Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #81 Parenting Wipeouts and Toddler Potty Mouths!

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

It's great to have you with us for another week of parenting bliss! insert sarcasm Sadly, Ash is no closer to find a home for his family but fear not - the search will continue. At least they had pyjama week at daycare so it wasn't all bad for Ash. Oscar had a great week as he was allowed a minute in the bathroom to say as many swearwords as possible in a minute without getting in trouble.. yes, we have the audio. Matt's been feeling queasy all week - might be the kids gastro from the kids, the 4 hrs sleep he gets a night or the triple shot coffee he has every morning or all of the above. Between house inspections Ash decided to take Matt to URBNSURF (wave pool) so he can resurrect his surfing career. It ended with Matt smashing his board, severe cramp and a very bruised ego. Plus, we tackle your questions with ASK ELLIE (Matt's mum)! When did you get your sex drive back post kids (unfortunately Matt was forced to ask this one) When did you know you were done with having kids? Make sure you share your best Parenting Lies with us 👇 Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Come to the movies with us: https://bit.ly/3ziTTBa Buy our book: https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I don't know if you know your car does this, but I went outside after you arrived, maybe five minutes after you arrived, and the fucking car just beeps on its own. Mine? Yeah. I might have accidentally pressed the lock key when you were down there. Actually, funny story on that. When I was at school these once, and I parked at the bottom of this resort, and we were up on the 40th level, and my car used to beep if you tried to lock it too many times i would get people walking past and they'd be like walking past

welcome back to two Doting Dads. I am Matty J. And I'm Ash. This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And if you've come wanting any advice whatsoever, not from us, we're sorry to say.

We are sorry. We don't give advice. We never have. We never will. We don't try to. If it's accidental. Anyway. We are drinking. We don't give advice. We never have. We never will. We don't try to if it's accidental. Anyway, we are drinking, of course, Stonewood. Pacific ale. Exactly right.

The finest nectar in the world. And do you know when a good time to drink Stonewood is? Other than right now is on a Sunday afternoon when your footy team is flogging another team. I don't know what that feels like because I support the Broncos. So I just want to say a big shout out to the Manly Seagulls for that dominant win. I was sitting back drinking a couple of Stone and Woods

that I may have snuck into the stadium. Did you? Yeah. Did you really? Yep. If Manly are listening, I'm sorry. But, yes, Stone and Wood, we are drinking the Pacific Ale. That's what I was drinking on that fine Sunday afternoon.

And can I just say, if you're not a huge beer drinker, this- This is the stuff. Is the drop for you. Cheers, my friend. It is light. It is refreshing. It is bloody delicious. It's got those galaxy hops, which we love.

That is delicious. So, thank you, Stone and Wood, as always, for making these episodes come to life. And for keeping us hydrated. Yes. At all times. Because like my grandfather, my late grandfather would say, there's water in beer. He's now dead.

Nah, of old age. Not of dehydration. R.I.P. R.I.P.p i miss you before we do get into it matthew it is the most wonderful week of the year now i know you're probably confused confused what's the deal you're very you look confused i don't know if you know what I'm referring to. It's better than Christmas, they say. Wait, wait, wait. Let me guess. Better than Easter. Best week of- Best week for a parent with young kids who go to daycare. School holidays.

No, younger. Of kids that go to daycare this week. Pajama week. Pajama week. It is honestly the best week. Macy this morning, out of bed, in the kindy, in her pajamas. Saved me like 20 minutes of chasing around the house trying to get her dressed. My daycare hasn't done pajama week.

Or maybe they have and I haven't noticed. No, I don't think they didn't do it. What is pajama week? Where does it come from? Why do we do it? Answer me this. Do you guys do it for the entire week? Explain to me, Ash. I don't know. I think personally, I think that it has been created by the system.

Just to give the parents a week of reprieve. Just to give, yeah. And you know what? It's the best week ever. All week, Oscar's on school holidays, but he goes to kindy for thursday friday this week everyone in pajamas okay we i think we spoke about this last year so forgive me if i'm repeating myself but doesn't it like i've only got two sets of pajamas for the girls and lola we had this exact same conversation still she isn't happy but she loves a bottle of water through the night so yeah quite often pisses herself. Yeah.

Bless her cotton socks. So, how do you guys go keeping the clean pyjamas? Because they must come back from daycare. They come back, they go straight in the wash. Back, straight in the wash, new pair on. Well, thankfully, Mason only goes a couple of days a week, so it's not a big deal. She can get through the couple of things in pyjamas.

I also don't mind going and seeing all the teachers in their pyjamas. I was going to ask, the teachers are into it? All the teachers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do a fantastic bang-up job. Everyone is in, usually, I mean, this time of the year, it's definitely winter pyjamas. Everyone's in their flannelettes.

Everyone looks very cosy. Macy fucking loves it. She loves it. She loves it. this morning i was like come i'm going to 8 30 and oscar's like where you going i'm going oh i'm going to maddie j's house and i go have you got a crush on maddie jane she goes no how does oscar go when macy gets to go pajamas and he doesn't he wear pajamas at home how do you enforce that do you allow him to stay in pajamas for the whole day to pyjamas and he doesn't? Does he wear pyjamas at home? How do you enforce that?

Do you allow him to stay in pyjamas for the whole day? If he's sick and he wants to have a pyjama day. What about today, for example? Today he was going to hang out with Popper and going on a play date. So it was like, got to get your fast shoes on. Can't go that fast in pyjamas. But if he said to me, hey, I just want to wear my pyjamas all day, we're going out, I'd be like, whatever, bro.

You do you. When you get your kids dressed in the morning, do you choose the items and just throw it on them or do you let them choose their outfits? It's a combination of both. But today they had no choice because it's pajama day. Dude, fucking Lola. Sorry, I shouldn't swear.

No, you can't. Swear as much as you like. Lola and Marley, dude, it doesn't matter what I pick. They hate it. They're like, that is disgusting. I don't want to wear that. It's like, man. That seems like a you problem, my friend.

You need to work on your style choices. I did. I bought a pair of pants which I thought was very, very cool. Very cool. Actually, can I show you quickly? Do you mind? Are you wearing them? Cool for you or cool for them?

Wait, whose pants are they? Yours or theirs? I happen to be shopping, all right, at a Westfield. Standard. And I walk past the store and it's obviously winter right now. The girls have a lot of summery dresses, not many pants. And I saw something on sale and I thought, that is bloody cool. Okay. So, then I thought- I'm scared. I'll buy. And I saw something on sale and I thought that is bloody cool. Okay.

So then I thought. I'm scared. I'll buy them and I'll buy two pairs. They're nothing outrageous. Okay. A beautiful color. Vibrant. Both of them, Marley and Lola, looked at it and said, no, that sucks.

We're not wearing it. Are you going to hand them down to me to give them to Macy? MC Hammer Pants. What? They're cool. Are you going to hand them down to me to give them to Macy? MC Hammer pants. Right? They're cool. Do you get us some? Mate. Right?

If Marley and Lola are listening, because they will not because they're at daycare, they're epic. I feel your pain. Wouldn't even try them on. They're pink parachute pants. And honestly, I thought you did a really good job there i thought so too i may be old i'm 37 but i still have my finger on the pulse in terms of that is old i know i'm getting fucking that many grays coming through right now i was looking at them before they look

good look distinguished there's there's nothing that cuts me deeper than the fact that they wouldn't even try mom wouldn't even entertain the thought of putting them on for a split second. It's very heartbreaking when you think, I'm going to do this really cool thing. They're going to love it. We're going to bond over this. And then you don't. Oscar and I were getting shoes, these red shoes. Okay.

Fast shoes. Fast shoes. And I was like, oh, I'm going to get these red ones. You can get the kids ones that match. He was like, no, I want these ones instead. And I was like, you don't want to match? He was like, no. I was like, oh, shit. these ones instead. And I was like, you don't want to match? She was like, no. I was like, oh, shit.

Kids are brutal. They are brutal. Also, what Oscar did yesterday, he said to his grandmother, why do you look so old? Fucking fearless. She was looking tired the other day. Joking. Meredith, have you heard that?

That came out of Matt's mouth, not mine. Hey, how's it going with the house hunting? Terribly. Absolutely terrible. How many have you seen places? Three. April's seeing one today. And of those three, what's wrong with them?

One had no parking. Nightmare. No garage. Okay. You're offering up a three-bedroom. Townhouse? No, it was like a granny flatty thing. Quite big, good space and not going to offer a car spot.

Like who do you think is moving in there? Someone with a car, dickhead and kids. Because they're holding on to the garage spot or what? No, there's a whole front area and they're like not willing to give up any of the front area. And it was on a main road. No. Get fucked. Anyway, one of them, two small shit.

One we really liked but then they rang us and said we want more money and i was like that's illegal fuck you and now they've re-advertised it for more money would you would i burn it down yes you give me the address and i'll do it would you offer like another like cheeky 50 no you have to do that i think these days no i would if it was already over our budget and it was like look i don't know what we're going to do this round i'm moving back with my father-in-law i think i'll leave what i don't know i don't want to talk about actually i say what in a shocked tone but your mom lives here as someone who lives with their mother yeah i anyway it's going let's just put it that way it's ticking along i did want to share something with

you please i don't know if you've seen it's not a new trend it's a it's like an oldish sort of trend that you do with your kids i don't know if you've seen it you probably have seen it it's where you take your child into the bathroom and you say, now, you can say whatever you want in here. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to close it or I'm going to leave. I'm not condoning naughty words, but it's also a good place to be like, you can't say these words outside of the bathroom. I think it's still a teaching moment.

April has decided to do that with young Oscar. And you know Oscar's like, he's quite a sweet boy. Is he? No. He is. He's like, he's mummy's sweet boy. Is he? No. He is. He's like, he's mummy's boy. He's not like Macy, who's a terror. I think you've got it all wrong, Drew.

Dude, I walked in the other day in the lounge room and Macy's just looking at me going, fuck. Fuck, fuck. And Oscar's like, she's saying the F word. I'm like, you saying the F word or like duck? And she's like, fuck. She doesn't know what she's doing. She doesn't. She barely knows like she barely

knows where she is and what date is i feel like i know not to talk ill of your children i feel like oscar's the cheeky one macy's an absolute sweetheart you're wrong i know them do you though no i don't even know if they're mine actually we had the iv lady over here saying oscar was there she was like that that's you. I was like, yeah, pretty much. That's pretty much me. I want to show you April has taken Oscar, making it sound really bad,

taken him to the bathroom and explained to him he's allowed to say whatever he wants. Go to town. Okay, so I'll give you the video. You can say any naughty words, any bad words for one minute while I step outside. Whatever you like. I'll close the door and you say it, okay, while I'm not here. I'm nervous. All right.

You go ahead. Do whatever you like for one minute. Go. Shut up, fucking. Fucking stupid. Fucking shit. Done. Very good. fucking stupid fucking shit done very good isn't it oh you want to watch it again it's worth a watch again he's very good you can say any naughty words any bad words for one minute while i step outside

whatever you like. I'll close the door and you say it, okay, while I'm not here. All right. You go ahead. Do whatever you like for one minute. Go. Shut up, fucking. Fucking stupid. Fucking shit.

Done. Finished. How good, hey? So I'm going to ask you to do that with Marley. Yeah, let me do that with Marley. And see what the results are. I didn't know they were doing this. I've got home and she's like, look at this.

And he loves re-watching it. Do you let him re-watch it? Hey? Do you let him re-watch it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was with my mate Adzi and we were walking to the football and I was telling Adzi about that. Adzi was like, what words did you say?

And he was like. I'm not saying it. I'm not saying it. And then he looked at me and I was like, gave him the nod of approval. And he was like, fucking shit. Which actually, like, credits to Oscar the fact that he knows those words but he's withholding. Yeah, he knows not to say it.

He knows not to say it outside. I really want to do this with my wife. Do it. So do it tonight and then maybe next week when we catch up. Yeah. I'll give you the update. You give me the old. Part of me thinks my sweet, precious little Marley,

surely she's so innocent that she'll say like spicy bananas or something like that. That's like as bad as she knows. Yeah, she'll be like, fuck you. I'm going to fucking rip your head off. What do you mean? What are you looking at? And I go in there and I'm like.

Just a staunch in the mirror. Cigarette in mouth. Yeah. I'm like, Marley. What are you looking at? Come over here and say that. Very good. Very good.

Very good. Now, you did tease in last week's episode that we went on a business trip to the shops. Yeah. To buy. New surfboards. We did. I forgot the repair kit. Sorry.

That's all right. For those of you who are wondering, Ash happens to be an extremely good surfer. Extremely is a very long stretch. No, don't say yourself short. You know, he doesn't look like an athlete. But I can move like one. You're very good. When did you start surfing?

I was 10. And your dad's a very good surfer. Dad's an award-winning surfer he's obviously passed down everything that he knows yeah to young ashton and it's to watch him in the water i liken it to watching like a like a russian professional ballet dancer wow on the main stage russian i don't know the russians are very good at dancing aren't they usually doping yeah it was just it was beautiful i glide it's like it's weird it's like time we show some footage slows down really time does slow down and and you kind of

get lost in the moment and all of a sudden you're like has it been 30 seconds or has it been a day i look at my watch i'm like fuck it's a sunday now i started watching ash surf on a saturday i couldn't describe it any better if i was like where have you been i've just been watching ash surf and when you showed her what did she say and then she just like obviously she's now pregnant you are welcome so you said to me let's both go for a session together let's do it and for those people who don't know me that well, I grew up in Brisbane. So I only started kind of surfing. Surfing South Bank.

When I must have been like, I bodyboarded from the age of 15. Do you know, got any nicknames for bodyboarders? Eskilid. Yeah. What else you got? Shark Biscuit's a good one. Fucking losers. Joking. I've said to people, Shark Biscuit's a good one.

Shark Biscuit is nice. One of my favorites is coined by my father called the Lipton Jiggler. The Lipton Jiggler? So, you know, with a teabag because they've got the cord. Yeah. It looks like a teabag. The Lipton Jiggler. Very good.

Yeah. And another personal favorite is the dick dragger because your dick's not on there. Yeah. So, anyway. So, continue. I interrupted you. You invited me out to a session i was a little bit nervous i have honestly not really surfed that much since marley was born and to be fair i silver-tongued you a little bit on how easy it was going to be yes because i really wanted to go and i was like how do i get this session on the business oh i'll just tell matt it's easy

we booked in that was the advance advance yeah you should have known it's one of those things where it doesn't look like it's that hard until you're out there and it was a bitterly cold monday night how do you think you went really well i was really happy with the session uh it started off strong little bit nervous, but just hit the ground running. Should we go to some footage then? Because we've got the footage from the wave park. I mean, I can only imagine what it must have been like for the spectators watching.

Okay, well, let's have a quick look of what they've provided of Matthew J's first surf in three years. Fuck. Outstanding. The dismount is great. Oh, my God. I would say you struggled a bit to start off with. I was so close to just packing it up and going in.

I know. So many times I looked in and you were just like. Head down. Also. But also I took it so personally personally like i thought you were angry with me i was like oops you're like i kept trying to pep talk you in you were very good you're very good very encouraging one of the issues was one of my first or second waves you have to take off quite close to this is olympic park by the way if anyone doesn't know it's called urban surf so it's like a man-made wave and you have to take off next to a concrete wall my board brand new first time riding it flung out like a boomerang into the concrete wall smashed in the nose and

that was very upsetting it wasn't a good start was a tough was a hard start and you'll see the visuals because you'll put it on socials but But there was a lot of missed takeoffs. I'll put it bluntly where it was like you took off and the board was gone. But I persevered. You did persevere. I got a couple. But do you know what the most encouraging thing about it was? You persevered and then we regrouped and I said, how about this?

The last wave of the set is actually half the size. Let's get confident. Don't tell people that. Oh, it's twice the size. Yeah. So let's get confidence up on that one. And straight away, you were sweet. So it just goes to show perseverance.

It was good. I had fun. I had a lot of fun. I booked you in for the expert session because you dominated the event. Honestly, we did show just all of the bad highlights then. But, you know, you did get up at a couple and you were getting some speed along there. Thank you. We were surfing with someone who I would say is a professional as well,

who just absolutely tore the shit out of the pool. And we were considering being our first ever Two Doting Dads sponsored surfer. So, if I see him out there again, I will provide him a contract. Hey, should we do Petty Couples? We should. Before we do Petty Couples, though, is this our last Petty Couples, do you think? Let's see. I think we've done Petty Couples.

This has probably been the longest running segment that we've had for a while. So let's maybe, I'm thinking we swap back to Lies. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. I also thought. Tell me lies. I thought we could. Yeah. Don't have to do this because it makes more work for us.

Wow. There's a song, it's a beautiful song, which I thought we could change. You know, it goes, life, oh, life. Lies, oh, lies, oh, lies, oh, lies. Do, do, do, do, lies. Oh, yeah, I like it. All right, Petty Couples for the last time this year, let's call it. Petty Couples, walking down the street Petty Couples, the kind I like to meet Petty Couples, I love you but I'm immature

No one can push me quite like you These are all anonymous. These are all anonymous. I'll go first, Matthew, if you don't mind. Please. So, my partner wouldn't let me watch a show on the big TV because the football was on. Little did he know that I can control the TV from my phone.

So every now and then when he was watching football, I would change it to ABC News right when the pressure was building up in the game. So like if they're in the attacking zone, 10 meters out. Very good. And they've gone boop, change the channel. Did you also just go on that? Did you see that video on TikTok of that person going around people's houses,

turning the TV off? Must have a remote. Genius. I've never seen that video in the suburbs. Good range on that remote. Yeah, they'd be out the front. You'd see the TV and you'd see they go and then you'd see they got that this one is anonymous this husband says whenever i have a big argument with my wife i'll go downstairs and have a moment to think for myself

and at the same time i'll tighten the lid as hard as i can on every single jar in the fridge and in the pantry knowing full well that she'll require my help oh that's great that's i've done a similar thing but i did it with the outside tap just like i knew that she just needed to use the tap and i was like a little bit shitty with her and i was like tightened it right up and it's like can you help me with the tap? What? Look who came crawling back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got one more here. This one's just childish. Okay. Aren't they all childish?

They are. This one time my boyfriend was really pissing me off, so I filled his bedside drawer with mayonnaise. That's it. That's great eggy whole egg mayonnaise if it was Kewpie I'd be like beautiful do something

little snack why do you keep bringing sushi to bed bit of soy sauce this is a short and sharp one the wife here says that whenever she's feeling really pissed off at her husband she signs him up for scientology the amount of phone calls that he gets oh that's brilliant do you know what's a really good one too if you were to like if you really pissed off with your significant

other put an ad on facebook marketplace or something like that. Oh, yeah. Like something really cheap. Everyone who did that for ages, it was like a thing to do, like to your mates where you'd put a room to rent on Gumtree but ridiculously cheap and then put like a nice-looking room on there and then they'd be like, what the fuck? That's fucking brilliant. Anyway, that's Petty Couples for the time being. We will stockpile a heap more and bring it back at some point,

I would say. But if you have any lies. If you have any lies. You lies you tell your not your partner because that's a bit off but just little white lies to help make parenting easier we would love to hear them give us an example man the one that i still use all the time is is uh the food spicy yeah. That weekend we were away in Jamboree. We had that little travel pack of cereal. Oh, I love those. You get the Coco Pops and had the Fruity Loops. And I really wanted the Fruity Loops.

But Lola also wanted the Fruity Loops. So I had to tell her. I was like, look, I'm really sorry. You can eat them if you want. Very spicy. Oh, very. You will not like it it will burn the inside of your mouth the chili flakes in this one and she was like really that's a great one she then watched me eat the fruit loops and she was like is it spicy dad and i was like oh yeah

spicy good you wouldn't like this you would hate the those type of lines yes we love that send them in we'll put something on stories as well and we will do that from next week. Maybe not the new theme song unless we can get it dialed by then. Probably not, to be honest. Plenty of practice we need. But it's time for the one and only Ellie Johnson, aka The Nana. Matt's mom.

There's a different aka. We've got Ellie, aka Matt's mom, AKA Matt's roommate, AKA Lola and Marley's nana, AKA my best friend. Good morning, Ellie, and thank you for joining us. This is a little segment we like to call Ask Ellie. No theme song yet. Before we ask the questions, Ellie, a lot of people do just want to know two things. A, how are you finding retirement?

And B, how are you adjusting to life in Sydney, living with your favourite son? Former favourite son. Former, after this. Well, retirement's been great. Actually, because you've been travelling like every fucking two weeks. I was just going to say I've spent a lot of time travelling. No need to brag. I've waited 50 years.

So, yeah, eight weeks in Europe and then 10 days in Bali. So it's been really tough. Must be nice. I was joking that you went on the Contiki tour and then you came back and went straight off to school in Bali. Look at you go. Those young men don't stand a chance. Those young teenage boys don't stand a chance.

Do you miss working? I do miss the people. The kids. And I do miss the kids. Don't lie. No, no, no. I had a lovely Year 10 class and I miss them,. Don't lie. No, no, no. I had a lovely year 10 class and I miss them. But it was time.

There were lots of changes at school. It was time to say goodbye. But I do miss them because they were beautiful. They're beautiful teachers, a joy to work with. We had a laugh every day. This isn't a job interview, you know that. Actually, Mum got offered. Did you?

Where at? She went and got a coffee down down the road i went went down to get a coffee down at shook can't tell if she was being hit on or being offered a job no no no and they're like take your pants off let me have a look that's a job interview from how i see it i just came up to you. Now, he, yeah, he knew Buster. He went up to Buster and introduced himself and he was the deputy of the school up the road from Shook. So he asked what I did. Shook being the cafe in case anyone's like that. In North Bondi. One of the 12 cafes they have.

And, you know, there's a huge, being serious now, a huge shortage of teachers everywhere, especially for what we call supply days so you go in just for one day which is a fucking pretty cushy job it is a cushy job it can be it's what you make it if you know the content of the curriculum you can teach it but i've been in a classroom with senior physics. I can't teach that. So you just have to say. Just put the TV on. Put the TV on.

No, no. It's movie day. Yeah. I consider once this career is done and dusted, because I'm a man of many careers. You were going to be a teacher. I'm considering still being a primary school teacher. Oh, you would be.

Still considering it. You would be great. Yeah. Why? I just can't imagine you. I can. I can. I really can.

Me? Yeah. I could see you being a PE teacher. No, I would like to do primary school kids, not high school kids. What? No, not high school. High school. No.

Okay. A disrespectful little shit. When we went on that school tour with Oscar, man, I was just like I would fucking love that job. Like just really something struck me. Like I was like I could once I'm cancelled from this, if they'll have me, I'm not going to study for it. I'm just going to be one of those teachers that's like he just lives here.

I've considered it. He's the caretaker that strolled into a classroom and picked up a whiteboard marker and he's never left. It is. It's a very special job and the primary kids. I loved the vibe of the small primary. Is that what you told me off the record? You told me you fucking hated them.

What? The kids. Primary school kids. I'm joking. This is really awkward. And how are you finding life here? We've had a few tips, Mum and I. You just had one a moment ago. Over the bag.

That's us with our banter. Well, you know, okay, know when you were a kid and you went to a friend's house and their parents argued? The over that you were there? No, no. That's what it felt like what happened was ash and i had a very important business call and i said i said to mom i said hang on i said please just be quiet because we got the phone call in the background

and the kitchen table is right next to the kitchen itself and then ellie starts fucking frying i know it just goes i didn't expect it it was like we were at a teppanyaki restaurant. Yes, yes. You hear the shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, I was concerned. But how are you finding it aside from? Yeah, look, it's great. I do appreciate how lucky I am. Boring. I know, yep. No, it's true though. Collectively all the listeners are going, oh, here we go. Well, it's true.

Oh, let's love each other. Oh, shut up. Okay. But, you know, Matt and I, yeah, we have banter and we have our sort of tiffs, but we do get on. We do have a similar sense of humour so we can take a bit of criticism with a joke. He's a bit of a mummy's boy, isn't he?

Yeah, yeah. I told you that in confidence. A little bit. that in confidence but but the other thing which I did not expect before Matt got married or got had a partner and again it's a bit but law is just the most beautiful daughter-in-law and she is not a daughter-in-law she is my second daughter and we get on super well. In fact, I do know there have been times when Laura and I have been deep in conversation, some fairly serious issue, we're discussing it, Matt sort of sitting down

and I remember once he just said, gee, you two get on really well, don't you? And it was almost as if. I looked over and they were kissing. Bit of a hallmark moment. But I think you felt left out. No, no, no, it's great. No, it's good.

It's good. Matt's like, finally I can get some rest. Yeah, but look, so that's important. Great to be with the grandkids. I think it's really important too, like as everyone gets older, the family you get on with your mum and your kids. Yeah. I think the circumcision really would have brought you guys together back then.

Ash is staring down the barrel of moving in with his father-in-law. Again. Actually, is he single? Maybe soon. No. No. Oh. No, you could do better. Okay, it is time for Ask Ellie.

Let's get into it. We've been talking for too long. Okay. Ellie, I have a question for you if you don't mind. This is Ask Ellie so you've got no choice. After five kids, I mean I was after two, I knew I was done. How did you know you were done after five kids i mean i was after two i knew i was done how did you know you were done after five well i felt i wasn't done after five and i would have been quite happy to go to six you are crazy that's i know i know i look back and think, gee, what was that desire? But I think I just wanted my own football team.

You were addicted to kids. I was addicted. Yeah, I wanted a really big family. Oh, my. I can taste that. On your bed, buddy. Buster. Okay.

Buster just. Was that Buster or was that Ellie? Ellie. Oh, sorry. Oh, my God. That is rank. Gee, that was dead. I don't mind it.

Vintage. I don't mind it. That's disgusting. My mouth. My mouth. My mouth. Don't kiss me, Ellie. My mouth stinks like Buster's butthole.

All right. Sorry. Yes. You're addicted to kids. Yeah. But I had lost my sperm donor. Oh. So it was not going to happen.

Honestly, do you think if you had a partner who was willing and able, how many kids, if it was up to you, how many kids would you have had? Oh, six. Seven maybe? No. It has to be an how many kids would you have had? Oh, six. Seven maybe? No, has to be an even number. Do you hear that, guys? If you're willing and able, Matt wants a little brother or sister. Too late now.

Wow. Did you find that yellow? When you say you lost your sperm donor, you just still haven't found him? That's a joke. Anyway. Parents got divorced bro just get the violin what we call the whambulance i can't imagine anything worse than having six kids that to me three even would be hell on earth no but you think that because you have two usually

close in age and they take up all your time. But when you start to have multiple children of an age where they can help, and if you remember, you had Tom Judy. All you older ones, because Tom was the youngest, you would put him in the bath, two of you. Mum was out there having wines by herself. She's like, put that child in the bath. So, you know, you'd put him in the bath, you'd put pyjamas on him, one of you would lie down in bed and read a story.

Were you getting paid for any of this? Child labour. Jesus. And I was in the kitchen clearing away. On your second bottle of Sauvblanc? Yeah. What region of South Australia is this bottle of wine from? And you were quite happy.

You rotated the Tom Judy sometimes. You'd be playing with him outside and it worked. And a lot of people don't experience that because they stick with two kids and they're close. I suppose you're right. When they get to a certain age, you get little helpers, but still, fuck. I look at people with three kids and they look broken. Yeah.

Three is the hardest if they're close in age. So there you go. If you're going to have a third, have a fourth. Have a fourth, have a fifth, and then a sixth. Now, there is one more question, but I think it should come from Matt because it might be a little bit awkward coming out of my mouth. So, Matt. Very good.

Very good, Ash. Thank you. Are you sure you want me to ask ask this question i am ready uh this is i never thought i would ask my mom this question let me take my pants off but here we are okay ellie the question is i'm worried when did you get come on man just a bit of that let's go let's do it when did you get your sex drive back after you gave birth? Maybe this is like on average because you had five kids. No, no, no.

What the nitty-gritty? When did it happen? Well, I suppose. Oh, make it stop. Right away. Well, in the hospital, you know. Oh. Now, I suppose if you look at after the birth of my first child,

within nine months I was pregnant again. And then after the birth of my second child, I was pregnant again within nine months. So I think that was pretty quick. But then I have to ask myself, was that the return of a sex drive or was that my intense desire to have more children? Intense desire to have it either. Okay, when, oh, God, I'm asking this. Like at what point, you've given birth,

at what point are you starting to think about sex again? When did you get back on the horse, so to speak? I think it was Tuesday night. Wow. Look, I can't answer that question specifically. Would you say, give us weeks, months. Yeah, is it like a two months afterwards well look with your first it can be i know a little harrowing a little more damage is

done with the first one um so you have a carriage so you have an injury there which has you know has to heal but the thing with sex drive i think it is adversely I think it is adversely related to tiredness. And the problem is that when you are on pretty much 24-7, you are tired. And that's when I talk to other women, they get to bed, and it's not that they don't want to have intimacy, it's just they haven't got anything else left to give. So my advice to a partner out there. To a husband potentially. To a husband.

Or wife. Or wife. Or wife. Who has not given birth. Who has not given birth. And I know this isn't new, but it's so true. Housework is the greatest aphrodisiac. If you came home and said to your wife, I want you to go upstairs, have a shower,

have a bubble bath, whatever you want, relax, watch some TV. I am going to prepare dinner. I'm going to feed the kids. I'm going to put the kids in the bath. I'll get them ready for bed. You don't have to do anything. I can guarantee that those hormones will be pumping. Pulsating. Pulsating. So what you're saying is, sure play.

I don't know if I could have sex after doing all those activities, though, because I can't. Honestly, I don't think I'd get have sex after doing all those activities, though, because I can't. Honestly, I don't think I'd get anything after that. No, no, no, stop. You expect her to have sex after all those activities. No, I don't. Well, no. Don't point your finger at us.

We believe in equal share, Ellie, Ash and myself. But there are many women out there who would do all of that. Husband comes home, partner comes home from work. Look, whether it's male or female. I like the idea of. Yeah, just lift the load a little bit more. And that will get the sex drive pumping, you reckon. And then the sex drive.

There you go, gents. There's a lot to be said for gratitude. And significant others. She will be grateful. So you're going for grateful sex. Beautiful. That's my favourite type. But it is hard. Significant others. She will be grateful. So you're going for grateful sex. Beautiful. That's my favourite type. But it is hard.

It is hard. Well, Ellie, thank you for that. I'm glad it wasn't as icky as you thought it was going to be. You know what else is hard? This guy. Boys, settle down. Goodness me. I didn't think when I started this podcast I'd be talking about sex with my mother,

but here we are. Matt, we always talk about sex. We haven't think when I started this podcast I'd be talking about sex with my mother, but here we are. Matt, we always talk about sex. We haven't had my mum on yet. Don't make it sound like we're a weird family. We haven't had my mum on yet, Jesus Christ. No, the thing is, though, Matt, you know that pretty much we can talk about anything. And that's, to me, an absolute joy that we're not inhibiting.

I'm glad you enjoy it. Matt's going to go cry himself to sleep now. That is all we have time for, Ellie. Nice to see you again. It's good to see you. I'm glad you're back safe from your trip. Yeah, all those trips, still here, still kicking. Thank you for jumping on.

We'll see you maybe next week, maybe the week after. We're not sure. We'll keep you posted. I've got to recover from that one. If you've enjoyed this episode we would love it absolutely don't move a muscle

don't you dare move a muscle don't even breathe hold your breath until I finish this sentence we would love it if you would give us a review subscribe send it to a friend

anyone you think would benefit from two men and a nana talking about rooting people my favourite anything to add Ash?

join the Facebook group actually man numbers they are skyrocketing skyrocketing it is a community 1200

holy shit I know you do jump on there join Ellie are you in the Facebook group no I'll have to join gosh come on

I'm not actually on Facebook don't say that don't say it's not a brand just say it which brand Facebook I'm on Instagram yeah do you follow us do you Not actually on Facebook. Don't say that. Don't say it's not a brand. Just say it. Which brand? Facebook? I'm on Instagram. Yeah.

Do you follow us? Two Doating Dads? Two Doating Dads, yeah. Let's not follow her back. Okay. Get out of here and we'll see you guys next week. See you, bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Two Doating Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.