Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 373: No Shaq Fu For Christmas

Episode Date: December 26, 2024

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You're recording those for our to this is your episode I'm gonna sleep those for our to my opponent at the at the box office this week I'm gonna catch a few Z's while you talk about the plot of nose for our to Maybe I have not seen yet I was walking I went to see news for added last night and there was a couple a guy and a girl standing next to the complete unknown poster and the guy was like, that he was genuinely disturbed. He was like, that looks nothing like Bob Dylan.

And his girlfriend was like, I could see it in a certain light. And he was like, no. He's like, I find it frankly offensive. No, no, no. You're a idiot, honey. That's not, that's not even close to Bob Dylan. Frankly offensive no no no you're a fucking idiot, honey Yeah, man explains how Bob Dylan looks to her yeah, first of all, he's got an anitolian bone Yeah, he's like do you see the high cheekbones here? Yeah, you could tell like the bone marrow concentration of his calcified You could tell like the bone marrow concentration of his calcified collagen forms. Makes a phrenology argument as to why a chalamet could never be inaccurate, Bob Dylan.

Is chalamet Jewish? I don't know. Maybe. I have a dog, I think I'm anti-movie trailers. I thought I was going a different direction there for a second. I Book it there with I'm anti. Oh My bad what is it about movie trailers that's got you go. I don't know I was having a bad bad Do you have a bad time in the movies last night? You liked the movie? I liked no sparrows too. I fuck with it Okay, I'm gonna ask you not to give me spoilers cuz I do want to see it

It's good. I I recommend it. I thought it was great But I bring max Shrek back for the origin from the original From like a hundred years ago. Yeah, this German silent film. They brought his skeleton back. No, he makes of cameo in the movie Yeah, sometimes they'll do that with yeah boots. Right you look for the max. It's like how What's that comic book writer That's in all of his own movies. No Stanley Stanley. Yeah, they brought max strength back Yeah, he's a little hanging together 116 years old

Probably older than that really probably yeah to do his fingers that does like man Max listen, I know you've been waiting for the call for 137 years. Nobody can do the creepy fingers like you, pal. I will say this new one has a lot of creepy fingers too. It must've been pretty tight to be Bill Skarsgard because you get to do a lot of creepy finger stuff. That's fun. It's fun to do creepy finger stuff.

Yeah. Uh-huh to point with a with with a knobbled long long nailed finger oh he's got the long nails get the long nails to you know tearing the flesh with yeah he does that yeah mostly he tears in the flesh with his teeth but now he's the tooth guy he's really horny well vampires are historically are they really I say I never really knew much about vampires. Yeah, I've always shied away from vampire Stuff like the it's a little too reddit for you. I Guess now that you've mentioned it now that you ask like I just yeah generally always kind of never really fucked with it

Like I had friends in high school who really loved to interview with the vampire. They like true blood They like Twilight. I never got into it really. What about from a humorous angle like what we do in the shadows? That's good. I like them, but I don't watch it. I support it in theory But I also don't watch it. Well, you don't. Yeah, but I also don't watch it. Yeah, but you don't watch anything else What's not that I watched land man? Oh, that's true. Yeah, you do You do watch yeah I watch Taylor Sheridan shows didn't know that Alumnus of this program

Rejot Jermier our writers on land man. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, right. That's right. Yeah, right for land They're right for a land. Good job. We're jotting Jeremy. Good job. You guys did good. You've knocked this one out the park This trailers were stressing me out. I hate I think Something about trailers Makes me have a bad time Okay, yeah, and I think it's like they're cringe always The trailers makes me have a bad time. Okay? And I think it's like they're cringe always.

The trailer is always gonna be cringe to me for some reason. Does that make sense? I just don't like the conventions. I don't like trailer conventions. I don't like the swelling of the music the single piano note like and it rings out hollow while a character says something like oh my god oh my god they're coming let me tell you how bright I'm tell you how brain-addled I am uh-huh is you for we were riffing on the land man gag there

and when you said I just don't like trailers I don't like trailer we were riffing on the land man gag there and When you said I just don't like trailers I don't like trailer conventions and I was thinking Thinking you've been classist like it gets people living trailers. I love and took me like a second. Oh, yeah No, we were talking about movie trailer. I should say movie previews No, that's my bad. Also, there's 20 fucking minutes of previews I I timed it last night I actually had to get up in the middle of the previews and go to the bathroom and like breathe deeply because I was having Like a panic attack during the previews during the previews. Yeah, you didn't get into the movie. You're having panic attack Something about it. Hmm. I hate it there. They are

Geared for first of all every single trailer is geared to maximize and trigger your trauma Yeah, like you will have there will be something that happens in a in a movie trailer Where someone gets their hand blown off or something? Yeah, worlds will call worlds will call Literally they'll have planets collide nuclear fallout a train a car accident of some kind a popular car a popular preview right now opens with a Inside of a car right after it's just had a car accident and flipped like 20 times and they're hanging upside down like off the side of a cliff everyone's like

Oh my god, what we gonna do here? Oh my god How am I gonna get out of this pickle knowing full well through the majesty of movie magic you're gonna get out of it But maybe not maybe they'll die and also through the magic of movies. They'll die Yeah, okay, well they don't all be in pleasant way. I just hate, I think the previews are cringe. That like I said, the conventions in them, like the way every preview starts with like a single piano note.

Yeah, like when Kanye's playing runaway. Yeah, like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it'll be like, it'll be like a single line like there'll be like a metronome in between those and yeah It'll just cut to like this shot of like this creepy little girl and her eyes are rolling the back of her head Then it'll be jump scare They don't like do this stroboscopic effect where it'll show a bunch of like scenes in a row of like Effect where it'll show a bunch of like scenes in a row like

And like the meat and like axes and and blunt instruments will hit at the same time of like the hits in the song like I Hate the fucking I hate the whole goddamn Thing let me ask you this. Do you feel as if though? The trailers have worsened over the years. Did you like them like from 80s movies 70s movies? Obviously, I liked them from 70s movies. 70s movies trailers are tight. One of my favorite movies the Race Hustler has one of the best Trailers ever made. I love that one Warren Oates. I love Warren Oates the Race Hustler. Warren Oates and the Race Hustler. Favorite movies has one of the greatest trailers. Yeah, it's like now from Universal Home Cinema Cinema. I Love trailers back then I hate trailers now and in fact they even kind of spoiled the movie for me a little bit like There is there's a new trailer out for a new Rami Malek movie

where it's I can't I couldn't tell the premise just from the Preview but it seems to me like he's kind of reprising his role from Mr. Robot. He's like a computer genius. Oh, I thought you said he was just going to be Freddie Mercury. That's what I would do. I would just, any role that I went out for, I would just be Freddie Mercury. Mr. Fahrenheit? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here, we're at, we're at we're Romney Malik There's an alternate universe where he plays Bob Dylan. Mm-hmm plays him as Freddie Mercury. It's just gay Bob Dylan I guess that could work. Yeah well He also should be like a computer hacker genius guy Cuz like that's his thing. That's the way he talks. He's like you forgot but in this trailer I think he literally says something like the first Minute of the trailer is him getting shit on and kicked around and whatever by like mean bad dudes

And then it like the trailer turns and he goes you forgot I'm Actually a genius or something like that And then like the rest of the trailer is him being a genius Like fucking up bad dudes and it's like, okay, you just gave the whole movie away Although I gotta say I'm glad they're making movies like that again Right. We're like a kind of a mid-budget like an evil Anti-villain or like an anti-villain genius kind of like a Walter White or like a Dexter or whatever

Says you forgot I Found Rami Malek to be extremely attractive. I don't know why Good-looking guy. I thought he kind of looks like friend of the show John Langen A little bit. Yeah Little bit. Yeah, I'm like dad, Romney Malick. But I do hate the way Romney Malick talks. He's like, that's what he does. He's like, you forgot. I'm just as smart as you are.

And maybe smarter. I'm the opposite. Some people like how I talk, they hate the way I look. It's like, man, if you could just put something with that voice. I'm the opposite some people like how I talk they hate the way I look Man, you could just put something with that voice anything Mm-hmm Well, I think I'm anti-trailer. I think that's my stance now. Okay. Okay. I think I'm done with them I'll never watch one of these pieces of shit again. I'm never gonna watch one again, man

But the Nosferatu trailer do you see the Nosferatu trailer? I didn't see the Nosferatu trailer I tried not to watch trailers literally because they kind of fucked me up because for example, I Never watched a single trailer for poor things. I Didn't know I did not get the memo. We were supposed to hate poor things I went and saw poor things on a very bad day The lot ended up black and I loved it and I got online and I was like, yeah Let's see what people are saying. Everybody was like Roasting and I was like, oh now you're me too

Piece of shit I Don't I just I didn't see a trailer for I feel like trailers temper how you're going to perceive something like and that doesn't always Match up or there's some where it's like they're just okay Give us a three-minute edit and it's like all the best shots from the movie and the rest of it sucks I yeah, you know all the jokes and bits and spoilers. Just right there in the... That's what we should do. Here's what we should do. It's a meta movie called The Trailer. And it's like two dipshits are tasked with

like cutting a trailer. Okay. You know. And we have to go... Out of an hour and a half movie? We would be uniquely qualified to do this too because we have a tacit connection. He's passed now, both of them have passed now, but the Webb brothers, our dearly departed Jim and his brother Rob, Rob was the voice of a lot of those in the world. He was, yeah, from like the 80s, huh?

Yeah, in like 60 minutes and 48 hours in the direct TV commercials and stuff Okay, so we if we if if we'd had the good sense to do that before Rob departed this mortal coil. We'd had a Some high concept stuff on our hands a trailer back in the day used to have entire scenes Trailer back in the day used to have entire scenes like that they would show because I remember watching I went and watched the odd couple and At the Kentucky theater and they had a trailer for the original. Yeah with Jack Lemmon and Walter man Walter Mathow and they had a trailer for

What is that movie that IBM made in the early 60s? I went and saw it at the Kentucky Theater. You saw the IBM movie? Yeah, it's kind of like a Barbie movie in the sense that IBM made it in the same way that Mattel made Barbie. Mm-hmm. Kind of as a way to like... Is it a movie about a computer?

Yeah, it is. It's a movie about a computer? Yeah it is it's a movie about like kind of breaking down the the kind of breaking down the stigma around computers. There's one in the 60s. Yeah what the fuck is this movie man? Let me find it real quick sorry. Is it the computer man? Movie about... Why are you looking that up? I did find out a piece of information the other day that I didn't intend to, I just stumbled upon it. What was it? The Blinds Man has a brick and mortar location.

Does it? Rather close to my house. So... Interesting. I'm gonna have to go pay him a visit. I can't believe I can't remember the fucking name of this movie. This is embarrassing and Furthermore just goes to show you how much of a fraud I am I'm starting to it's it's almost like this IBM movie doesn't really exist. It might not. I don't know that I believe it's called the desk

Set the desk sets from 1957. Oh, we're not the jet set It's the desk set or the old IBM desk set. It's directed by Walter Lang had Spencer Tracy and Catherine Hepburn the The the movie was made I think funded by IBM basically to kind of like the the premise is is a computer is being introduced to this office and it's threatening to put out of work the secretaries, played by like Catherine Hepburn and her other lady secretaries.

And they feel threatened by the computers. They kind of have like a Luddite approach to it. But like the whole premise of the movie is like, no, actually computers will make our work easier and better It's not gonna put anybody out of work. You should embrace the computer and love it when and the truth ended up being Somewhere in between that's right kind of did put some people out of this It put some people out of work for sure and it made us all insane It made us all addicted to pornography. Yeah, are we it did? I'm not I'm not either

I don't remember the last time I even watched porn I mean, I think the last time I watched porn was like six months ago Maybe not. I can't even tell well now you can't even access it in Kentucky. You know it. Oh, did they ban PornHub in Kentucky? well that and Virginia some of his other sites I'm told about so right x hamster. No, I really don't know I mean, I know the ones from back when I was watching porn like x hamster. Yeah, I know I know like red tube Yeah back when I was watching porn like eggs hamster yeah I know I know like to yeah yeah I remember a proto one of all those like a very primitive one from like 2002 to called dreams oddic they it was like a band dreams oddic well you could like

pull up and like download I didn't know you were downloading them and then like you got all the viruses and the shit like stuck to your desktop That shit was tight. I hate that. I love that. I did it as much as possible Put as many viruses on my parents computers like Buddies from high school that ruined this laptop Those were days like when like laptops were like kind of a big deal Hey, I'm his dad coming in there and saying, I swear to God, if you don't get it,

you've done and porned up that laptop. You done porned up that laptop, boy. I was just mad at him like he hadn't got his oil change. You done porned up that laptop. Remember the other night we were talking about a dad that is like specifically Like hard on his son about being the He insists on his son being in this house. We're gonna be George Michael gay. Yeah better not be boy George gay

Yeah, yeah, listen if I catch you if I catch you come come come come come a chameleon in this house We only have father figures in this house. We only have father. We're George Michael's house. We keep the faith in this house. We only have father figures. Last Christmas, last Christmas, I told you, George Michael, gay is the only kind of gay you can be.

George Michael's a good role mom wait Porn you can't watch it in Kentucky anymore. What were we talking? Why are we talking about porn? Oh the internet the desk set the desk? Okay, we got to the desk set because I was talking about trailers when in the odd couple when I went to see it they played a trailer for the desk set and I was actually kind of surprised because the trailer for the death set and I was actually kind of surprised because the trailer for it probably cut in 1957 was entire scenes from the movie Literally like a full minute of an acted out scene. That is true. That's remember we went watched. What was that?

Peeping Tom movie we watched it It was literally called Peeping Tom. Oh, it wasn't? Yeah. Oh, okay. It was a great movie. Remember there was a preview for some other older horror movie from the 50s or something on there. And it just showed a whole ax murder sequence

during the thing. Yeah. It's like it took us to the scene in the barn, just showed us one, and then it like went out was like, yeah Do you want more do you want more of their stuff? We can't show you in the preview it's like You didn't even really show me the murder. You just like insinuated then showed some chicken feathers like That's how you did show back then you insinuated.uated. Well, what's understood doesn't need to be explained.

Well, that's why I don't like trailers now because they give you the entire, like the funniest trailer I saw this year was the trailer for that Ryan Gosling, was it Emily Blunt movie? Oh, the fall guy? Yeah. Dude, you could not escape that movie.

They tried to make that movie work. And honestly, I regret not going to see it only because I know what they were trying to do They were trying to bring back the mid-budget like sort of like action slash rom-com You know what I mean? Right and like we were just like well I feel like they gave away the entire movie in the trailer I feel like when I was watching the trailer is like I feel like I've seen them I feel like I saw the movie. Yeah. Yeah, I came away with it Like honestly gun to my head if you caught me in ten years and asked me if I saw the fall guy

Uh-huh. Yeah, that's where Ryan Gosling, you know It not even lying just like really assuming that I had saw it at something, right? I Just hate I think it's like I have some sort of like autistic Yes, I am autistic in some ways Like I have a hard time with auditory You never listen and I do never listen I do never I I used to have full-on panic attacks when I was a kid in the cafeteria because the loud noises and sounds would give me panic attack and

Some some for some reason trailers do the same shit to me I just get panicked because like I and part of it is because they're so cringe I get embarrassed Embarrassed for them I get embarrassed for them and for humanity generally it's like it's like um It's like when I know I've brought this story up a lot But it's like when my buddy Lonnie burned a box of condoms at church When I was when I was a teenager The the embarrassment for him and for the general scene Can I take take us back to that scene and for God?

You were like a little second and embarrassed for God. I was Like God repented that he ever made man, you think God's just like God Wait a second. I can't say that He did he was God God say GD to? There's one higher than him for sure. It just goes on and on. It does for sure. I think that experience shows,

that's how they used to write in the 1900s or the 1800s, they'd say experience shows, experience shows that all existence is a telescoped gradient of infinitely large to infinitely small. Probably all the way back around again. Really? Yeah. The experience shows that all existence is a telescoped gradient of infinitely large to infinitely small. Probably all the way back around again. Really?

Yeah. So there's always something higher than God and there's always something lower than... Maggot. Sure. Maggot. An eyebrow mat. Yeah. I don't know, there's something about like, like I said, there's something about like like I said there's something about like I hate how lines are delivered in trailers

It makes me cringe. I have a very visceral reaction to cringe Yeah, seriously, and I don't mean like cringe like Someone being vulnerable or someone being authentic or expressing them their true feelings. That's not what I mean by cringe I mean like at earnest is not equal cringe earnest is not equal cringe, right? Always earnest can equal for me. The modern movie trailer is the perfect embodiment of cringe. Yeah, like I said the You know what I mean like when they're hitting You know what I mean? Like when they're hitting

People on the head or they're like crashing cars and it's in sync with like the hits on the song and like that stuff Like it does something to like my autistic brain. Here's one of my trailer sort of cliches that I don't like is when there's like a Weird Remix of a popular song. Yeah, they's like a Weird Remix of a popular song. Yeah, like a somber Yeah remix like set some atmospheric mood, you know, I mean like They'll put like a slow like shoegaze piano driven version of like Stevie Wonder. Yeah. Yeah

Happy birthday. Yeah. Happy birthday. One that actually worked like that was when Jordan Peele did that like really slow version of the Looney's, I got five on it. That worked for me. But, but generally speaking, like, you know,

doing one of those is gonna be a little. What? Gonna be, yeah, I don't know, just gonna be a little cliche for me. This is a sluggish ep because it's the day after Christmas? I'm, I'm, I'm gonna be honest, I'm fatigued. I feel like dog shit. I'm I'm be honest. I'm fatigued. I feel like dogshit

I'm seriously thinking about after we get done recording this later and taking a nap for two hours That's a good count. I love that catch. I've napped on that catch many times Did you have two good couches in this house? You got two good napping couches? Mm-hmm I'm get to you never gonna catch sucks Your couch sucks. Yeah Get through them again. I kept sucks your couch sucks. Yeah Well, my you just put it to yeah, I did put your cash together. Let's see what we got Once upon a time in the town of Medford there lived a man named Jack Frost Yeah, he had a yeah

Son but his job kept him away from home. Right, you just hear harmonicas. I got that morning you were born and you play that no matter where I am. I can hear it. Then one night something happened. Something terrible. Oh, it's OK. It's OK. It's something terrible to do. Something terrible. Something terrible. That turned into something wonderful. He's playing on the harmonica.

Wow. That's a late 90s, like when they come in with the chords. Okay, I need you to play two more for me. Trailers? Yeah. I need to hear Angels in the outfield because I'm pretty sure that the phrase from where I'm sitting when the angels win the pennant is in the trailer. It might be. It's a three-minute trailer goddamn.

Dad, when we gonna be a family again? A boy searching for a future. I'd say when the angels win the pennant in the Coach running from his past are you cracking up or is this a repeat of Cincinnati? No, no, it's nothing Hey coach, just know like fucking Cincinnati. No, it's nothing like. There's nothing ever been like fucking Cincinnati. No, there's nothing. There's no comparison, coach. It was one of the lowest,

it was one of the darkest times of my life. What was the third trailer you wanted to watch? Oh, Black Christmas. Oh, the one we saw the other night? Yeah. Black Christmas. Oh the one we saw the other night. Yeah black Christmas The one that's Stevie Steve Martin's favorite movie He said he'd seen it 27 times Okay, this trailer goes hard

Someone in the comments said ah 70s trailers when basically the whole plot is shown in the trailer So maybe I've had my ass handed to me. Maybe Maybe all the trailers have just always been 27 minutes of me making some exceptionalist grand generalization about modernity and only to find out I was once again wrong. Okay, I got another one I want you to... I'm always wrong. Before we go too far away from this.

Come on, Vern, I'm always wrong. Give me Exorcist 3. Come on burn. I'm always wrong. Give me exercise three Come on burn Hear me I said exercise three I'm typing it in for you Okay down front Fuck off. Oh shit, not tubular bells. Tubular bells. Not mine. Didn't touch mine.

Nope. Yeah I do. Yes please. And I'd do it again. Not mine didn't touch mine Yeah, I do yes, and I do it again I Love this movie I like George C Scott Wise Virginia night. I like he yells a lot He's like god damn it. God damn it Satan. God damn it Satan stop possessing all these people Satan You make it too much paperwork for me god damn it god damn it speaking of possession how you enjoying possession the book yeah I'm enjoying this young I'm enjoying it quite a bit

you want any insights takeaways well it's a classic postmodern text in the sense that various multiple characters are trying to piece together narratives in a world that tends towards in a world that tends towards the fragmentation of narrative And in a world that tends toward the fragmentation of narrative One man stands alone in his fight to To create a grand cohesive narrative out of the detritus of history. George C. Scott is Terrence Ray,

the narrative setter straighter. The narrative setter straighter. That is- Double feature, the Ray Susler and the narrative setter straighter. The narrative setter straighter is about a man who has a sick dog? And He goes that's a postmodern texture. It's truly he goes to the dentist

Because he lives close to a dentist and his dog is throwing up teeth His dog is vomiting up teeth. This dog is throwing up teeth people And so he goes to a dentist and the dentist is like this is not my specialty I you'd have to take to a vet and he's like wait doctor there's the dogs throwing up teeth don't you aren't you a dentist he's like god damn it man I was served in the jungles of Vietnam if I ever have to see a dog throwing up teeth ever again I'll pacify this town with the extreme prejudice extreme prejudice

And yes in case you're wondering in case you're lacking immediate letters That means I'll kill all the women and children and that's what he does the dentist goes out and he starts killing everybody And so the guy with the dog that's throwing up teeth. It's like Well, this isn't good. No, I have started another war unwittingly unwittingly I've triggered my dentist and now he's pacifying my town with extreme prejudice But I still got to find a solution to the dog So he goes to the but my dog's still throwing up teeth. I gotta take him somewhere So he takes the dog to a fortune teller

Okay, and the fortune teller says look, this is not my line of work. I I only deal If the dog was throwing up only dealing uncertainties and cloudy future yes if the dog was throwing up like chicken bones Then I could divide the tea leaves and divine the chicken bones see dog teeth Not a lot of prophetic value not a lot of prophetic value but I am sensing here that you are burdened by a great guilt and shame and I think it has something to do with dr. Carrie raw of who is the dentist next door and he's murdered at least 20 people Yeah, they don't call him dr. Caramela

merit murdered 20 people and Your fault because you took him a dog with teeth and the last time he saw that was during the Ted offensive in 1968 and now he's killed well every man woman child in this town and not now as the prophet as the Oracle I myself the fortune-teller. I Don't feel good about all this I've consulted the magic eight ball and well I Don't feel good about this at all. I don't like this a damn. I don't know where I don't like where this is going But I will help you find medical attention for your dog So the or the fortune-teller and the man with a dog then have to go to the next doctor

Which is an eye which is dr. Shivago dr. Shivago Yes, but he's actually Bashar al-assad But he's disguised as dr. Javaga because they're actually in Moscow When barjah al-assad's fled Syria he opened up his own practice in my use his dental degree Yeah, and he's dr. Javaga It so they go to dr. Javaga, yeah that's his disguise. And so they go to Dr. Javaga. From despot to dentist.

And they say, look, the dog is throwing up teeth, the dentist is murdering half the town, this fortune teller is fucking not, he won't get off my ass. And I'll be honest with you, I think that's actually former Syrian president Bashar al-assad underneath that disguise Uh-huh. No, that's dr. Shavar that's down up Tom. Yeah. Yeah and And so they go back into the back room to see the instruments that dr. Zavago has and then they're kind of really weirded out and

Really disturbed by some of these instruments. It turns out that when Bashar al-Assad aka. Dr. Zabago fled he took with him some of his famous torture devices. Oh really? Yes, and when he goes in and Examines people's eyes. He's so addicted to torturing that he sometimes tortures them with his medieval torture devices I am thinking me like that. It's like that unfortunately. Yeah, so the guy with the dog What's his name? He needs a name Mr. It's nister. It's like not mister, but it's a nister. His first name is nister Nestor no, it's like mister with but with an N. Okay, it's like mister

mister red raw Not nest or no, it's like mister with but with an N. Okay, it's like mister mister red raw Mr. Wad mister rafal I got another trailer. I want you to look up real quick. Okay, but first mr. Waflow is Plays this guy mark ruffo is Plays this guy was mark ruffalo

Opportunity to get rid of the fortune teller because he's really fucking bugging him He keeps reminding him that it's his fault. The dentist is killing everybody So he says well look there fortune teller can't see that gray. He couldn't see that the dentist was gonna kill everybody He didn't see that coming up in the future. So you might need to look at his eyes and dr He didn't see that coming up in the future so you might need to look at his eyes and dr. Bishara lawsuit aka Dr. Givago is like yes that to make sense sit down on my instrument Well spoiler he didn't get an eye exam Brown eyes That'll be in the trailer he didn't get an eye exam

I'll tell you this is there any like jokes and trailers like it like from the announcer or they have to kind of be neutral Announce or you're right should not be neutral like oh, it's like go look at like Porkies and see if it's got like a humor in the trailer from the you know, I mean, uh-huh pork Porkies. Yeah something Okay. Okay, but like first of all, um All right to be continued. We'll pick back up with our friend. Mr. Waflow Dog that's barfing teeth Porkies trailer

He didn't get an eye exam One thing he didn't get an eye exam Come on 20th century Fox would like to introduce you to peewee and his pals Tommy Mickey Tim And the biggest man on campus When they're not in class they're into everything that's fucked up this movie's fucked up That's from the mind of a sick individual.

I've never actually seen Porkies. But what they'd like to get into most is a place called Porkies. I left my idea here. Use this one. That's my Bible school card. Unfortunately, we can only show you the outside of Porkies. That's kind of a joke. That's kind of a joke. Is not to be believed.

The boys' locker room always turned me on. We'd like to show you more of the locker room, but this kind of physical education just isn't I've never seen a narrative this... I've never seen a narrator this heavily, you know, got his foot on the... Yeah. Scale. His foot on the scale. His foot on the scale, that's what they say. Wow, Porky's coming soon to a selected theater near you. Do, do, you're right, like they need more, they need more trailer narrative narrators who are

Willing to Always Kim control of porkies. What? Here she is on Howard Stern talking about how porkies affected her acting career, huh? Play it. She's got a Play it, see what she's got to say Live nude girls She did Police Academy She's also in Big Treble in Little China. So back to Mr. Waffle

Give me big trouble in little China first This entire episode we've had Joe ghosts of Joe Diffie in the background. That's kind of us. Do you like that? Yeah They made me so anxious can you tell him anxious Burton and the Pork Chop Express and I'm talking to whoever's listening out there. It's a pretty amazing planet we live on here. And a man would have to be some kind of fool to think we're all alone in this universe. There is a hidden world where ancient evil weaves a modern mystery. What's going on here? Is this some kind of... Magic. The darkest magic. The darkest magic the darkest man they call

it little China finally we shall bring order out of chaos I've done that a time or two have it haven't you brought order out of chaos I've made lemonade out of lemons you didn't let me finish my postmodern story of mr. Wavlo and his dog that barfs teeth I need to hear the exciting conclusion this okay so the story the fortune-teller well so the you get through his fortune-teller but he's still got his dog teeth problem. Yeah, that's true.

Is his dog tooth problem becoming more magnified now that- Now that the fortune teller's out of the picture? Yeah, which is kind of the same. Yeah, he keeps throwing up more teeth. Okay. And so- Hey, how many teeth does a dog have? Well, they're not exactly his teeth.

Oh, okay. They're teeths of all kinds of things. Okay. Baby human teeth. Okay. And elephant teeth. Okay. And rhinoceros horns, tusks.

He's throwing up any kind of like enamel Ivory Collagen yeah thing okay, and I'm following final and so dr. Zavago says He says I cannot help you with this, but we'll take your dog to the plastic surgeon We'll take your dog to the plastic surgeon. Bashar Al-Assad's from Bombay. We'll take your dog to plastic surgeon because he's throwing up teeth. And so they take the dog to a plastic surgeon. And it turns out that this is a small town.

It's Moscow, but it's still small. Yeah. Yeah. Picture Moscow, but it's still small. Yeah, and it's it's Yeah picture Moscow, but small picture Moscow and they even and the name doesn't change either Also to is Russian Yes, it's Indiana it's not my sky. I mean it's in Russia, but it's just a smaller Moscow with the same name It's like a small. It's they spell it allcase. So, you know the difference. Mm-hmm Yeah, and so all this time though, we're getting

We're getting the Scenes of the dentist Right because like he this is also his story. Yeah, and this is the postmodern This is the thing about a postmodern text. It's never clear whose story this is Yeah, that's that is another thing about postmodern text. It's it's it is who does the story cohere around and Furthermore who has the authority to tell this story? Who is even the storyteller here? Who's the story bear?

Is it some disembodied narrator voice from a movie trailer could be perhaps? This is our movie What did you call it earlier the trailer trailer or the the story getter? Store narrative the narrative getter setter said wasn't it the narrative getter center? Because now we're getting into the like it we're not right now We're getting into the second or third layer of the narrative getter setter Which is that like we are starting to understand that these narratives characters lives are Set and determined by a disembodied. It's not a doex machina. This is a god

It's a single guy who got hit it got it big in the 70s because he was He was the trailer narrator for a little movie. You may have all heard called the race War notes is so That's the person telling this story and the whole movie plays out like a trailer because Again, this is postmodern and the trailer defies narrative Construction yeah defies narrative convention and there it, that's our trailer movie.

That's the narrative setter getter. That's the narrative setter getter. And we're gonna get Bashar Al-Assad to play Dr. Shavago. We might have to do that, yeah. Also, just a little touch, I'm gonna put Bashar Al-Assad in a shirt that says, take me to your dealer. It's just a little alien holding a joint. And that's what he does, that's what he does

that works on my teeth, man. Well yeah, because he alien holding a joint. That's what he does. That's what he does. Works on the teeth, yeah. Well, yeah, because he's smoking the joint. What would you do if you went to a dentist and he said, Take me to your dealer? Take me to your dealer? It'd be so sick. He's taking big bong rips and blowing it in your face.

Yeah. When you're on laughing gas. That's shocking. It makes you do shotguns. This is just as good on laughing gas. That's shot, like you do shotgun. It's just as good as laughing gas. The narrative setter-getter is, they're smoking a joint with Bashar al-Assad. They've managed to get the dentist in jail. They went to go visit him like he's Hannibal Lecter. They've got him locked up in a Faraday cage that they can't, and so it's Bashar Al-Assad, actually known as Dr. Zhivago, and Nister Waflo and his dog.

And they go visit the dentist in jail, in prison. And the dentist is like, hey man, do you think you could put some money in my commissary? I'm trying to get a CD player. And they're like, what does he want a CD player for? What could he possibly want a CD player for? But they get it for him anyways. So they pass it into his cell

and they watch him go across the room and he opens up the the thing CD thing flips open he takes from his under his bed blanket roll a CD and he puts it in and He closed it and he hits play and he's got his headphones on and they're watching him as

he's listening to whatever CDs on and the camera is zooming in and it's zooming in and it's zooming in it's getting closer and closer and closer to him and it turns out he was actually listening to an mp3 ripped version of the narrative setter getter that he ripped from YouTube to MP3, what do they call that, transfer from a website. And he's listening to the movie. That's the worst thing I've ever come off. That sucks so bad.

But sure, I think I've lost it. I'm in my flop era for real. Oh, well. It's true, man. It's crazy. Bring up another trailer for me. I don't want to watch any more trailers. I just want one more watch any more trailers. I just want one more.

I hate trailers. I want to hear 24 hour party people's trailer. That's a great movie. That might be my favorite movie. I hate being in my floppy around. This sucks. Do do do do do. Killing one down it Simon Pegg movie. Is that what you're talking about?

Is this that fuck She only dances the cowboy songs Manchester birthplace to the railways the computer the bouncing bomb In 1976 you wanted to see the most exciting bands in the world They were on a regional show coming out of Manchester my show I'm Tony Wilson June the 4th, Sex Pistols play in Manchester for the very first time there are only 42 people in the audience this might be one of those trailers where there's no narrator

for instance, behind me, a stiff kit they just got Steve Coogan doing it there yeah alright, anyway that's it, That's what they do. Yeah. Well she only dances the cowboy songs Who sings that I don't know some guy named Riley green probably something like that I think I looked it up recently guys. So I think it's some guy named like Boone burr Boone and these guys so I think it's some guy named like Boon Burr Boon. Aaron Burr.

Singing all the dances the cowboy songs. Man the cowboy things having a big moment right now. Is it Lee Brice maybe? You I don't know man. Are you gonna embrace it or you gonna get left behind? I'm not gonna get... I'm not gonna embrace it. Are you gonna get left... are you gonna choose to get left behind? Uh huh, I'm gonna get left behind, yeah. I love to get left behind. I love to get left behind. She left me behind, call her Tim LaHaye.

Did you come up with that? That's fire. That's rough. No. That's what I, I don't want to be a Christian rapper, but it's all like stuff like that. Got a Romanian bitch, call her Nicolae Carpathian. She said, gotta focus on the family said I'm bitch I ain't no James Dobson. She's like, she's just like, you're gonna leave me anyway. I said, girl, I said don't be Jack Van Ampere. You can't tell the future. You're no prophet. Did you say, did you see that Kenneth Copeland sexual healing but I ain't no Benny him

But I've been in it but I've been in it again What's kind of Copeland up to he well he recently got sick for the first time in his life He went to the hospital for the first time really. Yeah, he said he's gonna live to be 120. God told him that Okay. Well, I will bet that he does not actually take his action on that that sounds like Kenneth Cope land see what I did there. I did that was good. She only dances to cowboy songs. She wanted to hit the club. I said we only going to the 700 Club. Call her Pat Robinson on this dub. Yeah.

She can try to get this chub, but only after... Wow, dog, I don't fucking... Flop era, Terrence. Flop era. I said, this is the end, baby. Call it Valley of Megiddo. We had some good times, but she wouldn't let me hit though That's good, dude, I was gonna be a Christian rapper like you should not

I'm not a Christian rapper in the sense that I'm a Christian rapper I'm a Christian rapper in the sense that all my metaphors are just Bible references. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Hmm got a seven-headed bitch called Leviathan. Mm-hmm And I don't know that's all I got until you go for that. Yeah. All right What about something with Tammy Faye Baker? I Tammy Faye Baker. They tried to sign me to the Lakers,

but I'm- Tammy Faye Baker. Yeah. Hmm, let's see. There's givers and there's takers, and then there's Tammy Faye Baker. Then there's Tammyvers and there's takers and then there's Tammy Faye Bakers. Yeah, there's Tammy Faye Bakers and... You get signed to the Lakers. Wait, what was Tammy Faye most fam- like she-

I remember when I was a kid I read her memoir, she says she healed a dead chicken, brought it back from the dead. That's tight. That's so sick. That is sick. Didn't happen, but it's sick. Yeah. She made my bird rise again, Colin. Colin, Tammy, Faye Baker.

That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty good. Let's see. There was, who's the guy, Joel Osteen? Yeah. Um.

I tell her, baby, you need to split this whole scene. You could be living your best life now like you was Joel These are some deep cuts, these are some high concepts Let's see I'm trying to My boy stopped up. He's trying to up his protein. I said, bro, I'm the other end, you'll be living your best life now like you was Joel Osteen.

That's good. Okay. What about Rick Wilson? That's hard to rhyme. Osteen's hard to easy. Rick Warren, you mean? Or Rick Warren, my bad. Yeah, Rick, I's heart Rick Warren you mean Rick Warren my dad Rick Is Rick Wilson? He's one of those like operatives Rick Warren

Hmm Let's see. What was his book? He had a very famous book. Oh many years ago. I'm trying to think of other CS Lewis is a is something you could mere Christian. Yeah I said that's pretty easy Let's see she hit me with the queer miss me Pan Missy and mrs Okay, what you got? She, uh, she, uh,

she said, come on over baby, let's make a movie. I said, um, she wanted, she, she, she wanted the queers to save She wanted she she She wanted The queers to save humanity. I said baby. This is just mere Christianity Huh, I tell it baby. I love you. I ain't trying to I Tell it baby. I love you. I ain't trying to Let's see, let's see. I had a good one like I lost it

I was trying to do something about making a sex tape and call it screw tape That's good. Yeah, that's good We're very funny thing that's really that's really good. Yeah Anyway, I had to work this out in real time I'm trying to think of no this is good though we're just killing time yeah Van Emppie I'm trying to think of something Jack Van Emppie Rin and Stimpy Rin and Stimpy I'm not Jack Van Limpie gave her hard dick colors Jack man in Get hit me with something like blue like jazz blue like No, let's see chew chew bite

Man that's tough that was hard. It's like What are you trying to do let's see here What rhymes with jazz really nothing it's hard right as right Jazz jazz is like the only thing that rhymes with fucking jazz That's true. No, that's not so word She she wanted me to rise from the dead like Lazarus show me that rise from the dead like layers I said baby I'm blue like jazz baby I that kind of works yeah Yeah, that's something like that. Something like that.

Yeah. Something like that. I can't rise from the dead. Oh no, I got it, I got it. She said, she said, baby have you ever read Blue Like Jazz? I said girl come over here and make me rise again like last. Quit asking what I read make me rise like Laz. Interesting. Smoking dubs at the 700 Club

Robertson Pat Robertson Billy Graham, what we got for Billy Graham. Oh Something to do with Instagram like like Like she caught me on the gram But not Billy's Graham or something like that not insta Yeah, something like it. I saw how you was posting on the gram Now You'll come and get away if you be with me we could make a milli gram that doesn't make any sense. Make a milli gram.

A milli grail. A milli grail. That's so stupid. But a dumb Christian rapper would say that thinking it with fire. We also had to keep that in mind We're playing the character of dumb Christian. You'd have eight guys in the studio be like It's like actually a tiny thing like a milligram like a milligram yeah for years we was snorting milligrams now me and the homies reading Billy Graham Billy Graham which Billy Graham even ride me like I'm sure he did but it's like not noted as an author Yeah, I know you wrote stuff

Who is the Hagee John Hagee John Hagee? John Hagee Crazy John Hagee you could never play me like I was John Do you think that Jesus I Wonder what little baby Jesus's shits were like if them ships were like gnarly Or or if it was like Something that I think about all the time that this costly I'm thinking about it is when I was in Sunday school They would show us these like illustrated cartoons of like when Jesus fed the people with 40

Loaves of bread and fish but he multiplied them to like 4,000 the bread in those illustrations always look so fucking good It looks so good To raw fish right out of the creek. I was like man, yeah, I'd eat those Yeah, they looks good as fuck. I looked at that shit. I was like man I'd probably eat for a thousand years on them too. Same. Do you think that when Jesus was a little baby though? He was like He would pay he would be pooping out loaves of Perfect bread perfect manna from heaven. heaven. And his parents are like. Like his little colicky ass.

And he's just like. Pooping out perfect. Just doing miracles on accident. Right. And his parents are like, whoa. This baby rules. This baby rules. This is the easiest baby ever.

When he pees, he pees out wine. Yeah, wine. I think it's red blood at first. But they're like, wait. No, that is a perfect Pinot Grigio. He pees red wine and poops out perfect loads of red. Yeah. This baby's awesome.

This baby rules. Watch this, you can even just push him off the roof and he'll just like fall and die and just come back to life. You get mad and you accidentally shake him a little too hard doesn't matter Let's track every man's place no, I'm keeping it in there We just had like 20 minutes of me making bad riffs. What's the time? 37 minutes that's all we got You know no, yeah

Went to go see my man about a loaf of bread On the way there she was giving me head In the back of a stone Foot drawn cart with a with a lot of lead I got poison and don't call me King Herod Herod Uh-huh This is the worst thing I've ever done I think this is the worst episode we've ever recorded It's up there There's only like, we've

I've wondered when we were going to do the worst one and I think this might be it finally Thanks, Sam I think we might have finally done it How much time we got left? 23 minutes Really? Oh yeah, you messed up with me, Dallas Every time he looked at me 23 minutes I'm with far-jicking fatigued

That's what I am. I'm fatigued. I just I told you I was gonna be sleeping on this I'm hungover from the holidays. Well, we all are Did you see that thing from Ingalls? That he wrote to Jenny marks What'd he say? This is after her father died this is Manchester The 3rd of January 1868 dear mrs Marx must apologize for leaving your letter and answered for so long but the Christmas period is the only time in the whole year when

Apart from business I made to feel that I stand with one foot in the bourgeoisie and here in Manchester This entails a lot of eating and drinking and upset stomach in the obligatory ill humor and waste of time This is now fairly well over and I'm beginning to breathe freely again I see so he knew He experienced it back then. Yeah. I don't have any sh- this is the one time you don't have any shame about putting out a bad episode. True. I've just been making merriment over here. I've been making wind, water, and merriment. Yeah, I mean that's good. You gotta do those things, I guess. I worry because I know my career is going downhill fast

That's all fun and games to you Tammy better not I better, people get mad at me if I have a Scott in there. Baker. They'll probably be mad at me for I said bitch you ain't no Quaker. Sure I'm excited to see Dr. Shabaga. Looks to me like you're a faker.

Looks to me like you're a faker. Tammy Faye Baker. Interesting. Tammy Faye Baker Interesting She married Roe Mesner who Tammy Faye Baker after Jim Wait to me if a Baker's dead She is she died. She married a guy named Ronald Roe Mesner Who was an American building contractor who has built more than 1700 churches including several mega churches How do you feel about that well

That's interesting Probably don't support that. I always thought like Tammy Fay it was like a Like a weirdly progressive icon, but maybe she was married to a Developer no, I mean churches. Maybe not great. No she killed a guy. Is she she did who? Heifetz al al-assad Perhaps you've heard of him really she killed Bishara al-assad father really mm-hmm So she was the first one she tried to yeah God damn it. I want to kill you if you keep coming around here. I'm gonna kill you

Hey, Fizz Hey, Fizz Alisade I once raised a chicken from the dead I'll tell you one thing. I won't raise you from it from it one punk under God is a 2006 original observational documentary that aired on the Sundance Channel directed and produced by Jeremy Simmons it focused on the life of Jay Baker only son of Jim and Tammy Fett yeah he's like man I want to check it out we're gonna do church for we're gonna have hold it in a bar We're gonna do church, but with beard god damn he's almost 50 years old now

But his most recent photo on Wikipedia is from 2007 oh That's crazy Damn, that's crazy. No photos exist of me prior to like 2018 because my shit got deleted Probably good in my case. I Think that's bad. I think I'm gonna go on a shooting spree. No, don't why? I'm gonna shoot everybody in town Anytime you have the urge to do that just eat a biscoff I'm a Scotty not a bisco just eat a biscoff. Or a biscotti, not a biscoff.

Eat a biscoff cookie and shoot everybody in town. I think I'm gonna do it. Don't try and talk me out of it. I'm gonna shoot everybody. You got a guy who came to bring me his dog and I rejected that mutt. Now I'm gonna shoot everybody Jacob there's no Shaq food for Christmas You're not getting any Shaq food now, I'm not getting any Sha shack food for Christmas. I know it was the only thing on your Christmas list, but instead I'm gonna shoot everybody that's my gift to you instead I bought all these bullets in our small town of Moscow Moscow Russia not that Spelled with a K Oh God, oh God. But Dad, I just wanted check food.

That's all you had to do for me. It was pretty easy. No, you don't understand, Jacob. I've had a year's long beef with that man. He dunked on me one time in 1997, and I never forgave him for it. I'll never support him. But dad, he dunks on everyone. He's Shaq O'Neal. You don't understand, Jacob.

He's Shaq O'Neal. He's the principal of the matter. No one dunks on Bobby. And lives to tell the matter. No one dunks on Bobby. And lives to tell the tale. Lives to tell the tale. I'm gonna shoot him and shoot everybody. Shoot him and everybody. I'll just shoot everybody else. Give me the bisque off and I'm going out

Here's a note in my notes app from May 20th 2024, what if me and Tom are actually really really not funny IRL Interesting I'll be some tough medicine. Uh-huh. That would be tough. I don't give a damn if you think I'm funny or not. I'm gonna go to hell. We'll see about that. We'll see about that. Oh boy. Well, shall we log off for the day day it is 430 p.m. Should we should we log off that's log off and Run it back tomorrow actually we should put this one out and run well, maybe we should do that I

Mean personally bad time of day for me to record usually Also, I stayed out way too late last night going to see Nosferatu My name is Nosferatu My name is that how he talked on there? Yeah, it actually was yeah He's like My name is Nosferatu. Kind of exactly like that. I have to say, where are you from, pussy?

Where are you from, you long-fingered queer? My name is Nosferatu. I'm racking in my toes saying I'm Nosferatu. I'm racking in my toes saying Nosferatu. We're gonna do with those teeth nos. My name's Nosferatu. Alright, alright, here we go. It's a little prompt to close it out. Okay.

Bob Dylan meets Nosferatu. No. At the box office, they're competing. If there's a week to do that bit, it's relevant. It's this week? Yeah, they're competing at the box out there compete like it's if there's a week to do that bit. It's relevant. It's this week Yeah, they're competing the box off. Oh, they are you're right My name's nice for a tune I think that I'm gonna take my pants off I'm gonna fuck your girl. That's what nice Friday says says in that movie. And that was it's about a guy That's got dick so good

It'd have a bitch laid up Questioning if she really wants to get married or not really every guy's biggest fear so question Nosferatu knocks the back out of that. Yeah, he does does he I think he just eats good pussy It's implied that he eats good pussy Really? Yeah so this what they're saying is that the whole movie is about how the main dude Thomas can't please his wife and Because of that they had to name him Thomas they

and Because of that they had to name him Thomas day They because of that she reaches out to the dark magics to get pleasure But it she winds up inviting in a monkey's paw situation monkey's paw situation like yeah, I got yeah She's like I do love you Thomas But god damn I've seen things He makes me come so hard But god damn. I've seen things from the other side. Yes, I've He makes me cum so hard. She say that she go back and say that she says that and she's like He makes me cum so hard Thomas

And I just be cumming all the time when I'm with that big nose with the big nose Cumming I'm always cumming with you. It's like once a month I don't know why she sounds like an old west cowboy, but she's like I'm always coming with the Nosferatu He's always got me coming. I was Something hilarious the other day Nosferatu's always got me coming. He's always got me. I was read this interview from with I always got me, I read this interview with,

now you're gonna come make water, you're gonna make some water in my house, you gotta know a thing or two. The first thing is that Nostrado eats my pussy. And he eats it good. And he eats it good and I come every time. His business is eating pussy and business is good. I was reading this interview from Interview Magazine Business is eating pussy and business is good. I was reading this interview from Interview Magazine

with Edmund White, the granddaddy of gay literature. And he said something funny. He said, I remember my book, States of Desire, I wrote about a Texas guy who would say, I'm fixing to come when he was about to come. Now I'm fixing to, Nasrat was about to come Now I'm fixing enough for out to I see you down there munching on my pussy And I think I'm gonna tell you I'm about to come fixing the car. I'm fixing to come all over you I'm fixing to come all over them

Imagine you're married to someone and you can't please her and Imagine you're married to someone and you can't please her and You're an English you're a little fancy lad Lord you're like, huh? You must wait here for me Margaret. I'll be right back I have to run and go do a Special mission for me at my employer And she and you're like well you best hurt you stay gone as long as you want No, it's fraud whoatu be here licking my pussy He'll be here he'll be here fucking me with his tongue in his mouth I want to be making water and chewing tobacco

No, I'm sorry, but the premise is entirely, exactly the same, except Lily Rose Depp is playing a old west cowboy. I love you Thomas, I surely do. I love you. Have you seen the mouth on this thing? Sometimes you hit it sideways and I like that. I like it when you got me sideways on the couch,

you're hitting it from the side. Cause your penis curves up a little bit and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, I just like the pressure it puts on the backside of my clit. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but that's about the only thing you do that I like. sound like Rick Dalton man. It's like Lily Rose Daphnis, Rick Dalton.

But that's about the only thing you do that I like. That's right. Now the Nosh Ratu fella on the other hand. He could just show up whistling Dixie and I'd be like a sprinkler. So we have to put a spittoon beneath me when he's eating me because I get so wet. When he's eating my pussy from the back Thomas, you see.

He's like, just let it go. So let me get this straight. Let me get this straight. Let me get this straight. Nosferatu comes here and eats your pussy over over old West Spittoon Well, this it's 1838 that we there's not even an old west yet. Well, who are you? You say you're a cowboy We don't have cowboys yet

What is an old west spittoon, how do you know we don't have cowboys yet? Who are you Thomas? Cause I'm the first cowboy, Thomas. I'm the first cowboy that ever existed in history and had her pussy eaten by Dracula. And she loved him. By Dracula. Every second of it.

I went in that castle one way and I came out another Thomas I kept this marriage is off we can't keep up the charade any longer Thomas I'm tired of pretending like I'm your fancy Victorian princess wife. Why I know why I say I say I say I. Pew pew. She is revolver. The nostril too eats my pussy. I get my six shooters out and I shoot them right now.

She shoots them off like you said. I think I'm about to come. I'm not sure I'm gonna take the six shooters from the back and he's on the other side of the room. It doesn't even have to look at me. That's what I like. I hate it when you're looking at me when you're fucking me sideways on the couch. Even though I do like the direction your penis curves. I do. I do like your curve, Thomas. I do. I ain't saying I don't. I ain't saying I don't love you But to tell the truth I've only come about two and a half times from you fucking me on that fainting couch over there Yeah, that's right. I got two and a half times wave and made it to the door In anticipation

in anticipation Why did Robert Eggers listen us that has been a so much better concept for the movie Yeah, I'm thinking yeah, you're right so much better I got my Smith and Wesson right here. My Winchester. My pack mule. My pack mule. I'm ready. I'm ready to embark on that. I said Nosferatu, I said you eat this pussy but so help me God you go for the neck I'll put one right between your eyes. I'm the best shot in the West. Don't even try anything fancy. Don't try nothing cute.

Yeah, I know how you bloodsuckers are. And I say to you, sir, I say eat that pussy and eat it good, but if you so much as make a move up here toward my- I'll put a spur in your groin. I'll put a spur in your groin and I'll put a fucking silver bullet between your eyes. I know that's for the wolf man, but you can never be too sure. That's a good... I don't even think I'd say you can't kill a vampire by shooting between the shoot. We used to drive a stake in their heart, but that's kind of silly because you drive anything into something as hard as it's going to die.

It doesn't have to be a stake. Once again, I you drive anything into something's heart. It's gonna die done their best day once again I never really got into the vampire thing really you don't know how to kill one I don't even know how to kill one really is they like garlic or is that something else? No, they hate garlic well They know friend of me then I know you sir. Yeah, you are no kin of mine. So I'll have your silence That means he's a male ass white boy then right if he doesn't like garlic that's nasty Sir, you are no kin of mine, so I will have your silence. No. That means he's a male-ass white boy then, right? If he doesn't like garlic.

I was like, that's nasty. And then at a certain point, Nosferatu can't make her come anymore. Oh, right. And it's like, Nosferatu, we had some good times. We had some good times, partner. Now, listen here, partner. You ate my pussy more better than anybody I ever came across out here. I've been here a couple of times partner. Now, listen to your

partner. Yeah, you ate my pussy more and better than anybody I ever came across out here. It's time for us to move on. It's time we get on down the road. I'm going to get a little. Alright, little doggy. It's time we get on down the road. Go get Nosferatu. Get on out of here.

Go find Thomas, go wrap your dick, wrap your tongue around his dick. Don't try to change my mind Nosferatu, there's no changing my mind. What if it's challengers but it's Thomas in Nosferatu? Actually that was kind of, there was a little bit of a bisexual thing going on in Nosferatu. Really? A little bit, yeah. Thomas got in on the action one

To his detriment, but he didn't like it That's the thing. Okay. He was like he didn't like it in the way that Lily rose depth liked it. She loved it Yeah, she did. If you've ever been in a relationship and you're 23 and you're highly insecure about if you're hitting it right or if anything, don't watch this movie. It's just going to make you feel like, oh man, that guy's better than me. Oh man, that guy's better than me. We're still, yeah, like I was better me. Oh man. I got better. Oh man. We're still yeah because he lives forever He's had a lot of time to practice. Yeah

It does oh Man, I got better. What am I gonna do? I gotta learn to shoot a gun or eat pussy Do be a blood-sucking creature the night So I need pussy good. That's a dilemma every young man has faced. Yeah, that's true. Whether you're gay or straight, that's the same dilemma for everybody.

I reckon it's- There's always gonna be a guy better than you. Reckon, reckon it's desire what causes all this suffering. Is desire? Desire. Desire? Desire. better than you reckon reckon it's desire what causes all this suffering is desire bizarre bizarre bizarre his desire calls all this suffering yeah the heart wants what the heart wants Thomas and right now the heart wants that blood sucking creature of the night uh-huh turn me out good look it's Yeah It's a hard truth to face It's a hard-ass truth to face my friend if you're a fancy English lad Why does she prefer no syrup to over mine?

English penis what does let me ask you a question. What does What does the rivalry look like between Thomas and those fraught? Does he try to kill him? Yeah Does he? He does. Yeah. Interesting. He's very jealous. No, don't tell me that. I won't tell you the ending I won't tell you the ending but I will say there's some jealousy No kidding Yeah, I wouldn't have no kidding It's it's hard when you When I wouldn't have no kidding It's it's hard when you When

See now I'm not afflicted by this because I'm old and I've had enough lovers and enough Love making to know that not everybody's fully compatible all the time. Sometimes you just strike gold and sparks fly that's true, man, but sometimes you're with somebody and it's just not working and but sometimes you're with somebody and it's just almost there but they've got someone from their past who keeps in their devilish and they keep coming back in and then and that person they ravaged course Nosferatu yeah that person of course is count Dracula mm-hmm Yep, yeah, he's the undead or something if your girls ex is undead I ain't sure girl

No, sfor up to I don't like it when you when he licks your pussy I don't like it when he licks your pussy. I don't like it when he gets down on his hands and knees and licks your pussy. He calls out to you in the middle of the night. I'd prefer it if you did not fuck him anymore. That's personal. Can I please ask you to please not fuck him anymore in this house is that so is it a big ask for you is that something that you can do for me oh hey oh is that so I know it's a man too like yeah oh no strategy you come out here you're right cut you've. Have you been looking my have you been looking my bird's pussy?

That they call chicks birds and yeah, yeah, yeah You think this is some kind of game now, do you? Oh god damn it. Yes. I do think it's a game and I love to eat. I love to eat your wife's pussy. There's no Sfaratu delight in driving Thomas to the brink of it. Yeah, he goes, I love to eat your wife's pussy. I love it. I love when I eat your wife's pussy. Don't you understand? I gotta do it more often. That's a reason. If you ever drive a steak from my heart, I'm going to the Inferno. I've been a bad... I've been so bad over these years. But before I go there... I go to the Inferno. I don't want to go.

I'm going to the Inferno, love, and to taste the beautiful nectar that comes between your wife's legs. You don't understand. I don't want to go to the Inferno. I just want to lick your wife's pussy. You don't understand. I don't want to go to the inferno. I just want to lick your wife's pussy. I don't want to. I don't understand why. I cannot keep doing it. I can't. I can't control myself, frankly.

She's a cowboy from the old west. She likes to have a pussy. And when she wears six-shooter revolvers. It drives me wild when I'm taking her to the brink of ecstasy, and she shoots those little guns in the air I'm Italian don't you understand this has spaghetti western we live in a spaghetti western and it's very hot to me I don't even know what voice or action I'm doing This is kind of how he sounded actually he was like your goal and your weathered goal your takedash

You think that's how Bill Skarsgard prepared for that role is just like let me try some freaky deaky voices They did try some I will say not far to his balding pretty badly And he still manages to blow the back out so well. He is bald in the old one. He's just bald as hell Well, not in this one. He's got wisps. Oh, does he? Yeah, he's got like one little wisp that he comes Okay, cool. He kind of looks like a screenshot He kind of looks like the guy in Fargo the bad guy in Fargo who puts the guy in the woodchipper Or maybe they put him in the wood chipper, I can't remember. Don't you understand?

I have to eat your white pussy, I love you. I love you, baby. I love you, baby. I have to eat your white pussy. Can I please keep doing that? Why are you so mad? Please? Can I please keep eating that? Why do you feel mad? Please can I please keep you know, I was is this him Is he got those two weird clout Klaus Kinski fangs no, it's not him he's got here that's fake

Can I please eat her that's a fake. Can I please eat a putty please? Can I please eat a putty please? Can I please eat a putty please? No sweat, I have to build a scars guard. Please, can I please do that? Okay, am I crazy? I could have sworn he had hair. Does he look like Billy Corgan kind of? Okay, am I crazy? I could have sworn he had hair. Does he look like Billy Corgan kind of? Okay, I feel like I'm insane. I swear to God he had hair in this movie.

Now he just doesn't? Did I see this? Did I see the wrong movie? I saw like... Crossf... Crossf... He saw store brand Nusrante. Ha ha ha! Crossfermontu. Nostra to Cross Vermont to Blowers for our drone on

Yes Bill you've oh My god, can I please do that, please? Please please my queen, please. Can I please you? I feel like this dude that plays Thomas gets like Cucked by every vampire like he's also in Mad Max He's the fucking War boy or whatever in Mad Max in Fury Road He's also

What was that vampire movie at Nicolas Cage did long else thing? Oh And they'll say well Van Helsing he's in that movie. Yeah, he gets cucked in that movie Well, he's the familiar of I'm an actor and I like to get cucked I like to get cucked in gay movies. I like to get cucked in the gay movies Could you please cuck me in a movie? Where I'm an actor? And I'm getting my pussy eaten. I want to get cucked in a movie where I'm an actor and my pussy's getting eaten. Maybe the movie's called The Narrative Setter-Gitter. Can I be in The Narrative Setter-getter please. And to eat my pussy?

Ma'am, we will never hire you ever again because in your contract you always stipulate you have to have your pussy and we simply cannot do that on every movie. We simply cannot. Every movie can't include Cunnilingus. Every movie cannot include Cunnilingus. Well that's why I got in the movie business. I'm just, I'm sorry, I'm hearing this for the first time. I'm confused. I thought that's what you did in the pictures. That's the whole point of movie making. To have your pussy eaten. To get Cunnilingus done. Without an intimacy coordinator present. Without an intimacy coordinator present. Raw. Like it's pornography basically. coordinator press raw pornography basically yeah man we loved your work in the narrative setter-gitter cowboy Nosferatu yeah we loved your work in that but you were never working this down again there's no more pussy beating on

screen what do you mean I'm sorry. I'm just having a hard time accepting what you're telling me Maybe this gun will change your mind then Bob Dylan shows up Will you eat my pussy sir fuck it I'll eat that pussy I don't like it I'll do it My pussy, sir. Fuck it, I'll eat that pussy. I don't care. Fuck it, I'll do it. Well, why not?

My son Jacob kicked me out once again because I wouldn't get him. I told him I was gonna shoot everybody for Christmas. I didn't shoot nobody. I didn't shoot anybody, but I did shoot everybody in my neighborhood. I did not shoot the sheriff, but I did shoot his deputy and several people in my neighborhood.

I was, I did go door to door shooting everybody. I said, no strut throughs eating that pussy so good. I might as well end it for everybody. Well it's good news for me partner you like to shoot off your guns. Do you like to eat pussy though? That's the question. I saw on the poster it said a complete unknown. It's a complete unknown whether you can make me cum or not

Maybe you'd like to make it known Like to make it known what you can do Between these old dogs about I wouldn't eat that pussy with those front throughs done and Jacob watching go back to the wild west I reckon I gotta get get on down the road here I Gotta get on down the road. It's five o'clock It is literally why are we recording at five o'clock five o'clock on boxing day? I just think it's very sing day not okay for you to eat my pussy on boxing day It's not okay for you to eat my pussy on Boxing Day.

Oh, oh, yeah. Everybody wants you to eat my pussy on Boxing Day, but I object. I don't like to have my pussy eaten on Boxing Day. I'd rather go... have my box... chewed on. Arbor Day. Arbor Day's the best day. Oh, Bill Skarsgard.

Oh boy. Oh boy. I don't appreciate it when you come down to the movie set and you take off your jeans and your boots and your six shooters and you sit down in front of Bob Dylan and um... you ask him to

eat your pussy. I think that I'm going to start doing TikTok. I'm gonna start doing TikTok. I'm gonna start doing TikTok man. I think I'm gonna start doing TikTok man. Hey man, I think I'm gonna start doing TikTok man. I think I'm gonna start doing TikTok.. I think I'm gonna start doing TikTok. Is that sound for you?

You like the sound of that man? I'm gonna fucking do TikTok. A little TikTok. A little bit of the Tiki. A little bit of that. What do you think of that? A little bit of the Tiki. We have run this one Instagram.

We're at the bottom. Let's go. Let's go go let's go for one more hour Where I know I would foot in an hour 40 minutes, but hey bad without our 40 minutes What is that accent? I'm just making up. Let's go About a hour for a bit. What is that accent? That's vaguely Indian Like what our 40 minutes I finally tapped in to the Tom Hardy making up accents, but I'd our 40 minutes

Making up accents but at our 40 minutes Wow last episode of the year given just 20 minutes of it's the worst it's the worst That's the word the last episode of the year. It's the worst you ever done But hey, I'm in my flop era Which was bound to happen sooner or later I'd needed the universe needed to take me down a few pegs. I look like a little cool. J. Oh cool J'd rap like this. I did Cool, you did look cool doing that All right I'm gonna go shoot everybody

Nobody's seeing the new year, I'm gonna shoot everybody I'm gonna get a gun and I'm gonna No Shaq-foo for you Jacob instead I'm gonna End up on the evening news Yeah, your daddy's lived his life in the spotlight and here's one more time for the road no Shaq food for Jacob He's a little bitch My son Jacob's a little bitch so he doesn't get Shaq food All right. Thanks to listen in everybody good to check the patreon go to the check the patreon son jiggums a little bitch so he doesn't get sick whoo all right thanks to

listen in everybody good to check the patreon go to the check the page it's good over there yeah I think it is thanks for listening and I hope you all had a good holiday have a happy new year just remember to buy your children shakufu don't ever fucking don't do that. Don't ever don't do that Don't ever don't do it buy your children's check who and shoot up everyone in the neighborhood and get your pussy eating Those are all my advices for the new year We'll see you later. Bye