Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #117 Pork Drama, Roll Patrol And The Frightening Centipede

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

The boys are back in town, and it's time to catch up on the shitshow that was Christmas and New Year's!  Each dad was tasked with a particular job on Christmas, and the kids have made their way onto next year's naughty list.  Fast forward to the countdown of 2025, and New Year Resolutions are not for dads. They just want to achieve some peace and quiet.  Plus, we tackle our questions! Do you have any advice for teaching your child how to ride a bike? Is it okay to send your kids to daycare during the Christmas holiday period? Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.  2025 Raunchy Ranch Calendar IS STILL ON SALE!  https://budgysmuggler.com.au/products/two-doting-dads-raunchy-ranch  Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Happy new year. Okay. Here it goes. Here it goes. First words out of his mouth for the year. My name is happy new year. Welcome back to two dirty dads. What?

A little. What? A little back and forth. We've been back and forth. No, let's back and forth. Anyway, happy new year. No, that's what we're going to say at the start. The hammer is back.

Oh God. And it begins. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I am Matty J. And I'm Ash. This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And if you've come wanting any advice, shock horror! We will not be giving any in 2025. Thank goodness.

I was worried there. I thought we were gonna have to give some sort of advice. After a couple of years, people are, look to us as experts in the field. They are deathly wrong. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. I do wanna start earlier than that and say Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you. Thank God it's over. I feel like there's a lot of people listening that would get shivers from the word Merry Christmas. Shaking in my bones over here. How was yours? It was alright. I mean it's a stressful time, hence the hemorrhoids back. How do you know it's back? It's my anus, man. Can you feel that it's coming back?

It's there. It's present. I'm marking the roll and I'm like Oscar, Macy, April, Iggy, hemorrhoids present. Who is it? It's me, the hemorrhoid. Yeah. It is literally. That's, that's exactly what it sounds like.

Is it like a polyp? Yeah. It's a polyp. I can feel it. Stinks. How do you wipe your ass? I apologize to our listeners who come here for the parenting content. April bought me some flushable wipes.

They're no good. They're no good. They don't know these are specific toilet flushable wipes, but you're going to use one at a time and they're deathly thin. So I figured myself a few times. Oh my god. Sorry. Sorry.

You're not sorry. I'm not sorry at all. I couldn't care less. Christmas, yes. You asked me a question. Where were you? We had Christmas at my grandmother's house. We spoke about it last year.

She has the terrible tablecloths that are from the 50s. The spoon collection. The spoon collection. She was the one in the video with the calendar. She got a calendar. She's stoked. She's going to take it down to the Seniors Club for show and tell. Just quickly, are there any calendars left?

I think we have almost 50. OK. Little plug in there for the calendars. Yeah. Jump on. Link is in the show notes. Nan loved it. Who does the food in your family? I was on Roll Patrol. What's a Roll Patrol? So there's

Vietnamese bakery on the Northern Beaches. Yep. Called Vans. Shout out. They definitely don't have any social media or anything. Yeah there's a treasure map to try and find them. But they do fresh rolls on the day, hot rolls. On Christmas Day? Yeah and people buy and buy the fucking garbage bag. What? They're so good. Is there a queue there, getting a roll? Oh yeah.

It's kind of like a tradition. It's huge. I've never heard of this. And why have you never bought me a roll? Because they only good on the day you buy them. Right. So I was on the roll. But that's a great job to have because-

Oh, it's the best. And I always go, I the rolls. Go for a nice long relaxing drive. Do you bring the kids? No. No. It's the best. But also sometimes. And then you're like oh there was such a long queue. Ash you were gone for three hours. Full disclaimer there has been years that I've got them the day before. If my family's listening, that's a lie. No, I, yeah, look, it's much easier the day before, if I'm honest. But yeah, that's my job. And then Nan had the ham. She won it.

She wins a ham every year. I would say that we haven't paid for a ham in my family in 20 years. It's a nice flex. Sister was on the salads. What else did we eat? Sounds like a very memorable Christmas. I'm too focused on the rolls. What else did we eat? Sounds like a very memorable Christmas. I'm too focused on the roles. But it was good. We all got together.

Because obviously we, it's hard to do all the families in one day. We did it April's parents side of the family on Christmas Eve, which was nice too because then the kids got to see them all Christmas Eve. It's all about them. And then the next day it's my family. It doesn't feel, it doesn't feel very Christmasassy when it's done like two weeks prior to Christmas. Yeah, people are like, was it someone had their family Christmas in November? That's not right.

What's that about? Yeah. Santa Claus is just like... Yeah, how are you explaining that one to the kids? Yeah, he comes early. I'm not going to make a sex joke. Don't do it. I'm not going to make a sex joke.

Stay strong. comes early, I'm not going to make a sex joke. Don't do it. Stay strong. Ashes are just sitting there. Beads are sweat coming down his brow. I know. It's like when I'm trying to hold a yawn in. Do you do a pork?

No. Very good decision. There's ham. Remind me to send this episode to Laura. Okay, pigs are impressive, bro. They are the givers. They're different variations of meat. Anyway, carry on. They're different variations of meat.

Anyway, carry on. They provide a lot. You don't like the pork? No, what we, it's the second year in a row, we did Christmas at our house. Sucks. Have you been here for two years? Yeah. We moved in just before Christmas.

That's right. Time flies. Time flies when you're doing a podcast with your best friend. Where is he? Shut up. Buster. Doesn't it? When you're doing a podcast with your best friend. Where is he? Shut up. And bust her. So we did pork last year. And I said, Laura, we're doing Christmas again

with all the family. There's no need to do pork again. What happened with the pork a year before? It was just an effort. No, the issue was, issue was, it's just very stressful. Just another thing to run around and try and grab on Christmas Eve, then on Christmas day.

You know, as soon as you do presents with the kids, then you're straight into the process of like getting the meat ready and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And just the stress levels are already high enough. You just don't need another thing to worry about. And like you said, very good point, Ash. You've already got the ham. It's almost disrespectful, I think, to the big community to offer ham and pork in the one meal. Or is it a compliment? You have so much to offer. We want more of you.

Very good point. I just thought we've got ham, right? We've got seafood. We've got the salad. We don't do seafood. We do on April's side. What the fuck? We do on April's side. So April's dad... No prawns. Gets the prawns and's dad. No prawns. Gets the prawns and peels all the prawns. Is anyone allergic?

My dad's dad, who's now dead, not from fish. Condolences. Thank you. He was an avid fisherman. So everything smelled like fish all the time. My dad cannot stand fish. Wow. I know.

Okay, interesting. Yeah, so I thought there's just no need. No need, and also, yeah, the biggest ick that I get is on a summer's day, having the oven of football and doing roast veggies and then doing a full... Your lunch sounds amazing. I'm over here rubbing two sticks together and you're fucking indulging it.

You're knocking back meats. Like, what about this pork? We don't want it. Yeah. We don indulging it. You're knocking back meat. Like what about this pork? We don't want it. We don't want it. Anyway. I do think it's not necessary. I think it's, you could have it or you could go without. We don't have it.

Anyway, then it was one, it was a... Did it cause an argument? Yeah, it caused an argument because pork crackling. I don't know. I've never done it. I've never really cooked pork. I'm not a huge pork-hunter guy. It's hard.

It is hard. People have lots of opinions. Like when you start putting salt on the skin and anyway, like many people would come over and they'd be like, you haven't started salting the pork. That's the thing with Christmas and your family comes over and everyone's got a different way as they do shit. And Laura was in charge.

And Laura's very good at the pork. It's one dish that she's very good at. She's unbelievable. That pork was delicious. I can taste it from here. But that caused, it sounds fucking weird to say, but the subject of pork almost destroyed Christmas. Yeah, it's a balancing act, Christmas, Where you get stuck with the real red hot uncle who's like says something that is just so boomer and you're like, yeah, because you're trying not to have the argument or whatever.

You're the uncle in your family. Yeah, I know. My father-in-law's partner's son's girlfriend is Thai. So she had, she brang a lovely chicken curry that they have on Christmas. It's a musselnum chicken. It was delightful. I was going back for the rice and cheese.

I was just like, this is Christmas. A chicken curry on Christmas? Yeah. Fuck me, with the Vietnamese rolls? It was amazing. It was like the UN. It was. And my father-in-law speaking broken English

with his portrait kind of talk. It was great. But like I said, like you bring all the family together. Jesus Christ. When my family, well, when all the families left, because my family came down from Brisbane and Rockhampton, shout out to the brothers, and Laura's family came from Wollongong,

they came from North Queensland. Where was he from? Laura's dad, Magnetic Island. That's who I was going to say it. Came all the way from Magnetic Island. It was, we were full to the brim, Ash. Of family. Of family. And it's nice, but it's one of those feelings where I'm trying to- It was, we were full to the brim, Ash.

Of family. And it's nice, but it's one of those feelings where I'm trying to... It's nice, but... It's like, okay, at risk of you making fun of me. I would never. That is caviar. Please do tell. Yeah, I knew you were the wrong crowd. We're poor people. If you pour, cover your ears, yeah? You never once tried caviar. Is it fish eggs? Is that what it is?

Yes, yeah, very good. Fish come. I've eaten caviar before. Right? Must be nice. And I didn't like it. You have to try and tell yourself, no, you've got to like this.

You've got to enjoy it. This is good. This is good stuff. Cherish it. You've got to cherish it. You have to try and tell yourself like, no, you've got to like this. Like you've got to enjoy it. You know, this is good. This is a good stuff. You got to cherish it. Cherish the moment. And deep down you're like, but I'm not really enjoying it. But at the same time,

it's this battle, internal battle of trying to enjoy it when you don't really. It's a bit like Christmas. It's very true. Christmas is a moment in the year when- You're forced together. Do people like, do people actually out there, do they enjoy it end to end?

No, go, no, sure. Do people, I mean, it looks very happy on church. They're delusional. Like there's many moments, there's moments where like opening the presents. I'm like, this is great. The kids are happy, love this. Until there's a meltdown, until like the first meltdown and you're like, why did we fucking, or you realize

that that was a stupid idea to get that. We got equal gifts, pretty much always replicated, got a new dress for Lola. Marley got a new bike. Lola got a new bike. Like we matched, right? Except there's always one person who would open their present quicker than the other person. And so, for example, Lola would like open her present first. Look at Marley, who was still opening her present and go, she got more than me.

And we go, no, no, she's just, you had the same present, she's just still opening it, she's taking a bit more time. Yeah, she's a bit more careful with the wrapping. And that, like, every present was the battle of who's got more. It sums up your kid's personality's too low, it's like, oh yeah, and you just got Marley, she's like, I'm doing the,

re-putting the sticky tape back on the roll. Oh, just, like, so many moments where I was thinking to myself, this is Christmas. You have to like it. Yeah. When I don't. I can't stand it. Waving goodbye to the last family member. Oh.

When that front door closed and I could finally have the house to my own again. Yeah. Beautiful. I just like, I find that when I go to Christmas, I just find a vacant room to hide in all the time. I'm like, shut the door or something, especially if they got aircon. It's like 35 degrees out. But don't you reckon it like I guess if you buy yourself, Laura and I did that

for a bit and someone came into the room and I think they thought we were trying to have sex. I was on my own. I'm like, get out of here. I've still got my pants on. My kids, the meltdown came after. They were very spoiled, of course. Oh, right. Must be nice.

It wasn't me that spoiled them. It was Santa. No, Santa, it was because April's obviously got mom partner, dad partner, brothers with no kids. The benefit of broken families. Extra stuff. Extra stuff. Yeah, but not for them, not for me,

because they buy so much stuff. And like I preempted that I knew April had bought some things for the kids that needed batteries. And you know how fiddly it is to get the little screwdriver out to get the battery. bought some things for the kids that needed batteries. And you know how fiddly it is to get the little screwdriver out, to get the battery out. So I preempted and I hid the batteries in the house. So that when they wanted to play with it,

they could only really play with a couple of things, all of them in the same day. They want to play with everything that day. And then they're bored with it. So I hid the batteries. Because I just was like, I don't want to have to spend my day changing batteries. And then April found the batteries.

But I was one step ahead. I've hid the little screwdrivers so that I couldn't get into it. And trying to explain to Oscar, so that's causing meltdowns as it is. And I sort of got to the point where April found the screwdrivers and I had to put things together. But she found the screwdrivers?

Yeah. Fuck, she's good. She's good. Where'd you hide them? Just a drawer. Below the drawer, usually. I didn't even want that much evidence. But Oscar just wanted to play with absolutely everything.

And there's always the family member that gets you that one thing that it's obnoxiously annoying for their kid. Slime is a bad one. Slime is the fucking worst. This is a battery operator toy. And of course, Oscar wanted to play with this one first because it's obscure looking to everything else. The microphone. No, that was last year.

Yeah. About that microphone, still in hiding. I've been a whole year. No one's asked me about it. Anyway, for now. Anyway, so he got gifted this from an auntie of mine, which I'm not happy about. I'm going to show you and you can see my frustration.

Please. The fuck is this? Exactly. It's a centipede. For those listening at home. That's pretty cool. Forget that this is not a visual medium. It's a centipede. It's a remote control centipede.

Oh my God. I thought that would scare the hell out of the kids. It would. Why would you get that? Does it work? Yeah, I'm gonna show you. ["Sky's World Theme"] Followed by...

It's like a Russian... Oh! So picture this. I can't even talk over it. Listen. It's so loud. You can't even turn it down. Busters...

Look at Busters. Ah! Picture this. I'm at home after spending a whole day with my family, listen to them yap on and then I get home to this. No offense to my auntie, but why would you buy that? Do you mind if I turn it off? Throw it out.

Do you want it for your kids? No, definitely not. It's horrible. Just get them a book. Also, why make one thing do so much? Like, the vape is like unnecessary, but like sure. Like the disco tracks? The disco music? If it would just scamp it around.

It could just be a simple centipede. My little dog is petrified of that thing. I fucking bet he is, dude. It is brutal. I'm surprised Oscar's even got the balls to play with that thing. He loves it. He went down to the park with April and took it. And apparently he had kids crowding around.

They love it. He put on a disco. Apparently he was like midway through doing it. Took his hat off and turned it backwards. And was like, that is if you want your child to be a DJ fuckboy. Get him the DJ centeripede that vapes. That vapes, yeah. It's got it all.

Love that. Anyway, that was my Christmas day was spent changing batteries. I don't know if it's worth asking the question considering how your Christmas went, but how was your New Year's? Was it any better? Was it worse? New Year's was good. We just had some people over at our place with their kids.

I've got a trampoline, it was nice. Got a half-pipe, they love that. Wow, money bags over here. Yep. Did you take them on the new helicopter pad? No, it's not built yet. Yeah, so that was pretty good. We made some pizzas in the oven, it was lovely.

You have a pizza oven as well? Yeah, just the little one. What don't you have in this mansion of yours? Ownership. Rent. It's a rental. But it was funny when we sort of got to the time of the evening when all the girls thought they could drop in on the skate ramp. They were like, I want to have a guy drop in on the skate ramp so I'm going to hold on to them dropping in. Anyway, there's only one casualty. She broke her ankle, but that's okay.

No, I suspect she's been on crutches since, but she's all right. She'll be fine. Did you set up past midnight? I did. Shit. I was good. I was up till, yeah, all hours of the morning,

friends over. And of course, like, friends over with their kids turns into the kids having a sleepover because the parents are too drunk to drive home. Which is fine, we've got plenty of room in the rental. In the mansion, in the rental. So yeah, but then also the problem with that is a lot of these kids are so little, they've never had sleepovers at places before.

And they're all in different beds in different rooms in different environments. There was one kid who woke up every hour on the hour, just, just screaming. And it was just like, and then a parent had to come and be like, well, you put him in the bedroom with the parent. Well, we were all up still. They were, cause kids are going to get a bit earlier, aren't they, Matt? Okay. Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah. So, and then like every hour, they're like, Oh, there they go again.

Cause they wake up not knowing who they are. How was it when that kid would like scream and go outside all the parents Who like they're trying to drop it on a fucking half Screaming he was like I'm living in the centipedes den. I know anyway, we um, it's good. What about you? Sorry How was your news? Yes, all right It's a bit overrated, isn't it? I think BTUDA Advocate put it pretty well when they said, you get to an age where you start to become content with the 9pm fireworks.

Yeah, totally. Last year we like hung on for dear life to midnight. This year I did it again and it was the first time where I was like, yeah, I definitely don't have to do that life to midnight. I got like, we're at my sister's place down at down the south coast and we put on the ABC, looked at the fireworks. Is it just me or does it go on for far too long? It's too long. It must be terrible for the environment. Like, that thing, are we boomers now? But all year. The noise.

The noise of the south. It's all year we talk about, we've got to preserve the planet. Do you think we're only talking about preserving the planet so that we can have a fireworks celebration at the end of the year? And they're just like, fuck this! We did it! We got through another year of bluffing them! Pouring champagne on each other. I know. And it's like, do we just care for the environmental use so that we can have that celebration? Yeah, because everyone's done. Even the environmentalists are done by like, by many years.

Net zero? Fuck it! Deal with that in January. And then they come up with a new plan. We actually need to be at net negative one now because of the fireworks celebration. We just let off 4,000 tonnes of fireworks? Worldwide. Oopsy! Meanwhile, all the animals are like, ahhh. We just let off 4,000 tonnes of fireworks? Worldwide. Oopsie!

Meanwhile, all the animals are like, ahhh! Where did you get the fireworks from? Canberra. It went on forever. It's so long. They've got like, it's like three soundtracks. I think if you've got it, if it's more than one soundtrack. One song.

One song. Or is that just us and... Dude, cause we're almost... gee, we're getting deep today. We're getting, it's almost 40. Is it just us not being able to pay attention to something long enough? Well, I was too tired. You've got ADD. So the two of us, a fireworks show. Terrible. Someone put it really bluntly the other day where they were like,

what about those people who video the fireworks? Who are you showing in? like Your house new years look at this It's definitely is definitely our parents generation being like Quick get it and it's always grainy and blurry fireworks looks so shit on camera. I know always grainy and blurry fireworks looks so shit on camera I know especially on iPhone ask you mom I bet your mom she has a video of the TV memories no fuck I've never gone back and looked at it news and I why do people do that but I

got an idea good idea okay I think virtual fireworks everyone puts a VR I know. Let me have Christmas. Like I'm not, I haven't decompressed. I haven't started to drop a gear because December's very crazy. So I reckon Ash, I reckon we should flip it because only by like the second of January am I starting to really hit peak relaxation mode. And so I reckon we should have Christmas

on like the third of January. No. Okay. And this is why. I think your points are valid. Yeah. Let me validate you first. Thank you.

Your points are valid, but they're stupid. Someone's been in therapy. That reminds me. I think you're onto something there, but then you've ruined it by saying you were just starting to relax. Leave it in last year. Okay. Leave it in the year behind. So like you're saying if you're getting to relax on the second, and then you're

like throw Christmas in there now. You're not going to have that relaxation. You're not going to have it because December is going to be all about still all about it. So you think it's still best to front load the holidays with the most stressful task of all the most stressful task of the entire year, get that done as soon as you can. Yeah, it goes, this is how it goes. It goes stress, December 1st, let's start there.

Stressful, right? Yeah. Then between Christmas and New Year's, confusion. Peak confusion. Peak confusion. What day is it? Don't know. What month is it?

Don't care. Usually it is a lot of what's the weather doing today? Chat? Is there a southerly coming? Did you have that cold day on like the 20, I think it was the second of Jan, cold day and second of Jan? I wouldn't know when the second of Jan was bro. So I apologize. That's what I mean. Confusion followed by relaxation. Today's my favorite day. The kids have been looked after. It's beautiful. It's perfect.

Also, I had COVID during the confusion. That's right. I don't care about you and your COVID story though. But I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I think that's how I go. It goes stress, confusion, party, self-reflection, sadness. And where are we now?

You're on the way back down to Earth. Then relaxation. And that is the holiday, signed up by Ashton Wicks. Thank you. Thank you, Barry. Hey, I've got a couple of questions, but before we go into them, I just want to know if you have any resolutions this year. Well, no, I did have those silly ones last year, raw dog in this year.

I achieved absolutely nothing last year. You're right. Personally, mentally, physically, definitely not. Anything for this year? 2025? Anything at all? Some balance. I'm gonna fucking put you on the spot. Oh God.

And you have opened up to me about one desire, one wish, one dream. Okay, go. On stage. Oh. Yes. Go on. I'm gonna masturbate on stage. Be serious. I can't be serious. I'm not a serious person. You're gonna do it. I would love to get on stage. Be serious.

I can't be serious. I'm not a serious person. You're going to do it. I would love to get on stage at some point. I am here to try and enable that dream. Okay, great. So I've booked you in. Shut up.

No, I haven't. Okay. I just swear. Woo. Resolution for you. My resolution really, I think for this year, is just to survive. Mm-hmm.

Survive and also not become, I feel like as I get older, I get grumpier, I'm more unhappy with people. Okay. Like, like. You're turning into a boomer. Like, but literally I'm turning into a boomer. Like when I was at the shops and I was younger and you see someone you know and you'd be

like hey Jimmy how are you mate? And now I'm like oh fuck I get back in the car and I drive home. I cross over the. Yeah like when did this happen? Had a moment with our neighbors across the road. So nice. Their daughter is in my niece's grade. And so like, we've got that connection there. They're in like- Yeah, you seem to have connections everywhere. In the ecosystem. They had a, you know their front lawn is so steep? Yep.

So they put a slip and slide down there. They had a dad stand at the end and was catching the kids as they would like come off the end. Oh, how did he get that shit job? He was loving it. Oh. And so our kids then ran across and did it. And that was probably the most interaction I've had with them for a little while. that shit job. South and I was like, I think I'm ready for like interaction.

Like I went to go check the mail and they were at the front packing their car up and I was like, did the long distance wave and they said, happy new year. And I was like, that's, that's the invite. I'm in. So I was like, I walked down the stairs and I was like, what did you guys do? And they were like, oh, no, it was just here.

And I could tell that they didn't want, they just want the long distance way. And I was like, where are you off to? We're going up north for a camping trip. And I was like, oh, that's great. Do you need someone to watch the house? The moment to take their bins out. Okay.

Okay, a couple of questions, Ash. These are both from us. We haven't had any questions submitted over the Christmas break. People had a holiday. That's fine. People ask people for questions. They're like, get your own questions, freeloader. But if you do have any questions, please. That's why we're here.

We're not experts, but yeah. We'll just give you our opinion. Take it or leave it. With a bit of sexual innuendo humor. questions, please. That's why we're here. We're not experts, but yeah, we'll just give you our opinion. Take it or leave it with a bit of sexual innuendo humor. There will be sex in there. Peppered over the top. And if that's what you're after, send it in. But my question is, we got Marley a bike for Christmas and the training wheels.

It's a bit of a bigger bike because the guy up sold me the larger size. He was like, we're out of the small one in about six months. The one with cup holders. So I got her a bike. The training wheels, they can't quite fit. So they rock. You want it like that. Gonna tell you why, but continue.

No, because every corner, she's like, ugh. All the way over. Yeah, she's all the way over. But you want it to rock a bit so that they can build their own balance. Okay, so I then. You just completely build their own balance. Okay, so I then Okay, so shut up, I know I've removed them I Removed the training with a full removal. I just thought someone a guy a guy at the park was like

Listen here sonny Jim What you want to do is? Forget about him training wheels and push him the steepest hill you can find. And I was like, you got it, old man who smells. Old man I've never met before, he's just giving me life advice. It's like, do you have any kids? He's like, nah. Never. I ripped them off. And how'd she go with that?

Terrible. Oh no. Terrible. Does Oscar ride without training wheels? No. Okay. Honestly, we had this conversation. The bike's been phased out. Why? You've told me this. wheels?

across the chest. So the towel hangs below like behind and you then like, you hold on to the towel and then if they start to fall, you can just like lift them up with a towel. The towel is like the safety net. What if the balance and they balance and they go head over? Like the towel. Yeah, but that's what I mean. If you pull it like that, your head's heavier than your legs.

No, because you can't fall forward because the towel. So you're yanking them back. Yeah. Yeah. But I just wonder if anyone out there who has the towel. So you're yanking them back. Yeah. Yeah. But I just wonder if there's anyone out there who has any tips. So what's your question? You're asking. I was just before because you're redundant.

Because you have no experience. Yeah, but maybe ask what I would do. What would you do? I have taught April how to ride a bike before, but she's forgotten. So that was pretty funny. So what I did there was. Go on, hit me with it. had a rider bike before but she's forgotten. on how to teach a child to ride a bike without training wheels. Yeah. Please send them our way.

April also needs them. Yeah, April needs them more than anyone. She's a pretty uncoordinated. Your question. My question is, there's, I talked about the confusing time of the year, which is between Christmas and New Year's. During that time, do you send your kids to daycare? If the daycare is open, of course, which some are, we've worked that out.

Do you send them or do you not send them? 100% send them, fuck off. Get out of here. We've had your fun. We don't. And that's the reason why you guys are bad parents. I'm glad someone said it. Again, it's a confusing time of the year,

you don't know what day it is. But I think it must be confusing for your kids because you do all the celebratory things. The end of the year, like you had the Christmas party, there's the kid, like Marley would have graduated from the kindy, but then it's like Christmas, and then what, you just send them straight back? And then all of a sudden they're packing their bags

and they're being sent out to daycare. It's very confusing. Was there anyone else there? We didn't do it this year because we wrapped up. We've changed daycares. Mylar's also going to start school. So that daycare is done. We did send them on the 25th.

That's Christmas Day, bro. 23rd? That's genius. Ha ha ha. 23rd. 23rd. The day before Christmas Eve. And there was a couple of kids there.

But last year, because of our daycare, they were open on those dates between Christmas and New Year. And we were enrolled four days a week. And so if the kids didn't attend, we're paying a giant amount of money, a shitload, if you will, every day per kid, two of them. So we're like, well, you guys are going to go, because that's money out of our back pocket.

Also meant that Laura and I could have just a little bit of time together. We did like a 10 to three, I think. You're like six AM to six PM. It was eight to six. And there was like no kids there. And you do feel guilty, but I think- For about 10 seconds.

I think once you've gotten through Christmas as a parent, you deserve a little breather. Yeah, I think so. And the kids are fine. They're actually probably having more fun at DACA than they are with you at home, being grumpy and yelling at each other. April and I had an argument over it because I,

so Christmas happened and then obviously they finished a few days before Christmas, so we were all together, which is fine, I guess. and then obviously they finished a few days before Christmas. So we were all together, which is fine, I guess. Family days are down the B. But you get annoyed with each other. And I lost it a little bit because I their kids go to the same kindy, who my kids play with those kids pretty much every day outside of kindy.

And I was like, hey, what are you guys up to today? And he's like, oh, you know, me and son, my wife, we're going to go for a walk and grab a coffee and have lunch together. And I was like, where are the kids? He's like, I've dropped them at kindy. And I was like, are you fucking for real? I had no idea. I had no idea.

And I turned to April and I was like, guess what Mike and Son are doing today? They're going to go have lunch together, have some time for themselves. Imagine if you were having lunch with them. And I'm like, my kids are asking to play with their kids, but they're in Kindy. Why are we not sending our kids to Kindy?

And April said, oh, it feels bad. I was like, you're the only one who feels bad. Just do a, do a three quarter day. We're over here at each other's throats, trying to get the kids organized to go to the beach for the kids that they hang out with the beach or at Kindy and even Oscar was like, can I go, can I go to Kindy? Literally? Like I was like, yeah.

And April was like, no, send him. No, get rid of him. Get rid of him. You'll be a better parent for it. Oh, Mark my words. Mark them down. I think we need to normalize sending them. So this is a call out to all parents listening.

Get rid of your kids. Not that extreme. I think we need to normalize Sending your kids over that Christmas time. I agree so that with no mom feels bad. No dad There's not a dad that feels bad No parent feels bad. Well said. Thank you before we go. I have a little gift for you. Ash. We are I didn't get you anything That's fine. Oh Yeah, you paid for this with me. Hang on a minute.

Oh, with you. You're like, I've got a gift for you that you've paid for. Sound like my wife. No. We have had another attempt at merch. We are both wearing the new 2 Doting Dad shirts, so you can jump on our social media and see how delicious they are.

They're not available for purchase. They will be soon. Stay tuned because we'll have more information, but we have hats. These are not, must be nice hats. These are. I'm a big hat guy. Whoa, hello.

Dirting mum, dirting dad. They're in lovely material. Thank you. You didn't make them. I sewed them myself. Yeah, took a very long time. All Christmas. In between the pork. We don't know when these will be available myself. Yeah, took a very long time. All Christmas. In between the pork.

We don't know when these will be available. We're teasing you. We're edging you guys. That came through. Thank you. Yeah, that was just before Christmas. Great little gift that arrives at my doorstep. Ash, let's get out of here.

If you've enjoyed this episode, we would love it if you would subscribe, review, give us some feedback on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Either one will take both and join us on social media. Yes, Instagram, TikTok, 2dotingdads or the Facebook group. So just go to Facebook or the Facebook, depending on how old you are, and type in 2dotingdads. We're there. Join the chat. That's where you'll find out when the merch will be available. So if you want to find out, jump on and follow us on any of those social media platforms. Well said. Thank you. Let's get out of here. See ya.

I spend extensive time with Vietnamese Robin Tokes, thank you. No. Sorry. Anyway, sorry, sorry. Anyway, so I got the roles. Vietnamese, they do an amazing break. You do that again and I'm fucking pulling. What? I'm pulling the cord on the podcast. If I do what?

Make these sexual innuendo jokes. I just gotta get them out. Once they're out, we can move on with the rest of the year. Okay, we'll edit these out. No, we won't. To Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.