Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #92 Broken Toe, Dangerous Driveway And Scary Dogs At The Footy

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

Matt has broken his pinky toe, and it turns out it's the one thing keeping the 38-year-old dad upright. He would like some sympathy, but no one is giving it to him.  Ash has moved into what can only be described as an acreage—no, but he does have a big backyard. The new house is great, but there is only one little quirk, and that's the death drop at the end of the driveway. Oh, and Matt takes the girls to the footy for the first time, but he's unsure whether they liked it or not - you be the judge!   We've introduced a new segment called – Parenting Hack Or F*ck That Plus, we tackle your questions! Is it ok to leave your kid in the car when paying for petrol? Has Matt had any fights with mum since she moved in? Make sure you share your best Parenting Lies with us 👇 Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.  Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I've got a sneeze, uh, in April. I told you about April doesn't know how to preempt a sneeze. She's like, she just sneezes. She can't feel it coming. That's what it's like when she orgasms. So I wouldn't know. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I am Matty J. And I'm Ash.

This is a podcast that is all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And one thing you will not get on this podcast is men giving advice on parenting. Although we've been doing, um, hack or like that. Yeah. It's not really us giving advice. It's more so just criticizing other parents, talking about how

they pair on social media. Perfect. Um, I few things to talk about. There's a lot going on. Talk about, I don't know if you noticed, but I was walking with quite the hobble. No. And I came in. Yeah. I'm in. I'm injured right now. What happened? The walking wounded, Ash. What happened? Blame it on me. I'm glad you asked. I didn't even notice. So it can't be that bad. It's not like you to notice anything about someone else. Is it? What's it take to get your

attention? That loaded up, ready to get your attention loaded up? Ready to go. Didn't you? I could walk in here with missing arm and you'd be like, good to see you. I'll be like, he's armless that guy. Hey bad Jack. I'm not even going to give you a sympathy laugh. Um, I was, I was, I was walking down the hallway and I turned over like my

shoulder, I looked behind me. And then as I went to then look forward again, as I was still moving forward, progressing forward, progressing forward, I was mid-stride. I just, almost like I was kicking a football to win the match winning goal. With that type of force, I then hit the corner of a wall, uh, plum on my little toe. That's like when I did it, remember I did it in the kitchen and the toe was facing the other way. Yeah, dude.

You want to see it? Yeah. Absolutely. Holy shit. Oh my God. Let me get this angle of it. That is. Oh my God. It looks like a little potato. My feet are all fluffy

from my socks. It looks like a little fluffy potato. Bit of free foot content for anyone wondering. Yeah, tune in. Also dirty socks. How much am I going to pay for them? Do you see that thing on the socks? Just off topic. I don't know if you- Well, just give me the fucking sympathy for five minutes. I've got a broken toe. It's just a little toe. Just a little toe. I can't even walk right now.

There was a lady who sold her socks, right? But the guy's request, I just assumed it was a guy, a sock for lollies and go for a run and then sell him the lollies. Look bro, if that's what you're into, good on you. Good on you for not being... Lock him up. That's fucking weird. That's not for me. Sorry about your toe. Do you know what the shit thing about that toe is? Is because it's such a useless toe, it does keep you balanced, but it also deviates so easy. So like for you to actually mend that, you're going to have to attach it like with some tape.

Do you reckon I tape it to the other side? Oh yeah, otherwise it'll hurt for way longer. Because even like I was kneeling down to get the bottom items of the dishwasher out and as I was kneeling down, I was squatting down on the tip of my toes and then just you don't realize how much your pinky keeps you in balance. It does. So I would tape it. I remember when I did mine and it went out that way, the toe. Dislocated? And I had to break it. I broke it and I had to bring it back. How long are we talking? What's the recovery?

I was ages because I didn't tape it the first time and I thought it was sweet and then I went surfing and the water deviated it back out. So I would just a little bit of tape. Let's call a rural doctor. They hate us. They're like, yeah, I'm going to put a bloody toothpick around it and strap it, keep it straight. It's like a stint or whatever they call it. In the scheme of injuries, it's minimal.

Yeah, but it's so annoying. I did have a moment where I was putting out the washing and I was like, why me? What have I done to deserve this? I'm a good guy. Why am I being punished? And I had to kind of give myself a bit of a- It's so painful too. Very painful.

Anything with your toes is really painful. Like Macy dropped a phone, like an iPhone on her toe yesterday. And she was like, dropped a phone, like an iPhone on her toe yesterday. And she was like, like the full big, the big deep inhale. You're like, breathe. And then as she did that, I dropped a chopping board on mine. Like immediately.

I'm going to say you dropped it on Macy's. Both on the ground. Anyway, that's because we were moving things around Matthew, as you've probably realized, we're in a different location. I know. I'm staring out to your paddock. And it's beautiful, isn't it? Jesus. Feels like we're in the country a little bit.

Wow. We're not. What a journey to get here. Weeks, Ash. Week. For those who have followed along. I know. You got evicted.

By the fucking dog shit landlord. Do you know, actually, just quickly, before we progress. Please. He's put the place back on up for rent. Apply for it. No. So you know what he's done? So just to recap people, we got kicked out because of a rotten beam.

I complained about it and he terminated our contract. That's what he did. And he was like, look, I've had this place for so long. I'm going to sell it. How many times did you complain about something that needed to be fixed? Was that a weekly monthly thing or was it the first time? Three months. The maintenance guy in the complex said, look, get it fixed.

This is going to fall on one of your kids. How many other things are we talking about? Lights, appliances breaking, nothing? The only other thing I complained about in that place that he rectified was the smooth edge on the carpet was poking through and Oscar cut his foot on it. Fair. Very fair. And he came and he hammered it back down and fixed it up.

Fine. Don't care how you fix it, bro. Just fix it. I think one of the cupboards was like, fucked once he came over and fixed that really easy. No, no. If you're going to be a homeowner and do the maintenance on there and rent it out, they're minor things. You've got it.

That can't be an inconvenience. The inconvenience for this was it was a beam that was rotten and going to fall on a small child. So weeks had gone by of me saying, hey, can we, when are you going to get this fixed? And then he said, here's a letter of renewal. And we said, we're not signing it until you just get this fixed. And then he terminated the contract. Very fair.

Can I just say- He terminated the lease, which they're actually bringing a law out now, which we've missed that prevents homeowners from doing that. What a wanker. Oh, fucking asshole. And so can, how much more expensive is it? Has he jacked the price up? $280 more.

More? So he split the top bedroom into, so he cut the bedroom in half. So now it's a three bedder. It was a big bedroom. And went up 280 bucks. Split that in two. He replaced the beam. And he replaced the beam.

Yeah, he replaced the beam the week I was moving out. But guess what? He replaced it with timber that again is not suitable for outdoor use. And for those of you wondering that timber is? Laminated veneer. Ash wicks. So timber whisperer. Anyway.

Himself. Anyway, I mean, Godspeed to you mate, but you know what? One day you get struck by lightning. But do you know how good thing is? Shout out. I love how like of all the deaths, you're like, struck by lightning. Cause that's what it's like moving with two small children. What a way to go.

What a way to go. Imagine that at your funeral. Imagine Oscar being able to tell his friends, my dad died, he was struck by lightning, his feet blew out. There was a whole scene, man. But the cafe across the road has said to me, he's not welcome here anymore.

So when he does go to buy coffee across the road has said to me, he's not welcome here anymore. So when he does go to buy coffee across the road, Uncle Pete's going to be like, get the fuck out of here. Do you reckon Pete's really going to turn away money? He's crazy. What do you reckon he will? He's a crazy Italian. He, he will. He, you know, small business, you've got to pay in customer cash in hand.

He is not short of money. They are rinsing people for coffee down there. Nice expensive coffee and Wariwod delicious. Oh no, they're not. I'm sure the one coffee this guy buys is not going to send them bankrupt. I'll go down there and the doors are shut. So anyway, that was a- So then you live with Frank?

I've done, okay. You want some, you're asking me for sympathy. Here's a bit of sympathy that I'm going to get from you. And from all the listeners, I've just had to move two times in a month with two kids. Can I pull you up on something? Yeah. You've done it wrong. Why?

You've done it wrong. How? Okay. If you're moving a house, okay, there is a type of company that has established themselves an industry to assist homeowners or renters to move from one place to the other. Cost of living. They are there. There are many. They are there. They thems. There are many removalist companies. I'm sure. I'm aware. I'm aware. I thought you said, they're they thems. There are many removalist companies I'm sure of. I'm aware.

I'm aware. I'm aware. But. What do you have against removalists? Do you hate removalists as much as you hate dentists? What happened? No, I just, honestly, I just don't see value in it. Okay.

Well then if you say that, I'm not going to give you any sympathy at all. I see value in it. Look, okay. That was wrong. I see value in it if it's a, if it's a, if I was moving into a unit with heaps of stairs and stuff and it's like, I cannot do that. I cannot physically do that. But we were, it's not the physical moving of all the big stuff that was, that I want sympathy for. I want sympathy for the sheer amount of shit two kids have and the small, the then also them trying to get them to adjust again in a new place. So like, for example, okay, two kids sleep well. Perfect.

My kids do sleep well, did sleep well in our home that we're in for a few years. Then I've been evicted by some fuckhead and moved into my father-in-law, which you know that would be painful enough as it is. I love Frank. Such a loving man. Look, I do love Frank. He's a patient guy. He's a beautiful human being. Beautiful. Just relax, would you? So caring. Teach the kids how to swim.

I've lost my rage. My track of rage I've lost. Okay, and then moving into a new place, right, which they are comfortable at Papa's house, but of course it disrupts the routine. And parents know this, okay, moving disrupts the routine. And then you get them back into a routine and I've got to move again. And now we've moved in here and they're sick. They're sick.

They're like, this place is scary. The new house, this house. Well, because it's not, they're not, they're not used to it. It was really windy yesterday. It was creaking and cracking. There's a lot of, yeah, they're very windy recently in Sydney. Yeah, yeah. A lot of trees as well. So it's more like that. It's the disruptions. It's not so much the move.

Can I just give you some advice? Also, what light switch does what light? There are a lot of wall lights here. Get up and have a look at the, have a look at that white switch over there. There's a light switch with 24, 24 buttons on it. How many? It's 24. I've counted it.

And one switch. I went to turn one on and the dishwasher turned on. One switch does one of the downlights. And look, it's an old house and I love it here. Can I just, can I just give you some advice? Once you have kids, once you have two kids, the amount of stuff that you now have warrants you getting help from an external company, i.e. a removalist. You're allowed to do that. Also, also not to attack you on this podcast, it's not what I want to do, but hey, when someone's done something wrong, they need to know.

Wrong? You, you messaged me this morning. You said, can you bring the drill over? Which I did. Dude, you got flat pack. You can pay. It's not a flat pack. Dude, you can pay someone 40 bucks and they'll-

Cost of living. They'll put 40 bucks, dude. 40 bucks. That's 40 bucks. Imagine it's just trust me, please. Can I book it for you? Can I book it for you? I'm going to do it myself. Charge it to the podcast.

We'll claim it back. We don't have any money. You can. You're allowed to, Ash, hold my hand. You're allowed to ask for help. You don't have to do this all by yourself. I feel like I can't ask for help. This is weird.

Okay. It's all just clammy. So anyway, back to it. No, back to it. Oh God. Back to it. We did move over the weekend. We moved in here, went really smoothly because there's no stairs.

The driveway is a different story, but it's a nice big space. Huge. I'm looking right now. You've got like three football fields for your backyard. I'm going to get me one of those right on mowers. Here they come here. I'm going to have a straw hat, no shirt. And I say, where's Ash? Y'all come back here. It went pretty smoothly where the family of dropping light flies, Macy's crook is at

You sound a bit nasally. The dust has done me in, but I woke up the morning of the move and I've slept wrong. Haven't I? My back. Oh my goodness. You know when you like, just first tweak your lower back and you're like, Oh yeah. Do you think it was the sleep that did you, or do you think it was something during the day that did you, do you think it was moving all the boxes?

Cause you know, no, I, cause I hadn't started to move. What's the only, the only thing I can think of is I drove to Wollongong and drove to your house, then drove home from your house. I was in the car for quite a long time and my little shit hairdresser car, not just shit on a hairdresser, we love you, is not overly comfortable for long drives. And then I've gone to sleep, seized up, woken up and gone, oh man, I've got a full day of moving with just me and April. I get it. All right. I get it. All right. I've made a mistake. Don't put your wife through that.

I've made a mistake and I'm only here for like 12 months. I'll have to. We'll have this conversation again, I'm sure. And I've woken up and I've gone, oh no, it's going to be a long day. And then I've got through the whole day. Sinus now from all the dust. Macy's crook is a dog. Oscar's got a cough, but he's a kindy. Thank God he's OK.

It's just like, we're dropping like flies over here. And then we've gone, April's gone out and bought some stuff from K-Mart yesterday. And I don't know if you noticed the driveway of this. Very steep. Very steep. One of the steepest driveways I've ever come across. So yesterday I'm here with Macy because Macy's sick and I'm trying to still do things around that's, I can watch Macy blah blah blah and I hear April coming down the driveway in reverse because you can't go forward down that thing. You don't want to reverse up that. It's like a theme park ride out there. People were lined up asking me how much it was to go on the driveway. I was like I don't know. Did you get tickets? They sold out. Apparently it's exhilarating.

Anyway, I've reversed down a few times and it does. Well, I'll take you on a trip after this. It really makes your stomach go, I shouldn't be in this position. It's quite safe. And I'm in here with Maisie and my phone rings and I was like, it's April, I can hear the car. I was just like, come help! She's halfway down the driveway, but way too close to the new fence that's there separating us from the neighbors. And I was like, oh shit, walk out. And I'm like, and it's also quite mossy, the driveway. So once you try and go from heart without a run up, you're like spinning. The car's like, I got nothing left in me.

I was at the top and I'm like, I'm like, look at me, look at me, look at me. OK. And then, OK, looking at me. And then she's tried to come. I said, you need to come up and you're halfway up. Starts wheel spinning. Why didn't you jump into the car? I couldn't get in. She's up against it so hard that I could not get in the car. She was trapped. Anyway, I'm like,

I'm like go forward. She's going forward and the wheels start to spin and the car starts to veer closer to the edge of the fence. So eventually like I've managed to like be like, okay, just bits. And she's like, what about this? I'm just like concentrate on me. April's listening to this story right now. April? Yeah, I'm here. Is that how it happened?

Yeah, it was terrifying. But she's also, yeah, so she's gone, done a big Kmart shot. So we've managed to get her out of a sticky situation, but she was like, what are we going to do about this driveway? There's nothing you can do about it. You just got to learn to live with it. Get with it. Cause once you're at the bottom, it's not too bad.

It's just the, it's just the rapid decline. If you miss it and miss the bag, you end up in the paddock. There's not a lot between, cause there's no fence there. There's not a lot between a slip of the foot and in the paddock. Dangerous. You know what you could have in the backyard, by the way, just as I, as I- Slip and slide. Yes.

That- Too many rocks. Um, cow, a goat. You have a goat? You got a goat back there. I'm not getting a goat, man. I'm just saying. I'm not getting a goat. You have so goat? You've got a goat back there. I'm not getting a goat, man. I'm just saying. I'm not getting a goat. You have so much land. Oh no. You know how they say the more land,

the bigger the man. That's what I'm going to say. But April's darling came out run. She's bought a bunch of stuff, including a new toaster, which I said to you before, the toaster doesn't work. Does it work? This is what's happened. What happened? I've unboxed toaster, put it in the way the toaster would go. I'm in bed this morning. Okay.

April's got up with the kids. They want toast. She put the toaster on, turned around. The toaster's on fire. And I was like, she's going to burn down. And the kids have flipped out. What's happened to his? And the bottom of the toaster was a piece of cardboard and she's put the toaster on and it was up in flames like immediately. And I've come out and she's like, oh, she's holding the toaster.

And I'm like straight into the sink. Just it's unplugged thankfully. Into the sink, sink on. Macy's lost the plot. Oscar's kind of just like, what is happening? We're falling apart. We're falling apart. So the toaster's out the front drying out. We're probably just getting new one. Probably get a new toaster.

Well, you're here. The house is beautiful. The backyard's great. I'm very happy with it. We're excited to move in here. Kids won't know themselves when they start playing in the backyard. And it's a friend of ours house. So there's no shit landlord.

They were here on Sunday when we left. They're great. Great people. Great little house. Things always work out. Yeah. Worked out. Worked out for the best.

Hey, question for you. How was it when you went to the football with Oscar? Like how did he find the game? Mixed review. I think like the anticipation and like we're going to go watch football because he loves football. We're going to watch it live. But TV is constant entertainment.

When you're there, there's some waiting around. There's things that are going on. Also, it's a big field and he's like, a lot to look at. There's a lot. Yeah. Then the cheerleaders come out. Yeah. Overall, he loved it. Overall, really loved it. Loved the fireworks because there's fireworks and some flames and stuff.

The flames are a winner. But overall, really, really loved it. You make it look like it was a great experience. Like no issues whatsoever. It was. And well, I decided that it was time to introduce my girls to football as well. NRL for those of you wondering. But also you took two kids. I only took one. And I also went with my sister who has three kids. Holy shit. Five kids. And two parents. No, myself, Laura, my mom, Laura's mom. Oh, you took the whole car.

Which my mom and Laura's mom love them. They're quite old. It's like having an extra two kids. We'd get to our seats. Your mom is like having an extra kid. We cross the road and I go, fuck, where's Ellie? And she'd be like, help. She's like, oh, I didn't think there'd be this many people here.

But the kids were excited because obviously you're building up to, you know, like a few more sleeps. We got them jerseys. Also great time to go to a football match because end of season, merch is half price. Oh yeah. Love that. And as we're walking into the stadium, it just so happened that before the game that we went to, it was almost like it was a bit of a recruitment drive to join the police force. Yeah.

Bear with me. So they had on the field, they had the police marching band. Great. Kids love that. They had the special services guys abseil down the side. Oh my goodness. They're really pushing, aren't they? Again, kids love that.

So, you know, that was all pre-match and I was thinking, this is awesome. You know, how good is this? There's so much going on. The next part, Ash, you know, police dogs, the German shepherds? I do. The ones that will rip you your pieces. They did it. They did a, they did like a showcase of the dogs and it was quite theatrical where they had these like mock NRL fans who were on the field being like, rowdy rowdy rowdy.

They then had the police officers holding the dog. They then let go of the dog and the people who are pretending to be the NRL fans being too rowdy, they did have the sleeve on. Yeah, another one. But Marley and Lola are like, oh my God, dogs are on the field. Next thing. They're tearing people apart. These German shepherds are like,

and these people are acting out being attacked by the dogs. And it's very impressive. If you know what you're looking at, it's impressive. Marley and Lola have only ever seen dogs as pets, not as weapons. And like, they don't know that dogs are also trying to attack people. And so Marley and Lola are hysterical being like, oh my God, we can't stop. How come no one's helping him? And I was like, I had to like close their eyes.

They were petrified. It's also like pretty red hot to do that with a stadium full of people. Dude, that part went on for like six minutes. Just a guy wrestling a dog. Is this what you bring us to? Six German Shepherds ripping people apart on the field. It was like being at a gladiator match. It was like, kill him. So that part was a bit of a nightmare. I can imagine like, like I was saying, it's very impressive what these dogs can do. It's impressive

to you and I, cause we know what's the circumstance. But as a three and a five year old, all you see is like, that's a pretty dog. What's it doing? Hard to explain. Dogs, police, hellcat. They get the bad guys. They are there to fight for good. Were they attacking like the mock NRL fans? Cause it was a Rooster's home game, right?

Were they raiders? That would have been confusing if they weren't. So that part ended, the police leave the field, the players come out. By then Marley and Lola have like calmed down. And also as the players run out, they have the fire. Oh yeah. It goes, woof. I love that.

Lola was like, fuck yeah. Little pyro. She was just like, my fire. Get me a matchbox on the way home. And the game that we saw, Ash, there were a few injuries. Do you recall? There were a few injuries. And I kind of forget that my kids have never really watched a game on TV.

Like a full game? Like they don't really understand. Like the concept of football is completely foreign to them. The competition of it all. Yeah. They just see there's a bunch of guys running around on the field. But also I kind of realized it's quite violent. Oh yeah.

For a kid. And also the people in the crowd are quite drunk. Yes. So when you book your tickets, you can, there's designated zones for like the diehard roosters fans, like the diehard Raiders fans. And I made sure I didn't like sit in the heart of like, you know. Yeah. This is also like alcohol free zones and like where kids and the mascots usually

favor that area. Cause it's the kids love it when like the eagle comes over or the rooster comes over. Love it. We were sitting next to, I thought I booked it quite far away, but we were sitting right on the cusp of the Raiders fans and the diehard Raiders fans, the ones who travel to the game. I don't want to profile people from Canberra or anything, but. Actually they were quite not very, very passionate, very passionate.

Let's go with passionate. Yeah. They're wearing the Viking hats. They have the big Raiders drums. Not a full set of teeth in sight. And it was pretty loud. Yeah. pretty loud. Yeah. Pretty loud.

And Lola was pet like, oh my God. The sympathy. Yeah. Why are they hurting each other? Why are they booing him as well? I was like, oh my God. And they clap when he's coming off. They're like, they clap for his, he's injured.

Dude, they were like, this is awful. It's a mixed emotion. Yeah. Mixed emotions. And then as well, half timeime, Lola was really nervous. And I was like, I was like, what's wrong, but she was like, I don't want to be here. Oh, and I was like, what's wrong?

And she goes, I don't want to play on the field. And I was like, what do you mean play on the field? We're not, no, we're waiting here. She was wearing a rooster's. And she thought she was going to go on and she's like, don't make me go and play daddy. God bless the poor thing. I was like, no, no, no. Like you're not going to play.

We're just sitting here watching. And she was like, I can see the confusion on her face. Like, am I up next? I didn't really manage their expectations. Cause a lot of the time you also do the, oh, we're going to go to the football. Like we're not going to, we're not going to go and watch the football. You know what I mean? You don't, you just go, oh, we're going to go to the football. Like we're not going to, we're not going to go and watch the football. You know what I mean? You don't, you just go, yeah, we're going to go to the footy.

Cause you just think it's just normal for you. But I can see the confusion that kids take things so literally. Oh yeah. It's like, just because there's that, there's that ongoing joke about why men still wear jerseys. It's like, cause we could get called in at any stage. We just don't know. Kids don't know that.

Maybe Ricky Stewart will look up and go, you, you've got a Raiders jersey on. You're on the field. And these kids are probably thinking, daddy's dressed us up to play. We've just watched a dog get mauled wearing this jersey. Three players been stretching off. Three players getting carried off, booed and yelled at. Next minute. Am I next?

And it's like, it's a big break. So it must be like, well, they're done. Yeah. We need to fill the field again. Poor little Lola. I feel sorry for them. Also, good for them to experience some real colorful language. Luckily, they spend a lot of time with you, Ash.

They do get used to a lot of swearing. Don't blame me for that. But like every tackle people next to us were like, RIP HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF! Oh yeah, I like that. Like, Daddy, what did he say? I know, it's funny when I take Oscar, he's just so used to it, he just doesn't even pick up. I don't really have a lot of rules in my house about swearing. I'm like... You're very liberal with your swearing. I am. That's why I like you. I am. But also Oscar knows what are the bad ones. And he never like, I never catch him really, rarely catch him like whipping it out at someone. But in that environment.

Every second word is a sweet word. Every second word. And also as the gang goes on, people get more and more rowdy because they're pissed. Yeah. A few more drinks. Yeah. And like, I can imagine Marley and Lola sitting there, whenever I'm at your house, I'm like, that shit, they're like, naughty word! They must have been exhausted. They were like, daddy, why aren't you, why aren't you telling off these men around you? These Vikings. I was like, do you want to get me into a fight?

I saw that you, they had some food. It was a bit of a nightmare after the game. Game started at four. So it finishes at like five, 20. You got like, you know, 20, 30,000 people leaving the stadium. It's pretty, you know, pretty chock. Where was it? Where was it?

That at Allianz stadium. So that's the new stadium, right? It's like underground. And then it's very lovely, beautiful, beautiful stadium. I've walked past it. I highly recommend it. But afterwards we thought, you know, it'd be a nice way to top this off. We'll get the bus back to Bondi and then we'll go to the RSL and then we'll get

all the kids fed and then go home. Bus end up taking a bloody long time, bloody long time. And Laura was like, don't worry. I've called the RSL. There's a lot of us here. I booked a table for all of us. So don't worry. We had to get from the bus stop.

We all walked to the RSL. At Icebergs. There's two RSLs in Bondi. There's North Bondi RSL. Oh no. There's Icebergs RSL. So we walked to Icebergs RSL. Door shut.

We're like, Oh, fuck. What? We're there like trying to call the RSL being like, maybe the door's broken. All the kids at this point it's now seven o'clock. Kids are hungry. Kids are... Nana's going off. Nana, we lost Nana.

She's still on the bus somewhere. I just need to unwind. She's on the 333. Who knows where that is now. And Laura's booked the wrong RSL. Classic mix up. And so then at this point, the kids turn. So it was a shame to end on a sour note because then we can't get an Uber because

the kids are too small. Have to call a taxi. Can't get a taxi. Takes bloody ages, Ash. So we learned some valuable lessons along the way. Don't try and do dinner after the game. Absolutely not. Just get them home. Yeah. Get them home. Like I've only ever taken just Oscar and I, so it's like, it's just real easy. It's me and him. And he's quite like, he'll just go along with whatever. As long as he's got some snacks, has some chippies, he can fall asleep wherever. I don't really care. Like a lot of times like I'll go with a mate and it'll be me. It'll be two parents and Oscar usually, but he's like just with the boys.

We'll go to the pub beforehand. We'll just come home, get some backers on the way home. Like, you know, he's had a great day. He's easy. Don't try and pick one activity. Don't try and double up. I never double up on an activity. I did.

I learned that lesson. Yeah. It's like on the way home, we should stop. Nope. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, says, she, I don't know, don't want to misgender her. They, them, she, her, him, it, his, at, cause. Okay. Ensure your kids won't bother you by telling them to wake you up at an hour so we can start

cleaning the house. They'll do anything to avoid waking you up. You could tell your kids will move house again. We could threaten them with chores. Guys, just wake me up. That's a good one in the morning, I reckon. Like I was saying, Macy's been sick. So she got up last night and she was like, come to get up.

I'm like, it's dark. It's midnight. I should have been like, okay, I'll tell you what. If I get up, we're going to clean the whole house. That's what we're going to do. And Oscar hates doing anything. He'd be like, my legs hurt. I'm going to start doing that in the mornings. So that's clever stuff.

Thank you. Thank you. This one is from Gian. Gian? Oh, shit. Gene. Gene. Gene.

Gian? I'm going with Gian. Not many Gians. I like it. Gian. My many Gians. Gian. Uh, my nephew refused to vacuum. So I told him the thing about the vacuum sucking- hang on a second. I told him the thing about the vacuum.

Just shut the door. Here's a box of tissue. No, the vacuum sucking up ghosts. I said that vacuuming kept houses from getting haunted. That's why haunted houses are so dusty. Oh, 10 years later, he is still a neat freak and I feel partly responsible. I bet you that's not the only thing he's doing with the vacuum. Ash.

Sucks up ghosts though, right? Yuck. That's disgusting. Get your mind out of the gutter. It also sucks up semen for any of those who didn't understand the joke. There he is. Has anyone actually used a vacuum to give themselves like a mock blowjob? Yeah, there is. I mean, I don't know. Have you? No, no. Surely. No, that's not going to feel nice. Stop winking at me. No. A vacuum?

No, I think it's just like a joke, isn't it? You tell me, bro. Mine's too thick. Oh, god. If you're out there, if you're a dad or non-dad and you've used a vacuum to get off, to ejaculate in whilst the vacuum's been on, please, Cause also you're going to ruin the vacuum cleaner. Yeah. Please send a message to Attention Jess. Cause she's average.

She's going to love that. She's going to love that. Questions. Questions. Questions. Now I have a, well, usually this is for listener questions. You don't mind if I go first? Mine could be, mine's from me.

It's personal. It's a personalized question from me. I love that. I love that. And I would be honored if you went first Ash. So where this question came from, came from, uh, Oscar's developed a fear. Oh God, what is it now? He fears that if he's left alone in any circumstance that he's going to get taken.

I didn't mean to attack your child like that. This is the problem. I think he thinks he's going to get taken. I didn't mean to attack your child like that. This is the problem. I think he thinks he's going to get taken. So I can't, for example, I can't leave him in any situation whatsoever for a second without him. So what happened was I went to the drive-through bottle shop really quickly on the way home. He's in the back.

I pulled right up. He's windows down. The doors are right there. So it's like the car's still on the right, his music plan or whatever. I walk in to get a six pack of Stonewoods. Cheeky cheeky bloke and beautiful drink by the way. And I hear this, and I was like, what? And he's unbuckled himself.

He's in the wind at the window. Holy shit. What the fuck are you doing? And I was like, what? And he's unbuckled himself. He's in the wind, out the window. Holy shit. What the fuck are you doing? And he was like, I was worried I was gonna get taken. So he's developed this fear. Where's that come from? That he thinks that a stranger's gonna take him immediately.

I don't know where it's come from, but I was like, I must've just been in this situation. Maybe there was some people, maybe he saw a group of people. Sometimes at daycare, they do talk about like stranger danger. Like they do introduce those topics. Yeah, but it's meant to be, it's different now. It's meant to be tricky people.

That's right. Tricky people. Shout out to the... Tricky people out there. Shout out to those tricky people. But I was like, what the fuck? Like now I cannot leave him anywhere. So what's your plan of attack?

How are you going to do this? I've got to get him out of the car. So for example, and then I saw, I saw on social media that someone was getting shamed for leaving their kid in the car while they went to pay for petrol. Okay. So, and I tried to pay for petrol, but I had to take Oscar with me because he's freaked out. And I tried to pay for petrol, but I had to take Oscar with me because he freaked out. So leads me to believe where my question is.

Is it okay to leave your kid in the car when you go to pay for petrol? It's very quick. It's all fully glass. And I think the petrol station is fully glass for this particular reason. So you can look out at the car. You think they've designed petrol stations purely? On abductions. I mean, I'm no architect, but that makes a lot of sense.

I actually, it's a good question. Great question. I'm glad you asked it Ash, because it's one that has troubled me. Has it? Yeah. I've come to the right place. There's a certain age when the kids were quite young, where I remember going to the petrol station and then, you know, running in, running out.

Obviously you should never leave your kids in the car. But if you're literally going to be in and out of the shop, if you're going to go in there and do some shopping, yeah, probably a little sweet treat. You should take the kids with you. You're going to go in there and do a grocery shop. What sort of psychopath is doing a grocery shop at a petrol station? That's a question for another time. But I think if you're nipping in and out, I think it's absolutely fine. I will say any other circumstance, going to the pub, leaving your kids in the car,

goes without saying that's a terrible thing to do and should never happen. No, it shouldn't. No, that's bad. But I think it's fine. It does. It's one of those things that I think is allowed, but it feels naughty. It feels... Yeah. No. But I think it's fine. It does. It's one of those things that I think is allowed, but it feels naughty. It feels... Yeah. I don't know if it's allowed. That's what I mean. I'm... Okay. The question itself, you think it's harmless because of the situation that the... Like I said, you are looking at the car. What do you do? Do you lock it? Do you turn it off? Do you leave it on? Do you put the window down and there's petrol fumes? There's all these different

variances. I think, I think petrol fumes, come on bro. Come on, get real. Can't be good for your brain cells. It's not great, but it's not as if you're like holding your... People sniff petrol bro. I know, but you're not filling up the car with your child's face next to the hose of the petrol being like, you like that? You like that? Are you?

Is that how you know? You know. I think the only environment, the only situation where it's OK to momentarily leave your child in the car is when you go and pay for petrol. That's it. The only moment. I think if you want to go get a coffee. Yeah. You know, you can't you cannot duck into a cafe and leave your child in the car.

What about, okay, I picked up a takeaway pizza that I knew was ready. And I pulled up to the pizza shop. It's right there. I lit, I said to Oscar, count to 10. And I was back by the time he counted to 10. That's allowed. And he was also bawling his eyes out. Because I can't, I can't leave him in the car anymore. I think it's fine. But also like, I, yeah, I, before I thought of the question, I thought it was fine, but. Can I ask? Yeah. The real parent in this relationship. Yeah. April. April. Can you come here for a second? Matthew needs you. They're not words I thought I would ever utter. Strut down those stairs there darling. April, will you come here for just a second?

Sit next to Ash. Sit on Matt's lap. Have a seat. There we go. That's beautiful. This is great. Now kiss. Now take your pants off.

The question is, is it okay to leave your child in the car if you're just, you filled up the car with petrol, you're ducking into pay. Is it okay? I said it's fine. It's the only situation where you can leave a child in the car because it's like, it's less than a minute, right? Yes. No, I definitely would do that.

Yeah. I think it's fine. What would you say? I thought it was fine. And now I'm thinking about it. I don't think it's okay. But for what reason? I'm worried that someone's gonna take them and if I lock it then they might boil. Leave a little bit of air. Like a dog. Okay, well you'd be very helpful. So thank you. Do you want a sign off? What's your catchphrase?

Don't put her on the spot like that. All right now dance. Dance for us. Shake it. I think it's fine. And I think the fact that you're nervous about it is a good thing. It shows that you do care for your kids. So I couldn't hear you. Yeah.

And obviously I think it must be difficult for you being in a situation where you know that you're causing a lot of distress to your child. Thank you. Am I growing? You are. Am I maturing? I don't know what is happening here. I'm like, shut up. If someone takes you, keep, be quiet about it. No, don't. He has to say that because he knows that he's just shown a little bit of vulnerability, which is fine. I need to hide that by pretending like he doesn't care for his children, which we all know is not true. Yeah, dude. You don't like doing it because you care for Oscar and his well-being.

You don't, you don't want him to be in a situation where he's unhappy. Wow. The repressions you've been going to are working. I actually missed the last one. This one has come through. It's from Sarah who wants to know if I've had any arguments with my mom now that she lives with us. Oh, actually I wanted to ask you this too, because I've been, I've stayed at your house

a couple of times while your mom's lived there and you cut tension in the air sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. That would be the same. It's not just you two. It would be, that would be the same. It's not just you two. Would be the same with every mother son. It's stressful times right now. I've had to, you know, I'm dealing with you talking about moving house every time we speak, which, you know, it's not been easy for me to be on the

back end of that conversation every single day. Cool. Appreciate that. When you call me, I'm like, oh God, what is it now? And you're like, the dust, man. I've got hay fever again. I'm just not going to call you again. If I don't call you, no one will.

That's not true. So there are moments, Ash, where there's a lot going on and my mom does certain things that irritate me. This is one thing that she's done recently, which to me doesn't make any sense. And I'm trying to explain to my mom, the way that you're doing this task is not an efficient way of working. That's fair. Right.

We're not living in the dark ages. There's modern technology. She's old. So when we run the bath, sometimes we'll try and time it where the kids are half finished their dinner. We then go turn the bath on, right? Takes a little while. It takes five, 10 minutes to fill the bath up. So we time it so the kids are finished. Got to keep the momentum going. Get the kids out of the bath. So get the kids from dinner into the bath, keep them moving. We're going to slipstream it to them getting into bed as quickly as possible.

Food, bath, brush your teeth while they're finishing the bath, towel, dress, bed, all in one. Smooth, smooth transitions. Right. Sometimes Ash, sometimes you run the bath too early. The kids take a little longer to eat. So the bath is a bit cold. That's okay.

Modern technology, turn the hot water on. I don't think hot water is modern technology. Well, okay. What my mom does, she boils the kettle. Oh, Ellie, you idiot. She boils the kettle and I'm like, what are you doing? Maybe just light this candle so we can see. I'm like, what are you doing? And she's like, let me just light this candle so we can see. She's putting a note in a pigeon being like, one second, I'm just sending a quick message. I'm just tying it to the pigeon.

You don't need to work like that. You can just, there is a tap there. That has a H on it. You turn that on. It'll take a second or two to warm up, but hot water will come out. It'll warm the bath up. And if you really want to get tricky and you don't want the bath level to get any higher, you can also empty a little bit.

She drinks the bath. She's like, let me siphon it out like an old fish tank. Don't worry. I've got it. It's down the drain. Let's get my siphoning hose out of her bottom drawer in a bedside table. And I'm like, what are you doing? Why are you doing that?

And I'm trying to explain to her and she's like, uh-uh, this is how I do things. Just let me live my life. I'm not hurting anyone. No, don't let her live her life like that. That's unacceptable. Yeah. And so we had an argument because she was trying to warm the bath up with a kettle. You go out the front, she's trying to wind the car up a start.

Yeah. Hello kids, get in! So anyway, that's one of the- So that was the argument. That was the recent argument that we had. And that's fair. That is unacceptable. Look, I know that if she wants to boil a kettle and fill that up, and fill the bath up with

that kind of water. It's like it's more sterile this stuff. Not the worst thing to happen, but I just. It's a waste of time. It's a waste of time. It's such a waste of time when the hot water is hot enough to reheat the bath at to an adequate temperature. So look, there's a few things, a few issues in the way that she operates that I'm trying to,

I'm trying to iron them out of her, but she's putting up a lot of fight, a lot of resistance. We'll get there. We'll get there. A few hiccups. And just reflecting on her softening water out of the bath. With an old hose. She's a unique operator. Anyway, Ash. Oh, that's all you have any questions, any lies, any parenting hacks or fuck that's that you want us to try and diagnose.

We didn't do one today. We'll do it next week. Send it through either at hello at twodotingdads.com or Instagram, twodoting dads. Or on the Facebook group. The Facey Bee. Yeah. Popping off. Donna's always there.

Donna will be there. The one thing I's always there. Donna will be there. One thing I know and that's Donna will be there. Just search Two Doting Dads on Facebook. Join the group. We'll humbly accept. You can also give us a review. Subscribe. Leave a comment. Number of stars. Hopefully five. Yeah. And until then. Or tell us the annoying thing that your mum or mother-in-law does. Please. Please. And we'll see you guys next episode. See ya.

Bye. Goodbye. Wow. Sorry, that just came on me really quick. Not me. The sneeze. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia

and their connections to land, sea, and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.