Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #65 Lava Monster Ruins Playtime Forever

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

Ash shares something very rare on today's episode – advice. It's time for millennial parents to ditch Stranger Danger and introduce something new to their kids' vocabularly! Matt has a kleptomaniac on his hands. Can you guess which kid it is? Yep. You're probably right. We have a new segment called Petty Couples! Make sure you share your best stories with us 👇 Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  Email: [e-mail]  For more resources on keeping kids safe:  https://danielmorcombe.com.au/keeping-kids-safe-resources/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

All right. I think my cat is broken. Your cat is broken. It's only new though. Yeah. Take it back. Do you want a receipt? Do you get a receipt when you buy a cat?

I think you have like an electronic type recording of the fact that we own it. It may have a chip. Not sure. But the way it's broken is that- Ooh, what flavor? Jesus Christ. Sorry. The way that it's broken is

you just keep jumping up on the tabletop and I have a little sprayer that Laura would use for the plants and I would use it on the cat- To get it down. To get it up. And then now, I sprayed it and it just sat there.

It loves it. And I sprayed it again. It stared at me. It's like, do it again. And I was- Eight times. And I expected it again. It stared at me. It's like, do it again. And I was eight times. The cat was drenched. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J.

I'm Ash. This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And if you've come wanting any type of advice. Steer clear, my child. Not us, not today. Not today.

Not ever. I insisted today that we drink my favorite drop for a change. I'm not upset about this at all, Ash. Yeah, because we often quite go with the Pacificale, which is delightful, but I'm a big fan of that. But I'm a bigger fan of this. It's the Cloudy Pale Ale from Stoneham Wood. They call it a modern pale ale.

What's so modern about it? I don't know, but they say it's tropical. It's got fruit aromas, a smooth mouthfeel and low bitterness. Laura actually prefers this one of all the Stonewood drinks. This is her favorite. Well, there you go. Let's go. Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers to Stonewood, as always, for making this episode possible. Oh, that's good. It's very delicious. Yeah, dude, I was drinking this on the weekend, and Laura was like, do you know what? I feel like a beer. I was like, yeah, I. It's very delicious. Yeah, dude, I was drinking this on the weekend and Laura was like, do you know what? I feel like a beer.

I was like, yeah, I'll get you a beer. Like, don't touch mine. But it was normally she likes a wine, but she was like, this is really good. I'm like, yeah, I've been saying that for the last six months. They don't listen to us, do they? Maybe they should. A weird thing happened to me. That's exactly how I want you to start every sentence when you talk to me.

It's all I'm here for. I like to be a good Samaritan. Allegedly, yes. I like to help people. Allegedly, yes. It feels good. Allegedly. I enjoy it.

Allegedly. Never commit to anything, Matthew. That's the way I live my life. Go. I was driving. Never commit to anything, Matthew. That's the way I live my life. Go. I was driving in North Sydney. I was at the lights and a car drove in front of me. And I thought to myself, that doesn't look right. Car driving on the road.

Let me explain. It was an elderly man. It was a blue Mercedes four-wheel drive. Everything seems normal. So far. So far normal. So far, so far normal. Except in the side mirror of the driver's side, there was a walking stick hanging on the side mirror.

And he drove past quite slowly, and he must have just caught the end of like an amber light. So he went in front of me, my light turned green. So all of a sudden, I'm behind him. Anyway, I drove up. It was a couple of lanes of traffic. So I drove up next to him because he's in the middle. And I was like, I'm going to help this guy out.

You know, sometimes you see someone with like they've left something on the top of the car. And you see videos of, you know, someone's left their phone on the car and they're like, you know, they have no idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I realized it's hard to explain to someone what's happening. It's hard to explain. I'm beeping my horn and I pull up next to him.

He thought that I was having aggressive. I go at him for like going through the amber light. I'm pointing to that going, the walking stick, the walking stick. And he's like, what'd you call me? He was like, fuck you. Oh, really? Yeah, he thought I was having a go. So did you get out and help him out or that was it?

So I thought to myself, Ash, what do I do here? What do I do? Give him the finger and drive off. That's what I thought. And I said, that's not the helpful way. I said, this opportunity to help someone else is getting away from me. You followed him home, didn't you? So I thought, I'll give it one last crack.

Next red light. I'm behind him now. And so I thought, this is a lot. This is a lot. I'm going to hop out of my car. Did I see you on the news? So I hop out of my car, put the handbrake on, and I come out, and I I knock on his window. Yeah.

So I'm like. Was he shocked? Was he spooked? He didn't want anything to do with it. Oh, he was like. He thought I was saying, you've got, because he was really old. Yeah. So he must have been hard of hearing.

And I, he was petrified and he didn't, he was like. He just did the stare through? Yeah. And I was saying, your walking stick. You've got your walking stick. And I was going to grab it. And I was like. So you just left it?

Yeah. Yeah, because also I was. This confrontation. You're very confrontational. I'm not. You probably had this face on you where you were like, must help. Must help this man. Beads of sweat coming down.

There's a big vein on your forehead. I am the least threatening looking person that you'll ever come across. You can keep telling yourself that, but by the sounds of things, you really gave that old man a fright. I wouldn't be surprised if he's still with us. I was prepared to stop at no length to help this poor old man. He clearly didn't want your help. He was crazy.

Imagine you're telling this story of Heroic. He's probably got his family, side of bed at the hospital because he's in shock telling this story of how he was ambushed by a young man. He was crazed, I say. Do you know what I really, what I was really upset about? That he wouldn't let you help him. I wanted to have that moment of like

thank you. Thank you. And I didn't get it. It was like, I had like blue balls. You've got to close the loop, they say. Traumatized him for the rest of what I would say his short life. I kept beeping him across the bridge. You're fucking walking sick. And he's like, what did he call me?

Anyway. April's the sort of person when she sees an old person like at a bus stop, she cries. And I'm like, why? These poor people are so confused. I know. Why are you crying? It's just like it's so sad.

What's sad about it? They weren't catching a bus. Very good. Matt, I wanted to ask you a question. April went to a park with both kids the other day and there was someone in the park that was actually just this weird guy in the park. And April was like. What was weird about him? He was alone in a park that was actually just this weird guy in the park. And April was like.

What was weird about him? He was alone in a kid's park. A man. I don't know if he was, I wasn't there. But the story I got was they walked into the park, didn't really think anything of it. And then realized that this guy's not with, not with any kids. And April was referring to him as the weirdo in the park. April was like to Oscar and Macy, he's like, oh, we better go.

There's like a weirdo in the park. Weirdo in the park. That's not really going to help anybody. But the kids were like, weirdo? Who's the weirdo? Stranger danger? Is that? Well, that's what I'm trying to get at.

Both of our kids now are sort of five-ish, just about to hit five, and three for Lola. They're sort of at the age where they can walk away from you, whether at the park or the shops. But I wanted to ask about when do you teach stranger danger? It's really hard, isn't it? It's hard because there's mixed messaging. Yeah.

On the one hand, you're like, hey, don't talk to any strangers. But on the other hand,'re like hey don't talk to any strangers but on the other hand we're constantly coming in contact with all sorts of people who marley and lol are meeting for the first time and we're like hey look yeah here's a newbie to them they are strangers yeah she's it's a bit of a weird one and so we also have had a situation where there was an elderly lady once at the beach and we're on a park bench getting sunscreen on the kids and she was just like, oh, you've got really cute kids. And we were like, thank you very much.

And she was like, oh, Lola's, she didn't know it was Lola, but she went to Lola and was like, oh, she's like, just so gorgeous. And we're like, thank you. And then she picked her up. What? Like, didn't go anywhere. But she just like, I don't know, it just happened. It was almost in slow motion

and I was like don't pick my kid up? Yeah I was kind of I assume she had like an accomplice next to her going run! Yeah and then she kind of

Lola you know Lola hates everyone who's not Laura so Lola was like we didn't have to teach her about Stranger Dagger just embedded in her yeah

and so then she put it down and then I was like that was weird laura was like yeah like it happened really quickly in the same time he didn't really give us a chance to say anything but we um yeah we're kind of trying to tell marley like so hard we're doing a bad job at the moment it's really like you said it's like there's a lot of mixed messaging. But April took it upon herself to be like, okay,

well I can't be telling my kids there's a weirdo in the park because then they'll start calling people weirdos in the park. And that's just, that's weird in itself. So she was like, okay, took the opportunity to say, hey, kids, the thing called stranger danger, if you don't know this person, they're technically a stranger to you and there could be some danger. However she tried to do it. Here's Oscar telling the story about his and Macy's experience

with the weirdo in the park. We saw a stranger and we went home and when we went home, Papa gave us a special treat. So Oscar says in there, we were at the park, we saw a stranger, then we left and Papa gave us a treat. So that's his recount of the story. Sounds like a lovely day out. It was a lovely day out.

It's almost like he's like, I'm looking for the strangers now because I want to get that treat from Pop. Well, that too. But April took that opportunity for it to be, to teach the kids strangers in the park. If there's strangers in the park, teach the kids strangers in the park if the strangers in the park you avoid the strangers in the park and then what they did was they have evolved that now to that everyone in the park is a stranger so then april's taught them the meaning strange danger and

here's a recording of both of them saying it stranger danger oh my god she's adorable i know i know but so that it's evolved into them just calling everyone stranger dangers now which april was like fuck felt really awkward because they went to the park a week later and you know usually what happens is you go to the park with your kid and your kids run off and there's a bunch of adults standing there with no kids there's always there's always a few moments where you go, where are they? Oh, there they are on the slide. Yeah, but the kids are confused. So my friend who's a social worker, okay, who she takes care of the well-being of children,

okay, she was telling us about there's a new thing called- I'm actually really keen to know what the right thing is. I'm all about education today. Yes, I love it. So there's a new thing called now where instead of saying stranger danger because what it would do, yes, it rhymes, which is not great either. It rolls off the tongue. Kids love that shit.

They're like, stranger danger, stranger danger. That reminds me of Kindergarten Cop. Do you remember that scene? They're like, stranger danger. When the dad comes back into the school. Do you remember that? No, I'd love to see that. Okay, if anyone out there who does know, I'm right, aren't I?

Guys? Yeah. So our friend, the social worker said, it's actually different now because the stranger danger implies you're at more risk with strangers when you're actually at more risk with people more familiar to you. Do you know what? This is big.

This is big. Continue. This is big, right? The new thing that they try and focus on is what they call tricky people. So it's a tricky people theory, okay? It focuses on teaching kids about consent, body autonomy, safe people, and recognizing warning signs, okay? So, using the language of tricky people replaces the outdated notion of stranger danger with a more empowering approach, encouraging children to trust their instincts.

So, this being said, okay, because what's more common according to the social warrior is someone who is to take advantage of your child is someone most closest to them being a family member or a friend. So April said to Oscar, do you know any tricky people? And explain tricky people that have made you feel uncomfortable, have not made you feel comfortable or you might feel a little bit scared, but majority of the time make you feel uncomfortable. And guess who Oscar pointed out? You? April. April.

And she was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And let's just, before everyone just goes rushing at my wife here, Oscar was confused, okay, between the difference between comfortable and uncomfortable. So what I would say before you start to ask those sort of questions of a four-year-old, you make them aware of what the words comfortable and uncomfortable mean. It's a bit like Lola says she wants the window down

when she actually means she wants the window up. Yeah. She gets the words confused. Yeah. So eventually we ironed that out. Where's April currently? She's locked up. She's locked up.

She's locked up. We have, we have, she's moving on. Do you know, it's a freaking miracle that we turned out semi-okay given how everything that we were taught when we were youngsters is now actually, they now know that that was the wrong thing to do. Yeah. Look, once again, I don't have the right answer to anything. One thing that I learned in that same kind of vein is, you know,

sometimes there's certain family members, I'm not going to name and shame them, but sometimes they will say to their own kids or to my kids, if they go up and say so-and-so hit me, he goes, you don't want to be a dibba-dobba. Don't say that. And I get it when it's annoying, you know, when there are certain kids who just- Everything they dibba-dob. Yeah, they run are certain kids who just… Everything they dib a dog. Yeah, they run to the parents and they go, Timmy did this.

I always use Timmy as my fake child name. Poor Timmy's getting thrown on the bus every week. He's getting rinsed lately. But then I now know that that's really bad messaging to try and put onto a child of saying that you can't come to a parent and say that something bad has happened and they'll get in trouble. You want to try and encourage that to a certain degree. There's a lot of mixed messaging. So much mixed messaging. With being a parent. So my little piece of advice, that is definitely not advice for anyone listening. This is just for Ash. And if you want to use this in

your own situation, sure, go ahead. But I take no responsibility. There'll be a disclaimer in the show notes. Yes. It's called heroes. You have certain heroes that you can say anything to without getting in any type of trouble. Yeah. And so the heroes are mom, dad, and there's a couple of other people in the mix. Like Nana's a hero. Because there's also that thing where it's like if just say Oscar dobs

on someone and gets a result, so he'll just dob on them for something that they didn't do to try and get a result in his favor. It's a minefield out there. So I try to do something that's right and that's wrong. I try to do something that's wrong but somehow it turns out to be right. It's just like where does it end? We are confirming that April is in fact she is not a tricky person. She is not a tricky person. She is not a tricky person.

She is the mother of my children, for those listening for the first time. And Oscar has agreed that he was confused with the wording. Also, when she's trying to make him eat his vegetables at dinner, he's like, you're a tricky person. You're making me feel uncomfortable. That's probably what I meant. Hey, Lola's started doing something weird. Is it an eclipse mint weird or?

It's on par, I think. I'm all about that. Let's go. She's a kleptomaniac. Early stages. We've spotted it. Okay, give me it. Tell me.

We're aware of the issue. stages. We've spotted it. Okay, give me, tell me. We're aware of the issue. We found out because sometimes Laura will pick up an item of clothing from Kmart or, you know, online

and I'm not aware that, you know, I'll go to put a jumper on, there's just a new jumper in the wardrobe and I don't think anything of it and vice versa. Like Laura will go to dress the kids in the morning and she'll be like oh there's a new t-shirt

on your pair of shorts no big deal okay but then they kept being these new items of clothing that I was like I don't recall

seeing that particular shirt must be Laura and also they weren't brand new they already had stains on them, for example.

So I was like, Laura, I was like, you know, I'm doing the washing and I'm like, hey, is this like, you know, one of your nieces or nephews? Whose shirt is this? And I'm like, I don't know. And Lola would be like, that's mine. That's mine. Put it there. Put it back.

Put it in the wash. We had all of these new I was like Lola this is an extra large and what she started doing is

there's a big pile of clothes in Lola's room at daycare that's that's lost property okay yeah

and she would just flick through that and be like, oh, this is a nice cardigan. That's savvy. And then the teachers also would just take her word for it. And Lola would say, this is my cardigan. And they'd be like, oh.

How do you question that? It's been here for a few weeks. Sure. I think it's fair game. And it was a nice cardigan. It was like rainbow colors. It was beautiful. No wonder she took fancy to it. It was seed brand as well.

Oh, gosh. She's got good taste already. That's like the Mercedes of kids clothing. That's the sort of stuff you give people. You don't buy it for yourself. Yeah. And you're definitely not wearing it to daycare. No.

Not in my household. Anyways, we have all these new items. And every day, Lola was just like picking more. She loves it. And more. I suppose once you get away with it once, you'd be like, the thrill of it. And then like, maybe I could take two cardigans. She's also got a Gabby dollhouse backpack.

It's a massive backpack. And I didn't notice it because you obviously put in another set of spare clothes in the backpack in case they have an accident. Yeah. And that backpack was full to the brim. And I just thought it was Laura putting in more clothes. She has just started loading shit into her backpack. Dude.

Genius. And she won't give any of it back. I wouldn't even say that was a problem. I'd say that's just, she's just getting ahead of life. And she's getting the good stuff. Yeah. Start selling it on Facebook Marketplace and make it a profit. If you see her selling it on there, she's like,

get out of here, I'm on Facebook Marketplace. There's a lot of warning signs about Lola. Have you said to her, you can't do that? Oh, dude, of course. Of course. And you're like, you better get back down there. Find something more expensive. If there's anything for me.

Any jewelry? Any watches? She, yeah. She has returned all of the items of clothing back to lost property. And they've had to move the lost property

to another area. And they now, they've changed procedure. They only ask the parents about the lost property. That's the smart thing to do in the first place. You go to swimming, like where we do swimming lessons, they've got a lost property table at the front. I always check it out.

See what people have got. See what people are missing. You never know. You never know what you're going to find in there. You and Lola. We're in codes. Look, it's been a busy week for me, my friend. I have one more story.

This one happened on the weekend. I was in the park. Love the park. And Laura's dad was actually down from North Queensland. Terry. Terry. Tezza. I can't believe I got that right.

Tezza. Very good memory. Thank you. Never call him Tezza. Call him Terry. I won't. You are. He is a lovely, lovely.

Yeah, I've seen the look in a man's eyes. Don't you talk about Terry like that. He is nothing but a saint. He's a gentle giant. Okay. Don't know if he likes me. Maybe he does. He told me.

I was trying to impress Terry. I was trying to put on a good show. Yeah. Show him that I'm a hands-on, capable dad. You are. You don't need to show anyone. You don't need to prove that to anybody, Matt. Sometimes you just want to let him know that his daughter

is married to a capable, loving husband and father. I've got news for you, Terry. And so we were at the park and I was having like a particularly good day in that it was, we talked the other week about sometimes it's hard to play with the kids. Get on their level. Get on their level. You're trying to find a game that they're into and, you know,

sometimes it's just not working. And on this occasion, Marley and I had a really good game and we were playing it in front of Terry. What game was it? I'm glad you asked. It was, there was a, I want to say it was a crab, a wooden crab at the park. It was quite high. Maybe like, probably it was about waist height.

Marley was standing on the crab. The floor was lava. I was a lava monster. Okay. I was trying to get her. You with me? With you. Yeah.

Very good game. You are a way better parent than me. But anyway, let's go. I was a lava monster. Okay. Putting on a good show. Not just for Terry, for all the people in the park. Yeah.

Letting everyone know. Who's Alpha? Who's the alpha dad and the way the game worked is that I would run to Marley I would try and push her off the crab

onto the lava but she had superpowers she could freeze me she had super strength and it was impossible as lava monster I couldn't get her off the crab you gave her too many powers

you gave her way too many superpowers but she was loving it bro she was loving it she was having a great time she was laughing because every time I wanted to go grab her

she'd go freeze and I'd be like and you're quite competitive you make you say that like my competitiveness got the better of me I think

I think that's where it's going and then she would have superpowers in that she would like throw me off. And so I would go grab her and she'd throw me off. Yeah. Come back and she'd throw me off. Everyone's having a great time.

Yeah. What happened? I made a mistake. You got competitive, didn't you? I was overacting. No. And as I grabbed her, she said, superpower. And I went to like, I went to throw off.

And at the same time, I threw her. You threw your child across the park? Threw her off. And I didn't realize because I was like, and then I looked up as I turned around. She's just like, in slow-mo. And I've thrown her like onto, luckily it was the bark chip flooring in the park. Also, why can't they put something softer?

Anyway, go. So she's landed on her back and she did the cry where she went, oh, she can't breathe anymore. And I was like, waiting, go. So she's landed on her back and she did the cry where she went, oh, she can't breathe anymore. And I was like, waiting, waiting. And then it was a bad scream. It was a bad scream. And also I was like, do you know what? We'll fix this.

I was like, you can hit daddy. That's it for tap situation. I think every parent has done has been in the situation where they've been trying to play with their kid do something nice for their kid or whatever it might be for your kid and accidentally hurting them and it's like it's such a weird feeling it's an awful feeling it's awful but you're also like, I don't know, it's awkward. It's kind of like when you were playing with a friend and you're like when you were a kid and you

hurt that kid and you're like, don't say anything, don't say anything, don't say anything, don't say anything, so no one would get in trouble. So then she started yelling, stranger danger! He's tricky! No, she ran straight to mum and looked at Tara and he just shook his head. Oh, right in front of Dad.

He said, you've done enough. Right in front of your father-in-law. He didn't say that. You've done enough around here. I've changed the locks. Have you ever seen the look in your daughter's eye when you accidentally throw them across the park? So it was a shame.

It was a shame. I'm trying to think of when I've, I know this morning April was like doing this game with the kids where it was like covering their eyes up and going like and pulling it away. But Macy was sitting on it. One of the classics. While she was doing it and grabbing Macy's arm and just accidentally whacked her in the eye. And she was like, and like you could see the look on April's face. She was like, oh my God, like it was, I was trying to just play with you, but I've accidentally hurt you.

So I think everyone who has kids who's listening is thinking, oh, I've done that. Everyone's done that. Everyone's done a bit of roughhousery. A bit of roughhousery. There's that ongoing joke about like how rough dads are with their kids once they get like into toddler stages and it's like you're just like, you know, thinking that they're unbreakable, but they're breakable.

Turns out they are. They are. Turns out they are. Marley was like, why, Daddy? Why did you hurt me? Because I'm the lava monster. Okay, yeah. And that's what happens.

You made me the monster. I just acted like it. Is it time for? It is time for our new segment. Petty couples walking down the street. Acted like it. Is it time for? It is time for our new segment. Petty couples walking down the street. Petty couples, they're kind of like to me. Petty couples, I love you, but I'm immature.

No one can push me quite like you. Is this a petty comment? We went down to Wollongong recently for a very exciting interview, which we'll be talking about in the coming weeks. But it was down in Wollongong. And that morning, Laura said, where are you off to today? And I said, I'm going to Wollongong. And she goes, I didn't know that. And I said, well, you didn't ask me.

That petty? A little bit. Okay. It's a little bit aggressive. It was a bit aggressive. She's supposed to ask you every single aspect of your life. Well, she didn't ask me about it, so I thought. You don't care.

Are they fighting words? They're fighting words. They're fighting words. Yeah. Did it not end in a fight? She didn't like it. She didn't like it. I apologized.

Nah. I don't think it. I apologize. Nah. I don't think it's apologize worthy. Well, I just, I'm so sorry I said that to you. I don't say it like that. I've heard you.

Okay, so I also did a petty thing which I did promise the listeners I was going to do which is make me dinner and not make April dinner. You did it.

I did it. You're a fucking mad man. I videoed it. How did it go down? She was a bit confused at first. You did it. I did it. You're a fucking mad man. I videoed it. How did it go down? She was a bit confused at first. What did you cook her? I made a roast for me. What?

Hang on a second. I did make her. In no occasion is a roast a one-person meal. Oh, it was this night. Okay, that is the biggest. That makes it so much more aggressive. That is so much more of- No, I did make the full roast and I just hid hers.

I just wanted the reaction. Where did you hide it? I left it in the oven. Nice and warm. But she came down the stairs. I knew she was hungry. And she was like- How did you know she was hungry?

Because she said, Daddy, I'm hungry. She came downstairs and she was like, as you daddy I'm hungry she came downstairs and she was like as you see in the video where's mine and then it cuts out but after that she was like

you're painting April to be such a monster what I think I'm the monster and then the video is just like beep yeah beep

I got a lot of comments being like rest in peace my guy fair enough but after a little bit more of stirring up and egging. How much longer? I think I ate mine.

At least started eating mine. And then she was like, no, no, come on. Come on, where's mine? Please. Food, man. Anything. And I was like, all right. And then I got hers out of the oven and she ate it.

And she really enjoyed it. But she will never, ever comment on my cooking ever again. I guarantee you that. If you've got anything petty to say about your partner or anything that you do to your partner that's petty, please email us at hello at two doting dads dot com or just send us a DM. Okay, this one comes from Markova.

Markova says, we love petty games in our household. And then she says, well, I do. Obviously, her husband doesn't know. She says, he keeps leaving icy pole sticks around the house, so I keep putting them in different places, like his work boots, under his pillow, inside his socks, etc. Also, when he does piss me off, when I'm in the shower, I turn the shower head facing down. So when he goes to turn the water on to warm up his shower, it sprays him straight in the

eyes. Surely he must know what's going on here. You're going to cop it at one point, Markovai. He's just saving up. If he's going to bed and he's got icy pole sticks under his pillow, surely he'll be like, I don't remember living this year. At some point, he's going to get you back. And if he is listening, please, once you do that,

please send us in what you did to her. This one is from Jackie. She says, just sharing with you my own petty relationship behavior towards my partner for the amusement of all. Thank you very much, Jackie. I better be amused. I have recently started

using our fridge whiteboard to express my frustration with the lack of division of labor in our household. What's this bloke doing? Come on. Lift your game.

Now, in addition to all the usual family reminders, grocery lists, and school crap, I'm keeping a running tally of days since the other half unloaded the dishwasher. And she calls it the fridge of shame. She says, I might switch it up next week and start counting how many weeks since he mowed the lawn.

I'm going to need a bigger whiteboard. That is absolute petty behavior. I love it. The fridge of shame. I know. Imagine referring him back to it and just being like, babe, do you mind emptying the dishwasher? And he's like, I always do it.

Have you checked the fridge of shame? What does that tell you? I love that. Very good, Jackie. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I love that shit. Ash, should we end on a couple of listener questions?

Absolutely, we should. So, Matt, this is from Jenna. Hey, Jenna. She wants to know how do parents deal with the unexpected toilet runs? Just piss your pants like the rest of us. Do your kids love bushwees? Oscar's a bushwee-er. Macy's still in nappies.

Oh, yes. At the moment. How's Oscar go doing bushwees? Oh, that's his favorite. Loves it. Was it you? I was telling him to get out of the pool and do a bushwee, and he just turned around and peed into the pool from outside of it

like it was a big toilet. I have heard about that one before. Yeah. He loves it so much that I'm worried if I say it indoors, he'll just find a plant pot. My girls, they love a bush wee. So if we're doing wees, totally fine if it's unexpected. For me, the issue is when it's a bush wee,

and because the girls aren't in nappies now, Lola wears a nappy at nighttime, issue is when a bush wee turns into a bush poo. Because I got only rare occasions do I remember to bring baby wipes with me just in case. Yeah, okay. So we were at the markets, the food markets recently. Marley wanted to do a little bushwee.

So I was like, cool, I can take it. There's like a- Duck behind a little bush. There's like an area where everyone gets their food and sits down. You just did it there. She was just in the middle going. So then it's all because she was like, she was weighing and she's like, daddy, it's going to be like a bush poo.

And I was like, oh, it's a bit red hot to be doing a shit right here. Yeah, people are trying to eat. So then I had to kind of explain to her, like, try and finish the wee. We're going to try and then transition. Hold it in. She's like, I can't. Oh, my God. But it's also like there are certain times,

like if you're going through security, for example, into the airport and your kid is like, I need to go to the toilet. That's a situation. Especially if there's a line. Yeah, like queues. Queues, I would say, are the worst environment to begin with a surprise toilet trip.

Yeah. It's fucked, isn't it? We were at the Easter show and April was like to Oscar, do you need to wee? And Oscar was like, no. But also, don't ever trust their answer. Never. Never trust their answer.

He was like, no, to April. And April was like, you sure? And he was like, no. And he hadn't wee'd in ages. He needed to wee. Yeah. And he was like, no. He's even grabbing his dick, for God's sake.

The guy needs to wee. He's like, no. And he goes, okay, well, I'm going to go off to the bathroom and leave you here with Macy and Daddy to go wee. Okay. And it was like, okay, okay sweet and then she's gone off and then oscar turns to me and goes i need a wee of course you do i was like of course you do you only want to go because mom's gone now she told you so many times and it's not just as easy

as being like okay let's go i've got to get stop macy what she's doing pick her up put it back in the pram strap her back in the pram hold his her back in the pram, hold his hand, walk all the way over there. But then I can't walk into the bathroom with the pram and him. It's like, what the fuck? So then we've got to sit there and wait for April to come back out so I can be like, here's your child. He actually does need to wee. And then she walks out and I go, he needs to wee,

and she looks at me like it's my fault. Was there a cue as well? She's like, oh. It's annoying. I'm sure any parent listening could be like, fucking hell. Just when we ask you to wee, just wee. Every time we board a plane, we say, do you need to wee? They go, absolutely not.

There's no wee needed, none whatsoever. As soon as they sit down. And as soon as we put them on the toilet, they're like, well, I may as well release a little bit. Actually, now that I'm in here, I kind of feel like I need a wee. It's like, oh, shit. This one is from Morgan. She says, Hi, Morgan.

It's annoying, isn't it? It's nice to acknowledge the people who have written in and given us questions. I can't hear. Morgan says, How can I be more helpful and inclusive of friends with kids, assuming here that Morgan may not have kids? Right.

Right, right, right, right. I would say, look, it's a tough question, actually, but I would say be flexible with your time. Start doing yoga. Yeah. Every time you see them, make sure you've got baby wipes. No, I would say be- Actually, no, that's a good point.

That is a good point. Always, it is never a bad idea to have extra baby wipes with you. Yeah. Just putting that out there. Sorry. Continue. Have as many as you can, I would say. Walk around with them.

Start handing them out. A pallet. A pallet of them. Drive a forklift with a pallet of baby wipes. I would say be flexible with your time because for us, like trying to leave the house during the day, if it's like someone's like, yeah, come down. Let's catch up.

Bring your kids down. We'll catch up in the morning sometime. And they're like, why don't we meet at like 11 o'clock? That's not going to work. Macy's still naps at 12 o'clock. You get nap trapped. You get nap trapped. You get nap trapped. And it's like, oh, yeah, we can meet at 11,

but we're going to be there for a whole 15 minutes before I turn around and come home. And I would say as a parent with a child who still naps, I am not dragging my child there for any time less than two hours. If we're there for only an hour, it's a waste of my time. It's bad ROI. But thankfully in my experience, I've- Return on investment for anyone not wondering.

Shut up. Sorry. I know what the person with that kid's probably thinking. Oh, I'll make it a bit later to give them plenty of time to get up, do their thing, and then be able to- No, we're up. Can I ask you a question? I'm up at 6 a.m.

If you said meet you at 7 a.m., there's much more of a chance of me being there than being there at 11. Question for you then. Sit down. I am sitting. Perfect. Do you prefer going out to meet these people or would you rather they say, I'm going to come to your house at 7 o'clock?

Oh, why? Because if the kids are stuck at home, they're mental. Oh, why? Because if the kids are stuck at home, they're mental. If you've got no kids and you've got friends with kids, here is my advice. You say, if you want to catch up with them and see the kids, you say, hey, let's catch up for coffee at a kid's park at a reasonable time,

8 o'clock, great. Gives them time to be up, awake. Kids are fed, dressed, 8, 8.30 can be late. Expect them to be late if they've got kids. Because between the hours of 8.30 to midday, that's your time. There's no need to raise your voice at me. Sorry. That's your time.

Okay. And if it's an Arvo sesh, it's like, let's not, hey, let's meet, let's meet like five o'clock. I'm not coming. I'm not coming because the kids will fall asleep in the car. You're going to ruin the rest of my evening when they're actually asleep. So I would say if you're going to meet a friend in the afternoon, 2.30. Another question for you. Dinner.

Dinner with friends? Yeah. Who don't have kids. Who don't have kids. Yeah. They're coming to my house. Okay, great. That's where they come to my house because I can say,

get here at seven because it'll be, you'll get to say goodnight to the kids and they'll love that and you'll love that. Then they'll chuff off to bed. And then we can relax. And then we can get shit-faced. I've got it worked out. Perfect. I've got it worked out.

This is not the first time you've thought about this. I think about it all the time. Every day when someone says to me, let's do something, it's like it needs to fall within that time because if I variate my kids' nap time, it ruins my afternoon. If I variate my kids' actual sleep time, it ruins the rest of my night. And for anyone who doesn't have kids and may be confused with how rigid this schedule is.

Write it down because you're going to need it. If you do have any listener questions for us, two doting dads, who don't really give advice but may give advice, I feel like this is the most advice. I just did. Ash has been just spewing out. It's like a volcano of advice nonstop. This is like Pompeii and advice is just like showering the town,

i.e. me and the listeners. Golden showering the town? Where do they send them? To our Instagram at 2dotingdads. Or to our email at hello at 2dotingdads.com. Perfect. And I think that's this episode done and dusted. And, of course, if you've enjoyed this episode

or any episode of the Two Doding Dads catalog of episodes, what do you do, Ash? You share them to everyone you know and you leave a review, leave a star rating, send us all your money. And if you are joining us for the first time, we've actually had a few new listeners. We have. I just want to take the opportunity to say don't fucking leave us.

We haven't got to the point of begging you. Don't go anywhere. We're not far off. We need you. Or leave us a review. Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And we'll see you guys. See you guys.

Bye. see you guys see you guys bye two doting dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout australia and their connections to land sea and community we pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all aboriginal and torres strait islander peoples today this episode was recorded on gadigal land