Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 54: The Back Of The Book

Episode Date: May 24, 2018

It was an interesting Election Day here in Kentucky....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 We discovered, Wiz and Matt, discovered that Dolly Parton and Toby Keith have the same net worth. And I have never heard of anything more unjust in my life. Never. That is fucked up. Because even if you go to his YouTube videos on YouTube, nobody likes Toby Keith. Like, Toby Keith fans don't like Toby Keith. He has, honestly, he has very piss poor YouTube video count.
Starting point is 00:00:33 I'm saying, like, compared to, like, go to a video like Clint Black, Killing Time, classic 90s country. Oh, fucking so classic. Yeah, classic 90s country song. He can't hold a candle
Starting point is 00:00:42 to Clint Black, to Dolly, nobody dolly nobody and you know i used to do honky tonk jukebox on wmt when it was on saturdays for a few years and people would call and request him and i would never play it i was like no can't do it man sorry piece of shit can't do it me and carrie and matt are always laughing about um that video that song i want to talk about me like have you have you seen the video uh is it the football situation that one's uh how do you like me now clearly all of his songs are about himself but how uh i think this i don't remember how you say that i want to talk about me i don't know he the title of that one. He is a royal tool. The video, though, is him and his girlfriend. She's going out shopping.
Starting point is 00:01:27 He's like, oh, fuck. The cadence on his vocal sort of rap country thing on the verse is so bad. Yeah, maybe he did start that. I hadn't even thought of that. It was kind of like spoken word. He was the birth of bro country honestly he was like the first bro country well and you know he he was like the messenger for like empire after 9-11 you know oh yeah that's how that's what i mean that's that's why he has a net worth
Starting point is 00:01:58 equal to dolly fucking parton i mean people talk about the cultural depravity of our current moment and how you know fascism just sort of erodes all expression and creativity but that was also a pretty bad moment early 2000s pretty bad yeah yeah but my own i mean one of my biggest uh embarrassing times is the time in my life where I enjoyed the song Should Have Been a Cowboy. Oh, yeah. That one is. It's his only good song.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Yeah. It's his only acceptable song. You hate to admit it. Should Have Been a Cowboy is a catchy tune. It is a catchy tune. But. I should have learned to rope and ride. You ain't wrong.
Starting point is 00:02:49 Oh, fuck. But yeah, their net worth is 500 million damn so much money yeah i know i wanted to have care matt on to talk about that because did they show you a picture of kid rock's trailer mansion i already knew okay he takes michelle and michelle told me matt is at fucking kid rock's house and i was like wait the camo trailer i had read an article that he lived in a camo double wide and like an interview with him and i thought it might have been satire so i was like is it true does he really live in a camo double wide turns out he does except for it's a gated community he has like a ton of like land with tons of like fucking i don't know roller coasters and shit on it. And apparently, according to Matt, he has a, his security drives a Cadillac.
Starting point is 00:03:28 Holy shit. I don't know. What, did you call us? What's going on? I sent a goddamn smoke signal. What's going on? How the hell is that, Tom? I'm sorry. Where's my little...
Starting point is 00:03:45 There's only two of those? Oh, yeah, there's only two. You want mine? No, no, I'm good. I'm good. Here you go. I just wheeze a lot. I left mine.
Starting point is 00:03:53 I lost my third one. I've got my inhaler here, but guaranteed I'll have to hit it. I thought I'd have to hit it at the top of the stairs, but I'm doing okay so far. I told Tom I'm having to do a breathing treatment every four hours. Last night, I was like, this is the end. I recorded a really dramatic voice note on my phone. I was like, if anybody finds this. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:04:12 Oh, my God. I'm in a new partnership dealing with this, and it is embarrassing. It is so embarrassing to be wheezing. We're fucking in intimate moments, and I'm wheezing so bad. She's like, are you okay? And this is a lot to deal with. It's peak fucking pollen season up in this bitch. Everything is blooming and trying to fucking kill me.
Starting point is 00:04:36 It's bad when you're in Walmart and you're standing next to like an 85-year-old woman and you're like. And she's fine. She's just looking at you. Seriously, I'm audibly wheezing most of the day it's bad do you have full-on breathing treatments i feel like that's my next step yeah you want to hit one after the show i would love to actually we could pass the nebulizer around i have i have like i have basically smashed half of my albuterol inhaler in three weeks time it's really bad this is the the wettest fucking spring i've ever seen it's just wet though it's so wet remember when wet meant good yeah that's like that's that's like an underrated like
Starting point is 00:05:19 when i was growing up red red meant like you were being an asshole Yeah Wet meant like Tired or like You know Right That shit is wet You can tell a lot about The sort of cultural Polarity
Starting point is 00:05:34 Of a certain moment Whether or not Based on whether or not Wet is good or bad You know what could be Our like first little web series Tribbley web series Could be Us quietly following Tom around
Starting point is 00:05:47 while he tries to reintroduce in just regular moments around town, reintroduce lingo from his childhood. Yeah. Just deadpan, seeing how it goes. Shit is late. Seeing how people react. Yeah. Make Tom great again.
Starting point is 00:06:06 Make Tom's lingo great again damn make tom cool again yeah no it's real wet i see this mustache you're trying to bring back yeah you do have just the most let me tell you about it do tell do tell i was reading in gentlemen's quarterly about if you can't grow a beard, it's best to leave your mustache and your soul patch slightly longer than your beard line. That way it gives the appearance of having a thicker beard than you really have. Right. Once it grows in a little bit. It weirdly works for you.
Starting point is 00:06:43 Also, the French journalist I'm having around, I think she thinks it's kind of weird. Which is saying something. Well, every time our dear friend Hoopman grows out a big stash,
Starting point is 00:06:56 I can't help but feel like it's a little pedophile-like. I want to show y'all a picture because I had a beard up until yesterday. Oh, really? Yeah. That's right right even in the
Starting point is 00:07:05 fucking oh did you shave it because you saw yourself yeah i saw myself you do look particularly slavic today no i i uh yeah you're right not slavic but uh yeah you look nordic nordic nordic videos you look you look slavic then you look nord It's a nose. Yeah, they put us on TV and we have reverted. I got my hair cut. I got blonde put in my hair. Fucking thing out of there. So I shaved it into the youth pastor goatee yesterday. I almost sent it to Tom, but I was paranoid he was going to put it on Twitter or some shit.
Starting point is 00:07:39 Oh, wow. You do look like a youth pastor. You weren't wrong. My God. You look like a straight up youth pastor. You look like a guy no name Sam that was a youth pastor. Wow. Maybe I'll just make this the episode art.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Yeah. Because I can't show it to anybody. Let's do a triple screen. Your pastor goatee, my mustache, and Tanya's my new tanya's highlight this is how we look really post yeah man i looked like shit on that man i swear the goddamn them goddamn lights i'm telling you not you could see all all of my chins and none of my hair. Yeah. It was brutal. It was brutal. Yeah. What did y'all think about it?
Starting point is 00:08:28 They used my name as a noun. The Tanyas. The Tanyas. Remember that at the end? No. Oh, yeah. The Tanyas of the world. Turner, Tucker.
Starting point is 00:08:37 The Ninas. The Ivys. The Tanyas. Damn. How does it make you feel? Tora. It made me feel like I should start my own band like the Donnas. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:47 Damn. That's a pretty heavy weight to carry around. I immediately regretted everything. Take a load off, Tanya. I thought it was good. Well, I don't know. I had some issues with it, but I will say that they were very lucky that it snowed when they were here because those aerial shots, I've never seen Kentucky look that.
Starting point is 00:09:11 Just like, it looked like... Picturesque. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was beautiful. It was shot really well. Lucian did a good job. Lucian will be listening. We need to shout him out.
Starting point is 00:09:19 Did a good job, Lucian. Yeah, yeah. This place can look very bleak in the wintertime. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. so they did a pretty good job yeah well i liked the first half too a lot of the segment because we were just like the second half of the segment you know yeah and the girl from oranges the new black was in the first one oh yeah she was narrating the first part and it was very heavy and so i was kind of shocked that they paired us because of course nick Offerman brought a lot of humor to this sad tale.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Right. Which I guess they had an uplifting ending. Right. Or something. That was you. That was you and Terry Rattler skinning that oak tree. Fucking Terry. uh okay what is so funny is that they had nick say on there that i suggested terry to them yeah which i don't remember that way but maybe i think what happened this is actually what happened
Starting point is 00:10:12 when alex heard what was going on and that nick was coming he was like we need to find a woodworker terry's been wanting to cut this tree down and use it and turn it into some chairs we should just have him come do it while the film crew's here that will have a whole fucking dog and pony show out here with him cutting this tree down yeah that didn't come to fruition they wanted to go to his wood shop instead fine but like terry's generally just aggravating as fuck have y'all spent any time with him yeah oh he's nuts yeah and so literally just last week it's fun drive at wmmt and i'm on my morning friday show feminist friday and i see on the caller id we get a call and i see on the caller id it's terry and i was and i'm on my morning friday show feminist friday and i see on the caller id we get a call and i see on the caller id it's terry and i was like i'm not fucking answering that i ain't
Starting point is 00:10:48 talking to that asshole and then we're like paired up like some fucking i did end up answering it and it gave me ten dollars so i'm glad i did but i was like what do you want why are you how are you even up this early you drunk and then it ended up being like this whole me and terry are just artists in love on the show are you gonna say something i was gonna say anything it's um strange um being on the sort of other side of the media veil um where's the veil on the other side yeah On the Oz side? Yeah, on the Oz side. Right, right. But it's weird because, like, at our office, we've been having this vice reporter try to get a hold of us about doing some story. You meant to say you've been dodging a vice reporter at work.
Starting point is 00:11:41 Yeah, I've been putting off that responsibility on other people um but it's weird it's like they are almost hesitant to do any kind of story that's not like really unique or you know that's already been done do you have you encountered that a lot sometimes but then when pbs covered apple shop literally the film crew every step of the way they were like we're just gonna do what pbs did just show us what you what you showed pbs we'll just set it up the same as pbs i mean pbs said that about cbs sorry they're like yeah we're just here to like do the cbs shoot essentially it's weird because you know they've got that like vice land thing on hbo or whatever i think that's what it's for uh vice land it's just
Starting point is 00:12:25 it's on the station now oh is it really yeah um so i guess i guess that's what it's vice had a tv show on hbo okay but it's vice land but now they got their own network hold on is this transcribing us what's happening here no that'd be pretty cool what's those words oh Oh, no, that's just, that just says mixer record arm. It's, yeah, it's, that would be pretty badass if we had that kind of technology. Yeah. Transcription technology. But no, so, no, it's weird because, like, the Vice people, like, they're not, they don't, they're not really interested in this this black lung story
Starting point is 00:13:05 which is that um you know npr did this really you know they did this well-circulated story about how black lung is sort of skyrocketing right now in a you know a younger demographic you mean they picked up benny's story yeah yeah npr picked up benny's story well yes so in the story though there's this famous graph it's kind of like you know among like black lung advocates and lawyers and stuff it's sort of like the famous like hockey stick graph over climate change and greenhouse gases and stuff but you know it shows how like 20 years ago um we had gotten pretty close to we didn't i don't know if we could say we got close to eradicating black lung, but black lung rates were significantly down. And then it slipped through our fingers.
Starting point is 00:13:52 And it slipped through our fingers. Just got away from us, as you like to say, Tom. Oh, God. And so that was a big story like five years ago. Well, now they're finding that it's like the scale of the problem is like even worse than anybody could have possibly imagined and um i could i really could relate to that whole black lung thing this week with the yeah not being able to breathe speaking of but but uh but like i've been talking to guys who like go to these conferences and meetings of
Starting point is 00:14:27 lawyers and and medical practitioners and and stuff who are who who bring these x-rays and apparently like people are absolutely just blown away by this like um the the degree of severity that these younger and younger minors are having. I was talking to my coworker, Wes, and he saw one blacker lung slide of this guy in his 30s who has hardly any living tissue left in his lungs. He's in his 30s. He's going to die unless he can get a lung transplant. But even then, lung transplants get you, what, five, ten years?
Starting point is 00:15:01 You need another one? Yeah, and then Benny just did another story, WMT just did another story that I heard this morning on the, like, morning dispatch. It's just really short. And this guy was like, yeah, he had been on the lung transplant list for a while. He finally got a new lung transplant. And the doctor they interviewed said that a double lung transplant is the most severe transplant of any.
Starting point is 00:15:23 Yeah. Like, heart transplant of any heart transplant any a double lung is the hardest most difficult like complicated transplant you can do and that's what all these people need obviously you weren't around that italian doctor who transplanted a head that's that's that seems like that might have been a slightly tougher degree of difficulty. Damn. Oh, man. There was a really fucked up before.
Starting point is 00:15:51 And I will stick a pin. I won't go back to that. I just want to say this real quick. There was a really fucked up story about like that guy transplanting like a monkey's head and it like lived. Yeah. But then like died a horrible, miserable death like a few days later. That whole story just creeps me out When I think about it
Starting point is 00:16:06 Oh my god I don't know You haven't heard about this? No Yeah Sergio Carnivale is his name I think Tom and I read all the latest medical journals And you know that was
Starting point is 00:16:18 And like stuff you click at the bottom of you know Yeah The internet equivalent of the back of an easy router magazine right right anyways the i don't know why this doesn't really pique their interest enough maybe it does maybe they'll wind up doing a story about it but it is it is kind of strange that um that's not like that was one thing that sort of stuck out to me obviously just because of where I work they didn't mention Black Lung or anything
Starting point is 00:16:48 in the story I mean they're trying to open the first lung transplant center in the state of West Virginia right now the first one like specifically for lung transplants yeah at WVU god damn that's what the news thing that I heard this morning said.
Starting point is 00:17:07 Like the first one in the state. I would take a new pair of lungs. I mean, I wouldn't like shove myself in front of anybody in line. Couldn't Steve Jobs anybody for him. But I would take one if they were just handing him out. Didn't Steve Jobs knock an eight-year-old girl off a liver transplant? Probably. Because he had enough money to...
Starting point is 00:17:26 I think that's true. He really did that in Tennessee. Oh, fuck. Well, so... But then again, I don't know. I don't know how you, in a short 30-minute segment, you're obviously not going to cover everything. But it's just...
Starting point is 00:17:43 It's just something that stuck out to me other than that what stuck out to you that there wasn't black lung in the there wasn't there wasn't anything like referred to sort of like minor yeah um legacies of sort of mining issues like yeah it seems like they didn't have enough time with nick here to do all they wanted to, because they also had a bunch of footage about the prison. You know what would be a... They had a bunch of prison footage. You know what would be a really crazy national story, though, that could probably have some legs, is it came out a few months ago, and I've heard people talk about it sort of anecdotally for a long time,
Starting point is 00:18:20 but how Harvard owns so much land in or owns so much land in Martin County, and isn't paying any of their taxes. It's part of the reason why the fucking public water system is failing, because they don't have the money to take care of it. Yeah, that's a good story. Thanks, Harvard. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:37 So that could be a good story with legs. I'll tell you what, here's a compromise here. Give us all honorary Harvard degrees and we'll call it square what the fuck are we gonna do with a Harvard degree I mean don't call it honorary just issue us degrees
Starting point is 00:18:54 low key I don't know that was really funny to me earlier this week Tom was like man libs just love giving posthumous degrees they do they love giving posthumous degrees what's posthumous mean after they're dead. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:07 If I've died and someone decides I've done something good, we're going to give this man. They gave Trayvon Martin a posthumous aeronautics degree. Oh, God, that's right.
Starting point is 00:19:22 I'm sure it's... it's so it's so dark i mean like i get the gesture it's an it's a it's a really nice gesture but like i know what you're saying you know what this brings up for me i just don't want anyone what when so it's just like you don't want to actually advocate for people until they're fucking dead right that's what i'm saying that's the point i'm making here is a clear example from homegrown example a couple summers ago y'all might remember our fiscal court here thought they were going to pass a bathroom bill a bad bathroom bill trying to make it so that people have to use the bathroom according to the gender on their fucking birth
Starting point is 00:20:05 certificate and mind you in offletcher county there's only two multiple stall bathrooms in the whole damn county seriously it's complete basically they wanted to legislate walmart's bathroom no it was only for public restrooms like like in public buildings yeah i think which there's only two of oh so that's and they're all single stalls so it doesn't fucking matter anyway it's complete completely insane it was wedge issue they're trying to like trump just trumping up a bunch of bullshit and we all all three of us went over there and talked to him about how bullshit it was and was like this is embarrassing you cannot expect people to come here i mean it was just fucked up that was in that was in june uh-huh in july the very
Starting point is 00:20:47 next month the orlando shooting happened at the nightclub oh yeah that's right in in the pulse in orlando right in july and some of the same motherfuckers who will rename mainless right now to protect right who wanted to pass that bathroom not that they wanted to but they they were like well hey he's my magistrate he's a good guy yeah well but then showed up at the motherfucking vigil we had for the Orlando shooters and that is a perfect example of someone who don't give a fuck about you when you're alive right but he'll show up and light a fucking candle for you when you're dead. And I could not. I literally was fuming so bad on that bridge during that vigil over that.
Starting point is 00:21:34 And all I could think about was the fucked up stuff. Oh, on some Cardi B bullshit all the time. Wish a bitch would. I stood in line behind her mom today while I was waiting to vote. When Tanya walked up, she was like, God damn it, I took my I Voted sticker off because I thought y'all would make fun of me. I literally removed my I Voted sticker because I didn't want shit for it.
Starting point is 00:21:53 Let me tell y'all a funny story. When I first came into the Jacobin Lift a couple years back, I just spit water on your leg. It's alright. it's SM58 I thought it would be I thought it would be a cool thing Like shortly after I voted for Bernie
Starting point is 00:22:12 I'm like okay man I'm getting out of the Democratic Party And Jacobin left And so I just did something cool I was like oh socialist workers I know nothing about this WP Still don't But in my cursory wiki search i saw clr james was one of the you know the founders of or maybe not even one of the founders
Starting point is 00:22:33 one of the more active people in it at its time so i was like hell yeah man if the black jacobins dude is cool with it that sounds like the party for me so i thought i was being really subversive when i put in socialist workers party and are you now registered hold on i'm getting to that so i go to vote today thinking i'm still a democrat and uh i go back there and to east whitesburg where i vote at now and they go tom sexton you know party i was like a democrat and they go through there and they're like you're you know party I was like Democrat and they go through there and they're like you're not in here
Starting point is 00:23:07 and I was like huh they're like would you have voted would you have registered Republican I said no
Starting point is 00:23:13 and so they looked let's check in it might have been a mistake and I wasn't in there they said let's go over to West Whiteburg so they walk they're holding up
Starting point is 00:23:21 the lines so they walk me over to West Whiteburg and they flip through the book. This is amazing. They flip through the book. You got your name?
Starting point is 00:23:31 Tom Sexton. Democrat? Yeah. No, not in West Whitesburg. You sure you're not a Republican? Positive. They go, let's look anyway. You're not in here either.
Starting point is 00:23:44 What's going on? This is the bullshit let's look anyway. You're not in here either. What's going on? This is the bullshit of a closed primary. It's so stupid. It's so good. Well, it is the bullshit of a closed primary. So anyway, the lady that's sort of like the voting proctor person that's supposed to handle all the shit. So I'm just like, well, just let me fill out a provisional ballot or something. I'm sure it's just some kind of mistake or whatever.
Starting point is 00:24:03 She's like, no, no, no. We'll get you lined out here. She puts the phone on speakerphone. And calls the county clerk's house. Mind you, people I know that are running for judge, I've known my whole life, are like standing in line and all this kind of stuff. This man has been on the city council.
Starting point is 00:24:22 He's been elected to the city council. They get on the speakerphone. They call the coroner. They say, well, it says here you're registered with the Socialist Workers Party. On the speakerphone in front of David Nairmore who's right behind me. The pastor at the First Baptist Church.
Starting point is 00:24:41 Jesus Christ. And the lady goes, the lady that's taking, you know how you got to sign your name? She goes, oh, that and the lady the lady the lady goes the lady that's you know how you gotta sign your name she goes oh that's in the back of the book
Starting point is 00:24:49 oh she flips it she flips it she goes oh there you are oh my god she goes I hope you know
Starting point is 00:24:58 she goes no she goes I hope you know you can't vote in the you can't vote in the night nonpartisan
Starting point is 00:25:05 It'd be funny if David Naramore was like He's a Trotskyist I knew it My god he's a Trot I think Socialist Worker Party is Trotsky Oh my god This is so good I got outed as an SWP in front of
Starting point is 00:25:23 Everybody in Wattsburg, and I probably have zero chance of running for council again. I pray that this turns up in Speak Your Peace. Oh, that's fucking great. Oh, that was funny. That woman said that. You know the one I'm talking about, the kind of like little old dumpy lady.
Starting point is 00:25:38 She goes, oh, that's in the back of the book. Oh, my fucking God, dude. The name of this episode is back of the book. Oh, my fucking God, dude. The name of this episode is Back of the Book. Back of the Book. Shit. Oh, my God. Were you... What did you do?
Starting point is 00:25:55 I got in there and voted for the appeals judge and left. That's the only race I can vote in. You didn't even have the wherewithal to ask for your i voted sticker did you i was too she goes as i left she says you want a sticker i said no holy shit dude oh i got i was registered independent for so long i and i'd forgotten i tried to go vote for bernie and i was registered independent and they wouldn't let me vote. Oh, yeah. But anyway, I went in this morning and he said he looked up at me. He said, Democrat.
Starting point is 00:26:31 And I said, oh, do I just put it off? He started laughing. He said, yeah. And I said, well, actually, I'd prefer to be registered independent. But these closed primaries, you know, and he was like, yeah, damn. It is pretty. It is very annoying. Yeah. damn it is pretty it is very annoying um yeah no back to what you're saying about like the uh empty like because one of the things about the bathroom bill is that yeah it would have no application because there's no way nowhere that it would even be enforceable because
Starting point is 00:26:57 none of the bathrooms in the public buildings here have stalls um so it's just an empty gesture but another thing you know thing this guy running for I can't remember maybe county clerk Larry Adams he's running for I always hear his ad on the radio and he's always like Larry Adams is pro choice, pro gun
Starting point is 00:27:19 and pro coal and he's running for PVA or some shit that's so funny it's like fucking PVA or some shit. That's so funny. It's like fucking PVA or something. And also what's interesting about that is they do that in nonpartisan races. Where that has no bearing. I mean, it has no bearing in local politics anyway. Well, I mean, you all know that political ads are a genre of comedy all their own.
Starting point is 00:27:44 Have we talked about this? Yes. Last we discussed Dom Blankenship from a few weeks ago. I mean, I can't even... They'll be deciphering that for years. But that specific ad. But when I'm in Tennessee, when I was in Tennessee at my mom's for a wedding last weekend,
Starting point is 00:28:00 it was just, I saw the same ad for somebody running for governor. He has never been in elected office before in tennessee but he's running for tennessee governor and he must have just sprung so much fucking money because it was like every 10 minutes they were playing this fucking ad and the entire two minute ad i mean it goes on forever it's long as fuck commercial it's just him talking about how much he supports the police and all these cops circling around him all these cops like our union supports a lot he never mentions anything else but the cops
Starting point is 00:28:33 for two solid minutes of this ad man and i looked at my mom and i said does he think that the only thing anyone cares about in the whole state of Tennessee I mean this is for fucking governor is cops yeah because people in Tennessee have a lot of issues like education health care like he doesn't think anyone cares about anything but the cops I missed the house seeing days before 9-11 when everybody universally hated the cops it's so bizarre to me like today at work my co-workers were talking about that race in Lexington for Andy Barsey. It's between Jim Gray and this woman. The pilot. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:13 McGrath, I think, was her name. Yeah, okay. Yes, I think that's right. But it's so funny to me how people are like, well, Jim Gray, he's just a sort of progressive Democrat, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But McGrath, she was in the military and i'm just like what the fuck does that tell me like what are her policies i always ask like what are their policies people like well i don't really know
Starting point is 00:29:35 she flew an airplane she's a fucking pilot not only that flew an airplane in combat and now she's getting ready to fly an airplane through that glass ceiling, baby. I don't care what anyone says. Our country has a military caste system. We've talked about this is one of the constant themes of our show, but it's already baked into everything. I mean, we don't call it as that, but we already admit it. Like, they have more rights than we do.
Starting point is 00:30:01 They have more fucking clout than we do, influence. That's what it is. We're supposed to be deferential to them. And the cops, same thing with the cops. The same shit. Yeah. The only thing that qualifies her for is to lead a PTSD support group. Or if something crazy happened and they needed to fly a plane, she could fly that plane.
Starting point is 00:30:24 She doesn't know anything about her district. She's only lived there for less than a year. Is that even legal? I thought you had to be registered in your district at least a year. Apparently she moved there last summer. So maybe by the time she would theoretically be elected, she would have lived there a year. She knows nothing about the district,
Starting point is 00:30:41 but everybody's like, well, she pulled a fucking airplane. Listen, she threw a fucking airplane listen she threw i also think this is commentary about the state of politics for women women feel like they can't get elected unless they've done something only men are you only men were allowed to do until 10 years ago literally broke the glass ceiling yeah wrote wrote that plane right through the glass ceiling baby i wish she would have said and i was on my period like at the end of that yeah bleeding the whole time flying into cobble those terrorists in my crosshairs oh my god.
Starting point is 00:31:26 I pulled my tampon out and I threw it at the fucking window. Dropped it like a bomb. Dropped it like a fucking bomb. Everyone's like, yes, Quinn. Yes. Yes. If it was a diva cup, if she dumped her cup over her,
Starting point is 00:31:43 I'd vote for her. She earned my vote. Just threw that a diva cup if she dumped her cup over i'd vote for her just threw that fucking diva cup right in hamid karzai's face oh my fucking god we are so stupid why anyone listens to this oh shit that's good That's good, though. That's good. That's all bad. Another thing that's really bad that I wanted to talk about... It ain't wet. Yeah. Oh, my fucking god.
Starting point is 00:32:19 Another thing I wanted to talk about was something that you sent out, which I feel like hasn't gotten enough sort of... I feel conflicted about J.D. Vance because it's like, I want to mute about was something that you sent out which I feel like hasn't gotten enough sort of I feel conflicted about JD Vance because it's like I fucking want to I want to mute that word
Starting point is 00:32:29 on my Twitter feed because I want nothing more to do with them. Same. But Can you do that? You can mute words. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:35 What? Oh yes. I'm going to need a little how to after this. A little tutorial afterwards we're going to hit the breathing machine.
Starting point is 00:32:40 I'll show you how to mute some words. This is 30. Muting Twitter and hitting. What I love about the breathing machines is that my mamaw had these when she lived with us at the end of her life. And she called it her blowjob. Bring me my blowjob.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Bring me my blowjob, Tanya. Did she know what the blowjob was called? She didn't seem to. We would always laugh. It always got a laugh. But she didn't get why. I never knew. I mean, she had pretty deadpan humor anyway. She didn't seem to. We would always laugh. It always got a laugh. But she didn't get why? I never knew. I mean, she had pretty deadpan humor anyway.
Starting point is 00:33:09 She didn't laugh very much as a woman. But I think we never discussed it. I'm going to assume she knew. Has she passed now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When she was making the transition, did she just whisper her last words to you like, I knew what y'all was laughing about
Starting point is 00:33:26 they made the only blow jobs i give no i wasn't i wasn't there in our last days i don't know what she said probably uh hit the morphine i would say yeah well i'm saying that is a 30 yeah this is 30 more blow jobs more morphine fire tubby um no so yeah apparently j and this is this is like apparently jd vance is going on a tour a bus tour not just a tour but a bus tour like he's the rolling stones or some shit and of course it's one of those party buses they posted a picture, it's one of those party buses. They posted a picture, and it's one of those, like, it's a party bus like I rode in in Vegas. I sent y'all pictures of the party buses in Vegas, didn't I?
Starting point is 00:34:10 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they was playing Bad and Bougie in it, and it was like 4 a.m. when we got in, and we were all exhausted. It was the only cab out there that would fit us all, so we all got in it just, like, dead. And they had Bad and Bougie cranked, and, you know, you can't sit when Bad and Bougie's on.
Starting point is 00:34:24 And it was 4 a.m., and I was drunk, and I was so tired, but I danced in that party bus. That's what they're in. That's what they're driving in Kentucky right now. Maybe we need to reevaluate J.D. Vance. Maybe my man just likes to get fucked up. I guarantee they're not playing Bad and Bougie in that party bus. They're playing Toby Keith. No, they're playing Bob Seger On the road again
Starting point is 00:34:45 Yeah They're going around a bus John Denver tour Goddamn John Denver It's called the Rise of the Rest tour Did you read about why It's called Rise of the West Rise of the Rest
Starting point is 00:35:00 It's because Well you correct me if I'm wrong But I thought I either read or heard on that little spot, because I sent it to y'all because I heard it on a little radio spot on WMMT. I'm on another morning dispatch. It's the only place I get my info. They're promoting J.D. Vance on WMMT now?
Starting point is 00:35:15 Yeah. Well, no, it was a Kentucky Connection, you know? It wasn't a WMMT reporter. Oh, it was one of those news connect kind of like i know what you mean just like saying it's going on yeah yeah yeah but uh it's because they are touring places that don't have access to venture capitalism so any the rest We've had access. We've dabbled. The rest is anyone who lives outside of Silicon Valley, Boston, and maybe one more place. I think New York.
Starting point is 00:35:52 Yeah. Because that's where like 90% of venture capitalists. Right. Like money is invested. So Danny Vance is just like, rise of the rest. The rest of these broke dick motherfuckers. That sounds kind of fucked. Anybody out of the fold. The rest of these broke dick motherfuckers. That sounds tight as fuck. Anybody out of the fold.
Starting point is 00:36:08 Seems very half-assed. But I hope they come through. It would be an amazing sitcom. It would be a really fucking funny sitcom. In like a really dark way. Because some of the investors in this are Jeff Bezos
Starting point is 00:36:23 and Jeff the Google guyzos And for that reason I'm out Wait what's the Amazon Something Schmidt Eric Schmidt Jeff Bezos is the Google Jeff Bezos Amazon That's what I thought
Starting point is 00:36:39 Yeah Schmidt is Google He's a goon He's a googie Googie boy Those he's uh those are his investors though i mean are they just like i mean okay if it looked like a lil wayne show and they were just rolling up and throwing money into the crowd like i could get behind that but they're actually just asking people it's basically's basically J.D. Vance is doing the Drake thing, the God's plan thing.
Starting point is 00:37:09 Basically, J.D. Vance is doing what I said. He's trying to find the most derelict person and pay for their college. Oh, my God. Just fentanyl houses in the holler. Just like fucking... Here's a check. You can go to any college you want
Starting point is 00:37:23 as long as it's a sensible tuition and the board's not that high. No, but apparently what it is is they go around and people pitch them ideas and if they like your idea, they give you like $100,000. So it's basically like what would you do for a Klondike bar for rich guys? Yeah. Are y'all old enough to remember those commercials where like.
Starting point is 00:37:41 What would you do? It's like would you kiss a banana and then like you kiss a banana, they give you a Klondike bar. Kind of, but it's like, it's more of like a... I sort of saw it in my mind more as like a game show. Like Shark Tank? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort of like Shark Tank.
Starting point is 00:37:57 That's what I'm saying. I wanted to do that for our live shows. But you all remember me talking about going to Silicon Valley for work and literally having to defend why I even exist, like my existence in the world. This is what they're rolling up, and they're asking people to defend their literal existence in the world. And if their defense is good enough, they'll throw them some cash.
Starting point is 00:38:24 Well, it's back to what I was saying. No, seriously. At least here anyways, I don't know what it's like to live in the city, but at least here, since this sort of large-scale extractive capitalism has gone, we really have reverted to a more feudal state. We've got the cops as a sort of higher military caste, and then you've got lords that come around like J.D. Vance and be like, if I like your idea, I'll give you $100,000, you know.
Starting point is 00:38:50 But if I don't... Bearing a buffish captain. But if I don't, my friend Molly McGrath's going to drop you off in Kabul. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. It really is stranger than fiction, honestly. It's pretty wild. I almost wish they would just, like, kick this whole thing in gear, and if they don't like your pitch, you're sent to the gulag.
Starting point is 00:39:16 And then maybe people would be like, wait. What? What? They're at least going to have a trap door. Let's put you out of your misery. Just drop you kind of into a hole. Yeah. Well, I was thinking the other day, a funny way to innovate the coal industry.
Starting point is 00:39:34 You know, to disrape the coal industry. Add a little color to it. Wait, wait, wait. This, I have been, I feel like what this podcast really needs in season three is a... It's a coin flip. We're going to make it to this one. Okay. For the end of season two.
Starting point is 00:39:51 Is a segment, a reoccurring segment. Maybe this is it. How to... To innovate the coal industry. Yeah, innovate the coal industry. This will be a reoccurring segment. All right. So I've got the first idea.
Starting point is 00:40:06 Yeah, here's the first one. Let's see. Let's hear it. My first idea is BitCole. It's like Bitcoin, but it's BitCole. It's a crypto coal instead of, or a crypto currency. The cryptocurrency is actually coal that you actually do mine? Yeah, I guess so.
Starting point is 00:40:22 I don't know what you do with it. I haven't figured that part out yet. Because they do say you mine cryptocurrencies. Maybe the way to do it is you mine crypto. Maybe you mine Bitcoin, and that's what they burn for the Bitcoin. I would ask what it means to mine a cryptocurrency, but practice has told me
Starting point is 00:40:40 that's not a can of worms you want to open. The second you ask, they will tell you. And they will talk about it for three goddamn hours. I know. It's like, how do you know who's the vegan at the party? They'll tell you. And the republic formerly known as Swaziland is already powering all their houses off of it. This came up today in our communications meeting at work.
Starting point is 00:41:02 Someone want, like, they have a whole plan for us to submit our content to some Steam site. Oh. That. You can make money off of that. Oh, that's what they said. They were very excited. He's like, I bought a car. Doing this.
Starting point is 00:41:17 Yeah. And now it's going to be like Apple Shop's new way to raise money, I guess. That's why. I've always. Are you going to Steam Trailblazers? Yeah, that's why I've always thought that the future economy here until some sort of large-scale communist infrastructural project
Starting point is 00:41:33 can sort of take off or abolishing markets or whatever is just going to be DIY stuff. People making... Or what do they call it? 3D printing? That'll be big here, I feel like. You have the point
Starting point is 00:41:45 of production at your home you print it off you make the money off of it or whatever i mean i still can't get over the original probably like reddit subreddit fucking response to the 3d printing drop which is just print 3D printers. Why would you print anything besides 3D printers? Heavy meta, man. And just sell 3D printers. Right, right, right. That's sort of the,
Starting point is 00:42:13 yeah, that's very meta. Sort of the idea behind BitCole. It's this very ephemeral thing that does it. All right, we're going to massage this segment a little more before we commit to it. It's fine.
Starting point is 00:42:25 We'll keep an eye out for more recurring segments we'll use. Anyways, that's the Rise of the Rush tour. I got nothing more to say about that. I do. I would like a tour inside their party bus. I want to judge the party bus.
Starting point is 00:42:42 Well, I got some ideas about what it might look like. What? There's probably going to be several packets of oh, negative blood
Starting point is 00:42:52 that's Oh my God. been plucked from virgins born on the island of Borneo. Jesus. Bezos and Teal and the boys just got an IV
Starting point is 00:43:04 hooked up to them. Teal and the boys just got an IV hooked up to them. Teal and the boys. Is Teal on the trek with them? Wouldn't surprise me. I don't know. One thing I do want to say about this, though, and it's something that Terrence and I talked about, I don't know if it was the last episode,
Starting point is 00:43:16 but maybe the one before that is, like, you know, we say all these things about J.D. Vance and we hate J.D. Vance and blah, blah, blah, blah. But so much of his vision for the future of this place differs in no meaningful way from the sort of non-profit out the worlds we traffic in. Yeah. Doesn't differ in any meaningful way except that like you know
Starting point is 00:43:45 except the players are actually from here and not but if your vision of the future of Appalachia is let's you know uh incubate startups and you know then eventually once we've done enough of those and all the tides raise all boats. Enabling the bootstrap narrative. Yeah, right. Let's just give a little boost to the bootstrap narrative so people can pull themselves up. Right. Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because the sort of short little pitch on their Twitter says,
Starting point is 00:44:20 celebrating and investing in emerging startup ecosystems. It is very similar to what a lot of non-profits around here, even ones that maintain a progressive veneer. I don't know. It's very interesting. Yeah, and it's just like if that's your theory and vision of change, why not just defer to JD? He's got better resources. He's got more money. He's got more money.
Starting point is 00:44:46 That's true. That is true. It's just like, yeah, we can say, oh, yeah, he's a phony, but your vision of change differs in no meaningful way from his. He should have been at the end of that episode, that America Divided episode. Yeah. The Great Unifier.
Starting point is 00:45:03 Yeah, hell yeah. Are we going to rehabilitate JD Vance? That's true. That'd beifier. Yeah, hell yeah. Are we going to rehabilitate J.D. Vance? That'd be a curveball from hell. Before you know it, he'll be the keynote speaker at the East Kentucky Leadership Conference. Right. Or at SOAR. Or Trillbilly Days when we finally do that. I almost forwarded you all an email today.
Starting point is 00:45:23 I got a SOAR bulletin today. Oh, I did too. Did you get it I almost forwarded you all an email today. I got a sore bulletin today. Oh, I did too. Did you get it? I didn't look at it, but I saw it. I feel like all they do is rebrand things. That's literally all they do is create logos and catchphrases. What else do they do? Are they behind that one billboard I keep seeing around?
Starting point is 00:45:45 Yes, there is a future. That's what the whole email was about they sent out today. They're basically set up this website. I'm explaining this to our listeners more so than you two. But they basically set up this website, thereisafuture.com.
Starting point is 00:46:03 And it looks like it looks like they're selling merch on this website to raise money for... Appalachia. For Appalachia and the grit economy. Like one of those shirts that they're selling on that site literally says like grit and faith. Yeah. Yes. I saw that. Somebody pointed, one of our twitter uh yeah friends pointed
Starting point is 00:46:26 that out and it was like i want to kill the person that came up with that and i tend to concur what they've inadvertently done is create a great messaging campaign to convince people that um to move to mars like the mars campaign. You know what I mean? What this actually is is like a dystopian campaign to convince people that moving to Mars is a good idea. Right?
Starting point is 00:46:53 Am I crazy? That's what they've created. Yeah, you're right. But they're actually, because then it makes sense. Then all of these words and faith and grit make sense.
Starting point is 00:47:01 It's like, we can do it. We can take on Mars. Let's do it. Come on. There's a future. There ain't a future on Earth, but we can fucking do it on Mars. Yet, it's Eastern Kentucky.
Starting point is 00:47:10 They're trying to convince us of that. That we could live, like... There's a future, all right. Doesn't include you dumb motherfuckers, but there's a future. And it's on Mars. Oh, fuck. Well, you know know it's interesting that you say that because i think maybe like a sort of response to that though tom like i could see somebody being like oh well like jd vance isn't technically the same because
Starting point is 00:47:39 you could say i don't know because a lot of people say that he's like a white supremacist and so that aspect of what he does including... Including us at one point. Including us at one point. Do you think he still is? Or do you still think he is? I don't know. Well, hold on a second. Let me back that up.
Starting point is 00:47:52 Yeah, I shouldn't have said it. At one point, we did. I made it sound like we were completely going soft on Vance. Right. But I think... All I wanted to add to that was that Even though You know I don't know I think that
Starting point is 00:48:09 If I remember correctly I've smoked a lot of weed Since our very first episode But if I remember correctly I think the argument was something Like he sort of transfers The Charles Murray Transfers the Charles Murray argument About black America to Hillbilly Appalachian
Starting point is 00:48:24 He's culpable for sure It's like Mace said but with eugenics the Charles Murray argument about black America to hillbilly Appalachian. Yeah. He's culpable for sure. It's like Mace said but with eugenics. So Mace said. But I think. That's right. It is.
Starting point is 00:48:37 It's like Mace said but with eugenics. That's right. Right. That's a good point. Maybe we'll bleep that out too. No, no, no. I don't know how we're. I don't know what's going to happen here.
Starting point is 00:48:47 You haven't been listening to our recent episodes. Me and Tom have been fucking... Oh really? I haven't. Have shots been fired? I don't know. Have y'all incriminated me in a significant way? No, it's just a point. I think Elizabeth
Starting point is 00:49:02 Cat pointed out on Twitter that one of the hardest things about being a leftist in Appalachia is not people red baiting you or anything like that. It's well-meaning people that are perfectly, I don't mean that in a condescending way, that are totally smart and totally capable, capable, but that, you know, have cast their lot with the sort of like grants and incubation, business incubation, entrepreneurship thing. And we just tend to think that that's, you know, more or less a dead end in the grand scheme of things, you know? Yeah. I tell you who we've got a lot of jokes out of, but I don't know anyone who's brought more money to eastern Kentucky is Eric C. Kahn.
Starting point is 00:49:49 Yeah. Really, we need more corrupt Social Security lawyers in the region if we want to keep the flow. Well, we have plenty. They just need to get their weight up. Yeah. I mean, Letcher County alone was getting like millions of dollars a month in Social Security. Butcher County alone was getting millions of dollars a month in Social Security. Well, it's telling that when he was indicted, they said that an estimated, how many billions of dollars left the eastern Kentucky economy?
Starting point is 00:50:17 You could argue that he was doing more for the eastern Kentucky economy than coal at that time. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Well, but just to take it back, though, to this argument about J.D. Vance for a minute. Sorry. Have we detracted here? No, back, though, to this argument about J.D. Vance for a minute. Sorry. Have we detracted here? No, no, no, no. I just want to explore this idea because I'm just trying to figure it out myself.
Starting point is 00:50:38 Because I guess I'm just trying to examine the distance between Mason and J.D. Vance. You know what I'm saying? Because, yeah, you're right. I guess he could be considered J.D. He could be considered Mason with eugenics. But I think his whole argument is that people here are the way they are because of their own choices and because of maybe some cultural reasons. But it has nothing to do with systemic reasons. And even though you can maybe work for an organization in which you personally as an individual disagree with that, disagree that people basic neoliberal thought which is that people individuals are to blame for their own poverty and that systemic reasons can't be you know can't be addressed or actually yeah it seems like here's the difference one is saying uh people deserve a chance to work hard and make something of it versus people here it's like people in eastern kentucky um they they have to be self-determining with a job or they lose all sight and they get addicted they
Starting point is 00:51:59 get they're in there addicted and they're just savage and whatever he called uh depressed what are the words he used oh oh shit again this is an example in which i've smoked a lot of weed since but the other one is that genuinely believe people here are brilliant and resilient and like beautiful and whole and if just given a chance they could do all these wonderful things and like we're giving them the chance what one is like it's it's yeah it's just like the same thing but it's like one is more we believe in you and one is like you have to have you have to figure out a job to be a whole person yeah both are problematic yeah so why does anybody have to be exceptional like why do you have to have grit and faith to make it like why why not that's the pascal's that's the new that's the pascal's
Starting point is 00:52:46 wager for 2018 you can't just have faith you also gotta have grit yeah i want to know how much money they paid a marketing firm to come up with the words faith and grit like how many people were polled about how do you feel about all these words like these hundred words like they like they like um said words aloud to 250 focus group people and and measured their brain activity or something while they heard faith and grit and whatever other fucking word you know what i'm saying three and four was pussy fart and scrotum what if it had been grit and pussy just going for broke there is a future future and gritty pussy now we're starting our cam empire so yeah i'll tell you this is what i was gonna say
Starting point is 00:53:40 you know like a lot of like some of these other podcasts like Chopper talking about getting in the streaming. We're getting into porn. That's that's going to be. I'm kicking off my Cam Empire. We got a Cam Empire. We got Trillbillies. Y'all can watch us produce this podcast in bathing suits if you want to. I can't imagine.
Starting point is 00:53:59 We want to make money. Just a podcast. Yeah, this Cam. I'm just jerking off while talking about J.D. Vance. I just want to ease into the market where I can get paid to do things I'm already doing, like do my dishes naked. It's just hot in the summer, and I can't afford to crank my air conditioner up because my unit is 12 years old and it will die.
Starting point is 00:54:20 Well, Sesta Fostas kind of laid the kibosh to that, right? To the cam empire? What's that done for the for the cam world? For sex workers and the like the cam and like internet world. You're probably right. It's probably not been good.
Starting point is 00:54:32 It's probably been bad. I don't know what you're talking about. Like you know like the anti well supposedly in theory anti-trafficking law where they've closed down like Craigslist and what's the
Starting point is 00:54:42 back pages and like some of these sites where like sex workers made their postings Have they shut down Paid Snapchats? Say it ain't so I don't know You can get paid for that? You can exchange money through Snapchat
Starting point is 00:54:57 And there are just like cam Snapchats Where you have to pay to follow Who wants to see the Trillbillies assholes? We'll take your money We'll take your money If you have to pay to follow. Who wants to see the Trillbillies assholes? We'll take your money. We'll take your money. If you want to see it. If you're willing to pay for it, I will show it. That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:55:12 Put your money where your mouth is. Oh, my God. Me and Tom were joking around the other night. We were talking about... Oh, Tom sent me an article the other day about octopuses and about how like people are like oh there might be an alien species really yeah yeah wow well they're they're intelligent in a way that is confounding utterly confounding to us well is it is is octopus uh just a whole squid fancy like this is yeah like cephalopods yeah expanded expanded
Starting point is 00:55:46 into the whole squid family i don't think it's squid i think we're talking cousins i think probably yeah i think we're talking strictly octopus have we decided what cousins are has the hammer dropped on cousins i don't i don't know if the hammer is dropped on i put uh I tweeted something about how cousins are big in the South because most of us just lie about who our cousins are to improve our station.
Starting point is 00:56:10 Yeah. And somebody responded and I fucking lost it. They were like, I got no man is after third, it don't count. Oh my God. They're not wrong.
Starting point is 00:56:23 Me and Tom were laughing about how the way they reproduce is the male octopus passes a little sperm pack to the female octopus. That's their sexual... Hand it off.
Starting point is 00:56:35 It's just like if you're at a bar, you would slide your number across the table, but you slide your sperm pack. If you want it, it's there. It's there. Looking for some kids? Just throwing it out out there i can give you that wow that's pretty like imagine that's pretty we're we're what we were joking about was like if you're an octopus you've got a sperm pack and an ink sack so it's just like oh my god which one you want you want the sperm maybe maybe you two
Starting point is 00:57:02 could start hawking your sperm packs on Patreon for our money. Splooging in Ziploc bags. Let me tell you something. In the mail. Let me tell you something. Who the fuck would want my fucking genetics to be transferred to another generation? Lay it out for us what we're getting with your sperm pack, Tom. Sell us your sperm pack.
Starting point is 00:57:21 Sell us some sperm. Alcoholism. Modest intelligence at best You can grow a hell of a mustache though A hell of a mustache A big old dick That's a lie Good fashion sense You got good fashion Jury's out on most of this
Starting point is 00:57:47 to be honest need some citations I'm gonna need proof holy shit oh wow sell us your sperm pack there's a hashtag sell us your sperm
Starting point is 00:58:02 have y'all ever sold any like plasma or blood or oh yeah i went through a very rough patch where i was selling a lot of plasma damn i was also getting like pierced and tattooed at the time and had to lie about it and so then my like tattoo wasn't healing correctly because i had given away all my plasma and that's how your body heals apparently it's like it's kind of a vicious cycle i had no idea i didn't know that plasma it's horrible you're hooked to a machine for like an hour because what they don't tell you is that they take your blood out all of it all like they take all this blood out of you it's just like donating blood shriveled little raising like donating blood
Starting point is 00:58:41 i get a blood transfusion and then they take the plasma from the blood and put the blood back in you. Oh, nice. It's like dialysis, but they take the plasma out instead of cleaning your blood. Yeah. Damn.
Starting point is 00:58:53 Damn. Yeah. I was on dialysis once. Fucking rough. Your kidney's failed once. My kidney's failed one time. Poor guy. No sympathy.
Starting point is 00:59:08 He just liked to be like this. doesn't gonna save us a lot of heartache the natural course of things would happen right we just want to let natural selection do it every time i hear the word dialysis machine all i can think about is how our hospital went through like five dialysis machines that were poisoned by our local oil tycoon because oh diesel fuel was dumped into the water supply they didn't know they didn't know because they can't they didn't know and so diesel fuel could have went through the dialysis machine they had to trash it and after the fifth one they were like we can't buy another dialysis machine and they shut down the fucking dialysis center in our fucking hospital. Yeah, this is why we need to push
Starting point is 00:59:46 Don Childers in front of a fucking master. I mean, I'm not going to do it. I don't want to go to jail. You all shouldn't, but...
Starting point is 00:59:53 He is definitely not eating a cracker. He looks terrible and I hear he can't... Well, he's 87. Like, why isn't he... Why hasn't he
Starting point is 01:00:03 kicked the bucket yet is my question. It's because he's so fucking evil He's probably had a head transplant or something He's got so much money Our local oil tank is walking around with a fucking monkey brain That would explain a lot honestly He's like Mr. Burns
Starting point is 01:00:19 Have you got any plans for Memorial Day weekend? I'm teaching sex ed In West Virginia Hey I was going to go on a canoeing trip And it got fucking cancelled Because of the rain High water levels High water levels
Starting point is 01:00:42 I have the hiccups What do we do? You look at me I'm so panicked. You, uh, you, like, put peanut butter on the roof of your mouth. Is that what you do for hiccups? No, you drink water upside down like this. Oh, God. Or, what I used to do is I'd hold my breath and swallow three times.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Hold your breath and swallow three times. One. I won't count it out. You do your thing over there. T and Tom will talk about... Because when someone's paying attention to you, your hiccups never go away. You look...
Starting point is 01:01:16 Highlights look good, Tanya. Thank you. Yeah, good highlights. They were flaky. I didn't catch them when the right light took his name. I believe the correct term is balange. Balange. That's the color? No, it's like a way you do it i don't know you know like ombre yeah it's like the new ombre it's what they tell me i might not be saying it right balazs i don't know edit that
Starting point is 01:01:36 out but you know i have a fucking stylist sarah is my stylist she works at our local consignment store and anything that comes in in my size and style, she puts it back for me every couple weeks I go try on everything on. It's a sweet ass deal. It's a great deal. And now, finally, I found a hairstylist I like that I can just trust to do whatever. Johnny Cummings.
Starting point is 01:01:58 No, you can't trust Johnny as far as you can tell him. Are you high? No, no, Brittany. So I'm going to Hazard now to get my hair done with Brittany. She get probably around pretty far. So I'm going to Hazard now to get my hair done with Britt. And she trimmed me a couple times. And then she came to the bar the other night for open mic. And she was looking at me. She was like, I've got an idea.
Starting point is 01:02:12 We need to do something to your hair. I've got some ideas. When's the last time you colored your hair? And I hadn't colored my hair, well, besides the one time I dyed my tips royal blue during March Madness. Kentucky blue during March Madness. Y'all remember that? I do. That would be like ombre. Yeah, that during March Madness. Y'all remember that? I do. That would be like ombre.
Starting point is 01:02:27 Yeah, that was an ombre. It was just the tips. Blue ombre. Just the tip. Just to see how it felt. Not a bad ombre. Some blue ombres. Some blue ombres.
Starting point is 01:02:35 But before that, when I moved to Wattsburg, my hair was red. Do y'all remember that? No, no, no. I do remember that. That's when you interviewed me for KFTC. You had red hair. You did give me the job. I had red hair and an asymmetrical cut.
Starting point is 01:02:49 Almost shaved on one side and red. You were punk? That was big back then. Pretty punk. Yeah, the whole asymmetrical. Yeah. And it was red. But then I dyed it to my regular color and I haven't dyed my hair since.
Starting point is 01:03:03 Damn. I do remember those days. Balazs? Balazs. I don't think we're saying it right for some reason. It don't sound right. Balazs, yeah. Hey, see your hiccups went away.
Starting point is 01:03:16 Yeah, they did. Fixed it. That's a good trick. Another satisfied customer. Hold your nose. Swallow three times. That was harder than it sounded, though. Yeah, it is.
Starting point is 01:03:24 It is hard. It was difficult. It is hard.. That was harder than it sounded. Yeah, it is. It is difficult. It is hard. Especially under these wheezy conditions. There's this guy today at the Black Lung meeting, the Black Lung Association meeting. One of my favorite things is old guys talking about politicians. Like, it's just widely understood that they're corrupt. And he kept referring to them as politicianers.
Starting point is 01:03:44 Like, these politicianers out here. That was pretty funny. Lord. Well, damn. Speaking of old dudes talking about politicians, in an Apple Shop meeting last week with these national people that had come down here to meet with us, some motherfucker from a fire station was like, well, it's commonly
Starting point is 01:04:06 known that none of our elected officials like the apple shop I just went zing from the corner just like thank you very much for that tidbit commonly known fact facts live here sons of bitches
Starting point is 01:04:25 What do you got going on With this reporter here Um You know I'm just taking her out And introduce her To some coal miners Oh my god
Starting point is 01:04:32 So we got binders Full of coal miners Does she want To meet a laid off coal miner Well no no She wants to meet People that are still working I do have
Starting point is 01:04:42 That at work sometimes It's like You really do have a binder it's like what news package are we going to give them today yeah well human interest story guy started farming after mining flip flip flip guy still works at, but regrets his vote for Trump. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck.
Starting point is 01:05:13 Damn. Dark days. It is dark. Wait, one more thing before we go. Then we can go. But I've got something very dark to tell you all about. Oh, good. Let's end on a high note, shall we?
Starting point is 01:05:23 Yeah. You know, it's kind of topical because of what's going on in Palestine right now and the Gaza Strip. But my friend works at the University of Buffalo writing grants. part of that is hiring contractors and stuff. Did you know that in the state
Starting point is 01:05:40 of New York, if you decide to boycott Israel, you become immediately disqualified for grants. I mean, not for grants, for contracts. For government contracts. What? Yeah, like BDS, as it's commonly known. Is it because the
Starting point is 01:05:55 Hasidic community totally runs New York City? No, I think it's mostly because like... Is that a conspiracy? Cut that! I think that's from the protocols of the elders design i see what you're saying that's the jay-z line as they say that's why the jewish people own all the property in America. Credit. Oh, fuck. My bad. Well, I was just in New York and I was beside myself.
Starting point is 01:06:29 Clearly, Hasidic Jews run this place. Oh, my God. Yeah, cut this out. No fucking way. This is the funniest thing that's happened so far. I was... Cut this whole thing. We're talking about right out of our ass
Starting point is 01:06:48 wait wait I had a point let me divert us out of it I'm like cut it we're gonna divert out what the way out the reason I was talking about this because I think it's APAC I think it's these organizations like APAC American Israeli whatever the fuck PAC means but they've like
Starting point is 01:07:04 you know Chuck Schumer is behind this a lot they've lobbied a lot of these sort of state legislatures and I think they've even tried to get a national law passed that says protesting BDS or I mean sorry using BDS as a way to protest Israel and the fucked up atrocities they do in like the
Starting point is 01:07:20 Gaza Strip and the West Bank is illegal and so they'll prosecute you for it they'll penalize you for it that's just like that's just it just that's just like that like like you said like apec like getting politicians to like wrap that stuff like alec does with like the prison shit or whatever the reason this was so dark to me it stuck out to me is because like it just goes to show you that like it just goes to show you how intricately woven together our um politics are with empire and with the state of israel which is call it whatever you want it's a fucking colony of the united states more or less it's a 100
Starting point is 01:07:56 percent aided and abetted by the united states and and i don't know i just it just like i don't know i just thought it was very strange. Never heard anything like that before. Yeah. It's basically like coal here. Yeah. That's a very good analogy. Oh, yeah. That's a very good analogy, actually. Or guns.
Starting point is 01:08:15 It's like the NRA. Yeah. It's like there's a front group that lobbies for certain legislation for trying to go after anybody who even dares to fucking... Question the hegemony of whatever the body is. Exactly.
Starting point is 01:08:34 Pretty dark, but pretty crazy. And that's our show, folks. Pretty dark, but pretty crazy. I don't feel good about any of this. I mean, I basically just J just jd vance the situation by saying i was just a tourist there i went to a wedding and i happen to know now that that entire community if you could have seen your eyes but like when terrence looks at you you go well i was about to repeat more hearsay and uh this hey it's fine we are we're gonna cut all this and then edit like when we're done when we're done can't this just be a patreon i'm not no this is good stuff this is this is clearly
Starting point is 01:09:27 patreon material look we're not perfect right we're learning with the rest of you it's true i'm gonna learn i fuck up every day we're learning and we're not telling anybody like go out and do this that and the other we're fucking we are transparent i just asked questions i was just asking you know i'm very inquisitive and i was in the city asking lots of questions a lot of the answers i got were well in your in this realm and a lot of it was like gentrification right to be fair the way i structured the question the way i structured the whole thing in the first place really only left us a few brouts you jumped ahead of me i bit what happened the bait i took the fucking bait i didn't bait no you jumped ahead of me in line you went what all right uh all right uh this is a good
Starting point is 01:10:20 episode thanks everybody for listening don't forget to check out our patreon my official last episode i quit this is my outro please don't do that please don't do that people love you they really don't like me and tom they're all we got you're all we got yeah you're all we've got people literally what if one person say tom it was, I don't know what happened. They're just like going on their brochure list, self-stream of conscious tirades. Bring Tanya back, goddammit. Who said that? Somebody on our iTunes.
Starting point is 01:10:53 Some user named Pussyfartscrotum. It was me. Was it you? I've been trolling you all. Oh my god, man. On iTunes. I fucking knew it. I've been trolling you all on iTunes I fucking knew it I fucking knew it
Starting point is 01:11:08 and the next one's gonna be like give Tonya all the Patreon money and go hide in the hills for weeks and I'd do it fucking cut your dicks off motherfuckers I'm so like
Starting point is 01:11:18 easily triggered by like that kind of growing up in the church that like I'm gonna be like oh yeah you're right here's all my money I'm like, oh, yeah, you're right. Here's all my money. I'm going to go kill myself now.
Starting point is 01:11:37 Well, it would be a natural transition because I finally agreed and set a time to be on Eric's podcast. Oh, nice. I'm on his podcast this week. Very nice. Yeah, we're recording on Thursday. Appalachia Underground. Yeah, well, let's plug this.
Starting point is 01:11:52 We're going to plug it. Tanya's going to be on Appalachian Underground. I guess Thursday usually is when it comes out. I always see his Tuesday drop, Thursday drop. I'm like, damn, Eric is hustling. My man never stops hustling. No, he never stops. And I guess, well, no, I'm like, damn, Eric is hustling. My man never stops. No, he never stops. And I guess, well, I'm recording Thursday night, so then if it's whatever's after that,
Starting point is 01:12:10 Tuesday drop then, I guess. My favorite thing about Eric is every morning at Apple Shop, he comes in and cooks all this fucking food. And that's like the whole place smells like it. It's like, man, this is nice. It's lovely. We show up, everything smells like sausage. Maple syrup.
Starting point is 01:12:31 Yeah. Go check out our boy Appalachian Underground. I'm going to be on. Who knows what will happen? What will transpire? I don't know. Who knows? He's putting me on with his friend Tommy who he insists we will fight.
Starting point is 01:12:46 So that's the whole point. This is a ring match. Who's Tommy? This is a ring match. Tommy, like, Tommy Anderson? No, it's a Tommy no one knows. It's like his friend Tommy who's probably... I'm going to tell you something.
Starting point is 01:12:58 This is going to be dicey as hell. I love Eric. He's just like trying to set up crazy situations. He's like, damn, what's going to get some more listens? Got to hear both sides. Let's have a fight. Eric is, yeah, he's trying to be like Bill Maher and like politically incorrect. He's trying to put some opposing viewpoint.
Starting point is 01:13:15 Tommy is almost certainly a libertarian. I'll go ahead and tell you that right now. I'll prep you for this prize fight. Yeah, let Tom train you up. Yeah, okay. Matt and both of us will train you up tommy is uh almost certainly a libertarian definitely an avid listener of the joe rogan show oh yeah for sure they love joe rogan eric loves joe rogan yeah he loves joe rogan and i have never watched joe rogan
Starting point is 01:13:40 and every week he asked me do you see that joean? And then he tells me what was on it. And I'm like, I've never seen this. I literally still don't know. He does the same thing to me. And I can guarantee you that you all be debating the merits of socialism versus bringing back the gold standard. Wait, what's the gold standard? What do you mean? Well, it's basically the guarantee of u.s currency was all
Starting point is 01:14:06 the gold locked up in fort knox oh right right okay is that really damn right is that right i fuck i don't know we're not just pretty crazy oh that's the libertarian thing like gold has to back up all cash you can't just print cash without fucking gold to stand right and like no borrowing money here's the only here's the response to that. If he brings this shit up, here's how you fight back. So much of my early 20s was like reading up so I could like fucking debate libertarian bars. The knowledge wasn't for any sort of higher port of enlightenment. It's just like I'm getting drunk a lot.
Starting point is 01:14:41 So it was all so you could die on this hill. No, you just say like what guarantees the value of gold? You know, it's just like, I'm getting drunk a lot. So, it was all so you could die on this hill. No, you just say, like, what guarantees the value of gold? You know? It's just an arbitrary thing, just like anything else. Great. Okay, yeah, I'm going to use that. Don't even bother tuning in now. You already know what's going to happen.
Starting point is 01:14:57 All right. This Saturday night. Dun, dun, dun. Oh. I mean, if I can make it, I mean, we're like early birds. We record at 5.30 Then I go home and eat dinner And go to bed
Starting point is 01:15:07 This motherfucker wants me To record at 9pm Yeah he likes to do that And then those episodes Last like three hours What no Yes you I promise you
Starting point is 01:15:15 There is no way I promise you If you stay the course You will be there Until 1am No there's no way I literally can't I've not seen an episode
Starting point is 01:15:22 I've not seen an episode Of AU That was under two hours Really No There's no way. I've not seen an episode of AU that was under two hours. Really? No. I guess that makes sense. I haven't listened to any. That's embarrassing. It's my friend. I should support his media, his art. I haven't listened to any of them.
Starting point is 01:15:37 He called me out in a staff meeting because I hadn't re-followed him back on Twitter. I swear to God. I love it. I fucking love it. I was like, where's your Twitter? Here's on Twitter. I swear to God. I love it. I fucking love it. I was like, well, where's your Twitter? Here's my Twitter.
Starting point is 01:15:49 People follow me on Twitter all the time. I can't follow everybody back. Oh, fuck. I don't know. I was like, here's my phone. Here's my Twitter.
Starting point is 01:15:55 Do whatever you want. That is extremely good shit. All right, well. So we found Tanya's not team follow back. Yeah. Stingy with them follows. DM me, I guess. I'm stingy. That's what me and Tanya's not team follow back Yeah Stingy with them follows DM me I guess
Starting point is 01:16:07 I'm stingy That's what me and Tanya We and Tanya have that in common That we're what? Stingy with our follows Stingy's not the word Absent I think It's just like I don't know
Starting point is 01:16:18 See I'm stingy I'm like Can't hit that button Literally I feel the same way on Instagram If I follow too many people Then I don't see what I want to see I see all kinds of weird shit
Starting point is 01:16:32 I just want my shit My regular stuff I just like follow my friends Yeah I understand that I understand that Well It all gets lost It gets lost in the wash
Starting point is 01:16:43 Y'all want to follow back? Holler at your boy. The thoughtful coal miner. DM me. I'll follow you. I don't fucking know. DM me. I'll follow you.
Starting point is 01:16:55 Hit up my Patreon. Hit me at PayPal. Hit my line. Hit my line. Hit my line. I'll follow you. For a fiver. All right.
Starting point is 01:17:03 If you want sperm and Ziploc bags and a follow, hit up our Patreon or us putting shit in our ass on camera for money. Can you use Patreon for cam work? Do they have a moral code or something somewhere? No, probably not, but you can. Okay. Yeah. We could probably make a premium, like $20 premium.
Starting point is 01:17:25 We'll send you nudes or something. We'll send you a human centipede of us wiping each other's ass with baby wipes. It's going to be way more than $20. Who won the human centipede then? I'm in the middle. Oh my god.
Starting point is 01:17:43 Jesus Christ. This is the sickest shit I've ever heard. I'm in the middle. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus Christ. This is the sickest shit I've ever heard. I'm in the middle. Call it bench seat early. Who calls bench seat? Who calls the fucking middle? I'm going skiing. Truly depraved.
Starting point is 01:17:59 On that note, I'm cutting this one. A culture in crisis.

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