Tuesdays with Stories! - #580 Stabby Stabsalot

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

This episode of Tuesdays starts out with a desperate warning from Joseph to Markus about having child! Joe pitches his own horror movie. Mark spends over a thousand dollars on pizza at the Bodega Cat release party, and Joe films a new short film with a hilarious character! It's Tuesdays! Our Stuff: - http://www.patreon.com/tuesdays   - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories   - Check out Joe List on Punch Up Live for tour dates, videos, buying tickets and more! https://punchup.live/joe-list - Support the show and try BlueChew for free with promo code TUESDAYS at https://www.bluechew.com  - Support the show and get 10% off your Jack Black order with the code TUESDAYS at https://www.getjackblack.com/TUESDAYS

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great. Good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with... Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha!

Surf's up! And she didn't even flush. Knock knock. Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe List! Yeah! This is Tuesdays with Stories everybody! Ah, that's terrible.

This is supposed to be cheesy. My radio is spitting at me. Ho-nully! Here we are! We're back! Finally! We're back! I feel like I haven't seen you since 1985. It's only been a week though. Wow, is it a week? Yeah, well I miss you and I've been running all over town. Yeah, well, you're a busy man.

You got the shows, the pods, the kid. Yeah, I gotta tell you, I gotta really warn you up. You're about to be wiped out and put away wet, as they say. Because I realized for a while, I was like, it's no big deal. Don't sweat it because the early days the baby sleeps 17 hours a day. That's nice. So you're a little sleepy but it's whatever. But now there's the clinging and the exciting and the playing and

the goofballs and the nuggets. And the picking up things. I see he grabs the photos, it's glass, he's touching corners. Like that corner of that chest, that's your whole life right now. Yeah, and it's, there's a balcony and the stairs and the goofs and the goggles and these head first, first down, fly down the slide and think. So it's a lot of that. And then you're getting all the texts you're getting. It's happening while the baby wants to be held. And you're like, okay, let me the baby wants to be held. Right, right.

And you're like, okay, let me just text this. And then you don't want to be texting because the baby's looking at you going, why do you love the phone more than you love me? So you're trying to hide that. Good point. And plus you're going to boner because you have only had sex once a day for six years. And once a day, that's nothing. So yeah, it's a little, I'm funked out and I'm Funkhouser. The only positive of the baby so far, the pregnant wife, is it's an easy go-to convo. Everybody's like, how's the baby?

How long is she? And then I went to this party last night and they're like, I got a one-year-old, you're gonna hate it, kill it, get rid of it, dumpster fire, whatever, a coat hanger. And I'm like, oh god, so I'm getting half mixed. I'm getting the you six months ago of like, it's not bad, it's fun, you love the thing, you squeeze it, you don't wanna leave it, and then I get the kill it, stab it in the face. Well some of those people, I mean it is fun,

it's just hard to get things done. You're like, oh my god, it's a lot harder. Like when you're getting text, you're like, ah, I gotta get, cause when you have a free moment, you're like, let me send 14 14 emails and I haven't watched the film since 1988 right previously my whole life people are like what are you watching I just saw this I saw that I saw this and now I gotta be like I you seen good fellas yeah I watched that a couple you know you can't watch anything and then

when they lit you're like I can't get a workout in and I'm before I was doing MMA I was playing tennis I was going to And before I was doing MMA, I was playing tennis. I was going to the gym. I was running. I was fucking my dad. I was blowing my mother. The Equinox gay stuff. I mean, now I go to Equinox for eight minutes.

I'm like, OK, good. I put my foot in there. Yeah, I saw Rachel last night. She's got a kid. And she's like, if you have a free two hours, you're using it. There's no more, what am I binging? Is Ozark on? You know, it's just, hey, I'm doing origami. I'm writing a joke. I'm getting laid. I'm cooking.

Well, right. That's the other thing is I'm like, when am I supposed to create? I know. Now, I jot down an idea and you riff on it, but there's no like, I'm going to go to Starbucks for three hours and write some jokes. So yeah. But there is, there is hope. I mean, look at all the killer comics with the Rugrats. You got the Bill Burrs and the Rocks and the Louies and the Cosby. Yeah, I just did a special. I thought it was damn good. Special, movie, anal.

Yeah, it's a damn good special. Thanks to everyone again that came out. Rosemont and Old Town, Chicago. Now it's a blast. It's a lot of fun. But the problem is you don't wanna do those things because you just wanna be with that goddamn kid. Oh really? Yeah, and then you leave. Last night I did Laugh It Up Poughkeepsie with Louie. I like that room. Yeah, well we were supposed to do like a co-headlining

thing which is quite nice of Louie to say, oh, co-headline. And I'm like, I think we know the score here. Yeah, well, you know, I think you're a little sharper than his tool shed. Well, now I'm trying all this new. So I'm also a stinker. But we went up there and people forget with the kid,

it's like he has a house not far from there. And he's like, you want to stay over? We'll hang out, we'll get breakfast. I'm like, stay over. I got a child. What are you nuts? But it's tempting to puncture your own tire like that. That was a bubbler. And go, oh no, the tire broke. I got to stay up here and take a hot tub with my buddy.

You know what it clicked for me? When you did some gig in Vegas, this is five, six months ago, the kid was fresh out of the clam there, and you had a chance to go to some football game, and you bailed. Yeah, yeah. I was like, whoa, you're different. You would never turn down a sporting event. You gotta turn down everything. Yeah.

It's hard, cuz I'm like, I can't be like, hey, would you mind if I went to Williamsburg and wrestled with Diego for an hour? Your wife will shit on your tits and smush it in. Can you get him here? Can you get him here? Let's wrestle on the bed naked. I thought about that because I was running, you know, I moved to this very fancy neighborhood here.

I mean, you're always in a rush. We got to go to the best Chipotle ever is across the street. I walked right by it. I looked in. It looked very nice. We got to go in there. We could take a walk around. It's spectacular here.

What is this? Well, you know what it is? I looked in, it looked very nice. We gotta go in there, we could take a walk around, it's spectacular here, what is this? Well, you know what it is, it's like I got seven Mexican guys at my house, I got a, yeah, a little more Indian. Hola. Thank you, and so I gotta go monitor them, and then they always have questions, and then the wife's texting me like, they wanna put this curtain rod up my ass,

what do you think? And I'm like, let them do it, they're Mexican. They know. So it's always something back to the house. And then my house now is like my kid, where I'm like, I need every minute. I want to unpack that box. I want to undo that closet, get it filled up, whatever it is. So I always have to get back there and keep working. Well, we have that too. It's horrible. And people have said this, moving in is a month. I have a taskmaster coming over today. Whoa! Because you just can't get to the shit. I've hung three photos. Yes!

And to really properly hang, you gotta measure, measure twice, cut once, you gotta have a level, you gotta have the little condom thing, the anchor. The anchor! You gotta put the anchor thing in. Which should be called a condom I feel like. I like that. It's condom a than an anchor, but You gotta do all that stuff so now finally I'm like fuck it

I'm hiring a guy to come over and hang my photos and fuck my wife in front of me. Yes And it's just it's it's hard now. I have my entire family coming cuz canner's wedding is tomorrow is that right? Yeah, so which is you're going to be there, right? Sure, with bells on. Whatever that means. Richard Belzer. Who's wearing bells? Jingle bells.

Yeah. I'll be home with bells on. For the holidays. Well, you wear bells if you go hiking near bears. Bear bells. Is that right? Bear bells. Yeah.

Bear gorillas. Not to be confused with bar bells. Ah, yes. Those you lift. Uh-huh. And there's dumbbell, which is the same as a barbell. Oh, yeah. Right?

I think so. Then there's a bell tower. Oh, yeah. University of Texas. Oh, they have a bell tower? That was the big shooting, number one shooting. That was like 1965 or something like that. What?

63. That was the first school shooting. That was the biggest one. I didn't know that. At a universe? Guy was up in the tower with a cowboy hat and a sniper rifle just picking people shooting. I didn't know that. That was the biggest one. At a universe? Guy was up in the tower with a cowboy hat and a sniper rifle just picking people off. Wow.

Look that up. I think that was in the 60s, UT, the UT shooting tower. It's still there. I always go by and pour out some whiskey for my homies. Wow. I thought it was Virginia Tech. Tech 9. That was the one.

That was the Asian kid. Yes. That was in like 2005 or something like that. That became the the big I'm talking this was the biggest for like four decades Whoa, did he did he pick some people off? Did he kill him? I think they finally picked him off UT shooting 1960s Yeah, now the most I believe is the Vegas one that Halloween Really is the Vegas one, that Halloween country festival. That guy really, did I ever tell you my movie, my horror movie idea?

Oh please. Thriller horror movie, okay, so listen to this. I might have told you, I might have told you, I think you're gonna like this. Lay it on me. I think you're gonna enjoy it. So these school shooters, hold that thought with the UT shooting.

Utee call. Oh they reference it in Full Metal Jacket also, because the guy learned how to shoot in the Marines. Me love you long time. Should I shut that, the beeping, the construction up my ass? Yeah, if you can. I think it stopped. I mean, I can.

Oh, it's a moving truck. Some asshole moving into my building. Or moving out. Hopefully. Moving out. What do you got there, Chuckles? Says that he killed 15 people, including an unborn child, and injured 31 others, and it was the deadliest mass shooting by a lone gunman in US history, which is only surpassed 18 years later by the San Ysidro McDonald's massacre. Oh yeah, that's a good one too. What was that,

New Mexico or something like that? Yeah, yeah it says remain the deadliest school shooting in American history until being surpassed 41 years later by the Virginia Tech shooting. There you go. Damn quarter pounder. He went crazy over there and what was I about to say he was a Marine. Bless you. You were gonna talk about your own horror movie. Horror movie but I had something else we always go off on. UT, the Virginia Tech, Full Metal Jack. Full Metal Jacket. Oh, fuck my tits. Beeping. The horror movie, the beeping. Killing your kid. Well, a horror movie. So these school shooters, these school kids, they're all virgin

incel assholes, whatever. They have nowhere to go, whatever. So they decide to shoot kids. But eventually this will evolve, because kids will be like, that's hacky. You know how that goes. After a while people are like, hair bands are gay, I'm into Nirvana, Nirvana's gay, I like N-Sync. So these kids, these two kids, they're lonely,

maybe it's you and me, you know, but if we were boys. And they go, we gotta kill, but shooting is so hacky, and now they flag it. So instead, they decide to go to like a park, the woods, like a wooded park, and just stab people at random. You did tell me this. They stab and run and hide. Yes.

And it's kind of a thrill and adventure. There's this weird party that's like kind of like rooting for these kids. Uh-huh. So tell us on the podcast. Yeah, I think you did. I think you did. But it's good.

I like it. We'll call it a a Stab at it. Hey, Stabby stabs a lot. Yeah. Donovan McStab. Stab's barbecue. Oh, fuck. All right, well, sorry for the repeat.

I stabbed my toe. It's a good movie. Call in if you have any ideas, any tag lines, any plot twists. Tag lines, vag lines, whatever you got. Yeah, snorted a few of those. So where to begin? We got a lot to talk about here. What were we talking about?

Oh, school shootings. Texas. They just had a mass shooting in Orlando. No one brought it up. Oh, really? Yeah. The nightclub? It flew under the radar.

No, that was a gay thing. This was just some guy at a, I think it was a Halloween party on the street. Like a, not a parade, but a block party. And he just... Yikes. Moat him down. Florida, baby. Yeah, I hope they stop doing that. Yeah, these copy catters, you know? They just keep going. They saw one other kid do it, they go, that's me. Isn't it weird to go see a school shooting and you go, that'll be my thing. I'll do that. That sounds like fun. Well, I guess, you know, it becomes, it's exciting, it's a thrill, it becomes competitive.

Yeah. Let's see what I can get. It's... Maybe there's something too, you know, they say like, you got to have diversity, you got to have representation. If a black woman sees another black woman comedian she's like I can do that. Maybe there's some truth to that because school shooters are usually white or Asian. Right. So maybe black people when they see a black shooter they'll be like I can do that. Well let's hope, let's hope they open up the door, you know, we need the Rosa Parks of school shooting.

That's good. You know, I think I think it can happen. Come on, guys, get in the game. Rosa Parkland. Hey, that's not bad. OK, that'll get ugly later. I'm mixing black rights and a school shooting. Yeah, that's a dicey one. Yeah. But OK, so I got a lot to tell you there, Fetty. I got to put it right in your butthole and see if it hits your taint. First off, had the Bodega Cat kickoff party.

I know, I couldn't be there. I was up in Poughkeepsie. I was sad. I got the invite, not from you, but from Sam. I figured you didn't want to go. I didn't want to bother you. I would have gone. All right.

I know you would have, but I figured you came to the baby show. We had the park hang with your baby. I feel like we maxed out on social. All right. But... I'm a social guy. Okay. So I didn't want to bother you, but we had the party, and a party is just stressful.

You know, it's like, is anyone going to show up? And then we're there, and Sam's like, we should have food. I was like, let's get pizza. We ordered 30 pizzas from Joe's. Love it, hopefully all cheese. But it's weird cause you ordered on Postmates and they go, is this real? Cause it's a prank.

That's like a prank call. Right. 30, send 30 pizzas to the comedy seller. Care of Carolines, you know? Right. So they didn't buy it, but then they eventually sent the 30 pizzas. Try to guess how much that costs. 30 pies. All right, let me do this math real quick because New York City it's about 20 bucks a pie, let's say 22 bucks a pie. And it's Joe's, so this ain't no dollar jizz. No, so 20 times 30 is, two times three is six, that's $600 plus the two I tacked on and two plus 30 is 60, so what did I say, $660.

I'm going to say 660, and then you tipped $1,000 in cash I assume? No. That's what I do. You're not going to tip over the bill. I did. 660, so 20% of that is $120. So 660 plus 120 is 880. I'm going to say $880.

$1,100. What? Yeah, after tip. Well, you get some pepperoni. You put this together, Veeder? You put the... Well, I forgot about the pepperoni. This is why I don't do it.

People go, let's get one with applesauce and come on it. We'll get one with pineapples and shoelaces. And a placenta and, you know, gauze strip. It's $48 for the pizza. Just get the cheese pizza and I'll tell you what anyone can put whatever they want on it. If you want something go across street to 7-eleven buy a bag of salami and throw it on there. Nobody's gonna come in there with a slicer and start cutting up meat. Why not? Suck me off. Go buy a hot dog and slice it up and put it on the pizza. Get some olives while you're

at it. Let's do a whole thing. But yeah. Black olives matter. Yeah. So, uh, 1100 clan. I got to, I got to, I got to pay Sam back for that. He covered it. So I'm going to give him some cash today, but sure you won't. Oh, I'm covering. But, uh, yeah. So people showed up. Now here's the clinker. We had your Rachel's, your, your, uh, Anthony DeVito's. We had a good group. Um, fun, fun. Sally didn't show what he was doing a good group. Fun, fun people. Sally didn't show. What?

He was doing a photo shoot. Oh, that's right, over here. Yes. He texted me, he's like, hey, I'm doing a photo shoot, come by, and I'm like, what are you crazy? All these people were like, just swing on by, spur of the moment, I'm like, I'm changing a diaper with my wife's panties on my head.

Yeah, well, he can come by. He's one of those guys that's like, hey, I'm on Pluto. I got an idea for a sketch. And he's like, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr photos of it. Of his kid? Yeah, I've seen him. I've never seen him. He's a cute kid. I think he's, I saw him on a milk carton. That's where I saw the photo. But yeah, so Salakus, I'm like, you got to come by. And he's like, how about you come to this photo shoot?

That's what he said to me. I'm like, I have a party. And he's like, come by when you're, when you're before you go and then after you go. And I'm like, so I'm going to go to you, go to the party and come back. Get the fuck out of here. He said the same thing to me. He's like, you're still in Battery Park City? I'm like, yeah, I'm walking around.

He's like, come by the photos. I'm like, I'm just gonna get a last second. My hair is sideways, my ass hole is bleeding. I'm like, I can't just get a head shot right now. Baby puke and shit in your mouth. Yeah, so we have the party, all the reps show up. Now these are men with jobs, Jerry. These are like suited men with haircuts and watches on and nice cufflinks and shiny

shoes. I don't care for that. These are Long Island like liquor people. They do Peter Luger. They do Strip House. They do Keen's Steakhouse. These are the real deal. Oh yeah. Patrick Keen. So these guys show up. Now one of them goes, hey, I'm the lead guy here. I'm in charge. I'm going to give a little speech welcoming you guys into the show or the party or whatever. Now let me ask you this real quick. Haven't you guys been doing this for two years? What is a launch party? I don't get what's going on here. I've heard about Bodega Cat literally two years ago. It's a good question. Thank you.

Here's the point. We've had this thing, but we never had representation. We were just going, hey, you want to blow me store? You want to carry this? And they go, who are you? Get out of here. You got to have a real agent. Oh, OK. So they're like an agent. So they go, hey, dickless store.

You got to have this booze. Get the hooch over there. I see. So now you guys national or international what's happening? Getting there we're pretty much national but it's it's one venue at a time you got to go knock on doors and campaign. Now how does this happen I assume somebody came to you you guys didn't just get together and go let's make whiskey. We had we chatted about it on the pod and then some guy from Texas was like I'll do it you guys have a podcast you're you know in the public eye I'll do it. You guys have a podcast. You're, you know, in the public eye.

I'll do it. Sure. Wow. Okay. So he started churning some booze. He sent us about 10 samples. We had a night out, got drunk, tried them all. We said, that's the one.

We sent it back and he goes, woo, he's making a big old vat, stirring it, pouring corn in there and malt or whatever the hell. Now, let me ask you this. Does he make the whiskey? Like where are the seven whiskeys from? If they're already made, where they come from? I don't get it. They got warehouses with barrels and and drunks and Jack Daniels is and all this stuff.

And so they're trying the different one. They go put one pepper in one of them, put Thai food in another, put pizza in another, put, you know, a bag of cum in another one. And then they go, which one do you like? Yes. And you go, that's woody, that's oaky, that's blacky, that's brownie. Because I'd be scared.

On your end, I'd be like, are they just sending us Jim Beam and Jack Daniels and Taylor Williams or whatever it's called? Taylor Swift. What's that one? Evan Williams. Yes, yes. Well, I think either way, we're like, go with the Buffalo Trace one. Right. So make that one? Evan Williams. Evan Williams. Yes, yes. Well, I think either way we're like, go with the Buffalo Trace one. So, make that one.

People like that. So, we went with that one and they made it and then the guy flew the coupe because this is actually way more work than I thought it would be. I thought you guys were much more famous. I thought this would fly off the shelves. No one knows who you are. I'm out. You got a lot of guys flying the coupe.

Your contractor, your, I guess just the two. Yeah, well the contractor we got rid of and the designer we fired. That's a whole other bag of jizz. But yeah, so that guy flew the coupe so that we didn't, we tried to do it ourselves, which you know, we're a couple of downsy tards. We just like to drink the shit. We don't want to actually hock it. So this other guy got on board who happens to be the wife's cousin. He's a liquor guy.

Your wife's cousin? Yes. Wow. Yeah, he goes, I'm in. I'm a fan, blah, blah, blah. And he took over and revamped the whole thing. Got us in with these suits, got us in with these restaurants, and we're off and running. I really feel like you're marrying into the Kennedys.

It's fascinating, because they come down, they got sweaters, they're on the Cape Cod, they got sweaters around their chest, they're selling liquor, they got houses, they're doing blow, it just feels like a Camelot down there. Yeah, the vaccine. That's my Kennedy. Oh, that Kennedy.

I don't think of him as a Kennedy. He's in there. Yeah, he is. The family hates him. Yeah, well, he's my Kennedy. Oh, that Kennedy. Yeah. I don't think of him as a Kennedy. He's in there. Yeah, he is. The family hates him. Yeah. Well, he's a lawyer. He's not a scientist. Nobody seems to get that. It's very strange, but I'm going to get a lot of shit about this RFK, but it's very weird. He's like, he is a lawyer. Yeah, he is. He sued everybody. He's not a PhD. He's not a doctor or a scientist. He's a lawyer. Now, neither is Dr. Pepper. Just saying. He's not a lawyer either. Well, people are taking medical advice from Dr. Pepper either.

Hey, I drink a good bit of that. It's a fine product. It's very interesting. Anyways. No, you're not wrong. He's like sued all these giant ocean companies with the poison of the pollute. I don't know. Yeah, it's pretty strange. He sues everybody. Run around sue. Sue Costello. So.

So yeah, we have the party. The guy gives a speech and you realize, this guy wants to just do a speech at the cellar. That's where the party was. He's getting, he's on stage at the cellar. Everybody's taking photos of him. He's cracking a few jokes. This guy's living his dream.

The whiskey cellar. Yes. And he's selling whiskey. This is fascinating. Seller, seller, seller. Selling whiskey at the cellar. Wow. Seashore, seashells.

Yeah. So he does a speech, then our guy, our whiskey guy, the cousin, goes up and he bombs. Yeah, he's like, I'll say a few words and crickets. And then me and Sam go up, we did a couple dumb jokes and then we wrapped it all up and Rachel heckled us, good times. So glad I missed this. Sounds awful. It was fun. The free pizza, free booze.

Yeah, the pizza's nice. And then it's just so hard networking. It's so, you got to drink, it's so awkward, you feel stupid. It feels like a wedding where you're like, oh, I'm talking to this guy too long. I gotta go over here and this guy's nudging me. And then you gotta say something to this guy. But they all showed up, so I appreciate it. And everybody was very nice. We got the hell out of there.

Liz kicked us all out at seven, which made it way more. Oh, this is a show. Yes. That's what's so nice about comedy, like a festival where it's social. You're like, oh, you know what? I'm gonna go watch the guy.

So you can go hide in the room in the dark for a little while. Yes. Because you get the stress and pressure of socializing, then you can go, oh, gee. And you gotta pretend you like, you're like, oh my god, fucking Flappy White is on. I gotta, they're like, you like him? I'm like, oh, I never miss a set of his.

Huge fan. And then you just go to the bathroom. The party was at the bar area, and there was a show, Norton was in the lounge. I went was at the bar area and there was a show, Norton was in the lounge. I went and watched Norton for like 20 minutes just because I was like, I need a minute. Norton? And then yeah, I went back in, Liz was kicking everybody out. It was great, but it's very adult. I'm so glad it's over. Did you see the clip of Kumia and Norton and Norton's wife? No. They were talking about

how everything's old now, how we old, and so everything feels old. We're always talking about it, like TV shows. And he's like, yeah, now he's like, you're Ford Taurus you had in 2006. Looks like a Model T. And Norton points to his wife and he goes, that's what she is. Something like that. It was beautiful.

Model T, trance. Yeah, it was beautiful. That's great. Very funny. Wow. He's quick. Yeah. But yeah, great time. Thanks for coming out to the party. Whatever. We had a good time and we got a lot of hooch

out there. We got the word out. You got to have these parties. The guy gave a speech and he goes, Brad Pitt's got a gin. Dolly Parton has a wine. No one's ever heard of it. You got to get out there. You got gotta sell the shit and be a face, right? Well then Bert and Tom have a vodka. Yes, right and they're they're out there. They're out there Jerry. Well, they're you know Big they're famous. Well, you can't keep Bert if you told Bert hey, you're gonna start selling swastikas He'd be like I'm on it shirt off Helicopter dropping swastikas on Israel. Yeah, he can really sell. Oh, he can sell baby. So, what do you think these pants? A little tight. Yeah, I don't know. They're stretchy. Public

wreck. Oh yeah, I think I have some of those. Yeah, they make me itch. I have very sensitive Irish gay skin and I get itchy. But yeah, I don't like pants that are clinging to my tits. Yes, I don't like cling. I hate constriction. Yeah, like a boa But yeah, so thanks for coming out so gaffigan I said I'll invite to gaffigan as a just he'll never come invited gaffigan and not me Wow, I figured Sam would invite you yeah, I did but all right, so I Invite gaffigan. He gives me the thumbs up. They're like oh, he's not coming Shut for the parties from five to seven.

He shows up at 6.56. Nice. I mean, he walked in and all the reps were like, my God, it's Tim Walls. Cuz he does SNL, you know? And they all flipped out like, Tim Walls guy is here. Most popular Tim Walls has ever been. I know, right? And so Gaffigan came and

he took about 600 photos, poor guy, walked in, just got bombarded and then left. Damn. Well, he's got his own whiskey, so there's a little awkward. Gaffigan has a whiskey? Yeah. He just started it called Father Time. This is very bizarre. Well, I think he's trying to make a cash grab out there. I guess so. Five kids, you got a drink? Yeah, they lived in like a two bedroom, it's so crazy. Isn't that wild? It really is. You have one kid, you're texting with the baby in your arm,

you got shit in your ear, he's got five of those bastards running around, climbing on him. Yeah, I can't imagine, and Sarah was saying this the other day, it's like, it's weird, it's almost like a redneck. You're like, you're in a two bedroom apartment, it's like a trailer park. That's a good point. You've got five people in a house. It's a redneck. You're like, you're in a two-bedroom apartment. It's like a trailer park. You got five people in a house. It's a redneck or a migrant.

You know, you got like a Chinese immigrant in Chinatown with 38 relatives on a floor. Yeah. Well, so yeah, that was one thing. I gotta run this by ya. Please. I saw, I'm doing my show at The Cellar. I see Bill Burr. He's running around.

They go, oh, Bill Burr. And I go, hey, Bill, I got my show. If you want to pop on, he goes, I'd love to. He goes, do you mind if I just do like eight minutes? I was like, whatever you want. What a pro. The host is on. The host is doing okay. It's going up cold, whatever. And he goes, can I go next? And I go, you sure you don't want me to put somebody first, then you go second, just to kind of get it moving? He's like, no, I'll go next. He goes up there, killing immediately. Like within eight seconds, just like, bah, bah, bah. The crowd's like, whoa.

And we see so much comedy. It's like you say. No one actually knows what killing is. This guy was fucking, I mean, people were like, ah, ah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh mean people were like, ah, ah, oh, ah, oh, you know that shit, and like, ah, all this stuff. I haven't seen that in a while, and it was within 10 seconds, he's murdering.

Wow. And I go, what the fuck was that? He goes, that's the SNL monologue. Oh. I go, oh. Right, right, right, right, right. It was election night, and it was like four minutes of it, half of it was about was election night and it was like four minutes of it. Half of it was about the election.

And it was just so in the moment, so off the cuff it felt. It was incredible. Wow, so he's hosting this week. This Saturday. Believe that. Oh yeah. But what a, what a pro. Just so cool to see.

And then he went down to the VU and I followed him. I want to see it again. How amazing is this that all these comics are hosting an SNL? Like if, I don't know off the top of my head, but I feel like if we went through all the history of the hosts of SNL, we've never had a year with this many stand up comedians hosted in this stand up. I feel like through the 2000s, nobody, no comics hosted. Well, it started with we had prior Carlin Kaufman.

That's what I mean. Yeah. In the early, but Coppin did, Coppin just did his own thing. He didn't do the monologue. He just did a segment. That's what I mean. Yeah. In the early Martin. Coppin just did his own thing. He didn't do the monologue. He just does that. Yeah. That makes sense. He would be weird in the monologue. Yeah.

But I think when we were kids in the 90s, it wasn't like. Seinfeld did like 92, 98. Right. Like Paul Reiser and Roseanne weren't hosting SNL and doing stand up. Yeah. Louis Anderson or John Panett. They weren't even stand-ups at the time.

They kind of quit stand-up. Like, right? Am I crazy? Well, Louie did it two or three times. I think he might have done it four times. Four times? But like, Louie was doing it, and then Chappelle. How many times did Rock host? Did he do? Three?

Is that right? Not a ton. I can't even remember. Melaney's done it five times at least. Yeah, but I feel like in the 90s, we'd have to look it up. It was more celebrity. It was Alec Baldwin, Tom Hanks. I don't know. I can't remember who else. Steve Buscemi hosted one. Oh, did he really? Yeah. Oh my God. One of the best episodes ever. Well, I think it's just proving that comedy is in the zeitgeist, baby. We're in the mainstream. We're in the upper deck in the varsity.

I just, yeah, I can't remember a time where it was like, yeah, Nate, Burr, Shane. Yeah, Malaney. What if they bring Louis back? That would be great. I think maybe the Adrian special, which comes out this week, I believe. Yeah.

I think Louis producing that is just like, oh, we can hire this guy again? I think that'll kind of open things up, maybe. I think he was wondering that is just like, oh, we can hire this guy again. I think that'll kind of open things up. Maybe. I think he was wondering. He was like, I think I put my name. He's like, I'm fine to not have my name on it. But they're like, no, you directed it. It's on there. Interesting. So well, Netflix also has Schultz and Tim Dillon and Shane and Shane. So they're going that way. We'll see what happens now with this new president. I'm worried swing back the other way. Although Democrats got trounced so badly that you hope that woke is really dead forever. But that would be nice. I feel like he brings it out of people. Him in charge,

she's going to be like, we're migrating, we're going to kick everyone out and everyone's going to go, oh, we got to have everybody's got to be. Right. Right. Well, just the Tony Hinchliffe stuff was, I saw it bubbling up, and I was like, this feels like four years ago, or five years ago. So who the hell knows? But Tony's lucky Trump won, just because he was going to get killed. We have the same agent, and my agent said, he got about 20 death threats from Trump people.

Like, if he loses this race because of your fucking twink client, we're coming after you there, Jew face. That's hilarious and stupid. I know. I know. He was laughing about it. But that's where we're at, folks. Yeah, well, Tony, I think he's dead on the inside,

because I think people were like, are you doing OK? And he was like, what? Oh, really? I think he was like, I don't even give a shit. Wow. I think he's a tough cookie. Yeah, that affected me. And I wasn't even there. No, I think he's like tough cookie. Yeah, that affected me. And I wasn't even there.

No, I think he's like, I don't care. I think he added a lot of followers and blew up. The more you try to cancel somebody now, the better they do. Right, yikes. Okay, well, I had to throw that Burr story out there because he's so great because he walked off stage and I went, he did a bit about Shaq, I don't want to ruin it. Oh, it's already out. Yeah, good point.

It's already out, okay. Yeah. Absolutely. Okay, great. It's been out for six months. Okay, so he does a bit about Shaq and he's like, does Shaq need more money? He's like, hocking insurance and now he's like,

he's doing printer ink. Printer ink now? He's holding the printer in his hand, looks like a little cell phone, and he's like, how rich is this guy to need to be? Enough's enough, you nine foot whore. And he said, nine foot whore. And I fucking hit the floor, and four floors of whores.

He got off and I went, nine foot whore. He goes, you think, you like that? I'm like, oh wow, he's still insecure about it. That's a real pro. That's hilarious. You think, I love that. Is that something, what do you mean is that something? Murder!

People are vomiting blood! It's a great bit, but in my mind I'm like, I don't know, you get used to making a certain amount of money and then you drop off. I'm like, he probably doesn't have that much money. He's making $25 million a year for a while, so he bought a $30 million house and now he's 60 years old, he's trying to take care of his family. Get out there and hawk that ink. I'm not against the hawking either, but hawk to a, but people get a little

persnickety about people making more money. You've seen the Reddit. Right, right. Yeah, well, I mean, well, when you're hawking, people don't like hawking. They hate the hawk. They hate the hawk. Well, I will say- Atlanta Hawks. In the 80s, I think they beat the Knicks. What? The Hawks.

Yesterday. Yeah. A regular season game? Yeah. That's OK. All right. Warhawk. It's like 74 more games.

All right, well, I was getting drunk Sam tech, so. Yeah. But, oh, I feel like back in the day, some actor, who made this point? Some actor would get like a commercial and it would change their life. You got the Captain Morgan. It was huge. I made about $25,000. That would go to Jake Gyllenhaal or Shalamu.

Yeah, yeah, it's frustrating for all the actors. And now, again, with the PC culture thing, I think there's a lot of white dudes that were acting and then they're out. Right, right. I haven't seen a commercial with a family of white folks just sitting around the campfire since 1985. Yeah, you gotta have interracial. One kid's gotta be trans or a robot.

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or go big with their MVP box featuring 13 of their best-selling products, you can't go wrong with Jack Black. The holiday season if you want simple effective products that help you look your best you need Jack Black. Head to getjackblack.com slash Tuesdays and you use code Tuesdays for 10% off your order. That's getjackblack.com backslash Tuesdays for 10% off and make sure you use promo code Tuesdays so they know the boys sent you. So what do you what do you oh so yeah after the election, you know, Carmen Lynch had a great great tweet. She said, I haven't heard New York this quiet since 912.

So that was funny. I text her like, you're going on fire today. But I got a friend of mine, she's like a rich, well-off white lady and she took the day off work after Trump won. And then I got four Mexican guys working on my house. They barely speak English. They're clearly illegal. They all are happy to be at work and they voted for Trump. Wow. Isn't that crazy? It's a wacky, wacky time.

They killed it with the Latinos, that is for sure. But yeah, we were talking to someone who's like, I'm looking into moving to Europe and you're like, all right, well, we'll see you later. You hear that share? Move or don't. But we'll see what later. You hear that share? Move or don't. But we'll see what happens. Who knows?

What the fuck? Yeah. It does feel like something's going to change. Right when Trump, it's like Louie's old joke, is like, right when you go to Harlem, you thinking you're going to get stabbed in the face? It's just like a regular, beautiful neighborhood in New York.

Right. Right when you cross. It's the same. Trump wins. You're like, Oh, obviously dinner. Yeah. The sun will come out. Yeah. I was talking people off the ledge. Don't get me wrong. I think, you know, I don't want to talk. They don't have to get politics.

I'm out on the politics here. All right. All right. What are you what are you up to there, Freddy? Well, I got some stories from seven months ago. I mean, also, I just made a new short film with a guy named David Foley, one of these young whippersnappers who messages me, this is the only movies I get. People that, they got a small budget and they go, Joe List will make your movie?

Cause I got enough followers that they're like, whoa. Oh, right. Cause they don't have any, they can't get anybody. Sure. So they email me and my email just responds with, I'm in. I don't even have to read a script, so this guy asked me to make this short film and I think it's going to be funny. Oh really?

I think it's pretty funny. He's a friend of Sam Rubinoff, so I said, I'm in. Gay porn? What are we talking here? Well, it's kind of a, it's a comedy, it's kind of a, yeah, it's a comedy. Okay. It's a horror comedy, but it's not really a horror comedy. There's some spooky stuff happens, but it's funny. All right. And he said,

hey, here's the here's the thing. And, you know, I just say, yeah, anything I don't audition for. Yes. Here here. Because you do an audition. I'm like this. I don't know if I could do that. Yeah, it just sucks. And I just picture everyone watching going, look how retarded this guy is. So if somebody goes, I'll put you in a thing, I say, you betcha.

Yeah, well you have even gotten auditions. You've auditioned for so many times, I've never gotten stuff, so you must be decent. Well, I mean, I gotta qualify. I got a commercial where I say no things. Literally I say zero things in the commercial. I stand there and they go, that guy looks like a retarded dork cuck.

What? So. You were made for that role. So I got in there, I got that. I mean, I didn't do like a British accent. I see, he didn't cry or anything. No, but anyways, so I did this film and it was a great time.

I love making these movies. I'm on the, I'm killing with the crew. I like the crew. I'm very drawn to the crew. Cause you know, I come from a very blue colliery background. So I like the people carrying the shit and painting the stuff and cutting up the stuff. And so that was a great time.

And I worked with this guy, Keith William Richards. Not to be serial killer, not to be confused with Keith Richards. Well to be- Serial killer? Not to be confused with Keith Richards. Well, I think you've got to throw the William in there. Oh, got it. Because there's already a famous Keith Richards. It's like Michael B. Jordan. Exactly.

This guy is famous for he's the guy that assassinates Sandler in Uncut Gems. Whoa. He kills Sandler, who is the only time Sandler's ever died in a movie. Fun fact. Well, comedically he's died a few times. Absolutely. Almost every time, if you ask me. But... Click! So, he's the guy that kills him, and this guy, Keith William Richards, evidently he was like, he was at 9-11, he was helping clean up, he got cancer from 9-11 stuff. The dust. Nezofumilioma, whatever the fuck it's called.

Whoa. And he got that, and then he was like a construction guy, and the Safdie brothers were like, hey, you got a unique thing, you wanna be in the movie? Does he have a look? He's a very handsome Irish guy, he's like 60. He's got piercing blue Irish eyes. Love that.

And a very handsome guy, and he smokes, so he sounds like this, he's almost like Colin. He sounds like this, he's got a blue Irish eyes. Love that. And a very handsome guy and he smokes. He sounds like this. He's almost like Colin. He sounds like this. He's got a thick New York Brooklyn accent. Yeah. He's like, I hate Trump. I grew up with Trump, that motherfucker.

You can ask him about me. He knows me. He's like one of these guys. And then he's like, I talked to William DeFoe the other day. And I'm like, you know, William DeFoe? Wow. And he's like, I met Marty Scorsese on this thing. I didn't even know who the fuck he was. And he's like, I met Marty Scorsese on this thing. I didn't even know who

the fuck he was. He's like, one of these guys, I like him. A total character. And he had me rolling in the aisle. So we're screaming, but he seems like this New York tough guy. And I don't want to give away too much of the movie, but he had to be like, we're shooting at like three in the morning. It went so fucking late. And it was like 30 degrees up in in New Jersey and he's like laying on the ground, rolling around, he's like, I wanna make sure we get it. He's soaking wet, everyone's shivering.

This guy, he's like a go-getter. And I felt like Jerry with Michael Richards. He's like in my face going, I couldn't stop laughing. I was like, this guy's hilarious, he's hysterical. So I think it's gonna be funny, I think, I hope. And it's just a great time. And acting is fun because comedy, you're so solo. You know, you're just trying to like, is this funny?

I think it's funny. You're on the road. You're masturbating. You show a picture of your father. Sure. And you're so lonely. But with acting, you can kind of go, what if you said this? You do this.

I'll do that. And you kind of make choices. And it was just a lot of fun. And they're all young whippersnapper. The film crew is like 25. I'm making jokes. They're like, what are you talking about? Yeah.

I'm like Nirvana, you ever heard of them? Oh, it hurts. Every reference was flying over their heads. They're like, how old are you? I know. I'm 42. But you got to think, it's like in the 80s making a reference to F-troop.

Right, exactly. They don't know, we didn't know what that was. I was just talking about this. I was listening when you came in, I listened to all the 60s girl pop, which I love, like Stop in the Name of Love and the Do Run Run, all these things. And I know all these songs because we listened to Oldies 103.3 in Boston. Great time and good old, those were 25 years old those songs. Yeah, 60s.

And now it's like listening to something from 1999. I know it's like Coldplay. Yes, exactly. Or Good Charlotte or some bullshit. Yeah, exactly. More like a shitty Green Day. Nick DePaulo. Oh, Chuck's got something here. Do you want to guess how many stand-up comedians hosted SNL in the 90s? Wait, wait, the whole decade? That's what Joe said earlier. Yeah in the 90s. Oh, okay, so Joe does it count if they did it twice?

I think that counts as one person. Okay. Well Jerry for sure Jerry Carlin might have done one of the 90s or is that crazy? I don't think so Rock Rock must have That's two poker face Okay, rock never host? You gotta guess. I wouldn't be shocked if Rock never hosted. I can't remember Rock hosting. I bet he would host because he was so big in the 90's.

He was so big but I don't remember him hosting. But then we got some gray gay area which is like Jim Carrey. Because he was a comedian. Yeah but no it has to be as a comedian. That's what I'm talking about. Nate and Bill Burr working comedians doing a stand up comedy monologue. Yes. So Jerry is the only one I'm immediately like for sure. So we wouldn't count Bob Newhart, right? Because that's from television, really more than being stand up.

I see. That's the gay area. But did he do stand up and have to see the model? I know. How about Tom Arnold? He was no. No. OK. What are you doing? But Bob Newhart wasn't a working stand up in the 1990s. No, he was not. He might have done a P.A. here and there. But yeah, production assistant, public appearance, public address announcer. OK, so Jerry, who else? Rock, we're going to say with an asterisk.

I put Carlin as a parentheses. I I'll put Carlin as a parenthesis. I don't remember Carlin hosting. You think they threw Pryor a bone with his MS? In the 90s? No way. He was like, he was in a wheelchair, like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Gee.

No way. All right, all right. Fucking A. 90s comedian. Paul Reiser, did Paul Reiser host? Did you count that as standup, or is it because of Mad About You? That's a good question, the gay area.

I'd have to see the monologue. I'd have to see if they're doing stand up or they come out and then, you know, fucking Will Ferrell comes out and they're pretending to row a boat on the river and they go, oh, wow, wow, wow. Right, right, that's no good. Just give us the number, hit us with it. I would say eight is the answer.

Tell us who and we'll dismiss six of them dice he hosted dice hosted in 1990 no one he was big ninety Rosam bar but again I'm like she's not a club comedian like bill burr and Nate Bargatze and Shane Gillis don't have TV shows, Shane does now, but they don't have sitcoms. Right, right. She hosted like three or four times. All right, all right, let's not count that. But that show was huge in the 90s. Well, count it, but you see, you know what I mean.

Yes, yes. They hosted off of television. Roseanne was not like, this weekend I'll be in Denver, and then I'll be in Buffalo, and I'll be at SideSplitters. Yeah, that's true. Steve Martin. He's a movie star. He's a movie star. He had not done stand-up in 25 years. Exactly. He's a movie star, so he's out. In the 70s, he was a comic.

I'm talking working stand-up comedians. That's their job. So we only have one so far. Dice. Seinfeld. That's two. Okay. Who came up with that name? Europe. See See then it's like you go back and it's like again Roseanne, then again Tom Arnold, then again Steve Martin. Okay. So we got two. Uh Dana Carvey I wouldn't count because he's like an SNL alum. No he's a cast member yeah he's not. I think you're right this is proving your point. So the next next one is Roseanne again. Jeez. Next one is Bob Newhart. What's that lady?

Newhart, yeah, not really. Then we got Bob Saget. Yeah, he's full house. But Saget, I mean, he was doing stand up, but not, still not. He's America's Funniest Home Videos. He's full house. He's fucking whatever. Dead.

He's dead, yeah. Then Tom Arnold again. He never did stand up, did he? Get out of here with Tom Arnold. November 96, Chris Rock. OK. All right, all right. It's Rock.

I don't remember it. That's three. I want to see his monologue. Did he come out and do bits? I think he wore the black leather jacket. OK. I think he did do bits. OK.

Martin Short. No. Get out of here. He's on a stand up clean. Three amigos. Roseanne again. Jesus. Enough with the Zan. Martin Short? No! Get out of here! He's on a stand-up clean-up! Roseanne again? Jesus! Enough with the Zan! No, no, sorry, Rosie O'Donnell. She's at the show! She's a talktime show host. True. At number one hit three summers in a row. Isn't that fascinating?

Sleepless in Seattle, A League of Their Own, and the Flintstones. Like Rosie O'Donnell was in the number one box office movie three consecutive years. Isn't that crazy to think about? Wow, she also played a retard in a movie. You ever see that? Oh, pull that up. No, but it's on my list of things to do now. It's really wild.

I'm needing something to jerk off to. She's on a bus like, it's horrible. It's like an I am Sam. So then March 1999, Ray Romano. That counts. Okay, okay. I mean the TV show is counts. Okay, okay. The TV show was a huge hit.

I think he was always doing stand-up sort of. And then finally October 1999, Seinfeld again. Hey! At the end of the series. But still, none of these are what I'm talking about. What? Seinfeld, Rock and Romano and Dice. I think that counts.

I suppose, yeah. Four over the course of a decade. We're talking Barghetti, Burr, Shane. In a year. Yeah, and Barghetti twice back to back. And Mulaney's done it multiple times. Mulaney, Louie, seven years ago now, pre-cancellation. Who else?

There's others, right? Are there others? I think Chappelle did it for the election. Chappelle's done it several times now, where he comes out and does a stand-up monologue. Because most monologues when we were kids, they weren't monologues. No. Other cast members come out and go, hey, what's going on here?

Oh my god, George Bush is here. Right. Whatever bullshit. And they'd go to the crowd and go, Tim Meadows is a question. Right, exactly. How you doing there, Nancy Pelosi? So this is exciting. It feels more 70s now comics are

I'm sure Schultz will host. Oh wow. Oh he's still he's still owe me that cash the clock's ticking. You got three years. Three years I thought it was one year. No it was three or four. Call in if you know the wager there. Hey, speaking of the anal, what about Larry David? I guess he's the TV show. He's not really touring. No, he hasn't done stand-up since 99, that one thing. Well, he does it evening with, which could be anything. That's soon, right?

That's happening soon. Saturday, this Saturday. This Saturday night, we're sending you back to the future. So 181 gigawatts. 1.21. Thank you. So how about this? I got the Larry David meetup.

Now, you know this industry. Everything's loosey goosey. Everything's artsy fartsy. Everything's a handshake deal, not written in stone. The cement is wet. So I text my manager, and I go, we've got this Larry David thing going down, right? And she goes, the cement is wet. So I text my manager and I go, we got this Larry David thing going down, right? And she goes, you better believe it.

And I go, can we confirm a meet? Because look, it's all very like, oh, Larry David will do the show before you. You'll bump into each other. It's a little too vague. So I go, I want some hard, cold facts here. You don't wanna vague it. So I go, I want some hard cold facts here. You don't want to vague it. So I go, Las Vegas, and I go, hey, what about like a confirmed handshake?

And she was like, oh yeah, let me get on it. So we got to confirm. Confirmed handshake. Confirmed handshake. We should say photo. We want a photo of it. I figure the handshake is photo. Right.

And you'll have Salacuse in a bush taking the photo. Anyways, there's no way Salacuse isn't coming to this, right? I didn't think about that, but I could call it. He could teleport right down. He doesn't have any children. But Anthony DeVito is going to host. So I'm just going to say roll tape. Just have that iPhone going. Right.

Go get get in the toilet, pop out and go back in. This is a thrill. Very exciting. I think you should do one where you're holding shaking hand like that like you know like a politician. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's not bad. Arafat and the other guy. Chuck's Arafat. But yeah so I'm just thrilled to be in the same room with that bald hebe. It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. He's doing a five and a seven and I'm doing a nine. There's no precedent baby. No. Five and a Unbelievable. He's doing a five and a seven and I'm doing a nine. There's no precedent, baby. No precedent.

Five and a seven. I'm a little worried about that. Well, he's gonna be wiped. He's gonna be pooped. He's like 79 years old. 77. Is that right? I Googled it.

Give it a Goog. 77? Yeah, he's a year younger than Trump. Wow. I know, ain't that wild? Because you're like 77. It's old, then the leader of the free world is older. Grew up in the same city same time. Oh yeah. How about that? Queens and Brooklyn. That's true good point. Yeah so that's exciting just it's fun

it's Kalamazoo Friday tomorrow and that'll get get my confidence nice and low and then boom Chicago theater. Wow, I want real-time text here. Okay. If you get the photo, don't send me the photo two days later. I better not get it from Sam or some shit. If Sam gets this text and photo before me, I'll be outraged. I will send.

I want a video, I want a FaceTime, blah blah blah. Yeah. Give me the goods. I'll send it. You'll be the first person I said. I better be. All right. He's going to be you're going to see that face. He's going to be like, no, I think he'll be very happy. He'll be very two shows deep.

He's 78. He's done. No, he'll be ready to leave and he'll probably hate you, but he'll take the photo. I know Larry like I think I do. You're going to have a photo of him shirtless on your shoulders. Oh, man. Is that weird? Seventy seven. Jesus. What should I bring up? Should I go? Hey, politics. Hey, how about Jerry? Hey, how about trans? What do you think?

No, I don't think any of you could say your friends Jerry. Yeah. Yeah. I'm good friends with Jerry. I don't want to say good friends. We're buds. Say I've met Jerry once or twice. We met breakfast twice. OK, yeah. Say, you know, I know Jerry. Yeah. Who else? Yeah, who else is Eli? I've met Garland quite a few times. Oh, Jeff Garland. Yeah. Yeah.

I was thinking Garland and he said Garland. What a drop off from Garland to Garland. Oh, my God. So true. The C to G is rough. My god, there should be more letters in between. Yeah I think F is in there. That's good Marlin Florida Marlins, Miami Marlins. Oh really? Yeah, they changed the name. I never get that. Marlin is not great Marlin Wayans Yeah, he's not great I don't ever see anything he's really done. Well, he's decent at the acting stuff.

He was good in Requiem for an Anal. Right. Wait. They did a double-sided dildo. Who's the other one that starts with a...oh, Damon Wayans. He's good. He's the number one. He was unbelievable. Homey the Clown and Last Boy Scout. Men on film. He did the first Hobo, which I think Chappelle might have even... He does

Tyrone Biggles, but David Wayans did the first crackhead hobo. Scratch and sniff. He scratches it and he smells his fingers. It smells like me. Yes, yes, yes. What do you got over there, Chuckster? You want to hear stand-up comics over the past 10 years on SNL? It's way more. Okay, let's hear it. So going back to 2014. Louis, then Sarah Silverman. Wow. She's touring. She's touring.

Chris Rock again. Chris Rock. Kevin Hart. Oh yeah, he's done a bunch. And Louis again. Wow. What was that, a year apart? Year apart. Wow, he was cooked. And they did 2017 because I was there. Schumer. Schumer. Oh, that's right. That's right! That was big.

Chappelle. Chappelle. Aziz. Oh yeah! Aziz! Then Louie 2017. Damn! Louie was pumping it out. Kumail. Oh, he did the big sick. Oh. Big sick. Tiffany Haddish. Oh yeah! Counts. Kevin Hart again. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Malaney. Uh-huh. Schumer. Again? Touche. Tumor. Malaney. It's not a tumor.

Malaney again. Jeez. A lot of Malaney. Rock. Wow. Burr. Malaney. Geez. Unbelievable. So is he at six? Malaney. Four. No, you've said it five times at least. I think it's, oh yeah, maybe you're right.

Yeah, five. I think it's five. And he did it a week ago. Yeah, so we're up to, yep, Malina again. All right, then Schumer, two, twenty, twenty-two. Three? Then Chappelle again the next week. Then Barghazzi, then Gillis, and then October 24, Bargatze, November 24, Malaney, and then November 24 this week is Bilbur.

Wow! Way more! Way more! And multiple times as well. See? There you go. I know. I know what's going on out there.

Well, comedy is in the, it's like the 70s. We're in the groove, baby. I mean, comedians helped win the election, I feel like. Yeah. Podcasts. Schultz, Theo and Rogan. I mean, those are huge. Yeah. And the amount of arenas, Jerry. Right. My God, arenas. I wonder if Theo will host SNL.

Oh, yeah. That feels like a lot of surprising. He's huge. Huge, Jerry. Yeah, that is weird. I guess there's not much footage of him being. He's in a movie and there's no footage of Nate being a sketch guy. Yeah, he killed it. He's killed at George Washington. Interesting. All right. I got another thing here. Oh, please, please. Oh, my God. I got another thing here. Oh, please, please.

Oh, my God. We got to fucking kill ourselves. How about this? I think I talked about this last week because I was talking about Madison. This was hilarious to me. And I think I forgot to tell it. So, you know, Madison comedy on state. You're in that nice hotel, the the Cochrane or the. Yeah. Cochrane Continental work in there it called? Continental, there's a C in there.

Yeah, Concourse. Concourse, Madison Concourse. Yes. Beautiful hotel, stayed there 100,000 times. It's kind of down the street from the club, Combion State. So we're walking down there, it's me and Monas, handsome boy, very tall.

We're walking up there and he's like, wow, look at this, because the line is up the street, around the corner, and he's like wow look at this because the line is up Corner and he's like that's got to feel good. He's like I want you to never Forget how that feels you're a young retard from Whitman, Massachusetts Yeah, a line up the street bag line and that you that should feel good I go I don't know if that's for me though I don't think cuz and I'm not trying to be a couple or whatever, but I'm like I've been working here for 20 years. Every show sells out.

I'm here in January, I have a following. I'm like, I've never seen a lot. Like if that's my line, something went wrong. And he's like, you're too humble, you're too modest. You're too nice of a guy. Take a moment. We literally stopped walking. He's like, look at that.

I'm taking, he's taking photos. You gotta take it in. I like it. You're big. You're popular. You're selling tickets. Town hall. Look at that. And I'm like, I don't know. I'm, he's like, stop it. He's like, you, you were telling me you got to manifest and have confidence in your life. And I go, you're right. This is exciting. Yeah. Manifest 50 feet closer. I look, it's just a sea of women. I'm like, now I know it's not my people.

You got that right. Skirts and tits and lipstick and pigtails. Like, oh. Gilead in town? There's no way that's me. Hannah Berner's at the theater. And so it's just a line of Hannah Berner's. Then we cut to the line.

We have to be like, excuse us, ladies. Pardon me. Coming through. My post is on the wall. He goes, she was at his wedding. Because Hannah Burner was at my wedding. Oh, that's right. Because she was dating Soder.

Wow. Blasphemy. Queef. So many exes at my wedding. There was Beth Stelling, Hannah Burner, Kim Cogden. Oh, jeez. And then there's a host of other people who are divorced now that were there.

And anyways, we go downstairs, and there's just zero line. There's nobody in the building. Yeah. Which is all Hannah Burner. So that was there. And anyways, we go downstairs and there's just zero line, there's nobody in the building. Yeah. It was all Hannah Berner's. Oh. That was embarrassing. I mean, it ended up selling out, but. Still.

It was just funny when you're like, take it in, look at that shit. And it was nobody. And the theater is conveniently right next door. Yes, and they own the theater also. Yes. So. Well, that Berner is big, you know.

She was in two. Two shows. Woo! Two two shows, two theater shows for the burn. I think she's doing stand up for like four years. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. That rises. It's like a high. It's unbelievable. But, uh, I had the similar thing. I was doing Foxwoods, the club. I had a line out in that lobby and I had the wife there at the time. She was like, how about that? You're killing it. Something you turned a quarter, something changed. This is 10 years ago. And we get in there and Kevin Hart's at the arena. Yeah. It was all for Kevin Hart. And that's when

I started doing the Kevin Hart. Oh, no kidding. I'm Kevin Hart. Oh, that's fun. He's at the arena sold out and I got nine fucking yokels with camo hats, putting cigars out on my face. That Fox now Mohegan Sun, that gig is tough. And every year I'm back there in that little green room. You can't sell tickets there. There's 40 people. They're all losing their money, losing their shirts. You're eating boneless wings.

It's smoky and it sucks. And then you do one show Friday, Saturdays, four o'clock and five o'clock show. you're home at 930 and I'm like, you know what, set me up for that next year. Because you can drive home and you're done early. One show on a Friday is really the best. That's the money. That's the tits. And then this is also hilarious. Real quick, I know we got to wrap it up, but Luke and I, I'm just gonna shit all over Mona's here. We're walking through Madison. It's beautiful.

And you know, we're, we're basketball guys. We enjoy playing and shooting around. There's one kid, it's like 40 mile an hour winds right in that lake. It's cold. It's windy. There's one kid, he's got his AirPods in. He's probably 20 years old. He's out there shooting hoops.

I love it. He's pouring sweat. He's got his backpack, his music playing and he's shooting hoops and looks like, I'm going to ask him for one shot. I'm going to take a shot and I go, don't do that. He's having a, he's like hoops and looks like I'm gonna ask him for one shot I'm gonna take a shot and I go don't do that he's having a he's like training he's in the zone he's in the zone Autozone don't do it and also I said this out loud I go it's also fucking 40 mile an hour wins you're gonna miss look like an idiot he goes no no no you're out of your mind I'm gonna go ask him I'm like I'm telling you he's Rocky Balboa. He's fucking

The other guy he's ever now you're gonna lose yourself in the movement the moment Ready Paredi Chelsea Paredi. Oh There goes gravity. Oh, he's so mad, but he won't give up that easy. You really listen to that. It's really well done Oh, yeah, very good. And his name comes from Marshall Mathers. I heard that. And I caught that on a podcast. But anyways, so Luke goes up and I go, you're an idiot.

I'm covering my eyes, my ears. He goes, let me get one. Let me get one shot. Cringy Luke bonus six foot six. Handsome Jew gets the rock and I go, he shoots it up in the air and this thing, beautiful rotation, perfect arc and just goes right over the backboard. Oh! Misses everything. Doesn't hit the backboard.

Man. Not just an air ball. This is, they needed a different name for an air ball. It went up and over like a field goal. Oh, it's a special Olympics. And he goes, oh my God, you got to give me one more. I didn't factor in the win. I go, I go, no, no.

And the guys lost his sweat. He's lost his respect. He hates Jews now. Yes. Good. From Palestine. He dribbles out. He takes a second shot. It goes, I'm not joking, to the right of the backboard. It misses everything. He throws up not even airballs. They should

be called fucking queer balls. Just missing the backboard, the rim and the net. And I'm like, can we leave? I jumped in the lake. I fucking ran, dove in the lake. Was it a racial component? Was he a black gentleman? He wasn't black. He was like... He was brown? He was dirty? A coffee with too much milk in it. You know what I mean? Kind of like peanut butter. Ah, mocha. Yeah, kind of. Like a coffee ice cream. Probably maybe Latino or halfs.

Okay, alright. I can deal with a Latino. Yeah, he wasn't like, you know, Charles Oakley. It was like, you know, Derek Jeter maybe. Okay, okay. or something like that. I don't know. Well, I mean, this ain't helping the Jew athlete stereotype. It was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. And he had to go chase the ball down, because it just rolled and we had to get.

And I was like, I'm so sorry, he has Down syndrome, my father's gay. It's a make-a-wish. You know what it's like? It's like when a comedian's up there and he's trying to get off on a big pop and they have to keep going. It's the same with this. Give me another one, give me another shot. I have to redeem myself.

But now I'm watching you go full Downsy on this court. Like the way we end our live podcasts. We just go, one more question. All right, one more. All right, one more question. People love the live ones. Check out the live episodes. They're all on the Patreon.

Our Patreon, speaking of which, this probably comes out at the end of fucking January, December 3rd, right? December 3rd, we're doing Comedy Dojo. Dojo in Jersey. It's before December 3rd. This'll come out soon. Yeah, that's why I'm plugging this.

Yeah, sell that out. December 3rd, Comedy Dojo, two shows, I assume. That's gonna fly, yeah, two shows. And we're gonna shoot all kinds of shit for the patreon you missed the What's it called hot gay sets? Well, this is gonna be Better than that. Hopefully quicker than that season two season two hockey sets is what I'm calling it. There you go Okay, but electric boogaloo eight years before it comes out for God's sake. You just up for 2025 do a shitty version before it comes out for God's sake. Get it up for 2025.

Do a shitty version. Just go, you don't have to do all the production because it takes nine years. And then you send us a bill for 48 grand. Yeah, that's true. The production is what makes it good. No. No. We're what makes it good.

The production doesn't matter. Put it together with gum and tape and get it out. Get it out on the street. You gotta get it out there. So anyways, we're gonna- I gotta get it out on the street. We're gonna record on the car ride. Yes.

We're gonna have guests. Yes. We're gonna record on the car ride back. Yes. We're gonna get backstage, we're gonna get some- The Patreon is about to be sick. Hot. Sicker than my fuckin'

AIDS victim. My grandfather, who's dead. We should get it. We should drive the Beamer up there. It breaks down, that's gold. That's some good footage. Beamer will die, I have a child. I'll get the- There's no seat belts in that fuckin' thing. We'll put the Beamer up there, it breaks down, that's gold. That's some good footage. Beamer, well die, I have a child. There's no seat belts in that fucking thing. We'll put the car seat in there, I'll make one.

I'm gonna have to duct tape myself in. Yes, yeah, we'll get a couple of pillow like an egg drop challenge. I wouldn't ride that thing if I had terminal cancer. I've been in it once. It's like Flintstones, my feet were on the street. Yeah, it's like the cyclone, it's made out of wood. You drive that, I'll take the Sentra,

we'll get a two camera shoot, we'll race. Yes, yes, it'll's like the cyclone. It's made out of wood. You drive that. I'll take the Sentra. We'll get a two camera shoot. Yes, yes. It'll be like gone in 60. We got to and then maybe we'll get up and get together early shoot. We got to have so we got to have so much winning. You're going to be sick of winning. Yeah, a lot of winning. It's going to be unbelievable. And this week, no, not this weekend, that weekend, December 5th to 7th, San Diego. First time in my life working in San Diego. Oh, and Wilbur Theatre, of course, April 19th.

That's going to be big. Sold 500 tickets the first three days. Whoa, exciting. Whoa. Local boy. That's going to be fun. And then January, I have Kansas City that got moved. And so that's now in January. That'll be fun. And what the fuck else do

I have Montreal come back to Montreal for the first time in years. I love Montreal. Yeah I haven't been there since the fest last time I was there Shane Gillis was doing new faces. Wow. Is that something? Was that 81? I bumped into him and I was like how'd it go last night he was like pretty good he's like a nervous Nelly. Wow. Morial. So I'll be up there Montreal Kansas City some other shit San Diego And of course Boston the Wilbur April 19th that one will sell out so get those tickets early and often Maybe we'll get a two for it. The will be that'd be nice. That would be very nice That's a great room one of the great rooms of the country. Where you at? I'm all over God's green anal.

I got the Houston improv, Phoenix stand-up live, Dallas improv, going to the Ryman in Gashville, come on out, say hello, and then some Oklahoma stuff, some casinos, the baby's coming in my eyes, so that's going to be a whole another bag of tits. But yeah, marknormancommi.com. Go to punchup.joe.list. Yes. Mark Normand and get some Bodegar Cat. And what do you got, Chuck D. Check out my podcast, Fun Bearable with Ray Harrington and Brad Rohr. We have a ton of crossover episodes with the podcast, Tell Them Steve Dave coming out all through November. And then we just did Rhode Island Comic Con.

So there'll be a panel with a bunch of cast members from Friday the 13th, including Kane Hodder. Who's Kane Hodder? Which one's he? He's Jason. He's the guy that's most storied guy that played Kane Hodder. No kidding. And he like.

I love the first Friday the 13th. But Jason's not in the first Friday the 13th. No, it's his mom. Yes. He's a really nice guy. He's well known. And he's friends with my buddy Brian Quinn from the Jokers and so he's like let's send a picture to you know a video to Quinn and he started choking me and slapped me around. He's really funny. He's a nice guy. I just found a Quinn as a podcast. Tell him. What is it? Tell him Steve Dave. I haven't heard about it. I don't know. Tell him Steve Dave I believe is the name. Yeah when I see him. And then also we did the Reno 911 panel, which was awesome. And they were incredible. The whole con, they came dressed as the characters, and they pretended to be security

for the con the whole time. Oh, that's a little depressing. They arrested people. It was amazing. It was amazing. But those panels will be up on the Fun Bearable feed soon. So funbearablepod.com. Get on there, and get in in there and go to YouTube leave

a comment nice comment for Jesus Christ on Christmas oh yeah and join that patreon and be nice to everyone in the Tuesdays with stories world we're all trying our best we're trying stop being so beat on Facebook and yeah we'll see you all at hell praise Allah and queef it up.