Triforce! - Triforce! Mailbag Special #24: The Triforce Mad Lib

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

Triforce Mailbag Special 24! We're getting a ton of followup emails in today's Mailbag! That means more first dates, more stolen cars, more prison stories! We also fill in our very own custom Mad Lib story! Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe such a good so good we're so fucking good at this solid solid very solid man just all that that just makes me so happy i feel like a little bit of movement down there being so like we're like in a we should make a band i'm thrilled i'm ecstatic called the three marks mark mark mark mark right that's how we're gonna do it from now on we have to barbershop mark Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark!

Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark!

Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Right. But a lot of the follow ups are quality. Great. I do love a follow up. And to give you some idea of a quality follow up, who remembers Zardy from last

week's mailbag? He was the guy who went on a blind date. Well, how could I forget? I remember. Right. So Zardy has followed up answering some of the questions that we have. Oh my God. I cannot wait for this Zardy update.

Here we go. Had a lot of laughs hearing you read my email on the podcast. Thanks for that. You are very welcome, Zardy. Thanks we go had a lot of laughs hearing you read my email on the podcast thanks for that you are very welcome Zardy thanks for sending it in first off my name is of

Iraqi Kurdish origin so similar to Turkish and my friends say I have the body hair of your average kebab boss man nice but sadly

the voice of your average southerner I was really worried about the stereotyping of Zardy by you period I was thinking about it all week, I was like, was it offensive to call him like a Turkish kebab shop guy? I just imagined, hello, I'm Zardy! Like, you know, it just seems like a lad who'd try and sell you a Mercedes, a used Mercedes, just saying. Just a top lad. I was worried but now

oh my god it's so reassuring oh it's nice thank you Zardy you've just you've just undone all my week of like not tension

not it's good it's good that he was cool with the racism that's racism that's literally what it is

he's just a lad from Bracknell it turns out added context for the date I got asked to do it last minute and I found found out on the date, I must have been a replacement or second choice. Oh, I see.

When she arrived, she said, you must be Matt. The newspaper gave her a different name, so he must have cancelled last minute, and they just got me to fill in. Oh, I see. So, it wasn't... So, this was all arranged by the paper as like a thing. This wasn't- they happened to go on a date and then they were recounting it after. This was all like-

Oh yeah, yeah, it's all through the Guardian. So of course, sorry, if you didn't listen to the last one, Zardy was going on a blind date with this lady, but it was organized by the Guardian newspaper and he was like six years younger than her. Yeah. They were a bit of a mismatch. They were trying to do the best they could

to do a matchup. Well, I think Zadi was trying his best, but as you'll find out, I'm not so sure that this lady was on the level here,

but you'll see. Overall, the Guardians seemed pretty disorganized and told me they would warn me the day before the article came out,

but they did not. Of course. So it was a big shock when I found out and I read her responses the same time as everyone else. If you remember, she gave him a five out of 10 and she was not impressed. I also did not ask her age on the date. So we both had no idea what age we were until the article was published. Not that I mind dating a very slightly older woman.

No. And I think the date slightly soured about two hours in when she told me she had a child, which she did not mention in the article. I think I was in shock because she did not mention this until near the end. Not that I minded at all. I was just trying to be very conscious about what to say and didn't want to come off as rude. But in reality, I just froze, said nothing, and basically the date was over soon after

that, which is, I reckon, why i got a five out of ten right so there was a bad reaction to that i feel like on dating apps that's like one of the things that is either on your profile or like you you say immediately there's certain things that you know i think that information needs to be shared it is interesting that the age as well wasn't known it's almost more old school natural you know you meet someone you like them you click it doesn't matter that they what age that doesn't matter if they have a child it is like it's very different um to to the modern thing you know it's almost like you already go through a series of filters now before you meet someone and it would be unusual these days to not reveal

that you have a child or or you know because i think it's quite a big thing you know yeah um to to consider taking on you know in a in a partner yeah of course um of course so yeah i can see why zardi was like oh oh yeah you're now you're telling me this, okay. Yeah, a couple hours in is not really the best. I guess it's not an easy one to... Because I mean, you wouldn't want to just turn up, oh, hi there, hi, my name is Brenda. By the way, I have three kids. You could say something like, sorry, I'm a bit late, I was on the phone to my nanny, or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Or my babysitter. You could bring out like, sorry, I'm a bit late. I just had, I was on the phone to my nanny or something like that.

Yeah, yeah. You could bring out casual conversation. But I mean, maybe she just wanted to live the fantasy of no kids. You know, she's got this hot guy. She's like, let's see how we see, you know. She's landed Zadi here. You don't want to fuck that up. Yeah, that's like, maybe she just wanted to rewind herself back.

Imagine you turned up and you were just like, oh, sorry, I'm late. I was just having a really big fight with my son because he doesn't want a new dad he's really i showed him your picture

i tried to convince him but well this i like this sign off um that zadi's mom liked the article so much she bought the newspaper cut the article out and

left it on the coffee table for all the guests to see. No, I framed it in glass. It was a really nice picture. So I can imagine she's like, there's my boy! It was a good picture. It was a good picture. For me, when I saw Zardy and I saw him smiling, it made me smile. It actually filled me with joy, Zardy, to see your smiling face.

A joyful lad, for sure. Yeah, it made me want to have a... Sex with Zardy?...A don't-a-kebab. Oh, a don. To see your smiling face. Yeah. Yeah, it made me want to have a... Sex with Zardy? Oh, I don't have that. No. It made my mouth water. That could be a good song name.

I like the follow up to Sex on the Beach. Sex with Zardy. Yeah. It's a Zardy party. Let's get crazy. So here's an email, this is from Liam. We were talking about guinea pigs, about your guinea pigs. Oh yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Hi, Triforce. Yes, they do eat guinea pigs in Peru, as I ate one there. Yes. I'm also pretty sure I saw them in Bolivia and Ecuador, too. I was curious as to how this exotic cultural delight would taste and ordered it. I was expecting a cut or pieces of guinea pig meat on my plate. But when they brought it out, I felt like an absolute monster.

Now, I'm going to drag a picture into the Discord for you guys to have a look at. This is how they serve guinea pig meat on my plate but when they brought it out i felt like an absolute monster now i'm going to drag a picture into the discord for you guys to have a look at this is how they serve guinea pig yes i know i've seen anyone an idea imagine you took a guinea pig held it by one of its feet and load it into a deep fried it's pretty pretty grim yeah i've seen on a tv show yeah i've seen on a tv show this exact same thing, but just with a stick in its ass. Oh my God. Basically. So you eat it like it's like a corn dog or something. So here you go.

It was served whole. Eyes, pores, organs, everything. Spread across my plate. And as the waiter put it down, he stared directly at my girlfriend for the entire meal. The guinea pig stared at his girlfriend. My advice to sips, on the odd chance he's raising them for their sweet, sweet guinea flesh, don't do it! It tastes like stringy chicken meat and is incredibly tedious to get what little they

offer from their tiny bony bodies. Noted. Thank you very much. Thank you for doing this trip report for us. This was needed. Because I almost made the mistake of raising these things just to eat them. So... Oh, man.

Can you imagine? One day, your kids got in, and they were like, where's Nibbles? Where's Fluffy? Look on the dinner table. Stop, stop. I can't eat your dinner. Why is he so crusty? Oh, man.

Deary me. All right. This is an interesting one. And it really made me laugh at the end unintentionally. All right. Here you go. I'll try to keep it short.

Long time listener, etc. So this brings me to my point. After browsing through a work colleague's social media i saw her have photographs with the yogs cast at a convention and from speaking to her i found out she's just as big a fan as i am so this colleague affectionately known as beans is incredibly funny gorgeous and right up my street oh no and you reading this out would be an incredibly lovely way to ask her out on a date oh from speaking to her i know she listens to you guys and out would be an incredibly lovely way to ask her out on a date.

Oh, from speaking to her. I know she listens to you guys, and I'd be very grateful if you could give this message a read. And I'm happy to keep you updated on any results slash rejection. So beans, if you fancy drink off to work one day, let me know you heard this and let's make plans. If this isn't read out, I'll pluck up the courage and ask her myself. This is from Leighton.

Okay, well, good luck. Let's leave that one. We'll send that one out and see what happens. But there is a follow up comment. P.S. And this is incredible. The balls on this guy. Lewis, I'm available for dating tips anytime you need them.

Wow. You got us to ask her out for you? What if it's his only move? Okay, first you gotta listen to a podcast, okay? And then you gotta find out if you can get your message across on this podcast for the people that read the- that's his only move. That's what his advice is gonna be to you, Lewis. You don't need my advice to sabotage your date, dude.

I will not help. Just do your best. Have there been any updates? I'm just going to call it updates, because it's like date updates. For me, I'm going on a date this weekend. Oh yeah. It took a lot for me to get back onto it, really, because it was killing me a bit.

Yeah, it got you quite down. I noticed you were quite down when I was in Bristol. I could sense there was an ennui. A little ennui? A little, just a soupçon. A soupçon of ennui. I think it's just dating in 2023 is like people are prioritizing their own mental health with it and i understand why because the whole the whole online dating

thing is a it's a mess yeah i'm so glad leighton has met someone in real life that he wants to ask out that's so nice yeah it's nice yeah and it's nice that he in a roundabout way found out that they have similar interests as well. I think that could be helpful. Because the thing is, I feel like if you go on a date with somebody where you know you both share an interest, at least straight away you have something to talk about. So you kind of have nothing to lose, right? Even if you're not super into the person, you could at least just kind of say,

I'll give it a go, you know, an hour or two, coffee, and then we'll have something to chat about. And if it's awkward as hell, I'll just pretend that I'm sick. Indeed. And we could do the heavy lifting for you because it is awkward to invite someone out on a date. But for us, it's not. It's just funny, right? So if you want to invite, ask someone out, or maybe you've got a birthday coming up, send a message to P-Flex.

Send a message to P-Flex. Send a message to P-Flex. He loves this kind of stuff. Make this like a children's broom closet style TV show where we just say happy birthday. And a very happy birthday, sixth birthday to Cindy. Love mom and dad and granny and Popsie. And she's drawn a picture of Gordon the Gopher here.

There's Gordon. Thank you so much, Cindy. Have a great day. She doesn't know that Gordon has actually been deep fried. It's going to be served to her as her birthday cake. And regretfully, there was not much meat on his bones and he did not taste good. Now here's Johnny Briggs. Like a stringy guinea pig.

Maybe they should call them stringy pigs when they're served. Maybe they should. Oh, that's a good idea. That's actually a good idea. That's a good idea. But then they start using it as an alternative for pulled pork. Oh, that's true. Because people like stringy pigs.

I hate pulled pork, honestly. It drives me mad. Stop pulling the pork. Just give it to me as a chop. Give it un-pulled. I don't need it pulled. I'm not a baby. Come on.

No. Really? You don't like it forked? He's like, how do you feel about the duck when they scrape that with a fork? I like that. He's not a baby. I like that. Yeah.

Because they don't smother it in barbecue sauce. Like, I'm not a big fan of just fucking everything being smothered in barbecue sauce. It's like, all I can taste is barbecue sauce. Like, it's just drunk barbecue sauce. It's just daft. Anyway, let's move on. This is a follow-up. We always make that joke with my kids, like, when they put too much ketchup or

something, we always say like, hey, you want some fries with your ketchup? And they always laugh. It's one of my favourites. That is a funny one, though, yeah. It's a classic. You want a bit of toast with that butter? Who's the first person who made that joke? My dad, probably. Your dad. Okay, nice. So, this is another date story. toast with that butter who's the first person who made that joke my dad probably your dad okay nice

oh so this is another date story i've got a date actually well i told this the other day but um let's hear it so i i was chatting with someone on um on hinge and they said they're two truths and a lie where i've won the lottery i'm royalty and i've got a shark right which is great this is a great one right it's a great two truths and like i see these all the time and they're always kind of shit right but these are great because you could very easily have won 10 pounds exactly you could be very distantly related to some foreign realm or have bought some yeah you know bought a laird ship in scotland for 10 pounds and you can and sharks like And sharks, you can have a shark

in any aquarium. I had one when I was a kid, like a little shark. So I like this, right? What is it? Two truths and a lie? Two truths and a lie. So which one do you think is true? Repeat the options again. They had won the lottery and I suspect that they had a shark.

Actually, the lie was that they hadn't won the lottery. So they're royalty. They're royalty, this person I'm chatting to. Oh, my God. Which family? British? Swedish?

French? Well, I haven't got that info. She said, the lottery is a lie. I said, that's interesting because I feel like I won the lottery when you replied to me. You didn't. Did she ever get back to you? Well, she had replied.

So I said, a week later, I sent a message saying, too cheesy. Too cheesy? I wouldn't know I'm vegan. There you go. That's my follow-up. You need help. Do you spend your time doing this? I really do.

I feel like I'm, again, a week later, she does reply. But this is not abnormal. I'm not worried about it. I just feel like the personal trainer all over again. Yes. You need help. Stop sending these awful messages. Stop speaking to people. You're upsetting them. You're upsetting me. Secondhand upsetting. If I'm not doing it for my own pleasure, why am I even bothering? Because you might meet someone you give them

no but I kind of like that I want to meet someone that laughs at that that's true that's true do you mean I mean this is

this is just you being you this is my personal test for whether or not they're actually that's fair have a sense of humour yeah that's fair good luck

anyway I'm enjoying it so I'm i'm messing around all right here's an email this is from james you might remember me from such email you might remember me from other emails such as man fights deer bear hander no you guys seem to love bad dates so here's a terrible one um met a girl online she was a solid eight out of ten facetimed her as is standard for those who've been catfished before and she was beautiful sweet and cute we arranged to meet at richmond station so not far from me i would drive and she would arrive by train i parked up nearby walked to the train

station to meet her upon arriving at the station she was not there but texting her she was adamant that she was then i saw her i stood frozen realizing who it was it was the same person you could just about tell it was the same person, but we'd gone from an 8 out of 10 to a 2 out of 10. Oh no. As I stood arranging my thoughts, she saw me, and ran up, giving me a big hug, and was very friendly, and we started walking back to my car to go to the petting zoo. The whole time, my mouth was talking, but I had no idea what I was saying, my thoughts

were somewhere else, trying to work out how to get out of this situation. Fortunately- Okay, what happened though? How did it become a two? They were just much uglier than the FaceTime had let them. Oh, right. Unfortunately, the car was not far away. I thought, this is it.

It's now or never. If she gets in the car, I'm stuck with her for hours. She went to put her hand on the door and I stopped her and said, I'm sorry, I can't do this. She did not understand. I said, nervously, I can't let you in my car. She'd still didn't understand or thought I was joking. I said, I'm really sorry. You look different to your pictures. I'm going by. And then drove off. For context, this street was extremely busy. She immediately started screaming unintelligibly

and everyone stopped to stare. I ran around to the driver's side, got in and drove straight to the pub. Everyone I tell this story to says I'm an asshole. I agree. I still feel bad to this day. However, I'm not sure what else you're supposed to do in this situation. Any thoughts? That's a tough spot. I do think that is a tough spot. It's a tough spot, but it could have been handled better. What would you have done?

I just want to know. What would you guys have done? I would have probably gone through with it, honestly. Really? Yeah. I would have gone through with it, but thought about what he did the whole time and wishing that I'd done what he did. Look, I think it's perfectly acceptable to just say,

I'm sorry, it's not going to happen and leave. Because how is that worse than the rejection of being rejected online? Is it because you've had to get a train somewhere? Don't be. I get it. I mean, why waste your time going to a pet zoo and they're thinking this is going great. And then you're like, I'm not interested. I think that why waste your time going to a petting zoo and they're thinking, this is going great. And then you're like, I'm not interested.

I think that would be perhaps even more painful. Just nip it in the bud. Bam. Over. Sorry, this isn't going to happen. And leave. I think that's just get it over with. Rip the bag.

Yeah, but I feel like personally, I would go through with it and I would just try just to see, you know, like, okay, fair enough. It's not who you expect. It's not what they look like. What happened here? He FaceTimed her. Like, she can't be that fucking different. Right.

You can't go from an eight to a two. Like, did she have the clown filter on and they were spending the whole FaceTime laughing about it or something? I'm just saying, I think it's a tough spot. I mean, you know, if you're immediately thinking, oh, man, this isn't going to happen. Maybe, I mean, I'm not being funny. oh man, this isn't going to happen. Maybe, I mean, I'm not being funny. Maybe they were much bigger than they appeared on FaceTime. You don't know.

Like it might've just been, this is not my thing at all. I think it's very easy for us to say to people, oh, that's rude. You should absolutely go through with that date. Think how she feels. I get that. But essentially it's also a waste of time. This is not going to happen. Nothing's going to come of this. I'm not interested. Why stick around? You might make a friend

or an acquaintance through it, or something. I feel like I'm up with tips on this. Well, not just burning, I feel like nuking the bridge. But it doesn't have to be, like, you don't have to get anything out of it, or some sort of future, you know future house in the country

with a dog dream. You can just have a nice chat with someone you've just met who you've clicked with, at least from FaceTime. Yeah. Yes, fine. People are interesting. I don't mind talking, I like talking to people. Especially if you do like what Lewis was saying a couple of episodes ago, where

if you have an idea of somewhere in mind that you wanted to go to anyway, you just didn't have anyone to go with, then you can never really lose, right? If the person is not who you expected, at least you still have somebody to go to see an exhibit or to the zoo or whatever with. You know what I mean? It's not a complete waste of time. I'd be more disappointed about missing out the petting zoo. I think that's a very sweet take. And I'm sure that is the right thing to do. I have no doubt. But I'm just saying I understand why you would just ditch.

Oh, I completely understand. And actually, do you know what? I think you're right. Like, this can happen the other way around as well. I think that, you know, sometimes I've met people up and, you know, sometimes they've got, up and sometimes they don't look like their pictures, sometimes in a good way. Sometimes you're like, wow, you're much hotter than your pictures. And other times it's like, oh wow, okay, you smoke. Oh, two hours into the day you told me you have a child. Yeah.

I always feel like with a lot of this stuff like uh it comes back to like treat treating others as you wish to be treated right like uh if somebody did that to me i would it would make me feel like shit like i would just feel like fucking shit and i think that is always in the back of my mind if i'm dealing with other people i always just think okay fine like i could just leave and you know i could probably deal with that but like i'm imagining how i would feel if somebody did that to me and that would usually be enough to sway me not to on on on uh like on a whim do that you know but do you think let's say you go on the date uh and they're really obviously having a great time and think it's going well and you're charming and nice and everything.

And then at the end of it, you're like, well, that didn't work out for me. I'll see you later. Wouldn't you then think that not only did that seem to go well for you, and you were getting excited thinking, oh, maybe this is going to lead somewhere, then the other person doesn't want to talk to you, doesn't want to see you again. Yeah. I think in a way that that would also be painful. It would be.

Because now that good time, you were like, shit, I thought it went so well, and you'd start to doubt way more, was it this one thing I said, or was it something I didn't do? I think it's very difficult. It is. And I personally would rather just know straight up, no. Sure. But I think if you're just a bit casual about it and a bit laid back about it and you don't um set your

expectations too high or and if you're not like overly keen and stuff like i feel like a lot of that stuff people pick up on it and it and it makes the situation worse you know what i mean like yeah i think if you can just kind of go with the flow a bit and and just see naturally what evolves and if nothing does then you know what I mean? You just- Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I suppose. I suppose, yeah. But like, I mean, I always say like to my kids,

like in life, I think it's just a good plan or habit or whatever to have like some sort of backup plan in mind. You know what I mean? Like kids, I think especially have this ability to hype things up to levels that are impossible to meet, especially things that may not even happen. And then they're just devastated when it doesn't happen. wasn't a for sure thing in future you should always have like a backup in mind like if this doesn't work out then you can just say well at least i can just go and do this other thing that i wanted to do or or whatever you know what i mean i think there's a lot of rationalization

a lot of justification a lot you're never gonna have a bad time yeah i agree sims but at the same time like i think that people are frustrated and emotional about this whole thing and kind of annoyed about it and also like everyone experiences it in a slightly different way you know if you're someone who goes on a dating site and you've got all these hits and you're like you know trying to like find someone who's good and people are messaging you and you're messaging loads of people back and forth you're constantly you know it's like when you i get a message on discord or something you know someone will send me a message i'll look at it i think i'll reply in a minute and i don't and drops off the line and i just never reply it's not it's not malicious it's just i've got too

much attention right whereas on the opposite side of things if no one's replying and i'm trying to work on this and i'm like okay why is this person not replying it could be very frustrating it can be so i think you've had like from from both ends of that spectrum right and it depends what your what your experiences are going in and it means that you are sometimes reckless with other people just because that's how these things make you. It's not mean on purpose. No, no. But again, like in a situation like that, if you, for example, reached out to somebody and they haven't gotten back to you, normally what I would do is I would leave it for a bit and then I would do a follow-up just in case you know like you said they were too busy they couldn't reply or whatever just to gauge and then if still nothing then i would just move on i would just leave it like

there's no way i would just keep following up on somebody you know like i think silence says a lot as well right like they're just like if they don't if they're not replying or they don't seem at all interested or whatever like you just, you just leave it and move on. No, I'm, I, I would, I'm never gonna double text someone. You've tried those two jokes. It didn't work. That's the end of it. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna send another one. I feel like some people do though. They just can't, they just can't get past, they can't let it go. And it's just like, like how how much are you going to try to force this thing that already is showing signs of not going

anywhere not working yeah you know what i mean it's like you can't but there's a hundred reasons like where you can't people some some people are all these apps just for for fun like some people are okay there's bots there's people who fake in their age you know there's people who aren't interested in a relationship they just want to see's bots, there's people who are faking their age, you know, there's people who aren't interested in a relationship, they just want to see what's out there. There's people who are in a relationship, but they want to see what's out there. You know, there's all sorts of crazy stuff going on. So you can't get invested. You can't start thinking-

Yeah. I feel like if I used something like that, I would be like that. I would just be pretty loose with it, not take it seriously and just, you know, try to have a fun time or whatever. Yeah. I absolutely wouldn't place like a lot of like faith in the process or anything. I would just hope that every once in a while I could have a chat with somebody that was interesting or whatever.

I think it's all well and good to say say that but sometimes you just don't feel that no sometimes as hard as you work to try and think a certain way about something it doesn't always yeah yeah um well anyway you know james you want you you want to believe yeah yeah james thank you for your email i'm sure everybody's got their own opinions on that james i mean we we get it but i don't know maybe maybe not like the greatest play of all time, but you know. Maybe make an excuse up and say, actually, sorry, I can't do it today, or something. Something a little more gentle than literally fleeing the scene of the crime.

Slamming the door and locking her out. Just slamming the door and running away. Yeah, my tires screeched and everything. Screeching away. All right, this is from Sam. For context, my wife worked in a dodgy vet in the poorer part of a town in Ireland a few years back. I'm keeping the depressing stories out of this, so these are just the funny ones.

Okay. Funny dodgy vet stories. Funny dodgy vet stories. These are actually pretty good. The vet would get expired medication from a pharmacy and resell it as medication for animals. To be fair, it is basically the same stuff a lot of the time, and many people wouldn't have been able to afford the real stuff. Still very illegal, though. And the vet would also self-medicate because he was convinced

he knew better than doctors. A person came in convinced their dog was pregnant. It was a puppy and a male. It was just a small kidney problem that caused the buildup of fluid and was easily treated. A person came in with a pregnant cat. They couldn't figure out how the cat got pregnant because it was an indoor cat. After a lot of questioning, it was figured out that the owner had an unmuted tomcat in the house as well, but thought they wouldn't do anything because they were brother and sister. I love that. Border terriers are regularly brought here and shipped over to California for hunting raccoons.

Apparently, it's used as some sort of status symbol in certain circles to have a real Irish dog even though the dog breed is Scottish, which is utterly bizarre. A small Jack Russell managed to eat an entire thick outdoor doormat, one of those home sweet home doormats. Took many hours of surgery, but he was fine. I had a Jack Russell growing up and I can believe every word of that. They are insane. A regular customer would come in to get their dog's nails cut.

When she was waiting, she would sing. It was horrible singing, and it would get louder the longer she waited. It made them hurry to get her out of the vet. So here's a tip if you're waiting in a queue. Any of those dog food deals like two for one would never get displayed. The vet would sell them normally and pocket the difference. And they have x-rayed at least one person. Not mafia stuff, just people being

dumbasses and didn't want to lose a whole day waiting in a hospital. My goodness. It sounds like a sitcom, this vet. It does, doesn't it? It's crazy. Sam has one request. Please stop calling your pets Bella and Lola. Half the dogs that came in had those names. There you go.

Bella and Lola. Okay. Wow. You're just the most vanilla person if you have a dog called that. Reminds me of a story. Well, not really a story. I was talking to Ravs about this last night for some reason. When I used to work in an off-license, sometimes the stuff went out, got expired, right?

And it would be on expiry for a while. You know, I don't know how long you can sell or how legal it was to expire expired goods. But that would happen often, you know, back in this place. Anyway, after a couple of six months and it still hadn't sold or whatever, I just got to take it home with me. months and it still hadn't sold or whatever i just got to take it home with me and so i ended up one one summer where i had uh all these expired archers aqua which was like the bacardi breezer the sweetest thing you've ever tasted it's like peach snaps and lemonade like disgusting and i had like i spent and there were all these expired cigars um they were again absolutely rank um but i spent one summer uh playing world

of warcraft smoking expired cigars and drinking archers after it was nice it was it was really that sounds like one to remember actually and this is when you had your spiked up bleached blonde hair do you have the frosted tips time he did have the frosted tips on his hair lewis frosted tips brindley usually you coulded tips on his hair. Lewis Frosted Tips Brindley. You could have called your YouTube channel Frosted Tips. Frosted Tips. Oh. Said it in blue Zephos, just thinking.

I could have done. It's not too late. It's not too late. Change it to Frosted Tips. Get them back. Well- Get them tips back. Get your tips out for the lads.

Get your frosted tips ready. That's a good look for the poker. Maybe I could go as my- That could be your poker name. For the lads. Get your frosted tips ready. That's a good look for the poker. Maybe I can go as my young labels. That could be your poker name. You could use that name as a professional darts player as well. They always have, like, wrestler names. Step it up to your key, frosted tips.

Oh, shit. All right, this is an angry email from Ben. Directed at who? Me. Okay. Hyperion, exclamation mark. This is dedicated to the Me. Okay. Uh, Hiperion! This is dedicated to the guy- Wait, he said Hiperion! Yeah.

That doesn't sound angry, that's like, hi, like, that sounds like a- That sounds fine to me. That sounds like a good one. Oh wait, actually, sorry, this is him, sorry, I missed the first line. Hiperion! It's like that, it's like- Yeah, Hiperion! Hi! This is directed at the guy who said we're all pronouncing Maltesers wrong.

Sincerely, fuck yourself. Right. That's like me, a Yankee Doodle apple pie loving American, saying all Brits pronounce garage wrong. Or you're saying that we pronounce lasso incorrectly. How about just saying anyone who speaks differently is wrong? There's no committee for proper English. Now, and there specifically are people who detail proper English.

They write these books called dictionaries. Yes. And there are websites to show you how to pronounce things. And there is a correct way to pronounce things. This idea that you could just, no one's overseeing how we say things. Yes, they are. There are literally people whose job is doing that. Funnily enough, it's the English who invented English.

And garage is like a French word, I doubt it's pronounced garage, it's garage, I'm pretty sure. Le garage. Le garage. But how do you feel about us calling it Paris, but the French calling it Paris? Are we supposed to say it? So I have no problem with that, no no no no. Because the thing is, the place names that we have in our language for other places are not the same as the one that they have. And

that's fine. Yeah. They don't say in London, they say Londre. And they don't say England. They say Angleterre. Yeah, exactly. They have different words. And that's fair enough. It's their language. So I'm not going to step into your language and say, you're saying it wrong. And I don't like it when people do that. Like, I'm sorry if we have an English word for somewhere. You have, whatever your language is, names for our places.

That's how that works. So are you saying that in English, Paris is Paris, and in French, Paris is Paris? Yes. So you're speaking French if you say Paris? Yes, absolutely. And if you're going to dip into proper pronunciation of things when you're speaking English, it does sound a bit fucking odd, because you're like dipping between two languages essentially. Well, but there is also regional dialects of English too.

I mean, lasso or lasso, we don't use lasso commonly in the UK. No, they're very uncommon. No. I say lasso, most people, Americans say lasso, like a lasso. Yeah, I would say lasso as well. I don't know why. I think it's just like a throwback to being a kid. I think we just pronounced it though.

I've always thought of it as lasso. A lasso. No, but in America, it's a lasso. Again, if I'm in America and I say lasso and they're like, what are you talking about? I'd understand. I got a bus in New York one time and I asked the guy for a transfer, which is like a ticket that can transfer to other buses. And he didn't know what word I was using. I had to say, transfer, and then he was like, oh, a transfer. He literally did not know when I said, I need a transfer. That's a regional variation of how it's pronounced. Yeah, oh, transfer. Yeah.

He was like, oh, you want a transfer? You should have said so, no. I was like, all right. But I'm in his country. I'm not going to be a prick about it and be like, actually, it'sare, but the point is, I'm sorry, it is Maltesers. There's a lot of different pronunciations, but Maltesers is not one I've ever heard an alternate pronunciation for. There's no Maltesers, it's ridiculous.

There's like, tomato, tomato, potato, potato, obviously, there's some other ones too in there, I'm sure, but... But even in the UK, some people say bath, some people say bath. Bath. But I'm not going to go up north and say it's bath, actually. There's accents and there's regional pronunciations, but there are some words that are not regional. Some people say scone. Some people say scone.

Does anyone really care? Some people say jif and some people say jif as well. So they're the right way. Some people say tong what instead of tongue yeah tong my dad always said tong it's because it's a derby thing and also it's a leicester thing penguin says really tong instead of tongue oh yeah that is odd it is it's like a midlands thing but there's all these interesting little regional slightly differently yeah it's cool i like it i like i like finding out these things but yeah yeah, Maltesers is just wrong. Yeah, it is.

Because that's a brand name. It's not a regional thing. It's a thing that someone's made. Maltesers. It's like, yeah, Maltesers. Now that we're saying it more often. The mispronunciation. Yeah.

I kind of want to say it like that now. Just to piss people off. Yeah. Yeah, like Microwave. Microwave. My favorite one is saying debris instead of debris that drives people nuts by the way

like I'll say it and I'll look in chat and it's just it is exploding with rage like they're sounds like you're talking about a bris

like the ceremony where they circumcise jewish kids yeah yeah come to debris I gotta go to debris alright someone sent in a triforce mad lib right this is from Yeah, yeah. Come to Debris. I got to go to Debris. All right.

Someone sent in a Triforce Madlib. This is from Eric. Thank you. Eric, thank you. Well, wait. I hold my thanks, actually. Let me hear the Madlib first. Okay, yeah.

Hold this. So we have to type in a bunch of words. I'll ask you for some words, and then he's written a Madlib. I've never done these before, but it's a story, and we fill in the blanks, and hopefully it's funny. So I'll give you guys the prompts. It's going to take a while, but you know, I think it's worth it. We need a hero's name.

I was thinking Zardy, but I'm happy to go with whatever. I'm good with Zardy. Let's go with Zardy. What about- The hero of the moment. He can have our big ups this week as well. What were the dog names that Bella and- No, we'll hold those names.

We might need them. Okay. So then we need pronouns. We need three sets of pronouns. He, she, they, him, her, them, his, her, their. Well, Zari, so let's go he, him, and his. All right. Adjective one.

What's an adjective? I've forgotten. It's a describing word. I had this exact same thing. Adjective describes a noun or pronoun. It can be used to describe the qualities of something. For example, the boy is tall and skinny. Can we go with hairy?

Hairy. We need other adjectives. Greasy. Smiley. These are not all to refer to Zardy. Yes, well, I thought that they were. No, these are just adjectives. Did you just call Zardy greasy?

No, you guys did. That's not's not nice no i just picked a describing word we need more adjectives these are not specifically for zadi all right i mean otherwise i would have put lovely right we're not going to put love or single moist how about put moist in there moist moist whimsical whimsical uhsy. I'm going to put stiff. I love the word stiff. Right. How about cromulent? Cromulent.

What else? We need one more. Cromulent. Yeah. Gentle. Genteel. Genteel. Try that one.

Genteel. Genteel. So we need a verb ending in ed. What are verbs? I've forgotten what verbs are. They are something like where you- Indicates a physical action, like drive, or think, or exist. Drive, yeah.

So something, Ed. What about launched? Dated. Launched. Launched a date. Launched and dated, and then we need one ending in ing. Fucking. Flinging?

Swinging? Swinging? No. Swinging? Shitting. Shitting. All right. Amount of time, e.g. seven days. How long do we want?

I want, I was, seven years popped into my mind. Six minutes. Six minutes. All right. And another one. Twelve minutes. Seven millennia. Seven millennia. Seven millennia.

That's a long time. A shop greg's greg's an article of clothing uh a thong well what about a mankini let's compromise all right mankini yeah let's compromise here and then i need a body part plural the first one toes Toes. Toes, and then another one, also plural. Teeth? I want to say teeth. Teeth, good one. Body part singular. Are teeth a body part? Well, body part singular has to be dangerous. Funny bone. Funny bone. Alright, liquid.

It's got to be semen. Amount of liquid, 10 gallons. Favourite song? Fireflies. You won't believe your eyes, ten million fireflies. We need a swear. Darn. Fiddlesticks.

Fiddlesticks. And a swear ending in ing. I like- cunting is a good one. Cunting works, that's pretty- A rude name to call someone, plural. Bellend. Bellends. Bellends. And a rude name to call someone singular. Bellend. Bellends. Bellends. And a rude name to call someone singular.

Knobhead. Knobhead. All right. This story is called A Holiday to Remember. As the sun rose over the hills and stretched through the windows of the hairy village, the streets began to awaken, as did our hero. Zardi let out a low groan. Fiddlesticks, he said.

He didn't need to look at the greasy calendar on the wall. He knew what day it was. Every year, the townsfolk celebrated Triforce Day to celebrate the three heroes of legend. They were. sticks he said he didn't need to look at the greasy calendar on the wall he knew what day it was every year the townsfolk celebrated triforce day to celebrate the three heroes of legend they were sir period the egg-headed sir sips the many kind and sir zeefos the well-sponsored together they formed the triforce a moist team destined to protect the land for eternity by complaining about all the problems in the land for about an hour a week. Zadi hated Triforce Day. He thought the festivities were absolutely whimsical

and the meaning was completely stiff. Why should I celebrate three bellends who started a punting podcast six minutes ago? That's perfect. That is perfect. Read that again. Why should I celebrate three bellends who started a punting podcast six minutes ago? A little shaken by his own thoughts. He calmed down by thinking of the American justice system and what a completely fair

system of justice it was. With this in his head, Zardy got out of bed, put on a mankini and stepped outside. He was instantly launched with the sounds of the cromulent holiday. Everywhere he looked, people were were shitting old Adele CDs caroling to the tune of Fireflies and watching anime with their toes on their teeth. Zardy sighed, adjusted the mankini

on his funny bone and headed off to Greg's. If he could make it back there and there and back without being jugged, this day might not be too bad after all. About seven millennia into his journey he was jugged with 10 gallons of pure semen he collapsed in a pool of the semen he looked up to see who had reduced him to this wet blob it was none other than actress and model liz hurley noticing the dated expression on his face she helped zadi up and asked what's the? Don't you know what day it is?

Of course I know, Zardy replied. I just don't see why I should care about some genteel podcasters. Oh goodness, Liz Hurley proclaimed. You really don't know what this day is about, do you? Zardy shrugged. Today isn't just about some genteel podcasters. It's about celebrating correct opinions and shunning incorrect ones. For example, if you think the American justice system is fair, you can fuck right off. Certainly Zardy understood. The American justice system wasn't a fair

system of justice at all, and he had been a right knobhead. After some brief reflection, he joined with the anime, watching the fireflies caroling and the Adele CD shitting. Finally Zardy understood, and all it took was a good jugging from Liz Hurley. He skipped down the road with his semen-soaked mankini flapping in the wind. This is going to be a holiday to remember. Oh, my God. Wow. Did you add the Liz Hurley stuff, or was that in the story built in?

Oh, right. Wow. I didn't realize we'd be getting a new bodega today. Yeah, that's pretty much it. It's canon. That's great. Oh, God. These are great.

Mailbag episodes, man. They're just so much better than the regular boy ones. I's canon. It's great. Oh God. These are great. Mailbag episodes, man. They're just so much better than the regular boring ones. I love them. They're fun because we can just kind of read some of this shit and then just talk bollocks about it. I mean, for example, here's one.

Lewis is a time traveler. Right. Very quick. Email was watching episode 170, March 2021. You were all going on about weird website names when Lewis said something that piqued my interest. Lewis said in a passing comment, there's a website called x.com owned by Elon Musk, followed by some sly chuckling. Timestamp was around 1110.

Who'd have guessed that this strange x.com that Lewis had found simply by Googling weird websites would then come to be Twitter around two years later. It's a very good plan. Yeah. Yeah, very good point. Maybe Lulu is a time traveler. Maybe he has traveled through time. Well, Elon's been talking about making something x.com for a long time though. Right.

He tried to change PayPal too, I think. Yeah, I know he did. And X- He wanted to change PayPal to X? Yeah. He's obsessed with it. He's like a teenage boy. X.com.

What can happen though is he can, this is me being a time traveler for the next five years. What he could do is he can have Twitter fail, then buy another business, rename that to x.com and have that fail as well. Yeah, he can do this all day. He could brand all of his businesses that are destined to fail with the X branding. Yeah, he could buy up Greggs. That's the precursor of it. And then just rename that to X. I mean, you can't even

retweet on on x.com you repost so he took a word that had been literally put into the english language to tweet and to retweet and he was like i don't need that kind of branding the man's a clown well you wouldn't do that that would be like buying coca-cola and deciding to rename it brown drink it's brown drink It's just laughable. It is laughable. Do you remember, this is another email, we were talking about Range Rovers and how they're the most broken into cars in London. It's very hard to get insurance. Yeah, I remember this conversation.

Okay. So here we go. This is from Dave. Period! Another exclamation mark. Here are my credentials. I appreciate this. This man is straightforward. He's to the point. I'm based in the UK, senior engineer in major car manufacturing. Most of my career was in mechanical engineering and manufacturing, but a few years ago, switched across to our service division,

which deals with how to electronically communicate with vehicles. This is the perfect voice for this person. Yes. By the way. The reason why Range Rovers are stolen is because they have an incredibly easy to exploit security flaw. I will detail at the end of of this email i'm not sure you actually want to share

this kind of information on the podcast but i did want to give you a clickbait title without actually telling you uh some other vehicles have the same flaw but range rovers high price point in particular way their wiring is designed make these the most sought after targets for thieves normally thieves prefer to steal fast cars so they can get away from the police with them audis notes have been fast relatively value, reasonably easy to break into. Range Rovers are a slower vehicle than the average thief would like to steal, but they're so easy to break into and make so much money that many can't keep themselves away. To that point, many of us in the automotive industry are up in arms over the carbicity epidemic we find ourselves in.

Cars are getting bigger, more polluting, even the electric ones, less efficient and slower. Why? Yes. Because the public have been brainwashed into some kind of road-based arms race where they all want

bigger SUV-style cars. Yes. These cars cost almost exactly the same to design and produce as normal small passenger vehicles, but we can charge

four times the price of them and people will happily buy them. Seriously, people need to stop buying cars that cost more to run, perform worse, and are more dangerous on the road.

Just so that you show off their ugly 4x4 on Instagram. Anyway, I could rant much more on that subject, but in respect of your time, I'll now tell you how to actually steal a Range Rover. And he does then detail how to steal a Range Rover. I'm not going to read that out. Holy crap.

My driveway is going to be filled with Range Rovers by the end of this thing. I cannot wait. Essentially, it's an electronic interfacing tool that you can apparently purchase very easily that allows you to steal them. Oh, right. I'm not going to give people any specifics.

It's like, because I got a new remote for my soundbar because I lost it, and it was just like, I was like, oh, right, you could just use a generic one. This is opening a new chapter in my car theft journey. When you said that you had your new remote for your sound bar i thought you said you you clicked it in a range rover turned up in your driveway yeah you just heard it outside all right here we go lewis this is a question for you uh last year

on pickaxe week last year no this wasn't last year i think he means last month no no last year we did one too we did one last year did we yeah but we definitely joked about taking Lewis to a strip club for his 40th birthday. Last year. Was it last year? Yeah, it would have been last year. Lewis, have you mentally prepared for the night of your life with the two best wingmen? And are you still going to a northern shithole for it as you said? Lewis, your birthday's soon, isn't it?

It is. It's in, um, probably by the time this podcast goes out I'll be 40 well when I'm down for jingle jam we're gonna go hit the stripper alright we'll get down there son it'll be late I'm not gonna say who but there's some lads in the yachts who have been

I've recently found out have been drunkenly hit in the strip club and I was shocked when I found out I i found out of this myself and i haven't been to bristol in years and i'm hearing the editors editors bleed the names but lewis tell me who it is why does that surprise you who else would it be jesus christ all right hi triforce i wish to remain anonymous and sorry for the lengthy email.

Okay. I tried cutting it down. I've been working as a police... No problem, Doreen. I've been working as a police officer for the past six years, seeing and experiencing some interesting things.

Recently, we arrested a man for being aggressive slash racist toward a bus driver in a nearby pub. On the way back to the sergeant's custody room, we have to keep an eye on the prisoner

to ensure he's okay, didn't try anything to escape or harm himself. For the life of him, this guy would not shut up, screaming, calling us names, informing my partner and I that we had tiny penises, before revealing his own especially small penis and proceeding to play with it. When we finally arrived at the police station, opening the rear prison section of the car showed how creative he'd become, smearing his excrement, decorating the insides, and butt naked in the middle of an extremely vicious wank. Unfortunately, this happens much more often than you would think. Jesus Christ.

Question. If you were in a wrestling match with someone or held hostage, what distraction or defensive instinct would you come up with to escape? Thank you. Can I just say this though this person who has done this will be let out at some point surely they could just take pictures of that scene or maybe even videotape what's happened in the back of that truck and take that to the parole hearing in case there's any doubt in anyone's mind like what this person is

capable of because i think that's crazy like i don't want that person back on the streets i think somebody who's doing that is is insane like the american justice system this is the uk crackdown this is the uk that is wild i like that that is just insane like to to to be i don't know how you get to that point in your life where that that's what you're doing you like even even to come up with that in the first place is a hell of a drug fuck me man like that is really worrying behavior though these guys aren't getting locked up ever i guarantee you they're not getting locked up and i'll tell you how i know that because there was an article today i'm one of them because i walk the streets

fucking hell because this story's about me here's this is uh this is a pretty dark story but this is this has come out today this is a legal story convicted rapists and burglars will be temporarily spared jail from next week after judges were told that the country's prisons are full that is happening in the uk now because apparently the prisons are just overflowing so they are not locking a guy like this up our justice system is in such a fucking terrible state let's just get a volcano to chuck some of these guys just volcano them yeah just chuck a few of them in every couple days it's like if it's like when the sewage overflows it it all gets pumped into the sea. We need a prisoner pipe. I'm pretty sure we've talked about that before.

I don't care specifically what they do, but do not let those guys out again. They cannot. They're not allowed. They cannot function. They're not getting locked up. That's just the way it is. There's a big difference between those two kinds of criminal, though. I agree.

But I'm just saying, these guys are- they're not getting locked up. So they're not gonna lock up Mr. Smear-shit on a police car. You'll probably get a fine and some kind of community order or whatever. Can you just leave them in the back of that van for a couple hours, just to sort of say like, you've made your bed, now it's time to lie in it? Bring back the stocks, I say. Get someone in the stocks. How do you feel like, appropriate in the stock how do you feel like

appropriate like how do you feel about like imagine a sort of prison right for burglars only where all their stuff gets nicked you know all the time like they have like it's like a setup i think that is just prison yes that's the thing though you're like most people are like yeah i hope they i hope they go in and and the same. Yeah, it does. That's prison. Because most of them are animals, and that's how they live in there. I don't know. They fucking kill each other.

We're fascinating. I have a much rosier outlook than you do. All right, well, let me tell you something. This is from Dan, all right? This lad works in the Australian prison system. Follow up email, okay? Works as a private contractor within the prison system in Australia. The company he works for takes prisoners to court-

I'm bracing myself for some misery here. Indeed. And to appointments and stuff, guardsmen, hospitals. So he's not actually in the prison. Right. It's more like logistics, like taking them to court. Yeah, so taking them hither and thither. Yeah, sure. Yeah. So here are some stories from- they get a lot of these stories from the prisoners and from the guards, I guess. A fire was started in one of the cell blocks recently they do this by sticking a mattress up against a wall and they jam metal into the power point that they have in this in the cell so it sparks and the

mattress catches fire smoke everywhere and they do that to cover a bashing happening in an adjacent unit so when all the guards run to put out the fire someone's getting clobbered in the next unit um i've been to a maximum security to collect a prisoner once to take to an appointment. The tiny cell with a concrete bed, a thin foam mattress, toilet sink, blanket, a skylight. That's it. And maybe a TV recessed in a wall behind Perspex. So they might, I mean, that's literally all you get in max security. The main reason I'm typing this was to explain something called bronzing. Do you know what bronzing is? Good grief.

I assume it's all the people I've seen on Instagram with that makeup. Yeah, well, this is the prison version of that. People cover themselves in a combination of piss and shit, thinking the guards will leave them alone. This is called bronzing. Instead, it just makes the guards really angry, they dress up in full stormtrooper garb and riot shields and pound the fuck out of them. Jesus Christ.

What is this fucking world that we live in? It is insane. It is insane. How is this happening? It wild absolutely wild god all right lewis and i guess sibs but i remember your specific term uh lewis this was about what you put relationships the wrong way around when it comes to age difference which is an older woman and a younger fellow um figured i'd write this because this is right up my alley. My fiance and I met while I was working at a diner.

I was 19, she was a customer, aged 28. We have been together for eight years now. We're about to welcome our first child, named Christoph. Named after the actor, Christoph Waltz. Sorry, congratulations. Three weeks ago. As a younger man- I was also named after him there you go

i've always been attracted to older women my time dating women at the age of 19 was not a great experience and i found older women more mature they know what they want and they don't toy with you at least in my experience also my parents have a 10-year age gap the correct way quote unquote so wait a second wait a second he's saying that an older woman knows what they want yeah that what if you're what if you're as i am 40 and what if i was dating a 28 year old woman who by your definition is an older woman who knows what she wants right hmm but she knows what she wants relative to a 19 year old-old. Right. And I think most women, by the time they get to, most people, really, by the time they get to their late 20s, early 30s, are pretty much now, they're mature.

They've been around a bit. They know what they want. And they've experienced some good and some bad. What does a 19-year-old know? Like, no offense to any 19-year-olds out there. No. A 19-year-old, okay, more specifically, what does a 19-year-old guy know? Because most guys don't really progress much after the age of like 14, right?

Yeah. Like their mentality towards things and everything. I'd say once you get a little older, you start to mature a bit. But yeah, young men in particular, we're idiots. Like I was a complete moron when I was 19. I still am. I still am. Yeah, but imagine how stupid I am now.

Imagine me now at 19 i was unbearably stupid oh my god i was fucking more insufferable than i am now yeah like i actually think this is great um and i don't have a problem with it i think that it's just unusual it is i think women tend to date up or at least a little can do around their age whereas men tend to date a bit further down like it just is like that um in our society so it is it is less common right i'm not saying it's weird i'm just saying it's less common so here's my question why then did you refer to it as the wrong way around instinctively well because lizardi was 26 right yeah she was 32 probably there's a lot more there's a lot

I think this is recent I mean I did so I did have an email so I'll help you out a tiny bit I did have an email from someone pointing out that one of the main reasons this is from a woman saying that yes when women get older obviously they tend to be thinking about kids and stuff like that I mean that woman that Zadi met had a child so if you're

in your 20s, your early 20s, or you're 19 as a young lad, maybe you're not ready to have kids at the same time as they are. That I think is why it's okay to say it's the wrong way around. Because by the usual pattern that relationships take, she's going to be thinking about babies while you're just thinking about going clubbing because you're 22 and maybe she's 32. That I think was your point. The other way around, I guess, would be Sadi dating an 18 year old, whatever, or whatever, six years, 20 year old, which again is not ideal. Which I guess just shows how much the age gap is at that. It's more exaggerated at that younger age. But also the alternative would be she's 32 the

other she could be dating a 38 year old guy that seems more normal i guess to to be a be someone who would would take over as a stepdad almost in that which is kind of what you would be doing if you were in a relationship with this person for any amount of time i'm just thinking right now how amazing it would be if zardi not only to the one person he dated but to everyone he ever came into contact with uh did this thing where he was like do you have children and they're like yes too and he would always just turn around say they are now known as zardi he forces every person to rename their children Zardi. To Zardi.

Oh my God. That would be so funny. That would be so good. It's kind of gender neutral. It could be a girl or a boy's name. They are now Zardi. They are now Zardi. You have to do it in a sort of mystical way as well.

Yes, they are now Zardi. You don't even know if it's a name or it's a stage of being. Yeah. Oh my God. It could be like loved one. You don't even know if it's a name Or it's a stage of being Yeah oh my god It could mean like loved one It'd be like a little bit like Papa Lazarus From League of Gentlemen Oh you're my wife now Fuck me

You are Zod You are Zoddy now Both of you You're all Zoddy I have some pigs Belonging to you Both of you. Both of your time. You're all Zoddy. I have some pigs belonging to you. Hello, Dave. I love that.

I love that. Hello, Dave. It's so fucking weird. Holy shit. So I watched an interview about where Papa Lazarus came from. And it's because their landlord, his last name was Mr. Papa Lazarus. That was his name. Yeah. It's like a Greek.

Yeah. So he would call up and whenever one of them would answer, he would always say, is that Dave? He'd say, no, no, this is Reece. He goes, Dave there. He goes, I talked to Dave, please. Like he only wanted to talk to one of them. They did that impression just to amuse themselves.

And they thought, actually, there's a character here. Like that's so funny. All right. Last one. Last one. This is an email for you, sis. Hello, Dave. amuse themselves. And they thought, actually, there's a character here. Like, that's so funny. All right, last one, last one. This is an email for you, sis. Hello, Dave. Sorry, no, this is not Dave. Dave there. No, Dave's not there. Get Dave, please. It's fucking so good. All right, this is a request. This is from February. Sips mentioned his son was watching

a new remake of Fraggle Rock. To the surprise of all present, Lewis reminisces about a rude version of the Fraggle Rock theme he used to sing at school. That's right. Beginning, down at Fraggle Rock, grab a Fraggle, buy his cock, swing him in the air, and then you said, I know all the rest of it. But then the topic moved on. So sorry, this is Lewis. If you could tell us the lyrics to the rude version of Down at Fraggle Rock, we could

end on a song. Caught with your pants down once again, Brindley. He doesn't tell us the lyrics to the rude version of down at Fraggle Rock, we could end on a song. Caught with your pants down once again, Brindley. He doesn't even know the lyrics at all. He only knows that first part. Well, it was- Now he's furiously Googling the lyrics. No, it's different. It's different for everyone. That's the point. All right. All right. I have found a version of it.

There's tons of these versions. Yeah, yeah. I just Googled it. There's tons of these versions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just googled it. Grab a Fraggle by the cock, swing him around your head. Now the Fraggle's dead. Grab another one. Shove a chainsaw up its bum. Turn the chainsaw on.

Now the Fraggle's gone. What? I know. Jesus Christ. Oh, Fraggles are so silly. To kill them, you just rip off their willy. Down in Fraggle Rock. Good God.

Kids are so disgusting aren't they I was really hoping you could sing us out there but it's not today I was looking forward to it as well you didn't know the lyrics well I mean again everyone

remembers it differently it's one of these things it's like saying tongue I want to hear your version. We've spoken about regional dialects and variations in pronunciation. Regional variations in the Fraggle Roll songs are obviously a thing. So hit us up. Yeah, thank you. Let us know what your version is.

I'm asking you, but sure. What? He's trying to get out of it. No, no. Fine. Podcast over. That was great. A great podcast. That was a really good one. One of the best Fine. Podcast over. That was great. A great podcast.

That was a really good one. One of the best ones. A lot of ups and downs. A lot of ups and downs. I think it's one of the- I think I laughed more this podcast than almost every other one combined. We'll probably get emails saying this was the worst one we've ever done. No, come on.

A lot of backtracking. I'm always on tenterhooks about things that I've said that were a bit like spicy like what? just a couple of quick mailbag requests first of all if people can remember to put Triforce in the subject line somewhere anywhere that would be great stop sending explanations for why Sips had that missing patch

on his leg after the operation we've covered it I've had like 15 emails about it you're all saying the same thing please stop it's like an unsolved mysteries episode and that's it that's it

it is solved it's a solved mysteries episode the hip show thank you for all the emails keep them coming love it

thank you see you guys next time bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye