Triforce! - YoGPoD 6: Zombies and Drugs

Episode Date: March 13, 2009

Simon and Lewis discuss the dangers of zombie apocalypse and the lingo used by drug dealers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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19 and over and physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See casino.draftkings.com for details. Please play responsibly. Hello and welcome to Young's Cast. Lewis, what would you do if I died and I came back as a zombie? I'd shock on you in the head. Do you actually have a shock, though?

No. So how would you achieve that? It's not going to happen. It's one of those questions like, what would happen if there was an afterlife? There isn't. There's about as much chance as a zombie

existing as... There isn't any chance. There isn't any chance at all. It's not going to happen. What's happened is... It's not going to happen. I caught this African virus, which basically destroyed my brain. Okay, I don't know how you would tell that, first off. But trust me, it has destroyed my brain. And so I'm going around, and I'm hungry.

And I can't remember how to eat food. And I see people walking around, and I'm like, is that food there? So I'm, like, staggering towards them, trying to eat them, right? So I'm, like, staggering around, moaning in pain, because, you know, I've got these terrible aches and pains in my body, because, you know, obviously I've caught caught this virus and it's affecting me somatically so i'm like knocking on your door like oh oh louis he's there hello hello right and you open the door and you see me standing there my head's like tilted to one

side a bit of dribbles coming out. I've got, like, blood... I've got blood speckled and stuck to my beard with pieces of gore and brain. Right, I'm just stood there. I'm kind of a bit slumped because I'm a bit tired. And I reach out one of my hands towards you. Now, what do you do in that situation? I shotgun you in the head.

But you can't do this. You don't have a shotgun, do you do in that situation? I shotgun you in the head. But you can't do this. You don't have a shotgun, do you? Alright. I close the door. You close the door and you just ignore me. Yeah, you're ill. I'm quite persistent. I'm persistent. I'm knocking on the door again. Louis. Louis. Louis. Ah. Okay, so there's a zombie knocking on my door, and you're banging louder and louder, or you just keep banging? Yeah, a mate of yours is walking down the street towards me. He's come to see you, right?

Okay. And he's now stood next to me, and he's looking at me a bit funny, because I obviously look a little bit weird no IRL and he he's now knocking on the door he's not gonna do it this you're gonna come out for a drink Lewis you're not answering your phone Lewis you alright mate and I'm there and I'm knocking on the door as well. Louie. Louie. Louie.

So what are you going to do now? Well I'm in the middle of playing Puzzle Quest so I'm just going to carry on ignoring you for now. Until it escalates. But your mate's there. Your mate's there. He's outside with a zombie next to him. A zombie that's hungry.

I might just turn around and eat him. And you know that your friend is out there. And are you just going to leave him there with me? About to eat him? Would you do that? Louis. Louis. Louis. Well, obviously obviously I'd open the door and assess how violent you were, I mean it would

it would really depend on whether you were a fast moving or a slow moving zombie, you know, if you were a Have a fucking guess which one I would be theoretically if you were just a normal shambling slow moving zombie who didn't pose any kind of threat you know um i could just sort of push you off get him get my friend in and we'd we'd play

some wee tennis or something aren't you worried about me though aren't you concerned that i you know i've caught this disease and that i'm ill and that I'm clearly in distress. I mean, aren't you worried? Don't you think that you could help me in some way? Why would I be worried? Louis. Maybe if you offered a part of your body for me to gnaw on, I'd feel better and then I would stop bothering you. I mean, somehow I don't think that's a very good solution. Louie.

Need knob, Louie. Need Louie's knob. Oh, fuck. What is wrong with you? So you're now a homosexual zombie? I'm not a zombie that eats brains. So you're now a homosexual zombie. I'm not a zombie that eats brains. I'm a zombie that eats dick.

Oh, God. That's the worst kind of zombie. I'm gay anyway. Hello, and welcome to Young's Cast. Oh, Adia. Yes. The radio. Yes. Can you do an introduction to the new Yogg pod, please? Do you want... Okay, right. Hello, welcome to the Yogg's cast.

This time around... Yogg's cast! Sorry about that. I'm going to just throw him out of the room. Hang on. Hello, welcome... room. Hang on. Hello and welcome. Hello! Hang on. I'm actually just going to go and beat him up. We'll be right back.

Thank you. We can start off with a letter from one of our listeners. Do we have one? What? Yeah, I have loads. What? But there was a particularly weird one, right? Why didn't I get anything?

Because they send me them through YouTube, usually. Greetings, Zephos. I just wanted to say I love the Yoggpod. I have it playing 21.7 on my iPod. I listened to you and Simon's conversation about S Club storylines and had a chuckle for myself on the bus. I got home very late last night, but immediately pulled one off. Loads of jizz. First thing this morning, bit less jizz.

20 minutes after that, hardly any jizz at all. The only time I'm not listening to you two is three hours every day for sleep. That's from Ayres Alice. I'm scared. i'm scared i'm scared i mean right at the start he mentions listening to you 21 7 which is quite odd you know i mean that's a term nobody ever uses to start with that was a i mean it started off pretty normal and then quickly went very weird. I mean, I do kind of debate the factual accuracy of this letter, this correspondence to the Yogg-Pod.

Mm-hmm. So why is he telling us about his jerking off? What's that? What it... I don't know. I mean, it's hit you in the same way it hit me. I just didn't know what to make of it. This isn't like one of the trolls or a cavey or anyone in the guild. It's just a random guy.

It's a random nutter, basically. Yeah. I think he lives in Sweden. I think he might be a homosexual because he's got quite a few gay related videos oh my god oh my god so you think he's listening to us and actually what the fuck was there anything you'd like to say you know to help him along i'm scared of saying anything just say something nice you Say hello. Say his name. His name would probably help. Airs Alice. No! Help! Help!

I don't want to help! Why not? Don't you want to be supporting our listeners? Not in that way. I mean, this is kind of like rape, isn't it? Yeah, that's one of the letters from our listeners. So he listens to the same four podcasts that we've done so far and he just pleasures himself to them on the bus. I do actually think this is genuine now.

I think this is completely for real and I really don't think we should use this. Why not? It's going to end up like the end of fucking Seven. I'm going to be stood there With like With Hannah And there's gonna be this brown box On the floor

You know what I mean In the desert And we're looking What's in the box? What's in the box? It's gonna be your head Are you doing Chris Crocker? Your head is gonna be

No it's doing Brad Pitt That's Brad Pitt That's how he talks At the end of Seven. Like Chris Crocker? Pretty much, yeah. Leave my wife's head alone! I still can't get over the fact that there is quite possibly a guy out there listening to us.

This is fucking weird, though. How is this different, though, from, like, a girl listening and jerking off? How is it different? And why does it even bother you i mean it's like they're stalkers or something though isn't it they're like listening to you all the time yeah but look like imagine like tina barrett okay imagine tina barrett she's got like hundreds and hundreds of fans hasn't she and some of them all think she's attractive hundreds just hundreds or may not after all these

years that's all that's left you're listening to the Yonk Pod yeah Tina Tina is a slang word for crystal meth.

Yeah, but like, so, like, there's millions and millions of slang words for crystal meth. Like, sm, smekas. Thanks for that. I just made that one up. Do you want to make up some words for drugs, honeydew? Okay. Um... Dillish. I think that's one of them.

Bangra. Shorten to like... Bangra. Bang. You got any bang, mate? You got any bang? Oh, come on, mate. You know I'm good for it. Spacker. It's for it. Spacker.

It's a slang term for ecstasy. Spacker. Yeah alright mate, you got any spacker? Eh? We've got party time. You got any spacker? Oh, spacker. I don't know what accent this is. Spacker. They've all got... They tend to have, like, one-syllable names, though, don't they? Like... Jizz. Hit.

Go. Big. They've all got names like that. Like... Sif. That would be like... Sif! Sif!

Cleaning product. Yeah. Sparkle. Oh, my God. Got some sparkle. That's like amphetamines. Sparkle. Sparkle. Got some sparkle. That's like amphetamines. Do you want some Mr. Muscle? That sounds awful.

Got any pledge? Oh man, I could really give you some Winderlein right now. Do you know what I would like? I would like the yog pod to be a slang term for a drug. If any of our listeners are drug users, I'd like you to start calling your drug of choice a yog pod. It could be a spliff or something, couldn't it? A pod. This is my pod. My spliff pod. I'm not quite sure where the yog comes into it.

Cupcake. Muffin. Scone. Fairy cake. Knob jockey. Got any knob jockey? No, it would be knobber. Knobber? Oh my god. Got any knobber? I'm dying for a hit of some knobber. No, that's not good at all. No. Travolting.

Max power, that would be a great name for a truck. Isn't that like a magazine, like a car magazine? Max Power. Loaded. That kinda works. Lips. Lips is a good one. Gimme some lips. Yeah.

Scrotoplasty. You got any scrotoplasty, mate? You got any scrotoplasty, mate? You got any scrote? Scrope. It all gets shorter. Yeah, scrote works, doesn't it? Scrope. You got any scrote? Yeah, mate, I heard you're selling some scrote.

Yeah, I got a new shipment of scrote in. It's the good stuff. You interested? Fresh out of polar. You want to try some scrote? Nice, pure scrote. It's a man's drug. Scrope. It does sound like a man's drug doesn't it? Yeah. Oh man. Whereas the girly drugs, they're kind of the equivalent of like Alcopops aren't they? They've all got names like... Like Twink. Sparkle. You got any Sparkle?

Pony. You got any Pony? Pony's like a bat of money though isn't it? It's like a thousand pounds or whatever. Oh, yeah. I think it's like 25 pounds. Butterflower. What is it? Isn't like a donkey a thousand or something? It's a grand. A thousand's a grand, isn't it?

There's a monkey. A monkey. A badger. A badger. I think you just made that up, haven't you? A badger. We should, like, use that. A badger is like £7.50.

You'll be a badger. That's how much one tab of scrote would cost. It would cost a badger. That's how much one tab of scrote would cost. It would cost a badger. Oh my god. I just collapsed in laughter. Are you recording this now? A tab of scrote costs one badger. I'm crying a little bit. I think a little bit. It's just leaked out there.

Oh man. A tab of scrote for one badger. It's £7.50. Oh wow. Such a precise amount of money. That's all for the your pod this week. Please tell all your friends about us and you'll hear from us soon.

Thanks!