Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #56 We Almost Lost Nana

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

A silent killer is taking on innocent nanas!  Matty J arrives home with Nana Johnson and the kids in tow. Unfortunately, Nana makes the fatal mistake of exclaiming aloud, 'Well, that was pretty painless!' Matt isn't prepared for what will happen next.  Meanwhile, April is away for work, which means Ash is the primary parent of two kidlets. It's time to bring in backup—mum!  By the way, have you ever been on the world's tallest escalator?  We share your best Toddler Meltdown stories and have a crack at answering your listener questions:  Can you have it all? Did you sleep train your kids by letting them cry themselves to sleep?   Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads. If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

got something for you you're gonna sneeze yeah bless you that felt good i fucking love a sneeze a good sneeze oh a good brain clearer love it i'm back Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. And I'm Ash. This happens to be a podcast that is all about parenting. It's the good, the bad. And the relatable. And for legal reasons, we do have to just say here, let me read the script.

If you have come for any type of advice, stop right now. None will be given. Whatsoever. And if you do hear anything that remotely sounds like advice. Ignore it. It's a shame that we're not on a cruise ship. I know, but you know, we can make ourselves feel like we are on a cruise ship. Go on.

We are currently drinking a stone and wood. It's in a can this time. I'm just going to close my eyes. I'm on the balcony. Me too. Sunny. Go on. We are currently drinking a Stone and Wood. It's in a can this time. I'm just going to close my eyes. I'm on the balcony. Me too. Hands off. I'm almost there. I'm there.

I'm almost there. Nice blue screens around us. I mean, this is great. There's nothing that hits harder than drinking a Stone and Wood Pacific Ale. On the Pacific Ocean. Looking at the ocean. Oh, it was beautiful. That is a match made in heaven.

But that being said, we can't have it all today. But we do have Byron Bay in a bottle or today Byron Bay in a can. And of course, it's got fruity hops, cloudy haze, and a nice refreshing finish. Now, what do you have for me over there? Because you've got a nice smile on your face. I mean, I'm a bit of a sucker for like any little fact. Factoid.

Yes. I've got one for you. We often talk about the Galaxy Hops. From Tasmania. They give it its nice fruity aromas. It's also, it's partly grown in Victoria, partly grown in Tasmania. And this was once an experimental hop until Brad, he's one of the original co-founders,

he came along and he was like, I'm going to fucking play with this. So fast forward 10 years, everyone now is jumping on the Galaxy hops. Everyone after Brad had a little play with it, boom. Who cares? As long as Stonewood have it in their Pacific Isle, I'm a happy man. So they say here as well, Ash, for those playing at home, they dry the hop with Galaxy at the late stages of fermentation, creating the beer's unique tropical fruit aroma. There you go. They dry it with the Galaxy?

I need to look into that. How does that work? How are you guys doing it? How are you doing that? Do you have access to the Galaxy? We need to get the Milky Way to bring it in. You've got to hire it. You've got to hire it, get it in.

But, of course, we'd like to thank Stankham Wood. We'd love to thank Stoneham Wood, of course, for making this episode possible. Cheers. Cheers. One's already half empty. I wonder why. Can I ask, how's Oscar?

Look, if any strange men walk past, he's quivering. PTSD. He's like, is that Matty J? Has he asked about me? No, not at all. Nothing at all? No. He's at the moment, he's a bit fixated on missing mummy

because mummy's away for work. Oh, that's right. Yeah. No, she's away for work. I shouldn't do that. How many? If she sees this, me doing this, never getting sex again. I love how like when we're working, we're like overseas somewhere

and April's like actually like working hard in the corporate world and you're like, is that work? Is it a real job? What do you mean? She is. She's working very hard. If she's listening, very hard. Very proud of her.

She's down at Parliament House at the moment. She's running for Prime Minister. She is. Good luck. Vote 1 April. Yeah. The plan to take over the country has started. So, no, she's down there working for a couple of days.

So, of course, I'm the primary caret. Caret? Fuck is wrong with me today. Are you okay? Are you having a stroke? Maybe. You're drooling. I'm sweating.

I am the primary parent. And what does a primary parent do? They get their mum in to help. That's the way to do it. So mum came down for a couple of days because we're very busy men. We are very busy men. And your mother, Mother Mary, is lovely. It's her birthday today.

So shout out. Happy birthday. Yes. Happy birthday. 62. And she said to me this morning, she goes, I don't give a fuck about getting old. I was like, good. Good you are.

She's young. She's fit. She's vibrant. Are you trying to fuck my mum? No, I saw her in the... I don't want to know where you saw her. The Dermp Heiklitz one-piece swimsuit. And can I just say, whatever she's doing, keep it up, Mary,

because that looks great. That looks... Shut up. No complaints. Wayne is a lucky man. Oh, my God. That's too hard. Wayne being Ash's dad

anyway is she a good nana yeah she's great yeah she doesn't get to see the kids near as much because they do live in Queensland

and we're in Sydney so any chance I can be like hey I'll fly you down spend a couple of days spend some time with the kids she's happy to jump at that

because also my niece my sister's daughter lives in Sydney as well, so she gets to see her as well. So it's like it works out. But there's some things that she can't help with, like kids wanting mum, wanting dad.

And we were really busy. Mum's sleeping in our bedroom and I'm sleeping on the floor in the kids' bedroom. In hindsight, probably wasn't the best couple of nights of sleep I've ever had. On the floor, what's your setup? You've got like a mattress? It's a mattress right next to Oscar's bed. The kids must love that though. They must think it's novelty that dad's on the floor. Totally. That's the problem. So the first thing is I'm trying to get them into bed and they both want to sleep in my bed, but I'm not going to bed

yet because the sun's still up. Yeah, it's like 6.30. I'd love to. Trust me. I'm a busy man. I got shit to do. Like clean the house. And so I've got to have the meltdown of them not being able to.

I'm like, get into your cot, Macy. Put her in there. Oscar into his bed. And I'm like, don't get into my bed. You can get into my bed later. If you wake up in the middle of the night, you want to cuddle, you can get in.

Again, that was a big mistake. He's bony. And he's so, Oh yeah, he's, yeah, he's,

he's so skinny. Yeah. He is honestly like, I've seen more body fat on a skeleton. He is fucking tiny. And he's just, he's all rib cage when he took his shirt off. Yeah.

As soon as I get, I'm not starving him by the way that's his health choice and dietary choices literally straight away as soon as i get into bed at like nine o'clock last night a bit later obviously um i'm like okay i'm not gonna get into bed and then it's only a single mattress so he's just like falling off the mattress, getting back up. Then Macy's waking up. She wants to get in the mat. Then she's shaking on the fucking thing. And it's like-

Shaking on what thing? On the cot. Oh, yeah. She's in like the prison cell. Yeah, she's like shaking on the cot. Yeah, because she's like Oscar's getting a cuddle. She wants it too. So for two nights, the sleep has been dreadful.

Can I mean this in the nicest way possible? You look a little tired. Thank you. Today. That's the look I'm going for. I'm going for tired. I'm going for tired dad, actually. It's really working. When does April come back? She's back tonight. This afternoon. How do you think the kids are

going to go when you take the mattress back out? That's going to be another problem in itself. Because now Macy's like, meh. And you know what she's like. She doesn't really say anything. She's like, meh. And she's point, meh. And I'm meant to know what that fucking means.

She means get in that bed. Otherwise, I'm not going to lay down. So the amount of times I had to poke my head in last night and the night before being like, lay down! And she's like, meh! Head down. And then two seconds later, you're like, lie down! And she was like, ah! Head down. And then two seconds later, I hear her like, daddy. You remember before we started recording,

your sister said you shouldn't get so aggressive to the kids? I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. Yeah. But so April's back tonight And April She FaceTimed When you're away right And you're away There's a lot of FaceTime going on

So that you can see each other The kids remember that you exist Whenever I FaceTimed them When we were away They didn't give a shit April FaceTimed And they're fucking Dancing in the bath

Like woo Woo It's like she had to coax them Into giving you like A second of their time On the screen And then I'm like Alright say goodbye to mummy because I'm like,

you're just distracting. I want to put these kids to bed. Meltdown. And she goes, she's talking to me on loudspeaker. She goes, can you make sure they're awake late tomorrow? Because she gets home. She wants to see them. How late are we talking?

So now Oscar's like, am I staying up late tonight? This is all morning. And I'm like, no, you're going to go to bed earlier out of spite. What? Don't be such an arsehole. I'll keep him up for a bit, but otherwise I've got to wait for her to get home and deal with the cranky kids. Just put the TV on like you normally do.

Yeah, that's cool. Right. Prompt result. You're welcome. Anyway, that's my week so. Problem solved. You're welcome. Anyway, that's my week so far. And look, I'm happy to have April back because the house is a mess. I haven't been able to get around doing anything. Mum's helped out in the, you know, where she can help out.

You're doing a great job, mate. Hey, that's all I wanted to hear. You're keeping things afloat. You're doing well. I'm proud of you. Hints of sarcasm there. Not at all. No? None whatsoever. All right. You're're doing well. I'm proud of you. Hints of sarcasm there. Not at all. No?

None whatsoever. All right. You're doing very well. You're good. What about you? Sorry. Enough about me. We almost lost Nana.

Oh, not Nana. Not poor Ellie. We almost lost her. Like how? She's very slow. Yeah, yeah. That's the problem. That's the problem. That's the problem.

Enlighten me, sir. When we arrived back in Sydney, because for those wondering, we finished in Brisbane. We had to fly back to Sydney on a Saturday. And then she made the mistake of saying once we arrived off the plane in Sydney airport, and she went, well, that was pretty painless. She was like, nothing went wrong. And I was like, why would you say that?

Such a boomer thing to say. Why would you say? You're now just inviting. You've invited it. It's like when someone says in a TV show or movie, surely it can't get any worse and it fucking immediately gets worse. That's the universe going, what's that? I heard you.

You want us to fuck shit up? Say it again. I dare you. I was like, mum, why would you say that? And she was like, what? that? I heard you. You want us to fuck shit up? Say it again. I dare you. I was like, mum, why would you say that? She was like, what? What? We're back home now. We're here.

We're still, we're close. Yeah. We're on the home stretch. Just leave her there. So we're walking to get the bags. Yeah. Right. And for anyone who doesn't know Sydney Airport,

you come through the security gates. So like once you go past the security gates, they shut behind you and then- Oh, those ones that like fold out. The automatic doors. What's the deal with that? Well, it's to make sure that people can't go back in without going through security.

Oh, okay. Yep. That makes sense. Not to- No, no, no. I'm no expert. I'm no security expert. Education? Done. Tick. No, no, no. I'm no expert. I'm no security expert. Done.

Tick. Because I've learned something. And then from that point on, there's an escalator that goes down one level, onto ground, and that's where you collect your bags. Yep. I'm with you. I was in front. I had Lola in the little pram.

Yep. And she was in front of me, so I was like leaning the pram back on the escalator. The escalator was steps going down. That's illegal. You know that. Is it? Yeah. So I'm going down the escalator, Lola in front of me, tilted back in the pram.

Behind me is Nana and Marley. Yep. And Marley's at an age now where she's very particular about doing things herself. She doesn't like having her hand held getting on the escalator. And getting off as well. Yeah. She's like, I want to do it. I've got this.

Everyone relax. I've got this covered. No big deal. And I'm in front. I know that Nana's got Marley covered behind me. Maybe like just before we get to the halfway point going down the escalator, I hear a noise. Matt!

I'm like, what? Fuck. I turn behind me. She is tumbling down. Down the escalator. The escalator. Your mum is. She's coming for me.

She's like. She's falling. Ass over tip. Boom. She's coming for me. She's like. She's falling. Ass over tip. Boom. She's missed the step. So Marley, when she got on, she took a step on, had a split second where she panicked, and then one foot started going on the escalator.

The other one was stationary on the platform, so she was kind of doing the splits. She starts like panicking. Mum, split second decision, tried to rescue Marley by like bending down and like carrying her up. Yeah, yeah. But Mum's quite unsteady on her feet at the moment. She's kind of said that recently, like stares.

She's got a bad foot too. She's got a bad foot. We saw it on the cruise ship. You tap her, you blow on her. She had sea legs. And you topple her over. She's got off the plane still with sea legs. Yeah.

But she like, as she went to pick up Marley, she fucking fell, dude. She like, not just fell, she tried to correct herself. But as she corrected herself, she launched out. And like the thud as she was like hitting the escalator. And she had a purse with her. So the purse went flying. Sunglasses are out. Wallet's wallets gone out cards are gone everywhere her phone's gone and hit someone in the head holy shit and luckily there's a guy there standing in between mom and myself and he stopped her and he also

picked up marley i was like oh my goodness i couldn't do anything because i was i was trapped with the the troll the pram Like you just imagine your mum. Your mum gets startled at the best of times. When you say to Matt's mum, you say, hey, just say we're sitting here like exactly like this. And you go, hey, Ellie, we're just going to move tables. She'd be like, oh, what's happening now? What are we doing?

And then she flips on her back and she's like, oh! Like a turtle. I can imagine her like that startling her. When I did see her the other day, she looked frightened. Because she's heard the stories about you. Okay, right. She said, don't leave me alone with Ash in a room. What happens between me and your mum in a room is none of your business.

I was like, she's broken a hip. I'm like, she's- Oh, badger. That's how people her age die. That's broken a hip. I'm like, she's- Oh, badger. That's how people her age die. That's how it happens. They break a hip, get pneumonia and die in hospital. Such a sad story. Happens day in, day out.

Not to be morbid or anything. It's escalators. The biggest killer of all people. They're the silent killer of this country. Oh, that's great. There needs to be more awareness. Poor Ellie. I didn't even know. There needs to be more awareness.

I didn't even know I would have checked on her. Well, so we got off and I sat her down. Don't do that again. No, I was like, I thought we were going to go to hospital. Oh. I thought she'd knocked herself in the head. Oh, fuck. She was like my leg and I was expecting her to lift her skirt up and it'd be like cut open.

Oh. Oh, they're sharp. Dude, they're sharp. Have you ever fallen on an escalator before? Never have, because you know, Oh, they're sharp. They're sharp. Have you ever fallen on an escalator before? Never have. Have you? Holy fuck. It hurt.

I got it. I made him on a really, really, really funny story. He, um, he got kicked out of a, out of a RSL club that had a,

um, escalator, escalator, a really long one to get to the exit out. They've been like, get down, get out of here, whatever.

And the CCTV footage we've managed to get hold of. out there being like get down get out of here whatever and the cctv footage we've managed to get hold of and you see him and he's he's laying on the escalator all the way down like this on the cctv footage the security guards behind him like this gets up starts to like do a break dance at the bottom of the escalator and then just takes off actually that's i need to get that footage. It's really great. But I've fallen on the same set of escalators at that pub, RSL. And fuck, on the shin.

Oh, man. It's no good. And it's like so sharp. Serrated. It's like a serrated knife. Whoever's designed escalators. Do better. Death Wish.

Make them out of rubber. Yeah, make them like soft. They might not slide as nicely. I guess, you know, I'm no engineer, but there's got to be a better way. There has to be. Yeah. There has to be. We'll pull some strings, call some people.

It was a miracle. I've been on the world's longest escalator. Do you know that? That's a, this is a fact. It's not a joke. I'll been on the world's longest escalator. Do you know that? This is a fact. It's not a joke. I'll pretend like I'm interested. You tell me that story. Go on. I was in Hong Kong and they have the world's

longest escalator. You go all the way up the side of the mountain and it goes into the clouds and there's a big viewing deck. Anyway. Back to what's important. It sounds great. I'll take your word for it. Let's go to Google. Tell me more. For the record,

anyone who is worried, Nana Johnson, safe and sound. Isn't she off to Europe? She's going to Europe tomorrow. And that was the big concern. She was like, fuck. She's going away to France for two months. And she always had a dream, Ash.

She always had a dream, which was she taught herself French, watching like SBS and those weird pornos that are on it like one in the morning. I know the ones. Her dream was that when she retired, she was going to go to some little province in France. Meet a nice little French boy. Knows how to bake.

Croissant. And eat snail. And says, I've found a French man in the countryside. You should see his frog legs. And so she's going there to learn French. Staying in some little chateau in the countryside. And she was like, I'm not going to be able to go. But thankfully.

She can find a little French boy to carry her around, surely. I mean, one can only hope. One can only hope. So she's fine. She's fine. She's leaving. How long is she going for? Two months.

Okay. Two months. So it will be weird to then have, you know, no Nana in the house anymore. Yeah. She's a permanent resident. She has. She's retired. She has moved in with us.

She's now leaving us. And I've just gotten used to her being around. Yeah, you could use the break. Does your mom ever like, does she do things around the house? For example, like my mom doesn't use a dishwasher. She washes everything by hand. That's old school. And I'm like, what are you doing?

We have technology for this. She's there lighting a fire in the backyard for hot water. We have a kettle. It was 30 degrees yesterday and mum put all the washing in the dryer. I'm not made of fucking money. Jesus. Anyway, I'm glad your mum's okay. Thank you very much. And we will miss her

Ellie, we will miss you. I will miss you the most. Matthew Kale is bringing all the treats this Easter long weekend with an action-packed lineup of all your favorite sports. I don't know how much you love sport. I could have been a professional athlete. I've always said that. I am such a waste of talent.

I still watch the games. You are not a waste of anything. I watch the games and I'm like. I could do that. I could do that. I think, why don't they run between their legs more? But do you know who I just quickly, do you know who I saw? And I was like, how is he younger than me?

Dale Finucane. Oh. Have you seen him? Do you know how old he is? 27? He's 32. Oh. He's 32.

Well, he looks old to me. And I'm like, if Dale Finucane is out there playing for the Sharks. He's younger than me even. You could do it. I could do it. You could definitely do it. It's not too late. What have we got coming up, Matt?

We've got boxing pay-per-view, Zoo versus Fundora live. And Ash, we had a little session with Zoo. Can punch that guy. He can. He knows what he's doing. He knows his way around a pair of boxing gloves. I may or may not have a broken rib. My prediction.

Tim Zoo. Got to support the Aussie. Got to. Surely he'll take a win. You can order that now on Main Event with KO Sports. No KO subscription needed for that one, Matt. And we've also got AFL games. We have the big grand final rematch.

It's between Brisbane and Collingwood on Thursday. Come on, Brisbane. Yeah, so you got- Come on, the Lions. And you got Essendon. Come on. All right. We got Essendon and St. Kilda on the Saturday.

And then the NRL games for this round will be Roosters versus Panthers. Come on, the Roosters. I hate the Panthers. I hate them so much. Who else have you got there, Matt? Broncos versus Cowboys. That's on the Saturday. Come on, the Bronx.

Yeah, and we've also got Manly versing the St. George Illawarra Dragons down there at Wynn Stadium up the mighty Seahills. How are you feeling about Manly? They're playing very well. Look, our classic Manly fan, we're going to think we're going to win the comp. But we'll probably lose eight straight. K.O., everyone's welcome. So get on board today with a free trial.

We'll leave a link in our show notes. Matt, let me ask you a quick question. Please. Have you ever been on the longest escalator. Matt, let me ask you a quick question. Please. Have you ever been on the longest escalator in the world in Hong Kong? It's amazing! Oh, God! Give me strength! God, give me strength to get through this. Have you fucking held that back from me for so

long? I feel like I don't even know you. Okay, well, I'm done. You don't. You don't know me. that's just the tip of the iceberg do you know how many escalators i've been on april's like why are we going to hong kong and you're like i don't know to prove it fuck imagine my mom on that thing she'd be falling for days anyway i have a question for you, Matt. What do you got for me? Have you ever been in public with a child, one of yours, and you witness another child doing something quite outrageous

or naughty that even your toddler goes, they shouldn't be doing that. On the cruise ship every night with Oscar. Oh, mate, he was fucking a dream. Also, what's the deal with Oscar? What's the deal with Oscar. Oh, mate, he was fucking a dream. Also, what's the deal with Oscar? What's the deal with Oscar? All of a sudden, he's this nice boy. What do you mean?

Actually, before we get into that, mum's like, oh, he's different. What do you mean? I'm like, snap out of it, bro. He's just so sweet and nice all of a sudden, maybe because April's not here. That probably makes sense. Anyway. What, he's being nice at home nice all of a sudden. Maybe because April's not here. That probably makes sense. But he's being nice at home? I'll monitor it. Yeah, he's just being nice to everybody all the time.

Dude, that's great. Yeah. But I think it's because April's not here. So I'll come back to you on that. But I just thought about it. Have I witnessed any child being naughty? Yeah, I guess when you're at the playground, you know, there's like- Playground seems like a place where they'd do that.

There's a kid who would push in the slide and then they'd come over and say, I watched one of the bigger kids, slightly larger, stronger than the other kids, push their way into a line and Marley would be like, Daddy, he's pushing in. And I'm like, yeah, he's a piece of shit. But I'm not going to step in. No. What happened with Oscar and I is not going to step in. No. What happened with Oscar and I is we were at the shops.

Yeah. Shops have aisles. Okay. As you know. What? I'm trying to set the scene. No, like, yeah, thank you. I'm sweating.

I'm sweating over here. I didn't know how- Shops work. Were laid out, but yeah. Depending on the shop. They do have aisles. So let's just go grocery shops. I have certain aisles, which you get things from.

Go on. I'm with you. You're ruining my story. I'm on the same page. Okay. So I'm in the shops, obviously, with Oscar. We're in an aisle, down the aisle, and I hear a bit of a commotion down the aisle. And before I could get my iPhone out to film anything,

a little boy has ridden his push bike with training wheels, might I add, similar age to Oscar, into the grocery shop off the street. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. First thought, you think, he's going to get off at the start of the shop. Sure. Maybe he's bringing the bike in to be safe. Although, is a bike not too different from a pram?

No, it's very different. And I feel like he was like, He was all over the shop. He was all over the shop. I thought he was just going to get off at the front of the shop, leave the bike there. And first of all, I was like, where are your fucking parents? He's ridden way ahead of his parents.

Helmet on? Yeah, helmet on. Thank God. And I was like, that's strange. And didn't think a whole heap of it. And then I hear a commotion. Another one. I hear a commotion.

Another commotion. A second commotion. A second commotion. Up further in the shop, this kid's riding up and down the aisles and Oscar's like, what the fuck is going on? Either what the fuck's going on or what have I been missing out on? Because this kid was having a fucking hell of a time.

And I was like, this kid's out of control. And then the parents come in. They've all got off their bikes, still with helmets on, running up and down the aisle trying to catch this kid. And they're like, which aisle is he? And he's got siblings. And they're like, oh, this one, this one. And you could just hear, it was just like a huge commotion.

What were the staff doing? They didn't know what to do. Everyone's in shock. Everyone was just like, I was like, what the fuck? I was trying to film because I'm thinking he was coming up the aisle I was in. I couldn't, I was riding the wheels. I couldn't get to the end.

And Oscar was just like, what? Like, he shouldn't And Oscar was just like, he shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be doing it. And the parents are yelling out and they started yelling out his name and have a guess what his name was. Dennis, the menace. No, close. Maverick. Oh.

It's in the name. The kid's just doing whatever the fuck he wants. The parents have no one to blame but themselves for that. He's like, well. Have you seen Top Gun? Yeah. And he's just like, at the end of it, they're like, Maverick! Maverick!

And he's like, right. And I just see him ride out the shop door and off down the street. Like, nothing fucking happened. It just made me think, I'm doing all right over here. I just see him ride out the shop door and off down the street like nothing fucking happened. It just made me think, I'm doing all right over here. Things aren't so fucking bad after all. And don't name your kid Maverick. No.

But Oscar was in shock. You have to be like, that's not how you behave, Oscar. He knew that was wrong. Maverick is a fucking rogue child. Maverick's a rogue. He does whatever he wants. Oscar's like, I wish you named me Maverick's a rogue, he does whatever he wants. I wish you'd know me, Maverick. It's time for our favourite segment, Matt.

Meltdown or Tantrum of the Week. It's the final meltdown. The final meltdown. The final meltdown. It's the final meltdown. Okay, cool. Matt, would you like to- Can I just say, interrupt for one second. I find that intro song hilarious. Other people don't.

We did some stories on Instagram asking for feedback. What we can improve. And a lot of people said change the intro song. Well, the joke's on you because we're going to do it live. It's a fun. If you want it to stay, can you just message us? I think it's the best thing we've ever done. Okay.

I'll quit. Very arrogant. I'll quit the show. This is from Stevie. Stevie has written in and said, at 3am this morning, when my two-year-old woke up, he started insisting that I read him a book about spiders. It says in brackets here, a hardcover, large, educational book about spiders. And when I said no, it's 3 a.m. and time to go back to sleep, he started wailing and flailing his limbs around in bed, begging me whilst crying, please, mummy, please, a spider book.

Please, please, please. And he carried on for a solid amount of time. What the fuck? There is nothing more annoying when the kids wake up and that window, we always talk about that window between like two to five o'clock where there's a risk they may not go back to bed. You never know what you're going to get. Where did they get a encyclopedia of spiders anyway?

Very good. I've got one for you, Matt. Geordie with an eye is currently pregnant. Congratulations. With morning sickness. Oh, very good. I've got one for you, Matt. Geordie with an I is currently pregnant. Congratulations. With morning sickness. Oh, that sucks. And my toddler lost it this morning crying because I wouldn't let her play with my vomit bag. Oh.

I wasn't ready for that. That reminds me of April's morning sickness. And we used to have to travel the city every day for work. And April is a trooper. She used to get on the bus and vomit in her vomit bag on the bus. And she would refuse to not get the bus or refuse. Her boss is like, you can work from home. And she was like, no.

Do you know how many times I've had to physically get her off the bus to get an Uber into work when she had morning sickness? How were people reacting? I guess, did she look pregnant? She was very, very sneaky. Were people like, this chick's still on a bender from the night before? No, she looked pregnant. I think the belly gave it away.

Would people just start to move away politely? Yeah, because she stunk. Yeah. She was pretty good at containing it. She was like, I'm only going to eat nice smelling food. Anyway. What have you got for me, young Ashton? What have I got for you, young Matthew?

List of questions. Matt, did you sleep train your kids by letting them cry themselves to sleep? If so, how did you cope with them screaming? My daughter is eight months old and we're trying to get her to sleep with us being in the room. She screams and breaks my heart and I have to go and help her. It's tough, isn't it? Look, there's going to be people against being in the room. She screams and breaks my heart and I have to go and help her. It's tough, isn't it? Look, there's going to be people against screaming

and not screaming, first of all. We did it in two different ways. With Marley, I look back and I think I've spoken about this before on the podcast. I look back and I'm like, gosh, I was so stupid. We used to put Marley to sleep by rocking her in our arms every single time she had a nap during the day at night time in the morning she would go to sleep in our arms we would then transition her

into the cot which as any parent knows it's so bloody hard to transition from like doesn't matter if it's like a meter as soon as we would put her in the cot she would kind of wake up so it would take forever and then in the opposite of that was was lola she was a screamer and so we would have to just put her down let her scream for five minutes go in pat her on the bottom and then repeat that process and eventually she would get so tired from screaming that she would then fall asleep almost from exhaustion from the crying and I know it sounds bad and it was hard more so for Laura I could almost block it out it's just white noise for me whereas it would break Laura's heart hearing her daughter scream. There's no doubt about it I know you're trying to do what's best in the long run but like

I think I was told when we – because we had a sleep consultant in, I was told that, look, if they're going up and down, up and down it's okay. But when they're up and they're not coming back down, then they need to go in because then it could be – because they're going to be upset if you're not there depending on what level of upset that is. So like we had a similar combination to what you did. Rock them to sleep for so long and then you transition

and they wake up and they're not in your arms. They'll be like, what the fuck am I doing here? And then, yeah, you then try all these different ways to transition. Maybe we'll try and unpack that a bit more on another episode because there's all different ways to do it. Yeah, I mean, even now if we hear a slight murmur in the kid's room, Laura's like, mommy's coming. And I'm grabbing and I'm like, just give.

Give them a minute. Give them a second to see if they settle back down. Let's not rush in there. It's also your bat hearing as a parent. You're just like sonar hearing. You can hear them move a little bit. You're like, someone's moving. I can't.

I'm deaf as anything. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm like, literally like a dog whistle. A mouse is walking across the floor and Laura's like, there's something up I can't. I'm deaf as anything. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm like literally like a dog whistle. A mouse is walking across the floor and Laura's like, there's something up there. Quick. Save them.

I've got a question for you, Ash. Yeah, shoot. And this is off the back of an interview. You know, Lily Allen. The pop star. The pop star. Big fan. The singer.

I thought you would be. Did you see what she said recently in an interview about being a mom? Enlighten me. So, Lily Allen has said, and I quote, my children ruined my career. I love them and they complete me. But in terms of pop stardom, they totally ruined it. I get really annoyed when people say you can have it all

because quite frankly, you can't. What are your thoughts on that? A, is it too harsh for her to say that? My kids ruined my pop star career as well. I didn't have a chance. I didn't stand a chance. Look, I can't really totally agree because my kids are pretty much my whole career right now.

I'm in a fucking dad podcast. I host a dad podcast. I'm next to another dad. I'd be nothing without them. I'd be nothing without you, but I'd be everything without you as well. I'd be a pop star. We could start a boy band. Anyway, look, I agree.

You can't have it all all the time. I think you can have it all in certain areas at certain times. Although I haven't heard anyone go public with that narrative. I kind of think it's pretty unanimous that any parent out there, none of them are saying you can have it all. Like, surely not. Some are thinking it. I'm yet to hear anyone say that.

Let's put a poll out there. Do you think you can have it all? Yeah, I mean, hey, we will put a poll out there. Do you think you can have it all? Hey, we will put a poll out there. Can parents have it all? I think you can't. You've always got to sacrifice something, whether it's friends, whether it's your career, whether it's being a parent. I know that

Laura, I don't know how the hell she does it. She's got her jewelry business. She's got the podcast. Would you say she has it all? No, she doesn't. Okay, what's she missing? She podcast would you say she has it all no she doesn't okay what's she missing she will go long

love and affection from Maddie she still gets that oh yeah I bet she does we managed to squeeze that in there don't you worry

I'm not worried at all mine was a joke but she will go long periods where she doesn't see her friends like she doesn't socialise

because she's just working non-stop aren't you her best friend Like she doesn't socialize because she's just working nonstop. I think you're her best friend, man. Thank you. Thank you. You are correct. So she had, in fact, has it all. And then there's times when, you know, she has to then realize,

she's like, shit, I've got to go out. I've got to see the girls, her girlfriends, because that area of her life gets totally neglected because she's so focused on me, her career and the kids. It depends what your all is as well, right? What is it all? Exactly. Your all could be so much smaller than Laura's all.

Your all could be your family and then you have it all. But I do. Thank you. There he is. Mic drop. Now that's all we have time for. I will just say just before we go, I will say that i disagree why i agree with her sentiment this is lily allen that you can't have it all but i totally disagree that hey there are plenty of pop stars out there like beyonce look at pink

for example pink's on stage with it comes down to how much money you've got no but like lily allen like she's not as successful as Beyonce. No one is as successful as Beyonce and I won't hear it. But when you look at someone like Pink and she's really- Obviously, she's got a very talented daughter. She's like a spider monkey. She's released songs with her daughter. She's on tour with her entire family.

She's got a daughter on stage. You're saying be more flexible. Is that what you're saying? No, I'm just saying it can happen. It can happen. I don't think as a blanket statement that being a parent is the bullet into your career. No.

Be more like Pink, a spider monkey. And on that note, I do want to say also thank you to everyone who gave us their feedback on stories. Yes. We are coming up to a year anniversary. Obviously, we care about the product. We care about you guys. A dataversary, if you will.

Dataversary. I have an idea that we should do something. It's coming up on the 26th next month. We'll plan something for that. But if there's any feedback that you as a listener wants to give us, we are all ears. Either DM us, email us, or leave a review on our podcast. We'd love that.

It would be the dream. And on that note, we're getting out of here. See you. Bye. Bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present,

and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.