Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #51 How to trick your child into loving you

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

It's spaghetti bolognese night at the Johnson household again, except a new ingredient has been added to the menu... No one prepares you for this when you become a parent.  Matt also has a new trick up his sleeve to make Lola love him, inspired by Pavlov's dog.  After a wild night at the Blink 182 concert, Ash realises that he can no longer handle hangovers like he used to in his pre-parenting days. We share your best Toddler Meltdown stories and have a crack at answering your listener questions:  How did you go with kids starting solids and choking/gagging? What are your thoughts on kissing your kids on the lips? Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads. If you need a shoulder to cry on: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  Email: [e-mail]   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Question for you. On bin night, is it okay to put your rubbish in other people's bins if your bin is full? Yes. Yes. I think yes. The answer is yes. But also there's this underlying feeling of, one,

you're doing something wrong. Yeah. But then also if someone's doing it to your bin, you're like, get the fuck out of my bin. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. And I'm Ash. This is a podcast all about parenting.

It is the good. It is the bad. And the relatable. And for legal reasons, we do have to say that if you find any advice from this podcast, disregard it at all costs. Yes, or just say you got it from another podcast. Not us. The other night, our bin was full.

They're tiny, your bins, sir. They are very, very small. Why do they fucking do that? I know. I think I'm at the point where I'm going to upgrade to a bigger bin. Do you know who was ready for those size of bins? Cost of living. Yes. Because, like, people can't afford food anyway,

so why don't we just fucking – the bin's already tiny. But I was putting something in a neighbour's bin as they were doing, like, you know, you kind of – you take out your bin one last time and he kind of came out as I was like coming to his bin. And I just kept walking. With your rubbish. Up to the headland. Just ended up walking.

I like hid behind a car. I was like, good, he's gone. He's gone, yeah. But I was like, it's not illegal. What am I worried about? It's not illegal, but it just feels illegal. And then also you're like, yeah, as the person who's the bin copying the neighbor's rubbish. Yeah, he'd be filthy.

He'd be like that motherfucker. Bitch, get out of my fucking bin. Should we have a drink? Oh, yeah. Shit. Okay. Do you want to pop your top? What about you pop mine?

I'll pop yours. Hey. Are you, sir? Yes. And we are drinking Stonewood Pacific Ale. This may come as a surprise, but it's Stonewood. Shocker. Cheers, my friend.

So the Pacific Ale Byron Bay in a bottle. Of course, it gets its name Pacific Ale because it is from a place called Byron Bay, which happens to be on the Pacific Ocean. Bang. It is brewed with all Australian barley, wheat, and of course, everyone's favourite. Galaxy hops. That is the galaxy hops.

It is cloudy. It is crisp. A little bit fruity. Very fruity. And it has just the perfect amount of bitterness. Like mother's milk. Not that I know that. Take your word for it.

Actually, I have a problem though with Stone and Wood. You're not allowed to say that. No. They have ruined every other beer for me. Oh yeah, it's the best. But if you do want to treat yourself, treat someone else. Pacific Ale from Stone and Wood. Delicious. Yes, and it's available in all

good bottle shops and select bars and pubs, which is usually on tap, which, again, delightful. So thank you, Stone and Wood, as always. All right. I have a story for you. Go. This may be very inappropriate. Okay.

I'm all for that. Go. Okay, so this may not even make the edit. Okay. But something happened to me last night Oh yeah it did So There's parts of parenting that no one really prepares you for Most of it mate

Okay so One of my children I don't want to say who it was I don't want to There's one of two. I mean, you guys can imagine which one it was. One of my children loves to get naked. Lola.

I'm not going to confirm or deny that. Loves to get nude. Just as soon as we get home from daycare, clothes are off. And it's awkward when we have guests over on the weekend. Loves to take her clothes off. Okay. Nothing wrong with that. I don't know why we're taking her name out weekend. Loves to take her clothes off. Okay. Nothing wrong with that. I don't know why we're taking her name out for.

But last night it came to dinner time. We normally have dinner down by the couch. We eat down there. And we were having spaghetti bolognese. Again? Yeah. That is a staple. I tried to feed the kids spaghetti bolognese last night.

Oscar hates it. Oscar hates sauce. Yeah, my kid's a bit funny with sauce as well. Spag bol is like the only one they can digest. But they are at the point now where they're like, are we really eating spag bol again? She goes into a diner. She's like, this is day 52 of eating dead spaghetti.

I know. I can no longer taste it. It's just, hey, it's got veggies. It's got protein. Like this is day 52 of eating dad's spaghetti. I know. I can no longer taste it. It's just, hey, it's got veggies. It's got protein. Job done. Anyway, next to me is one of my children who is naked. We know who it is. You don't have to keep referring to one of your children.

So I'm trying to feed the kids and I get the spag bowl it's like under my nose i'm trying to feed it and i'm like whoo that parmesan cheese is strong oh no there was no parmesan cheese on the spag bowl what's happened it was it was my child ash i'm sure. Okay, so was that pungent? She smelt. Yes. That you could smell it. Yes. Sometimes both men and women will have a downstairs region.

A stench. That has a smell. Okay. Which is natural, which is fine, which is no problem. I'm not here to attack anyone. Do you know what? Let's move on. All right, all right, all right, all right. Macy also stinks, but.

You're just saying this to make me feel better about myself. No, no, no, no, no. She's been very sick like just today, yesterday, today, and yet, and touch wood, and thankfully, Macy hasn't been, her whole young life hasn't really been sick, like that sort of sick, like fever. Have you done? Noticably disgusting.

Have you done a trip to hospital with her? Nah. Oscar, yeah, not her. She's been really, really good. But this is the first time she's been really sick and I'm like, oh, shit. What does she have again? She's got croup. She had croup.

It had like reflections of croup, but then it just kind of turned into like this weird fevery cold. But this being said, she's been pounded on urethane as you do. Is that all you do for croup? Do you have to? No, with croup, there's no, you've got to get like a steroid. So she's getting jacked. No, she didn't.

Unlike Oscar, she didn't quite get there, thankfully. Because when Oscar did it for two weeks, he was like a roid rager. That's right. Remember? Yeah. But because of the combination between paracetamol and the neurofen, you know how you go one, two, one, like back and forth, back and forth, the poor thing's a bit backed up.

And you know what she's like when she's a bit backed up. Holy dooly. But she's been seeping out farts, bro poor thing's a bit backed up. And you know what she's like when she's being backed up. Holy dooly. But she's been seeping out farts, bro. That's what I thought you were getting at. Marley's home from big day kidding you, trying to eat dinner and she's just farting on a plastic chair. That's what I thought. Who's farting that smells like parmesan cheese?

Who knows what she's been eating. I don't know what Macy's smells like. I can't pinpoint it, but it's foul. Does she know that she's doing it or is she? Yeah, because she's still a smirk every now and then. She coughed yesterday and like full fart, cough fart. But they've been silent. And then yesterday she was trying to push her poo,

didn't quite push it out. So when it happened, I'll let you know if it can beat the last record. No, if she tries to go any bigger than what she did last time, that will destroy her. Oh, yeah, yeah. It'll smell way worse than parmesan cheese. Oh, my God. That's not what I wanted to tell you.

Sorry, sorry. You prompt me into saying that. I put us on a tangent. I'm rattled. What did you want to ask? We went to Blink-182 the other day. We did. We did.

We had a great time. And we did have a great time. I woke up with a very sore throat due to a certain yelling incident, which the internet has seen. I was surprised at how well you knew Blink-182 songs. Thank you. You're a bit of a mixed bag. Thank you?

You knew like every song. Yeah, I'm pretty good like that. Yeah. You were- Really studied for that test. You and Laura, I'd say, were on par. Yeah, right. Your friend, his name again was-

Mike. Mike. Lovely Mike. Lovely Mike. Mike and I were kind of similar in that we were just like- Mike only knows- Where are you? Yeah.

But like he's- Mike's always talks about born in the wrong generation because his music taste is like- Cat Stevens. Exactly right. Yeah. But like he, my ex-wife always talks about born in the wrong generation because his music taste is like. Cat Stevens. Exactly right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You had that conversation.

He was wearing the double corduroy. Double cords. Loves it. Which is a far cry from the like skinny jeans and like skin tight black t-shirts. That me and Laura were wearing. Anyway, so afterwards we went, we kicked on, went to a gay bar, which April's work party, they had a party bus with a stripper pole, as you do.

Party bus, not for me. I felt a bit sick after it. See, I would say if there's anyone who's going to get involved in the stripper pole, it's this guy. Tried. Too many manoeuvres in that bus for me to really enjoy it not enough upper body strength or what's the problem

yeah probably that also the 12 beers that we had at the concert yeah yeah I had to sit down I was like

anyway from the party bus straight to a gay bar which I love can I just ask in the group of people on the party bus was it like

an overall consensus that everyone- No, I just said that's where we're going. You took control of the situation. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was all females. It was all females on the bus and I thought, where do I always have a good time where there's no toxic masculinity? It's much more love in there than anywhere else you go.

Gay bar. What was the name? Universal. I've never been there. I only know it's on Oxford Street because every time I go there, I'm blotto. So every event that I have during the week that I do go to and there's a kick on, always end up at Universal.

Mainly a few reasons. Reason number one, always something happening. You go to a hetero bar and it's like the vibe is zero. There's zero vibe. Less is a fight. You're like, fight, fight, fight. See, that's the thing. It's like you're such a weird contrast because if there was a fight,

I can imagine you'd be like, hey, I'd watch that. I would. I don't like the pre-fight where you see dudes walking around like they're fucking super tough, you know? Yeah, I know I get that. And what I find with a gay bar is because I'm hetero, I also feel like, I don't know, I feel like there's a good mix of people that everyone's way more accepting

of other people in there and I like that. My brother-in-law and his partner, both gay, obviously, together, married. The relationship I have with them is way more enjoyable than going to a hetero nightclub with some fucking bloke walking around with skinny jeans and shirt that's too small fucking walking around. There's no vibe. There's always a vibe there, okay? Can I ask you a question, Ash?

Yes. In that environment, can they tell that you're hetero? Oh, yeah. Yeah, totally. It's funny because if I ever get hit on and I'm like, sorry, I'm not gay, They're like, we knew. We thought we'd try anyway. They know.

I don't give off a homosexual vibe. And also, one, flattered. Second, it doesn't offend me. Just because someone's gay doesn't mean he automatically wants to fuck me, like some people think. You are very handsome. I am very fuckable. And that is a great mustache.

Yeah. people think but like you are very handsome i am very fun and that is a great mustache yeah but i always every time i have a good time i never ever leave there and think what a fucking shit show that was when you you know like i spent a lot of my like early teens and early teens no late teens early 20s living in like surface paradise and going to nightclubs and honestly. Hating it? Hate that now. Hate that now. Always end up at, every time, Universal because I know what I'm getting. And how does April feel?

Big dick. No. April was like, really? I'm like, yeah. And we got there and she was like, yeah, okay, I get it. Everyone was having a good time. So that's a credit to the gays that makes a lot of sense anyway makes a lot of sense and i and you know what i think it's great

that you can go there have a good time not feel threatened in any capacity they probably don't want me there yeah they're like oh fuck here he's again and you're like hey fellas i'm back Oh, shit. Shut off. Yeah, so went there, loved it, of course, had a good time. And then we left, I don't know, got home at like 2.30, 3 o'clock. The thing is, and some people will hopefully relate to this, if not April, I'm sorry, because she felt horrible about it. So the next day Oscar had a birthday party to attend of one of his friends. Right. At 9 o'clock in the morning.

It was 9 till 11. We'd been out the night before. They'd been asleep over at Popper's. April and I were a little bit too hungover to take Oscar before things. So we ended up roping my mother-in-law in to take it because it was like you can't be like, sorry. I was like, just tell them it's cancelled. It was a's a horrible thing to do and he kept saying when are we going when are we going i mean i was like that was dumb but you're pretty good normally you're the kind of guy

that i was on antibiotics that night yeah so i was lit like headache woke up with a headache and i'm usually not like it was in the basket where it was like if April was like, oh, she's hungover, there's no way she's going, but Ash will be able to go. It was at an indoor play centre. So think of the noise. And I was like, no fucking way am I going. It's cancelled.

We're like, let's just tell him it's cancelled. He's never going to know until he sees them. You went to my party. And I was like, fuck. So we managed to get April's mum to take him for two hours. Beautiful. And April felt really bad about it. And I said, look, babe, there's so many people that probably do the same thing.

So there's nothing to feel bad about. But all day she just beat herself up about it. And I was like. The guilt. The guilt. The mum guilt. The guilt creeps in. She felt horrible about it.

And I was like, you should feel horrible. And then her mum came back with Oscar and we're like, oh, how was it? She was like, fuck, it was noisy. Yeah. I was like, thank God. And also it's noisy and I'm sure that the amount of germs in that place as well. If you're on a getting sick, your kid's getting sick, it's like a gastro haven.

I can't even think of how. I've been to this place once and it's just not for me. I get the kids love it. It's not that one that's. Cheeky monkeys. Is it cheeky monkeys? Never been. No good.

Sorry, cheeky monkeys. Not for me. Anyway, so that was the aftermath of the gay bar, but we slept all day. And for the first time, I think in a long time, I didn't do anything on the Saturday night. Yeah. Which is very random.

You're in bed by 8 o'clock. Yeah. So look at me go. Look at you go. Hey, you're like you're, I feel like you are finally, you're changing. You're changing. You're growing up. You've now got two kids.

I will say at the Blink 182 concert, it was the first time I had these little moments where in my mind, I'm still 19 years old. And every now and then I have a moment where I'm like, oh man, I'm old. I'm old. And it was at Kudos near Homebush. Kudos Arena. Kudos Arena. Sorry.

There's a little bar that's near the stadium and everyone was in a bloody great mood. Lots of people having drinks there. Vibes were very high. Vibes were high. I'd say, not that I've been there, I'd say the vibes were on par with a gay bar, Ash. I mean- Maybe. If I can say that.

Lots of love. Yeah, lots of love Everyone's having a good time Anyone fucking in the bathroom If not Well then no But I'd say The average age

Was about Like you know Late 30s Lots of people Squeezing into their Old Blink-102 shirts And the jeans And everyone's like

That DJ He was playing like Old like Limp Bizkit And Limp Bizkit I love Limp Bizkit the jeans and everyone and everyone's like the dj he was playing like old like limp biscuit and limp biscuit oh i love limp biscuit everyone was like yeah i missed out on limp biscuit this year last year because i went to post malone instead but i was like fuck you saw a big limp biscuit poster in my room by my bed you did but it was the first time that i was like oh my god this is we're now in that nostalgic era yeah where we're kind of that you made fun of your parents for being yeah dad you're true and i didn't there was no 18 year old there the only young kids were

there with their parents oh and i was like holy crap holy doly we We're there. We are there. And it's like I remember my dad used to be like, listen to this, like Steely Dan, some shit like that. I was like, turn this shit off. And now we're just like, my kids would be like, turn this shit off. Literally. Have you heard of Travis Barker? No, it was a good night. Matt, guess what time of year it is?

It's nearly March, Ash. And that means footy is back. We are on the cusp, Ash, the cusp of the season starting. Yes, and every game of every round, this NRL and AFL season, live with no ad breaks in play on KO. And the most exciting part about the NRL season this year is that round one for four teams we played where we are right now, Las Vegas. And the only place to watch both games, the Las Vegas opening doubleheader live is Fox

League available on KO. That is Broncos versus the Roosters and Manly versus the Rabbitohs. And of course, 4K capabilities have arrived, Matt. So now you can watch selected NRL games plus every F1 race live in amazing detail. That is 4K. Ash, you know what I like about the 4K capabilities? What is that, Matt, that you like about the 4K capabilities?

The fact that I can see Reece Walsh up close every bead of sweat every eyelash every vein bulging out of that young man's body if you want to see that too and you're new to ko get on board and start your free trial today before we get into meltdowns and questions i do want to just give you a super quick update on what's happening with Lola. Cool, because I have an update with Oscar. It's very much the pendulum is always swinging in my favor and then definitely not my favor. Because last time you knocked her out. Yeah, we became friends and then she turned around.

I was behind her, had the phone in my pocket. She headbutted my phone back to square one and I was like. It's like when you're playing a video game, you get the big boss, you lose. She head-butted my phone back to square one. And I was like, ah. It's like when you're playing a video game, you get the big boss, you lose. Almost finished the game, back to the beginning. But I've found something, Ash, which is really helping my relationship with Lola. Go on. And there's a lot of parents out there, and it's not just the dads,

it's the mums as well, they've reached out and said, hey, I'm also in a situation where my toddler hates me. So you're taking advice from the hotline. This is borderline advice. Is that a shock collar? That'll get her. That'll learn her. So I have this, Ash.

It's a little toy watch. It's a little toy watch. Oh. It's a little troll watch. This is amazing. This will help any parent make their child love them. If I bark, does it shock me? Is that how it works? It's not a zapping collar.

You can press a little button on there, Ash. Oh, hug time. It's a little bit hard to understand, but she's saying it's hug time. So if I push that in front of Lola and she hears those words, she gives me a hug. So you're Pavlov dogging your child. What? Sorry?

You know what Pavlov's dog? Every time he rang the bell, he'd give it a treat. Ring the bell, he'd give it a treat. And then one time he rang the bell. Who's Pav it a treat. Ring the bell, he'd give it a treat. And then one time he rang the bell. Who's Pavlov? So you ding the bell, hug. Ding the bell, hug. Very good.

Did you already have that? No, it was a birthday present. Don't know who gave it to us. What happens if you knock her over again? Press the button, hug time. She has to love you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so it's a game.

Oh. Oh, God. Hug time. it's a game. Oh. Oh, God. Hug time. That's lovely. Press it. Does that mean I get another hug? Hug time. There it is.

Hug time. Sorry. Look, I'm glad that you guys are on the mend. I saw you the other day at the birthday party and you were holding her. She looked very happy. Thank you very much. Whatever works. I think that's really good because I was really sick of seeing you two not see eye to eye. Well, there's a height difference.

If this thing breaks, it's the end of our relationship. Yeah. Well, how did you come up with that? She just opened it up and she was like, what's this? And I pressed it and then it said hug time. And you just gave her a hug? And she looked at me and she was like, oh, shit. And she hugged me.

Oh, okay. And I was like, oh. And then I pressed it again and then I kind of realized that because she loves Trolls the movie. Such a good movie. Princess Polly, main character. Poppy. Princess Poppy, sorry. It is a good movie. Princess Polly, main character. Polly, yeah. Poppy. Princess Poppy, sorry.

It is a good movie. Forgive me. But do you make me scared of the, what are they, the Bergens? The trolls who eat the... Yeah, the Bergens? Not sure. Also, there's a scene in that movie that I think is really, they're reaching with it, where they're like,

singing killed my grandma. You've seen that bit? No. That's for another episode, maybe. I just think, you know, when you hear something, you're like, how the fuck did your singing kill your grandma? Anyway, I'm good to see that you guys are closing the gap. Thank you.

Now, I have an update for Oscar because last week we spoke about how he was sleeping in my bed and not his own bed. Yeah. Really quickly before we get into tantrums. It turns out now I'm in his bed. He's taken over mine, which is really- Giving him a taste of his own medicine. Yes.

Because you know how he eats Nutri-Grain in the middle of the night now. Yeah. I also had some Nutri-Grain. Cut the inside of my mouth. I've moved on to his bed. He now has- Why are you sleeping in his bed? Sick of being kicked and elbowed

It's just easier As soon as he gets into mine I'm like See ya I'm into his bed And I get a much better night's sleep Is Macy like What are you doing here?

It's kind of worked out Because she has been sick But also like When she does wake up I'm like Shh And she's like Oh

Straight back to sleep Anyway I'll keep you posted on that When I eventually When she does wake up, I'm like, shh. And she's like, oh. Straight back to sleep. Anyway, I'll keep you posted on that when I eventually get promoted back to my own bed. But I can't get him out. And we're going away for like nine days, so the chances of me. Nah. It's his bed now. Let it be.

He's now the alpha of the house. So let's go into Meltdowns. So let's go into Meltdowns. This comes from our DMs at... Actually, someone DMed me this directly to my personals, but please, you can send them to Two Doting Dads. So it says, this person was breath tested by at an RBT. Their two-year-old had a 30-minute meltdown because he didn't get a turn of the breath.

Hey, if you're a police officer... Give him a go. Let the kid have a go. Give him a go Let the kid have a go Give him a go Even just fake it Yeah Like they do when they're really drunk And the security guard's like

Blowing it Yeah Would be awkward though with Oscar If they're like You've had four beers Why? Sir, you're a high range? Do you want me to breath test your child?

Absolutely not Don't go near him But not drug test him I've got a little meltdown here This is a video, Ash Do you want me to breath test your child? Absolutely not. Don't go near him. But not drug testing. I've got a little meltdown here. This is a video, Ash. It's a very cute video posted online. A beautiful young toddler having a meltdown over something which is pretty ridiculous.

I love when you show me a video of a kid having a meltdown. It's my favorite. What are you saying? I don't want to be Chinese. You just want to be Chinese? But you're... But why? I don't know. I only say shisha.

Shisha? Yeah. What does that mean? Wash his hands. She wants to be Chinese. And she's Mexican. And she's having a bit of a teary because she's not Chinese. And she's Mexican.

I love how she's got a word as well. Shishu. And that's actually what that means. Wash hands. That's brilliant, that means wash hands. That's brilliant. That's very good. Keep those coming. If you've got any videos of your kids melting down,

please, please send them in. I definitely want to see them. Okay, this is a very quick one, Ash. It's from Esther. Esther? Esther Tanswell. Esther Tanswell. Esther Tanswell. Got your dress for her there.

She's giving away everyone's details. She looks like she's in British Columbia. It's a beautiful profile picture. Anyway, the tantrum is my son had a meltdown because his banana wasn't straight. I just snotted on that. Well, newsflash, none of them are straight. If you've got any tantrums, please send them in too.

You can DM. But if you've got videos. Love a video. Love a video. It is time for listener questions. Yes, it is. For anyone wondering, maybe they're thinking, how can I have my parenting-related questions answered?

And there's only one way to do that, Ash. Yes. Well, there's more than one way. Just like your tantrums, you can send us. You can DM us or you can send us an email at hello at toonanddads.com. My first question is from Joe. Hey, Joe. Could be Joe male, could be Joe female.

Could be. How's it spelled? J-O-E. That's a man. Okay. How did you go with kids starting solids and choking slash gagging? Is it hard to stay calm? I feel like every relationship's got two types of people,

one that freaks out, one that's pretty calm. I'm pretty calm. April, she's a mess. She's like like go the ambulance the other day macy what did we give her it might have been just a little bit of bread or something bread's a pretty common i remember as a kid when i choked it was a bit of bread bread roll nice soft white bread roll straight down the esophagus she's done the same thing and i and it was i was already walking out the door to go somewhere and I just hear this scream from April come back

and she's like. The Heimlich. Yeah. She's on the Heimlich on Macy. It literally just went across the room, just this soggy bit of bread. I was like, everyone's okay now. Everyone's okay. And April was like, she could have died.

I thought with kids you meant to do the old roll them over and then start whacking them in the back between the shoulder blades this is what I mean by like some people are good and some people are bad you just go with instinct I suppose they do tell you to

not hit them actually in the back remember I told that story about Oscar stop breathing because he choked on yes stomach to not hit them actually in the back. Remember I told that story about Oscar stopped breathing because he choked on stomach acid or I don't know. I think that was episode 18. No, that was like episode four or five. For anyone listening, go back. All the way back.

Listen to all of it. Find it and let us know which one. And April was on the phone to Triple Zero on loudspeaker. Wait, is this with Macy? No, this is with Oscar. Oscar, sorry. And I was like, you know, he was so young. I whacked him on the back and they're like, don't whack him on the back

because they think the adrenaline from the parent might actually hit them too hard. So. That makes a lot of sense. Don't hit your kids. Yeah. Unless they're naughty. It's so hard. Unless they're really naughty. What's up Unless they're naughty. It's so hard. Unless they're really naughty.

What's up? Are you choking? It's so hard. It changes like all the time. Oh, yeah. It's like CPR, Dr. ABC or whatever. It changes all the time. Yeah.

It can't keep up. Have you had a choke? Lola's pretty good. Marley has a really weak gag reflex. And you know sometimes when like my kids have always been so bad with eating, dinner especially. Breakfast is the best meal because they wake up and they're kind of hungry. Dinner was just like a battle always. Oh, yeah.

And it's so bloody annoying when you're trying to get through dinner. It's just taking forever. And they're having the tiniest little mouthfuls. You're like, come on, two more mouthfuls. Yeah. And they just, like, take, like, a crumb off the spoon. And you're like, come on, two more mouthfuls. Yeah. And they just like take like a crumb off the spoon and you're like, come on. Or Oscar would do two mouthfuls, wait for me to walk away.

He's like, bleh. Yeah. I'm like, fuck, dude. It's just so frustrating. So occasionally you'd be like, Marley, open your mouth and I'd like shovel it in there. And quite often she'd be like, bleh. And then it's happened a few times where she's just like vomited up the last like four mouthfuls and you're like, oh, yeah, scoop it back into the bowl.

And you're like, you're going to eat this. And it's like, are you joking? Yes. And it's like, it's always like, it is a battle, right? The other day, like I battled with Oscar for him to eat his dinner and he did it. And I was like it is a battle, right? The other day I battled with Oscar for him to eat his dinner and he did it. I was like, so good. And then he tripped over and he landed on the stairs on his tummy.

Vomited. And then like five minutes later he's like, I'm hungry. I was like, too bad. That's a man. So when Marley would chug, I'd be like, yeah, she's fine. So, yeah, just vomit it up, honey. There it is. But yeah, Lola, champion.

Straight down the gob, no problems. It is scary. Look, to be honest, seriously, it is scary. Oh, for sure. Yeah, but like- Have you seen that footage of there's a child just frozen and the mom's like, oh, and then there's been like an off-duty cop who's come and saved the kid.

What is this on? That's the stuff I'm watching on TikTok, dude. Oh, wow, your algorithm is messed up. All happy endings, though. Good, glad, great. Hopefully that answers your question, Joe. Yeah, I'm not just watching choking dying children. Joe with an E.

Hopefully that answers your question. I have one for you, Matthew, if you don't mind. What's your opinion on kissing your kids on the lips? Like a kiss goodbye on the lips or kiss goodnight on the lips versus the cheek or forehead or whatever. Are you a lip guy? It's a hard one. It is tough.

The kissing bit? I always think I I always think, I feel like it's way more appropriate for mums. Like Laura's kiss on the lips with the kids versus my kiss on the lips is very, very different. I don't know. Like Laura gives like a really big hug and like a big old. It's a mum loving mama bear kiss.

I get it. Whereas I'm like. A creepy man kiss. But, you know, when I drop them off at daycare and we have a hug, give him a kiss and it's like. It's quick. It's short. It's sharp.

It's out of there. It's not a loving embrace. And I'm like, I don't know. Also doing it in public. I don't know what the other parents are doing. I don't see the other dads. It's such a minefield, hey. Because I remember watching this footage of NFL player Tom Brady.

He kissed his son. Passionately? Well, like anyone who's listened to this, we'll put this on socials. You can see the kiss. You can make your own judgment. It was like it wasn't inappropriate, but it was just... Was it you telling me the other day that Marley, you go to give her a kiss and she sticks her tongue out?

Yes. She finds it hilarious. Okay, so there's a risk of you tonguing your daughter. Yeah, so the daycare teachers look over and I'm like French kissing my children. I'm like, we love each other. I'm not. I'm not.

It's each their own, obviously. I'm not a fan of that. What do you mean? Kiss on the cheek. So I'll be like to Macy, kiss on the cheek, and then I'll give her one on the cheek, and it's like an exchange. Also, though, you have a mustache. It would tickle.

I don't like it. When I did have it, I mean, it's coming back. Yeah. But my girls would be like- You make that sound like an STD. See how I still snuck STDs in there. I would go for a kiss and they'd be like, no, it prickles too much, Dad. So kiss on the forehead, kiss on the cheek.

I do this thing where if Macy goes to give me a kiss here, I'll try and get around her cheek at the same time. Like it's a, that sort of thing. Just get a giggle. That's inappropriate. But I'm not tying on my-my-daughter like you. It's Marley. For the record, I think it's absolutely fine if a dad or a mum wants to kiss their child on the lips.

In private. In public. Go for it. I'm not a fan. I'm sorry. What happened to you? I'm not shaming you. Each to their own. But I'm personally not a fan.

Because? And I also don't want to see it. I don't know. I just don't. I think I'd much rather a nice little innocent kiss on the cheek. I don't want to expose myself to any controversy. But you don't even kiss April. That's very true.

That's very true. We're not a very PDA family like you guys. I feel like you. You're bloody tongueing each other on the street Something tells me that you want a kiss No, I definitely don't Come here No

Come on On that note Come on That's enough I'm not going to kiss you I'm not kissing anyone Let's move on For next week

Yeah, there'll be like a video come out On the Daily Mail Me and you just macking on down the beach. I have dreamt of that moment many times, my friend. Very good. So I'm a cheek guy. You're a lip guy. I'm a cheek guy.

So are a few of us. Yeah, dwindling. The numbers are dwindling. I wonder why because people are getting shamed. Like Tom Brady. All he wants to do is make out with his kid. Bit gross, actually, when you say it like that. You had to take it there.

Anyway. And if you've enjoyed this episode, we would love it if you would send it to anyone out there you think would benefit from a giggle from two dads who don't know what they're talking about. Also, as I always say, we never beg, we ask politely. If you're a lip kisser. Give us a review Subscribe to this podcast And maybe leave a few comments

And hey We'll see you guys Next week From Vegas Oh yes We'll be recording from Vegas We'll give you all the insights All the inside goss

We'll take a tally of Who's lip kissing And who's cheek kissing It may be the first Wednesday That we miss an episode Depending on what kind of state we're in. So if there's no episode there, it would just be like an episode,

five minutes of us breathing heavily from our hotel room. Wish us luck. We'll speak to you guys then. See you guys. Bye. Bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples

today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.