fight and their shoes all ended up on top of the teaching block

in a childish tit-for-tat fight. Surprisingly, they sorted their differences out very quickly, and we're back to being thick as thieves and hanging out near the trampoline. We all watched the show as they all bounced higher and higher and higher, and the next thing, one kid gets double bounced on top of the teaching block, then the second one, and then they haul the third one up behind them. Of course, their shoes are already on the roof, so they stick them on their feet, they go down the drainpipe

on the far side of the teaching block over the smaller fence on the second set of fences and leg it. They were all eventually recaptured two to three weeks later. We had to send them to separate facilities to mitigate the problem in the future.

They managed to cause, wait, let me see how many zeros this is, $100,000 worth of damage on their respective crime sprees while they'd escape well maca i've got to say if you run a prison that's based on fences giving a trampoline to the prisoners doesn't seem like a great idea to me i yeah it's so funny like i when when when you are you said what they want for Christmas I was thinking maybe they want a ladder Shovels Shovels We're really into gardening

So yeah Oh my god, that's great Maybe like a big air fix model of a glider Yeah A thousand foot of rope please Love how they suddenly perfected

their routine as well to get them both onto it. But honestly, pretty smart from the kids to come up with the idea of having a fight to get their shoes. How are we going to get our shoes out? Are we going to need them when we escape? They properly planned this. Yeah, it's like a whole Great Escape sort of thing.

These three guys are the tip of a movie made about. Do you know what I mean? This is the start of a movie, isn't it? Oh, yeah. This is like origin story for some superhero. Of course. Everyone loves a bad boy come good at the end. Until they get robbed by a bad boy, but yeah, sure.

Yeah, nobody wants to be robbed by a bad boy, that's for sure. Here's one from Ed. Hyperion lives and sips, love the show, blah, blah, blah. That's his words. In Mailbag 12, you spoke about British people thinking they could take on a deer Here's one from Ed. Hyperion lives and sits, love the show, blah, blah, blah. That's his words. Right. In Mailbag 12, you spoke about British people thinking they could take on a deer in a fight. We did 12 mailbags? Yeah, we've done a bunch of them.

Oh, my God, man. I know you said, please don't email us about fighting animals because we won't read it, but I had to email in to say anyone who thinks they could win in a fight against a deer is a fucking idiot. Well, I mean, that's of course i mean you're never gonna fucking fight against a deer like that's all they that's all they do out in the wild they buck and they run and they buck some more like they got nothing else to do you know that's like saying i'm gonna story i'm gonna win uh i'm gonna i'm gonna win a game of chess against um you know that's it yeah you know you're never going to win a game of chess against, you know, that's it. Yeah.

You know, you're never going to. I have genuinely seen a person get hit by a deer and they were insanely lucky to not be severely injured. He lives in a part of the UK with a large deer population. He was walking the dog with his partner and their father, and they heard a load of noise in the hedge next to them. Next thing they know, a female red deer comes charging out and nutted the dad straight in the face. Jeez. So the red deer is the UK's largest land mammal, apparently.

They can be up to 1.5 meters tall, weigh up to 120 kilograms and run anywhere up to 40 miles an hour. Now, hang on. I think that must be taking cows out of the equation because I'm pretty sure cows are bigger. I don't know if he means wild because 120 kilos a cow is a lot more than that. Anyway, males can be even bigger, up to 1.8 meters, and weighing 190 kilos with antlers tough enough to pierce steel.

Basically, a deer is the animal version of a motorbike, but with pointy spikes on its face. The father was instantly knocked unconscious, but he was okay. So, yeah, in all summary there from ed don't fuck with deer anyone that thinks they could take a deer on is a isn't fucking idiot to quote ed yeah well yeah in hand-to-hand combat we already knew that ed but thanks for uh thanks for uh cementing what we already said uh or wait did we say that did i did i who who was the one who said you could never win a fight against a deer? Because I think we all agree we all agreed we didn't fight fuck all

I mean, you know anyone that like but that we were responding to a survey We're quite a decent number of British people were claiming that they could take a deer in a fight And of course, it's laughable. Right, right Well, I think they have a false idea of I mean that the stag obviously is is probably a different question But I think people think of Bambi, they think of a deer as, like, a little bit docile. I mean, again, as with all these things, the caveat is this animal is not behaving like it would if it saw you in the wild and it's not going to run away. It's a fight to the death. It is a fight to the death.

It's a cage match to the death. Yes, against a bigger, stronger animal. You are doomed. You are absolutely doomed. And much, they have really fast reflexes as well. Very fast. And they do that thing. They don't give a fuck.

They go up on their hind legs and they do that thing with their front legs where they like rapidly punch you. Have you ever seen that thing? Do-do-do-do-do-do. Yes. Right, okay. If you get, if a couple of those land, you're probably dead. Honestly.

I mean, they're all bone and sinew. You know what I mean? These are hard animals to take down. You don't understand. And they won't be like, no, no more. Humans are not made for hand-to-hand combat. We kind of evolved with spears. No, we were absolutely made for hand-to-hand combat.

Even if you were lucky enough to get the deer down, you couldn't even fully choke the deer. Their necks are huge. Like, you wouldn't be able to get your hands around their neck or anything. Like, it'd be impossible. Also, it's going to be pushing with all of its legs to get up. It's going to be kicking like crazy. It's going to be so, so hard. And they're so heavy.

I think, again, it would be a different matter if there was any kind of tools involved. Yeah, of course. Of course. If you had any kind of tools involved. Yeah, of course, of course. If you had any kind of... I think, looking back, the pre-human homo species, like homo erectus, I'm pretty sure they were using tools. They were using... Right. They were attacking en masse in a group to take down animals. But I mean, we are definitely built for hand-to-hand combat. Like, that is clearly a big factor in our survival, is being able to fight.

I mean, there's a reason that punching is so powerful. Like, and our hands are designed to be clenched into fists, not just for holding things, but for hitting as well. And all our bones are at the front. Like, if your skull is designed to take hits from the front, you're meant to be fighting someone from the front. That's the point. The way your shoulders and your hips

and everything work in combination, punching power is a real thing. I mean, I absolutely think that we are designed to fight. I mean, we've got all these hard bony bits at the front, like kneecaps and shit like that. I think we're designed to fight each other. Yeah, no, exactly. But that's hand-to-hand combat combat i'm not saying hand-to-hand against an animal you'd be

fucking mad when this stuff comes up though for in my mind i i always think of like the present time right like i don't think anybody these days would be able to have a hand hand-to-hand combat with a deer and win i don't but i feel like maybe in the past they had a better chance. They might have gotten further. Because, let's face it, we're like one or two steps away from being like the humans on Wall-E at this point. I don't think anybody's going to be fighting a deer.

That's how I feel every day. Nobody's fighting a deer nowadays. I think the important thing to remember is that before we discovered and figured out things like spears and bows and arrows and stuff like that and and how to hunt, we were scavengers who would pick over what was left over from the other animals. So the actual hunting predators who were good at it, we would eat the scraps like that was our thing. We were like the fucking coyotes. Early hunters and gatherers, you think they tried a couple of things before they settled on

just using a bow and arrow to take down a deer i reckon they said oh there's got to be go punch go punch deer there's like three of them hiding in a tree and they get the drop on a deer and stuff like that right there's got i'd love to see that montage of all they form like a human net and they say the deer killing fails yeah Drop a deer trap in human net. Okay, we do. Ten things I wish I knew before trying to kill a deer. Where am I? Where am I?

Hey, guys. It's Og here again with my top ten list of all the things I wish I'd known before I tried to kill a deer. Number whatever. I don't know numbers yet. We go. First one. That was too yet. We go first one. That's too complicated. One on that one.

We do first one. Don't try human net. Don't do it. Bad idea. Oh, fuck's sake. Yeah, how would you do a top ten list before numbers? That's interesting. Oh, God, yeah.

It's completely out of sequence. All right, this is from Jack. I'm going to trim this down a bit because this is a very long email. He's taking a flight to Auckland. It's a very long series of flights. He's got Brussels, 13 hours to Bangkok, 12-hour layover, 12-hour flight to Auckland. Hell of a fucking journey.

That's a long one, yeah. So he's ready to board his flight to auckland he's looking forward to getting some rest and it's been 60 hours since he last slept properly 60 hours jesus stows his bag above his seat and he notices that the person is going to be sat next to him is a quite attractive uh blonde girl around his age probably going on a similar trip and he thinks oh she cute. Maybe I'll try and chat to her later. Yeah. But obviously it was not to be, as you have no doubt guessed.

Next thing I know, I'm in a middle seat where I was in an aisle seat before. And I'm looking out the window at City Lights. And I asked the lady next to him, the different lady, if we've already made it to Auckland. And gosh, that was a quick flight. And she informed him that they were back in Bangkok. They'd had to turn the plane around because Jack here had a seizure and passed out.

Oh my god. And they had to take him back to hospital. So they had to wheel him out of the plane in front of everyone including the cute girl. That's the worst part of the story. He had to go straight to an ambulance. It's just the embarrassment of that. So how about this weird thing?

You still have to go through passport control even when you're on a gurney. Right. So you have to go to a weird back alley desk with the world's most border control officer attending it. So I guess that's like the really boring shift that you might get. That's the gig that they give you

when you're like two years out of retiring or whatever right yeah yeah you're no longer fit for frontline work you gotta do the the back the back room work you know it makes sense it makes sense i i don't think i've ever been on a plane that had to turn around and go back i have had a missed landing where they had to do a go around. And I've had flights where we had to turn back from the airport because of bad weather, land somewhere else, wait the weather out and then re-approach. But I've never had a, we're halfway there, we're turning around and going back. I've not had that. I think that would be the worst because you're like, okay, almost there. And then they're like, folks, we're going to have to

turn this bird around. Turns out we got a problem with the toilet. And it's against the regulations to fly without a working toilet. We'll be back in 14 hours time. And we'll be on our way again in 48 hours. Thank you, folks. Yeah, that's it. That is it.

That is the one. And everyone's like, oh! I guess maybe they weren't far out of Bangkok when they had to turn around or else they would have gone somewhere else, right? Poor dude. I mean, I guess, like, just what's the moral of the story? Try and get some sleep however you can. Was that what caused it?

Generally, yeah, get some sleep. Like a massive fatigue? Yeah, just look after yourself physically and mentally as much as you can, you know. Don't push yourself too hard. Here's one. This is Billy from London. Billy. You don't get many Billys. Billy!

Billy's trouble. Billy's trouble. You stay away from him, but mommy's fun. You stay away from that Billy from London. He's no good. Here's his email. This is in reference to Triforce episode 253, release date, 12th April, April 2023. Now, the reason that that is so specific is because Billy works in TV production. So he's well aware of how you date an episode. You don't say episode 253, you say the release date. Very good, Billy. I'd like that format to become a thing. When people say, you were saying back in episode

118, tell us the date, because that way we can try and center in our heads what the fuck we were thinking. Otherwise, we've got no idea. You talked about TV turnover times. We were talking about how quickly they make EastEnders. Yes. You guys remember this? Yes, yes. This was how far ahead production might be from filming to on-screen release, speculating on how a tight schedule can affect story quality and stuff like writer's strike.

So Billy is a dialogue editor and works in TV post-production for the last eight to nine years. Part of his time as a junior editor, machine room operator, but during the eight to nine years has mostly worked on TV dramas, factual documentaries, and occasionally films. Most go to BBC, ITV, Channel 4, or Netflix, Amazon, and so on. So these are the turnarounds of these shows. Right. You won't see Billy on the credits for a lot of these shows due to TV credits only lasting 30 seconds. It's very dog-eat-dog when it comes to crediting.

Right. Really? So each season can be different. So I'm only giving you the average turnover time from vague start of filming to on-screen release. And you can speculate about why this is. So the £5 billion super sewer TV show, which I believe you watched. I love that. Yeah.

Filming to release three years. Oh, it would have. Yeah. It was three years. And you could tell in the documentary itself, it came back after long periods of time because there were points where work would stop. And yeah, it was like more like updates. But the actual filming, editing and everything was really consistent. Like you didn't feel like a lot of time had passed in between.

So, I mean, props to them. It flowed really nicely. You know, you never noticed any gaps. All right. The Chase. You know the show the chase i've heard of yes how about this one and a half to two years wow because they film 160 to 190 episodes per series they all have to be edited they all have to be checked and everything all

of it one and a one and a half to two years between filming and release that's pretty crazy one one thing i i just want to add as well. One thing you don't really realize, you know, sometimes with some of these shows that you're watching, particularly like reality TV stuff, they film a lot and they don't use a lot. Oh, so much. So, so much you know when people are are losing their minds and being um unreasonable and stuff like that it's because they're so fucking exhausted like uh it doesn't sound like it would be hard but they they're they're filming like so much all the time they're always on and till like you know three four in the morning sometimes and stuff like you know like um

some of these shows where there's like, you know, there'll be like parts of the show where they'll be out in the wild, if you like, or whatever. But then they'll come in and speak to like a panel or something like that. Some of those sessions just go on and on and on forever. But I think they do it. They design it that way because people do get tired and they start to just be really, really silly, you know, like they start to break be really really silly you know like they start to

break down and stuff like that but it makes for good drama and you know it's like it's almost like little ways of crafting more drama for the show or whatever but it's one it's worth uh remembering i guess because sometimes you see these people you're like there's no way that these people can be like this and they probably aren't it's probably just because they're so fucking tired you know yeah i mean there's 2,500 episodes of The Chase. Yeah. 2,500 episodes of The Chase? It's on every day.

I've never seen one of them. No, I've never watched it. I've never watched that show. I've watched it a couple of times. Lewis, that's disappointing. You've got to understand. That is really disappointing. It's daytime TV.

So The Apprentice, seven to eight months. Billy worked on series nine through 12, worked on those. So seven to eight months from the start of filming to actually being on the screen. Come Dying With Me, similar, six to eight months. 24 Hours in Police Custody, which is a cracking show. That's great. That's a great show. Six to nine months. I was kind of surprised a great show, yeah. Six to nine months. Jesus.

I was kind of surprised. Peaky Blinders, seven to nine months. I always thought a drama like that, with all the costume and everything, would take longer, but I guess, I mean that's, you know, something that's scripted like that probably takes less time, realistically.

Yeah, because they know what they've got. I think they're probably more organized when they come to shooting scenes and stuff like that whereas something like police custody it probably takes way longer because there's a lot of like you know somebody might be taken into into custody and then there might be days and days and days where something doesn't happen or whatever i know it's like 24 hours but it's you know what i mean like that it's it's not always that simple right they need access and stuff like that so it probably does take a lot longer i mean i know one of the other things is and i mean when i worked um very briefly in television one of the things the directors always had to do was when they're out filming

they try to film the reason that they film so much is gonna because the edit involves basically the director sitting there watching or the producer watching all everything watching every single minute of what was filmed and making notes and then trying to put that into an episode and on the very heavily formatted things like come dine with me it's not that bad but if you're trying to make a documentary or something like 24 hours in police custody where you genuinely don't know where the story's going to go from start to finish you're filming the investigation you have to watch through all this and think all right does this help does this tell the story and then there's arguments

about leaving it in what to take out it's a it's a big big job yeah you don't know the format and like you're saying with peaky blinders it's all been storyboarded they know what shots they need to get for the script they get all the shots and then the editing is about how do they tighten this scene up or how do they make it look best which tape do they use uh and maybe then some reshoots if they say we you know we need to reshoot this but it's certainly a lot more structured than a reality tv show i think the apprentice is more structured in a way because they know what they're going to get they set it all up ahead of time you're going to get the tasks then you're going to go into the room and the you know they're going to have some stuff in the house

so it's a bit more rigid but any of those i guess they're all investigating something it's almost impossible to plan yeah right like if you're doing the apprentice you've got to understand that you are running on a little bit of a timer because people will get kicked out and start talking to the tabloids yeah yeah and so you're gonna get leaks and so it's like how you know how quick do we put this out i guess i get the impression that the apprentice is put out as quick as it can be within reason do you mean they're not sitting on it for a year um and i'm sure all the people are sworn to secrecy but yeah you know and you know you just pay all the contestants a little bit of money to keep them quiet i think

you just say you don't pay them until the show airs um right like a bonus if you like so you know half now half when the when the show is there must be some standard Protocol with that and I may use it more breathing room. Anyway, we've done loads of things this year We've recorded like we remember the BBC did the traitors. Yeah. Yes, we recorded our version What did you call it was gonna be in that but I was sick. Unfortunately, we've record we called it the cult. Yeah And then we also did sick unfortunately we've recorded we called it the cult yeah yeah yeah that's what you guys put the cult and then we also did uh another task box taskmaster thing yeah yeah task ripoff so that's we've got we've got these things that we've recorded it's just it's time to like takes time

to you know get them put them put them through the process yeah get them ready to go yeah i mean so yeah i can see how this happens what's's next P flex? Okay. This is from Wolfgang recent yeah, Wolfgang Wolfgang You guys started talking about asteroids on the film Armageddon, sorry I'll stop there after someone working in asteroid detection row in yes I'm a maths graduate student who has done a little research on the subject. I thought you might be interested what your own research He's done his little research on the subject? I thought you might be interested what your own research. He's done his own research Okay, yeah Simulations show that it would probably be a terrible idea to try and blow up an incoming asteroid

It's because doing so would most likely produce a whole load of shrapnel all headed in the same direction of the original asteroid It would be like the difference between being shot with a buckshot instead of a slug if it's a direct hit You're probably still dead either way. Right. So the question is, if blowing up the asteroid is a bad idea, uh, what would we actually do?

And do you remember this thing called the NASA dart spacecraft? Yes. So they fired it in an asteroid, didn't they? And they wanted to see, could we change its orbit around its parent body? So they hit this thing. It's a dimorphous, it's called.

And they struck it with something. It's orbiting another asteroid. They wanted to change its orbit by 73 seconds or more. And they managed to change it by 32 minutes. So the mission massively succeeded, surpassed its minimum benchmark by more than 25 times. So if we do spot one of these incoming asteroids, the plan is to fire this dart thing at it early, as early as possible. And then change its course. Change its trajectory. Because if you imagine it's like millions of miles, if you change it

by 0.01%, it's going to miss you. Because it's like the difference between, it's like trying to throw a baseball at something on the other side of the country. Do you know what I mean? Yes. So you have to be absolutely 100% accurate. If you're off by a tiny fraction of a degree, you're going to be like millions of miles wide. Well, in Armageddon, though, they didn't want to blow up the asteroid either, though, right? They just wanted to change its course because it was the size of Texas. That was the thing.

They absolutely wanted to blow it up. They couldn't blow up the whole thing though dude that was the whole point of the film they dug in there with like nukes and shit i thought that was to to just change the the course as well i mean it no i think that was in armageddon yeah i think it's gonna split spoiler the they actually got hit right i haven't seen that yet with armageddon if i remember correctly they wanted to blow it up and they then had this simulation that said that if we blow it up the two pieces will miss right like you blow it in two oh i see yes what and the two bits okay i'm sorry it's been a little while since i've seen armageddon i didn't even realize uh who the actors were in

the uh in the movie last time we spoke about it. So take it all with a pinch of salt. I'm sorry. Okay. It's just, I mean, the nuclear weapons was kind of one of the biggest parts of the film was that the reason the army guys had to come along. I remember the nuclear weapons. But I thought that they, I didn't think that they'd be crazy enough to try to blow the damn thing up. We got no choice!

Oh, man. And Armageddon. It always comes back to Armageddon for some reason. It does always come back to it. I don't know why. They do blow it up in Deep Impact as well with nukes. Okay, I haven't seen that one yet. So what is DART?

DART is like a double impact. It stands for something. A double asteroid redirection test. It's called Deep Impact Armageddon Asteroid Test. So basically, they're not putting an engine or anything on it. They're just smacking it with a spaceship. Yes. Just crashing a spaceship into it.

Such a ghetto solution, isn't it? No, it's just physics, isn't it? I mean... I guess so. You know, everything has to have an equal and opposite and all the rest of it. So if you clobber something, it changes its direction. It has to, because it can't push back. It's going to, you know, you're both going to bounce off each other, but you're going

to bounce slightly further than you would have. Well, I think the idea is that you're going to eject a load of debris from the asteroid, and that's going to be what changes its trajectory, right? It propels it. I thought it was literally, you clobber something and then it has to respond because that's just yeah momentum and all yeah it would change the momentum and then the path i guess it would as well but it's so it's like a little spaceship hitting it it's not yeah i would imagine the anyway all right this is don't write in about that no well we told them

not to write in about various things they still still write in. No, no deep impact spoilers either. If we express any confusion, someone will write in. So if they think their point is so good and occasionally they're right, I'll read it anyway. Even if we begged, I mean, we said, please, though, Wisconsin emails. I've got five. Just this is just the same stuff as well or is it is is there now like a war uh and wisconsin is the battleground there's like some war tunnels they want us to see local seafood they want us to sample you can stay in it once a year like i don't even want to hint at what it's about because that'll just lead to more emails okay right if it's exceptional i'll read it but they're basically just say i think it's people who just listen to that mailbag and haven't

listened to any of the subsequent ones you think it's like uh it's like people who don't even normally listen to the podcast but because we covered a subject that was so controversial then they just turned up right probably made the wisconsin local news this week a podcast from the united kingdom has been has been uh a pop, as the Brits say, in Wisconsin. Those silly limeys are at it again. This week, NASA has fired a space probe that has redirected an asteroid, so it's gonna strike Wisconsin.

Excellent. Mission accomplished. No one is worried. Oh, okay. don't email in off the back of that one all right this is uh this is from a former coal miner a former former coal miner and we were talking about coal mining stories i think or i i put a request in if you have an interesting job so don't just like i get quite a few emails these are really lovely emails they say here's my interesting job.

Would you like some stories about it? Assume yes. If you have an interesting job, send me a couple of stories. Yeah, we'll be the judge of whether it's an interesting job or not. Just ship them in here. So, I mean, obviously, maybe people are trying to save themselves typing something that isn't going to make it. But all right.

So greasings. What do you think a greasing is? All right. So greasings. What do you think a greasing is? It's when they have to grease up the tunnels because they're so narrow that the coal miners can't fit through them. So they got to grease them up so that they can slide through into all of the unexposed cavities that they find underground and try to find more coal. Sadly not. Anytime someone succeeds in their job,

changes crews, gets promoted, they get a greasing. Oh, right, okay. And they get stripped naked and covered in cylinder grease from head to toe. They'll shove it in your ass crack, they'll put it all over your balls, and then they have to...

Who is doing this? The coal miners. Right. They're rowdy lads. They love a greasing. Lewis is very interested in this. What is cylinder grease? The coal miners. Right. They're rowdy lads. They love a greasy. Lewis is very interested in this. What is cylinder grease? I don't know.

Is it like... Grease for a cylinder, mate. Lads, I've got to pop to the loo. Go for it. You do that. Just wait. We'll wait. We'll wait.

A greasy cylinder. A cylinder grease. A greased up cylinder. That's what I was thinking as well. Try fitting that in your ass. Yeah, well, it turns the size, I guess, doesn't it? I mean, I imagine it's- Yeah, the small Chihuly piece that you sent me, I gotta say, fits into my ass very comfortably.

I'm so pleased. Well, it's a Hershey's Kiss. It is the size of a Hershey's Kiss, you're right. Yeah, it's supposed to be one. I'm glad you like it. I love it, yeah. Did I tell you where I puthey's kiss, you're right. Yeah. It's supposed to be one. I'm glad you like it. I love it, yeah. Did I tell you where I put it? Yeah, in your ass.

Well, apart from there, because it can't just sit resting in there forever. Well, is it on Pride of Place on a shelf somewhere? Oh, no, it's in the bathroom. It's in the ground floor bathroom. Yes. Yeah, you remembered. You got it. I'm pleased.

Yeah. It's in the bathroom. It's in the bathroom. It looks like a little gumdrop in there. What have you done with your trophies? I haven't even You got it. Yeah. It's in the bathroom. It's in the bathroom. It's a little- It looks like a little gumdrop. What have you done with your trophies? I haven't even opened them yet. What are they? Jingle Jam trophies?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're still in the bubble wrap. I'll open them though. You've got to get them in prior to play somewhere. Where am I going to put these things though? You can just mount them on the wall or something. I don't know. Wherever.

Oh, fudge. Use them as bookends. They're only like plastic shelving things. You've got to have a shelf somewhere. Yeah, I've got a shelf or two somewhere. I'm sure I can find one. Good. Man, what's he doing in there?

I don't know. I should come over to Jersey at some point, by the way. Yeah, yeah, you should. Weather's nice now. Before the end of summer. Yeah. You can try to stay at the lighthouse this time if you can. Okay, I'll see if it's available.

You're obsessed with staying the night there. I feel like if you woke up, though, and you saw that view first thing, it would be such a good boost to your mental, you know? Yeah, because it's such a nice looking... I mean, I see it every day because I've got the calendar that you've sent me. Oh, yeah. You always send me a calendar every year. It's like you're here.

I turn it to the lighthouses, leave it on that. It's nice. I don't want to look like cows in a field on the other day. Come on, man. There's not enough. There's not really 12 things that look good in Jersey so it's like three shots of the lighthouse and then like some ruins That that pier that nice castle town on the on the East Coast. Yeah. Oh gory castle. Yeah, gory cast. That is nice

That's quite nice picturesque very It's a very calendar shot. Yeah. And then there's a couple of shots of you with like a pickle blocking your junk, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's sexy. The classic, yeah. Yeah. It's like those pin-up calendars, but with people that you wouldn't normally associate

being in a pin-up calendar, you know? Like sometimes they do like old ladies and stuff like that. Yes, like calendar girls. Yeah, with me, it's small island farming. Not wearing any clothes. Yeah, it's like you're holding, like, a shovel. Really big pickles

that I just harvested covering up my junk, yeah. That's right, or like... Jumbo-sized ones. You're holding up a strawberry. Yes. Or like a little Yakult. It's like a jumbo-sized Yakult, you mean? Yakult. Fucking hell.

Ever drink those things? Oh no, they're fucking horrible. It's like shit in a th're fucking horrible it's like it's like shit it's like shit in a thimble it's so gross oh man they're really good for you though apparently yeah i'm sure they are pro probiotic you know getting the guts yeah let's sort it out maybe pFlax needs one of them fucking taking long enough

in the holy shit man this guy needs like this guy needs like a direct hit of fibre into his system I think how long does he

take is he using your toilet what's he doing maybe he's got a chihuly in his bathroom too I can only poop

if I see a chihuly it's the only way I'm able to poop nowadays that's what happens so sorry did you guys continue the podcast no we were just chatting we were chatting about oh you're waiting for you to get back yeah uh sorry about that how was sips his toilet how was it yeah did you flew all the way over here to use my guest bathroom yeah was the uh was the was the theory yeah that was what happened nice so. So, okay, this is quick.

This is from Jenna. I really enjoyed your brief discussion on dancing and your refreshing thoughts on not giving a shit and dancing whenever you want without embarrassment. Right. Sounds like us. I wish I shared your confidence. I wanted to know your group's thoughts on flash mobs.

And if you've ever witnessed a flash mob, and if so, how did you react about seven years ago? I was part of a flash mob for secondary schools, for the secondary school's 75th year celebration. It was in the backfield of the school, and there were about 100 to 200 parents and students wandering around aimlessly, mixed in with about 50 of us as part of the mob. The performance we were doing was a singing and dancing medley of ABBA songs that lasted about 10 minutes it was humiliating for several reasons one because we were all spread out trying to look normal you could barely hear

the cue for the music so we all looked super weird uh parents all immediately reached for their phones and stood about three feet in front of you aiming cameras at you whilst they're jiving to waterloo and the awkward walk away after finishing was like a walk of shame um i could believe that jenna i have seen a flash mob um it was at an underground station i want to say it was might have been king's cross either way it was at a tube station it's kind of like a wholesome prank that's also incredibly cringe no it wasn't it wasn't a prank okay wait no no no but it feels like a sort of wholesome prank doesn't it's? The whole point of it is to shock people around. I'll explain what it is, Sips.

You're out in public, and it'll feel like it's a normal day. There's no groups of people around or whatever. Suddenly- It's like a musical. Everyone bursts into song spontaneously. And they have a choreographed dance routine. They sing a song, there's music, and then they vanish. So Flashmobs was a big thing.

I want to say at the start of the millennium there was seemed to be a lot more of them was kind of a big thing because you could now organize this stuff online you know and you could just say hey we're gonna do a flash mob here's a plan meet here at this time they're more about filming bystanders reactions right the actual flash mob itself right but the whole thing is they sort of melt away post performance they're gone so they just turn up nothing happened yeah so they'll just it's like suddenly people that were previously just sitting there reading a paper drop it and they'll all stand up and they

all sing and dance this choreograph and they're joining and then they're gone yeah i see yeah that's the whole thing so i have seen one and inevitably as soon as it's over of course they're handing out flies for some fucking corporation so i think if it's people doing it organically and it's just for fun i mean i wouldn't do it but fair play it's you know livens up a day i'm sure people enjoy it if you're doing it because you're a company uh and you think this is going to win people over go fuck yourselves if you're employed to do it and that's the best gig you could get good luck to you so in essence the smaller the flash mob sort of is if it's just a group of people and they're doing it for fun, you know, fair enough.

If you're a corporation organizing it, you can fuck off. I've seen it be used in TV shows as well as like cover for like criminals to escape from a bank robbery or something like this. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's like the classic, there's a festival going on. That's a good going on yeah actually and so the jay's bob disappears into the crowd of people who are trooping down the street in all their costumes and stuff that's a classic again yeah yeah that

was uh that was the one in started off in mexico wasn't it i can't remember the day of the dead celebrations it's a very common type of like i think so yeah i don't know like if i'm i think it's it's a bit passe now if i could use that word i uh i i don't know if i if i was with my kids and they thought it was great i would be down for it if i was just on my own or if it was just like me and my wife or whatever i would probably think it was just a bit cringe. Just a bit much, isn't it? Just a little bit. It's not...

And my reaction, I don't think would be very interesting either. You know what I mean? I would be slightly dying inside and retreating, probably, if that happened. Full on noble retreat. Yes. I would just be like if i was walking somewhere i would pick up the pace a little bit and get the fuck out of there so that i didn't have to you know i think that's a completely because the whole thing would annoy me actually uh thinking

about it the people that stopped to look at it would annoy me more than anything i think you know like you like people that get their phones out and start recording yeah i don't know like i don't know i don't go in for all that i just like simple-minded folks yeah well i'd say i mean it's fair if that's fun for them and and they yeah but it's just it's not fun for me so i would just be out of there toy i'm just thinking that would have the same effect on them like one of those dangly cat toys it's like a piece of fluff on a fishing pole i think it would probably get the same effect from those kinds of people yeah it's it's kind of like um those have to be rooted in uh like i know it's like more of a production but it's it reminds me of like you know those like

it's like a bit of a trope in like older movies you know they're you're walking down the streets of rome or whatever and then somebody just starts like you know playing a guitar and a song or whatever and everybody's like oh oh this is so nice it's so romantic if somebody did that to me i'd be like the fuck off like fuck off i don't want like everybody's looking at me now and stuff they're just get out of here of here don't play the guitar close to me like just do it to someone else or whatever and then I'll walk away very quickly yeah it's the same sort of thing I've got a cracker of an email here this is from Ross and Rosie

Rosie is the chef apparently my partner and I do an annual dinner date where we each make three themed menus for the other to choose from this year my partner made me very very fucking wholesome this, my partner made me... Wholesome. Very, very fucking wholesome. This year, my partner made me Triforce-themed menus with the following meals.

So, of course, they're both vegan, so everything is vegan. These are the menus. High five. This is Sips' menu. Starter, poutine with perfect fries and gravy. Now, stop right there. That is not poutine. That's vegan poutine. That is not a true poutine. I just want to say that.

You could get vegan cheese curds. I've had it. It's not the same. I'm sorry it's not the same. No, it's great. It's great. I'm a big fan. I want it to be called vegan poutine with vegan fries and vegan gravy. Plant-based poutine. Plant poutine. A main of spicy mushroom stuffed calzone with a side of cheese straws and then some almond energy bars inspired by Naked and an Oreo thick shake. Holy crap. It can't be a milkshake.

It's going to be a thick shake. Right, right. That's yours anyway, Sips. Okay, no, that's good. I like the sound of all of that. Nice. There you go. Lewis, your starter is avocado pomeomegranate, and mango salad.

That is a very Lewis thing to eat. That's my dream meal. He loves that. A main of spicy coconut ramen with green bean summer rolls and peanut dip. Aren't you allergic to peanuts? I am. He's allergic to nuts, yeah. You killed Lewis.

Congratulations. But is he allergic to these nuts? Yeah, you know what I mean. You got him. Dee's nuts You know whatever you call them Your dessert is matcha Whatever that is and lime pie with Macerated strawberries

Macerated If you need to grind up strawberries in the way That you've suggested Matcha is the green Tea powder from Japan it's nice And to drink a tropical smoothie Enjoy For me a lentil And carrot nuggets with tamarind tea powder from nice yeah it's good to drink a tropical smoothie enjoy oh tropical smoothie

sounds good for me a lentil and carrot nuggets with tamarind date ketchup oh that would be pretty good i can see you salivating right now sharing that with the lads yeah help yourselves you would like that this actually does sound nice uh it says meaty which obviously it's it's not meat so let's not use that word. Mushroom bourguignon with sage and shallot polenta. That sounds delightful. That really does sound very nice. I'd love that. And they actually included a photo of it that I'll show you guys.

Oh, is that the one they picked then? Yes. Dessert of the banoffee pie and a drink, homemade ginger beer. Would have liked just beer, but I'll take a ginger beer. That sounds fine. Naturally, I chose the Pyrenean menu. Oh, thank you, Ross. Well, it goes

to show who's his favorite trifle i can see why this one got read out no it's just that this is the best menu like favoritism much no i didn't even read that part ahead of time i believe you sure that's me so rude this is a great mailbag as always yeah no it was a real nice one yeah our audience really make it this podcast a lot better don't they yeah thanks everyone we'll we'll see you all um yes see you all next week so much all right goodbye bye bye