Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #60 Daddy Needs His "Special Time"

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

FIRST THINGS FIRST - OUR KIDS BOOK IS FINALLY AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER HERE! It's a tale of two dads trying to catch up one one thing always gets in the way - the kids. We wrote as a story for kids that parents will also love. In other news, we all know that sexy time is a rare treat after having kids. Daddy needed his special time this week; however, some of us had to wait a little longer for it.   Matt tolerates Ash's gripe and welcomes back his wife, Laura, with open arms, but things take a turn when he doesn't get what he wants.  Ash has had a particularly GOOD week all around if you know what I mean * wink *. He also took Oscar to his first footy game, and it turns out he's a good luck charm! The only downside to Ash's week was being mistaken for a predator at a park...But let's not focus on the negative! We share your best Toddler Meltdown stories and have a crack at answering your listener questions:  What's something you wish you were better at as a parent? Do guys actually not care what our body looks like after kids? Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads. If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is it the wind? Is it the wind? You hear the wind calling my name! I have a gripe with you, real quick. Nothing too major. Go on. I called you yesterday, willing for a rant. Yeah.

You didn't call me back to finish the rant. Do you know what it's like? It's like singing the tune of a song and then someone going, stop, and you've not been able to finish it. You called, credit to me, I answered, the tune of a song and then someone going, stop, and you've not been able to finish it. You called, credit to me, I answered, panting. I was on the treadmill. You didn't even question why I was panting.

You were just like, what's the deal with married couples who are celebrities? I was just like, can I call you back? And you're like, ugh. And you never did. Give me half an hour of peace. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. And I'm disappointed. This is a podcast all about parenting.

It is the good, the bad. And the disappointed. You're not actually disappointed, are you? And the relatable. It was a small gripe. Tell me what the gripe was. Slow news day must have been for the wider community in the news area. Not that I fall within that category.

But apparently, Nicole Kidman. Don't get me started. And Keith Urban. For the record, I dislike. We know that. If we ever are in the same room together, Nicole and myself, it'll be so awkward. I'm going to side with her. To hear out my gripe.

This was my gripe I had. Go. Yesterday, the news reported that they have some marriage advice for people. After 17 years of being married, great, that's not my fucking problem. My problem here is who are they to give advice

well first of all what's the advice I didn't hear the advice because I just got annoyed with it I got annoyed with it because it's like ask someone who

they probably haven't been in the same room for as long as you and Laura have been in the same room or myself and April have been in the same room because he's off touring singing his

country pop shit actually I don't mind his music. And then she's off filming garbage movies. So how? You've Googled it, haven't you? What's the advice? Okay, well, it says here. Because it could be good advice.

If this is good advice, then we'll both have to just shut up and never shit on Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban ever again. No promises here, mate. I do think, before I read the advice, I do think that, look, if you're in a marriage that can survive Hollywood. You're never in the same room together. Which is? Like when are you spending any time together?

I feel like they need to get advice from fucking Shazza and Dazza who have been together for 20 years stuck in their fucking fibro house with their 15 kids, and they're still together. Okay. Let me find out this advice. It is Keith Urban knows the secret to loving somebody like Nicole Kidman. Did it run out of the last 17th marriage?

No. He was at a red carpet. It was a CMT, Country Music Awards, on the red carpet. He got asked the question, what's the secret? And he goes, okay, in his defense, he says, if I answer that, it'll come across as advice for other married people. So he's not giving advice. So I've been fed a news article.

And then he says, I have no advice for anybody. Well, stomp on my grime. We're good. I've been lied to by traditional media. How surprising. Click baited me. Anyway.

Keith and Nicole, I am sorry. Me too. I would like to apologize for absolutely nothing. He did say something else. He said, following that, he goes, you guys,

I guess he's referring to like the general public, figure out whatever works for you. All right. Well, I'm glad we got to the bottom of that. Enough about Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman. Let's look at something more important. Please. And that is the beverage in which is situated right in front of you.

This is far more superior. It is. It's a Stonewater Pacific ale. Cheers, my friend. Byron Bay in a bottle, they say. Some say. Some don't say that. I do.

Some others won't. I was on the weekend, Ash. We had a little barbecue. Just the lobster? Lobster tail on the barbecue? I threw on some weekend, Ash. We had a little barbecue. Just a lobster? Lobster tail on the barbecue? I threw on some barramundi. Ooh. Skin on?

Always. I love a bit of crispy skin. You know that. A bit of lemon, salt, pepper. When people think about me, I want them to know that I like my barramundi with crispy skin and also with a side of stonewood. Oh. This guy.

It is great with seafood. It's a match made in heaven. Absolutely. Fruity aromas, they say. I'm not sure if that was the intention, making it for me when I'm having my barramundi with crispy skin. Do you know what I think it might be? Go on.

With fish, what is great with fish is citrus, citrusy aftertaste, bit of passion fruit in there, lovely aromas on top of that, I'm guessing, beautifully cooked piece of fish. Well said. Reminds me of the Pacific Ocean, which is what this bottle is named after, being the Pacific Ale. You're not just a pretty face, my friend. Byron Bain a bottle, I would say.

Cheers. Some say. Cheers, my friend. And thank you Stonewood for making this episode happen as you have been doing with the last few episodes and more episodes

in the future we wouldn't have it any other way can I give you some devastating news no yeah go on okay I

had the week with Laura away I do recall. She was in Bali. Lucky Bali. And I got a lot of comments regarding a video that I put on my social media with Lola. It was just something.

It was just. What have I missed? It was just something minor, my friend. Story or real? Just a story. Okay. Just a casual little story. I've hidden your story.

I know you don't really react to my stories anymore, which is a shame. I'm always looking. I just wait. Always waiting. Until I see you in person. Always waiting. Can you see Lola? What have I missed?

It's the fact that Lola's giving me a hug. Oh. Mm-hmm. I thought she was's giving me a hug. Oh. Mm-hmm. I thought she was trying to choke you out. Yeah. Maybe she was. She's so weak. Don't mistaken that, my friend.

I was like, that's such a loving cuddle. And he's like. So many people said. It's good to see you two talking again. And I forgot. I guess over the period of a week, slowly... Was that like the last day? That was the last day.

That was day number seven. And it comes down to the fact that she's only like this when there is no other option. You were the last resort for survival. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. I even think she turned to Buster for a while and was like, can you make me dinner?

Can you help me out here? I know you're missing a leg. And Buster was like, I'm me dinner can you help me out here I know you're missing a leg and Buster was like I'm a dog with three legs I can't help you and then she was like

fine I guess I'll love you this desperate man and then dude straight back in the blink of an eye I do feel sorry for you in the blink of an eye

I do how was the trip for young Laura who cares okay good to know who cares good to know you look like you want for you. In the blink of an eye. I do. How was the trip for young Laura? Who cares? Okay. Good to know. Who cares?

Good to know. You look like you want to get something off your chest there, Matt. No, it was just disappointing. I was trying to tell myself that this would happen.

I wanted to manage my own internal expectations on the fact that I knew Lola would quickly return back to Laura as soon as she stepped foot back into this house. Was it that quick?

I would say it was the morning and she came in and I had Lola on my lap and she turned around, clocked Laura, looked at me. She didn't actually do this, but she may as well. She spat in my face, slapped me. She didn't actually do this, but she may as well. She spat in my face, slapped me. The bowl of porridge I was feeding her flung onto the floor. And the old bitch. And she said, don't you fucking touch me.

This is over. Time's up. Brutal. Ran to Laura. Well, there you go. In the mornings, we like to go and get baby chinos. Yeah, it's up. Brutal. Ran to Laura. Well, there you go. And like, okay, in the mornings, we like to go and get baby chinos. Yeah, it's great. Oh, yeah.

It's what we do. I like that. It's our thing. It's our routine. And it was good daddy-daughter time. And then I said, this is when Laura's already back home, I said, hey, does anyone want to go get a baby chino? Daddy's going for a walk.

Who wants to come? Any takers? She said, no, no. She said no. Yeah, she goes, I don't want to come. Who the fuck are you, bro? going for a walk. Who wants to come? Any takers? She said, no, no. She said no. Yeah, she goes, I don't want to come. Who the fuck are you, bro? Get out of here. I thought we broke up yesterday.

Man, it sucks. So that's it. So did Marley go? No, she didn't want to come with me either. So I'm back to being the weakest link in this family. Exile Island, how's that? Yeah, it sucks, man. It sucks.

It does suck. Because I had to then go away. I was working on the weekend. Oh, yes. I was in the Blue Mountains working hard to try and support this family. Put food on the table and make sure the rent is paid. Yep. Slash mortgage.

Can you pay my rent? Thanks. You know, there is one thing that I love in this world more than anything. My children. I didn't think world more than anything. My children. I didn't think you were going that way with that. There's one thing I love even more. Oh, yeah. That's having a weekend away from them.

Oh, yeah. It's so good. So good. Just gives you a chance to miss them all. It was just one night, but it was pretty good. Great bed. Beautiful. Yeah, soft.

Were you a firm bed guy? And after having the kids come in and wake me up all fucking throughout the night, over the course of a week, it was just lovely to get eight hours of just uninterrupted sleep. Recharge. Fill your cup, Matt. Thank you. That's all I got to say. And that doesn't, not just you, for other parents, for mums, dads, go off and fill your cup.

It's very important. But then it was a shame that I had to go because Laura's been away for a week. Then, you know, she comes back. And then the moment that she's back, I've got to go to the Blue Mountains. I'm up there for a night. And, you know, there's one thing that is missing, has been missing for the last, you know, now eight nights. I believe I know where you're going with this.

Pleasure. Deep, erotic pleasure. Oh, it is deep. And we've been talking it up. We don't really like sex. Were you a teenager? No, I was just like, what did I say? I think I was trying to be, I was trying to set the mood.

I was like, I can't wait to fuck you up. It's going to be the best 30 seconds of your life. No, I think I was like... I can't remember what I said. Do you... You don't say that. I'm an adult, bro. I just send the pictures of my dick. I definitely

don't do any of that you don't how do you plant the seed with April not via text that's for sure

what do you do how do you make it known that today may be the day it could come different in different ways

I would say like okay for example for example. For example, this weekend. What do you got? We were finishing bath and stuff and putting your kids to bed. I do. It's part of the routine.

And I had already gone out and picked up dinner and I bring it back. What did you have? We just got some pizzas. Something really nice and simple. Love that. What'd you have? We got, we just got some pizzas. Something really nice, simple. We just both felt like pizza for some reason, which is rare.

We both felt like the same thing. It's not the only thing we both felt like. Oh! Hey! Anyway, so I was like,

April actually ate before we did bath and I was like, man, I just want to enjoy it without the kids going, give me some! And then having a bite of something and then it's throwing in the it without the kids going give me some and then having a

bite of something and then it's throwing in the bin but we all know how you get after having a meal sleepy yeah very

very lethargic and I'd also picked up there's like a little confectionery shop next to this pizza shop that has all the

American chocolates and candy and whatever they call it and I was like oh I might grab something different for after it's Sunday night

yeah so I went and got that. Sorry, I just had a thought that it was nothing to do with that. Nothing. It was nothing. It was like, I was going to say body chocolate,

but it's not. Well, that's where I thought this was going. No, no, no, no, no. I got something that's like obscure, like that we would never usually have. Butt plug. Sorry. How did you know?

A chocolate butt plug. And I was… Fuck, I'm a child. I know. We were finishing the bath routine and I said to April, I'm going to go have dinner. And then I said, I also got like a special treat for us after dinner. And she was like…

No cock. Fuck. What is it, Ash? And I said this what yeah go on it's a cock meat sandwich

I said I got something special for after dinner for us like you know if we're watching a movie or whatever stop pulling

sexually sexual pages at me no I'm fucking into this I'm into it you're like no this is great I feel like I'm in the room with you guys. I would hope not.

Which I love. Continue. You're killing me here. Okay. Anyway, she was like, oh, I thought we could have another type of special treat. Oh, my God. April's going to kill me for this. Fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ben, what happened? She's going to kill me for this. No, who cares? And I was like... Sorry, rephrase that. Avril, we do care about the way that you feel about certain stories being told,

but this is very important because I need to learn because I don't know what I'm doing in this department. Do I? Continue. I went downstairs, I got my dinner ready, sat in front of the TV, took one look at it, and thought, if I eat all this, I'm going to be useless to everybody. So I packed the dinner bag up, put it away.

I walked back upstairs, and I poked my head in the room when I was finishing putting the kids to sleep, and I said, I'm going to eat later. And I ate later. Let's put it that way. Wow. And that's how you do it. That's exactly how you do it.

Sacrifices, Matt. Eat my pizza very cold. Sacrifice is an interesting word because that was something I wasn't willing to make. Laura was in Wollongong. I was in the Lou Mountains. We got back at a similar time, put the kids to bed. We had dinner.

Okay, we ate. Laura, as she often does, gets a bit of work done after the kids are in bed. And she's been very busy, which is all the time. But she was working. I was starting to get a little bit tired. Let's not forget that, just so people know full context, I had to get up very early on that Sunday. I was up very, very early. I think it was about 5.30. I said to Laura it was 4.30 because all good stories need a little bit of embellishment.

Yeah. But it then got to 9 o'clock. It got to 9.30. It got to 10 o'clock. Laura's at the kitchen table working. I'm still watching TV on the couch. I'm just scrolling through. Binding your time.

Yeah, I was waiting. You were binding your time. But all of a sudden, I wasn't just sitting on the couch. I was getting horizontal. I was falling deeper and deeper into the couch. I was getting very tired. I was a tired boy. Yeah, that's fine.

Ash. And so then Laura finally finishes work. It's 10.30. I'll be asleep for hours. Yeah, well, you go to bed at 6.30. I've had sex, eaten, and then gone to bed. I know. I'm far behind.

You are miles behind. Young ass. I think I even texted you the series of events. And that's what got me frustrated. Oh, sorry. I was like, I'm jealous. Look at this guy. And so by 10.30, and I also just want to say that Laura told the story on her podcast.

So I'm just telling my version of events. Okay. Just to defend myself. That's fair. As we got into bed, I was kind of like, I was a little bit short because I was like, I'm going to. And you're six one and a half and that must be tough for you. Thank you. And so then we hopped into bed and then Laura goes, give me a cuddle. And I was like, no, I don't want to cuddle.

Oh, the balls on this guy. Because I know what she's doing.. Oh, the balls on this guy. Because I know what she's doing. The nerve and the balls on this guy. I knew that I had to be strong. You know how people are making a protest and they don't eat for like a number of days? For a serious matter. Like Gandhi. Like didn't eat for a while, I think.

Well, it's a little bit more serious than sex. But I was tapping into that level of determination. You ain't full Gandhi. I won't break. Yeah. I was like, I did as Gandhi did. Didn't break. So I was like, I'm not going to cuddle Laura because I know what she's trying to do here.

Cuddling is the gateway to sex. Yeah. We all know that. So hang on. You didn't want to suck it up like a big boy and have a cuddle to get the ultimate reward. I was tired. I was tired.

Man, I gave up food. Think about that. Yeah. I hear you. That's something that exists. It's a physical thing. Yours is stubbornness. It doesn't physically exist.

So I opted out. I said. You opted out. said you opted out you're like I didn't tick that box I said you can cuddle me if you if you want

I said you can you're more than welcome to cuddle and and she was like well I'm not going to cuddle you and so then she was like

it's good to be back and I was like yeah it's great that you're back so yeah and she was like don't worry about it I said I'm not.

You suck. And then she went to one side of the bed. I went to the other. And then I know, I know that Laura cannot sleep until the argument is resolved with an apology. It doesn't have to be from like both, but just like one person has to apologize. And again, I said, what would Gandhi do in this situation?

So I dug my heels in and I was not even slightly tired at that point. There was no way I was going to sleep. But we lay there maybe five, ten minutes and then she broke. And she said, do you want to talk about this? And you said? I said, nah, bro. I'm heaps good, eh? And that's it? that's how it ended

I can I okay so I just want to say in my defense I felt like work was prioritized over the cuddling time

okay and that's a fair point and I understand that work is important in my mind it was after not being together

for that long, I felt like I should have trumped the work, which I didn't. Look, I think your point's valid. Thank you. So I win. No, you don't. Yeah. Because like, again, we started this off very childishly with the sexting.

Yes. Come on, guys. You're adults. You're fully grown. That's the first problem. That's the sexting. Yes. Come on, guys. You're adults. You're fully grown. That's the first problem. That's the first problem. And then you've sulked about it. And instead of just doing the mature thing about it,

which is saying, hey, Laura, I feel like right now you are prioritizing work over relationship time together with each other, reconnecting. Have that mature conversation and say, do you mind if you finish work? We can maybe have a chat, maybe have a drink, maybe have a cuddle, maybe have a lay down, maybe have a kiss goodnight. Maybe suck my dick. Sorry.

Usually I'm the childish one. Usually I'm the... I'm taking the high road here with this one. Usually I'm the I'm taking the high road here with this one. Because I think you could have resolved that. Like they say, don't go to bed angry. Go to bed furious

if you're going to do anything. Make it real bad. But no, you had the opportunity to sack up. But also, your point is very valid. You felt like she was prioritizing work over you. So that's a fair feeling. Yes.

But also might have been a good opportunity to say that, resolve it. Think how the good sex would have been after that. You know what? Okay, there was a thought. After we resolved the argument and we both kind of said what you were saying. Essentially, communication is always the most important part. Very well explained. Thank you.

I appreciate that. My pleasure. I'm here. And you're also bang on when I did think, I was like, you know what would be really great right now is a bit of makeup sex. Yeah. You've got to hush it out and actually come to a conclusion to have the makeup sex. You've got to hush it out and actually come to a conclusion to have the makeup sex.

You've got to just skip everything. The Gandhi in me was still being like, you know, I don't want to break. But we're back. We're back. We're good. I'm glad. I was worried. The next night we…

Sorted it out. If you know what I'm saying. I do know what you're saying. We cleaned the garden. What? No one has ever said that. We cleaned the garden. Anyway, we did some nice, so you trimmed her pubes?

Yeah. All right. Come on now. I'm glad you're back. Let me just say the garden didn't have any weeds in it i would fucking hope not if you're picking i think laura if you're listening you have too many plants in this house he's starting to use plants and gardening as sexual analogies and I'm not liking it. I'm uncomfortable. The hedges were fertilized. Trimmed.

Fertilized. So you're telling me. Actually, I know what you're telling me and I won't say it. I want to show you something really quick actually because it did happen a couple of episodes ago and we did get a lot of people reach out about gender disappointment. That video that you did. You did a brilliant job of doing that.

You mentioned in there though about if you were to have another kid, you would have a gender reveal on how you would do it. It would be a… I want to do a burnout. In a Commodore. Commodore, yeah. We have to get a Commodore. Should we get like a real sick old Commodore?

Yeah, like a late 90s Commodore. Like a VE or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just wantodore. Like a VE or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just want like billowing smoke, pink or blue. Someone's one-upped you. Yeah. Big time. What have they done?

Also, great to have inspiration if we do have a third kid. You do probably have the budget for this. Three fighter jets flying over for a gender reveal. I got fucking goosebumps. That is the sickest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. You got the budget for that? We'll find it. We'll find the budget.

Oh, my God. Three fucking fighter jets. Three fighter jets. And it was a boy. It was a boy. That is amazing. That's a. And it was a boy. It was a boy. That is amazing. That's a lot of production going into that. Even just looking at the balloon wall, which they had,

that's got to be like a 100K job. I can't afford that balloon wall. That's fucking out of control. Still, as impressive as that is, I just think the Commodore. The Commodore is much better. Yeah. Do heaps less. Get a Commodore.

Anyway. But also, if there's any other ideas for gender reveals, please. Please send them over. Send them in. Send them in. We'd love to see them. I'm open to any suggestions. I'm not locked into the Commodore.

And we don't have to have video evidence. If you've just got something on your mind and you thought, do you know what would be fucking great? Send it to hello at twodotingdads.com. Any ideas? Because if Matt and Laura decide they are going to have another child, we will make one of those ideas happen. Do you know what is a nice touch, which is high risk,

but I think it's worth it if you can do it properly, is when you have – normally the female will have – I don't know what it's made out of. It has a ball. The female. The mum. The mum. will have I don't know what it's made out of it has a ball the mum this man I crack him up so much he's knocking over

all the equipment in the room oh man sorry about that no please it sounded like a documentary the female I don't know what it's made out of like a ceramic

like a ball she'll lob it up and then the guy will then with a baseball bat I don't know what it's made out of, like a ceramic, like a ball. She'll lob it up and then the guy will then, with a baseball bat, smash it and then. I quite like the thought of that. That's a good one. Thank you. My cousins had a golf ball and he hit the golf ball.

And the golf ball exploded? Yeah, it exploded into a cone. Is he a golfer? I think he does a little bit of golf. You hope so. I don't think it's his main sport. Surely we can come up with something that has never been done. Surely.

Surely. We'll have a think about that. It would be nice to have something aerial is a nice touch. Yeah. Skydiver. Maybe like a skydiver and they have, you know, like at the NRL grand final, they parachute into the stadium. Put the ball in. And with the ball, they have like a big flag attached to them.

And a big fan and then they fly off again. Yeah, like if it came in like behind the skydiver was like a big flag of like, it's a boy. Anyway, just an idea. Again. Can't wait. None of this has been vetoed by Laura. She doesn't have a boy. Anyway, just an idea. Again. Can't wait. None of this has been vetoed by Laura.

She doesn't have a say. But I think she's had it her way the first two times. She doesn't have a say. It's time that I took charge. Put your foot down. Thank you. What I do want to talk about, and I'm very proud of this, but a proud moment for a dad because for my whole life, Matthew,

I have supported a particular football team by the name of the Manly Sea Eagles. Okay. I do have a son. It wouldn't matter if it was a daughter. I do have a daughter too. There you go. News to me. But Oscar is at the age now where

I watch football at home and he's like, oh, football's on. And he's noticing it. He's also going to be playing like a form of rugby union this year just because of his age, under fives. I decided to take him to his first football game live. I joked about it being a taste of disappointment early on. So for the last how many years? 13 years I've been very disappointed because Manly hasn't won the Premiership

and it's been really tough. Lots of controversies. Lots of coaches, lots of players coming and going. Except for one who's still there. He's breaking records. But it was Daily Cherry Evans' 310th game and it was against the reigning Premier's Panthers. Now, I know a lot of people are like,

fuck, I don't really give a shit about football. That's not the point. So just hang in there for this story. Can I just also highlight that 310 games, that's the record for Manly. Yeah. Most games played. So big occasion.

Very big deal. Very big deal. But I took your advice and I thought, let's get into this game, get him used to the disappointment. That backfired because they won. We went with another friend and his kid who's been before, so he knew what to expect.

Same ages. Same age. A little bit younger than Oscar. But, you know, we sat in the weasel my way to the friends and family area. How'd you do that? Never you mind. And right at the front is great because then there's the –

all the players come up past there because their families are there. So Oscar's like, what the fuck's going on here? And then they have two eagle mascots that come up and take photos of the kid. It was brilliant. And I was sitting there with him thinking, holy shit, this is why you do it. Yeah.

This was a moment where it's like, this is why. Core, core, core memory. Hardcore memory. And I was like, you know to you know because you know what toddlers are like that age well kids at that age like four and a half they get distracted real easy as soon as the fireworks went off by the way daytime fireworks no it was good the noise bit of fire bit of smoke was like, fuck yeah. When are the fireworks coming back? And I'm like, whenever we score, there's going to be fireworks. Did they put fireworks at the start?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was like five o'clock. Yeah. And they're like, they're kind of like smoke works. There's no fire involved. Interesting call from Manly at a home game. Blew the whole budget.

He was following along with the score because he can read numbers now. Can't count that high. So when Manly started to really flog them and he's like, what number's that? I was like, that's right, son. It's high. It's up there. You know Manly's doing well when Oscar can't even read the score anymore.

I did say to him early on, I said, it's Manly versus the Panthers very specifically but because we beat them so badly he started calling them the Pandas. Yes! Love that. Take that. Yeah, take that. So Daddy had a few beers because I was excited. Did it make it

more special? Like it's a big game to win against the Radio Pro Music. It's a huge game to win, yeah. Like core memories for Oscar, but to me, that's pretty... He's never going to another game again,

so he can hold his perfect record. But it must be pretty, I don't want to sound corny here,

but it must be pretty magical as a parent. Oh, it was awesome. Honestly, one of the

highlights of my parenting career. Wow. So, me and Cherry had big days that

day. Oscar got to meet Daily Cherry Evans. It was brilliant. And then, you know, making the way out of the fortress and it was like, fuck, what a successful afternoon as a parent.

Anything you do differently? No, I think get there early with them. They love it. Honestly, we got there pretty early because there was like a New South Wales game before. That's how we got in so that we just walked into this section, got a wristband and then we're in there. But like right at the front, kids are at the front.

As soon as any player walked past, you know, they were given away. And which is a credit to the NRL, both teams, Penrith, Panders and Manly. Any time that a sub would walk past and there was all these kids in the area where I was, the players were like, hey, it was great. I'm just imagining all the kids there and you're there like wedged in between and being like it's me

but it was great and I just wanted to highlight that it was very a very one of my favourite parenting moments I think

that is beautiful I'm yet to take Marley to any kind of game I took her to a cricket match when she was two didn't like it as you can appreciate she's just like you don't like pointing at players that's it that cricket match when she was two. Didn't like it. As you can appreciate. She's just like, you don't like pointing at players.

That's it. That's it. Yeah, she was. Lab of Shane. But I cannot wait. Oh, I was really apprehensive at first because, you know, he is only four and a half. Well, nearly five actually in a couple of months.

But like they're so easily distracted. They get so easily bored with things. Yeah. I've been to probably three or four movies with the kids. A couple of times, loved it. Sat the way through from start to finish. A couple of times after that, five minutes in, they're like, well, I'm done.

Yeah. I'm not sitting down any longer. And, you know. Okay, imagine if like halftime, you know, game was on the line, Manley's winning and Oscar's like, I want to go home. Too bad. He didn't even mention that he wanted to go home, which I was shocked. Well, congratulations not just to Manly but to you as a dad.

As a sports fan, it's a milestone. Wins all around for dad. It's easy, I think, to forget just how much of an impact that is on Oscar's little life. Because obviously it's a core memory for you as a parent being like, hey, this is one of the highlights. I still remember my mom took me to my very first game. Yeah.

To Brisbane Broncos. It was Petra Sevena-Sever's first game. It's weird. I remember it so vividly. Just a vivid memory of it. It was A&Z Stadium and it was me and my mom. And I don't know if she memory of it. It was ANZ Stadium and it was me and my mom. And I don't know, she was into it.

For some reason, I think she was just like trying to give me lots of experiences that little kids would enjoy. And, you know, she pushed me into cricket, pushed me into NRL. And that, to me, sticks in my mind. So I think it's easy to forget that Oscar's going to remember that for the rest of his life. Oh, absolutely. There's like when I was a kid too, like I remember going to Brookvale Oval, you know, at a similar age.

It's like wild. I vividly remember going to a Sydney Kings game when I was a few years older than that. And the only reason I vividly remember that is that we were in a photo in the paper, me, my sister, and the big lions. And the only reason I remember it is my sister's fly was down. So, core memory

but yeah and look honestly we'll go again as much as we can 100% we'll have to bring Marley along

Marley let's go love each other do it do it in a friendship kind of way in a friendship I'm going to take Lola

because she hopes me also speaking of football, KO's got you covered this footy season with every game of every round live and ad break free during play. Ash, can I just really quickly give a shout out to Brisbane Broncos. They will be playing the Raiders on Saturday.

Gosh, it's a big game. What would you do if Manly and Brisbane are in the finals together? We'd have to sit on different sides of the stadium. I'd be torn. The way that you guys gave up the win last year, I'm not worried. What else have they got, Matt? Well, the Formula One Grand Prix that is on, the Chinese Grand Prix.

It is a tight battle in the Constructors' Championship with only 21 points separating Red Bull and Ferrari. Can Ferrari get both cars back onto the podium in China? Don't miss end of the action live in 4K. Lights out at 5pm Eastern Standard Time on Sunday. Matt, in boxing, Nikita Zhu is taking on Danilo Cariti. There's five title fights on one night. Australian boxing star Nikita returns to the ring for the first time this year

to defend his title against Danilo Cariti on Wednesday, the 24th of April from 7 p.m. Order now with main event on KO Sports. Now, fun fact, I will be there. Just letting you know. So if you do see me there and you listen to this, come over, say hi, and I will also reciprocate with a hi. Also, if you're watching the fight and you see Ash on screen come over, say hi, and I will also reciprocate with a hi. Also, if you're watching the

fight and you see Ash on screen, tag me. Yeah, big wave. Big wave. And film it. Film it. That'd be great. Let's not forget, Ash, your favorite sport at the moment, the Suncorp Super Netball. It is round two. There's Vixens versus Thunderbirds on Saturday 5pm and Swifts versus

Mavericks Sunday 4pm. Ash, both games are live in what? 4K. Thank you very much. And of course, there's plenty of room for everyone. So get on board KO, now also available on Hubble. I want to just run a scenario by you, and if it's ever happened to you,

and the circumstance in which it happened to me. Go on. So on Thursdays, as you know, I have Macy on Thursdays. But because Oscar finishes kindy at like 3.30 on Thursday, what I'll usually do, and April's working from home, instead of bringing them both home, it'd be chaos for her to try and wrap up her week because it's her last day of the week. I usually pick them up and I go to, there's a shopping center

with a Baker's Delight, but across from that is a park right next to where we can park the car so we get out go get something for baker's light come back to this park now i don't know if this has ever happened to you a bit of a strange one got out of the car went and got the baker's light come back to the park park's gated it's like a gated community but the car spots are right up against the gate so So I walk in with the kid. We're having bakers at light. They're running around, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I've gone, oh, shit. Left my phone in the car. Okay, what am I going to do in the park, you know? And I was like, I better just go get my phone. I can still see them, right? I go out the gate. Car's right there. And I come back.

There's some people in the park still as well. It's not like a park in the middle of nowhere. Roughly, just give me distance from the gate of the park to the car. Oh, like 10 meters. Okay. If that. I don't take, I can't lose sight of them whatsoever. That's not the issue.

The issue is I've walked back into a park. So people have walked into the park while I wasn't in the park. Now picture this. I've walked into a park with no kids with a phone and just walked my way into a park to a dark and dingy corner of the park to be on my own. The people that have come into the park while I wasn't, I've probably now assumed that this guy just walked into a park. Did someone say something to you? Someone said something to me. What did they say?

They walked up to me. I'm standing there on my phone, not filming the kids. It kind of might have looked like I was filming kids. And she walked up to me. She was like, do you have any kids in the park? I was like, classic me style. I thought I'd just fuck with her a bit. I was like, no.

The fuck is? And then Oscar's run over and grabbed hold of me and her face. She was so embarrassed, to be fair, but I just fucked with her a little bit more. I just was like, like a user. And then I started to, you know what my personality is like. Having a bit of a laugh with her and moved on. But honestly, I am not a predator.

Looks can be deceiving. But in that moment, I felt what a predator would have felt. And I didn't like it. I did not like it. But just the circumstance in which that happened to me. I can't. That's fucking. That's bad.

Good on her for coming up to be like. Yeah, because it's kind of like I get what they would've seen they would've seen a fully grown man covered in tattoos walk in moustache hat on

no no no wait wait wait I think it's a bit much to do that she's looking out for the kids she's looking out

for the kids but I think you're not doing anything which is which is warranting of someone kinda like pulling you up

no the only thing that I could think of was that I had no pants on But I think you're not doing anything which is warranting of someone kind of like pulling you up. No. The only thing that I could think of was that I had no pants on. No, I was, you know, I just gingerly walked in and walking around with my phone to like a corner of a kid's park and just stood there. You don't look that sus. I probably did in the moment. I don't think you do. I obviously look sus enough

for someone to walk. How were you walking? What were you doing? I was walking like Randall from Monsters, Inc. Okay? A little bit skeevy. And did she apologize?

Yeah. Profusely. She was very embarrassed. I was like, good on you. Which was wrong of me. But I couldn't help myself. I think you react in the same way. I'm sorry

you had to go through that. A few times, I don't want to say this, but a few times when we've been together and I've gone to the bathroom and I've come back and you've been with Marley, people have said, do you know this guy? And I said, yeah, he's a friend

of mine. Why is he not wearing any pants? Yeah, he's got no pants and he's got a mustache. Full brain. What's going on down there? You've just got that kind of like, get that look about you. That you're up to no good. I'm skeeving. Let's not bring up your criminal record.

No, let's not do that. Anyway, obviously it's never happened to you. Or has it? You did try and coax some kids back to your house. That was one time. That was for anyone

who doesn't know. They were trying to sell candy. I didn't have cash. I had cash back at my house. Let's not go into it. That sounds so sad. I've not had that

happen to me. Not yet. Not yet anyway. Good to hear. Not yet anyway. Good to hear. Not yet anyway. Let's go into our favorite segment, Matt. Meltdowns. Yes.

It's the final meltdown. The final of love Can I tell you a quick meltdown? This morning, at the moment, it's a little bit colder in Sydney right now. Winter is creeping in. Kids are into porridge and made porridge this morning. Marley, big fan of porridge. Big porridge girl.

Loves it. And she looked at it, started bawling her eyes out. I was like, what's wrong? And she goes, it's got milk in it. I was like, that's the whole fucking point of porridge. Porridge is, unless you're a freak like my mom, she has it with water. Actually, I have done that before.

Desperate times. I also had a meltdown, similar sort of situation where he wanted muesli and yogurt and I put it in a pink bowl instead of any other color bowl and it ended up on the floor. Nightmare. Okay. Picture this. Yep.

Matt, I have gone to Kmart. Okay. Quite a big shop. As we know there, there's all sorts of things. For people who aren't familiar with Kmart, they sell many goods from homewares to sporting goods. Probably by the brand name of Anko. Fucking great brand.

Right, right. Anyway, there's lots of stuff in there. And you think in a meltdown segment about kids that a kid might be melting down about. Toy. No. Not in this case. Go on.

I am in the kitchen section and I hear this kid, I need it. And I immediately thought toy. I immediately thought toy. And anyway, I've heard it a few times with this kid not being either stopped or removed or whatever. This kid's having a full meltdown. I need it.

I need it. Screaming. Very loud. One of those loud kids, you know. I do feel sorry for that household because that child is loud as fuck. And I pop around the corner and I see all these people like looking and I'm like, what's going on here? This kid has clung onto a trolley.

Like, you know how a trolley's got those tiny little bars and you can wrap your fingers around it and really get a good grip. He's got a good grip of this trolley and he's shaking it like this, like fucking giving it a good old fucking go and he's going, I need it, I need it, like kicking and screaming. Anyway, the parent didn't do anything about it pretty much and just let it play out and i was like i'm gonna completely ignore this as much as i can as much as i wanted to stand and watch i was like this would be over in a moment i'd finished my shopping i'm in the checkout line

which is no k-marts in the middle this guy's at the front door having this meltdown. Ten minutes. It had been ten whole minutes that this kid screamed and screamed his head off. See, I can hear your frustration directed towards the mum. A little bit. Yeah, but I think you can't. Okay, I take that back.

I'm not going to judge the mom because that's not very fair. Correct. And I agree with that. Why didn't anyone remove the child from the situation? It would look traumatizing for everybody. But then how about this? What about if that mom needs to do a bloody shopping at Kmart? Yeah.

So for her to leave Kmart is going to be a huge meltdown. She's then going to come back into Kmart. There's nothing critical at Kmart that you need. How do you know that? Name one critical item in Kmart that you would need. Microwave. Damn it. Everyone will die in the house unless you get a microwave.

I get what you're saying. She could be at her wits end and she could be at the point of having a mentee bee. Mentee bee away, baby. But then she could just be like, you know, I just don't have the energy to even try and attack this little meltdown because the kid might be dealing with something. That's fair.

Usually meltdowns are really funny, Matt. That's what I'm getting at. But this one was a little bit off. You should have gone over, given her a hug, and said, it's going to be okay. I just got questioned about being a predator, and now I'm hugging random women. We're wearing pants though, right?

No. Look, I just wanted to highlight it because it's been on my mind. I feel sorry for the mum. The grandmother was also there, I think. But I do feel sorry for them because you don't know what they're going through and I don't want to sit here and judge people because that sucks.

And I would hate if someone judged me. But also, shut that fucking kid up. My kids have a meltdown. I find the best thing is, and this is not me giving advice, this is just me explaining to judgmental parents like yourself, you go on a Kmart and fucking throw shade at other people who are having a horrible time.

I have said. I'm finished. The quicker she reaches her peak, the quicker she'll come back down. Do you think that's what this parent was doing? I think so. I don't know that style. She was probably like, why is Billy taking 10 minutes with this meltdown?

This is not normal. I didn't know that was a thing. See? Ignorance. But also, shut your kid up a little bit. If it was me, not that my method is right, I would just go, we could always come back to Kmart. I could always come back in some instance or circumstance.

I can always find my way back to Kmart do you know why? because the signage is huge and I know where it is but if he's there having a complete

crazy meltdown what about if she took four buses to get to Kmart oh my god did that ever enter your mind? maybe she

took her like three hours to get to Kmart and she needed the microwave how poor are you that you needed to get the Kmart and she needed the microwave. How poor are you that you needed to get a bath? She could be homeless. I'm not going down that way again because… Let's move on. If you wanted to successfully make me feel bad, you've done it.

So thank you. Ash, it is time for questions. Also, just wanted to reiterate that we would love to have any of your questions submitted. You can do it two ways. One is via our Instagram at 2dotingdads. You can send a DM or you can email us. At hello at 2dotingdads.com.

The first question is, Ash, what do you wish you were better at as a parent? Ooh, good question. Ash, what do you wish you were better at as a parent? Ooh, good question. I think for me, and I actually tried to practice this on the weekend, okay, just bear with me. When you do go to the park with your kids, let's say it's a Sunday morning, which it was a Sunday morning.

Okay, this morning you've got to get these kids out of the house. You've got to get them down to the park, burn some energy so they can go home, have lunch. Then you've got to pretty much do the same thing again because they just recoup their energy so quickly. But I often find myself going to the park and with my phone in my pocket, end up on my phone. It's so easy done. It could be a quick message and then you just end up doom scrolling.

So what I did was I left the phone in the car. I felt like a pretty good person when I did that at first, which, you know, as you do. Anyway, into the park, I'm on the zip line thing with Oscar, the swing with Oscar, the spinning thing with Macy, whatever it is. And then I see a mate of mine who's in the park on his phone and I was like, I went over to say g'day,

and his wife was there playing with the kid and he was on his phone. And I was like, yeah, I leave my phone in the car. You know, I just find that like… Just easier that way. It's just easier that way. More attentive with the kids. Doesn't get in the way. I was here.

And then I just said to April after they left, I'm like, I'm just going to get my phone out of the car. So I wish I was better at sticking to separating. Look, parks are boring. Fuck, they're boring. I hate it. But I have noticed the times that I've done something similar like that. Like it was on the zip line.

I was helping Oscar. There was other kids on the zip line too. I was wearing pants. Thank you for clarifying. And it just felt like it was a more fun environment. Dude, I'm 100% the same. It's so

freaking easy to get distracted especially weekends I'm pretty good. I can focus with the kids but like during the week, kids come home. It's like 5.30. There's a little bit of a little gap before you start having dinner. And they're all ratty from kids.

And yeah, they're all tired. But a few times Marley's wanted to play and I'm just like, oh, just daddy needs a rest. And then like, hey, sometimes that's fine. But I've been a bit shit the last week. It's easy done, yeah. And I'm in this bad routine of just like, and even having dinner, I'm on my phone. Get in the bath and then I know, you know, I give them a few minutes in the bath before I start,

go through the routine of like washing them and brushing their teeth and just on my phone again. And I'm like, dude, I've got like arthritis in my thumb. Oh, yeah. Scrolling too much. It's a real bloody problem. But it's so nice. Someone said to me, it's just try and do 10 minutes.

10 minutes of like kids are your attention, not on your phone. And I'm the same. I actually thought about when I pick the kids up from daycare, I'm going to leave my phone in the car. Yeah. That way I'm just not tempted because if it's in my pocket. Oh, yeah. Straight back.

Yeah. And look, I did an hour at the park of self-righteousness. That's pretty impressive. For an hour, all I did was talk to a mate. Was Oscar like, can you just back off? Yeah, he was like. Leave me alone. And also, in light of the disagreement with Laura,

I'd be better at better communication with my wife. Yeah. That's what I need to get better at. You screwed the pooch on that one. Yeah, that's's what I need to get better at you screwed the pooch on that one yeah that's one thing I need to get

no phone and communication I'm taking your side Laura on that one thank you but also your feelings are valid

thank you see what I did there your question my question is it's from Aaron do you guys actually not care what our bodies look like after kids

that's all we've got time for I think I think when I was I was ready for the fact that Laura's body

was going to go through a hell of a lot of change trauma too yeah because of pregnancy and then childbirth. I think for me, the biggest deterrent from having sex with Laura was the fact that I was so afraid that it was going to be painful for her.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I can't remember how long we waited. I think it was a day or two. I'm joking. It's not or two. I'm joking. It's not a joke. I'm joking. Put the pitchforks down.

It's not a joking matter, Matthew. I can't remember. Okay, so when Marley was born, Laura had an episiotomy. And for any guys that are listening who don't know what that is, it means you need to have a cut made during childbirth, which is stitched up. Where is the cut? Cut is downstairs.

So Laura had to go through that with the birth of Marley. Very traumatic. And I can't remember how long it was, but I remember Laura was like, hey, I'm now ready to have sex again. And I was like, I'm not. I was like, are you sure you don't need more time? And she was like, no, let's do it.

I think it took a few turns. I was really worried. I was like it I don't think I think it took a few turns I was really worried I was like yeah this is we don't have to do this that was my biggest

qualm in my head yeah I wasn't worried about I wasn't worried about baby weight wasn't worried about anything I wasn't like hey it's been a couple

of months now that baby weight's hanging around are we gonna yeah sort that out cultural gym membership yeah

Merry Christmas there'd be dudes out there like that yeah and if they are, fuck you. Fuck you, dudes. Block us. No, actually, we need the listeners. Yeah.

April had obviously two C-sections. So the first one was, it's like going major surgery. So there's like, she pushed for so long, which also traumatized the vagina area and then also had to be cut open. So it was like my main priority was obviously her recovering from a major surgery. My sexual organs were not like, oh, hurry up.

I can heal up. We'll jump. When I hear about guys who are like, hey, when are we going to do this, get back on the sex train? I'm like. You're just a boy, bro. Yeah. You're not a man.

Who's educating these young men? Oh, it's fucked, eh? It's fucked, eh, when you hear shit like that where people are like. I think it's not about you, bro. Jerk off for a couple more months. The only person who was putting pressure on Laura to get back into the gym to start exercising again was herself. She kind of wanted to, you know,

it's hard to exercise when you're eight months old, any time of pregnancy. And then even then after birth, she was kind of like, I want to feel good again. Yeah, and it's not just physically too, mentally. April was like a big thing about going to the gym and wanted to get back in the gym as soon as she could. Wasn't for her physical health, it was for her mental health.

Yeah. So again, it's not about us. And I didn't give a shit about what weight she would put on or whatever after. It was whether she was feeling okay. And that's my answer. Yeah, I'm the same. I think anyone who is putting pressure on their partner

to try and return the body back to pre-baby shape is an absolute dick. Get real, loser. Yeah. Send them our way. We'll knock them out. We'll do our very best. We'll out, yeah. If they're bigger than us, then no.

Yeah, if they're under 5'7", send them our way. Send them our way. We'll sort them out. Anyone over 6'? No, no, no, no. No. Anyone over 6'1 1 1⁄2"? Yeah.

Well, Matthew, we can finally reveal something we've been working on for days now. It's been countless days and sleepless nights. Well, it's been a labor of love, you'd call it. Very much so. I would agree. And the deal has been done. It has. We've been mulling over this deal with Penguin Books for a long time.

Penguin Publishing, to be specific. The handshake has been done. It wasn't easy. No. Actually, we were like, look, whatever you offer on the table, we'll take it. We'll take it. We'll take it. Yes.

But the book, the book we are writing, Two Doting Dads, The Quest for Free Time, arguably a book which will break all sorts of records. All sorts of unofficial records. I'm sure. It is available for pre-sale purchase. Yes. There is a link in the show notes for this. That's correct.

Also on both of our socials and the Two Doting Dads socials. And if you'd love to see the cover, please, I thought you'd never ask. Head to our socials. It is there. We post it on Sunday. But the story is heartfelt. Humorous. Convention.

We've got it all. We thought, what's going to make this book great? By putting in as many genres as possible. But head on over to the socials. Check out the cover. I'm looking at it now. It's amazing. And if you are wondering, well, what's the story about?

Look. Buy the book. Find out. But I will tell you. We will reveal the story to you guys. We wanted to write a book that not only would the kids enjoy, but parents would enjoy as well. Yeah, and they relate to as well.

We all know that it's like the last piece of the child puzzle of your day. And it's bloody hard. And especially harder if you've got a shit book to read. And let's be honest, a lot of them are shit. Some of them I read and I'm like, this, it's a Disney book. This is dumb shit. No disrespect Disney. But it's a pile of crap.

Yeah. We thought if Disney can do it, we can do it as well. So it's about Ash and myself. We're trying to meet up, trying to escape the kids. Except the problem is kids get in the way. Absolutely. Disaster after disaster after disaster. Yeah.

And look, we don't want to actually get away for good just so that we can fill our cups and get together and bitch about them. Well said. Two Doting Dads dads the quest for free time we hope you enjoy if you've enjoyed this episode

please please please pause leave a little review share it with someone who needs a little bit of a laugh or not

don't say that don't don't give them the option to back out be like do it or not do it now do it now no because back out. Be like, do it. Do it now. Do it now.

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And TikTok. And TikTok. That's a jam. Okay, now we're barking out too many orders. Do it now! Oh, no. We'll see you's your jam. Okay, now we're barking out too many orders. Do it now! Oh, no. We'll see you guys next week. See you later.

Bye. Bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea, and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.