Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 130: Tomorrow's Peehole
Episode Date: January 24, 2020In this episode we discuss the Virginia gun rally, "yall" culture, and the ongoing destruction of one Jeff Hoops, former CEO of Blackjewel coal. Support the Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkers...party
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Got the COPD.
I really do think I've got...
Just a quick COPD.
I'll wake up in the middle of the night and just start coughing and just have all this
clear, thick, nasty stuff that comes out of my throat.
If you have COPD, is that why people have the CPAP?
I think so.
Or is it for sleep apnea?
Both, maybe.
Yeah, there are multiple reasons you might have a CPAP machine.
I feel like you all were sick a lot because of that fucking carpet.
Definitely.
You don't feel better now?
I feel so much better because of that, but I still, and it's been for years,
I just have just chronic phlegm in my lungs.
You think it was from the years you smoked?
I think it's a combination of like
you know having asthma in a kid as a kid and then my family burning uh house coal as they call it
which is just the same oh i don't have coal same kind of coal as any coal but uh and then
smoking for maybe six or seven years while i had with asthma, which is fucking stupid.
And I think probably working in the oil and gas industry for a few years too and breathing in rock dust.
Right, right, right.
We used to have to bag coal slag
and you would have to do it in these warehouses
and there would be so much dust
in the air.
You would go home and literally cough up.
Oh yeah.
I'd cough up blood.
Oh God.
I would, you'd go home though and cough up black stuff.
Yeah.
I would be, I would be like sneezing out and coughing up black stuff for like several,
a couple of days after I was off a shift for that.
It was like a week long shift or something.
An interesting thing about the oil industry,
some of the materials,
so sandblasting in particular,
like the material they use for that comes from coal.
So it's this nice little perfect circle.
Like the shit that is not burned off in coal,
you know, is a slag.
Yeah.
And so then they'll crush it down
to a very partic slag. Yeah. And so then they'll crush it down to a very partic, you know, like a particulate
size. Yeah.
And they use that in sandblasting for like
oil tanks and stuff like that.
Sounds awful. Yeah.
Again, nice little circle of fossil fuel.
Your bodies are trash.
Yeah.
Do you ever start any of the
podcasts off with a, let's
start it off with some prayer.
Please, Lord, look after us three podcasters.
Make sure we have a safe episode while we're recording it.
Thank you for all the Patreon subscribers.
And, Lord, I just want to thank you for all this cool shit I got to do because my friends are really famous and fun and people like them a lot.
Yeah.
I'm trying to think.
Like, my grandpa used to pray he had a particular thing he would say every single time.
It's easier that way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You just memorize something and then you just mail it in.
Right.
Another 80 years.
Well, welcome to the show.
We got Mr. Carter filling in for Mr. Sexton.
Got a wife guy here.
It's truly an honor.
This is the husband of Slut Pills bassist.
That's right.
Carrie Wells Carter.
We got her wife guy here.
It's the whole bassist family.
Yeah.
Ophelia even, you know, our daughter,
she will often pick up any little instrument
and be like, I got my bass.
Especially like this little Mickey Mouse
or Elmo guitar or something.
And it had four strings. string you know she didn't
uh call it anything for a little while and i was like oh look you got your bass look it has four
strings and then she's called it her bass since then so cute love that she's getting pretty good
at drums she's so good at drums yeah yeah and what a week away from three years old what does
it feel like to have a prodigy on your hands?
You know, it makes you very self-aware of your shortcomings.
She's already better than you at drums.
That has got to be a weird feeling.
Let's say if you were Mozart's parents, you know, your five-year-old child is running
around composing symphonies and shit.
You're just like, man.
Did he start at five?
Oh, shit.
Yes, Mozart would be able to, this is what they said about him anyways, who knows if it's real.
But even at a young age, five years old, he'd be able to go into a symphony or orchestra or something and memorize every single part.
And he would go home and he would write out every part, from violin to French horn to, you know.
To, like, in your mind, know that this is going to sound good,
like this little melody line is going to sound good,
harmonize with this instrument.
And, like, I can do that in practice, but not in my brain.
Like, I like writing little melody lines.
I have a hard enough time finding harmonies.
Oh, I'm actually really bad at that.
Carrie's good at it, though, vocally and instrumentally.
Well, I was in choir in high school, and so I have a little bit of training.
Just a little bit.
From praise and worship choir?
Yeah, when I would play drums, they'd set up a mic,
and I would sing some harmony.
I think that's extra difficult to do,
because especially just with live, no monitor instrumentation,
to be able to sing in harmony while you're playing
a percussive instrument is pretty impressive.
It is.
Last night at the
Slut Pill show, the opener, Cream Boy,
the drummer
sang back up.
I was just like, damn, you're doing the most.
I do like that.
I'm trying to think of some famous
ones. There was
Phil Collins,
obviously.
Levon Helm.
Don Henley, was he the drummer of the Eagles?
Was he?
I should know this.
My dad was obsessed with the fucking Eagles.
Living it up.
A much deeper cut, there's this band Sir Lord Baltimore
that the drummer was the singer as well.
And he sang very high.
And so I was always impressed by that.
When your instrument takes your entire body to play and then you can sing in pitch perfect like it's yeah it's crazy i would be
absolutely exhausted i'm so out of shape it also kind of is like you must be a little bit of an
egomaniac to need to do that it's kind of showing off a little bit yeah definitely why would anybody
want to show off why would anybody make a tour
with their band in it
and use their podcast
as an excuse
to tour their band around
so they could show off
how good they are at drones?
So they can be on
the poster twice.
You know,
Rod that plays with Tyler
sings backups.
I just never remember that.
Yeah.
I think it's just
an impressive talent
to have.
Yeah, yeah.
There was a punk band
in Wattsburg for a few years
where Derek sang and played.
Oh, yeah.
Drums.
Man, that just,
that had left my head completely.
Glad I can deliver that back to you.
There's been all kinds
of real random,
you know,
that reminds me of,
actually, even last night,
my buddy Joe
that I've played music with on and off over the years and was in a couple bands with, I had found a tape in an old shoebox of us recording drunkenly sloppy, stauner music on a cassette tape.
It sounded like we just put a tiny cassette recorder under a pillow in this practice space, like pretty crude recording.
Yeah.
It's kind of weird to think about.
I was like, I don't even remember this song at all, and I wrote it.
Yeah.
Well, look, I was just getting in bands that could write their own songs and learn full songs right when youtube was
getting popular so this is some fun uh terrence um you know trivia but if you go to youtube
and search for the band scabbage scabbage s-k-a-b-b-a-g-e scabbage
is this a scabbage
if you're playing horn
it is a scabbage
and so there is footage of me as like an
18 year old a 17 or 18
year old playing in the
scabbage
and so yeah no you can
find it it's on YouTube
pause the recording
in this move i found an old notebook with some gibberish in it that i'd wrote that i had no
memory of and i guess maybe you could call it poetry but it was mostly just a stream of
consciousness maybe it was jokes i don't know it. It was weird though. I mean, I used
to think I wanted to be a writer.
You are a writer.
But I'm a failed writer.
I used to want to think I was. You get paid
to write. I'm not sure.
And also you can't fail at something that no one's
ever read. And I'm still
trying to pressure you into letting me read
the story you wrote. Yeah, I did write
a book about Hobbes.
A whole book? An entire book. Damn damn i just feel really self-conscious about it because it's so bad
because it's it's like here's here's why i think that like the narrative is fine and like the sort
of sequencing and everything it's like it needs a little bit of work but overall i think it's fine
but what's so hard what it's really so hard about writing fiction is to put your name on it.
No, it's dialogue.
Because then you start hearing
yourself through other characters
and you're like,
oh, this is what I would think
that somebody would talk like.
You know what I mean?
Everyone's like, hey, bro.
Yeah.
That's so tight, man.
Lovely weather we're having today
here in Hobbs.
Yeah, it's stuff like that.
Well, you just have to keep the dialogue minimal.
Yeah, but that's why people read.
I mean, for me personally, the only kind of fiction I like is good dialogue.
You know what I mean?
Because I don't like the kind of fiction that's like 20 pages of like flowery language about like you know or or some
sort of like uh you know people that like try to be writerly literary for for its own sake yes
literary for its own sake like there's a few writers that can pull it off like maybe cormac
mccarthy or something yeah where it's like if anyone else was doing it, it would be terrible. Like, it's, you know, where it's like a 300-word sentence
with no punctuation whatsoever.
The boy stared at the laborer's head.
But I love it.
I love, I can envision every word perfectly.
Like, he has one of the most, like, beautiful writer's voices
as far as being able to to paint the picture but the actual
technical writing of it is pretty poor yeah yeah yeah but i like stories and stories are told
through dialogue yeah in conversation and that's why it's really hard for me to do i mean i feel
like i've gotten better at it like when i go back and read stuff i wrote when i was like 20 i'm like holy shit you know my mom the actually offensive
and racist yeah this is not on my poor holy shit i was a very unaware misogynist well yeah i mean
like when i realized i could i figured out how to get into my myspace account i just immediately
deleted it without reading anything i was, I don't want to see this
and no one else needs to see this.
Right, right.
Well,
go ahead.
I was gonna say,
my mom showed me,
she's like,
I wanna read something I found
and it was like a poem
I had wrote about my dad
in middle school
and it was surprisingly actually
pretty good.
I was really surprised by this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But then she handed me the piece of paper,
and I didn't recognize the handwriting at all.
My handwriting had changed that much.
It was like real loopy.
Were you doing cursive?
Yeah, it was cursive, but it was plain.
Well, they tried to force you to write cursive.
I think my handwriting just got worse.
It looked good, whereas my handwriting now is horrible.
Is Clarissive mandatory anymore?
No, no, it's not.
Which is so tight.
It was for us.
I can't believe they fucking made us do that shit.
But I like it because it's fast.
I do, yeah, I still write that way.
The way they used to try to make you do capital S's.
Oh, yeah, it looks ridiculous.
It looks like a treble clef in fucking music.
So stupid.
Cues too I think just
Normal print
Makes my hand hurt
Quicker
Lifting your finger
Every time
Yeah
Yeah
The mechanics
Well
I
All this just to say though
Think about
If five years from now
We're probably gonna look back
On what we've done
With this podcast And think we were fucking idiots.
There's shit.
We're going to be so embarrassed.
There's shit from like a week ago.
Yeah.
I walk around currently saying you're a fucking dumbass.
When I like, well, I'll think of something, something will pop in my head that I've said on here.
And I'm like, oh my God.
What's terrifying to put your voice out and your thoughts out to like X number, thousands of people.
And knowing that each of them are going to have a different
opinion of every single word you're saying.
After that CNN piece aired
I didn't leave the house or look at my phone for two days.
I was like well I'm canceled.
It was great. My mom called me when it aired
the second time. It's so funny. It was like your friends
are on the news. It's so funny
the things you prioritize and don't prioritize
because for me the CNN thing was barely a registered blip. Well it's so funny the things you prioritize and don't prioritize because for me the cnn thing
was barely a registered blip well it's because it's because i feel like we have a podcast world
where it's like a lot of people i don't actually feel a lot of accountability to oh you got dragged
into the normie world i got dragged yeah all this world got drug into normie world my mom's phone's
ringing off the hook and i'm like no peace my aunt lisa has watched it no no if anyone listens to my
podcast i'm i'm over i'm done i was like no i mean what's the worst people will find out that i smoke
weed like i've never admitted to killing anyone on here or anything well yeah well terrence and
i have about 200 more episodes right right very true. It's very, luckily we have
admitted to crimes.
We either have committed
or want to commit.
What's really funny
is that there are things
that you say and do
and that people will pick up
on patterns over time.
If you've done this
for three years
like we have,
it's like I'm sure
there are patterns
and behavior
and things that I say
that I'm not even aware of
that people are probably
listening to. Like, that's Terrence being being terrence again we'll never fucking figure it out
maybe some super fan has like made a compilation of clips of you saying the same thing over and
over again in multiple episodes or something like that or it's just me laughing there's just like
there's like a 30 minute clip of just my monogal laugh that you could cut together. One of those 10-hour loop videos on YouTube of you laughing.
Well, I just gave 20,000 people the tip on Scabbage.
Yeah, can't wait.
It's going to go from three views to 3,000 views.
Can't wait.
Oh, my fucking God.
I even sing a song on it.
Wow.
Is it like a full multiple videos?
Wait, it's a full album?
No, it's like a YouTube.
It's a concert.
It's like we played a concert.
Oh, y'all played a talent show.
No.
Well, there is a talent show video and a concert video.
And so on one of the songs, though, I sing.
Oh, fuck yeah. Can't't wait and the singer plays drums
we should drop this so you get up in the drum kit right before our tour dude it's so bad like
watching it hold on did you watch this recently i go back and watch it every year or so. Oh my God. So it has five views. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty fucking bad.
Jesus.
I mean,
I was so lame.
I was like,
you know how like
Alt-Right has that
soy face meme?
I feel like the first,
you've probably seen this,
right?
Soy face?
If anyone is aware
of soy face,
I just know like
the soy boy stuff.
I mean,
yeah.
I've probably seen it.
Well, me from ages 14 to I guess 22, I was totally soy boy.
Soy face.
What's that mean?
You know, just like, I don't even know how to explain it.
Very.
You look like a frail liberal.
What an 18-year-old me would have called gay, but meant it in a homophobic way.
You know what I mean?
You know when you called people gay and it was fucked up?
Right, but you actually didn't know any better.
But you didn't know any better.
Because you were a child.
You were like, that's gay.
Yeah.
Every now and then I still say it, though.
I have to admit.
It's so good. because sometimes that's the only
word that will describe something like yeah sometimes you see something and you're like
that's just gay i have to use the n-word i mean that's the only appropriate word right now
i however have never said the n-word you can't you can't describe this woman without saying bitch unless it's
impossible but i don't mean it like that i mean some things are just they're just they're just
like me like you you're gay as fuck yeah i'm sorry living in glory i'm sorry anyways but you know
all of it you i'm sure you've said way worse stuff in your
head than you've said actually said oh absolutely imagine how many times you've said the n-word in
your head even if it was just you reading rap music like oh yeah i've said because of like
ghostface kill i've said the n-word thousands of times in my head well this is this goes back to
the age-old question um which is if you say it alone
in your car with nobody else around no one will know only you is it racist yeah or does racist
need to have a racism need to have a social dimension to have any sort of actionable
yeah it's got to be uh it depends on what's it yeah you gotta it's got to bounce off something
isn't rubber or glue yeah the liver the liberal the liberal view is that that that would be
prejudice in order to be racist it has to be systemic right okay that i guess that's
it's not i mean it's not the liberal view. It's actually just true, I guess. But that's what.
And, you know, some people will just say the word, bad words because they're so forbidden and so taboo.
Yeah, racism has power.
And they're like, actually not.
I really feel like there's some people that that's their shock value word and they really are not racist.
They're just a fucking idiot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
a fucking idiot yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah a family distant family member who um just deals with a lot of mental health issues as a teenager he would when he would like wanted to like piss
everyone off because he was like having a lot of anger and couldn't control his anger he would say
i hate america fuck america i hate all of you i hate america because he felt like that was the worst thing he could say to like make everyone and everyone's like yeah totally okay because these are a bunch
of damn you have to take it a step further you have to say like fuck god i hate yeah
he probably did that too but it's just i love what people think it's like the illest thing you can say
i also don't like i don't like the united states being referred to as america
but that's a that's for a whole different podcast no i think it's for this podcast
i mean episode not uh i didn't mean podcast isn't shit i don't like i don't listen to podcasts
oh well on that note then so we can start going through the things I wanted to talk about today.
So on the note of racists and calling America America, or I don't even know what your position is on that or what mine is.
I mean, it's the United States of America, but there's North America, there's South America.
It's confusing, you know?
Well, it's white supremacists.
There you go.
I think there should just be one. Well, it's white supremacists.
That's what it is.
It's white supremacists.
There you go.
There you go.
So, first on the agenda of things to happen this week, on day one of this week, Monday,
Martin Luther King Day.
Oh, yeah.
It's always a good one.
Every year.
Yes.
Just the flows of content.
They run like the river.
So, if you weren't down at the Whitesburg, probably First Baptist Church, or...
They moved it to Kane this year oh okay hearing
about our county judges talk about the time they experienced racism as a 12 year old white man in
like 1953 then you might have been at the virginia gun rally in richmond so did y'all see anything
about this yeah i actually i was like tormented whenall see anything about this? Yeah. I actually
I was like tormented when I
found out about this because when I went through and started
looking at headlines they were days old
and I was like Terrence is supposed to be
on top of this shit and he should have fucking
told me about this and this has
been happening for three fucking days
and I had no fucking idea
that there was just like all it was just like
militia fucking.
I was a little bit worried
for a couple of family members
I have that live there.
Yeah.
Yeah, just bananas.
I was just like,
really if there's thousands of people with guns,
no matter what the reason,
something bad,
like the probability of something bad happening
is exponentially increased.
But you know,
what's crazy is nothing bad it didn't at all
it was just a big fucking cock and ball show like every fucking thing ends up being did you see the
picture there was a guy holding a 50 caliber uh did you see that like a 50 caliber gun 50
it was massive a 50 caliber gun like automatic it was huge like it could shoot off automatically 50 rounds of ammo
i know the count the size of the bullet which is very large bullet um it oh it's not how many
it's one of those guns that you could be like try hiding behind anything and it will kill you
okay so 50 means the size of the shell. That's right. Not how many.
A very large tree, you could probably be safe for a little while.
For three shots.
Like, this is a 50 count. He's holding it here.
So I guess the audience can't see.
But just, like, the picture of this guy, like, wearing big...
This fucking dope bitch.
This looks like J.D. Vance.
It does.
Yeah.
Oh, my God. But it was just a bunch of guys like J.D. Vance. It does. Yeah. Oh, my God.
But it was just a bunch of guys like that,
and there was a lot of funny photos of guys, like,
putting their gun rifle barrel, like, on their,
resting it on their foot, like, on the inside of their shoe
and stuff like that.
Like, guys with all this fancy.
Typical no-nos when it comes to handling firearms.
Guys with fancy weapons,
but who would never really have a need to use them.
Yeah.
Like, this is what I realized.
When I was at the Harlan County coal blockade,
these three percenter guys showed up.
There was like three or four of them.
What does that even mean?
What's three percenter mean?
I think it means like three% of the American colonies.
They only received 3% of the penis they were supposed to get.
So they were pissed off.
That's why we had the American Revolution.
We're not getting fucked enough.
It's all dick measuring.
I believe that.
So I don't know. It has something to do with that it's some like
right-wing militia thing but regardless i learned a lot about these guys because what they're like
contractor truck drivers a lot of these militia guys they're just like contract truck drivers
which is another big tool they just get oh man i bet a lot of them are assassins, too.
They're always on the road, always in a different city, do little hits here and there on the side for some extra money.
Some extra cash.
And what's disturbing is they're always on Tinder.
When I was on Tinder here, basically you immediately run out of people on Tinder, like immediately.
There's like 20.
And then it's just the new people that pop up are just truck drivers who are passing through.
Passing through.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
You never think of
that aspect of it.
Well, these are the kinds of guys
who are like really
in the malicious stuff.
And they're all, you know,
invariably right wing.
It was very funny
to watch them try to,
I don't know,
I'm not even really sure
why they were there.
I guess they had like
a sort of vague
political view on the world
and so they wanted to show up
and show solidarity with the miners.
But regardless,
these are the kind of guys
that go to militia rallies like this.
There was like 20,000 people there.
That has just blown my mind.
20,000 fucking people.
That's crazy.
No one was shot or anything.
Man, people love guns well yeah i mean
have you ever been to any of it been to a gun show i heard that as soon as it came
but they have all these like at convention centers and shit they have gun shows all the time
yeah i walked into one one time because i used to cater at uk like um in a place outside of rep arena and they had one at
rep arena and i was just like this is insane this is the most insane thing i've never been to one
it's just like as far as i can see tables of guns which is sort of a hazard flea market also
in the right time of year no yeah you can pass one of those on the side of the road on 15 but
that times 100 yeah i've never uh The most guns I've ever been around
was probably at Court Days
in Mount Sterling.
Man, there were...
I don't know.
I think they've calmed it down
a little bit,
but there were hundreds of guns.
There was even...
Somebody had a gun
that was like...
It was like a state police
issued revolver,
and I'm like,
can you buy this?
Well, my shotgun on the side of it, it says Depew Police.
I have no idea.
I wonder if they auction off old shotguns like they do those shitty Crown Vicks.
Oh, like Surplus?
They probably do.
Well, you know, in 20, 30 years, you're going to start seeing all those Surplus like MRAPs
and tanks and stuff, you know, the SWAT vehicles that they have. Yeah, we have we're getting a trailbilly tank that's the whole reason we have a podcast we're
gonna true billy m-wrap we'll just park it up on this fucking hill you know just like not everyone
should uh should drive not everyone should have a gun honestly well yeah i mean i feel like that
just gets into eugenics Yeah You know what I mean
It's just slippery slope
You know I like
You know I was
Raised with a bunch of
Dumbass redneck people from the head of the
Holler growing up I mean not my parents
But people I went to school with and was friends with
And all that and like you know
There's something you really can never take out of me
No matter how educated I get And no matter how many books i read the jd vance thesis i love
getting up in the hills and riding four-wheelers and shooting guns and stuff like it's fun
i think what you're describing is not so much an inherent hillbilliness it's just an inherent
desire for fun right because those things are actually fun you can't change the fun you had as a child this is literally nostalgia well it's everyone is like
paying big money for it because it's true riding four-wheelers is fun shooting guns is fun yeah
all that shit is fun it is guns are great by no means don't don't take this to be to interpret
it that we're anti-gun.
All of us.
Oh, yeah.
We've been getting shit because we made fun of Letcher County for making this a 2A sanctuary.
All three of us sitting here are gun owners.
Yeah.
We just moved my guns.
And Michelle picked it up to move it.
She's like, this isn't loaded.
And I was like, who do you think you're with?
We got loaded fucking shotguns in our closet?
My brother keeps loaded guns in his house.
Well, I keep mine.
Loaded fucking shotguns in our closet?
My brother keeps loaded guns in his house. Well, I keep mine.
I just keep shells in the reservoir, the shell reservoir.
And then, you know, you just pop one in the chamber if shit goes down.
That's right.
I mean, I know where mine are.
They're hidden by soft pink material in my closet right now.
And she got pissed at me because I was like, yeah, I'm glad those are out.
Don't hide them in the back of the closet too far i need to take them to matt and let matt
clean them oh yeah the last time i cleaned my shotguns matt clean them and she said i can clean
a fucking shotgun i was like oh shit okay fuck all right i'll clean the fucking shotgun maybe
maybe we can split them up and i'll clean some y'all can split custody. It's fun.
I like the maintenance aspect of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They definitely need clean.
They've not been clean since you cleaned them last.
That's probably been six years ago.
And you know, there's a misconception.
Like, you don't have to actively be firing them.
You just need to clean them at least annually.
Yeah, yeah.
Because they sit around.
Yeah, everything gathers dust, and they've got like grease and metal and shit and you know that
combines with it well i'm glad we can clear this up that we're not against guns for fuck's sake i
don't know how a lot of people were talking about i don't know why they freaked out about that
but it is still pretty stupid what they did making making lecher county a gun sanctuary
is fascist doesn't make any sense it's they did that as a power move you know what i mean and we
it is some like we've talked it's like a bizarre 2016 politics like they're taking our guns he's
gonna take honestly it's like 2012 yeah like 2012 like obama because trump is the president
but here's why here's why i realized that they're doing that because after that virginia rally like yesterday they passed a bill a gun restriction bill in virginia it's called like a
red flag bill and so all these towns and cities are probably not cities but towns in virginia
have passed to a sanctuary which they think will will like trump any state legislation that they think it will yeah obviously it will not
can i fire my shotgun on main street and then the police show up i'm like i thought this was
fucking gun sanctuary you should you should do that let's see what happens yeah let's just go
out shooting our let's just actually let's set up a recorder and like record the whole thing
see what happens sit around wait for the cops to come, and they won't because...
No, because they don't give a shit.
It's a gun sanctuary, right?
Well, the funniest thing I've been seeing online,
the standard liberal response to the gun owners,
like when you see, especially the photo of that guy
holding a.50 caliber weapon...
I don't even know what that was.
I like how you thought it was
it just it doesn't even make any sense none of it is even it's just like this isn't even
sensical but the funniest thing i always see and stuff like that it's like liberals are like
he's just they're they say they're doing it to overcompensate for having a tiny dick
you know what i mean like oh he must i'm sure he gets laid or stuff like that like they they say
it to like they say that people want guns to overcompensate we said that about 10 minutes ago
right oh did we say that okay because they only got 3% of their dicks. You know, I couldn't resist the joke.
It's an easy, it's a softball.
It's like a little wiffle ball.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.
Everything to do with machismo is dick size related.
It's only funny when we do it.
This is the, I mean, honestly, this is the Trill Billy's motto.
It's only funny
When we do it
We're just stealing jokes
Left and right
Say speak for yourself
I write my own jokes
Lady
Oh god
Yeah
Well it was
It was pretty
It was a pretty
Weird ordeal
Like the state freaked out
And they thought
Bad things were gonna happen
I mean I don't blame them Yeah i was slightly yeah if 20 000 people with guns are going to
show up to any city i would i would say yeah state of emergency sounds reasonable that's a lot of
that's a lot this is an emergency it doesn't you know
20 000 people with guns are coming
I mean when you put it that way
History probably will read it like
A paramilitary organization
Showed up in Richmond, Virginia
To try to intimidate the government
I mean if they really
Wanted to, they won't because
Ultimately they're cowards but if they
Really wanted to they could overthrow
The state government
of virginia with 20 000 people with guns yeah is that where the left can't do that the left can't
call up 20 000 people with guns well this is what i'm saying is this where we start uh collaborating
with libertarians no i think this is where we have to start i don't know i go back and forth
on this because sometimes i'm really annoyed by leftists who are like we have to start fostering a gun culture on the
left because I'm like I mean but
we really don't because we have so many like
our strength is more in numbers in
our ability to
impact the bring the system to
a halt rather than launch some sort of insurrection
how about slingshots
why don't we just start using slingshots
let's foster a slingshot culture
you can fuck someone up with a slingshot David don't we just use slingshots let's foster a slingshot you can fuck someone
up with a slingshot david and goliath yeah the original you can kill an actual giant
the bible says it's so the b-i-b-l-e tells me so which you know if even if it was a real story
um it it was probably some guy that was like six foot eight or something.
Right.
And it was just some five foot tall dude.
Right, right, right.
He's a fucking...
Ah!
He's a giant!
Because people were a lot shorter back then.
Oh, 250 years ago people were shorter than they are now.
It's because their diets were a lot different than ours.
Yeah.
Probably were eating hormone fucking pumped meat. HGH, baby. are now let's do it it's because their diets were a lot different yeah probably we're eating
hormone fucking pumped hgh baby but no like the average height of someone in like 18th century
france was like 5'4 or something like that i think what's the average height now is it
taller than i guess all three of us are in this room we're about eight five eight huh
yeah i think you're
taller than me though
I'm 5'9
are you 5'8
yeah
I think I'm 6 feet tall
according to
the doctor
we're giants
yeah
come at me
with a slingshot
yeah
but women
I mean it's
like a funny
lesbian meme
but like women
who are like
6 feet tall are assumed they basically are but like women who are like six feet tall
are assumed,
they basically are looked at
like they're like eight feet tall.
You know, it's just like,
Goliath was probably a lesbian.
Goliath was a doc.
That's why they thought he was huge.
Right, right.
Martin Van Buren Bates' wife
was eight feet tall.
And he was like
seven foot eleven.
The giant.
Yeah.
The giant's in Letcher County.
The Van Buren Bates.
Yeah.
Who I'm related to,
Martin Van Buren Bates.
Yeah.
So how many kids
did they have?
Two and they both died.
Really?
One was stillborn
and one lived like
a handful of hours
or something
or a handful of days.
And I only know this because Carrie and I were talking about this the other day at her
parents' house and then she knew that.
Me and Tom talked about the Van Buren Bates a lot.
We've wanted to do like a Profiles in Courage, but we're just not really sure how to do it.
Where's the joke?
Exactly.
There's no punchline.
Maybe it's a David and Goliath story.
You know, I think if you're like seven feet tall that
can be a blessing if you're able to be an athlete but eight feet tall is a curse no matter what
dude yeah wasn't yao ming eight feet tall well he was like 7 10 or something well you just you
can never be very comfortable no there's just no way to to get comfortable no i don't know how no
he wasn't that tall i guess with money you can like have lots of things specially made for you.
I would just go to concerts, honestly.
And stand in the main front.
Be in the main fucking front.
Your back of your head would just constantly be covered in spit balls.
Fuck it.
Speaking of money, before we finish this podcast, don't let me forget that i have a deeply
diseased segment to share good all right good deeply diseased segment okay um okay so then
then let's go we're going around the region we were in richmond virginia now let's go let's come
over to kentucky uh let's go to floren go to Florence. Did you see the thing where they named their minor league team the Florence Yalls?
I did.
Well, you know why, right?
You've been to Florence.
Yeah.
They have y'all on their...
On their water tower.
Do you know why it says y'all on their water tower?
I saw someone say online that the urban legend is that it used to say M.
Mall.
It used to say Florence Mall. to say florence mall and then
maybe the m fell off or faded or something no they they weren't allowed to advertise for a
corporation on a public fucking utility they went florence y'all so they changed it to florence y'all
it's probably it's probably y a apostrophe l lL. You know, you can identify the dumbest people on earth,
and they spell y'all W-A apostrophe L-L.
W?
I mean Y, sorry.
And the dumbest people on earth can't even spell fucking A.
Wall, that's just wall.
Yeah, Y-A apostrophe L-L.
Yeah, they put the apostrophe in the wrong place.
You can just immediately identify that they're a fucking idiot.
When they're trying to spell y'all and they spell it like W-A-L-L.
At this point it auto-corrects.
You shouldn't have this trouble anymore.
When I spell it out, no apostrophes.
I just do y'all.
Yeah, just straight.
I do too, but it but it auto corrects it every
time well you can override the auto correct and i did and my phone learned that i'm i'm trouble
teaching my phone anything because there are several things michelle said that i could change
that i complain about but i'd rather just complain yeah i was like man auto correct is driving me
crazy and then i turned it off and then i was like this is
impossible oh yeah yeah it's like i can't type fucking anything well you realize that when you're
trying to type into the fucking search bar in your browser it's really only typing fast when i try to
just type as fast as i possibly can and um with disastrous results with autocorrect or with
nails on oh i don't. Oh, I don't...
Yeah, that's a...
I don't know how you do that.
I'd have to use a fucking stylus
to send text messages.
I just...
I'll have to do it like this.
You have to use the tip of your finger.
Yeah.
Like the fingerprint.
And you can make the keyboard
a little slightly bigger
if you make...
I don't know.
I do feel like my fingers
are too big for my keyboard.
Well, anyways,
the Florence Yalls...
Rain us in. enough about your phone goddamn phone
i i thought about it it would be pretty funny if you were someone who grew up in the town of
florence did you ever see the m night Shyamamalan movie, The Village? No, yeah. Mm-mm. I didn't. Well, the premise is these people are raised in a village,
and they're not told that it's a cult,
and that there's a modern world on the outside.
One of them escapes, and there's cars.
Actually, I did watch it.
But the village itself is this primitive,
sort of feudalistic type scenario.
It's in the woods.
No technology.
It's in the woods.
And aren't there like
spiky log fence
all around them?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
I think I did watch it.
They use all this lore
to keep everyone
just afraid enough
to not leave.
So...
And the lore requires them
to literally
fucking dress up
and act crazy.
Right, right.
And so,
I kind of thought
that living in Florence
would be like that because
you're not told that like nobody on the outside world really talks like that like does gratuitous
y'alls you know what i mean well i mean okay some people do but the vast majority of people don't
do not because they just say florence y'. I think I only say it in text messages.
I don't ever say it verbally.
I do say it verbally in the sense
like, what are y'all doing tonight or something like that.
Yeah, I guess so.
I think my...
I just always think of having it at the end of the sentence.
Well, the gratuitous y'all is exactly...
We're going to the bar, y'all.
What's going on, y'all?
Got new shoes, y'all. That's going on, y'all? Got new shoes, y'all.
That's not needed.
That's gay.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Got a new car, y'all.
Jesus.
Luckily.
I was trying to find an example of that got no shoes gay paying taxes is gay
pay my taxes y'all yes okay that's good but there is yeah okay we on this podcast support a 70
percent marginal tax well yeah paying taxes disproportionately when you're in the lower classes, that's gay.
But not...
Gay's good, people.
Okay, so it's not gay.
Look me in the eye, I'm the captain now.
This goes...
And gay is good.
So this is like that episode where we had sucks or nah.
But or nah is actually good.
Right, yeah, exactly. Right, right. Yeah or nah is actually good. Right, yeah, exactly.
Right, right.
Yeah, when nah is good.
Right.
No, I mean, Texas, like,
I like roads to not be fucked up.
They never.
They're always fucked up.
It's something, you know,
that's displaced a lot of wildlife and families,
but it sure as hell makes it convenient
to get places, doesn't it?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I'm waiting on my personal airship.
Fuck, fuck a road.
But, yes, for the most part, nobody adds a gratuitous y'all
unless it's like an Instagram caption or a Facebook status.
Yeah.
Or something like that.
Like a y'all at the end.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think my more natural, if I'm talking fast, is y'all.
I say y'all.
I just can't imagine going and paying money to go see the y'alls.
Yeah.
So since when does Florence have a minor league baseball team?
I had no idea.
This is news to me.
Is it a new team?
I don't know.
So they're the Florence you-alls.
Technically, no, they're the Florence y'alls.
No, but I'm saying're the Florence y'alls.
No, but I'm saying you know what y'all is.
Right.
It's just you-all.
Well, when y'all gets cancer. So they're Florence you-alls.
Yeah.
So they are probably actually going to have the all-stars.
They're going to have a y'all-star game.
They have to.
Wow.
They're going to have a y'all-star game.
So you need to go ahead and get this
trademarked if you're gonna do it wow well the funny thing is this ignited a huge debate on
twitter the the the perpetrator of which is not here to defend himself mr sexton but tom posted
something about that like basically his point that he's made on the show before is that back in the day people
in northern kentucky in florence places like florence never would have owned the south it
was always oh not at all it's completely different i'm the cincinnati i'm from ohio northern kentucky
is weird as fuck now that the south is cachet or whatever now that it's like uh cool now that
there's like a southern thing now the south's on the it's trendy it's trendy
now they're cashing in they're the fucking florence y'all so and he got he got clapbacks
for this yeah he got some clapbacks for it tom was getting clapbacks all week also for making
fun of our mlk day event he got in trouble for that yeah who came for came for him for that? Oh, man. I've been moving.
I've been too busy for Twitter.
Whitesburg people came at him.
Did he?
What'd they say?
They said, I'll have you know, sir, that...
No, they didn't say that.
But they were like...
Love that.
I don't remember the exact tweet.
It was something like...
I get your point, dude, but we just talked about lynching and institutional racism.
Oh, my God.
Did anyone start out with, listen here, buddy? You know somebody's pissed off but then they say listen here buddy i'll have you know
fuck i get your point y'all have you know
y'all have y'all know they just replace every word that rhymes with y'all have y'all know.
They just replaced every word that rhymes with y'all.
Like, what's your favorite season in Florence, Kentucky?
Y'all. Y'all.
Poor Tom.
Tom's not really in a state right now to be taking all these L's.
Y'all lay off my man.
Yeah, seriously.
Fuck off.
Tom's going through some hard times.
Fuck the fuck off.
Oh, I'm not.
Hey, I came off the bench for Tom.
I'm not going to say an ill word about him.
Literally, yeah.
He's literally on.
He is in the end zone right now.
Step it in for Tom.
That's right.
We appreciate it.
We really do.
I really thank you all a lot.
I have fun doing this.
It's nice to have a bench, too.
But then for about a week after, every time I do this, have crippling anxiety around it i'm like when am i going to
get a here's the thing people talk all this shit it's so goddamn funny people are like
there's you got two kinds of like annoying fan it's the one who hate listen and talk shit and
then it's the one that's like want to be on and it's like both situations i want to be like you have no idea the burden i carry you can never carry this burden i think you can but you never could like
walking around knowing your opinions are out there fucking last night at the bar i was introduced to
someone and the person who introduced us said and she's a big trailbillies fan and before i could
even say anything a girl went into it and she's a big Trailbillies fan, and before I could even say anything,
a girl went into it,
and she was like,
oh yeah,
one of my favorite episodes,
and as soon as she said that,
my heart sunk.
I literally felt nauseous
just immediately.
A fan.
Because we were in a group of people,
and I was just like,
no,
don't do it.
Don't acknowledge it in real life.
And Jesus,
I literally wanted to just start walking backwards until I fell off an edge. Yeah, it's real life. Jesus. I literally wanted to start walking backwards
until I fell off an edge.
Yeah, it's like the Homer Simpson.
Yeah, until I was in the bushes.
Yeah, but she said her favorite episode
was the Bev and Bells.
How funny that was.
That was a good episode.
She said, oh, I was,
she's like, I cried, I laughed so hard.
It was so good.
It's pretty good.
I only look at your old pictures. I go on SoundCloud and look what the what the episode art is and then i don't listen
that's all i swear to god that's all i do i've i've listened to combined total i think
probably an hour's worth of y'all show don't come in here hating buddy no i just don't like
should uh start posting more of our album art on our Instagram.
Because you do put some work in sometimes on album art.
A lot of it you do yourself, Matt.
You're just going there to admire your goddamn self.
Well, I'm not the teacher checking the students' work or anything.
But sometimes...
You need to know.
I won't name any names, but sometimes when people ask me i won't say i won't name any names but sometimes
when people ask me to make stuff they don't use it or they don't use there's this one the one i
always give credit they're one where they uh the first episode of this season i made that a year
ago for an episode that was just tom and terrence and they just never used it i know and then i
asked you i was like did you make that you And you were immediately so scared that I was pissed.
You were like, I made that for an episode that was just them.
And I was like, yeah, it was just them in this episode.
I wasn't in it.
And you were like, oh, okay.
You gotta trust the vision.
You made that a year ago.
I'm sitting patiently on the train
waiting for our destination.
I'm pleased as peach.
We're on the Dollywood train.
Just rolling.
Covered in soot.
So, Florence, y'alls,
what else we got on the plate?
We got impeachment.
We can talk about that.
Oh, man, that's a...
That's like a white hot nail
that you just can't touch.
I know, it's like...
Yeah, why?
What's happened?
What's happened this week?
Is he impeached?
I don't think so.
What does impeachment even look like? Is it a fucking notary public letter sent, hand delivered?
Does he have to sign for it?
I guess technically him being impeached is when the house does it starts they're removed from
office as I guess another designation like that's the but no one no one's ever been removed from
office thanks to impeachment I have not been yet Andrew Johnson was I think he's the only one that
he was removed fully removed from office yeah my man fucked it up so bad they were like he
was fully like you are no longer allowed to be president when people still have morals
uh i'm sure there's another one that's some fucking history nerd from no there have only
been three impeachments and multiple when all this had popped off, when an impeachment popped off. I think there's been four.
Clinton, Nixon, Andrew Johnson.
Nixon wasn't impeached.
I thought he was impeached.
He resigned.
He resigned before he could be impeached.
I don't fucking know, man.
Technically.
Because he realized the Senate was going to remove him from office, and so then he resigned.
Yeah, but of course johnson is
outside of our generation or any generation at this point that's alive it's like memory right
oh yeah no one saw that happen on tv so it didn't really happen middle school was years and years
ago i don't remember the fuck all about presidents at all yeah so no so i saw many many posts where it's like only three presidents that showed
nixon clinton and trump they didn't do andrew johnson no because they
they heard the number three and they assumed it was nixon yeah
andrew johnson was just a fuck up a southern he was from Tennessee he must have been a Vols fan
he was a Tennessee unionist
and
but was a racist
you know what I mean
that's not why they impeached him though
oh certainly not
sir you gotta go
you're being
you said the n-word in your
Oval Office last night
we heard it
you thought you were alone
you thought you were being racist by yourself
but you're in fact
speaking it into the world I just finished dolly's america podcast on the way here and uh they
shared about these like eight bus that are in the tennessee capital state capital like the
legislature yeah and one of them's literally of one of the founders of the KKK. Nathan Bedford Forrest. Yeah.
Yeah.
Just literally.
Yep.
Well, they only have eight bus in this, like, big area, and it's literally a grand wizard.
That's right.
Man, let me help you redesign your layout of your cabin so you can have your drums set up.
Yeah, man.
You think I could do it?
Oh, yeah.
I'm looking around, and I'm like, you're not utilizing the space properly.
This is the worst use of space I've ever seen.
What the fuck, guys?
It's just so much.
And you need a bookshelf.
What's bad about it?
Put all the things against the wall, you leave a little bit of middle space open.
Man.
Wow.
Wow.
Someone described to you what the inside of a home looks like once and then this is what you came up with fuck you no i love it i love it i love it i just i'm just really trying to push
you to have you're going back on the bench i'm trying to push you to have you no i'm trying
carter carter yeah come on yep come on we're sitting here we're sitting here the rest of the back on the bench. I'm trying to push you to have your... No! Carter!
Carter.
Come on.
Mitch, yep.
Come on.
We're sitting you.
We're sitting you the rest of the game.
Riding pine.
All you have to do
is move that here
and then set your drums
up over there.
All right.
You don't have to work
that hard.
I'd help you.
I just want you
to have your drums set up
because I think
it would help you.
I think it would help you out.
I think you would get better.
No, I mean,
you're already a great drummer.
I think it would help you out. Mentally. Mentally,. No, I mean, you're already a great drummer. I think it would help you out.
Mentally.
Mentally, yes.
You'd be a better person.
You're probably right.
Because not only, if you got aggressive or stressed, there's been times where I've been, yeah.
He's also investing in his own band right now, which I appreciate.
True.
Very true.
Because we know Mike plays every day.
Right.
And you two slide hands.
I do not play the bass every day.
No. No way. But I got all kinds And you too, Sly. I do not play the bass every day. No.
No way.
But I got all kinds of other shit I gotta do.
Me too.
I got...
Like self-loathe.
I got a self-loathe.
This man's busy.
I gotta be neurotic and overthink all my relationships.
He's setting fires left and right.
I have to have my weekly panic attack.
Like I've got to where I can schedule it.
Okay, let's see what else we got on the list. got uh i don't know what happened with impeachment this week i don't know they just heard him in the
senate they just heard the thing in the senate they're just tabling everything and nothing's
gonna happen like and we're in hell and and everything's fucking stupid then they it doesn't
matter right because it's not gonna actually happen but i think that democrats are
pissed because they feel like mcconnell uh has rigged the rules to basically favor
to basically to make the hearing like 72 hours long like a very short thing well I know that they, you know, they, he like last second extended the time and added the house evidence into play.
But other than that, he's just tabled everything else.
Them requesting any other documentation from the, okay, admittedly, I have been watching it.
We're looking at you.
I mean, I did go over to your house the other night
and you had it on
literally
we're so disappointed
in you
but the thing is
I mean you can gather
all this
and this is watching it
in 10 minute intervals
randomly
well all the news is
are 10 minutes
just on repeat
all day long
and I tend to take them
I tend to
suddenly
get interested in thinking about it
and it'll be during a break or
something then they'll just do an entire
summary of everything and I'm like well that was convenient
right right right
yeah
it's just a shit show
just like we thought it would be
right a spectacle
okay then
what else we got on here?
Jeff Hoops.
So I wanted to do a little bit of an update on Jeff Hoops.
So those of you who came and saw us on our tour in October?
Is that when it was?
September.
Because it was so hot.
And I was like, it's September.
It should be cool.
It was so hot and i was like it's september it should be cool it was so goddamn hot um you'll remember that uh part of our live act was we held um it wasn't quite a seance it
was a ritual though and um it was a ritual in which we all summoned together the destruction
of jeff hoops jeff hoops is the ce of Black Jewel Coal. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Quick ceremony we had there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Has he destructed yet?
So he is currently on trial.
Black Jewel, after they fired him as CEO,
which is funny because he started the company, I think,
they are now suing to,
or I don't know if suing's the right word.
I don't know about that litigious shit.
But they're asking a federal court
if they can scrutinize Hoops' finances.
They allege that he's stolen
tens of millions of dollars
from Black Jewel.
To build the pantheon.
To build the pantheon.
Matt, have you heard about Jeff Hoops' Pantheon?
No, but I thought there was some kind of development in that.
Dear God, is that your calendar?
There is, yeah.
Holy fucking Christ.
But this is everybody.
It's not just me.
Who's everybody?
Everyone you know?
That I work with.
Oh, Lord.
Oh, God, my personal calendar doesn't have anything on it.
That would give me hives.
Yeah, there's a lot of shit going on.
But there was a hearing yesterday.
I just don't know what any outcome from that would have been.
I didn't hear anything.
Well, it's funny because the...
So, Jeff Hoops' resort that he's been building now has a website.
Oh.
And it's called the Grand Patrician Resort. been building now has a website. Oh.
And it's called the Grand Patrician Resort.
So earlier, you know.
Oh.
Yeah.
You know, we talked about on the tour that, like,
all the things you can get at the resort,
it's modeled after ancient Rome.
And so there's, like, a model of the Roman amphitheater or the Colosseum and several other ancient Roman destinations.
But it has all kinds of other shit, too.
It's got a spa.
It's got a wedding chapel.
It's got indoor and outdoor soccer fields,
a replica of four baseball stadiums lined with state-of-the-art turf,
get a game of nine-hole golf in.
Equestrian trails.
But they've got a website now.
You can buy a human being
and torture them
in a small black room.
Yes, you can buy a human,
slowly torture them to death,
roast them over a spit roast.
A pleb from the nearby community.
They go out and get a...
Fresh peasant.
They just roll up to Starbucks in a windowless van and kidnap somebody.
It couldn't be Starbucks.
Starbucks is still a little in the middle class.
You got to go...
It's true.
You have to go with... McDonald's. Trader Joe's. Dollar General. You got to go. It's true. You have to go with.
McDonald's.
Trader Joe's.
Dollar General.
They find somebody at Trader Joe's.
I would say Dollar General.
There's cheap food and there's middle class food.
I'd say Trader Joe's is like the middle class.
Yeah.
Petty bouge thing, right?
I love it.
It's awesome.
I know this because Tanya loves it.
What did you see?
How they might be making the Magic Mart and Hazard Trader Joe's?
They're not going to do it.
This is how thirsty our local news outlets are for content.
So this is just total bullshit?
This girl, this girl named Bailey and Hazard,
got on Trader Joe's website and sent a tip.
Like, hey, will you put a trader joe's in hazard kentucky
no one's read it no one cares she posted on facebook some idiot at wyft saw that
and then literally wrote a story that there's a proposal in place to bring a trader joe's to
hazard but it was a facebook comment on just someone it was literally just a facebook intern that runs the trader joe's
i love local news affiliates yeah wow that's incredible they are so bored there's nothing
happening well here's the thing i didn't even corruption that they're being paid not to cover
i didn't even read it i just saw the headline exactly i was so furious that's how you read
the news nowadays you just read the headline right i'm with you i had a ymt reporter tell me one time like oh we have to go easy on the coal
industry well yeah it was just funny to hear her say that out to her you know out loud out loud
no shame i don't care no they're two speaking of that two local news affiliates in richmond
virginia ran the exact same story.
You love this?
Which is funny.
Gun rights advocates pick up trash after protesting peacefully in Richmond.
And then the other one says gun advocates pick up trash, protest peacefully.
We want to show an example.
They just ran the same fucking story.
They picked up trash from all the other assholes that did.
They did this for Tyler Childers, too.
They said he swept.
Country music singer sweeps up behind.
They nut hung him all week long about that.
It was crazy.
I swear they mentioned it in two other articles.
They were like, oh, if you really like that Tyler Childers picking up trash the other night,
you're going to fucking love this shit.
He took a shit in his own trailer
no it's just i just think that people can't fathom that man clean no i love tyler he's a
great person but is that really a big headline news story whether you're a country music singer
or a right wing gun zealot yeah amazing yeah and then they they they piggybacked on that and showed it and had
to talk about him visiting an animal shelter in floyd yeah i did have a man tell me one time as a
teenager that he couldn't fold clothes because he didn't have tits wow does he think that's what
you're supposed to use the fold clothes with.
In his mind, it's an elaborate.
You put them in. You can make them move, right?
Yes.
You do it halfway,
and you put them onto your tits,
and you squish them together,
and then it folds it.
It's an elaborate folding device.
People have those folding devices for their shirts.
Well, men do, because women already have them.
Yeah.
Hey, not all, okay?
You're right.
I want to represent the small titty committee.
All mini titters have tits.
You can roll.
What was it called?
The tiny titty committee or something?
The itty bitty titty committee.
You can roll cigarettes with your breasts
and like
no no that's too badly
carry groceries in
I use them to wash dishes
dude
no I'm a dishwasher now
I don't do shit
so apparently
at the Grand Patrician Resort
you can host your wedding there
you can
play there
with the fucking lions at the Grand Patrician resort you can host your wedding there you can play there with the fucking
lions at the grand patrician coliseum you can play with lions no we're you know the thing that we did
on our tour i guess we could just say because we'll never be able to do that show again i don't think
um you know you give it up you leave it up to the audience how they want to
kill execute jeff hoops after the revolution whether you know and it has to the audience how they want to execute Jeff Hoops after the revolution.
And it has to be, there's three ancient Roman styles of execution.
The first is crucifixion.
Classic.
Classic.
The second is you have to fight a lion in the Colosseum.
Oh, yeah, damn.
Very Hollywood.
Right.
And then the third is you get molten gold poured down your throat.
My personal favorite. That's pretty brutal that's beautiful i think okay prove your worth fight
the fucking lion see that i'm you're a millionaire right flashy hollywood round yeah yeah yeah and
you don't one of the crowds pick that on the tour you get a weapon is there a weapon or is it you
have to fight it with your bare hands we'll give you a weapon uh we'll give you like a you want
you want a toothpick you Like a small, like a
stick knife. Yeah, you get a
butter knife. You get a butter knife.
A letter opener. The serrated
butter knife. No, no, no, no.
You get a slingshot.
We'll give you a slingshot.
A slingshot and just like
three rocks in your pocket.
But there's, yeah,
yeah, yeah. So you can also live on the Grand Patrician Resort, though.
What?
Homeowners on the Grand Patrician Resort live in extravagance,
enjoying all the conveniences of the resort
and one of our beautifully built townhomes or condominiums.
Grand Patrician Resort features a multi-generational community
appealing to the ever-busy and the never-busy
with on-site security 24-7.
Talks about swimming pools bike trails do you think it costs like a hundred thousand dollars a month i mean a year
to live there it's probably even more than that two hundred thousand dollars a year i mean it
seems like a this is pretty absurd why love because it gives you, it says, why live, why work, why play, why love?
To love, honor, and cherish.
The Grand Patrician Resort treats every wedding as if it were their own.
We desire to capture the vision of each bride and groom,
bringing the magic of their love to life as only we can.
With spaces to accommodate intimate gatherings or grand affairs,
blah, blah, blah.
With our ancient Roman design structures,
beautiful landscaping,
and stunning interior spaces,
we considered every Instagrammable moment.
That is absurd.
I'm going to be in West Virginia next week.
I think I'm going to ask,
I'm going to go do some street interviews
about the Grand Partition.
I'm starting to feel about this
the way we feel about the Boone Hotel.
This isn't happening.
Actually, the Boone Hotel is happening.
Come on.
They can work on that every day until we all die.
And there's not going to be a profitable hotel in that dump between a closed up florist and a lawyer's office.
So it's probably not really happening.
But they did write a story up in the Mountain Eagle this week that said,
phase two, now ready.
Phase two of 87 phases.
Start booking your rooms, people.
Phase two of 87 phases.
To be completed in 2087.
Everyone you know and love will be dead.
However.
Oh, shit.
No, this would be an excellent place to...
Play a scabba...
To do a scabbage concert for the revolution.
Scabbage show.
Let's book a scabbage show.
It would be a great place to marry,
to consummate the revolution anyways.
To marry the proletariat with the
dictatorship of some kind um anyways that's a grand patrician resort uh if you want to check
it out go to grand patrician resort.us you just wanted to point out that it has a website now
yeah i guess i i wanted to give an update on Jeff Hoops. He was supposed to have
a big trial today
and he did
and they ruled like
they need more time
and evidence or some shit.
He got an extension.
He got an extension.
Little bitch.
So gay.
Yeah.
So gay.
Yeah, see?
Wait, wait,
but I thought
now we're
now I'm confused
because I thought
gay was good.
I'm trying to
trying to confuse.
Trying to fuck with us.
Trying to fuck with y'all.
Although, I do want to tell y'all about my deeply, deeply diseased segment.
Yeah, please do.
Because I'm pretty much out.
You're going to be on this weekend, right?
You're going to come back with us?
You have to.
Really?
We need you again.
We're going to call you off the bench.
You or Carrie.
Oh, shit.
I'm starting two games in a row?
Nope.
Holy shit. Bring your cough drops so my sister came to lexington for the show last night okay and she's telling me about all this new stuff she's gotten from dump from out of a dumpster and i was
like what dumpster what are you talking about and she was like two doors down from me dude they set
up a huge dumpster and so i'm like back up back up back up back up who's throwing away this perfect awesome leopard
print chairs huge nudes of women framed nudes like all this stuff yeah these like chandeliers
and fucking really fancy lamps like gold like with um like gems hanging off of them and shit it's like all this
cool shit she showed me pictures of it so she backs all the way up the woman who used to own
her house now she rents off somebody else now but this apparently this woman had married this rich
guy in this is in louisville and she owned like five houses in a row. This man died.
And so now she owns like all these five houses.
And she finally started selling them.
So that's how Angela ended up.
Like she's in one of those houses.
And they're not like, they're nice houses.
They're like big basements.
But I guess the biggest one, the woman kept and she's been living in it.
And it's like two or three doors down from my sister.
And apparently the woman's a hypochondriac.
I almost didn't want to tell this story without Tom.
Because I wanted Tom here to give us.
The inside scoop of what it's like to be in the mine.
Yes.
Yeah.
So she figures out there's a leak in her roof.
And she calls in a roofer.
She's getting a new roof.
The roofers find some mold.
Of course, you get a leak in the
roof you're gonna have mold that's just all there's to it shit's got wet right she goes ballistic
she calls in a mold company it seems what has happened though is that this company who treats
mold caught on early to what was about to happen here and they convinced this woman that this was the worst type
of mold possible that these people these this is awesome that nothing in the house could be treated
she'd have to just get rid of it all they help her bring a dumpster there so they're like they
they she moves out immediately she's gone she took her cats in her mercedes she
bounced so she comes back every couple days and the mercedes check things out right and they're
treated supposedly they're treating the house they're like put a new roof on it and they're
just like do you know chemical in the fuck out of this house but in the meantime she's getting rid
of everything her jewelry everything because of whatever these people have told her and then and
the reason we've come to this conclusion is because they were putting some stuff in the dumpster in
this huge industrial dumpster they brought my sister has been going out there with a chair
jumping in the dumpster and throwing stuff out to her roommate every night and then climbing out of
it so my sister's been digging stuff out of the dumpster hell yeah finally there's all this stuff
out on the lawn that my sister's looking at and she
finds a little cardboard note
that says don't take anything
cops are watching.
It's written on cardboard and my sister's
like what the fuck?
And she's like that's ridiculous.
So that night a full
U-Haul van pulls up
after dark.
It's the people who run the mold company they've come back and they load up every piece a huge white leather couches like holy shit multiple bedroom
suits all these huge dressers all this really super nice furniture they load every piece of
it into the fucking u-haul and the neighbor even calls the cops because the
neighbor's like this can't be right and they talk to the cops and they convince the cops that this
is like they are helping this woman la la la get rid of this because they like legit convinced her
none of this is treatable and they are taking it to dispose of it for her and they just stole this
entire house worth of fucking sweet ass shit And this woman is a nut.
Wow.
They must have just realized early on that they could take this woman for everything she's worth.
Oh my God.
They're a mold company.
They just go in your house and like a spray foam people.
They just spray mold all over your shit.
And then steal it from you.
Your house looks like a loaf of bread.
It's crazy. So my sister's ended up with a ton. She got like a ton of bread. It's crazy.
So my sister's ended up with a ton.
She got like a ton of quilts and stuff.
Damn. These nice quilts, a couple nice living room chairs.
And I'm sure she just washed them in the washing machine and they're fine.
Yeah.
Well, so if you are an up and coming organized crime startup.
Go with mold.
Yeah, go with mold.
The rich are throwing away their money right
now they're very gullible right now she was telling me this over dinner and i was like this
is a deeply diseased segment the thing about the deeply diseased thing is that rich people now
have gotten so comfortable like a lot of the old millionaires and wealthy people in the late 19th century were
like you know grew up in poverty or or you know what i mean like rockefeller like these guys like
sort of made their name carnegie and so they were kind of like uh nouveau riche you know what i mean
but now you know and then over the 20th century, like, billionaires paid, you know, a fair degree of taxes in the 1950s and stuff.
But just over the last 30 years, just how comfortable they've gotten.
They've gotten literally stupider.
They've gotten literally dumber.
Well, they're literally diseased.
They're hypochondriacs.
Well, yeah.
They don't want to touch anyone.
There's that.
Germaphobes and everything like that.
Like, there's no reality.
Like, when you're a billionaire, like reality doesn't exist.
Yeah.
Like you create your own reality at any moment.
That's exactly right.
So the thing here is, is they are fucking up so bad right now.
Like.
It's our time to strike.
It is our time to strike.
I truly believe that.
Be the fucking mold people.
Get in there.
Be the mold people. Get the the mold people get the shit that's
right oh you go to some billionaire so oh shit do you hear that buzzing noise
oh your whole shit's fucked up you're invested with squirrels are you serious okay squirrels
carry squirrels and we'll just keep doing that with all their houses until we've requisitioned,
expropriated
all of them.
And turn them all into public housing.
Exactly.
They're so dumb. They're fucking up so bad.
Like, you know,
I guess I'll just buy a new house.
This one's fucked up.
It's interesting, a big thing that happened
this week that I thought was kind of
noteworthy was hillary clinton coming out and saying something against bernie and not reading
the room like not because literally yeah and did nobody likes them and did not understand that it's
not 2016 now and no one gives a fuck about her yeah i mean for the first time you had people that
hated bernie and that were with her yeah actually coming out and being like
this is uncalled for why she's saying this you know what i mean she doesn't like she's some
people just can't deal with being completely irrelevant she cannot shut the fuck up shut the
actual fuck up hillary shut up but another thing that's happened between now and then that I think is incredibly important is fucking Jeffrey Epstein.
That is the thing that any time anybody brings up Hillary Clinton to you in polite conversation, any kind of context, all you have to say is Jeffrey Epstein and walk away.
Has she made any comment about it?
Has she said shit like, how could we have known?
This is so disappointing.
Has she said shit like, how could we have known?
This is so disappointing.
No, the only thing I've really seen her say about it is when she went on Trevor Noah and did that pre-packaged, scripted,
like, did you have Jeffrey Epstein killed and her and Chelsea laughed about it and gabbed about it or something.
Did you see that?
No.
It was very obviously like, what's the word I'm looking for?
Scripted.
It was very obviously contrived.
Does this mean Pizzagate's real?
Yes, it does in some ways.
But seriously, I think that... They threw him off the trail.
It was actually Lasagna Gate.
You know...
And they just went to the wrong fucking place.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was an Italian restaurant.
Yeah, they just got confused.
It was like, oh, fuck.
It's gotta be in that pizza place.
It was the Italian restaurant all along. Well, they just got confused. It was like, oh, fuck. It's got to be in that pizza place. It was the Italian restaurant all along.
Well, we should have known.
But seriously, like, it is funny that, you know, Hillary Clinton now has her name tainted
not just by Epstein, but also Harvey Weinstein.
Yeah.
Like, too. It's not a good look. Not a good look. She will Harvey Weinstein. Yeah. Like, two.
It's not a good look.
Not a good look.
She will not accept it.
No.
She will not accept it.
But I do think that, like, there's been a...
Well, she has been married to Bill Clinton all this time,
and, I mean, he's...
Right, yeah.
She's not going to let her affiliations
with the worst men in the world bring her down.
Bring her down, right, right exactly but there is something
to take away from it in the sense that i think that there's sort of been a discernible shift
against the elite in some ways that wasn't there four years ago i mean maybe maybe not maybe i'm
being maybe i'm looking at it too gliceful. I love it when you're a little optimist.
I like this.
I like just a slightly optimistic Terrence.
I think it makes for a good livelihood.
That's where I'm at right now.
The people are hungry.
The billionaires are looking really good.
They're looking tasty as fuck.
They're meaty.
And I think that they might be on the menu.
They're on the menu, and they are insane.
They have, there's no, they are so weak.
Yeah.
Like, I'm at the point where,
like, even if Bernie doesn't get the nomination,
even if he doesn't beat Donald Trump,
I'm kind of at the point where
we're going to start seeing so much agitation in the next few
years like well you're voting for budaj i do i do think my accelerationist brett stevens take
is we want a president budaj because there's not there he encapsulates perfectly the kind of guy
who would be running an empire during revolution you know what i mean
like a louis xvi or a romanov a guy who is so unsuited for his times for the contradictions
of his time yeah and he could help make politics really boring like we're used to right right i'm
not used to knowing every fucking uh member of someone a president's administration their name
and the reasons why
they're bad.
They're terrifying.
Yeah.
Well, Trump's making it easier
because there's no one
that really even works
in his administration.
Right.
Like most people have left.
What's his face?
Fucking Munchin
and a couple tumbleweeds.
Munchin and Pompeo. Yeah. He's and a couple tumbleweeds munching in pompeo yeah
he's one of the tumbleweeds true the last time i was at michelle's dad's house we were over there
he was talking about the um the ambassador woman what's her name um nikki haley no no the one that
they they've been like grilling that they were...
They fired her, but it took them like 10 times to get her fired.
All this shit.
Uh-huh.
What's her name?
I don't remember.
You know, it's a...
I don't know, some European name.
Yeah, it's a European name.
I can't believe Nikki Haley's an ambassador.
She was.
She was the ambassador to the UN, though.
ambassador she was i know she was the ambassador to the un though there's there's speculation that she might that trump might drop pence and run nikki haley as his vp i mean i would not be shocked
yeah i wouldn't be shocked by that wow but anyways i'm sorry what were you saying i just can't
remember but he was like they've drugged this woman for everything she's worth he's like they've
running people left and right.
Is she a liberal or is she like a...
Yeah, I think she was
like a liberal
ambassador to...
I don't know.
It's embarrassing
when I literally
know no details about anything.
Just fucking cut this all out.
We made up all kinds of shit.
I thought I could get there
by like process of elimination,
but...
Yeah, her name's Badussi.
Okay.
Badussi Williams? She was the ambassador to the great land of badusi i don't know i can't i'm not even gonna google it oh well it's just a mess and
every day it's a hot new hell on cnn things are pretty interesting but you know i feel like life
has been just as interesting at any other point in history but we just have the internet now yeah we do see it in front of our faces yeah at all times
i'm just constantly taking in information it's exhausting it's really destroying my brain slowly
well they did move the doomsday clock closer to midnight so things are getting worse even the
scientists agree they've been doing that for
a while though imagine how tedious that must be you will go up there every like five years and
you like move it a little bit closer and now is it two minutes what are they gonna do when it's
after midnight nothing happened then the cult of science will be discredited they're like god damn
man it's fucking 130 what do you think what how what do you think the conversations are around a big table
with how they decide?
Because it's all like a
it's like a scientific
card trick.
Well, maybe there's some billionaire hypochondriac
that's like, I think it needs to go up a few more seconds.
It's a PR move for them
to signal something.
Why else would they do it?
Well, I thought they started doing
it because of like nuclear weapons like they were yeah like i think the doomsday every time you uh
um it's like the uh every time a bell rings and angel gets it's like every time you uh
make um fuck what am i not talking about you refine uranium you uh
Fuck, what am I not talking about?
You refine uranium.
Doomsday Clock gets a second.
Yes, you do nuclear fusion.
Nuclear fusion.
As we were talking about on our Patreon.
Fast food nuclear fusion.
Enriched uranium.
Well, I think it's every year that we don't disarm nuclear weapons.
And continue to create more.
And then being like, actually, we trillion dollars this uh for the budget this year because we need to make more we need even more because we don't
understand nuclear fusion space force you have to fucking uh there's a box you you can donate an old
cell phone to to give to someone overseas fighting in the mar and shit but they're gonna
every year build like
53 billion dollar jets
and stuff. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
And these motherfuckers out there. Stuff a shoebox
to send abroad. You're right because they're always
collecting in front of Food City
and stuff. Yeah. Let's send stuff to our troops.
Let's send those cell phones to the troops.
We've sent everything we have
to the troops. But as a big fucking $5 billion jet flies over your head.
Right.
You're like giving them your last change.
It'll be a Means TV special.
Yeah.
So.
Thanks for being on with us, Matt.
Thanks for being on with us.
Thanks for having me.
It's a lot of fun.
Good to have you off the bench.
I've just loved sitting here with Pat and Louie this whole time.
Yeah, our fourth trailbilly here, Louie.
He's been great.
He loves to warm the bench.
Totally.
I want to plug a show.
So Slut Pill and my and Matt's band, Tenure,
will be playing a show on this Saturday.
What is that, the 25th?
Yeah.
I think so.
a show on this Saturday.
What is that, the 25th?
Yeah.
I think so.
At Summit City in Whitesburg,
doors at 7, show is at 9?
Yeah, I think so.
$5 cover.
I know that some of you love to drive around
and spend your money.
Hang out.
And hang out
with your favorite podcasters.
I'll be there wearing fringe.
Yeah.
I do think they've got
some good cheap beer
on tap too.
That can draw some people in.
Slut Hill's on tour.
They play Chattanooga tonight
and their album drops tomorrow.
We're trying to put together
a Slut Hill tenure tour.
With Trillbillies.
Coming soon to a town near, a village named you, near you.
Y'all.
A village named y'all.
Oh, it's the big come up.
It's nothing but major dates.
Y'all tour.
That's right.
Major villages.
Be on the lookout for that.
Come out to our show on Saturday.
And I guess we'll see you over on the Patreon.
Oh, yeah.
Go support the Patreon.
Please.
P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash Trillbilly Workers Party.
Got good content over there.
I've been seeing a lot of new subscriptions.
Lucky dogs.
That's right.
All right.
Well, we'll see you over there.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.