Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #93 Do Dads Ever Feel "Dad Guilt"?

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Ash is holding down the Wicks household, and everyone is as sick as a dog, so Dad is getting little sleep.  But if Manly invites you to their awards night, you must go! Matty J and Ash were lucky to attend the Sea Eagles' honorary event, but they couldn't believe who they sat next to. Meanwhile, Matt is pulling his hair out from the chaos that comes with house renovations. He can't tell the difference between a White Wave and a French Cream either!  To top it all off, Ash is flabbergasted to hear his friend's 3-year-old has been kicked out of dance class.  We've introduced a new segment called – Parenting Hack Or F*ck That Plus, we tackle your questions! We know mum guilt is a thing, but what about dad guilt? When do you feel it most? Make sure you share your best Parenting Lies with us 👇 Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.  Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Big breath. Thank you. Also, I do want to say thank you for taking a video in my vulnerable state. Can't tell if you're annoyed by that. I had my hand down my pants and I was snoring on your couch. So, will you tell me? I thought it was a very cute little video.

Yes, you were snoring. Your hand wasn't in the front of your pants. It was down the side. It was very endearing. People loved it. That's because my cock's on my hip. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I am Matty J. And I'm Ash.

And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. So that Matty J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. So that's my line. And the relatable. Yes. That's my line. And if you've come for advice, not from us. Sorry to tell you.

Not today. But if you've come to listen to two idiots. Well. Welcome. Welcome aboard. Ash, before we get into this fantastic episode. It's going to be a fan. I can feel it. We're due for a good one.

I'm tired. We're both. Well, I am very tired all the time. So I feel like it's going to be good. How many hours did you get last night? Last night was good. How many? The five hours. Nine?

Yeah, nine. That's too much. You know, I needed it from the previous night, which we will talk about. We'll get into that very shortly. Yeah. You know, I needed it, but previous night, which we will talk about. We'll get into that very shortly. Yeah. You know, you know, I needed it, but I'm still tired. Ash. Yes. I have something very special for you.

A gift, if you will. Matthew, you are the only gift I need. That's very sweet. Thank you. Do you remember we had a segment a few weeks ago. It was a parenting hack or fuck that. Oh, what is it? Tron.

I don't know why it says Tron. This is the disposable potty. The magic hat. Am I going to poop? Yes. On this podcast. Absolutely. Give us a, give me a look.

Don't, don't withhold it from me. That's so many years in there. Yeah. All the way. Is that a three pack Don't, don't withhold it from me. That's a, that's how many is in that? Yeah. All the way? Is that a three pack? Yeah, it is. Tron. No, it's more than that.

It's a three pack. It's a, but are they reusable? No need to yell. Can I open it? I thought you'd never ask. Oh, where's this from? Just one for me, I think. This is all the way from the UK. Okay.

So we're just currently unwrapping. So this is for those of you wondering, we, I found this online as on social media. It was a portable potty. Imagine a cardboard magician's hat that you would bring with you, have it stored in the car. And if your child needs to do a number two and you're in the car, you can then pop this like the floor of the back of the car. Did you say hat?

They're quite well designed. They are. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait Let me line it up. Oh, fuck. You sat on the end. You didn't sit on a flush. I don't think it's built for adults. I'm still going to go with just do it in the bush. Was it worth spending $40 to get that delivered all the way from- That was $40?

I don't know how much was it, Jess. $80? $80 bucks? $80. That's coming out of your pay. Holy. Yeah. Okay. Just, I thought I'd give it a second chance.

I think, look, for the environment, just do it in a borsh. Yeah. And leave it. I agree. I agree. Okay. Dead and buried. I think of that $72, about 62 of that was for postage to get it

express shipped over here. That's crazy. And it does say one to six year olds. Yeah, we're obviously too heavy. But like, like dig a hole. Dig a hole, please. Who's got time to dig a hole on the side of the road with a toddler? Not me, not any parent.

Just bend them over. Like my mate, Mike, his kid. Shout out to Mike, handsome Mike. That's what I call him, handsome Mike. Hot Chippies. We were at the skate park and there was a kid needs to do a bush poo. Oscar wanted to watch, of course. And concerning.

Made the shot out like a cannon. It made a noise. Like a straight into the bush. Quick wipe. I will get that checked out. Here's the anal PSI on that boy. He is going to give us a prolapse. Yeah, probably.

He's one of those outy assholes. Oh, that's obvious. He's an adult. Goodness. Speaking of outy assholes, how are you? Thank you. I'm good. I'm very good.

No, I'm tired. You're just, mate, like I said, you're holding down the fort. And I just want to say, Ash, I mean this with every fiber in my body. You are doing an amazing job right now. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am battling on. I'm soldiering on. Just for context, my wife is very sick. She's, some would call, bedridden.

And look, she's trying to like get on with it and not act like she's not sick, but like trying to think that she needs to be the hero to keep the house going. Which is true. This family only needs one hero and that hero is Ash Wakes. It's me at the moment. So, uh, she is at home. Hopefully she's not working and hopefully, cause I can't watch

her all the time. I was like to her when I left, just watch her look after her, get some rest. Would you like shut the curtains? I can't watch her. You can't watch her all the time. How do you, how do you look after April? Just watching her in the corner of the room? I just pin her down and say, you rest.

I just, I know that she wouldn't be in bed with the, you know, trying to get some rest. I just, I know that she wouldn't be in bed with the, you know, trying to get some rest. I know she would be sending emails right now. She would be, she'd be, yeah, she'd be sending emails, DMs, she'd be doing washing and she'd be absolutely battling because, you know, women's soldier on us men. No, I'm straight to sleep. Sorry. I'm just a carrier and now I'm carrying it on to you. But yeah, that's very tired. We did have and we were lucky enough the other night to be invited to Manly Seagulls Awards night. Don't know how we got there, but we did. They love you over there. It was very nice. It was a beautiful affair. The food was amazing. And like I said, I never really eat at events. I'm more of a drinker, but I-

You said, and I quote, that's the first function I've ever been to where I've eaten something. For sure. One time I was at a wedding and I ate a whole bowl of potatoes. And that's the only other time. So, yeah, it was a lovely affair.

Lots of really nice people, food, drink. But also I feel like it's the first time you've been invited to something as prestigious as that you do. You, I feel like you would take a bullet for mainly the NRL team for those wondering, and you went to that event and you had a couple of cheeky beers and you were home at a very reasonable hour. Which is unlike you. You were like, it's concerning to you because of how much fuel you probably have left in the tank.

And honestly, I was I was fatigued then. So, like, I was like happy to get home before midnight. I do want to let the listeners know about something in particular that was a standout for me at the event. OK, yeah. There is one manly player who is very well known. He's now retired. One of the most famous manly players, his name is Steve Menzies.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And that one player happens to be the only player that you've had a run in with. Yeah, a while ago, yeah. And you were like, God, I wonder if I'm going to see Steve Menzies. We saw him in the lobby and I was like, let's avoid Steve Menzies. Can you just inform the listeners why you and Steve Menzies may not like each other?

First of all, we said, let's avoid Steve Menzies. Then we got shown to our table and guess who was sitting next to? The one and only. I'm not saying on the same table. And you took a bullet straight up and sat right next to us. I messaged Manly and said, can we request a seat next to us? These two great Manly people together again. So we were sat right next to him and at first we were, it was fine. He's a lovely guy. I just want to just set the tone. He is one of the greatest players to ever be produced.

He is a lovely man. And a beautiful wife as well. And his wife is very lovely. Shout out to Steve. Everyone at the Man of the Organization, if you're listening, you're very lovely. Anyway, I went on to say to Steve, you don't remember me, do you? And it was a few years ago. And you said that, I think, we'd had four awards.

We had the entrees and it was lovely. There was no tension at the table. No. And I thought, hey, maybe, maybe you won't bring it up because there's no need to, because everyone's having a great time. Everyone's being polite. Oh, I'm going to bring it up. And you're like, Steve, do you remember me?

I did leave a part out of the story to him that I recalled that I'll say here. But I did say, Steve, do you remember me? And he was, he was kind of like, and look, I'm older. I have way more tattoos now. Some would say my crow's feet are way more obvious now. I was just a child. You're far more handsome. Far more handsome. And Steve would also meet a lot of people. Everywhere he goes, people would ask him for a photo. We won this competition through a friend of mine. it was four of us, who would get to be, go and watch a Sunday afternoon game down at Brook Valley, the fortress as we call it,

and to sit in the back of a ute and watch the game. So we were a bit higher on the hill, free beers, free food, the whole bit. But also Steve Menzies picks you up to take you there personally, which is a lovely touch. Lovely gesture. He's picked us up. I was already pissed when he picked me up.

And he picked me up and he had his kids in the car. And you know what I'm like around kids. I don't hold my tongue whatsoever. So I'm like fucking tongue lashing around the place. Also can I just say that's on Steve. Yeah, that's his fault. For bringing the kids. He obviously forgot that he had the kids that afternoon.

And then his wife's like, well, I'm off to see the girls. And he's like, but I'm picking up these boys. And she's like, well, bring the kids. And he's like, what's the worst that could happen? Yeah. Ash is the worst that could happen. Exactly right. And it was a 40 degree day and we flogged Para. And he was like, I do remember the game.

I remember the game. And we had photos and stuff, which were nice photos. He was like, fuck, I really want to find the photo. But the thing that, that at the time, which really annoyed Steve was, and look, he gets pulled left, right and center when he goes to everyone wants a photo with Steve Menzies, cause he's a cult hero. But I wanted it to be the point of difference. So I actually, and I didn't tell you this through the whole day, called him

my close and personal friend, Steve Menzies. That's how I referred to him the whole day called him my close and personal friend Steve Menzel. That's how I referred to him the whole day. So he had that. I spewed up a couple of times during the day because it was very hot. Can I ask, you mentioned free food. Did you have any food? No. And I did take it for myself to just be up in the bathroom, just so everybody knows.

And one time in Steve's car. But what really happened was where I said to him, we had, do you remember we had a stoush? Because this is how, it wasn't how the afternoon ended, but we had a stoush of sorts. And we went to the leagues club afterwards, all of us, because it was to finish the day, you go to this function, which I didn't get into the function because of this situation.

I ever run that day who stopped Steve, he was giving autographs out. He's a lovely guy, like I said. He was just, had enough of me. And then the sign in at this leagues club, you got to sign in. He signed me in with SM only. And I was like, oh, you've got to sign in. He signed me in with SM only.

And I was like, oh, so everyone else gets a signature. And I just get the initials. And we had a bit of a stoush in that moment. And then I'd probably stumbled out and gone home because I was just caught. Covered in vomit. Covered in vomit and caught. And then a little while later, he actually,

cause he works at 9to5 now, he's a mortgage broker. He's a mortgage broker. And he actually, cause he works at 9to5 now he's a mortgage broker. And he actually used to get on, sometimes we get on the bus that I was on in the morning. And I remember one time it was a big bendy bus and I was at the front, there was no other seats. He walked on and this was close to the time this all happened, not long after. And he got on the bus and I was my seat and no one next to me only the bus was full he took one look at it and got off the bus no joke and what I'm talking about this might be ten years ago now

maybe he just realized if you got his wallet it doesn't end there my friends okay I used to go to the Leagues Club gym and I remember there was the, what do they call this press machine? Chest press? Chest press. Just say chest press machine that faced the door. So when you're walking in you just lock eyes with that person. I was on that machine. Steve walks into the Leagues Club gym, sees me, we lock eyes, he turns around and he walked out. That's twice. That was 10 years ago. Again, could have forgotten his wallet.

Could have, could have been. And he's gone, oh shit, maybe. I don't know. But I mean, who could stay angry at that face? No one. No one can. Not even Steve Menzies. Not even Steve Menzies.

Well, he's forgotten about it, obviously. And then he knew, I reckon he knew. You're like, Steve, do you remember this face? And he was like, Ooh. And then his wife was like, that's that guy who you always said you fucking want to avoid. And he's sitting next to you at the Manly Awards. But thankfully, look, water over the bridge.

We had a lot of fun with Steve. So thank you, Steve, Manzies. And you are forgiven. One of the biggest rivalries in Manly has now been resolved. People can sleep at night knowing that Ashwicks no longer has any enemies where he's born. He was my only enemy, I think. I don't know. There could be more. Should we find out?

If you are an enemy of Ashwick, please write in and tell us what happened. Actually, there is an enemy with someone. I had a stash of someone on a golf course anyway. But it was a good night and you went home at a very reasonable hour with steak in your belly. Yeah, that was nice. As well as a few beers, only a few. Only a few. I was very well behaved. I could have easily. I could have easily, but look, I didn't. I went home. I was playing the role of April where you were like, one more drink. And I was like, do you think that's a wise idea? Shut up, April.

I did go home, April. I did have a set of keys. So get home, new house, still working out the kinks. Must be nice. It's a rental, so just relax, bro. A bit rich. And I get home and the screen door is locked and I don't have a key for the screen door. Great.

I don't want to wake everyone up. How'd you go getting down that driveway after a few beers? I slid a few times. And then I thought, oh fuck, am I going to get in the house? And the back door doesn't lock, but it's up on like a two-story balcony. So there's me, 11.30 at night, scowling the side of the building. In a brand new suit. Brand new MJ Bale suit. Anyway, I sneak in, I go have a shower, come out of the shower and Macy's crying. I'm like, here we go. It's midnight at this point. And I'm like,

got her back to sleep. Okay. I go off to bed. And then of course she starts to cough. I go off to bed and then of course she starts to cough and she coughed for two hours before she went back to sleep. And then, yeah. How do you get her back to sleep? Just lay with her? I just had to lay with her and let her cough into my mouth. Nice. Pretty much. Because she doesn't understand. She's like, I don't know.

And I could just feel the breath on my face every time for two hours. And then, yeah, got three hours sleep and came here yesterday and fell asleep on your couch. And here we are. And here we are. And I'm tired. So yeah. How are you?

Oh, how was the weekend actually? I'm not going to let that one slide. Weekend was good. Thanks mate. Weekend was good. Was down in Aladala. Because we have, we have purchased a house down in- Go on, go on.

Mm, must be nice. We are currently two months into a Renault. That is just getting bigger and more complicated. How'd the termite situation go? What's the deal with that? Look, it's actually, it's all right. Termites have resolved themselves while they've been killed. They're like, they've found us boys, let's get out of here. We love the South Coast, I will just say. Got married down there. And we go down there for like, if we go away somewhere, no

disrespect to up north, northern beaches, central coast, lovely place up there. We normally go down south. We look south. You're on south side of Sydney pretty well. It makes more sense. Like why would you go, like we would go north. The problem is just going north when you already live north. If you want to go further north, you've got to go south to go north in Sydney.

Yeah, it's weird. It's a fucking nightmare. But we had a little sniff. As you do sometimes, you know, you just like go to realestate.com, put in a different suburb and you're like, see what's around. We saw this place, like, fuck, that is epic. And we were going down anyway. So we thought, we'll just go to the open house because it just so happens that the open home

was the same time as we were down there. This is months ago. And Laura was like, this place is fucking magic. Imagine like eventually we get to move down here to the coast with the kids. Won't that be amazing? And I was like, eh, the place had been there for three years. Homeowner, lovely veil. She's passed away.

So the house was just like, she wasn't in the house too, was she? No, I was, I was going to say like, when are we going to try and guess where she died, she passed away in the nursing home. Rest in peace. But the house is everything we peel back is there's just more and more damage. Like everything that we're hoping to save. Like a poorly washed foreskin. Oh my God. Everything we peel back. Hash! Sorry. But yeah. And then that includes, you know, as well, we pulled us from Jip Rock and then they're all fucking termites.

Scram boys. Like, oh my God. So it's, it's, it's been a lot bigger than we anticipated. And also a couple of arguments here and there actually. I can imagine. We, the biggest argument we've had so far was over a French cream white, which is an off-white for those wondering, versus a white wool white. You've worked Ash in in construction before. I feel like you've got a great eye for detail.

Should I get into character now? Please. Oh I Laura, that was a lovely spot for champagne. Can I please see the colors that you wish for me to have an opinion on? Okay. This is, this is a white wave. White wave. Yep. This is tormenta. Oh, there's a huge difference. There's a massive difference. And those two. Yeah. Are you fucking high?

No. I wish. You got anything? That's very bright white. That's a dull white. It's a bit more of a tan white. Wow. Got any others? You want to run by me? Give me, give me, give me. You and Laura should be renovating this house.

Well, I sat down with her and went through the tile stuff. Did you really? Yeah. So floating with my wife. You weren't home. Well, we both were wearing clothes, so it's all good. Thank you. Thank heavens. So yeah, currently kind of discussing all the details of a

Renault, including the paint colors, which Ash, on top of everything else, when it's 10 o'clock at night and you want to go to bed and you got to go through and you got to pick out colors of things. I don't, I don't care. No. My words were, my words were, I don't care enough about these colors to have an argument with you. And then that was responded with,

so you don't care about this house. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's one extreme to the other. And I was like, yeah, but anything I pick, you're not going to like. So let's just go with what you like. And then that's how the argument unfolded. And it's like, if you're not interested in something that they might be slightly interested in, you've insulted them and everything about it. So like, for example, if April's like watching a TV show, I'm like, this TV show is garbage. And it's literal garbage. She'd be like, oh, what did you just hate me, dude? You didn't make the TV show. I know, I know. She takes it as like she's the producing director or something.

But Laura said, look, there's one little part of the house that you can have whatever you want. I don't care. Like whatever you want to have in there. It's called the basement. It was a little bathroom, the ensuite. She's like, whatever tiles you want, go nuts. And I was like, I was like, cool.

I want like stripes. I want green and white stripes. I'm just thinking that once it's all done, she goes in there and it's a cinema room. Just a toilet and a big screen. Like perfect. And so Laura's got great eye for design. You have to say that though. Yeah. She's very, very talented and beautiful and funny. Wink. And she was like, whatever you want, babe.

You can eat that bathroom. It's your project. It's yours. It's a trap, bro. Okay. And so then I was like, great, lock it in. Green and white stripe. Let's go.

Oh, that green and white stripe. That's lovely. Thank you. Thank you. Anyway, so I'm about to place the order and Laura's like, are you sure? You definitely want the green and white stripe. And I was like, yeah, what's not to love? It's great. It's punchy. It's fun. Green and white stripe. What's wrong? Yeah, it's white. It's crisp, beachy. And she was like, okay. But also this wouldn't have been the first time that she's

heard about this idea. No, no, no. She's had it. Exactly. It was like one of the first things I locked in. Don't stop me when I'm about to lock it in. Stop me when I suggest it. And so then Laura's like, okay, look, if you're happy with it, we'll lock it in. I was like, great. And then she went to work this morning.

She called me and I'm like, hey, where are you? And she goes, well, I'm just, I'm just at the tile shop. Oh God. And I was like, okay. And she's like, I, where are you? And she goes, well, I'm just, I'm just at the tile shop. Oh God. And I was like, okay. And she said, I just want to send you something. A green stripe and no longer happening. Ash. Blue my stripe.

She was like, can I just send you something and tell me if you like it. Oh, and it does look better. It does look much better. Don't. I have to say that. Don't. It looks a lot better. He's like, it looks a lot better.

Yeah. That's what, that's what you told me to say. I just want to say that Laura's decision making has been second to none. And I can't wait to see the finished product. She's just behind you. I love you, Laura. Blink twice, Matt. Blink twice. So yeah. So we're getting there, mate. We're getting there. Actually, I need your help. I do need your help with something. Okay. Right now? No, no, no, Matt. Blink twice. So yeah. So we're getting there, mate. We're getting there. Actually, I need your help.

I do need your help with something. Okay. Right now? No, no, no, no. Not right now. Not this second, because I know you have to go back to your sick family. I do. And not to big ass, because I didn't help you move your house. Oh, no, absolutely not. No, absolutely not.

I just need help with some of the gardening. Down there? Yeah. So are you offering me a weekend away though? Like you, me, weekend. Yeah, if you want. Yeah, no kids. Hard labor.

Hard labor. All we need to do is just rip out a heap of plants. It'll be fun. Just an idea. I know it's a long way to drive and I know that April- Where will we say? Well, book somewhere nice. Would you say it would be romantic?

Absolutely. I mean, I mean, you had me at a hard labor. In a few weeks time, I just need to come down because, you know, I'm not that manly Ash. You, however, you're so masculine, so strong and you know, you know, you're way around a set of tools. Thanks God. So that's, that's why I need you there. Okay. All right. All right. I'll do it. Cause if I don't do it, you'll end up with Falcon.

For those of you who don't know, my good friend Falcon is a lovely young man. He would take a bullet for you. He would take a bullet for me. Not the best in the garden, not the most hands on. No, he's more like throw your party sort of guy. Yeah. OK, well, let's do that. Let's do that. Ash, I know it's almost lunchtime, so I don't want to make you even hungrier than what you are right now.

But you know, when you're near a subway and your nose is just a little bit tickled by the smell of warm bread. I'm like a dog. I can sniff my way to a store. I could actually go for a subway now. I bet you could. Big guy, you know who gets to take full advantage of the subway treatment? Ash, you know who?

Have a guess. Tradies? Us tradies. Must be nice. Ash is someone who's just entered the tradie world for the first time. Recently with the Renaults down south, there's an important date coming up that only us tradies would know about. Matthew, that is National Tradies Day this Friday, the 20th September.

However, sir, I do not believe you are a tradie. No, it's marked in the calendar as my second favourite day, only second to Christmas. And Subway is very special. They are celebrating us tradies by offering free delivery with Subway Delivers on the Subway app from Friday September 20 until September 26th. Jams and conditions apply. You keep referencing us tradies, Matthew. Yes, us tradies, Ash. We need to stick together. Anyway, Subway's got this limited edition menu item, the SubDog. Perfect for tradies day lunch. I always get the SubDog, Ash, as a tradie myself. That's what I enjoy most eating with my tradie friends.

It's like a sub and a hot dog had a baby. You get it? I get it. I mean there's no better way to show some love to your favorite tradie. Just swap out the toolbox for a sub dog or your favorite sub. Make sure you check out the Subway app to get that free delivery. So hit up the app, grab yourself a sub dog, maybe even a cheeky cookie and celebrate tradies Day with Subway.

I want to just quickly talk about something very quickly, which has come across my desk that I cannot go on without just asking you what your thoughts are on this. Please. So friends of mine have a three year old daughter and you've got daughters. I've got a daughter and around that age. And my daughters are also three. One of them is. One of them is yes. And you know, you do gymnastics, you do swimming, you can get your kids like Oscar,

you did rugby and so their daughter took up dancing. I love that. I've thought about getting Marlene to dance. And you know, and she's three. Let's keep that in mind. She's just three. Three years old. Innocent. My friends of this child have received an email from the dance school about this particular

child. I just want to know what your thoughts are on the email. I'll read it out to you. Offering her a scholarship. So to whom it may concern, which is the parents, of course. I hope this- Hang on a second. Sorry, just before you continue. To whom it may concern?

No, that was just me saying that. Oh, sorry. Sorry. It's only directed to the parents. Very informal. Yeah. I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to reach out to discuss

Ziggy's behavior in our Tiny Tots class. Tiny Tots. Come on now. We value the presence in our program and are committed to ensuring that every child has a positive and productive learning environment. However, we've noticed that she has been struggling to stay engaged during lessons, which has led to some disruptions in class. While we understand that this age group can be challenging. It's important for the benefit of all students that everyone is able to follow instructions and participate appropriately. She's fucking three, bro.

Yes, we continue. Let's go on. Sorry. But I'm with you. Next paragraph. Unfortunately, the current situation is affecting the overall learning environment, not only for the other students in the class. We feel that she may not be fully benefiting

from the lessons at this time. It might be helpful to consider taking a short break We feel that she may not be fully benefiting from the lessons at this time. It might be helpful to consider taking a short break from the classes until she is more comfortable following the instructor of the lessons. Let me know what you think. I can credit your account so that there is no for when she is to return. Please feel free to reach out if you'd like to discuss any further where anything we can help to support.

We're here to help and want to ensure the best outcome for everyone involved. So. That's like been written by a lawyer. Bro. Also nice touch. Hope the email finds you well. To whom it makes sense. It's a three year old getting booted out of a dance class.

Yeah. They're not learning like backflips and pirouettes. Like they're probably just there going, like that's what level of dance are they learning? What is this Dallas Cow? Dallas cheerleaders or whatever it is. It's like, you just didn't make the cut sweetheart. Get out. Get out. She's three. What do they do? Twirl? That is...

Look, she's not twirling fast enough. She's losing engagement. That's absurd. It's absurd. And like what three-year-old has an attention span that's like longer than 30 seconds? Like they're kids, dude. The kids just put the music on and let them run around and have fun. Yeah. So essentially they're not welcome back.

Wow. Can I ask? I do have to ask. Cause you know, there's some kids can be very naughty. Like, you know, is she, is she in there like wielding a crowbar? Oh, she's a nightmare. No, no, she is such a sweet little girl. She's the sort of little girl who will come up to me and go, Oh, cuddle.

Just give me a cuddle straight up. Maybe I'm in sort of some sort of emotional turmoil. I don't know, but she'll still come up and say, you know, she's a sweet little girl. You're quite the tormentor. So maybe she, she like knows her own kind. She's like, what are those? She, so. So what did they say back?

Well, it's still pending. But obviously you just. They're actually, and this is the sad part about it, they're too embarrassed to go back. Oh yeah, you wouldn't go back. You couldn't. And that's fucked. That's no good. I know like we get, as parents of young kids, our kids aren't gonna be behaved all the time. They're gonna be doing silly, and it's hard enough to even say to another parent that your kids accidentally hurt them. Look, I'm so sorry. Like, or like...

Is she on a scholarship? Can we just... No. So she... No, no, no, no. So they're paying. They're paying, right? They're paying. Dude, there have been so many times, like every second swimming lesson, my kid is like screaming bloody murder because she doesn't want to get in the water with a teacher. I'm paying, dude.

Yeah. My response to that would be suck it up and do your job better. How about that? Yeah. How about you keep them engaged? How about that one? Or maybe hire someone that can. Or maybe I'll move into a dance school that know what they're doing. I think that's very ridiculous.

And I'm sorry to the parents out there that are currently dealing with this situation. Or if you are dealing with a similar situation. Is this, I don't know, look, this is the first time I've encountered this. I'm still pretty new as a parent. If anyone was to get kicked out of a lesson, I feel like it might be yourself, Ash. No. Did you ever get removed from classes? Oh, removed from classes on a daily basis.

From what age? Since the dawn of time. Since the dawn of time. Since the dawn of time. Oh, very early on. When your, when mum is like, your teacher said that you're just... Oh, very early on. It was very early on. I was very disruptive in class, but...

From what age? But I think like, I think, look, this is where I'm going to throw an opinion on what this class should have done. Go on. They should have said, Hey, there's some problems. She's disruptive or like she's not engaged. Instead of going, we feel you should take a break. They're like, Hey, is there anything that like we can help?

Or is maybe you should come sit in in in the classes a little bit more offer something. Don't just be like you're fucking out. Three year old, get the fuck out of here. Like literally that's what's happened. Although we shouldn't pass judgment without having to sit through a whole lesson with a said child. Very true. But three year old. I think in general three year old don't think that's fair.

I love how passionate you are about this. I will get an update on the situation. Please, please. I actually, hang on, I had to babysit this child. No need to yell. Two days ago. I'm right here. You're raising your voice and it's not needed.

Two days ago, I had to help them out and babysit this child for a little while in between one finishing work and the other starting work. This guy, Mother Teresa over here. Ladies and gentlemen, Ash Quins. Insert halo. Looking after his sick family. Not only his kids, but the kids. I left my sick family to go help them.

That's literally what I did. April was like, Ash, where's that, where's that Neurofen in that bottle of water? And he's like, gotta go. Yeah. And absolute delight with me. Both kids were. So I don't see, I don't buy it. Was this whole story just an opportunity for you to talk about the fact that you're babysitting? No, I agree with you. I think it's right. I agree with you. Hey Ash, it's time for parenting hack or fuck that.

Oh yes. I think I have a great parenting hack that you will love, that everyone will love. Parents- I'll be the judge of that. All around the world will get on board with this parenting hack. Lay it on me big guy. Does anyone else eat dinner at 4.25pm? Because your kids ask for a snack. And if they had a snack, they wouldn't eat dinner.

So you just serve them dinner. Yes. I do it. But then they don't eat that. And you do the old classic, well you couldn't have been that hungry then. I think great hack. That's bang on.

Thank you. Because also then you can bring the whole night forward and they're in bed by like five, because I don't know the concept of time. I don't know if it's just my kids, but if they look at a rice, then a rice cracker, just look at it, have a slither. Dude, they're not eating anything for two days. I know, I know. Macy hasn't eaten anything in days and I'm over it. Have a slither. Dude, they're not eating anything for two days. I know. I know. Macy hasn't eaten anything in days and I'm over it. And like- But she is happy and healthy.

Yeah. That's just- Yeah. That did sound terrible. Anyway, she's locked in a cage. So it should be fun. I've got one for you. Believe it or not. It's just, look, it's pretty silly this one. I just thought I was very- You silly? Never. No. Never. Okay. So just scroll. He's scrolling. Don't! Don't scroll through my history. What do you think? It's amazing.

That's very good huh? When Oscar was a baby he used to love a butt tap. Like when he was like one, one and a half. When he was like. It's how you see the child. Yeah. Yeah. So to the fact where when we stopped doing it, we were like, no, I'm not sitting in here for 20 minutes, patting your butt.

I'm getting carpal tunnel on my wrist. Can you not? Bro. Just going through Ash's phone. But for those wondering, it's, it's, it's one of those mullet fish, like the robotic mullet fish that like- In between. In- inappropriate content. It's for future ideas.

Someone's roped with rope attached this fish to the child, a newborn child. And it's just like, waka waka waka. Patent it's butt. Very good. Very good. So Oscar, when we started to withhold the butt pack, because my wrist started to hurt a lot, and because of that only,

I used to catch him on the monitor going like this. Patting himself. It's not the same! I know, yeah. He's just like, and then he'd cry himself to sleep. Just give the man what he wants. Is it time for... Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. Tell me, tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies.

Lauren says, this week the power went out at home, which meant the kids couldn't watch TV. Once the power came back on, I told them only normal TV works from now on, and they can only watch ABC Kids, as none of the other streaming services are working anymore. It saved a lot of arguments. Yeah. Okay.

Good. Can I just comment on it quickly? Please. Before you add your bit. Absolutely. I agree. Smart. Because when they have no other options, they'll just suck it up and get on with it. Love that.

Go. Very good. What's yours? But also like how, what? I ripped my pants. Oh no, sorry. I think that was me before. Um.

Give me your pants. Oh no, sorry. I think that was me before. Give me your pants. Isn't it wild though that in this day and age, punishment is just watching ABC Kids? I know. Like that's- Used to be hard labor back in the day. I'm like, get back to sewing. Okay.

What I think Lauren should have done is she should have said, that is Santa Claus turning off the power when you're misbehaving. And he's always watching. So if you don't want to get the TV turned off, behave better and apologize to Santa right now. And I think what you're alluding to Matthew, it is the most wonderful time of the year where you can lie through every one of your teeth to your children about what Santa you don't want any presents in control of. And it's remarkable how many things Santa is in control of.

Parents need to shift right now and start like moving all their lives to be Christmas focused. Act now. Yeah, just a word of warning. Act now and then after Christmas, you can always say, he'll come back. He'll come back for it. You know what? You know what Santa gave you?

He'll come back for it. Christmas is fun on Christmas Day for kids, but we now know as parents that it's really just six months of pure fucking anxiety for kids. Yeah. In the lead up to. And so much fun for us. You want nothing? You want anything for Christmas? You want to be the one kid on Christmas Day who gets nothing? Cause you're pathetic.

You're cool. You're cool, Timmy. But up to me, it's up to Santa Claus. I'm just getting childhood flashbacks. It is great. And it's so fun for us cause honestly, I'll use it. I will use it. I will use it for anything. Questions. Yes. I have a really quick question for you. Please. Very recent, I'm talking this week.

Oscar overnight has become afraid of the family dog and my question is, because you have quite a big dog, it's not a full dog, but it's a big dog. What I mean by full dog is only three legs. So it's only three quarters of a dog. But it's big. Have the girls ever, they ever just got scared? Like he is petrified. Like won't go near the dog. The dog just knows what's up. Confused like, whoop. Did the dog do The dog just knows what's up. It's confused like, Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr watch something showing dogs being violent. Maybe he's witnessed an attack in public. I think he would tell me. Something, have you asked him why he's afraid? Because I mean, yeah, he won't give me an answer.

Because it was after a night that he wasn't at home. He stayed at Poppa's house. Does Poppa have a dog? No. He was saying the only things he could mutter to me about it were it's because she hasn't seen me in a while. And I'm like, what? That's a bit strange.

I'm fucking stumped. The kids sometimes dislike the cat. The cat does this thing where- Who doesn't? Yeah, cats suck. Not Raspberry. Love you. I don't think she can speak English. She will sit on the stools and she crouches below and she swipes. She's a swiper. Oh, I know.

And sometimes the kids, and it's more just them being startled. They're not actually getting like scratched and, you know, not bleeding, but they'll be like, I was attacked by raspberry. And then from that moment on, like for the rest of the night, they don't want anything to do with raspberry. But my sister, okay. My sister. Who also hates raspberry?

Also hates raspberry. She became petrified of dogs. Oh, just like, just as an adult or a child? No, as a child, Ash. She used to love dogs. I wasn't there. This is going back now 30 odd years. You are old.

But apparently when she was a young child, there was a dog, not sure if it was just excited and jumping up to be like, Hey, what's up? But the dog had like broken free from the owner, had run up and had jumped on my sister. Again. Was it a police dog? Cannot be sure if it was like a, and I wouldn't say she didn't like an attack. She wasn't like bitten, but it was, it was a scene. It was a scene. Yeah, yeah, of course. And from that moment on, I remember like walking to school with my sister and if we saw any type of dog,

regardless of the breed, I'm not just talking about like the scary dogs, like a golden retriever, right? Who's scared of a golden retriever? My sister. She would be like, Oh my God. Fear is a strange thing, isn't it? Maybe he was, maybe like he had an interaction with the dog. The dog's tiny. It's like, no, not with that dog. Any other dog. Need to get to the bottom of this. Need to get, but also it's, it's hard to be like, I'm like, bro, this has been your dog your whole life. Yeah. That's why I don't think it was that dog. It was another dog. Just saying. Okay. Not that I'm a detective. If anyone has any suggestions of what it might be, it'll just be the same thing. It'd be a bunch of people writing in

and go now, something must have happened with another dog. No shit. I want more psychology than that. Do they? Instead of paying for professional help listeners, please. Way more in, way more experience. Uh, what do you got for me? Ash, I have a question for you. This one is from one of our good listeners. Her name is Jesse. Hello, Jesse.

How are you? Jesse, hope you're well. Uh, submitted on the Instagram page for those playing at home. You can DM the Instagram page with your questions. Please DM us anytime you wish. We are always open, always welcoming. Jesse says, asks even, we know mom guilt is a thing, but what about dad guilt?

When do you feel it most? Very good question. Do you get guilt, Ash? I do. Are you capable of feeling guilt? Surprisingly enough, yes. I am. It's new to me. Apparently not with Steve Menzies. No. I did avoid it for a long time. Do you get peri-gilt? Yeah. When do you get it? I get it when I feel like I've reacted to something. I've just knee-jerk reacted.

So for example, this whole scared thing, Oscar scared, I got angry about it. Cause I was frustrated to not, cause I didn't know why. But then after the reaction and, you know, I think time has gone by, the react, my reaction was wrong. And I felt guilty about that. And I did speak to Oscar. I said, look, I, sorry, I, it's, it's, you shouldn't get in trouble for feeling fear. Yes. Because as irrational as it may be.

Yeah. And it's like, I needed to be more patient in that situation and try and understand why, instead of just knee joking, she's been your fucking dog for five years, bro. Which is wrong. And I did feel guilty about that. Had the chat with Oscar. We've mended. We've mended. And I have acknowledged that it's okay to be scared. It's okay to feel fear.

I want to say that's a great approach to the situation. Thank you. Very mature of you. Thank you. I'm growing. I'm scared of that. Okay. Yeah, I feel it. I feel it.

I reckon I feel it now more than ever, I think. Why? I think when, so my kids, five and three, it's a great age and it's a great time of parenting because the kids can be a bit more autonomous. They can kind of play with themselves a little bit more. They don't require Laura and myself to be watching over them every second. And especially right now, because we're trying to juggle work amongst this bloody house friend. We're really, really stretched.

And any spare time has been put into other things that aren't the kids. And it's a little bit of a case of we're in the routine of picking the kids up from daycare and kind of just trying to get to that finish line, that seven o'clock bedtime, like, you know, get them home, get them fed, get them bathed, put them into bed, get them home, get them fed, get them bathed, put them into bed, not really having quality time. And also you take, you sort of take any inconvenience in that to bring things forward, right? So, but that's it. I'm starting the bath.

Yeah, I do. You know what I mean? And it's like, it's just to get you through. And then once it's like, oh, they're in bed. You're like, oh, fuck. I do it as well. You know what, you know what we did the other night, which just was a stupid thing to do. Sweet, but stupid, is then going through and looking at photos of when they were younger. Yeah.

And then you just, what I think fuels the guilt more than anything is when you start to realize how much they've grown up and how quickly time is going. And you're like, I'm not fucking loving every second of parenting. I'm a shit parent. And you're like, I'm not fucking loving every second of parenting. I'm a shit parent. And you're like, oh. You've also got to like,

and for any parent with a young kid out there that feels guilt, whether it's on a small scale or a large scale, I think you're allowed to give yourself an opportunity to like feel that way so that you can go, all right, well, how do I change that behavior? Or like, it's also okay to feel guilty. You can't, you shouldn't have to be made to feel like you're doing a bad thing

for feeling guilty. Cause if you feel guilty, then you realize that, okay, well, there's better ways that I could do that. And then next time you could do it. That makes sense. In a way. But yeah, I'm feeling it more now than ever before. Yeah.

And like, I saying, like they, you sort of go into that autopilot. Cause the quality time, the quality time with the three and five year old is a lot more, I find it a lot richer, if you will, than with like a, like a one year old. Cause you get to interact more, you get to play games, you get to like, you know. Even if you're playing the games incorrectly, you know, like connect four mates is just like, so I just don't feel like I'm getting that quality time, especially in the weekends as well, because weekends were just

focused on other things. So yeah, dads get it. Dads get it. Get it all the time. But I think, like I said, to reiterate, I think you're allowed to feel guilty. Don't feel like it's a bad thing because it can be turned into a good thing. Yeah. Thank you, Ash.

That's okay. That's okay. That's all right. We're here to help. Love you. And I, I, you. All right. Let's get out of here. If you've enjoyed this episode, please, we would love it.

If you gave us a review, subscribe, send it to anyone out there who you think may have a giggle at us. Any lies, any questions, please. Even, even a parenting hack that you're maybe not sure about or if you have a parenting hack, send it to us and we'll let you know if you're wrong. Yes or jump on the Facebook group. So just go to Facebook and type in 2dotingdads and we'll come out. I think people know how Facebook works but I could be wrong. You'd be surprised. I could be wrong. I could be wrong and we'll see you guys next time. See you. Bye.