Triforce! - YoGPoD 38: Borange

Episode Date: July 2, 2011

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Simon, I hear there's some news from America. Yeah, yeah. A law has been passed or is being passed or something in Tennessee. I think it's on its way or something. This bill, the whole point of it is that you can't say gay in classrooms and you're not supposed to talk about gay issues or bring up gay people or anything. It's just all banned because it's the Deep South and they don't like talking about that kind of thing. It's an affront to God, etc.

And George Takei has done a video in response to this, and he has... Oh, of course. Yes, he played Sulu. Sulu. He was the pilot of the Enterprise, pretty much, wasn't he? He was the one who steered it around. Famously a homosexual.

Yeah, he came out relatively recently. He went through all of Star Trek, and people were like, what a lovely young man. What a lovely man. It's like years later, he came out. People were like, oh. I think I saw him on the Howard Stern show,

a video of him grabbing someone were like, oh. I think I saw him on like the Howard Stern show, like a video of him like grabbing someone's knob. Basically, he had his hand down to some man's trousers and he was feeling his knob. That's what they get up to. I think that was,

and he was, he was very much enjoying it. Yeah. That's what they get up to on the Howard Stern show in America. So the whole,

the whole, he's done this, he's done this video up on YouTube and the whole point of's done this video up on YouTube, and the whole point of it is that instead of saying gay in the classroom, you say ta-kay. And as he puts it himself, he says, Don't say gay, say ta-kay.

hello and welcome to the Yorkecast. Thank you. Welcome, welcome to the Hillstast, Hillstast. Hello, and welcome to the Yolkast. Hello, and welcome to the Yolkast. Hello, and welcome to the Yolkast. That little intro there was by Mark Pidgeon. Thank you for that. It's a little bit of a remix. He's called Pidgeon.

Very good, wasn't it? It sounded like something out of Zelda or something. Oh. But it was quite nice. What happened to Deadmau5's intro? I thought we were going to use that. Oh, man. Yeah.

He's only, you know, the biggest DJ in the world. I can put that in. Well, it's no problem. It's no problem. No, I'll put it in later. I'll put it in next. It'll be the next break music thing. No problem.

No, I'll put it in later. I'll put it in next. It'll be the next break music thing. This podcast is made up of little weird bits of audio that we've got kind of left over. Some stuff we recorded ages ago. It's like a sausage, right? Right. Each of our videos, our videos are like prime fillet steak, and this is like sausage. This is all the sweepings up yeah of the floor with

all the sawdust and the the bit of lip and the bits of anus that go into sausages what are you saying that's not well i can't do that this is an anal sausage that's all i'm saying whoa this is an anal sausage of a podcast don't get get that on a BBC podcast, do you? You don't get people using the term anal sausage, do you? No, you do not. You do with a yog pod. So in this podcast, we've got some discussion we had about a month ago about Pokemons, Pokemens, mans, and we've got me telling an extremely long and boring story, and then we've got some fan mail.

So this isn't the greatest thing we've ever done by any means. Okay. But that's not what the Yoggpub was created for. The Yoggpub was created for me to upload guff, and you have to listen to the guff. So enjoy. Lovely. This lovely guff.

Delightful. Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff Would you like to explain to the Yogpod listeners why you're singing that song, Simon? I've been playing Pokemon Leaf Green. I've never played a Pokemon game before. Ever. And it's just...

It's captured my heart. Or rather, a certain little someone has captured my heart. A certain little pink fluffy fucker has captured my heart. Which I think is a nice way of putting it. I don't think the Japanese manufacturers would have called him that. Actually, the original Japanese, I think it's Kanji... Kanji. Iconogram of Kanji of Jigglypuff is

which is, if you directly translate it into English, it is fluffy pink little fucker. I didn't know that. Thank you. That's interesting. There you go. So, have you been collecting them all? I guess it's like 20 years late that you've discovered Pokemon.

I think Leaf Green is a remake of Pokemon Green, along with Red. Because they always release two games at the same time, so you have to buy two games. remake of Pokemon Green along with Red. Which, you know, because they always release two games at the same time so you have to buy two games so they make twice as much money as they would if they only released one game. That's a bit weird. Because everyone buys the two games. Yeah. And I think it's a remake

of a game that came out in 2004 or something. Citation needed. I'm not sure if that's accurate. Okay. So I am seven years late. I saw you posted on your Facebook asking how the fuck do I level up Jigglypuff when his only ability is Sing. Yeah.

And you had some helpful replies. That was his one ability was Sing. I couldn't attack. You were totally confused. I couldn't do anything. I could just send my enemies to sleep I didn't know what to do I didn't know you could switch Pokemon In mid-battle Or anything I thought, oh great, now I'm stuck with

Fucking Jigglypuff for the rest of my life It's like, even if I started up A new game of Pokemon It would just be Jigglypuff would just appear And go, Jigglypuff Jigglypuff No, I want to use Char Lizard What are you doing? would just appear and go Jigglypuff Jigglypuff No! I want to use Char Lizard

What are you doing? And like even if I if I went into fucking World of Warcraft now and I log into

Honeybeard my hunter I bet you instead of like Wolfenstein or whatever or Jethro my pet turtle I have fucking

Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Char Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff. Jaliverd. Well there we are. So have you made much progress into the Pokemons, Pokemans, have you collected them all? I've captured, because I believe this is like the original set of Pokemons, so I think there might be the 151 that you can collect. And out of that, I currently have found and captured a total of 10 Pokemon. Are you playing it right now? I do, yes. On my Game Boy Advance that I've got here in my hands.

Oh, so you're playing it on your Game Boy Advance. Did you get that for Christmas? Is that it? Did you get that for Christmas? Is that it? Did you get bought? I bought it legally, and I'm playing the game legally on my Game Boy Advance that I'm holding in my hands, Lewis. That you got for Christmas.

Okay, so you can't recall it or anything. I didn't get a big yellow teapot this year. Oh, no. You know, like every previous year since I was like seven or whatever it was. Sorry, I got a bit of a throat. I'm really sniffly snuffly as well. How have we both got ill? It's that time of year, Lewis. Like in different parts of the country. Because we've both been kissing Hannah. Coughs and sneezes spread diseases, Louis. Remember that. And so does Hannah. She's like Typhoid Mary.

What the fuck is that reference? Typhoid Mary? that is a victorian reference typhoid mary she was she's a very famous figure in history lewis typhoid mary see this is educational this is an educational program for people to listen to tell me about typhoid mary typhoid Mary? Oh, shit. Here we go. Without looking her up on Wikipedia. Typhoid Mary was Mary Clemens. She was a dishwasher woman. Dishwasher woman? Wait! OK, she was Mary Malon.

We're close. No, Mary Clemens. She was a dishwasher woman in Victorian. It was actually the reign of Victoria. And there was a well in the middle of London. Old London town. And that one well was the source of all water in London. Because people just forgot that the Thames existed. So they just used that one

well. And one day Mary came along and she fell in the well and died. people then they used the well to make, you know, to fill their kettles up, to make cups of tea or whatever, so they could eat chaffer cakes, you know, for their dinner with a nice

cup of tea. But, you know, or whatever so they could eat chaffer cakes for their dinner with a nice cup of tea. But the kettle was full of water that was full of Mary's dead corpse juices. So they caught typhoid. That's how it started.

Much like AIDS came along because a man had sex with a monkey and AIDS just magically was created by God to punish people. The same thing happened with Mary falling in the well. Falling in the well is a sin and so is drinking tea. So God was punishing people by giving them all

typhoid. So there you go. Well, apparently she was a cook and she was like a she was a cook and she was actually she was very, very healthy

but she had typhoid. But she was like a healthy carrier of typhoid. So she was like the first person to be identified as this healthy carrier. Which means that she has the disease and she can transmit the disease to people.

But she had no ill effects of it. So she was like a survivor in Left 4 Dead. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. You're not going to get the same experience with any other podcast. Just listening to Simon and Lewis talk, it's real. It's not scripted.

There's no base for their podcast. It's just them talking. It sounds like they woke up in the morning, called each other, and just hit the record button. But it's good quality humor. It's funny. You know, I don't go five minutes

without going into tears laughing. I love it. The Yacht Pod. So you have a funny story. I have a funny story. Lewis' funny story. I just thought I'd talk to you about this, because it's quite interesting. You know how sometimes you read an article on Wikipedia,

and it just sort of captures you, and then you end up reading the whole thing it's kind of quite interesting yeah you read the whole thing all like three paragraphs yeah but some of these are very very long like for example I'm reading this one about that I've been reading the one about the Mary Celeste you know like the ghost ship mmm because obviously it was quite an interesting ship that a boat washes up or is found at sea completely deserted all the crew are missing but everything's still there

all their personal belongings are still there there's like boiled eggs with the top taken off and the soldier half dipped into it and it's still warm it's still warm and there's like a cigarette still like embers still hot it's still warm. It's still warm, and it's like a cigarette. It's still, like, embers, still hot. Oh, don't.

It's all scary and strange. But, I mean, the actual story of the Mary Celeste is true. What? And it's actually quite well documented. Are you sure? I thought it was just like an episode of Star Trek or something, or Fringe. No, it was like Arthur Conan Conan Doyle who wrote Sherlock Holmes, fictionalised it into a story and exaggerated a lot of the things about it. But in fact, it is actually a true, in inverted

commas, mystery from the 1800s. But it's not quite as ridiculous as the way it was made out. So what happened was, the story is really that the Mary Celeste was a small cargo ship. I say small, it's a 282 ton brigantine.

So that means it's got multiple sails, and it obviously weighs quite a lot. But it's not actually that difficult to sail. It only needed a crew of about 10 people. Most boats don't have large crews of sailors. You tend to see larger crews on warships because they obviously need a lot of people to man all the cannons. So if you had like 50 cannons you'd need at least like 100 people to man those 50 cannons kind of thing. But cargo ships only needed like six or seven crew members. I mean I've seen Deadliest Catch, I've seen you know the size of the ship and all the

stuff that it carries and there's literally just four drunk guys just running it i like deadliest catch it's awesome there's some really good shows like that on tv anyway so in 1860 1872 the mary celeste was transporting nearly 2 000 barrels of pure alcohol, pure ethanol. And it was setting off from New York to Italy and it was to deliver the ethanol to the Italian wine merchants. And what the wine merchants did in that time was they actually diluted up their alcohol with ethanol to weaken it, but also make it powerful. So to make fortified wine. So they'd be able to use... How would it weaken it? Well they'd be able to dilute their...

They've got wine, and they add alcohol to it. Yeah, but they obviously can add water as well. And then they add more water. Yeah. Oh, I see. So they have to use less... I see what you mean. The actual grapes make a would go a lot further

so they were delivering 2,000, well actually 1,701 barrels of commercial alcohol, so it's all documented very clearly it was on behalf of Meissner Ackerman & Co it was worth about £35,000 and it was set to sell from

Staten Island, had a crew of seven. They were all named. So the captain was Captain Briggs. And his wife and child were also on board. His two-year-old girl. And on the day of the voyage set off, the captain actually sent a letter to his mother. And it tells her what's going on what they what they're shipping

and it's quite an interesting letter and obviously this is all very well documented as well and before uh the mary celeste left new york captain briggs spoke with one of his old friends david morehouse uh who was a similar like merchant ship captain who was leaving on a very similar route a week later okay uh which is quite a strange thing that has been documented but it has okay so what happened was they set off with this this effectively what's what is known as petrol across the atlantic and a week later captain morehouse so he was obviously sailing across as well he saw the Mary Celeste in front of him

and it was leading to one side slightly called yawing and also the sail because he was drunk carrying all that alcohol the ship's pissed and so he landed

and he went and investigated and they found that the ship was a thoroughly wet mess that's what the chief mate was quoted as saying there were about 3 feet of water in the bilge in the hold

but it was not sinking at all still seaworthy that's an unusual amount but it's not sinking at all, no, still seaworthy, that's an unusual amount but it's not too much. And also all the ship's papers were missing, except for the captain's log book which said nothing about the incident. The forehatch and the backhatch were open, although the main hatch to the cargo bay was still sealed.

Okay? It was sealed. The clock wasn't functioning. The compass was broken. And the sextant and marine chronometer, so the things you need to actually sail in a direction to find out where you're gone, are missing. Okay? The only lifeboat was missing. Okay? The only lifeboat was missing, and the

peak halyard, which is a strong rope used to hoist the main sail, had disappeared. Oh, yeah, yeah. The peak malliard. However, there was a rope,

which was possibly the peak halyard, tied to the rope very, very strongly. But at the other end it was frayed and trailing in the water behind the ship. So it was obviously like it could have been snapped, possibly something like that. So that's the actual evidence that was found initially. Six months supply of uncontaminated food and water aboard, all the crews personal

possessions and artefacts left untouched. So it kind of made the fact that it was piracy very unlikely and the vessel pitted to have been abandoned in a hurry. Importantly there were no signs of any struggle anywhere or any kind of violence. Because the ship was actually found off the coast of Portugal it wasn't far to Gibraltar, which is a British-held port on the rock of Gibraltar, the very south of Spain. So what happened was that Captain Morehouse sent his chief mate and another crew member to sail the Mary Celeste back to Portugal. This is a very common thing actually and there have been ships that have gone missing when they were trying to be sailed back.

But they didn't make it back. They all disappeared as well. So they made it back to Gibraltar quite happily. Oh,, okay. And they both got there and they were thinking, you know, great, we can salvage the ship. And so, obviously, the people were very suspicious. They called the police inspector and the local councilman

and they came and inspected the ship and they paid a couple of Portuguese or Spanish divers to inspect the ship and see if there was any damage to the hull or anything. No damage anywhere that they could find. They searched through the place and found no evidence of piracy or blood or anything like this. The initial scan actually did show that there were apparently traces of blood or an unclean sword, according to the records. The records are the very first inspector's log. But on future study, the Americans who

turned up said that there was no blood, it was just rust. So it was an old sword, not a bloody unclean one. It wasn't dried blood on the sword, it was just rust. So it was an old sword, not a bloody uncleaned one. It wasn't dried blood on the sword, it was just rusty. Right. I don't need to swear Lewis, I know you're quite passionate about it. Sorry. So, yeah, I mean after that, you know, the ship changed hands multiple times. So where's this going? Have you solved it? Well I haven't solved it, but there's... I mean what do you think might have happened? Have you solved the great happened? The great mystery.

So, from the evidence so far that I've given you. Aliens. Possibly a sea serpent or a giant squid. Yeah. From outer space. Yeah. Came down and ate the crew. Well, that was obviously put forward as a theory,

but there are other theories. I mean, the most obvious theory. Was it? Was it? Well, come on, think about better theories than that. I mean, why do you think this story is so popular? Because it's so easy to attribute to stuff like creepy stuff like that. But think about things that might be more possible. Like insurance fraud. So if the two captains were colluding together,

you know, to try and get the insurance money for the boat and all his cargo, that could be a possible thing. But strangely... But that's not very interesting. Yeah, and also, it's kind of not likely to happen because the crew wasn't worth much, and the cargo wasn't worth much. It was only, you know, like, tubs of alcohol

that aren't actually that valuable. They're quite cheap to make, and they weren't worth very much money. They were only worth, you know, a couple of... Well, tens of thousands of dollars, but not worth... A couple of popper. Not worth... Oh, is that all? Just tens of thousands of dollars but not worth not worth not worth the effort

that would have had to have gone into staging the whole thing and the risks involved with doing so there are easier ways to do insurance fraud he could have just burned the ship down for example in like somewhere so possible other things that might have happened

were you know some sort of storm and you know the Mary Celeste could have like thought they would they thought they were sinking or something but that's strange as well because the bill the water was you know higher than normal in the ship but it was certainly nowhere near enough to to warrant abandoning the ship. The ship was perfectly seaworthy. Other theories is that they evacuated the ship for some reason. And this is probably the best theory. They had to

evacuate quickly for some reason. And what they actually did was because the ship was still seaworthy and they just carried on, they actually transported the barrels of alcohol to their final destination in Genoa in Italy and what they found was that

nine of the barrels were completely empty one of the most popular theories at the moment is that these barrels leaked they started to build up vapor ethanol vapor in the hold now what can happen is oh god uh ethanol has actually got they all get drunk on the fumes well no ethanol has a flash point of around 13 degrees celsius which means that

in ethanol vapor you know you know in a ship will probably be warm enough to cause a flash. What is a flash? Well, a flash point is something that is very, very commonly used in chemistry, and it's kind of the lowest temperature that a liquid can vaporize to ignite in air kind of spontaneously it means that any kind of ignition source or spark can ignite something in air so what happened was these these these these these casks were obviously metal lined or they were they were nails in the in the cargo hold and there's obviously exposed metal and what probably happened was ethanol

fake the the vapor caught fire or or flashed and cause a paper explosion now if this would have happened it would not have actually scorched anything and lit left burn marks. Oh, so there'd be no traces of any fire. It would have blown open the whole doors and probably caused either a very loud explosion or a series of explosions. Now, obviously, if the captain believed his ship was about to explode he would have ordered everyone into the lifeboat uh but and obviously taken the instruments they thought they might need with them

the valuable instruments in case they got stranded in the lifeboat because the ship was going to explode but what he probably would have done is secured the ship to the lifeboat with a strong tow line so that if the ship didn't explode, it would have been... They could have just towed themselves back to the ship and carried on. However, as you saw, the rope broke. That could have possibly been because of the ship going too fast or a weakness in the rope or whatever.

So that's actually a very popular theory and it kind of explains certain aspects of it. You know, a serious reason why they might want to abandon the ship and a reason why the specific things are missing from the ship and obviously a reason why nine of the barrels were empty. It's worth noting that all the barrels that were empty were made of a different kind of oak. They were made of red oak rather than white oak. So all the barrels except nine were made of white oak and only three were made of red oak.

And those were the ones that burst. You've solved it. You've fucking solved it. Well, this is on Wikipedia, though. I mean, the thing is, this Wikipedia question, this long article about the explosion and, you know, possibilities of it, you know, it's got, like, UFOs, mutiny,

drunkenness, the crew were murdered in a drunken stupor. Does it actually have UFOs? Sea creatures. Does it actually have UFOs on the creatures. Does it actually have UFOs? It says that theories range from alcoholic fumes to paranormal explanations involving UFOs and sea monsters. And disappearance in the Bermuda Triangle. Are we kidding?

But it didn't go anywhere near the Bermuda Triangle. And also it was found near Portugal. So... No! That's a bit weird. Yeah, it's quite... It's quite a good little story, actually. And I'm kind of surprised

that it's real. There's quite a lot of these paranormal, weird tales. But they're all kind of quite old. You know, they're all like 70-plus years ago kind of thing. Yeah.

This is the Ogpod bringing you the latest news, the latest happenings around the world. Ship found without crew! How long ago was this? 1872. 1872. So 230 years. Is that right? Yeah. No. 130 years ago. The thing is we've had CSI and Sherlock Holmes for the past 70 years, so we kind of couldn't explain most of the stuff

that's happened since then. But before that was available, weird stuff happened, and people kind of just didn't know how to explain it, and it became this kind of strange mystery. Bizarre, unsolved mystery. There's quite a lot more weird stuff. Like, have you heard about the Vancouver

Feet? But this is a modern one that's mysterious. I've not heard of it. Oh, the Feet! Yeah, as in double E. I thought you meant EA. Oh. But yeah, all these Feets washed up wearing trainers. Yeah.

That is fucking weird and it's still going on yeah it's still going on so like the last one

was in it was was about December 16th 2010 the remains of a human foot still encased

in a shoe were found washed ashore near Tacoma raising the tally of feet found on Pacific Northwest beaches to 10 since 2007.

And if people haven't heard this story, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, you know, oh right, okay, so that's like five people. But no, they're all from different people, all of these feet. Yeah, well, some of them are from the same person, actually. A couple of them are from the same people. Are they? Yeah, most of them are from different people. So the first one was found August 2007 on Jedediah Island and was associated with a deceased man whose name police have withheld.

Another man's right foot, again, another man's right foot, Another man's right foot, again, another man's right foot, was found on Gabriola Island in the same month, so August 2007. Did you almost say in Australia? Yeah, I did, sorry. Wow. Two feet found on separate islands, Valdez Island and Westham Island, July 2008 belonged to the same man and two female feet found in Richmond belong to the same woman and then since then there's been a few more and the last one was August 27th on Whidbey Island and this latest one near Tacoma they're all in shoes and socks.

It's really weird because you'd think that if someone lost a foot, they would go to the police. Yeah. And they would say, my foot's gone. Has anyone seen a foot? I've lost a couple. So, our best guess for this one was someone in their mid to late teens. The shoe was a size 6 Ozark Trail hiking boot, sold in Walmart stores between 2004 and 2005. That's quite creepy isn't it? So all of the previous nine were in running shoes but this one was in hiking boots.

So it's someone preying on people who are going walking up around in Canada and they're killing them and hacking their feet off and throwing them into the sea. It's weird how it's just feet that's been found, nothing else. Yeah, that is the weirdest bit, isn't it? Um... Lewis's Scary Mistress I was thinking of a jingle and that's the best I could do it's kind of interesting to have this unexplained stuff

and just think what the hell it's why CSI and stuff are so popular and why all theseI and stuff so popular and why like you know you know all these all these detective shows are so popular why Sherlock Holmes has been so popular people like a sort of strange circumstance that's happened and they think well what the hell what did that happen they kind of like to think well the immediate it's why magicians and why magic's so popular there's a lot of how did he do that you know and people obviously jump to the conclusion that it's something supernatural

because they can't immediately explain it. And that's why Paul Daniels should be burnt at the stake. Letters from the Ognos It's good that one of us remembers that jingle. Okay, so obviously it's exam time again. So we're getting quite a few emails about exams. One from Stanley Mitchell, who's just finished his English exam. He says, the final question was a letter question, and I decided to sign it off As Dave exclamation mark

Yognaught as the address was in Devon Why not? I thought this might be a good idea Because if my paper is marked by a fellow Yognaught They might give me extra marks Yeah that's fine What isn't fine is At the exam on the front page

When it says your name Don't put Dave Yogognor on that. Put your real name. Yeah. His real name. He finishes off having had some time to think over my decision, I have decided I was wrong

and they might think I'm a retard who puts random punctuation marks in his own name. Oh dear. Well, there's a chance. You can't win them all. You can't win them all. Serena McMullen writes Dear Simon and Lewis

Today I was forced into going to church by my parents so I instinctively grabbed my headphones and thought to myself I'll listen to the Yogpod during the service. In the car my dad said to me he turned and said to me the yog pod during the service. In the car, my dad said to me, he turned and said to me, the yog pod is forbidden. What?

I obviously ignored this. I obviously ignored this. And whilst they were in church, I began giggling to myself. I didn't notice, however, that they'd gone into a deep prayer when I burst out into laughter. Oh dear.

I was so embarrassed. When the time came for the children to leave for Sunday school I leapt up and escaped with them. In the Sunday school an old friend I had not seen for years looked down at my iPod and saluted and said I am Dave Exploration. I now have to go see my grandad to organise stamps. I'm sorry. Thank you, Lewis, for saving me some more boredom. You have to what? So you... I know. What an exciting life.

This email is full of information. What an exciting life you lead. Church and stamps. Church, stamps. I mean... P.S. The reason my dad has banned the Yoggpod is because he heard one of them and was walking in when Simon was talking about him feeling free because his underwear

had slipped down. He felt that this was very inappropriate for a young lady to be listening to. Well, he's right. Your father is right. What a strange evil this one is. Reuben Weir. Hi, my name is Reuben and I have a short story for you. Seven

nights ago, I was listening to the Yodpod on my iPhone. I must have dozed off because I wake up the next morning with iPhone in my boxer and headphones wrapped around my legs. I untangled myself and had a shit. That's my story. That's horrible.

That is absolutely revolting. Why did you feel the need to share that with us? We didn't need to know that. That was horrible. Lewis, I want you to print out that email and then I want you to burn it. Can you do that? Okay, I'll try that.

Can you do that for me? Or just delete it in Gmail. One or the other. We'll do a sacrificial burning of that. It's pretty terrible. It's barbecue season, isn't it? Yeah. So, you know.

Okay. Alex Coleman. I'm rirting to you to tell you about the happiest day I have had. For years being vegetarian, I didn't eat Jaffa Cakes because I thought they contained beef gelatin. However, the urge to eat Jaffa Cakes became too much, and I did some research. I finally discovered the gelling agent in Jaffa Cakes is not in fact beef gelatin, but in fact pectin,

which comes from plants. I then ate as many Jaffa Cakes as was humanly possible. From Alex Coleman. Pectin can also come from digestive systems of animals. They get it from that as well. Probably shouldn't have mentioned that. They are definitely vegetarian friendly, Jaffa Cakes. Asterisk. Asterisk

they may not be. It doesn't look like it does come from animals though. It looks like it's mostly plants. According to Wikipedia days It's like citrus peel 30% Citrus peels have 30% pectin Really? It doesn't see that it comes Like from anywhere else So I think he's alright

I think he's alright God I was a bit worried then He would have like vomited everywhere If he'd found out that it was actually made of like Oh no If he was listening to this podcast Whilst he was eating the Jaffa Cake Yeah well he's you know he's a addict now um oh goodness me simon this is from louisa bateman what do you think of the new doctor matt smith and who are

your favorite doctors and companions um wow um I always had a thing for Ace, the companion for Sylvester McCoy's doctor. Right. He wasn't a very good doctor though. Um, Tennant was pretty amazing, I have to say. But I'm a big fan of the modern Doctor Who, yeah. Yeah. Matt Smith's pretty decent, isn't he? He's pretty decent. He's good. I like Matt Smith. We've watched all of the new ones, haven't we? We're big fans of Doctor Who.

The recent one by Neil Gaiman was very, very good. I'm a big fan of his as well. You know, the Sandman comics and stuff like that. Very serious answer. Do you like the dog, Simon? Canine. Do I like the dog?

The robo-dog. Canine? It's adorable. Well, he's not really adorable. He's not really much of a dog. He speaks and stuff. So he's quite strange. He's kind of like a box.

A small box, yeah. A little friendly box. Hello, doctor! It's the very sort, a small box. A little friendly box. Hello, Doctor! It's the very weird sort of noise. Okay, we've got some more questions from someone called Joe Pfaff. He's got a five-letter surname and it's got three Fs in it. So good work on that. He says, if you could live in any FPS game, what would it be?

Now I thought he was going to say if you could live in any period of time, because that's a fairly common question to ask people. But, live in an FPS? That is a weird one. I don't know, most FPSs are really violent, horrible places aren't they, to be in? Like, waves of enemies trying to kill you over and over again. Yeah. You basically have to act like a maniac, like a psychopath, in order to survive. You have to just go around murdering everyone.

I'm not sure I want to be in an FPS. Maybe if there's an FPS in which you I don't know, you chase rabbits and you make friends with people. How about like a dating based FPS? A dating sim. Is there one of those? That might be good.

Like a dating sim FPS. If there's one of those, let's know. Simon, could you go without Jaffa Cakes for a day? Well, you make me go without jaffa cakes for a day um well you make me go without jaffa cakes for a day now and again sometimes yeah but usually it's like at least a packet a day so well that's you say that but i went through all of the Jaffa cakes that I got gifted for my birthday and that was about

an average of a packet a day which is just ridiculous isn't it that is a lot of Jaffas do you have any children that you know about do I have any children yeah that you know about um no not that I know of i mean there is a there

may be a possibility that there are little simons out there i don't know okay it's not something you want to think about really is it no do you do you guys have a secret handshake the eiffel tower we do oh yeah that's i suppose that's quite quite common uh Simon, how did Big Al do in the Cleveland 2010 rally? Oh god, it was terrible. It's obviously been and gone now. Oh, was it? Yeah. Oh my god, it was horrible. I didn't know. We haven't really done an update on that for a while.

I mean, do you really want me to go into this? Because it's pretty harrowing. Okay. Go on then. Well, what happened was, there's three different events that you take part in. There's like a race, a sort of obstacle course thing, over slightly flattened cars. I'm sure you know what I mean. Yeah. And then sort of an endurance one, in which you just do laps over and over again Yeah, everyone knows this I mean it started off really well It was like the drag race thing

That he came second on Okay Jerry McFarlane Managed to beat him on that Is he related to him? Because he's pretty much top of his game It's Big Al McFarlane who who we're talking about, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, it's his nephew.

Oh, wow. They're a family of monster truck enthusiasts. They're very close-knit family. They are. They're from the South, if you see what I mean. Very close. They're very close It's also his His brother as well isn't it It's also his brother

Yeah And his uncle His nephew and uncle Yeah Jimmy Jimmy McFarlane But yeah I mean Things started off well

He came second in the In the drag race thing. In the endurance, he actually managed to win. Oh, right. Wow. And in the obstacle course thing, he managed to come third. But the person who was actually winning, his nephew-uncle, sort of ballsed it up a bit. Right.

He actually came last in that. Oh. So it turns out the Big Al, he won overall, which is great news. But, he decided to do a lap of honour. Oh. Around the track. But unfortunately... It's quite common to do that.

It is. It's quite common in most sports. You know, in racing, you do sort of a lap of honour. But for some reason, he decided to do it without the monster truck. So he just sort of ran around. Oh, right. And because he came first... And this was a bit of a problem.

Was the race still going on? No, no, no. This was after everything ended. He did a lap of honour. Oh! So what, had everyone else gone home? So he was going around, doing his lap of honour, but unfortunately, the safety car that goes around the track, that makes sure that you don't get people running onto the pitch, as it's called, that's the name of the race area. Yeah, the pitch. That's the name of the race area.

The safety car was also doing a lap to make sure that everything was clear and no one was around. And unfortunately, to cut a long story short, he got run over. He got run over by the safety car.

Yeah. If you're a professional level monster truck racer, that's how you want to go out. That's how you want to go out. Pretty much. Well, I bet he's up there in heaven right now. He's not dead. Oh. He's not actually dead. Oh. Lewis, I don't know why you just jumped to that conclusion. Sorry, I just assumed that he'd been killed. No. No, no, no, no. He's still alive. He's flattened, though. He's like a cardboard cutout. Oh!

Like what happens in Walt Disney cartoons. Yeah. Exactly. He is like a cartoon sort of flattened man. It's quite convenient because

when he got out of hospital and he went back home, he forgot his front door key, but it's fine because he just slipped through the hospital and he went back home, he forgot his front door key, but it's fine because he just slipped through the letterbox. Well there's a lot of very good careers you can get as a flattened man. You can go into walls and do wiring and stuff like this. What, you can just pass through walls? No, you can just slide in to the gaps between

walls. You know, and also you can work as a spy, because if you turn to the side then you're invisible. Oh right, I see. That's quite clever. I like that. Yeah. Um, I didn't... oh god, where are we going with this? I don't know anymore. Well there you go, shall we move on? Yeah, sure, please. Somebody has sent us an email that they've

formally changed their name to Dave Yogpod. What? What? Yep, it's a man named, he was called Peter Gregory but now no longer. He's now called Dave!

And he has actually sent us the deed Of which he So it's official He's officially changed his name He was called Peter Gregory He's now D! But it's supposed to be D!

D! Oh So I think he I think he might have But it's supposed to be de-Yognaught. Oh. So I think he sort of ballsed it up a bit. I think he might have ballsed it up. But he's got this really fancy signature as well for it. Really? Sort of a flourished, sort of cursive... It seems like what he's done is he's sent me this thing.

It's all sealed and signed. It was done a couple of weeks ago. Actually, no, it wasn't a couple of weeks ago. It was done ten days ago, that's all. Ten days ago? So it was done by Mr Justice Vasey. And it's all legal. It's all done

So this is official This is actually official Yep yep yep This is real We did it in the presence of Vivian Gregory And Stephen Gregory Who I assume

Would be his parents So they must have been Supporting this decision Change his name Really To They didn't go What's the hell are you doing

They went They were like... Are they Yognauts as well? Are they changing their names? Well, that would be a bit confusing if your mum, dad and son were called Dave Yodpod. Yeah, OK, it would be a little bit confusing, wouldn't it? It's very official-looking, this certificate.

I mean, the story is definitely true so good for you peter um not peter sorry dave dave dave dave um dave and best of luck because that's a name that will get you places. Definitely. Will it? Oh, yeah. It's not exactly Max Power, is it? Right. This is from Matt Tanner. I have two questions, the first being for Simon. I remember hearing you mention that you went to Cardiff University. I am a 17-year-old from America, and I am applying to college in Scotland or England. Cardiff was one of my top schools

when I visited last March. Okay, first of all, Cardiff isn't in Scotland or England. Right. So, good effort with that. It's in Wales, yeah. Everybody balls that up. Do you enjoy Cardiff, recommend it as a college, or does it have anything

else to offer? How were your college years? That's the question. How were your college years? That's the question. How were my college years? Yeah. They were um... Would you recommend Cardiff University to this young man? Ummm... Sure!

Sure! Why not? You're an alumna aren't you? You know. I am. I am. I'm a sort of dishonourable. You know how you can get a degree with honour?

Well, I didn't have a degree, and I had it with dishonour. So, exactly what you don't want. Be cool. Stay in school. Okay, we got an email from Lewis Morrison, who we're supposed to be revising for his A-level exams that are coming up, and he's procrastinating by emailing us so thank you for that Lewis Morrison he's got a load of questions that he's compiled

over time for us so are you ready for these? Simon, have you ever made a cup of tea then realised you were out of milk and used ice cream as a substitute? No No, that's weird Why would anyone do that?

Would you be inclined to do such a thing over the summer if you were hot and decided that you needed to use ice cream instead? I don't know, because... Sort of a cool ice cup of tea. You'd have a really sort of... Well, it would be like room temperature sort of cup of tea,

and it would be really frothy and weird, wouldn't it? I'm not sure that's nice. The ice cream would displace. You'd probably spill it everywhere. It'd be horrible. No, I don't know. No. Coffee, I would use it with. Simon, if I have an empty glass, and I fill up half of it with water, is it half empty or half full? If you're in the process of filling it, then you would say it was half full.

But if you were drinking out of it and it was half... It would be half empty. Yeah, you'd be pouring it out. Very good. If you were drinking it and it was half full, then it would be half empty. It's a matter of what you're doing to it in the future, not what it is at the moment. Yeah, that's how I like to see it. How big is the Yogscast staff?

Um, about six inches. Yay! Wow. Oh, no. Gold. No, no. Anyway, think of a colour that doesn't exist, Simon.

Boringe. Wow. That sounds like an incredible colour. It doesn't exist. Well done. Boringe. There you go. Boringe. So thank you, Lewis, for those questions. Jolly good. Oh, heavens above. Boringe. Boringe. thank you Lewis for those questions, jolly good. Oh, heavens above.

Boring. Boring. Blimey. This is from Hayden Tio. Hayden Tio. He says, I've got a couple of suggestions for you that might be fun to try out. Simon, can I hear your best American accent? Imagine you were doing like a Hugh Laurie

and you had to audition for an American accent. Imagine you were doing, like, a Hugh Laurie, and you had to audition for an American part. Well, gee whiz, this is some nice meatball here. It started off as, like, an American tourist, with, like, a camera around their neck, and it turned into, like, someone from the Bronx. I mean, doing an American accent American accent is like doing an English accent. There's no just English accent. There's no

American accent. That's true. There's different regions and different people speak differently depending on where they are different places. Hello? Hello? Can I have some cheese? Can I have some cheese on my burger?

There we go. Is that an American accent? Burger. You say that so nicely. That's so attractive, that voice. Well, there you go. Thank you for that suggestion, Hayden. That's a good one. Some people have been digging in their garden. Lots of people have been digging around. Oh, no. Don Wern was digging around, diggy....was digging around, and he found a rusty key under an apple tree.

My goodness, that could be for anything. Ooh. That could be for anything. That's quite... Finding rusty keys is always... You know, it makes you think, oh, God, is there treasure somewhere? Yeah.

Especially if it's, like, a little one, it's really ornate. It could be for anything. You know, it could be, like, for a box or something. It's like, oh. Yeah. Especially if it's like a little one, it's really ornate. We keep it for anything. You know, it could be like for a box or something. It's like, oh. Wow. Wow. There's like a magical box somewhere, just buried.

Keep looking. Just keep looking. You'll find it one day. This is from Abby McIntyre. I just thought I'd send you this picture of me and Brian Blessed because I know you love him and I met him when I was at a summer camp with the British Youth Film Academy. Really? He was making a film. It's in a short

film. Ah, it's a lovely picture of Abby hugging the big bearded man himself. She says, he came in and the first thing I noticed was that he talked very loud. This is perfect for me because I'm partially deaf. He was that he talked very loud. This is perfect for me because I'm partially deaf.

He was just right and very lovely. It's a lovely little story. It is, isn't it? It's a very heartwarming story! Oh, God. Oh, Brian. Such a lovely man, isn't he? So this is a story from Rhys Flexner. He said in the story, we've had a couple of these about

people's own experiences with the continental drift. The experience of your boxers running free. It's really taken accord with the people. They've caught similar stories. This one is from Rhys Flexner. It says,

Hello. Thought you might get a kick out of this. Yesterday I was walking down the street with a girl I kind of fancy and I suddenly was aware of a sort of a lump at the bottom of my jeans. I thought maybe my sock had become bunched up or something. So I did a little leg shake

to get it out. Out of the bottom of my jeans comes an entire dirty pair of boxers that must somehow have wedged themselves in. How is that even possible to do that? How can you do that? The thing is, what happens is, they weren't the

ones he was wearing, they were the ones from yesterday. Because what you do sometimes, well, I do it anyway, is when I'm undressing before I go to bed, I just take my jumper and shirt off in one go, and then I take my trousers, pants and socks off in one go as well. You take your trousers, your pants and your socks all off at once? In one smooth motion.

Have you not done this? No. You just grab your pants and your trousers, and you just take them straight down, and you hook your thumbs into your socks on the way down. I'm just demonstrating it now. No. And then it all comes off, right? And then you just lob it in the washing. But obviously if you do that and then the next morning you think, oh crap, I haven't got any old trousers, I'll just bung these on. You can accidentally, very easily catch an old sock or an old pair of

pants. That's disgusting. In the trousers. So this poor girl said, saw it, and she said, Did that pair of boxers just come out of your pants? And Rhys said, er, no. And the girl said, yes they did! And he said, no they didn't. Oh! And she said, where did they come from?

And he said, where did they come from? And he said, the sky? I am very smooth with the ladies. Why did she ask? Why did she ask him? Why did she say, did those come out of your trousers? When she knew that they did. It is so mysterious though. Because I mean, how on earth would a dirty pair of pants just flop out the end of your trousers otherwise?

Well, I mean, your explanation sort of, you know, is perfect. What an incredible story. It's perfect. What a lovely, heartwarming tale. I'm looking at all the different EP lists. It's a long, long list It's a very long list We're so behind

Well the problem is I'd actually looked at the thing We haven't actually done a podcast on our own this year Because we've always done all the interviews We did the Hodor thing But that was with Christian So We're way behind on the EPs.

We've got like 24 EPs to announce. Oh my goodness. And that's like two or three weeks out of date as it is. So it's even more than that. I don't know what we're going to do. I think we'll have to put a special area on the website for them. But they're going to get some mail out soon, aren't they, of awesome stuff. We've got some secret things that we've had made, and we'll be sending them out.

So, wow! That'll be coming in the next couple of weeks. I'm excited. Thank you everyone for listening, and thank you very much to the EP's, you guys know who you are. And we will see you next time.