Triforce! - Triforce! Mailbag Special #36: Draining the Sack

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

Triforce Mailbag Special 36! Flax reviews some ancient and missed mails as we try to drain the sack! One of the guys got spotted in LA gyrating at a concert, we create our own tier list of "stuff" and we give advice to the constant losers of the board game world! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe Well hello there, welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Boy is it good to be back. Not reading those emails. How are you doing P-Flax? Feeling good? Do you realise, P-Flax? You doing good? Do you realize the Olympics has basically started? When is it tomorrow, right?

It's the first day. The opening ceremony is tomorrow, but they have day minus two, day minus one and day zero. Today, for some reason, women's handball. Yesterday, men's football. And Snoop Dogg is going to be carrying the torch through Saint Denis. Why? He's not French, is he? I don't know. Snoop? Yes. Le Snoop Dogg is going to be carrying the torch through Saint Denis. Why? He's not French, is he?

I don't know. Snoop? Yes. Le Snoop? Le Snoop? Well, I mean, I haven't heard anything about it. I didn't even know it was in Paris until right now. They kept it quiet.

I think we had the Euros, and we've got all this political news, so the Olympics kinda just slid in there, and... There was that joke a little while ago about how they're sending a bunch of the Met over to help police Paris. Oh, really? Yeah. And the joke at the time was, this is leading up to the Olympics, it said, finally the streets of London will be safe for women once again. It's like a load of them are gonna be deployed overseas.

Oh. A grand joke. I've translated the lyrics to Ain't Nothing But A G Thing into French. And remember it starts one, two, three, and to the four, and in French it's e, deux, trois, jusqu'à quatre. Toi jusque quatre, the doggy dog and the doctor Dre are at the door They're making an entrance to their home Because all these dogs are on the verge of tearing everything up Which is how you say because you know we're about to rip shit up

What a mouthful Oh yeah, well, you know, they're spitting rhymes, literally Well, give me the microphone first so I can bust like a bubble Is, give me the microphone first so I can bust like a bubble, is... Donnez-moi d'abord le micro, pour que je puisse éclater comme un boulet. Calm down. Calm down, Frenchies. Well, they have to... they probably have to reword it to make it fit nicer. No, this is just Google Translate.

Yeah, exactly. I'm sure it would be snappier in French. That's a little French rap. Translate it into German now. This is my favorite. This is the line, ain't nothing but a G thing baby is, Il n'y a rien d'autre qu'un G, baby. ALICE Baby.

JUSTIN I love that. ALICE Quelque chose G, baby. and Dr. Reiss and on the tour. Right for on the Auftritt also wirhok denn du weißt, wir werden greg alles aufmischen. Gib mir soest das Mikrofon, denn ich platzen kann wie ein Seifenblas.

Chonton und Long Beach zusammen selbst weißt du, dass du in Schwierigkeiten bist. Das ist nichts als eine. Jesus, baby. Now you know that you're in trouble! That's nothing but a shot, baby! And that's extra from as real deal Holyfield. Stop it. So, you know that awful picture, you know the picture of Hitler, right, that commo... You know Hitler, right?

Yeah, I know him, yeah. Familiar with his work. You know that picture of Hitler? Hey, he's a painter! The painter! The picture of Hitler with the comb over. Like the classic Hitler picture. That's him, yeah.

Every picture of him, basically, yes. The one in like, the... The very severe comb over. Like, the classic Hitler picture. That's him, yeah. Every picture of him, basically, yes. The one in like, the... The very severe comb over... Wait, post it. This is a bad idea. Yeah, he posted it in the Discord. This one. Oh my lord. Oh yeah, looking very serious, yeah. Okay, so what with the comb over? Now, I was getting a haircut yesterday, and... Did you take this in with you? I'd like that please! I don't wanna look just like this! That's such a good prank idea.

That is such a good prank idea. Oh my god. I'm wondering, there will be some people that won't recognize me. I imagine they tried to make you look exactly like this, but you weren't wearing a shirt and a tie at the time, and they used, like, the clippings from your hair to fashion a shirt and tie just to match the picture. Oh, crap.

You know what, I'm not kidding, there will be a decent chunk of people who you will show that picture to, and they won't even blink. They'll be like, oh yeah, sure. I guarantee you, a decent chunk of people have no idea who Hitler is. Honestly, yeah. You'd show it to people and they'd be like, who the fuck is that boomer? Who's the fuckin' boomer? The boomer is you!

Who's the fuckin that boomer? Who's the fucking boomer in the fucking white picture? Who's the fucking boomer? Is that your grandpa? So, no, I sat down on the chair, you know, and they sort of always brush your hair in like strange ways. Well, sometimes they do hairdressers, like, they... I haven't had a haircut in ages, so my hair's getting a bit long. And he did, he literally put my hair in this style, and I've got a moustache, and

I looked in the mirror and I was like, fuck me! Look like Hitler! ALICE He's giving me the Hitler. ALICE I didn't say anything, thank god, I didn't mention it, I just, y'know, and then like, he put it in like a centre parting, that looked even weirder, y'know, I think he was just messing around, just, I think he's just judging how long my hair is. ALICE Maybe it was just some R&D. Maybe he was doing an R&D sesh on you.

Yeah. I just got, I got like Hitler shocked. Hitler jumpscared in front of me. And it was me! Oh. I'm the Hitler. Yeah. Well I think it's cause I'm...

You look over and there's me getting the Himmler in the next chair over... Booth just saw me post this, and she posted a monkah, hmm, she's like, why is Lewis posting this? It makes sense in context. The context is, this is Lewis's hero. Yo, I read a book by this guy! This is by a man called Adolf Hitler, have you ever heard of him? He was talking about his camp.

Yeah, talking about his camp. Apparently he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he This biomanic, Adolf Hitler, have you ever heard of him? He was talking about his camp.

Yeah, talking about his camp. Apparently the Jews are to blame for everything in Europe. Did you guys know that? It's, you know, some people's Virginia when they think it now. It never went away, and it never will. Anti-Semitism in Europe runs deep. Runs very deep. I mean, that's nearly the hundredth anniversary of Mein Kampf.

That is not even the beginning. People think of that as the beginning of antisemitism in Europe. If you go to the Jewish Museum in Camden, which I would recommend, they had a thing there about the history of antisemitism in Europe that goes back a very very long way, like a thousand years. I know. It's crazy. The Germans think they invented it, but trust me. They didn't. We've been doing it for a thousand years. I know. It's crazy. The Germans think they invented it, but trust me.

They didn't. This isn't... We've been doing it for hundreds of years. It's a very old track. Yes. I read a book about conspiracy theories, and I think I might have even talked about it on this podcast, but the one that I heard about this was during, like, the Crusader times, this Crusader had to borrow a load of money to go on campaign, it was one of

those Crusades that was terribly unsuccessful, and he came back and he was bankrupt. But he somehow managed to blame the local Jewish community for it, you know, because people were sort of... these are strange people living on their own, they've got their own... they worship the devil... Yeah, they're not even Christians! They abduct... he managed to frame one of them for abducting a child. Well! They do that shit all the time. But this was a thousand years ago.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's any other group that is, like, specifically different, especially with a different religion, forever, that's been a thing. I'm sure you could go back to caveman times, and they worshipped a tree, and these other guys worshipped the sun, as well as fucking the sun worshipping bastards, you know, it's easy. Suddenly you've got a... even if you just dislike them, this gives you an added reason to get people behind your cause.

Cause they also hate them for that reason. I mean, this is alive and well in America as well. It's everywhere. It's everywhere. Oh, for sure. It's so crazy that this is the most persistent persecution of a group in history, isn't it? No, apparently the first clear examples. Third century BCE in Alexandria.

Going back to the old school ways, when the BCE Alexandria, a lot of Greeks hated him too. So, yeah. ALICE I mean, Jesus, he was the original Jew, and they hated him, didn't they? ALICE This is BC. They bloody hung him up. ALICE So you're talking hate...

RILEY They bloody hung him up, didn't they? ALICE You're talking... RILEY Jesus, fella! Strung him right up! ALICE You're talking hate BC. Because I thought the big source of hate came AD. But BC was when it started to kick off. JUSTIN The revolt of the Maccabees.

ALICE Shit. JUSTIN Read about that? The Maccabees. There's a whole bunch of history to it, anyway. ALICE I appreciate that you thought, potentially, that I might have known about that, but... JUSTIN I like to give people credit. ALICE I have heard of it.

ALICE I feel like that is a veiled compliment. ALICE Is it a book of the Bible? JUSTIN No, they were like a bunch of lads. You can read all about it, anyway, it's a pretty deep cut for a podcast. We're not a political or history podcast. ALICE No. We really are not. JUSTIN Let's just stick to making fun of each other for getting Hitler haircuts, I think is...

It is a book! Actually, One Macabeast is a book. HILLER HAIRCUT! HILLER HAIRCUT! HE LOOKS LIKE HILLER! Oh, it is, One Macabeast. It's a deuterocanonical book. Yeah, how about that.

So it's like a book that isn't in the... is it not in the actual Bible, like the Old Testament? Do they call that the Apocrypha or something? There's tons of extra texts and stuff that didn't make it into the main. All the behind the scenes bits. So there's a whole bunch of books that never made it. New Testament Apocrypha. There's a list of... The list of 60, dating to around the 7th century, lists the 60 books of the Bible.

The Unknown Author also lists many apocryphal books that are not included. They are Adam, Enoch, Lamech, Twelve Patriarchs, Prayer of Joseph, Eldad and Modad, Testament of Moses, The Assumption of Moses, The Psalms of Solomon, and then you've got The Apocalypse of Elijah! It's like fanfic. It is. It's like OG biblical fanfic. It's like some priests were like big fans and they were like, man, I'm gonna write my own little bit of Bible. This one's, listen to this. The Didascalia...

I ship Moses and Jebediah. Of polycarp! The Didascalia of polycarp? Isn't that a Pokemon? Polycarp. Oh. Probably. Oh, he was a bishop of Smyrna.

AD69. Smyrna. I love these old, tiny words. You know? I'm sure Smyrna's still knocking about, yeah. AD69. I love these old, tiny words. You know? I'm sure Smyrna's still knocking about. Yeah. It was an ancient Greek city located at a strategic point on the Aegean coast of Anatolia.

Oh. Interesting. Real place. I guess a lot of the stuff in the Bible was based on real places. That was all very kind of... A lot of places didn't exist a couple hundred years later. Yeah. I remember when I did RE in school, whenever we had a quiz, because I never revised RE, I would always just put, for every answer, either Jesus or Antioch. Because it was always

either gonna be a person or a place. And Antioch comes up a lot. How did you fare in RE? Very, very poorly. I got a lot of detentions. Wow. You just bosh down Jesus or Antioch. Who, on the third of Galilee, went to Antioch? Was it fucking Jesus? No, it was not Jesus.

Oh. Right. If it wasn't Jesus, does it matter? Yeah, who cares? Do we need to know? Sir, I only care about what Jesus did. By the way, do you know that Noah is, like, the most, well, the most popular little boy's names at the moment, like, for babies, like, it's, I think it's number one or number two, in

the UK. Really? Everyone is calling their kid Noah. Right. And I just can't, like, really... To that I say, Noah's out there listening to this. I've never heard the whole Noah way. I was never naming a child Noah.

I was gonna say, the Noah's out there listening to this are clenching up, waiting for Lewis to either humble them, or praise them. Slam them hard. He's gonna slam them hard. It's just such a big, um, he's like the second most famous name in... by Jesus, isn't he? Aw, I don't think so. Moses is a pretty big name. Noah, Moses, and...

I think Judas is right up there as well. But no one's called their kid Moses, is it? No. Yeah! How many Moseses are there? I think it's a popular footballer name, isn't it? Well there's a guy called Moses Moody, he's a basketball player, plays for Golden State Warriors. By the way, that is a fucking great name for a team.

What? The Golden State Warriors. Yeah. Oh yeah. It's very spousal, really. It sounds way better than it probably actually is. If that was a faction you could play in Rome Total War, I would not be supplied. So what is the Golden State?

Is that because of the Gold Rush? The Golden State is California. Oh really? California knows how to party! I'm gonna Google translate that into French. California also hosted the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, the 19... I wanna say 1990 NHL expansion team, the NHL... The Anaheim Mighty Ducks, and I think they just got turned into the Ducks at one point,

and maybe they're not even the Ducks anymore? LIAM Californiain! Weiss wie man feiert! Not quite a song. Everything is... we're just looping back around to some sort of Hitler situation again. It's just cause that voice you do is so... like, podium voice. Well, the German voice. Yeah. It's passionate.

I do apologise to German listeners. It is hard to do a funny German accent without just devolving into a bit of a Hitler speech. It's just, he was the G, he was the OG of speaking German, you know what I mean? It's so heartfelt. It is very heartfelt, yeah. I think that's why people love it so much. We get a lot of mail about how much people love to hear Flax's German accent. Oh.

And accents in general, there was a lot of accolade for your Biden, and a lot of accolade for your Trump. People liked my Trump? The Biden one was really fucking good. And your Biden. He stepped down now. I'm stepping down. I'm going back.

I'm stepping down. And I don't wanna fight against that alley cat anymore, I'm going back. To Oklahoma, maybe Mississippi. Where I grew up up as a young black woman. I'm doing my best. I love him. He's such a likeable kid. Oh, Sean! I could just listen to you do that all day! I could too! I love it! It's so good!

Oh man, it's great. That's great. The Trump one is really hard to do, because he's so specific. You know what I mean? He has such a specific voice, and everybody's so familiar with it. If you're off slightly, people can't do it. You know, do you know, people talk about the Christopher Walken impression that everyone does? I was shocked, couldn't believe it, I came out, you know, that kind of thing.

It's the cadence. It's the cadence of talking, like Christopher Walken, he's got this New York accent, then he pauses for dramatic effect, you know, like that. Everyone does it. But, it's an impression of an impression. Because everybody knows, it's like the language of impersonations, people do that Walken, but the best one, I can't remember the actor's name, he's like a comic actor, Kevin something?

I'll look, hold on. Uh... KM Kevin Hart? JUSTIN No, no, no, no. Um, it is... KM Kevin McAlester? JUSTIN Kevin Pollack. Kevin Pollack.

He did a Christopher Walken before most people were doing Christopher Walken impressions, and his is so good, that everyone just does his impression. KM Oh, I see. RILEY But the thing is, it's like, if you listen to Christopher Walken, take his appearance in Pulp Fiction where he's like, five long years I hid that watch up my ass, you know, that scene. Great scene. But he's not like, five long years I hid that watch up my ass, you know, and he's not doing that excessive walken.

ALICE I see. Yeah, yeah. He just naturally sort of... It's like a caricature, exaggerated. Sometimes you have to have that in order for it to... Right, but that's the thing, but with Trump you don't. That is just the way he talks. Plus he's already at the high hundred percent.

He's already at that maximal Trump level. I liked Eddie Murphy's impersonations, he did some really funny ones too. Yeah, he was great. If you look at, there's a really famous sketch he did called Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood, I think it's called. Yeah, on Saturday Night Live. He did it again when he came back after like 25 years or whatever. An update.

And it's like, Mr. Rogers, if he was black, in a black neighborhood. It's really good. A lot of the stuff, I think, with SNL, sometimes it feels like comedy that, because I watch a lot of it on YouTube, a lot of the sort of sketches and stuff like that. Sometimes they're at their best when they allow themselves to be sort of surreal and a bit weird. Yeah. Do you ever see the Eddie Murphy where he's being James Brown and he's singing about his

hot tub on Saturday Night Live? That's a good one. I haven't seen that one. And the Little Rascals one where Buckwheat sings. and he's singing about his hot tub on Saturday Night Live. That's a good one. I haven't seen that one. And the Little Rascals one where Buckwheat sings, Eddie Murphy doing Buckwheat sings is pretty funny as well. But it's like, he was huge. He basically saved that show.

He was huge when he came off Saturday Night Live. But it's funny the thing, I look at the cast now and the sort of humor that they're doing now and it seems so safe a lot of the time. It's really to think I look at the cast now and the sort of humor that they're doing now, and it seems so safe a lot of the time. It's really safe humor. And I think they've lost any edge they ever had is gone. I mean, Norm MacDonald was really quite edgy on the show. And he got booted.

And it's like, you've got to have that edge because comedy without an edge is just like music. His weekend update compilations are incredible. Especially the... He was a little obsessed with two things, though. The OJ stuff was so funny. Yeah. It was like constant OJ jokes.

It was such a cultural thing in America, this OJ joke. It was huge, yeah. It really was, like... Yeah. It was too much. It was kind of the start of, like, 24-7 news and stuff too, because before that you never really had any channels completely devoted to it, but with the OJ stuff, I think they started it and they saw that people wanted to just watch the same thing, like people were tuning in to check

it out and stuff, and that was kind of like know, like these 24-7 news ticker channels. And- That's so bad. I hate them. I hate them. Cause the thing is that it's like reporting live is not, for me, really the way it should be done for a lot of things. Because, if you report on what you know now, that's the story.

And then you're playing catch up with the details later. Yes. It's true. And what you should be doing is reporting the story when you have it, not just, something's just happened, let's wildly speculate about it, live on air, for the next 17 hours, and then we'll be like, ah, and when new development, it turns out, blah blah blah. Well this is where a lot of these conspiracy theories come from, actually. They spawn out of these situations where people don't know what's going on, or have heard misinformation, or have heard conflicting information, and

then the conspiracy theorists latch onto that news report where they're like, these early reports said there were two explosions! You know, why are they only telling us there's one now? I mean, do you remember the 7-7 bombings in London? I don't wanna get dark here, but do you guys remember that? Yeah. So, when that happened, the news was reporting on it constantly, and I was at work actually when it happened, because it was in the morning that it happened, and we were

trying to follow the news we had the TV on in the office and we're following it all. ALICE So yeah, it's kind of a British 9-11. JUSTIN Yeah, so it was the Tube bomb, a series of bombings, guys went on the Tube with bombs, homemade bombs, detonate themselves, either on buses or on train carriages, killed a bunch of people. Terrible, right? Terrible. Killed about 50 people. Yeah, and the phone networks shut down. By the time it was like, you know, it was like, reported on as if, I think, the press were very hungry for it to be this new 9-11 type thing. The money that they'd made from

9-11, you know, on the TV and the news, they were, you know, they're like, this is it, everyone on deck, let's... because they're for profit, right? A lot of press outlets. And they cover it relentlessly, like vultures. Yeah. I think there is an element of that for sure. But so, when it happened, the early speculation was that there's been an explosion on the London Underground. And immediately they were like, oh, it was apparently was a power substation.

And that, everybody thought it was that. And that was like a detail that seems to have been lost in time. But that was the first thing reported. Apparently report of a power substation exploding. So like, okay. And then obviously it was multiple blasts in London. And it's like, why are you reporting that? Like, that's not the case.

Don't you want to confirm that? Don't you want to... Like, it's almost like a crowd, a whisper going through a crowd, and like, rumours and updates and stuff like that. And then, like you said, from that, this idea that it's a conspiracy and then suddenly the men in black come in and get the story straight and all the crisis actors and all this shit. It makes people not believe when these terrible things happen. Because they're hearing this drip feed of information, rather than reporting on a story. Here's what happened.

ALICE There is a lot of naive misinformation spread by authorities though, in the wake of these events, that they say, oh, we don't want to cause panic. So let's tell them a gas explosion has occurred, or something like that, for now. And then, you know, that way they won't all start running in fear and causing more problems, right? And so you could understand why they would have a false story in place. But yes, that does just lead to conspiracy, right? It's fascinating how it happens. But then again, I think people who are into conspiracy theories are usually also into it for the money. I think that's another big thing. Like, most people who are

into conspiracy theories are benefiting from it somehow by disseminating it, right? They're not... Especially these big YouTube channels, or TikToks, or, y'know, these people who can basically exploit something and ally in misinformation for their own gain. There's a lot of these charlatans... What happens though, when... There's always been. Do they just, no matter what, even if what they're saying is proven to be false, do they just still run with it?

They're just like... They can't stop by that point. They knew that they would try to discredit us, we knew that this was gonna happen, but don't believe them. But like, there's gotta be a point where it's so clear that they're just lying. Well, by that time they've moved onto the next conspiracy theory, the next thing that makes them money, the next thing to lie about, you know, and they're never asked about, or they never talk about that thing that they were wrong about. You know what people will say? They'll say, oh, you know, like the end

of the world people, they'll be like, oh, the world's gonna end next year! You know, when it does, and they're like, oh, well, you know, I think it's actually, you know, I said 2012 but I got the numbers rich round, it's 2021, it's like, keep giving me the money!" You gotta be so confident to be able to fool yourself into believing that stuff too, I think. Oh. You know. Well, you know, though. They know that they're wrong.

They're not fooled. They're not fooled. They have to somehow believe it, though. Sometimes they are. I can't imagine that. They know what they're doing. ALICE Especially like, doomsday prophets. ALICE Walk around like, yeah, I know it's not gonna happen. But like, they must-

JUSTIN People who were seance people, who exploited, y'know, even after World War I, when people were saying, oh, I can talk to your dead son, y'know, it was still going on even back then. ALICE Yeah. JUSTIN Um, y'know, until relatively recently, people, and still today, y'know, you can see a lot of people who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting

people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people, who are exploiting people back then. Y'know, until relatively recently, people... and still today, y'know, you can see a lot of people who are exploiting people's sadness and things like this with supernatural bullshit so they can get some money, because they need to pay their bills as well. We need a universal basic income, is what I'm saying. We need a universal basic income.

Do you wanna hear an interesting story? I just, we were talking about cons, and I looked up- Cause it might fix it. This is Mike Esprizee here. If we give people a universal basic income, they don't just scam each other anymore. I don't know, I've read and watched a decent amount about UBI, and I think- You think people are gonna still scam each other? No, I don't, I honestly don't know how it would work out. I have no idea. I think it's very

speculative and it's a seriously... I know they've done some experiments in some areas and stuff, but it's one of those things where it's all or nothing. Because you don't really have an idea, unless you can have a contained environment where people don't come and go, and then you test it, everybody gets the same amount of money a month. Does this town work? I'm sure they've tried it somewhere. I haven't read the results or anything, but it, does this town work? I'm sure they've tried it somewhere. I haven't read the results or anything, but it's one of those things that I think it's such a crazy change to the way we've done things for so long, that we have no idea what the effects of it would really be.

I think it does sound interesting, but to just jump into it I think would be insane. ALICE Could you build, like, a bunch of oil rigs and just make your own country out of them? Like... Oh, you're talking about sea land now, baby. Yeah, just like, if you built a whole bunch, you know, far away from, you know, land, or whatever, you just... Hey, people have done it! Remember that lab that tried to seize Jersey?

We read about it, we did that in a previous podcast. Yeah, that's true, yeah. Oh, and it wasn't Jersey, it was Sark, or one of the other little ones. Yeah, it was Sark. Yeah, it was Sark, or one of the other little ones. Yeah, it was Sark. But it's like, the Sea Land guy claimed this is, y'know, my country and you can't invade it, like, all of this. There's always people trying to invade it.

But his story is mental, though, because a lot of people did properly try to invade it, and he had a lot of problems with history. If you had your own oil rig, but it was not really, y'know, it was just for people to live on, You could do your own UBI there. Yeah, you could. Nobody comes and nobody goes. Where's the money gonna come from?

Well, rich people. Yeah, hopefully. Just helicopter the money in every once in a while. The problem is, imagine you started this oil rig town and it cost you a vast amount of money to build oil rig city. Someone's had to build it, right? Someone else's had to build it. And you've had to buy it off of them somehow.

And then you get there and you've got to import all your food, I guess, because there's no land to grow anything on, right? Unless you're gonna somehow do some sort of complicated... If you had the money to do it though, you wouldn't even need permission, right? You could just go do it. JUSTIN I think if it was in International Waters, and you found a site, and put down an oil rig and lived on it, I don't think they could stop you. ALICE Not to do any drilling, though.

It's just more like a platform, you know? JUSTIN Yeah, it's just a platform. A bit like the atoll in Waterworld. And for food there, they made soil from people that came and died, they'd put them in the pit and then they'd grow food from the soil. ALICE Also, international waters aren't... I don't think there's such a thing in the way that we consider them to be a thing. I think there is...

RILEY International waters? ALICE Yeah, there is some... There's some idea that, y'know, there's no laws out there, y'know, 100 miles from land or whatever. ALICE Yeah, but who's gonna enforce that if you've built an oil rig? ALICE Well, NATO, y'know, 100 miles from land or whatever. ALICE Yeah, but, okay, but who's gonna enforce that if you built an oil rig? ALICE Well, NATO, I think, and the countries that are local to you.

ALICE What are they gonna do, just send a bunch of boats and say, we're moving your oil rig? ALICE I think if you set up your own country 100 miles off the coast of Argentina, I think someone will come over and fucking blow you up. NICHOLAS Alright, the Convention of the High Seas, signed in 1958, which has 63 signatories, so, not everyone. ALICE Not everyone. NICH not everyone, defined high seas to mean all parts of the sea that are not included in the territorial sea or the internal waters

of a state, and where no state may validly purport to subject any part of them to its sovereignty. So, this was used as a foundation for the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea, the UNCLOS, signed in 1982, which recognized exclusive economic zones extending 200 nautical miles from the baseline, where coastal states have sovereign rights to the water, from the water column to all the way to the seafloor and everything below. So the high seas make up 50% of the surface of the planet, so 50% of the surface of the world... ALICE It's just the high seas.

RILEY Is the high seas, yeah. I mean, the middle of the fucking Pacific and all the rest of it. So, I guess if you went in there, you do get some disputes. But yeah, I assume... All land on the planet is now spoken for. Claimed. Yeah, yeah. Yes. But there's gotta be some land somewhere that whoever owns it just doesn't care about it

enough. Oh! Well, I think that's most of Russia. You can just pitch up there. I think that's most of Russia. You know? I think it's called Hull. Yeah. No, there's so much land, you're right, that is just still wilderness.

But usually, again, it's kind of that place is where crime hangs out, you know? It's where people are illegally mining gold, or where they're doing drugs and stuff, and off the beaten track. You could buy some land from someone like the Somalians, I bet. I mean, you'd have to defend yourself against Somalian pirates, but you could have... I don't know if the Somalian pirates would want to even raid me, because it would just be piss jugs and tarps, basically. You've got the UBI though, mate. I would have my own UBI set up, this is true.

Lad gets on your oil rig. Look at me. Look at me. I'm the captain now. Sips bucks. That's right. Sips bucks. Everyone on the international oil rig island.

Everybody gets five sips bucks a month, which puts food on the table. Would you still stream from Sips Land? Well, I don't think I'd have the infrastructure to do so. I mean, if I'm talking about setting up from scratch, I would imagine no, never. I don't think I'd ever be able to get to the point where... JUSTIN How scratch, though, are we talking? ALICE Well, I mean, with whatever you've got, and all the stuff you got, I'm talking like turn up with a couple of-

SEAN Just the stuff you've got in your basement, or like, put your needles in the sleeping bag. ALICE Just the stuff you've got. You know what, you're talking about what you can carry on your back. You're gonna start a country with that. Okay, but where are... You're like the settler in fucking Civ. I know, but...

All the land around me is spoken for, I'd have to go further afield to find somewhere. I'm about to have to have sex with five women and get lots of food so I can grow my citizens. Yes. Build a wall first, that's my advice. Build walls. Well, really? You don't want to go walls first? No, no, I'm saying he needs to build walls first.

It's too expensive. He's got nothing. Wait, you're gonna build a temple? I thought maybe about doing like a hillfort, like a mound, a keep on a mound. What if you're doing it on an oil rig? How are you gonna get the hill? I don't know, I've already moved on from the oil rig, I can't afford it. Oh, the oil rig's thrown under the bus. It's gonna be too hard to do, I...

You're doing wilderness. He's not playing Polynesia, he's playing a land-based. I was reading the list of state nicknames, right? Right. And obviously, let's see if you can guess this one. Okay. The cheese state. Wisconsin. Yeah. You know that one. Yeah, we know that one. But there's loads more weird ones.

Okay, I'll just stop reading. Hit me. Hit me. Okay. Okay. These are, I guess some of them are like to do with stuff that they have there. The Lead State. The gateway to the west.

The mother of the west. Wait wait wait, you're going too far. The Lead State is gotta be Pennsylvania. No. Yeah, Pennsylvania. Nope. It wait, you're going too far. The lead state is gotta be Pennsylvania. No. Yeah, Pennsylvania. Nope. It's, uh, it's Idaho. Pennsylvania is the coal state.

Oh, Pennsylvania is the coal state, sorry. Lead. I guess they'd be mining it in the hills. Is it, I dunno. Uh, what about, like, uh... The Adirondacks. Idaho. It's called the Pennsylvania of the West.

That's its other name. Oh. Oregon's? It's actually Missouri. Wow, no way. The Bullion State. Yeah. Oregon.

Have we got one for Oregon? Uh, yes. The one next to Washington State. The Pacific Wonderland. The Pacific Wonderland of, um, Oregon. Home of Portland. Okay, I'll give you more. How about this. The Sunflower Portland. Okay, I'll give you more. How about this.

The Sunflower State. Oh, the Sunflower... Midway, USA. Wait, are these all the names for the same state? Yes, same state. Sunflower State, Midway, USA. Ohio? Uh, America's Heartland.

America's Heartland. Which is that one in the middle? It's gotta be Milwaukee. What about, like, Oklahoma? No, it's Dorothy's Home. Kansas! Kansas! Which is that one in the middle? It's gotta be Milwaukee. What about, like, Oklahoma? No, it's Dorothy's home! Kansas!

Kansas! Surely it should be called the flat as a bucket carpet. Just see what I mean, like, these states, it's not good enough to describe it with one... The tornado state, that's what we know it as! The tornado state, be real. Don't be making up all this shit, no one remembers the sunflowers in Kansas, they remember the tornadoes and Dorothy. That's it.

Just own it. ALICE How about Cotton State? ALICE Oh, that's gotta be Alabama. Louisiana. JUSTIN It is. Well done. Alabama. ALICE Alabama State.

JUSTIN Alabama State. ALICE Alabama, the beautiful. Yeah, this is really interesting. JUSTIN Neil Young didn't like Alabama, he wrote a song called Alabama. Very very good song. ALICE Uh, how about this. Land of the Midnight Sun. ALICE Oh, that's gotta be New Mexico about this, Land of the Midnight Sun.

JUSTIN Oh, that's gotta be New Mexico. JUSTIN Alaska! ALICE It's Alaska, yeah. JUSTIN Aw, shit. JUSTIN New Mexico. ALICE More metals! The Copper State. JUSTIN Oh, the Copper State is definitely Minnesota.

ALICE No, it's... JUSTIN Tennessee. ALICE Uh, no. It's also known as the Aztec State. JUSTIN Oh, New Mexico! New Mexico! No. And the Apache state.

Arizona! Yes, Arizona! Jesus! They're really hard, aren't they, to get? No, these are easy! Keep em' coming! You know what I'm saying? These are easy.

How about this? Rocky Mountain State. Colorado! Correct. Uh, good job. How about this one? Nutmeg State. North Dakota! No. South Dakota! No. Good job. How about this one? Nutmeg State. North Dakota!

No. South Dakota! No. Constitution State. There you go. Oh, that's Massachusetts. No, not quite. Oh.

I don't know that. Massachusetts would be... Massif-tushits. Pilgrim. Oh, Pilgrim State. Or the Spirit of America. That's right, yeah. Apparently Connecticut is the Constitution State.

Oh, Connecticut, of course. Hartford, Connecticut. They've got, they love having little patriotic iconography. How about this one? Guba State! Oh, that's, uh, that's gotta be Washington DC, right? No, it refers to peanuts! Oh, it has to be the peanut state.

It's gotta be New Mexico. Or the peach state. Oh no, that, it has to be the peanut state. It's gotta be New Mexico. Or the peach. The peach state. Oh no, that's Georgia. Georgia is the peach state. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like peaches? You like peanuts?

Come on down to Georgia. You like goobers? We got goobers for goobers! Go cleaners, get the goobers! Where'd I leave that goober? There it is. Honey, I'm going out to work, I got a pail full of goobers. I'll be home for goobers later.

Woohoo! Where's my go- where'd I leave that goober? There, there it is. Honey, I'm going out to work, I got a pail full of goobers. I'll be home for goobers later. Woohoo! Woohoo! I do like- it's very kind of, um, nice, isn't it? Like, these, these sort of nicknames. Do we have this for counties? Yeah, they've gotta have stuff like this for English counties, right?

We need, like, we need that, don't we? Yeah. Wha- wha- wha- wha- wha- I think most of them, most of them are, like, We have stuff like this for English counties, right? We need that, don't we? Yeah. I think most of them are self-descript, like, slough. When you hear slough, you don't need any other context. What was this called, this bit? The nicknames? What did you call it, Lewis?

Nicknames? No, no, you said this is the... What's for states? Iconography. No. Like, how could I Google it but for? N-nicknames? No, no, you said this is the... what's for states? Iconography. No. Like, how could I Google it but for the UK? What should I type?

Okay, I've got it. Oh, he's got it. Um. The wee county. It's the smallest county in Scotland and the UK, by area. Oh, I dunno. Arbrooth? It's Clark-Mananshire.

Of course it is. Of course it is! Of course it is. ALICE. Of course it is. ALICE. Of course. ALICE.

Of course. ALICE. Of course. ALICE. Of course. ALICE. Of course. ALICE.

Of course. ALICE. Of course. ALICE. Of course. ALICE. Of course. ALICE. Of because of Windsor and all that. Apparently it's Gloucester. Gloucestershire.

Gloucestershire is the king's county. Gloucestershire. I claim this county the name of the crown. Aberdeenshire. You'll get this one. The Garden of England. Oh, Dorset. No.

No. The West Midlands. The Lake District. As Birmingham! No, it's Kent. Kent. Oh, of course it is. Honestly, it is beautiful.

Kent is a beautiful county, ruined by the people, but it is a beautiful county. What about Robin Hood's country? Oh, it's Nottinghamshire. Oh, Nottingham. Sherwood Forest. How about this, the Moonraker county? Oh, that! That could be Devon or Dorset. Well, apparently it's Wiltshire. Wiltshire. Yeah, Wiltsraker County. Oh, that! That could be Devon or Dorset.

Apparently it's Wiltshire. Wiltshire! Yeah, Wiltshire, okay. Comes from a local gin smuggling store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hmm. Yeah, there's some real... What about, some of these you're never gonna get.

Because some of the counties are so obscure. Obscure counties. Apologies to anyone living in these counties, but it is. Clangers. The Clangers? That sounds northern. Cumbrian. It's from... it's Bedfordshire.

It's from the Bedfordshire Clanger, which is apparently a sort of a roly-poly pudding. What about Wookie Hole and Cheddar Gorge? That's the other way, isn't it? No. I think it's like in and around. What am I thinking of? It's like close to Stonehenge. Dorset should be like the Jurassic, or something like that. What is Dorset?

The Jurassic Coast, yeah. But what's Dorset as a county? The best county in the country. Doesn't have a name. That's what it's known as. Doesn't have one. You know, you mentioned Alabama, and that got me, I was thinking, I mentioned the Neil Young song Alabama.

I didn't know this, let me know if you guys knew this. Sweet Home Alabama, you know the song. Yeah. Lynyrd Skynyrd. That was written in answer to two songs that Neil Young wrote. About Alabama. One about Alabama, where he's like having a pop at them for slavery and stuff like that. And one called Southern Man, which is also kind of similar. And Leonard Skinner released this, there's even a verse

in it, I didn't even know it was this. Well, I heard Mr. Young sing about her. Well, I heard old Neil put her down. Well, I hope Neil Young will remember, a Southern man don't need him around anyhow. That's one of the lines in Sweet Home Alabama. I don't know. And then Kid Rock came out with a sing in Sweet Home Alabama all summer don't know. I didn't know that. ALICE Yeah. And then Kid Rock came out with singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long as well. He was trying different things and he was smoking different things. RILEY Right. Well, everybody loves that song. But the 1974 Spain singlesleeve for this song has the Confederate flag in the mouth of a

man's face. He's like looking at it. ALICE Didn't the Dukes of Hazzard have the Confederate flag on the roof of their car as well? RILEY Yeah. On the roof, yeah. It was just like a southern thing. Like southern pride. Now of course it has seemingly much different meanings, because people have rightly pointed

out, hmm, probably shouldn't fly that flag. But yeah, so, Lynard Skinner, I think in those days it wasn't seen as anything like what it is now, or certainly not in the popular conscience. But yeah, so I didn't realize there was beef there. But Neil Young did say he regretted the condescending tone in those songs, and he sort of apologised. So yeah, it's interesting. I didn't know that. Do you know with these nicknames and stuff, obviously they come from places, from a place of oh we just grow a lot of spuds here, so where the spuds stay or what not, right? But

do you think it builds up this patriotism around that, and they feel proud in that, and they kind of invest more into it almost, in a sense, right? Maybe? It deterministically makes them more specialised? I guess. I mean, Florida is like the orange state, right? Because they grow oranges there? I think Florida has a shitload of new things. Yeah, probably. I could think of a few.

Alligator state. The shithole state. The crazy state. Well, I tell you what, it's New Jersey that is called the garden state, right? Yeah. But people call it the garbage state. Yeah, of course. Which I think's funny. Oh!

Doesn't have one of the biggest landfills, like, in the world? Ooh! That sounds like such a sips fact! No, it does though, right? You watched like a whole two hour long documentary about... When you consider the area the world's in, I mean, New York City itself would need a massive, massive... Where we gonna put all our garbage? Uh, put it in Jersey!

Yeah, pretty much. They got a load of space over there! Those bums, they don't know garbage anyway. Pile it up in their fuckin' backyards. Hate that, you Jersey bums! Yeah. I guess the New Yorkers would be the Empire State, right? Yeah. Bums! They don't know garbage anyway. Pile it up in their fucking backyards! Hate that,

you Jersey bums! Yeah. I guess the New Yorkers were the Empire State, right? Yeah. Yeah. The evil Empire State. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum

bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum . Yeah. I guess it does help people identify different states from one another. Who knows? It's one of those things like twinning a town with some other town. This town twinned with Lucerne-Eau-Auxerre, or whatever. Oh yeah, we've got a whole bunch of that. I think actually, St Helier is twinned with... It is, it's got its fifth twinning, as of last year.

It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. That's not a twin, that's like a quintuplet, or quad- that doesn't count. You can't have like... I like the idea of that, though. And it's usually, the reason is the local council of these little towns find some nice town in the south of Spain, or whatever, or south of France, where they can have an excuse on government money to go on holiday there, you know, and visit. ALICE Last year we were twinned into a twinning memorandum of understanding with the town in the Ukraine. So now we're now twinned with

Maikoleiv. JUSTIN Oh, I don't know why you'd want to go on holiday there. ALICE Maikoleiv. Microwave. RILEY Bournemouth has two twins. Natanya, in Israel, and Lusanne, in Switzerland. There you go. ALICE Wow. RILEY And they've given the freedom of the borough of Bournemouth to just six individuals. ALICE The key to the city. ALICE I love how you're such a fucking Bournemouth stan, despite not living there for twenty years.

JUSTIN What are you talking about? I grew up there. I lived there for ten years, in my childhood. It's quite a big... ALICE Ten? JUSTIN Yeah. ALICE You support Bournemouth... ALICE I lived in Chippingonga for longer.

I stan Chippingonga. ALICE Yeah, but I was there as a kid. ALICE Is it Bournemouth or Brighton that you... It's Bournemouth? I lived in Chipping Onga for longer than that, I understand Chipping Onga. Yeah, but I was there as a kid. Is it Bournemouth or Brighton that you... It's Bournemouth, right? Who? Me. Yeah, Bournemouth of course. We hate Brighton Hove, Albion is the first line in the song. Right, okay, sorry.

But yeah, it's, you know, I left New York, obviously, which I still consider my hometown, I grew up there, and then Bournemouth is my other hometown, so it mattered to me as a kid to have somewhere nice to go after living in New York, and Bournemouth was a complete change of pace, but a great place to be a kid in the 80s, it really was. ALICE So I grew up in Chiffingonga, it's an old market town in Essex. The name Onga means grassland, and Chiffing is from a market or marketplace. And it's one of these places that's super old, it's in like the Doomsday Book or some

shit, you know what I mean? It's been around for fucking ever. It's twinned with a little town called Cerzay in the Western France. And that is also ancient. The old town centre was situated beside a feudal castle, and it's got a 12th century chapel, it's just about some... It's actually quite a nice twinning. They've really found, like, an equivalent ancient Old Town.

The Wikipedia article for Ceres A isn't... There's not very much to it. It says, the automotive coach builder firm, Hewlett's, has its main production plant on the outskirts of the town. I've never heard of them. I was born in... They've been involved in the roof module construction for the Peugeot 206 CC, and until 2009 were involved building the Opel Tiger twin top.

Jesus Christ. ALICE I was born in Ottawa, Ontario, in Canada, and Ottawa, since 1999, I believe, has a sister city relationship with a little town called Beijing. JUSTIN Wow. What tiny little... a feudal 12th century church. ALICE In recent years, the two cities have maintained close contact and engaged in fruitful cooperation in the fields of technological innovations, investments, trade, culture, and tourism. Wow. There you go.

Looks like I win this one, guys. That's fucking insane. Wait, wait, wait. When you say technological investments, what are they sticking spy shit over here? What the fuck are you talking about? Ottawa's actually the home of the Correll Corporation, if you've ever heard of... Steve Correll? Not Steve Correll, no.

It's a different Correll. And they made a... Basically Correll had in the 90s, I believe, it was like the equivalent of Photoshop. Adobe Photoshop. But it was not quite- Not as good. Not quite as good. Up to standard.

Adobe Photoshop. Yeah. It was like CorelDRAW and all sorts. But yeah, they had a big golden office building. Oh, like, do you know what you golden office building. Oh, I do know what you mean! Yes! So, if you don't talk to me about technology, I come from the technology... I come from the Silicon Valley of the North East! Right.

Yeah. Oh, great. Oh, fucking hell. This tweeting thing is quite wild, actually. Cause you always see it when you're driving through the UK, right? Oh, it's crap, fucking hell. This twinning thing is quite wild, actually. Cause you always see it when you're driving through the UK, right? Oh, it's crap, isn't it? Every time you go to a town. There's a whole bunch in here, look at this one.

There's a whole list of twin towns and sister cities in Canada. Oh, okay. It's just- Abbotford is twinned with Fukagawa in Japan. That's really... Such a load of shit, isn't it? Like, it's some city councilor or whatever is bored out of their mind, like, we should do a twinning! And you know what?

They get a free fucking flight and a holiday to that place, I'm sure, and they have all these, oh, cultural exchange, and oh, this is gonna further the ties between, oh, fuck off, what are you telling me? This is nothing. There's surely nothing to it. It's just such a nonsense, this whole town twinning thing. Especially because they always have a picture of the thing you're twinning with, it looks way fucking better.

It's like having a sibling who's far more successful than you, and you'll just have a picture there all the time to remind you, hey look, you're twinning with this really beautiful alpine town and you live in fucking slough. Okay, but listen to this, Calgary is the greediest of the bunch. It is twinned or sister to six different cities and one of them is in Canada. So there you go. The winner of the Greediest Twinning Association in all of Canada goes to Calgary.

Well done, Calgary. You won the prize. They're twin to Quebec City, in Canada as well, I don't know why. Well, come on, that's not in Canada, is it? And they're twin to Phoenix, Arizona, and a couple of places in South Korea, China, India, and Mexico as well. Jesus Christ. Oh my god, you're absolutely right.

There's like some- okay, P-Flex, this is definitely like a scam, that people use. Coventry, okay, is twinned with no less than, like, twenty cities. Oh, shit, Coventry. Fucking hell, is it really? Fuck off, Coventry! You see Calgary and you think, we can do better. It's like, it's twinned with Granby in Canada and Windsor in Canada. It's twinned with Park in Australia, Saint-Etienne in France, Grasse in Austria, Coventry is

also twinned with three cities called Coventry in the US, which is quite funny. Yeah, that's fair. Coventry, Connecticut, Coventry, New York, and Coventry, Rhode Island. Okay, but tell me this about Coventry, England, United Kingdom. Is it twinned to Cornwall, Ontario, and Canada? Because... Yes it is. Okay. Then it is reciprocated.

Because on this Wikipedia page, Cornwall, Ontario is twinned with Coventry as well, so it'd be kinda weird if they didn't say, I twin you back. I'm twinning you back. Yeah. It'd be weird. They were like, oh my god, it's like adding them. It's like, oh, that's really... Okay, sorry, we've got a new contender, it's Hamilton, Ontario.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine different cities. Mmm, greedy. Yeah. Just, how are you gonna put them on the sign coming into the village? Strategically twin with Schwinnegan, Canada. Strategic. You Schwinnegan! Oh, fuck, this is good.

This one's weird. So Whitby, Whitby in North Yorkshire, England, which I think is a seaside town, is twinned with three different towns in Australia, Bland, Cook and East Fremantle, two different towns in New Zealand, Porirora and Whitianga, and a town in Tonga, which is called... So I get the impression that, again, someone on the Whitby Local Board has relatives out there, or knows someone out there, or likes to be there. They just want to go. They just want to go.

And they just want... Because it's clear that it's a focus, right? They're like, maybe... I don't... They're animating. Where do you want to... I really want to go to the South Pacific and visit all those, like, Tonga and places like like that and Australia. Okay, let's do a city twinning. They'll come here and then we get to go there because we've got to do like the ceremony and shit. So we get on the council's dime, we get a free trip to wherever we twin with. Whoever's in charge of this shit at Coventry is a fucking con artist and needs to be signed up. Mason. Exactly. It's real smart. They've also, this whip, he's also got a Hawaiian county. And

it's not like they're all necessary seaside towns, because one of them is in the middle of the fucking... Yeah, it's a con. ...is in the land. It's a con. It's the biggest con that councils have perpetrated on the British people since the last one. I reckon it's gonna be like the post office fraud. All these parish councils are gonna get locked up for... Yeah, bang them up. There know, all these parish counselors are gonna get locked up.

Yeah, bang them up! There should be an investigation into this! How much money, how much of the public purse has been spent? I always love the way it's called the public purse. I think Stratford have done it right. So Stratford upon Avon have twinned with five other towns called Stratford. I like that! And that makes sense. There's one in Australia, one in New Zealand, two in Canada and one in the US. Like, that's what they gotta do, right? You gotta grab

all the... We got the same name. Like, you know, there must be something in their culture that let them... You know, it was obviously founded by people who were from... Someone named it after the original Stratford. They must have done, right? But there must be a reason for that. And I think that that would be interesting to look through that history and find out, y'know, how the cultures have evolved and changed. Are there any other Londons? There's London in Canada, isn't there? Yeah, there's a London on... There's a London on Ontario. Other Londons in the world. Is that the only one, though?

I think there's a London in the US as well. There's definitely a Paris in the US because they always refer to Paris as Paris France. So there is a London in Ontario, there is a London in Finland. It's a suburb in the Finnish city of Jakobstad. There's also a London on Christmas Island. There's a town called London. It is absolutely tiny. There's a place called, there's a village called London in Nigeria. There's a place called East London in South Africa. And there are a few London's in America, one in Ohio, one in Arkansas, another in Kentucky. Remember there is also an asteroid called 8837 London. Oh, by the way, we're fucked, aren't we? Isn't there an asteroid that's gonna hit us in 2029?

Right, well, fucking quickly! Get drunk and have sex! Yeah, get your big card out as well and say- Apophis! Apophis! I'm not hearing about this. How big is it? It's fucking huge.

Like the size of- 99942 Apophis is a near-Earth asteroid, potentially hazardous object, with a diameter of 370 meters. That's nothing. That's not the size of Texas. Listen, there is a 2.7% chance it will hit Earth on April 13th, 2029. 2.7% is not nothing. That's really high. That's the initial observations, now it's dropped a bit, but it's still possible.

It's the highest rating ever on the Torino scale, reaching level 4 on December 27, 2004 of, oh shit, we're fucked. So what happened if it would hit Earth? Possible impact effects. Kinetic energy equivalent to 1200 megatons of TNT. In comparison, the Chicks Club impact, which caused the mass extinction event responsible for wiping out the dinosaurs, is estimated to have had 100 teratons, or 100 million megatons. So, much less than that.

To put it bluntly. Any impact would be extremely detrimental to an area of thousands of square kilometres, but would be unlikely to have long- lasting global effects such as the initiation of an impact winter, if it were to impact into sedimentary rock it would create a five kilometer impact crater. So if it hit London, goodbye London. If it hit New York, goodbye New York. It would expose the billion dollar shitpipe. Right there, for all to see.

Not the shitpipe! I wouldn't, I never dreamed I would see this Oh my god! Not the ship, what?! I wouldn't... I never dreamed I would see this with my own eyes! This is incredible. That sounds like a documentary. Exposing the five million dollar ship, I... fuck me. With a gigantic asteroid. Yeah, so there's shitloads of places called London, actually.

London Kiribati, London... in Serbia, Belgrade, there's London in France, there's all sorts of places, but I'm sure they're all just... they're not as big though, are they? There's not like an obvious big London, and maybe they changed the name as well, you know, to stop confusion. Because that's one of these things that happens in these places. It's like... Yeah. Confusion. It's just confusion. Is London twinned with anywhere?

Oh, probably London. Oh, it Is London twinned with anywhere? Oh, probably London. Oh, it's probably twinned with everywhere, yeah. Yeah, I imagine. Like, absolute crap. List of towns, sister cities, in the United Kingdom. Well, I just wanna find London. I found it. Beijing as well.

Okay. What? Ottawa. You ain't got... WHAT?! They're cheating on you! What?! They're cheating on you! How dare they?! But also Shanghai, we're not fussy.

Shit! We have the two biggest cities in China. New York City. Sweet. Tokyo. Moscow. Nice. All the big guns. And then they've also got, just for fun,

Tehran in Iran, Bogotá in Colombia, Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia, and Santiago in Chile. JUSTIN We don't fuck around, we're not twinning with some little shitville. ALICE Capitals only. JUSTIN Only the big guns, please. ALICE Little shitville. ALICE Paris aren't interested.

JUSTIN Yeah. So, by the way, London... Twickenham is where I spent most of my life, so I now consider this my home. ALICE Chillin' out. JUSTIN Southwest London, Twickenham. ALICE Twickers. JUSTIN This area is now my home. And I love it. I love it. Chilling out. Southwest London, Twickers. This area is now my home. And I love it. I love it.

Love Twickers. Well, were you ever run to be on the council, do you think? I fucking hate those bastards. Why would I...? Well, you could go in and make the change. I'd get booted out. I'd get booted out. I'd be voted in, and within an hour I would be booted out.

You'd get it twidded with, like, I dunno, fucking Marbella or something. My ass! Oh no. My ass! Oh no. My ass. Nice. And just go on holiday to fuckin' the south of France. What, I'm gonna take the chance, I'm gonna go for Marbella? I don't think so, Sam.

Well, um, well I dunno, south of Spain, somewhere nice, fuckin', where else do you wanna go? Like... I'm goin' on holiday. Next week. Where to? Twin up with, um... South of France. Mar. Next week. Where to? Twin up with... South of France. South of France and, uh, northwest Italy.

Yeah, I mean, you could go on Council Dime, you know, get Keir Starmer to pay for it. Keir Starmer? He's not in charge of our council, what are you chatting about? Well, he's having... He's large and in charge. Yeah, that's true. Keir Starmer sounds like, dare I say it, a member of the Nazi party. Oh dear.

Oh no. He's just gone in child. I'm not saying he is, I'm just saying. He's gonna change things for the good. Herr Stammer, you must begin your attack. Ja! Jawohl! Kirstammer!

Obergruppen für der Stammer! That's just what it sounds like. If he was a guy defending a bridge in Arnhem, you'd believe it. That's all I'm saying. As it is, he's just a mild-mannered ex-lawyer or whatever. Bristol has chosen some weird places. It's got Birra in Mozambique. Are we still on this?

Yeah, it's weird. I'm just going through it. Porto... I wanted to take us off calling Kierstavro Nazi! I didn't call him a Nazi! I did not call him a Nazi. I did not call him a Nazi. I would like to draw the gentleman's attention to the record, which clearly states that I said his name sounded like he could have been a Nazi officer.

He does have a bit of a severe com over at times. Yeah. Give me the Stahmer, please. Taking a picture of Stahmer and get them to do his Herr Stahmer's haircut. Maybe he can't grow a mustache, you know, because he'll look in the hairdresser's mirror. He turned up at PMQ's with a new haircut. The Hitler co-over with the little mustache. Hello.

I am Obergruppenführer Stammer, your new Prime Minister. Hello. Oh my god. Hello. I would like to twin us with Berlin. Nuremberg should be the city's actually twin-ed. Oh, fuck it up. Yeah, alright, fine.

Well, I dunno, I'm always interested in places, and how the world works. Places. Lewis Friendly. Interested in places. Can I just tell you something quickly before we wrap up? Yeah, go. I've been playing football manager, as you may or may not know. I've given up...

Oh, we've spoken about it, baby. You've given up? I've given up on the English Premier League and decided... I retired Reggie Simpson and I've created a new manager called Jongi Tupperware, who is now the manager of Atletico Ottawa in the Canadian Premier League. And let me tell you, we are winning every game. It's not even a competition. On the league table, I have like 65 points.

The person in second place, the team in second place has like 30. Like it's done. First season. You dumpstered them. Oh yeah. It's been fun. What a fun game. I really wanna see you streaming this, bud.

Oh, I'll get it. So, on the Chipping Onga Wikipedia article... Here we go. He fucking always comes back to Chipping Cunting Onga, it's a shit name. Chipping Onga. Chipping Onga. Will Self's The Book of Dave, which was written in 2006, takes place in Chipping Onga. There you go. On The Who album, Live at Leeds, drummer Keith Moon refers to

Chipping Onga in a bit of stage banter. Right. Woah, thank god we're not in fucking Chipping Onga! That's right. In Adrian Edmonds' book How to Be a Complete Bastard from 1986... Yes! What a book! Oh my god, if you haven't read How to Be a Complete Bastard, from 1986... Yes! What a book! Oh my god, if you haven't read How to Be a Complete Bastard, purchase a copy on eBay now.

We fucking loved this book when we were at school. I fucking loved that! I thought about that in forever. Adrian Edmondson is from The Young Ones, and also played Eddie Hitler in Bottom. That's true, good reference. In the section How to be a Bastard to Japanese Tourists, he says, tell them that all of London's tourist attractions are within walking distance of Chibigonga on the Tube. And obviously Chibigonga used to be the end of the Central Line.

I have not thought about this book for probably nigh on forty years. There you go. Oh my god. I can get it for £3. I'm getting it. I'm so excited. So, do you want me to give you two more? In the BBC series Just Good Friends, which is a TV series I'd never heard of, from 2004 it came 43rd in Britain's best sitcom. Wow. That's what we're dealing with here. It was released between 1983 and 1986, just good friends.

Penny's mother and father live in Chipping Onga. And finally, YouTube personality Lewis Brindley, co-founder of the Yogs Nose, was born in Chipping Onga in 1983. This is why we've been banging on about it, a little bit of a flex. There you go, I'm actually... Someone has put me, and it says, citation needed. Yeah. And that citation was needed six years ago, and it's still citation needed. Oh, that's brilliant.

Nice. There you go. Nice. So, that's... and it's got a whole lot of information here, you know. Congrats. Local residents have previously called for the lowering of current national speed limit between the Mulberry House and the Four Wants roundabout. However, Essex Police's Senior Traffic Management Officer Adam Pipe deemed lowering the speed

limit inappropriate, as drivers would feel 30mph is not adequate and would not comply. Like, stuff like this, man. Oh, great stuff. Great bit of reading. I've never been associated with a place, although I did once appear in the program for AFC Bournemouth for a match, where it listed famous fans, and they had The Zutons, Seth Rogen, who's a Bournemouth fan, and Pirian Flax. Nice! Wow. I was happy about that. But that's it.

ALICE Well, have you got... do you mention anywhere on Wikipedia, Sips? JUSTIN No. I think Sips is. I think I saw him on there one time. I can't remember where. ALICE I don't think I'm on there at all. JUSTIN Yeah, under the Yoggskar's entry it says, current members, and there's a list

of people, and you're on there. ALICE Nice. I'm famous! Look, I'm on Wikipedia! RILEY Yeah, there you are. There's no entry for you, I'm afraid. But I am 76, this is our challenge. ALICE I'm gonna create my own entry.

You know, early life, career, all that interesting stuff, you know? RILEY There's so many people on this list of people from Jersey, I guess you're not from Jersey. ALICE No, I'm not. There's so many people on this list of people from Jersey. I guess you're not from Jersey. No, I'm not. But there's like, everyone. There's like, Alphonse Le Gastula, Famous Hermit. I mean, and also ChrisMD YouTuber.

He's on the other notes. He's a big, like, FIFA YouTuber. Yeah, he's from Jersey. There you go. There's tons of people on this list. You know, you need to... I guess you're not from there, are you? No.

No. But you've lived there probably longer than you lived in Ottawa now, right? About as much time now, yeah. It's been 20... Almost 22 years since I've lived here. And I moved away from Ottawa when I was 23, so yeah. Not far off. It's hard to think that like 1976 is the same distance from the year 2000 as the year

2000 is to now. Wow. Do you know what I mean? No. That's my birth year. What do you mean? It's not hard to imagine. Well, no, but the year 2000 seems recent, and 1976 seems like a fucking different age.

So you were born in and around the same time all of this Alabama beef was kicking off between Willie Nelson and... Yeah, I guess I was, yeah. Willie Nelson. Neil Young. Neil Young and... And Leonard Skinner. ...Leonard Skinner, yeah.

Alabama beef. Alabama beef. But it's not the beef state. It's the beef state. Where is the beef state? It's gotta be Texas, right? It's gotta be Texas. Beef state!

Beef. The cattle state. Nebraska is apparently... I like it when they refer to cows as beef. Nebraska is the beef. I gotta get this beef loaded up. Gotta load this beef onto my truck. Get some beef in ya.

Get the beef on the truck. Good ol' Alabama beef. Come on now. Come on now. Get that beef on that truck now, boy. Load that beef on that truck now, boy. Alright, I gotta go. See ya later.

Thanks so much for listening to the podcast. I gotta go. I gotta go buy some beef. Thanks truck there, boy. All right, I got to go. See you later. Thanks so much for listening to the podcast. Thanks, everyone. Goodbye. Thank you. Bye. Bye bye.