Trillbilly Worker's Party - UNLOCKED: Hillbilly Butterfly Effect
Episode Date: April 2, 2019In honor of Jamal Khoshoggi's children getting a huge pay out from the Saudi government as compensation for having their father dismembered, we're unlocking our Patreon episode about how Khoshoggi's d...eath had weird repercussions all the way across the world in Kentucky. If you'd like to hear more episodes like this one, like and subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Make sure this is working.
Did you see how...
Did you see that tweet?
Oh, easy cow.
Let me get you.
Let me get saddled up here.
You don't understand.
When you...
I just sit here and talk into this microphone all day by myself
until people just stop by.
Until people show up.
People show up and start talking to me.
You've got eight hours of audio already.
Yeah.
Did you see
somebody tag the
Tribblies in a tweet that was like
wanted
now, immediately, oil and
gas workers on offshore
oil and gas rigs. Your ship's coming
in, man. Did you see that? Yeah. Isn't that
weird?
That's okay. Isn't that weird?
Do you think that means that people listen to the show?
Because on the last episode, I said something about
how I was going to get a job
on an offshore oil and gas
rig. Could be one of those things
like, you know, like if you
look at one of those shops, it's something you was
looking at and it pops back up on your Instagram.
Do what?
Yeah, those are yours.
Maybe they heard the phrase.
I've been using them.
They're great headphones.
God, that's a great sweatshirt, Tanya.
I just heard you say the phrase disgustingly hetero outside.
I was doing an interview with a journalist about 66 head okay
disgustingly hit her i thought i heard emotionally immature too yeah you didn't hear that well the
problem was walking up your fucking steps made me lose every uh vocabulary word i ever had
i should have said deeply diseased. Heteronormative bullshit. When in doubt, go with deeply diseased.
Oh, my God.
That's pretty funny.
I'd give you a healthy amount of money for that sweatshirt.
Okay, well, make me an offer.
I'll get to you right now.
You might offer me money for the shirt under it, too.
What do you say?
It's a good and two.
You can keep that one. You can keep that one.
You can keep that one.
PTSD response.
The OG Summit City t-shirt.
Can't get that one no more.
It says something on there like,
ain't it funny how places like this bring us together.
Just brings people together.
Ain't it funny how places like this just bring people together. Ain't it funny how places like this just bring people together.
It's more like, ain't it funny how places like this ruin our lives and our lives.
Take our money and...
Start drawing.
Exploited my labor for, you know, two and a half good years.
Take our money and self-confidence.
Tom's drunk.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
I thought that was
So how
Yeah how was that interview
What was that about
It went good
It was for Yes Magazine
It was
Oh really
Yes Queen Magazine
Yes Queen Magazine
I think it
Uh
Uh
Supposed to be about
Rural
Sex ed I think
Oh really
I got a little
Rural sex ed tale
For everybody out there oh good i just thought
because i'm writing this piece about my hypochondria and like my formative experiences
with hypochondria like inextricably linked with my sexuality or my psychosexual repression however
you want to slice it but uh sex ed in eastern kentucky is taught by people that
you know that shouldn't be teaching sex ed anywhere shouldn't be around children shouldn't
be shouldn't be allowed in the goddamn ball pit at mcdonald's much less uh fucking teaching kids
about their privates right uh privates that's a problem so just using the word privates
is that problematic well it's just
did you rather make them public you're fucking sick of it's just language that's centered around
shame oh publics then start saying publics instead of private so hey it's on record here for children showing their dicks off.
So,
my sex ed teachers when I was coming up were two
choir directors from the First
Baptist Church.
And this Christian magician,
I think his name was Hank the Great.
You're not making this up.
No, I swear.
Hank's go-to move, I swear to God, Hank's go-to move i swear to god hank's go-to moves he'd get a
ketchup bottle like a glass like heinz like old school ketchup bottle yeah yeah and he'd unroll
a condom like on the like the throat of the bottle and then he'd wad it up like wad up the
ketchup bottle with the condom like it was paper and just toss it in the wastebasket. I don't... What? He's a magician.
Oh, he's a magician. Yeah, he's a Christian
magician.
We're both like, what? Yeah, I was having a hard time.
So what was the metaphor he was
trying to draw there? Oh, nothing.
He would just demonstrate how to put a condom on, then
he was just like, oh.
And then throw it in the wastebasket. Honestly, that's kind of
cool. I'm into that.
Yeah, you're not going to be cool until the next part where he goes
and then he would bookend that
with telling us about the dangers of dabbling
in the occult.
How's that connected to sex?
Is Hank still cool then?
Fuck you, Hank.
It's not connected to sex.
There's no way to be cool as a magician.
I don't know. Maybe there is.
What are your thoughts on magicians?
I enjoy drawing the magician tarot cards.
It's a good card.
It's a good card.
It's a great card.
But, yeah, I don't know that many real-life magicians.
The two that are coming to mind are 50-50 split.
One's pretty cool.
One's definitely not.
There was this magician guy that used to hang out up at Wiley's.
Oh, there's a third one I know.
Okay, so you know.
And he used to come down during seed time and he would do tricks
for everybody. Y'all talking about David Blaine.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
David Blaine did come to Wattsboro.
This is something I've had. Did you know this,
Tanya? No. I'm not even
showing up on the thing. Yeah, no, you're right
here, I think. Talk some more some more talk some more talk some more our last episode that me and
tom did was so low people couldn't hear it we fucked it up really no i listened to it it was
fine well some of it was low or were you proud of us i think they're just talking about me because
i'm i'm a bit of a oh yeah no tom baritone and it sometimes it just gets sometimes so yeah it's well the thing
is is i talk up on the mic and you know yeah tom for you know storytelling purposes you kind of go
in and out like this yeah and uh dramatic effect for storytelling purposes yeah
wait wait no this episode was fine um i listened to it when i was in hobbs uh but i just
wanted to say i've had on my so i have like a running list of like things i want to talk about
on the true abilities that go back months and one thing i've had on my list for months now and just
keep forgetting to bring up with y'all is david blaine coming here we are because it was a myth
i i heard it for years i i thought it was a myth. I heard it for years.
I thought it was a myth.
I thought it was an urban legend or something.
I did, too.
In this case, a rural legend.
I mean, I told it for years like it was gospel, but I thought in the back of my mind, there's
no way it's true.
Is there proof?
There is.
Oh, there's proof.
Oh.
On YouTube.
Tom sent it to me.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I never thought anything about it.
My cousin sent me this
out look he goes is this pac-man david pack in this david blaine video i said hey what are you
doing looking at david blaine videos at three in the morning fucking what are you fucking 14
and then the second part was yeah it was fucking pac-man yeah really yeah it really like reruns
friend yeah yeah yeah the guy who rode down
pine mountain on rollerblades backwards on the guardrails you all have not heard the best two
pac-man stories though i don't think that's not the best pac-man it's not even close to the best
this man was in street magic with david blaine and that's like the eighth most interesting thing that he's ever been a part of.
David
Blaine, or excuse me,
Pac-Man said that
he was the 83 World Pac-Man
champion. That's how he got his nickname.
And he
said that
the 83 World Pac-Man championships were
held in Louisville. I've never
verified this. And he roller skated the whole way there.
My hunch is that it's bullshit, but hey, can't rule it out.
Okay.
Well, Pac-Man said that he, it was held at this like arcade there, which is, you know,
like a little, okay, if they were really some sort of World Pac-Man Championships,
I'd think they'd have them like lined up in a coliseum or something.
Yeah.
Have some spectators or whatever pac-man said that um that uh this guy
was there with his his woman and um that he knew that pac-man knew a trick that like on like the
eighth level or some shit of pac-man you could just hide pac-man up in the corner
and the ghost
would just like couldn't find him so they would just like wander around aimlessly and all this
stuff and he said he did he would do it to showboat so he would just put the pac-man up there in the
corner and everybody would just get mad at him he said this guy's woman said i'm gonna go over here
to the hot dog stand you own anything he said yeah I'll take a hot dog with a little bit of mustard and onion.
He said that this guy's woman brought him back a hot dog and was feeding him while he was racking up the score.
He goes, she said, hold on, babe, you got a little bit on your lip right there.
And wiped the mustard off
right as he broke the world record and then he said that guy that was you know his woman he's
so fucking pissed and and uh she said that she told him i'm going home with him tonight
he said she said my chest was like a bear skin rug.
Oh, my God.
That's what he told her?
Yeah, so for people listening, this guy looks kind of like Richard Petty.
You had a loose definition of what Richard Petty looked like.
loose definition of what Richard Petty looked like.
I was thinking he kind of looked like Ernest Scared Stupid was his name.
Oh, Varney?
Yeah.
No.
I could get there maybe a little bit,
but way too skinny to be.
Also a Kentuckian, though.
Yeah, that's true.
But do you remember the Coca-Cola
machines that had the race car drivers
on them? Yeah, yeah. He said that
he was standing outside
one day. Oh my god.
And he said
he was sitting there posted
up and he said
this woman came by but she had
big old titties.
She said, she looked at that pop machine.
And then she did a double take and looked at me.
And then she looked back at that pop machine.
And then looked at me.
She goes, you're, he said before she could get out.
I said, ma'am, I don't know who you think I am.
I'm not Richardard petty and then he said that she made him sign her her her titties i said i said i said i said what'd you sign him as he said david h pack that's incredible that's absolutely incredible damn oh god okay so the whole point of this was
to get to his eighth most impressive story which was david blaine david blaine well you know like
in the mid-2000s like david blaine would like he what he would do is he's pretty exploitative i
guess now that you think about it he would go
to like poor neighborhoods or poor places and do magic for people um you know and then he would get
it on camera people would just be losing it's not like he was going into ceo executive boardrooms
and stuff like that like he would go to poor people and do magic for them i thought he kind of was doing the like vacation circuit, like Myrtle Beach style.
He was.
You're right.
He did do that too.
Let me also interject.
David Blaine's been canceled.
Has he really?
Yeah, he's been canceled.
What did he do?
So if he is, that makes sense that he would be doing that circuit because he's been canceled.
I don't know.
I think he was, I don't know if he was accused of assault or some sort of, some sort of me
to a bull fence.
I forget what it was now.
A me to a bull.
Have you talked about me too yet in Sexy Sexy?
Has that come up yet?
Probably.
Yeah.
I can imagine that coming up in conversation.
Oh.
But not much.
No.
So what did me, what did David Blaine do? I don't know. I forget. I don't know. I have imagine that coming up in conversation. Oh. But not much, no. So what did David Blaine do?
I don't know.
We don't know.
Well, I do remember.
I just want to know what the fuck he did in Wattsburg.
Well, he did like car tricks.
And, you know, he would.
On the street.
No, he went out.
You know, he went out to.
He's like in the holler.
In the holler with like Joe Bug, I think was there.
No.
Pac-Man.
What?
Yeah, I swear to it. It's on video. Tom
sent it to me. The whole
crew's there and he does the
one where I think he
draws a
card and I think he turns it into a hundred
dollar bill or something and gives it to him. He does.
You're right. You're right. And Pac-Man
says something like I could use
more of those or something like that. Yeah he goes
you got any more of them
oh fuck one time i had brought a group of kfdc people from louisville up to gyms and that
cart the like the magician yeah the magic dude was up there and he freaked them the fuck out
like creepy in a creepy way he he had one of
them sign a card and then stick it back in the deck and then like did a bunch of stuff with it
and it was in his mouth oh yeah yeah he he would always do magic at sea time yeah and that that's
where i would spend most of my time at sea time at the magician's table i'd be stoned at the
magician's you were you were in a box that he cut in half over and over and over.
Exactly.
Where's Terrence?
Terrence just in eight pieces.
All over the fairgrounds.
All my pieces work.
I'm like, hey.
Your hands are waving. Your head's over here.
You're wiggling your toes over here.
Are you okay, Terrence?
Hey, guys.
Well, you were saying something earlier about magicians.
What was your first question about magicians?
Well, I don't know.
What are your thoughts on them?
That was my question.
Well, I sort of got ahead of myself here.
I think magician, even before the David Blaine thing,
I think the first thing when I think about magician is
very me-too-able profession.
Yeah, they're like tricksters, manipulators.
But all like the dumbest guys that are like internet creeps
are into like magicians.
Yeah, they've like had to figure out ways to impress people
because they weren't able to
relate to people on any normal way yeah yeah yeah yeah but it is kind of uh i mean plus there is the
old like you know they're always like sawing women in half and stuff and so you know like
there's got to be some kind of fucked up didn't something wild happen to those two brothers
didn't they fuck up something they're canceled too i think
is there i'm just gonna ask the question is there a working magician alive today that's not been me
too i challenge you to find a working magician today that's either not a weird libertarian or
has already been me that was who i think you were talking about. Pin. Pin Gillette.
Yeah, Pin Taylor.
Pin Gillette.
Pin Gillette.
Isn't that a...
And Taylor is his partner, Pin and Taylor.
Oh, right.
That's it, yeah.
I thought you were talking about Siegfried and Roy.
Those aren't magicians.
Those are like...
That's zoo people, I think.
Circus.
Circus.
They got eaten by...
One of them got fucked up by a tiger.
Got mauled.
That's karma, baby.
That they had known for like...
They'd raised it since a kitten.
Yeah, really.
And it just like turned on him
one day and fucked up just fucked him up that's awful though that's kind of scary karma though
for sure yeah for sure nature's rising up against us right i'm here for it the river literally is
coming for us yeah it's pretty high have y'all seen videos in knock county today no is that why
school's canceled yeah school's out all over the place because of flooding.
Highman's Central School's underwater right now.
I saw a picture today.
Can I take my shoes off?
For sure.
I'm sorry.
One's already off.
Stay a while.
Yeah.
I just need to get up here a little bit better.
Yeah, no, it is flooding pretty bad.
I mean, some meteorologists have predicted, like, 70s level water rise this week.
The hardest day is Saturday, and there's already, school's already canceled.
I saw that.
I saw that.
It's already canceled for tomorrow.
Now, when you say school's canceled.
School's over.
It's done.
School's been me, too.
You think school's canceled. Yeah time school's been me too you think school's cancelled
yeah yeah yeah
no I
you know
flooding is actually
you could make the argument
that flooding is what
kicked off the war on poverty
yeah
it was so bad in the late 50s
that it was
normally multiple people died
they were like
oh this is fucked up
people live in pretty
squalid conditions down here
and they get biblical level floods yeah they did you're right yeah so it's a shame they didn't in
the 50s connect the flooding with the strip mining then and just nip it in the goddamn bud
like connect the flooding the strip mining and the poverty all together like the trifecta
well history's brought us to this point sunday morning we're gonna have uh bernie sanders on a goddamn john boat the millionaires and the billionaires
they did this with one of those big propellers on the back is that what you mean yeah you shabby
conditions look over there it's the millionaires it's the billionaires the best part about all
these old videos that people are dragging up about him or
his accent so much better back in the day yeah now he just sounds like an old man yeah yeah yeah
his accent is better and his policies and beliefs were actually better more radical back then like
if we could elect 1982 bernie i'm here for it for sure for sure um well speaking of interesting uh east kentucky news did y'all see
this story about inner blue you know inner blue that we talked about it before on the podcast
yeah a bit that solar company or whatever that they wanted to open in pike county
did you see the story about, it just came out,
Sydney at Apple Shop.
My coworker.
Yeah, she made a story about this.
Apparently, the major reason why.
Wait, hold on a second.
I haven't read this yet.
I've heard a lot of people talking about it.
Is Jamal Khashoggi somehow linked
to this company pulling out of Eastern Kentucky?
Dude, I. Ding, ding eastern Kentucky. Dude, I...
Ding, ding, ding.
Yeah, I was reading it.
What the fuck?
It's pretty fascinating.
The simulation is...
I mean, for a couple years,
it's been going off the rails.
Now it's just like somebody dumped
a goddamn bucket of water on the fucking no panel
it's it's it's a pretty funny story because it was just like as i was reading it i was just like
picturing like look i don't agree with the whole small business entrepreneur approach to like
development or job creation you know i don't we've made that our official right i'm not a capitalist right but at the same time i was reading this story and i
almost kind of felt for him in a way it's because it's like like they had problems with the the the
site because it was built on a strip job and stuff but the actual straw that broke the camel's back
was this guy getting killed on the other side of the world
so tell me one person ironically this story is airing right now on wmmt while we're speaking
right okay so uh so the story is this inner blue had secured investment funding from this bank in
japan it's called like a i can't remember the
exact bank but they had an investment fund called like soft bank investment fund or something like
that they had got their money from the saudi government um from muhammad bin salman from the
saudi government uh like dr bone saw himself yes so they wanted to develop solar panels in Saudi Arabia. So they gave this bank in Japan, this investment fund, all this money.
And then that fund reinvested it into Interblue.
Well, once Khashoggi was murdered, then all these companies started pulling out from Saudi investments, including the Japanese bank that had funded Interblue.
So then they pulled out their investment to Interblue.
Oh, so the money that was going to Interblue. So then they pulled out their investment to Interblue. Oh, so the money
that was going to Interblue
was the Saudi money.
Yes.
And so they were like,
oh, we ain't doing it.
And it had really nothing to do
with the Interblue people.
It was all the Japanese
investment fund.
Like, they were like,
you know,
because there's all this
political pressure
to, like, divest from the Saudis
and all this.
And so, like,
this guy who she interviews the united states
will ever like feel that pressure probably not but this guy who she interviews in the piece is like
yeah i i don't even really know what to say
it's just like it it's just like this guy halfway across the world just is murdered and we lose 30 million dollars
it like i was just like it's just kind of like one of those things it's like
as she points out in the piece like jobs are already really scarce here the economy is sort
of shrinking de-industrializing and stuff it's just like one of those things it's just like
drinking, deindustrializing and stuff.
It's just like one of those things.
It's just like, man, like just something so, you know,
seemingly infinitesimal, something so seemingly minute. The butterfly thing.
Yes.
A guy gets sawed in pieces on the other side of the world
and a company in East Kentucky goes bankrupt.
And all of a sudden, all of our miners lose hope for job return.
That's called the Appalachian.
That's the East Kentucky butterfly effect.
A guy dies on the other side of the globe.
You lose 800 jobs in East Kentucky.
Hillbilly butterfly effect.
Yes, the hillbilly butterfly effect.
Cue up somber banjo music.
Holy fuck. I just thought that was so
god damn funny I mean
in its own morbid
sort of twisted way I thought it was funny
I don't know
how'd she get turned on to this story is my question
like how do you even yeah I don't know
I really don't know
I don't know either but uh
pretty good exclusive
a WMMT exclusive.
I really do wish we would steal some WMMT PSAs to put on Trailbillies.
Well, there's one of me.
Especially the one of you.
Do you have black water in your name?
I don't even know what it says.
Do you have dirty water in your name?
This was 2015, so my voice was a little more.
You're very optimistic.
You don't have to give your name.
And if you do, it'll never be shared.
It's a real cop line, honestly.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm like a fucking cop.
Recruiting informants.
Yeah.
Wait, speaking of cops, why did a sheriff knock on your door?
Good fucking question.
The cat has proven herself an ally she
freaked the fuck out when he knocked on the door and usually she doesn't when somebody knocks on
the door she's just like hey bitch somebody's at your door right for some reason she went wild
well there's always a specific kind of cop knock yeah and i was washing dishes so i didn't hear it
well enough and i actually probably wouldn't have even noticed if she hadn't went the fuck off it was this morning i meant to do them last night
and i was fucking anyway i'm more productive in the mornings that's why i'm always late to work
they think it's because i'm asleep wrong i'm doing the shit and getting shit done at home
right usually having morning sex productive in the morning i'm busy bitches honestly it's the best
time to have sex having sex at night is kind of like i'm tired i don't have the stamina for it
exactly you're also more horny in the morning for sure well in my opinion it seems men especially
but anyway there's no fault of our own you just wake up horny. I don't know why. Blood flow. I haven't woke up horny in four years.
That's true.
The older you get, the less it happens.
I usually wake up with a burning pain in my chest.
God.
And it hurts to pee, but not for sex reasons.
I always love when we divulge into your health processes.
Anyway, I used to be a person.
Just the shell of a human now.
Oh, my God.
Anyway, this is Mitch, which we should do some backstory here about how we have a new sheriff in town.
Oh, it's Mickey Steins?
Is that his name?
It wasn't Mickey at my door, but yeah, that's the new sheriff.
And after the election, you know, he elected.
And he has.
He's going around showing off the three grand and a little bit of math he collected.
Everybody's like, look what we're doing here.
Yeah.
He knocked off one fucking trailer.
They weren't even making math.
They just like had some.
I know who they are.
So I know.
They just had the accoutrements.
They had a few party supplies and a few grand lying around.
And he has.
He literally got his ass landed on the cover of the fucking paper two weeks in a row, probably, over a few grand.
He's just really riding this train to glory.
You know what's funny?
It's not funny at all.
It's really fucking disgusting.
I'm out here trying to score benzodiazepines and stuff.
We know.
Yeah, for sure sure and i talk to
people and there's like certified says it like he's a politician on doors i'm knocking on babies
tom's a canvasser but for getting benzo like i had no like certified like trappers like fucking
you know that are like yeah hell yeah mickey stein's fucking signs in their
yard and i never like i've that i've just like why you know what i mean that's like fucking uh
you know it's like a fucking well he's in with some of them you're right that's the thing to
get he's gotta be yeah in somehow like you know's like, if you just point me in the right direction, I'll turn my, I'll turn a blind eye to your operation.
You know what I'm saying?
Yep.
That's how you be a good sheriff.
Or that's how you make people think that you're a good sheriff.
Yeah.
You like pick a side and then you arrest their competition.
Yes.
Exactly.
I've seen The Wire.
I've seen cop shows.
I've seen Justified. I know how cop shows. I've seen Justified.
I know how this goes.
I know how this goes.
Yeah.
Anyway, some dumb sheriff's deputy knocked on my door and he had some fucking paperwork.
Maybe they call that a subpoena.
I don't know.
Whatever.
But I knew he was a sheriff.
I was like stood there a minute trying to think if I should open the door or not.
But I had the fucking radio going.
So, and my car was there.
And I was just like, you know, do I do i actually anyway i had to make a quick decision so i decided
to open the door and i just opened it and looked at it but i didn't say shit i wasn't gonna say
nothing like you know you know i just stood there wait no we know you're cool we just stood there a
second he said uh is daniel home well i'm not like no and he said daniel wilder don't live here i was
like no i never heard you know no i don't know nobody around here by that name because i know
everybody well that's right around me yeah and he was like oh okay all right well and he just stood
there what the fuck it's like and they're on that table yeah so i was like all right thanks and i just closed the
door and then i went back to washing dishes but his his suv didn't leave for like another 10 minutes
because i saw it go down the hall or out of my kitchen window but anyway it just so happened
that this day my neighbor's dog's been getting out of the yard and i've been when i see him i put him
in my yard he's been getting out of her yard yeah and so Jai was out
today when I went to go to work like 20 minutes after that and so I put Jai in my yard Jai I like
that name yeah it's a good how you spell that J-A-I and uh so I messaged my neighbor and was
like she cooks up at the school I was like hey I was out again I put him in my yard but I gotta go
to work and just so you know the cops are up here looking for somebody named Daniel Wilder.
If you know him, tell him to fucking skip town.
Don't get lost.
Get the fuck out.
Yeah.
That's weird.
It was weird, but he was so stupid.
There's a huge mud hole right in front of my door, like right in front of my little porch.
Uh-huh.
That everyone avoids, even the dogs.
And he stepped in it.
Even the dogs can see that that's a huge mud hole
among concrete and grass you gotta understand cops are stupid literally he's what i didn't
i didn't notice it till i left for work but when i walked out the door i was like fucking dumb ass
it's a huge footprint will you hand me that paper there's a story in the front page of the mountain
eagle this week that i think is interesting is it about meeting mickey stein it's no it's not directly about the sheriff's department but it is there's weird stuff going
on in the county right now it's so strange well i hope danny wilder hears this and fucking blows
town good luck man listen to this this is a weird this is a weird thing garbage strewn along
letcher county roads and a cash gift
of one thousand dollars sparked interest in audience participation in the letcher fiscal
courts february meeting this week why aren't we going to the fiscal court we should because this
sounds awesome like this after a very long meeting in which they discussed litter uh road problems
the county being broke all these fucked up things.
This happened at the very end of the meeting,
sparking all kinds of intrigue and whispering, apparently.
Whispering?
Yeah.
Near the end of the meeting,
County Treasurer Doris Jean Frazier injected an element of mystery
when she told the court about an unsolicited $1,000 cash gift
that arrived in January 2018.
Frazier said the money came from an anonymous donor
and was kept in the safe in the judge's office for a year
because no one knew what to do with it.
She told the court it is time to put the money,
which was addressed to the Letcher County Sanitation Department, to use.
Frazier showed the court the brown manila envelope
in which the money had arrived
and pointed to the lack of return address.
She said that no instructions were sent with the cash and the only indication of the donor's intent was the fact that it was
addressed to the sanitation department judge executive terry i've also seen the sopranos wait i just wanted to point out if this were uh pikeville i mean you don't even have to go very
far any city larger than pike any city larger than whitesburg one thousand dollars would be a
drop in the bucket but our broke-ass county they're like oh wait there's the mysterious
grand that's laying in the closet. What can we do with that?
But it's also hilarious because, like, just $1,000, an unmarked bill,
and a money envelope, no return address.
My ass is sad.
Wait, it's cash?
It's cash?
Daddy needs new shoes.
$1,000 cash.
I didn't even know you could do that.
I 100% would have pocketed that.
Absolutely.
All this last year, we've been talking about how corrupt Jim Ward was.
He left $1,000 laying around.
And he left a grand laying literally on the table.
Honestly, I would not be surprised if there's some crazy palace entry or whatever.
It turns out that Jim Ward is the one who actually left it.
And it was all some long chess game that he's playing.
Those bills are somehow connected back to Jamal Khashoggi's murder.
And then when they spend the money, Jim's like, I got you.
That's Saudi money, bitch.
You're now tainted. Well well whatever his long game is it includes politicking at the rec center
every fucking morning that's what i've heard jim ward's there every morning yes well i'm not there
every morning but every morning i'm there he's there what's he doing what's he he just walks
he's trying to stage a coup i hate to even say this trying to drum up popular sport he's just
walking around you, seemingly working out
He's occasionally on a machine
But mostly walking a circle
Just speed walking circles around elderly people
Because I go at the mamaw hour
If you get there about 9.15
The early crowds are already out
It's just the senior citizen center
But anyway, he's like walking circles
But on three different occasions now
He's had the same teenage girl with him And I don't know who she is but she's like working out
and he's just hanging out talking to her jone on a newer model oh my god he's already done that
three or four times he smells like half a bottle of cheap cologne he smells so bad maybe he has
you bought your goddamn tongue joe Von Musk is a gentleman's sin.
You should have known better not to bring up sin. You know what he smells like?
It smells like a combination of Joe Von Musk and British Sterling.
He's so strong.
You can't even get near him.
And he's always like, hey, how are you?
He talks to every fucking person like he's politicking.
Yeah.
He's going, hey, you're laughing now, but five years of that. He's coming back. He's got he's gonna hey is he coming back now but five
years of that he's coming back he's determined he'll have a base it's like he he it's it's all
it feels almost like because i've i talked to myself about this on the fucking elliptical
like how what's this man's long game it's almost like he is staying he he's not gonna leave the rec center just in case they try to close it yeah
it's the only part of his legacy
it's literally it's literally with me him and fucking agnes and eleanor over here
fucking arm and arm and And Terry the garbage man
just turns to Derek Bartow and says,
take them away.
Terry rides up with four or five
of his madrigals on garbage trucks
and they've got like bulldozed
dressed in army fatigues.
And Jim Ward is just standing out front.
You shall not pass.
Oh my God.
It kills me every morning.
And it's like he's walking the laps.
So I'm like at the same place on the elliptical and he's walking the laps.
And every time he goes by, he's like.
Every fucking time.
Like multiple times.
Multiple times.
Every time he walks by you.
It's like Groundhog Day.
Yeah, it literally is it's like
it's like somebody
wiped his brain
every on every lap
yeah
and I just stare at him
every time
just like
it's really amazing
that is
fucking great
absolutely hilarious
the funniest thing ever
was uh
this guy on twitter
was like
I live in Brooklyn
New York
and I have no idea why but
i harbor a undying hatred for jim a guy named jim ward
that was one of the funniest goddamn things oh my god he is so weird he's such a weird guy
yeah yeah yeah well i wonder if he's going to the fiscal court meetings i wonder if
they would mention it in the right up jim was here wayne fleming goes to these because wayne
honest to god the people's champ wayne is ledger county's bernie sanders he cares
listen folks the hundredaires and the thousandaires, they run everything. They've got to go.
Oh, fuck.
No, seriously, though.
The time that we, I know we've spoken about this before, when they like, when we rushed
the budget meeting to trash their entire trends bathroom bill, and they had like moved it
to the basement
yeah yeah yeah the basement broom closet you left early but afterwards wow he came to find us all
right do you i'm a poser
i only know because we convened somewhere and I remember you not being there because we were accosted by Val.
Oh, God.
Yeah, she wanted to introduce Bobby Howard to a real-life trans person.
Fuck my life.
Really?
Yeah.
It was worse than that.
Holy fuck.
She paraded about what a great man he was because he had, like, crawled under her house with a flashlight when her pipes froze or some bullshit.
Fast forward a month when the Orlando shooting happens and we we have a vigil she's out there with a candle
typical white liberal cannot wait to mourn your death but don't give a fuck about you while you
live liberals loved phone calls and vigils oh my god anyway don't take me down that road i was
sorry sorry carry on my fucking blood pressure is high enough i just walked up these stairs
what was i talking about oh he he rushed us when we were leaving he come out he's like
y'all are the future of the county you're the future thank you so much for coming down here
and we had just yes and he had we had just drilled the court drug them for all they's worth i was
there yeah you're right i did leave early and he rushed us and was like thank you so much for
coming down here you know he's like we're's like, we're going to work this out.
We're going to work this out.
Don't worry about this.
But y'all are the future.
We need you at these budget meetings.
We need y'all to come back to these meetings.
He's like, we're going to figure this out.
And he's also like, also, not for nothing, I'm running for Jenkins governor.
Mayor Jenkins.
Average donation is $27.
Not for nothing.
In Whitesburg, it would be like $2.70.
He's not the Mayor Jenkins now, is he?
No.
He does not hold office.
I think he was going to run for office.
He really did retire, and he still comes to the meetings because he gives a goddamn bless his heart.
Yeah, I can't remember what his role is, what was it, this one, but it had something to do with money and accounting.
Oh, he stood up and said something?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
God love Wayne Fleming.
Well, from his point of view, it must have been pretty crazy to go to those meetings
which have an average age of attendance of like 65 and see people in their 20s in the audience.
Can I ask you a question?
Can I ask you a question before we get too far away from Wayne?
Didn't Wayne one time at a fiscal court meeting produce a document from a medical professional
certifying that he was clinically insane?
I swear to God, I think that happened.
I think you're right.
Okay, well, this is...
He did, didn't he?
Well, he, like, shot his wife's cat or something on accident.
I don't know if that's related.
Remember when the state come down here to threaten the fiscal court if they didn't balance?
He lawyered up on his own.
He had his counsel present.
It was the same meeting.
It was the same meeting. It was the same meeting.
They had to have it like in the upstairs circuit court.
Because all the gas people came because their solution to bouncing the budget was to tax all the open mines and wells, which they should have done.
But of course, it was that time they turned out all the fucking old dudes.
Terrence was out here just kicking F-250s.
Also, just in the courtroom, just air kicking people, too.
Just trying to piss the people off.
Trying to get a fight.
He literally turned around and told the guy sitting right behind me to shut the fuck up.
That was the first day. Lil was speaking and he behind me to shut the fuck up that's the first day so like
you know leo was speaking and he was like you shut the fuck up well he will not shut the fuck up
i was i was in the hallway it was so fucking bullshit because like we were not disrespecting
them or anything like they were fucking i don't know in another in another one of those i was
ready in another one of those like glitchy things i was standing in the hallway with emily posner who for people who don't know is a lawyer in new orleans but also mike posner's
sister like the yeah the rapper the rapper the guy from duke you remember him yeah big and he
hit in like 2008 or something yeah i don't know yeah you think you're cooler than me that guy
oh yeah yeah yeah yeah anyway she was trying to help us stop the prison yeah but
anyway she was just like that was her first time to whitesburg and she was just like oh she was
she was sitting beside us wasn't she was visibly uh and disturbed that i had almost
and terrence tried to start a fight i literally had to put a hand on him. I was like, T-Ray, now?
Let's just.
Anyway, the whole point of this is that Wayne Fleming, the state got up there and said, now this is what's going to happen if you all have signed paperwork.
You swore under oath that you would balance the budget of this county, blah, blah, blah, all this shit.
And he said, you know, it hasn't happened often, but these are the things that will happen. We'll take over, blah county blah blah blah all this shit and he said you know it hasn't happened
often but these are these are the things that will happen we'll take over the and the worst
possible scenario is that the fiscal court goes to jail because they've signed it after and wayne
i like how wayne said run along He brought his own lawyer. I ain't going to jail with you bastards.
He said, well, I'll tell you this, sir.
I don't take very well to threat.
Just see them cuffing stuff, Wayne, in the back.
And she pushed him in there and he says i'll see you in hell there more
take kindly the threats
that might have been the time when he produced the document
probably time when he produced the doc he probably said and another thing i'm high maintenance
you don't want to take care of me
he said i'm on 27
well could you imagine if you're to tell everybody what this guy looks like,
he looks like Lindsey Graham if he were 10 years older and had guitar string tattoos all over his arms.
Yeah, yeah, because he was in Vietnam or something.
Yeah.
Probably.
Oh, my God, y'all.
I am crying.
Well, the funniest thing, though, is his antagonism,
his constant sort of antagonism with Jim Ward.
But it was kind of a friendly antagonism.
So could you imagine, like, the new magistracy,
the new court, fiscal court rolls up to the rec center,
and Jim Ward is standing out with two, you know,
gray-haired elderly women, and they're like,
I'm the captain.
Yeah.
No, and then the fucking doors kick open to
the to the rec center and wayne flimmon just struts out there and jim ward looks back at him
oh my like they'd had this rivalry their whole careers and they finally came together
this is so oddly specific to leitron County. No one else is laughing, and we are crying.
We're just having inside jokes.
No, this is the worst episode.
Yeah, they're like, oh, what happened?
It's like 20 minutes of us just laughing.
But he literally started listing off his medications to a man in a black suit
standing in the courtroom from the states that had come down here
to try to help him figure out how to bounce
the budget yeah yeah i don't take well to threats he's a man we should all emulate
honestly he was in in one instant he was in a position of authority and anti-authority
you know he's an elected official against the mayor he was kind of like a dennis
kucinich type like a paul wellstone type like a guy yes you're right the guy that was in the
system but was constantly trying sanders is actually kind of a good example he's our bernie
he's our local bernie i think in his mind though he probably saw himself more as robert bird
because robert bird was also that type
towards the end of his life he was a he was this sort of anti-establishment type you know a maverick
wayne's a maverick jesus christ anyway god i don't know how we got on this
i'm high maintenance I'm on 27 different medications.
Ask my wife.
Ask my wife.
I'm high maintenance.
I'm on 27. Hey, we laugh.
He's at the fiscal court table.
We laugh, but guess where Wayne's at today?
He ain't behind bars.
He's sitting back in the fiscal court meeting, but on the other side of the room.
That's true.
Well, he's still doing his job.
Yeah, get to it.
What happens with the mysterious grand?
Well, that's it.
They just...
Nothing?
Well, Judge Executive Carrie Adams asked the court to officially accept the money, and
Frasier said she would deposit it in the county's general fund with the caveat that it would only be used for the sanitation department.
I'm going to tell you what this is.
Okay.
I'm going to tell you exactly what this is.
All this is is a gesture to instill trust in people in the county.
It's like just a small—
You think it's, like, engineered.
It's totally engineered.
Oh, you're probably right.
No, they do shit like that all the time, dude.
Cities and counties, when they're hooking and crooking, they make, they make small gestures to be like, oh, no, they're above board.
And meanwhile, they're embezzling the big money.
A million dollars.
Nothing to see here.
God damn.
Oh, this thousand dollar.
Because you're right.
It's not a big amount.
It's not a large enough sum to really notice if it wouldn't even know if it
disappeared or something like that you know you can make a thousand dollars appear disappear
probably pretty quickly i feel like anybody in the world come with a thousand dollars you give
them a month you know what i mean even broke-ass sletcher county i think i'd say you're probably
right yeah in this country anyway yes in this country i mean honestly this is a tactic i employ
at work where I'm like,
if I do this thing really well, they'll leave me alone for about two months.
If I pull this off, nobody's gonna fuck
with me. I'll get at least two months. I remember
having a job and doing that
at my job. I guess it didn't work out.
I guess that tactic didn't work out well.
Didn't extra-serve me in the long run.
Sucks. Alright.
So on that note,
let's get the speaker piece,
shall we?
Oh, God.
Shall we?
And our grand finale
will be the mail I got today.
I'm going to open
in front of you guys.
Oh, hell yeah.
What is it?
Oh, hell yeah.
Okay.
It's my credentials.
All right.
Just wondering why anyone
would put an ugly picture
on an obituary card.
We're all ugly enough
the way it is.
What?
To a certain
person, you can judge
me all you want.
That says more about you than it does me.
You want to speak your
synth tone? Yeah, give me some synth.
Oh, speak your synth.
Yeah.
At my sexy sex ad this week, one of the
girls coined the term
public cervix announcement.
That's good.
The kids are all right.
Few Democrats don't want to live peacefully with the American people.
Well, that's your business.
But I, for one, think you should pack your bags and get the heck out of our nation.
Leave as soon as you can i say and then let us build the damn
wall to keep you democrats from getting back in the democratic party is a disgrace to our nation
you know it's strikes and gutters on that one a couple weeks ago we were on our side by side
and drove by this certain cemetery. I love this one.
This one is so good.
And there was this certain person and his certain girlfriend having a cookout.
Cemeteries are no places to have cookouts, kids.
It's a place to go to pay respect to the dead, which is something you all simply don't do these days.
which is something you all simply don't do these days.
Oh, gosh.
Certain man from Dean area probably has, I don't know,
three to five gallons of hydrocodone.
Ten milligram Norco.
He only takes half a pill once a month to pass his test.
I don't know where he goes, but they should do a test to see if he's taking the three or four prescribed a day.
But this is just a shame.
Wake up.
Just my opinion.
Wait, wait, wait.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That didn't make any sense to me.
It didn't make sense to me either.
This is a shame.
Wake up. Wake up, America. That, yeah, yeah. That didn't make any sense to me. It didn't to me either. This is a shame. Wake up.
Wake up, America.
That's just my opinion.
Okay.
To the person who called in and threw off on Almighty God, let me tell you something.
He saved me.
He's healed me.
And he's heard my voice many times.
Jesus is our Savior. the caller's comment was
blasphemous i hope whoever called that in gets saved i see where the governor of new york and
the mayor of new york and all their liberal friends couldn't keep amazon there with all Amazon there. Ha! With all New York had to offer, Amazon said no.
They're upset over it, but I think Amazon was singing the song when they left New York.
Start spreading the news.
We're leaving today and we won't be back.
Thank you anyway.
Editor's note.
Our ears will never be the same after your singing of that song.
How about adding a little melody if there's a next time?
Mr. President, build your wall.
The Democrat Party doesn't rule you.
You are the president of these United States.
When you build your wall, that will ensure the Republican Party of being in the White House
from now on like it should be.
Because the Democrat Party
will always threaten
to tear the fence down and the
American people just aren't going to stand for it.
Let's put a fence
all the way around the United States.
That'll blow their damn minds.
God bless
America and God bless you, Mr. President.
Thank you.
I could not help.
I thought that was such a funny thing.
Build a wall around all of America.
It'll blow their damn minds.
This is a quote often credited to Winston Churchill.
Dogs look up to us, cats
look down on us, and pigs
treat us as equals.
I'm thinking we shouldn't be like the cats
and pigs in regard to Grace's closet.
Oh my god.
Some people go in there
and root through the clothes and things
and don't put it back like they found it.
Ask yourself this.
Are we better off with Grace's closet
or without Grace's closet?
Think on this.
Things that come into existence
can go out of existence,
like the dinosaur, for example.
So wouldn't it be better not to go in like a cat
looking down on the workers for following rules they have
or like a pig making a mess.
Don't forget your Q's.
Liking your P's and Q's.
Oh, don't forget your P's.
As in, you know, the phrase P's and Q's.
Don't forget the Q's section of that.
To a certain person.
You know, if your dad would do you that way,
well, I reckon he's your dad.
When are you going to work?
You need to have a DNA test done on the child you already do have.
The child looks nothing like you, buddy.
If the new sheriff wants to know if anyone is selling drugs, I'd be happy to get up with him to let him know.
A certain person about a mile or two above Cal in school sold me some bad stuff.
That is wrong. Really wrong.
And you need to make it right, Sheriff.
Sold me some that stuff.
Sounds like me and this person might go to the same place.
A certain programmer on WMMT thinks that young people know about Al Gore
and hanging chads and all these things.
He's living in the past, trying to bring some conventional
and understandable commentary to his
program. Is that you, Terrence?
I thought when I was reading that, I was like, is that me?
I was talking about
Al Gore this week. Did you?
He needs something to spice that
program up.
To the wonderful people out
there, as far as I
can find in my King James Bible,
Hebrews 7 and 5 says, quote,
And verily they say,
excuse me, and verily they that
are not,
and verily
they that are of the sons of
Levi, who receive the
office of the priesthood,
have a commandment to take tithes
of the people, end quote. Listen, that wasn't God's commandment.
Those priests got greedy just like these preachers are today.
Do not give them your money.
Read 1 Corinthians 9.18.
Preach the gospel of Christ without charge.
You keep supporting these lying preachers and you'll go right to hell with them.
Hey, whoever wrote that,
tune in to this week's episode.
Oh, yeah.
If you think your wife
is still being an angel
when you go to work,
you've got another thing coming.
She knows what time
you come home, and trust me, they do too.
Sick burn, man.
Damn.
Just curious as to why the county
doesn't clean the ditch lines out anymore.
Some of these ditch lines
were cleaned out. Maybe most of this flooding
wouldn't happen. Thank you, God bless
I've lived in Jenkins, Kentucky
All of my life
And the current mayor and the city police
Ain't helping anyone or anything
We need to get a new mayor
And a new police force
Drugs are being sold out of at least
Five houses in Mudtown
We need to get that stopped man a lot
of snitches and speak your piece i know man it's fucked up snitches get stitches speak your piece
a lot of people here just inordinately interested in Amazon pulling out of New York.
Really?
The two most frequently, the two most talked about topics in Speaker Peace this week was Grace's Closet and Amazon pulling out of New York.
Well, let's talk about Grace's Closet.
Did you see the...
They were protesting?
Yeah, Carl Sloan's protest.
Yeah, I saw that.
Who was it?
Carl Sloan.
Who's that?
It's Tristan Kameille's uncle really yeah he got out
there and i guess what had happened was oh you got the tea yeah i got the tea spill the tea sis so
uh what had happened was um and this is from our buddy max alvarez interviewed carl for his podcast and he said that there was
surveillance video of a mother and a child that were kind of rummaging through the like the drop
off stuff you know like out in front of the doors and like just and they like took a few items or
something like that and like grace's closet put the pictures of it like on their facebook what and we're like calling out people
for like stealing like stealing donation donated shit what the fuck like before before like you
not like they went in the store and stole stuff which is also very cool yeah and legal very cool
very legal right but they were stealing shit off out from the front of the store right like
stuff people drop top yeah they have the shit in the store, right? Like stuff people would drop top.
Yeah, they put...
Half the shit in the store is free.
I know.
There's like a free section.
Right.
Who's to say that shit wasn't going to go in the free section anyway?
Well, so anyway, they like kind of shamed these poor people and all this kind of stuff.
Jesus Christ.
Carl wasn't having it.
And so what he did was he went and rounded up a bunch of like stuff people were getting
ready to give away and was going to send to Grace's Closet.
And he went out beside Grace's Closet and was handing it out with a sign that said, this is what real Grace looks like.
So solidarity, Carl.
I love it.
Somebody was in there like, anybody mad at Grace's Closet doesn't understand how economics work.
You got to pay the bills.
You got to deal with all this.
It's just, I mean, it's like.
But two women shuffling through a bag outside ain't coming for their fucking bag.
Exactly.
Yeah, trust me.
Yeah, people take them like, I think, you know, maybe they took some toys or some shit.
Like, that ain't, like, going to, like, fucking cut your lights off.
Here's the thing.
If you own Grace's closet and you see
somebody stealing your shit and um you know you want to you know you're mad about it just go talk
to them say hey that wasn't very cool rude i can't wait they put their picture up that's so low
yes it's surveillance picture of them up
It's like I get so mad when I'm checking out somewhere
And they've got pictures up of people who wrote bad checks
Like fuck off
Yeah for sure
Yeah
No Facebook is
If somebody writing a $20 bad check
Is going to bankrupt your business
Hey guess what maybe you shouldn't have a fucking business Yeah yeah bad check, it's going to bankrupt your business. Hey, guess what? Maybe you shouldn't have a fucking business.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's cliche to say this because it's been pointed out ever since Trump got elected.
But it's phenomenal to me that there are people out there who get every bit of their news from Facebook.
I know how crank that sounds, but there are literal people in the world
who that's the
information they're navigating
the world on. You know what I'm saying?
You watch TV shows, you watch
you read Al Jazeera
or something. I don't know where you get your
Twitter.
YouTube. The only
things I read are things you all send me.
Well, that's good then uh meantime i listen to wmmt that's where i get my news good answer correct answer me i'm mostly prison planet and uh a couple others but yeah a little
bit mmt yeah yeah yeah yahoo news for me a bit of twitter just yeah
i listened to i did read al jazeera until i found out they did 9-11 and i was
i was off like remember that remember when that shit like al jazeera usa really
popped during 9-11 kind of people were like really weird because. Because they were covering the Iraq War.
And so, and that was, like, you know, people wanted to see that shit.
But the way that our wars are covered now, it's, like, I don't know why, but I have this mental image in my mind. Maybe it's because, like, some of my first memories were created when we, the first Gulf War.
So, like, I have all these images in my mind of, like, you know.
Bombings and all this shit. Yes, yeah. first goal four so like i have all these images in my mind of like you know bombings yes yeah just
like that that classic vision like the night you know vision remember this shit like in schools
when like i remember when clinton ordered i think it's operation desert fox when he did this like a
bombing campaign in baghdad oh yeah yeah and like we watched it live in school. Go down. And like. I remember staying up late to watch just literally like a night cam of a shrub.
Like literally I was just sitting there like a kid watching just like a bunch of shrubs.
And just like.
Just like lots of explosions would pop off every little bit.
Well, it's weird.
It's like it's weird to think about how in the 60s,
up until the very end,
they showed nightly on people's television screens,
people would turn on their TVs to see,
I'd say the two or three most prevalent images is poverty in Appalachia,
riots in inner city ghettettos and the vietnam war like and it
was violent stuff too i mean it was people uh you know getting or jesus died on the cross or jesus
died on a lot of violence yeah the resurrection but it's just weird like when a war starts they
cover it for a few months and then they're like old news yeah so i mean we're still in war in afghanistan we never talk about it it's
happens every single day every single fucking day and it's like yeah it's old news it's fascinating
or maybe that's not the right word for it it's just the flags in town are half mass and i asked
somebody and um someone said that it was because a kentucky
soldier died in syria this week oh really so or like a ledger county soldier or something
so they've got the flags at half is there another reason they would i don't know maybe it was a guy
who went over to fight with the ypg like the kur the Kurdish YPG or something like that. That's what,
if I were the mayor,
that's what I would
lower them for.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I was like,
God almighty.
Yeah.
Well,
what you got in the
package, Tanya?
I got some mail today.
What's in the box?
We should,
are we going to do
Deeply Diseased?
Oh yeah,
do you have any
this week, Tom?
We forgot last time, Tom,
when you and I did it. I don't, we don't, I don't think we have it. We don you have it any this week we forgot last time tom when you and i
did it uh i don't we don't i don't think we have we don't have it yeah okay well if you have any
send us to tom send us a venture deeply diseased disease does well i received my package today from
the universal life church ministries nice ulc monastery that's what it says. Do not bend. In the mail today, huh?
Yeah, I just got this in the mail today.
So I'm opening it right now.
Fucking perfect.
That's incredible.
It says do not bend.
So after this, you will be.
I meant to bring this up on the Valentine's Day special because this is what I did for Valentine's Day.
For Valentine's Day, I got ordained as a minister.
for Valentine's Day.
For Valentine's Day,
I got ordained as a minister
so I could lead
a friend's wedding
and they had been on me
to get it done
because the wedding's in May
and every time I see them,
they're like,
did you do your thing?
And I was like,
oh, fuck it.
No, I'm sorry.
So my Valentine's Day gift
to them
was I finally did it.
Yeah.
I got my ordained.
So now this has come in.
I just,
Arthur,
just let me say that i don't know
anybody more crass like than you trying exactly very selfless and what i wish is that this is
just the beginning of uh my queer wedding planning empire oh no i'm always trying to
look at this look how fucking serious car black card it's i feel look how fucking legit
this is i feel weird seal on it they're flush with cash because a lot of people get their
ordination through them oh yeah oh yeah they've got a list of celebrities lady gaga
really so you and lady gaga are ordained in the same like like back in the day back in the day
this would just be like a piece of like
printer paper yeah you know now they're up on it this is gold and black i fucking love this okay
it says universal life church ministries credentials of ministry this is to certify
that the bearer hereof on this day the 12th of february in the year 2019 tanya bernice turner is ordained by the universal life church oh hell yeah
fuck it yeah so hit me up um what i would love to do is i just want to become a wedding planner
it would be really funny if you're walking down the street and somebody was like oh we gotta get
married right now and you were like pull it out your black card or if i'm like at a wedding
someone i really don't know and the preacher's a no-show and i'm like
excuse me um i could do this can anybody uh unite these two in matrimony the preacher just had a
massive heart attack how bad or i can perform i can perform this wedding and his funeral right now
same ceremony one-stop shop baby that's what i told terrence i was like i want a one-stop shop queer wedding planning decoration and and master of ceremonies oh yeah i will dress you i will
decorate i will like decorate the whole place and then perform the ceremony hell yeah you know what
you also could do with that is uh you know just go to the bar and order a bunch of drinks and just flip to the bar and say, keep it open.
Give them my black card.
Ma'am, this is
just a business card.
There's a bunch of small print on the back.
I hope it doesn't say this is bullshit.
How it says,
this credential may not be utilized
as a document to establish
identity. Really? how it says this credential may not be utilized as a document to establish to establish identity
really so you can't tie identity politics at the universal life church
so yeah hit me up if you want a real true billy whedon oh we'll come as a package deal
that would be a good tier. Terrence will play the drums.
Tom will stand in instead of your deadbeat dad.
If you don't have a father figure that you like,
I'll give you away.
Tom will be your daddy.
He'll walk you to meet.
Terrence will be playing.
Terrence will play the marching.
What's it called
the bridal song
here comes the bride
he'll play it
on the synth
this is too good
I'll have to work on it
yeah we'll practice it
we've got your
one stop shop
we'll work it out
that'll be a tier
on the Patreon
$500 a month we'll get you the Trillbilly wedding We've got your one-stop shop. We're working out. That'll be a tier on the Patreon.
$500 a month will get you the Trill Billy wedding package.
No, you just PayPal, Venmo that straight to me, in fact.
Skip the Patreon.
Well, you will get a bigger cut because you... Do you have to pay fees or anything for this?
I just had to pay for the actual stuff.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Yeah.
It like.
So they will accept anybody.
So you're.
It was like $16 or something.
That's amazing.
For all this.
It's pretty good.
Oh, no.
They fucked up.
It's not making you have to renew it every year.
Yeah.
I know.
Yeah.
For sure.
But yeah, like Lady Gaga's did this and a bunch of other stupid celebrities or something.
Speaking of Lady Gaga, an old woman was talking about her in the post office line today.
I heard the post office line was backed up because it was lunchtime and somebody that worked there was on lunch.
Yeah.
So there's like 20 people in line.
And the woman behind me had already like come up to me, like put both arms on me and said
and like showed me one of the yellow, like she had gotten a yellow tag in her box that means you have a package she was like does this mean
what does this mean and i was like oh just you just have a package and she said you don't think
they're tricking me to come get a bill you gotta be vigilant i said it's true well i said i think
that means you got something that wouldn't fit in your box. Only an absolute rube open certified mail.
I was like, I ain't going to say it's not a bill.
I don't know.
She was like, that's how they get you.
That's one of my favorite phrases.
That's how they get you.
Just someone jumping out in a bathroom at a gas station and handing you a yellow bill.
Gotcha, motherfucker.
But anyway, then this other woman come in who ended up yelling at somebody
to tell them for his wife to get a hold of her found out she cuts hair at captivate
so she had like announced to the whole post office come come see her captivate but her
and this woman were talking and i don't know if she her phone rang and it was a song by lady gaga
or she was singing it i don't know what happened but I just heard the woman say, what is that?
And she said, oh, it's that Lady Gaga song called Gypsy.
They don't really play it on the radio.
People don't know it.
That's literally what she said.
And I was just standing there like, Lord.
One of Lady Gaga's problematic deep cuts.
Yeah, yeah.
And so then the older lady says, you know, no matter what you like, you know who Lady Gonk on you.
People know her.
People know her.
And she said, she's that girl that wore a meat dress, ain't she?
She remembered the fucking meat dress.
That's incredible.
And the captivate woman said, well, she don't do that kind of stuff no more.
And then the woman said, I heard she i know and the woman said i heard she made
a good movie hey i loved it i hope you're talking about american horror story hotel i went i went to
a lady gaga concert one time with my ex-girlfriend is visually stunning i heard she puts on a good
show you know i hear taylor swift puts on a good show man well but anyway that is a good show to the managers with restaurants i'm sure
anyway it's a good in the are you saying this taylor swift's constituency like her audience is
let me speak to the manager paper oh by the way by the way i the hill i want to die on this would
be the last thing of this episode the hill that i want to die on is um the
hill will kill you the hill that i want to die on today there'll be this will be in this segment
the hill that i want to die on today is i don't really understand why people have a problem with
asking to speak to the manager as long as you're not being an asshole to the workers
manager's fair game in my opinion right you're almost always shitting on the person
you're talking to.
But what if you do it politely
like I did?
What'd you do?
What did you ask
to speak to the manager?
Tom was with me.
It was when we had
to go see Venom
and they turned the shit
up way too loud.
Oh, you did.
What the fuck?
The thing was
I was like,
it was busting my ears.
It was like
through the roof loud.
It was so loud. But I was like, I'm busting my ears. It was like through the roof, Lau. It was so loud.
But I was like, I'm not going to.
We all went on a movie date together.
And he asked to speak to the manager.
This is worse.
I was very embarrassed then.
I'm embarrassed now.
This is worse than when you all showed up to Lily's birthday party with a shared gift and card.
Lily's going to have a shared gift and card. Lily's gonna have a faulty
memory about
these two gay guys.
They're on the restaurant called Heritage Kitchen
together.
Yeah, yeah.
She will get the memory mixed up and will be the
owners of Heritage.
They gave me this book.
Heritage Not Hate Kitchen. About the Reds. get the memory mixed up and we'll be the the owners of heritage they gave me this book heritage not hate kitchen heritage not hope will hang the confederate flag instead of the american flag
no no no no uh look i was just i was nice to the workers and i was even nice to the manager i was
just like dude come on i'm gonna i'm gonna go find out if if any workers got fired the night Venom was playing.
If they did, I'm pulling Terrence's credentials on the show.
No friend of the workers here.
Getting canceled for getting a worker fired.
I wanted to do a spinoff podcast where we do prank calls,
but the twist is you can only prank call management.
You can't fuck with workers.
Well, that's what I say.
I often, as soon as I get on the phone with a customer service person, I'm like, can I
please speak to the supervisor?
Let me just talk to this fucking supervisor.
Right.
If it has to do, I guess it's just, if it's like dealing with my student loans, just so
much shit.
That's your first damn mistake, even addressing those.
Recognizing them at all.
It takes so, or dealing with like me trying to fucking negotiate with a creditor or whatever.
It's like whatever it is.
Mistake number two.
Mistake number two.
Can't reason with those jackals.
With the enemy.
You know what was fascinating was after I got fired, I hadn't, I just suddenly got a massive influx of creditor calls.
It's like they knew?
Yeah, I don't know how.
Maybe it's because I filed for unemployment.
That might be why.
But it was like I immediately...
Did they give you your unemployment?
No.
Did they stiff you on your unemployment?
I don't know.
The weird thing about unemployment...
Have you been getting checks?
No, no, no.
Okay, then they're stiffing you on your unemployment. No, no. That is weird thing about unemployment is I didn't... Have you been getting checks? No, no, no. Okay, then they're stiffing you
on your unemployment.
No, no.
That is uncomfortable.
It's my fault, sort of.
I didn't know this.
And this is how fucked up
and futile the system has gotten.
You have to actually go...
They give you a specific date.
I've never gotten
unemployment before,
so I didn't know.
I've never done this before.
And so when they said
you can claim your unemployment
on this date,
I thought they meant
after this date. It's on that date. You have to go and they said you can claim your unemployment on this date i thought they meant after this date it's on that date you have to go and you have to they give you a time between like
seven and five on a date that you have to go in and claim your unemployment let me tell you something
and you couldn't do it i don't believe i don't say let me tell you what it says let me tell you
you went in after that and i told you to go get yeah i had to file again and you didn't do it
filed twice well the next one's coming up it's like early march oh so you're gonna get yeah i had to file again and he didn't do it i filed twice well the next one's
coming up it's like early march oh so you're gonna get it i probably i don't know i'm saying
if you're old employers don't give it to me don't give you unemployment yeah yeah yeah
oh fuck hey i got something to tell you when we're all fair too oh okay
no i do care actually let's uh
we'll end this
hey go to the
patreon god damn it
patreon.com
slash
true billy workers
party
this is a patreon
oh
well let me back
it up a little bit
well you're already
on the patreon
motherfuckers
go tell a friend
thank you so much
yeah give us
go tell a friend
go tell a friend
and five hundred
dollars a year get you the triple wedding. Go tell a friend. Go tell a friend and $500 a year gets you the Tripoli wedding package.
You are a great neighbor.
You are.
You make this podcast possible for the freeloaders out there.
It's really, we really appreciate it.
We really do.
We really do.
Well, anyways, thanks for listening and we'll see you next time.