Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - I've Been DAD-SHAMED !!

Episode Date: August 8, 2023

Ash, father of the year, #1 doting dad, selfless carer of Macy and Oscar... has been dad-shamed. The crime you ask? Taking two marshmallows from his children's babycino. The inbox has been chockablock this week so we have a read of some of the messages sent in from listeners - including Christy who confirmed that her partner gets his heart rate up to 170 - 180bpm during sex. Not sure if we should be impressed of concerned for the welfare for Christy or her partner. We also share your best Parenting Lies and have a crack at answering your parenting questions: What's your advice for raising boys? How do you navigate siblings fighting - or do you just let them sort it out themselves? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here comes the dog to ruin the record. Hi. What kind of dog is that? That is a cat. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. My name is Matty J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast that, would you believe it, it's all about parenting.

Ash, it's the good, the bad. And the relatable. Because there is lots of it. There is a lot to relate to, I feel. No advice. No advice. One thing we have nothing of, it's advice. Yes.

The relatability container, very full. It's overflowing. Advice? Not so much. That's empty. That is bad. Every now and then, I think we accidentally give some advice. Like, this morning, I was checking the DMs once this week. First time.

I don't believe it. And someone said, I'm about to travel to France with my kids. And they just did a quick trip to the Gold Coast. It was like a tester trip. And apparently, the kids were fucking mental. She's like, should I postpone? And my advice was don't postpone because then they win. Don't give up.

Don't give up because you can't let them beat you. That's my advice. Do you think when she asked that question, do you honestly think that she would have postponed the trip if you were like, look, whatever her name was was i think you should not go cancel it all let's test it i'll just i'll just go scrap that postpone until they're in their teenage years and they can carry your bags yeah she goes to her husband she's actually, I've got some sound advice from someone. Yep. Someone with no credibility whatsoever. And our European trip is no more.

Yeah. Well, they haven't been back to Paris, France. You read the whole thing. I did. But she was probably hoping that you read it, not me. Because she probably got some actual solid advice. At least you replied. I said just give them a heap of melatonin and strap yourself in for life.

Ash, we've gone back to the OG. Yeah. Where it all began. Where it all began. They sold 10 million litres of this beer in one year. That is absolutely bloody crazy. We are, of course, talking about Better Beer. Of course.

Very good friend of the podcast. Yes. And the OG, the Better Beer, I don't know if many people know this, but it is zero carb, zero sugar, and also low cals. How many cals? Have a guess. Have a guess, mate. Between 70 and 90, what do you reckon?

87. Bang on. You are good. I'm good. Not just a pretty face. I know. So I guess in terms of beer, it's one of the healthiest and also one of the most delicious. You know what?

Next week, let's jump on the midi. Compare. Compare the pair, as they say. Well, I've got no Arvo ales left and Laura's taken all my zero alks. Has she? Yeah, she drank them all. What? Yeah.

Well, I had a few left after dry July and then I looked in the fridge and I was like, well, they're all gone. So we've got midis for next week. Midis for next week. Yeah. Well, I had a few left after dry July, and then I looked in the fridge, and I was like, well, they're all gone. So we've got mid-ears for next week. Mid-ears for next week. Yeah, okay. But for now, let's enjoy the original. A little crack. Here we go.

One, two, three. Oh, yeah. Day for it. Cheers. Have you ever had a content violation? You're a very crisp, squeaky clean man. I have, only on Facebook. What about a comment violation?

The only thing I've done, I told you the story before when Laura was live streaming on TikTok and it was before the live show for Life Uncut and as we were backstage- What about a cheeky plug of Life Uncut then? Yeah. We love love. Yeah. uncut and as we were backstage cheeky plug of life uncut then yeah um i was backstage and i said to there was maybe 100 people on the live stream and i said if we get another 100 people i'll take my pants off as a joke i wasn't actually going to take my pants off tiktok doesn't joke around my god they were on to me dude i'd say 15 seconds later stream shut down wow you really you were in the doghouse

after that it was not good because then we couldn't live stream for the live show you i guess i i didn't think they'd be able to pick up on words that quickly that's the only thing i think i've done in the comment section would have you you done, Ashton? Same thing, TikTok, in the comments section. So, I'll paint you the picture. I think it's a bit harsh because I was trying to make the content funnier because it wasn't that funny. It was a girl who'd bought a dress from Shein or Shein, that monstrosity of a company.

Yeah, S-H-E-I-N. I guess so. I don't know. Anyway, so she bought a dress from there. It was obviously not what it looked like in the picture. It was like really silver and it was kind of like alfoil. Yeah. So she looked like she was dressed in alfoil.

So I went to the comment section and I said, you look like a jacket potato. Not bad, right? Well, because if you're being referred to as a jacket potato wrapped in alfoil absolutely ticks the box i can see the resemblance but if you reported it if you were ever to say to someone you look like a potato like a potato is you know it's quite a round vegetable look it's not that bad i said you look like i didn't say you are a jacket potato did you look like a jacket

potato anyway why didn't you say like corn on the cob wrapped in a- No. Why didn't you say like a carrot? You look like a carrot. I thought it was being clever. I thought this is a clever comment. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I laughed at myself about it.

Anyway, so I get- Well, sometimes on TikTok, you get a viral comment. The more likes you get, you move to the top. Yeah. I was hoping for that. I was hoping for stardom. Anyway, so I get the violation overnight. I was like, what do I get a violation for?

And I checked it. She's reported it, obviously, because she's like, this is fat shaming. And does it say- To be fair- For this comment, do you know what it's for or is it a mystery? It was just a mystery. Must be. Like, what else would it be?

I didn't shame food. She must have thought i've fat-shamed her or i've poked fana not the intention because not one of those words is offensive she split them up jacket potato different they're physical things anyway so i went back to the video oh god oh god and i re-com. Were you angry at this point? No. Okay. No, I was like, I'm going to write the wrong. So, I wrote...

Go on, what did you say? It looks like what a jacket potato would wear. Much better. Reported. Reported. Anyway, that was this week. And I was like, so I'm just going back and forth. Did you go again for a third bite?

Not yet. Will you? I will. And I'll try and be more specific about the jacket potato. And I'll be like, if you were a jacket potato, this is what you would look like. Or if a jacket potato was wearing this, that's what it would look like.

It's not over. Just stop, not over i'll keep you updated just stop tiktok hates me my videos get a thousand views now but one thing that i have had a few times is a comment go kind of viral and it feels good so it's the only win that i'm getting on tiktok it's like when someone what's viral to you though i mean i think it was someone doing a big jump on a bmx bike and i wrote oh that's gotta hurt or like he'll feel that in the morning and it got like a thousand likes that's great and uh oh that's gotta hurt such a general dad comment too and it was just straight to the top i got well i had one right and it was a video of a guy it was cctv footage of a guy stealing meat at a grocery shop yeah but he was

all in camo and i said what do you mean there's no one in this video hey i think the last time i checked it's like 10 or 15,000 likes, which is better than any video I've ever done. I'll be honest. It's slightly better than the Jack of Potato comment. I thought I was trying to make our content better. You're still full of confidence off the Camo comment. I know.

I was like, this is going to be funny. You look like a Jack of Potato. Such a weird reference. I just get the comment section on TikTok. I get it. The kids were like, shut up, dad. The kids would love this, but she obviously didn't like it. But anyway, I'll keep you updated because I know you want to know.

What's next on your list? What do you got? Next on my list is I was dad shamed. Parent shamed. That comes as no surprise. But let me explain myself. We went for a walk on Saturday to the park, the cafe, which you know is in between that and the park.

Stopped for a coffee, a couple of baby chinos for the kids. And usually with baby chinos, what do you get on top of that? A marshmallow, something like that. So I know them quite well. So I went in. We were quite deep in the line. I got the kids marshmallows before to keep them happy because they were like, where is it?

Where is it? Kids have no patience at all. I don't understand. So you've gone to the till. You've done a reach around. Reached around on the barista first. Did you go tongs or did you go your grubby mitts? Grubby mitts.

Oh. Fuck them. I'm a local. No, this is a spoon. Spoon it down. I didn't spoon it down. Anyway. But it's fine because you're not touching every single marshmallow. You're just's a spoon. Spoon it down. I didn't spoon it down. Anyway. But it's fine because you're not touching every single marshmallow.

You're just touching the ones you're going to grab. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the kids are happy. They're not little. You know. And I've given them to the kids. Anyway.

Then I'm talking to the barista as he's making coffees. And he puts the baby chinos there. And he puts a marshmallow on top of each of them. And I went, yeah, I don't want to give the kids more than one because they'll be fucking mental for the rest of the day. So I've snaked the two marshmallows and put them in my mouth. And someone, a lady didn't see me actually give them the marshmallows in the first instance, saw me take my kids' marshmallows.

And she was like, I can't believe you took your kids' marshmallows. I don't know if she's joking at this point yeah and i'm like is is this on par with like the jack of potato comment she's like this is hilarious yeah and you're like i'm reporting this yeah i could have reported her i would she said you're the worst parent no yeah but i don't know if she was joking macy's sleeping i'm sorry i didn't know if she was joking. Macy's sleeping. I'm sorry. I didn't know if she was joking, but she said it so many times. I couldn't explain myself, and then she just took off. So there I am standing, being absolutely parent shame for not giving my kids too much sugar, trying to do the right thing. I also wanted to eat the marshmallow, but she flat out said,

you're a bad dad. Maybe she's seeing you do other things's not wrong but i can't believe she figured it out so quickly maybe she listens to the podcast it was a misunderstanding it was a misunderstanding i can appreciate how frustrating that would be she wouldn't even let me get a word in to explain myself she was badgering me but i don't know if she was joking she must she must have been joke how old oh like maybe your age 40 no i feel like you're a dick got him was that whole story just a setup to yeah she like if she was joking if she was joking she would have been like ha ha tap on the shoulder you're doing a great job she would have turned it would have

taken a u-turn at some point i don't know if she thought she knew me i don't know honestly it happened so quickly that i just felt nothing but shame well this is this is a real mystery ash look if you're listening i didn't appreciate it you ruined my weekend i don't believe that nah i didn't really care i was kind of like oh yeah but the irony i am a bad the irony in that the one thing you get shame for is when you're actually trying to be a good dad i was once in your life like all the things that you could get in trouble for i know and you're trying to limit your kids sugar intake and that's what brings a member of the public over to point at you and go you're fucking terrible i know and it was like i was really trying to be like on your a game that's what i get for trying to be a good parent yeah i'm just not going to try anymore

don't try yeah i'm not going to try i'm not going to pick my kids up from kindy today they can fucking walk home i've got one more please uh i'm just like so much has happened i feel like so much has happened in one week since i've seen you since you've ditched me for laura for the loggies um for anyone wondering right now we sometimes record these episodes a little bit in advance so we are recording this one i know it'll come out a little while after the logies but this is the first time ash and i have spoken post logies and he's a little bit hurt tender yes very much so it's been i couldn't watch it's been couldn't watch it play out. Okay, the awkward thing is, the awkward thing is, Ash and I had the option to maybe go to the Logies.

You ditched me. A different brand that was working at the Logies. They're a sponsor. They didn't go with us in the end. They ditched us. And at the same time, Channel 7 asked Laura, and then I also got asked to attend unfortunately ash wasn't requested to join us wonder why freeze the crowd apparently and even though it's my wife ash was not happy no

excuse no excuse there's a video on our socials if you want to go that's how hurt i was i made a video about it you can't even look at me in the record i'm just upset i'm sorry i'm not angry i'm disappointed i've never seen you so so sensitive i didn't realize you had these type of emotions i thought you were just this hard shelled cold-hearted son of a bitch i am what's happened who are you ash i love you i was dad shamed on look at me when I say that. Okay, I believe you. You're special to me. So, anyway, something else has happened that I wanted to talk to you about.

And actually, maybe ask the listeners. You don't want to say you love me back? I need time. Your third thing. My third thing that I wanted to just bring up. I have a fourth, but I won't. We had pajama week this week. This will be really quick before my third thing. This like a 2.5 pajama week great love the concept

disagree i fucking hate it look out of bed off to kindy not my problem you need to buy your kids more pajamas because i know what you're gonna say and the pajamas are all dirty so you would you'd obviously take them in the same pajamas thatamas that they wore. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. That's fine. And then would you get them changed or would you go straight back into bed in the same pyjamas? No. Bath, new pyjamas. Wash the other ones or whatever. I've got enough pyjamas.

Do you know what? They couldn't have pyjama week as adults because I sleep naked. I couldn't have pajama week as adults because I sleep naked. What about sleeping naked also is such a generational thing, my dad's generation. Big naked sleeper. I reckon that whole generation would just like, fuck it, close up. Naked, they'd get home from work, shoes off, pants down. Hair out.

In the nude. Yeah. Anyway, so pajama Week, big fan. But my third thing that I want to talk about. Can I just really quickly, if we can just go back to Pajama Week for just a second. I didn't think you wanted to talk about it anymore. Is it? I mean, you're just steamrolling through.

This is, can I talk on this podcast? This is my time. You're the dog ass. Okay. Fuck pajama week. We'll continue. Okay. This could also be a question for the listeners too because I want to know.

So, I was at a party. I was at a kid's birthday party. As you do. It seems as though our lives are just consumed with kids' birthday parties. And we're looking around the presents. There's some shit presents. Everyone in life gets- A lot of junk.

You get dealt a shit present here and there and i will meet a mate we're standing around the presents looking to see what we could steal well that's good like that i was also telling oscar it was his birthday too so i was like here you go are you still running with that yeah i'm gonna run with until he realizes told you this saying you that The meme with the guy's 42 And he's having a Spiderman party I posted it on Two Dotting Dads And I don't know if people got it

I don't know if people understood that Because Ash is a bad parent And he doesn't give his kids Birthday parties Macy will get one because she's my favourite So yeah looking at the presents Looking at the presents and we were talking about He doesn't give his kids birthday parties. Macy will get one because she's my favourite. So, yeah, looking at the presents. Looking at the presents and we were talking about shit presents that we've got.

So, the question to the listener is can you please DM us what shit presents your kids have been given? Not what you've given them, but another member, a family member has given them. And whilst we don't want it to be awkward where we oust these presents publicly, but I would really like a photo of what the present is. I mean, try and take it in a way which if we were to publish it on Two Doting Dads, it's not going to be like Aunty Carol going, how's this shit present? And she's like, oh, that's the Monopoly game that I got Billy. Yeah, Billy's won.

You can't play Monopoly. The present that your kid has been given and you're like, why the fuck did someone buy that or give them that? Or it's like there's always that one weird family member who tries to give your kid something. They're like, oh, you know, this is sentimental. And the kid's like, fuck off. Yeah, I want a Jeep.

What's this shit? I just wanted a Barbie. So we're looking around and the guy I was with was telling me a story about his dad's not very good with kids. He said, this Christmas just gone, my dad trying to be a good grandfather has brought his daughter a nice jacket, right, for Christmas. Lovely. It's summer starters, so you've made wrong season.

Could have got it on sale maybe, but continue. Yeah. Anyway, so they got this jacket and he was like, in theory, great. He was like, great, dad, good job. Like, you know, gave him a little pepper, got home, they thought they'd try the jacket on. Granddad has bought her a dog jacket. Oh, my God.

And he said, we really realized when we put the hood over and then there was that strap across the middle how do you incorrectly buy a jacket for a dog and intending it to be for a child he was telling me this story and i was in fucking stitches. I was just like, that is fucking great. Like, that is perfect top level grandparent trying to be involved and just completely screwing the pooch. He's like cooking her dinner and it's just a big old like lamb bone. The funny thing is they didn't have the heart to tell him. is they didn't have the heart to tell him. So he still thinks that he bought his granddaughter a jacket and he keeps asking.

Does she love it? Does she wear it? And they're like, yeah, all the time. She's just grown out of it though. So quick. What a shame. What an idiot. Why are men so stupid?

We're just dumb, man. I do feel, though, that you talk about generational divide and I feel like the majority of granddads, like our parents, our dads, no fucking idea whatsoever how to interact or look after a young child. No idea. Because in their day, they would have gone to work, get home, done the bath thing, help, whatever. I reckon they would just come home and the kid's already in bed.

Yeah. That's what I do. Just like in the car, out the front, scrolling on my phone for two hours. For the people listening right now, you are a very hands-on parent. I am, yes. That's not true. We're joking. I'm so hands-on parent i am yes people that's not true we're joking i'm so hands-on that i eat their marshmallows yeah look it is a very big generational thing like my dad

is getting better but you can tell like he's the sort of granddad that like he just makes the funny faces now or he puts his foot in it all the time like oscar had a massive meltdown four-year-olds don't understand things so he was like we got you a new car toy car my kid loves cars and the kid was like where is it he's like oh it's at our house oh my god i'm like why would you do that anyway he's had a meltdown and i'm, he thought he was trying to do the right thing. Classic. I have at times. I need to always remind myself when I do it.

I've done it more than once. Kids have no perception of time and you should never tease something really exciting unless it's within five minutes of being in front of a child. Yeah. Like if there's, I remember the first time saying to Marley, we've got a holiday coming up. She's like, fuck yeah, when? And I'm like, in two weeks.

She's got one of those neck pillows on already. She's like, when are we going? Bags packed. Yes. It's right now, right here, right now. We've managed to, with Oscar, be able to do that. I thought you were about to break out into that song. What song is that?

Right here, right now. We're the world, we're going to history. I thought it was a Fatboy Slim song. Right here, right now We went the world We got the history I thought it was a Fatboy Slim song. Right here, right now Oh, this beer's going down well. Yes. Is that your list done? You've got more.

Fuck it. No, no, no, no, no. I don't have more. I had more to add to that, but I've forgotten. Should we go into our favorite segment matthew and why don't i just go fuck myself then ash tell me like okay why what have you got i've just been well i have i've just been i've been here entertaining i've been told that people just want me to talk and you listen who said that linda actually i've got a message hang on wait can i get a beer go on get one be

quick well speaking of linda do you remember i think it was two eps ago we had a great lie from linda she was a parent that wrote in did i make fun of her name we did yeah we because she says here thanks for the call out and i'm very young. Thank you, Ash. Define young, Linda. Linda's a toddler. Her lie was that her kids would ask for a hot water bottle because it's winter. Oh, yeah.

They had great heating in the house. So she would say, I'll be one second. She would just give them a water bottle filled with water, a hot water bottle. When they were asleep, she'd sneak it in. Yes, and she said, it's great because I'm being water wise. And we were like, we shut on her a bit. We're like, what do you mean you're being water wise because first of all no i'm not sorry go well she just said she wanted to clarify okay and she goes perhaps i wrote this in a way that was hard to understand are you calling me stupid

because you'd be right well she just wanted to clarify that she never empties the hot water bottle. Oh, see. Because you even thought, oh, does it evaporate? Yeah, I was like, what are you talking about, Linda? Jesus. Sorry, we don't have this vendetta against Linda. We are, Linda, we love you. We are sorry.

And we are very stupid. Well, Matt's sorry. Me, not so much. Not so much. So, she never empties the water bottle. Right. Actually, that is water-wise. Linda, good job.

Good for you, Linda. I have another message here. Oh, no. From Christy. I love how you're just calling us out for shit we've done. No, actually, this one is... We talked about the fact that I like to check my heart rate very frequently. What's it at right now?

Am I getting you going? Getting that engine revving? I can't track it. I reckon it'd be low. It'd be like 60 right now. Because you're such an athlete. Do you ask questions to then just shit on me? You should know this by now.

I think my heart rate, it got up to, I think it was like 85, 87. Yeah, it was 85. One time. I got it written down. When Laura and I. I'm trying to beat it. How'd you go? Easy.

Wait a minute, does it get higher or lower? How does that work? Yeah, I guess, well, depends how fit you are. It'll be lower the fitter you are, right? Correct. Well, mine's through the are. It'll be lower the fitter you are, right? Correct. Well, mine's through the roof. Mine's fucking double that. You're like four sex sessions.

Two pumps too. Yeah, you last any longer than 20 minutes, you're having a heart attack. Actually, there's heart condition in my family, so that's not funny. So, I asked the listeners if there was anyone out there who had a partner who did the same thing and if they could beat the heart rate of 85%. You're just turning all of our listeners and followers into these sex pests who track their sexual activity. Also, diarize it.

Let's get a little thing going here. I like it. Send a photo. Okay, so I've got a lovely message from Christy. Yes. Okay, she goes, I don't know if you need to know this information. I absolutely do, Christy. It's on a need-to-know basis.

But my partner can get his heart rate up to, have a guess. Have a guess. 120. Guess again. 121. Way higher. 150. Higher.

Shut up. Higher. He needs to see a GP. Try it. Shut up. Higher. He needs to see a GP. Try it. Last guess. 200. 170 to 180 BPM. Fuck, the guy must be like a rabbit.

I feel sorry for Christy. How is she still- She'd have some bruises on her inner thighs. Get hit with those hips. She didn't mention if she's happy about it or sad I mean, Jesus, they must have a lot of lube I'm telling you right now, they must have a vibrant sex life I mean, to put that into perspective

The highest I've ever gotten And this is, you know, running, like sprinting I've gotten to 180 That can't be right Sprinting This can't be right Well, okay. Christy, if you- We want video evidence.

Ash wants a video of- I don't know if it's a flex or it's like he needs to see a GP. I think, yeah, I would- Again, I'm not a doctor, but I'm concerned. Yeah. Then she says, P.S., I just listened to your episode. Talking about that, just don't want you to think that I'm being weird here. Giving you some context.

Nah, you're weird. Oh, and then one last comment as well, Ash. It's a weird episode, this one. It is a bit of a weird episode. Anyway, whatever. Will they all be like this? Probably not. Look, if this is the first time you're listening, this is a bit of a weird one.

Weird one. If you don't like it. Fuck off. Just want to call us up on something. Call us out or up? Call us up. Both. Call us up and out.

Call us up like a heart, right? We told a lie previously, a few episodes ago, that we laughed about that actually is one that could be quite detrimental. Well, I'm sure majority of them can be detrimental. This one more so than others. We've had a few people message us and say, guys, I don't think you should be encouraging this particular lie. And normally when we get that type of feedback and we've been called out, I delete and ignore

them. But this one I thought, you know what? I will reference it because they do have a very good point. It's the lie about using police to fearmonger your children into behaving, saying like if you don't go into bed, the police will come by and they'll take you away. And the kid's petrified that they then start behaving. What's the problem with that?

It's a bad, bad lie because it puts the fear into children about police officers or officers excuse me as i as i have a stroke for one second yeah so you don't want kids to be scared of the police so if something goes wrong you want to be able to trust the police exactly we don't we want to treat the police what should we be saying should we be saying like putting them more in fear of gang members no i think being like like the uh the cartel will come and get you what about i'm really gonna scare the shit out of my kid with the cartel now well i guess you could just use like firemen though as like they're scary use them no they're like how often do you look up to like firemen though as like they're scary. Use them. No, they're like-

How often do you- Look up to the firemen. Yeah, firemen in the hierarchy- My kid's got the fireman calendar, the shirtless one. Loves it. Firemen, they come out pretty good, don't they? They're on top of the food chain in terms of emergency services. Totally.

The SES will come and get you. The state emergency service. They're all volunteers anyway. No one fucking cares about them. No one needs them. No one needs them. Shout out to the SES. to get you the state emergency service they're all volunteers anyway no one fucking cares about okay so what you're saying is we shouldn't make them afraid of the police well how am i going to get my kids to do anything i'm out of options ah you'll have to go back to beating them uh unfortunately with a stick yeah okay cool because that was my favorite that is the best option that

is the best option let's go into our favorite segment. Let's go to your favorite segment. Here we go. Cue the music. Tell me lies. Tell me sweet little lies. Tell me lies. Tell me lies.

So as a regular listener. Shut the fuck up, Bash. As our regular listeners would know, every single week we go through DM dms on two doting dads on instagram we trawl through the list of all the lies submitted from parents and even non-parents people who have been told fed lies from their parents that going back into the time of when they were a child circle of life as i like to call it is a gorgeous beautiful beautiful thing. Lying is the best. We only have time for two every single week. It's a big surprise.

And Ash, would you like to go first? I would like to go first because I did see a DM, but it reminded me I just didn't like the way it was written. So I'm just going to do the lie how I do it, which is how I get Oscar out of the bath. And this is really common and it's been happening for generations because i remember being told this by my parents if it's like get out of the bar well the hard thing is can i just jump in for one second the hard thing is kids are evil in that

getting them into the bath hard nightmare getting them undressed it's just the worst but then getting them out of the bath is equally as hard. It's just, what do you want from us? They just don't know what they want. Yes. But anyway, that's why we do lies. That's why we have these lies. To make life easier.

For us, not for them. So, yeah, your lie to help them get out of the bath, what is it? Is I'll pull the plug and essentially you'll go down the drain. Right? Yes. That's a great solid lie, I think think and everyone would know that and everyone was using it but the other day i was oscar was still in the bath macy was getting dressed to go to bed and i think i went out to get his towel from his bedroom and i heard him be like freak out he was like flipping out and i was like fuck like what the hell like ran back in there i'm like what's wrong and he knocked the plug out himself and he

was like like it was in the movies and a whirlpool was happening and he was just like hanging on for dear life yeah yeah the hard thing about the bath is that there's nothing to grip on he was like it was like going down a slippery dip you're like you get the tower going what is he i know when i walked in and saw him there completely fine, like thinking he's going down the drain, I was like, well, I worked. He got there right now. He gets out of the bath real quick now. Kids hate that noise, don't they?

I hate that noise. Yeah. I love it. Now he thinks like when he's watching the bath, the water go down and there's like a toy left in there. He's like a toy left in there he's like no like when like in the titanic she's on the door and he's just like leo's just like so dramatic what do you got for me matth, Ash, this one I think is quite clever. Someone's written in and said they absolutely hated Silverside,

didn't like it. Corned beef, for those who aren't familiar. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very cost-effective cut of meat. I miss it. Actually, I completely forgot about Silverside. Yeah, I saw it at the shops the other day and I was like, memories. What do you put? Is tomato sauce good with it? No, I saw it at the shops the other day and I was like, memories. What do you put? Is tomato sauce good with it?

No. Is that Devon? That's Devon. Devon. Or meatloaf. Meatloaf with a bit of tomato sauce. But this girl, she must have not liked red meat, but her dad- That's like the reddest meat.

Yeah. Even after you cook it, it's still red. Her dad, you know, he must be like a self-ash. He loved it. So, he's serving it up, I'm guessing quite frequently. And he said to her, no, it's not beef. It's actually a deep ocean fish. It's one of those swimming cows.

And he ran for it with his lie for years. How many years are we talking about? Well, she just said years. For years. Exclamation and in capitals, Y-E-A-R-S. Wow. Years. That's clever.

It kind of gives a little tuna vibe. Yeah. I think. Yeah, I get that. But, like, how much did he love it so much that he had, like... That he, like, lied to his kid. For years to eat. It was like, just get him some ham or something.

Like, just give her a fish. So many other cuts of meat. Barramundi's fucking expensive. I mean, silver side, it's cheap, dude. You get a kilo of that for like four bucks. I might get some. You do not need. Can you guys write in and tell me what it's good with?

Thanks. Veggies, bit of mash. Yeah? Delicious. I want it on a sandwich. I'm going to get some Devon. It's just lips and assholes rolled up. Ash, before we go, hey, I thought we'd mix it up

and end on two listener questions. Really mix it up. I've got a question here that has come through from one of our great listeners. Obviously, it goes without saying that if you are listening to this podcast, maybe you have a question that for some unknown reason you want to have answered by two men who don't really know what they're doing. No expertise whatsoever. We are here at your beck and call.

This question is, how do you navigate your siblings fighting? Do you just let them sort it out themselves or do you intervene? Yeah, I suppose like Oscarcar macy's so young it's like you can't you just gotta try and break him up i guess i feel like macy is such a a non-confrontational child she's always happy is the devil go on she just does like she it's classic so oscar had his legs up on the chair over there the other day and she'd come over and she just like wiggled the chair. And he was like, don't. Like I obviously didn't like it and she knew that and was like, wiggle it a bit more.

I'm like, Macy, stop it. And she's like, like really like giving it a good yanking. There is some evil in her. 100%. And like when they're fighting, there's not much I can really do. What do you mean? You're the parent. I'm just, like, putting-

I'm just, like, I'll take 20 bucks on Macy's. Macy's. Knock out the first round. With a rolling pin coming for Oscar. And you're, like, what am I meant to do? Well, like, in the last episode- Let nature take its course. She somehow finds the knives.

So, I'm worried for Oscar. Oh, yeah, dude. So, I don't fight that much, thankfully. It's hard though because I was middle child. What a fire bash. And I remember how bloody annoying it was with my little brother. If I lay a finger on him, if I like had touched him, if I came in contact for just a split second, he'd be like,

Mum, Matt's coming for me. And Mum would flip out and like would always come for me yeah he could come at me with like a chainsaw and if i push him out of the way i'd be in fucking trouble yeah it's kind of similar like with macy if oscar goes anywhere near her like in any violent capacity i'm like he's in big fucking trouble but like like when I was a kid, I'm the youngest of two, not quite such a big family. And my sister was bigger than me, right? So she'd just sit on me.

Man, you liked it. Just to stop me. Because she was bigger. She'd just be like all her weight. Mum said like she would just put all of her weight on me and it would diffuse the situation. Just like immobilize you yeah but now i'm much taller than her and she's in big fucking trouble

obviously we would intervene we have to intervene uh yeah we're not i'm not putting bets on them and chanting there's times in the shower because we don't have a bath. Excuse me? We don't have a bath at home. Oh, that's right. So the kids, they have a little basket of toys that they play with in the shower. And whatever Marley has, Lola's just- Your poor kids. Lola's just- No bath at home.

I know, mate. I know. What a shame. But they would just- Lola just- She's so much stronger than Marley. She is, yeah. She's a nugget. And we're always like, come on, much stronger than Marley. She is, yeah. She's a nugget.

And we're always like, come on, Marley, play nice. And Marley's there like in a headlock getting like chicken winged by Lola because she's got a little bluey toy. And I think like Marley, like I said, she's quite intelligent. I think eventually she'll start to manipulate her. She'll get hers. She'll get it back on her. But Lola is like a bit of a wrecking ball.

She's a brute. Yeah, yeah. Oscar's a small boy, to be honest. Doesn't eat anything. It's like a skeleton. I've seen more body fat on a skeleton. Honestly. He's so small.

So I think like when Macy gets a bit bigger, she's going to punch the shit out of him. Shame. Shame. Shame. Your question. What do you got for me? My question is we had a listener reach out who is a single parent. She's a single parent raising a young male, and she said,

do we have any tips? So do you have any tips, Matthew, as a young male yourself? I don't know. What advice would you give? I've got one. What have you got? I've got one. So tip for me is get two sets of towels, a good set of towels

and a shit set of towels so that when he starts jizzing in the towel, he does it in the shit towel. Hang on a second. You don't want to fuck up the good towel. Are you jizzing in towels? Is that where you would jizz? You clean it up with it, I suppose. With a towel?

Yeah. You don't want him doing it in the good Sheridans. You want to do it in the shitty Kmart towels. Get him his own towels. That's my tip. Or heaps of tissues. I've just got some great visuals of you jacking off into towels. Yeah, I'll show you.

I thought you'd be more of a sock kind of guy. No, I don't want that. Tissues? Tissues? I don't want that. Tissues? Tissues? I don't want a stank sock around it. It's just a lot of fabric for just minimal liquid. I don't know how much you're choosing. Minimal?

Hang on a minute. Actually, here's something I want to talk about. Since having a vasectomy, I've noticed I'm a squirter. I don't want a fucking human food. There's way more of it. I don't know know why i just think it's more liquidy now because there's no actual swimmers in there anymore it's i'm just like a fire hose oh my god so towel is necessary yeah so okay my advice is get a separate set of towels as he grows up. And I also think, I must have been about 15, I think personal hygiene is something that it's very easy

for a young man to neglect, Ash. I remember I was like, have a shower. Yeah, I know. No time for that. I used to have, also because i'll again one of five mom gave up on some of us no i shouldn't say we fell through the gaps and i remembered there was one time i had this like light blue bed sheet that was like covered in jizz it was almost almost brown. Oh, my God.

I didn't change my bed sheets because I was like, I'll do it next week, I'll do it next week. And then before I know it, it's been 12 months. Oh, my God. I don't know. That reminds me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just wait a second.

It doesn't remind me. You talk about the fact that you're ejaculating everywhere to the point where it's like a fire hose. I talk about missing a couple of showers and not changing the sheets and you're like, oh, that's disgusting. I'm trying to bring you down to my level. So your advice to this particular listener is just give up. No, no, no, no, no.

You're interpreting this entirely wrong. I would say keep a close eye on the personal hygiene from the ages of like 12 to 16. That's where it can really like veer off track if he's uncircumcised make sure he's cleaning behind the skin yes exactly exactly your future daughter-in-law or son-in-law will thank you ah it was quite a clean episode until the end oh we got there that's all we've got time for it's all good time for hey if you've enjoyed this episode or any episode of two dating dads we would bloody love it if you would give us a review all you have to do a few clicks of a button will give us five stars if you

want i'm not saying i'm not trying to force you to give us five stars make it as honest as you as you like or matt will she's on your shape and also just a few comments or if there's any other parents out there who you think hey maybe they need just a little bit of comic relief send them an episode not just this one any episode maybe what was a funny one ash they're all funny who am i kidding i can't think of what what episode is this like 19 wow they're all funny send them anyone send them anyone and Send them anyone. And if you're joining us for the very first time, go back to episode one because I don't want to sound biased. They're all great.

And also give us a follow. Yes. A hundred percent on Instagram. That's really easy because there's a big button that says follow. So we know how to do that. But yeah. Thank you. That's all we've got time for.

There you go. Bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.