Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #108 I Think My Daughter Likes Bad Boys

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

Ash has encountered a new dilemma with little Macy – she likes the bad boys.  It turns out she's not the only one feeling loved up, with Marlie looking to marry the man of her dreams at daycare. �� Meanwhile, Lola is thinking about one thing this week – a hamburger! Plus, we tackle your questions! When is the right time to have a baby? Who is allowed in the birth suite after giving birth? Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.  2025 Raunchy Ranch Calendar IS OUT NOW!  https://budgysmuggler.com.au/products/two-doting-dads-raunchy-ranch  Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Okay, I'm going to tell you something. Okay, when I tell you this, you cannot react. Okay, you have to still continue sitting here in this seat. Do you agree to those terms? I'm ready. Okay, I'll tell you after the intro. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I am Matty J. And I'm Ash.

And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. I need a burp. Hang on a second. Burp away my guy. Give us... Oh yeah. Just a little baby burp. Go on my baby burp, baby burp, baby burp, burp, burp.

Go. Shoot. Hang on. Let me just regather myself. First of all, we don't give any advice. Never have, never will. Okay. Okay. Promise me you will not call out. You will not get off your seat. You will remain seated after hearing this news. I can't promise you. Well, dude, I'm not going to tell you. You have to promise me. That's the whole thing. This relationship is based on trust. I'm going to bluff you into telling me. No, tell it. Okay. So do you know who's been locked upstairs the whole time?

Don't you know who? OK, my mom. Do you know what she did? She pooped in her own room. No, no. She came home last night and I was like, what the fuck have you done to your face? I'm talking quietly because she may hear me. She has…

She fell over. Even worse than that. She has gotten lipstick tattooed on her lips. And her lips currently are very swollen. Oh. And they're so bright red. The red so aggressive, like real, real, like hectic. And I'm not allowed to say anything though, is that? Because she was so she's been so embarrassed.

She looked like the Joker. When she came home last night and then. I don't know, my mum sometimes makes silly decisions. Okay. Not knowing the full context. And I was like, holy fuck, Ellie, what have you done to your face? And it's going to be like that for apparently a week. So why is she upset? She's embarrassed. Well, she's got her own room.

Yeah. Because then the bathroom is upstairs. She's at the ensuite cause she's like, I don't want to see Ash. He'll make fun of me. I would never. Yeah, I would. I definitely would. And I'll try to get her to come to the podcast. So I can't, I don't think I can share a photo of her because...

And then she didn't know we're doing, for those of you wondering, we've done two records today with a great guest coming out very shortly. So she thought we're doing one record. So she was like, can I come downstairs and get some food? And I said, no, we're about to record another episode. So she's starving herself upstairs right now. Poor old thing. I'm just picturing the Joker.

She was wearing a green shirt. And she like, it also looked so weird last night because she's like, all right, good night. I'm off to bed. She's in her pajamas, no makeup. And then this red lipstick. That's like so bright. You have to wear sunglasses. Why did she do that? Cause she was like, oh yeah, they'd be great.

I don't have to wear lipstick anymore. Is she going on the Golden Bachelor? Well, maybe she is. Is she? No, she said, she said, I don't want to. She's denied it because she said she saw a foot. So she's worried that she's going to, you know, not sleeping, chronic pain. Although now that you mention it, the red lipstick, it makes a lot of sense. It does make a lot of sense.

And I think she got, um, I'm thinking of that Simpsons episode where Homer gets the makeup gun. For March. She got eyeliner tattoo on his mouth. Oh my God. What is she doing out there? I don't know, dude. I can't wait to see it.

She used to get sucked into those Danos Direct TV deals. We used to have like the Abtronic at home. I'd be like, who's this thing? The Ab Swivel thing? Yeah, dude. We had all the Ab, anyway. Bless her cotton socks. She's just up at night ordering shit off Danos Direct.

Does Danos Direct still exist? I think so. I think they do. Anyway, so that's why she may come down after the record. I look forward to seeing the Ellie's new features. Apparently a week for it to settle down, for the dye needs to like fade a little bit. Yeah, I've been tatted before.

On your lips? You would look good with a lipstick. Hey, April's been in a bit of your content lately. Every now and then she's making a little appearance. People love it. They can't get enough. Yeah, she's very funny. Is she going to, mate, get her to jump on board the influencer train?

Nah, she won't do it. One of us. One of us. She won't do it. Hey, I have a little story of a meltdown that we had recently. Go on. You? Who? Who are we talking about? This is Lola. This is little Lola and-

The youngest of the Johnson clan. Correct. Johnson-Burn clan. Currently three years old. Picked her up from daycare the other day and she was great. She was amazing. I mean, often is Lola when we pick her up. from daycare the other day and she was great. She was amazing. I mean, often is Lola when we pick her up.

She's just full of smiles, full of energy, having a great time. And very, very quickly things turned with Lola. And she, I think I have this thing when I pick the kids up. I don't know if you do this. I'm sure you ignore all the other kids Ash, but I ask the kids what they're having for dinner. The other kids? Yeah, or like when I ask, I'm like, hey Timmy, what are you having for dinner? And he's like, I'm having chicken nuggets. And I'm like, that's great. I don't engage.

At all? Cause no, cause then they like, when I go and drop Oscar off, like there's one or two kids and I'm sorry if their parents are listening, I won't name them. They're like, Oscar's dad, Oscar's dad, Oscar's dad. Just like no social cues. Like they'll just keep like to get my attention. They like you. And I don't want to engage by like being more friendly than I already have. Like a fist pump, a high five.

No, cause they know what that'll take me forever to get in and out. And I, you know me, I'm like, get out of my car. It's my kids. I'm out of here kind of guy. Those kids are like give them an inch. They'll take a mile. Okay. So I like to, I like to have the old chat. Just what are you having for dinner? Right? Timmy, let's call him, said, I'm having a hamburger.

And I said, that sounds delish. Timmy, you enjoy that. Anyway, get Lola's bag. And she goes, I want a hamburger. I go, sorry, no hamburger tonight. Why not? We've got spaghetti bolognese. Again. They do have an awful lot of spaghetti bolognese. My kids won't eat it anymore. Right. It's a staple.

They're onto me. So I go, no, there's no hamburger, spaghetti bolognese. But I'm like, this will be fine. Spaghetti, she'll have a little whinge. She fights back when she finds out she's having spaghetti bolognese. But then'm like, this will be fine. Yeah. Spaghetti. She'll have a little whinge. She fights back when she finds out she's having spaghetti bolognese. But then she ends up eating it and she loves it. Yeah.

But then in the car, she's like, I want a hamburger. She stepped it up and off. She's stepping it up. Okay. And I'm like, there's no hamburger. Like, it's spaghetti bolognese. We'll have it tomorrow night. Tomorrow night with a hamburger.

Still going. She's like, I want a hamburger. Steps it up again. And I'm like, do you know what? I'm not going to engage with this. Wow. Like I'm not going to reciprocate, stop the conversation. And that will then, she'll run out of steam.

Can I just say? Please. That's very mature of you. Thank you. I would not do that. So I just send the music right up. Okay. Well, that's very mature of you. Thank you. I would not do that. So I just send the music right up Okay, well that's very immature of you Try and just like drown her out with some music. What was the song was it? The Spice Girls?

Stop right now. Thank you. Like a bit of that. If you want to be my lover You gotta get with my friends nice get home and do this fucking hamburger chat. It's just continuing. I want a hamburger. I'm dragging her up out of the car, up the stairs. Full tears. Full on tears. Like hysterical.

Still wants his hamburger. Oh my God. Barely has a mouthful of food. In the bath. Still, Ash. Still. I wanted a hamburger. Just, just feigning for that burger.

Never had this before ever. I'm like, what the fuck is it with this hamburger? Put it to bed. Still her whimpering. Oh my gosh. For a hamburger. Okay. We wake up. Still she's having a weak bigs. And she's like, I just wanted a hamburger. I was like, I get it.

They're weak bigs. I understand. Tonight, I just wanted a hamburger. I was like, I get it. They're week bigs. I understand. Tonight, we will get you a hamburger. Got it. So that night, Ash, we went to the RSL, right? It's tradition. We go to the RSL once a week. They serve hamburgers.

Beautiful. Kids hamburgers or a full adult hamburger? Both. Okay. And I was like, do you know what? If she wants to eat a hamburger, I'm not going to get in the way. She's at that, the amount of whinging she's done. I was like, and I picked her up and said, hey, guess what?

Time for a hamburger. Oh yeah? It's hamburger time tonight. She's like, yeah, she's pumped. You get there, go to order at the till. And I'm like, Lola, just double check in. You want the hamburger? And she goes, no, I'd like a pizza. Oh God. And I was like, Lola, just double check in. You want the hamburger? And she goes, no, I'd like a pizza.

Oh, God. And I was like, fuck. OK. And I was like, let's just rewind a second. This is a test. I reckon. Let's just rewind. You know you've been asking for a hamburger quite a lot.

Does she know what a hamburger is? Maybe she doesn't. Maybe she doesn't. Anyway, she's like, I want the pizza. And I was like, oh fuck. Like it's those kinds of situations where it's very hard to know which way to turn. Do you take her word for it? Kids don't know what they want, bro.

I figured that out. Yeah. So many times they've asked for something. I give them what they've asked for and they're like, what is this? Or they do this thing where someone else has something and you know that they don't like it but they're like I like it now. You're like no you don't. Like I do.

It's like Laura loves pickles. I bet she does. The kids are like I'd like a pickle. I go you don't want a pickle. They're like I love pickles. Yeah yeah. Give him a pickle. They're like what the fuck is that?

I know. Get that shit away from me. It's like I had the I was eating a kiwi fruit with the skin on. Delicious? Delicious to me. Oscar's like, I love kiwi fruit. Does he? I was like, do you?

Take a bite then. And he was like, I don't like kiwi fruit. When mum has a gin and tonic and Marley thinks it's like fizzy, nice water. I say this fizzy stuff is very good. You're going to hate the tonic water. And she's like, just give us. Just give me the straight gin. So what do you reckon?

What would you have done in that situation? If you were me for a second, let's imagine what would you have ordered? The pizza or the hamburger? I would have got them the pizza. And then I would have used it against them. When they said, I wanted a burger, I said, well, do you recall? Or record her saying, I want pizza. Order pizza.

See what she says. And then if she's like, I wanted a burger, go, well, here's the receipt for that. That's very good. I ended up well, here's the receipt for that. That's very good. Very good. I ended up ordering both. I should have done both, but RSO is very expensive now, bro. Oh, yeah. I got the pizza.

And? I bought a hamburger! You can see, I saw it coming on my own. Why are you making life so hard for me right now? I've got a gripe with hamburgers and Oscar. Same. Why are you making life so hard for me right now? I've got a gripe with hamburgers and Oscar. Please. In particular Oscar.

So happy meals. Yeah. I always go the nugget route because I know they'll eat them every now and then and April falls for it every time. I will not. I refuse to fall for it and I won't stand for it. Is Oscar every now and then will go, I want to, I want a cheeseburger instead. And I'm like, you won't eat it. All you'll do is eat the bread on top.

Like picket the bread and leave the patty and leave everything else. What about if you go no mustard, no onions, still won't eat it? No. Right. Every time he does it without fail. I'm like every time and April's like, no,, do I need it? No. Right. Every time he does it without fail. I'm like every time and April's like, no, no, you had some of mine. I'm like, you are so easy to manipulate. Like, so she'll get him.

And then he'll do the exact same thing. And every time I'll be like, see, and it's not like he'll take a bite out of it and then put it down and be like, oh, I've had enough. And then I can come in like a seagull, sweep it up. Because I was going to say that surely it's not the worst thing for you if something's like- He mangles it up. He mangles it.

It's so ugly looking. With the nuggets, they can leave a nugget. And like, that's a fresh piece of gold. Yes. That's going straight in my mouth. Delicious. Granted, I did eat butter chicken out of the bin one time, but. Three piece or six piece?

Nuggets. Yeah. Always get the extra because they're mine. Thank you. Yeah. You know, it's like an extra like 50 cents. You're a wise man. I am. Once someone has once told me that. Anyway, so he, every time and I'm like, and then we had some friends stay over the other day and

they are a little bit older, the kids, and they had burgers and ate them like burgers and well they when they ordered them and April's fallen for it again and what did he do? The exact same fucking thing. And can I just say Happy Meals, I remember them being $3.45. Yeah. What are they? They're like 12 bucks. Yeah. But you get two sides.

So you get some apples, you get some chips. Yeah, the apples are shit. The apples are shit ass. Let's be honest. My kids love the apples the most. I'm just driving through. I'm like, just give us some apples. Kids happy.

But they're like, I've eaten, I've had some of the apples. They're, they're sorry. From which McDonald's? You got to go to the better McDonald's. Well, cause we've always gone down south. We go like, we always stop to go to the better McDonald's. Is my guy. Cause we've always gone down South. We go like, we always stop into the Angadine Maccas. Oh yes.

ScoMo shit himself. Yes. I can't go to our local McDonald's anymore. Because? I was in there the other, I usually drive through with my app, get a coffee or whatever before I come here. Cause it's right near Kindy. Yeah.

No problems. I had to piss. So I had to stop and walk in. And there was a collective group of girls behind the counter working there. And one of them asked me if I'm the TikTok guy. And I was like, the TikTok guy? Yeah. Is that offensive? No. But now it's like, I go there incognito. And now I've been cognitored. And I don't and I'm like, I can't come back here now. That's it. This is it for me. Dude, you're about to get free stuff from Maccas.

No, no, no. They've got laws against that now. I'm not a police officer. I'm not a police officer, okay? But yeah, I can't, I rang April straight away. I said, that's it. We can't go to this McDonald's anymore. So where are you getting your coffees from?

Just raw dogging it here now. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great that you're like a big thing within the younger generation. Yeah. Well done. She was a little bit older. It's like 70. No, it was embarrassing. Now I've also got to grow up with Macy. That little princess, what has she done?

Have you let your kids watch the original Lion King? I think we watched the new one. Oh, that's fucking weird, isn't it? I dipped in for a second. The live action. I wasn't hugely into it, if I'm being really honest. I don't think they've seen the original. There's a scene in that movie which we all know is probably one of the saddest scenes in cinematic history. What the one with the cliff and Scar.

I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone. It's the scene where Scar throws Mufasa off the cliff. Oh well there you go. Just ruined it for people who haven't seen the movie. Spoiler alert. Very sad. After the fact. Yeah.

Very sad. I can't even watch it still. Tears? No. Okay. Quite the opposite. I thought I had you. Nope.

So I've come home the other day and April's put the Lion King on. I'm okay with that. And then I'm like, are we going to, are you going to skip the scene? She's like, no, I think it's time. Are they? Let's see what happens. Because usually we skip all that bit. Why don't you? Because it's just too emotional. Too emotional. Maybe for me. But they just thought that Simba got lost. Simba's the dad, right? No.

Hey, so whoa. So whoa. Your fasa's the dad. Sorry. I apologize. Don't look at me like that. Anyway we've seen the scene. No sadness out of Macy. Yeah right. She seemed to resonate more with the villain or the bad guy. So for the rest of the movie she kept going on about where's the bad guy?

I want to see the bad guy. Where's Scar? Again. Yeah. So she started to resonate with the bad guy of every... Everything we watch. She's got a taste for the bad boys. Yeah, so she was like... What were we watching?

Lilo is a sitch. Is he the bad guy? Where's the bad guy? I want to see the bad guy. We went to the zoo the other day. Went and saw the lions. Where's the bad guy? Oh gosh. She wants the bad guy. I want to see the bad guy. We went to the zoo the other day, went and saw the lions. Where's the bad guy? Oh God. She wants the bad guy. That makes a lot of sense though, because she does like me quite a lot. I happen to be the bad boy. Bit rough around the edges. Said no one. Had a bit of trouble back in my day. Was suspended twice from high school.

Macy can pick up on that. Yep. She noticed she knows. She sees how I drive that T1. If you went over to my place now, she'd be like, I've moved on from you. Everywhere we go now and everything we watch, anything she wants, there has to be a bad guy in it because she resonates way more with the bad guy. She's a bit evil, this child, but I am concerned that she's's gonna start to like the bad boys as she gets a little bit older, which scares me because- How is she at daycare?

Very good question. Mike, Lola has a little crush on one boy. There is a boy, I wouldn't remain nameless, of course. But I mean, so far so good. I haven't met the little troublemaker yet. Well, mate, that's why if you went in there and started asking about what they're having for dinner, you'd maybe meet him.

Gets annoying, I've used this anymore. But I'm like, oh, I don't know. It's like the first taste of one day she's going to grow up and bring a boy home. And like you've got double the trouble. Okay, so something happened to me. Oh. Recently. Yeah. I don't want to you which child it is. It was Marley. For those of you wondering, she's five. So she came home. She's five and a half, man.

Five and a half. Sorry. Yes. Thank you for the correction. That's okay. She came home and she's like, Daddy, I'm getting married. Oh my God. Sorry.

Daddy, I'm getting married. That was so wet. Ash ordered some sweet potato fries, which is bad for two reasons. One, they both make us very sleepy. And two, they make you very gassy. It's not that. It's the Christmas ham. Did you have Christmas ham this morning? Also, it's November. Guilty! It's November.

Christmas ham is available all year round. It's just not called Christmas ham. It's just called, get this, ham. Why are you calling it Christmas ham? Because we're leading into Christmas trying to get festive. Trying to get the spirits. Shoot me. Okay so Marley's come home and she's like dad I'm getting married. I was like whoa whoa slow down. He didn't ask me for my mission. And I was like who is it? She told me his name and I was like who is that boy? I was like, who is it? She told me his name and I was like, who is that boy? I was like, I couldn't remember who it was. So I had to go through the Daycare app.

So you stalked him. You stalked him like it's an Instagram model. You're like, let me go deep into the archives. I was like, is this him? She goes, no, that's Rupert. I'm like, okay, is this him? She goes, no, that's Timmy. I was like, okay.

Found the guy. And I was like, hey, that's Rupert. Okay. Is this him? No, that's Timmy. Okay. Found the guy. And I was like, hey, he's all right. He's okay. Okay. I don't hate him. I don't love him. And I was like, why?

This is opposite to Macy. I was like, why do you want to marry him? She goes, because he's really nice to me. Oh, that's lovely. But they're the ones you got to look out for. Right. Right. So I was like, how are we going to do this? And she goes, I want to write him a

letter. She's really into, she's like, can write a few words. She's like, I want to write him a letter. She's a secret genius. And pulls out like a feather. It's like, dear Rupert.

What is his name again? I haven't told the name. Okay. Dear Rupert, I love thy and thy what you do is you lusteth over me. Marley Mae Johnson. Pretty much Ashley. So she's like, I want to give him a card and I want to give him a gift.

Okay. So all good gifts for a five year old. She said, I've got some lollies. Give him that. I think she had like a mini slinky. One of the ones that you get from like, you know, the birthday party bags. Choking hazard. Very dangerous.

But also had to smuggle these things in. Remember we can't have sweets at school. Yeah. Did you ask April for any tips on that? No, I should have. I should have. She would do really well in prison. So we have written this letter.

We've got the lolly. We've got the toy. And she goes, I want to give it to him as a gift in the morning and then let him know that I want to marry him. And I was like, great. I'm in on this. Perfect. And I said, do you want to put all that in your bag and then give it to him?

Or do you want to like, just, do you want to hold it? And she goes, I want to hold it all. Okay. So that morning we're a little bit late going to daycare. And by the time we rock up, all the kids, normally when we drop the kids off, they're kind of playing like it's playtime. So they're playing like in the corners or whatever.

But because I've rocked up late, all the kids were sitting on the mat in a circle. Right? And I said to Marley, I'm like, hey, you don't have to give it to them now. Because you know, I know it's nerve wracking. That's yeah. I said we could put it in your bag and then we can give it to him later.

But she was pumped. Okay. So pumped. So she's got, I want to give it to him now. Nice. Marley is absolutely shitting herself. She's so nervous. But she's adamant.

Cause all the kids are like, Marley, what's that? What do you got in your hands? And also, does she have enough for all of them? Not at all. She's got one for the boy she wants to marry. That's it. And I'm like, Marley, we can just put it back in the bag. Like, this is like, let's pull the pin.

And then she's like, no, I want to do it. So nervous. Goes up to him, hands it to him. And everyone's like, oh my god, what is she doing? Anyway, I was like, I just left her to it. What did she say? I didn't, I didn't hang around for that. Oh, you let, okay.

I put her bag down in the locker. I got out of there. I had to tell the teacher because the teacher was like, Oh, that's contraband. And I was like, so sorry. You just threw us under the sandwich in a lunch book. Okay. So did she fill you in like later on? Yeah, I picked her up.

Okay. Bursting in tears. What happened? He said, I don't want to marry you. Oh, I picked her up, burst into tears. What happened? He said, I don't want to marry you. Oh. I'm too young. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. He could have been marrying into a very powerful family. He could have. They have a house in Ulladulla, do you not know that? The thing with like gifting, like Oscar, we went to a birthday on the weekend and straight away they've got no chill these kids So he was like I want to hold the present to take him fine. No worries

And I was like, yeah, but we'll hold when we get there We'll give it to you as soon as you got there that his main Priority is to have the gift when he's walking in to give it to the boy Like there's no chill and it's like the mama of the kids like, oh, I put it over there with the other presents. And I was just like, what do you mean? I want him to open it so that we can play with it together. That's the end of my story on that one. I've got to fart again.

Go out. No! Go out. I refuse. To be fair, I haven't smelt one. Yeah, well I can. They're very wet. I would. To be fair, I haven't smelt one. Yeah, I like it. They're very wet.

I would throw this pillow out. Don't! Not in the pillows! Throw! Sorry. Christmas ham gets me every time. Honey saltiness. Mmm, the brine.

Those farts are briny. Anyway, okay, come on. Okay, Matthew, let's play a little game we like to call parenting hack or fuck that. As you know, with your girls, you don't cut their hair, do you? Did do a fringe, but... How did that go? Really good. Yeah, yeah. Did it? What, bangs?

What are bangs? Have you ever seen my mother-in-law's hair? They're bangs. It's like, Like a fringe, right? Yeah. What do they call it bangs? I don't know. I've always been confused.

People mention bangs and I'm like, Oh, I did Marley's fringe. And I tried to do Lola's fringe, which she freaked out last minute. So I didn't do it. Yeah. Oscar's a nightmare. Do you know my mother-in-law has had the same haircut since she was a child? Mix it up. Mix it up. You tell her that. It's Meredith by the way. She does look great. She does. If she's listening she does. I wanted to show you something that I've

just stumbled across because Oscar, touch a guy when he cut his hair. You shave it right? You think that but how do you scare him to sit still? Yeah. Also every now and then he gets he's scared of the clippers because of the noise. And like sometimes he's fine I've got to bribe him a lot but I've come across this I thought it It was genius. So it's a little boy and they put a they put him in a cardboard box essentially cut a head hole. I'll be honest. That looks like torture. Imagine if you were doing

that to Oscar and someone came over unexpected. How would you explain that? I would say this is what you call a parenting act. that to Oscar and someone came over unexpected. How would you explain that? I would say this is what you call a parenting act. I mean, traumatic for the child, yes. Effective at haircuts? Absolutely. It's like, essentially it's like a cardboard box straight jacket. It's very good. I also like the clipper they've got seems to have some sort of, and I don't know where to get this from, has like a little vacuum on the front of it. Very good. I also like the clip that they've got seems to have some sort of, and I don't know where to get this from, has like a little vacuum on the front of it. Very good. So it's a double, it's a double in the one video. I love how there's like a big foot saying like, do not, do not stomp on this.

Very good. Anyway, so hack or? That's a parenting hack. Thank you. That's two from two for me. Very good from you. Yeah. Do you know, I had someone reach out to me, you know, last week I did the, um, the Ziploc bag over the hand. Yep. One, someone messaged me like DM me and be like, that's not new.

And they're like, when I broke, when I used to break bones and had the cast, their parents would wrap their whole arm in a plastic bag. It's like, I'm not making money from this, bro. I know. Yeah. I'm not selling Ziploc bags. Or are we? I have a long listener question here. All right. This one is from Britt. Hello, Britt.

She says, I have a four month old and I've caught up on all of your apps now. Wow. I know. Well, that's impressive. I will probably be in the top 3% for the upcoming Spotify wrapped for 2024. We'll wait and see. Britt. Confidence. Very.

A little louder again. We love you Britt. Sorry. You both always make me laugh and I love your guests too. This is like, it's very self-indulgent for me to read this. I'm liking it. I had an awful pregnancy with my son. I had hyper-

Enough about that. Get back to us. No. Hyper, excuse me, Britt. I apologize. I'm butchering this message. Hyper, hypermesis, hypermesis. Gravidarum.

That's Latin for something else. That's gotta be Latin. Well, she says it's basically vomiting and nausea the whole time. Despite this, just say vomiting and nausea the whole time. Despite this, my baby is ridiculously cute. So of course that makes you want to have another one. So if we did have another one, it will be carefully planned. We are bad at the pregnancy part, but very good at the conception part.

All right. Not all right. Good on you two. Well done, Britt, which is why I'm asking this silly question. What season do you think is best to have a baby? And she goes on to add, we had a winter baby, which was nice with all the cuddles and layers, so I can't imagine having a summer baby. But can you tell me what you think is the best season for having a baby in your experience?

Well, Ash, you've been pregnant many times. Not me personally, but my wife has, um, many times, two times. I've only had sex twice too. When was Macy born? Uh, start with my eldest. Eldest is winter baby, June. Didn't enjoy that. Too cold.

But also we didn't realize how cold our apartment was at the time. Cause when you don't have a child and it's just you two, you're like, might just chuck another layer on. Simple as that. Yeah. What about, what about pregnancy? Then you would have been, I guess you would have only just been, had a little, a little taste of pregnancy during summer.

Yeah, early on too. Cause it's like six, it'll be the third, like the second and the third month would have been in summer. But then surely- Not overly uncomfortable. But for April, being pregnant throughout like March, April, fine? Fine. Enjoyable?

I wouldn't say enjoyable. Is it ever enjoyable? I mean, I don't know. like March, April, fine? Fine. Enjoyable? I wouldn't say enjoyable. Is it ever enjoyable? I mean, I don't know. Me either. Me either. Should we ask April? Yes.

Yes. For those listening and don't know, April is my wife and mother. Hello, darling. She answered. Are you guys recording again? No. It's only our job, babe. But we had a question about the best season to have a baby.

Ooh, I know the exact answer to that one. Take it away. Exactly why we called you. Both, as you know, Matt and I have never been pregnant. So. I would say springtime is the best season to have a baby for multiple reasons. Go on. A couple of go on. So I would say it's a little bit warmer during the evenings, especially when you're getting up in the middle of the night.

You're not that heavily pregnant throughout like a really hot summer or anything. You're just heavily pregnant through winter, so it's nice to just rug up. And when your child is going to big school, there's no, oh, should I send him early? Should I send him late? You just, there's only one option. So there's my top three reasons for springtime. I'm glad you're here.

Yeah, we were just struggling with that one because we thought, we don't know. But no, that's very good. Any other questions for April while we've got it, Matt? I'm good for now. Thank you, April. Well, we'll ring you back if we need anything else, but we appreciate that. You really got us out of a jam with that one. No worries.

I tell you what, I'll make you dinner when I get home. How's that sound? Appreciate it. I've already pre-cooked my own meal, but that's okay. Oh, fuck. Did you pre-cook me one? I didn't, no. I'll just go fuck myself then.

Okay, good night.. Oh, fuck. Did you pre-cook me one? I didn't, no. I'll just go fuck myself then. Okay, goodnight. I mean, bye. Britt, I really hope that that answers your question. Thank goodness for April. I know, for the last few weeks, she's been very helpful. Very helpful. Shame about your dinner. Sorry about that. That's all right. Just opens the doors for opportunity for what I'm going to have.

What are you going to have? Cereal. Leftover cereal. Okay. Next question. This is from Jen and Jen wants to know who is entitled to visit your newborn baby in the hospital? You've just given birth. Yep.

People want to visit you. Some people do, some people don't. Look, my opinion on this is probably a little bit different to Laura's. I think childbirth is one of the absolute miracles of life, Ash, and I wouldn't want to restrict an opportunity for anyone. Anyone, any man, woman or child. To be a part of that process.

I think if you ask, and there's space, I made a mistake when it came to Marley's childbirth. Lola, we were in COVID, so it was just, there was no option, it was me only. With Marley, my mom was like, can I be in the room? Delivery? I was like, yeah, you can be there. What?

My memory's a little foggy, but I remember just saying yes. And then I remember at the time, this is my mom lived in Brisbane, and I think I just said to Laura like, oh, and by the way, I've got that meeting tomorrow at midday and my mom's going to be in the delivery suite. I got two tickets to the delivery too, going once. So she was there. And then, but also we had some complications. Marley was posterior, so head down facing the wrong way. And we were in like the public hospital down the road. At the time, there was an obstetrician

who was on call. He came into the room. And then not long after that, there was like a group of doctors. They were students. Oh, that's right. I think you told me this. Yeah. And then next thing, someone says, do you mind if I come in with the students? They just wanted to observe what's happening. There must have been about eight of them, plus the teacher. And I said, sure, come on in. The more the merrier. And like next thing, Laura was kind of looking at me and there was like fucking 20 people in the room. And I was just like, you're doing great, babe.

You've got an audience now. Keep it up. In hindsight, yeah, probably shouldn't have done that. No, I would say not your best move. I'm an inclusive kind of guy. You were just like, who else wants to come in? But then I think, and then childbirth afterwards, we kind of like, we didn't stay long in the hospital. We kind of got the hell out of there. Same day.

We had one night. One night? Yeah. And then Laura was like, I want to go home. We were there for like a week, but then April had the C-section. So who came to visit you guys? Um, April's mom and dad, my parents lived on the Gold Coast. So that wasn't going to be immediate. No, no, like with, this is with Oscar and cause we didn't have, we had a date in mind.

It wasn't a planned C-section. It was emergency. She just went into labor and it was just like, my parents just wanted updates here and there. Sure. April's mom and dad were around. So they were the first on scene, I would say. And then over the next corresponding days, none of my family came and they were just like, I'll just give you a space and then we'll come over, come over to the house when you're back.

And I think that's appropriate too. Sorry, I'm trying to, I got a burp and a yawn at the same time. But we- I'm just starting now to get a few whiffs of your farts from before. Yeah, from the pillow. They're kind of, they're making their way downstream. Yeah, don't, now I'm embarrassed. But we did have one family member who shall remain nameless, just turn up to the hospital.

Obviously intentions were good. Yeah, right. They didn't come to harm my child. They've come to welcome a child. They had balloons and all sorts of shit. Bearing gifts. Yeah, bearing gifts, which is great, but inappropriate to turn up unannounced. Yeah. And I was pretty polite and I sort of thankfully grouped this particular relative in with April's parents and saying, look, April is just, she needs some rest now.

So it's just, and it's not really appropriate to go in and see her. How'd they take that? Fine. Cause I grew them all together. I was, I was honest. I could have been like, get the hell out of here, wood! Or man, and or man! Anyway, I think, I think grandparents, sweet and auntie and uncle.

That's probably about it. And maybe, a strong maybe. Oh, it depends how close you're like, my sister and I are really close. So it'd be like, if my sister was like, Hey, I want to come and meet little Gertrude. I'd be like, come on over. But yeah, I think that's about it. Like we stayed in hospital for a while and there was like other patients, new mom, and there was some big, big gatherings going on.

Like also, it's also probably cultural too, I would say. Like, I don't want to smash your plates like it's at a Greek wedding. Just like, whoop! Barbecues on, beach balls flying over. What's going on over there? What was the biggest gathering you saw in hospital? There was an islander family. Roughly how many? 16 to 18. That's beautiful.

Yeah, they were singing. What? Yeah, it was annoying. But anyway, no, it was lovely. For them, I think like if you marry into that family and then that's what you end up with, you'd be like, oh, I'm like so. But thankfully not for us. We were tucked away in the corner nicely. And I think it ended

up just only being my mother and father-in-law that really visited us. And do you know what? That's fine as well. That's fine. Yeah. I don't think, yeah. I was looking at your little gathering being like, oh, that's so sad. Oh, bro, they got no family or friends. at your little gathering being like, oh that's so sad. Oh bro they got no family or friendsy. Oh and one more thing before I forget Ash. It's here. It's happened.

The sexiest calendar. Second sexiest or is this now the sexiest? This is now the sexiest. It's the raunchiest. Sexiest then traw play do you think? I think it's, let's say it's not sexier. Let's say it's raunchier. It's, ah, because it is of course called the?

Raunchy Ranch 2025. Pre-order is available right now. We'll put the link in the show notes. But for this calendar, it's very exciting because we are supporting an amazing charity called Rise Up. They support victims of domestic violence. So 100% of proceeds will be donated to that charity. Yes Matt, 100% which is fantastic news. Did you say 100%? I said 100%. I meant it. Yeah available for pre-order now. It will be dropping very very shortly. It's coming hot off the printers. Get around it. Oh the dog's now

farting in front of me. Buster's just dropped his guts. Yes, Buster. Let's get you out of here. Yes. I need you out of my house. Sorry. Sorry. That's fine. That's fine. If you enjoyed this episode or any episode, we would love it if you would subscribe, review. Oh, yeah.

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throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.