Triforce! - YoGPoD 39: Christmas Special Fun Packed Special 2011 Special

Episode Date: December 23, 2011

The boys are back for a special festive fun-packed Christmassy special festive-fun fest of packed Xmas fun in this Christmas Special Fun Packed Special for Christmas 2011 Christmas Fun! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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remember this simon what whoa whoa what's going on i What's this? It's weird. What's this all about? Why are we doing a podcast all of a sudden? Well... I thought we stopped doing these once we started earning money. Well, that's true. But I thought we'd bring it back because people really like it and people are going off for Christmas. Bring it on back to you!

Sorry, just quoting S Club 7. People are going off for Christmas and they're sitting in a car to their nan's house and they're tired and they look on their iPhone and there's nothing good on there. There's no good podcasts out there. No. And they look longingly at the Yogpod and they think

I wish there was a new Yogpod and there is. Anyway, what I thought we could do is talk a little bit about Christmas a little bit about what we've been up to, and then go through some of the awesome fan mail that we've had building up over the past few months. The fan mail, it hasn't been looked at. It's a bit like when you walk past a house in a residential area and you notice there's all these milk bottles and papers piled up on the doorstep.

That's basically Yogg Towers. We have all this fan mail just piled up in front of the house. And there's a rusty old car in the front garden. It's got like several things under the windscreen wipers, several pamphlets and leaflets. There's probably one of those dogs that lives in the car, uses it as a kennel. So it permanently... it's probably got a door missing for starters yeah and the dog just sleeps in there and people don't know so so when people like walk up to the house to the front door to knock on the door or deliver mail or a package or whatever they

don't realize there's a dog in the car and every single time they walk by dog barks at them and they go falling backwards into a hedge and wait that's higher since bouquet out of uh that sitcom oh goodness yes did you ever watch that oh my god keeping up appearances it'll be on over christmas yes if you're in america you're not gonna be able to see that. Her surname is spelled Bucket, but she is so, you know, posh and upper class that she makes people pronounce it Bouquet, even though it's spelled Bucket. So, Christmas, right? You're going off to your family, I'm going off to my family. I thought we could share a few Christmassy tales.

Well, Lewis, it was Christmasmas eve i was nine years old me and mom were decorating the tree waiting for dad to come home from work a couple of hours went by dad wasn't home so mom called the office no answer christmas day came and went, still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try and light up the fire. That's when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top and me and mum were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird and instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing

down the chimney, his arms loaded with presents. He gonna surprise us he slipped and broke his neck he died instantly and that's how i found out there was no santa claus didn't really happen that's a quote from the the movie Gremlins. I've done that. Gremlins? Yeah, yeah, Gremlins. It's a brilliant movie. It's a very Christmassy movie. It's probably on over Christmas. I like putting it on over Christmas, having a good laugh at all the japes.

Maybe not that story so much. That's a bit, that's more of a darker part of the movie. Let's just do a load of fan mail. So this one is from Garrett Litrop. He says, Hello, Yogscast. I was wondering if you could answer this scenario for me. Okay?

You were taking a dump and fell inside the toilet and then something happened where you died. What would you do? So there we go. That is why me and Lewis don't read the fan mail. This is why we have Hannah do it. Okay. Right there.

Okay, well, Thomas R. Blaster writes in. He says, I have a question that you can answer. in he says I have a question that you can answer today at school I noticed during chemistry that o2 underscore underscore 2 was oxygan but o underscore 3 is ozone so I asked my teacher if people seep winning on about gap in ozone layer why don't they just convert oxygan into ozone and you it to fill gap there you go Simon well there we go that's that we could they could solve all of the world's problems if we just asked uninformed people what we should do because they clearly have all of the answers there's a certain

creativity that comes when your brain isn't tied down with anything like any form of knowledge or awareness of the world yeah yeah

oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree this is the Christmas youogg-Nott. I've heard of that podcast. A Yogg-Nott called Tyler Crompton has written in to say that, not in a gay, homoerotic way or anything, but rather in a cool, bromantic way, me and my brother have got tattoos of your Minecraft characters on our shoulders. My brother has honeydew and I have

Zephos, so yeah. Do we have any photographic evidence to back up these wild claims? We do, yes. What? This can't be real. Mine's quite good. I like that. It is on a beardy man.

Oh my god, that's his beard. Wow. Oh my god. And you have the, I'm guessing, younger brother. I don't know why you would say that. The one who drew the short straw. Are they in the uh the air force academy ah cadet third class tyler h crompton this was sent a couple of months ago so he might be uh like a captain by now i don't know how quickly you got the ranks captain crompton not that quick how do you explain to the other i mean in the army in the air force the guys see each other like

undressed all the time right i've seen top gun okay and so when you're playing volleyball right on the beach how do you explain the tattoo people go what's that what's a honeyew? And you're like it's right there's this English guy and he voices a character in a series of video game machinimas based around this there's this video game called Minecraft there's a man named Notch in Sweden and he made this I mean how do you explain all of that without sounding really really weird? And crazy. I don't know, I think more people would recognise it though now. I mean crikey. We've had so many people emailing us saying they've met random Yoggnaughts all over the place.

It's that... I mean originally when we proposed this idea it sounded ridiculous to us because I didn't think anyone would ever meet another yognor in the world right but now it's actually happening we did think it was preposterous didn't yeah we thought it was absolutely ridiculous that one person would meet another yognor and they would go you know i'm dave exclamation mark yognor and all that it just seemed so ridiculous and unlikely we didn't believe any of the stories people were sending in. They're like, yeah, I'm Aeognor on the train or, you know, on a bus or on a plane or in the car sitting next to me. It's my brother.

Our parents were driving us to the zoo. But I didn't think this would happen. And it's happening all the time. It's scary. Another good example is that Tina Barrett and Warwick Davis, we chose originally because they were very, like, we're not afraid, they're kind of D-list celebrities. People know who they are, but don't really, you know, they're not famous.

People in England, I this this is quite specific people in england who are of a certain age would have known them right and i was i was somewhat aware that a lot of people who watched us were younger than that and in different countries so it made it even more obscure and that's why i found it funny that The fact that Warwick Davis to me was... He's always been this big star to me. And I know that he's not even that famous. Or he wasn't. His profile's gone up an awful lot now.

That, you know, he's in this sitcom and everything. But, you know, I picked these obscure people. Tina Barrett. S Club 7, they split split up they stopped touring and now s club seven have reformed tina's like been emailing us saying i love the yogs cast you're amazing yeah we should have a drink sometime simon and i'm like i'm too busy i'm too busy making videos for kids on the internet. I can't meet you, Tina Barrett. Exactly. I mean, it's insane.

I wasn't paying attention then because I was looking at this thing that someone's handed. Apparently, on Life's Too Short, the new Warwick Davis thing that he's doing with Ricky Gervais, they're talking about what you get when you Google Warwick Davis. And apparently, one of the top results is

he just dismisses in the show as a couple of prats. So I don't know if that's actually a reference to us. Oh my God! Does he think we're prats? No, surely not. We did meet him, didn't we, remember? We did meet him, and I certainly was a bit of a prat. Inadvertently, though,

you can listen to that on, what was it? Yogpod 33A or something. Ho ho ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! This one is from A Tired Dude 13. He says, believe it or not, but the Yogscast got me a date. There is a smart and beautiful girl who sits near me in class but being socially awkward I didn't know how to approach her. muttered a reference to Simon's Diggy Diggy Hole song. She gave me the Yog salute and said,

I am Dave Yognaught. And then, for the rest of the class, we talked about games, the Yogs class, and other nonsense. Ah! Ten weeks or so later, fast forward, and I have worked up the nerve to ask her to the winter formal ball. She accepted.

Ah. The what? It's like a formal ball The winter formal ball Yes, it's kind of like a So there you go Thank you Scotty If that's your name

And fill us in on how that's going That's nice, isn't that nice? Yeah, if there's a wedding Or any children Just let us know Maybe you want to call the kids kids uh simon and lewis lewis it can work as a girl's name as well as a boy's name can't it this is an email from jacob williams um about two weeks ago my dad suggested to me that i should enter a contest to win a 250

gas card um i'm not sure what that is The contest was hosted by a local radio station celebrating the grand opening of a brand new gas station right outside my house. Okay, when I arrived I found the contest, no joke, was to guess the weight of a cow that was tied to a pole at the gas station. I guess this is because the gas station features a store that is part of a large chain called High Dairy Store High, sorry, High's Dairy Store Okay, so after a bit of clever thinking, I filled out a random guess and popped it in the slot My guess was £763 I have no experience with cows and frankly didn't want to have any

I drove home without thinking about it, not expecting to win anything. He drove home. Of course he drove home. It's right next door to his house in America, but he drove home. About two days later, an unknown number calls me on my cell phone. He says, hello, is this Jacob Williams? I said, yes. He said, did you know that you are an excellent cow weight guesser he said no and he

said well you are oh my goodness you've won a 250 gas card you could pick the car tomorrow so he won um so there you go that's his story that's amazing he's attached a uh a picture of the $250 gas card that he won. And there you go. There's a bit of fanfiction that someone's been writing. And I've got an excerpt. I shared it with TotalBiscuit a few days ago. But I didn't tell you about it. You thought you'd save it for this.

It's a good idea, good idea, good idea. Good idea mate! For a moment Honeydew sat there staring at the spaceman. He couldn't begin to describe what he felt in that moment. Here he was at the side of his best friend and most trusted companion who he had pretty much abandoned during the stronghold this was like a previous event in the story okay reassuring him that everything was fine and it wasn't his fault in a sudden rush of relief he caught zephos in his arms burying his face into

the crook of his neck forgetting about the tears he was supposed to be holding back. The spaceman slowly rested his own arms on his friend's broad shoulders, sighing lightly and sinking into his chest. real life it's nothing gay about it or anything nothing like no no no no no no okay here's a weird one this is from Dan and Josh Compton greetings Yoggmasters I was 11 years old and traveling to Manorca. Now he could mean Minorca or Mayorca one of the two islands yeah, one of those two. But he's combined both of those into this weird sort of

mashed up word. Which sounds like a kind of half man, half orca kind of like a whale creature. It's like a fucked up mermaid, isn't it? So anyway he was, this is a weird story but it was my first time ever on a plane like a whale creature. It's like a fucked up mermaid, isn't it? So, anyway, this is a weird story, but it was my first time ever on a plane, and after

about five minutes in flight, I began to feel sick. I held it in for as long as I could, but an hour later, I could do so no longer. I reached for one of the little sick bags in the back of the seat, but alas, it was too late. I vomited, and it splattered everywhere over the back of my seat

and onto the legs of the man behind me oh that's lovely he was a very tall man the man behind was none other than multi-billionaire richard branson who was traveling on economy class as a publicity stunt. New York Norton proud. So, okay. So this guy threw up on Richard Branson. Citation needed. What? I reckon that's true. Really? He's sure about this? He was going to Manorca. He threw up on Richard Branson.

There's nothing wrong with that. He was going to a place that doesn't exist, first of all. Red flag there immediately. Yeah. Ho ho ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

So this one's from Brian O'Rourke. It's another little story that he sent in. I have a story for you. I was once out on a date with my girlfriend going to the worst film i ever saw in brackets romantic comedy close brackets so good it could have been twilight yes probably was i bought a bag of candy and entered the theater it was a double date so my friend was also there In the middle of the movie

I asked my girlfriend if she would like some candy She said of course yes And I attempted to open the bag However the bag was rather tough We've all been there We've all been there And I didn't want to look weak in front of my girlfriend So I tugged as hard as I could

I realised my What happened Lewis? I realized my what happened Lewis what I realized my mistake too late as I watched hundreds of sour patch kids spray all over myself my girlfriend my girlfriend and all of the people in front of me friends my friend broke out in a fit of laughter as my girlfriend which had did little to help It was the most embarrassing moment of my life And my girlfriend broke up with me

As a result Whoa Whoa Okay now it was A really bad story okay Because I mean it's really uninteresting You opened a bag of sweets And the sweets went everywhere.

That's the entire story. But the fact that a girl broke up with him over this. What the hell? Wow. That's crazy. Are you sure that was the reason? Are you sure it wasn't like the straw that broke the camel's back?

It sounds like it, doesn't it? You know, everything else that you did that was horrible camel's back. It sounds like it, doesn't it? You know, everything, like everything else that you did that was horrible, that she hated, you know, none of that mattered. It was, no,

it was the bag of sweets that I opened really badly in the cinema. It's funny how people always... I had sex with her sister a few times. Wow. She found out about it. There was that time

I ran her mother over in the street on purpose and then backed up over her. Whoa. There was the time I punched her younger brother in the face during the nativity play in which he was playing the baby Jesus. But yeah, none of that mattered. It was all because I opened a bag of sweets awkwardly.

This is from Plared. He says, Hello, I'm writing you a couple of scary stories about creepy things that happened in my house. The first incident happened seven years ago, so I was 15. I was up late at night playing Morrowind on the family computer when I was supposed to be in bed. Naturally, all the lights were off and I had the volume turned down low as it was a little past mid-night and I had school the next morning. I had started a new character and was in the starting town taking care of

some quests, when I heard something. It was a person whistling a tune. I thought it a bit strange, not able to remember if there was such a sound in the game or not. I consider that it perhaps came from my grandmother's room, as she sleeps with the television on, and her room is situated just up the stairs from where the computer is. I thought he was going to say she suffers from sleep whistling or something. But I knew it was impossible. Her door was closed closed and I couldn't hear the TV at all. I turned the volume down almost the way to nothing and continued playing, pushing it to the back of my mind. With the sound nearly muted, I once again heard someone whistling a tune. I thought that maybe it could be coming from the game, even though it seemed too loud to me, so I turned the speakers off entirely and sat waiting sweating sure enough shortly

after I heard it again whistle to the dead silence of the house a sense of dread immediately came after him sorry a sense of dread immediately came over me the only way out of the room was through the foyer where the whistling seemed to have come from still I knew I had to do it. So I gathered the courage in my little 15-year-old heart, turned the computer off, and ran through the foyer and up to my bedroom. I never played Morrowind at night again. So that's it, that's the story.

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, this is the Christmas York part. I've heard of that podcast. The second story happened much more recently, around April of this year. My father was in New York for the weekend, so in the house it was just me, a friend, and my grandmother. Who still suffers from sleep whistling I was playing a video game in my room with my friend at night when I heard what sounded like the front door opening and closing as if someone had entered my bedroom door wasn't closed so we both heard it pretty clearly my room by the way is across the

hall from my grandmother's so it's right up the stairs from the front door, and coincidentally directly above the room where I used to play Morrowind. Anyway, I ignored this... Okay, yeah, the Morrowind room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ignored this as I knew the door was locked, and only somebody

with the key could have come in. Moments later, my grandma came into my room and asked if I had heard somebody enter the house. I told her that both me and my friend did hear something, but we didn't know what it was. She went back to her room and locked the door, and I reasoned to myself that the front door couldn't have opened despite that we had heard it, because the light in the foyer usually automatically turns on when the front door is opened at night. A few hours later, me and my friend mustered the courage to do a quick sweep through the house

to make sure nobody was inside, but our search came up empty. I chalked it up to just one of the several strange things that had happened in my house at night, and saw my friend out before going to bed. Well, there you go. We've not heard back from Plaid since that story. Do you reckon if we turned up to that house

that there would just be like an empty lot with just like swirls of dust? What we should do is we should like knock on the door and then run away. Wow. And then he writes another email. I was sitting

in my room playing a computer game when all of a sudden I heard a knock on the door. When I went downstairs to see who it was who had knocked on my door I opened the door. When I went downstairs to see who it was who had knocked on my door, I opened the door and there was no one there!" Oh my god! This is the scariest story I ever heard!

Well, there you go. Thank you very much for that Goodness me This is a letter from Alex Sconzo Some time ago I was a kid And was digging around in my yard Just like that Yognort was doing And like you guys were suggesting we did I found a key

An old rustic looking key Like they always seem to have in video games Kind of thin, wiry looking. I kept the key my whole life until about two years ago, when my then girlfriend bought me to some garage sale. I feel the need to say that I live halfway across the country from my old house. So anyway, at this garage sale there was a small chest. It was only a couple of dollars, so i brought it home because my girlfriend thought it was pretty i figured i could try and pick the lock and give it to her as a

present so she could use it for makeup or whatever women use boxes for nowadays so we went back home i'm scared and i told her the box would be ready in a day or two that That night, in a fit of curiosity, I went digging around my attic and I found the old key that I found in my yard as a child. I ran back downstairs and tried it on the box and lo and behold with a click it worked. Inside the box was this old Raggedy Ann doll. It was brown, covered in dirt and dust, and missing one of its button eyes. Also inside the box was an old bronze key, which looked almost identical to the one I used to open it with, and a couple of envelopes with blank pages inside them. Once I got over the shock of my key working and went to bed, I placed the chest on top of my wardrobe, still open,

so I could easily get in and out of it if I needed to. I placed the key next to it. When I woke the next day, the chest was closed and the key was gone. My girlfriend was not staying over that night and I have no pets that could have closed it and eaten the key. I was pretty freaked out about what happened, but I got over it after a day or two. That's what pets like to do.

They love closing boxes and eating the keys. They do. They're notorious for it. I was pretty freaked out when it happened, but I got over it after a day or two. I couldn't pick the lock, though, like I thought I would have been able to, so now it just sits on my fireplace as a conversation starter I thought you guys might appreciate this little story of my past from Alex so that was the Christmas podcast it wasn't terribly Christmassy it didn't have too much of a Christmassy thing I think the problem was that Gremlin story. It sort of took everything downhill from there.

Yeah, it twisted off in a sort of strange direction after that. It went all creepy. We didn't do a Halloween podcast, and we do like the creepy sort of stuff. So hopefully we haven't freaked anyone out. Well, there you go. Not the most Christmassy podcast, but that's all for now. I hope you enjoyed it we're gonna make more of these the new year so until then goodbye

goodbye