Triforce! - Triforce! Mailbag Special #38: Have YOU seen Gregg Wallace?

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

Triforce Mailbag Special 38! We're getting back to back Gregg Wallace mails, retell some incredibly weird dreams, try to guess some terms for Aussie Rules Football and burn through yet more crackin' emails from our wonderful listeners! Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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with up to 55 interest-free days. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit mx.ca slash Business Platinum. Friends, chums, compatriots and angry listeners, welcome to the Triforce Mailbag. It's magical. Probably. I think we've done like 35 or something of those.

I don't know. We've done a bunch of these anyway. I hope you enjoy this one. It's like fucking magic. It is like magic. They just keep, the mails keep on coming and I keep on reading them out to you for your enjoyment. Not the long ones though. That's the fine print.

Don't send me long ones. Please don't send us paragraph after paragraph. So people have taken that on board and for example, this is a good one. This is from Hunter. After hearing about that guy's lazy eye on the most recent mailbag, I figured I'd send an interesting fact about myself. I have Marcus Gunn Jaw Winking Syndrome. A very rare syndrome that is basically the opposite of a lazy eye. Give it a quick Google.

My right eye is totally normal, but my left eyelid is at the will of my jaw. When I open my mouth to yawn, eat or laugh loudly, my left eyelid will jump up and down in tandem. That's, uh, Marcus Gunn Jaw Winking Syndrome. I'll try and google it and I'll see if I can post this. Is this like, is this like, no burp? Is this like the no burp guy? I think it is, but- Marcus Gunn Jaw Winking Syndrome, uh, MgJWS is one

of the congenital cranial disinnervation disorders, and these... It's caused by an abnormal connection of branch of the nerve that helps move the jaw to the upper eyelid. This is what causes it. So, if only they could fix that. What about it? What about it? RIley It's just interesting, I've never heard

of it. ALICE It gives you a really lazy looking eye. RIley You open your mouth and your eye closes, like that. It must look bizarre. How do you get by, Hunter? Let us know. Has it ever led to any interesting or hilarious situations? Have you accidentally sexily winked at someone you didn't intend to?

Yeah, let us know. When you yawned at them? Let us know. Let us know. Let us know the funny scenarios you've gotten into. Give us a winking related scenario. What if he doesn't find it at all funny, though? Well, he wouldn't have told us, right?

True. Yeah, true. Um, it must be... it must have given him some moments of joy. Some moments of levity. Here is an email, this is for you, Sips. No, it's very serious medical illness. I'm gonna send you a YouTube link. This is always the way with this fucking show, it rattles back and forth between weird shit

and YouTube videos. And emails about Adele. Here we go, this is, Adele shows are so boring, this is according to Blake, that she has to have a t-shirt cannon to keep people interested. Thoughts Sips would like this. Here is a link to Adele firing t-shirts from a cannon. It looks like a navel verfa. Pretty well done, two fans.

There you go. ALICE Oh my god, you're right. One of them's... It's like a t-shirt mini gun, is what it is. It rotates with a handle. ALICE Okay, the thing is, I think she's a pretty good singer, I'm sure her songs are pretty good. It's not for me, I wouldn't really listen to that kind of music anyway, but it's not

taking it... I'm just saying, a live concert, there's certain things I just think would be, for me, too boring. And that's one of them. But the t-shirt cannon, maybe, would go some ways into keeping me awake during that concert. But sending like, you know, 50 bucks of t-shirts out into the crowd. It's not like it's sending hundreds, it sends like, nine. I mean, one of them gets jammed in the tube.

Like, fuck off! It's a huge t-shirt cannon. That actually, having said that, those t-shirts, if you bought them at the concert they'd probably cost you like sixty quid. Well, yeah, I mean, these t-shirts ain't cheap. I think Sarah bought a Taylor Swift t-shirt at the Iris concert and you like 60 quid. Well yeah, I mean these t-shirts ain't cheap. I think Sarah bought a Taylor Swift t-shirt at the EAR-A's concert and it was 40 quid. Mmm. Yeah, no, they are expensive.

It's got to be cheap. At Wembley I think that's pretty much just a t-shirt. It doesn't matter who you go to see. Bruce Springsteen t-shirts, 40 bucks each. 40 quid. Blur t-shirts, 40 bucks each. 40 quid, yeah. Well she needs the money though, to be honest.

Yeah, she's got an era to run. This was Civ. We come through the industrial age, and now we're in the Taylor Swift era. They're not cheap. She's going for a gold victory, that's for sure. Little Civ joke, and Lulu liked that one. Alright. This one's called, I Went On Inside the Factory.

So, this is a two-parter. First of all, this is from Henry. Oh my god, these are some great emails today. First of all, I would like to register a complaint with Mr. Loves, who during a recent stream complained that he is being dragged to Guernsey next week, saying this with a tone of utter disgust. Okay, an update on that. I went to Guernsey, and I with a tone of utter disgust. I'm like- ALICE Okay, an update on that. I went to Guernsey and I had a simply delightful time.

What a nice place to visit. So before you go too hard on me, I'd never been to Guernsey as a tourist before, okay? And so I thought maybe it was gonna be a bit boring, but actually turns out Guernsey is really nice and I had a blast. RILEY There you go. Loved Guernsey. I will not read the insulting second part of this section. So this is the main bit.

I thought you guys might like to hear about the time I appeared on an episode of Inside the Factory, since I know Sips is a fan. It was an episode about Irish cream liqueurs. Oh, I remember watching that one! And for one of Cherry Heely's segments in a separate location, they roped my university rugby club in to an experiment. We were told to meet. I remember that. There you go. We were told to meet at a local pizzeria slash bar in Sheffield,

where they said they wanted to test the effects of alcohol on cognitive function. Do you remember this? Yes, I do. Yeah, I remember. We had to do a little test in which we matched symbols to numbers on a piece of paper, as many as we could do in a minute. Then we would be given a pint of beer and would have to do it again. This was repeated a few times and halfway through they brought out a stack of pizzas as a thank you. Free pints and pizzas, sounds like a good deal.

However, we were split into two tables and some way into the afternoon the guys on my table started to realise that the other table was having a lot more fun than us and we thought the beer tasted okay, but a little off. We sussed out that we must have been given alcohol-free beer to act as the control group for the cognitive test. Near the end of filming, the presenter said that they had indeed been playing a trick on us and we all felt very clever for having figured it out. However, we weren't quite as smart as we thought because she then said that the cognitive test

was all a ruse and they'd actually been testing the effects of alcohol on our appetites. A heart for all sank. That's right. I remember the show, they were saying, like, you know, if they drank enough beer, would they get hungrier and hungrier for the pizza? That was on the actual episode, right? I see. Oh, I like that. The trick within a trick.

Yeah, they got them good. So they'd been testing the effects of alcohol on our appetites. Our hearts sank as we realised that we'd just been filmed demolishing all of the pizzas for TV, some guys folding multiple slices into single mouthfuls because we were so hungry, having to wait around all afternoon. Honestly though, I think for the average watcher that showed, nobody even really clocked it, because it was a rugby team and they all looked like really hungry guys as well. So, it fit perfect. And I don't think they caught any overly embarrassing people eating or whatever. I think it was all edited in a way to just show that, yeah, they drank beer, they were really

hungry and they ate a shit ton of pizza. Was this part of the Inside the Factory episode, or something. Yeah, because Inside the Factory, they do the bit inside the factory, and then they go over to Cherry, who's usually with somebody who's explaining some aspect of it, or she's with some specialist who knows something in or around whatever they're making in the factory. And then there's the other lady, Ruth, I think, who does the history bit, y'know? So, say they're in the soup factory, she'll go and speak to the professor of soup at Cambridge University to find out how the Victorians made the soup and everything. Just do the factory bit! Like, don't do the fucking rugby team bit!

Sorry, like, ugh. I don't know, it's nice! I don't wanna watch the fucking rugby team eat pizza when I'm trying to watch an episode about a liqueur's factory or whatever. It gives you some nice context though, because all you see is this mega ultra-efficient factory making soup, but it's kinda nice to know how they used to make it before. You get an idea of how the industrial revolution really changed the way that we all live and stuff.

Thanks for the food, it's factory. We used to just get tomatoes and smash them on our face with hands. And then we'd just lick it off and then vomit it out into a can. And then we'd sell that. It's like, what? No, it's fucking, what do you think? And they'd just use a wooden press or something, and before that they used some other thing. Like, it's just a less technical version.

Like, people have been mass producing food for fuckin' hundreds of years. I mean, I mean... Not on this scale, they haven't, big boy. I just wanna see the cool things like the rubbery, slappy arms which like, slap it and stuff. I wanna see all of that stuff. ALICE The potato juggler.

RILEY The weird shit, yeah. ALICE Well, we got a double header of Greg Wallace emails to follow this up. This one- RILEY Fucking Greg Wallace, he's gone to another place, he's doing another fucking show. What is he doing now? ALICE Well, this is- LIAM He's been playing Total War for seven hours. RILEY Ignoring his kid. This is from Lucas. The strangest thing happened, as I was listening for seven hours. 6.45am, he was in grey tracksuit, likely coming from the third space gym where the celebs

are known to go. I wanted to stop him and explain that I was listening to a podcast about him, but he was on a FaceTime call. That's Greg Wallace email number one. ALICE Greg Wallace is doing a public FaceTime call in Canary Wharf, like just in broad daylight, walking around doing a FaceTime? SEAN That's 6.45am in the morning, yeah. ALICE That is such a...

Like, okay, I'm not one for calling someone a boomer, but that is a huge boomer. That's boomer. That's mega boomer. So this is from a Zoe, email Zin. This is one of my favourite emails I think we've ever had, this really made me laugh. I was at work and I had a weird feeling. I looked up and Greg Wallace was looking at me from outside the shop. What the fuck?

I had a weird feeling. That'll do it. That'll do it. We maintained eye contact for about a second before he walked away. I had a weird feeling. We maintained eye contact for about a second before he walked away. The first thing that entered my head was, he's probably avoiding spending time with his autistic son, thanks to your conversation about his daily routine in a previous episode. Did he have that fucking sheepish-looking grin where his eyebrows look all evil and

stuff? Is that the look that he gave you when he made eye contact with him briefly? He's got a weird feeling. He's got a weird feeling. And there's Greg Wallace looking at you, that's so funny. Oh, I love that. Alright, how about, Slytherin? I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin.

I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin.

I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. I'm gonna go with Slytherin. You got a weird feeling, you look up and there's Greg Wallace looking at you, that's so funny. Oh, I love that. Alright, how about sleep injuries?

Do you wanna hear about this? Yeah, sure. So it's just posted a fucking picture of Greg Wallace doing his shit-eating grin. That's the shit-eating grin I'm talking about, that's the one. So you look out the window and that's what you see. God, punch it. Moments before you die. This is from Will.

Uh, back in high school I had a dream that I was dangling above a shark in the ocean. I kicked out of the shark and made contact with its teeth. My foot was bleeding and I was in a lot of pain. Immediately I woke up and my foot was still in a ton of pain. Evidently I must have kicked the wall next to my bed really hard, fighting against that imaginary shark. For the next episode I had to dodge questions about what happened while I was limping everywhere. Have you guys ever injured yourself while sleeping? Or had an awkward

real life consequence resulting from a dream? Okay, nothing to do with dreams, but I injured myself while sleeping. I managed to pinch a nerve in my neck and that pain was with me for like four months this year. So I remember that. Yeah. neck, and that pain was with me for like four months this year. So... I remember that, yeah. That happened during sleep. I don't know how, or why, it's never happened to me before. Guess it just slept funny.

I don't know. But it's a weird one. Give me two seconds, I just gotta answer the phone, okay? I'll just be a sec. Go for it. I've had a few situations where I've fallen asleep on my arm or something, and then woken up with my entire arm, like, properly numb. It's horrible.

Yeah, it's really horrible. It's awful. And then, like, the... It's real weird to deal with for a little bit while it's all floppy and you don't quite know what to do with it. And then, once it starts getting the feeling again, it's like, uuugh, like, honey, you get all that, suddenly all that tingling all over. It's actual pain as it starts to come back online.

But what I want to know is, if I'd stayed like that, if I'd really passed out, like I'm out for 12 hours and I've been lying on this arm, what damage is done? Any circulatory experts out there, or doctors or nurses who know about this, has anyone ever come in and been like, my arm is not working anymore, I slept on it and it hasn't come back, what's happened, how long before you lose the arm, how long before you do permanent nerve damage, what's the deal with arms falling asleep? I wanna know! I dunno, great questions, let's find out.

I did have a weird dream last night. Mmm. I dunno, great questions, let's find out. I did have a weird dream last night. I was like, okay, there was like an egg delivered to me. Hello. I drove down myself. And it hatched, right, to reveal like two bugs, like two really big, like, almost like, you know that massive pet stag beetle you can get, or whatever, those big boys. But one of them looked like a licorice allsort man, or something, it had like a long nose. Like a pointy sharp sword nose. The other one had like a big pinchy, it was like

a pinchy fella. Anyway, they were fighting. And they were fighting all over the place, right? All over my flat, all over the office. I was just watching them, and like trying to... I dunno, it was just like a whole thing. And then eventually, something I did distracted the stag beetle guy. He fell over and the other guy stabbed him. And they sort of... He died. But then, they kind of... There was like a flash of light and it just turned back into an egg. And that was fucking weird. And then, the other thing I dreamed, was that, cause this was a couple of months ago, I had a really bad cold, or I was really bunged up, and I dreamed that there was like, a gecko, or something

in my nose? And I pulled that out, and it cleared my airways. It was like this gecko living up there. In, up my nose. What the fuck. Dreams, man. I think they're interesting... I'm not criticizing your dreams. I will say, in general, I find dreams quite dull to recount. And when people tell you their dreams... Oh, tell me about it. It's very dull. I'm not saying that I'm having a pop at your story. It was so vivid, like... But yes, for the dreamer, it's incredibly vivid and real, and you kind of want to talk

about it because you're still trying to comprehend it, and part of your brain is thinking, did this happen? I've got to figure out what this means. The interesting thing to me about dreams is that you imagined that, but if you were just sitting around all day trying to imagine a bizarre scenario, it wouldn't be as weird and startling as your dreams. Which begs the question, what part of our brain is restraining our imagination during the day and when we're trying to think of things, and what is it about sleep that liberates it, and can we achieve that state with chemistry whilst awake? And is that what LSD is essentially doing? Yes. I think that's exactly what it is. I think that sort of these kind of things that

cause your brain to kind of go all dreamy. We talk about... sometimes... there was a thing recently with Paul McCartney where he talked about how he dreamed the tune for yesterday. I actually dreamt the tune for yesterday. Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. And I woke up and I'm noodling away on the piano and I came up with it. And I said to John, what do you think about this? He said, I don't like it, Paul, I think it's rubbish.

I said, well I'm gonna do it anyway, because I'm pretty sure it came out after you were dead. Let's check. Yesterday. Oh no, Let's check. Yesterday. So. Oh no, it's by the Beatles. 1965, in fact. He was alive and well!

Well, apparently though, he said, I thought, like, I must have heard it somewhere. Right. And that's why it's in my head. So he actually, like, for a couple of weeks he was trying to find out if he'd heard it anywhere else. And then, you know, he wrote it. Because originally he was like, the first person I saw was John. I said, what's this? It's bugging me. What's this song? He goes, I don't know. What's he got from it? He's an Australian. I'm a bloody no-mate. Straight up.

But do you know what I mean? It almost went exactly as you fucking called it. Oh god. But yeah, I mean, I think a lot of the time, dreams are just... I always think that there's some link to... you know, our brains, stuff that messes with our brain, must cause, or trigger similar physiological effects to happen. Dreaming is a thing that we all are aware of. Some people don't really dream, but I think they do, probably. I think they just don't remember them.

Or maybe, you know, they've got... I think you're not supposed to remember them. No, I think, it's generally if you wake up in the middle, those are the ones that you remember. The last dream, you don't remember all the other dreams during the night. We've talked about this before, but you're supposed to, like, if you want to try and remember your dreams, you should, any time you get a hint of something out of memory and waking up, you should write it down. And that'll help you, like, start to...

I guess. Did you do Kirsty and Bryony's podcast? Yes, I did. Yeah, it was Comfort Zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny that it's called Comfort Zone, because the dream I recounted was actually really horrifying. No, and those two aren't that comfy either. They're not cute and cuddly. They're very cursed. Yeah, so I thought that was interesting. I don't know what their background is in dreams or if they're just interested in them. But I think it's one of those things, you can get those books to decode your dreams. It's a load of rubbish. It's that, to me, that dream

decoding is no different from reading tea leaves and shit like that. It's a load of rubbish. To me, that dream decoding is no different from reading tea leaves and shit like that. It's just fun to sometimes talk about them. I suppose it's more fun to talk about your reaction to it and what you felt that it meant. That's what it actually is. It's like very gentle psychology, where you're like, what do you think that meant? And then you might reveal a bit more about the things that are troubling you or your mental state, rather than the dream revealing it. Your analysis of it is more revealing, I would suggest. I think it makes sense to just consider that interpretation, but it doesn't have to have

any fucking... I think people reading too deeply into this stuff is the problem, you know? Yeah. Alright, well, look. Let's start the next email and we'll catch sips up as we go, because this is quite a long one. This has got an interesting title. This is called Acting in a Chinese Soap Opera.

Okay, this is from Jared. I was recently cast in a Vancouver, BC vertical production called because it's shot to be viewed exclusively on a mobile phone, which I never knew that this was a thing. It's slated to be one of many cheesy soap operas on an app, DramaBox, which features short form series intended to be watched on your commute. Each episode is no longer than one minute, and a series will have over 150 episodes, giving each series a movie-length script. The settings are typically focused on CEOs, with some being about doctors, werewolves, or a combination of the three. From what I understand, the app is incredibly popular in China. The series are shot in English, and from what I've seen, the casts are entirely

white, however the producers and directors, along with the majority of the crew, were Chinese. As for the story, it's about a CEO sleeping and eventually falling in love with his secretary. The secretary is one of two adopted daughters of an unrelated family. The other adopted daughter being the CEO's fiance, who the CEO is only engaged to because of his own family wanting him to be married. There are some cheesy twists, like the brother of the adopted sister being in love with the secretary, the CEO's fiance hiring a hitman to kill him, and the big reveal that it wasn't an accident when the secretary fell down the stairs and almost died as a child. It was actually her

jealous adopted sister, the CEO's fiancee, and so on. As for me, I played the role of the CEO's best friend, whose only role in the story is constantly trying to sleep with the secretary, despite knowing about the CEO's feelings for her. What stood out was the level of micromanagement by the filming company's executives. Every time we got into costume, one of the production assistants would take a picture, send it to someone in China who, from 11pm to 1pm China time, would approve or make changes to the outfit. The visual of a Chinese businessman alone in an office at 2am, rapidly texting that my tie wasn't the right colour, really cracked me up. What didn't crack me up was when I arrived on the first day of shooting, when they decided that I should be clean shaven, and handed me a disposable razor to take care

of my beard. Other strange aspects were the call times. One instance I was called in at 10am didn't end up in a scene until 7pm. Every other day ended up being shooting one scene in the morning, another scene 8 hours later. And this was the case with multiple of the other side characters. In spite of this, we managed to shoot the entire script in seven days, although only one of these days was under 12 hours. Overall, it was a bizarre but fun experience, which I'd love to do again sometime." Isn't that strange? So, are they each completely separate, these one minute stories, or are they stories that

are one minute episodes over an arc? No, it's 150 episodes, and each episode is one minute. And you tie them all together into a series that's about the length of a movie. So it's like 150 minutes. So, quite a long movie, but I guess in TV terms, 150 episodes would be fucking hundreds and hundreds of hours. So, it's sort of like these little disposable little soap opera updates. Now, this is really weird. I find this interesting, because I'd never heard of it. I love the idea that this is popular in China and they're filming it with white people in Canada for some reason, but I pitched to Sarah that we should do, for the Yogs TikTok, a soap opera,

which is like a couple of episodes a week, which is just like one minute episodes around the office. And like if someone's visiting or someone's in the office that day, they're in the episode and you have like a mini EastEnders set in the Yogscast office, just a couple of episodes a week. She was like, I love the idea, but nothing's ever come of it. These Chinese lads must have been listening. And now they've gone and done it. No. Also, god, I really like the oversight from China.

Can you imagine getting that text of like, yeah, we need to shave your beard off, for a couple of words. We need a red tie. Why has he got a blue tie? Needs a red tie. And then like, two hours later, you know, they're like, and I put the beard back on, actually. Yeah, we need the beard back.

So weird. So weird. How? You just gotta keep all the shavings and then tape it all together. To put it back on. It's easy. Alright, well, you know, if you're just a background character I guess they won't notice. I really want to know more about this.

And if anyone can find an episode, a link to an episode, send it over, cause I'd love to watch it. This one is for you, Sips, and the title of the email is, Tell Sips to be Careful. Okay. Yeah. Football manager has been cited in at least 35 divorce cases. Oh no. Woah.

Yeah. While one obsessive persuaded his wife to honeymoon in Bulgaria so he could visit the team he was managing in the Bulgarian second division. So 35 divorce cases. Well, listen, I've been playing some football manager, but I'm back on a different type of crack now. I've been playing Hearthstone. So I transitioned back. That feels like a throwback.

Back over. Yeah. So there could be some more football manager in my future. I wouldn't, I never say never, but for now I'm on the hard stuff. Or should I say the hard stuff? That's great. The hard stuff. But if I may, football manager 25, the new one is coming out this year. So if you want it to pick back up, you could do it with the new title. I'm just saying that might be an idea. Because apparently it's all kinds of jazzy new shit. Anyway.

This is another one about Guernsey. ALICE So, hang on, before we carry on. Is there any evidence of Hearthstone causing divorces? Or Dota? ALICE I'm sure there is, there's gotta be. But maybe those games are too nerdy to even mention. Yeah, I think they're a bit too niche. They're not mainstream games. Football Manager is well known, right? Also, it's funny, because a lot of the people that play Football Manager would never touch another game. Like, this is their game. They love

football and they love a computerized version of football, but they do not play any games other than Football Manager. I know a bunch of people like that. So I think the reason that it's news, and more well known for the divorces and stuff like that, is because this is a game that, quite frankly, non-gamers play, so it's made it into the news. It doesn't feel like gaming news, it just feels like news news. It's everyone's favorite. Dota and Hearthstone are kinda like, a bit more... less mainstream in that sense. So, I just found a post on Reddit which is called, Dota 2 may have just cost me my marriage. I think it's a joke, but...

I'm pretty sure it's a joke from a skim, but... Hey guys. So I was balls deep in a game of Dota, absolutely stomping as Nyx Assassin. This was the... Anyway. How old is this post? Very old. Okay. Okay. Anyway. I'm fucking dunking on these kids.

My phone starts going off as we're taking Rochette. I give my phone a quick glance, see it's my wife, and decline the call. She calls me again. I decline again. My wife knows better than to bother me in a game of Dota and I'm very big on making sure she knows who the man of the house is. Then her sister calls. Ignore.

Her mother calls. No. Eventually I turn off my phone because my team is throwing the lead I'd worked so hard to create and I don't want to take out my anger on someone I care about. Or my wife. I start to play better now that I'm not worried about what she had to say. But I'm still mad because I know I haven't heard the end of this. I'd rather lose than get abandoned like any other Dota player. We finally make the comeback which shouldn't have ever had to have been a comeback and I call my wife, let's call her Jennifer. Anyway, at this time I remember that Jennifer is nine months pregnant and due for a baby any time now. So I call her on my phone and she won't answer. She left me a voicemail explaining

that she was going into labor and by the time I made it to the hospital my first born son Alex was already born. I missed the birth of my firstborn son and my wife is staying at her sister's house. I have already been contacted by a divorce lawyer. I guess the lesson here is that sometimes it is okay to abandon a game with Dota 2 if there is something important going on. I'll keep everyone updated but I'm fully prepared for a custody battle at this time.' Jesus! So that's like a one minute long soap opera, do you know what I mean? Like, you could do that.

You could do that. Shit like this, man. Oh my god, the drama. The twists, it turns out, you know, one of the players on his team, it was actually his child, and it wasn't even his, you know. And they were... Greg Wallace signing off. Greg Wallace was on his team, with Dota team, yeah.

Oh my god. So yeah. ALICE Just having a simple Saturday. My teammate was absolutely stomping these kids as Nick's assassin. I was playing Enchantress Jungle. DAD, DAD, WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS BORN? WELL, CRUSHING MIBS, SON. YOU KNOW THAT MUCH. Oh, crushing mid, son, you know that much, don't you? Hahahaha! Ugh.

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Had a few emails about this. And the question was, is there anything that we've done for the environment that was like directly beneficial or how have humans actually helped things? Think of all the fertilizer we've created. Well, yeah, I guess. So this was that we've had a large curing rabies or not curing it, but trying to sort of eradicate. Vanquishing it. Obviously, the UK doesn't have rabies. That is very good for humans, but it's also really good for wildlife because obviously they get rabies and die and it's horrible for them. So one of the things that we've done is by getting rid of rabies, that has helped the

environment. But I think it's also helped people and that's more of a corollary effect rather than the reason for doing it. I had quite a few emails about the humans helping the environment, some people saying the environment will be fine with or without us, and we're kind of irrelevant, which I think is wrong, and that the Earth will be fine long after we've gone, but you can do irreparable damage. And it's all very well having a planet, but I think the environment is also about biodiversity

and life and everything like that. I suppose, give it enough time, after we've gone it'll get back to something like that, but I think the environment is also about biodiversity and life and everything like that. I suppose, give it enough time, after we've gone it'll get back to something like that, but you never know, we might fuck it up so badly with forever chemical and plasma. ALICE There's also times where there's just a full reset as well, right? Something large crashes into Earth or whatever, it doesn't really matter who was there before. You might find bits and pieces of them, but generally you're just starting from scratch

again, you know, with different parameters. There's that, that astro, Apophis, which is like the Herald of Doom or something. It's like, it's gonna come, I think in 2029, within 20,000 miles of Earth. And you're gonna be able to see it quite clearly as a big streak across the sky. And it's huge. If that hit, that's the end of things. And apparently they're like, don't worry, it's not on course to hit us. But they're gonna study it because they're thinking, it could be in the future, and we

need to figure out how to fuckin' blow this thing up. We could divert it to hit us. We could! We could! That would be an interesting movie. It would be, like, the opposite of Armageddon. Okay, now's our chance. We're absolutely fuckin up this bracket.

We gotta divert this thing right into us. Time for a reset. We're gonna send up... We're gonna move the Earth into the path of this asteroid. Mr. President, plans are afoot and they're succeeding. Excellent. Keep it up. Keep being informed. I'll be in the bunker. That won't help you, Mr. President. Okay then.

This is an even more obscure sports slang. This is good, because this is a sport that I think none of us know anything about. Okay, do you want to hear it? Really? Yes. After the Olympics, where we already didn't know fucking half of them? Is it the one where you got a towel in your pocket and you're shooting a gun? No. This is about Aussie rules football. Oh. Oh. This is the slang they use in Aussie Rules football, do you know anything about it?

It's all very Australian. Aussie Rules? It's like rugby, it's footy. But it's kind of like on an oval field, I don't remember. What is a Guernsey? A Guernsey? It's an island, near to Jersey. In relation, sorry.

What is a Guernsey in relation to Aussie Rules football? It's like talking to fucking chat GPT, go on. That's where you stick a finger up their arse. Is that if you get like a really small amount of yardage up the field? No, it's not. Those are good guesses. That is the name of the shirts worn by the players, the sleeveless shirts that they wear. Oh.

Well, a Guernsey. It's like a jersey, but it's a Gu Channel Island, because that's the type of knitwear that fishermen from that island traditionally wore, but it might also be that, compared to Jersey, it's a little smaller. So, yeah, it could be that. A screamer! A screamer. Is that when they kick the ball in between those

posts, and it screams right through? RILEY No, I think that's a goal. ALICE Field goal? A screamer? That's when you kick them in the balls. RILEY A screamer is related to something else called a specky. Which is short for spectacular.

That's when someone jumps over another player, like usually using their back and shoulders to catch the ball, and they sort of go up really high, so a screamer is when they make this catch through a pack of players with a lot of horizontal momentum, and they crash into the ground quite hard. That's called a specky or a screamer. ALICE Right. Wow, that sounds mental. RILEY Yeah.

A banana! JUSTIN Oh, it's a bad throw. It's a bad test. ALICE Is that... Is that... Okay, no, that's when you catch the A banana! Oh, it's a... it's a... it's a bad throw. Okay, no, that's when you catch the ball but it slips out of your arms. Sadly not. No, it's a kick with a curving trajectory. Normally done with like the outside of the boot, so it's a kill. Okay.

A crammer! It's when you catch the ball but it slips out of your arms. Just using that one for all of them, it's a right. It's gotta be one of them. It's gotta be one of them. It's gotta be one of them. It's a crummy shot. He's fumbled it. He's missed.

He's kicked the ball so hard that it has exploded into lots of little tiny bits. Crumbs. No, it's a type of roll, generally filled by smaller players, who let the bigger players contest the ball, and then they catch the crumbs if the ball deflects and comes to the ground. Oh, god. I thought you were gonna say it was a type of roll that they ate during the game! No. It's a crumper.

It's like a crumper. Alright, a clanger. It's very crummy. It's a very crummy roll. A clanger. A clanger. That's a... So you run into somebody really hard.

Dude, you had it! What are you talking about? It's a badness. Yes. That's a... Where you run into somebody really hard. Dude, you had it! Oh. It's a bad miss. What are you talking about? Yes, it's a fuck up! It's when you, for example, catch the ball and just slip out of your arms! That's a Clank. You had it!

You were gonna use that, and then you just changed course! I was setting you up for it! Shit. Alright, what's a Falcon? This is the best one. So you catch, try to catch the ball in your arms and... It slips out. It's when you hit it over, hit it over the bar. No. It's when someone gets clubbed in the face catch the ball in your arms and it slips out.

It's when you hit it over the bar. No, it's when someone gets clubbed in the face with the ball. That's a falcon. Fuck! Falcon! So close! There's a name for it, that's so funny. I just got a falcon!

A falcon. Is it named after someone who, like, you know, got smacked in the face? Dunno. Maybe because you end up with a nose like a falcon or something? It's all swollen up. I have no idea. No idea. Anyway, that's all you were all slang. There was more.

I don't even really know what the game is, honestly. It's, it's uh... It's made it much more difficult. You've got the, you've got a ball, and it's sort of like Irish or Gaelic football, I guess. Where you boot it up in the air and stuff like that. It's kind of like rugby. It's like tackling, you have to bounce the ball I think when you're running with it, or you have to kick it. So every few paces you have to kick the ball back up into your

grass. Sort of like dribbling. Like basketball. Yeah, but kicking instead of bouncing on the ground. And then I think you have to kick it between some posts. And the outer posts are worth less than the inner posts or something like that. Anyway, this is- But it's not an Olympic sport. This is a question called, this is the title of this email, is DOMINANT BALL. My girlfriend said that men's DOMINANT BALL typically tends to hang lower. She has medical knowledge, but I call bullshit. Your balls do not know if you're right or left handed. What do you think? Does your DOMINANT BALL hang lower?

Didn't we talk about the mega ball? Mega ball. Mega ball on this. Like, if one of your balls gets injured or shrunk for some reason, the other one can grow to compensate, and you end up with a mega ball. RILEY Well, I mean, I don't know if that's relevant to deciding between two. Cause generally they're not side by side. One does hang lower.

ALICE Mine are like just two little peanuts. Mine are like two little raisins. ALICE They're not supposed to hang at the same level, because when you run they'd bang together like a desk toy. Do you think it's that? We talked about this. That's what I would call a clanger.

Yeah, that's a falcon right there, mate. A clanging together. I thought it was, so they're not touching and presumably transferring heat between one another and cuddling each other. That if you keep them separate, it's easier to cool them. That would be my guess. Cause you've gotta maintain a certain level of cool. ALICE I don't know. It's difficult to know what the answer to this is. I've thought a

lot about balls. ALICE Yeah. It depends, is it cold or hot out when you're measuring them, as well? Because if it's cold, they're all like shriveled up, you know? Like they're trying to retreat back into your body, almost. But if it's hot, they're all shriveled up, you know? They're trying to retreat back into your body, almost. But if it's hot, they're dangling like crazy. They sure as hell are. Well, I mean, you're usually wearing the shorts. Yeah.

Mine's... So, I mean, yours constantly in a state of shriveled... Of terror. No, no, mine are constantly like... Got like an udder down there, it's crazy. Very swinging. Yeah, me too. I, I'm a big swinging ballie. Well this is, let's change the subject for anyone that doesn't like hearing about nutsacks.

Mega ball. This is from Dan. Simple email. Salutations! This is a jingle. This is a non-AI jingle. Okay. For the male part. God, we really are getting whiplash here, from the fucking balls to... This is a jingle. So here you go, we'll 321 for me. Are you ready? Are you ready? She? Welcome to the most

I like that. Are you ready to shit? I like that, are you ready to shit? Jump out the back as now you ready to shit? That's nice! Take a big boobity doopster um, gibbity bum bum bim bum bum bum bum bum. Hey, podcast. Very good, I like the ending. So hey, that's good. I've never really thought, are you ready to shit?

Are you ready to shit? Are you ready to shit? I don't think we shit. I'm not quite sure why we're meant to be urging our listeners to shit. Very catchy. I'm gonna be singing that fucking Jing-Hai-Mo-Ni-Di-Shit now for the rest of this week. Are you ready to shit? Are you ready to shit? Are you ready to shit?

Are you ready to shit? Are you ready to shit? Are you ready to shit? I think it's great. Very straightforward. Very straightforward song. We should adopt that as our official song. Are you ready to shit? Are you ready to sheeeep? Are you ready to sheeeep? Are you ready to sheeeep? I think it's great. Very straightforward. We should adopt that as our official song. Are you ready to sheeeep? Are you ready to sheeeep?

It's a little bit, sort of, stonery though, isn't it? Yeah! Like, almost... Do you want to read it? Like, why is this funny? It's very funny. It's funny, yeah. I like that.

Love it. Whoever made that. Dan. Well done. Thank you, Dan. Dan. Brilliant. This is a very simple list of silly names. I come across a lot of silly names in my job in KYC, whatever that means. What's KYC? It's Kentucky.

Kentucky? KYC? Know Your Customer? A process that financial institutions use? Oh, Know Your Client. Oh, it's Know Your Customer. It's designed to protect financial institutions against fraud, so they have to see, they have to check up, so they see a lot of names.

My co-worker and I will send each other any names which give us a laugh while we're on shift together. So here are some of the best we found. These are just straight up silly names. Real people's names. Real people's names. LeCrystal Scroggins. Nice.

Amanda Sticks. No, stop, stop, stop, stop. LeCrystal Scroggins. Yeah. No, stop stop stop stop! The Crystal's Croggits! Yeah. Yeah. Kobi Crompton Froggett. Nice. Ace-a-Dick.

Ace-a-Dick. Minji Wang. Minji Wang! Minji Wang. Minji Wang. That's gotta be the best one. Rhino Kitchen. Rhino Kitchen?

Rhino Kitchen. Suck... Suck Bang. Suck Bang. Classic name. That's a classic name. I mean, that's the old schoolhyno Kitchen. Suck... Suck Bang. Suck Bang, classic name. That's a classic name. I mean, that's the old school name. Giuseppe Fatigatti.

Giuseppe Fatigatti! Yeah. Zip's has sent a link to a Wikipedia article for Fire Chief and Convicted Drug Dealer Bum Farto. Yeah, this is... Rams linked this to me yesterday. This guy is a fire chief and convicted drug dealer in Key West, Florida, who disappeared in 1976 and his name is Bum-farto.

Bum-farto. Did they... what the fuck? What about Ziggy Roy Toilingsperger? Ziggy Roy Toilingsperger? Or Nicole Wank? Ugh. These are all so good. Nicole Wank could be like, you know, a supermodel, you know? Baby Jacob. Well that's her name. Someone's name is Baby.

First name is Baby. Baby. Baby Jacob. Pinkie Pankerassi. That's a good one. Pinkie Pankerassi. That sounds like an In the Night Garden name. That's cute.

It does. Who's there? It's Pinkie Pankerassi. It's Pinkie Pankerassi. Beeper. Beeper. Beeper. Beeper. Beep there? It's Pinky Pankerassi. Pinky Pankerassi. Beeper.

Beeper. Wewewewewewe. This is from someone who's emailed in to talk about the Australian breakdancer, Ray Gunn. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Just FYI, contrary to what Lewis thinks, Australians did not love the performance of our breakdancing representative Rachel Gunn. Everyone I know and work with found it mega cringe.

So there are some who loved it, but I've not met one yet. Well, alright, look. Just to give the odds he's a break. Well, apparently she's been having a hard time. I liked it. Old Ray Gunn. What did you like about it? I thought it was great.

I thought it was fun, it was new, it was interesting, I just think it's... we need more of that. More of this, please. Yes. I mean, we did think that she might be hailed as a kind of Eddie the Eagle Edwards hero, but I always felt that Eddie the Eagle Edwards was giving it a bloody good go. I feel like Rachel Gunn was taking the piss, is what it felt like. Like, there's no point that I think this is serious. And in a way, she's kind of clowning on all the people who did take it serious.

Regardless of what you think about breakdancing in the Olympics, those people, this was their time to shine. And she's just turned up and just fucked it off, and made Australia look kind of silly, I think. That's how I feel about it. She's had a lot of online hate after her Olympics performance, apparently. Yeah, no shit. No shit.

It's been... The whole thing has just been messed up. She's also signed up to a talent agency as well, 23 minutes ago. Cut off the press. Good. Let's get in more stuff. I for one need more of this. You need more Rachel Gump.

You need some more Rachel Gump. Alright, this is about a Vietnam road trip. This listener, Ilias, went on a long road trip in Vietnam, from Hanoi to Ho Chi Minh City, took over a month, they did a bike ride. I assume they mean like, motor scooter. But it could be, I think that's too far to cycle. Did he follow the Ho Chi Minh trail? I don't think he can, because I think that was through jungle.

Yeah, but I think it's like a historical walk now, I think you can actually follow it. Because there was loads of little caches and stuff along the way. ALICE There's loads of little mines and tripwires. ALICE You know, the ones you step into and the spikes impale your leg? RILEY It's a punchy steak trap. A punchy steak trap. They would smear those with excrement so it wouldn't infect the wounds.

There's a little Vietnam detail for me. Here are a few things about driving in Vietnam. Most important rule, predictability. If other drivers can predict what you're going to do, you're safe. For example, if you want to do a U-turn in the middle of a busy road, this is fine. As long as you are going slowly and steadily. This also applies to crossing the road. Because there's so much traffic, especially in the cities, you have to make your own space for these kinds of manoeuvres. There's no waiting for a gap. You just have to make one slowly and surely. Also, if you're approaching someone who's making their own space and change your speed or try to break to give them room, you actually make things worse as you are no longer predictable in Vietnam. So if someone is reversing into the road, you just carry on straight past them. Not like the

UK where you would break and give them space and everything. So the system works as long as everybody is adhering to the same batshit crazy system. And you just hit your horn all the time to let people know where you are. Beep beep beep beep beep. So this guy's on a bike, I presume motorbike. So he's just beeping all the fucking time and they're all doing it. The bikes are just flowing constant, constant movement. There's no stopping. Everything lane. On motorways, Vietnam has what can only be described as the everything lane.

This is a lane on the right hand side that is meant for bikes, but will also have the following. Bikes and bicycles driving the wrong way against traffic. Cars, trucks, and buses suddenly pulling into it or pulling out of it. People walking either way. Lottery ticket sellers. Kids on 50cc scooters driving in either direction. People pulling carts of fruits in either direction.

Kids playing. Bikes that are on their last legs and couldn't go any faster. Rickshaws. Dogs and cattle. And potholes. So this lane is like everything just squeezes into this lane. How the hell are people navigating this? The road safety conditions of Vietnam must be absolutely abysmal. How would you handle this? Oh, I just wouldn't drive. I don't even know how you start learning to drive in a place like that. It's like throwing into a tank of sharks. I guess they're all driving quite slowly. There is this push for city centres to have less dedicated crosswalks, and more shared spaces.

Because the cars apparently do... it's safer to not have blind pedestrians walking across a thing. It's better if everyone's aware that it's a shared space, and they could do it with road tiles and signage and... There's this new push to have these shared, or roads that are not as delineated between what's allowed and what's not allowed, and apparently it's generally safer. And I wonder whether, in fact, in these places where it feels like controlled chaos, it's actually not so bad bad because no one's doing 40 through that. Do you know what I mean? So I'm watching a YouTube vid called, American Riding a Motorbike in Hanoi, Vietnam, Crazy

Traffic. And this is eight years ago and he's riding a little scooter and it just looks crazy. People just stop, there's no signalling, everybody's going in all kinds of directions. It's insane. It's absolutely insane. I guess you just have to go with the flow. But the road safety, road safety statistics, Vietnam. I'm just gonna google this. Road safety Vietnam.

It just says wear a helmet. That's the top result. Wear a helmet. Fuck me. Is that the Google AI helping you out there? No, that's the localvietnam.com road safety and traffic tips. Good heavens. Alright, anyway, thank you for that.

I'm horrified. This is about twinning, we were talking about town twinning. Oh yeah! Alright, so this one, this is interesting, this is from the University of York, I'm gonna show you guys this picture. This is a toilet that was twinned with another toilet. The University of York, there is a toilet, and as you can see on the picture here, it says this toilet is twinned with a toilet and it gives a latitude and it appears

to be somewhere in Guatemala, am I reading that correctly? Twin. Oh. It's a small picture. It's a small picture. It's twin with a toilet in... This one has been twin by the students at the University of York with a latrine at... Yeah, Guatemala. San Juan Mocha, Guatemala. How interesting. That is interesting. Why would you do that? Oh, um, if you read this email, please read my name so I can prove it to my friends if you don't mind. Thank you, Bradley. Thank you Bradley. There you go. Twinning toilets, how strange.

This is a Glastonbury email, this is about my experiences at Glastonbury. If possible, please keep me anonymous. It's possible, I won't read out your name. There you go. After listening to Mailbag36 and hearing your discussions about festivals, I wanted to tell you about my volunteer role at Glastonbury. I've worked at the festival for a few years now and my main role is to be a witness to evictions and incidents on site. The majority of this is people who try to get in for free or with fake tickets.

Glastonbury is extremely hard to break into or get fake tickets for, but has a long history of people attempting to get in. Tickets are hard to fake as everything has your face and name on and multiple redundancy systems to avoid counterfeiting. The festival removes hundreds of people a day attempting to sneak in. The system is fairly friendly, no prosecution is made unless you attempt to kick off at the staff. A security team will even drop you at the local station or your vehicle if you're nice. For some reason, I don't want to read this next bit actually, it's just throwing a certain group of people under the bus, but it's claiming that most

of these people are from a certain city in this country, and saying that they are the ones that they almost always have to chuck out, but I think it's unfair. If you had to break into a festival... ALICE What name and shame the city? RILEY Liverpool. ALICE Fucking Liverpoolians. Cheeky fuckers. ALICE You can't say it on this podcast.

There's tons of Liverpoolians listening to this podcast. So I think this is the number one podcast in all of Liverpool. ALICE It becomes a game, though, right, for a lot of people. Because they know there's no real penalty for doing it, and if they can get away with it, y'know. I mean, I think we were talking about this before, weren't we, with you saying... So I ended up watching some video of some guy saying, you know, gonna break into Glassbury today, gonna see if I can walk around the site, get a ladder, you

know, stick it on the fence and just hop over, you know. It's... I mean, Duncan used to break into Glassbury all the time, back in the day when it wasn't, you know, proper security. But now, no, I think it's become this huge thing. I wonder if this toilet twinning thing, I was thinking was like some idea or some push to get more public toilets out in places that are lacking them. Because that's a big problem in a lot of the world, you know. Just like, hard to find a fucking public toilet. Even when I was in like, the Netherlands, you know, every toilet you had to pay for, even in like a big shopping centre the toilets were like a euro. Which I guess isn't too bad, too bad. I guess it comes from spending a penny. People have been spending pennies to go to the toilet since ever. But like, oh, it's just like, I don't carry coins, what's

the deal? So you can pay with a card now, in a lot of these places. You just tap nowadays. But public toilets is a genuine problem. Because for some reason, there's been a big push to shut them down over the years and it is now genuinely very difficult. And you go into, if you're out in central London, for example, if you're in Covent Garden and you want a wee and there's a big Starbucks there or something like that, you can't get

into the toilets, you need the code. Or the key. You need the key. Yeah, it's either a key or a code. And they put the key on like a big wooden spoon as well. It's very cumbersome. Yeah, and you've gotta buy something, and then you can use their toilet. There is no public option. Like they're very few and far between.

This used to be common that there would be public fucking toilets, because they're something we all have to do, and now they're like, no! Because presumably it costs a little bit to upkeep. I tell you what, in France they've got loads of them. Yeah they do! And they're manned! A lot of other countries have a ton of them. And you gotta pay for them. Yeah, they're manned. It's true.

You do gotta pay for them. A lot of other countries have them. And you gotta pay. Yeah, but that's fair enough. I don't mind paying for the upkeep. I don't mind paying a bit just to use a clean toilet, it's fine. I mean, you get some that have a dry cleaning service, I've seen that, there's a public toilet with a dry cleaner next to it, so they run a dry cleaning service, and they have

someone sit there also manning the toilet. And make you shit yourself. Yeah, you can get it quick clean, exactly. cleaning service and they have someone sat there also manning the toilet. And you just... And you shit yourself. You can get it quick cleaned. Exactly. I mean, you can get some public toilets where they even have shower facilities and stuff. I'm thinking, this is useful. This is helpful.

And they're like, no, we'll shut it down. It's costing money. How much can it cost to run a fucking public loo? Come on. If I can pay 20p and that's enough, it can't be that much. We can bring on that. We need more. It's, you see it, like some of the nice, there's a couple of the nice services near

Bristol, the Gloucester Road services, and they have, you know, like a little shower room facility there for people who need a, like, you know, I guess it's for truckers mostly, or for travelling people. But, you know, it's obviously a service that is just very, some people just need it, you know? People's situations are strange. And situations are strange and sometimes the luck and the chances that you have in life can go the wrong way and you can end up getting kicked out of where you're staying and your family can't help you for some reason, or you've been in a car accident and your car's been towed away. There's things that happen, right, where people need help, and due to, often through no fault of their own, and having things like the ability to have a shower is very, you know, can really

be a big influence. Or just having a public toilet when old people need it, or a young family needs it. A fat young family. A fat young family. Or a skinny young family needs it. A fat young family? A fat young family. Or a skinny young family. I'm not saying a fat young family needs it more. I thought that's what you said.

I was like, what? Very specific. Do they shit more? These fatties need a goddamn toilet! Alright, this is the last email I guess this week. This is from Firefighter Kevin. Firefighter Kevin. Who is a volunteer firefighter for a state fire committee.

So there you go. Any questions? Ask away. I'm a fireman from Michigan. I work next to Detroit. It's a very high crime, low income area. I was intrigued enough by the last emails about firefighters and their stories to relay some of my own.

Yes, firefighting is a very emotionally taxing job, but also very rewarding. Not just because you help people, but also the general craziness that we encounter. Our department members are dual trained in firefighting and emergency medicine like most departments in America, so we get fire scene and ambulance stories. We had a gentleman call the ambulance because a whole apple had been stuck up his bum for two days. Jesus. Jesus. Okay.

He stated that his wife's apple had come out fine, but his was stubborn. We were relieved that he was honest with us and didn't lie and say he fell onto it in the shower or something. Why are you as a couple deciding, let's stick apples up our bums? Can you just please people stop? What is going on? Stop. Stop.

Anyway, that was my edition. That was not in the email. We once found a body wrapped in a blanket in the attic bedroom of a house fire. A father and son shared the house and the father wasn't home. So when the detectives questioned the son, he had no idea what had happened. Only when the father arrived home, did he have to explain that his hyper realistic sex doll was what they found in the after-school for the detective and to his son? Little kids always go crazy when we honk the horn or wave from the firetruck. They frequently underestimate how loud the air horn is and fall on the ground because

it scared them, which we get a real kick out of. Which is pretty brutal. And yeah, in general, loves the job. I thought that was interesting. And there are some photos which sadly you podcast listeners can't see. And their poor little ear drums probably exploded. There's like blood leaking out their ears and the firefighters are laughing at them. Good. I do remember waving at fire trucks.

Yeah, I'm just joking. Of course you do. The ones in America have seemed to have much louder horns than the ones in the UK. I certainly remember as a kid in New York... The sirens are different too, aren't they? In America. Yeah. But they have that really... There's more of a neena, neena...

Like that. ...kinda over here, whereas in America it's more of a wailing. It is. It's quite plaintive. There you go, that's the mailbag this week. An interesting, interesting bag. A lot of stuff... Fascinating stuff.

A lot of stuff catching up on, and sort of commenting on previous things. Keep those news stories coming. Keep the news stories coming. You got something interesting? Take a punch. ALICE But also, it's fun to go back and get some reactions from the old stuff, too. You know? RILEY It is.

I like it. I like it a lot. ALICE It's a nice, very good... Keep them coming. Keep them coming. RILEY Keep them coming. Keep them coming. ALICE Try for the's podcast, I'm ready to shit. You should play that in the fucking... on the fucking... people just sing that when

they need a public toilet. Maybe the fire ambulance should do it as well. I'm ready to shit. You need a shit. I'm ready to mobile shit station. A glass of beer ready to shit. Give us his phone number, you can call, like, an Uber, but for shitting. Wait, you're portable, portable. A Schuber.

You need a shit. A poober. You call a shit, a poober. I need a shit. They can play it out. They can use it for the advert. Travel with Poggers. How weird would it be, like, they just deliver

you a workman's porta potty wherever you are, when you need to shit. So like, just be on the sidewalk, in the way, y'know, like on the high streets, just there. ALICE There's like a drone drops a porta potty down. ALICE And everybody knows what you're doing in there. SEAN Check in Poober, and to find the nearest toilet that someone's parked the thing is though you would get a lot of like bonus points from the community because if somebody did deliver a

Porta potty to you for you to shit in on the spot after you got out there be loads of people queued up Oh, yeah, they're like great idea. Yeah, I love shit I need to shit too. Yeah, let's all shit together! Oh my god, Jenny! You're shitting here too? Ew! That is disgusting! Jenny! What did you have for dinner last night? Oh my god, is it burritos again?

Ew! And on that bombshell, that's the end of this week's Mailbag. Thank you for all your emails. Enjoy, as someone's pointed out, somebody has pointed out that they don't know the email address. It's periumflax.gmail.com or mailbag.yogscast.com. So there's two. There you go.

There you go. And Joi, there's someone who's pointed out, somebody has pointed out that they don't know the email address. It's periumflax.gmail.com or mailbag at yogscast.com. So there's two. There you go. There you go. And they all come to the same place. Bum-farto? Bum-farto away. Keep those bum-fartos coming.

Bum-fartos signing off! Goodbye. Pinky pancarassi? Sure. Bye. Thanks, shout out to Pinky. Bye. Bye.

Welcome to the Jumbo's Podcast. Are you ready to share? Jumbo's Podcast. Sure. Bye. Thanks, shout out to Pinky. Bye. Bye. Welcome to the Jumping Balls podcast. Are you ready to shit? Jumping Balls podcast, are you ready to shit?