Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #61 Three Doting Dads ft. Tom Birmingham (Hello Sport)

Episode Date: April 21, 2024

FIRST THINGS FIRST - OUR KIDS BOOK IS FINALLY AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER HERE! As a fellow girl dad, Tom Birmingham's working life is a world apart from his parenting life.  Tom co-hosts one of the biggest (and dribbliest) sports podcasts in the nation and juggles this as a doting dad to Evie, 4, and Zoe, 2 ½, with his wife, Stef.  Check out Hello Sport here  https://www.hellosport.com.au/ Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads. If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to a bonus episode. Today, a very special one for Matt and I. He is a friend of ours, friend of the show. He's a girl dad, Matt. So right up your alley, he's also a co-host on a very popular sports podcast called Hello Sport. It is the home of unqualified opinion and unwavering bias. A celebration of great Australian pastime.

That is talking about sport. Big fan of the podcast, Hello Sport. I talking about sport. Big fan of the podcast. Hello, sport. I absolutely love it. Big fan of his work. We met Tom over in Vegas. We were there recently. I'm sure people are fed up of us talking about Vegas,

but we were there and I thought we need to get him on. And he's a very, very funny man, which, fun fact, his dad, Billy, okay? Billy is also known as the 12th man. So dating back to the 80s, there was a few albums released by a very funny man making and poking a lot of fun at Australian cricket commentators. I wish my mum was here because my mum absolutely loses her shit over the 12th man.

If she had met Tom, he wouldn't have made it out here in one piece. Oh, she's a man eater. That's for sure. She would have absolutely had her way with him. So, yeah, it's a great chat and he's absolutely hilarious. And just towards the end, don't mind the fact that we get interrupted with a nurse who comes in and gives us IV drips. Yeah, we start slurring a bit.

We're tired. That was to perk us back up. So, enjoy. Welcome back to Three Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. I'm Ash. And I'm Tom. Now, normally we don't give advice.

Today, Tom, maybe different. Will you have advice to give? No pressure. No pressure on the advice. I may give advice. It depends how the conversation goes. I also am like, I hate getting given advice. Well, by certain people.

It depends who you get advice from. This may be a surprise to some people because you don't look like a man who's grown up in Bathurst. I didn't grow up in Bathurst. There we go. Wrong off the top. There we go. That makes a lot of sense.

You went to uni in Bathurst. I went to uni in Bathurst. You're too handsome for Bathurst. Thank you so much. No, I went to uni in Bathurst. I grew up in for Bathurst. Thank you so much. No, I went to Uni in Bathurst. I grew up in Barrow. Same thing. Same thing.

No disrespect to Bathurst. It's supposed to start with a B. That's true. They're eating caviar and lobster every morning. They are now. They weren't then. Yeah. No, look, Barrow was lovely.

It's changed a bit. Now it's like full wedding destination, Southern Highlands. It's almost called Southern Highlands. You know, no one. Barrow sounds to me like Barrow. Yeah. Southern Highlands. I know the sound of the Highlands.

Did you South Wales? Southern Highlands. Yes. But no, Barrow was mad. I really enjoyed going up there. Left there when I was like 15 or 16. But Bathurst Uni, which was a really nice way to delay adult life. What should have been three years turned out to be about five or six.

I've only ever been out there once and it was bloody good night. What were you there for? Never you mind. A good night by the sound of it. I was there for a good night, right. And look, forgive me if we're wrong, but your dad. Yes. The 12th man.

Correct. And obviously you live with your dad, but your dad. Yes. The 12th man. Correct. And obviously, you live with your dad in Barrow. Yeah. For those who don't know who the 12th man is, it's a bit of a cricket parody on the reserve of a cricket team, but it was brought out, it was 03? No, dude, he started in the 80s. Holy shit.

There you go. Show my age right there. I wasn't even born. It was kind of cultish how everybody like, everybody liked cricket, like, the 12th man. He was, basically, he took the piss out of the commentary team for, like, Australian cricket. And then it sort of then changed into, like, other sporting figures. And, like, so, again, like, he did one, he did, like, five or six albums, I don't know,

back when it was, like, CDs and shit. But, so, yeah, he took like five or six albums, I don't know, back when it was like CDs and shit. But so yeah, he took the piss out of the commentary team. I think it was sort of like a funny angle like when you're hearing like Richie Beno say fuck after, you know, like that was sort of the… Yeah, yeah. So naughty. Yeah, so naughty. Not to reduce his things to just swear words.

But so yeah, he was… He was very clever. Yeah, man, he was good. He was like sometimes I don't… it was normal for me growing up, you know what I mean, like because it was just all I ever knew. But now I'm a bit older. So I'm a lot older actually. I'm 35.

But now I sort of appreciate it even more. Like he won year at the Irish, got the highest selling album of the year. Holy shit. Like Kylie Minogue gets that. You know what I mean? Yeah, Kylie. You know what i mean like so he was way bigger than i actually really ever yeah but did people or did he have that notoriety because it was cds right people didn't necessarily put the the face to the name yeah he well he wasn't

like he definitely wasn't like kylie but certainly like he got recognized he wasn't like dance moves like he can move the man can move nice yeah he wasn't like dance moves like Kylie. No, he can move. The man can move. Nice. Yeah, he wasn't, he definitely had like, he was definitely, he would get noticed in the street. But it wasn't crazy, but it was just sort of, you know, like someone yelling him across the street or something. What about playing sport as a youngster? Would he get recognized on the field?

Yeah, for sure. That was probably where it happened more. But again, it was like, you'd see like people's dads start to act like weird do you know what I mean which is that was where it was more funny

because you're like my kids were like didn't know like we didn't know anything we were just like my mates they knew that dad

was famous but that was like sort of it I guess we sort of listened to it because it was a bit naughty like you could get away

yeah hear dad say a swear word or two yeah yeah yeah but you'd see like dad's like oh g'day I'm like what's like, oh, you know. I'm like, what's going on here?

When's that guy got an erection? When they come to your house to pick up a mate who's been hanging over and they'd always like come inside the house. Yeah, yeah. There's a bit of that sort of stuff. But again, like it was all pretty cool. Like dad was always, he's always been good with it. So it's not like, he's like a shy guy actually. And was he like a really funny dad to have? yeah he is he's funny and like he's not like uh

like when you get him to laugh it's like satisfactory not because he's not he's not like uh he's not like i'm not gonna laugh or anything you say but you're just like he's got a very i respect his sense of humor so like if you get him, you're like, fuck yeah. But no, he's very funny. He still is. And do you recall what his parenting style was like back when you were a young fella? It was hands off. He was pretty chill.

Like, you know, he, again, like now I'm older, I can see that it was like a strange lifestyle because he just didn't work. Like as in he worked, but he would do like an album every five years. That's the dream. And then in between, he'd just sort of do whatever he wanted and like just sort of hang out. So like he, you know, he was like hands-on in sort of like footy,

like, you know, playing sport and all that sort of stuff. But other than that, he wasn't. He wasn't. And also, I don't know whether, you you know sometimes you think like when you're maybe doing someone's apparently like wait a minute am i doing this because it's like been ingrained in me by my parents or is this just like my own personality do i have any free will here but like he never would he never bought us any presents ever not that that matters like he gives a but it was like one of those things where you knew that he didn't buy anything like it was your birthday it was always

mums i don't know if that's just a normal thing but then like when dad's surprised he's like yeah It was like one of those things where you knew that he didn't buy anything. Like if it was your birthday, it was always mum's. I don't know if that's just a normal thing. But then like one year. Dad's surprised. He's like, yeah. Then one year he got his golden eye on Nintendo 64. And I'm like, I almost felt bad for mum. I'm like, you've like done birthday presents my entire life.

And this has trumped every single thing. I know. Mum's just gone, you fucking asshole. What a game GoldenEye was He probably like Saw it written down On a list of like

Things to buy And he just Scooped on it So it was initially We weren't allowed to have it And then mum went away Somewhere for like a week And then dad's like

Dad's gone Nah He's not even a gamer I don't know what Possessed him to do it But he just Maybe there was like Heaps of hype around it

I don't know But like He was just like No fuck that We're getting gold nine he just came back with it and i was like are you serious dude this is like the best thing ever so was it a pretty like obvious good cop bad cop mom being a bad cop well yeah like not necessarily bad cop but definitely like if you wanted it if it was like if you want high level clearance to do anything it's like if you want high-level clearance to do anything, it's like we go to mum. And then if you're being bad, then it's like dad comes in. Yeah.

Dad comes in and just like raises his voice and you're like, oh, shit. I know. It's funny. It was the other way around for my parents. Dad was like never really raised his voice, but when mum yelled, it was like, oh, fuck. Yeah. You really fucked up. Both my parents have some pipes on them when they want to.

They can yell. Love that. You were in Bathurst then for university. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I was in there. Went there maybe a couple of years after school. Like I didn't know what I wanted to do.

What did you study? I studied commercial radio, communications commercial radio. That makes a lot of sense. Yes. So my cousin who you know, Sarah, she did it and she was always raving. It was like Christmas come back and it was just how fun it was. And I was like, I tried uni for two weeks, like straight out of school. My girlfriend at the time was like, her grandparents almost like pressured me

into it, like, oh, you got to go to uni. They were like a real high-functioning family. And I'm like, all right, I'll go and do a business degree at the Australian Catholic University. Like my my uai atar whatever the hell it was called uti um like it didn't get me it's changed now yeah but yeah that didn't um get me much so i tried to do business for a couple of uh two weeks and then it was like i hate this place and then you have two weeks. And then it was like, I hate this place. And you have two weeks to get out before you have to start paying.

So like a couple of years later, I was like, dude, let's do something. Let's try to do something. And then I had a mate who was already up in Bathurst. And so I went up there, did commercial radio, which was funny as well, right? Like uni's so, like it's great. I loved it. But they were like, you know what the future of audio is guys digital radio

and I'm like okay sweet so we're all like and they're like guess what one day digital radio is going to be in cars

they're going to be in your fridge and like so you're like you know what I mean so you're like you're learning all this stuff and then you leave

and it's like oh podcasting and like digital radio is a form of it but like podcasting was the future yeah but Bathurst was great you go back to Union and you're like, oh, podcasting. And like digital radio is a form of it, but like podcasting was the future. Yeah. But Bathurst was great.

You go back to uni and you're like, do you guys have anything to say for this massive fuck up here? Yeah. Does that mean you're like a pioneer though? Like do they want to invite you back to be like, hey, speak to the kids, you know? Special guests. You know what?

Like I think actually at one point we were, I don't know if we were asked to, we spoke to someone from the uni about going back to speak. And I don't know whether it was an inquiry about whether they, like there was some conversation about it. I don't know whether, like I'd be, there are much more qualified people. Don't talk yourself down like that.

The tutor advocate were there. Like, you know what I mean? All those boys. We should have got him on there. Well, one of them does have a kid now, so I'll link you up. That'd be great. Yeah. And you met Ed?

Yes. Ed who? Eddie, yeah. Eddie. Sorry for those listening. Eddie is your podcast co-host on Hello Sport. Correct. Do you remember what was that first like?

Was it walking into the same classroom? You guys sat next to each other and love blossomed? No. So we had a little bit more of a relationship than that. So he was in my brother's year at school, but I thought he was someone else. Like he looked heaps like this other guy in their year. I thought you guys were brothers originally when I first met you. Well, Dan, a lot of people do.

Or a lot of people just think that one of us is the other one. I feel like you start to, when you've spent enough time with the co-hosts, everyone starts to think that we're brothers now. And I'm like, shut up. When you grow you grow a mustache and put a hat on people's like you're more of it just naturally it happens yeah and we then we talk exactly the same now as well like it's but so he was in my brother's year at school i thought he was a guy called jack keeping shout out to jack um and then once we went to uni we both started at the same time and it was just, you know, when you're there and you're like, well, we both know no one here so let's just like on the first day

we just sort of like. Yeah. And then just he's like the funniest dude and he was like, he says he's like, I never thought I was funny or like no one had ever like thought I was funny. It wasn't something where there was like some insecurity like, I'm not funny. But I just thought like the way he would the way he would say

I was like this is just the funniest person ever and so that was sort of just how we started getting on that is fucking beautiful it's like Brussels sprout

being like no one's gonna think I'm delicious and you're like I do I love Brussels sprouts and so then at this point

was Steph who was your wife, is she in the mix? She was. I met her when I was 19. Oh, shit. And she was 17. Again, in my brother's year.

Let's not tell the cops that. Well, that's legal. Is it? Yeah. I'm not the judge here. It's 100% legal. Okay, yeah. I'm going to have my lawyer check this one.

But no, so she was in year 12. I just finished school. There you go. Let's put it that way. Yeah, that sounds way better. She was five. So she was friends with my brother a year below me. And again, like she knew me more than I knew her just because like, you know.

And then I met her at a bar. I met her at The Oak in Double Bay. That was like where we first hooked up. So you were back from Bathurst? No, this was before I went. Before you went. So I didn't go to Bathurst until I was like 21. 2021.

An old man out of uni status. I felt like that. Everyone's like, who's this? I'm a mature age student. It felt like that. Everyone's like, hey, who's this? I'm a mature age student. So, yeah, I met her when, like, first year out of school. And then we were basically together since.

We broke up for a year and a half because it seems like probably a smart thing to do, to be honest. But I was like, I just wasn't a great boyfriend. I don't believe that at all. Yeah, but, you know, like when you're young and it's like, I'm going away to uni every day. Like it just was an unrealistic sort of like. There's chicks everywhere.

That's it. I'd imagine that's a pretty hard environment to maintain because you're doing long distance. Yeah. And Bathurst is, ew, double shaker party town. Yeah, and like genuinely it wasn't, it was nothing to do with like, oh, there's heaps of girls up there. It was just more that like I liked fucking off,

like just being silly, having fun, having big nights, doing that. And then you come back to Sydney and you're wrecked from the week and that's when we went to hang out. And I was like, and she's a very intelligent person. Was Eddie getting the best version of you? Yeah. Yeah, he probably still does. Even my wife says, everyone gets fun time, Ash,

but then you're just sad caging around me. Timing-wise for the breakup was a little bit tricky. Yeah, it was. We'd booked a holiday to Bali with Eddie and his missus, who's now his wife, and then another mate and his missus, who's also now his wife. Beautiful. That's just like three couples

everyone's rock solid. Two weeks before we go she dumps me which is just a great I love the term dumping. I got dumped. It must have been pretty serious because you've got flights

booked, accommodation. Oh dude. Like fully serious and then she's like yeah and then I'm like rattled and she was the most depressing part of it because she was

going with her mum the start and then after like a couple of weeks with her mum, it was like we're all going to meet up at this like villa or something. And then so she dumps me and then is like, we can still go if you want. And I'm like, no way. How pathetic.

Yeah, like this is the most embarrassing. But we've paid for it. Yeah, no, I was like, fuck that. I'm just going to move my flight and so I moved it. I i just fully gate crashed my mate my mate's holiday with his entire family and like all of their like partners and and what and kids and all that sort of stuff and i'm like dude i'm coming with your family he's like right oh he's like he's like a super hot dude and we get over there and any night we went out it was like two seconds and he'd have just chicks all over him and I'm, you know, like if you've been in a relationship

for a long time and then you break up, you're like, I don't know what to do here. Why don't you put my hands? But also they could smell the desperation on you guys. They could smell it and they could see it. You know how, it was barley and it's hot, right? It's fucking barley and we're going to Kuda nightclub and I went, you remember in Superbad when McLovin is like dressed

in a fucking shirt and pants? A vest. Dude, everyone in this nightclub is in boardies and singlets and I've got Chino pants on and a linen shirt and braces even in like, he's just in boardies and shit. And I'm like, I rock up and I'm like, oh my. And you're just sweating your ass off too. This is so bad.

And his old man came with us as well. So I hung out with his dad the whole time. His dad left and I just walked around by myself. So sad. It was so bad, dude. So bad. At least it wasn't like, the only thing that would have made that worse is if you saw Steph.

Yeah. With another man. No, that would have been tough. Thankfully if you saw Steph. Yeah. With another man. No, that would have been tough. Thankfully, we didn't go at the same time. When did you rekindle? We sort of kept in touch. She was kind of messing with me a bit. She'd always call me out of the blue.

When she's with her mates, like, what's going on? I'm like, yo, you dumped me. I had an awful time in Bali. Let's not, don't keep calling me here like but also but also i'm good but the the the cord that was attaching you and steph together wasn't entirely cut no no like i always sounds corny i always felt like we'd get back together like i always had always felt i don't know why that's pretty and i wasn't really like entertaining like relationship like girlfriends or anything like that. I was just sort of like living my life.

You're still in chinos and a linen shirt. Yeah, well, no. The same chinos and a linen shirt. I put those, yeah, there was no chance of another relationship. But, yeah, so I think it was like a year and a half. I actually joined a band. Sick. What was it called?

What was it called? Drifts. D-R-I-F-F-S. Played the drums. Joined a band. Sick. What was it called? What was it called? Drifts. DRI, FFS. Played the drums. And I think she saw that and was like, he's pretty hot. I was on a good thing back then. What was I thinking? Should we start a dad band?

Yeah. Sing like Frozen songs? We could call it Bad Ham. I think that's a great dad band, man. I've already got this mapped out for us, guys. Sounds like you've actually been planning this for a while. That's why we bring you here today. That's why we bring you here today.

So she's seen you in a band. She's thought, fuck yeah, this guy. Look, I say that to her. She's like, it was unattractive. Don't worry. So how old are you at this time? Dude, I find now I have no idea how old I was at any of the stages in my life.

It's a blur. I'm say like 24, 25. But I don't know. So I think we may have been back together by then. But anyway, like we stayed in touch and then we got dinner one night and we hooked up and I was just back on. I find it interesting with couples. I feel like there's normally one person who's leading the charge

when it comes to starting a family. Do you remember? Was that from Steph? Was that yourself? Or was it United? It was. Or an accident. Hey, bingo.

It was in the hands of the gods, that one. It was just like we'd spoken about it. Again, by the time we'd had Evie, by the time we got pregnant, we'd been together for 10 years-ish, maybe more it was like was it gonna happen like it wasn't we were comfortable that that was where it was gonna go um we weren't married not that that matters um but i think we'd gone away on like a holiday and we were like you know you're in you're in like europe and you just forget that like shit has consequences as well. And you're like, fuck it.

Yeah, let's do it. And then we had a scare, for lack of a term, in Greece. And she's like, holy fuck, I'm pregnant. We were like, Jesus Christ, that seems quick. That's going to ruin the rest of the holiday. Were we like Eos, Mykonos? Dude, I have no idea. The Mediterranean makes people more fertile apparently.

It's very similar to our firstborn we found in Croatia. Yeah. We thought she was pregnant and we're like walking around the streets and she's like holding her belly like, oh, God. Oh, my God. And then we get back to the room and I'm like, do you want a drink? She's like, I can't now. And I'm like, oh, shit.

Yeah, right. And then she goes in the bathroom. She's like, I can't now. And I'm like, oh, shit. Yeah, right. And then she goes in the bathroom. She's like, oh, fuck. And in Greece, the pregnancy tests are like switched. So like a plus is you want a plus or like a plus plus means you're not pregnant or something. She's like, oh, wait a minute. Give me a drink. So that was like, so we had opened our like sort of minds to just like,

but we were open to it. I don't know. When Laura first found out she was pregnant and that time we, that baby didn't go full term. We lost it really early on. But there was a moment where you're like, okay, like now from this moment on, I'm like, I'm about to be a dad. And you start, your imagination just runs with it.

Were you in Greece going, okay, this is like. like was there only one day wasn't it it was yes it was the imagination was going wild for like three and a half hours we were what we were out like um uh at like this nice place having dinner like a nice view and we're sitting there like holy shit oh my god this is happening and then walking around the streets and Jess she's holding her belly and like we're looking at and, you know, going shopping or something. And then we get back. Buying prams already. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. And then we get back and she's like, I'm just going to do another one to make sure. And then she does and then she's looking at the box and we're like, it's only in Greek. And then we're doing the translator thing and she's like, oh, oh, shit, I'm not pregnant here. And that was kind of like a relief.

Yeah. Because we were sort of open to it but then it was like, yeah, that, no. Too soon. Too soon. But it wasn't that long after. It was probably like six months after. Yeah. Were you back from Europe?

Yeah. Well, it was maybe a year later, actually. Because then we found out she was pregnant in like probably around this time. Then like a couple of months before, so like the end of 2019, I got made redundant from my radio job. Shout out to Macquarie Sports Radio, now defunct radio station. Then it was bushfires and it was COVID and then I was like laboring. I was just like, oh my God, what the fuck is going on here?

Understandably, she was stressed because she's again like, what the fuck is going on here? I just, she was stressed because she's again like, what the fuck is going on here? I just always felt like it'd work out. I don't know. And again, like blind optimism. Yeah. It helps. It's such a man thing though to be like, that'd be right.

After I got laid off from the radio thing, COVID hit, I was laboring. Then you couldn't labor anymore because it was like you couldn't be around people. Then a mate of mine was like, my mates have pivoted their business to selling sanitizers, masks, and like they were a beauty business. Yeah. So they're starting like this other business where do you want to come and sell sanitizer and shit? And I was like, never sold a thing in my life.

Sure. Did that for a year, making no money, but like it was just enough to get. It was almost funny. We talk about it. It was like the happiest time in our life as well like there was was just super chilled we had a new baby you're all locked inside and it was just like I miss being locked in I don't mind it dude like I mean you suck when you're in there but anyway I did that for a year and then at the end of that year we were basically the podcast was making just enough money to pay me exactly the

same and she was like why don't you just do it? Why don't you just have a crack? And I was like, if I was in a radio job where I'm getting paid more money that was like stable, like I don't know if I would have ever had the nuts to like just get rid of all that and like put us under pressure. Sometimes you need a little like push on the shoulder. That's cool. They give you a push too.

And she gave me a push. She was like, just do it. Just have a crack. Try for a year and if it doesn't work, then gave me a push. She was like, just do it. Just have a crack. Try for a year and if it doesn't work, then whatever. But at least you won't die wondering. Exactly right. When she found out that she was pregnant for real this time. With Evie.

With Evie. Yes. I always say that as an adult, there is no bigger change in your adult life than having a child and starting a family. How did you prepare for that? Yeah, like. Not much. Yeah, not much.

You're sort of just trying to mentally get your head around it, but you can't. Like there's preparation from like an operational, you know, let's get the house in order. Let's get a room. Let's go to a baby expo. You become an ops manager real quick. Yeah.

And then like once the baby comes, you're like, oh, okay, like nothing can prepare me for what this was. So we're both pretty relaxed or I'm very relaxed. She's a bit of both. She's like the right amount of not relaxed because to counteract my laid backness, not a word. I'll take it. Yeah.

But so it was, I don't remember it being very stressful. It was just sort of the initial like finding out was stressful, telling our parents was stressful. It was like, but then it was exciting. It was kind of like, well, yeah, like what else are we doing here? Like we've been together for so long and like what else are we doing? Yeah. Shit will get off the pot like you know totally yeah

and i always wanted to have kids i mean 30 i think i was 30 when nevy was born like that's not young but i'm like i also kind of want to i'd prefer to be on the younger side generally speaking so i was like yeah let's just do it yeah well we've already done it we've already made way through and you're like yeah let's just do it was she an easy baby yeah super easy

oh god I love that like super easy like I mean you know maybe we should ask your wife that question no I was talking to her

about it the other day or yesterday because I was coming on yeah you're like fuck I'm going no no no but I was like I was asking her about like

I was trying to rack my brains around like it does become quite like the newborn phase for me is like my memory just in memory the newborn phase is

well her birth was really bad her birth was 42 hour labor oh shit and like how many kids

was she having I know 42 yeah 42 so it was like over what's that a couple of days and Like – How many kids was she having? I know. 42. Yeah, 42. So it was like over, what's that, a couple of days. And then – I'm trying to remember how it all happened. You're pulled back as well in those awful seats that the dads have to sit on. That's the real –

That's a real issue. Well, I was sleeping on the floor. I was actually – this sounds so stupid. It was in like, there was like a thing in the Hello Sport world that was popping off. Like there was something that I had to like tend to. So being in the hospital, I'm just laying on the floor. So eventually after like 30 something hours,

she got given an epidural. They gave her something to sleep. And I'm laying on the floor in the hospital and screenshotting people. Like just making content being like, this is the most inappropriate thing to be doing right now. It is, but also like. It's your job.

Yeah, but it's 40 hours. It's a long time. It's a long time. After like 40 hours. Then it was, she had, is it meconium? Is that like where they poo inside? Yeah. So they do their first poo when they're inside

she came out and she was like limp and she had like poo in her lungs and so then like holy shit

they like took her out straight away and like she wasn't crying she was just like looking at her like it was really intense 50 doctors in the room they dragged her

straight over to a bed jammed like a tube down her throat and were like sucking everything out. Do you remember like what were you thinking at that stage? Dude, again, I was like, I was just looking at all the doctors and I was like, obviously like something needs to be done here. But like-

But I can't do anything myself. No, but I was just like, how stressed are they? Like how much is this just what they do and this is a thing that happens and how much of this is like, do and this is a thing that happens and how much of this is like holy fuck if we don't like and i just felt like steph was wigging out steph's mom was in there wigging out and i was just like i think it's all good i think they're just needing to do this and again blind optimism i was just like i think i think we're sweet like it's obviously it's hairy but the way they came in the way they let this thing play out for so long i was like

they must have known this was a possibility right like yeah if they and they weren't like they didn't go we're gonna make it give you a c-section it was like they just let it play out so it's just like i was just optimistic i was like okay i think we're all good and eventually and we were and obviously we were it was sweet but yeah it was it was very intense certainly for steph like that's one of those things where our second child, Zoe, was smooth, easy, in a bath in the hospital, like really nice. She's like that healed her. Were you in the bath?

I was sitting like on the side of the – I was there. Feed in? Feed in. The human soup? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was feed in watching that one. I'm assuming that wasn't your call for the bath. That was your wife? No, that was – watching that one. I am assuming that wasn't your call for the bath. That was your wife.

No, that was. Yeah. Bubble bath. No, that was Steph. She really wanted to do it. I was like, the thing that I was, I don't like the idea of doing it at home. I've got a lot of people that do it at home. Not to me, just I'm like, I'd prefer if something goes south

to just be exactly where we need to be. Also, you don't have to clean up. No, that's also something. But I'm prepared to clean up if it means there's a fucking doctor there. But anyway, I jumped forward to the second birth. So Evie was – that was the hardest part of it. Otherwise, the baby, she was pretty sweet. Like to the point where obviously like every kid is –

you have nights where they don't sleep. Yeah. But for the most part, I was racking my brains trying to think about like a tantrum or a big thing. Like there's just not, she's been pretty chill. Marley was a dream child to the point where we were like, what are parents complaining about? Yeah.

We did a trip overseas when Marley was three months old and we were just like two thumbs up. This is easy. Yeah. Like my parents had my sister first and they were like, fuck, we're good at this. And then I came along. Yeah.

Second one's always a bit more. I still wasn't asleep. Was it still okay second time around? Yeah. Look, Zoe again is still pretty cruisy. Like they were both very well behaved and like fun, sweet, lovely little things. Zoe's just more like I'll do whatever the fuck I want.

Zoe two and a half. Yeah. Yeah. So similar to Macy and same. She's so sweet and I'll just do whatever the fuck I want. Yeah. Yeah. And get away with it.

And get away with it. Oh, don't jump off that. I'm sorry. Yeah. The look like. Oh, no. I'm definitely jumping off that. Did you have any like preconceived idea of what kind of kids you wanted

in terms of boy, girl? I went, so we did like a pop the balloon with our mates, find out what gender it was. No burnout? Oh, dude, I didn't have my own car. I just got laid off. But I wanted a boy, I think, because I am one and I felt that it was going to be an easier, like I understand

and I like remember what it was like. It's not. It's so tough. Well, I'm like I'm just so stoked with girls. Like they're the best. Yeah, they're so good. We'll go again. We'll try for a third, but I don't really care.

Like I would like a boy for just a bit of, you know. Something different? Variety. Variety. Yeah, like those variety packs and the cereals. Yeah, it's like you have the ice vovo and then you're like, oh, I want something different. What else have they got?

What else have we got? Nice. But no, I was just, I didn't have any real, I was just more like healthy happy as long as they're all good and then they've obviously i imagine with everyone exceed your expectations just like i'm just gonna say like tenfold it's actually probably more yeah more than that but yeah are there any um are there any moments that you struggle with the most with young kids? Yeah, I would say sometimes I can be a bit short.

Like as in I can, you know what I mean? Like it takes a lot of patience, right? Like especially sometimes you forget that they're two and four. Oh, yeah. You know? So quickly you forget. That sort of a thing. And because they are so well behaved as well.

Like our girls are just particularly well behaved. I don't know what. I definitely don't think it's anything we've done. But they're particularly well behaved. So like even around, you know, other kids. You can just see it. They're just chillers. And then there are times, we're very cognizant of it. We talk about it a lot, me and my wife.

But there are times when like you're just really like you're intolerant of like the slightest deviation from like just, you know, being well behaved. And then that's one of those things where like, you know, after the fact you like feel like an asshole. When you've like snapped for something so minor. For me, Oscar was pretty tricky as a kid. He's a boy, so like he's crazy, right? And like same thing.

It's like I'll be mid-snap and my wife will go, he's four. And I'll go, ah. Huge point. Yeah. Trump me on that one. Yeah, you did. Checkmate. Yeah.

It's like, fuck, I get it. Well, I guess maybe with work as well. My old man, again, like he was just like he didn't work. Respectfully, Dad, you did work. He's like. Yeah. So I would always, I never had the experience of like a dad that would go to work every day and like come back at night.

And so that's sort of how, even though like my job is very chill and like I can essentially do what I want. Like it does require me. I do go to work every day and I feel bad about that. Like, you know, sometimes I'm like, am I working too hard? But isn't that kind of what you have to do if you want to be able to, you know. Go on holidays and spend time. Yeah, you want to go.

So it's like, and I'm like, you don't want to miss things though as well and you want to make sure that you're around. And I'm definitely around, but like that's one of those things where you're sort of. I'm like, you don't want to miss things though as well and you want to make sure that you're around. And I'm definitely around, but like that's one of those things where you're sort of. I'm around too much. How would the conversation go with Eddie when you're like, oh, you know, we've got our own business here, which is still kind of in its infancy, but I want to take Matt leave.

How does that conversation go down? Well, luckily I was no longer employed for the first child, so mat leave was huge. Mate, we are – look, he hasn't got kids yet either. It's like do whatever you want. Like take as much time as you need. Or just like what it is, especially with the podcast. So we record.

We got a few shows we do every week. It's like if you're just there for those do whatever you want like just don't go and be with your family or if you can't be like it's sort of

similar approach with like holidays in a sense but it's like you want to go on a holiday for a month like just go and we'll just

work it out and someone will fill in someone will fill in or just a pillow with your face yeah exactly but yeah there's no

it's not it's not really something we've had to properly bridge we've probably had to cross I guess with Zoe

we did a little bit it can be hard with people who don't have kids to understand like if Ash calls me and says oh dude

we can't record today kids have got conjunctivitis they're on daycare we've got to pull the pin I get it yes yeah yeah no Eddie's great says, oh, dude, we can't record today. Kids have got conjunctivitis. They're not in daycare. We've got to pull the pin. I get it. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Eddie's great with that. Like, he gets it. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get it at all. He's one of those people who thinks his dog's his child. Oh, no. Yeah, I know.

But he gets it to the point where it's like, we've got a very good, we're friends, like, so it's very cruisy. And he knows that he's going to be asking for the same thing soon enough. With Laura and myself, I put my hand up and say that I'm a lot better now, but initially I was pretty shit as a hands-on parent because I kind of fell into that period of early days. You're like, I'm kind of redundant here because it's all baby and mom. Yeah, you don't need me. You can be any blob.

Yeah. And I remember like, you know, I'd wake up in the morning and I'd kind of pack my bag and I'd be like, all right, see you, honey. And she's like, where are you going? I'm like, I'm going to the gym and then, you know, I'll go see Nath for a bit. And then, you know, I guess I'll come. And when I come home, I'd be on the phone as well. When she's sitting there

with like a month old newborn she had to sit me down and go hey you're a jerk yeah you're being a little bit shit here

how was it for you in terms of like dynamics and responsibility we've definitely had a few of those chats as long as you like take the criticism for like

or the feedback for for what it is right like then it's always been pretty smooth. But there's been periods where it's been either that transition of like you can't just go out and like have a good night or a big night and then like the next day you're completely wiped out and you can't do anything.

So the early days that was sort of what it was because that was like the biggest transition there where it was like you can't do anything so the early days that was sort of what it was because that was like the biggest transition there where it was like you can't you know you're you're fun you're nights out with your friends and that sort of stuff when zoe came along it was just about like she's on maternity leave but she's got two kids and then i'm working but like trying to have a bit more of a healthy um work-life balance of being around more then the most recent one was around the mental load I don't know if you've heard the mental load thing. And that's one that I struggle with the most because my brain is token up so much of my brain just is always in work.

Like as in it's not like an excuse either. It's just more that like when you're doing your own thing, when I was doing something that I didn't like, like just a job, it was the easiest fucking thing to switch off from in the world. As soon as I made it, I'm like, I don't want to fucking think about laboring. Like, gee, I've got to dig that hole again.

Didn't finish moving all of those logs yesterday. Good luck doing that. But so when it's your own job, I've found that it consumes my thoughts like a significant amount of time and it's hard to switch off from that. So then when there's like things that are needed to be done around the house. They take a back seat.

Well, yeah, but not even intentionally. I just forget. Like my memory is just like not – it's almost like – and again, it's easy to say like because she has a million things to do as well she's got her job and then she's got everything in the house so I'm not like

as I said it's not an excuse it's just like the way my brain works yeah and it's hard to like find that balance where you're like

okay well I need to stop thinking about work now and like same for me like I left a job I hated a year ago and honestly as soon as I

put my laptop down I just did not give a shit about that. But now, same, like we're always going back and forth with ideas and things are going that sometimes I find myself on my phone talking to Matt or texting Matt or something like that when I should be like, oh, shit, hang on. I'm actually at home now with the girls. I need to, yeah, yeah.

And so that's been something. So there's the when you get home, it's like put your phone down. But then again, like which I do, but then I'm like, fuck, I've got to. What am I missing? Well, no, because it's more like there's still in the content game, like there's shit that needs to be checked on or viewed. I've got to like make sure. In our business, I am more the like head of the content side of things

and Eddie is a business brain like he so when there's like videos is this good to go how's this is this like i'm always having to review that shit and i always find that like that all comes through at like six o'clock and so i'm at home and i'm like oh you just quickly got to go to the toilet for like the fourth time and like for an hour you know what i mean like so there's that but like i definitely try to like get home, put the phone down and be present. And then in the household, it's more just like delegating tasks around the house where it's like, I am kitchen man.

Like, you know what I mean? I just pictured you with like just tongue fingers. Tongue, yeah. Like Edward Scissorhands. Tongue hands. So it's like that as an example is like the kitchen's cleanliness and operation functionality, like that's me. That's you, yeah.

That's me. Then it's like Steph is general household, like washing and shit. And, I mean, she would like probably that's more consistent, right? Yeah. Fuck loads more. But so there's certain things like that around the house

that like we've just delegated and it's like she doesn't have to worry about it anything to do with the cars like rego and all that sort of stuff

the admin the admin like that's me so it's just trying to find that balance off the back of her like making me listen to some podcast

where they were talking about it wasn't us, was it? No. Definitely not. What's funny though, she'll like, you know, again, because it affects them more, like she's obviously proactive. Like, can you listen to this?

This is interesting. Or like it might be a thing about parenting or like read this. It was like some book about like how to raise girls that like themselves or like not read it, but like read this little bit of it. But then like she sends me this podcast about the mental load and I'm like, yeah, okay. Like I'll listen to it and I forget. And then it's like, oh.

Did you listen to it? I did, yeah. And then I did listen to it and it's funny like there's mixed like had great messages in there and like it was actually something I took away from it. Yeah, what can you teach us? Well, it was just more about the way to like separate household items. She had some, this chick had some funky way of had some funky way of making it a card game.

I was like, we don't need to do that. It's Monopoly. Trying to simplify your life. Yeah, exactly. It's Monopoly. It's the game of life. Oh, fuck, I landed on washing. Go to jail.

Go to jail. Sweet. Get 200 bucks for that shit. Did you have mates at this time who had kids who would kind of? Not for the first. I was the first one, but now I've got heaps. You've got heaps, yeah. And so that's really good.

And they're all really close. A lot of my friends, I've been friends with since I was in primary school, and all of our wives are really tight. So we've got like a nice group. Not that you come across like a tired individual because you look great. Thank you so much. Just want to put that out there.

First and foremost, you're always glowing. But we just thought. You're tired on the inside. Yeah. Oh, dude. Yeah. Look, I feel like that's life though for us, right? Well, it doesn't have to

be now, but... Now that we know about the IVs. Now that we know about the IV, but you get to the end of the day and you're just fucking spent. It does feel strange. Like, you know, one second we're talking, just the three of us. Next minute, Amy knocks on the door and before you know it, you've got needles in your arm and

you're getting 500 mils of hard... Hartman's. Hartman's compound sodium. This episode apparently was you by Hartman. I feel like I can't really... I know I can. I feel like I can't like...

Get around and move? Move. I like that one. Is it on wheels? Not on wheels. That would have been fun. That would have been fun. We could just go down the shops.

Three grown men. Like would have been fun. Just go down the shops. Three grown men. Like we've escaped hospital. Tom's having a dark. Tom. Yes. You've been, well, I don't know if it's been something you've had at birth. You have no sense of smell. Yeah, I actually don't.

This is a, it's like a bone of contention between me and my parents. I have never from my memory been able to smell. A couple of things I can smell like spearmint, eucalyptus, like really fumey sort of stuff. And it's got to be right up my nose. Permanent marker. Yeah. But like actually no, I don't know about a permanent marker,

but like you just got to, the things where you're, you know, sort of verging on huffing it. And then, so I never was able to smell, but I was never ever taking the doctor for it ever. And so I'm like to my parents, I'm like, there could just be a fucking crayon stuck up there that I don't know about. Imagine if one day you just sneezed out a full red crayon.

Full crayon. And you're like, oh my God. Oh my God. The flowers are beautiful. Yeah, like those videos where you see like a colorblind person put those glasses on. But so. Did you say like, hey, mom and dad, like those videos where you see like a colorblind person put those gloves on. But so. Did you say like, hey, mom and dad, just want to let you know,

I can't smell a single thing. I was like, shut up. Because everyone's always like, smell this. And I'm like, I can't smell. You know this. Up until 18, say, it was reasonable for me to be like, you guys are dogs. Take me to the hospital.

But after 18, once I become an adult I've just never gone to the doctor so now it's on me as much as anything else but fair enough but the best thing would be the fact that

changing nappies that's no issue for you no issue at all I and like that's almost because poo still is

not something I enjoy you know what I mean so it's like the process is still like the visual is still there like I still have a bit of like, oh, Jesus. There's a thing being blind and not being able to smell. Well, that would just be…

They're the lucky ones. Yeah. You have to hear your way around it. They're the lucky bastards. But yeah, so from a smell perspective, I can't imagine like what that would do. Like the waft of… But I'm always… I'm still very put off by like a massive shit.

It's putrid. You know what I mean? It's putrid. The smell is even worse. But I can enjoy it way more because it's like, oh my God, Evie, this is shit. Is it big? I'm like, yeah. This is a monster.

It doesn't smell at all. This is a monster. Does it mean that with you and your wife, the responsibility of anything toilet related falls on your shoulders? Actually not. And it probably would be reasonable for it to fall on my shoulders. But it's just always, look, it has always been a pretty even split. But like with things where it's, with kids related bad smells,

it's even split. But like we've got a cat that throws up like all the time. Like there's always a, every morning you wake up to like vomit somewhere. That's on me. Or like again, the cat kills a rat that's outside. That's on you. That's on me. I always get in trouble.

The bin stinks. I've got to clean the, you know, like the bin. Yeah, because he can't smell it. But like I always get stuck with the – I can smell a poo. Like I've just let her sit in it. You can at least be like – That's the problem though because if I stuck with the, I can smell a poo, like I've just let her sit in it. You can at least be like. That's the problem though because if I'm with them, again, now they're sort of pretty toilet trained,

they'll tell me, but like before they could, it was like she'd come home, she's like, has one of them done a poo? I'm like, oh, fuck, I haven't even checked. And then they're in there and it's like, only a couple of times bad, but you know when you've seen them, like when there's like nappy rash, where it's like they've been sitting in a poo for a while.

Or it's drying up like dog shit in the lawn. And their skin's all red and you're like, I am so sorry. I had no idea that was going on. It's also like for myself as well, super self-conscious about smelling bad. Like I can't tell if I stink. I didn't want to say anything. Well, see now, I know you're lying to me. You're lying to yourself. Because I covered myself.

But the thing that then I don't know is like my shirts can smell. It's definitely like your shirt stinks. I'm like, what? Like I just washed it. And then it's like for some reason the fucking shirt smells. So like I've always got D.O. on me and I've always got like, usually I've always got breath mints on me. So that it's a blessing and a curse. Yeah.

Because like I know the way people speak about stinky people when I'm in the room. I'm like, if they're talking about me, I don't want to be the stinky guy. You'll leave them out. Yes, especially high school when your hormones are raging. Sweaty, stinky. To your mates, were you just like, guys, please just let me know. Stinky burns.

Oh, no. Can I ask about the girls? Have they inherited this gene? No. And that's actually something that's funny. It's kind of almost like a wig out when we're walking past someone and it's like, oh, my God, that smells great. And I'm like, ah, this is amazing.

This is amazing. Thank God that it's – but what they do do is know that I can't smell so they fuck with me so like you're good yeah so Evie will be like you stink and I'm like

bullshit I stink like what and then I'll be to Steph I'm like do I stink she's like no you don't stink she's been messing with you so I'm super like

I get like they will know that I don't know so they'll mess like in the morning they will come to the bed and I'm trying to get away dad you stink

and then I'm like, oh, do I stink? She's like, no. For the record, you smell great. Thank you so much again. You're welcome. I'm happy to confirm that we are now fully hydrated. I'm the most hydrated. We have all taken in the 500 mils of Hartman's.

Nurse Amy is just about to extract my needle and I am buzzing. Yeah, this is good stuff. Of vitamin C. Chock full. I would say meeting the in-laws is probably one of the most scariest parts of any relationship.

But I imagine that would be even more intense if there's cultural differences to try and digest. Yes, definitely. Steph is her mum Croatian, late father Serbian. And they all, none of them were born here. Steph was born here, but she didn't speak English. Like that wasn't her first language. Oh, wow.

And so it's very like, I make the joke though that like I'm living in a foreign film. Like when we're at sort of lunch or we're doing any of those sorts of, but they're all pretty cool. I think because we've been together for a long time. Like I don't know how they perceived me when I was, you know, 20. I'm sure I was different. You know, who the hell is this kid?

Yeah. But as it's gone on, like we were at their place the other day or a brother's place the other day. He's a bit older. And I was like, his son's just getting engaged to a Croatian girl. And I'm like, is this sort of like, you know, I know like a lot of cultures sort of like that's what they like. I'm like, is this sort of a Croatian thing you'd like prefer?

And he's like, kind of, you know. I'm not going to lie to you. And if you're not Croatian, they obviously had to initiate you in some. Yeah. What's that process like? Trying to get you drunk and they succeeded. How do I sign up? Yeah, exactly.

But like it's not just about they try to get you not just drunk but like smashed. And it's only happened like it's only a couple of times. It's like every time you go there, but there's like, because the extended family is so big. So it's when you go to those ones and then there's like uncles you've never met. How many are we talking, like 10, 20, 100?

So Steph's brother-in-law, my sister-in-law, Steph's brother's wife has 11 siblings. Holy shit. Wow. And then they all have like five kids and it just goes on and on. And so it's like, oh, you know, Dragan. And I'm like, who? Who?

Dragan. That's what I mean. You know what I mean? Or it's like Stavitsa or some shit. And I'm like, I don't remember. I'm sorry. I forgot like talking to you. And I swear like there's something where it's like you've only got

a certain amount of, you've got like 150 names or something. Yeah. So when you were getting initiated, like you're getting ready to get absolutely blind, drunk, were you warned? Did Steph say, hey, this is going to happen? No, I just started to pick up on the vibes. It was like, have another shot of rakia. I'm like, okay, well, if you have some of this whiskey,

I'm just like, all right, this is happening. This is happening. I'm just going to eat a lot of food and I'm just going to not say no to anything and then like, yeah, not driving home. It'd be funny if they like got your piss and then made you drive home. Yeah, well, that's a real initiation. They'd not pick me up from the prison. But I'm imagining now that you've been with Steph for 16 years, isn't it?

Yeah. So when someone else is joining in the family, even if they are Croatian, are you now one of the people who are offering shots? I'm certainly more inclined to be on the enabling side for sure. You're a dragon. Yeah, I'm a dragon. Yeah, exactly.

No, definitely. And if another white boy comes in, you're like, yes! There aren't any. No, definitely. And if another white boy comes in, you're like, yes! There aren't any. That's fine. Just me. Actually, it might be a case of like, it'd be awkward if another Caucasian Australian kid from Barrow comes in the family and you have a proper drink off with him.

This family ain't big enough for the two of us. And before we go, there's one last question I'd love to ask you. When you are an older man, an older man. Very well put. Yes, yes, because you're young now. I'm young. So young right now, dude. After that IV, you're old.

I'm talking like in your 60s when you're, you know, the kids have flown the nest. Yep. What would you like them to remember about the household that they grew up in? That it was fun and lively and like… Full of IV drips. Full of IV.

Did I say lively? I meant IV. And then like so when you're young, just fun, right? Like playing, laughing, but then older, I like the idea of, and this is something from like Steph's culture that I like as well, is like there's always something cooking, there's always people coming in and out, like there's always family coming over or friends coming over, coming, going, or like, oh, yeah, we're just here.

Like I really like that energy. It's just like it's fun and it's exciting. It's probably too extreme, but there's just something quite nice and comforting about like having everyone around each other and getting on is a good one as well. Shout out to mum and dad. We had a bit of that growing up, but a divorce would suggest we didn't have enough of it.

I shouldn't. Sorry. Sorry. We shouldn't laugh, but it's funny. Oh, bro. It's fine. I came from a broken family. Idiot.

To Christmas. Guess what? My parents are still together. No, my parents are great. It's actually worse. It's actually way worse. You know what? My parents actually still get on really.

Like we had Easter with my mum's partner and my old man came, so they're actually really good. Just being able to have that. That's also when more kids like just having more people around, I think is nice. So, and if they've got somewhere to always come back to, you know, like a home base as a way to go off and do all your shit, but like you can always come back here.

That's, I think that's what I want. I love that. That's cool. Very well said. Tom, thank you. Thank you, Tom. For your time. Thank you, fellas.

Thank you for being entirely up for getting IV drips. Jab with a needle. Always. In a random house you've never been in before. You didn't question it in the slightest. I know. It's like, what's going on? I don't care.

Yeah, there's some vitamin C or some shit. I don't care. Whatever. Just mainline heroin straight into your veins. Yeah, yeah. Well, you'll find me up knotted off in the car. You'll hear the horn going. Got him.

Thank you, Tom. Thanks, fellas. I really enjoyed it. Sadly, that is the end of this episode. But if you have enjoyed this one or any other episode of Two Dirty Dads in our portfolio, diversified portfolio, Ash Weeks, we would love it if you would send it to anyone else out there who would need a laugh.

Don't have to be parents, just as long as they're not pet parents. Everyone else, we would love them to join our community. Yes, our community of rooters. Is that rooters or shaggers? We're going with both. Whatever. Well, instead of referencing you as listeners. You're rooters.

Because let's be honest. Bunch of rooters and shaggers. Yeah. We're working on it. Let us know your thoughts. But also let us know your thoughts on potential other guests for the pod. Or feel free to give us any kind of review as long as it's positive. No death threats.

On Apple Podcast and subscribe to us there as well. We get a lot of lovely reviews on Spotify, Ash. For some reason it gets emailed to me. I don't forward them on to you because I forget but they're all bloody lovely. I love that. I love that I don't have to read them and you'll read them for me.

They're all so positive. There's a couple of bad ones about Ash, but I'm not going to mention them. I don't need to know. Is there really? No, no, no. Shut up. I'm joking. They're all great.

They're all great. They fucking better be. All great. Anyway, we'll see you guys next week. Bye, bye, bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples

today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.