Triforce! - Triforce! Mailbag Special #22: Tall, Dork and Handsome

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Triforce Mailbag Special 22! We're looking at the original name of Google and it's competitors, start plans to begin our own cult and get a crackin' email about a bad first date! Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe on the edge of your seat. We're gonna sell you a seat, but you're only gonna need the edge of it. Welcome. Hello sir, I'd like to buy a ticket to the mailbag. We're all sold out. I'd like five tickets to the mailbag, please. So sure thing, sonny. Come on in. What? What are you sp- Please stand aside, sir. Okay. Talking of queues, here's our first email. This is from Brandon. The topic is queuing at the bar, a bar manager's input.

Oh, this is good. Yeah. Finally, a question has come up that I'm somewhat of an expert in. I've been a bar manager for a few years now, and I can say that queuing is a leftover habit from COVID, which is sensible. Absolutely no one would queue at a bar pre-COVID, and anyone caught doing so would be swiftly met with a stern look from our regulars, or even called some sort of insult by them. However, since COVID, they've been outnumbered, and people naturally form a queue at the bar. You still have the regulars that come straight up to the bar, but that comes with all

kinds of complications of trying to keep a tab as to when to serve them based on their imaginary position in the queue. I work in a very busy pub in Western Supermare, and queuing is actually helpful when it gets busy. Our bar can get two to three people deep, and trying to keep tabs on who's next in a sea of 20 red-faced OAPs is a nightmare, which results in many an argument and scraps with patrons. Cheers.

On the other hand, when it's quiet and there's only a half dozen people queuing as unnecessary and just blocks the way for food and drink coming through the pub, if you guys have any other questions regarding the operation of a large boozer in England, please ask. Yeah, go ahead. If you've got any cool stories, Brendan. That makes, that makes, what a great, what a great mailbag to start us off. Yeah, a follow up on a previously discussed topic. He's actually nailed it perfectly there.

You know, he said, yes, when it gets busy, it's hard to see who's who. And the smaller folks, like me, you know, those little old men, you know, who've been there holding up their tenor for a while. Hey, please, can I have a ticket to the mailbag? Step aside, sir. They get crushed underfoot. And they're there for hours sometimes at the bar waiting to get served. Their wife

thinks they've gone missing. They've called the police. Wait, here's a follow-up that might change your mind. This is queuing in pubs. This is from Anonymous. Long-term listener, first-time mailbagger. As per usual, Lewis is part of the problem. That's how the interview goes. What? Fuck off!

Not again! Once you give up on pub etiquette, you'll never get it back. Period. You are right in saying that managing the order of service is an essential skill for any bartender this process can make or break a busy shift but queuing is always worse i run a student bar in london and almost every single night someone will start to form one long queue and it's infuriating the worst part is when they get to the front they're often too busy chatting with their mates to notice and will hold everyone up far longer than necessary i can only shout and wave e for so long before i'm skipping to the next person those that forego the queue get served first tough shit i'm doing my bit to nip it in the bud early if you don't want to go to a pub and do pub things go to a chain and order on their app oh okay two things one not all barmen give a shit about and are even trained at all i read a thing

the other day that a guy was like, a woman came up to me and ordered a triple Bacardi, and I was like, sorry, love, that's illegal. I can't serve you that. What? And apparently that's what he'd been taught. It's bollocks. A lot of barmen are just random fucking people doing the job,

and they're like, oh, you pour a drink out, and, you know, sorry, barmen, I'm sure those of you who make cocktails and have to actually deal with all the punters every night is actually it's you can go to you can go to college for um yeah there's bartending school of course when it gets busy it's very very stressful i'm sure but um like what you know i did it i did i did bartending for a while and i know what it's like a little bit. I didn't do it in a fucking shitty pub, though. I didn't do it in a fancy cocktail bar either. Where did you do it? The conservative party's private watering hole? Yeah, did it sort of hotel bar?

Members only club. Yeah, and it did get very busy, especially when there was like a wedding or something. Right. But yeah, it was a stressful thing. Anyway, and what was the other thing I was gonna say? I agree about the social thing as well. Like, some people, maybe that's the problem at a bar, that it's about the priority system if if you're looking like you're really angry and need to be served then they'll serve you first whereas if you're chatting with your mate maybe you're not actually there maybe you're not actually that

keen to get served you know yeah um i mean i've got a few thoughts on this i went out um last weekend i went out in putney uh for for some drinks so i went to both pubs and late bars and there were some fancy places and some just average places. We went on a little mini pub crawl. A little crawl. Yeah. Now, in a quiet pub, obviously it doesn't matter. They're not in the equation at all. In a busy bar, I think, or pub, there are a few things that happen. If it's a pub, it generally seems to be whoever's there at the bar first the bar staff will sort of see you come up and then there'll be seven someone else i mean if it's like wall to wall people i don't

think a queue is going to help because how are you going to form a queue without it going out the door so i think it's a silly system everybody just has to get to the bar and work it out you're not waiting for a liver transplant you're waiting for a drink it's not worth fucking with a system that's fine as it is well it's not fine in many ways however i agree however i do have a however i was at the bar in it was a club it was not a club but it was a bar that had a dance floor it was quite loud it was it was quite fun uh i'm at the bar ready to get a couple of drinks and there's these two very attractive girls next to me right and i've been there for a couple of minutes. He serves someone else next to me. Then these girls arrive and the barman clocks them straight away. What can I get you, ladies?

And I was like, come on, dude. I was like, you know, I've been here longer. It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, sorry. And they kind of gave me a dirty look. But I'm like, you know, come on. If I just turned up and you started serving me, I'd be like, I'm pretty sure they were first. Just you got to open your mouth.

You could just say, sorry, I think I was first, actually. Just put your hand up. That's the system. Have some fucking gonads. Well, first of all, a lot of people, you mentioned earlier that people just casually insult other people in bars. I don't know if that's the case, though. Whilst waiting for drinks?

That sounds too rude to me. Hey, get me a drink, big nose, or like that. No. Big nose? Or is it like that? No. I don't know. Like, that feels too not English enough for me, P-Flax.

That feels too rude. I've been waiting a while. I had been waiting a while. And it was like, because it was a busy evening. And a lot of people were getting cocktails made. There's a problem with bars. Do you ever do the why are we waiting chant when you've been waiting for a while why are we waiting so so we are suffocating yeah so um the the the other thing i wanted to mention is if the bar was actually busy you wouldn't have been able to do that though as well because because it's when it gets loud and busy

you know the barman leans over to you and you have to yell, just give me a pint of lager. No, I wave my arm. I mean, he looked at me and then he leaned forward and I said... Oh, you have to be physical. Yeah, you don't just mumble. Also, I mean, literally,

you're not answering the prime question here. Nobody that's talking about queuing in pubs is. If the pub is quiet enough that you can form a queue of the people that need to be at the bar, it's not sufficient people that the bar staff are going to be confused. And if it is enough people

that it would confuse them, it's going to be out the fucking door. And who wants every pub to have a huge line of people waiting to get served? It's unworkable due to the physical limitations of the space. End of story. I know. It's just

I just wish I was six foot tall maybe i need to start wearing my like platform shoes to the bar try it and waving my arms around and shitting on people who every time someone who gets served is before me i say fuck you you stupid cunt get out i was here first the last time i went uh somewhere we were in Cologne around Gamescom. I was with Ravs and a couple of other people. We went to a bar to have some big brewskis. And we had to wait at the bar, but we were just chatting to the bartender and all the bar staff while they were just doing everything else. And they eventually got to us.

And honestly, I think that's been my experience with standing and waiting at a bar for the most part you know oh well like i think that's fine if you're with someone chatting to them and you're that's part of the social fabric of the bar that's fine if you've been set up on your own to get drinks for multiple people when you're stood there on your own i'd still just trying to attract someone's attention while someone's doing a 12 drink round next to you you're like fuck me i don't next to you, you're like, fuck me. I don't- you know, you're like, stood there, everyone's like, waiting on you. Yeah.

You know, there's like, this pressure building up. You know, it's a common experience for me to- well, it used to be. I think, again, I think it just depends on the venue, right? Yeah. If the bar was extremely long and thin, and had a bar width of one. How would you feel about McDonald's-style ordering machines? That's what they have in Wetherspoons. You can order on an app. Yeah.

And you just order, and I think they just bring your drinks to you. Bring it to the table. I don't know. I guess that means you can order ahead of time and just continue chatting. And if they see 20 pints of lager, someone just pulls 20 pints. You have to wait for the order, you have to wait for the payment. It's quicker, but I don't know. It loses something. There's probably situations where I wouldn't mind it, but

on the whole, I think I'd rather speak to somebody. I feel like I don't get to know the bar stuff. We drink at the same pub every night and have done for the last 10 years. Yeah, but you don't stay late. They never give me a glass. They only give me a little plastic cup. i'm one of the shit an outside person though you you're outside with with everybody aren't you oh no but everyone else

gets a glass because they know the bar staff or at least they recognize them you just get a plastic cup i'm not that much of an irregular i go a couple of nights a week and i've done four years yeah i don't stay until the lock-in it's a lock-in crew only really is it who get who actually have glass they get trusted yeah they get preferential trusted treatment it's kind of got to the point where i'm almost like you know bringing some tom or harry with me so i can actually get a fucking glass all right this is uh for sips oh dear dear sips yes thank you so much do you have a bunch of guinea pigs so um sam swears you briefly talked to your wife about taking the guinea pigs in from the rain when watching your

planet zoo stream in the middle of the night while high on drugs after her knee surgery so we aren't sure if this is a true memory and we don't want to go through hours of stream to confirm no it's true i have two guinea pigs we got them at the start of the summer. My kids wanted to get some guinea pigs. So we got two guinea pigs. And for the most part, they go outside, except for when it's like raining or like the weather's really awful, then we bring them in. And their names? One is called Cozy. I didn't pick these names, by the way. And the other one is called Midnight. My kids pick the names.

Very emo. Guess what colour Midnight is, by the way? White. No. Brown. No. Striping. No, he's black with a tiny bit of white. Just a little tiny bit of white. That is so clever.

I know, it's so incredible. Kids are just insane. All right. This is great. Do you like him? What? The guinea pigs? Oh yeah.

No, your children. What do you think? Well, I like my kids, yeah. They make some quite sweet noises, they sort of go like. Yep, they get really excited. Well, we haven't had them that long and at first they're very... I mean, they are very sort of timid, jumpy animals. They're rodents, aren't they?

Yeah, every little sound. They are preyed upon, so I think instinctively they just think that there's always a bird coming in to kill them or something. Don't they eat them in their native country? I'm sure they're people. Yeah, they do. They're quite plump. I can imagine them being fairly safe. South America, I think.

Is it Peru? Are they from Peru? I think it could be, yeah. But now that we've had them for a while, we have them in our kitchen on the floor temporarily until we have a better spot for them. Because we got some plates spinning. We'll have a spot for them soon.

But for now, they're fine in the kitchen on the floor, in a cage, obviously. But they very quickly now recognize noises of the kitchen, which means that they're going to be fed. So every time you open the fridge now, every time you rustle a bag or anything, they go insane. And like they whistle so loud, if you look at them while they're doing it, their ears move. Like, their whole face lurches forward, they're like, weee, weee, weee, they go crazy. Yeah, it's cute.

It's like a crisp alarm. Yeah. They're just notifying everyone that snacks are being shared. But yeah, they go outside, they can graze all day outside we got loads of grass they love dandelion and grass they they eat more or less the same stuff that terry does so wait they're free range sips they just run around the garden you don't know no no we have they have a little enclosure oh i was gonna say are they that well behaved no no no no they would yeah yeah they'd get under the shed or the deck or whatever. Because they're so worried about everything.

They're just looking for any shelter. But they've got like a little hutch and like a run sort of thing. But it's big enough for both of them. And it's quite good because they keep the grass trim where their enclosure is. And they poop so much that it just fertilizes, re-fertilizes the grass as well. So you got one really, really good bit of grass in the garden. Yeah, the rest of it is just hell.

Just average grass. Yeah, and then there's this like perfect patch where they are, yeah. Right. In Canada news, this was last week I believe, the Canadian parliament gave a standing ovation to a Nazi from World War II. i don't know if you guys were aware i did not hear about this no i heard about this so uh okay cj has emailed in and said did they do it knowingly no right so they didn't realize this guy in someone presented him as this guy uh i can't remember if he was ukrainian i think he was a was a Ukrainian who'd fought the Russians in World War II.

Right. And of course, they all stood up and said, yes, he fought the Russians. Because, you know, now Russia invading Ukraine, very different story to World War II. Yeah. When they were literally fighting against the Russians on the side of the Third Reich. Like, Ukraine was like with the Nazis. You could argue, you know, they didn't want to be or whatever. But the point is, this guy was fighting on the bad guy's side. Right. And they

all stood up and gave a big applause. And then people were like, oh, this guy fought in an SS unit. So like, he's not a good guy. So pretty, pretty, I think, funny, but also embarrassing for Canadians everywhere. It is, but this always happens. It's such a good example of people trying so hard to come across well. And almost so much so that they almost always end up with egg on their face. This happens in UK politics all the time. You'll get somebody who will grab on to something that he thinks will make him sound good or he'll be relatable to younger people or he'll be relatable to like a, you know,

a minority demographic or something like that. And it almost always backfires because it's not genuine in the first place. They don't have any knowledge. they have done no research or anything, they just turned up so that they can look good by standing up and clapping and appearing to stand for something, and they don't. They're just charlatans, all of them. They are. Agreed. Well, I think this happens to everyone in all walks of life, right?

You never really know the people you meet. In this case, it was just a lack of research. Yeah. But, you know, you are always at the pitfall of what is this person I'm on a date with? What's their history? Are they actually secretly hiding that they're awful? Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it's not.

And sometimes they've, you know, I think you just, you can't go through life necessarily paranoid about every single person you meet, right? No. Everyone has. But I mean, this is a little different. This is a bit different. That's a little different. This is like a quick Google search to avoid the egg on the face.

That's going to happen anyway. So at least do your research where you can one thing is google people you want to date with someone why not give them a little google give them a little google you can't always get to the see if they'd be arrested for keeping someone tied up in their basement

give them a back rub a background rub that's what google was going to be called so we could have all said just back rub me just back rub. That's what Google was going to be called. So we could have all said, just back rub me. Just back rub them. What are you talking about? Google was originally called back rub. Look it up. Oh, fuck. Thank God it wasn't. Good God. It would have been the worst name ever. I wonder, in fact, if it even would have taken off. I don't think it would have.

It would have. No, I don't think it would. It would not. I don't think so. I think the name is a big part of it. Yeah, but I remember first hearing Google, like, this is way back in the day. I mean, this is way back in the day when you barely, I mean, I remember like Netscape Communicator and Netscape Navigator, but there wasn't like much emphasis on a browser or a search engine, right?

Like you'd use these things like what you'd use yahoo maybe as your search engine was altavista was what i used altavista but there was there were there were a bunch there wasn't a huge like emphasis on it like now you know like now it has become very much like oh google it google it yeah and but back then i remember i distinctly remember i was working in an office like I was like basically an intern in office I was still at school it was like more like job experience than an actual job but I was with a whole bunch of like older tech people like it was a it was a tech company and I remember this guy saying like oh yeah if you use google.com you can you can find out about

that and people are like what do you mean like what is that google and like i remember everybody being like google what the fuck is that like everybody was just like what is this and then fast forward like five years oh yeah fucking google that oh just google this you know what i mean like it yeah yeah it didn't stick at first like i i really remember people being like this fucking sounds stupid i don't want to use this. And I mean, the actual name, like it sounds like almost now you think about it, like baby fire, doesn't it?

Like babies go. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, I don't want to fucking type stuff in a baby name. It sticks out. I definitely remember. Maybe like it,

maybe actually in a, in another parallel universe, we have this exact same conversation. Yeah. Complaining about how, I mean, like Google.com younger generations that's all they've known right like they would have heard their parents

say they will have heard on tv it's you know it's something that's mentioned in television programs all the time sort of thing google it yeah google google this google that i mean it obviously comes from the misspelling of the google which is is the one followed by a hundred zeros or whatever. Google. Google. Yeah. It's like a big number in maths. It's a really big number, yeah. I don't actually know why it's got a name in the first place. It seems sort of weird. It's weird to have it be made. So here are some of the early search engines. Webcrawler. Webcrawler.

It rings a bell. I don't know about- Go.com. Yeah. Lycos. Ly rings a bell. I don't know about- Go.com. Yeah. Lycos. Lycos, yeah. Infoseek. Two Cows, remember Two Cows? Yahoo Search.

Daum, which I don't know. Search.ch, which I don't know. Magellan, I do remember that one, Magellan. Excite. Metacrawler. AltaVista. Rankdex. Dogpile.

Hotbot. Ask Jeeves. AOL Netfind, Ask Jeeves was a good one. Yandex. And then Google was 1998. Yes. But one of the things you'll notice, a lot of these are called something like search or seek or find or crawl. Google was just Google.

Yeah. Like it's just a word. And I mean, like genie nose was another one. Or really names that don't mean anything, like empaths or Tioma, which don't really seem to mean much. Well, apparently back rub, the idea was it would sort of trawl or rub the back ends of the... Do you know what I mean? It's not just a sexual meaning. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. Although back rubs don't have to be sexual.

It's supposed to imply that it would crawl along the back. I don't know. I think it could have been called anything though. That's a very Pulp Fiction conversation. What do you mean a back rub isn't sexual? I've given a ton of women a ton of back rubs. You know what they call a back rub in France? A Google.

All right, here's a good one. This is a question we can all think about. Okay. So, I love listening to you lads talk about your favorite periods in history. My big interest is ancient Chinese history, which is something I really don't know anything about. So I wonder what you guys would do if you were the all powerful emperor of an ancient dynasty.

Here are some historical anecdotes that should hopefully inspire you. King Zhou of Shang commissioned a large lake full of alcohol that was large enough to sail, or I guess move, multiple canoes in. In the center of the lake was a small island which contained a forest where the branches on the trees were skewered meat. And King Zhou would sail around on the lake or, you know, boat around the lake with his drinking buddies. They even had a few orgies on the island, presumably not with his buddies, as the email says. Alcohol lakes and meat forests is now a Chinese idiom

that refers to ludicrous amounts of excess. Yeah. And there's some evidence that the alcohol lake may have actually existed. That's one. And number two, Emperor Wu of Jin was noted for constructing a huge palace, which contained houses for 5,000 beautiful women.

Faced with the dilemma of not knowing which of these concubines he should spend the night with, he rode around the palace on a cart drawn by a group of goats. Wherever the goats decided to rest, he would spend the night with whichever concubine lived closest. In order to secure the honour of potentially bearing a son to the emperor, the women would place salt and bamboo leaves close to their doors in an attempt to woo the goats into stopping so your imperial majesties what would you do if you were this kind of uh alcohol lake and meat forest wealthy guy in ancient china it would have to be in ancient china i think i think we could just say anywhere the elon musk or the jeff bezos of their day absolutely had a swimming pool full of booze and a forest of kind of like Willy Wonka's factory, only with meat instead of chocolate.

I guess so. Yeah. So you've basically got not just the money, but also because you also have a title. Like if we went back 5000 years, nobody would be making fun of Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos because they'd be enormously powerful and you'd probably be killed for making fun of them because they'd probably be an emperor or something like that. Yeah, their egos would be so fragile that they'd send out a hitman to kill you.

Right, and that's sedition, talking about the king in a bad way, or heresy if they're a holy figure or whatever. So we're much freer now. Oh yeah, you could just be arrested by the state. Right, they could just be like, you shit-talked the king, you're under arrest. And now. Oh, yeah, you could just be arrested by the state. Right, they could just be like, you shit-talked the king, you're under arrest. And people are like, yeah, you don't shit-talk the king.

Nowadays, of course, anybody's up for grabs. I mean, we can make fun of the king, whatever we want. No problemo. So with that level going back, don't think modern day. We're so powerful that basically whatever we do, people will say, yeah, that's a great idea. He's the king, he can do what he likes, and you can't say anything what could it be i don't know i mean

like my knee-jerk reaction revolves around something sexual but like if i think about it more i think like i don't know maybe i wouldn't you know like maybe for like a couple of days that would be pretty fun but i don't know if i would use all of my wealth and power to make like um you know a gigantic orgy you know what i mean like yeah but like a long-running one you know what i mean like just a continual just people like it's like just like the hugh hefner of uh of his time or whatever you know like he's just built a mansion dedicated to i i don't know if i would if i would go down that road i'd be tempted for sure but i don't know if I would go down that road. I'd be tempted, for sure, but I don't know if I... I think we're all coming at this from modern morality, where obviously having 5,000

women that essentially are forced to sleep with you just because you're the emperor is morally abhorrent, and not something that I would be like, oh yeah, I'll do that. So I think it would have to be something that steers away from- I think you just need to it would have to be something that steers away from- I think you just need to be, what's his name? Genghis Khan? No, no, no.

The guy in June. Paul Atreides. Timothee Chalamet. That's all you need to have 5,000 women sleep with you. Just be Timothee Chalamet. Or yeah, just be a famous actor. I mean, I know that some friends of mine were talking about what we would do if we were wealthy.

And a friend of mine said he would buy a whole street, like a nice street, and there are houses, and every friend gets a house. So we all live in the same neighborhood, and you build a community out of people you know and friends. That's a nice idea, yeah. I like that. That's sweet. I would go one further and say it would be nice to have a small village. Not just one street, but a village where I know everybody there. Like the Oppenheimer village.

Exactly right, like the one they built in Oppenheimer. You built a closed city. But with fewer weapons of mass destruction. So everything is to our taste and I think it would be really fun. So yeah, I think I would use it for something like that. Making sure that people I really liked and cared about had a pleasant life, didn't have to worry about money and could just relax and do what they wanted to do. That would be it.

Yeah. That's a nice dream. What if, though, you did all that, and then somebody, you know, pissed you off down the road? Well, I mean- And you harbored huge resentments, because you're like, I fucking bought this guy his fucking house, he gets to live in my village or whatever, I'm going to the council, we're gonna vote him out. And then all of a sudden you've got a woodbury situation like in

the walking dead you know are you going to be that guy with the eye patch yeah i'd be the guy i mean here's the thing i i would say that i didn't mention is in order to live in the village uh let's say you have to fuck as a couple yes you have i have to fuck you that's the way you're just like i get to fuck so what you're describing is you would like to be David Koresh. Yeah, Koresh. Yeah. We'll call it Waco. Yeah.

That's what we'll call the place. We'll call the place The Compound. The Compound, yeah. I don't think these things ever work out, though. There's no example of any of these things long running. No. There's no example of any of these things long running, where everybody sort of, you know, transitions into older life and, you know, there's harmony and stuff. These things always go bad.

People turn out to be changed. People turn out to either be awful or they change to be someone awful. And then they're in the village and ruining it and you're like, oh god, I need to kick this out. The problem with humans generally is that we're very good at generating drama even in small communities. I don't think they're designed to stay together as long as

we would like to think that they do. You know what I mean? Like, I think people... Well, like, we're not like pigeons or whatever that mate for life. Is it pigeons? I think it's just people get old and crusty and they just don't want to be around people, and they become themselves quite insufferable as well. You know what I mean? I don't think humans age very gracefully. I definitely originally had that same dream of building this shared space where

we could all live together and work together and you know have this kind of ideal communisty supporty structurally thing but in reality i just know that it wouldn't work because because i've seen people change and people come and go and and the problems that that has caused and i think i think the reason that we live in the way we live at the moment, doing the nine to five and, you know, all, you know, living, having people as they are, is because that's just naturally what has worked best with all of the community and drama and systems that we've got. I'm not saying it's good or the best.

Maybe it would be nice to live in a cult compound with a charismatic Jesus-like figure. I think it would be fine until somebody is like, alright, it's fucking time. And you're like, wait, what? I... No. And that's when I think the whole thing- No, we have to kill ourselves, ritually.

Yes, everybody into your sleeping bags. I'm opening the gas valve. Yeah, you know, it's... There's cutoff points. When I come down to looking at the world, I realize that the way it is, is often because this is how people have... And people are trying their best, right? To make a happy environment for themselves

and their family and their friends, right? right everyone is clearly and they they want to i mean i think that yeah you want it is people's first instinct to say you know what happens if you won the lottery they'd be like oh yeah i just want to make sure i look after everyone i love yeah i mean that's like a very normal thing well i mean i look after everyone i love every day i don't need to win the lottery to to do that you know what i mean i'm doing it right now exactly i'm not doing it for everyone I love every day. I don't need to win the lottery to do that. You know what I mean? I'm doing it right now. Exactly. I'm not doing it in a grandiose fashion. You know, I'm not Hank Scorpio. I haven't set up Globex Village for everybody I know. No, but you're taking care of my immediate people. In the same way that other people have done and is a safe thing.

You're not doing it in some creative way where you feel like, oh, I need to encase my whole house in plastic or whatever. But if everyone else was encasing their house in plastic to seal away all the bacteria, you'd feel the pressure to do that as well. We are sheep and we are people who copy other people because we feel like we need to fit in, but also we don't know best almost like, you know, it's like, well enough people do this and they seem to get along, you know, enough people have jobs and have kids and buy houses and they seem to, so I'll just do that as well. It takes, it takes a lot to buck that trend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I got another one here. Let me just take my vitamins real quick, hold on.

What are you popping these days? Centrum 50s. Centrum 50 plus. Mm-hmm. Yeah, the big boys. And vitamin C. Yeah, you got vitamin C in there too. Holy crap.

So that's the... I take the extra vitamin C and the extra zinc because... And I sometimes take extra vitamin D as well. I don't know why. I do eat a pretty balanced diet, but I think my body has a hard time holding onto vitamin D. I don't know why. I don't know why. I do eat a pretty balanced diet, but I think my body has a hard time holding onto vitamin D. I don't know why. I don't know why. I did see a doctor about it a few years ago and I had a big top up, but in general, a lot of most people in the UK are vitamin D deficient. Anyway,

it's a lack of sun. I found your conversation on taxidermy interesting. I live in Northern Minnesota and it's very common for a home to have multiple taxidermy. Interesting. I live in northern Minnesota and it's very common for a home to have multiple taxidermy animals since hunting and fishing are very popular here. My father being an avid hunter, trapper and fisherman,

I grew up with taxidermy deer heads, foxes, various fish and animal pelts as regular household decor. My father even has the first ever caught lynx slash bobcat hybrid stuffed in our basement. Wow. They knew they existed, but he caught the first ever caught Lynx slash Bobcat hybrid stuffed in our basement.

Wow. They knew they existed, but he caught the first one on record when the Department of Natural Resources kept it for testing for a few years before returning it to him. I've never come across anyone else who had a pet stuffed, but we do have a family friend that does taxidermy, and I thought you might find these taxidermy squirrels he made entertaining. Now, I'm going to pop these pictures in the Discord for you chaps to look at, and I wanna hear

your reactions to these! Alright, slowly, one at a time. No, I've done them all at once for effect. Oh my god. Jesus Christ. Describe what you are seeing, gentlemen. I am seeing, basically, a scene from a brothel in Game of Thrones, but it's squirrels.

Right. thrones but it's squirrels right so yeah uh the first picture is i guess we would say two squirrels doing it squirrel style doggy style yeah big time uh there's a major back arching from one there is a lot of back arching uh wow that is quite horrifying this is like the karma sutra but with squirrels yes um. So imagine sexual positions, and the squirrels are the ones doing the fucking. Oh, my God. The lady squirrel is having the time of her life. We'll put it that way.

I find this very disturbing, not just because someone took the time to make this, but also I feel like this is really unpleasantly using a living thing's body for a cheap really cheap gag they're really cheap absolutely horrible really cheap

and kind of seedy and gross gag very seedy and gross but the thing is the way it's done okay it's well done it's done so professionally it's on like a really shiny mahogany base he's

done like the ground yeah the muddy ground really nicely he's got like little twigs and little these are like men's miniatures little autumn leaves it's like so beautifully done we could use these in a bolt action tabletop series lewis these are so well based it would need to be about you know they are based the british army oh it's so gross oh my god oh my god do not look do not try and

look that up we're not gonna post them anywhere that squirrel sex taxidermy is just for yeah us and that

guy's dad um good grief that's that's it's it's not it's not

it's not it's not traumatic it's unpleasant it's wrong yeah it's it's wrong somehow

it does yeah it leaves a sour taste in your mouth okay all right sorry um It's not traumatic. It's unpleasant. It's wrong. Yeah. It's wrong somehow. It does, yeah. It leaves a sour taste in your mouth. Yeah. All right, sorry. I think it's because I was also looking at the guinea pigs just before this. Do you know what I mean? As I'm still thinking about Sips' two guinea pigs.

And now... Yeah, you can imagine them outside in their run. Fucking. Yeah. Blowing each other and stuff. But not only fucking, just doing the weirdest sexual positions. Yeah. Yeah. All right, this is for Lewis.

Last Friday, the 29th, I bumped into Lewis just outside of Queen Square. As a longtime fan of the Triforce, I was very excited to see him. However, when I accosted him, I slightly froze and just sort of mumbled at him. So, Lewis, I apologize. I slightly froze and just sort of mumbled at him. So, Lewis, I apologize. However, the thing that stood out most to me was how Lewis was much more attractive in real life than I had assumed. So much so, I was a tad taken aback.

And this didn't help the mumbling and rambling. So, Lewis, I'm very sorry, but you're a very handsome man. Well, there you go, Lewis. Well, I shaved my beard off, you see. I've got the baby face going on at the moment. Do you? Yeah. Gosh.

He does. I think that's working for me. No, I don't know if it is. Nice. Nice. It's just a change. I'm going to grow the moustache for Movember. Okay. So don't worry.

It's going to go back to creepy dad Lewis very shortly. I liked you with a bit I thought I thought it suited you but I like the moustache so much though because it has such good comedy value Everyone no one no one Like a pit like a pencil moustache like a Brian Ferry, you know You've got the right face for something like you can't have the moustache all the time, right? Because it has to be something that's a surprise. But over Jingle Jam, everyone would come down to see me with the moustache.

You'd tell they thought it was funny. It does make me laugh. When I shaved my head the other week, I always leave the m mustache till last and and ask the girls what they think they always think it's hilarious yes um but i was thinking when i shaved my head this time i did the top of my head first which i don't normally do but i was i just did and then i did i started doing my beard and i thought i could have where my glasses sit my sideburns it's bald above there like shaved bald but then i have sideburns coming down and have it join up into a mustache so like a handlebar but without the chin bit oh have a

handlebar mustache going up from the sideburns when i take the glasses off it's just the beard i thought that might be fun for november but i don't know mrs f would be like no no don't do it no so like a no like a george washington like a cowboy or something Yeah like a proper cowboy That sounds I was thinking about it Especially if you can pull it off The other thing is if you can A lot of people are sadly not blessed with any facial hair genes

And I meet them and they're disappointed Spiff is a prime example Spiff seems unable to grow facial hair He has a moustache But it's the littlest mustache. It's like peach fuzz. It really is. It's very sweet.

It's peach fuzz. It is really sweet. I talked to him about it at the party. I was like, what is this? Is this a mustache? Yeah. But I think I was like that at his age. I didn't get any strength in my facial hair until I was in my 30s.

It just didn't come. Yeah, it happens i think i think you get more um from growing it out and then shaving it growing it out shaving it i think if you just leave it and you don't really do much with it or you're constantly shaving it short it seems to not come in thick and fast i don't know this is this is the old urban myth though i think that's bollocks it's like it's like when there's a baby. They're like, oh, quick shave. He hasn't got much hair, so you better shave it to get it to grow. It's rubbish.

I don't think that's true at all. I mean, what happens is you get, like, essentially, especially for a baby, the first hair that they grow is incredibly fine. Yeah, it's very fine. And they're, like, really fine. If you shave that, the hair that comes in will be thicker because it's proper hair because the follicles are developing and they're starting to grow hair. Right. So it's proper hair, because the follicles are developing and they're starting to grow hair.

So it's nothing to do with... But it's just so if you want your babies to have a beard, shave their face every day. Shave them out, get you. So that it can come in thick and fast. That's, again, no, the opposite of that. Yeah, don't do that. This is a cracker. This is from Zadi.

Good day, Pirion. For a laugh, a couple of years back, I applied for the Guardian newspaper Blind Date and got accepted. The date went pretty badly after I... Oh, this is glorious. The Guardian newspaper book. A fellow Guardian reader. Here is a link to the article.

There you go. The lad's name is Zadi. He dated Nadia. This was from 2021. I thought Zadi was the... No, Zadi is the lad. Zadi is the lad. Zardy is the lad. And look at that picture of Zardy. Oh, he's got- He's such a cheeky lad.

I just- I didn't even read it. I just clicked a button that said, yes, I'm happy. And it's true. I am happy because I'm looking at Zardy right now. Look at that face. He's just like, hello, I'm Zardy. Hello.

You want chili sauce with that? That's what Zardy looks like to me. Top lad. All right. So it went badly after I told her I was a trained butcher and she was a vegetarian. Got a lot of hate online after that. The date was not the best, but it was a funny experience looking back at it. Zardy, I'm just going to read this. So I'll ask the questions, Lewis, and you be Zadi. And so I'll ask the questions and you give his answer. And then Sips, you do that for Nadia. Okay.

Okay. Where's Nadia's stuff? At the bottom. So this is Zadi or Nadia. So this is Zadi answering the questions about how the date went with Nadia. What were you hoping for? I was hoping for a laugh and a fun time. Wait, you're Zardy.

You're the bloke. Oh, sorry. Egypt. Sorry. Sorry. This is an interview with Zardy, right? Oh, sorry.

OK. All right. Do you know what I'm getting? I'm getting cheeky, chappy. Yes. Like vibes. I know you're getting

kebab shop, man. I don't know why. I think it might be the neck beard. No, his name is Zardy, which it sounds like a Turkish name. I'm sorry if I'm wrong, Zadi, but it seems to me like a Turkish name. Do you want me to do a Turkish man? I would love to hear your Turkish accent.

Let's hear it. So much. What were you hoping for, Zadi? I was hoping for a laugh and a fun time and that the conversation would flow nicely. First impressions of Nadia. Oh, she's attractive, smart, easy to talk to. And what did you talk about? Food.

For a long, long time. We also talked about traveling, musical instruments, and the things we did during lockdown. Any awkward moments? I drew a blank when she asked what my best dishes were to cook. I also confused a gooseberry with something else. Oh, there's going to be these awkward moments, my dude. There's going to be these moments.

So just going through this, they go out for a meal and essentially he would introduce her to his friends. He gave her an 8 out of 10. He gave her an 8.5 out of 10. 8.5 out of 10. Yeah. And then they were talking about going to a karaoke bar and singing Adele all night, but they ended up going to the tube station. So she called it a day. And then they exchanged numbers.

So who knows? That is Zadi's take on the date. It went well. She was interesting affectionate kind-hearted he's worried that she thought he was nervous but yeah he's he'd happy to meet again so this is nadia on him right what were you hoping for someone tall dark and handsome to sweep me off my feet oh no first impressions um not what i what is what I was expecting. I'm a bit shy.

Any awkward moments? Well, when he told me his go-to karaoke song was Adele. Oh, no. I'm more into classic rock and metal. Also, he mentioned that he is trained to butcher animals right after I told him I was a vegetarian. That's so funny. She's like, I'm a vegetarian. He must be like, oh, how interesting! I butcher

animals for a living! You like me to strike a chicken for you? I kill chicken! Marks out of 10. I had fun, and the restaurant had a great vibe, but as a date, 5 out of 10. Would you meet again? No. Yeah, this is so sad.

Oh, more Zardy. She seems nice. Zardy, we really love that email, bud. That was fantastic. Oh, what an email. This is so fucking typical. How was it reading this after the fact like uh yeah have you been briefed at all or did you just look at the article to see what she

thought i mean obviously you must have assumed that it didn't go amazingly well uh because you know she probably she probably didn't stay in touch or whatever but um it must be kind of weird to read through this after, right? To see like what somebody thought. Because like a lot of these questions are, you know, things that you might not ever get much feedback on. You just kind of have to guess what the other person is thinking, right? So, okay.

Questions about this. One, it was obviously a blind date and they don't intend, you know, the chances of them actually matching on this are low, but I felt like it was Scupper from the start he's he's he's a 26 year old chef yeah and she's a 30 she's a 32 year old civil servant i think if those ages were the other way around that might just about be okay um but like it feels like i know it's unusual for again for a couple to have that much of an age gap in the wrong way. The wrong way. Yeah.

And so, I mean, it's almost like doing its best to kind of scupper it right from the start. The wrong way. Well, yeah, I'm sure. I just don't know that many men who are dating a woman six years older than them. It's true. I do think that there are multiple reasons for that, especially when you younger especially when you're 26 right i don't know like i i think one of the reasons for that is and i'm sure you're right well you did call it the wrong way which was well i think it is though i think that people are looking for their looking for any excuse to like

and like they're they're always against like in their in their subconscious they're like thinking are people gonna judge me for this am i like you know people are gonna call me a cradle snatcher for like flipping six years going out with a young man that people i'm i'm 32 i'm not cougar right jermaine so i think that the thing that the people need to bear in mind i'm sure there'll be there'll be listeners who disagree but when women are with a younger man that younger man better be on the same track as them in life, because a lot of women, when they get to their 30s, start seriously thinking about babies. And if you're a dude who's 25 and doesn't want to think about babies for years to come,

you're going to have a rude awakening because your woman might be like, well, no, I want babies and soon and all the rest of it, because that's just the kind of age when people start doing that stuff. That's when me and pretty much all my mates all started having babies in our thirties. Um, it's just the right kind of time. Cause you've enjoyed your twenties. You've, you've found a solid relationship. You want to start thinking about it. I mean, women are having babies older and older. it's true, but it's harder and harder. And you'll be looking after young kids as you get older. It is hard, as Sip's gonna test.

So people in their 30s, you've still got that energy and it's all the rest of it, and you've still enjoyed your 20s. So I think if you're 24, 25, and you're dating a woman who is 32 33 she might be thinking about babies when you're not even that's not even on the horizon for you so i think lewis is right it just let us know though let right in let us know if you're in a relationship with a big age gap and how that is a quote the wrong way around in other words older woman younger man we want to know well i think i know a few people who are married to the woman who's a couple of years older. When you're dating, Lewis, you meet somebody you go on a date. No matter who it is, do you just kind of go with the flow and have a pretty good time?

Or do some people naturally just put you off and you find it really difficult to have a good time even? I don't know if I've spoken about this before but my dating strategy has turned strategy into i i want to go and do something like go to this art gallery or go to this museum or go to see this this thing or go to this event i'm gonna try and bring someone with me to that not and so that way that even if i don't like them i've still had a good time that's such a good idea i like that a lot i like it but i it's i just like you know like i watch um i watch say say you're watching like uh you know like blind date or like married at first sight or something like that you get you get people who seem

um to to go with the flow more than others right some people they they they get in there and they're they're matched with somebody and they're put in with them and you could just tell straight away their back is up they don't want to be there they don't like the person they don't even want to give it a chance they're miserable whatever um well yeah and absolutely i think i guess that must happen just when you're dating to me right like yeah i think that i'm quite careful about who i see usually so i've usually what is it like a chemical thing like some people just like naturally annoy you or something in your a lot of it is the the the gap between what you think they're going to be like or what they appear to be like on their profile to what they are in real life it's not exactly catfishing but it is to some extent sometimes people are just not the same as

their pictures and it feels like you've been scammed and if and if that happened to me i think or if they were really if they thought that happened to me i think or if they were really if they thought that happened to them if they were really aloof and kind of like oh god i think you could pick up on it pretty quick and you could be like oh hey um well it had a really nice time um you know see uh finish your drink and go you know i think a lot of the time the way i would do dates would be to have obvious break points if I wanted to get out of there at half an hour, two hours, you know, four hours. Do you know what I mean? I think sometimes, for me as well as them, if they're not feeling it, they've got an obvious easy out, which is like,

oh, you know, do you want to go to this bar or have you had enough kind of thing? And so I think that most people are quite aware of the other people's feelings because you're so worried about how they're going to judge you anyway, right? I suppose, yeah. And so, yeah, maybe on these shows like Married at First Sight and stuff, you can – maybe it's the editing, though. I don't know. I don't know how – Well, I mean, yeah, there's a lot of that. I just noticed that some people just seem – I feel like if I was on that, I would go with the flow a lot more.

I'd be like, let's just see where it goes. You know, like I'm not going to be overly defenses up barriers. Oh my God. Sort of thing. Like I would just to be, I think this is what Zardy was doing though here.

Right. I don't think Zardy was going into this date thinking, oh, this is going to be the one. Do you know what I mean? He was obviously thinking, you know, we'll see what happens.

He was, he was hoping for a laugh and a fun time and that the conversation would flow nicely right that's i think that is the the right thing to go into any of these things right because you don't know even like you know after a few dates you know where where this thing's gonna go but your your mind spins out you know this this mad stuff that you have to like push down you're like because it's like oh what what would our kids look like you know and you're like you like you do you do kind of have to push down the crazy a little bit um anyway what do you think of the phrase tall dark and handsome because i think it's like it's such a trope like yeah it's an old it's an old joke right it's

old cliche but but like the tall shore handsome, the handsome Shaw, right? The tall, the nice jawline, you know, maybe wearing a suit, you know, maybe they're a doctor. because like, I feel like it's probably okay for most women to say that that's what they want, but it's probably not okay for men to say, I want a blonde with huge tits. I want just a big titted blonde. What's the equivalent of tall, dark and handsome? I don't know. Well, for men. Oh, I want a bird with banging tits.

Yeah, pretty much. And I mean, don't get me wrong, people do say it, but for the most part, you interview any guy and they'll just say, oh, just somebody who's nice to talk to. Yeah, yeah. I just want somebody that I can talk to. Just want a girl who's nice to talk to and has massive nocks.

That's all I'm saying. So the tall, dark, and handsome phrase came to prominent use in the early 1900s and was commonly used in hollywood during the 1920s to describe rudolph valentino oh as an idiot as an idiom it is both lexically and sequentially fixed i think that means you couldn't say handsome dark and tall it has to be tall dark and handsome it's got to be oh i see yeah because it is it is very much okay interesting uh i i think there is something that that a lot of women like about a tall dark and handsome dude is first of all the implication dark is that they're going to have dark hair because i think quite often blonde men are something that i don't think women are as famously keen on.

It seems to be like darker haired men, I think is a thing. I never ever thought about that. Yeah. But what they like, I mean, again, this is generalizing, but I don't know that I've met many women who say that they like men who are blonde. Yeah. Well, I mean, Germans probably. Yeah, the Aryan race produces the best men ass

we all know so I guess the equivalent would be busty blonde and beautiful yeah busty blonde

and beautiful yeah I'm more like tall dork and dancer you know what I mean oh shit I got my

warhammer toys with me baby check this out everyone just please enjoy head on the beam I'm so tall oh my god

alright let's finish with some furry stuff because I've had a lot of emails about furries this is from Edwin we're just going to remain confused I feel like we're just glazing over the furries thing no no I'm going to remain confused whatever you say

right because there's a few topics that i feel like i'm not young enough to or properly like able to talk about well i think a lot of young people also feel the same way and don't know what the and yeah it's a very it's a very sort of specific culture. It's a very niche. Fur-edom, isn't it? So this is from Edwin. Been an avid fan since 2017. Is that his fursona name? No, I don't believe so. I'd like to second Emma.

It does sound like an animal. Edwin Von Fluffertail. I'd like to second Emma on her claims about furry fad as a furry i can confirm that most fairies do not wear diapers slash nappies okay if you're in the suit all day long at a con or something like that yeah come on you've got a diaper they explain that most of them would go go before suiting and wouldn't suit for too long anyway, as it's pretty much like wearing an oven. Some people put a little fan in the suit head to combat the heat.

What if you put like in the pants, like a little dick hole and then you could stay in your fursona and squat in a corner and just pee through the dick hole. Like an animal. Yes. So this is the next paragraph. Furries aren't inherently sexual for most, but they absolutely can be. Now, interestingly, you're talking about having a little hole so you can let your junk out to have a wee.

I'm wondering if that's when people were like, ah, we could also get some fucking done whilst we're wearing these suits. Well, yeah, of course, naturally. If we have these sweats. And for the ones that are sexual, he's saying, I'd say it's safe to say that most don't do the do in their suits because it's too hot temperature-wise, and two, because fursuits are very expensive and you don't want to get any bodily fluids

anywhere near the four- to five-figure outfits, but there are some out there, of course. It's kind of like real regular human life where we aren't inherently sexual, but can be when we're feeling like it. Another misconception that wasn't brought up in Emma's email email is that zoo furries are not into bestiality uh this is undoubtedly true for most furries they are not into it that's what that's what edwin is saying yeah yeah no i also got i wouldn't i wouldn't agree within a few hours of that email

right greetings you lovely specimens i have a response to emma the furries email my fiancee who is also a furry called emma has been a furry for 10 years. She has also started to distance herself from the furry community due to the disturbing amount of zyiffing, zoophilia and worse. In her opinion, furries have gotten more and more deranged in recent years, with a worrying influx of under 18s being involved. Furry events used to be nice affairs with no issues. Now they're more like kink parties.

So there you go. Yes. See, this is what I thought they were like back, you know, even like a few years ago when we were going to these conventions. I feel like maybe it's different in different parts of the world. And also, okay, there is definitely some sexual aspect to it right the the furry cartoons you know how like normal porn okay as in porn yeah um it's not the same as sex

right it's this kind of glamorized version that's a lot they're professionals i mean not like if you if you think of uh of of natural like mother okay i went to the zoo uh last weekend i took my kids to the zoo we wanted to go see the capybaras because they they just got some at our zoo and they have a nice enclosure for them basically big guinea pigs they are yeah so we went to we went to seek them out and uh while we were looking for them so wholesome we happened across uh an enclosure filled with little monkeys, little tiny furry monkeys that had like pink chests, like pink bear boobies on their chest. Sure, sure, sure.

They all look the same except for one who was like the king of them, I think. It's huge. It's a huge one. He was perched up on the wall and he was overlooking his kingdom he was huge he had like like he was much bigger he had lots more hair and everything like he was just like the alpha of the whole group he's just sitting there and then all of the other ones are just you know they're they're eating leaves or sitting around or whatever so this guy he so we stopped to watch because we just thought,

these guys seem kind of interesting. We've never seen them before. So the big guy gets down from the wall and starts doing this thing with his mouth. Like he's, his teeth are clenched, but his lips are like flapping. Kind of like if you went like, you know, like with your lips,

but his teeth are clenched. And he's like, so he's doing this weird thing with his lips. And we were laughing because I'd never seen anything like it. Because he was going up to all of the other monkeys and doing this to them. And we thought, you know, whatever. It's like a comedy routine or something. Like, it seemed very funny.

Until he basically turned one of them around, mounted up. And you had to see this guy in action. mounted up and you had to see this guy in action. Oh my God. His legs were completely spread out wide, bow-legged. Like he looked like he just entered a saloon in the Wild West. So he mounts up. He's staring at everybody straight in the face while he's doing this because we're all watching because we can't believe what we're seeing.

He sips in the whole family. Yeah. And then he starts pumping, but he's got this really smooth, natural hip motion to it, which lasts about three seconds. And then he just sort of unmounts. And then his partner just starts picking bugs out of his hair. Oh, right. And that's it.

Oh, my God. Wow. Wow. What a trip to the zoo. just starts picking bugs out of his hair. Oh, right. And that's it. Oh my god. Wow. What a trip to the zoo. Compare that to a porno, where people are pumping for like 45, 55 minutes sometimes. And you just think, where's the common ground here? What's the average?

Because you can't say that the three seconds versus 55 minutes straight it's it doesn't add up you know what i mean like i guess like okay like i when i say three seconds i might even be being generous like i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure he got a boner and was done and i feel like i feel like you know i i feel like naturally that like especially, especially for animals, it has to happen, right? They don't have hours to- They're not whiling away for hours and hours. It's a very vulnerable position, I mean. It is. Yeah.

They got to be quick. They got to do the deed or whatever. And it's just very instinctive for them as well, right? Yeah. They don't even really- I don't know if they enjoy it. I don't know. I don't know if that's a part of it.

It's hard to tell. So anyway, I think that furry porn is largely cartoons okay oh my god you should have seen that there's so many people i've never i've never been crying laughing so hard around lots of people like that like public people yeah yeah and everybody was the same like they were howling it was so fucking funny there were these old ladies next to us and i've never they were like oh my god like like they were crying laughing it was so funny man i think it's because it's contagious i think it's because you gave them permission to laugh at it holy shit my kids were like what's happening close eyes. They're just laughing like a fuck.

It was so funny. I guess you didn't have any chance to react. Not really. It really happened quite quickly. Anyway, I'm sure they're not going to turn up to be furries now because of that. No. I think, like, I feel like in reality when you've got, like, furry cartoons are like anthropomorphic poor pies.

Well said. Yes. Good recovery. like furry cartoons are like anthropomorphic poor pies well said yes sexy good recovery sexy cheetahs and tigers with boobs or whatever right it's like the guy walking and he trips and stumbles but like just takes it in his stride sort of thing yeah whereas in real life you've got someone in a fursuit like there's no there's no there's no cartoons that really represent someone in a furs first well maybe there is someone in a fursuit i don't know you're saying the reality of it so the reality of it is even bigger disconnect on normal porn right between furry porn and i see no yes that makes sense yeah because i do the whole thing feels like so weird and like kind of obviously sexual attraction and the things that turn you on is a big spectrum

right like you know there's a lot of people you know you can watch or see things that you think oh well that shouldn't that shouldn't turn me on but it does you know and i mean everyone must have this right like in some way um and so i just i guess like i'm all i'm all for people doing their own thing um i'm just saying we all got we all got very fucking precious about this shit. It's fucking funny. It's funny. It is funny. Seeing people dressed up as fucking tigers and sheep and all that and having sex with

each other is amusing. I'm sorry. It is deep. That is fucking funny. Okay, good. But I'm glad. I'm glad. It is funny.

It is funny to even think about it. Yes, it's funny. And I don't, you know, you can't dress up like that and then demand to be taken seriously. I'm sorry, but you can't. So people genuinely want to just be taken seriously? Yeah, I think they're like, it's a big deal for them. They're not like, I know it's stupid. They're like, no, it's, I mean, you know, we get people emailing and really defending

it and being like, no, no, you don't understand. I think it's, it's, I think it's just pretty fucking funny, in all honesty. I mean, I'm not stopping you doing it, so what do you care what my opinion is? Carry on, do your thing. Who cares? But I'm also allowed to think it's funny. I'm sorry, but it is. Anyway. I agree. Okay. End of

mailbag. I think that's the end of that topic, yeah. Probably the podcast as well, really. I think we're i think we're done one more are you done let's do one more let's let's let's let's end it on all right this is uh this is quite a funny story um please keep my name anonymous will do uh as technically my story is an illegal is that his name will do the story is technically an illegal activity so best not mentioned by name.

The Japanese are pretty strict when it comes to the law, and I don't want to get deported. Cheers. Okay. So about six years ago, me and a couple of friends were on holiday in Japan and went mountain climbing on a small island off the coast of Hiroshima. There was a temple at the top with a bunch of these small clay statues depicting praying monks. There was a donation bowl amongst the statues and temples in Japan often have trinkets you

can buy as a memento or protective charm, stuff like that. There were a couple of other stalls, but there was- Is this going to be like that guy who was like, I rely on tips and you didn't tip me when you went to Japan? You'll see. Because I'm pretty sure I went to that temple as well. There were a couple of other stores, but there was nobody around at all. And the transactions were done on a faith-based system where they expect you to pay the ask for price by leaving

the money in a wooden box. Similar to how eggs are sold outside farms in the countryside in Ireland, which is where this lands from. And we had mistimed our climb and got to the top around 7pm. So it was already sunset when we reached the top and we had to walk down a mountain in the dark, using our phones as flashlights. This was made all the more fun because of the many signs along the route that said beware of the venomous vipers. Anyway, we decided we would buy some of these statues as a souvenir of our ordeal. We put about a thousand yen in the donation bowl thinking that was enough.

They look a bit like these and there's a picture of these little, little statues. Let me just show you lads a picture of the statues real quick. Thousand yen. So what's that like seven pound fifty i guess that is yeah all right this is what the statues look like there is a picture little little stone statues so imagine if you would yeah the little thing you'd put in a garden you could imagine it like that skip forward about four days we are halfway across the country on the day before our flight home we went drinking with our friend and two of his Japanese colleagues and ended up going back to his house after the pub.

The topic of our adventures on the mountain came up and we showed our Japanese drinking buddies the statues we'd bought. One was shocked, the other looked a little hurt, and the other immediately burst out laughing. As it turns out, these were not souvenirs for sale. These are called Jizo statues and were made as religious artifacts to protect travelers on the mountain or to honor a deceased family member.

The homemade look of them meant that these were made by people who offered them to the mountain god and each had a kanji symbol carved in the back to symbolize the maker's wishes. Mine said fertility. I may be responsible

for a small part of the declining birth rate in Japan. Oh my god. With no way back to the mountain, we decided to hold on to them and return them as penance. One of my friends forgot his in a hotel in Latvia on the way home, and the other hasn't returned to Japan yet. I, however, have returned to the mountain and forgot to pack the fucking statue. So I need to make another pilgrimage of forgiveness to return the fertility statue. Holy crap.

Unfortunate. What a great story. That is a good story. That is a great story. That is a good story. That is a good story. That is a good story, yeah. Unfortunate as well. I'm sure these mistakes are common, and that sounds like a much, that sounds like a legitimate one rather than deliberate being a dick.

They're pretty common, I think, but also possibly punishable by death as well. Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. So, watch your back. I'm sure, you know, if you explain the situation, you didn't destroy the statue. It was an easy mistake to make. And these are the cultural differences you're going to get when you go somewhere you don't know. Save it for the judge.

Save it. Oh, good. That's our mailbag. I enjoyed that. That's a great mailbag. That was a great mailbag. Really good. Thank you, guys.

Thank you so much. Thank you for writing. Thank you so much. Thank you to everyone that emailed in. Thank you for writing in. Yeah. Thanks. I've been replying to a few of the ones we haven't been reading out, because some of them are really nice emails, and I would read them out, but they don't really fit.

They're just a little too long, or it's just kind of- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finding the right ones. Yeah. But a lot of people saying that they love the podcast. Thank you so much. We really do appreciate it. Thank you.

Yeah. We love doing it as well. Keep them coming. God, we time we have so keep those mails coming because uh we read the good ones we love you thank you bye