Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #75 Toy Troubles, Nits, and Tantrum Tips

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

Matt has a new household member who is laying eggs in not only his children's hair but also his own.  Ash's oldest son, Oscar, finds a new friend in Siri, but just like all friendships, this one comes with its highs and lows. Plus! Nanna Johnson answers your questions:  How do you handle tantrums? Should you raise boys and girls differently? Make sure you share your best Petty Couples stories with us 👇 Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.  If you need a shoulder to cry on Buy our book: https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  Email: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I had a giggle. I had a little chuckle on the way here. And I'm sorry if the person it happened to does listen, which I fucking highly doubt it. What are the chances of that? Near my place, there's a dog park on the way here. So I pulled up at the lights and it was quite busy because it was right in school time.

And I look over and this guy must have stepped in dog shit in the dog park. And he's picked his foot up to look at it. In doing so, he's lost balance. His sort of like hand and his leg and the dog leash got caught up altogether. He just went whack into the dewy wet grass, potentially still dog shit all over the guy. And then the light went green and I just left. Have a great day. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. And I'm Ash. This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And the relatable.

And if you've come for advice, don't do it. Stop right now. There's plenty of other podcasts out there that have intelligent people speaking about parenting, but it is not Ash nor myself. I'm plenty intelligent. How dare you? Are you though? No.

No. Before we get into it, should we crack a little cold beer? A little brewski. A little brewski from Stonewood. We are drinking the Pacific Couch. Cheers, my friend. Before you... Oh.

Sorry. Sorry. I've taken this sip early. April heard that Laura had tried one of the Stonewoods. So she's tried a Stonewood. Look, she's not all the way converted, but I'm working on it. She did enjoy a little passion fruit tropical notes. Every other beer that she's put to her mouth, she's hated.

So put the right foot forward here. Well, it's an easy drinking beer. Oh, absolutely. It's approachable. It's not too scary. It's subtle. It's like juice. It's like juice, but a refreshing hoppy type of juice.

Yes. And the Pacific Ale is the beer that puts Stone and Wood on the map, getting its name from the Pacific Ocean, coming from Byron Bay. It is Byron Bay in a bottle. Question, when did you get a beer fridge in your garage? The day I was born, my friend. So cheers to Stonewood, as always. We appreciate you and allowing this episode to be possible.

So cheers. I'll do a cheers. Sorry for doing the premature sip. How's your eyebrow? I do have a pimple in my eyebrow right now. I can't see it. No. Oh, there it is.

It's there? Yep. It fucking hurts. I woke up this morning and I was like, I've been shot. Right on the little tip of your eyebrow. I know. At least it's hidden. It is hidden.

That's why I haven't shaved. I've got another one under here. You're breaking out. You're going through puberty for the second time. I could use a bit of extra length in my penis. Also, before we get into it, obviously, we had Oscar's party. That has been and gone. But I think mum's coming.

Ellie, do you want to come down? Yeah, come on down. Come on down. We're just mom's coming. Ellie, do you want to come down? Yeah, jump. Come on down. Come on down. We're just going to interrupt. Oh, God. I did not know this was happening. Okay.

Ellie is currently yelling from the top of the stairs saying that she was left in the dark regarding this episode. But like you said, we record every single Wednesday. And then when you guys knocked on the door, she was like, who's that? I'm naked. I didn't even Wednesday. And then when you guys knocked on the door, she was like, who's that? I'm naked. I didn't even knock. Ellie, are you coming down? For fuck's sake. Jesus Christ.

What? Getting yelled at. What I was saying, you are a father of toddlers. A toddler, now a young child. Happy birthday to Marley. When does toddler stop? I think four. Do you reckon?

Okay, I still refer to Marley as being a toddler. She's a child. She's a small child. Okay. I just don't like the idea of them growing up. Yes, agreed. Actually, no, disagree.

I can't wait for them to grow up and move out. Anyway, when they have birthdays, Christmas, you get presents from people that you think, why the fuck did you get me that?

Why did you get this child that? Because they've got it intentionally to annoy you. So my parents, my mum found something at an op shop and she thought the kids will fucking love this, but Ash will hate this because it's annoying. This is something that would be- That Oscar got for his birthday. Like I'm thinking about the microphone, the karaoke.

Yeah, remember the karaoke for Christmas. Similar thing. Also, still in the garage, hasn't been opened. Been that. Genius. Get rid of that right now. No, I was going to keep it because I thought maybe there's two mics. Maybe one day we could do something funny with it.

Stuff the kids. It's for us. Yeah, it's not for them. But my parents bought Oscar something annoying for his birthday. And I'm going to show you really quick. Great. First of all, I'm going to show you, then I want you to guess what it is.

Jesus Christ. That looks like it could kill me. Okay. It looks like a bit of a megaphone. It looks like something you'd see in Men in Black. Yeah. It does look like a Men in Black gun. So I'm going to pull the trigger and give you an idea of what this is.

Please. I'll do it into the mic. So they've got home. That is fucking amazing. It's a fart gun. Now. Are these self-recorded or are they like preloaded? Imagine the guy's job it is to preload that.

He's like, hey, I got one. Let me record this one into the gun. So it's a fart gun. It's like an art deco design. It looks like it's from the 80s. Way to make it obnoxious. Look at the little fart chamber at the top. It gets worse.

Okay. That one, that's what they got Oscar. Can I just give it a quick little pull of the trigger? Pull my finger. They should have made the trigger a finger and you pull it. Brilliant. Thank you. You're in the wrong wrong profession

if that toy company's listening it's so like annoying because kids are so trigger happy I've broken it I've broken it there's an on and off switch

you might have oh yeah oh it's working it was from an op shop what's the RRP on this how much you pay I think she paid two bucks for it shout out to

Thinkway Toys who have made this so there's this one but as you know Oscar is the eldest of my children and I have a younger

child by the name of Macy and you think oh they'll just share it no there's a mini version that is incredible.

That's going to be one of the best finds from an op shop, surely. This one is actually not. That one was, but this one was found after that one was found and they thought it would be way funnier to give that and then go, how annoying is this? But also, how annoying is it that your sister now has one too? You know what's funny is that they're not the same brand. No.

Well, this one's like, this is vintage. That's vintage. This is an old man fart. That's more progressive farts. That one's made in China. The Vietnamese fart gun sounds slightly different. It's vintage. This is an old man fart, right? That's more progressive farts. That one's made in China. The Vietnamese fart gun sounds slightly different. It's got an accent. Well, they're very different cuisines.

This is honey chicken. This is noodles. That's a vermicelli salad. Very good. That's what I'm dealing with now guys so just a little tip for those who are buying presents for children don't get anything annoying

farts are always a great shout farts are fun I have turned into you once again Ash it's funny how the world works it's flipped it's flipped I'm an impressionable young man

who would have thought when we started this podcast we'd be in a position 12 months later where you're the one throwing the birthday parties and I'm the one that's decided that I've had enough of birthday parties. Oh, yes, because it is Marley's birthday today. Marley's birthday. As we record this. Happy birthday to my beloved child.

I noticed that you sent her straight off to kindy. Sent her off to kindy. Happy birthday. See ya. We gave her a happy birthday badge happy birthday does your kindy allow like cake oh no oh what which is great though which is great so because of there's like a couple of kids with dietary allergies they make the birthday cake there and it's great because they make it there the kids will do it together so they do like a they make

it out of playdohs yeah they're like eat- They make it out of Play-Doh or something. Yeah. They're like, eat this. But it's perfect because it means that you don't have to go out and get 20,000 cupcakes and then drop it off as well. Well, we just do the ones from Woolies and they're the tiny ones. Very good idea. But I think it's great. I love the fact that we don't have to give the birthday cakes slash cupcakes to the kids. Marley's excited, except we were like, man, we've done a big birthday party every single

year for Marley. Big mistake. You know what they're like. You know, as someone who's just come off the back end of a birthday party, they're a fucking nightmare. Yeah. Also, really expensive. Like when you add it all up.

We managed to get away with it pretty cheap. Yeah, but still, every time I saw you at your birthday party, you were getting more dinosaur nuggets and chips and drinks. Oh, yeah. That set me broke. D more dinosaur nuggets and chips and drinks. Oh, yeah. That set me broke. Dinosaur nuggets and chips really set me broke. I'm just going to stop for a second because my beloved Ellie is now walking down the stairs looking fantastic.

Wow. Look at her hair. She's giving me the finger. Settle down. Oh, sorry. Relax. If it wasn't for the membership card, I'd be broke. But we decided we're only going to do something just to family.

Just family. I'm fine with that. That's what I tried to tell people when I got shamed for it. People were like, how do you deprive the child of its birthday? The outrage people came at you with pitchforks and like burning sticks. People out of my house. We'll drag him outside and we'll hang him up by his neck. Make an example of him.

So we decided that this is the year we'll do something very quiet. Nice. In the backyard. Nice. Just the cousins. Nice. And it's good news for you because you don't have to drive out an hour on the weekend. I'll be here.

Give us something to do. But we had an early birthday present. Oh, birthday present. Birthday present for the kids. Kids. Kids. It's one kid's birthday. Are you combining them?

I would. It was actually a birthday gift for the whole family. Ash, I don't know how to tell you this. I don't want to freak you out. I don't want you to panic. It's not a big deal. Isn't it? Everyone goes through this. I'm just want you to panic. It's not a big deal. Isn't it? Everyone goes through this.

I'm just going to come out and say it. Okay. Come out and say it. Don't freak out. Laura's pregnant. We have nits. It's happened.

We've been taken down. Why am I scratching my head? Oh my God. Why did I scratching my head? Oh, my God. Why did you drag me into this house with nips in it? Because the podcast is- I was just laying down over there on the thing. And it's funny. There's clothes over there.

Kids' clothes. I was just like, what's the deal? Apparently, they don't survive outside of the scalp for more than like four hours apparently okay what time do the kids go to kindy uh in that four oh shit we got one more hour and they're still kicking oh my god so my sister putting this on my sister her kids have knits kate and we said i i never had knits as a child never not once i'm pretty sure because my hair is really thin. And unfortunately, my two girls have really thin hair.

Also, Laura, we're a family of thin-haired people. That's not good for you in the future. Not good for me in the future. Great for us now because it means the knits like the thick hair. Yeah. And the thing is with the thin hair too, it's easy to get them out. Easy to find them on the scale. Yeah.

Unfortunately, I'm a house full of thick-haired people. Have you had knits before? Oh, yeah. When I was a kid, I had them a few times because I had a mop of hair. And you know how thick my hair is. If you ran your fingers through the back in my mind. I would fucking love to do that. You wouldn't be able to get them out. It's so thick.

And my mum was like that. Dad's bald. That doesn't really count. My sister as well, quite thick-haired. Macy. She's a thick-haired child. She is a thick-haired. Oscar maybe not so much, but.

Have the girls, sorry, the girls. Oscar is a boy. Has Oscar and Macy, have they, either one, had nits? No. Not yet? No. Oh, man. It's a fucking nightmare.

Oh, I know, mate. I remember as a kid, my mom was like, what the fuck? And it's probably more prevalent, you'd think, in primary schools. With kidney, you get the alert. There's headlice going around. You just don't send them the next day. Let them fumigate or whatever they do. But we said to my sister, after she warned us,

because we were hanging out all weekend, she goes, my kids have nits. I just- After? You got a pre-warn. She probably pre-warned. I wasn't listening. Fair enough.

And we were like, look, we don't get nits. We're not a nit kind of family. Appreciate the concern, but it's not needed. I love the cockiness. We don't get nits around here. That's for poor people. Next day, I had a little look in Marley's hair and I was like,

holy shit, they were running everywhere. Why am I in this house? And we like, all weekend, we've done multiple, you know, you do,

you have to put this oil in first, let the oil sit for 10 minutes and the kids are like getting oil everywhere, like handprints all over the furniture. I have a solution. And then you've got to

go through the comb. The comb hurts, dude. I did, I had to all over the furniture. I have a solution. And then you've got to go through the comb. The comb hurts, dude. I had to do it as well. Is it the electric comb? We've seen those. Is it an electric comb? And it like will go through and just kills them on the spot as you're going through the hair.

Instead of you having to dig it out, it's like it might be dangerous. It's like the fly zappers, but for nits. You know I love killing insects. I didn't know. Have a look into that. Dude, I had the old school. Laura was doing my hair, and I've got some footage that I'll put in there. It fucking hurt.

It's so thin. Oh, dude. It just is like- There's a solution, though. Like, I need to hold on to as much hair as I can. Shave their heads. Imagine you imagine Lola and Marley. Okay, the big problem was, dude, you know.

Put the bald filter on them on the phone and be like, would this be okay for a couple of weeks? We didn't want to not send them to daycare because just before people come at me and start attacking me, this is on Saturday and then Sunday, we'd done like three or four treatments. Kids were fine. Kids were good, right? So they were good to go to daycare on Monday.

Anyway, as we're walking to daycare, I'm dropping them off. And then Marley and Lola are like, hey, everyone, we had nits on the weekend. And I'm like, oh, shit. And I'm like, no, no, no, it's fine. No more nits. Nits are done. Just a joke, guys. And I'm like, shut up,'s fine no more nits nits are done just a joke guys and I'm like

shut up shut up shut up shut up so okay I'm going to say that we're knit free at the moment

I'll be the judge of that but if I'm itching in the car on the way home you my friend I just want to I want to warn people

out there though if you do think that you are not at risk of nits just be careful because the moment you relax the moment you stop worrying about them, that's when they attack and they will fucking take you down.

No one's safe. And Matty J's message is, rich people can get nits too. It's not just football, people. Nits don't discriminate. They do not discriminate. They'll take anyone down regardless of your income. So, nit free at the moment, which is good to hear. I'm presuming that we may have some knit conversations in the near future

because as they get older, they bump heads together and all sorts of things. And as their hair gets longer too, like with girls, their hair gets longer all the time. And then Macy pulls her hair out of the thing. I'm not looking forward to that. I forgot about nits. It's all just now.

Sorry. But I did have them a lot as a kid. I apologize. Matt. Oscar has a new friend. That's lovely. I want to tell you about this new friend. That's really sweet.

I like how new friendships start. They bloom. They blossom. This friendship is with Siri. Kids. Kids love Siri. So I quite often catch him asking Siri how she slept or how she's feeling today.

I've got some footage that I want to show you. We'll put this in for socials, everybody. Hi, Siri. Did you have a nice morning? Hi, Siri. Did you have a nice morning? I love how he asks the second time and he's a bit like, well, fucking answer me.

I said, did you have a nice morning? I know. And sometimes it's at night. He's like, good night, Siri. I keep missing getting footage, but April's got some more footage, but this is what I've got so far of him saying, did you have a nice sleep? Or sometimes he gets frustrated because, like you said,

Siri sometimes doesn't answer back. But like all good friendships, there's troubles. They have tiffs. They have misunderstandings. Peaks and troughs. Peaks and troughs. So like I said, like all friendships, this is no different. So I have another video.

Going through a rocky patch. Of Oscar and Siri having it go through a little bit of a rocky patch. King Hydra show. I found this on the web. Why is he not listening to me, Mark? So, I was going to get very frustrated when Siri doesn't listen to him or searches for the wrong thing. Siri's sometimes a bit

stupid. Yeah, let's be honest. But let's I wanted to bring this friendship to light and then I'm just going to give you some updates on how it progresses over the next couple of weeks. Because I feel like the friendship's really blossoming. Does he understand, like, obviously, the concept of Siri is a bit much for a young child.

Does he understand that Siri's not a person? No. Okay, cool. So I'm going to keep it like that. My Siri is a man's voice. You can change it? Yeah. That's a thing?

Yeah. But when I'm in the car and like that. My Siri is a man's voice. You can change it? Yeah. That's a thing? Yeah. But when I'm in the car and I'm like, hey, Siri, call mom. I will, big boy. I'll call mom, all right. You can call me daddy, though. And Marley's like, who's that? I'm like, oh, it's just daddy's friend. She loves it.

She loves it when I talk to Siri. But they also, like on the iPad, dude, when it does work out and Siri responds in the right way, the joy on their face, it's like they, you know, crack the code. What are you going to say when Oscar starts requesting, like, can I meet Siri? That'll be fun because what we'll do is we'll find someone and we'll just say, this is Siri.

I think we should do that. Introduce him to this is Siri. I think we should do that. Introduce him to a fake Siri. Yeah. I think we should definitely give that a go. Love that. At some point. But also just on phones and like kids being like, who's that? I did send you something yesterday, last night, that was quite rude.

It started off as a news bulletin. Do you recall? Yeah. Anyway, so someone got me with that. We're not going to put this on socials because it'll get us banned. It's one of those things which men send each other where it's like, oh, open this up, and it's just someone going, oh, oh, like making that noise and i i got done with it

yesterday the smile on your face as you're telling this story but trying to explain it to the kids because they heard it from upstairs they're like what was that and i was just like oh it was just someone sent daddy something. I accidentally had it on too late. It hurt my ears too because it was so late. It was just for people who want to get an insight into the type of content that Ash sends me. It was a fake news bulletin, which then midway through, it transitioned to a big penis.

I'd like enormous penis. Oh, my God. Taken from a porno. And luckily I was in a place where it was only me. I wasn't like at the cafe in front of other people. And your reaction right now is exactly how I thought you'd react. Just so proud of yourself. So many people did it. I had a mate who was like, I was literally laying in bed next to my wife and I was like, because it starts off so low in volume. He's like, I had to turn it right up. Very clever.

For me, I would say. Very, very good. Hey, before we get into petty couples, I just want to get a quick update on Macy, how she's going health-wise. I know you've been dealing with a sick bub. Yeah, she's chesty. I feel like everyone's chesty right now, dude. She was like really bad. Like when I got home yesterday, she was just like, love me.

And I was like, brother. Has she been snotty as well or just coughing? And that's the thing too. She gave me a kiss last night before she went to bed. And you're like, oh, salty. And no, no, no. And she must have had snot and gone like that. And she like.

Wiped it over her cheek. Wiped it over. And she's like half kissed me with her cheek and gone like that. And I was like,iped it over her cheek. Wiped it over her- And she's like going like, half kissed me with her cheek and going like that. And I was like, why the fuck is my face so wet? It's snot. What do your kids do?

Like, can your kids- Do they know how to blow their nose yet? Yeah. Because mine don't. They like- What do you mean? They like the concept of blowing the nose. Do they go,

ah. So both Marley and Lola, in addition to the nits, which are fine, they're both really snotty. Like chesty as well. And I can hear like this because they've just got so much snot build up. And I'm like, you've got to blow your nose. So I put the tissue over the nose and they just go, ah. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do that, but through your nose. So I put the tissue over the nose and they just go. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Do that, but through your nose. And then they're like. And I'm like, what are you doing? They just can't work it out. They can't work it out, dude. Yeah, yeah. I'm like trying to. Their ears pop, I think, is what makes them feel like they're blowing out their ears.

It's like, poor Marley, dude. She's so snotty. And what she does right now is. Oh, man. Oscar does that too. And then swallows it. And she does it all day. Dude, last night when she went to bed,

as she lay down and went to sleep, it was horizontal. All of that phlegm was built up. There was so much of it. She vomited just this like insane, like mucusy patch was fucking unbelievable.

And then she was like, oh, that's better. No shit. And all of a sudden I'm hungry. I'm like, just learn how to blow your nose. Or I'm like, when you like... Do you do the snot sucker? Have you used the snot sucker Yeah I've seen it

I've seen it But it's never We've used it It's pretty It's actually It's pretty good I've used it Do you have

How does it work again Like how but Sorry How does it work again No cause you don't wanna You have to put one thing up One of the nostrils of the kid And then

Do you suck no no no it's an electric one you and your electric fucking nit cone your electric welcome to the future you are welcome

that's Star Trek welcome to the future what kind of toothbrush do you have? It's a nuclear toothbrush What do you think it is? It's made from nuclear energy I nearly cross-eyed there Nuclear

It's electric No one's It's a pool start But the electric one I go It's just Press a. But the electric one, it's just press a button, like an electric toothbrush, but it sucks into like a... I'll get it.

I'll bring it in. I'll show you. Poor kids are probably... I'll bring it into work. Kids are worried it's going to suck out their brains. Yeah, that's probably... Come here, Macy.

It's actually manufactured by Dyson. No, it's not. That was a bad joke. Anyway, it says sucker and it's got all these different attachments. Thank you for clarifying. And it goes like that. People don't know what I'm talking about. But good.

But also another thing you can do is you can get them in the steam. Do you have like a Yugi Bear steamer? We had one. It's electric. I'm not sure if you know what electricity is. We don't have a Yuki Bear steamer. They're good. That'll really loosen up the phlegm.

Jesus. I'm an expert. You are an expert on the phlegm. I've got sinus problems a lot. I have done my whole life. Same with my sister. She's really bad. My sister is the sort of person who is allergic to

everything. Dust mites. That's about it. Anyway, there's nothing about me. Let's get into Petty Couples. Okay. Walking down the street Petty couple The kind I like to meet Petty couple I love you

But I'm immature No one can push me Quite like you Alright, I'll go first Because I demand stage Can I just say People have requested That we do a song

Like a fully fledged song. Yeah, I know that. Oh, fuck. Sorry, pal. Sorry. I've been suggesting it for ages. I come in with the good news. What song would it be?

Coming in. Let's do it. Let's riff. Give me a beat. On Jelta. Anyway, sorry. Stop fucking around. I'm tired of you.

Running out of time. Stop having fun. I'm tired of you. Running out of time. Stop having fun. I... Stop it. I refuse. This is... Something's happened. Did you have sex last night?

No, no, no. I got a shot yesterday. Oh. Yeah. I'm fucking flat out. You are. Off your face. I'm going to get one every...

We should invest in it that I get one every week for the good of the podcast. For people who don't know, Ash had... I had an immunity boost yesterday. IV infusion. With mercury?

Magnesium. Magnesium. You don't want mercury. Definitely don't choose... I'm not a deep sea fish. Fuck. That we know of. That we know of.

My brain is working overtime today woo petty couples shit will we ever get there probably not I don't know Crystal

we don't give a fuck about your story sorry sorry this is from Crystal Crystal Crystal Ball is her last

Crystal Ball okay sorry I can't read that's not her real name okay everyone settle down. Can everyone just relax?

Feeling a lot of pressure. Everyone? Calm down, would you? Okay. You go first. No, I'll go okay you go first no I'll go you go first disappear I'm gonna get through it

okay this is from Crystal partner and I were at a barbecue my husband clocked off from dad duties as always. Later when our toddler pooped, I asked him to get nappy and wipes from the car. Then I hid in the toilet.

So when he got back, he had no choice but to do it. Very good. That's brilliant. I could hear him changing bubs in the laundry right near me and I refused to make a sound or come out until the nappy was disposed of by him and him alone. Good. Good.

Good. Very good. Also, that guy needs to fucking step up. Yeah, you're right. You don't clock off from dad duties. Of all the tasks of toddlers, changing the nappy, I think is the easiest. It's the stinkiest. I don't mind that.

Before I get into this one, I have done something. It's very low on the petty scale. Like it's barely enough to make a mention, but I mentioned it anyway. Laura wants cups of tea at nighttime. I make a cup of tea. Laura goes, are you making a cup of tea?

I'll have a cup of tea. And it'd be fine, but Laura fucking wants honey in it. And it's just, you know, you know what honey's like, dude. You know, I give like one little squirt and then all of it and it's just you know you know what honey's like dude you know

I give like one little squirt and then all of a sudden it's fucking everywhere like it's all over the that's what she said and so now yeah

I fucking don't make it with honey and she doesn't know and also she never fucking drinks it because she's always like oh that's a bit hot I'll let it cool down

for a second. And then never goes back to it. And then as I go to bed and I'm cleaning up the fucking kitchen bench, I find a cup of tea. So now I don't put the honey in it. God, I'm a badass. I'm off the rails. I'm so glad I got that off my chest.

Anyway, well, who have we got next? That's petty. That's pretty petty. That's pretty petty That's pretty petty That just gave me Vivid memories I'm like shaking As I give her a tea I'm like here you go

I swear to God There's honey in this This one is from Anonymous Oh must be juicy Anonymous Anonymous When my partner showers

He likes to clear out his nose And we end up with Snot on the walls Oh And shower screen. And he doesn't even bother to wash off afterwards. How's he doing it? He's just like.

Teach Molly how to do that. We should get him over. Once. Can I say though, clearing nose out in the shower is elite. That one minute where you've got an empty nose and you're like. That's what air feels like going through my nose. It's the steam, Ash. The steam.

Love that steam. Steam machine. Once dried, it's not easy to remove. And I've asked him to be mindful of this, but he doesn't listen. Fuck, that's annoying. I'm the one who has to deal with it as she does all the household cleaning. I don't want to know what she's done. Do I really want to know what she's done to get back at him for this?

We'll keep going. So when she does a shower and she sees the snot on the walls or shower screen, oh, I clean it off with his toothbrush. Oh, my God. If his toothbrush is not there, I use his body scrubber. Oh man. Oh my God. If I was her, I'd just take a shit in the shower.

Just try and stamp it down the drain. Yeah, no, just leave it there and be like, oh dude, I'll get rid of the shit once you start putting the snot everywhere. No, because that could really backfire for her because he could just be like, well, I'm going to start shitting in there too, and then I don't really mind. But also, like, how hard is it to do your Bushman's blow in the shower and then, like, wash it down?

They're like, what's he doing? How wide are his nostrils that they're splattering on the walls? Usually it's like a straight down. I don't know how he's doing it. Yeah, I'd get that checked out. I would definitely. Once again, we are not medical physicians, but you should get that checked out.

Definitely have that looked at. That's fucking disgusting. And look, honestly, he probably doesn't even know that it's on his toothbrush. Don't try and do it. Yeah, I was going to say. It does. I have tried to clean a dried up booger on a wall in a shower. Very hard.

It gets like concrete. Yeah, it's very difficult. Maybe they should start making the roads out of it. There is. There's potholes. There's an idea. This guy. I don't think.

Get him into. Let's drag out Ellie. Oh, wait. Before we do that. Before we do that. Have you got the key to let her out? Yeah, no, I didn't lock it, unfortunately. We should get one of those ones with a code.

Ellie! Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Darling. Ellie, thank you for jumping on the podcast. Before we start, Ash, I just want to let you know that mum is currently dealing with issues with the cat. Issues with the cat. The cat.

Love the cat. I just went into the bathroom to do a wee and the cat literally right there. I did accidentally wee on the cat, so I'm sorry. That's so fine. It's nice what Ellie's doing to the cat at the moment because the cat did a big old shit in mum's bedroom. Bedroom. It did.

Now in the bedroom. And that cat's shit stink. Oh, it really did stink. Who would have thought that stinky cat food would come out smelling worse? Yeah, it's no good. Bailey, thank you for jumping on the podcast and thank you for doing the story

the other day. I did watch those. Took us about an hour to do the Ask Ellie question submissions. No, you're a professional. What am I doing here? It's a good thing you're better at podcasting than you are at doing Instagram stories. Lots of questions.

Lots of questions. Not deer in headlights. Everyone wants to hear from Ellie. Yes. For our new little segment, we're calling it Ask Ellie. We need a theme song for Ask Ellie. We did have a question though, Ash. I'll put this one on you.

I preferred Ask Ellie. Ellie liked Ask Nana. I just thought it gave it some authority. You know, Ask Nana. You thought wrong. We'll let it marinate. We may change it for next week, but for now it's called Ask Ellie. And the very first question is.

This is from Lucy. Okay. We should get some of the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire music. The tense. Hi, Lucy. Yes. Lucy wants to know, do you raise boys and girls differently? Or would you?

Have you? Will you? Wow. Okay. Okay. I think we all know whether you want to acknowledge it or not, but boys and girls are different. Are you serious?

Yeah, they have different body parts. Did you not know that? Oh, my God, I'm learning so much. Boys are a nightmare as kids. Awful. How do you know? Awful. I've seen your kid.

You keep trying to dress him like you. Love you, Oscar. It is a generalisation. Yes. But, okay, looking at our family. We're a family of four boys and one girl. Yeah. So all Kate ever wanted was a Barbie doll and all you boys ever wanted was a gun

and none of you got any of those things. I hate that family. I was going to say. And a toy gun, Ellie. But no, the first time the boys the boys had lamb chops they ate the meat

and then the next thing was they were using the chop the bone as a gun to shank each other and I thought

you sure this wasn't prison I was obsessed with Rambo yes I love Rambo. Yeah. No, I think the main thing to remember is, yes, they are all different.

I tried to bring you guys up all the same. I think the thing to remember is just to embrace the differences. Don't be afraid that they are different. Just go along with whatever they're comfortable in doing. I mean, I try to introduce the same things you even did ballet. You remember doing ballet with Kate? Good ballet, I think. I thought I would be. Strong arches. No, you didn't like it. Kate wanted to do ballet and I thought, well, the boys can do it.

Kate's got nits. Yeah, well, I have a boy and a girl, so I definitely. But you must see differences. I do now. Starting off, I kind of thought what worked for Oscar is going to work for Macy, but it's not true. I think people who say, oh, you can treat them all exactly the same, have not had children and have not had mixed-sex families.

Yes. Because they are different. It doesn't mean that anybody's better or worse. Kate was very much the organiser at a very early age, and that's typical of girls. They do develop earlier than boys. Yeah, Macy's much more organised than Oscar. She's like younger.

What about when it comes to discipline? Exactly the same. Do you hit one of them harder than the other? Boys were very compliant when they were younger. Go and clean your room. They would go and clean their room. Kate, go clean your room. Fuck you.

Yeah. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah, okay. It's definitely different. I mean, with Oscar, it was kind of like, it's weird because I sort of see Macy as like she's too sweet to get angry with. Oh, that's very dangerous.

Daddy's little girl. Yeah. Also, lately, she's just getting cheekier and cheekier, and I've found myself getting frustrated, but it takes much more for me to get frustrated with her than it does with him. I tend to think boys generally respond to do it, do it now, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

With girls you say, would you rather clean your room now or would you rather do B and then clean your room now or would you rather do B and then clean your room? If you give them the choice. Very true. I find myself giving Macy choices and Oscar demands. Yeah, interesting. There's a difference.

Yeah. But I subconsciously do that. Like it's just a reaction because I know if I say to Macy, do this, she's like, no. But do you think your expectations are higher with Oscar because he's older? There's probably a little bit of that too. But they also say that we give information to girls. We give a lot more verbal instruction. With boys it's stop, don't do that, go over there,

whereas girls we explain things more. If I say to Macy, it's either you eat this sandwich or eat this, she'll make a decision instead of with Oscar. I'm like, eat it. Okay, question number two. Okay. Ellie, question number two comes from Lola. Hi, Lola.

Can I only assume it's not my Lola? Yeah, it could be actually. She's got my phone. She, Lola. I can only assume it's not my Lola. Yeah, it could be actually. She's got my phone. She has my password. It could be her. But she wants to know, do you have any tips for diffusing toddler tantrums? Well, child psychologists will tell you that you can break tantrums down into three,

three categories. You've got emotional tantrums, so that's separation anxiety. And you've got situational tantrums where they don't want to get in the car to go and see Nana, and then they've got what they call mock tantrums. Some people might say they're all mock. What do you mean by mock? What does that mean? All right. It just means that they are putting, I mean, are not trivialising how the kid is feeling, but a mock tantrum is something they do to manipulate the situation. You know, Ash, when you see like it's a video of a child having a massive meltdown, child is like losing it,

they want something, and the second they get the toy, the tantrum just stops instantly. Oh, yeah, I've got a really good video of Macy having an absolute meltdown and I was like, do you want an ice block? And she's like, hmm. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Do you know what that is?

A distraction. And I actually, and a distract, we all know about distracting kids, but I actually tried this with one of my grandchildren just the other day. Name and shame, who was it? No. Lola. How did you know?

I just knew. I just knew immediately. Name and shame. Who was it? No. Lola. How did you know? I just knew. Anyway, she was in the throes of this tantrum. I think she'd even forgotten what she wanted. And I don't know whether you remember, you were there. And I just said to Lola, I picked up this orange cushion. And I said, you know what? I just love this orange cushion and I said, you know what? I just love this blue cushion.

It's the most beautiful blue. Do you remember? She said, no, it's not. It's fucking pink. She said, no, Nana, that's orange. I said, is it? I thought it was a lovely blue color. Well, what about this green one, which was red?

And it completely distracted her, didn't it? Yeah. So you've confused the child out of it. Yeah. And she probably thinks. She's like daycare now being like, just thought I had the colors figured out. She's like, am I a cold one? What a way to break it to me.

Sometimes it works. That time it worked. I was trying to brush her teeth and she was having a meltdown and Nana came in and said, and Lola's losing it in the bath, and then Nana came in and said, is that a bird outside I can see? And Lola was like, shut up! Not now! I think I can see a parrot outside. It didn't work.

Good one, Nana. But distraction is beautiful. Yeah, look, distraction. And I think if you give them a question. She'd be like, now it's getting old. Yeah, look, distraction. And I think if you give them a question. She'll be like, Noah's getting old. Yeah, yeah, she probably is thinking that. Poor Nana, doesn't know her colors yet. She's losing her vision.

Yeah. But look, it's hard because quite often kids are just tired. Yeah. It's the wrong time, big day, they don't want to bath. I'm fucking tired. Yeah, you're tired. Do they not know that? Yeah.

I'm tired all the time. Yeah, you're right at the end of your patience. And they often happen around about, you know, rush hour. So the advice here? Distraction. Confusion. Oh, you know what? Distraction.

Honestly, just ignore. I know that's hard. I know that. Don't have to tell us twice. I know that's hard. I know that is. But you can just talk to them normally because if it's a mock tantrum, they are expecting a response. And if they're not getting the response they want, then it doesn't work. I mean, it sounds all very simplistic and it's not.

It's pretty complex. It is. It is. And it's hard. It's hard. It's easy now in this situation where there's not a child in sight to say what to do. But when you're in the thick of it and you're dealing with a screaming child, you're like, well, three, four children who are screaming.

But it worked pretty well when you were in the shopping aisle and you were screaming because you wanted a crunchy bar and I said no. And mum would just be like, oh, fuck this, I'm leaving him there. Yeah, he just left him. Just the other day. That's all we have time for. If you would like any questions for Ask Ellie. Or Ask Nana.

Let us know what you think. Okay. Send it through. Either DM us at 2DirtingDads on Instagram or you can email us at hello at 2DirtingDads.com. Or, Ash, there's one more place you can go and throw questions at us. You don't want me to give you your address. And I would love to hear back from Lola or Lucy.

Well, Lola will be home after daycare today, so you can ask her. You can go to Facebook and type in Two Doding Dads and join the conversation there. We have banned Ellie from that page. FYI. I don't think she knows how to work. And if you would like to win yourself a free case of Stonerwood sent directly to your door,

all you have to do is share a story on Instagram of you listening to Two Doting Dads. Tag us. Tag Stonerwood. Follow both accounts. We will pick someone at the end of each week to win that case of beer. And Ellie, before we go,

I have to say, if you enjoyed this episode, please give us a review, a few stars, a couple of comments, and send it to anyone who you think will benefit from listening to two dads and one Nana. And can I just say, I tried that Stonewood beer. It is a beautiful beer. Very good.

Very good. No, no, it really is a nice beer. Is it the beer or is it me or something? We haven't spoken to you. It's a lovely drop. It is a lovely drop. You're not or something? We haven't spoken to you. It's a lovely drop. It is a lovely drop. You're not wrong. We have to get out of here.

Okay. Nana, you have to do some washing for us. Actually, I bring my washing as well. Is that okay? We'll see you guys next week. See you. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.