Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #48 Two Doting Dads and Mum feat. Amy Gerrard

Episode Date: February 11, 2024

Our first bonus ep for 2024 and first doting mum on the pod! Sorry to make you all wait so bloody long for this ep featuring the one and only Amy Gerrard - but here she is. Amy is a hilarious pod host, writer entrepreneur, mum to three beautiful kids and wife to a hunk of a husband. We chat about life before kids, dating, how she new her husband was 'the one', the reality of parenthood, tips for dads, juggling three kids and plans for the future. Follow @twodotingdads on Instagram here. Or slide into our DM's with any Doting Dads or Mums you'd like us to interview. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We are very excited today to bring you this bonus episode with none other than Amy Gerard. Yes, Amy Gerard. You may know her from her escapades on Instagram. As a mum influencer, of course, I would say the most asked for mum that we've had. Oh my gosh. When we put a call out, they'd be like, who do you want us to speak to? The floodgates opened up. I know. And everyone's like, Amy Gerard, Amy Gerard. My sister has been like annoying me for weeks,

being like, when are you going to fucking speak to her? Same with my wife. So she's not just a mum influence. She's also an author. Author, podcast host as well. Two podcasts being Beyond the Likes. And Beyond the Chaos. Beyond the Chaos, both brilliant.

And I would call her an entrepreneur as well. Absolutely. She's got a lot of fingers in pies lots of different pies so here it is here's the episode enjoy we are about to start recording and just as we press start, I don't know if people can hear what's in the background. It's a fucking whippersnapper. It's a full-blown whippersnapper.

Rhonda, my lovely neighbour, her gardeners have arrived and they are getting stuck into the backyard. She saw us setting up and she was like, Now! Start the lawnmower! Her mower's definitely like the neighbour on the other side. She's like, get over here now. I can't control everybody. Buzzing noise. This is the downside of recording at a home. You get whippersnippers in the background.

You do. Anyway, welcome back to Two Doting Dads and One Doting Mum. Yes. My name is Matty J. And I'm Ash. And I am Amy Gerard. You nearly forgot who you were then. This is a podcast all about parenting. It's the good, the bad. And the relatable. And if you've come for any advice, it's not going to happen from Ash and myself, maybe from Amy. Yeah, sure. Take it with a grain of salt. Yeah, we always say that too just to cover us.

Just so people don't be like, you're not experts. No. So, Amy, let's go straight into sleep schedules. Straight into it. The hard-hitting questions, which is how do you get your kids to sleep? Melatonin. Okay, beautiful. That's what we have time for.

Amy, I have to apologise, one, for the gardeners next door. That's what we have time for. Amy, I have to apologise, one, for the gardeners next door. That's fine. And two, for the fact that we've been talking to you. About this. I know. I'm like when we spoke, first time was last year. Yes. We pushed it back.

We did. I got sick. Yep. I got sick. People kept messaging me being like, where the hell is the Amy Girard interview? Did I miss it? Has that one been deleted already? I'm always around and to be honest, I feel like this time is better anyway

because last year I was like a headless chicken. I've been scattered so much on. Yeah, we were calling the podcast Curse. He was like, Ash, you're never sick. And then we just went. Literally just like one of us was always ill. But touch wood. Yeah.

I do have a tickle. But that's okay. Amy, let's go right back, right back. I kind of imagine that as a teenager you would have been someone that was like quite a prankster. Have you always been like the funny gal? Yeah. The class clown at school.

Yeah, I was very much the tomboy. Didn't have a lot of female influence. My mum, also very big tomboy. Grew up with brothers. So I remember a guy asking me out for the year 10 formal and I was quite flattered. But the way I said yes was by wrestling him to the ground and then punching him in the face.

Now, running race is on. Let's go. Splitting his lip open and that's, I was like, yes. And now you're married. No, I didn't marry that one. But, yes, definitely a bit of a prankster, always the one cracking jokes, very self-deprecating. Self-deprecating is always nice.

It's always good. See, that surprises me because, I mean, right now people can't see what you look like. I wouldn't pick tomboy. Yeah, not at all. Oh, full-blown tomboy. Yeah, short hair? No, but I've got curly, curly hair.

Yeah. About to hear. My mum used to brush it. I'd look like Sideshow Bob. I've been like putting forks into PowerPoints. Did you grow up with dolls at all? No. No dolls? That whippersnip is just. I know. They with dolls at all? No. No dolls?

That whippersnip is just. I know. They're like right out the window. I'm pretty sure there's a chainsaw out there. He won't be. He surely won't be the whole record. There's no grass down the side of the house, but he's just there by the window kind of waving.

I can see him waving across the top of the window. Good luck recording through this. Did you have siblings though? I had two brothers. Oh, okay. That might explain it a little bit. Two brothers Spent majority of my childhood outside

Riding bikes Pushing each other down the hill in you know bins Discarded mattresses from council cleanups A proper Aussie child A little bit like a hood rat So did you have any thought at all of like Oh I can't wait to grow up and meet the man of my dreams And become a mum

Yes I definitely always wanted to have children i wanted to have six children in fact i had all of their names halfway there in a diary there'll be no more do you remember what the names were my favorite name of all time has always been charlie okay so when i felt pregnant i said to my husband if we have a girl her name is char, you have no say. And he was like, whatever. Whatever was a boy, so? No, I like Charlie for a girl only. Did he have any pushback on that or was he like, yeah, it's fine, you can have that?

No, no. I was pretty aggressive as a pregnant woman so he wouldn't dare push back. Yeah, he's like, I know how you like to wrestle. Exactly. I don't want to split lip. You got Ryan, your husband, in a headlock. We're calling it Charlie. Fuck off.

Pretty much. So you were the class clown-ish tomboy. Were you very academic? I was very academic until I found, not found, but until I got my first boyfriend. Did really great in my school certificate. Yeah. And then I got a boyfriend.

I was in year 11. I was in year 11. He was in year 12. Was he a bad boy? He wasn't a bad boy. He was really nice. I made him wait nine months and then I let him put his penis inside me and then it was game over. School schmool.

I did not want to. Amy, something's wrong with your grades here. I wonder what's going on. Oh, no, they actually called my parents. You know, Amy's got so much potential and she was doing so well and we don't know what's happening to her. And she just smells of cock. I was skipping classes.

I was, yeah, anyway. There you go, eh? Once you pop, you can't stop. Right. I'll take your word for it. Did your parents try and get you back on track? They tried desperately, yeah. What sort of methods did they try?

Like locking me in my room, grounding me. They're all things that are known to work. Yeah, yeah. Nothing really worked. I used to wait until they went to bed and then I'd sneak out of the house. No chastity bell, nothing like that? Metal undies, no. Yeah, but my dad was really strict.

He was a police prosecutor. I was his firstborn as well as a daughter do you remember then like bringing your boyfriend at the time home and he met your dad yes how did he respond no he was fine he wasn't it's a two-story house and his name was darren we used to call him big daz that was his nickname because he wasn't big at all he was was big in other parts. Is this your dad or your boyfriend? No, my dad's Big B. Oh, there's lots of bigs, right? No, Darren, his nickname was Big Daz or Tripod because he had a...

Big dick. Yeah. Nice. I didn't want to say it. That's what they call me around here. Yeah. No, he had to be obviously very respectful. My dad is very big on respect and manners and so he would have to sit

at the bottom of the staircase while I went upstairs to get changed or do whatever. We dated for two years as well. I don't think he ever stepped foot in my bedroom. That your dad knows of anyway. My dad knows of. And if your dad's listening, it's still whatever happened. Let's never tell my dad about this podcast.

All that did was make me go outside of the family home to have sex. Yeah. So it was in bushes and cars and just places where, you know, not as safe. Totally. Well, the bushes. But in his head he was like out of sight, out of mind. As long as it's not happening under my roof,

I don't want to know about it. Well, then when did your now husband husband when did he come into the scene i met ryan when i was 28 okay yeah he came over to my house he met my parents we were playing a game of winking murder around the table what is what's winking murder you divvy out cards and whoever gets i think it's the joker or the king you're the murderer and then everyone it's, I think it's the Joker or the King, you're the murderer. And then everyone, it's quite odd, right? It's a weird game to play, especially when you're introducing your new partner and you're all just staring at each other

and you've got to wink on the sly, right, and not be caught by everybody else at the table. And then you have to pretend to die. So you have to wait a couple of seconds and then go, ah, ah, and then die. And the other people have to work out who did that. Why was Ryan in your house at the time? Who initiated that? So we had

like a family dinner. Yeah. And he had come over to meet my mum and dad. Very daunting, I bet. Yeah. So we had the dinner. My brothers were there with their partners. Ryan came over. We played Winking Murder. Ryan's fiercely competitive. Somehow managed to win Winking murder. Ryan's fiercely competitive, somehow managed to win winking murder. And he did this like... Interesting because your dad being a

prosecutor, you'd think he'd be all over that. But you wouldn't, but you know what he was all over. So Ryan does this thing where he gets, when he gets really nervous, he gets extra loud and boisterous and he almost comes across like a bit of a cocksucker because he's overcompensating for being really nervous so he won winking murder and he's kind of picked me up and pretended to do this wwe wrestling move where he slams me over his knee my god like it didn't hurt me but my dad after he left was like um what was that about what was that about i never wanted to touch my daughter i don't know if i'm comfortable with that kind of stuff so you know got brought up in the wedding speech constantly gets reminded about it yeah nothing

like a good first impression yeah and so then at what point how far into the relationship after you guys had met at 28 did you think wow this is. Oh, God. It was just really easy with Ryan. He's quite the hunk, can I say that? He is pretty hunky. Yeah, the dark hair and the blue eyes definitely lured me in. He's starting to silver off too, isn't he? He's getting a bit of salt and pepper in the beard, which I'm into. His dad is quite attractive.

I hope he doesn't listen to this. This is what we want. An attractive man. And here he is. And Ryan does look very similar to him, so I'm like tick, right? Yes. Yeah. I actually think that Ryan, as we get older, is getting more attractive.

So I've done well there. But it was just he's a good time. I have more fun when he's with me as opposed to I used to have boyfriends I just wanted to go out with girls and then yeah you know be with him when I was hungover on a Sunday whereas Ryan kind of matches my energy we love a dance floor and it's got good banter and he doesn't mind me taking the piss out of him and vice versa yeah I think that's key when you can take the piss out of each other it versa. Yeah, I think that's key. When you can take the piss out of each other, it makes everything else so much easier. Yeah.

It's when you're too serious. I notice when I meet couples and they're like, they can't make fun of each other. It's like, how does that work at home? Is it like a library where just no one talks? And I think a big component of our marriage is we're really great friends. Yeah.

And I think that definitely helps because like the last, that fucked off real quick. Right? I'm always a big believer in like having similarities with your partner. Some people are like it's opposites that attract. And I'm like, no, you want to be on the same page, you know, the same energy.

And then when it comes to having a family, that can be a tricky one because sometimes they tick all the boxes everywhere else but then they don't want to, you know, they don't want to have the same once is what you want yeah they don't want six kids also like your values like values too it's kind of like you could be happy go lucky having so much fun but then it's like i don't want kids i don't want i don't believe in that i don't believe in that i think it's really important that you do even if it's not exactly the same, find some sort of. And we also love the same things. Like we love eating.

We love eating out really good food. He's an exceptional cook. I'm a fantastic eater. I've seen your stories where you're just like, he's just like got to cook up this big thing for a couple of people coming over. And he loves it. So I was like, that's great because I hate cooking. Do you remember kind of saying to Ryan at any point,

like let's start talking about a family? I'm pretty sure I spoke about it on our first date. I think he asked me like. Red flag. I was like, I'm not fucking around. I'd just gotten out of a pretty hectic, shitty, toxic relationship and I was like, I'm just going to lay all my cards out. I think he actually asked, do you want kids? And I was like,'m just gonna lay all my cards out i think he

actually asked do you want kids and i was like yeah i do on the do you mean now yeah right now we can practice no i think we discussed it on the first day wow we did have a few negroni so really like yeah yeah at 28 as well you're not fucking around 32 And he was 32. Yeah. So like we weren't in our early 20s. You were like. Yeah. Clock's ticking. Pretty much. Did you plan this is when we're going to have or did it happen just along the way?

This story is wild. No, nothing was planned. I didn't make him wait as long as I made Big Daz wait. Big Daz-er. Big Daz-er did have a decent-sized cock. Yeah, he did. Tripod. No, Ryan, I still made him wait a little bit.

My thing is if you're into them, you don't give it up straight away. It was about three weeks. That's actually better than most people today. But we had gone to the city to surf. You know the city to surf. I was living in Bellevue Hill. For anyone who doesn't know outside of Sydney, it is what you run from the city to Bondi.

It's like 14 k's. It's massive. Everyone runs and then gets shit-faced in Bondi afterwards. That sounds amazing. Yeah, I definitely don't do the running part. I'm just there to get the shit-faced at the end. And so I had been at a party in Bondi from like 11am and he had been somewhere else. He was living in Paddington. And then we somehow met at Icebergs. It's all very blurry. And we went home together. And then I,

I remember waking up in the morning and he was next to me and I was like, wow, like I am so hungover. And he was like, yeah, same. And he goes, so I think you've wet the bed. I was like, what? No, I haven't. And he goes, no, no, you definitely have. I actually thought it was me to begin with. And then I've realised, no, it's definitely coming from Amy's side. But I also was just

too hung over. He was like, I kind of wanted to leg it, but I didn't, I'm still here. And I feel like in that very moment, it's all comes down to how I was going to play it, right? Like if I wigged out and got really embarrassed and awkward, it would have just made the situation, which was already a little awkward. You'd pissed again, didn't you? You're like, I double down. Straight onto him, yeah. No, I was just like, oh, yes.

I pissed myself. Did that really happen? And I just kind of made a joke about it. Like it always happens? Hey, number one. It's a thing in our family. Like if it's not in the bed, it's in the corner of the room. It's what happens after a few drinks.

And so that was the first night we spent together. And then the next night we ended up having a shower together. And, again, after a few drinks, quite a few drinks after a big night out. So you wee'd in the shower? I didn't wee on the shower, but I actually didn't remember having the shower with him. And I woke up the next morning, I was like, fuck, when I go my hair,

like I always think about The Bachelor. You know you go on these dates and all these girls jump in the water? I'm like, how? Me, I'd jump in the water looking like this and then I'd come out looking like Hagrid from Harry Potter, right, like full Afro curly hair. And I woke up and I've transformed into the real me. And I was like, why the fuck is my hair curly? And he was like, oh, we had a shower.

And I was like, wow. So the first two nights that we spent together off to Flying Stars. Yeah, beautiful. Yeah. Sounds romantic. Super romantic. Are you trying to get to the first time we had sex? Oh, I thought we were going to lead to like getting pregnant.

Oh, I didn't get pregnant the first time we had sex. Good to know. I actually thought that's where we were going. That's where I thought we were going with that. Oh, I did get pregnant very early on though. But I'm enjoying the first two times. Yeah, let's move to the third time. That's where I got pregnant.

And so when you felt pregnant, was that one planned with Charlie? No. We'd been dating for about five and a half months. Oh, wow. Very early on. Very early, five and a half, maybe six months. We had thankfully had one trip over to America. He'd broken up with his ex.

He was meant to go to Coachella, so he had these tickets, which he couldn't get. The flight's refunded. So he was like, do you want to go on a holiday? And I like sure with you oh i was like you know what it's probably going to put our relationship into a blender but yeah why not test it out yeah so we went to san francisco santa barbara la over to mexico playa del carmen onto t I tell you what, best thing we ever did because, let me tell you, it's the only international holiday that we have ever had on our own. Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah. Okay, right. So we've had this incredible holiday which kind of just cemented our love for each other. Came back, moved in together in Surrey Hills, went to the races. Had a big day there. Somehow ended up at the stables.

So fast forward a couple of weeks and my girlfriend tells me that she's pregnant. And I was like, oh my God, I'm like two days late as well. Wouldn't that be funny? And she's like, oh, do a test. And I was like, I don't even know Ryan's middle name. Like I'm not doing a test. Oh, wow. Okay.

And then I did a test and my eggs were fertilized. We've spoken about this before very stupidly. Do you pee on the stick? That's right. We said, don't you dip the stick in? So it depends how full my bladder is. If I know that there's a huge amount of whey in there, I will run the gautland and just hold the stick there.

But if I know, oh, do I need to pee, do I not, I'll get a cup. Clever. Then you can dip it. Then you dip it. Look at these two white idiots, petrol idiots, trying to work out, you dip the stick or shove the stick up or shove it across. We were just like, fuck, I don't know. Put the stick in and then you wee and then put it out.

And then you wee on each other. Do you remember when you saw, and again, very naive here, is it like two lines or what do you get for no i i got the digital ones so it told me that not only i was pregnant but that i was also two plus weeks pregnant so oh which makes me i think i'll say the two plus or three plus which makes me either four or five weeks pregnant wow were you living a a party lifestyle around then so it sort of put a real halt on that real quick too, I bet. My 20s were like a party lifestyle.

Lived overseas for three years. He had a good 10 years of partying as well. His ex was in music so they did loads of travel and festivals and stuff. So whilst, yes, we were in the honeymoon period and we were having a really good time i didn't know what to do i called my mom first which was a huge mistake because i could have procreated with a wombat and she would have been like oh my god and she would like they only hear one thing right yeah yeah and i was like before you rush out and buy me a bugaboo, I have to let Ryan know and I'm going to call Ryan

and I'll have a chat with him first. And so, you know, the normal thing would have been to like talk to Ryan face-to-face when I got home, but I just sent him a photo of the pregnancy test and sent it to him at work and then just waited. He's like mid-meeting. He's like, oh. Oh, fine. Anyway, I was quite taken back.

He was pretty excited. Oh, cool. Oh, great. Anyway, I was quite taken back. He was pretty excited. Oh, cool. Oh, great. Yeah. That's great news. So that was basically how our first child was conceived. Wow. There you go.

Did you get married before or was after? He proposed to me when I was nine months pregnant and looking like a whale. Like a beluga whale. I turned looking like a whale. Like a beluga whale. I turned into like a rectangle. So not overly attractive engagement photos, but we had my daughter in December on Christmas Eve and then we got married the following year in November. So she was at our wedding, which is really sweet.

That's pretty cool. Weirdly similar to me and Laura. Yours? Yeah, we got engaged when she was like eight months pregnant and then got married in November. What the? Oh, what? It's just like looking into it.

Did you guys also meet on The Bachelor? Yeah. Yes. Wow. Okay. And then the transition into motherhood, was that beautiful? Was it elegant? Was it a fairy tale?

Was it everything you imagined? Oh, no. No. I always loved kids. I love babysitting. I love babies. I love looking after kids. I was probably a small child myself until I had one.

So I actually thought I was a bit of a, I don't know, a bit confident, overconfident almost. Yeah. I was like, oh, sweet. But the pregnancy ruined me and then the birth kind of ruined me and then when she came out, she obviously arrived early. She was 37 weeks. She was tiny.

She had jaundice. The midwife was like, you've got to breastfeed her every two hours. I'm going to sound really dumb here. Jaundice is? When you're yellow. Yeah. I was going to have a grow out of it. You got a yellow kid?

I've got a really brown kid and a really white kid. Why? Yeah, jury's out. Yeah, I mean I feel like you can be the most confident and prepared as possible but it still hits you like a freight train. Yeah, we always say that you'll never be prepared enough no matter how much you read or, you know, look up or watch or get advice

you're never going to be prepared what's actually going to be in front of you when it happens yeah and i think like there's so much contradicting feedback out there like you've got save our sleep that tells you to put them into a routine from birth and you've got everyone else saying that it's bloody cruel to do that and to let them cry it out. And so for everything that you come across, you've got conflicting evidence as to why you shouldn't do that way. And so I was like, I'm just going to lean into my mother's intuition and instinct. And I remember walking in the door when I got home and I was like, hey, where is the manual?

Like what do I do next? Yeah. There's no manual. It's all instinct, right? It is instinct. And I think a lot of women probably do struggle with that because a lot of people are very heavy routine based. I've never been routine based. I'm a bit of a fly by your seat kind of pants. No, fly by your pants kind of seat. Well, you know what I'm trying to say. And just kind of go with the flow, which I feel like helps with motherhood because babies throw so many curveballs.

When you get them figured out one week, it changes right next. It's like with that ongoing thing where it's like, oh, they slept so good last night, let's repeat exactly what we did last night. What was the temperature? What time did I feed them? Yes. So it was hard. I feel like any mum who says it's easy would be lying

it's always a transition but it does i feel like the first six weeks it's just like you're getting used to your new role the baby's like what the fuck who's looking after me you know if you're breastfeeding that can be quite challenging as well So it was intense. Can I ask, is it eight years ago now? Yes. What was it like back then with men taking mat leave? Because it's changed quite a lot in recent years. Did Brian get much time off work? He took about two, three weeks off, but I mean, he wasn't that helpful. That was going to be my next question. It was like, how did he adapt? You're like. Like I would rather have had my mum there just because I feel like Ryan, he's a simple dude, right? Like if I say to him, hey, can you do this for me?

He'll absolutely do it but he won't take the initiative and do it. He's better now. He's better now. Sounds like my house. If I'd ever told you to do it, you wouldn't do it. That's right. Whereas my mum would walk in the door and she just hits the ground running. She's putting on loads of washing.

She's putting on dinner. She's making the bed, changing the sheets, blah, blah, blah. She's doing all the things that I need to do and don't need to ask her. So if there's any dads out there who are maybe like just about to become a new time parent, what would your advice be to them? What are the things they can do to help out with their partner around the house? Just stay on top of the washing for your partner. Just one thing? No, no, no, no. Okay. Hang on, let me just get my list down.

I would be doing, especially if your wife is breastfeeding, because the onus is all on you. I breastfed Charlie and, again, because she was small and she had breast milk jaundice, they were like, you need to keep pumping her with breast milk. So I was breastfeeding her every two hours and then burping, changing nappies, settling, and then basically breastfeeding again. It's exhausting, eh?

Yeah, I was like a dairy cow. And so for me, what would have really helped in that situation would have been if he had just kind of started you know helping around the house with the washing and he was always pretty good with the food he makes sure that we were always fed but make sure you're fed make sure there's always water nearby stay on top of the the household duties yeah washing yeah there's only like a second, maybe like once every two or three months where the washing is done and then that shit just piles right on up. Straight away.

April does two loads a day. It's crazy. And I'm like sometimes I feel like she's just doing loads for the sake of it. It's like it's a habit. She's just looking there and it's like two things in there. Taking the washing out from the wardrobe and like re-washing it. I'm just like leave it. If I stop now, I won't pick it back up again.

With your relationship with Ryan, because you guys had been together for the five months. Five minutes, yeah. Obviously you then have that time when you're pregnant, but you can't travel. You're not the same as you were before pregnancy. So you guys, so early on, how did you adjust to that change of being, you know, parents when you've only been together for such a short period of time?

Well, it's funny you ask, because I feel like even now we've been together for what, nine years? And I feel like I'm still getting to know him. I feel like only in the last couple of years have I been like, wow, like you are quite a slob. Like I feel like all of this stuff is coming out. And I think, I don't know whether it was a blessing or a curse, but because I fell pregnant really early on and because we had Charlie and then we got married and then we had another child and then we had another child. And I was just heavily balls deep in mom life and stay-at-home mum life and had all these kids that I was quite preoccupied with. Our relationship just coasted along but now that I'm stepping away

from that a little bit, I'm like, wow, have you got irritable bowels? You're becoming his mum. That's what's happening, I think. I just missed all this stuff so I'm kind of getting to still know him. He was a fantastic partner in terms of taking on parenting head on after knowing him for, you know, a year or so. I feel like if I'd done it with anybody else, it would have gone tits up real quick.

I think I knew that. I don't know if I would have had a baby with anybody else that soon after meeting them. I know that sounds cliche and corny. It was meant to be. I knew that Ryan was my guy. Trying to make up for it after calling him a slob. Yeah, with IBS.

Very good. It's pissing on the bed. That's like. Listen, he stayed with me after that. If anyone wants to, it's like the easiest way to just like sense check if they're a lifetime partner or not. Just piss on them. Piss on them and then wake up and be like, what's it going to be?

Yeah. Make a decision. You're in or you're out. Very good. And then with baby number two and number three, obviously when you were younger you wanted to have a family of six. Yeah, five. After the trials and tribulations of baby number one,

did you want to jump straight back into being a second time mum? Yes. Charlie was the Dalai Lama. She was a really easy textbook baby. She slept pretty early on. We breastfed for a year and I loved it. She was chill. She was a happy little girl, whatever. So then yes, we got married and I was like, let's go for gold. You know, let's keep pumping, you know, six kids. We've got five to go, right? Far out. If you said turn around and said five more, I'd be like, whoa. So then I had my second son, no, my second child, Bobby, and he was even easier as a baby. He was an absolute legend. Couldn't breastfeed him. He had a really severe tongue tie. And the first thing I said when he came out, he kind of like cannonballed

out of me in 90 minutes and they like pulled him up. And I was like, where is his chin? He's got a tiny, teeny, tiny little chin and it's quite recessed. And it was the first, I mean, I love him. He's gorgeous. But I was like, that was the first i mean i love him he's gorgeous but i was like that was the first line that came out of my mouth when i saw him what did the obstetrician say she was like it's there it's just there what the fuck like he's your beautiful baby amy nice chin man so it's the family he's been born into like that's how we show our love we softly bully each other yeah so we had quite a lot of issues with him breastfeeding i couldn't breastfeed him he had his tongue tie revised but that fucking sucks sorry i swear breastfeeding if that's good

life is great if it's bad that can derail everything everything yeah and i think the biggest thing is if i had had because i really wanted to breastfeed and i loved breastfeeding charlie and we had a great journey with it but my thing is all that matters is that the baby's fed and is happy and I'm happy. And if that's through breastfeeding, great. And if it's not through breastfeeding, it's sure as shit going to be formula feeding. So I tried with Bobby and I tried and I tried and he was just screaming and he wasn't putting on weight. And my titties are like volcanoes. They're angry. They want to be milked and he just couldn't get weight. And my titties are like volcanoes. They're angry. They want to be milked and he just couldn't get it. So I was basically like milking myself into his mouth,

went to get his tongue tie revised and they had like ultrasounded my boob and he was barely connecting with my nipple. Revised, snipped his tongue, brought him back two weeks later and then he wasn't even connecting with my nipple. So it had almost sent him backwards. And the lady was like, hey, I'm just going to give you two straight. You will never be able to breastfeed, but his anatomy won't allow it. His chin is recessed. He's got a tiny tongue. That fucking chin. His chin's back.

I knew it. And so she was like, I mean, if you want him to have breast meat, you'll have to express every feed. I also had a 22-month at home. So I was like like fuck that straight on to formula happiest kid on earth slept through the night straight away from eight months great loved having two kids super confident mom went out we did everything started a mom's group let's go let's go for gold with a third we'd spoken about it ryan was on board ryan was on

board yeah cool kind of he ryan's one of two. He still had four more to go, man. Ryan was like, do you want a third? Like two is great. My nan who had six was like, two is really good. Yeah. And she's like, I've got six. Yeah. I was like, but you had six. And she goes, but two is like you have a really easy life

and you've got one kid's always got one parent. Agreed. You've got two in each hand. Strongly agree. Yeah. I do understand what she's saying now because three is, I mean, I was one of three, but I do always feel like with three, one kind of sometimes gets a little bit left out.

Oh. Which one is it? It's always the middle child. Is it just all? You're the middle child. You're banging the middle of five though i can relate yeah everyone forgot matt's name for ages are you were you fourth or sec i was third you're smack bang in the middle yeah so uh it's tough yeah you're right you want to talk about it

i'm one of two and i'm the favorite yeah i, I was first born. Yeah, I think that's like it's funny. We're at the point now, Ash has had the snip, we're debating whether or not to go for a third. Yep. Not me or an eye. Just me. Like is it good or bad? Give it to me straight.

Well, listen, I had all three under four years. That's rough. That's gnarly i did want four but i also wanted four when i had one at school so i only ever really wanted two at home that was the game plan it didn't work out like that i mean i know how babies are created but i also am pretty in tune with my cycle and i know when the danger zone is and when not and I distinctly remember Ryan and I. You say that and you got pregnant accidentally. Yeah, I know. I know what the danger zone is.

I think we all know where the danger zone is. But I distinctly remember Ryan and I having some adult fun one night and I said to him, he was like, oh, should I pull out? And I was like, yeah, just to be safe. And he was like, oops. I thought we were playing the winking murder on. Sorry. And then sure as shit I was pregnant with Kobe.

So when my third was born, Charlie was only three years old and three and eight months. Wow. So three at home absolutely pushed me over the edge. I do have girlfriends who have three when the first one or the first two are at school and they love it. It's chaos but it's good. Like I feel like it's a noisy house.

I also feel like it's the boys. Like for me, Charlie, again, Dalai Lama up, finger painting in her room, makes no noise. But my boys do not stop fighting. So it's like WWE wrestling all day every day. All the time, yeah. And like as they get older too, it's just going to be like. Then they'll get like all of a sudden all this testosterone

and they'll go into puberty and they'll be in the house beating each other up. Yeah. No, they already do that. Oh, yeah. There you go. My kind of routine at the moment is the girls aren't in daycare on Thursdays and daycare every other day.

But sometimes like recently Marley was sick so I had her Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and I absolutely love my children to death. But Monday morning sending them off to daycare, I'm like. Hallelujah. It's like, oh, thank God. Yeah. I always think like full-time stay-at-home parents, especially to three kids, like when you're battling,

when you're exhausted, when the kids are being a nightmare, how do you kind of pull yourself out of that rut? Can I tell you, when I had Charlie and then I had Bobby and Kobe and I was a stay-at-home mum, I had fully immersed myself into that and I knew no different, right? I actually feel like what I'm doing now is harder because I'm one foot out, but I've still got Kobe Monday and Tuesday. And then what I'm still doing is I'm still doing all the stay-at-home mum shit. So I'm still doing all the school lunches and the dropping to school and then picking them up from school and the extracurriculum activities and all of that kind of stuff.

But I'm also working. So all I've done is increase my workload. But when I was just a stay at home mum, it is relentless, but I was so used to it. I knew no difference. So I was kind of just like, I made sure that I was always getting out, play dates, mom's group, fucking rhyme and time. As long as I had other moms there and I was always trying to converse with adults, it was fine. Kids were always around, house always looked like been ransacked by bin chickens, but it was fine. Whereas now, and I'm loving my work and I'm loving being able to jump onto the podcast and talk and be creative on socials and all that kind of stuff, but then trying to switch back

into mum mode, it's that I find quite difficult. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it's the balance. Like, yeah, I suppose like you were saying, you're fully focused on one thing, it's much easier, but if you're half focused on something, it's kind of like.

I feel like I'm doing everything in my life at 50%. But also it's like your work, the schedule is always changing so it's not as if your work can be confined to just one day, like on a Wednesday because it's always going to spill out to the other day. So if you're trying to hang out with your child and then all of a sudden your phone's ringing and then you've got emails. That's Matt Nash, you've got to go and record a podcast. Well, that's exactly right as well.

Like with Instagram and content creating, there's no structure. And writing the book, I just had to write it around my kids and podcasting and trying to get guests on. And the emails are constantly going off. So you're trying to be a present parent but you're also like, I would rather be doing my emails because I don't want to play cafe with you for the 50th time. And you really, sometimes you catch yourself and you're like,

fuck, I can do this later. Yeah. And then 10 seconds later you're back. You're like, I could do this now too. Here is Coco Melon. Yeah. I want to ask about Charlie and her relationship with your husband because I've spoken a lot about the fact that

Lola, who's my second born, absolutely hates me, hates me so much. Like will kick me in the face on purpose multiple times if I even look at her when she's in our bed. And you've mentioned that Charlie and Ryan don't quite get along as well as the other kids she's not as violent as lola but charlie even from birth has just been a mummy's girl through and through it's not even she has an aversion to her dad she just doesn't she kind of just not interested in men great let's hold on to that let's be like ryan so i think as well because we are done having kids Ryan went and had the snip after the third Ryan desperately wants to have a little daddy's girl and the more he tries the more she is just pushing back on him she can smell the desperation she can a mile away but she's also start she's

very switched on now so now she uses it to her advantage. So if I am going out or something and she's like, you're not going and leaving me with Dad. No. It's hysterical. Sounds so familiar. And then Ryan will be like, but Charlie, Charlie, I'll let you stay up. Like you can have ice cream.

You can have jelly. Desperation. You can watch YouTube Kids for an extra hour. And she's like, oh. You it was desperate bozo yeah or if i say no to things which i say no to her a lot of times she goes and asks dad anything she wants like the bribing of charlie to to get her to love him is pathetic um and it doesn't work i keep saying to him ryan it's not working like maybe just play it cool and let her come to you, but he can't. I don't know what it is.

She's even like that with my dad, with her pa. She's a girly girl. She loves the girls. She loves the Arnie's. So what you're saying is there's no hope. No. No. Pretty much.

Keep working at it, mate. It's comforting to know that there's other dads out there going through it, but also shit to know that. but also just don't be desperate maybe that's what it is treating me and keeping keen maybe you got to try i actually said that to him yeah but he's treating me and he he doesn't know how to quite do that like he'll get really angry at her and then she's hysterically crying in tears and i was like oh you just made it worse yeah yeah but you know what i was a bit like that i'm actually only close now with my dad and i am what age did that kind of start to shift it shifted when i moved out okay when i stopped living you got a long way to go my friend but it's all right i have faith because i feel like she's she hasn't always been like this right she

did used to love like i've seen footage of them together and it was like there was love there and just lately. So I think that you've got an opportunity. What Amy's saying is from day dot, girly girl, I think you've got an opportunity to turn it around. Did something happen? Yeah, Matt. Yeah.

Did you drop her? No, I think. Was it the dummy? Well, kind of similar to your situation. It was always a case of like from birth I couldn't really settle her. It was always Laura. And then she didn't sleep that well in the cot, would sleep in your arms, but not in my arms, in Laura's arms.

So it was always a case of she definitely preferred mum. But then the real change was when we took away the dummy and that was just like. Did you? No, it wasn't even me. It was Laura. He got blamed though, I think. It was kind of like, I remember we were recording over that time.

It was close to Christmas and like it was very tense about the whole thing. Yeah, yeah. And then you had to give it back eventually, didn't you? Oh, yeah. You folded. We folded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, i was just

with some friends on the weekend i did the similar to you like the santa thing and then they folded and they were like nah yeah it's annoying dummies is one that was really really hard is it any part of parenting like big transitions that you've struggled with charlie had a dummy but this is probably where i went wrong as a first time mom i had given her a dummy not just for sleep just for at any point in the day i'd be like oh yeah for sure it's kind of like a mute button yeah she'd sneeze and i'd be like she would be sitting on the couch just watching the wiggles i'd be like dummy i don't know why and so she was like a dummy addict and then at about eight months i found i had i had put about 40 dummies in her cot because she would wake up and she'd be looking for

it so i was like here you go here's 40 of them i'll scatter them around and she would just pick them up and just throw them out of the cot man pick them up throw them out of the cot and i remember ringing drusillian and they were like, you're going to have to wean her off the dummy, okay, because she's playing with you now. Even when we were at Westfield, she'd put it in, she'd throw it. And so I'd be like, oh, he's another one. I've got 40 of them in my bum bag and he's another one.

And she'd just throw it. So I was talking to my mum about it. My mum, Mother Teresa, but also very tough love, said I've got to wean Charlie off the dummies. But I'm a massive pussy and I love sleep. So I can't do the first night. And she was like, bring her around. And so I remember I was like, perfect.

I had a wedding to go to. Mum was already going to be babysitting. And mum was like, all right, I'll do the first night for you. My mum was up the entire night and she was just settling her without the dummy. And I got there the next day and she was like bags under her eyes and she said, don't you dare give her a dummy tonight. I've done the first night.

I've broken the camel's back. For you, you've got to hold firm. And so the second night it was tough. No, my mum would have killed me. The second night was a little bit tough and she did wake a couple of times and I just went in and soothed her. Third night she slept straight through. There you go.

That was it. I mean, I don't know if that was it. You were more than that. Yeah, we did a couple of weeks and then it just like. Oh, a couple of weeks would have broken me. I would have been like have all, I'll sticky tape one to your mouth. I never had that problem, thankfully. Once we just took them off, that was it.

Well, it's funny because with the boys they were so easy with bobby i was like fuck i'm not making that mistake again so his dummy was only for bedtime and then when bobby was about three i was like hey buddy it's easter and what happens tonight is easter bunny comes around and he collects every single dummy and he takes them to all the newborn babies and so let's go around we collected every single dummy of he takes them to all the newborn babies. And so let's go around. We collected every single dummy of his and I said, and we'll put it in the basket and then he might leave you some chocolate instead.

He got it? Yep. He asked for it once the next night and then never again. And then Kobe again had the dummy for sleep and then when he got a big boy bed at two, which was the worst mistake of my life, I was like, hey, they were sharing a room. I was like, Bobby's got a big boy bed.

You've got a big boy bed now. Dummy's gone. And he was like, yeah, I'm a big boy. Threw the dummy at me, never asked for it again. The boys were surprisingly really easy. Yeah, I don't even remember Macy having a dummy, to be honest. Oscar had it more but like only really young and then he sort of, I don't really recall.

I wouldn't know if it was hard work. Ames, I know you have to head off very soon. I actually do have a couple of listener questions before you go. If I can just fire them at you. Yeah. The first one is one that I don't understand. But you might. I hope you can enlighten me. They said ask her about the pear.

Oh, yeah. Actually, April asked me the same thing today. What's the pear? The pear. We have a pear at home. Do you? What's your thing? The pear is an incredible, let's call it a sex toy because that's what it is,

but it's not like a big phallic pink looking thing that you ram up inside you. It could pass as a paperweight. It is in the shape of a pear. It's called the Essential Vibe, but I nicknamed it the pear about two years ago and it has stuck. Is it one of those suction ones? No.

I've actually never used a toy. When you come over next, I'll let you use my wife's. Yeah. No, it's not for you, although you could probably press it against your butthole. I was going to say, I've never used a toy. When you come over next, I'll let you use my wife's. Yeah. No, it's not for you, although you could probably press it against your butthole. I was going to say, I've never used a toy with Laura. Oh, my God, you need to get her a pair. You might become redundant though.

It's a good time. Does April like it? Yeah, she loves it. Yeah. Do you use it together? Yeah. Yeah. So you use it together.

You use it. How are you during? During. Yeah. But not on yourself? No. No, no. It's waterproof so we take it in the shower.

Is this appropriate for a parenting podcast? It is perfectly appropriate. All mums need the pair. Okay. Amy 15, guys. Discount code. Discount code. We'll put it in the notes of the show.

What's your biggest fear? My biggest fear is losing my parents because i am a small child all of a sudden all over again i don't know i think when i had my own children i was like wow i was such an asshole to my mom and dad and i love them so much and they were so good to me and i have i always respected them and i've always loved them, but I have so much more respect since becoming a parent myself and I will perish when they pass on. Yeah, I think it's like now my mum is 73. She just left the house before we started recording

and you're like, oh, my God, you're really old now. Yes, my dad just had a birthday and I rang him to say happy birthday. Who are you? He was like, do you know how old I am? I was like 61, 62, and he was like plus six. And I was like, what? You're old I am? I was like 61, 62 and he was like plus six. And I was like, what? You're 68? All of a sudden, yeah.

And I was like, oh, I felt weirdly anxious about that. Don't die. Don't die. No one startle him. Yeah. Very last question is from Madeline and she says, what is the secret to successfully juggling everything? Fuck, I don't know.

I would love to know the answer to that. I think you're one of those parents who is nailing the juggle, being a mum but also then doing multiple other projects. For example, after this you're going to go straight into recording the audio book for your book. No, I'm going to the podcast tomorrow. I've lost track. I actually don't think there is a secret to it. I actually don't think anybody

knows the answer. I think every mom and parent, every dad out there as well, I think everybody's always just doing the best that they can. It's funny because Madeline, is it? Maddie obviously perceives me to be able to, like, she probably thinks that i'm doing a really great job at juggling it i mean i sent my kids to school in the wrong uniform yesterday i am constantly dropping balls yeah and i get riddled with guilt i'm like oh i didn't you know i didn't get back to this email in time and i also didn't spend enough time with one of my kids and one always feels left out and i've had sex with ryan again i've served nuggets for like five nights in a row. I love that. And there's no, I'm definitely not juggling it.

I don't think anybody is. I think we're all just doing the best we can. Yeah, that's all you can do really. You're constantly working at it, right? Yeah. And next year it's going to be completely different because your kid's going to be older. Yeah, that's right.

It goes back to when you said if any parent out there says that it's easy, they're lying. They're lying. And Matt mentioned your book. Yes. You've got a book that's currently pre-sale. Strap yourself in. Yes.

Strap yourself in. Is that what it's called? To the pair? Yes, it is. Do not strap yourself in, although you can strap yourself in. You'll get no work done if you strap yourself into that pair. Strap yourself in, yes. That is my biggest achievement.

I mean, after having three children, of course. That was hard. That was a hard slog, writing that. But I think it will be a good, of course, that was hard. That was a hard slog writing that. But I think it will be a good read. It's mostly for women, I'm going to probably say that. And it's not just a parenting book. It's all about the expectations that we have, that we put on ourselves sometimes in life

and what the reality of them actually look like and how they never fucking marry up, right? But it's not just parenting and stuff. It's marriage. You know, what we thought marriage was them actually look like and how they never fucking marry up right but it's not just parenting and stuff it's it's marriage you know what we thought marriage was going to look like versus what it really is like and and your sex life and your career and friendships and all of that kind of stuff so and it's not it's not out right now but it's available for pre it is available for pre-sale it is coming out on the 3rd of april there'll be a few little i don't know i've got a huge uh pr schedule which is wild ash and i will be there we will be there yeah you better be i will be as

uh two of your biggest male supporters yeah yes i'm gonna bring my pair along bring your yeah and get i'll get laura a pair we'll add a link to the pre-sale in the show notes for our amazing amy gerard thank you so much. And sorry it's taken so long to sit down and get this interview done, but it's been an absolute pleasure. It's been fun. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you.

Appreciate it. If you've liked this episode, please, of course, leave a little review on Apple Podcasts. Do you know where we've started getting some really nice reviews? Spotify. Oh, you can do it there too. Do it on both. You must.

My preference is the old Apple podcast, but some lovely reviews that I've read through. You should have a look. They will fill your cup right up. Good. And we also mentioned in that episode that Amy has a book on pre-sale, so we'll also put that in the show notes for you as well.

Maybe we'll chuck that little pair discount code in there as well. Yeah, for anyone out there who is keen to sink their teeth into the pair, for want of a better phrase. Very good. And if there's any other mums or dads who would like us to interview, please throw your suggestions our way and we'll do our best to make it happen. And we'll see you guys next Wednesday for a normal app. Thank you.

Bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.