Triforce! - YoGPoD 41: Bear Claws
Episode Date: February 9, 2012Lewis, Simon and Sips answer more of your burning questions, including "What would you do if you woke up and had bear claws for hands?". This will probably be the last YoGPoD to feature Toaster Mic, r...ejoice/mourn (delete as appropriate). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Previously on the Yacht Pod.
See what's going to happen is I'm going to get this new mic
and I'm going to lose all my subscribers in one day.
I would have hoped you'd done a little bit more preparation.
Oh my god, why are you the best?
Sips, have you ever considered running for leader of Canada?
Are your other names anagrams of Sips?
There's a lot of questions.
So like a picture of Ed from Twilight sellotaped to your bicep?
I asked if he had beautiful hands.
It's only a game so put up a real good fight!
And now...
Hello and welcome to TTTTT Channel. You're a boy, you're a boy You're a boy, you're a boy
You're a boy, you're a boy
You're a boy, you're a boy
Okay, questions for Sips.
Okay, here's a decent one.
This is from DanceBittle.
He asks,
What is your favorite childhood film?
Mine is probably Jurassic Park,
which I would watch every hour, on the hour, all day,
although it's over an hour long, so...
Yeah, how does that work?
Well, it doesn't work, but I think...
Would you have, like, multiple VCRs set up?
Yeah.
And you would just put a new tape in every hour.
It'd be like singing London's Burning.
A round, it's called. You'd need
four VCRs and you'd have to
stage them all around
turning them on on the hour.
You'd get so much crossover.
And think of how many times you'd have to listen
to the theme music too.
It's good, but...
Of course it's good. It's John Williams.
It is good. It's not that
good, though. I wouldn't want to hear it
that many times.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- I think they just ran out of ideas. I don't know if I've even watched that. I never watched it either. Even when it was on, I wasn't watching it.
But I think they just ran out of ideas,
so they just over-egged the music big time.
Every scene had just that music playing.
And it was totally inappropriate at times, too.
Some guy was getting killed by a velociraptor,
and it was just like... And he's just getting torn to shreds and stuff.
That's terrible.
And I didn't think that was very good.
I think it's interesting that you say you think they ran out of ideas
when essentially it's just one idea, isn't it?
Dinosaurs attack people.
That's the whole concept.
Wasn't Jurassic Park 3 straight to DVD?
And wasn't it also set in New York or something?
Wasn't there dinosaurs actually invading
a city? I don't know
but actually if I'd realised
that that was the case I might
have watched it. Yeah.
From what I saw there was no city attack
by dinosaurs
and it was just pretty
bad. Was it just more island
in the middle of nowhere
stuff?
Yeah, it had the guy. It had the actor from the first one. I can't remember his name.
Sam Neill, you mean?
Jeff Goldblum?
The old guy. The old guy that cries every time he sees a dinosaur.
I mean, you don't need to cry every time you see a dinosaur, Foxy.
Why does he cry when he sees a dinosaur?
I don't know Because he's so emotionally happy
That he's brought back dinosaurs
So he just can't hold it in
He just bursts into happy tears
Every time
Yeah, but it wasn't him though
It was that other old guy
That looks like Colonel Sanders
But just like 20 stone heavier
20 stone Colonel Sanders
I'm not sure he...
Was he in the third one?
I don't...
Didn't he die in the first one? He got eaten.
Are you talking about Richard Attenborough?
Are you actually talking about
Richard Attenborough? That old guy
who looks like Colonel Sanders?
In Jurassic Park 1?
I think he is, yes.
He directed
Gandhi with
Ben Kingsley.
Are you going to start crying now?
Because it's bad enough that that other guy is always
crying when he sees the dinosaurs.
We don't need you to start crying.
It's a
shame that Colonel Sanders just
bursts into tears every time he sees a dinosaur.
Let's not spread it out too much.
I know.
It's because he's thinking, like, when he sees, like, the big dinosaurs,
he's thinking, oh, God, think of all the chicken I could get out of those dinosaurs.
Oh, my God.
Because apparently they do taste like chicken, dinosaurs.
They do.
I wrote an article about it once.
Yeah, it's true.
Because, remember, birds are, are like the nearest descendant to
dinosaurs, aren't they? Because dinosaurs
turn into pterodactyls, which turn into
birds. There is
a big problem with this, in that no one's
eaten a dinosaur.
Yeah, but genetic analysis...
Well, they could have in Jurassic Park, they had the
chance. They analysed it genetically
and they looked at dinosaur
meat and stuff and how
the proteins and all stuff
were lined up. It looked most like chicken.
I think Colonel Silas was eyeing it up,
thinking about putting the spice mix on it.
I would eat the hell out of a T-Rex
steak or
a Triceratops
wing.
I'd eat the hell out of it.
I would eat the ever-loving shit
out of a brontosaurus.
It's like in the Flintstones, when they order that dinosaur thing
and they put it on the side of the car
and it tips the car over.
Yeah.
The ribs.
I would love that.
The car falls over.
Hannah's writing me a note.
She says dinosaurs
they turned into pterodactyls. She's writing me a note. She says dinosaurs, they turned into pterodactyls.
She's drawing me a little dinosaur family tree here.
And apparently they also split up into archi-a-ter-ricks.
Archaeopteryx.
I don't know way you're right in
over a okay well not sure she knows so much about dinosaurs she she's what she
these guys she was a kid dinosaurs were like really big these guys died out
right they I'm glad I'm glad we're doing I up good
good stuff to turn it to burn cause wrapped a feathers is that why'd like
in what a warcraft rappers have feathers, in World of Warcraft, raptors have feathers?
Yeah, because they're more related to raptors.
Those are separate species of dinosaurs.
Ah, it all makes sense now.
So birds didn't evolve from pterodactyls, they evolved from raptors, apparently.
Aren't predatory birds known as raptors?
Which is why raptors are called raptors.
They're dinosaurs.
Okay, alright, but they can't hear you, Hannah, but yeah, okay.
Thank you for that.
No, we can hear it fine.
Oh, from across the room.
It's like being in school again.
Yeah.
She felt she had to inform, she had to step in and inform
that I was an idiot then.
Which is fair enough, but they do taste like chicken.
Um,
so that doesn't change the fact.
How long do you think it would take you to eat a whole dinosaur?
You could probably fill your basement full of tins of dinosaur chicken
that would last you well over ten years.
I mean, dinosaurs are huge.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Do you remember that you can actually get like a tin of chicken in jelly?
It's like a whole boned chicken in jelly.
Oh no, it's a really big tin, that sounds horrible.
It's the most disgusting thing in the world.
Hey, on that subject, one of the things that shocked me the most when I first moved to England
was that you guys buy hot dogs like in a can.
And I think there's just something wrong with putting a hot dog,
or like six hot dogs in a can with hot dog juice hot dog
juice that's probably the healthiest thing that's ever been done to that hot
dog I mean they're made of like disgusting stuff anyway putting them in
a can probably like actually gets rid of most of the agents that are like make
them all horrible I know but why not just vacuum pack
them in plastic like
normal places? Well, you can get them in
vacuum pack, yeah, in
frankfurters, yeah.
I don't go out there to buy them in cans.
No, but just your
average wieners, like Oscar
Meyer wieners. I beg your pardon?
Why would you get them in a can? That's disgusting.
You can get anything in a can, Sips.
You can get cakes in cans and meals, a whole lot of meals.
You can't get cakes in cans.
Get out of town.
You can get Jaffa Cakes in a tube.
I think that's almost the same thing, isn't it?
Cakes in cans, yeah, definitely, Sips.
It's like a cylindrical cake.
It looks quite good.
I mean, I can understand how it would work, but I just can't
visualize it.
And I don't think it exists either.
Well, I'm sure you're
wrong, so that's cool. Shall we move on?
No, no, we're not even done yet.
We haven't answered the question yet.
What is your actual favorite childhood
film? This guy said Jurassic Park.
From what I remember, Jurassic Park was in theatres for like three years.
Like seriously, every time I went by a theatre, Jurassic Park was playing.
So that's not even your answer, that's his answer.
That was his answer, yeah.
So we haven't even gotten around to you.
No.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
I think my favourite childhood film was the original Home Alone.
I just thought that that was the best movie ever.
Oh my God. at the time.
I remembered that as well because I remember
when I was at Center Parcs on
holiday with the family. Center Parcs
is like a kind of forest that you go to
and you have to ride around on a bike everywhere.
I fell off the bike and
I actually dislocated my jaw
when I was like
7 or 8 and I was trapped indoors
for this whole holiday
what the hell
and
it was the best holiday
of my life
right
because I got to watch
Home Alone
and all these kids films
it was fucking great
and I had to
the only thing I could eat
was ice cream
and soup
you know
so it was like
amazing
it was just fantastic
I had the best holiday ever
what kind of soup though
it had to be, like,
purely liquid soup, right? Like, it couldn't
have, like... Couldn't have lumps in it.
I'm not a big fan of the lumpy soup, though.
I mean, because they're, like, always, like, red-hot
magma bits, and they kind of just
burn you to death. Well, no,
I mean, they're not that bad. Well, they
are the way my parents used to cook them. My parents
only eat food that is, like,
at one million degrees
centigrade what's up with that i like lukewarm food like i don't really like like steaming hot
food my parents the kind of people who send stuff back if it's like lukewarm you know they're like
this is cooked enough and then they put it in the microwave for like 30 seconds and bring it back
out or whatever oh god yeah are your parents like the type of
people that like sort of do that kind of stuff every time you go out somewhere to eat yeah yeah
they always talk about how hot the food is that's the biggest like that's top of the list with mine
it's always like how long things are taking like within within two minutes of ordering something
they have to like flag someone down and be like, where's our food, by the way?
These people just get so angry.
You can see it in their face.
I'm just sitting at the back with my
face in my hands, trying to hide,
wishing I was dead.
They're just like, oh yeah, it'll be
probably be about 20 minutes.
Then they'll flag them down
a good two or three more times
in between that time.
We don't do fast food.
We do good food as fast as we can.
They probably have one of those signs up. Are your parents people who, do they order tap water?
A jug of tap water, specifically.
What do your parents like to drink, Sips?
I don't know.
I never really paid attention, actually.
What about your parents? Are they like
wine drinkers? Do your parents
do that thing where they have to sniff
the wine and slush it around
in their mouth a bit? And spit it out
into a bucket? Yeah, no.
They don't do that. No, I don't know.
I think they're fairly normal. What about
your parents, Simon? Well, my dad
does that whole swishing around
thing, but he does it with a bottle of whiskey.
You can see the hair sprouting from his chin.
But like the whole bottle, he just chugs the whole bottle and swishes it around.
Yeah, he doesn't really taste it, it just sort of goes straight down is is cali and uh... my mom doesn't really you know drink
uh... except to uh...
to forget
she only drinks to deal with your dad
uh...
who well
uh...
i hope they don't listen to this they were right it's fine
childhood films that
simon what was yours you didn't say
uh... ghostbusters two i think. What a great film.
Why 2? Because it was the better one, that's why.
Don't get me wrong it was good but nothing beats the first one. Nothing beats the
first one
apart from 2. No. Which does beat it. It was a rare sequel that was actually
as good. 2 had Vigo in it.
Was it Vigo? A child.
It had the guy from Ally McBeal.
Yeah, yeah.
I remember.
And he was always like, Vigo.
And then they had that pink slime, the happy slime.
Or was it the angry slime?
It was amazing, wasn't it?
The slime that collected underneath New York because everybody was so angry.
Yeah. And then the Statue of Liberty started walking.
That's such a kids film premise
isn't it?
The slime collects all the anger
of people in the city.
These are kind of films that were like
these are all cult classics really.
When you ask childhood film
the instant thing I think of is
the Disney film that you remember most strongly from your youth.
And the one I remember was Dumbo, for some reason.
I think it's because my gran had the VHS of Dumbo, and that was basically the only VHS she had.
And so through the age of four to about seven, every time I went to my nan's, we always watched Dumbo.
And I must have seen that film like 30 or 40 times and also this is the other thing i remember them having a vhs of spider-man
like a really old spider-man film from like 19 i don't know 80 something early 80s but when i
kind of looked for it on imdb i couldn't really find one so i don't know what this film i used
to watch as a kid was they taped it off the telly I mean it had the adverts and stuff in it as well so I remember like
watching this same thing was taped off the telly with the adverts over and over
again my childhood oh my god great grandparents always have such a shitty
collection of VHS tape I know like it makes no sense whatsoever. Like, my grandmother was married to,
like, she remarried to a guy
that I never even called Grandpa.
His name was just Ray.
So it was like...
And his VHS collection was...
He, like, taped Charlie Chaplin movies,
like, off TV, like, off public broadcasting.
And then he just taped, like, a bunch of, like, American football games. And then he just taped a bunch of
American football games.
And that's all he had on tape in his
whole tape collection. And he had like a hundred
tapes. It was crazy.
But nobody could watch them.
He was nuts.
He was very protective of his tapes,
was he? He sounds like a scary
man. He was.
He was pretty scary.
And, like, you'd try
to, like, watch Charlie Chaplin, and he'd be, like,
laughing his head off. And, like, I'm
sure that was, like, pretty funny, like, in the 1920s
or whatever, but, like,
this is the 80s. It wasn't
that funny, and I'm just sitting there. It was, like, really
awkward. Like, wasn't even laughing.
And, uh, god.
Jeez. I'm just, like, I'm just glad
I'm not a kid anymore.
I didn't really watch Disney movies as a
kid. I watched, sort of,
I don't know,
goofy things.
Movies that,
you know, aren't used certificate,
but are like, PGs.
So, I wouldn't be watching
animations of like, deers crying or flying lion king or
anything i think a bit old for the lion king actually uh that would have been pretty weird
if i was watching it at like 18 or something so i just watched i don't know action movies and things
terrible things things that kids probably shouldn't watch which probably explains why i'm like i am So I just watched, I don't know, action movies and things. Terrible things.
Things that kids probably shouldn't watch.
Which probably explains why I'm like I am. Aww.
Don't worry about it. It's fine.
So there you go, there's a moral there, kids.
If you want to be like me, don't watch movies for children.
Watch lots of violent movies and stuff with ghosts in, I guess, as well.
Did your parents ever try to prevent you from watching an excessively violent movie when
you were younger?
Well, Akira got mysteriously wiped, because I had a VHS of that, and that just disappeared
one day.
God, that's a bit of a... I didn't really get that when I watched it when I was about
20.
Do you think it's because it was anime or because it had violence in it?
It's pretty violent and pretty grotesque.
Either that or, you know, my parents really, really, really wanted to watch that episode of Antiques Roadshow.
I don't know.
Some of them are really good.
I mean, I can't blame them.
Okay, I've got another question.
I've got another question. This one is from Jimma769,
and he asks,
If you woke up one morning with a pair of bear claws for fingers, what would your first course of action be?
That's an interesting question, actually. I'd never really considered ever having bear claws for fingers.
What if you had really itchy balls?
I know, you would like
just completely like mutilate your balls
like just scratch them
You'd have to also make the bear noise when you did it
Yeah that stalk
bear noise from like every game
and movie ever. Bears might seem
you know lumbering and careless
but in fact they're very delicate creatures
and you would find that you'd be able to
scratch your balls very accurately
and it would feel very nice and relaxing.
Unless, of course, you also had more bare parts to your body,
not just claws, like bare balls and bare feet and stuff as well,
in which case you'd be perfectly suited.
I know, but do you think maybe maybe your balls would be tough like in relation
to the setup of your fingers?
Like if you had claws,
like your balls would probably be like
tough enough to withstand like the
scratching from those claws.
But like because we just have fingers,
maybe our balls are like softer.
How sharp are bear claws?
They're pretty sharp. Is the
implication here that bears have evolved very tough balls
because when they need to scratch them, they don't want to rip them off?
That would work quite well, evolutionary-wise, wouldn't it?
Because bears with really weak balls would just swipe them off,
so they wouldn't be able to procreate.
Survival of the fittest.
Yeah, but a bear wouldn't be able to just
do the stuff that it would do normally
if it just constantly had
scratched up, gashed balls
from its claws.
Wow, that's horrible.
You'd just be in pain all the time.
It was. Oh my goodness.
I don't know what I would do.
I'd probably go to the doctor and say
holy shit, what has happened
here to my hands?
Why have they suddenly become bear claws?
And then I might join a travelling circus
and become famous across the world.
I don't know what I would do,
but I have a good list of things that I wouldn't do.
I wouldn't scratch my balls, for instance.
That's right at the top.
I wouldn't scratch my inner, for instance. That's right at the top. I wouldn't scratch my inner ass
either with bear claws.
Your inner ass?
I probably wouldn't pick my nose.
I wouldn't pick my nose with bear claws.
I wouldn't pick my ears either
with bear claws.
So most of the things you wouldn't do
with bear claws involve
anything to do with your own body.
Is there anything else that you wouldn't do? I you wouldn't do with bear claws involve anything to do with your own body? Okay, is there anything else
that you wouldn't do?
I mean, I probably wouldn't
pet a cat or a dog with bear claws
either.
I assume that would be... What about another bear?
Well, another bear I think could take it.
Yeah. Like just a gentle stroking.
Not like...
Nothing too rigorous. No.
So yeah, I can think of more things I wouldn't do
then things I would do but I don't know like you if you woke up you had bear
claws you could be like oh I'm gonna get revenge from all those people that did
me wrong I'm gonna show them who's boss of this pair of claw but um you know
what kind of person would that make you not a nice one no well you. Well, you wouldn't be a person, you'd be part bear.
It's true, yeah, actually, when you put it that way.
Then you could almost justify acting like a total asshole.
Who fucking cares? I'm not fully human anymore, I'm half bear.
Suck on it, bitches.
Would it...
Well, you have got sort of an idea of what happens when you do become sort of a bear,
because you drove that car around, didn't you, as an EnviroBear?
That's true, yeah.
Where you have to hibernate in caves.
Good wheel handling, actually.
They know how to drive, don't they, bears?
So maybe you could become like a racing driver?
Yeah, it could be like the next Colin McRae with my bear claw.
Yeah, I guess that's it.
I guess that's what I would do.
Anyone else have anything in particular they would do with a pair of bear claws?
I'd pretend to be Wolverine a lot, I think.
I'd just be stood in front of a mirror going, you know, shnickety-shnick.
And then after two minutes, I'd get bored and I'd go,
Oh, God, what have I become?
And I'd just look down at my hands and stop crying.
Crying salty tears into your bare hands.
Like, not like his bare hands.
Yeah, very careful.
Bare animal bare hands.
I'd sit on the loo, I'd do my business, and I'd go, oh god, how am I going to wipe?
Oh god, it'd be terrible.
Yeah, it would be bad.
The things you wouldn't be able to do.
You'd have to, like,
enlist somebody to, like, do your wiping for you, I think.
Like the Queen has? Yeah.
What?
Do you think she uses,
like, normal toilet paper? Do you think she uses,
like, that really soft toilet paper
with aloe vera, like, inside it?
She probably has, like, a commissioned
factory that only produces, like produces toilet paper for the queen.
It has the royal seal stamped on every sheet.
And it's like 12-ply.
Us mere mortals can only get two or four-ply.
12-ply?
She gets 12-ply.
Each sheet is like an entire packet of tissues.
It's like wiping your ass with a cloud.
Oh, wow. Wow. There of tissues. It's like wiping your ass with a cloud. Oh, wow.
Wow.
There you go. That's right.
Shall we move on to the next question? There you go.
Let's move on to the next one.
Yeah, let me just find one. Hang on.
Okay, here's a good one.
This is from
Selassnape. I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right.
The question is,
Would you rather win the lottery or be the king of Zimbabwe?
I'm going to go for the lottery.
What would you do if you won the lottery?
What's like the first thing you would do?
I'd go out and I'd go and buy a pasty from Gregg's
and I'd treat myself straight to Gregg's.
The Oxcast, sponsored by Gregg's.
What?
New branch
opening in the Isle of Wight
2013.
Yeah. I know Simon
would buy the Millennium Falcon
Lego kit. Would you buy
a Porsche though? Like, do you guys
like cars? Would you buy like a really
fancy car if you won the
lottery?
Well I wouldn't have anywhere to park it for a start. If I parked it on the street
it would just get ruined. My current car has had two people drive into it, so it's got
massive dents on either side. I parked it facing one way down the road and then made
the mistake of pointing it the other way down the road like the next week and basically just got two big dents in each side so it's kind of evened out the um
aerodynamics of the car because with one dent on one side you know it was like not quite right
it's a blessing really isn't it yeah it was like veering off to like the side when you were trying
to drive and stuff yeah yeah so if i got a porsche I don't think, I mean... But then again, I don't really drive anywhere
either, so I wouldn't really... I don't really need a car.
Would you buy a helicopter then?
Well, I can't fly a helicopter,
can I? You could have lessons.
Or you could have someone fly it for you.
A heli-chauffeur.
You could be, like, one of those people that
because places don't cater for, like,
your specific needs, you could
just, like, not go. So, like, with a helicopter, that's, like, everywhere. needs, you could just not go.
So with a helicopter, that's everywhere.
Hey, you want to go to Tesco?
Do they have a helicopter landing pad?
No.
Well, fuck that. I'm not going there.
You could just say that about everywhere.
You could buy one for Tesco.
Have it installed on the roof.
I'm sure they probably do already have helipads.
And they're really posh, like the rich people.
They go, right, let rich people. They go,
they go, right, let's go to Tesco, darling. So they go up to their roof, they get in the heli-hop, so they fly to Tesco.
And they go, like, into a, like, down
a secret staircase in Tesco to, like,
a special private Tesco.
Why are they still shopping at Tesco?
Yeah, why don't they just order online instead?
Well, no, then they have to have...
Morrisons? I don't know.
Sainsbury's. They have to shop somewhere, all the millionaires. Well, no, then they have to have... Morrisons? I don't know. Sainsbury's.
They have to shop somewhere, all the millionaires.
Well, they just order online from Harrods,
and a posh man turns up with a molecule and says,
Your lettuce, sir, and here is your packet of Jaffa cakes.
That's exactly what they would do, yeah.
I mean, it's...
Ooh, lovely Jaffa kegs. That's exactly what they would do, yeah. I mean, it's... Ooh, lovely Jaffa.
Um, alright.
Let's close that one.
Nobody wants to be the king of Zimbabwe.
No.
And none of us have any real idea what we'd do if we won the lottery.
No.
But we'd prefer the lottery.
This is from Chasor11.
If you were held at gunpoint, which would you choose, milk or toast?
Okay.
If I was held at gunpoint, I wouldn't be thinking about milk or toast. Okay. If I was held at gunpoint,
I wouldn't be thinking about
milk or toast, in all honesty.
No, but he's like saying, like, someone comes up to you
like an armed robber, and he points a gun in your face,
and he just says that question.
Like, shouts it at you.
Which one would you go for?
I would just say
milk. Milk every time.
I think you'd survive longer off just drinking milk
than you would off just eating toast.
What kind of toast is it?
What kind of milk is it?
It's difficult.
It's not a question you can just answer
under a high-pressure situation.
I know, but I'm pretty good with most milk.
I mean, unless it's like goat's milk or like soy milk.
But I mean, that's only a small fraction of all the available types of milk.
So the odds are I'd probably get a milk that I could deal with.
Oh, skim milk though, I don't know.
I mean, what if you had to drink like a pint of like really watery, thin goat's milk or something?
You know, like, oh.
I'd barf everywhere. I don't like that.
Yeah. Simon's been drinking
soy milk, haven't you?
Simon, what the hell's your problem? Why don't you just get
some, like, normal milk?
1%. What's wrong with 1% milk?
Well, soy milk's good for you.
There's this whole thing that we're all
slightly lactose intolerant
because we're not supposed to drink milk
beyond, you know, teething age. We not supposed to drink milk beyond you know teething
age we're supposed to like eat solid food and not milk so it makes everyone slightly ill so by
drinking milk that doesn't have fats in then you you aren't so ill what a weird what a weird topic
of course though um we don't want to discourage people from drinking milk because it is extremely you aren't so ill. What a weird topic. Of course, though.
We don't want to discourage
people from drinking milk because it is extremely
good for you and a lot of people don't get
enough vitamin
whatever you get from milk.
So, drink milk.
I just like, I think
cold milk, if you just have a glass
of cold milk, it's so refreshing and delicious. I know. I drink think like cold milk, if you just have like a glass of cold milk, it's like so refreshing and delicious.
I know.
Like I drink like a ton of milk. It's really the best thing to drink.
I know that a lot of the population of the world are lactose intolerant, all the sort of people in India and China.
And, you know, none of them drink milk.
And lactose intolerant is actually the wrong word because there's more people in the world who are
intolerant to milk than there are who are tolerant of it in the western world so we are the we are
over here you know we are in the minority the people who drink milk are the minority so simon
has a good point well that's good that means there's more more milk for me i mean if china
and india were drinking milk there'd be none left, like, really fast.
Because, like, a lot of people live in those countries.
And if all of them started drinking milk, that would be a catastrophe.
We just wouldn't be able to keep up.
I think that's probably the real reason they don't all drink milk.
Because their country doesn't have the infrastructure to have that many cows around providing milk for people.
Maybe.
I think it's a cultural thing.
They've never drunk milk, though, have they, of any type?
Toast, though.
Oh, toast.
I mean, I like toast, too.
Not as much as milk.
I see what you mean, though.
If it was just a dry piece of dry toast,
I can see that the advantage of milk over that is, you know,
obvious. Because you don't really
eat toast on
its own, do you? You have to have something
on it. You have to have something on it, and
you have to have something with it, too. Like, you can't
just have, like, toast with peanut
butter and then nothing to drink.
Because you're, like, your mouth is just, like, stuck together
for, like, the whole morning.
So you have to have some milk to wash it down.
Or some orange juice.
Or some apple juice, maybe.
I think milk's a good option under those circumstances.
Okay, we've made a decision as a group.
Voted 2-1 against Simon.
Who would have gone for toast?
Simon, you wouldn't have gone for toast for me, though.
I don't believe it.
Well, it's strange because milk can be replaced
easily with soy milk,
and yet toast, what do you replace that with?
Crackers? It's madness.
It's crackers. That's where
it came from, saying that things are
crackers, because just eating crackers is
madness. It's crackers.
Crackers.
Okay. Good. Okay, David Callow asks, madness is crackers. Crack of.
Okay. Good.
Okay, David Callow asks,
what would be your dream job?
That's a good question.
What would be your dream job, Lewis? Jaffa tester.
What did you say? Jaffa tester.
Okay.
Do you want to describe your average day as a Jaffa tester?
Yeah, what if you get, like, a bad bat?
What if they accidentally just put, like, cat shit in instead of the orange stuff?
AIDS.
AIDS and cat shit in a Jaffa cake.
Well, it would be a bad day at work.
If it was a Monday, I mean, that would just ruin the week, wouldn't it?
You get, like, some sick days.
Like a work-related injury.
Well, you'd have AIDS, right?
So work gave you AIDS.
They'd have to, like, compensate you somehow.
Oh, my God.
I can picture it.
There's, like, I'm sat at a desk, and in front of me there's a tray that says in and a tray that says out.
And on the in, there's loads of Jaffa cakesakes and I've got like a cup of tea in front of me
and I'm steaming hot.
And I take the Jaffa Cakes and I sort of dip them in the tea
a little bit
to make the chocolate melt and for the
sponge to go a little bit soggy. And then I eat it.
Are you sweating
right now while you describe this?
After a few hours
I then, like,
squat on the
out tray.
The out tray and bucket.
The out tray
is actually a toilet.
It's like
a litter tray.
It's like a little litter tray.
It's gotta be a toilet with, like, a shelf built
into, like, the outside of the toilet
so that you can put all your plates and
empty tea mugs on top.
So just be plates with lots of little crumbs
on the plate. Like a big
stack and then empty tea mugs
too. And then obviously
your poops.
That is a dream job, isn't it?
Oh my goodness. People normally
answer that question semi-seriously.
Like, I'd like to be an astronaut, or I'd like to be a...
That's a serious answer.
Yeah. I mean, that's a serious career they could actually get involved in.
But it's a career that actually involves a lot of work.
They don't quite realise what they're getting themselves in for.
It's more likely the average person will get a job testing jaffa cakes and being a fucking astronaut but what
i'm saying is people don't like choose people people choose like things like like like rocket
car test pilot and crazy stuff but they don't factor in at what goes with that you know people
choose to be like oh i'd love to be a vet.
But it's hard work being a vet.
You have to do all sorts of horrible stuff.
They'd like to be a racehorse or a racing car driver, right?
Like Lewis Hamilton.
They want to be a racehorse.
Good grief.
When I grow up, I want to be a racehorse.
Timmy, I don't think... Wouldn't you want to be an astronaut or a Jaffa Cake tester?
Racehorse! Racehorse!
Timmy, come on, be reasonable.
I want to be an ambulance.
It's very hard to think up a... I mean, the word dream job...
As soon as something becomes a job, it's not what you imagine it to be anymore you know even like the best you know most dreams of people think oh i'd love to be a king
and like you know just like sleep with all the princesses but once you actually be king it's
like oh god i have to run the whole country there's people trying to assassinate me like
the king of zimbabwe you know it would be a real pain in the ass to be the king of zimbabwe as soon
as it's a job it's not what you dreamed it would be. That's the problem. Job
is like such a tedious word.
You know, it's like, oh god, I have to go to my
job. Oh god, I have to go to my
dream job tomorrow.
Oh, I hate it. You know, you'd get sick of
Jaffa cake so quickly at your dream job
wouldn't you? That would never
happen. That would never happen.
You'd go like, you'd get all like
super serious. You'd take your job super seriously.
Like you'd be testing the Jaffas and you'd be like, I wonder if like they just added
a hint of like cinnamon or something, it would taste better.
And then you'd like go to the CEO's office and be like, yeah, I'm your head Jaffa cake
tester.
I have this great idea to make your Jaffa cakes taste better.
And then you'd just like totally ignore it because like they've just been making Jaffa Cakes that way for, like, 300 years
or whatever, and they had no plans to change the formula whatsoever, and who is this guy
coming into my office?
Let's fire him, and then that'd be it.
That'd be your dream job done, because you would just screw it all up, because you would
just take it too seriously.
Oh, God. that's terrible and then you'd eat like a cat shit jaffa and your out tray would
be full and it would just be disgusting i mean this is you would throw up all over your out tray
your out tray would just be overflowing all over your room it It would be revolting. You'd pass out
in your own vomit on the
floor of your room, and you
wouldn't wake up for like three days,
and it would have solidified
and stuck to your face
and your chest. And then your intray
will be full of Jaffas to test,
and they're like, eat these Jaffas
now. Can you
imagine? The CEO would come down and wonder why the Jaffas now can you imagine the CEO would come down
and wonder why the Jaffas are being tested and he would slip in your vomit
and then he would like get vomit all over his pants it would just be terrible
I don't want to be a Jaffa Cake tester anymore! Oh, that's that little Timmy.
See, oh dear.
Well, there you go.
I think my dream job, we covered it in
livestream, I'd want to be that guy that
animates all that stupid shit in Anno.
Like the pig vacuum
thing and stuff. You just get to
sit around all day and draw
this factory that
accepts pigs in
by a vacuum and then slaughters them.
And that would take you a whole week to draw
all that and animate it and everything.
And I think that would be good.
You want to be a 3D artist designing
pig vacuums and various
other farm yards. And other really
dumb stuff. Yeah, machinery.
Okay. That's a good one.
I think that would be pretty stress-free
too. I mean, you know, it wouldn't be a lot
of work. And you get to sit around
and draw pretty interesting stuff
and then animate it.
But I don't know, eventually
deadlines and stuff like that, you'd probably
get a bit stressed out. Then you'd probably
start hating it. God, yeah.
They'll be demanding.
The thing is, the better you do at the
job as well um the more people expect you to like you know keep to those deadlines that you you were
doing in your first week that's why if any of you get a job right don't do too much work in the first
week because if you work really hard in the first week they'll sort of expect you to like you know
continue that like level of work but if you work like really crappy in the first week you to like you know continue that like level of work but if you work like really crappy in the
first week you can like build up and they'll be like oh my god he's got so much better look what
let's give him a promotion you know there's there's a fine balance though because if you start your
first week and you and you don't do shit like the whole time you'll lose your job too like you can't
set the bar too low or too high. You got to find that sweet spot.
Yeah.
Where you can just about get away with not doing anything.
Do the minimum.
Like if you were Jaffa testing, for example,
you should really just like, you know,
make sure that there's always like a little bit of a Jaffa
left in your in-trade to do all the time.
So if someone comes in and they're like,
they look in and see if you've got any work to do,
they always see that your inbox still got a little bit left in it.
And they're like, oh, right, good.
I'm managing him well, you see.
So always make sure there's still a little bit.
Otherwise, I'll just be taking on too many Jaffas.
Yeah, you got to pace yourself.
And that can lead to the whole situation that we previously described.
Well, maybe not Simon's situation, because that was kind of disgusting.
I mean, in an average job, I don't think that would happen.
No, probably not.
It was like a Final Destination-style catastrophe, wasn't it?
Just all these factors came together.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
So that was meant to be a really positive question,
and we sort of ended that negatively.
But whatever. It's all good. be like a really positive question and we sort of ended that negatively.
But whatever. It's all good.
This one is
video game related.
It's from somebody named Spartan114Caz.
And he wants to know,
Sips, how do you feel about EVE Online?
Um, I don't know.
I mean, I don't feel anything about EVE Online.
I tried it a couple of times.
And yeah, I can see why people like it, but it's not for me.
It's not for me at all.
I couldn't play for very long.
And one time I tried to get into a big fleet battle,
and my frames per second dropped to like five,
and I didn't know what was going on and I got killed.
And then I rage uninstalled
EVE Online and never
played it again. But apparently that's all
been fixed now and it's a lot better.
I don't know. I just don't
have as much time as I used to to play
big MMOs that take up a lot of time.
That's what I think about EVE Online.
What about you guys? Did you guys ever play
EVE Online? I played it briefly. I did the sort of tutorial thing and messed around and
flew about and it just didn't seem terribly interesting to me. It's quite beautiful but
then you realise that everything all looks the same in space, so you kind of get bored of just looking at the same backgrounds and the same ships, the same sort of space stations.
And also the whole crafting and buying of everything and the skills, it just wasn't very interesting at all.
It was kind of cool that you could train skills
without actually being online, though.
Some skills took five days to train or whatever,
and they would just train while you were offline and stuff.
That's kind of cool, but maybe totally unnecessary as well
because they could have just made it level-based or something instead.
But EVE Online is pretty popular, and a lot of people like it i think as far as i know the
community is like pretty tight with evil online too and like they do this thing like i think the
developers have like this this thing where they they have like an in-game like a government kind
of thing and it's all made up of players. And they get to go to Iceland like every year
and not like the store
like the country.
And they get to meet and convene
and talk about like galactic matters
and stuff like that. Galactic politics.
Yeah, whatever.
That sounds pretty good too. If you're into that
sort of thing, that's a nice touch.
Like a good way to sort of keep people playing
and stuff like that.
Alright, Carlos EFT asks, hi Sips. I found a can of tuna from 1993 in my shed. Can I
still eat it or should I just save it as a memento for when all sea creatures die off?
Thanks. I love you. Bye.
There's a couple of things with that question.
Why was there a can of tuna in your shed?
And do you normally store food in your shed?
Is it a garden shed?
I would never store food out in a shed.
Because you could get raccoons or bears or anything.
Just trying to get into the shed to get the food.
Where is he living?
I don't know, but I'm just, you know, I'm just saying.
It may not necessarily be bears or raccoons,
but like you could get like, I don't know, like a ferret or something
like might like dig in underneath the shed
and try to break in and like eat all of your canned food.
I mean, only if you have like bear claws. You know, you woke up
one morning and you had bear claws. But no, I mean
canned food, it typically
lasts... If I know anything about Fallout
3 and Fallout New Vegas,
you know, food's still good for like
ages after the apocalypse.
You know, it's still fine.
I think I read somewhere that
it lasts about 30 years on
average. You know, so I think if it was that it lasts about 30 years on average, you know, so...
I think if it was 1993, it should be totally fine.
I mean, that's only, like, 18 years old.
God, that does sound really old.
I mean, that's older than some of the people who will be listening to this, for sure.
Should you go ahead and eat food if it's older than you if it's been in a can longer
than you've been alive what oh wow i some some stuff's safe i think so like spam is probably
like pretty safe i guess it's it's probably like not so bad if it's things that when they go bad
they don't like cause massively toxic byproducts like Like, if you were eating, like, fruit or something like that, which is also highly
acidic, I mean,
some problems can be that if it's
quite acidic in the can, it can etch the can
and get poisonous, like, if it was a kind
of specific type of
very old can. But also, I mean,
if it's something like meat or poultry or something
like that, I probably wouldn't really go for it if it was really
really old. I mean, if it's off
then it's going to be pretty bad for you.
Do you think it's appropriate, though, to hang on to a can of tuna, like,
as a memento for when all sea creatures die off?
I mean, if all sea creatures died off, like, honestly, I don't really give a shit about tuna.
It's not, tuna fish isn't something I'd want to really remember either.
I'd be pretty good with tuna fish just becoming extinct.
I don't eat tuna, so I don't know.
Maybe if I had a tin of killer whale meat or something,
that'd be something to remember.
But I wouldn't...
I mean, you could make it into a necklace, I guess.
Just attach the tin to a chain and wear it as a necklace.
Maybe that would be totally fashionable in years to come now i think there's something to do with tuna i mean there's
there's different types of tuna obviously there's like sort of certain tuna that are being overfished
so if it was a if it was a tin of tuna that was going to go and disappear then maybe it's worth it
but other types of tuna are being like commercially farmed you know so they're basically never going
to go inverted commas extinct except in in the wild but i mean i think most tuna isn't really threatened
i think you're better off if you had some sort of fish that was going to go extinct you know like um
like a cod or something tin of cod maybe that would be more valuable you know something a little bit
less common um since like tuna's like common, isn't it? So that's
my advice. On this topic
though, how do you feel about
sell-by dates and stuff? Because if this guy's
had a can of tuna in his shed
from 1993, it probably
says somewhere on the tin, like, best before
November
1994 or something. Yeah.
Which obviously is
well over the sell by date and
consume by date.
But, like, do you follow
those? Are you the type of person that
if it says that it's got to be
used by the 10th of January,
you just throw it in the garbage
on the 10th of January, or
do you sort of chance it and just
do you do the mold check?
What do you do?
Do you open it up and smell it?
I give it a good sniff
to see if it's still edible.
Yeah.
But it sort of tricks you sometimes, though,
because if you smelt it the day before the sell-by date,
you'd be like, oh, yeah, it smells fine.
And it could smell the exact same three days later,
but because it's past the sell-by date that's
written on the tin you're like oh shit this doesn't really smell too good but like it probably just
smells the exact same as it smelled like a couple of days ago anyway i think it's one of those
things which you you care about it more if it's meat like if it's like chicken and it's like
hitting the sell-by date you're like yeah let's get rid of this whereas if it's like um i don't
know like a packet of tomatoes,
they're usually fine for like another week after it, you know.
And like some fruit just looks exactly the same as it was when you bought it.
So you're like, well, it's obviously fine.
So I don't know, there are guidelines.
No, it's a hard one.
Some people are so extreme though.
Like personally, I wouldn't eat a banana that was like overly bruised.
You know, like because it goes like all mushy and it's like kind of disgusting. I don't eat a banana that was overly bruised. Because it goes all mushy and it's kind of disgusting.
I don't eat those.
I've seen people eat a banana that's just totally black.
Yeah, you can buy them.
Like plantains.
It's like, why would you?
I don't get it.
It's so gross.
It's just so mushy and disgusting.
Why do you eat that?
Just throw it out.
Was this tin of tuna in his shed
part of a
nuclear apocalypse survival kit
or zombie survival kit?
If you heard that a zombie apocalypse
was coming, Simon,
and you had
advanced knowledge
of it, and you knew that you had to
stock up your house to prepare,
what would you go and buy from the supermarket?
A gun and a single
bullet.
Wow.
I don't know if I'd want to shoot myself
with a gun.
There's got to be a better
way to toast yourself
before the zombies come.
Whiskey and that tin of tuna you were
saving yeah just just like shit and barf your guts right out there was this movie on like a couple
years ago i can't remember what it was called but it was like it was like the lead-up to like
an asteroid hitting earth and like you know wiping know, wiping out everybody on Earth. And, like, it just
showed, like, the couple of hours
before that happened. And, like, all these people
were doing different things. And
the only thing I remember from the movie was, like,
there was this couple. They were just sitting
on the roof of, like, the building they live in.
And they were each pointing a gun at, like, each
other's head and hoping that they
could both, like, pull the trigger, like,
at the same time and kill each other I guess before like the asteroid hit that's
pretty depressing but we had way to do it that's certainly not you'd not the
normal way to do it is it what's not normal and I don't think it would work
either no you you're depending on two people having like perfect timing mmm
would never work it would be it would work but it would be more more likely to work if they were slightly further away from each other,
but then they had less coordination if they were further away from each other.
Well that's a bit depressing, isn't it?
Yeah, sorry about that.
That's okay.
What do you think would be worse? Do you think a zombie apocalypse would be far worse than just like a normal sort of...
Well, I say normal, but like, you know, like say an asteroid just hit the Earth and just, you know,
killed everybody instantly.
Would you rather go that way, or would
you rather, like, just try to, like, tough it out
and survive a zombie apocalypse?
Would I rather everyone on the Earth was killed instantly,
or everyone
on the Earth was slowly infected
into zombies? Yeah, and if
everybody on the Earth was killed instantly,
would you feel better about dying?
Are you one of those people that you feel better
about things when other people get
affected by other people at the same time? No.
Like, if you
died in a plane crash, would you be like,
ah, yeah, but at least 250
other people died too? No, I don't
feel like that at all. I don't.
Wow. Really? Because some
people are kind of like that. Yeah.
I've met people who've said that.
Dude, that's fucked up.
Which makes... That actually doesn't
make any sense. It doesn't. But
there you go. That's a bit
messed up, isn't it? Yeah.
So what you're saying is if you're going to go down, you're going to
take down a lot of people with you?
I guess so, yeah. I don't think that's a normal
healthy psychological viewpoint, is it? No, but to take down a lot of people with you. I guess so, yeah. I don't think that's a normal, healthy,
psychological viewpoint, is it?
No, but if you were going to go down,
would you try to take a couple of people with you?
Most people are willing to die to save other people.
I think if you asked one person, you know,
if they were to die to save one other random person, they would usually sort of say no.
But if it was, like, greater numbers,
I think there must be tests done on this.
It depends on the people, too., like I mean. It does.
I wouldn't take a bullet for like
the Chuckle Brothers for instance.
No. Wow.
No, or like Noel Edmonds or something.
Jeremy Clarkson.
No, I mean
man, Jeremy Clarkson's got a
21 year old daughter. How the hell is that? Really? Somebody actually slept with Jeremy. Oh man, Jeremy Clarkson's got a 21-year-old daughter.
How the hell is that?
Really?
Somebody actually slept with Jeremy.
Oh, no, not Clarkson. Sorry, I'm thinking Jeremy Kyle.
Yeah.
Wow.
Just as bad. Well, no, I think Jeremy Kyle's a lot worse.
I don't know. Clarkson's pretty bad.
I think Clarkson does have a kid, though. I'm not sure.
He probably does, actually.
And that means that Jeremy Kyle and Jeremy Clarkson have both actually had sex,
which is mind-boggling really.
I mean, somebody would have had to have been pretty desperate.
Quite right.
Wow.
I'm not sure... I just don't see the appeal.
I'm almost 100% positive if I was a woman.
I wouldn't go anywhere near either of those guys.
They're just the worst.
What if you had a gun to your head and they said,
Milk or Jeremy Clarkson?
No, if they had a gun to your head and they said,
Clarkson or Kyle, which would you choose?
God, that is a hard one.
Okay, let's move on, Sips,
before we get into strange territory.
Stranger territory.
Um, alright.
Raging Cookie asks,
Do you like ponies?
I do. They are delicious.
Um, I've never eaten a pony.
Can you even eat ponies?
I don't know. I think they taste a bit like chicken.
Because they're, um, descended from...
Oh, Christ. Everything. Everything tastes like chicken. I don't know if they taste like chicken because they're um descended from oh christ everything everything tastes like i don't know if they taste like chicken apparently there's this whole thing to do with whether or not
horses should be eaten right because apparently horses are supposed to be quite course meets
quite social quite nice like kind of um yeah like beefy but you know quite sort of different horses are these kind of things that are on the
borderline between like man's best friend and farm animals you know like you would never eat a dog or
a cat or a dolphin um but horses are like on the kind of borderline and i know that you know in
some countries they definitely do eat horses and you can buy like sushi horse sushi and stuff in japan it's quite common and i think there was a thing about sort
of bringing it back recently and making it kind of okay where do you stand on that simon i don't
think that i would eat a horse unless i really had to if someone put a gun against my head and said
milk or horse then i'd have to think long and hard about that one if someone put a gun against my head and said milk or horse then i'd have to think long
and hard about that one if somebody put a gun against my head and said horse or dolphin i don't
know what i would say oh god i i don't think i'd eat either i've never eaten horse or pony and i
don't plan on eating either either i mean i like i like horses and ponies like as much as the next person. Like when they're just like
galloping around in the field
and showering them with sugar lumps
and riding them over fences.
Oh yeah. But
I would never eat one. No.
Really? You would never even give it a go? I mean
it's a taboo. I'm not one of these people
that would just try something.
It's understandable. You always hear in
like kind of stories about war and fantasy and stuff as well,
that the last resort is to eat their horse kind of thing.
But I mean, also, they're certainly not farmed animals, are they?
They're useful. They have a use.
So there's definitely a taboo there.
I don't think I would really feel comfortable eating a horse,
and it can't really be that nice, can it?
Even vegetarians talk about eating bacon and saying oh well i tried bacon once you know i had to try and
it was it was all right you know it wasn't as big as a bigger deal as you know people were saying
and stuff what vegetarians have said that oh uh one of hannah's friends is a big vegetarian
and she was away sort of told that Big vegetarian who tried
bacon. Yep, yep, yep. Well, because
you know, everyone was saying, oh, you know, you're missing out
you know, you should try bacon. So she sort of
tried it and she was like, oh, well, that wasn't right.
But it was a special reason, there was
some reason for it, just to kind of
confirm her vegetarianism
by eating some bacon. Some people seem
to like go out of their way, though,
to like eat like just the most outlandish shit, though.
Like, some cultures, too.
Yeah.
Like, in China, they just, like, eat all sorts of different shit,
and it's, like, it's kind of gross.
Like, anything that walks, basically,
they'll, like, stew it up or, like, eat its legs or something.
You know, like, some people, like, go to restaurants
to, like, try, like, new stuff or whatever.
It's the reason that they don't drink loads of milk in these places.
They simply don't have the infrastructure,
so people have to eat weird shit
because there's nothing else that they can fucking eat.
Yeah, but why don't they just grow a lot of vegetables and eat those?
It's like a cultural thing, right?
So we go to a foreign culture and we say,
here we go, this is what we're eating.
We're eating some lovely sliced lamb and we're eating you know some some lovely sliced lamb
and we're gonna have some lovely cheese on it and so they say oh what you're killing this wonderful
creature we would never eat lamb here they're sacred to culture you know and then they say
cheese you leave milk out until it goes moldy and then you eat the mold it's like what it's so weird
to them you know these things that we find like normal you know in our culture but instead they say do you want this
you know fried scorpion on a stick and this like you know cockroach that we've cooked up you know
this is like totally normal here they're lovely why don't you eat them like jellyfish who the
fuck would eat jellyfish i don't even want to look at jellyfish like in their natural habitat
let alone eat them but we're getting a lot of anti-jelly prejudice going on here.
You don't like jellyfish.
What was that other thing you didn't like?
The jelly in pork pies and jelly chicken in tins?
I mean, what about like nice jelly, you know, strawberry jelly with like strawberries in it?
What's wrong with that?
Like jello.
What's wrong with jello?
I like jello. I like jello.
But I mean, isn't that just the same?
There's nothing wrong with it, okay?
Listen, I didn't mean to offend you, like-
Like ground up animal bones. I mean, it's horrible when you think about it.
Now, like, most of those just end up in those tinned hot dogs anyway, though, right?
Like, hot dogs are like- they're like 5% meat. The rest of it is all just like, all sorts of other shit.
They just put like all sorts of weird shit inside hot dogs for some reason.
You know, like in Indiana Jones when they were eating monkey brains and stuff like that.
Yeah. You gotta draw a line somewhere,
I think. You know, like,
nobody really wants to eat that stuff. I think the
line is probably drawn way before
monkey brain. Yeah, I think so.
That's like quite far over
the line.
Like, raw monkey brains
right out of their heads as well.
Yeah. There's no need for that.
That's not nice.
It's distasteful, yeah.
Let's move on.
Last question.
Whiteslate asks,
You've got an incredible ability for making up names for things,
but what's your favorite name in the world?
This is a good question.
If you didn't like your name, for whatever reason,
what name would you have for yourself? And would you have
the balls to go to Deedpole and have a change?
I would
call myself Candy.
Surname? Or is that just
the one? Like a footballer?
Like Pele? Kane.
Candy Kane.
I think Candy Kane is like a...
She sounds like a Batman villain, doesn't she?
Candy Cane!
Like a geriatric villain.
She supports herself on a candy cane.
I can imagine you dressed up as her as well, Simon,
in this horrible lipstick that's smeared all over your face.
Yeah, like the Joker.
Oh, God, yeah yeah that's a hard one
sips happy reversible spanners was a good name which i always i always liked that someone came
up with that when they changed their name it's already been taken though you can't you can't
pick the same name i'm gonna have happy reversible spanners because that'll be that'll be sufficiently
different also what do you mean someone's already got the name, and so I can't have it?
How many people out there are called, like, James Smith?
Yeah, they didn't pick those names,
and they're not called Mr. Spanners, though, are they?
Their parents did.
It's weird, though, because there's probably a lot,
but I've never met anybody named James Smith before.
Like, you'd think, like, the odds were that you would.
But actually, I don't think I've ever met anybody with the last name Smith.
And it's like the most common last name.
So I don't know how that works.
I don't think I know anyone called Mr. Smith, even.
LL Cool J, by the way.
His original name was James Smith, just saying.
Yeah, but you don't know LL Cool J.
I know of him.
I mean, Will Smith.
Yeah, you know of Will Smith, too, but you don't know him.
Would you go for a classic
name, though, Lewis? Or would you go for
something like Outlandish?
Like Simon Wentz?
Outlandish. I think I'd go for something
old school. Like, um...
Desmond...
Glenn. Desmond Glenn.
Desmond Glenn. Yeah, he
sounds like a character on The Archers
or something, doesn't he? Wasn't there a show called Desmond with like some Jamaican guys in it?
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Set in hairdressers.
That was a good show, that was.
With Pork Pie, a man named after a style of hat.
What was the question again?
What about you Sips?
What would you call yourself?
I'd just go for a classic, like Charles or maybe, like, Gary or something.
With two R's or one R?
Gary with one R. I don't think you should spell Gary with two R's.
Okay, that's a controversial viewpoint.
Well, I'm sticking to it. I mean, if anybody wants to fight about it, then, you know, they can fight Simon.
Well, there you go.
Thank you very much.
And we've tied it all together.
That'll do for now.
Yes.
And we will see you in a nice tidy package.
There we go.
We will see you next time for more questions with Sips.
And me.
And Simon.
I'm going to kill myself. Okay. Goodbye, Sips and me and Simon. I'm going to kill myself.
Okay, goodbye, Sips.
Goodbye. Do you want to say goodbye, Simon?
Goodbye, Simon.
You've been listening to The Yog Pod,
episode 41, which was produced by
the Yogs cast and starred Lewis Brindley, Simon Lane and Sips.
My name is Sparkles and I wrote the music you can hear right now.
And I also survived many near-death experiences to deliver this podcast to your ears.
I have to go now as I've not seen daylight in over a week.
Bye! Outro Music