Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #88 Braith Anasta On Navigating The Single-Dad Life

Episode Date: August 25, 2024

Former footy player and Fox commentator, Braith Anasta, was a teenage sports prodigy.  He seemed to have it all - a loving and supportive family and professional sports career on the horizon.. but his world came crashing down when he was 15 and his father tragically took his own life. Braith opens up about the nightmare moment that came without any warning, the impact this had on his teenage years and how it shaped his life as a footballer, a man and as a dad. He also talks about the challenges of having to navigate parenting two kids (10-year-old Aleeia and 7 year old Gigi) from two separate relationships.  If you or someone you know is struggling, be sure to contact Lifeline at 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue at 1300 22 4636. Buy our book: https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ash, today is a very, very good day. Yes, Matt, we have a bonus episode. And today's bonus episode is with former NRL player and Fox commentator Braith Anasta. You can catch him currently Sunday afternoon footy along with NRL 360 all on Fox League. And this story is one that we haven't actually told on the podcast before because Braith is a single parent. Yes, he's very open about the challenges he has, navigating two kids he shares with two separate relationships. He is dad to 10-year-old Aaliyah and also he has Gigi, who is seven. So amongst that plus work, he is juggling a hell of a lot.

We also want to give you a heads up. Braith shares his experience of losing his father to suicide when he was just 15. It's a deeply moving part of his story. Yeah, his father's influence continues to shape how Braith parents his own kids today. I do want to say that whilst we do talk about the topic of suicide, if you are struggling or you need any help, please reach out to Lifeline on 131114. They are open 24 hours. We'll also put some more details in the show notes. Shall we get into it?

Let's do it. Welcome back to Three Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. I'm Ash. And I'm Braith and Asta. This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And if you've come wanting any type of advice, don't do it.

Not from us. Well. Maybe. Maybe from Braith. Maybe. Some unintentional advice. We always preface the show saying we don't give advice so we don't get in trouble. Maybe. Maybe from Braith. Maybe. Some unintentional advice. We always preface the show saying we don't give advice so we don't get in trouble.

Okay. We have been talking to Braith for a couple of minutes. Wise man. Wise, wise man. Wise man. Ash and I just sitting here just absorbing the knowledge. The experience. It's spilling out of Braith right now.

There's this dad hierarchy too. It's like the older you kid, the higher up you sit on the chain of command. Well, I'm not that. I'm pretty low then. Although compared to you guys, I'm six and ten. Six and ten. So you're top of the food chain. You are top of the food chain.

I'm looking down at you two. We've got five-year-olds and three and two. Oh, geez. That's a handful. We're in the trenches. You are in the trenches. Yeah. Does it get easier?

No. It gets a little easier it depends like I had my youngest wasn't youngest was a poor sleeper like

debilitating like just didn't sleep we tried everything and that that really is the killer the rest I feel like you can deal with but

I'm getting to the point now where my two are I'm worried about the teens two girls oh man you got us. Yeah. Actually, before we get into your kids, if we go back to when you were a youngster, born in Sydney, grew up in Malabar. What was it like back then? It was awesome because I lived in Malabar, which was on a golf course. And it was a bit out of the rat race of Sydney.

You know, it's not far. It's 15 minutes from here and probably 20 minutes from the city. But it was like being in a little country town, Malabar. It's built up a bit more now. It's near the jail actually. It's right next to a long way jail. Oh, nice. The neighbours are lovely.

If they stay inside. A few of them used to break out, but that's another story. Did they really? Yeah. Like there's times where the siren goes off and literally it's 200 metres from, like we're in a beautiful place, but you're 200 metres from the biggest jail in the country. And you see coppers running around looking for the,

and we're on a golf course, right? So you can see the coppers going along the golf course, checking all the cliffs and the trees and we're all, I'm on the balcony and we're just like watching it all unfold. And we had a little alleyway next to us from the street to the golf course. One day I saw a prisoner running down the alleyway. And I'm like, mom, mom. But like didn't want him to see me because I'm thinking,

I don't want nothing to do with this either. I was only a witness. I was only 12. And they end up catching them. Did your parents have to say to you like when you hear the siren, lock the door? Yeah, well, I mean, it's selfish. You really don't want to go anywhere.

But after a while you got used to it. I mean, it only happened every few years, but it did happen. Pretty exciting. Yeah, pretty exciting. Anyway. Who introduced you to sport? Was it your brother? Well, my mum, I was born in a sporting family, really,

because my uncle was George Piggins. And George, he played for Australia, was coach, president of South Sydney Rabbitohs, played for South. He's a hero, really. So it was just ingrained in me from the second I was born. I was born with a foot in my hand. And then I was just a tragic sport. Like, it was rugby league, rugby union, golf.

And I grew up on a golf course, so I'd just jump the back fence too, which was good. So was it league first? League first. Yeah, I played just for Southeastern down there at Pioneer Park in Malabar. And then that was my first love. And then played rugby union for Coogee and then Ramwick in New South Wales and all that, the same sort of thing.

And then, yeah, cricket was the same. I played for Eastern Sub's cricket. Jack of all trades. Yeah, a bit of everything. It was good. I've got to ask, as a youngster, I would have loved to have played professional sport. The problem was I was a bit shit.

That doesn't help. I was like the best I could do was scrape into like an A team. And I'd be like. What sport did you play? I played everything. So cricket, rugby, athletics. Like I'd try my hand hoping I would like find one sport. I even did the walk.

You were a power walker just to be like maybe that's the sport the saddle you should see you should see his power walk I'd love to see I'd love to see that

it's very impressive yeah maybe after the record we can head out into the garden where were we doing we did it at the cricket that's right we did like a day

of the SCG and we were like dressed in full dad gear and we were like and he just took off. He was so fast. The blokes would have loved that, right?

Yeah. Jeans, shorts. Well, the problem was I was actually pretty good at it and went to States, but. We went off track there. You're actually good. But I was like, no one wants to go to the States. I would have loved to play rugby.

When you were playing sport, was it a case of you were very good at anything you lent your hand to? I don't want to. Toot your horn, man. This is the time to toot your horn. I was very lucky. I don't want to sound like that. I was gifted in that way where just the hand eye stuff. Fuck you.

It sounds like a wink. It sounds like a wink. It sounds like a full wink. You're a professional athlete, ex-professional athlete, Braith. You're allowed to tell people that you were gifted. Matty, lucky I was. I thank my parents for that. But, yeah, I was. Like I just, whenever I played there for a while,

I had quite a bit of success. And, yeah, I loved every bit of it. So I was pretty lucky there. And your Greek heritage, was that something that was celebrated in the family? Yeah, definitely. My dad was proud Greek, full Greek, and he spoke fluent Greek, but he was like an Aussie, right?

But he spoke fluent, very proud of his heritage. He'd sing the national anthem often, which is the only thing I kind of know. Give us a little bar of that. Say, That's pretty good. I can't speak Greek, by the way. That's just from him singing at dinner. That's pretty good.

What do you sing at? Is it a family tradition? You take the piss, you know? I thought it was like, you've got to get kids before we eat. And we're just standing like this at dinner before we eat kids no he's a piss take but yeah

so and I'm still close with all my Greek family I don't get the chance to go over to Greece much which is a shame but I have been there

but no you know I wish I got more invested in it at a young age and learnt the language. That's one of my big regrets and I tell a lot of kids these days, if you've got the opportunity, your parents speak a certain language,

definitely try and learn it. Why didn't you want to pick it up? You know, when you're a young sort of wog growing up in a very Australian suburb and school and, you know, it's not really the cool thing to do, which is a shame. But at the time it's, you know, you just want to fit in and, you know, you want to be cool and all that sort of thing, which you look back on as stupid.

But I think that was the reason why, really, or else now I look back, it's one of my big regrets. What about when the movie The Wog Boy came out? That was my family. No, no. Were you guys a fan of the movie? Yeah, I loved it. He jumped in front of the car and the compo claims.

That was such a great movie. The kid with the big lunchbox. It's so true, but, you know. My mum's an Aussie, but, you know, it's just the culture. Would you get sent to school with like – Would you lay your lunch out like that? With Saka and Dom Aves. Would you? No.

I wish I did though because I love them. I wish I did. Greek food is unbelievable. It's funny like as I get older and I see – because there's not a lot of Greek restaurants or Greek places, especially on the northern beaches. We've got Thai pizza. There's not many over there.

And then when you come across a Greek restaurant, you're like, oh. You're like, got to get the Greek. Yeah, not good for the cholesterol. I think it's that generation though. I know Laura is my wife. Her background, they're Italian. They're down in Wollongong. Yeah.

And he worked in the mines, her granddad, and they tried to rub that out of them entirely. I think that's probably a part of it. Did she, does she know, did her dad speak fluent? He was fluent. He was fluent. Does she speak? No.

No. And he, she rarely would hear him speak. Yeah. But they still had like a goat in the garden. It's funny because my dad said they're indigenous, but his dad used to tell everyone that he was Spanish. Really? Because he wasn't.

They pretend that they weren't indigenous. Because my grandmother was white, you couldn't be with a black boy. That's crazy. So it was like, yeah, the joke is that there's a really strong Spanish community in Taree. Paella. It's a delicacy out there. Spanish restaurants.

Was there a case of there being a good cop and bad cop with your parents growing up? Was there the discipline area? Yeah, definitely. Who were you scared of, Dad? My dad was the good cop and my mum was the bad cop, but my dad was terrifying when he actually lost it. When he got there.

Oh, like the handprints I had on my body. It was run of the bedroom. Like that was, it took him a lot, but if he cracked it. Do you remember what would qualify for a spanking? Yeah, I had a brother, I had a brother. We used to fight all the time. Just when we just took it too far. Yeah.

Or one day actually, because I lived on a golf course, I tried to hit a ball from my backyard onto the green and we had glass panels. Oh, no. And he was on the phone inside. I think it was mum or him. Was your backyard concrete or was it grass? Of course it was concrete.

No, it was grass. And I've just – Thank Jesus, thank you. And I thought, all right, I'm going right here. I'm going to hit the ball in the green. I knifed it straight, smashed the glass, turned around, bolted, and copped it. I think a window smashing is worth a flogging. It's a pretty poor error in judgment.

Hopefully you've improved your golf games since then. I thought I was gifted, but I'm not. Yeah, as a dad now, any damage to the household? Yeah. That sets me up. You know, the texters and drawing and, you know, it's hard to keep them in line in at the kids. But, yeah, mum was good, bad cop.

But she was the – not bad. Like, she was – great parents. We should just keep the day-to-day discipline in check. Yeah, you know. Yeah. Just the day-to-day, which you need. Yeah. But I was pretty good, to be honest.

I wasn't a bad boy. I was pretty good with discipline. How much older is your brother? Three years older. He's three years older. Was he as good at sport as what you were? No, very different to me. We were total opposites.

He wasn't – he was good, like good, but not to that next level. But he played rugby league, but he was totally different to me. We were total opposites. He wasn't, he was good, like good, but not to that next level. But he played rugby league and he was totally different to me, like different into different things. He was a surfer, skateboarder. Extreme athlete. Yeah, extreme athlete. Snowboarding. Totally different, you know, and yeah, we were total opposites.

So it was quite, but that happens a lot. Even my two girls now are total opposites and they're only six and ten. But yeah, but he was a big supporter of me and sport and loved it and I just wasn't, yeah, it's very different. So with your sport, you were very gifted. Did your parents at all have to try and like keep you disciplined with that or did you just want it from the day dot no you were hungry I was like my goal like from a very young age was to be a professional

athlete and that was it you know um I kind of dedicated myself to it like crazy age um but I might and I feel like I sound like a wanker again but but my biggest challenge there was what one to focus on because I had, I reached quite a level at rugby union league and cricket and golf. So I had to, cause you can't do all of them and get to where you want to get to in that, in the, in one. Yeah.

So that was probably a challenge for me, but. Did your parents try and steer you in a direction? I don't know if you were deciding between golf and league for a while. Yeah. My dad, he was, he wanted me to play rugby, but then he was a big fan of the golf as well. So I gave league up and rugby when I was 15, 16 for about a year and focused on golf and played in the Jack Newton Foundation

and played in all the Australian titles and got to plus three and played in the New South Wales team there for a bit. But then there was a real sliding doors moment where there was in the Jersey SG ball for South Sydney, their fullback got injured, which I wasn't a fullback and I was a year higher than me as well. But the coach called me and said, I want you to come play for us. We need the big guns. But I hadn't played for like a while.

And I went back and we won the comp and then I made all the teams and the rep teams and then that was it. So I was house and it was over from there. So that was the defining moment for that. Wow. Yeah. I have seen you swinging a golf club. That's right.

We did a driving range. I wasn't completely sober, but we did a driving range session there and we were average. I remember taking a swing and I looked over my shoulder. I saw Braith and he was dry reaching. All I wanted was just to look over and get a nod of approval. I look back at the video. You look a bit dusty, boys.

I started walking instead. Playing golf and I played a cover. That was a Playing golf and I played a cover drive in golf. I don't know if that's legal. When I think back to being a young teenager, around the age you were there, like 15, 16, they're such formative years. And you have spoken before about the tragic events of your father passing away.

Do you remember the events that unfolded leading up to when you found out? Yeah, it was horrific. So I was close with my dad and he was a big supporter, had a good upbringing. You know, as I said before, mum and dad were fantastic. He was successful in his own right. So he taught me strong values and he was a great human being. Went through a lot of drama himself with business and with a mate of his

and got to a point where we knew he was struggling, but we just didn't know it was as bad as it was. Yeah, and then he just, one night he came home from, we didn't come home from work, he went to work. And me and mum and him at that point, because I was only 15, we'd kind of go for dinner on a Sunday night. And we're waiting for him and waiting for him. He didn't come home.

So he killed himself, which was, it was just, even now you can't, it's hard to process. Like I deal with it more better now because I've had a lot of time. But it's just something you can never prepare yourself for as a kid and it changes your life forever, even now. And, yeah, it's just such a shock to the system that you just don't know how to deal with it. You're kind of in mourning for a long time and you just don't.

It's like it's very surreal when you see them one day and they've gone the next and they're just, they're your dad, you know, they're everything to you. So that was debilitating, devastating. What's the rollercoaster of emotions that you go through? Obviously you start with that initial shock, but then how does it transcend following that? Yeah. Well, I mean, the first question, you're thinking why?

And then you get angry because you left us and you left my mum. It's a rollercoaster for a number of years. But you kind of like, you know, like I drew inspiration as well, but like from the life, you eventually get to a point, and I think now because it's so, it happens a lot more now, and you get to know mental health more and you get to experience yourself, how tough life can be at times with stress and anxiety and having kids and the expectation of jobs and, you know, relationship breakdowns, all these sort of things

that all of us go through, men and women. As you get older, you appreciate the position he may have been in more and why he did it. I think that was the big thing for me. For a long time, I was, you know, a bit angry and couldn't understand it. But as you get older and you have the kids yourself and you see, you know, and you see other guys go through it as well. Like I know I see it a lot these days.

Stress, stress and pressure. Yeah. Yeah. And I get it and I don't blame him for it now. Like, you know, I appreciate it and I thank him for the lessons I learned too, but because I would never do it. You know what I mean? Like and I appreciate every day, but I also,

what he taught me as a father, to me, I instill in my kids, but also know that I'll be a better father for the experience as well because it's made me a lot stronger as a human, you know? Yeah, I think back then, the difference between now and back then, someone who has suffered from some mental health issues, it's so crazy how powerful it is now that it's spoken about. And back then it was, you know, seen as though like it was a bit selfish. Stigmatized.

Yeah, yeah. And like there's times for me that I sit there and think about, thankfully not nowhere near as much anymore as what if I wasn't around. And the thing that pops into my head is the look on my kid's face. So do you think now you know so much about it that, you know, you wish that back then that people spoke a bit more and maybe he'd still be here? A hundred percent.

Yeah. that people spoke a bit more and maybe he'd still be here. A hundred percent. Yeah. This is, I know I'm passionate, like it sounds like you are, about men and men's mental health and talking like all of us, you know, like, you know, I've started, I'm not plugging it, but I've started a program called Strong Dad,

which we're going to relaunch very soon. And it comes from here because I've seen it firsthand. And back then it was like I wasn't proud of it and people may have, you know, their room is swell if someone commits suicide, you know. And it's okay. You're not alone. Like this is the thing with you as well. Like all of us go through stress and pressure and anxiety and, you know, life's tough, you know.

And I think for me it's about men knowing they're not alone. Like we all feel it, you know, life stuff, you know. And I think for me it's about men knowing they're not alone. Like we all feel it, you know. It's very, it's not easy, you know. And we want to be able to talk about it. We want to be able to openly talk about how hard it is being a dad, the expectation of paying the mortgage, losing your job, going through a marriage breakdown or whatever it may be. It happens.

It's part of life and we can get through it. How do you get through it? That's where I think if you talk and we have all our coping mechanisms and ways of getting through it, we share that with others, then it shows that there is light at the end of the tunnel for guys, you know? Yeah, when we did that episode last year about my mental health, the amount of blokes and wives coming out and the support and it was really overwhelming. Like we had people approach us in the street and talk about it

and it's so good that, you know, that we're in the right direction because it could help save so many young lives. You talked before about, you know, being almost embarrassed about that Greek heritage. When you talk about the stigma back then of suicide, how was it then with you dealing with that suicide publicly and other people finding out about the circumstances? Shocking.

You know, like I'm at school, high school, and all the kids are there looking at you, you know, like you're an outcast. Like not meaning to. Yeah. They didn't know how to deal with itcast. Like not meaning to. Yeah. But like, you know. They didn't know how to deal with it either. He killed himself on the weekend.

You know, like it's, you know, and the speculation room is innuendo because people just, you know, people would like to make up, unfortunately, you know. So how do you deal with that? Well, I didn't. I kept it all in for a long time. And that impacted me through my early 20s sort of to mid-20s and even my career because, you know, it was hard.

And dealing with it and then not having a mentor too, you know, really to talk to. He's the guy I would talk to about those things. Obviously, Mum, I do and still do today. But she can't, you know, it's hard for her, right? Because she went through it herself, love of her life, he one day, gone the next, and then she has to bring up two sons herself and she, you know, like I say, it's sort of, yeah, it was tough.

It breaks my heart to hear that you've gone through that. With your family unit, I've heard you speak about the fact that your family was a great family growing up. But in that moment where someone who's such a pillar and keeping the family together is taken away, how does the dynamic change between you and your brother? Big time. It's hurt us.

It's hurt our whole family. Like, you know, he found my dad, you know. So it's something he will never get over as Like, you know, he found my dad, you know, so it's something he will never get over as well, you know, and he's had to deal with that. And, you know, it just adds a lot of stress on a family that was perfect one day, you know, was fractured the next. And, you know, like it's because we had a good upbringing and my mum's amazing, it's,'s amazing, we've kept it together.

And I think my career has helped because it's gave my family some light and something to look forward to and really follow the progress and it's exciting and the success. I think it's given them hope and enjoyed the ride, the rollercoaster that it's been. But I think that helped too at a pivotal time, like playing first grade and just gave everyone in the family a bit of an upper, you know. For sure. Yeah.

And were you trying to fill that father figure that was taken away from you? Yeah, definitely with mum, you know, because not fill the father figure that was taken away from you? Yeah, definitely with mum, you know, because not feel the father figure as such, like just be there for mum, you know. Like there was times where I had opportunities to go play in Melbourne or in France or England and I didn't because I wanted to stay here, you know. Like I may have taken a different path or different opportunity if things weren't, you know. Yeah, for sure.

But that's just, I wanted to stay here and be here for her. Did sport fill a lot of your time so that you didn't have to sit there and think about it, do you think? Yeah. I was playing, that was around the time that I'd given up league. So I had a tournament on days after. Wow. Holy shit.

And my uncle caddied for me, yeah. So I just, they said, do you want to play? And I said, no, no, I'm playing. Wow. Holy shit. And my uncle caddied for me, yeah. So I just, they said, do you want to, do you not want to play? And I said, no, no, I'm playing. Wow. So that was my. Didn't break any glass that day. I don't know. I can't remember what I played like, but it was like, okay,

let's get on with business. Let's go. Distraction. Distraction. Which is great at the time because I just went from tournament, sport, tournament, sport, but then it hits you later because you don't deal with it the way you probably should at the time because I just went from tournament, sport, tournament, sport, but then it hits you later because you don't deal with it the way you probably should at the time. Yeah, interesting.

Do you remember when it crept up and it got you later in life? It was my mid-20s, early 20s to mid at sort of, I think it would have been maybe Bulldogs, maybe Roosters there, Bulldogs probably, but that period where you kind of struggle a little bit with footy and then you have the pressure and you've got media and you've got, you know, for me. And you're still young. Yeah, I'm only a kid still.

Everything I do is in the papers and I don't have that, my dad to lean on. You've got financial decisions to make, you know, relationships, all that sort of thing. It creeps up on you. And then you just, yeah, it hits you hard and it hit me hard. And then that's where I kind of got a, I got a sports psych and then I ended up getting a psychologist as well. And I sort of went back and relived it a bit and dealt with it, the trauma, and let it all out.

And then I moved forward. And since then I've been probably, yeah, I've been a lot better and I deal with it well. Did you, during that time, did you have like a mentor we spoke earlier about now that you manage all these rugby league players and sort of act a little bit like a mentor? Did you have? I didn't really.

I had a few along the way, like a few coaches and a few mates and my mum, of course, but I encourage that. Like it's something – that's what I do. I do with the sports management. I think it's – if you've had someone who's been there, done it, lived it, the good and the bad though. Like you don't always want to just be here and all the good stuff. Like I like to think that I've lived a lot of experiences

and I like to prepare players, athletes for the worst as well. Yeah, for sure. And how are you going to deal with that? Because often it is how you deal more with failure than it is how you deal with success or vice versa as well. But they are both important. That's why I do it, yeah.

So it's important now. Mentors are great, I think, you know, if you can find the right one too. For sure. I can only begin to imagine what it's like to have to share this story again. I know you've done it not just on this podcast but others as well. I just want to say thanks for being so vulnerable. Yeah, there's so many young men out there that don't, it's funny, they don't, especially like my age, a lot of my mates, they bottle so much shit up.

It's out of mind. And it's fucked. And then eventually when they hear someone that they see a lot of themselves in or they might look up to, whether, you know, you don't know them, they don't know you, but they probably watch you every night on NRL 360 or see you in and around the game and they think, when they hear someone like yourself talk about it, they go, fuck, I need to talk about it too.

And they even get one person. It's such a weird juxtaposition because I grew up watching you play footy and then to hear you be so vulnerable, it's such a 180 to how I saw you as a player. It often happens, you know, like I meet a lot of people and they go, jeez, I didn't expect that. You know, like that's what I mean. Like you look at a lot of people and you don't geez, I didn't expect that. Or, you know, like that's what I mean. Like you look at a lot of people and you don't know their story.

You don't know what they've been through. And when you do, you kind of maybe have a different perception, but also it helps yourself. But I think the most important thing is you're not alone. Yep. But also the repercussions of something like that, like the severity of it and what it has not only, I mean, you know, on your family, your friends, your kids, you know, it is debilitating.

And it's not only, I mean, it's the people around you that will never be the same as well, you know. So it's something that I think all men and women should think about, you know, and it's pretty full on. about, you know, and it's pretty full on. Becoming a dad yourself, was that something that you always wanted to be? Did you always want to grow up and have a family? Yeah, I was like that kid or that guy that wanted kids from a very young age. Like I wanted to be a dad.

That was, yeah, definitely a priority for me from a young age. And then when you were in your relationship with Jodie at the time, when did you know that you were ready to start having kids? Because a lot of people are like, how do you know when you're ready, boys? I don't think you're ever ready, right? Yeah, I just thought it was the back end of my career. I think it was my last year actually around that point. Yeah, and I thought it was good timing, you know,

like I'm going to retire from being a professional athlete but then move into the media so how old are you roughly at this age around 30 okay were you at the where did you finish your career

at the Roosters Tigers I had a year and a half so I was around 31, 32 would have been yeah trying to do the math in my head

yeah 31, 32 and I thought peak dad performance age i wanted him earlier um but yeah you know there's a lot of things to come into it right you're going to be happy in relationship yeah for sure yeah um you're looking for stability and all that sort of thing and then you know time to actually give and be there as a dad as well um as a professional athlete i think a lot of the boys time while they're playing because they're not there.

They go to training. Oh, sorry, love, I've got to go to training. Mitch Moses has never changed a nothing. That is crazy. That's what I've heard. Surely you've liked it. Oh, yeah. I didn't think of it.

That was the first thing I did. That's unbelievable. Have you heard that before? I have. I heard him say that. You should probably give it to yourself. Mitch, we're after you, mate. Imagine all the mums out there just looking down upon Mitch.

I get it. Like he's probably training a lot, but then. No, no, no. Sorry, I'm trying to stick up for Mitch here. Sorry, yeah. I threw him under the bus and I felt bad. I think sometimes I know for myself, I always wanted to be a dad. I was so excited.

And then, like, you have no idea the reality of being a parent. You know, like, my taste of being a dad was my sister was older than me. She had children first. So I would, like, have a little five, ten-minute window and be like, this is great. Hand it back. And then when I became a dad, I was like, this is hard, man. Holy fuck. How was hard, man. Hard.

How was it for yourself as soon as you stepped into that role of being a father? It was hard. I loved it. It was hard. I was very hands-on. And, yeah, I did a lot at the time. Like, I thrived off it, but it was hard work. I mean, lucky, earlier, first um was quite a good sleeper

excited that to me makes so like we often talk about you get one or the other yeah yeah yeah and i you know even though it was challenging um yeah she was she was she's quite the angel but um yeah you know like everything's a challenge, right? Getting in and out of cars, going anywhere, going to parties and dressing and whatever. It's all a challenge, right? You got to, you know, none of us can really understand, appreciate or be ready for what to be able to happen until it happens, right? Yeah, you can never be prepared.

So with Ali, if she was a good sleeper, what were the parts of parenting that were really bloody tough? I think for me, and this is more being a single dad, right, it was more when I had her by, like I ended up having her by myself, you know, after she was only one or two, you know, like it was pretty early on, unfortunately, myself and her mum separated. But so that's a challenge, you know, after she was only one or two, you know, like it was pretty early on, unfortunately, myself and her mum separated. But so that was, that's a challenge, you know, when you've got a one-on-one pretty much majority of the time to a hatter.

So how were you juggling that whilst, because you're still playing for Tigers then? I'm lucky for my mum. She's like my nanny. It still is. Like, you know, I've got three jobs and even back then I had a couple and, yeah, so that was hard. Mum would help me. She's always lived close by. She's just been an angel, like really.

I needed her because it's hard work. You know, like just from the second they wake up to the second they go to sleep, they need undivided attention. And entertainment too. I'm like, I can entertain this kid. I'm like a kid myself. And then you're like, fuck this. I've got five minutes of Duplo or like tea time before I'm like, ah.

And iPads and that weren't as big then. Thank God for the iPad. You know, you're like, I'm not going to be that parent with the iPad. And then you just, ah. I was like, I'm always going to be that. There you go. you're like I'm not going to be that parent with the iPad

and then I was like I'm always going to be that there you go but yeah a lot of walking a lot of laps a lot of walking

a lot of trying to get him to sleep and a lot of entertaining like you know whether it's going to fun parks and when you when you did separate

like having having a child so young like how do you how did you split that out like did I mean there's probably people listening that are going through similar things how logistically log, how did you split that out? I mean, there's probably people listening that are going through similar things.

Logistically. Logistically. How did you guys work that out? Yeah, I think it's a bit of a tricky one. It's a bit of a tough one. I think Jodie's been pretty outspoken about it with her struggles. So I had Alia a lot for a majority of her life. So logistically, it was pretty simple.

She was at my place a lot. Jodie would have her when she was away from work and, you know, was in a good space. So, yeah, it was pretty much my whole life, you know, like it was single dad. Single dad life. Yeah. And again, without my mum, I wouldn't have been able to do it.

But, you know, it's just pretty much, I mean, daycare, pick up, you know, and whatever, meals, everything, you know, you just do what you got to do. You just get by and then mum would help out wherever she could if I had work. But, yeah, it was pretty, it's full on. How is it when you're, like, I think everyone when they envision when they're younger what it's going to be like having a family, everyone thinks of this beautiful scenario, one picket fence, loving home, great relationship, but the reality is, you know, often different to that.

Yeah. For yourself, when the reality was different to the dream of being a parent, like how do you digest that? Oh, mine is so different to the way I thought it would be. Like it's hard to, you know, I mean, it's tough. Like, I mean, I've got two kids to two different women. Yeah. You know, I'm not young, but they were serious relationships

long term, but it just didn't work out. Now, you know, that was not what I dreamed of at all. Yeah, yeah. And unfortunately it happens probably more so these days than we all like, right, with, I don't know, for whatever reason. But it's not ideal, you know, like it's hard. You know, for me it's all about the girls, you know, and giving them the best life that I can and I work hard for that. But, you know, I don't want them to be impacted by it as well. For me, it's all about the girls and giving them the best life that I can

and I work hard for that. But I don't want them to be impacted by it as well, broken families. And I want the girls to be together as much as they can. And it's a real tricky one. It's a tricky one. And then you're trying to discipline both girls the same way and that's tough because one's in a different house for a period of time. Yeah.

Then she comes and joins my clan. And also different people too. Different people. Even us with two kids, like, you know, within our relationships, they're so different. So different. And I can't imagine them, you know, two different mums, two different households and then they come to you and you're like,

okay, now we're going to do things my way or this way or that way. Yeah, it must be. That's a big challenge for me is instilling the right discipline and values, which I'm big on. Alia is by my side a lot. So she's got, she's the easygoing one. She's the class captain. She's got great manners and I feel like she's had those instilled in her for a long time.

The other one, Gigi's a rat bag. Love her to death. It's like Miley and Lola Martini. Like cheeky, you know, poor eater, poor sleeper, you know, can't sit still, just wants to be doing something 24-7. But I love everything about her, right? Yeah. They're total opposites, but then I bring them together

and they love each other to death, but, you know. They're clicking. She's just chirping away the older one and the older one gets the shits, you know, all of a sudden it's on, you know. How was it when you spoke about your second partner, Rachel? At what point do you go, yeah, okay, I'm now in a position where, you know, I'm a single dad, but I, you would have been pretty young at the time, like 34.

Yeah, yeah, around that, 35, yeah. You know, you're going to want to try and find another companion. Yeah. So when do you know when you're ready and how do you juggle that? It's a hard one, right? Because when you're single dad, you not only want the right person for you but, more importantly, for your kids and they need to be ready for that too, the partner. Like that's a red flag for me.

Like I've got a lot of red flags. But it's hard to find the ideal partner who, you know, and Rachel, I have to say, she had a son herself from a previous marriage and she was a good mum, you know, like she put in a lot of, she was there for Alia and, you know, while I was off work and she was, you know, dropping her to school and doing all that for me. So that was, you talk about, you know, that however I juggle that,

well, that was with the help of Rachel. So that was very important and, you know, she was a natural mother and she did a very good job. So that helped me a lot. When do you decide, okay, let's introduce the kids together now? Like it's almost like there's dynamics. So this is like, you know, this is a tough one because to introduce your kids, you need to be sure of the woman and vice versa for a woman with a man.

So that's what I'm having trouble with a bit at the moment is, you know, like back then it was, you know, we kind of did it within six months and probably moved pretty quick on that. Second time around I'm a bit more wary of it, you know, because I don't want my kids going through that again. You know, I think the next time I introduce them to a partner, it has to be the one. We all think it is at the time, right? And, you know, things happen, but it makes it hard because I'm trying to, it's been probably nearly two and a half years now I've been single.

And when you meet women, all this comes into account, you know, like and I won't just rush any woman into meeting my kids. Yeah. So it's kind of an awkward situation for a while. Yeah. And then when does it get to the point where they do? It's tricky, you know, and you've got to be certain and you're never really certain, right, but I'm certainly not in a hurry to do it.

If I meet a girl, it's got to be right. Don't be listening, women. It's like a dating show now. Yeah, just quickly. I want to go back a little bit, just really quickly. Being a single dad with girls, do you think that time, so much time with them has helped you build a much stronger bond than maybe some other dads have that are, you know,

still with the mom and there's that mixed. It's mixed for me. Like earlier, our bond is unbreakable. Yeah. Purely because from the day she was born, it's been me and her for different circumstances. Yep. Gigi, I don't get as much, which is hard for dads as well, right?

Because it's more the, I would say, the stereotypical, you know, breakup where the mother has majority. Yeah. You know, we always want more, but that's different, you know? Like we, I hope that she, the hard thing is I want her to look forward to seeing me every time she sees me. So as a dad, when you've got her, I don't want to, I spoil her. Yeah.

But how much do you spoil them so that they don't benefit the right way? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Don't build resilience. I've got Thursdays. Yeah. Other days it's called Daddy Daughter Day. Yeah, nice.

And we have like swimming in the morning and it's, you know, it's the one day where Laura's working my wife. Yeah. And so it's just me and the girls. And it's this hard balance of I want it to be a really memorable, enjoyable experience. Yeah. And so you want to give them things that they enjoy, but at the same time it's also hard when it's just a bad day.

Yeah. Sometimes the girls didn't have a good sleep. They're cranky. They don't want to get their swimmers and go to swimming lessons. And so it ends up being a shit day where it's spent disciplining. And then how was it for you when you do that little window with Gigi and you build it up to be something great and then it's not? Sometimes it's heartbreaking because you've only got a short period of time,

like a couple of days with her in a week, and if it's not a good time, you're disappointed and sad because you've got to drop her back on a bad note and it just hasn't gone to plan and you don't have that everyday time to be with her for her to, you know. So it is hard for dads like that and it doesn't always go to plan, right? Yeah, especially as they probably get older as well and they're into their own things or they might, I mean, with my daughter, she's so young

that like if we have a tiff you know we can get over pretty quick you know within that but as they get as she gets older and more stubborn and resilient herself and can be like well i'm going to hold this grudge against you now because that's not fair what you did or whatever it might be it must be really hard i can't imagine that drop off at the end of your time and you haven't been able to mend that bridge and then you've got to wait all this time to try and have that moment. And it's your own daughter, you know. Yeah. It's hard to take, you know, because you go back again to –

all you ever think of as a kid or just growing up is having that perfect family, right, where you've got your kids and, you know, like I was brought up in – well, it didn't end up being a perfect family, right? Where you've got your kids and, you know, like I was brought up in, well, it didn't end up being a perfect family, but it was for my childhood. And then you get to a point where it's just not. Yeah. And you've got to deal with it.

But that's, you know, we've all got ways of dealing with different things and things we've got to, you know, navigate through and it's a constant challenge for me. But I love my girls and I love being a dad. Yeah, I see a lot of your social stories and I can see that the time that you spend with them you really appreciate. I see you could be out walking with them or whatever it might be or a selfie with them and it's like, you know, that's pretty awesome.

So I commend you for that for sure. Even though I wasn't good enough to be a professional athlete. Not yet. There's still time. Listen to the fact that apparently athletic men produce females. And if Brady's got two girls, I've got two girls, that's good enough. You can pick that walk in Korea. It is crazy though.

Like so many guys who are athletes have women. I've got a theory and it's not. What's your theory? They're shallow penetrators. It's gold. Braith, when you girls are a lot older and they've flown the nest, what is the one thing that you would want Gigi and Ali to remember about the household they grew up in?

Just the, I'd say just the love, the love that they had from the people closest to them. And, yeah, just to, I suppose, look back and think they had a great upbringing and they loved their dad to death and they'd do anything for him. And, you know, just that loyalty and that love really is, that's an happiness. That's all you really want is just to put a smile on their face and know that they were given every opportunity to be the human beings that they were through the parenting of their of their dad really that's all i can ask for

braith you've had such an extraordinary life it is it's had great ups and some tough times as lows but it's been fucking great to talk to you yeah thank you so much for spending the time before we do go we i did mention a story to you earlier yeah i managed to track this down just to give the listeners a bit of a bit of an idea a friend of mine back in 2011 entered a women's day competition where it was does your husband look like anyone in particular celebrity athlete this is a bit of both for you. Did you know about the competition at the time? No.

Probably not. No, I didn't. So she submitted a photo of her boyfriend at the time. Now they're married. Have a couple of kids. And actually... Can I have a look first before we show Bray? The poor bastard.

Bray's far better looking. Are you preparing me for the worst? You spend some time with Josh. I'm in the Gold Coast. So Josh is his name, but S. Wilkins, South Tweed Heads. She submitted this photo to Women's Day and actually won $100. Oh, wow. She's got good taste.

He's all right. I'll cop that. I'll cop that. He's probably doing better than me at this point. You've got, well, you've maybe got six or seven years on him there, but, oh, gee gee you look handsome there that is a great we'll put a photo

up on our social sideburns they're massive oh yeah so they actually won that award twice in a row twice in a row they owe me 200 bucks

thank you Sienna Josh for sending that to me so quickly Braithwaite really appreciate you telling us thanks for having me on I've enjoyed it

love what you guys do it's been fun thanks mate appreciate you. My pleasure, Ash. Thanks for having me on. I've enjoyed it. Love what you guys do and it's been fun. Thanks, mate. Appreciate you, man. Thank you. I've got to say, Ash, Braith was a real surprise package. I grew up watching him play footy and I never expected someone like Braith, who I see as being so strong, be so vulnerable in a conversation.

Absolutely. And we really want to thank KO for lining that interview up and allowing it to be possible. And if you've enjoyed that, please jump on, give us a review, five stars, let us know what you think or share it with someone else who might be struggling

or going through a similar situation. And if there's any other parents out there that you would like us to talk to and share their story, please hit us up either on Instagram, Facebook group or email. It's hello at twododingdads.com. Ash, let's get out of here, my friend.

See you later. You've got a big drive home, don't you? Big guy, big guy, big guy, big drive home. Let's get out of here. Bye-bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present,

and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.